0:01

Hi there, it's Kelsey McKinney and I want to

0:03

tell you about a new series from our fellow Radiotopia

0:06

show, Radio Diaries. It's called The

0:08

Unmarked Graveyard. The Unmarked Graveyard

0:11

untangles mysteries from Heart Island,

0:13

which is America's largest public

0:15

cemetery. Heart Island is a narrow

0:17

strip of land in the waters off New York City.

0:19

More than a million people are buried

0:21

on Heart Island, but the island has no headstones

0:24

or plaques so it's hard to find out who

0:26

people were. Over the next few weeks, Radio

0:28

Diaries will be bringing you stories about people

0:30

who ended up on Heart Island, the lives they

0:33

lived, and the people they left behind. The

0:35

series will tell the story of a young man who was buried

0:37

as John Doe and the community that figured

0:39

out who he really was, follow a woman

0:41

who decided to track down the father she never knew,

0:44

commemorate an author who ended up on Heart Island

0:46

after donating her body to science, and

0:48

more.

0:49

Neil Harris was last seen in Inwood, New

0:51

York on December 12th. So many questions, man.

0:54

So many questions. You can't help but

0:56

wonder what her life has been. I

0:58

never went back and I never looked

1:00

well again. Subscribe to Radio Diaries

1:02

wherever you get your podcasts.

1:12

Hi and welcome to Normal Gossip. I'm Kelsey McKinney.

1:14

In each episode of this podcast, we're going to bring you an anonymous

1:17

morsel of gossip from the real world. I am

1:19

so excited to have with me today Jasmine

1:22

Ellis. Jasmine is a stand-up comedian,

1:24

entertainment journalist, and podcast host from Arlington,

1:27

Texas. She tours colleges and clubs

1:29

nationally and has been featured at over a dozen

1:31

of the top comedy festivals, including Moon Tower.

1:34

Her debut comedy album, Trash Baby, went

1:37

number one on iTunes, and Jasmine's comedy special,

1:39

Nobody's Queen, was awarded NPR's Bullseye

1:41

Comedy Album

1:42

of the Year. Jasmine, welcome.

1:44

Hi. I'm so excited

1:46

to be here. Thank you. I'm so excited

1:48

you're here. We did this show together in Austin

1:50

and it feels like a nice little reunion. It does.

1:53

Austin was so much fun and the

1:56

energy in the room, the people

1:58

who are fans.

1:59

of you and Alex and what y'all

2:02

do. It was so great to be a part

2:04

of that. Like I just, I was so happy. It was so

2:06

fun. Yeah, we had such a good time in Austin

2:09

but there were not like a ton, a ton of

2:11

people there. So most of the listeners

2:13

who listen to the spot guests have no idea who you are. This

2:15

is their first time meeting you. I'm so excited to

2:17

introduce you to them. What do you want them to know

2:19

about you? I want them to know

2:21

that I'm your new favorite

2:22

comedian. You don't know that yet. You

2:25

haven't watched me, but I am. You're

2:27

gonna follow me. You're gonna fall in love with me. My

2:30

style of comedy is

2:32

stream of consciousness. So I get

2:34

two types of feedback. The positive version

2:36

is it doesn't even feel like somebody telling

2:39

jokes. It's just like a conversation

2:40

with your best friend. Oh no,

2:42

what's the negative version?

2:43

The one that comes

2:45

from Redditors who are 13 is, it's

2:48

just some lady talking. Well, she's not even

2:50

telling

2:50

jokes.

2:53

And I realized the other day that they're saying the exact

2:55

same thing. So that means I know who I am

2:57

and I love that. Yeah, it's just a tone

2:59

difference. Yeah, we

3:01

do really get the same feedback. It's like, these

3:04

are just some ladies talking and it's like, mm-hmm.

3:06

Mm-hmm, yeah. What,

3:09

you hate ladies talking? You hate women?

3:13

Yeah, we're happy you're here. You're

3:16

on the road right now. Is it harder

3:18

or easier to come by gossip when

3:20

you are touring? Oh,

3:22

easy

3:22

as hell, especially, oh my God. So

3:25

I'm just like in the lobby waiting for my door dash

3:27

order which is completely incorrect. Great,

3:30

perfect. Okay, so this is what I get because

3:36

in an effort to not get murdered, I changed

3:38

my name on door dash to a man name.

3:41

Okay.

3:42

Because sometimes I'm

3:44

in really small towns and like they're

3:47

gonna see Jasmine E and know I'm the comedian

3:49

Jasmine Ellis. And just in case,

3:51

I always change it to a male name. And

3:54

I had a door dasher that was supposed to be

3:56

a woman but then some guy dropped

3:58

my stuff off and I was like. Oh my God, we're

4:00

both trying not to get murdered because like I was

4:02

a woman's voice

4:04

and

4:04

the woman was like,

4:07

my husband's in the lobby with your stuff. And I was like,

4:09

thanks, Mary. And Mary was like, okay. So

4:15

just like, as I'm grabbing my food,

4:17

I just overhear the front desk girl and

4:19

she goes, girl, I have some tea for you. And

4:22

the way my body just froze.

4:26

And then I realized I'd been standing

4:28

there for like a full minute and I had like

4:31

no reason to be standing there. Like my food

4:33

was getting cold and I was like, this is real

4:35

conspicuous, but like, it's, oh

4:37

my God, small town tea is everywhere. After

4:39

shows people come up to me, they tell

4:41

me funny stories that are just

4:43

gossip about their lives. Like it's

4:46

everywhere around you. I do feel like it helps

4:48

because you're coming in and then

4:49

leaving very quickly. So it's like,

4:52

you're just going to leave. You'll leave with this gossip.

4:54

Fine. Do you want to hear the gossip

4:56

that I have?

4:57

Absolutely. I think that you're really

5:00

going to like it. When we got, when we were going through

5:02

the inbox, I was like, let's, let's have this one for

5:04

Jasmine as a little treat.

5:05

Bespoke gossip

5:07

just for me. Bespoke gossip just for

5:09

you. I'm so happy.

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Normal Gossip is brought to you by Progressive, where

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5:54

I found a friend today. We're going to call her Kieran. One

5:57

day, Kieran's like at her house, right? She gets a text from her friend.

6:00

And her friend is like, hey, I sent you something

6:02

in the mail. So like, just

6:04

heads up, make sure it doesn't get stolen off your porch,

6:06

right? Like pay attention. And

6:09

Karen's like, okay, I'm like on meetings all

6:11

day, little bit annoying. Could have given me a heads up before this,

6:13

but sure. So like when the UPS

6:15

truck pulls up, she like runs down there to get it.

6:18

She comes back upstairs, she opens it and

6:20

inside is this like big velvet,

6:23

like purple box,

6:25

like a shoe box size.

6:27

And she opens it up and

6:29

it has like a fancy eye mask

6:32

and like fancy little incense

6:34

and like little candle and like, you know, all

6:37

these little little gadgets and like little things

6:39

in there. Very beautiful. And

6:41

on the top of the inside of the box that she flipped

6:43

up, it is embroidered and it says, will you

6:46

be my bridesmaid? Oh, how

6:48

do you feel about this?

6:50

That's adorable. I love those. You love bridesmaids

6:52

culture.

6:53

I do. Although I do wonder

6:56

if now that we've gotten into bridesmaid gifts,

6:59

they turned a little coercive.

7:01

Like maybe you should ask first and

7:04

then send a thank you for being my bridesmaid.

7:07

Oh, I like that. I think that's a

7:09

nice order.

7:11

Karen is really excited to get this because the bride,

7:13

Mila is her friend from high school and

7:16

Mila is like the kind of friend that's always

7:18

sending a birthday gift that responds to every

7:20

single one of your Instagram stories that

7:22

like remembers some story you told her five

7:25

years

7:25

ago. Oh, I have a Mary

7:27

who's just

7:27

like that. I love those friends. She's

7:29

like the kind of girl who everyone thinks is

7:31

her best friend, which is why she has 25 bridesmaids.

7:38

This girl is from the South. Where

7:40

is she from? Does

7:43

it change your opinion

7:45

of being in this wedding? If you know that there are 24

7:47

other bridesmaids.

7:49

You know what the funny thing is? I would be so down

7:52

because that's so many bridesmaids. That's

7:54

so little responsibility. What does anyone want you

7:56

to do? I mean, the only thing I think is like, how do we

7:58

have a wedding big enough to just. by 25 bridesmaids.

8:01

You're right though because the worst part of being a bridesmaid

8:03

is that it is essentially a part-time job. Yeah.

8:07

So 25 of us is like the more of you

8:09

are the less it is. The less a big

8:12

deal it is if someone can't make something when

8:14

you're one fourth of a bridal party and

8:16

you miss the bridal shower, it's noticeable.

8:19

Nobody gives a damn. You

8:22

are like third. You know what I mean? I would love

8:24

to be someone 24 best friends. Like

8:30

as busy

8:30

as I am, I'd love to be a part of a big team.

8:33

Kiran is like kind of on your page. She's

8:35

like 25 people is a lot of people, but

8:38

hopefully this means that I won't have to do very much.

8:40

And she's also like Mila is

8:42

rich. So like this will be a

8:45

fun wedding and a fun

8:47

experience.

8:49

This is the kind of wedding that has like three full

8:51

days of festivities. Love

8:53

that. Lots of events, lots of stuff

8:56

going on. So Kiran is like, yes, of course I

8:58

would love to be your bridesmaid. Would

9:00

you like to guess what the first problem we might encounter

9:03

here will be? Does she

9:05

require a physical change to Kiran's

9:07

appearance? That's a great

9:09

guess. No. The

9:11

first problem here is that Kiran is

9:14

added to a WhatsApp group. Oh no.

9:16

No, no, no. You

9:20

decide on a point person and you

9:23

have them send you one weekly

9:25

email at most with

9:28

highlighted points of what you need an answer

9:30

to. If it doesn't need an, if nothing in the email

9:33

required answers, the email never meant

9:35

to be sent.

9:36

If you need

9:37

sizes, preferences on

9:39

time, sure. But like

9:41

think to yourself, if there's nothing you need a response

9:44

to, then there's no reason to send a message in the first.

9:49

Okay. I'm already out.

9:51

This group chat is made by the maid of

9:53

honor, Natasha. Natasha

9:56

is Mila's future sister-in-law. Oh

10:00

no, it can't be that close.

10:02

No, I know she wants to get in good

10:04

with the other family, but the future in sister-in-law

10:07

is never, there's no way you're that close. There's

10:10

no way. Oh, she

10:12

chose her over one of her best friends or

10:14

her siblings. That's an mistake. And

10:16

Natasha has like a real Hey

10:19

Ladies vibe in this group

10:21

chat, right? It's like, Hey ladies, so

10:23

happy we're all here. Can't wait to celebrate Mila,

10:26

da, da, da, da, right? Like this

10:28

WhatsApp message is just like blinking

10:31

all the time. Like here on

10:33

the phone is like a light just 24

10:36

seven. No, I would have immediately

10:38

sent a message like, Hi guys, I'm so sorry

10:40

with my job. I'm not able to take on any

10:42

more mass communication, but please

10:45

email me anything that requires a response

10:48

and I'll get back to you within 24 hours. And

10:50

then you leave the group. Yes. Boundary.

10:53

I love that you're like the boundary here is

10:56

I shan't be in this group. I think that that's

10:58

correct and good. This

11:00

group is just like it means it's all

11:03

sorts of bullshit. Finally,

11:05

they start talking about the bachelorette party. And

11:08

Karen's like, Okay, this is relevant to me.

11:10

They start discussing like, where do we want to

11:13

go? People are throwing out little

11:15

options, right? They're like, Do we want

11:17

to go to Nashville? Do we want to go to Los

11:19

Angeles? Do we want to go abroad?

11:22

Never go to Los Angeles. It's not a bachelorette

11:24

town.

11:25

They decide that they are going to go to

11:28

a city that we will not

11:30

name in Western Europe. It's on

11:32

the water. It's like very

11:34

beautiful, old little cobbled

11:36

streets. These are American women, right?

11:39

Yes. I'm not a

11:41

fan of bachelorettes that require a passport.

11:44

I think that's a lot to ask people.

11:46

I mean, I get it though. But

11:49

people's budgets don't be the same. But you know what, 25 of

11:52

you, I don't know, getting 25 bitches

11:54

through customs, shit can go wrong. That's a lot.

11:59

This is expensive. This is difficult

12:02

to get to. This is now like a whole

12:04

thing. But she's like, I'm not going to say anything.

12:06

Like, this is the hell I signed up for. I

12:08

love my new home in hell. Natasha's

12:11

in charge. She's making all these plans.

12:13

She's like sending spreadsheets, sending

12:16

listings for the house they're going to stay in, sending

12:19

the dates for people to choose from. So Kieran

12:21

buys her

12:22

ticket. Once she

12:24

has bought her ticket, she mutes the group

12:26

text.

12:27

And she starts treating this group text as

12:29

like her nightly entertainment, where at

12:31

the end of the workday, she will sit down and scroll

12:34

the group text, and then be like, that's enough.

12:37

I'm done. That's responsible.

12:39

That's a responsible way to handle that. Every

12:42

day, she picks up her phone, and it's like 25, 26, 27 messages

12:44

minimum. Oh,

12:47

especially when someone has an Android,

12:50

and so it's like so and so hard and oh

12:53

my god. One

12:56

day, about a month before the trip, she's

12:58

like, OK, I'm done with work. It's time for my nightly entertainment,

13:00

reading this group thread. And she

13:02

picks up her phone, and it has one message. And

13:06

she's like, that's really weird. Like, very

13:08

strange that there would only be one message in this group.

13:11

She clicks in, and the message is from Mila.

13:15

And it says, and I quote, hey, Besties,

13:17

wedding is off. I don't want to talk about it. Ah.

13:23

Wedding is off. I don't want to talk about

13:26

it. Well, what

13:28

are you going to do? What are you going to do?

13:31

That's my question for you. How do you respond to

13:33

this? I guess you ask

13:35

them. This

13:38

is what I would do. Yes, I

13:40

would reach out to Mila individually and be like,

13:43

hey, do you want

13:45

everyone but Natasha to

13:48

go

13:48

on a vacation with you

13:51

to

13:51

heal and get some dick waterside

13:53

in Europe?

13:55

Because that's the plan to meet. Obviously,

13:57

you don't want your ex-fiancé's. Sister

14:01

sister there. Yeah, but the rest

14:03

of us we bought a ticket. So

14:07

That's what I would do. Let's heal Here

14:10

he's like to heal. Let's use my airplane

14:12

ticket to Europe, please Yes

14:16

Cures like she knows

14:18

that this is the kind of couple that has one big

14:20

blow-up fight a year So she's

14:22

like, okay. Do I take this

14:24

seriously or not is her first question.

14:26

She's like, is it April 1st? It is not April

14:29

1st. So she's like, okay. I don't think this is a joke She

14:31

goes to Instagram and the fiance

14:34

has been like scrubbed off of Mila's

14:36

Instagram Audio

14:38

medium they can't see your eyes Y'all

14:42

I'm shocked my eyes bugged out

14:44

and I just buckled in for more Caring

14:48

decides like okay Mila is my friend.

14:50

I care about Mila She doesn't want to talk

14:52

about it But like I'm gonna text her

14:54

on the side right like a straight text to Mila

14:56

that just says like I'm here if you need Me

14:59

hope you're okay Yep. There

15:01

you go. She hears nothing back for four days.

15:04

I would have pulled up on Mila. I would have gone to her house Yeah,

15:07

I would have to after four days. She received

15:09

a text for Mila directly to her that

15:11

says hey girlie exclamation point So

15:14

weird, but the wedding is back on irritated

15:17

my nostrils flared I'm

15:21

gonna describe my facial expression Ciaran

15:25

is like what? Why

15:28

are all these things happening via text one? Two

15:32

why did you tell us the wedding was off if it wasn't like

15:34

absolutely we canceled the deposit

15:36

off

15:37

that's crazy,

15:38

but she's like

15:40

She's texting like do you want to talk about

15:42

it and Mila's like? No,

15:45

everything's fine Ciaran

15:47

goes to Mila's Instagram and the fiance has

15:49

returned to the feet. This is

15:51

crazy. I expression of confusion Yeah,

15:54

she's like Mila. Do you want to go

15:56

out for drinks? like

15:59

What if we went out for drinks? And Mila's

16:02

like, oh my God, yeah, I'd love to go out for drinks. So

16:04

they go out for drinks and Kieran's like trying to push,

16:07

trying to like be gentle, but be like,

16:09

what happened? Yes, I

16:11

deserve an answer at this point. Yeah, and

16:13

Mila's like, oh, we just got

16:16

like into a really big fight, but we worked it out,

16:18

like it's okay. And Kieran like

16:20

cannot get anything else out of her.

16:23

That's crazy, I'd be so irritated,

16:25

no.

16:26

Yeah, she goes up that night after their drinks and she's like

16:28

super irritated. The next

16:30

day she gets a text

16:31

from Mila

16:32

and it's like, hey

16:35

babe, I'm about to text the group and tell everyone

16:37

that the wedding is back on. But

16:39

Natasha and I have had a bit of a falling

16:42

out, so she's not gonna be the maid of honor anymore,

16:44

obviously. You

16:46

and I have such a long history and I admire

16:48

you so much and you were so kind to me at our

16:51

drinks the other night. I would love to have you stand next

16:53

to me as my maid of honor if you're willing.

16:56

Ooh, that is, I mean, how,

16:59

they're really close, right? Yes.

17:02

Okay, okay.

17:03

If this is like one of my closest friends and I kind

17:05

of expected to be maid of honor instead of her sister,

17:08

then I rip.

17:09

It depends on the relationship. If I'm like, eh,

17:13

that's a lot to ask. I think an important clarification

17:15

though is that they're like high school friends. Okay,

17:18

so they know each other, okay.

17:21

I would ask to be part of like a maid of honor

17:23

committee because it's like, if

17:25

you have 24 best friends,

17:27

then realistically, four of

17:29

us are your closest friends. And

17:31

you're really like, you have a basketball team as

17:37

a best friend. Yeah, I would say

17:39

about fifth of the, you know what I mean?

17:41

Because the average bridal party size is about like five

17:43

to eight and you pick like

17:45

when bride made in that scenario. So

17:48

how about three

17:50

to four maid of honors? I love

17:53

this plan. Kieran though is

17:55

like kind of flattered. She's like, oh,

17:57

it's like really nice

17:58

that she wants me to be the maid of honor.

17:59

and I know she's having a really hard time. And

18:02

so she's like, yes.

18:04

And Mila's like,

18:07

great.

18:07

I'll tell everybody that the wedding is back on.

18:09

Like I'm going to text the group now. Mila

18:12

texts the group and it's like, so sorry for the confusion.

18:14

Hope nobody like had a hard time. The

18:16

wedding is back on. I'm super happy. Thank

18:18

you all so much. Everyone in this group

18:20

texts is like, yay, yay, yay. They're

18:23

like sending hearts. They're sending gifts.

18:25

They're all like very happy after

18:28

that Mila texts Kieran and it's like,

18:30

Hey, can you text the group message

18:32

and just remind them about the bachelorette

18:34

trip and like that they need to be like looking

18:37

forward to that. This will be the first

18:39

text since like all of those yay messages.

18:41

How do you want to handle this?

18:45

You're the maid of honor now. I'm

18:49

sorry, but I'm going to nicely tell her that

18:51

she needs to give them an explanation and an apology

18:54

because like

18:56

people might've gotten their money back. If she,

18:58

if you said wedding off my very first thought is

19:01

let me get $5,000 back

19:03

for however much I spent on this. You know what I

19:06

mean? And honestly, I

19:09

would say that it's kind of inappropriate to still

19:11

have the, I

19:13

mean, I don't know how much time is passed between

19:15

these interactions, but I would try,

19:18

if I was a bride, I would try to like maybe plan

19:20

something a little bit more like localized.

19:24

So probably know what I mean? But yeah,

19:26

like just rent a mansion and have a sleep over

19:29

and thank everyone for their time. Cause I don't

19:31

know. I'd be,

19:31

that's a lot to ask people to pay

19:33

for a fancy truck. I think people

19:36

it. I think that you're assuming though that these

19:38

are normal people and if

19:40

they were those people,

19:41

we would not have this story. So

19:44

that's absolutely not what's going to

19:46

happen here.

19:47

What happens here

19:49

is that Kieran is like, okay, in

19:51

her brain, she's like, I'm happy to coordinate

19:54

all of this, but like, I don't have any of

19:56

the information. Tasha has all of

19:58

the information. So she has to text

20:01

Natasha. I'd be like Natasha, can you give me

20:03

access to all the like Google

20:05

Docs?

20:07

Even though the bride had a falling out?

20:09

Yes.

20:10

Yikes. And Natasha's like,

20:12

sure, period. Okay.

20:15

But she does give her access. So that's great. Mature.

20:18

Karen's like, okay, she texts the group

20:20

text. She's like, basically, I'm

20:22

in charge now I am the captain now.

20:25

We will miss Natasha coordinating

20:28

plans to go to Western Europe. Can't wait

20:30

to see you all like let's coordinate when everyone's

20:33

arriving. And everyone is like, what?

20:36

What happened to Natasha? Karen's like, see you soon.

20:39

Oh

20:44

my gosh.

20:46

Are you ready to go

20:49

on this weekend bachelorette

20:52

trip to Europe? No,

20:54

I already got my money back and I left. And

20:57

if I'm bad for at 21, 22, 23, you won't miss me. We're

21:02

good. You're not though you're

21:04

Karen.

21:05

Oh, I'm Karen. I'm ready

21:08

to go. That's my girl.

21:21

So the past couple of months, every time I've

21:23

asked one of my friends where they've gotten some cute little

21:26

thing that they're wearing, they say the same thing.

21:28

It doesn't matter if they're wearing a sundress that has 10 fish

21:31

on it or like an adorable denim

21:33

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21:35

me that they've gotten these pieces of clothing from newly

21:38

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23:42

Ciaran is flying with Mila,

23:45

and their flight lands in Europe like 20

23:47

minutes before

23:48

the flight of one of these

23:50

clumps. We will call one of these clumps the Book Club

23:52

clump, because they all know Mila

23:55

from Book Club.

23:56

Okay. So, Ciaran and Mila wait

23:58

at the airport. She's like, okay, we're gonna

24:00

get the five girls from book club, and then we're all going to get into

24:02

like a giant car and we'll drive

24:04

to our like rental house. It'll be great. They're

24:07

waiting a baggage claim waiting for the girlies.

24:10

They get through customs. They're walking

24:12

up but Kieran is like counting and she's

24:14

like that's there's six girls in this

24:16

group not five.

24:18

That's weird. So she's meeting them. She's like,

24:20

Hello, hello, hello, hello. Hello.

24:22

One of them younger than everyone else

24:24

is like, Hi, I'm Natasha. It's so nice to

24:26

meet you.

24:27

What?

24:30

Natasha still goes. Natasha

24:33

is apparently still going. She's here.

24:35

Okay.

24:37

What do you want to do? I

24:40

don't care. Whatever. I mean,

24:43

if she's still married this man then that's still his

24:46

sister. Yeah. So whatever

24:48

falling out they had, they have to get over it because

24:50

they're going to spend the rest of their lives together.

24:52

So this is the beginning.

24:54

Let's break the gap. Yeah.

24:56

Kieran is like, I'm fine

24:58

with her being here obviously but like I wish

25:01

Mila had told me. Yeah.

25:04

So she pulls Mila aside and it's like, Hey,

25:06

like why is Natasha here? And

25:09

Mila's like, she's his

25:10

sister. And

25:12

Kieran's like, I've got that part

25:14

but like, why didn't you tell anyone that

25:16

she was still coming? And Mila's

25:19

like, of course she's still coming. She's his sister.

25:21

Kieran's

25:23

like, okay, sure. Mila's

25:26

weird, dude. They

25:29

all go get in this van. And

25:31

you know, it's like tight because there are like eight

25:34

of them. They drive to the rental house

25:36

and like no rental house in the world is

25:38

big enough for 25 people unless you're renting

25:40

like a castle. Yeah.

25:43

So the way they have planned to do this, you know, this is

25:45

one of those houses that's made for a ton of people to stay in

25:47

it. So there's like two or three beds in every

25:49

room. There's some bunk beds, whatever. What

25:52

they've decided to do is that everyone will sleep in a room

25:54

based on how they know Mila. Okay,

25:57

Mila gets her own room because of her special.

26:00

weekend. And Kieran and

26:02

Tasha are both sleeping on couch beds in

26:04

common rooms.

26:05

Okay.

26:06

Because they are not part of a group. Each group

26:09

that arrives has like their own little

26:11

brand, their own little way of behaving.

26:14

The book club girls are here with us, they have immediately

26:16

opened wine. Love them. They're talking

26:18

about dates. They're talking about apps. They're talking about everything.

26:22

The next group to arrive is the sorority sisters.

26:25

I knew she was a sorority. I was like, that's the only

26:27

way to excuse how high this

26:30

number, this number got fast. Big fast.

26:32

Yes. So it's in her pledge class. There's 10 of

26:34

them. There's a bunch of them. Yeah, they

26:37

show up. They're like, bubbly.

26:39

They all look incredible, despite

26:42

having just been on like a giant flight

26:44

across the ocean. They all have

26:46

like 16 lookages with them. The

26:49

next group to arrive are the jocks. Mila

26:52

played tennis in college. And so

26:55

all of these like tennis girls are here

26:57

now. Okay. Jocks are not

26:59

chatty. They show up, they like

27:01

put their weird duffel bags in

27:03

their room. And like a soccer ball

27:05

emerges from somewhere.

27:07

Okay.

27:09

The last group

27:10

to arrive are the doctors. Mila is

27:12

a doctor. So these are people who work

27:14

with her being a doctor. They

27:16

are the last to arrive and they are

27:19

plastered from

27:21

the time they get there.

27:23

I love this. What is a classic

27:25

mix? Kieran is like I

27:27

have so much to do. I need to get everyone ready.

27:30

We have stuff to do today. It's our first day here.

27:32

And she's also like, this is weird because all

27:34

of these groups like don't know each other. I don't know

27:37

any of them. I'm like a little

27:38

on the outs.

27:40

So everybody gets ready. They like walk around, they

27:42

see some sites, they go out to dinner, they're

27:45

seated at like a one of those giant long tables

27:47

with candles. Everyone's

27:49

talking, they get like two glasses of wine in

27:51

them. Everyone's like trauma dumping. The

27:54

sorority girls are talking about their love lives. The jocks

27:57

are talking about their lost dreams. The doctors are

27:59

talking about hating their jobs. The book

28:01

club is talking about how they all feel alone.

28:06

Natasha is saying nothing.

28:08

Kieran is saying nothing.

28:12

Mila is

28:14

trying to help everyone solve every

28:16

problem. Oh that's wonderful.

28:19

Because this is the kind of friend she is. So there are 25 people

28:22

here who all have an issue and she's like okay

28:24

but like what if you did this? Like

28:27

have you considered like this? I bet

28:29

you none of these people really know Mila. She's

28:33

like holding everyone's hand. That's

28:36

amazing. Finally after like

28:38

hours of this someone is like Mila

28:41

stop it. Like this is your bachelorette.

28:43

You're supposed to be like doing tequila

28:46

shots. Like we are not let's stop

28:48

doing group therapy. Stop trying to help

28:50

everyone. Have fun.

28:52

And Mila's like but I love all of you. I want to

28:55

help.

28:56

And Kieran's like you can help everyone later.

28:59

And everyone is like wow it's

29:02

so nice that Mila wants to help us. So

29:04

now everyone is talking about how much they love

29:06

Mila. Everyone is crying. Mila

29:09

is crying.

29:09

A good

29:11

bachelorette should involve a little crying.

29:13

Like a little. A little bit.

29:16

Yeah like I my older

29:18

sister gave this beautiful toast at her

29:20

bachelorette party about how much she loved all of

29:22

us and how she never thought she was going to get married

29:24

and it was great. At my bachelorette party I got

29:27

punched in the head. Really

29:33

like, really

29:36

like, Sixth Street, Bar

29:39

Louie. This dude was fist

29:41

bumping and he just punched the back of my head.

29:43

And he was instantly so fucking sorry.

29:46

And my eyes just like watered like

29:48

crazy because he's grown man. And my ears

29:50

were ringing

29:53

and it was horrible.

29:59

But honestly I. I kind of deserved it because

30:02

moments earlier, this girl tried

30:05

to like cut the line and I

30:07

said, get the fuck back Belma. Cause

30:10

I thought she was dressed as Belma from Scooby

30:12

Doo and it was just her clothes. Oh

30:14

my God. I really

30:16

hurt her feelings. So you karma

30:18

at yourself and they get a little touched in that. I did

30:21

karma that head touch. So yeah.

30:24

But a little crying, that's every bachelorette

30:26

party. Every bachelorette's a little crying for

30:28

sure. Yeah. They

30:30

like go home kind of early on Friday night because

30:32

everyone is jet lagged and

30:35

has been crying. And so they're like, we'll

30:37

just drink at the house. We can go to sleep tomorrow's

30:40

our day to go out.

30:41

It is now Saturday, 8

30:43

a.m. Kieran is

30:45

awoken because someone in the

30:47

kitchen has popped a champagne cork. 8 a.m.

30:50

No. 8 a.m. Kieran's

30:53

like, okay, great. So we're going

30:55

off today. We're getting up early. Everyone's

30:58

waking up. And she's

31:00

like, this is fine. We do have a lot to do. I can be

31:02

a mimosa. Let's go. The

31:04

plan for today is to see the city. They

31:07

get up, they get going. The city, as they're

31:09

getting closer and closer to the downtown area,

31:12

smells smoky. Okay.

31:15

And they're like, that's kind of weird. There

31:17

are paper lanterns and streamers

31:20

hanging everywhere on these little

31:23

cobbled streets. All the girls

31:25

are taking pics of each other. They're like,

31:27

lean against that door. Put your right foot

31:29

forward, right? Like cock your hips. I

31:32

love it. So cute. But

31:34

this means it takes forever for them to get downtown because

31:36

they have to stop in like every cute doorway.

31:38

And there are 25 of them. Oh.

31:41

Yeah. They get closer and closer into

31:44

the like downtown area. And

31:46

Kieran's like, oh my God, it smells like fish.

31:49

Like it smells like fish and like

31:51

basil, maybe.

31:54

They get down there and there are sardines

31:57

everywhere. Gross.

31:59

This is like a sardine

32:02

festival that

32:04

happens in the city that no one in

32:06

this bachelorette party

32:06

knew was coming. So there are

32:08

like little booths filled

32:11

with sardine stuff.

32:12

Art of sardines, sardines

32:14

on toast, sardines on dust,

32:17

sardines everywhere. The groups

32:19

respond differently to this. The

32:22

sorority is afraid

32:24

of sardines. They are terrified. They

32:26

hate this. The jobs

32:29

are housing sardines. They're just eating

32:31

as many sardines as they can get their hands on. It's

32:34

a protein, man. Exactly. That's

32:37

protein baby game season. The

32:40

book club has a couple

32:42

girls in it who don't speak the language

32:44

of this country but speak Spanish. And

32:46

so they're trying to ask questions and communicate

32:48

with people. The doctors are

32:51

eating a few sardines casually. Curen

32:54

is like, okay, this seems fun.

32:57

We don't have to do all the things on this list. We can

32:59

just hang out here for a little bit. But

33:02

she can tell that Natasha is mad that

33:04

she's been like, oh, these other things we're going to do, we're

33:07

now not going to do because one,

33:09

a lot of stuff is closed because it's a special sardine

33:11

day for some reason. And two, there's

33:13

a lot of sardine activities to do. People

33:18

are like, there's sardine shit everywhere.

33:21

At this point, the jocks buy

33:24

sardine hats that

33:26

are like, they go on your head like a regular

33:28

hat, but it's like the face of a sardine

33:30

fish pointing up so that it's

33:33

nothing above your head. So

33:35

it's like shaped like a pope hat, basically. It

33:38

makes so much sense because they love

33:40

team colors. They're like,

33:43

we're on team sardine. We have purpose.

33:45

It makes sense. Yes. The

33:48

rest of this trip, the jocks are wearing these sardine

33:50

hats.

33:51

They love them.

33:52

They're like, we know a

33:54

bit when we see one and we will be riding this one

33:56

to death. Like we love it. I

33:59

love it. The whole

34:01

time, Natasha's like, aren't we gonna go to this? Aren't

34:03

we gonna go to that? And Kieran's like,

34:06

no. People are having

34:08

fun. We only paid for one activity

34:10

and that is this afternoon. So

34:13

we can hang around, we can do stuff. The

34:16

afternoon's adventure is sailboat. It

34:18

is like Princess Diaries core, right? Like

34:21

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants is the part where Rory goes

34:23

to Greece, right? Like they get into

34:26

the water and like go around the city

34:28

and look at everything and it's like

34:29

beautiful.

34:31

Shiny water, perfect breeze.

34:34

They have their little light jackets on, they're taking photos.

34:37

The jocks are still wearing their sardine hats. They're

34:39

like posing next to the water, it's great. Adult

34:42

jocks sound really exhausting, but

34:45

also very fun. Yeah, it's like

34:47

being around a bunch of teen boys. Like,

34:50

what do you do if you're good at sports, but

34:52

then there's no success path for you as an

34:54

adult, which. You

34:56

buy a sardine hat and have a good time, I

34:58

guess.

35:00

Everything is going great until a book

35:03

club begins vomiting. The

35:05

sorority girls are like holding back her hair.

35:08

Oh. Everyone is like, oh no. Now

35:11

Mila is vomiting. The

35:14

water is too choppy. People

35:16

are becoming seasick. Many

35:18

people are vomiting off the side of

35:21

the boat. Oh, because they're full of sardines.

35:23

Because they're full of sardines. Oh, God.

35:26

Sardines, part two, sardines return

35:28

to the ocean. Like, it's bad. Oh,

35:32

no. The jocks

35:34

are fine. So

35:37

they're like patting everyone on the back to be like,

35:39

you're gonna be okay, buddy.

35:41

So instead of doing another activity

35:43

after sailing, Kieran is like, we're gonna

35:45

go back to the house. Everyone

35:47

is gonna take a little nap, drink

35:50

some water.

35:52

Be calm.

35:52

Kieran's right. Tonight's big activity

35:55

is like a giant dinner. So everyone takes

35:57

their nap. Everyone gets ready. They

35:59

go out to this like... beautiful space. It's like

36:02

huge stone walls, candle

36:04

lit, ornate tiles everywhere. The

36:07

vibes

36:08

are atrocious

36:10

because the doctors are hungover, the

36:12

club girls are hangry.

36:15

Oh no. The jocks

36:17

are like

36:18

wearing their sardine hats but they're also sunburned.

36:22

The sorority girls are the only ones that

36:24

are fine. They in fact look better somehow.

36:28

But this dinner is a prefix

36:30

menu and the first courses

36:32

come out and they

36:33

are sardines.

36:37

No one is happy except

36:40

for the jocks who are very happy. Mila

36:42

is unhappy. If you're Kieran, do

36:44

you do something here? I gotta

36:47

make sure Mila is happy. So I

36:49

figure out what would make Mila happy. If you're unhappy

36:51

with everyone being in a bad mood because

36:53

we can't fix that. If you're unhappy when

36:55

eating sardines because we can maybe fix that. What

36:58

do we do? So you ask

36:59

Mila and you're like why are you unhappy

37:01

and Mila is like I cannot eat another sardine.

37:04

Okay fixable. Fixable.

37:07

I talked to the chef, see if there's anything not sardine

37:10

available. Yes Kieran is like let

37:12

me talk to someone. She goes she's like hi

37:14

is there any way that we could get some courses that aren't

37:17

sardine? As a waiter

37:19

it's sardine festival weekend. And

37:22

Kieran is like yeah yeah yeah I totally understand

37:25

that. I respect it. I love sardines.

37:28

But could we have some dishes without

37:30

sardines? I wonder if this is like one of those

37:32

very Google things. It certainly

37:35

is.

37:35

Like anybody who would

37:37

know if you visit this country this

37:40

time the sardines rule

37:42

this city.

37:44

Yes. But the waiter is like fine.

37:47

I'll get you some courses that aren't sardines.

37:49

So Mila is now happy because some

37:52

like land meat has emerged.

37:55

Everyone is eating. Everyone is starting to feel

37:57

better and better. The vibes are increasing

37:59

because

37:59

because it's like we have been

38:01

fed something that is not sardine. The

38:04

plan for after dinner is club. Okay.

38:07

Do you want to go to club?

38:09

How old am I?

38:11

Probably early 30s.

38:14

Honestly, no, because I heard in

38:16

Europe club age is like 16. So

38:21

I'm not trying to be like you remember that entire season

38:23

of Jersey

38:23

Shore, where they kept

38:24

being like, she's too young for you bro. And

38:27

they were like 27. Yeah,

38:29

so I'm 34.

38:32

And I'm about to be in the club with 16

38:34

year olds. No, ma'am.

38:37

That's how Kieran feels to not about the 16 year olds,

38:39

but just about she's like, I'm exhausted. I've

38:41

been here emotional labor all day. Everyone

38:43

is very sleepy. Everyone is like being weird.

38:47

I think we should just go back to the house and

38:49

drink there. So she offers to

38:51

the group. She's like, Hey, I know that we've had a long day

38:53

and like the vomiting was rather unexpected.

38:56

Does anybody want to go back to the house? Like

38:58

that's totally an option. Okay.

39:01

Everyone else is like, no, we want

39:04

go to club rally. Okay. They

39:07

go to the club. It

39:09

is like immediately like

39:11

oons, oons, oons, oons, oons.

39:14

Okay. Lighter

39:15

purple. Everyone's drinking. Okay.

39:22

I'm in the mood of mint. Okay. Kieran

39:24

is

39:25

like within minutes of being in the club

39:27

is like, I feel better. Like the face

39:29

like enters her bloodstream and makes

39:31

her brain soft. So

39:33

she's like, this is great. There

39:35

are like two groups,

39:37

the sorority girls and the doctors

39:40

and Mila and Natasha are dancing. The

39:44

book club girls are like hanging out

39:46

by the bar loitering, talking, flirting. The

39:49

jocks still wearing their sardine hat are

39:51

doing shots. I

39:53

love it. Which group do you want to go

39:55

with? Okay. I

39:59

don't think I should go with this.

39:59

I can hang with the jacks.

40:01

I'm worried the book club girls

40:03

are gonna wanna talk about something serious, screaming

40:06

in my ear, smelling like sardines. I

40:09

hate when someone's trying to have a real conversation as far.

40:12

So there's another group, right? The

40:14

dancers, everybody's dancing. I

40:17

wanna dance. You're going

40:19

to dance with somebody.

40:22

Mila's also with the dancers, so Kieran's like,

40:24

I wanna dance

40:25

too.

40:26

Like, that's my girl,

40:27

I'm gonna go be with her. It'll be

40:29

fun. Yeah. It's

40:31

so fun. Kieran's having a great time. Mila's

40:34

sweaty, everyone's sweaty. Kieran's

40:37

like dancing with some guy wearing capri pants.

40:39

Like, it's going great. Oh

40:42

yeah. At some point Mila is like, I

40:44

need another drink. And Kieran's like, okay. Mila

40:47

goes to the bar. Kieran watches

40:49

her order a drink. She's dancing.

40:51

She watches Mila talk to the book club. And

40:54

then suddenly Mila runs out of

40:56

the club. Okay. Kieran is

40:58

like, huh. She's

41:01

like, I need another drink anyway. Like,

41:04

I'll go to the bar. I'll find out what's going

41:06

on here. Like maybe she just went outside for some air.

41:09

So she goes to the bar, she goes up to book club and she's like,

41:11

book club,

41:12

what's up? Where's

41:14

Mila? And book club's like, oh, she

41:16

ran away. She ran away.

41:19

Kieran's like,

41:20

what? And

41:23

the book club is like, oh yeah, she's a runner.

41:26

She's a track star. Kieran's like,

41:29

what? And

41:32

the book club's like, oh, did you not know this? Like this,

41:34

Mila's just like, she's the type of girl that she

41:36

gets drunk and she runs away. No,

41:39

I'm sorry. That's unacceptable

41:41

personality to be after like

41:43

age 25. And it's unacceptable

41:46

in a place that requires a passport.

41:49

Because

41:49

you can run away without your identification

41:51

and end up in a jail.

41:52

Like no, you

41:54

know,

41:55

unacceptable.

41:56

That is exactly how Kieran feels. Kieran's like, thank God

41:59

we're leaving tomorrow. I'm so sick

42:01

of this shit. She's like, why did

42:03

she run though?

42:05

And the book club is like, Oh, who knows? She

42:07

just runs.

42:08

And the jocks are like, nah, they were

42:11

fighting.

42:12

Like what?

42:15

Apparently what happened is Mila wanted the book

42:17

club to dance.

42:19

Okay. Fair.

42:20

The book club didn't want to dance because

42:23

they're nerds because they're nerds

42:25

and they were made fun of in middle school.

42:27

Yeah. And some of them knocked their glasses off. It's very,

42:29

somebody's going to call him Velma.

42:34

So it all circles back.

42:39

One of the book club girls like jokingly

42:42

is like my trauma about

42:44

like being on a dance floor. Another one

42:46

of the book club girls jokingly is

42:48

like, yeah, we all have traumas. Like maybe

42:50

you got to have trauma to be friends with Mila. Mila

42:54

did not like this

42:55

joke. Oh,

42:58

she immediately starts arguing with the

43:00

book club about how like the trauma

43:02

of someone being mean to

43:03

you on a dance floor is not the same as like other

43:06

kinds of trauma.

43:07

Oh, okay. So she's a

43:09

little too drunk to have a sense of humor right now. She's taking

43:12

stuff literally. Okay.

43:13

And one of the book club girls is like, yeah,

43:16

like,

43:17

of course there are levels of trauma, but

43:19

like trauma is trauma. And

43:21

Mila's like, I know, but like, this is

43:23

a safe space. You're with a safe group. I'm

43:26

trying to help you. I feel that

43:28

I I'm putting myself in Mila's shoes

43:30

and it's like all I want is for everyone to have a good

43:32

time. Yeah. And I feel like part of my

43:35

group

43:35

just won't give in.

43:36

Yeah. Then that would hurt my feelings. Yeah.

43:39

Although running was not the solution.

43:41

The book club is like, we understand

43:43

that you're trying to help, but we're not asking

43:45

to be helped. Valid. Like we're

43:48

asking you to understand.

43:50

And honor that we're weirdos. Got

43:52

it.

43:53

And Mila said, I do understand. And

43:55

then she yelled, I am an empath.

43:58

And then she ran away.

44:01

Oh my god, okay astrologically,

44:04

what do we think Mila is real quick? Ooh,

44:08

it feels very cancerous. Yes,

44:10

sir. Yeah. I

44:13

think she does feed off everyone having

44:15

problems around her. Yeah, she kind of

44:17

loves it. She wants to be the mama bear. But

44:20

then the running when called out on it. Yeah,

44:22

it feels real cancer-adjacent. So

44:25

now we have chaos because

44:29

Mila does not have a key to the rental.

44:32

Mila does have a phone, but

44:35

she has turned off her find my

44:36

friends for everyone.

44:38

Some of them have cell service and some of them

44:41

don't. So like the

44:43

divide in this group is some people are

44:45

very worried and are like, call

44:48

the police. See, like this girl

44:50

is dead. And some people

44:52

are like, I'm not worried at all. We

44:54

should probably just buy an air tag for Mila

44:56

so we know where she is. Jesus

44:59

Christ. Which turning off your find my friends

45:01

is petty petty. Yes, I don't

45:03

like that

45:03

at all. That's actually super

45:06

fucked up. That's emotionally

45:08

that's kind of abusive. What do you want to do here?

45:11

Cut her the fuck out. You

45:13

don't know where she is. I don't like that

45:15

shit. That is that really puts

45:17

me in a bad head. Oh, I'm

45:20

a little triggered. I'm super triggered. I'm like, oh, I'm

45:26

too anxious for people who aren't communicative.

45:29

And I just learned to be like, you know what? If

45:31

your style is avoidant, I have to avoid

45:34

you because my style is what's

45:36

the opposite of avoidant

45:38

and anxiously attached. You know,

45:42

I'm hearing what

45:44

do I do in this situation?

45:46

Just go back to the house.

45:48

So somebody's there when she gets there because she doesn't

45:50

know how to get inside. I leave the girls

45:52

in their groups

45:54

and we go home because what

45:54

are we going to do? Like

45:56

walk through the streets of Italy trying to find

45:58

her. Yeah, they decide. it

46:00

split

46:00

up. Okay, that's a horror movie.

46:03

We'll go off. We will spend the

46:05

book club and the jocks who aren't dancing anyway

46:08

back to the rental. They will wait

46:10

there in case Mila shows up there. Everyone

46:13

else will stay here at the club

46:16

in case she comes back and

46:18

also because we don't want to

46:20

leave. And we're

46:23

not worried.

46:24

Okay,

46:25

the book club and the jocks leave to

46:27

go home. All right. And Kieran

46:29

notices a

46:30

passport on the bar.

46:32

No.

46:33

And she's like, Oh my God, one of these book

46:35

club girls like left her passport here. So

46:38

irresponsible. She opens

46:40

it and it's Mila. Immediately

46:45

after opening it, she gets a text in

46:47

the WhatsApp. It's like Mila's back at the rental.

46:50

Okay, yay. Praise God.

46:52

Cool. So she's fine. What

46:54

do you do with this passport?

46:56

I just go to the rental and give it to her. Okay, that's

46:59

not what we're doing here.

47:00

That's a reasonable adult thing to do. Kieran

47:03

decides this is my passport

47:05

now. Oh my God. Kieran. Mila's

47:11

being irresponsible.

47:13

Mila doesn't even know this is missing

47:15

yet.

47:16

So Kieran's like, I'm going to keep it for her.

47:19

And I will give it to her tomorrow

47:21

when she realizes it's missing. Because

47:23

I think it's fucked up that she ran and I think it's fucked up that

47:25

she won't apologize for it.

47:27

And then she stays out dancing

47:32

with the other half of the group. I'm

47:34

mad at Kieran now. Kieran

47:37

is being a penny betty and I don't

47:39

like it.

47:40

Kieran

47:42

is an earth sign, probably a cap

47:44

report. And

47:47

she's hit a wall. She has no more

47:49

empathy left. No, she ran

47:51

out and now she's getting villainous. I don't like it. They

47:53

go back, they go to sleep. It's now Sunday.

47:56

Again, Kieran is woken up by the pop

47:58

of a champagne cork. She looks

48:01

up from the couch. It is a jock standing there in

48:03

a sardine hat.

48:04

She's like, great.

48:08

I keep imagining the jocks of like a

48:10

football jersey sardine hat. No fans. Yes. Exactly.

48:15

Yes. Ciaran

48:18

is so hungover. Everyone else somehow

48:20

seems fine. She's like, this

48:22

is a nightmare. But she's like, it's fine.

48:25

We're all out on a 2pm flight. Like, we're

48:27

gonna get it together. Do

48:31

you think that that'll be fine? How are you feeling? No,

48:33

absolutely not.

48:35

It wouldn't be a normal gossip

48:36

story if shit didn't go really

48:38

wrong. Yeah, things are about to

48:40

get worse. Everyone is out

48:43

on this on like 2pm, 3pm flights. So

48:45

the sorority girls are making waffles. The

48:47

book club girls and the doctors are packing. The

48:49

jocks are like tidying up. Okay.

48:53

The book club is like, everyone should make sure they have all their

48:55

stuff and are ready to go to the airport by 11. At

48:58

10am, Mila realizes her passport is missing.

49:00

She's freaking out.

49:02

Everyone else is like, oh no. And

49:05

she's like, we need to go back to the club. And

49:07

they're like, Mila, sweetie. It is 10am

49:10

on a Sunday. The club is closed.

49:12

Oh, damn. You're Ciaran, how long

49:14

do you let her panic? I tell her right then

49:16

and there, I've got it. I'm

49:18

responsible. And I

49:20

love you. Say thank you

49:22

to my muck. You know, whatever. Exactly.

49:26

Ciaran is like, I have your passport.

49:28

You left it on the bar.

49:30

Mila is like throwing herself around Ciaran.

49:32

She's like kissing her teeth. She's like, thank you so much.

49:34

And Ciaran's like, I'm not giving

49:35

this back to you yet. And Mila's like, what?

49:38

You

49:38

can't just say. Hello, you seem to be eating fast

49:41

forward. Hello,

49:43

embassy.

49:47

Ciaran is like, I'm not giving it back to you

49:49

yet because like you ran, you

49:51

made everyone panic and

49:54

then you didn't apologize.

49:56

That's some whole shit. And Mila's

49:58

like, I don't think everyone was panic.

49:59

the king, I think it's fine.

50:02

It was not fine. The rest

50:04

of the group is like gathering around. Everyone

50:06

is here except for sorority who is packing.

50:09

Good. Ciaran's like, raise

50:11

your hand if you were panicking. Everyone's

50:15

raising their hand. She personally

50:16

victimized by Mila's actions. Yes.

50:21

Oh, she's going to hate this. She's going to feel

50:23

like attacked. Yes. She's

50:25

like, apologize. And Mila is like,

50:28

I'll apologize when book club

50:30

apologizes to me for saying I didn't care

50:32

about her.

50:34

And book club is like, that's

50:35

not what I said, but I'll apologize

50:38

for

50:38

you understanding it that way. And

50:40

Mila's like, that's not an apology. Now

50:44

everyone is yelling. I thought

50:46

Natasha was going to need a problem and she has not been the

50:48

problem. A sorority girl comes out

50:50

of the room where she's packing and she's like, you guys, yelling,

50:53

yelling, yelling. No one can hear her. She's like, y'all.

50:56

No one's listening.

50:57

Finally, she's like, hello, everyone

50:59

stop. Everyone stops. Sorority

51:01

three is like,

51:03

we've got a little, uh, problems. Sorority four

51:05

has just tested positive for COVID.

51:08

Oh no. We are

51:10

now entering a dark era.

51:12

They're not getting on this plane. So

51:15

now we have a coordination nightmare, which is you need to

51:17

move all your flights, which are all booked separately.

51:20

And somehow try to stay in this house. The

51:22

rental needs to be extended and everyone

51:24

needs to test. Yeah,

51:27

this takes hours. They send one

51:29

of the jocks to the pharmacy for tests. The jocks comes

51:32

back with like 60 tests. Okay.

51:34

And the jocks are like, can you believe that these tests were like 20

51:36

euros total?

51:37

And everyone's like, that's great. Sure.

51:41

They all test.

51:43

The jocks are negative. Kieran,

51:46

negative. Doctors, positive.

51:49

Sorority, positive. Shit.

51:52

Natasha, negative.

51:55

Book club, negative.

51:57

Mila, positive.

51:59

Shit. What

52:01

do you want to do? I mean, the

52:04

safest thing to do is actually for

52:06

everyone to function like they're positive. Yeah.

52:08

And they just all quarantine together, which

52:11

is bad for everyone with a job. Oh, that's

52:14

bad. Mila bursts into tears.

52:17

This is bad. She's like, I didn't want to get

52:20

anyone sick. I don't want anyone to feel bad. Like

52:22

I'm so sorry that this messes

52:24

up everyone's

52:24

plans.

52:26

And everyone's like Mila, it's fine. Like you

52:28

didn't mean to do this. This is not your fault. Like,

52:31

we're all going to be fine. Yeah,

52:34

we don't know who got COVID from who unless

52:36

Mila knew she had COVID before

52:38

she went in. That's not a happy normal

52:40

gossip. I don't like that. No,

52:41

no, no. Everyone

52:43

who is positive is quarantining

52:45

in their rooms. Everyone

52:47

in the house is masking. Okay, the

52:49

doctors are like, if you're negative and you mask, like it'll

52:51

be fine. Whatever. Kieran is

52:54

like, I'm going to help figure this

52:56

out. I'm going to coordinate food being delivered.

52:58

I'm going to like, make sure there's enough people in

53:00

every room. I'm getting cold

53:03

meds. Like some people are

53:05

sick. Some people feel fine. They're

53:07

lucky. It's like a pretty mild strain. Everyone's

53:09

vaccinated. So it's like not the kind of thing

53:11

that's like going to decimate anyone.

53:14

The second day they're like getting

53:16

their shit together. They have one tiny

53:19

laundry machine. So they're like doing

53:21

loads and loads of laundry, hanging it out on the

53:23

balcony. All of the healthy people are

53:25

mad because they're like, we want to drink on the balcony.

53:28

Why are these clothes here? No

53:33

one can agree on food. And the

53:35

biggest problem is that Mila keeps

53:38

hearing someone say that they need something

53:40

and leaving her room to try and

53:42

help. And everyone's like, go back in there.

53:45

And she's like, I want to help. And they're like, you can't

53:47

help your positive stay in

53:49

your room. Oh, my gosh. Days

53:52

three and four things are getting darker.

53:55

Everyone is grumpy. The book

53:57

club snaps on a jock. It is like

53:59

take those. stupid fucking hats off. The

54:01

jocks are like, no. The

54:07

sorority orders food to the house, but only

54:09

for them. One of the book club girls

54:11

keeps demanding to talk to the delivery drivers

54:13

because she quotes speak Spanish, which is basically

54:15

the same language. And everyone's like, that's not

54:17

the same. And she's like, then how come I can communicate?

54:20

And they're

54:21

like, stop it.

54:25

Oh my gosh. By

54:27

the time this is like getting nearer

54:30

to the end, it is like life

54:32

story time, right? People are

54:34

so bored. They're telling everything

54:37

that has ever happened to them. The

54:39

people who are quarantined in rooms are like

54:41

pressed up against

54:42

the door trying to listen.

54:44

All the negative people

54:46

are in the living room. One of the book club girls

54:48

is telling this whole story about how she

54:51

wants her boyfriend to propose, but he won't

54:53

propose and he says he wants to, but they're

54:55

not making any progress, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's

54:57

just chiming in with their opinions on this. Natasha

55:00

is like, I think you should break up with him through

55:03

the door. Mila yells,

55:06

you just think everyone should break up. Now

55:10

it is very quiet. My

55:12

eyes bludged out in shock. Cause

55:17

I just put together that

55:19

Natasha is the reason

55:21

why Mila and her fiance broke up the

55:24

first time. What do you mean?

55:26

When she was like, sorry

55:27

guys, weddings off. Natasha said

55:29

some shit and that's why Mila broke

55:31

up with her brother for sure. Right?

55:34

Natasha yells back through the door. I don't

55:36

think everyone should break up. Just

55:38

some people. And

55:41

then Mila yells back through the door.

55:43

You told my fiance not to marry

55:45

me.

55:45

Petty,

55:48

petty,

55:50

petty, petty. What

55:52

happened next? It is

55:54

silent

55:55

in this rental for like five seconds

55:58

and then there is a roar

55:59

of every

55:59

everyone talking

56:00

at once. Oh, no. People

56:02

are yelling through the door, trying to say

56:05

stuff. Mila opens her door

56:07

to come out and everyone's like, no, back in

56:09

there.

56:11

People are yelling at each other. People are whispering.

56:14

It's like,

56:15

game over. And also everyone has a kind

56:17

of like frenzy that happens when you've been waiting

56:19

for the information on something for a while

56:22

and then you're given it, right? So everyone's like

56:24

all jittery. Oh, this is not for

56:27

Kieran. You've just realized like

56:30

basically why you were given

56:31

this made of honor job.

56:33

I'm just quiet. I

56:35

just wait to see what happens.

56:39

That is really nice of you. What Kieran

56:41

does is go up to the door that

56:43

Mila is behind and resign as made of honor.

56:46

Kieran

56:47

is nuts too.

56:50

And that's why Kieran

56:53

and Mila are friends.

56:55

Because they're really nutty. They're incredibly

56:58

reactive. When Kieran is upset,

57:00

she does nothing twice and she goes

57:03

for the jugular.

57:03

Why would she quit?

57:06

All action, no thoughts. Oh

57:08

my God, that was so thoughtless. Kieran

57:10

is like, you only asked me to do

57:12

this because like you

57:14

wanted someone to run this trip

57:17

for you. I

57:17

feel like you

57:19

didn't communicate with me at all. Like

57:21

had I known that this is the situation

57:23

of this trip, I would have been much

57:26

better capable of handling things. She's

57:28

like a friend to all as a friend to none. Like

57:30

everyone is quiet listening to her. Mila

57:33

through the door is like, Natasha

57:36

would have felt excluded if she couldn't come. Natasha

57:39

is shaking her head no.

57:41

Natasha would have been fine at all.

57:43

Kieran's like, this is not about that.

57:45

You're just really bad at boundaries.

57:49

Like you're creating a system in which

57:51

everyone has to do what you want because you

57:53

won't communicate with anyone. And

57:55

Mila's like, I can't help it if I just like want

57:57

people to have a good time. I'm just like a two. to

58:00

what people are feeling. I'm an impost. And

58:03

here it's like we all know that you're

58:05

an impost. But sometimes

58:07

being empathetic to everyone means that you're

58:09

not listening to the person who's talking to

58:11

you. I'm telling you right now that I feel taken

58:13

advantage of.

58:15

And then they all have to live in this

58:16

house for three more days. On the third day,

58:18

the people who are testing

58:20

negative

58:22

have

58:27

been testing negative for long enough that they're

58:29

allowed to leave. So Natasha, Kieran,

58:34

the Jocks and Book Club

58:36

leave. So

58:37

it's just Mila

58:39

and

58:39

sorority girls and doctors. I

58:43

think

58:43

the doctors are positive.

58:46

I know, but like, it is helpful to have

58:48

them there.

58:50

It might have been that the doctors brought it

58:52

technically. You never know where it came from. You

58:54

never know. Yeah. How

58:56

are you feeling? We are almost at the end. I

58:59

hate everybody involved. Except

59:02

for maybe the sorority girls. All they did was

59:04

show up, look cute and have a good

59:07

time. Like

59:09

they just did what they needed to do. They were there for

59:11

their girl. They had fun. I think

59:14

Kieran is messy boots too. And

59:17

I think Mila is messy boots. I think

59:20

Natasha is actually

59:21

a real one. She's consistent.

59:24

But maybe took on way too much. She

59:26

should have never been

59:27

the maid of honor. That was too much, especially

59:30

if she didn't think her brother should marry her. No,

59:32

she's messy boots for saying yes in the

59:34

first place. Yeah. All

59:36

of our main players are messy.

59:38

They are. They are messy. The

59:40

rest of what happens we learn from the group

59:43

text, because once all the negative

59:45

people leave, the only communication

59:47

they get from

59:48

the house occurs in the WhatsApp group.

59:50

And what they are really getting is a side group

59:52

text. So one of the doctors created

59:54

another group text to keep everyone informed

59:57

without Mila.

1:00:00

And what they learned in this group text

1:00:02

is that because everyone was positive, they could come out

1:00:04

of their rooms now because it's like

1:00:06

there's no one here to infect. Yeah.

1:00:09

And because of that, they were able to have a like

1:00:12

face to face come to Jesus meeting

1:00:14

with Mila where they were like, why are you

1:00:16

acting this way? Like, what is going on? They're

1:00:20

like, we think that you're you need to be less

1:00:22

worried about how your responses are received

1:00:24

in a situation and

1:00:25

be more worried about your responses

1:00:27

themselves. Okay.

1:00:30

And through this Mila was able to say, like, I

1:00:32

think I just got like really messed

1:00:34

up by this because like Natasha

1:00:37

told my fiance that we should break up. And

1:00:40

like the reason that she wanted

1:00:42

them to break up was that she said that like,

1:00:44

I wasn't like thinking about him ever.

1:00:47

And

1:00:48

Mila was like, I think that I'm always

1:00:50

thinking about him. I

1:00:51

wonder where she would get that idea from. Like, is it

1:00:54

coming from the brother or just for observation? Like,

1:00:56

oh, all you talk about is the

1:00:57

wedding. It's like, you know, people have this

1:00:59

thing where they go, like, they see a bride,

1:01:02

eating a bride and they go, oh, you care about it. The

1:01:04

wedding. I'm in bed with this man

1:01:06

every night. You don't actually see us like,

1:01:08

I don't know, as a bride who lost a bride made.

1:01:11

I've been in a position

1:01:12

where people look at you like all you care about his wedding. It's

1:01:14

like,

1:01:14

that's because that's all we need to talk about

1:01:16

right now. That's basically what

1:01:18

happened here is Natasha was like, you want to be

1:01:20

married more than you want to be married to him. And Mila was

1:01:22

like, I know we're just I'm just planning three days of

1:01:25

festivities for like 500 people. So

1:01:27

I'm very

1:01:27

busy. Yes. Then, of course,

1:01:30

the minute they like resolved whatever their

1:01:32

fight was about, he told me this.

1:01:35

So it created this like deep well of self-consciousness

1:01:38

in her that everyone

1:01:39

perceived her as not thinking

1:01:41

about them. Oh, my God. So

1:01:43

that's the thing is that's how we created the bride chilla

1:01:46

by victimizing women from sharing about

1:01:48

their wedding. Amazing. Like, oh, you're a bridezilla.

1:01:51

So now there's all these women who are like, sure,

1:01:54

whatever. It can start whenever.

1:01:56

And then you just create an endless loop

1:01:59

of communication.

1:01:59

because nobody wants to come off as tearing

1:02:02

too much about their wedding.

1:02:03

Listen, if you're a bride listening to this, do

1:02:05

whatever the fuck you want because people, you

1:02:08

cannot win. Just like as women, we exist

1:02:10

in a virgin whore dichotomy. As

1:02:12

brides, you're a bride-tilla or bride-zilla.

1:02:15

You can't make anybody happy. So get what you

1:02:17

want and get the damn eggplant

1:02:20

covered whatever fettuccine

1:02:22

dish you want because nobody will

1:02:24

be happy except you.

1:02:25

Yeah. That's great advice.

1:02:28

And I think that Mila could have used it. After

1:02:30

this, the group chat goes exactly back

1:02:32

to the way it was before where everyone is just

1:02:35

sending memes constantly. There

1:02:38

is no chatter. There is no conversation

1:02:40

anymore. It's like, great, we've handled that. It's over. Okay.

1:02:44

Coordination in earnest, like nothing happened. Kieran

1:02:47

did go to the wedding. She wasn't the maid of honor.

1:02:49

She was just a regular bridesmaid and she had

1:02:51

a great time.

1:02:53

It was a great fucking wedding.

1:02:55

Do you have any final takeaways? Final

1:02:58

takeaways. I

1:03:01

think everyone involved is messy boots. I

1:03:04

don't think your partner or siblings

1:03:06

should get to be maid of honor. Unless

1:03:10

in this situation where you married your best

1:03:12

friend's brother, it should not

1:03:14

be their sibling just because they're entering

1:03:16

the family. That was a terrible idea from the beginning.

1:03:21

I think international travel during COVID

1:03:23

was absolutely ridiculous and a terrible plan.

1:03:26

And I'm actually surprised some doctors were down with

1:03:28

that shit. I'm really surprised. Those are some

1:03:30

doctors that needed borders. I was

1:03:34

really disappointed in them. Truthfully,

1:03:37

I think everyone, except

1:03:39

for the sorority girls, were

1:03:42

just really a lot of let

1:03:44

downs. And

1:03:47

yeah, there should

1:03:47

be a cap on your friendship. It's

1:03:49

okay to not pick everyone.

1:03:51

Because I definitely think she looked at every

1:03:53

segment of her life and was like, these are my

1:03:56

doctor friends. So all of them go in.

1:03:58

These are my... Don't want to hurt

1:04:01

anyone's feelings.

1:04:02

Yeah. Yes, and it's like it's okay

1:04:04

to be like I'm more close to this one than this

1:04:06

way like there's no way you talk

1:04:09

to all ten girls you pledge Take

1:04:11

a cow at the same time with you know, like

1:04:14

it's okay to be like I'm actually

1:04:16

closer to Brady like

1:04:17

it's okay

1:04:19

This is what happens when you're when you're

1:04:21

afraid to ever hurt anyone you will

1:04:23

hurt everyone Yeah, I think that's

1:04:26

a great takeaway here. Thank

1:04:27

you Justin thank you

1:04:29

so much for coming on the show was a pleasure to

1:04:31

have

1:04:32

you always always

1:04:34

so much fun to you

1:04:43

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