0:00

Hi, welcome back

0:02

to the Personality

0:04

Hacker podcast. My name is

0:06

Joel Mark Witt. And I'm Antonia Dutch. We're

0:09

continuing, well, we're almost to the end of our series,

0:11

quite frankly. We're continuing a

0:13

16-part series, going through

0:15

all of the Myers-Briggs personality types.

0:18

And we're talking about each of the types and

0:21

how they can show themselves love. This week we

0:23

find ourselves upon

0:25

the INTJ personality

0:27

type. So we will have

0:30

nicknamed this personality the mastermind. Yeah. And

0:32

I think INTJs like that idea. I think

0:35

they do. They're a mastermind. Maybe they

0:37

name themselves that. Probably. It

0:39

probably came from an INTJ. So today we

0:41

want to talk about using

0:43

the lens of personality type. If

0:45

you're an INTJ, what are some

0:47

access points and what are some things to think about if

0:49

you're looking to show yourself love in your life?

0:51

We've been going through all the 16 types, like

0:53

I mentioned. And as we look through this today and

0:56

we'll go more into detail with this, we're

0:58

going to find the expectations that you can

1:00

have for yourself. We're going to talk about

1:03

some of the blocks maybe for self-love and

1:06

some of the things that you can do to

1:08

open up those channels of love for yourself.

1:10

Now a couple of premises that we're coming from, we're going to

1:12

go through these. And there's like three broad ones we go through.

1:15

The first one is that love is something

1:17

freely given. It doesn't have attachments to it.

1:19

It's not like I will love you, Antonia,

1:21

because we're in relationship with each other. If

1:24

you fill in the blank all these metrics or

1:26

marks, that would be crazy in

1:28

a relationship. We would call that conditional love.

1:30

So if we're talking about unconditional love that

1:33

you send to somebody, that should be freely

1:35

given. There's no requirements or parameters or

1:38

expectations put upon the love you would send. Now

1:41

in a relationship though, there are

1:43

expectations. Like you and I are in relationship together. So

1:45

even if I keep sending you love, if we're

1:47

not in relationship, there's no channel for that love to

1:49

be passed back and forth with. We're in a romantic

1:51

relationship. So our premise is that

1:53

you have a relationship with yourself, just like with

1:56

another person, that you're sending and

1:58

receiving love from and to your own. yourself on

2:00

these channels. And so a good work

2:19

at it. Yeah. So the

2:21

other, let's touch on some of the other framework. So we're

2:23

setting this up too. So

2:25

one of the other premises we've

2:27

been talking about is that we

2:30

are actually always giving ourselves love.

2:32

We love ourselves. That's an intrinsic

2:34

thing. And we're always sending ourselves

2:37

the signal of love, but we're

2:39

not always receiving that signal. So

2:42

to feel full self-love, to feel all

2:44

of that love that we are just

2:47

naturally sending to ourselves, our job is

2:49

to remove obstructions, to remove all of

2:51

the obstacles to receiving it, to clear

2:53

the channel basically. And we

2:55

do that with the last premise,

2:57

which is that proper

3:00

expectations are one of the highest leverage

3:02

ways to clear the channel, to clear

3:04

the signal. If we

3:06

have too high of expectations for ourselves,

3:09

we become demoralized, right? We feel bad

3:11

about ourselves and that removes our ability

3:13

to receive love from ourselves. But

3:16

if we have too low of expectations

3:18

for ourselves, then we lack a sense

3:20

of self or like

3:22

a face in ourselves. We

3:25

know we can do better and then

3:28

we become disappointed. So that also

3:30

creates an obstruction. So setting proper

3:32

expectations for the different areas of

3:34

ourselves is how we make sure

3:36

that that signal is clean, that

3:39

we're not setting too high of expectations and feeling

3:41

disappointed or too low of expectations

3:44

and feeling like

3:47

we're cutting ourselves too much slack. Yeah.

3:49

So one of the best ways to look at this

3:51

then is we publish this

3:53

course for all the 16 types. Each type

3:55

has one and INTJs have one too. It's called

3:57

the INTJ Owners Manual. We

4:00

have it over at personouthacker.com. You should go get a

4:02

copy if you haven't gotten this yet. It's fantastic. It

4:04

goes into way more depth around

4:07

the type and all the

4:09

differences. Anyway, it goes really deep. I'm not going

4:11

to go into everything. But from there, we have something

4:14

we use as we call it the car model of personality. It's

4:17

just a great way to look at

4:19

how your mind is wired. So INTJ

4:21

is a four-letter code that points to

4:23

something that's technically called cognitive functions. These

4:25

are the mental processes in our minds,

4:27

our cognition. It's how we

4:29

learn or take in information, and then it's

4:31

also how we decide upon or make

4:33

decisions about what to do with that information. That's

4:36

really what INTJ points to. It tells

4:38

you as an INTJ, oh, this is how my mind

4:40

learns and takes and perceives my world, takes in information.

4:42

And this is how my mind makes

4:44

good decisions and decides on that information and can make

4:46

things happen in the world. So

4:48

we – out of the owner's manual for INTJ is we pull

4:50

out the car model, and we're going to – I'm just going

4:52

to give you a quick cursory overview of this.

4:54

It's a broad brush. I'm not going to

4:57

go into every explicit detail on all the parts. That's in

4:59

the owner's manual itself or on our website. You can look

5:01

up more information. We've done podcasts on the entire car model

5:03

too. But just imagine your

5:05

mind is a four-passenger car

5:08

as an INTJ. You have a driver in the front. Next to

5:10

the driver, you have a co-pilot. And then sitting

5:12

in the back seat are some kids, 10-year-old and 3-year-old

5:14

kids. And this is a good

5:16

way just to see the mental processes of

5:19

your mind. The driver for INTJs is a

5:21

mental process we've nicknamed perspectives. Its technical name

5:24

is introverted intuition. And

5:27

this is the part of you that drives

5:29

your personality. This is the part of you as an

5:31

INTJ that just moves through the world almost like a

5:33

fish in water. This is how you see the world.

5:35

It perceives your world, and it's attuned to things like

5:38

pattern recognition. But internal pattern recognition

5:41

inside the mind, seeing things

5:43

from a different perspective, taking other

5:45

people's perspectives, running long simulations of

5:47

what might happen, probabilities about certain

5:49

ideas in an abstract way, that's

5:52

probably going to happen this way or probably going to happen

5:54

that way. Again, I'm broadbrushing. There's way more this function does.

5:57

But as a strength for an INTJ, as their driver,

5:59

this really matters. It matters a lot in their life,

6:01

in their cognition. And we're going to talk about the

6:03

expectations here. We're probably going to be pretty

6:06

high because this is your driver process. Sitting

6:08

right next to the driver of perspectives for

6:10

an INTJ is a mental process that we've

6:12

nicknamed effectiveness. Technical

6:15

name is extroverted intuition – excuse

6:17

me, extroverted thinking. Technical name is

6:19

extroverted thinking. This

6:21

is a decision-making process. This

6:24

is how an INTJ can decide upon all the information

6:26

they're taking in. It's preoccupied

6:28

by things that work in the outer

6:30

world. It's tied to things like timeline,

6:33

resource management, accomplishing tasks, asking the

6:35

question, what works? What gets the

6:37

bottom line delivered? And it's

6:40

great at making things happen, again, in the external world. A

6:42

lot of INTJs find themselves in roles where

6:44

they're running simulations about what's possible and then

6:47

actually executing on those and making them happen, making

6:49

them happen in a real way. And

6:51

so this is a strength. Again, this has a lot of expectation for

6:53

you. We're going to talk about all the characteristics and how you can

6:55

see it as a high expectation for using an INTJ. But

6:58

those two functions, that is

7:00

your superpower – perspectives, introverted

7:02

intuition, effectiveness, extroverted thinking.

7:05

If you as an INTJ are showing up to the world with

7:08

high expectations and moving through the world with

7:10

that, just in general as a person, you're

7:13

going to probably have a pretty good experience of

7:15

it. You're going to have good outcomes in your

7:17

life, all things being equal.

7:20

That's the good news. The challenging

7:22

news – and all of us have it in our

7:24

– in each of our specific caramels, and for INTJs,

7:26

they have it too. The challenging news

7:28

is right behind the copilot is

7:30

a mental process that we put around 10 years old. And

7:33

this mental process we nickname

7:36

authenticity. Its technical name

7:38

is introverted feeling, all

7:40

about what things strike you personally.

7:43

What kind of core values do you bring to the world

7:45

as an INTJ? What

7:47

is your motivation? What do you desire in

7:49

life? Are you a good or bad person?

7:51

Well, this part of you will help you

7:53

understand that. And What are

7:56

other people motivated by? What Are they driven

7:58

by? What Are you driven by? The

8:00

thing this process is tuned to again. About

8:02

the sophistication or certainty level, the ten year old.

8:05

So. You can imagine it's got. Various. A.

8:09

Positive qualities cause you know ten year olds are.

8:11

They're. Not dumb little kids anymore. They're they're striving and

8:13

trying. But. They're. Still not fully

8:15

mature and they don't have a lot of certainty sort

8:17

of talk about than a moment's will challenge. And.

8:20

In right behind the driver sits a three year

8:22

old mental processes the place we put it. Ah,

8:25

we've nickname this Friday Jays this

8:27

process sensation it's technical name is

8:29

extroverted sensing. Is about the

8:32

real time in the moment perspective so

8:34

as perspectives your driver is a ninety

8:36

days about shifting. different perspectives are seeing

8:38

things from all the different angles. This.

8:41

Mental processes one perspective first person shooter

8:43

tie perspective right or or videogame driver

8:46

from the windshield perspective. It's just what

8:48

is happening here and now. What am

8:50

I seeing from the single moment of

8:52

time in the Eternal Now. It's.

8:55

Focused on things like energy, movements of

8:57

opportunities, the physical Like actual real sensory

8:59

things like site touch, sounds, smell, things

9:01

like that, Things that are verifiable in

9:03

the moment. And this is a source

9:05

of energy for years and I did.

9:07

You have a man, there's deep uncertainty

9:09

year. And. It can cause

9:11

some challenges in your relationship with

9:13

your cells. And. Self love.

9:16

So. As. We walk through this car

9:18

model again. You might want to go get a

9:20

Ninety J owner's manual Fear personally, type not you

9:22

might want to. You should if you don't have

9:24

one because it's fantastic. It's gonna go a deeper

9:26

into your type or and then it. From there

9:28

you can plug the carmel and. Either.

9:30

You can sketch out what I just feel, talk

9:32

through, diagram it and can follow along and notes,

9:34

or you can get that copy and look at.

9:36

And. Follow long as we talk about each

9:39

one of those for functions and what

9:41

the expectations we can have their for

9:43

self love cats and again great thank

9:45

you for the Overseer! Ah so going

9:47

through all for this functions we're going

9:49

to use. That as a map

9:51

for setting. Reasonable.

9:53

And appropriate expectations for different

9:55

parts of who we are

9:57

still at. It really is.

10:00

About whether or not you're going to

10:02

set high or low expectations for yourself

10:04

as an individual, it's what parts of

10:06

yourself the Us should you be setting

10:08

high expectations for that's key and what

10:10

parts of your self self should you

10:12

be setting more reasonable expectations? Yeah, and

10:14

so we're going to take those for

10:16

positions in the car, model, the drive

10:18

for the copilot, the ten year old

10:21

and three year old, and we're going

10:23

to talk about what reasonable expectations are

10:25

for each of them and and Rosser

10:27

going to discuss how did it depending

10:29

upon the position, It holds in the car. What

10:32

That relationship? It a link. What kind

10:34

of relationship does it have? To us

10:36

and what kind of relationship to that? Have

10:38

the other people could? That's that's a piece

10:41

of it as well. So I'm there's a.

10:44

There's also. You. Can

10:46

take each one of those for functions and

10:48

separate them out, but they also have a

10:50

relationship with each other. so we'll talk a

10:52

little bit about. What? What is

10:54

an ideal? Relationship to have with say the

10:56

driver and a three year old are the

10:58

copilot and the ten year old fool. Discuss

11:01

that it. Was jumping in

11:03

the driver. I'm eager to talk about this with

11:05

orange juice And by the way, also make a

11:07

quick note. If. You're not going to jail. And.

11:10

You're wanting your life Will first of all Bureau were a lot

11:12

about the are super psyched. I was your ninety you're not today.

11:14

Because. We're gonna go deep into the type and how the

11:16

dynamics work through the lens of self love. So.

11:19

If you have an Id General for your I did

11:21

a lot of this. If you're not one of the

11:23

because Ninety J and you don't have one in your

11:25

life, your student allow. This is at the end of

11:27

the episode we're going to pull out some learning. And

11:30

we can take away the rest of us the other fifteen

11:32

types. Can learn from I

11:34

introduced during themselves loves to stay tuned

11:36

to that too because when he gets

11:38

about the under, be upset if right

11:40

when And Ninety Three does that appropriate

11:43

expectations for themselves in these different areas

11:45

in the removed as obstructions to receiving

11:47

the love that they're naturally sending to

11:49

themselves feel. There's a transcendent quality about

11:51

that I in Tj and on and

11:54

they model Qual a quality that isn't

11:56

expected from them. but we

11:58

seen multiple times and ninety who have

12:00

done a lot of growth and development. And

12:02

they model a characteristic that I think is

12:04

actually – it's a beautiful

12:06

one. And I think it definitely is

12:08

something that other people can learn from.

12:11

Might be surprising. Might be surprising. That's

12:13

right. So driver, ITJ drivers.

12:16

All right. What does this look like? All

12:18

right. So introverted intuition or what we call

12:20

perspectives. So as you mentioned, this is a

12:22

function that is – really what

12:24

it's doing is it's processing patterns.

12:27

That's what it's doing, right?

12:29

Intuition is effectively advanced pattern

12:31

recognition and imagination. It's

12:34

simulation because it's – by

12:37

definition, it's not reality yet. It's

12:40

an intuition. It's a concept and

12:42

abstraction. And since it's

12:44

introverted, it means that

12:46

these intuitions are being processed inside

12:49

of the mind, right? They're being kind of

12:51

like run or ruminated upon all the time.

12:54

So they end up taking a couple different

12:57

qualities, these simulations. One is running simulations

12:59

into future patterns, like what's going to

13:01

happen down the road. And

13:04

another one is running simulations of what's going on

13:06

in other people's minds, like what are the patterns

13:08

that are happening for other people. So like you

13:11

said, shifting perspectives. And running

13:13

simulations and shifting perspectives is

13:16

basically understanding direction, right?

13:18

When you run a simulation into the future,

13:20

what's the point? The point is

13:22

what is the direction that I or

13:24

others should be heading or will inevitably

13:27

be heading? And if I'm looking

13:29

at this, maybe I'm trying to solve a problem and

13:31

I'm seeing it from all these different angles, what's the

13:33

best angle or direction I should be looking at it

13:35

from? So for

13:38

this function, because it's

13:40

a driver, because it is the

13:42

sort of the key

13:44

to the whole enchilada for a lot of INTJs, the

13:47

expectations need to be very high,

13:49

right? They need to have very high

13:51

expectations for themselves in this function. That

13:54

can sometimes be a bit of a challenge because

13:56

This function isn't always warmly received

13:59

by others. It. Can feel

14:01

a little magic sinking. It can feel like

14:03

the person using it has access to information

14:05

that the shouldn't. Have access to because they

14:07

just kind. Of figured it out on or the

14:09

patent it. And. So it doesn't

14:12

always. Get a warm reception and so semi

14:14

into jays feel like they need to diminish

14:16

it or throttle it or only use it

14:18

in very specific context. may be my work

14:21

when I'm trying to solve a problem I

14:23

can use it then. or maybe I'm know

14:25

when I'm trying to figure out what you

14:27

know what what were their a relationship is

14:30

going I can think you that done by

14:32

it's not. Everybody is interested in what is

14:34

mean of the result. Of that processing.

14:36

but regardless of that it doesn't matter.

14:39

The eighties a steel nice to have

14:41

high. Expectations of it in the still

14:43

need to give themselves permission to use

14:45

it as often as possible because he can't

14:47

just be used as be exercised. So.

14:50

What is exercising intuition

14:52

look like? Well, I'm

14:54

It means not just

14:56

insights about the future.

14:58

But. Planning. Minutes. Of you

15:01

get an instinct or and insight rather

15:03

about what is going. You know what?

15:05

what? We're. We're all headed. Oh

15:07

what is your plan for that? right? Where

15:09

do you see yourself in that simulation? It's

15:12

not just the yeah, well I saw it coming down

15:14

the road. Right? And it's not uncommon for

15:16

people to I am. Tj preferences to

15:18

have what's called a Cassandra complex which

15:20

is this idea of warning people about

15:22

what's about to happen in Nobody listens

15:24

to you. So that's

15:26

pretty common to have the Cassandra

15:28

complex, but I. Where

15:30

did you put yourself in all of that?

15:33

I. Like when he saw something coming

15:35

with what was your plan for it

15:37

Did you? Having a cease in your

15:39

pattern. That you took action based

15:41

on it, you didn't just speculate on

15:44

it. So high expectations also includes the

15:46

cease to be able to to make

15:48

decisions and your life the aligned with

15:50

those predictions. The I would also say

15:52

that. Doing yourself the

15:54

platform or the container to be

15:57

weird. is another hikes peterson

15:59

for this It's a very intuitive function,

16:02

and sometimes we get the messages, particularly

16:04

INTJs, that don't rock the boat, don't

16:06

be too weird out of society's expectations

16:08

of you. And so

16:10

you diminish your own expectations of the self, but there's a

16:12

lot of imagination. Our friend and

16:14

colleague, Dr. Dario Nardi, is an INTJ, and

16:17

we've seen him over the last 10 years become

16:19

very creative and unleash this part of himself. He

16:22

used to work at UCLA and he used to give talks at

16:24

Google and very professional, wearing a shirt and tie kind of energy.

16:27

And over time, we've seen him allow

16:29

himself to do things like active imagination,

16:31

Jungian's active imagination, or he

16:34

went and trained as a shaman in the Norwegian

16:36

shaman tradition and started tattooing his

16:38

body in certain ways. He just

16:40

really started embodying this present

16:43

kind of abstract – he's

16:46

got different symbols tattooed on his body. He's

16:48

gotten to symbology. So allowing

16:50

yourself in a – not just in

16:52

a hobby way on the weekend, but

16:54

like in a real way embedded throughout

16:56

your life, the intuition to

16:58

come out and to be a little weird, I

17:01

think that's a proper expectation. Now,

17:03

some people are like, I can't do

17:05

that. My context won't allow it. I have to still wear the shirt

17:07

and tie. Well, obviously, you have to do what you have to do,

17:09

but there's probably more availability for you to

17:11

be a weirdo in your life than you're giving yourself

17:14

permission for right now. All right. I

17:16

would say another way of

17:20

defining that high expectation is don't

17:22

keep your mental playground too small.

17:24

There you go. Like,

17:27

be willing to add sort of

17:29

out there philosophies or

17:31

things that are not

17:34

like maybe more diverse than

17:36

you're used to. There's

17:40

a richness in things like,

17:42

say, archetypes or a richness

17:45

in a variety of

17:47

philosophies, sometimes

17:51

dipping your toe into more metaphysical

17:54

understandings. That doesn't mean that you

17:56

have to believe them. It's not an act of

17:58

belief. It's more of an act of – playing

18:01

and it's allowing yourself to expand

18:03

your visions, right? Expand the territory

18:05

inside of yourself. When

18:09

the playground is too small, it

18:12

means that you now deal with some tunnel

18:14

vision, which is – that's

18:16

one of the results of keeping

18:19

your introverted intuition, your

18:21

expectations too small. If you're not willing to

18:23

play with more diverse ideas, if

18:25

you're not willing to play with more textured sort

18:27

of outside-the-box concepts,

18:30

then what ends up happening is this

18:33

function ends up creating some tunnel vision

18:36

and then it can't see outside of

18:38

its own reality. Like the thing it does

18:40

the best, which is shift a bunch of perspectives. The

18:43

perspectives are very few, right? It's shifting

18:45

between just a few perspectives. And

18:48

the magic of being able to see well into

18:50

the future, well, you can't really predict with

18:52

any certainty because

18:55

there's a bunch of information that

18:57

you're not willing to take into account because

18:59

you can't see outside of this narrow way

19:01

of looking. So part

19:04

of setting high expectations is

19:06

expanding that playground of simulations,

19:08

expanding the playground of concepts

19:10

and philosophies and being willing to

19:12

play, right? Because it's intuition.

19:14

It's not – like we'll get to introverted feeling

19:16

pretty soon, introverted feeling

19:19

being like what are my values, right? What's

19:21

important to me? What

19:23

are my – what am I

19:25

going to stand for? That's not what

19:27

this function is. This function is like what am

19:29

I seeing, right? What's my vision? What are

19:31

the patterns that are happening? So

19:34

being willing to play with a lot of different diverse

19:36

perspectives and philosophies and concepts

19:38

and abstractions, all it means

19:40

is that it becomes better, right? It just becomes a

19:42

much, much better at doing its job. Well,

19:46

and I think that it's nice to expand that and

19:49

be able to use it more to determine,

19:51

okay, where do I see this thing

19:53

running? What is that other person's

19:56

perspective? And also the

19:58

imaginative like almost… world building

20:00

or creativity that can come from it. I

20:03

think if you're an IT listening, there's a part of you that's

20:05

secretly like, oh my gosh, I wish what

20:07

they're talking about. I'm so excited about that.

20:09

That actually sounds really exciting to me. Can

20:12

I? You know, it's the perm... it's basically a permission thing,

20:15

I think, to expand it. On

20:17

the other side of that though, sometimes

20:19

there's an expansion... how do I say it?

20:21

Actually, or it's

20:23

an expectation of not believing this too much. Like

20:26

you said, that tunnel vision. I think that's really the lever

20:28

here. So I've had

20:30

INTJs tell me, this is weird, but they've

20:32

said, yeah, I've sat down to a romantic

20:35

dinner date with somebody. The

20:37

moment they open their mouth, I knew within 10 seconds, I'm not gonna

20:39

be with this person. And now I just want to end the date

20:41

and go on with my life. And I'm like, you

20:44

know that much information from 10 seconds

20:46

of seeing them talk?

20:48

Now maybe, maybe you're right. But

20:52

maybe get more data before you just make that jump

20:54

like that much of a tunnel vision jump, right? So

20:57

that's all the extreme on the other side, right? The

21:00

expectation is like, let it go a little

21:02

longer. Get more information. Let the patterns emerge

21:04

more. Stress test them.

21:07

Contest them with other patterns or other things, other

21:09

information you're seeing. Don't just trust your first instinctual

21:14

intuition. Now, it can serve you well. I'm not saying diminish

21:16

it. I think you should have high expectation for it to

21:18

work well for you. But make sure

21:20

you vet it too. Yeah, the

21:22

surface level insights, they're

21:25

not... that's not what we're looking for,

21:27

right? It means a true processing process,

21:30

process, process. When you look at the

21:32

other introverted functions, you

21:34

know, introverted thinking or

21:36

accuracy, what TP types use. If

21:40

as a TP type myself, as an

21:44

ENTP, I have the

21:46

phrase, don't believe everything you think at

21:48

the forefront of my mind. Because my

21:50

brain comes to conclusions and with

21:52

some certainty pretty quickly. Like I'm like, oh, I know what

21:55

I think about that. And That's always

21:57

a challenge. It's like, well, maybe you don't. Maybe

21:59

There's a. More information in there that you

22:01

should be considering. And so I pause. and then

22:03

I work for the logic, right? And so I'm.

22:06

In. A at any, and that's labor intensive by

22:08

the way. so in a similar way. The

22:10

showing high expectations for intuition means I don't

22:13

believe, don't believe your first insight. Right leg.

22:15

Put it through a couple different filtration processes

22:17

and and lick lick. You said earlier that

22:19

a ninety day will be like kind of

22:22

excited by this the idea like can I

22:24

do that? But there's also a lot of

22:26

I into jays that are the opposite of

22:28

excited by that. They're actually threatened by it

22:31

just because I'm. Not not playing

22:33

with too many. Concepts is how they

22:35

get to. Pick a world's the

22:37

and stick with it. Yeah, and

22:39

having high expectations of the function

22:41

means that you don't. Like

22:43

you still get to pick any world. The ones but

22:46

it becomes difficult to unseat certain things

22:48

and the more texture you put it

22:50

like as if there's nothing conceptual that

22:52

off the table. If you're willing to

22:54

play with anything conceptually, suddenly, it's. Hard

22:57

to unseat some of the patterns

22:59

that are really coming up and

23:01

so does that. The smaller the

23:03

playground. The see for it is. Great! It's

23:05

kind of like gun. They did a

23:08

study about children on playgrounds. And

23:10

they notice that if there was a sense. Up

23:12

kids would go all the way to the sense

23:15

to play. You know they get they. They basically

23:17

leveraged every space of the playground. but if the

23:19

sense that there was no sense, kids stayed much

23:21

much closer to the center of it because they

23:23

weren't sure how far are they could go. job.

23:26

And if we put. Sort

23:28

of type senses around what we're

23:30

willing to conceptually play with. A

23:33

give this sort of a sensor. Them You know

23:35

it's like I can go all the way to the

23:37

sense for no further. And it's like, but if you

23:39

remove the sense suddenly, there's a sense of uncertainty. They're

23:41

like, well, what am I gonna, what am I going

23:44

to run ensue? and the answer is

23:46

or you're going to run into every thought

23:48

you're going to run into every concepts like

23:50

there's a there's no need to see or

23:52

there's no need to stay in the center

23:54

you can actually plain old that space that's

23:56

very abstract but i think i in today's

23:58

know what i'm talking about So

24:00

it's basically allowing yourself

24:03

to, well,

24:05

not allowing, it's requiring

24:07

yourself to do more processing

24:09

on every insight. It's

24:11

not allowing yourself to just have an instinct

24:13

or insight and go, okay, that's what's going

24:15

to happen and just make those assumptions. And

24:19

I think it's also recognizing

24:24

that your insights,

24:27

like the plans you're building,

24:31

that they at some point –

24:33

like in order for them to be anything

24:35

other than just personally interesting

24:38

or something that you –

24:40

like tapping into an

24:42

interest, they actually

24:44

can be valuable to the outside world. So

24:47

at some point, having a high expectation is

24:49

going, how do I take this from inside

24:51

my mind and how do I build

24:53

something or apply it or turn it

24:55

into something that other people can interact

24:58

and engage with? Part of the

25:00

reason why this function doesn't always get a warm reception

25:02

is because other people aren't sure how to interface

25:04

with it. So getting to a place

25:06

where you can communicate, that's

25:08

a high expectation. The high expectation is how

25:10

do I communicate some of these visions to other people?

25:12

How do I get – how can I interpret it? How

25:15

can I make it accessible? And

25:17

part of that also means that the world might

25:19

push back a little bit, but you want that.

25:21

You want to have a little bit of

25:23

pushback. You want to have some of

25:25

your ideas or concepts refined through

25:28

a push-pull relationship. So high

25:30

expectations actually just – it means that this

25:32

isn't just yours for you even though it

25:35

feels that way. This is something that you

25:37

can make an impact around. So

25:39

is there anything else on the

25:42

driver of perspectives before we move on to

25:44

the co-pilot for INTJs? Yeah. Yes, there's one

25:46

thing, and this is – I

25:49

think this is something that I've really picked

25:51

up recently is how much this function

25:53

is tied into the concept of transformation.

25:56

And that makes sense if it's running

25:58

simulations of how things – roll

26:00

out over time, then it's going to

26:02

be a function that's very interested in

26:04

and associated with transformation over

26:07

time. And part

26:09

of how this function serves people

26:11

with INTJ preferences is it gives

26:13

them an opportunity to be really tapped

26:16

into their own personal transformation, which

26:18

is seen through growth and development. So

26:21

having a high expectation for this function in

26:23

the self means watching

26:25

yourself go through evolutions, watching yourself

26:28

have personal transformations, transcending

26:31

earlier iterations of yourself,

26:34

and having them be

26:36

on an identity level, like watching

26:38

yourself go through identity level transformations

26:40

with growth and development. And

26:42

so part of that seeing – it's

26:44

not just seeing your potential, it's growing

26:46

into your potential. It's not just seeing the kind of

26:49

person you could be running a simulation in the future.

26:51

It's making a plan to become that person. So

26:53

that's another piece of having a high expectation. Yeah,

26:57

I'm actually glad you said that because we didn't talk about the

26:59

idea. I mean maybe we mentioned it's one of the words, but

27:01

meaning and meaning-making, this

27:04

function, no matter who has it in their

27:06

personality, but for INTJs you know this, it's

27:09

attached to meaning and the way we apply meaning

27:11

to things in our world. And

27:14

in a postmodern world where the

27:16

meaning isn't given to us by an institution

27:18

or a government, we create our own personal

27:20

meanings now. You

27:22

can see the battle lines or the battling

27:25

of meanings, like their memes

27:27

and impressions and

27:29

then framing and spin. The

27:32

world we live in now is a

27:34

very introverted, intuitive, perspectives, battleground world I

27:36

think. We're trying

27:38

to out-meaning each other all the time. No, that

27:40

didn't mean that. It meant this. No, it didn't mean

27:43

that. It meant this. And we're

27:45

jerking the meaning around. So in

27:47

a way, we really

27:49

need you as an INTJ if you

27:51

want to take up this cause of

27:53

helping us understand All these

27:55

conflicting meanings in our world. It's kind of a

27:57

big soup. It's a big mess for most of

27:59

us that don't use it. use this process to

28:02

understand what's actually happening and understand how meanings or.

28:05

Weaponize and used almost in

28:07

a. Projected. Way I see

28:09

guy and he does understand as I enough juice to.

28:11

I think it's any one that uses this

28:13

process has some aspect of understanding how this

28:16

works but adding I introduce particularly. If.

28:18

They're interested. It not only Juanderson the mean, we

28:20

talk about the ten year old and will get

28:23

their. It also understands people's motivations. So.

28:25

In tandem I did use of is very

28:27

unique combination of understanding meaning with their driver.

28:31

And. then having the up the the sense

28:33

of what gets themselves or others in them

28:35

into motion into motivation. When. A

28:37

powerful combination. So if you

28:40

set high expectations here, There's.

28:42

A lot available to you. As an

28:44

I T J new now, it's challenging

28:46

in isolation. We're. Going to move over

28:48

Now the the copilot. Because. The secret your

28:51

superpower in the world is not just having. This

28:53

is the only function. And. Will you show

28:55

up? You'd. Be one note,

28:57

it just take all the sand and I've

28:59

always prospectus everything but we. We need to

29:01

talk about how around this out and give

29:03

it some fidelity and some nuance. Yeah ah

29:06

but before we do that, can I say

29:08

one thing about the meaning: guess ah? having

29:10

high expectations is not just adopting other meaning

29:12

making. Yeah. Right? Like so if

29:15

there's a quote unquote meaning in the

29:17

zag geist, or if there's like social

29:19

meanings like he said that are being

29:21

thrown around. Ah, It's

29:24

doing of food processing so eat them.

29:26

the the meaning or the paradigm or

29:28

the perspective you're coming from. I guess

29:31

I was convincing this earlier. And

29:33

that I your not just teaching

29:35

went off the shelf right there

29:38

like they are and this would

29:40

be seen in. An.

29:42

Internet like identifying yourself with the

29:44

demographic and saying like this whole

29:46

demographic represents how I see things.

29:49

Giant and so on. It wouldn't

29:51

it would require. Yeah, I mean if

29:53

you really. Really? Do. Screwed.

29:56

Depths Processing. It's actually

29:58

kind of hard to agree with anybody. right?

30:00

Because everybody has a very different

30:03

perspective. Yeah, and I and meaning

30:05

is very. Personal. To

30:07

your life of experiences. So

30:09

ah so it's that the

30:11

caution is against allowing yourself

30:13

to be on to taken

30:16

in. By. Other people's meaning making

30:18

an like you said, it's post modern so

30:20

we've got we've got. Meanings been

30:22

flying around all over the

30:24

place. Paradigms, perspectives, Ah, Why?

30:27

You know, like godly, like who you're

30:29

supposed to be aligning? worse than what

30:31

it means when you align the certain

30:33

groups or whatever some say under. And

30:35

I think it's just really. Concern.

30:37

You wing to process all of that, continuing

30:40

to determine whether or not you're like that

30:42

actually makes sense to you. Ah

30:44

what would actually on what

30:46

actually is surfacing for you

30:48

in your in your patterning.

30:50

It requires a lot more

30:52

from a nine Tj then

30:55

just. Hearing something that sounds

30:57

about right and adopting it. Joe. So.

31:00

It's like about the Copilot of Effectiveness

31:02

as a nickname we've given it. It's.

31:05

Technical name is Extroverted Sinking. Thing.

31:08

And we talked about this being a decision making

31:10

function for A D J's to by getting things

31:12

done in the world Resource Management. Can.

31:14

Be interesting Things like leadership

31:17

in understands hierarchy in understands

31:19

how things get accomplished. It.

31:22

It. Has a lot of a to me to this I

31:24

would say this is such an important mental process for

31:26

our teachers because this is where. The. Rubber

31:28

meets the wrote. This is where you take all

31:30

those ideas that your perspective process comes up with.

31:32

All the obstructions and you go. Of

31:35

people, what resource to actually have

31:37

available to me and would people

31:39

and time and. All the

31:41

outer world considerations the make the thing that

31:43

I can imagine beautifully my head. How do

31:46

I make it real good? The real world

31:48

how action land the plane? no real way.

31:50

To. Blaring another metaphors I guess, but I

31:52

did. You can handle it and it's also

31:54

a bit. What's great about this function though

31:57

is it's also a translator between the two

31:59

parts of. Itself and the perspectives

32:01

and in the backseat functions

32:03

of authenticity and. Sensation.

32:06

Order to talk about. This is the part

32:08

of you that can help balance some of

32:10

the more challenging or problem parts of yourself

32:12

and your cognition. With. Some of the

32:14

more proactive and positive parts and that are

32:16

easier to to have a hikes teachers for

32:19

sort of talk about this I'm guessing just

32:21

almost as higher expectations as the driver. Like

32:23

I guess I know that's order to say. And

32:26

let's talk. Talk about that. Qualitatively.

32:28

What does that actually look like with

32:30

those expectations? Fate. So I said. Very

32:33

high expectations for the function. Like he said,

32:35

I don't know if you can. Have as

32:38

high expectations. For your co pilot as

32:40

you do your driver but you can

32:42

try may are he can at least

32:44

give it a shot. and the copilot

32:47

function in our friends and coats Doctor

32:49

John Beebe's model more he took. he

32:51

aligns archetype of energy's with each of

32:53

these positions. He says that

32:56

this second function. As the

32:58

compiler what's called, there are three

33:00

function series with that a parental

33:02

energy. Meaning. That we this is

33:04

a part of. Ourselves that we feel

33:06

we're bringing to the world. This is

33:08

our guests by. this is how we

33:10

contribute And so for A and he's

33:12

ninety days, extroverted thinking or effectiveness is

33:14

their contribution to the world. and anybody

33:16

who's a parent knows. And we said

33:18

this with all the other all the

33:20

other podcasts episodes. Everybody has a parent

33:22

knows that it's Thankless Job. And

33:24

it parenting does not come along with

33:27

a lot of accolades. It comes with

33:29

a lot of energy and time and

33:31

resource. And not everybody. always. Values

33:33

or or appreciates it. But

33:36

we get an intrinsic. Reward

33:38

when we parents re. Even if

33:40

our kid is like totally unappreciative,

33:42

there's still an intrinsic reward insight

33:44

of us to help them right.

33:47

It feels good to help foster

33:49

them and to help grow them

33:51

in the world. And so this

33:53

function of effectiveness or extroverted thinking

33:55

the healthiest relationship and I I

33:57

am Tj can have. His.

33:59

Understand. that this is part of their

34:02

contribution to others. And

34:04

there's an intrinsic reward that comes

34:06

along with this gift, with giving

34:08

this to other people. So

34:10

the expectation should be high in the sense of

34:13

contribution. Like you're doing a lot of this.

34:15

You're doing a lot of this and you know that

34:17

it's making an impact on others. So like

34:19

you said, some of the qualities and characteristics that

34:21

come along with this is getting

34:24

things done. And how does one get things done? Well,

34:27

not just by setting high goals for the

34:29

self and helping other people set high goals,

34:31

but also all the steps to get to

34:33

those goals. So a part

34:35

of this, and I think most ITJs

34:37

will say this, that when

34:39

it comes to themselves, setting goals and creating a

34:41

plan to get to those goals is

34:44

way more difficult than if somebody comes to you

34:46

and goes, I have this goal and I don't

34:48

know how to get there. All of a sudden,

34:50

ITJs like cracking their knuckles and going like, well, let's

34:52

set a plan, right? But for yourself, it's

34:54

a little more difficult. So part of that

34:56

high expectation is also self-parenting with it.

34:59

So using this function in behalf of others

35:01

to make impact by modeling and by communicating

35:03

and by helping them do this, but then

35:06

also doing it for the self. So

35:09

a part of this is creating

35:12

an environment that encourages

35:15

people to think critically, to

35:17

be efficient, to be effective,

35:19

to have measurable

35:22

steps to getting

35:24

to the conclusion or closing a

35:26

loop on something that's important to you by

35:29

having an environment and fostering an

35:32

environment of candor and clear communication

35:35

by explaining things to other people in ways

35:37

that they can understand and

35:39

by helping them see that they can

35:41

also accomplish things, that they can set

35:44

goals, that they can make things happen

35:46

in their life. It's

35:48

also creating metrics like personal metrics

35:50

for improvement. So how do you know

35:52

that you're improving? How do you know

35:54

you're doing well over time? And

35:56

how can you help other people create metrics that let them

35:59

know that they're doing well? well over time. So

36:01

part of that parental energy is creating

36:04

a container almost, like helping other people

36:07

take actions either through your

36:09

modeling of it or through literally helping

36:11

them, coaching them, helping them

36:14

set those goals or set those things

36:16

that they want to do with their life and

36:19

then encouraging them to attain it, to

36:21

make progress. And progress is a

36:23

very important word to this function. It's like how

36:25

do we know that we're making progress? How do

36:28

we know we're progressing through to have

36:31

an impact on the world and to do something? It's

36:35

also about providing

36:40

constructive feedback that doesn't

36:42

cause a fence. So

36:46

that's part of that high expectation.

36:48

Sometimes INTJs feel like when

36:50

they try, they're just a little too blunt. They're

36:52

kind of a blunt instrument when they communicate with

36:54

others because they do value candor. But

36:57

part of the high expectation is learning how

36:59

to communicate and give that feedback to the

37:01

world in a way that

37:03

doesn't trigger others, in

37:06

a way that communicates that, no, I'm

37:08

being objective here. This isn't personal at all.

37:12

This is from a place of both care

37:15

and objectivity. So a high expectation is

37:17

learning how to talk to other people,

37:20

learning how to communicate effectively with other

37:22

people as part of that high expectation.

37:24

Well, I think that this

37:26

actually comes from knowing how to communicate with yourself

37:28

because I think this function for INTJs often

37:33

brings disappointment to the self because

37:35

what it is, all the great

37:37

ideas you have in your intuition,

37:39

your perspectives process as an INTJ,

37:41

you can imagine this amazing situation,

37:44

project, outcome, whatever it is. The

37:47

moment you kick that over to the real

37:49

world process of extroverted thinking or effectiveness and

37:51

you have to actually take the available resources,

37:53

not the ideal resources, take the available people

37:56

on your team, not the – or

37:58

in your world, not the ideal. people on

38:00

your team or world. And you

38:02

start to put actual things in place, you

38:04

realize, oh man, the vision

38:06

I have is never going to be realized 100%. The

38:09

best I can do is like 80, 90%

38:11

maybe of the thing I can ideally see in my head. So

38:14

I think there's an immediate hit of disappointment when

38:17

those projects start and knowing the timelines there. And

38:20

understanding like it's almost like talking to yourself objectively.

38:22

In the same way you're talking about for other

38:24

people, it's like, I'm sorry, Bob,

38:26

but this is the limited resource we have. I'm

38:28

not trying to be personal about it. This

38:31

is what we have to look at. This is the reality we're

38:33

facing and we want this project to happen so we're going to

38:35

get into motion around it. Well, the same mechanism

38:37

and the same skill you would be able to talk

38:39

to Bob at your office or in your life or

38:41

your family or whatever the situation would be, that's the

38:44

same skill to talk to yourself and say, yeah,

38:46

I know, internal self, we're going to be a

38:48

little disappointed by this. The moment we get into

38:50

action, the thing that we imagine in idealism,

38:52

we can never make reality. Although

38:54

it's going to be amazing, it's going to be 80, 90% of what anyone

38:57

else has made, but

38:59

you still have that disappointment and kind of like

39:01

let down. So I think there's

39:03

a way to work on this both for the

39:05

self and for others in asking for more high

39:07

capacity here, getting more objective with the self, using

39:09

this process to have self-talk. And

39:11

again, the framework we're talking about is

39:13

self-love, right? And so

39:16

love can be direct and

39:18

objective. And here's the facts, man.

39:20

This is what I'm giving you from the self

39:22

to the self. And I think that's love. It's

39:24

love to say, hey, that ideal project we have,

39:26

self, we can actually make a

39:28

lot of that happen, maybe not perfect the way

39:31

you imagine it. But there's

39:33

some real resource we could put some attention to. We

39:35

could create some real cool stuff in the world. What

39:37

do you say? That, man, that's an avenue for self-love

39:39

in my opinion. Yeah, for sure. And

39:42

usually it's not as good

39:45

as the imagination, but it's

39:47

better than the fear of

39:49

disappointment. There's a famous

39:52

Dorothy Parker quote where she

39:54

says, I hate writing, but I love having

39:56

written. And part of

39:58

the reason why it's so grueling to write.

40:01

is because I mean it's hard to not

40:03

be a perfectionist. It's hard to not, you

40:05

know, it's like you're pulling things out of yourself

40:07

to put on the page and man

40:10

did I say that right? And you

40:12

can rework and sometimes overwork a sentence

40:14

or a paragraph and like

40:16

figuring out where all the characters are going to

40:19

come in and figuring out the story arc and

40:21

figuring out when to introduce certain. I mean there's

40:23

just so much to it. And in your head

40:25

you might like picture this absolutely incredible novel.

40:28

And then when you write it and the reality of

40:30

it kind of feels a little bit disappointing sometimes. But

40:33

then when you've accomplished it, like all

40:35

of that grueling nature ends up with I love

40:37

having written. You're like there. I wrote a book.

40:39

It's in print. It's got like, you know, like

40:41

people can read it. The other people can enjoy

40:44

it. And I think that's the – like

40:46

that's pushing through. That's the fear of disappointment

40:48

that it will never be as good in

40:50

my head. But then when you have actually

40:53

accomplished something, man, there's a

40:55

spike of energy that comes along with that. And

40:58

that only happens by being

41:00

objective and reasonable, by not getting

41:02

attached to something that was never a reality

41:05

to begin with. It was just like an

41:07

ideal of what could happen. And so

41:09

part of that is having self-discipline.

41:12

This is the self-parenting part of extroverted

41:15

thinking or effectiveness, which is like deadlines

41:17

and metrics and milestones and like making

41:19

it so that you can sort of watch

41:21

your progress happen over time so that

41:23

you can get to that point where

41:25

you go, I love having

41:27

written. I did it. I actually did do

41:29

it. And when you self-parent

41:31

with it, now you're opening that channel

41:33

as opposed to I will never accomplish

41:36

what I know I'm capable of or my

41:39

potential or whatever it is. As staying abstract

41:41

and ethereal, there's not

41:43

a lot of self-confidence that comes from

41:45

not doing something because it wasn't perfect.

41:48

There's a ton of self-confidence that comes

41:50

from getting to the other side of

41:52

your perfectionism or the other side of

41:54

your ideal having, quote unquote, having written

41:57

and gone like, wow, yeah, I did a thing. That

41:59

was amazing. This is also the part

42:01

of you, I think that can build career capital. And

42:03

again, you're setting an expectation to say,

42:06

I am rising to what I

42:08

believe I can do in life. I

42:10

think that's really the first two functions in particular

42:12

this co-pilot. I have the capacity.

42:14

I can rise to the occasion. I can make

42:16

things happen. I can deliver. I

42:18

can be proud of something I've created because it's finished.

42:20

I can look at it. It's tangible. It's done. And

42:23

I think an INTJ that is able to execute like that,

42:25

and many are. I mean, you're listening right now. You

42:28

can be one of these INTJs. It's just you're able to execute in your life

42:30

and get a lot of stuff done. And not

42:32

just stuff and busy work. I mean things you care about,

42:34

right? I think that's an avenue for

42:36

self-love. I think you have a capacity now. You're like,

42:38

I'm holding myself to good expectations. I feel good about

42:40

myself, and I love myself for that. This

42:43

is where self-confidence comes for sure. Anything

42:46

else on the co-pilot before we move on? I

42:48

think the only thing that I

42:50

might talk about or I

42:52

might mention is the idea of

42:54

increasing the pace of your decision-making.

42:58

So having higher expectations of

43:00

this function means not

43:03

letting yourself get into analysis

43:06

paralysis. The function

43:08

itself, and you can see this – you

43:10

can see this demonstrated in like the brother

43:12

or sister type of

43:14

ETJs, right? The

43:18

decision-making of an ETJ versus

43:20

an ITJ sometimes fills

43:22

the world apart. And it's because an

43:25

ETJ has extroverted thinking or effectiveness as

43:27

their driver, and they're communicating or showcasing

43:29

that actually the function makes decisions pretty

43:31

fast or can. And when

43:34

an ITJ finds themselves in analysis paralysis

43:36

all the time and they're just constantly

43:38

ruminating and they're uncertain, uncertain, like they're

43:40

unsure, this is the function that can help them

43:42

speed that process up, right? They

43:45

can get realistic. They can go, okay, well, but what is

43:47

it actually taking? What am I working with? And

43:50

so speeding up decision-making, not

43:52

to a point where you're making

43:54

decisions without thinking them through, but just not

43:56

getting caught in that paralysis. That's a part

43:58

of having higher expectations. expectations for the function

44:00

as well. A lot of decisions

44:02

have to be made over and over again. And

44:05

so I think what you're talking about and what

44:07

an ITJ that's mature, that's kind of growing this

44:09

part of themselves, they would create

44:11

frameworks and heuristics to make decisions

44:13

faster. So you kind of preload

44:15

the decision. If then logic, it's a way

44:17

to set yourself up for rapid

44:20

decision-making when they keep coming at you very quickly. So

44:22

you don't have to go, well, let me go and

44:25

think, how do I feel about that? What do I

44:27

think about that? Every single decision that comes

44:29

through, and I think that's – ITJs that

44:31

are growing this part, that's what they're expanding on.

44:33

We talk about that in our owner's manual for

44:35

INTJs. Okay, so

44:37

then that's all the good news. The first two

44:40

functions, driver, co-pilot, perspectives, effectiveness, end

44:42

of the story, right? Nope. There's

44:45

still some challenging news. So in the backseat of

44:47

your car, car model coming from the INTJ owner's

44:49

manual, we talk about a 10-year-old

44:51

and a 3-year-old. Behind the co-pilot is

44:53

the 10-year-old of authenticity. That's the nickname we've given

44:56

it, technical name, introverted feeling.

44:59

This is about the personal experience,

45:01

deeply personal, the

45:03

internal process of emotion, understanding motivations,

45:05

what drives you, what

45:07

your fears and concerns are, what strikes

45:10

you, what matters to you, how

45:12

you feel about other people, how you process deep

45:14

emotion. I think this is something

45:16

that drives an INTJ. It's a very big

45:18

part of their life and existence.

45:20

I think it's very important for them. But

45:24

just like any 10-year-old, it

45:27

can oscillate between showing

45:29

itself very mature one moment and

45:31

certain of itself, and

45:33

then all of a sudden becoming really immature

45:35

and being uncertain in the next moment, maybe even

45:37

throwing a temper tantrum or something like a kid

45:39

would. So it's a

45:41

– it has a lot of proving

45:43

energy. It's looking to see approval from

45:46

the outside world to say, am I doing well? Do I

45:48

– am I in touch with my emotions? Am I a

45:50

good person? Maybe somebody outside here, outside of

45:52

me, can tell me if I'm a good or bad person or

45:55

if I'm properly motivated or if

45:57

I'm being mean to other people. I'm a little uncertain

45:59

about old people. So as we

46:01

tune to this, clearly we're not going to

46:03

have this high expectation for this part of ourselves, this part

46:05

of you as an ITJ as you would for the driver

46:08

or co-pilot. So what is

46:10

a proper expectation for this

46:12

10-year-old process? Yeah,

46:15

so this

46:17

is the function that's related to your

46:19

parental function of extroverted thinking or effectiveness.

46:22

It's the other side of what we call

46:24

a polarity, meaning that they're two sides of

46:26

the same coin basically. And

46:29

so this is also a part of

46:31

our relationship to other people. Dr.

46:33

John Beebe calls it the – he calls

46:36

it the axis of relating to others, which

46:38

basically means that just like the parent shows

46:40

up instinctively when other people

46:42

ask it, it's help, right? Your

46:44

extroverted thinking or effectiveness comes online when

46:47

other people are around needing problem-solving or

46:49

needing help. This

46:51

function also pops up around other people, but

46:54

it's not – in a parental role, it's

46:56

in what's called an eternal child role. And

46:59

that's why you were just mentioning that

47:01

it's a place of uncertainty. And

47:04

so what it's seeking is validation from the

47:06

outside world. It's looking for the outside world

47:08

to say, you're okay, you're good, you've got

47:11

this handled. Now,

47:13

it is also at the same time an introverted

47:15

function, so how does that look, right? How does

47:17

an introverted function look when it's seeking outer world

47:19

approval? So let's

47:22

first talk about reasonable expectations for a

47:24

function that's kind of occupying those like

47:26

that sort of weird paradox. And

47:29

then unreasonable expectations that might pop

47:31

up because of that weird paradox,

47:33

right, the needing of the validation

47:35

from the outside. A

47:38

reasonable expectation is you

47:41

can process your own emotions. That's

47:43

a reasonable expectation for the function of introverted

47:45

feeling. When you have

47:47

emotions and they kind of feel

47:50

like they're overwhelming you or they're

47:52

very strong and a person makes

47:54

decisions based on being gripped by

47:56

a strong emotion – well,

47:59

just like I said before, I've

48:01

taken to thinking don't believe

48:03

everything I think. Another

48:05

thing you could say is don't believe everything

48:08

you feel, meaning that when we

48:10

feel something, when we have emotion,

48:12

a strong one, there tends

48:14

to be a narrative that gets associated

48:16

with why we're experiencing it. And

48:18

sometimes – Almost immediately for many people.

48:22

Yeah, exactly. There's a story associated with

48:24

that feeling. And for

48:27

– Sometimes it's true. Sometimes

48:29

the narrative and the emotion or the story

48:31

and the emotion are – yeah, they're linked,

48:33

right? And that's true. And

48:35

sometimes they're not. Sometimes it's just our

48:37

mind's attempt to justify

48:40

or rationalize the strength of

48:42

this emotion. So a

48:44

reasonable expectation for somebody with

48:46

INTJ preferences is that you

48:48

can do emotional processing without

48:51

having to blame, right? Without having

48:53

to have a story that tells

48:55

you why somebody else made you

48:57

feel this way or this

48:59

is the narrative that it's attached to.

49:01

It's because of this and this and this. You

49:04

can process your emotion. You can be in

49:06

touch with it. You can feel it fully. You

49:08

can allow yourself to

49:10

experience all the highs and lows of

49:12

it and get to the other side. And then

49:14

once it's complete and you feel a sense of

49:17

relief, then you can revisit your story

49:19

or narrative and go, was I being fair? Was

49:22

I actually – or was I blaming? Was I –

49:24

was I looking for somebody to lob this

49:26

ball over to? And

49:29

so that's a reasonable expectation that you won't

49:31

constantly be blaming, that you won't always be

49:33

looking for the source of your – this

49:36

emotion that is not terribly pleasant. And

49:38

by the way, sometimes the lobbing of the ball

49:40

is to the self. You might blame yourself

49:42

all the time. You might be blaming

49:44

others. You might be blaming yourself. But sometimes blame

49:46

is not reasonable. That's

49:49

not really what is needed because there was nobody

49:51

to blame. It was just an emotion that emerged.

49:54

So it's reasonable to believe that you can

49:56

do healthy emotional processing. Another

49:58

thing that's reasonable is – for

50:00

this function, a reasonable expectation

50:04

is that you can have

50:06

authentic relationships, right? Both with

50:08

yourself and other people. Like you can show

50:10

up as your authentic self that

50:13

you can be what we called in the

50:15

ENTJ, we call it selective vulnerability. You

50:17

can be selectively vulnerable with people in your

50:20

life and share

50:22

yourself, right? In containers

50:24

of safety and you don't

50:26

have to just bottle it all up, right? You don't have

50:28

to hide who you are all the time. You don't have

50:30

to assume that people will reject you. You can

50:32

actually have authentic relationships with other people who

50:35

care. Yeah. I think another aspect

50:37

of this too, a reasonable expectation is to know

50:40

what you want or tune into what

50:43

you want, what you desire and strive for it.

50:45

I don't think you have to shut off this

50:47

part of you just because it's a 10-year-old process.

50:50

Yeah, you're uncertain here, but I think you can get

50:52

a lot of messages from this of the things that

50:54

light you up, the passions you have. Like you can

50:56

tune into your own personal passions of what strikes you.

50:59

You're not just a robot. You're not just a perspective-ing

51:01

with your driver and then getting

51:03

things done with your co-pilot. You have

51:05

this part of you that seasons in

51:08

that artistic, creative, like

51:11

motivated desire towards something just

51:13

because, just because you want

51:15

to, just because it

51:18

may not even make perfect rational

51:20

sense or money

51:22

or resource sense on time and money and

51:24

energy, but you still want to

51:26

anyway. And I think within its proper framework,

51:28

I think that's totally okay. I think you

51:31

can pursue things that you care about that

51:33

strike you here. Absolutely. You can have

51:36

expression of yourself that

51:38

doesn't have any other utility

51:42

or other effective purpose

51:44

other than just expression. Yeah.

51:47

Yeah. You're

51:49

like, oh, that's so silly or childlike. But yet

51:51

part of you just wants to express for its own sake,

51:53

and that's okay. Yep. And

51:55

it is a reasonable expectation that you will both feel that

51:57

way and also that you're allowed to do that. You're

52:00

allowed to give that to that part of

52:02

yourself. Another

52:05

realistic expectation is that you can be

52:07

aligned with your values, that

52:09

you can both know what your values are and you can

52:11

have alignment with them. And

52:14

there can be sometimes with the introverted

52:17

feeling or authenticity a little bit of

52:19

moral ambiguity because it sees so

52:21

many different angles. And that kind

52:23

of understands sort of the light and the dark parts. And

52:26

you can – there's a reasonable expectation that

52:29

you can wade through some of that and

52:31

not be so black and white, that you

52:33

can see a bit more nuance in all

52:35

of that. And part of the black and

52:37

white thinking comes from the desire to get

52:39

outer world approval that you're a good person.

52:43

There's a stoicism that comes into

52:45

this function and in this position

52:47

because it's almost like telegraphing

52:50

high values or high morals, virtues and morals. Like

52:52

you want to be a stoic person to let

52:54

other people know that that's – that

52:58

you are a person of principle. It's

53:01

a reasonable expectation to be able to see

53:03

things in terms of gray as well, to

53:05

be able to hold space for paradox, to

53:07

be able to kind of understand that things

53:09

aren't always black and white. And I don't

53:12

always have to be so stoic in order

53:14

to know that other people see

53:16

me as a person that has virtue. You

53:19

can kind of relax a little bit and not

53:21

relax to a point where you're undermining

53:24

your own value set. But

53:27

you can get to a place where you don't

53:29

have to be so gripped by

53:32

sort of black and white good-bad thinking. Well,

53:35

there you go. All good news. All

53:38

proper expectations. There's no troubling news at

53:40

all for this 10-year-old process. Right. Well,

53:42

let's talk about some of the unreasonable

53:44

expectations. I'm sorry, NTJs. Here we go.

53:47

There we go. Well, and I don't think this

53:49

will – I don't think this will surprise anybody. Perfectionism

53:52

or perfectness, right, being

53:54

perfect is not a reasonable

53:56

expectation for this part of yourself. It

53:59

might want to – see you as a person

54:01

who never offends your own values, as

54:03

a person who is always aligned with

54:05

what is important to you and your identity.

54:09

But that's just not reasonable. And

54:11

if you are imperfect, I mean, I see

54:14

this with my own daughter. She's

54:16

no longer 10, but she was 10 not

54:18

that long ago. And I noticed that whenever

54:20

there was a moment of calibration, she

54:23

immediately got into explaining herself.

54:25

Like she wanted to explain why, no, she didn't do

54:27

it bad or wrong. This is what was actually going on.

54:30

And I think that age bracket is in

54:32

a very – like we really want people

54:34

to think good things of us. We really

54:37

want people to see us as trying. We

54:39

want people to believe that we have good

54:42

intent. And

54:44

that's something that gets really – I mean, it's very

54:46

painful to somebody with INTJ preferences when

54:48

people project ill intent onto them or

54:50

the wrong intent. So it's

54:52

understandable that there would be a desire

54:54

to make sure that people know that

54:57

that's not what you're trying to do and

54:59

you're going to make mistakes, and

55:02

it's okay. It's okay to be imperfect.

55:04

It doesn't matter how perfect you signal

55:06

your intent. People will misproject ill intent

55:08

onto you anyway. You couldn't be perfect enough

55:10

to get that to stop, especially in our

55:12

modern world. Like I was talking about the

55:14

Battle of Meanings. People are going to project

55:17

their meaning onto you regardless. So

55:19

I think that perfectionism comes through with projects.

55:21

Let's say you are an INTJ tuned to

55:23

writing. You like writing novels or writing nonfiction,

55:26

and you're very precise on how you do the

55:28

technical aspects of it. You have a perfectionistic

55:30

streak. But I think to the point

55:32

you were just mentioning also, it's how you present yourself. It's

55:34

like I need to present myself in such a perfect way.

55:37

No one could ever misunderstand my motivation

55:40

ever. So I'll never get an inappropriate

55:42

motivation projected onto me by the outside world. So

55:44

I have to make sure I'm really playing

55:47

it safe or careful or projecting this –

55:49

well, what it does, it throttles you. You

55:52

end up doing a lot of things like I knew when INTJ was like

55:55

his partner wanted him to go do stuff. And he

55:58

told her, he's like, well, my life's not – I'm sorry. I feel

56:00

good about my life yet. I'm not in order yet. Basically

56:02

what he was saying is I want to get my career

56:04

because he told her this. I want to get my career

56:06

settled so that when I present myself to the world,

56:08

no one could misunderstand my intent in the world. They

56:10

can't say, well, you're lazy and stay home. You don't

56:12

have your career dialed in, or they can't judge me

56:14

on any metric. I'm presenting myself with the perfect motivation

56:18

and how I want to be perceived by

56:20

everyone, and no one will project anything

56:22

bad onto me. Clearly that's not

56:24

– that's ideal. That's never going to happen. And

56:27

so being okay with presenting yourself the best

56:29

you can and allowing people to have their

56:31

opinion of you. And kind of

56:33

going, yeah, I don't get to control that. It's

56:36

not really my business. I know myself. I know

56:38

where I stand. I know what motivates me, and I know

56:40

my intent. So I can't help you projecting

56:42

that intent onto me, but I know what I stand for and

56:44

what my intent is. What it ends

56:46

up creating is – and Jungian terms

56:48

would call it an overly curated persona.

56:52

It's like it's a

56:54

need or desire to control

56:57

everybody's impression or opinion

56:59

of you. And

57:01

it's unreasonable to believe that you

57:03

will have such a perfect persona.

57:05

You will have such a perfect

57:08

impression. You will have such

57:10

a curated impression that everybody will – that

57:12

the world will cater to that, that they will only

57:14

think about you what you want them to think about

57:17

you. And so what ends

57:19

up happening is that when people –

57:21

when an INTJ does that, they become

57:23

unyielding when they should be flexible, and

57:25

they become flexible when they should be

57:28

unyielding because they're more associated with

57:30

their persona and again telegraphing

57:33

an image than they are of tuning into

57:35

their feelings. The reasonable expectation is that you

57:37

can tune into your feelings and impressions, that

57:40

you can know what is important to you,

57:42

what you want and desire, what your true

57:44

values are, your core values. That's all –

57:46

you can do that. And as you enter

57:49

the world, if you have that information

57:51

available to you when a situation comes up

57:53

and you act unyielding when really that's not

57:55

a big deal to you, but you feel

57:58

like you have to – show

58:00

up as if it's a big deal, well, now

58:02

you're not really being authentic. And you

58:04

can be authentic. That's a reasonable expectation.

58:06

And in the same way, you might

58:10

go along with something that actually isn't

58:12

in alignment with your values as much

58:14

because, again, you're trying to get outer

58:16

world approval. You know, like, no, I'm

58:18

a chill, spontaneous person. It's fine. When

58:20

really that was something that

58:22

you should have stuck to your guns on. So

58:25

the reasonable expectation is that you

58:27

can be in alignment with your

58:29

true authentic nature. The unreasonable expectation

58:31

is that you can make everybody

58:33

fully understand you. Yes. And

58:35

let them know what that is. They're going

58:38

to have to – you have to let

58:40

them form their impressions. Yeah. Yeah.

58:43

What else? Anything else on the 10-year-old before we –

58:46

by the way, this process, the position here is technically

58:48

called the tertiary. In case you're

58:51

following along in the technical

58:53

jargon. Well, there's

58:55

two more things I guess. The first one

58:57

is it's reasonable to have the expectation that

58:59

you can be patient with yourself, patient

59:01

with your own growth and development. It's okay.

59:04

Like we said, it's okay to make mistakes. And the

59:06

antidote to getting mad at yourself for making

59:08

mistakes or mad at others is patience. And

59:11

so this is a function that can develop patience with

59:13

oneself. And it can believe

59:16

in itself, right? Like, it's okay.

59:18

Like, you're allowed to believe in yourself. It's

59:21

hard to be self-validating when it's a

59:23

10-year-old position because we are always

59:26

just a little uncertain if we're doing things right.

59:30

But if you use it in

59:33

behalf of the parental function of extroverted

59:35

thinking or effectiveness, which is where you're

59:37

gaining your self-confidence by making an impact

59:39

in the world, when you've got

59:41

those two functions in tandem with each other. Like we

59:43

said, they're a polarity. It's like they're

59:45

two sides of the same coin. And

59:47

when one is up, the other one is down and vice

59:50

versa. But when you figure out

59:52

a way to integrate them together and have

59:54

them be working together in concert,

59:56

it's like the coin starts spinning. And you kind

59:58

of can't – tell which

1:00:00

one, like is it heads or tails? You're not sure

1:00:02

because it's spinning so fast. And there's a

1:00:04

way to get to a place where your

1:00:07

10-year-old can almost borrow some of the

1:00:09

confidence and certainty from the parent, just

1:00:11

like 10-year-olds do that with parental energy.

1:00:14

They go, hey, Mom, did I do that right? Or hey, Dad, did I

1:00:16

do that right? And they're like, you did that right? And they're like, okay.

1:00:19

But instead of having other people

1:00:21

outside of themselves do the validating,

1:00:24

the extroverted thinking or effectiveness and parental

1:00:26

energy can do the validating. It's like,

1:00:28

well, it works, right? And we got

1:00:30

– we made something happen in the outside

1:00:32

world that was in alignment with our values,

1:00:34

right? Like it was something that was important

1:00:36

to us. So it was something that we desired and

1:00:38

wanted, and look at what we created, and that was

1:00:41

amazing. And so both functions can sort

1:00:43

of transcend the limitations of themselves. In fact, Carl

1:00:45

Jung called that when we have these two functions

1:00:48

in unison, in concert with each other. He

1:00:51

called it a transcendent function. So this

1:00:53

is a great way to have impact in the outside world.

1:00:56

This is a great way to watch ourselves show

1:00:58

up and do right

1:01:01

by ourselves and do right by others with these

1:01:03

two functions. Okay, let's

1:01:05

move over to the three-year-old. Sits

1:01:08

right behind the driver. Nickname

1:01:10

is extroverted – nickname is sensation. Technical

1:01:12

name is extroverted sensing, and

1:01:15

this is pretty much opposite of prospectiving. Again,

1:01:18

like I said earlier, it's not taking into perspective. It's

1:01:20

a single perspective. It's the here and now, the eternal

1:01:22

now of right in this moment. What am I seeing

1:01:24

and what am I experiencing? What can

1:01:26

I verify? What's happening? And

1:01:30

three-year-old certainty, expectations

1:01:32

are going to be managed

1:01:34

here. We can't expect much of this process. We

1:01:36

have deep uncertainty in this part of ourselves. All

1:01:38

of us do. And for INTJs, sensation

1:01:41

is a deep place of uncertainty. Yeah,

1:01:45

so I guess this is something we said

1:01:47

in other episodes in this

1:01:49

series that we didn't make super clear on this episode.

1:01:51

So in case you're new to type

1:01:53

and functions and just kind of understanding

1:01:56

this car model, you can

1:01:58

almost see the driver, the copter, pilot the 10

1:02:00

year old and the three year old as a

1:02:02

stack, right? Like if you were to sort of

1:02:04

seeing them as positions one, two, three, and four.

1:02:07

And you can see them as functions that have

1:02:10

a descending order of certainty. Now we've used

1:02:12

that word multiple times because they are a

1:02:14

descending order of certainty. The driver function is

1:02:16

the most certain. In fact, it's, uh,

1:02:19

one could say it's like overconfident. Um,

1:02:21

the co-pilot or that second function is a place of

1:02:23

like a modest sense of certainty, right? Um, cause you're

1:02:25

using it in behalf of others, just like a parent

1:02:27

is like, am I doing it right? Yeah, I guess

1:02:29

I'd move. Okay. That's usually the

1:02:32

parental energies. Like there's always like a minute

1:02:34

like, am I terrible parent? No, maybe I don't

1:02:36

know, but I guess I'm gotta keep going. Don't ask my kids.

1:02:38

Yeah. Don't ask my kids. How

1:02:41

would they know? And

1:02:43

then you get to the 10 year old function and

1:02:45

now you're in a territory of uncertainty

1:02:47

because, um, cause you're a 10

1:02:50

year old, right? You're an internal child energy. But what's

1:02:52

good about that, the outside world can give you some

1:02:54

validation because it's that access of really new others. So

1:02:56

it's, you can look and people can go, yeah, you're

1:02:58

doing okay. They're like, okay, somebody said

1:03:00

I was doing okay there. Yeah. All right.

1:03:03

That's, that's satisfactory. Got it. Yeah. You could

1:03:05

call it borrowed certainty. Yeah. And that's why

1:03:07

we recommend that you borrow your certainty from

1:03:09

your parent function, right? Your co-pilot function. Uh,

1:03:12

when you get to this three year old function,

1:03:14

this fourth, it's a place of deep

1:03:16

uncertainty because unlike the co-pilot and the

1:03:19

10 year old, which is what John

1:03:21

called the axis of relating to others,

1:03:24

the driver and the three year old or that

1:03:26

first and fourth function is the axis of relating

1:03:28

to self, which is why for

1:03:30

you as an INTJ, your intuition is yours

1:03:32

for you, right? You're not doing it for

1:03:34

anybody else. You're doing it for yourself, right?

1:03:36

This is for you. And

1:03:39

the fourth function, the three

1:03:41

year old in the car model or that was

1:03:43

technically called the inferior. Uh, this

1:03:45

is also yours for you, but it

1:03:48

carries uncertainty. So you're feeling deeply uncertain

1:03:50

and there's no place you can go

1:03:52

for certainty. Right? You can't just ask

1:03:54

somebody outside of yourself. Hey, did I

1:03:56

do that? Okay. Cause if they said you did, you

1:03:59

wouldn't care anyway. because you're not relying on

1:04:01

them. You wouldn't believe them. You wouldn't believe them

1:04:03

anyway. And you go, how would they know? Just

1:04:06

like when you ask my kids, if I'm a good parent, how would they

1:04:08

know? So

1:04:11

as a place of deep uncertainty, you

1:04:13

have to have a commensurate level

1:04:15

of expectation, right? One

1:04:18

of the expectations being you will

1:04:20

always feel uncertain in this function, right?

1:04:23

And that doesn't mean that it will always

1:04:25

be outside your comfort zone. The

1:04:27

reach, like the real

1:04:29

task here is how do

1:04:31

you make uncertainty part of your comfort zone?

1:04:33

And if you can do that, that's the real trick.

1:04:36

The real trick is making it so that like this

1:04:38

feeling – and uncertainty, oh my

1:04:40

goodness, humans always think uncertainty is a

1:04:42

red flag. We always go, I'm uncertain. That

1:04:45

must mean something's wrong. Well, in

1:04:47

this function, it doesn't mean anything's wrong. It just means

1:04:49

you're using the function, all right? And that's – it's

1:04:52

always going to have that sense to it. That

1:04:55

said, like you said, it's

1:04:57

the opposite of intuition. So if intuition is

1:04:59

imagining and a

1:05:02

particularly introverted intuition is about

1:05:04

imagination and worldbuilding inside one's

1:05:07

own head and simulation and patterning, but

1:05:09

it's all like up here in the brain, extroverted

1:05:13

sensing or sensation is experiencing

1:05:16

in reality, right? It's –

1:05:18

like you said, it's real time. I'm

1:05:20

here. It's a first-person perspective because I'm

1:05:22

experiencing something. And so

1:05:24

I'm taking in information through my experience. If

1:05:27

I'm jumping perspectives or if I'm seeing into

1:05:29

the future, it pulls me out of the

1:05:31

awareness I have. It pulls me out of

1:05:34

my ability to experience reality in this

1:05:36

moment because now I'm back in my head.

1:05:38

I'm back in my imagination. So

1:05:41

a reasonable expectation despite

1:05:45

the expectation that you always feel uncertain is that you

1:05:47

actually can have moments of presence. You

1:05:50

can actually be present with an experience. This is

1:05:52

a part of who you are even though it's

1:05:54

not as preferred as your intuition. It is

1:05:57

a place that is really accessible. In fact

1:05:59

– Carl Jung talked about its

1:06:01

importance in saying that integrating this part

1:06:03

of who you are is the key

1:06:06

to individuation.

1:06:09

It's the key to everything. So a reasonable

1:06:11

expectation is that it's not just

1:06:13

a frustration that it exists and you're uncertain

1:06:15

in it. There's

1:06:17

an expectation that you can actually integrate it

1:06:19

and make a part of who you are.

1:06:21

You can be present. You can be mindful.

1:06:23

You can have sensory experiences. You

1:06:26

can have the energy that this

1:06:28

function provides. INTJs

1:06:30

complain about a lack of energy all the

1:06:32

time, and it's usually because they're not integrating

1:06:34

this part of themselves enough. This

1:06:37

is the energy source. Extroverted sensing

1:06:39

or sensation is a generative

1:06:41

function. It gets energy by doing

1:06:43

things as opposed to losing energy. It

1:06:46

gains it. So

1:06:48

when an INTJ integrates this part of themselves,

1:06:50

they usually have this well of energy that

1:06:52

they didn't even know existed inside of them.

1:06:55

So accessing it, having

1:06:57

some of the benefits of it, those are

1:06:59

all reasonable expectations. One

1:07:01

of the keys of this process – this is

1:07:03

the – if perspectives

1:07:06

and sensation are mind-body, this is the

1:07:08

body part. This is the

1:07:11

part where an INTJ will have a sense of

1:07:13

their physicality. There's INTJs that say

1:07:15

– it's a

1:07:17

stereotype a little bit by this point, but there's INTJs

1:07:19

that are like, where did this bruise come from on

1:07:21

my arm? When did I bump into something and hurt

1:07:24

myself? It's almost like their body is

1:07:26

a carrier for the important thing, which is

1:07:28

their brain. And sometimes they forget, no, your

1:07:30

brain and your body are the

1:07:32

same thing. You have neurons in

1:07:34

your stomach and your heart, and your entire system

1:07:37

is connected. It's not just a mechanism to get your

1:07:39

brain from – your body is not just a mechanism

1:07:41

to get your brain from location to location. It's integral.

1:07:45

It's all connected. And I think that a

1:07:47

mature INTJ that has a proper expectation of

1:07:49

the sensation part understands that. They

1:07:52

give it its due. They give it its

1:07:54

space. They might

1:07:56

even exercise or develop this

1:07:58

part of the body. themselves to some degree.

1:08:01

And what's also interesting is part of

1:08:03

this process can be hypnotized to increase

1:08:06

the perspectives that you have. So

1:08:08

a lot of INTJs will report like getting on a treadmill or a

1:08:10

bike and doing repetitive physical

1:08:12

motion. It's kind of like

1:08:14

shower thoughts. It unlocks their intuition. It

1:08:17

hypnotizes the sensations, and so their intuition

1:08:19

goes into super overdrive. So

1:08:22

it's a useful tool as well

1:08:24

to increase the expectations

1:08:27

of your driver process as an INTJ. So this

1:08:29

is a very, very, very important part of you.

1:08:32

And yet it's

1:08:34

still that three-year-old, so it's challenging as well.

1:08:37

Yeah, and so important. And

1:08:40

so physical exercise

1:08:42

is crucial. Eating

1:08:44

well is crucial because for sensation, the

1:08:47

body is the instrument. And our world

1:08:49

used to put these things in

1:08:51

front of us on purpose, like just by default.

1:08:53

You had to get up, but our modern world

1:08:55

definitely takes all the encouragement

1:08:58

to be physical away from us. We can

1:09:00

sit home and order things online that haven't delivered

1:09:02

to us. We can have a lot of creature

1:09:04

comforts without effort. It is the

1:09:06

easiest time period in history to be a shut-in. Yeah,

1:09:09

and so for a lot of INTJs,

1:09:11

they have to be very disciplined and focused on

1:09:13

putting themselves in that place because it would

1:09:15

be so easy just to retreat and go, well, I'll do that later.

1:09:19

Yeah, but usually they find themselves unlocking something

1:09:21

really important and powerful. So treating your –

1:09:24

like understanding that your body is

1:09:26

the instrument of experiencing. And

1:09:28

the more experiences you have, the

1:09:30

more fleshed out your imagination becomes

1:09:32

because you've actually mapped out territory

1:09:34

that you can now bring

1:09:37

in. Like if you think of

1:09:39

introverted intuition or perspectives as world-building, to some

1:09:41

extent it is, right? The

1:09:44

more replicating and simulating worlds inside of your mind, the

1:09:46

more relationship you have with this world, the more

1:09:48

texture that world-building inside of yourself is going to

1:09:51

get. And the more information you have to

1:09:53

work with. Like it's

1:09:55

going to force you to question your assumptions, and

1:09:58

so experiences are crucial. So

1:10:01

and the best way to have good

1:10:03

experiences is to have a body as

1:10:05

a clean instrument of experiencing. So

1:10:08

taking care of your body, right, and

1:10:10

exercising and getting vitamin D through

1:10:13

sun exposure and eating

1:10:15

good food and like

1:10:17

being attentive to that. That's a

1:10:20

reasonable expectation. And in fact, it's very facilitating

1:10:22

to somebody with INTJ preferences to start looking at

1:10:24

their body as something to be taken care of

1:10:26

as much of – as their mind. There's

1:10:30

also a capacity, a reasonable expectation

1:10:32

is a capacity to be responsive to

1:10:35

the environment, to be able

1:10:37

to be – to have some spontaneity, to

1:10:40

be able to sort of trust

1:10:42

your ability to navigate through the world.

1:10:45

You will feel uncertainty, but that

1:10:47

doesn't mean that you should believe it, right?

1:10:52

My rule of thumb is if I'm feeling uncertain

1:10:54

in one of my first two functions, my

1:10:56

driver or copilot, I pay attention because

1:10:58

those functions are always certain. So

1:11:00

if something hits them and I'm

1:11:02

experiencing some uncertainty, that means it's

1:11:05

probably a red flag. If

1:11:07

I'm feeling uncertain in my 10-year-old or my

1:11:09

3-year-old functions, I just call it Tuesday, right,

1:11:11

because they're always uncertain. And

1:11:14

so – but it doesn't mean anything, right?

1:11:16

Just because they're uncertain doesn't mean that that's

1:11:18

true. It's just uncertain. So

1:11:21

trusting that you have the capacity to

1:11:23

navigate through life, through experiences that you

1:11:25

maybe weren't 100% prepared

1:11:27

for, that's a reasonable expectation that

1:11:29

you can trust yourself. Quick side

1:11:32

note, that uncertainty serves a

1:11:34

really important purpose though because

1:11:36

I think it's a protection mechanism. We

1:11:38

have an INTJ friend who – we were

1:11:41

at a party in Los Angeles and they

1:11:43

over-imbibed, and we were all walking

1:11:45

out. They were the driver,

1:11:48

and we didn't know it, and they were

1:11:50

not tuned into that part of themselves that

1:11:52

they were inebriated, and they got to get behind

1:11:54

the wheel. And we were noticing that they were a little off

1:11:57

and that we probably should have one of those.

1:12:00

of us drive instead of that person. And so

1:12:02

we made a decision, and certainly enough, by the

1:12:04

time we got home, it was demonstrated that they

1:12:06

would have been a very bad situation had they

1:12:08

actually driven the vehicle. Thank goodness we noticed. And

1:12:11

they were not badly intended, but they were

1:12:13

INTJ preferences, and they just didn't register the

1:12:17

fact they were inebriated. They just don't have as much relationship

1:12:19

with that part of themselves. But

1:12:21

there was over certainty because the inebriation cut

1:12:24

the uncertainty part off. And so it was

1:12:26

like, well, I'm fine. Because

1:12:28

the uncertainty wasn't felt because suppression

1:12:30

of alcohol suppresses our decision-making

1:12:33

and all the normal red flags

1:12:35

we would have. So I think

1:12:37

that that speaks to you. Obviously, you have to be careful

1:12:39

with that kind of thing. But it speaks to you. The

1:12:41

uncertainty does serve a purpose, in that it's trying to protect

1:12:44

us. So it has

1:12:46

a positive intent, if you could

1:12:48

call that part of us an intent,

1:12:50

if you would. But I

1:12:52

think that it overdoes it when you're not

1:12:54

inebriated. It doesn't matter when

1:12:56

you are safe. It still has that, wait, wait,

1:12:58

are we in trouble? It's like doing too much

1:13:01

safety checks sometimes. So there is a

1:13:03

discretion you can build with this part of yourself. It's not just,

1:13:05

oh, you know, I just need to get through any time

1:13:07

I'm uncertain, just power through. I'm glad our friend didn't, because

1:13:09

it would have killed us all. So

1:13:12

that was appropriate to have a little uncertainty,

1:13:14

which he didn't, which I wish he had

1:13:16

had in that moment. So in that particular

1:13:18

scenario, and I'm glad you brought it up,

1:13:20

because I was about to hop into what

1:13:22

is unreasonable expectation. So in

1:13:24

that scenario, I think the reason

1:13:26

why they had that experience

1:13:28

is because sober or inebriated,

1:13:33

they hadn't really developed much of a relationship

1:13:36

to their body. So the distinction

1:13:38

between how they felt sober versus inebriated

1:13:40

was not obvious to them. They didn't

1:13:42

feel that much of a distinction because

1:13:45

they weren't really paying attention to begin

1:13:47

with. And the

1:13:49

inebriation, like you said, created a synthetic

1:13:52

confidence. So if

1:13:55

a reasonable expectation is that you can

1:13:57

be present, you can experience, you can

1:13:59

notice. You can notice details that

1:14:01

you can be – you can have an aesthetic.

1:14:03

You can be with the president. You can be

1:14:05

mindful. You can have this relationship to the sensory

1:14:08

world and experiences and all that stuff. An

1:14:11

unreasonable expectation is being

1:14:14

able to handle an overemphasis

1:14:16

on sensory pleasures. I

1:14:19

can hold my liquor may or may not

1:14:21

be true or whatever. Or

1:14:23

I can eat as much as

1:14:26

I want and it doesn't impact

1:14:28

me. I never get indigestion or

1:14:30

whatever. I can eat this. I can do

1:14:32

a hot dog eating contest or whatever. Imagine

1:14:37

all the ITJs doing hot dog eating contest. Well,

1:14:40

they might not go that far, but

1:14:43

that overemphasis

1:14:46

on sensory indulgence, that

1:14:49

might be an unreasonable expectation for exactly what

1:14:51

you're talking about. You actually might not notice

1:14:53

when you're too drunk to drive. Or

1:14:56

you might not be able to handle your liquor like you thought

1:14:58

you could. Or if it's taking a

1:15:00

toll on your body, you might not be in touch

1:15:02

with your body enough to know how much of a

1:15:05

toll it's actually taking. So

1:15:07

an unreasonable expectation is that you're going to

1:15:09

be able to handle that perfectly. And

1:15:12

I think this

1:15:14

is why sometimes people who have

1:15:16

extroverted sensing or sensation as

1:15:19

a three-year-old or inferior function can

1:15:21

deal with overindulgence

1:15:24

and abuse, like substance

1:15:26

abuse or addiction. Because

1:15:30

they like that

1:15:32

it's shutting down the uncertainty there. That's

1:15:35

part of the – that's the feature. The feature

1:15:37

is that they don't feel as uncertain, and

1:15:39

yet it's a synthetic feeling of

1:15:41

it. Because once you get back to

1:15:44

sobriety, you're right back into uncertainty, and

1:15:46

now it's even worse because you've done

1:15:48

damage to the body as an instrument.

1:15:51

So it's a pretty bad road. So

1:15:53

I would say that that is an unreasonable expectation.

1:15:56

But we do know, clients and friends of ours

1:15:58

who are NTJ, who – Have

1:16:00

a good relationship. They do have some

1:16:02

discretion with their body. They're athletic or

1:16:04

their their movement focus They do have

1:16:06

the exercise their energy. They move themselves

1:16:08

out there that they have a relationship with

1:16:10

their body Maybe they're not on a skateboard doing

1:16:13

tricks, right? But they do have a

1:16:15

sense of maybe playing basketball with friends a couple times a

1:16:17

week or going to the gym or Going

1:16:19

running or biking like there's an active sense

1:16:21

There's an activity to being an ITJ to

1:16:23

that I think is available to ITJs and

1:16:25

just kind of being up for anything You know like hanging

1:16:27

out with a group of friends going someplace and like I

1:16:30

don't know what we're doing today but I guess I'll find

1:16:32

out and sort of enjoy the ride and have

1:16:34

a sense of like sort of spontaneity and and

1:16:37

Trusting themselves to be able to do all of that

1:16:39

That's very much in the wheelhouse of somebody with

1:16:41

this with this of this type preference And

1:16:43

so being able to have a

1:16:46

joie de vivre. Yeah, right not

1:16:48

overindulgence not Abuse

1:16:51

but like authentic joie de vivre and it's

1:16:53

like a generative energy Doesn't mean

1:16:55

that they don't have to go home and have some alone time to

1:16:58

process it all right every experience you Every experience

1:17:00

you have has to be handed over to your

1:17:02

introverted intuition to be part of your processing now

1:17:04

Right because that's your driver function. That's your go-to.

1:17:06

That's that's the thing that's going to like give

1:17:09

you a sense of self So

1:17:11

it's an unreasonable expectation is now

1:17:13

you're just gonna be a party animal Or you're gonna

1:17:16

be able to constantly be experiencing things without having

1:17:18

to take some time to yourself Or

1:17:21

that That you'll be able to like turn

1:17:23

on time when things change on you and you're like well

1:17:25

I thought I was becoming a spontaneous person. It's like

1:17:27

and then my life changed and I wasn't ready for

1:17:29

it I had to process it. It's like yeah, don't

1:17:31

like that's unreasonable to believe that you're now just you

1:17:34

know is like oh well Total life changes I

1:17:36

guess I'm just going with it like that's not

1:17:38

your type That's unreasonable, but to

1:17:40

have some sense of spontaneity enjoyed a

1:17:42

joie de vivre and enjoyment of life

1:17:45

Totally reasonable if you

1:17:47

are more interested in checking some of

1:17:49

these ideas out in a recent podcast

1:17:51

episode We filmed at one of our

1:17:53

profile training events with dr. Dara Nardi

1:17:55

who also has ITJ preferences I think

1:17:59

the title of is avoiding personality one-sidedness. He

1:18:01

talks about how over the years he's

1:18:03

developed this part of himself. He's

1:18:05

like, you know, I can't go out

1:18:07

every night to, you know, a

1:18:09

social event, but I could go once a week, maybe

1:18:12

even twice a week. I need recovery time. But

1:18:14

I've developed myself and parts of these, you know,

1:18:17

part of my personality to be able to do some of these

1:18:19

things. He talks a lot about that in that episode. I think

1:18:21

it's a really valuable episode for any

1:18:23

type, but INTJs particularly. Anything

1:18:26

else with the three-year-old before we move on

1:18:28

to what the rest of us can learn

1:18:30

from INTJs. Just like we

1:18:32

can have a transcendent function relationship with

1:18:34

our co-pilot and ten-year-old, the same applies

1:18:36

with the driver and the three-year-old. When

1:18:39

intuition is up, heads are up,

1:18:41

it feels like sensing is off,

1:18:44

tails are down, and vice versa.

1:18:46

But you can integrate the sensing part,

1:18:48

the extroverted sensing or sensation into the

1:18:51

intuition. And when that happens, again, it

1:18:53

feels like a coin spins. So

1:18:55

now you've got somebody who

1:18:58

has intuitions and imaginings and

1:19:01

visions that are grounded,

1:19:03

that are based in personal experiences,

1:19:05

that are based in reality basically.

1:19:08

And so the imaginings become

1:19:10

a little bit more flavored by

1:19:12

reality and what's real. There's

1:19:15

an ability to accept that, accept that

1:19:17

there are limitations in the corporal

1:19:19

world. And so there's less of that

1:19:21

disappointment you were talking about. There's

1:19:23

a little bit more of an ability to go,

1:19:25

okay, yeah, but what would actually work out while

1:19:27

you're imagining? And so now the visions

1:19:30

inside of your mind become a

1:19:32

lot more, they're a lot

1:19:36

more available to others to interface

1:19:38

with. They're a lot easier

1:19:40

for you to manifest.

1:19:42

They're a lot more rewarding, ultimately.

1:19:45

They're less indulgent, but they're more

1:19:47

rewarding. And then also

1:19:49

creating that transcendent relationship between those

1:19:51

two functions. Like you said,

1:19:53

it's almost like a mind body connection. And

1:19:56

there's an ability to not

1:19:59

just Just imagine growth but to experience

1:20:02

it. So in the personal

1:20:04

development world, the

1:20:06

number one thing a person has to be cautious

1:20:08

of when they enter personal growth or development

1:20:11

is they can't

1:20:14

get too in love with this image of

1:20:17

themselves as a growth person. You

1:20:19

kind of can't buy your own BS. You can't drink

1:20:21

your own Kool-Aid. Just

1:20:23

being able to say the right words or

1:20:25

just being able to show up with a certain

1:20:28

persona or just being able to appear as somebody

1:20:30

who's done all this growth and development or have

1:20:32

wise things to say, none

1:20:34

of that is actually true unless it's true. And

1:20:37

extroverted sensing or sensation is the function that's like,

1:20:39

yeah, but is it real? And

1:20:42

so this intuition's ability

1:20:45

to understand transformation,

1:20:47

to understand what it means to

1:20:50

become – to grow into your

1:20:52

potential, it's extroverted sensing

1:20:54

or sensation that makes sure that

1:20:56

you're actually doing it. Like

1:20:58

it's actually real. There's actual impacts.

1:21:01

This is a function that will call you on

1:21:03

your BS every time. It'll go, yeah, but

1:21:06

it's not true. And

1:21:08

so that function is crucial

1:21:10

for INTJs to do true transformation,

1:21:12

to do true identity evolution, to

1:21:14

actually reach the potential. This is

1:21:16

the part that we'll call them

1:21:19

if they're more – if

1:21:22

it's more persona than it is reality. And

1:21:25

so it's a beautiful thing when

1:21:27

these two functions work in tandem

1:21:29

with each other because you've got

1:21:31

that wisdom of the insight with

1:21:34

the real deal, and that's the important thing is

1:21:36

you become the real deal. So

1:21:38

let's turn our attention to what the rest

1:21:40

of us can learn

1:21:43

about INTJs' self-love. So

1:21:45

again, just to recap real quick, we've been talking about

1:21:48

how an INTJ can show themselves love. We

1:21:50

went way deep into the car model of personality from

1:21:53

the INTJ owner's manual that we have at Personality Hacker.

1:21:55

You want to get one of those. We have one

1:21:57

for every type. You should go over to personhacker.com. But

1:22:01

we're looking at the car model from the INTJ1, and

1:22:03

we just went through the car model in depth to

1:22:05

talk about the proper expectations for each of the functions

1:22:07

and their positions. So if you imagine your mind is

1:22:09

a four-passenger car for INTJs, the driver

1:22:11

is a process we call perspectives. It's

1:22:14

got a copilot of effectiveness, which

1:22:16

is perspectives about seeing the perspectives, running

1:22:19

simulations, shifting perspectives. Effectiveness is about getting things done

1:22:21

in the outer world, resource management, again, on broad

1:22:23

brushing. Then in the backseat,

1:22:26

right behind the copilot is a 10-year-old of

1:22:28

authenticity is the nickname. Introverted feeling is the

1:22:30

technical name, and the three-year-old is

1:22:32

sensation, or extroverted sensing

1:22:35

is its technical name. And

1:22:37

those are challenging, and so we talked about the proper expectations,

1:22:39

high expectations for the driver, moderate for

1:22:41

the copilot, reasonable

1:22:44

expectations for both the 10-year-old and 3-year-old. And

1:22:47

we went through all the qualitative conversation

1:22:49

around that, like what does that actually look like

1:22:51

in practice for those expectations? I

1:22:54

think it's important to note also that INTJs

1:22:56

are intuitives. There's

1:22:59

about 25% of the population has

1:23:02

intuitive preferences, at least from the numbers that

1:23:04

we've seen. So that means that most people

1:23:06

in the world are sensory.

1:23:08

They're going through the world with more of a

1:23:11

tangible view of what's happening, either in the present moment

1:23:13

or what has happened in the past. And they're looking

1:23:15

for things that are verifiable, reliable,

1:23:18

things that could be counted on in a sensory way. INTJs

1:23:22

are kind of wired opposite of that. You're

1:23:24

attuned to all the things

1:23:27

behind the curtain, the space between the dots,

1:23:29

the abstractions and the what could be,

1:23:31

and the perspective that haven't been considered.

1:23:34

So I think it's important to say, as

1:23:36

an INTJ, you have a very bespoke and

1:23:39

unique set of both

1:23:41

interests and needs as an intuitive. I

1:23:44

think that you are wired to be

1:23:46

very different than most, and I would say

1:23:48

that INTJs, you find yourself being

1:23:50

the weirdo in a lot of contexts. Now, intuitives

1:23:53

can do something which we've called intuitive

1:23:55

blending. You can blend yourself and match

1:23:57

your context in your world to… be

1:24:00

interoperable with the people maybe you're around,

1:24:02

family, friends, or colleagues. But there's

1:24:04

still that weirdo, intuitive part of you that

1:24:06

has specific needs. So I just wanted to

1:24:08

mention that because we have

1:24:11

a lot of work also here at Personality Hacker

1:24:13

speaking to that intuition, whether it's our Intuitive Waking

1:24:15

program or some of the other articles or things

1:24:17

that we've created on intuition. I think it's very

1:24:19

important for you to understand what that is and

1:24:21

to nurture it if you haven't gone down that road yet. But

1:24:24

as we're talking about self-love, a couple other things to

1:24:26

remember here are the key

1:24:28

framework is – well, actually, I'm going

1:24:30

to hold that off. I'll say this in a moment when

1:24:32

I'm about to say it, but let's talk about something

1:24:35

that – because I want to wrap up

1:24:37

with that container of self-love. Before we get

1:24:39

to the final piece of self-love, let's talk

1:24:41

about INTJs. And

1:24:43

if they are setting the

1:24:46

proper expectations for themselves, they've

1:24:48

got high expectations for their driver or copilot and their

1:24:50

moderate expectations there. Everything's in balance and harmony, and they're

1:24:52

operating their lives well. There's

1:24:55

– INTJs are so planned, preplanned, but there's

1:24:57

this quality of emergence that starts to

1:24:59

come up for them. It's

1:25:02

a – I think it's an emotional emergence.

1:25:04

That sensation process, three-year-old, it's very emergent. It's

1:25:06

very much like what's happening right now, guys?

1:25:08

It kind of shows up to the world

1:25:10

like let's follow the energy. The fig tree

1:25:12

is ripe. Let's go eat that. Oh, there's an opportunity over here.

1:25:14

Let's go pursue that. The weather is bad. Let's go get in

1:25:16

a cave and get away from the weather. It's that kind of

1:25:19

a spirit, I think. And so it's

1:25:21

very emergent. It takes the environment at

1:25:23

face value and just responds and gets

1:25:25

into action, direct action in response

1:25:28

to that environment. So I think if an

1:25:30

INTJ is balanced, there's a lot of that seasoning that comes in

1:25:32

their life, and there's a lot of this emergent energy that starts

1:25:34

to pop up. We could say if

1:25:36

we're giving qualities to this, to every type, and this

1:25:38

is something that maybe INTJs are like, huh? I

1:25:42

think it's true. There's a quality of

1:25:44

emergent joy that

1:25:46

an INTJ that is showing themselves love and

1:25:48

receiving it and has all these expectations in

1:25:51

place. It's an emergent joy

1:25:53

that they show up to the world with. It

1:25:56

emerges from them, and it showcases to others

1:25:58

and other people. Enjoy being

1:26:01

in their presence and interrupting with them.

1:26:03

I think our friend and colleague Dr. Dardanardi has this in spades.

1:26:06

I think he's done a lot of development and he – when

1:26:08

you're with him and you're in a present moment,

1:26:10

he doesn't really say anything mean about other people.

1:26:12

He doesn't have a divisive view of the world

1:26:14

or politics or anything. He's got his opinions. He

1:26:17

doesn't really share them outwardly. He just allows

1:26:19

this emergent joy to come from him and

1:26:22

people really enjoy being in his presence because of it. And

1:26:24

it's because of the work he's done. It's because of the

1:26:26

expectations he's set. It's because of how he moves the world.

1:26:29

And he's got their flaws and their challenges and all that. But

1:26:31

I think he's a good example of that. And I know we

1:26:33

know other INTJs in a similar vein,

1:26:35

Antonio. Yeah, and I

1:26:37

think the reason why – I mean that might

1:26:39

be surprising to some that we would say this

1:26:41

is the quality or characteristic we've

1:26:43

chosen to highlight what

1:26:46

an INTJ that is –

1:26:48

has cleaned all the signals.

1:26:51

That's what we're talking about. The reason why

1:26:53

we can say it's a characteristic that is

1:26:55

generally not applied to INTJs is this is

1:26:57

– somebody who has made

1:26:59

sure that they're setting proper expectations

1:27:02

with all four of those functions,

1:27:05

like their intuition. They set

1:27:07

high expectations for their intuition, and they're not

1:27:09

cutting themselves slack. And the

1:27:12

strongest superpower part of who

1:27:14

they are, they are pushing themselves.

1:27:16

They are making sure that they are not

1:27:18

wasting any of their quality. And when it

1:27:20

comes to their thinking function, that copilot of

1:27:22

extroverted thinking or effectiveness, they're also making impact.

1:27:26

They're showing up. They're modeling. They're candid.

1:27:28

They're communicating in ways that other

1:27:30

people can interface with. They

1:27:33

are – they might hate writing, but

1:27:35

they have written. They've accomplished things. And

1:27:38

they have set up their personal markers

1:27:41

and metrics for success, and they're watching

1:27:43

themselves accomplish it, not maybe

1:27:45

not perfectly, but it doesn't matter. They've

1:27:47

actually got something to show for their

1:27:49

work with their feeling

1:27:51

function. They're not bottling up emotions. They're

1:27:54

not projecting their stuff

1:27:57

onto others. they're

1:28:00

getting in touch with what's important to them and true

1:28:02

and authentic and building relationships

1:28:04

built on authenticity and

1:28:06

allowing themselves to be imperfect and sort

1:28:08

of watch themselves sort of navigate through

1:28:11

life being a complex person having human experience

1:28:13

and they accept that about themselves. They're

1:28:15

not demanding perfection. And then

1:28:18

their sensing function is present, right?

1:28:20

It gives it sort of permission to be uncertain

1:28:23

and still do things anyway and enjoy moments

1:28:25

and have a sense of self

1:29:36

and on the other side is I believe I agree

1:29:38

with you is emergent joy. end,

1:30:00

and that's the framework we're coming from. It's important

1:30:02

to remember – this is what I

1:30:05

was going to say earlier, though. I pushed to this point. Love

1:30:08

is a verb, and that means that

1:30:10

– what does it mean to send yourself love?

1:30:12

You have to express it. You have to do

1:30:14

something. It's action-focused. You

1:30:16

can't just ruminate on sending yourself love.

1:30:19

You demonstrate it to yourself. Maybe

1:30:21

it's by putting yourself

1:30:24

in a context for your driver process to

1:30:26

express it so fully, or it's putting

1:30:28

a little bit more effort into and giving it

1:30:30

heuristics to your co-pilot, or like you said, not

1:30:33

ensuring perfection comes through in how you present yourself to

1:30:36

the world, or allowing

1:30:38

space for that sensation part of you to

1:30:40

emerge and to bring the joyfulness and to

1:30:43

realize that you can count on it for some energy when

1:30:45

you need it. I think that's a

1:30:47

way that you can demonstrate. These are some ways. I

1:30:50

would recommend that you go over to – again, I sound

1:30:52

like I'm just pitching this, but I am pitching this because

1:30:54

it's fantastic – our owner's manuals for

1:30:56

INTJs, like this car model that we pulled out, we

1:30:58

go way deeper into the aspects of this. We

1:31:01

talk about how you get into flow with your

1:31:03

driver process. How do you grow your co-pilot of

1:31:05

effectiveness? How do you prevent something that's called looping,

1:31:07

which is when your driver and your 10-year-old get

1:31:09

in kind of this battle with

1:31:11

your co-pilot, and they try to take

1:31:13

charge of everything, and they cut your co-pilot out.

1:31:15

And what happens when that happens to your personality,

1:31:18

the grip of your 3-year-old? Like, there's a lot

1:31:20

of things that happen inside your personality, and all

1:31:22

the techniques and tools and all those

1:31:25

things can be found inside that owner's manual. So

1:31:27

I think it's a great avenue for growth for

1:31:29

INTJs. I can't recommend that more. And of course,

1:31:31

we have articles and more podcasts for INTJs on

1:31:33

our website and our YouTube channel and our

1:31:36

iTunes channel and all that stuff. So please go get

1:31:38

the resources to be able to set up your life

1:31:40

to show yourself love. I think it's so important, and

1:31:43

INTJs are amazing. When they show themselves love, they

1:31:45

can really do a lot

1:31:47

in the world and bring us to new ways of understanding,

1:31:50

new frameworks that can accomplish a lot. Like I

1:31:53

really like INTJs a lot. They've been some really

1:31:55

great friends of mine. I think they were a

1:31:57

fantastic personality type. I agree. Yeah.

1:32:00

Now is your chance to come over and make your voice

1:32:02

heard. There's not been a third microphone sitting here. Me and

1:32:04

Antonio, you've done all the talking up till now. We just

1:32:07

keep talking and talking and talking. We want to hear from

1:32:09

you. Yeah, we can't shut us up actually. This is probably

1:32:11

the longest yet. This series, the podcast gets longer and longer

1:32:13

and longer. You've been getting along. We'll be

1:32:15

back to 10-minute type advice. We've been cutting it down like

1:32:18

10 minutes. Are you kidding me? We can barely

1:32:20

get started. Come over

1:32:22

to personalityhacker.com and below this episode, we'd love

1:32:24

to hear from you. Share your story. I

1:32:26

think that's important. It's a compressed experience. If

1:32:28

you have a question, leave a comment. What's

1:32:31

coming up for you? Are you an ITJ? You've been

1:32:33

through some of these self-love experiences, but you figured it

1:32:35

out and you want to share your story of how

1:32:37

you did that, technical, like techniques

1:32:39

or whatever that was like. Or

1:32:42

are you still struggling with it? Are you another type? And you

1:32:44

have some thoughts around ITJs. We want to hear from all of

1:32:46

that. Come over to personalityhacker.com and

1:32:48

make your voice heard. And if you enjoyed

1:32:50

this podcast, you can subscribe to us on iTunes

1:32:53

and various Android platforms. If you

1:32:55

leave us a rating review on iTunes, I'm

1:32:57

super, super, super grateful. So please do so.

1:32:59

The review is the important part. I read

1:33:01

every single one. You might be

1:33:03

watching us on YouTube. We have a video podcast

1:33:05

now. You can like, subscribe and hit the little

1:33:07

bell to let you know when future episodes come

1:33:10

out. And like Joel said, you can leave

1:33:12

a comment under the video as well and tell us what

1:33:14

your experiences in INTJ is. And Joel said

1:33:16

it about five times, but I'm going to say one more

1:33:18

time, you should go to personalityhacker.com and pick up your INTJ

1:33:20

car model or your

1:33:23

INTJ owner's manual that

1:33:25

has a car model. But if you

1:33:27

don't have INTJ preferences, well, we have an

1:33:30

owner's manual for every type. So go check

1:33:32

those out. Yeah. All right. My

1:33:35

name is Joel Mark Witt. And I'm in Tonya, Dodge. And

1:33:37

we'll talk with you on the next Personality Hacker Podcast.