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1:00

catch up on the latest episodes

1:02

without the ads. Hello

1:19

and welcome, sorry, Alice just made me laugh.

1:21

Welcome to the best of my dad, poor,

1:23

no. And this week we are

1:25

we're doing it guys. We're doing

1:28

sex. We're gonna

1:33

take that lovely blouse off. I

1:35

guess I'd always sensed it. I didn't know if

1:37

you were feeling it. And like, okay, this is

1:39

this is weird. Who's top or bottom? James,

1:42

you just watch. Oh, God. We're

1:45

talking. I think you've got the roughest end of the deal.

1:50

Yeah, my eyes, my eyes. No,

1:53

we're going through the book.

1:55

And Dave is into chocolate body paint, as you know,

1:57

so that's Gonna be weird. I'm

2:00

with talking about order the fun sex

2:03

stuff that's happened invalid doubling over the

2:05

is which I'm amazed we haven't done.

2:07

Light. And I shall I know my daughter I poured

2:10

out with weights or now to do a best of sex.

2:12

Honestly. A nice are enough tips

2:14

to sell This ssssss is sometimes

2:16

said on the ground. Gas

2:18

Jostle is erotica. It

2:22

was as it's supposed to be, What

2:25

the definition is? Because it's the definition of

2:27

erotica. Is. That it's a rustic

2:29

than nothing. but it is it. It's

2:31

trying to be a lot said. I

2:33

try. I just wonder if the sexes

2:35

sexes. He thinks they're important to the store with. Excessive

2:39

really with some sexy. I just think that

2:41

sort of. He dismisses of whom have we

2:43

have, but I think any of us had

2:45

ever read a roster to the full. We

2:47

did this pocus so I know maybe this

2:49

is standard. arrested him of his is good

2:52

erotica. Alison look through this will. Only. Because

2:54

I'm now realizing that even though he said a

2:56

cat allies to this, I still haven't met any

2:58

of the. Night except for the not. Even

3:00

before this, like. This is my only. Three

3:03

that a Rustica analysts report or other

3:05

kind of as you may be assisted

3:08

Cold winters there has been. A long,

3:10

cold winter. Speaking of that, in the

3:12

course of studying these books and I

3:14

do think. Missiles as academics

3:16

now of Iraq is insensitive

3:18

and. We house intern

3:20

revealed. Rather, Lot about

3:23

ourselves. Some would say too much

3:25

to see fellow I definitely that way

3:27

and would love a reactor of the

3:29

show Toby if I may I assist

3:31

I think of decide to much about

3:33

the bedroom overtones and living species bedroom

3:35

so I I sponsors good Very much

3:37

to say I have to be said

3:39

my bedroom was Mccoy it's thrilling he

3:42

was i see you at secret like

3:44

father like a non either to for

3:46

was as if I'm focused on my

3:48

using that as I was in Kenya

3:50

outta is a tent. In the

3:52

Maasai Mara. And

3:54

discusses sorry, sorry.

3:57

Sorry. i'm and discovered the i was serving

4:00

bedroom the bedroom with

4:02

a snake oh like

4:04

a real fucking snake what kind of snake

4:06

okay I didn't know what kind of snake

4:08

it was it was pitch black obviously the

4:10

snake or the space the space lions

4:13

were walking through the camp while I discovered

4:15

so no one could leave their tents and

4:18

they said that they had a whistle to kind of use

4:22

to help snakes out no to get people to come

4:24

and help you but I didn't have a whistle all

4:27

I had was a huge bottle of vodka which

4:29

I drank and then had to

4:31

on my own get rid of this

4:33

snake with after a huge bottle of

4:35

vodka well for Dutch courage yeah I

4:38

love that other people packed a survival kit they packed

4:40

a whistle they tried to seem like you know maps

4:42

or like compasses like the stuff that you take on

4:44

a like D of E you know change your clothes

4:46

I imagine a flare gun yeah a flare

4:48

gun I'm sorry and

4:50

you took a bottle of vodka look what

4:53

I'm saying is that I'm glad I did because

4:55

I didn't it kind of numbed me to the

4:57

horror that was a snake in my tent because

4:59

the next day I told our guide I had

5:02

a sacred tent news like whatever I think that's

5:04

that isn't true it's impossible showed in the video

5:06

and he was like oh my god that's a

5:08

black mamba oh no

5:10

I don't know much about snakes but I

5:12

think a black man was not good one of I think

5:14

the most deadly snake in Africa it was a

5:17

baby but still I don't care I

5:19

don't care if it's a toddler I don't care if it's

5:21

an old man I do not want it in my tent

5:23

and then he was like oh you were lucky that mummy wasn't there

5:28

that face also mummy would have been

5:30

there that's the horrible thing oh my

5:32

god well thank God you still here

5:35

he's like you were lucky that daddy wasn't there that

5:41

thing the other day and this woman

5:44

came up to be really drunk and she goes oh

5:46

my god your daddy wrote a porno oh

5:50

my god you're telling me about porno you

5:52

are telling me about porno my daddy

5:55

wrote a porno horrible right yeah totally different

5:58

but yes that was kind of a thrilling bedroom

6:00

experience obviously not sexual. I was going to

6:02

say you've really veered this

6:04

off course we're talking about. Well I just thought I'd share you know I

6:06

mean it was a huge moment in my life. Because people will be

6:09

thinking this how did you get it out? I

6:11

got my bottle of

6:13

deodorant which was the longest thing I could

6:15

find so not that long and

6:17

kind of kind of coked

6:20

it, it's a good word, out this

6:22

way please. It looks like you're in

6:24

the stalls. I'd

6:26

opened the zip like a little bit

6:28

but on lions walking through the I

6:30

cannot tell I was so scared I

6:33

was literally I'm gonna I'm not gonna survive this and

6:36

I opened up the zip a little bit and luckily it

6:38

kind of just slithered out and I just closed it and

6:40

I just shoved loads of deep like

6:42

sprayed loads of deep. Of course I kept

6:44

gritting his teeth. Honestly it was so and

6:46

then obviously I switched off my torch and

6:48

it is pitch black and all you can

6:50

hear are lions and there's a hippo that

6:52

was sleeping like three feet away from my

6:54

tent as well. No we had to speak

6:56

about other people again. I

6:59

just was like there could be anything in this

7:01

fucking tent. Jamie you're in the Masai Mara of

7:03

course there's fucking animals around. If

7:05

anyone's intruding it's you. True

7:07

but I didn't think it'd be in my... there's something

7:09

about them being in my tent that was kind of

7:12

horrible. The most shocking part of this story I

7:14

think is that Jamie recorded a video

7:17

whilst the snake was slithering through the tent where

7:19

he's going This is going to be a fucking

7:22

fire pit! Why are you making content? I

7:26

just knew that you wouldn't believe me if I'd have come back and

7:28

said there was a snake in my tent. It's a very sinister snake.

7:30

It is you can see its little tongue going... Serpent

7:33

tongue. Well we're glad you're alive. Thank you. Do

7:35

you know what it actually felt really... it was

7:37

kind of a... it's been a bit of a

7:39

moment in my life but I think I'm quite

7:41

a risk-averse person about things that are scary and

7:44

it's really pushed me out of my comfort zone. I feel like I

7:46

kind of conquered something not just a

7:49

snake but within myself. I've come

7:51

back a changed man guys. A baby snake.

7:54

A baby black mamba! Come on! Come

7:57

on! You know this is going to get logged

8:00

as being a near-death experience. You know, like this is

8:02

gonna, I actually feel like, it's also gonna turn into,

8:04

and I nearly got eaten by the lion. You know,

8:06

like it's gonna, it's gonna really get snowballed over the years. I

8:08

think I'm downplaying it, I feel like. I feel like it's a

8:11

very Rocky Flintstone style diversion when I

8:13

thought I was gonna get a sex story to get

8:15

that story. I actually think that's very

8:17

appropriate. Fair, fair, fair. I do think over

8:19

the years, to Rocky's credit, we did learn

8:21

things. Oh, absolutely, and also

8:24

he was innovative. There were

8:26

sex positions, sex actions, sex

8:28

activities, but he invented, I

8:30

think. Yeah, well, one of the

8:32

most famous ones being HS2. Oh,

8:35

is that what HS2's talked about? That's what I found out.

8:37

You know, there's been all this speculation of what HS2 is.

8:39

Yeah, there was a, so there was a chapter called

8:42

HS2. Yeah. And whatever

8:44

happened in the chapter, it was nothing to

8:46

do with, what we know HS2 is, is

8:48

like a, a high-speed, a high-speed, a

8:50

high-speed, a high-speed, a high-speed, a

8:52

high-speed, a high-speed, a high-speed,

8:54

a high-speed, a high-speed, a high-speed,

8:57

a high-speed, a little factoid

8:59

for the day. Wow, that was really worth listening for. I

9:03

mean, I think that's gotta be a fan favourite, hasn't it?

9:05

The hump and skunk, so it should definitely come back. You

9:07

know that I met somebody that said that

9:09

they do every single sex thing that's on

9:11

the podcast. Shut up! What? Shut

9:13

up! No, no, no, no, no, no. How

9:16

many of his girlfriend, that's their kink, that

9:18

they do, obviously not, you know, exactly, but

9:20

they try and recreate. Stop it! That's their

9:22

kink. Yeah, yeah, he listened to it in

9:24

bed with his girlfriend, and then they would

9:26

try and recreate whatever sex was in that

9:28

episode. What? Some of them are

9:30

just not safe, like, as far as where

9:32

you put bits of you and... Well, exactly,

9:34

I think they did their best to recreate.

9:36

What a lot of mess. He's never

9:39

done water sports, has he?

9:42

He doesn't have some, like, golden showers.

9:44

He's never done anything that's

9:46

like, golden showers, trust you to bring up

9:48

golden showers. It's all quite sanitary, isn't it?

9:50

Exactly, like, you know... I mean, it's not,

9:53

it's absolutely not. Sanitary? It's absolutely not, I don't

9:55

know why I said that. None of it is sanitary, and

9:57

you definitely shouldn't eat any of the food after it's

9:59

gone... through the processes that he talks about

10:01

but I suppose he's not he's

10:04

sort of weirdly vanilla sometimes. That's

10:06

what I mean exactly it is kind of pushing

10:08

the boundaries but only within a very very

10:10

safe kind of field. It's all quite willy

10:12

wonkery. Exactly yeah do you know I've realised

10:14

there's a bit of a Venn diagram with

10:17

like sex and food with Rocky like

10:19

often characters can't have sex without

10:21

either incorporating food or swiftly having

10:23

food afterwards. Yeah so do you think

10:26

the bat is reflective they were obviously easter

10:28

eggs not um sorry in the sex scenes but there

10:30

are easter eggs throughout the book. You know there's a

10:33

lot of easter eggs. That's a great idea a

10:35

little kinder egg bonking through the kinder egg

10:37

um there's sometimes sort of little clues aren't there to

10:40

like Rocky's kinks and I wonder if that's one. What

10:42

so you say like anytime Jamie sees his dad like

10:44

having a turkey sandwich maybe he's just you know finished.

10:46

Well exactly like spaghetti bolognese like whenever he

10:48

likes maybe there's like a chocolate sort of fondue.

10:51

Okay let's just get on with the clips. Yeah

10:53

yeah a bit of garlic bread. Exactly. The clips

10:55

are coming guys please enjoy and do listen for

10:57

a little unheard bit. The

11:07

flamboyant nightclub owner bowed and sat next

11:09

to the contessa. Good

11:12

evening my creatures of the puss.

11:15

What does that mean? Zachariah

11:20

cackled as

11:23

he retrieved a long thin

11:25

cigar. From

11:29

the huge sleeves of his

11:32

scintillating robes he breathed in

11:34

deeply thoroughly enjoying

11:36

the smoky goodness. Rocky

11:38

has never even smoked a cigarette. I don't think

11:41

he has. He's really out of his comfort zone.

11:44

Belinda shivered with

11:46

excitement as he

11:48

slid his mouth to her lids.

11:52

Yeah and filled no pussy with the

11:54

hypnotic fumes. Oh my gosh she's got

11:56

smoke up her chimney. That's

11:59

a strong... Strange form of passive inhalation, isn't

12:01

it? Talk about Dick Van Dyke. Oh my god. Get

12:04

a chimney sweep up there. Chimney,

12:06

chimney. I've never heard

12:08

of that. I mean, I haven't heard of a

12:10

Tamarix flute, so... I don't know if that's how

12:12

the Tamarix flute works. Oh, is it taking it?

12:14

Is it kind of like a vaginal bong? I

12:16

don't know. Taking

12:19

all ten of his fingers, Zachariah

12:21

crimped her labia shut. Crimped? Oh,

12:24

like when you're making... This

12:26

is like dumplings. Or like a

12:28

pie. Yeah. And then he pimps the pastry.

12:30

That's gross. So he's holding it in a

12:32

bit like... Wait,

12:34

it's a hotbox. It's

12:37

literally a hotbox. Oh my god. Oh,

12:39

it's got a hot box. Zachariah crimped her

12:41

labia shut so she could

12:43

feel the magical smoke marinade.

12:45

Mmmmmm. When

12:48

Zachariah finally let go, Belinda

12:50

twitched and jiggled on the spot in

12:53

utter and complete utopia.

12:56

Is that where the phrase blowing smoke up someone's ass

12:58

is going to stop? Look

13:02

at him. There's a variant on that. Is that

13:04

what it means all this time? Yeah, Tamarix flute.

13:07

Contessa Lucia was

13:09

never one to be left out and

13:12

she quickly turned 180 degrees, pushing

13:16

her perfect rear end into the sky. Oh my god.

13:19

They're literally going to blow smoke up

13:21

her ass. Oh my god. Zachariah

13:25

didn't need telling twice and

13:27

inhaled the cigar like a

13:30

cavalry trooper. Like an absolute bloody trooper.

13:32

He is a bloody trooper. Look at

13:34

that. He's just inhaling that thing. Cavalry

13:36

or otherwise. Sensually, he pushed a long

13:38

drag of smoke into

13:40

her bottom hole. Am

13:46

I crying? I'm laughing. I don't even

13:48

know anymore. Bottom hole. To

13:50

her bottom hole. Within

13:54

seconds, he had Belinda's

14:00

legs wide apart and

14:02

he placed his nervous cock

14:05

into a pinky. Oh

14:07

god! Into a pinky! I

14:09

can't look at either

14:12

of you. Oh

14:15

my god, it's gone from her

14:17

understanding to her pinky. No!

14:20

Into the pinky! This little

14:22

pinky went to Mark's. Oh

14:25

my god, this little pinky should have stayed at home.

14:30

Belinda moaned in pleasure, taking

14:33

the odd moment to direct the kids' actions.

14:36

The kids don't call him the kid. No,

14:38

much like a driving instructor on a busy

14:41

A-road. Fifth

14:43

gear, fifth gear. Clutch! What's

14:48

the pedestrian? Once

14:50

his penis was safely inside Belinda's

14:52

labia. Safely! You're now

14:54

safe. Docking complete.

14:57

Does she treat it like a safe? All

15:00

your valuables? Your work, your possessions.

15:04

Exactly, your cash. Once his

15:06

penis was safely inside Belinda's vault,

15:08

sorry, labia, he

15:10

started to gently thrust and

15:13

took the opportunity to make some small talk. Oh

15:16

brilliant, great time. So

15:18

how are you? Also, you know he's

15:20

just going to get too excited too quick

15:22

and go a bit too quickly. What do

15:24

you do for a job, Belinda? Oh come

15:26

on! Thrust, thrust. I'm an

15:28

international sales director for a pots and pans

15:30

company. Thrust! International

15:35

thrust. Oh my god! That's

15:38

interesting. Thrust. Can

15:42

I have some work experience? Thrust.

15:46

Sorry? Thrust. No you

15:48

fucking can't, thrust. I've

15:50

got to go. Thrust, Belinda

15:53

blinked. She's

15:57

female. forget

16:01

oh multiples yeah yeah you're right it's multiple

16:03

in one isn't it what's it again what

16:05

when you have when women have an orgasm

16:07

they have multiple at once in one what

16:10

do you mean multiple

16:12

in one what like a big one like

16:14

a turbo I won't get one free what

16:17

do you mean when a woman orgasms

16:19

yeah yeah it's so

16:22

intense and happens less frequently

16:24

than a man is what do

16:26

you mean less frequently women orgasm

16:28

less frequently than men no women

16:30

can orgasm multiple times and it's

16:32

not in a session yeah it's

16:34

not a belly yeah yeah James

16:38

is now straight then why did women take it

16:41

it doesn't mean you can come when you want to

16:43

come no no in theory

16:46

in one sitting let's say go

16:48

to one go in one go in one

16:51

game of what you

16:53

could one roll of Yahtzee you can come lots

16:55

of times you know wow could you know how

16:57

guys like once you come you've got to have

16:59

a bit of a rest yeah not

17:01

so with women keep going you are

17:04

fascinating to me I'm on a petri dish

17:06

I feel like

17:10

this is a lot of this we need to take

17:12

this off podcast because there's more that I have more

17:14

questions I think we need to

17:16

know that's not I don't mean like I'm

17:19

potentially get together and then look at me

17:21

till I speckled what Belinda questioned internally how

17:23

does that

17:37

work a chubby finger

17:40

wriggled like a worm indicating

17:42

her to come closer oh yeah because

17:45

she's covered entirely in later hmm Belinda

17:47

teetered in the heels towards the dominant

17:49

tricks the closer she got the better

17:52

she could see oh no

17:54

what it's not latex is it it's gonna be

17:56

like butter icing or something about

17:58

three and a half paces away It

18:00

became clear that Mistress

18:03

Sweet Juice's suit wasn't latex

18:05

at all. Oh god. Two

18:07

and a half paces away showed... Oh

18:10

god, it's mayonnaise! It was... Showed

18:14

it was paint. What kind of paint?

18:16

Like white chocolate paint. Yeah, chocolate body

18:18

paint. One and a

18:20

half paces away. Why are you walking

18:22

in half paces? No. Smoothed

18:26

whipped cream. Oh!

18:30

Warm curdled body cream. No

18:33

bangs. Half a paces away. Cream

18:36

cheese. Light up close.

18:40

Not very creme fraiche if you know what I mean. Belinda

18:47

sank to her knees and

18:50

began eating the thin layer of room temperature

18:52

cream. Oh my god. Of

18:54

her bubbly body. Oh

18:57

my god. What do you mean bubbly? Oh

18:59

you just mean curvaceous, you don't mean it's not like... Yeah

19:02

bubbly. Like welts and boils and

19:04

stuff. Oh right, okay fine. It was

19:06

fizzing in the heat. Oh my god. The

19:08

idea of anything other than refrigerated

19:11

cream really is unpleasant. The other thing is, how did

19:13

she do it so quickly? Didn't they just run upstairs

19:15

and then she like, what, ran in a room and...

19:17

Oh, she'll have a whole team James, come on. She'll

19:20

have a whole team. She is

19:22

Mistress Sweet Juice. Jim

19:28

kept fucking. Belinda

19:30

flexed her vagina lightly. This

19:32

is the light flex. She wanted

19:34

Jim to fully complete his experience and thought he

19:36

had had enough thrusting for his first trip out.

19:38

I'm just nervous he's gonna like, cum dust or

19:40

something. He's just gonna... And

19:44

it's all just going... Just flakes.

19:47

So gross. Bonito tuna flakes.

19:49

Stop it. Ah. Tuna

19:51

what? Fish food. Fish food?

19:54

Little papery fish. He just stood on top. Yeah.

19:57

Oh, but more. It happened quickly. Too

19:59

quickly. for Belinda. And

20:02

suddenly she was swimming. Swimming?

20:04

What? Swimming in a sea.

20:07

What? A pale blue sea

20:09

man. What? I

20:12

literally have no words. Pale blue?

20:14

Yeah. Is he coming bleach? A

20:16

toilet duck. Spray that round the

20:18

rim. Get a couple of uses

20:21

out of you. Oh no.

20:23

Jim's big

20:27

cock, now so handsomely matched

20:29

with his big balls, had

20:31

exploded. He's got a monster

20:33

dick. He's got a monster

20:35

dick. Jim was swaying

20:38

all over the place. Oh

20:40

God. Belinda caught his stocky

20:42

arms and held him firm

20:44

whilst orgasming herself. What about

20:48

Jessica? Nothing puts her off either. Oh

20:50

it's blue. I have just come. That

20:52

is really creeping me out. A

20:55

loud roar engulfed the

20:58

room. Speller. Jim

21:01

Sterling had come. Do

21:10

they all look the same? They being

21:12

women? Like if you saw

21:14

your vagina in a lineup. I'd

21:17

be like why has someone produced this and how do

21:19

I get it off the internet? You know if your

21:21

vagina had robbed you or something and you had to

21:23

identify it. Could you spot your vagina? Well yeah I

21:26

mean I'm sure you could spot your own couldn't you

21:28

Al but they do all look different yeah. You say

21:30

that but you obviously don't see your own

21:32

vagina that often up

21:35

close just because of its

21:37

location. Because they've all

21:39

got different hairstyles right. Oh my

21:41

gosh. It's not the Nolan sisters

21:43

either. No

21:47

but some are more unkempt. Some girls like

21:49

keep them really tidy. Yeah but it's way

21:51

more than that James. It's like any body

21:54

you know. Is your penis the same as mine? Oh

21:56

no I could tell mine in the lineup. You could

21:58

tell yours in the lineup. That number three.

22:01

Point is that What? What are your

22:03

identifying features? Some of our daughter

22:05

had it about society was normal read the

22:07

Earth: are you looking at the bulls other

22:09

side. Of

22:11

the haters, a shot of existence.

22:14

Everything's computerized. Hello, what's your most

22:16

as I was proud as Elements.

22:19

Of I mean is that we're proud of the

22:22

bulls. Surely not because they're not the

22:24

one all they. Know enough to be

22:26

dishonest or I will have answers

22:28

from the know I'm saying is

22:30

that vagina on different because of

22:32

the has to put new physicists

22:35

where. Does it

22:37

off or though introduced if they are

22:39

apt to be deferred. My everybody is

22:41

different. So you know that Senators? that's

22:43

an afterschool special. I have a sister

22:46

fifteen this lady looks as a affixes.

22:48

They're beautiful, assists exact with me. They.

22:50

All repulsive, that universally sort of them.

22:52

audible. Than of my sisters. Somewhat like

22:54

the lips a light different yes like

22:57

me and so is a living color.

22:59

yet some want some Gosnell. May

23:03

have episode of five but yes sure. So

23:05

you know if people have design a vagina

23:07

the out what do they do dumb ass.

23:09

Interest me too because I didn't have

23:11

a sounded as I don't know what

23:13

they're saying. Looks pretty good. I would

23:15

say is I think it's quite common

23:17

for them to not be symmetrical. And.

23:19

Has a symmetrical was his, I wonder

23:22

with a design, a vagina every way

23:24

in like some some weird standards that

23:26

doesn't really exist. There has been painfully

23:28

like I Meet. Somebody me

23:30

the way that like males as haven

23:32

and eating meat yes I wonder what

23:34

they're using as a rough since. Because.

23:38

Flip through a tough thousand Go! I

23:40

love a lot of the proportions our

23:42

allies Twenty three I'm loving like what

23:44

they've done with the my internal. Flights.

23:47

On the has Seven Fifty Eight is to diverse

23:49

as I have the power. I love the hostile.

23:52

I'll take your analysis of. Putting. A whole

23:54

south and is it with if you see a

23:56

picture vagina in this catalogue the like Everything about

23:58

it is that we had to. completely copy

24:00

someone's vagina. Yeah. Because they

24:03

say it's like the biggest form of flattery, don't they?

24:05

Cloning somebody else's vag. Imagine

24:08

if you spotted it, be like, oh my God, that's my

24:10

vagina. Just like swimming baths or something, someone's getting changed

24:12

and you're like, wait a minute.

24:14

You're the crazy girl that stole my vagina look,

24:17

jeez. Oh my God, we're vagina twins. So

24:20

yeah, they all look different, is the answer to your question. Mm-hmm.

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24:50

first thing you'd do if you had an extra

24:52

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24:54

to answer seeing you guys. Actually, that's

24:56

not the truth. I would just see

24:58

people more, because I feel like, particularly,

25:00

we live in a busy city, friends

25:03

live scattered all over the place. I

25:05

do sometimes think in busy work times,

25:07

I miss people and I feel like I don't see enough

25:10

of people and it always is such a kind of glass

25:12

topper-upper when I get to see somebody. Yeah, totally.

25:14

It can be really hard to find the time,

25:16

especially with work and everything else going on. But

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25:26

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my dad. damaging, looked

26:04

for well- candied what?

26:25

oh my god. What did she dive

26:27

in there? Her hands or her face?

26:29

Put her hand in a cube and

26:31

it's out like grated carrots. It's all

26:33

like twiddling. She's just like twiddling it

26:35

on her finger. Do you know when you

26:38

like peel a bit of carrot and it goes

26:40

into a... Oh my Christ.

26:43

Is that Abbey Road Security? I

26:46

think we're getting a scullet out. Running the

26:48

ring. The ring that's pubes are ringlets. Well they're

26:50

kind of our ringlets aren't they? I guess it

26:52

depends how thick the thick it is. Corkscrew curls

26:54

for you guys. Why

26:57

would you run your hands through it? Hank

27:05

quietly ripped Belinda's evening

27:07

gown. In

27:09

two! In two! Completely

27:12

exposing her thighs and pussy.

27:15

Oh god it's all happening

27:17

so quickly. He then took the ladle

27:20

and trickled the now cooled

27:22

sauce over Belinda's breath.

27:24

Oh for god's sake. Watching it

27:27

slowly make its way down to

27:29

her navel. Like two heaving

27:31

calzones. This

27:35

is so inappropriate in a restaurant.

27:37

After about two minutes it

27:39

stopped and pulled at

27:41

her shaven vagina. Oh my

27:44

god. Talk about meat flaps.

27:49

Sorry Alison. Nobody was talking about meat. Once

27:52

he had a big enough reservoir he

27:54

carefully opened her vaginal lids.

27:56

And what dropped a little spiral spaghetti in

27:59

there? And let the... sauce to its world. Oh

28:01

my god it's gonna be like a taco! Fucking

28:07

hell! Belinda studied the

28:09

operation closely. Did it

28:11

require just gravity or was it the sauce

28:13

that did the flowing of its own accord?

28:16

She decided to question Hank later on

28:18

this technical matter. Later it's always best

28:20

to ask in the moment. Hank

28:23

slightly pushed back the table, got

28:25

onto his knees and

28:27

licked Belinda clean. Oh my god they're

28:29

in the middle of a restaurant! There's

28:32

nothing less appropriate. Also

28:35

clean. Clean!

28:39

What does that mean in this context? Do

28:41

you think she dubs it with a napkin

28:43

afterwards? Like when you dub it beside your

28:45

mouth you just dub the sides of a

28:47

vagina. Just goes one of the teeth. Finished!

28:50

He made no sexual

28:52

advance whatsoever. That was

28:54

a sexual advance. He's licking

28:56

tomato sauce out

28:59

of her vagina. He

29:02

was hungry! Doctor

29:10

Studd. I've come to Belinda to sit

29:12

down. Doctor Studd. Has she come up with that or

29:14

is that his name? That's

29:17

his name. This is a proper porno. What

29:20

appears to be the issue Doctor Studd?

29:23

The issue is she's been in the coma for a week and

29:25

this is the first time you've ever spoken to me. The issue

29:27

is that James needs to watch more hatches that job all over

29:29

his face. Are you going

29:31

to put your thumb up on her in me Doctor Studd?

29:36

I've been a very naughty girl. No, it's

29:38

not naughty and half

29:40

fluffy. It's very thickly. I've

29:44

got thrush Doctor Studd. I've

29:46

got a little platelet count

29:48

Doctor Studd. My blood pressure's

29:51

all over the shop Doctor

29:53

Studd. I've got this unusual

29:56

dermatological issue Doctor Studd.

29:58

Ok you two are enjoying this. way

30:00

way too much. Could

30:03

it be Saraius' Dr. Studd? I

30:07

think I need your cream for that, Dr.

30:09

Studd. What is

30:12

she wrong? Intensive

30:15

care seems a bit over the top,

30:17

Dr. Studd. Dr.

30:19

Studd. I'm not Dr. Studd. And

30:23

that's Dr. Studd. Is

30:29

he going to try and keep his feet? May

30:31

this thing? I'd dare to think what that is. The

30:33

hump and skunk. The hump and skunk. Is

30:36

that going to involve drugs? What

30:38

dark magic was this? Tony

30:41

thought aloud. Oh wait, skunks, skunk bums.

30:43

That's what I thought like. Oh no.

30:45

Oh no. I would say that's

30:48

the most famous thing about a skunk. Oh

30:50

what smell? The guy. Oh no. The

30:53

guy is. She's going

30:55

to do a little fat. What dark

30:57

magic was this? Tony thought

30:59

aloud. Maeve laughed

31:01

heavily at Tony's sexual ineptitude.

31:05

It's simple. Her teeth

31:07

tittered. You hump one of us while

31:10

the other is eating the... Well,

31:12

eating the... Oh my

31:14

god. You're eating what? A sandwich. What

31:17

a time to hesitate. I'm sorry. I'm

31:20

sorry. I'm sorry. You're

31:22

sorry you have one of us. Sorry, I

31:24

bet it's eating. Eating what?

31:26

Finish your sentence. No,

31:28

don't make me please. Eating. What?

31:32

A skunk. You hump

31:34

one of us while eating

31:36

the other's asshole until full.

31:38

Until full? What does that

31:40

mean? The full thing,

31:42

Bob. The full thing. Oh wow. The

31:45

full thing. Because what? Because

31:47

precisely... But

31:49

how's he filling up? Sounds

31:52

like a dance move. Do the shake and back.

31:56

It was true that Tony was yet to

31:58

visit Kilkenny. was always

32:00

happy to indulge in local customs

32:02

when invited. It's not the local

32:05

Kilkenny. It's not the

32:07

local Kilkenny. It's not the local Kilkenny.

32:11

If you are from Kilkenny, we are deeply sorry.

32:13

If you are from Kilkenny, confirm or deny. Belinda

32:18

didn't need telling at all. She

32:21

gleefully straddled Tony's head and

32:23

spread her milky cheeks wide

32:25

and taut. Oh my God.

32:28

Fucking hell, your dad is a

32:30

master of the muck. He

32:43

really hasn't got to the moment. Now

32:46

that is an image I won't be forgetting.

32:48

That is beautiful. His

32:50

tongue entered through the wrinkled

32:52

flesh rim and

32:54

snuggled its way deep inside.

32:58

Snuggled. Snuggled, why

33:00

is everything so cutesy? Wow

33:02

flesh rim. You can't like

33:05

stick your tongue straight in. You probably can. Let's

33:09

have a tight squeeze. I don't

33:11

know, James. Don't

33:13

you have me neither? Who's ever done the hump and skunk?

33:17

Maeve on the other hand was going mad up

33:19

front. Maeve's like, you guys are stalling me. She

33:21

was heaving and hoeing like a plowman. Like a

33:23

plowman, like a cheese sandwich. Like a plowman or

33:25

a plowwoman, a figure in the field. A plow

33:27

person. Very work. Thank you

33:29

guys. She was heaving and hoeing like a plowman

33:31

and she was a hummer. Oh God, what is she going to

33:33

be humming? What tune is she going to be humming? Oh

33:36

God. The

33:39

tune was unclear. Oh my God. But

33:42

her musicality was not clear. Oh my God.

33:46

She was a very good tune. She

33:48

was clear. Oh

33:50

my God. But her

33:52

musicality was self-evident and joyous. I

33:55

thought you could ask more. More than you can

33:57

do, Alice. So, you know. was

34:00

seeing her boss in a whole

34:02

new universe. She'd of

34:05

course fucked his brains out before,

34:07

but not many people in cookware

34:09

distribution had their line manager tasting

34:11

their rectal cavity. Oh my

34:13

God, Rocky! What's got into him?

34:15

I don't know. Why'd you say

34:17

cavity? But this was what

34:19

made Steeles such a wholesome family business. It

34:22

is, isn't it? It's the

34:24

little ketchup. It's what people love about

34:26

Steeles. And

34:32

here's a little unheard morsel. But

34:34

honestly, have you... This

34:36

is weird, just hear me out. Have either of

34:38

you ever found anything in the book sexy? I

34:41

mean, probably not. That's a very rude question.

34:44

Is it confronting for you? Are you both

34:46

being honest, because I actually have? You've got

34:48

one. Yeah. I would need a

34:50

moment to think, but go on. Well, only because there

34:52

is a particular character, and actually

34:54

it is the scenario, that I think is...

34:57

It's going to be so revealing. Oh

34:59

my God, I was saying it. I'm

35:01

like, oh my God, I have like a savior

35:03

kind of prince complex

35:05

kink. Spooner? Arigas.

35:09

Oh, okay. Arigas, when

35:11

he comes and saves the lender from the side

35:13

of the road, and is she lying in the

35:15

road, her breasts out or something? Probably, sounds

35:17

like it. Yeah, sounds like it. And he comes

35:19

up and he's just this sort of like, you

35:22

know, knight in shining armor, stranger.

35:24

Yeah. And he's got that lovely voice

35:26

that you do, you know, like it's... Thank you. Oh,

35:29

so when Jamie does the Margarito voice, you're

35:32

getting a bit funny downstairs.

35:34

I don't know. I just really like everything about

35:36

that. Oh my God. I know what you mean

35:38

though, he's very like cover of the mills and

35:41

boon book, isn't he? Exactly. Like,

35:43

I imagine like the shirt

35:45

open, very defined muscles, like

35:47

peck cleavage. Precisely. And although

35:49

I wouldn't have thought that's

35:52

my bag, I think because the

35:54

rest of the time, the stuff that Rocky

35:56

does, they're like, I'm there smeared in Vaseline

35:58

and rolling in... and stew

36:00

and then they spit in each other's ears and

36:02

like stick a lollipop in it. Like I think

36:05

I just kind of like that it's a bit

36:07

classic. Yeah, it's a drop of water in a

36:09

desert, isn't it? Exactly. Like at the moment you

36:11

can get something to cling onto. So now I've said that right,

36:13

like quite into it. I guess for that same

36:15

reason, you've just made me think there's someone I've

36:17

kind of fancied since the beginning. Okay. Oh, what?

36:20

Peter Rells. Really? I've always

36:22

thought he's got like a

36:25

Vikingy Nordic vibe going on, like

36:27

he's always described as quite chiseled.

36:30

And you imagine him that sort of

36:32

like Scandi, Yeah. Mm-hmm. Which is

36:35

like, yeah, I like a bit of that. Even

36:37

though he's Dutch, isn't he? I'm thinking like Alexander

36:39

Skarsgard. His debut as well is very

36:41

mysterious and powerful and it feels like

36:43

he's got this sort of enigmatic, almost

36:46

like super nat, you know,

36:48

the runes and everything. Oh, the runes, yeah. So there's

36:50

this other element to him that makes him sort of

36:52

like a fantasy pinup. That was quite strange

36:54

actually thinking about it. That was interesting. Do

36:56

you know what's interesting though, that you've both

36:58

gone for characters that are kind of more

37:00

in the driving seat than Belinda? Don't you

37:02

dare psycho-analyze. Oh my God, he's trying to

37:04

peg him. No, no, no,

37:06

no, he's just trying to. Put

37:09

that away. No,

37:11

not peg us like that. He's trying to peg

37:13

us again. Oh my God, why is he always

37:15

trying to peg us? Anyway,

37:20

finish trying to peg us. You've got to put one's eye out

37:22

with that. I'm just going to peg

37:24

you both. As people

37:28

that kind of like to be looked after, maybe. I'm

37:31

not saying that you're all subs, but. It's definitely

37:33

a round subdom thing going on.

37:35

And I guess Aurigues is more. Oh, he's just taking

37:37

a, were you two like, was this your plan

37:39

all along? Look at me trying to wash my hands. I'm

37:41

like, definitely with yours. Well,

37:44

I think there is more of that because of

37:46

the runes and the kind of, yes. Whereas with

37:48

Aurigues, it was more kind of like, as you

37:50

say, maybe- Be saved. Disney, Night in Shining Armor,

37:52

kind of like that, maybe that's what you grew

37:54

up with. Those kind of, the

37:56

fake ideals of what a man could be.

37:58

Whereas James fasten it. What Are

38:01

they? Me? What's your favorite moments? With

38:03

the support of over the gives you

38:05

a rock solid. I've never got gotten

38:07

hard enough. Peggy The View. Reading these

38:09

books boss is I was born in

38:11

one point that I. That.

38:14

May be kind of what? And this. When.

38:17

I read it says it reminds

38:19

of the stuff it's to book

38:21

or tonight or label him once

38:23

he's told us so Doctors.o On

38:26

we discovered that that was a

38:28

woman. It. Kind of reminded me of

38:30

this. Porno. The I've. Watched.

38:33

You like when I was really

38:35

young? codes? Or

38:38

this. To another

38:40

server and know it's like cooled

38:42

nurse say they. Said

38:50

it would have a good I gotta say they

38:52

give you sector though ever different. On

38:57

was a couldn't or school like

38:59

roads and address. Distinctly learn this

39:01

Cd was. The real nervous. On.

39:03

Like this is. About Iran

39:05

and but not the have it doesn't

39:07

a like of illness. Nineteen Ninety Eight

39:10

A be nuts and that is how

39:12

I would imagine. Doctor said right? Exactly.

39:14

So what describe Alice? She's She's leaning

39:16

over there and. Say the strapline

39:19

as as ness a day. And

39:21

sometimes as. Nine. You

39:24

didn't I. See. Dictator

39:26

has an. Excellent.

39:30

And it's a lovely one with suits and. I did

39:32

many times. Say it's is this

39:34

is a woman completes blonde crop she's

39:36

wearing i think says as sale is

39:39

hop not as bad as well as

39:41

were necessary as and she's got as

39:43

sorry skyn pieces of white set us

39:45

on which unfortunately had out into the

39:48

naval and have address the size of

39:50

hadn't thought of stockings and nic top

39:52

is not that's not. That's. Not

39:54

regulation has any like. What

39:56

I'm finding distracting is as a huge

39:58

skeleton behind. It's

40:01

very like first kind of sexual

40:03

awakening vibes, you know, like she's

40:05

very kind of bombshell, isn't

40:07

she? Sorry, there's a cast list on the front

40:09

that I have to read out. Starring,

40:12

Sadie, obviously. Oh, is that the

40:14

actual... seems so. What, just Sadie,

40:16

like Madonna. Oh, sorry. Sadie Sexton.

40:19

That sounds like a Belinda Blink character. Britney

40:21

Andrews, Missy... Missy...

40:25

Shannon McCulloch. Why

40:28

is that combination of state names and people we

40:31

went to school with? Randy Storm, Bobby Bliss,

40:33

and Dee and Randy Lee. Bobby Bliss. What?

40:35

I mean, that is my... Dee and Randy...

40:37

what? Dee and Randy Lee. Is that two

40:39

people? Yeah, I think they're sisters. Oh.

40:42

That's good. So,

40:45

what's the storyline? What's it about? I'm

40:47

imagining Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. Oh,

40:49

you wasn't? She like a frontiers woman. Well,

40:52

I can tell you exactly what it's about because it's on the back of the

40:54

VHS. So, Nurse Sadie and

40:56

her colleagues attempt to outsmart

40:58

a vicious hospital administrator who

41:01

puts profit above care for

41:03

patients. This is literally Rocky

41:05

Fence's material. Can even hot

41:07

babes... It's so badly

41:09

written, there's like... Yeah, it's hard to read,

41:11

isn't it? Can even hot... No,

41:14

sorry. Can seven hot babes defeat

41:17

one man who thinks with

41:19

his dick? Oh my God, I'm in.

41:22

This sounds pretty good, right? Do you remember it? I

41:25

mean, not the storyline, obviously.

41:28

But yeah. So, we think the man goes around

41:30

the hospital and has sex with all seven, and

41:32

I quote, hot babes. I guess. It's kind of

41:34

like nine to five, but set

41:36

in hospital and, you know, a porno. So,

41:39

sorry. Why are we talking about nurse saving?

41:41

No, I'm just saying... I'm

41:43

just saying that the Dr. Studd element reminded me

41:45

of nurse saving. I guess because it was such

41:47

a formative sexual moment in my life, like... Maybe

41:49

on one of the first pornos I watched as

41:51

a kid, so like... Why did you do such

41:53

a serious thing? I don't know. Why are you

41:55

saying it? Like, these are the things that inspired

41:58

him as a... and

42:00

then ask it. And he brings his hands

42:02

together like... It's just sort of like pony blare,

42:04

you know, like the indexing of the phone. Even

42:06

her own, like, don't cry for me,

42:08

nurse faded. Look,

42:11

what can I say, it was the days before the internet, you

42:13

had to get your kicks or you could. Hang

42:16

on, where are you getting it from then? You had

42:18

to go from VHS? You didn't have like people at

42:20

school who like, you would all swap pornos and like

42:22

stuff. No, no, no. I'm

42:24

gay and a girl over here in the 90s. You

42:28

were just playing hopscotch, both of you. Getting

42:31

that kicks the natural way. Oh

42:35

my God, I'm flabbergasted. What did he even ask?

42:37

They got us on the back. You asked it. Anyway,

42:41

at knee way. That

42:48

was probably an overshare. Yeah, I

42:50

can see why that's unheard. Maybe it should have stayed

42:52

that way. And unsaid.

42:54

I mean, I should have stayed in my mind.

42:57

Psychologies for that. Oh my God. Can you

42:59

imagine if nurse Sadie listens to this podcast?

43:02

My cosfootnotes, guys. Anyone? I couldn't meet her.

43:04

I'd be far too starstruck. Don't

43:09

meet your childhood hero, say Jamie. Thanks

43:13

for listening. That was another really fun kind of trip

43:15

down memory lane and maybe a

43:17

longer trip for some of us and others.

43:19

But yeah, we'll see you later on. Can

43:22

I just say the body language in this

43:24

room right now is OK. We're all arms

43:26

crossed. I thought pegging was below.

43:52

Thank you. and

44:00

delights now at Whole Foods Market.