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1:10

Where and welcome to my favorite murder

1:12

the Money. So good Birthrate we we

1:14

do your stories be listened to him

1:17

you watch them if you're in the

1:19

fan. Caught on video amazing video ga

1:21

nai with outfits on make up On

1:23

the whole the haired done. Earrings,

1:27

You have earrings on. I do small

1:29

hoops. I have my french press nails

1:31

due to a whole book. now I

1:33

don't. You

1:35

drug tests French press. I combined press

1:38

on nails and french tip nails that

1:40

thrive and created a new thing for

1:42

answers. were just coffee as what your.

1:46

Coffee stains on my fingernails about that

1:48

that Israel look at classic home town,

1:50

attempt to break in and learning to

1:53

fuck politeness dear Msm crew and murder

1:55

He knows a bump. in the night just

1:57

set off my dog right as i was trying to go

1:59

to bed while my roommate is out of town.

2:01

And it reminded me of this story, which I've

2:03

now been composing to you in my head for

2:05

the last hour in the dark. So

2:07

here it goes. I fucking know that feeling. Like,

2:10

you might as well just get up and do

2:12

it. You're never falling asleep like this. But

2:14

that feeling when you hear a bump in the

2:16

night and your dog starts barking and you're alone,

2:18

and then you're like, what do I do? Go

2:21

check on it. Like, what am I supposed to do

2:23

at this point? I mean,

2:25

that's why cameras all over your house. When

2:28

I was about 12, I spent the night at a

2:30

friend's house. Both her parents had to work the next

2:32

morning, so we were left alone to watch TV until

2:34

my mom came to get me. Around

2:36

mid-morning, there's a knock at the door. We

2:39

both get up to look, her through the peephole and

2:41

me through the side window right next to the door.

2:43

We see a scraggly older man wearing

2:46

work coveralls with a blank name patch

2:48

and no company logo, red

2:50

fucking flag, holding

2:52

a cracked bucket full of a miscellaneous

2:54

assortment of tools. An unmarked

2:56

white van is parked at the curb. It

2:59

says in retrospect, that's like what, 37 red flags? Yeah.

3:03

But unfortunately, I make eye contact with this

3:05

man since I'm peeking through the side window

3:08

and my misguided politeness instincts kick in. Aren't

3:10

you gonna open the door, I ask? Feeling

3:13

guilty for ignoring him when he has clearly seen

3:15

me. Are you crazy? My

3:17

parents didn't tell me to expect anyone,

3:19

my friend rightfully answers. That

3:22

said, I'll go back to watching TV still in

3:24

sight of the front door. A

3:26

moment later, the doorknob slowly

3:29

turns. My

3:31

friend and I freeze and look at each other.

3:33

The nod turns again and again. As

3:35

we watch this man very obviously try to

3:37

get into the house in broad daylight, we

3:39

bargain with ourselves that we'll call the police

3:42

if he tries to go around to another

3:44

door. That's the

3:46

threshold. Did

3:48

they say how old they were? They were 12, around 12. See,

3:52

again. Does

3:55

not make you feel, yeah. Not

3:57

in this hideous situation. Fortunately,

4:00

he didn't and after several long moments,

4:02

both he and the van disappeared. Naturally,

4:04

we continued our show. My

4:06

mom came to pick me up a little

4:09

while later and as we're driving home, I

4:11

tell her about this quote, totally weird random

4:13

thing that happened to which she

4:15

responded by shouting and you left her alone.

4:20

And basically pulled a U-turn on the

4:22

highway. Thank God. We filed the

4:24

police report. My friend spent the rest of the

4:26

day safely at my house until her parents got

4:28

off work and nothing more came of it. Over

4:31

the following 20 years, I have mostly thought back

4:33

on this story with a self-deprecating laugh

4:35

about my naivety and our inexplicable reluctance

4:37

to call the police on a man

4:40

who was most likely just looking for

4:42

an easy opportunity to rob a house.

4:45

But every once in a while, like when there

4:47

are weird noises at night while I'm home alone,

4:49

I think about how he realized that there was

4:52

at least one young girl inside that house and

4:54

decided to see if the door would open. Because

4:56

remember, they fucking saw each other. Yeah, he still

4:58

went for it. Yeah. Stay

5:01

sexy and don't leave your friends home alone after an

5:03

attempted break in even in the

5:05

daylight. Cat. Cat,

5:07

wasn't your friend scared? Like if I was

5:10

the friend and the mom pulled up, I'd

5:12

be like, yeah, I'm at your house tonight.

5:15

Yeah. Thank God the mom like had, you

5:17

know, was a not 12 year old brain.

5:21

Yeah. Exactly. Oh

5:23

my God. You know, Jesus. So stressful. Yeah.

5:26

The second you said the tools were in a bucket. Yeah. I

5:29

was just like, nope. No, it reminded me of the

5:31

Boston Strangler, like him saying, I'm here to fix your

5:34

landlord call me to fix this and that. Yeah.

5:37

You know, and also the kind of like

5:39

wearing that suit, that jumpsuit is

5:41

the jumpsuit normally worn by men who

5:43

take care of business, fix things, help

5:45

you. There's something to it

5:48

that's like stolen valor where it's like,

5:50

oh, you're not actually a handyman or

5:52

a mechanic. You're a

5:54

criminal. Yeah. Yeah. So

5:57

scary. Okay. funny.

6:01

The subject line is badass big sister story

6:03

and it starts forwarding this email again because

6:05

I think it's a good one. On

6:08

a now long past episode about the

6:10

rescue of baby Jessica, that is an

6:12

old one, Karen mentioned the time Shannon

6:14

Doherty smiled at her sister and her

6:16

reaction was to go bullshit because that's

6:18

what sisters do. It

6:20

reminded me of a version of that moment

6:22

I once had with my sister, only mine

6:24

involves the dangers of swimming in the ocean

6:26

at a young age. Let's get to it.

6:28

Every year my parents took us on a

6:30

week-long vacation to Southern California from our home

6:33

in San Francisco. We go to Disneyland, Knott's

6:35

Berry farm, Griffiths Observatory, etc. but we were

6:37

all really there because we love the beach.

6:39

My two siblings and I did swim team

6:42

and spent most of our free time in

6:44

various bodies of water anyways so we were

6:46

all very good swimmers and my dad had

6:49

us thoroughly trained on riptides and what to

6:51

do if we were caught in them. We

6:53

recognized it was dangerous but we love swimming

6:55

in the ocean. I think I was around

6:58

eight or nine so my sister Ashley was

7:00

probably 10 or 11. Sister Ashley

7:03

right there and we were out together catching

7:05

waves on our boogie boards. My parents were

7:07

sunbathing on our blanket, oblivious to the trauma

7:09

I was about to endure. I was

7:12

facing the beach, my back turned to the waves

7:14

behind me and I was ready to catch a

7:16

wave. My sister had just caught one so she

7:18

was paddling back out to me, her

7:21

back to the beach and her face looking

7:23

out at the open ocean. Suddenly she says

7:25

to me perfectly serious, Shelby don't freak out

7:27

but there is a shark right behind you.

7:30

Bullshit. Of course I

7:32

assumed it was the type of prank that

7:35

a terrible older sister would pull. I looked

7:37

behind me not convinced by the obviously fake

7:39

fear in her voice. As I

7:41

looked a wave came up blocking my view

7:43

of the waters behind. I didn't see anything.

7:45

Clearly this was a prank. I'm

7:48

serious look behind you. She practically screamed that

7:50

time and now I was getting sick Of

7:52

her and this not funny at all joke. You're

7:54

so full of it and you're not going to

7:57

scare me that easily I said defiantly and turned

7:59

around again. The prove her wrong this

8:01

time. Clear as day still, was a

8:03

huge black dorsal fin jutting out of

8:06

the water less than ten yards away.

8:08

Because he hadn't been kidding. I

8:11

didn't scream. I couldn't. Never in my life

8:13

before or since have I done so frozen

8:16

solid with fear I couldn't move a muscle

8:18

in my body as soon as I saw

8:20

the sin it sank in from both of

8:23

us. the amount of trouble we were in,

8:25

My sisters who is now one of my

8:27

best friends in the entire world has many

8:29

admirable cloth quality. his. Senses of stuff

8:32

or but what's not one of

8:34

them. Lola. And one it was

8:36

his, her determination to survive. Really

8:40

up signing a for at a lower

8:43

Ashley When my instincts kicked in, they

8:45

froze me. Solid terrible fucking instincts. hello

8:47

my life. But when her fear kicked

8:49

in, she jumped immediately into actions. She

8:52

started swimming with all her might to

8:54

soar, leaving me out there alone and

8:56

unable to move. All I could do

8:58

was scream at her to come back

9:01

and help me as I could see

9:03

people on the beach starting to point

9:05

at the water which confirmed to me

9:07

that yes, this was actually happening. I

9:10

can't begin to tell you how afraid I

9:12

was. My sister, realizing that she left behind,

9:15

turned around, came back out to me and

9:17

used her strength and adrenaline to pull us

9:19

both safely back to shore home I at

9:21

the time, I was just glad to be

9:23

and eaten. And I did. It didn't really

9:26

hit me until later what an absolute bad

9:28

ass she was. We ran up to the

9:30

beach to my mom, both of us panicked

9:32

and shaking and to our surprise she was

9:34

calm and happy. She pointed out of the

9:37

water we had just escaped from and said

9:39

excitedly, oh, did you. See those options

9:41

out there? They were swimming really

9:43

close. It. Hadn't been a shark

9:45

at all. it had just than a small

9:47

part of. Very cute. On

9:49

know is that. Have had

9:51

the best day ever and of

9:54

experience dolphin magic and also you

9:56

know that Potter Dolphins is like

9:58

to keep going and around. I'm.

10:03

Sober Jesus. Usually I was excited to see

10:05

them, but this had been way too close

10:07

call for me to really care. My mom

10:09

laughed when we told her about our or

10:11

deal. This isn't really a murder story, but

10:13

I had to share it because I was

10:15

convinced that it was going to be the

10:17

end of me. We are it thirty and

10:19

thirty two now and we both still have

10:21

to swim in the ocean as much as

10:23

we can. But. I do it

10:25

now, at least partially to manage the

10:27

lingering anxiety that this incident last. I

10:29

love my sister. She is still such

10:31

a bad ass and she's the one

10:33

who entered this meteor podcasts as we

10:36

are both Murder. He knows to the

10:38

core. stay sexy and don't get eaten

10:40

by sharks. Lots of love for you

10:42

all Shell be my favorite name. Shelby

10:44

Sale be okay. This is just brought

10:46

this new thing. To me, which is

10:48

how do we let children cisco in

10:50

the ocean by themselves when. I was

10:53

of area was like mom sleeping on

10:55

the sand that leave her alone five

10:57

years old. Just going into the

10:59

fucking lot like I don't drown so many

11:01

times. And the yes I would never like

11:03

as my nephews when the fucking ocean I

11:05

would keep my eye on them the entire

11:08

fucking time. When take a nap or like

11:10

read back in People magazine. For real. we

11:12

used to go in the ocean in Northern

11:14

California which literally as only Riptide, the and

11:16

great white sharks is a real great white

11:18

sharks. That's where they hang out and we

11:21

would go in there. I mean I think

11:23

I've told you this, but one of my

11:25

earliest memories is me standing it. we were

11:27

in the waters. Of the usually way too

11:29

cold that was the one thing that kept

11:31

you out of it which is good. Bones

11:33

are standing on the beach and standing there

11:35

looking at my dad as he's screaming. he's

11:37

wearing like a diligence island that a Gilligan

11:39

her and he's yelling never turned her back

11:41

on the see like at the top of

11:43

his lungs that the where I'm just like

11:45

why did he say it in the car

11:48

he added you say it as home Let's

11:50

now I'm doing it and it's worth it's.

11:52

high risk like use and I knew this

11:54

and I'm six years old. Gods

11:56

Sanjana stories of when. He shouldn't. have

11:59

been allowed on the fucking ocean. I mean, what

12:01

the fuck? Oh my God, young people

12:03

in the ocean. Don't do it. Hey,

12:07

Karen, I have a pop quiz for you.

12:09

Okay. Do most break-ins happen under the

12:11

cover of night or in broad daylight? I'm

12:13

gonna go with broad daylight. That's right. According

12:15

to the FBI, most break-ins happen during the

12:18

frickin' day. Well, that makes sense because it's

12:20

when people are like at work or running

12:22

errands and it seems like that's when homes

12:24

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12:27

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12:38

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12:40

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12:42

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12:44

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12:47

they let you see for yourself what's

12:49

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12:51

me, such an important thing of that

12:53

video aspect. Like, we're being able to

12:55

monitor stuff and see what's happening at

12:57

your home is really important.

12:59

You don't tell a story in your mind.

13:01

Why is this fence open? Something weird happened?

13:03

You can just go look and see that

13:05

the wind blew it open, whatever. There's as

13:07

much like peace of mind element as

13:09

there is like the scary part of security

13:11

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13:14

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13:30

The term bed rotting is all over the

13:32

internet Georgia. I don't know if you know,

13:34

but it means like basically lying in bed

13:36

all day. Oh, that's me. Just successfully bed

13:38

rot. One must procure

13:41

the necessary supplies. This includes,

13:43

but it's not limited to,

13:45

beverages, snacks, pets, and most

13:47

importantly, content. And in that

13:49

content lineup, you might be

13:51

considering, you know, streaming channels,

13:53

etc. But what

13:56

if you tried audible? They have an incredible

13:58

selection of audio books across every. genre, but

14:00

arguably the best genre is thrillers.

14:02

Thrillers on Audible take your listening

14:04

experience to the next level. You

14:07

will hear dramatic performances and eerie

14:09

soundscape. Listening to these thrillers keeps

14:11

you engaged and you'll find yourself

14:13

hooked. Then, when you're ready to

14:15

balance those cortisol levels, explore the

14:17

rest of Audible's audio catalog. They've

14:19

got all your favorite podcasts, guided

14:21

wellness programs, and comedy specials. The

14:24

last audiobook that I was hooked

14:26

on and got through so quickly

14:28

was All Systems Red by Martha

14:30

Wells. It's coming out as a

14:32

series, so of course I had to

14:34

listen to the audiobook first because I want to

14:36

know everything. It is about essentially

14:39

a murder bot in the future

14:41

who's tasked with protecting

14:43

the group they've been assigned to, and

14:45

the murder bot starts to

14:48

like them and has feelings. Sorry, my

14:50

cortisol level is going up so high. I

14:52

can't even listen to this. So

14:54

good. Audible members can try Audible

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or text murder to 500 500.

15:00

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15:08

audible.com/murder. Goodbye. Okay.

15:12

Australian ghost story. Ooh. Here's

15:15

my ghost story all the way from Australia. I

15:18

was renting a tiny 100 year old

15:20

terrace house, one of three in a

15:22

row, all exactly the same in a

15:24

suburb called Paddington in Sydney. As

15:27

soon as I moved in, I started having the

15:29

same dream slash nightmare every night, three

15:31

or four babies in the corners

15:34

of my bedroom ceiling waving and

15:36

slapping their hands at something and

15:38

screaming. No, no. Waking

15:41

up and crying in a cold sweat, numerous

15:43

nights and mornings, I decided to ask my

15:45

friend who's involved with the Paddington society, guessing

15:48

that's Paddington history. If he knew

15:50

the history of the house, my friend did some

15:52

research and got back to me. What's some startling

15:54

news? No, across the road from my little house

15:56

was a hideous 1960s apartment building

15:59

that was previously a hospital for

16:01

unwed mothers. And

16:03

those three cottages were used for

16:05

the quarantine of babies with diseases

16:08

who were deemed terminal. So

16:10

screaming, dying babies. I

16:12

know. I'm not religious,

16:14

but I invited everybody I knew to

16:17

my housewarming slash blessing slash exorcism to

16:19

bring sage to burn, Buddhist bells to

16:21

ring and crucifixes to wave, you name

16:24

it. I even convinced the local

16:26

angelic priest to pop by with his holy

16:28

water to try it. Those poor baby spirits.

16:31

And so the dream stopped to make great relief.

16:33

But a few months later, I started to hear

16:36

scratching in the ceiling when I was totally awake.

16:38

Like during the day I called the

16:40

landlord and a fix it man came

16:42

by after listening intently with his ear

16:45

to the wall. He declared white ants.

16:47

Thank God. What? What?

16:49

Yeah, white ants. What are white

16:51

ants? Ask Australia, you know, they're

16:53

like, oh, poisonous fucking Marley ass shit. But

16:55

it says still not religious, but I was

16:57

about to call the Vatican. Are

17:01

you looking them up? Sorry, I had to. I look

17:03

at what it was. It's

17:05

just a fucking ant that's white

17:07

and it's so creepy. Oh, they

17:10

are fucking termites. Oh,

17:13

okay. They're termite. They call them termites.

17:16

Yeah. And for some reason that's way

17:18

less scary. Yes, for sure. It's still terrible,

17:20

but that's the scratching he heard. So he

17:22

got his ladder and moved a panel of the ceiling to

17:24

look in and said, what do we have here? Stored

17:28

in my ceiling and only

17:30

above my bedroom were 1800s

17:33

babies cast iron cots and

17:35

beautiful vintage ornate frames of

17:37

children's hospital beds. Oh,

17:40

he asked me if I wanted them. Otherwise he'd get

17:42

a pretty penny for them at a secondhand market. I

17:45

told him this whole ghost story and he vowed he

17:47

would take them to the tip, which I'm guessing is

17:49

the dump and make sure they were buried. I

17:52

really hope he did that. Stay

17:55

sexy, love your work and burn sage at

17:57

every housewarming just to be sure. Love, Sammy.

18:00

She her. Whoa. Scary. That's

18:03

like a truly disturbing ghost story.

18:05

Yeah. Like you never

18:07

know what happened in your house. God damn.

18:09

You know, has there

18:11

been like a horror movie that's like a

18:14

baby ghost is coming at you? Definitely. Right.

18:16

There's got to have been. There must be

18:18

not like Chucky Chucky. There have been a

18:20

bit. Yeah. Well, remember the scene in Trainspotting

18:22

with the baby? Oh,

18:25

God. Yeah. Terrifying. Yeah.

18:27

Horrible. Well, let's change the

18:29

vibe right now. Yeah. Can we? With

18:31

a Colin Farrell story. Right. Hello,

18:33

friends. I'm not funny, so I'll just move

18:36

forward. I

18:38

can't tell you how many times I've said that to myself

18:40

in my life. OK, it says I was

18:42

just listening to mini so 346 and

18:45

I heard you talk about meeting Colin Farrell. We

18:48

didn't meet Colin Farrell, did we? That was somebody else.

18:50

Yeah. Oh, that was the one where he helped the

18:52

person clean up the cafe that was all fucked up.

18:54

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, and then we asked

18:56

for Colin Farrell story. I found him in a new

18:58

mommy burger once, but that's it. How far away? It

19:01

was not that far, but we were like during the

19:03

day. So we were literally like only two tables

19:06

in the restaurant. And he had like this

19:08

like bandana pushing his hair back. It just

19:10

looked. Yeah, looked great. That's kind of his

19:12

workout look. Yeah. He likes to wear that.

19:14

Yeah. Or like the girls kind of volleyball

19:16

headband where it's two very thin pieces of

19:18

elastic. Yeah. That's what he was wearing when

19:20

I saw him at the Arklight. Right.

19:23

OK, anyway, this is not about us. This is

19:25

not a tell all. OK,

19:28

when I was 19 years old, I worked at

19:30

the happiest place on Earth. And then in all

19:32

caps, it says not ha ha. Yeah,

19:36

bring that back. Not anyways.

19:38

I used to work at a popcorn cart

19:40

and we are trained to treat the celebrities

19:42

like any other person, even if they're with

19:44

a handler. Well, I was

19:47

lucky enough to help that beautiful Irish

19:49

accent man. And he ordered a popcorn

19:51

bucket. But unfortunately, I was out of

19:53

lids and was waiting for a co-worker to

19:55

bring me some. So I let him know.

19:57

And he said, no problem, darling, I guess.

20:00

have to come back and see in a little

20:02

bitch. I'm sorry. It was terrible. Terrible. I was

20:04

like, and he took his popcorn

20:06

and he left. He did come back about

20:08

30 minutes later for the lid and was

20:11

nice enough to sneak a quick picture with

20:13

me and no one was the wiser. I

20:15

talked about that day for a very long

20:17

time. He seemed like a nice down to

20:19

earth and polite person. It made my whole

20:22

year. Well, that's my story. Have an amazing

20:24

day. Trina, cheers. Yeah,

20:27

we need using constant proof that he's

20:29

a good guy. Like that's

20:31

all we need. I think it's out there. But it

20:33

is fun. I mean, any celebrity story

20:36

is kind of fun. But I feel

20:38

like the Colin Farrell sighting really

20:40

is like, thematically accurate to

20:42

what we're looking for. Because it's just that thing of

20:44

like, Oh, I met someone then they

20:46

weren't an asshole. Right, right. They were

20:49

a normal person, even though like

20:51

they're not clearly not at all. Hey,

20:54

are you tired of inflated grocery store

20:56

prices? I actually think people should be

20:59

protesting outside of grocery stores. It's disgusting.

21:01

That's a good point, Karen. This thrive

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21:38

really love Thrive Market because I've been trying to

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21:42

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21:44

look at ingredients and all that stuff when

21:46

I go to Thrive Market. I know that

21:48

it is good. So I've gotten all these

21:51

like tinctures. I've gotten all kinds of face

21:53

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21:55

it is like quality stuff. And I hate

21:57

going to the grocery store. So this is perfect.

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thrivemarket.com/murder. Goodbye.

22:21

Okay, here's my last one. The

22:23

title is part dad lore,

22:25

part trash dad, part something you never

22:28

asked for, all caps. Please pick me,

22:30

please pick me. Exclamation mark, exclamation mark,

22:32

exclamation mark. Hi besties.

22:35

It says, I have no business saying besties. I'm almost

22:37

40. You asked

22:39

for dad lore. You asked for trash dad. You

22:41

like goofy stories from the 80s. This

22:44

has it all. My dad Ray is your

22:46

classic blue collar, Bud Light drinking. And then

22:48

it says always and forever, kid rock be

22:50

down. Mustache toting

22:52

American father. He can hang

22:55

sheet rack. He can fix your car. He can

22:57

do the dishes and put away the laundry. He

23:00

is my best friend and hero. And

23:02

probably the reason I'm still single because what other

23:04

man could possibly live up to these standards

23:07

get real. I grew up

23:09

in St. Louis and every weekend when I was

23:11

young was spent on an island on the Mississippi

23:13

River with family friends. We boated,

23:16

skied, camps, barbecued, adults drank copious amounts

23:18

of beer while the kids caught toads

23:20

on the bank, swam off the dock

23:22

and swung on the tire swing. And

23:25

then at night we roasted marshmallows while one of the

23:28

moms told us scary stories, mostly about

23:30

a crooked girl scout who murdered other girls by

23:32

stabbing them in the back with a golf shoe.

23:37

That's not true. That

23:39

didn't happen. We would have heard about that

23:41

one. Yeah, that's right. During the day, the big

23:43

kids would scare us little by telling us that Freddy

23:45

Krueger lived under the dock, but nothing

23:48

scared us more than Greasy Pete.

23:50

Greasy Pete, according to legend,

23:53

aka my dad, lived

23:55

on the island and hid deep in the cattails

23:57

on the other side of the slough. Basically

24:00

a swamp he watches all day long

24:02

and will come out only at night to feast on

24:04

the scraps of our cookouts We

24:07

would wake up many mornings to a

24:09

mess food wrappers beer cans, etc And

24:11

that would be attributed to greasy peas My

24:14

dad warned us constantly not to stray far

24:16

from our campsite left We wandered too close

24:18

to greasy peeps hideout and we lived in

24:20

fear that he would snatch us up the

24:22

time We're on my parents divorced in the

24:25

early 90s. They all did all the

24:27

parents divorced I know mine and less

24:30

late Unless

24:32

and less time was spent out on the

24:34

island. However, I always thought about greasy peeps

24:36

whatever came of him after all ladies I'm

24:38

ashamed to admit that I was well into

24:40

my 20s before it dawned on me that my

24:42

dad completely made him up as a way To

24:44

keep us kiddos from wandering too far

24:47

from the campsite You

24:49

got in still some fear just a

24:51

little fear in those children and to

24:53

cover their garbage with the parents who

24:55

get drunk the night Right exactly the

24:57

mess every morning raccoons obviously Oh And

25:01

our parents being too drunk to clean up after

25:03

themselves before crashing into the How

25:06

could I be so full for so long willful

25:08

ignorance? I suppose Anyway, I still think

25:10

back to those days of some of the best in my life

25:13

truly best life living for kids and

25:15

adults alike an ice-cooled But light on

25:17

a boat on a sunny day is

25:19

the definition of pure happiness in this

25:21

family and we still enjoy that lifestyle

25:23

to this day As often as possible.

25:25

Mmm I've been listening to

25:28

MFM since the summer of 2016 So

25:30

not a day one listener, but pretty fucking

25:32

close to it Shout out to my murdery

25:34

enough sister-in-law who introduced me to the pod

25:36

You have kept me company on bike rides

25:38

car rides. It says I essentially work from my

25:40

car. You get a lot of airtime Hey

25:43

in the shower you name it. Thank

25:45

you for being you stay sexy and

25:48

don't get murdered by greasy Pete. Goodbye

25:50

No name Greasy

25:54

Pete's the best name Yeah,

25:56

that's such a dad thing. It's so good

25:58

and it's also like He's

26:00

watching you from over there. It's

26:02

genius. It's genius. Totally genius. My

26:04

dad's story, that always scary story,

26:06

was about a giant eyeball. It

26:10

went on these adventures. So just like a giant,

26:12

I don't know where it, like it seems

26:14

it's a greasy people. Where did you find

26:16

a giant eyeball as a character? Okay, dad.

26:18

And that was like around the campfire when you

26:20

guys would go camping over there. Dad, tell us

26:22

a story about the giant eyeball. Okay,

26:28

that's your last one. Okay, here's my last

26:30

one. The subject line is hot dog musings.

26:32

Yay. And then it says, hi, I'm

26:35

here to join the hot dog conference. What

26:38

is this mod? Yes, I don't know. People

26:41

listen to it. We get paid to do

26:43

it. I mean, what a joy. It's a

26:45

blessing. It's a joy and a blessing. A

26:47

true blessing. Truly. So

26:50

it says, I love a classic

26:52

Costco hot dog like we're right

26:54

into the hot dog conversation. There's nothing

26:56

else. I love it. I love a

26:58

classic Costco hot dog as much as

27:00

the next person. But today I'd like

27:03

to tell you about the wildest hot

27:05

dog concoction I ever had at an

27:07

amusement park. It's 2014. I

27:09

met six flags with my little brother. I was 24 and he

27:11

was 17. We

27:14

both love a good hot dog. Side

27:16

note, I've vivid childhood memories of him

27:18

coming home from elementary school and

27:20

eating two hot dogs for a quote unquote

27:22

snack every day. Some of my

27:24

brother just did it. A little bit of cheese

27:27

on the inside too. Oh my God. Oh God.

27:30

It says, sometimes he used to gnaw around

27:32

the outside and eat the skin layer first.

27:35

So he was left with the

27:37

juiciest inside bite for last. And

27:40

then it says, somehow despite this, he's

27:42

become a lovely young man. Hilarious.

27:47

So it says, anyways, back to six flags.

27:49

We encounter a hot dog stand that had,

27:51

picture it, a naked hot dog on

27:53

a stick dipped in funnel

27:56

cake batter and fried.

27:59

Then the whole thing is. wrapped in bacon

28:01

and dusted with powdered sugar with

28:03

a maple syrup glaze. Oh

28:06

my heart attack. For real.

28:08

Behold the maple bacon funnel

28:10

cake dog. Obviously we

28:13

shared one. It was just

28:15

as glorious as you can imagine and we

28:17

still reminisce about it. Finally. Oh

28:19

my God. I love that. And then

28:21

it says one last hot dog thing to say. My

28:24

sister's mother-in-laws made a name with Frank.

28:26

When she was growing up, all

28:29

the kids called her the hot dog queen. Maybe

28:31

this makes Karen's Frank the hot dog king.

28:34

Love you both very much. Stay sexy and be

28:36

a hot dog queen. M. Oh my

28:38

God. Did you ever feed Frank a hot dog? Oh,

28:41

absolutely. There's been times that I have of

28:44

course not noticed that I'm out of dog

28:46

food. Then I make Frank, I'm

28:48

like, Oh, you're so lucky. You get to have

28:50

people food. And then I make him an

28:53

insane concoction. For

28:55

his birthday. Yes. If we fed a

28:57

bite of hot dog to cookie, it

28:59

would be fucking World War

29:01

Three. We are hot dog guy

29:03

at Costco's the sweetest man. And he was,

29:05

we took cookie there once. Then some, I

29:08

got hot dogs. And the guy said, look,

29:10

my daughter said that I can

29:12

only have this hot dog cart. I promise

29:14

that every dog I'd meet gets a free hot dog.

29:16

Can I give your dog a hot dog? Was

29:18

so cute. It had to be like,

29:20

no, dude, I'm sorry. Like it was, it

29:22

was so, it felt so wrong, but like

29:24

our dog is not Frank. Yeah.

29:27

Not handled. That's right. That's

29:29

right. Sweet. Oh my God. So sweet. You should

29:31

have been like, yes, absolutely. Here we'll just take

29:33

this and then you guys eat it. That's

29:36

true. We could've got, damn it. We could've got a free hot dog. Send

29:38

us your stories, whatever they may be. Yeah. Tell

29:41

us how you swindle hot dogs out of people

29:43

who are just trying to be nice. That's

29:46

right. Or trash dad stories or camping stories

29:48

or anything you'd like to tell us about.

29:50

Made of parent stories to scare you. Yeah.

29:52

Yeah. We want those. No, don't, you don't make them

29:54

up. It's things your parents made up to scare you.

29:57

Exactly. My favorite murder Gmail. Sexy

30:00

and don't get murdered. Her. Eldest.

30:04

You want a cookie? Exactly

30:14

right. Reduction or senior producer is all

30:16

a hundred attack or editors. Aristotle Acevedo

30:19

This episode was unexpectedly honest. Policy: Email

30:21

your home town to my favorite Murder

30:23

and email.com and follow the show on

30:25

Instagram and Facebook at My Favorite Murder

30:28

and on Twitter at My Face. Another

30:31

debate.