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This is a Global Player original

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podcast.

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Hello and welcome to the bonus episode

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of my therapist goes to me with me, Bo Williams

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and she, Joanne McAlee. Sorry.

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Do you know what threw me? Do

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you know why I said McAlee? Because I was saying

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she and my mom has always said,

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don't call her she. Who's she? The cat's

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mother. And then so McAlee came

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in because I was thinking of cats. I

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love

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to get a breakdown of the thought process.

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You look gorge. You look gorge. Gorge.

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I'm in bright summer. Jo, you

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know the way. So I obviously.

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I basically bought Apple AirPods. Both

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give me shit for buying my AirPods off AliExpress

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or whatever. Right. So I'm

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into them.

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Listen, there's nothing wrong with a bargain, but the

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bargain has to work. Yeah, they don't

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work all the time. Yeah, but like sometimes

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they do. And it's exciting because you don't know if you're

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going to be able to hear something or not. When I hear

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this song, I love today. It's all

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it's very evil. Knievel, are you one of those people

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that goes around

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with her iPhone? Just blast and music

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and everyone's here because your friends don't work. I

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would in a hotel. I'd walk around jealous into a podcast.

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Anyway, so

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it's in Dublin airport and Vogue

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was giving me shit about not buying Apple pods. So

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I was like, OK, so I went in to buy them. Sorry, 300

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quid. Now, as

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a fellow scab, right. Don't

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fucking put me. I'm not a scab. OK,

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well, I'm not economically efficient.

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Economical. OK, we're economical. I will tell

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you, right. I did not know they were 300 euro. Otherwise

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I wouldn't bully you. Oh, I know. Because you know what she

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did? I didn't buy mine. Yeah, this is what I was going to

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say. So I sent her. So I

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bought these Apple AirPods, sent Vogue a photo, 300

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quid. I said, I can't believe I'm going to do this. I'm going to

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do this. Vogue have been bullying me into buying them.

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And she goes, 300 quid. I was like, yeah.

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And she goes, oh, my gosh. I was like, I thought you owned them.

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And she goes, well, this is bad.

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You

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know you are your session shamer. That's what you are.

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You're a session shamer. I'm not a session

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shamer. You are. I'm not because I don't like being

4:07

shamed

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after my session. Exactly. But we

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all love... Oh, I tapped out

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early. Oh my God. Did you stay till 4am? Oh

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my God. How did you feel? You must feel like

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shit. God, I mean, I didn't feel great,

4:18

but you stayed out way later than I

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did. You must feel desperate. You loved me so much. Oh,

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I heard you were falling around the country. That's the

4:25

worst. That's the worst. That's unacceptable. No, the worst

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is... Do you remember what you did last

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night? Do you know

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what I said? Do you know how I answered that question now? Because

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Benny doesn't drink and he'll usually try and plant

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something like that in the air. And I said, no, I don't remember. And I

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would rather not remember. Yeah. So

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don't remind me because all I remember is having a great

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time and everyone thought I was great. I regret

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nothing. I don't. Yeah. When

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we were in Cork and I had had a big

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one the night before and then we had a shoot the next day and

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I was up at the crack of dawn and God

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love her, you're trying to do hair makeup. I was like, I just want

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to do hair makeup on a squirrel. And like, I was just...

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I looked fucking off. Your face is just dripping. It's

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just really bad. Can I be honest? You looked

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amazing that day. That day. Magnificent,

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I would say. And I don't know how you

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got away with it. Maybe I was still... Because

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I still... I didn't really see it that much. So

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maybe it just hadn't caught up with me yet. Yeah.

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So yesterday, I've

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had an epiphany. Okay. Yesterday

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I got my period. I was stunning. Humble

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brag, 40. Also... I

5:23

would like to... On the period channel, I would like to thank everyone for

5:25

all of their coil

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information. Very

5:28

kind. Carnage. I know, but I

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got so many matches. I read them all. I'm not a

5:33

great responder. Okay. I'm

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not a

5:35

great responder. I was watching a new episode of The Collision

5:37

today. So that's what I prioritized on the train. Yeah.

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But I've taken it in. I think I might

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have to not do the copper one.

5:43

Yeah. It sounds like they're throwing a spanner into

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you with no pain relief. I'm sorry. Well, as you said

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last week, I have a book at vagina. So I'm sure I won't

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feel a thing. Who said that? You did. We

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were last... My mate.

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Well, the memory. You have a great memory when it's easy to vote, don't

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you? You know, my friends actually...

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myself

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in and it's basically just a really good sound sheet

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tile with like little velcro bits on the side. Joanna's

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going to be doing a job for Pampers soon enough.

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Pampers

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yourself with the Pampers. I

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will say this, I've never felt

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more protected and there's no noise, there's no

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crinkly noises. I'm just rocking around

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in an appie and no one even notices. Yeah. If you put

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a child with an appie into the pool and you

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pull the baby out, it's actually hard to lift them out because

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there's so much absorption.

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Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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We've been the whole time pulling them over it now.

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It's nappies for me from, you know,

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and I will do collabs if anyone's looking

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to do collabs. I will do collabs. Pampers,

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UK and Ireland. Pampers. Joanna

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is wearing pull-ups size seven.

8:42

Yeah.

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And then today I was walking around to my nappy

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around Newcastle and I really needed to

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be, and I was like, I was like, I must find a

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toilet. Well,

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technically I don't really need

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to find a toilet. I don't

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technically need to find a toilet anymore. I was

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like, no, don't piss yourself around. That's too much.

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But what I will say is the option is there. The

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option is if you really can't find a toilet, you don't like

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going outside. Why nappies are

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only kept for children. I actually don't know anymore.

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Well, they do make adult nappies.

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Remember Chris Jenner, Chris Jenner did a job

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for like 10 adult nappies or something. Yeah.

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Yeah. It's the Kegel floor. It's not great as we know. It's

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not great.

9:24

My Kegel floor is a little unstable.

9:27

The work in progress. You have to be working on that bad boy

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all the time. I just feel so safe

9:31

now. I feel so safe and loved.

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I'm glad that you've got that bridge.

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Yeah. Yeah. I might try it out myself.

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Yeah. I'm telling you now. But I finally don't have my

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period, so I'm not wishing it back on. Oh my God. Okay.

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That's a fucking period that I've around. And

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yes, thank you for your cool advice. I will

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be changing my mind on the coil I'm getting.

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I was- I need to be changed quite soon,

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so we need to write a line.

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But I need

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to talk my bum.

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He's

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never had coke in his life. He's not allowed of coke.

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I've a spot the size of a Ford Focus

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on my face. Now I did spot it the

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other day. I didn't say anything, but I was hoping... The other

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day! It was coming up. It was.

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Yeah. It was coming up and I was like, I wonder, like, cause

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I'm so obsessed with spots. I was like, are

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we at that point in our relationship where I could squeeze it? Well,

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I will tell you, A, no. And B,

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I tried. I wouldn't let anyone

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squeeze my spots. Love it. So

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I... Anyone spotted, squeeze yours as well.

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Yeah. Squeezed it last night. Very

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disappointing. And then today

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you woke up and it had like a proper,

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like, it looked like a snowball.

12:38

Oh. So

12:40

I was like, okay, let's get stuck in again.

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Squeezed it again. And it was one of those really unsatisfying

12:46

spots where it was really painful and

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nothing came out. Like, I don't...

12:51

Like, I love it. Dr. Pimple popper. Like, there's

12:53

something very

12:53

satisfying and you get the kind

12:56

of sludge coming out, but there was nothing. Come

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here. I wanted to show you, remember

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last week we were talking about the, on

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the main app, we were talking about your man who spat

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into the Nando stuff. Yeah. Can

13:08

I just say that I'm only having drinks and

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eating food at home from now on?

13:13

Yeah. A pervert.

13:15

I love... Like, there's nothing worse than being called

13:17

a pervert. That

13:23

was Kelly. That was Kelly. Kelly

13:25

Convey. He's opening the show tonight. He's just trying to

13:27

get across his there. I do love Kelly Convey. Yeah, she's

13:29

bad. You heard the story about the Nando seller. Yeah.

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A pervert at GP's betrayed victims

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called him cowardly because he put

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his semen in her coffee.

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And she, she only became

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suspicious because it tasted salty.

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He put his jizz in her coffee

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because people are just insane.

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But is it like a kink? Is it revenge?

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What was it? I need more information. Well, there's

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not that much warrant. Listen, it was the Daily Mail. That's all they

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gave me. I can't tell. Is it flourishing?

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I just feel like, but then I was like, how

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would you hide the tears? Is it an act of violence? How

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would you hide the tears? But then it would be the frost. Well,

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do you know what I, I know exactly

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what that would look like because

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it's like when you try to put oat milk, oat milk in

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an Americano and it kind of curdles, which I

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would just go, oh look, it's an oat milk latte. Oh

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my God. Like, I feel like I can't eat

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in peace outside of my own home. To be honest,

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see even in a coffee, what ifs.

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Sorry, what

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ifs. I wouldn't, actually wouldn't

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bother me that much. Go on, hang

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on. You can put anything in a zero. It's so

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top quality that even seem in

14:33

a cup of a zero, you honestly would, like

14:36

Nescafe

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wouldn't last, but a zero. He

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put anything in a zero and it'd be fine. That's

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the top, that's the level of quality of an a zero

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coffee. I'm gonna reinvent your coffees when you come to my home.

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Okay? Better than tea. I'd rather

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have sperm than UHT milk, which I've been living off the last

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couple of days in a hotel. It's

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basically the same thing. Yeah.

14:56

And they've tried to trick us with those long packets that look

14:58

like real milk. You know, the long ones. Are they not

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real milk? No, they're not real milk. They're still

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UHT. And I'd be like five milks please,

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because

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I like loads of milk in my tea. And I'm just basically

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eating like, oh. If I went in and found

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those little powders, I'd be like, Spano, get

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them in here.

15:12

Oh, you're absolute sicko. Just a little gentle

15:14

wank into that a zero, please. Just to take the black

15:17

out of it so it doesn't stain the teats.

15:18

The girls, we're talking about

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linguine. This

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is a huge one. Oh yeah, the Lusaxi linguine. You

15:30

were talking about linguine underwear in sex

15:31

shops the other day. And it got me excited

15:34

to give my fella a bit of a treat. I

15:36

got all dolled up in my bits.

15:38

And when he came home, I called him upstairs, but

15:41

he wasn't into it. I'm honestly

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heartbroken. We've been married eight years,

15:46

but I couldn't fucking believe he wasn't having it. That's

15:50

mean. Just fucking pretend. Yeah,

15:53

it's very hard to fake sexual interest.

15:57

You see, the thing about... It's actually impossible.

15:59

Hang on.

15:59

Let me finish it and then we'll discuss. I asked him about

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it the next morning. He said, he's just not into it at all.

16:04

I'm so embarrassed by myself. He's not into linguinis

16:07

or he's not into that. But what

16:09

linguini were you wearing? Because like

16:11

I recently- She could've been wearing a bear

16:13

suit. She's like, we don't know what it was. We need

16:16

to know what linguini was. Because I'll tell you what,

16:18

I have, I bought, no shame,

16:20

I bought a maid's outfit. I

16:22

thought I'd look cool in this. You bought a maid's outfit. I thought I'd

16:25

look sexy in this. Yeah, okay. Okay? Yeah.

16:27

It wasn't for me.

16:29

I'm more of a like you, like a crotchet's dog.

16:32

Yeah, crotchet's dog. But, Spenny

16:34

recently, okay? Spenny. Spenny

16:39

recently, right? Only because like I've

16:41

been working those- You're taking a lot of water in the pool. That's

16:43

all I will say. It's the only downside. You've

16:47

come quite buoyant. Do

16:49

not go down a slide in them.

16:52

It'll be going

16:54

out of your nostrils. Maid's

16:57

outfit, okay. Maid's outfit, not great. But

17:00

Spenny lately has been like- Was it a sexy one or was it like

17:02

a floor length

17:03

kind of like striped

17:05

blue? No, it was a floor length and I had

17:07

a little bucket of cleaning

17:09

products. That

17:11

I came in squirting the wind a little. A little

17:14

vomit. You're like, I went in the hotel, I lost my shot of cash.

17:16

But,

17:16

Spenny lately, because I've been working loads,

17:19

whenever I work, if I'm doing a shoot or something, I'll always wear

17:21

like a skin color bra and skin color underwear because it

17:23

works under all outfits. And lately,

17:25

I haven't been doing shoots and stuff. So I've been wandering

17:28

around in like knickers, I've had forever and

17:30

he's like literally like, whoa, what's

17:32

going on, darling? And I'm like, oh my

17:34

God, I have to stop wearing beige underwear. Oh,

17:36

because he's excited by the clothes. He's so thrown

17:39

by anything like those, like me

17:41

on thongs, I bought Victoria's Secret the other day when we were

17:43

together. I think that's a really good, I

17:45

think if you just lower all expectations,

17:48

like wear a bin bag. Well,

17:51

I've obviously, when Alan sees the nappies, I don't

17:54

know how he's gonna control himself, to be totally honest.

17:56

But I'm gonna have to take the hips. But

18:00

so if you lower expectations and then I love

18:03

that then he just wear like a pink bralot and they're

18:05

like See

18:07

if you go in too strong at the start with all

18:09

the sexy linguine is now I don't they get

18:11

used to us You know what I mean? No, don't feel

18:13

bad. Don't and don't feel embarrassed

18:16

for yourself. Listen I know don't you

18:18

went and tried something new and you should be happy yourself Do you

18:20

know what? I'm trying to let's love they just

18:22

they just love a basic

18:25

Pant basic pants a basic

18:27

but I think you know what this is the perfect opportunity

18:30

to there's someone just missing and This

18:33

is the perfect opportunity to talk to him about

18:36

what he would like. Yeah what you can bring it Yeah,

18:38

I've said it time and time again.

18:40

Yeah a simple pair of black boots

18:43

with nothing else Yeah, what

18:46

you think

18:46

Joe? I've never done that Do

18:49

it. I swear a minor only little kitten

18:51

heel, which was a bit embarrassing black boot But then I'd

18:53

have to have a sock in the inside. I can't wear shoes

18:55

I can't I can't wear shoes that a sock and

18:58

then you'd have the nappy obviously He's

19:00

had the napi. The napi is not going anywhere. I can

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tell you now that I've lived Neither

19:05

I've lived neither. I've seen what it could be

19:07

living an happy life. I'm never going back

19:13

Before

19:13

we go Toronto is

19:15

now on sale and also Dubai is

19:18

still on sale that we scheduled show is now

19:20

happening in September I'll

19:21

come to if you get my flight I'll come to the body. I'll

19:24

sail you over I'm

19:27

getting the sailing rail to Dubai. I need a hotel

19:29

room for myself and a canoe for Vogue. She's coming

19:31

from Battersea She'll need to start

19:33

any minute now Meet

19:36

in the agenda for December 2nd.

19:38

Thank you so much everybody for listening

19:41

Go and live your happy nappy life.

19:43

Please get in touch if there's any women out there also

19:45

Who've realized that nappies

19:47

are the way forward I'm gonna

19:50

buy you tomorrow some always pants. You're welcome.

19:52

What are they full-on knickers like that? I like

19:54

it's like a pull-up nappy. Yeah, that might

19:56

be better because yeah, I do feel

19:59

a little childish in the nappy

19:59

They're sexier.