0:00

Can you imagine he loves the hot pocket.

0:02

You know what, the hot pockets are great. They're

0:04

delicious and probably nutritious.

0:07

You know, I eat them a lot. It's I had one this

0:09

morning, think about that. So he eats.

0:11

Henry traditionally has never

0:14

been a breakfast person. Everever.

0:16

I can have a hot pocket in the morning, it takes two

0:19

minutes. If I want to make sure your life, you get

0:21

the box. I have to get the milk off

0:23

balls. Yeah, but it's also this is like terrible,

0:25

like parenting. I guess, Oh well, let

0:28

me let me talk about my hot pocket addiction.

0:30

Now, okay, sorry, carry on, carry

0:32

on. So it's two minutes

0:34

to cook a hot pocket and you eat it boom,

0:37

I'm not hungry anymore. And it's tasty.

0:39

But I also offer to make you like delicious

0:42

food, like I'll make you pasta

0:44

catch your peppe. I'll make that be with

0:47

some carrot batons and hummus. And

0:49

you're like, whatever, I'm having a hot pocket.

0:52

Do you want to go through all that effort or do you want me to

0:54

put a hot pocket? Sorry, we're off topic.

0:56

We're off topic, and it was so off topic quick

0:59

I'm compact topic back. Hello,

1:03

I'm Mini driver. Welcome to Many

1:05

Questions Season two. I've

1:07

always loved Prust's questionaire. It

1:10

was originally a nineteenth century

1:12

parlor game where players would

1:14

ask each other thirty five questions aimed

1:16

at revealing the other players true nature.

1:19

It's just the scientific method,

1:21

really. In asking different people

1:23

the same set of questions, you can make observations

1:26

about which truths appeared to me universal.

1:29

I love this discipline, and

1:31

it made me wonder, what if these questions

1:33

were just the jumping off point, what greater

1:36

depths would be revealed if I ask these

1:38

questions as conversation starters with

1:40

thought leaders and trailblazers across

1:43

all these different disciplines. So I

1:45

adapted prus questionnaire and I wrote my

1:47

own seven questions that I personally

1:49

think a pertinent to a person's story. They

1:51

are when and where were you happiest?

1:54

What is the quality you like least about yourself?

1:56

What relationship, real or fictionalized,

1:59

defines love for you? What question

2:01

would you most like answered, What

2:03

person, place, or experience has shaped

2:05

you the most? What would be your last meal?

2:08

And can you tell me something in your life

2:10

that's grown out of a personal disaster?

2:13

And I've gathered a group of really

2:16

remarkable people, ones that

2:18

I am honored and humbled to have had

2:20

the chance to engage with. You may not hear

2:22

their answers to all seven of these

2:24

questions. We've whittled it down to

2:27

which questions felt closest to their

2:29

experience, or the most surprising,

2:31

or created the most fertile

2:33

ground to connect. Hi,

2:36

I'm Henry Driver, sitting in today for my

2:38

mom Mini on this special episode

2:41

of Mother's Day. Addition for many questions,

2:43

my guests day is perhaps unsurprisingly

2:45

Mini Driver, Come on, how's it going.

2:48

Congratulations on your new book. Thank you darling,

2:51

you're in it. I'm in it. Wow, that's

2:53

pretty cool. I'm in a book, you're hosting

2:55

my podcast, and you're in a book and

2:58

practically taking over your career mom by

3:00

me. Actually, I could use some youthful

3:02

energy. I think we look close enough.

3:04

We could probably switch out for some movies or something. I

3:07

wonder if anyone would actually notice you almost as towards

3:09

me now, Like if if you just rocked up on set

3:11

one day and we're like, I mean, that would be very

3:13

cool. I think we sound stilar as

3:15

well, so it would just be a perfect match. Well,

3:18

I like doing my impression of you, but I know you don't

3:20

like it when I do it, And I like, do

3:22

you what impression you missizabeth? You

3:26

do more? I love it when you do an English accent.

3:29

More cherries and tomatoes,

3:32

so darling. Now, no it's

3:34

not tomatoes. It's tomatoes.

3:38

Tomatoes, a bath with some

3:40

tomatoes. Look so far. Okay,

3:46

that's ridiculous. I'm really grateful

3:48

that you're doing this, Downing. It's this is a Mother's

3:50

Day edition and you know Mother's

3:53

Day and my book was just published yesterday.

3:55

Like it's quite auspicious, and

3:57

which is what makes me grateful that you're doing this. So

4:00

thank you, Thank you Mom for having

4:02

me on in such a special time. Okay,

4:05

over to you the questions.

4:11

The first question, as you know, is when

4:13

and where were you happiest? Right, Well,

4:16

my happiest moments they

4:18

are always on the beach with

4:21

everyone, and by that I mean our

4:24

family and friends, and

4:26

there's surf involved, and

4:29

like a long day at the beach and then us

4:32

staying and having a barbecue on the

4:34

beach as you know it's dusk, and

4:36

how Mom would always have her cocktail

4:39

shaker for croyntonics like handy,

4:42

Yeah, I remember that. I remember that. I

4:45

loved Remember she used to have those, She had

4:47

these amazing red framed glasses, and she'd have

4:49

her red lipstick and she'd be in some cool

4:51

puffer jacket because it was England and it would be cold,

4:53

and she'd be sitting in her chair. I think I've got

4:55

so many pictures of her just roaring

4:58

with laughter whilst reading the newspaper, while

5:00

pouring herself of our Croyntonic like in the middle

5:02

of nowhere in Cornwall. Those were

5:04

good memories. Why do you think it's on the beach? She

5:07

knows. Reading something the other day about how

5:09

as you get older you returned to

5:11

the memories that you had as a child.

5:14

So basically I think before everything, you

5:16

know, sorry for the spoiler alert, but

5:18

everything gets messed up as you get life

5:22

from Come on, this is like you know what I mean. It's

5:24

like I read this thing saying that you return to these

5:26

places, you recreate them

5:28

in your adult life, the places that you feel happy.

5:30

So the places that you were actually happy is when you were a child.

5:32

And like pre everything pre my

5:35

parents, separation, pre

5:37

everything in our lives, me and my sister's life

5:39

changing. I just remember the beach. Only

5:42

good things happen at the beach, the ice

5:44

cream van, learning to swim, full

5:47

attention from my parents because

5:49

otherwise, you know, you might run off and get lost

5:51

or drowned, So they had to pay attention to

5:53

you. My sister burying me. You've seen

5:56

those pictures right of Kate used to bury

5:58

me up to was just my head sharing

6:00

and then she would literally leave. It

6:03

would be in a hole, not

6:05

able to get out. I mean I think that also

6:07

for me, that would be a perfect memory. I mean,

6:10

sitting in a nice and closed pit of

6:12

sand by myself, tied coming

6:14

in. Oh,

6:17

the thrill, the thrill, Yes, you

6:19

do love it. You did make me do that the other

6:21

day. Yeah, but like that was a joke. I

6:23

mean, I don't see the joke with hunty Kate.

6:26

I gave you boobs and a fish tail, I seem

6:28

to remember, which is really infantile on

6:30

my part, and I apologize, but it was

6:32

funny. Yes, Mom, I now have that video

6:35

so blackly, are

6:37

you aware? I know you're supposed to be asking me

6:39

the questions, but like, are you aware of times

6:42

that you're happy? Like do you clock it when you're

6:44

going, God, this is a really good time, Like,

6:46

do you have an awareness of them happening? I think

6:49

I have a vague awareness. I think you don't

6:51

know it's better until the moments, over which

6:53

I think is when the beach is so good, because you know,

6:55

in the moment you're sort of you're splashing around.

6:57

Then you leave and it's sort of like you

7:00

look back on that and you're like, wow, that was really good,

7:02

And so I think I don't notice.

7:05

But then what I've left I noticed.

7:07

That's a really good point. In fact, that

7:09

is so interesting because I was thinking that right

7:11

before we did this, I was, as you know, I

7:14

went out for a surf. That path from our

7:16

house to the beach that I've walked a thousand

7:18

thousand times, I still have that

7:20

feeling when I come around the corner and I'm

7:22

walking down the path towards the ocean and the

7:25

sage. The smell of like hot warm sage

7:27

is blowing, and it's sunny and it's beautiful,

7:29

and I can sort of hear tinkly voices from the beach.

7:32

It's like it triggers all those other memories

7:34

of the beach, like all those other memories of happiness

7:36

are triggered every time I returned

7:39

to this beach. So, but it's almost

7:41

like it's on a loop in some deep place

7:43

in my heart. And maybe that's

7:45

it that we should keep triggering our happy

7:47

place. We should keep finding ways of triggering

7:50

our happy place, like whatever that is in our

7:52

life, whether it's you know, you know,

7:54

on the beach, in the city,

7:56

wherever it is, we're just trying to go back to their and

7:58

have it happened again. Yeah, have a new

8:00

experience in that place that you categorically

8:03

know is a place that you have been happy.

8:05

I don't know if that always works. I think yeah, I

8:07

think it definitely makes sense. Good. I glad

8:09

I'm not sounding drunk. That's good.

8:17

What quality do you like least about yourself?

8:20

Good? I mean, I know that you'll probably have

8:22

an opinion about this, But the thing

8:24

that drives me maddest about

8:27

myself is so I'm explaining

8:29

this to you even though you watch it happen. You

8:32

know, often when something difficult happens,

8:35

I don't let it just be about

8:37

that difficult thing that's happening. It's

8:39

like that thing becomes a

8:41

magnetic ball that attracts

8:43

all of the other difficult

8:46

things that are either going on currently

8:48

or have gone on in the past, or might happen

8:50

in the future, and they all attached to this

8:52

magnetic ball that was just one small problem

8:55

and suddenly it's this overwhelming

8:58

ball of catastrophe and it

9:00

drives me insane. And I'm completely

9:03

aware that I do it, and Addison

9:05

is really good at stopping me. Now I'm going

9:07

hold on, hold on, hold on. This was

9:09

about the waste disposal not working

9:12

for the sixth day in a row, not about

9:15

your current unemployment. I

9:17

know what you mean. I've seen it happen before when

9:19

I'm sitting you know, you know, like some raisin brand

9:21

in the kitchen, and I think something minor

9:24

comes in and it becomes a bigger

9:26

thing. I don't think it's your fault. I think it's just

9:28

sort of a way that your brain is programmed,

9:30

if you know what I mean. I don't think it's really changeable,

9:33

but I don't think it's the worst thing. I

9:35

still love you. I love it. Do you really think it's

9:37

not programable, because like, if you have awareness

9:40

about something, do you not think that awareness

9:42

is like the first step to changing it? Yeah,

9:45

I mean When I say programmed, I don't mean like you

9:47

can ever change it. I'm just saying it's sort of like born

9:49

into yeah, sort of like how you

9:51

know I used to have blonde hair. Now I don't

9:53

have blond hair. It can change kind

9:55

of, but it takes time. You have to put work

9:58

into it. I didn't put work into my hair it. You

10:00

know what I mean about analogy,

10:02

But there's a great analogy that I like

10:05

that. The thing is I then use that against

10:07

myself and it becomes part of my ball of catastrophe,

10:09

going why are you not changing quick enough? Why are you aware

10:11

of this thing? And why on earth? You see how

10:14

distressed you become and how distressing

10:16

that is for the people around you, So why do you keep

10:18

doing it? I don't quite understand what needs

10:20

to happen in order to evolve. Would

10:22

I would like to have a drink like Alice in

10:24

Wonderland to speed up the evolution of certain

10:27

aspects of my psyche? I

10:29

get what you mean. That's also that's part of being human.

10:32

You know, we have issues that we bring and then

10:34

we all deal with issues in different ways. You know, you

10:36

bring other things in some people they'll try

10:38

to ignore it. It's it's always different for

10:40

people. But I think if you're really trying

10:42

to change it, which I don't think you need to because

10:45

I mean, you're perfect and every way, oh

10:47

stop it. I think

10:49

if you're really trying to change it, you know, you have to

10:51

really believe that you can, because if

10:53

you're constantly I don't know everyone

10:56

says this, but if you're constantly be you

10:58

know, being angry and you're attaching things and

11:00

you're doing this you don't want. You have to really focus

11:02

on what's happening, and you have to try to move

11:04

away from it. It's true. It's like you come back to

11:06

the present moment and go, all of that other stuff

11:08

isn't happening. It's just this one thing. I

11:11

know that seems incredibly difficult at the time

11:13

because you know, you're thinking, oh no,

11:16

the pies burning, unemployed,

11:18

you know, there's a bunch of stuff happening. I'm

11:20

not I'm not saying that to be bad. That's literally

11:22

how it goes. We both know that is exactly

11:25

how it goes. The apple pie is burned

11:27

and I can't get a job. I

11:29

don't mean it's what you mean. I'm just repeating what you said

11:31

before. I'm sorry, it's so not mean,

11:34

it's so exactly true. I'm here

11:36

for it. I think you're saying those things. And we really

11:38

just have to do is think, Okay, the apple pies burned,

11:40

but it's fine, we still have some lasagna.

11:42

You know, I'm going to find a job, and you just have

11:45

to think that it's not forever, and you can move

11:47

away from that, and you can you can get away from

11:49

that place and you can find positives. It's

11:51

difficult because in the moment you feel

11:53

like you're useless and it's all bad and nothing

11:55

else is going to happen. That's good, But over time

11:58

you have to know that it's all just it's

12:00

going to fit together like a little puzzle and

12:02

just become good. Absolutely true,

12:04

Darling. I think that is sage advice. It's

12:07

really just taking a breath and going in this

12:09

moment, just this thing is happening, and

12:11

it's just like taking a running jump off a cliff. And

12:13

I think we do that as people, or I

12:15

know I do it. And I really hope

12:17

that this conversation is a sea change

12:19

in the way in which I barely up to the

12:21

more the trickier things in life sometimes, So

12:24

you know, thanks for the empathy, babe. Well,

12:26

I think it's probably being your son. We have to

12:28

be empathetic. What

12:32

relationship, real or fictionalized,

12:35

defines love for you? Well, if you

12:37

weren't interviewing me, I would say, you

12:39

like becoming a mother. And maybe it's pertinent

12:41

because it's a mother's day, but there are really two things

12:43

that are two problem. It really did my ideas

12:46

about love and what that was when you

12:48

were born. It wasn't even like it

12:50

was suddenly like this great aha moment.

12:52

It is like this deep inner knowing

12:55

that it is completely okay, that everything you thought

12:57

before about love was to

13:00

of pales in comparison from this actual

13:02

definition of it. Is this all encompassing,

13:05

unconditional feeling of

13:07

peace and that everything is

13:09

right, and that's the only way that I can describe

13:12

it. And the tangent of that, it's

13:14

like the love that I have for Addison, which

13:17

is that feeling of things just

13:19

being right. And then the other

13:21

I guess this is three pronged, not two prongs.

13:24

You know, it's more of a fork. Is with surfing.

13:26

How I feel about surfing and when I'm

13:28

surfing it dovetails into how

13:30

I felt when you were born and how it

13:32

was to fall in love with Addison, which is

13:35

again this feeling of its dynamic.

13:38

It requires you being completely

13:40

present. There is huge respect in it and

13:42

strength. You can never underestimate

13:44

it and in a way, if you humble yourself

13:47

to it, you will reap the rewards.

13:50

But it requires a lack of ego and insistence

13:53

on things being done your way. There's

13:55

something about surrender in love, and

13:57

like having a baby is the ultimate surrender,

13:59

like your body, like when you first start having

14:02

contractions, you know, which are the pains that you have to

14:04

have a baby. You're just like no, no,

14:06

no, no, no no no, this car happen, this car happened. I can't

14:08

do this. I can't do this. You have no choice. You

14:10

just have to keep going and surrender

14:13

to it in the same way that I ultimately

14:15

surrender to Addison's kindness, Like

14:17

I've never really been with someone who kindness

14:20

was their fundament and respect

14:22

with their fundament. So there's three things

14:24

for me, You, Eddie, and surfing

14:27

my pyramid of love a triangle. It's as strong

14:29

as she is. That right, yeah, I know,

14:32

because you're in school paying attention to geometricy

14:35

of course paying attention. Yeah,

14:37

uh, well, back on topic off

14:39

of school. I think that's a really interesting definition

14:42

of love because I know there's a lot of people

14:44

that say love is just about being with people

14:47

and it's connecting. We're not connecting on a deeper

14:49

level. I think what you're really saying is you're not just

14:51

there with them, and you're not being with them. You're not you know, like helping

14:53

them with the groceries, but you're you're with their personality.

14:56

You're like, you're really there with them instead of

14:58

you know, just being there to cook them food. You're sort

15:00

of you're there for the love and you're there for the surrenders.

15:02

We're there for the good times the bad times, not

15:04

just the times where you want to be there. That's so

15:06

funny because what I hear in that is

15:09

it speaks to the duality of being a human

15:11

being. You have this physical experience,

15:13

which is doing the groceries, taking care

15:15

of the thing, that this that that, all of which are

15:17

expressions of love. Add percent, like when

15:19

you make me breakfast in bed, when you make

15:21

my coffee and eggs and toast, that is an

15:24

expression of love. And then there's the other the

15:26

spiritual side of being a human being,

15:28

which is slightly more difficult

15:30

to articulate, but just that deep

15:32

feeling of peace and safety with someone

15:35

like strangely, that's how I felt like during

15:37

COVID, when it was just you, me and ads together

15:39

in this really scary time, seeing really

15:42

scary things happen and terrible things happening

15:44

to so many people, but that feeling of us together

15:46

was this safe unit. It's funny,

15:49

isn't it. There's like there's the human the physical

15:51

experience, and then there's this like more spiritual

15:54

is the only way etheric experience

15:56

that maybe runs parallel with it? Yea, So

15:58

it's a two propt one. So is it two

16:00

pronged? I'd say, I'd say the third prong

16:03

it's there. It's just maybe on the other side,

16:05

you know. So it's like stabby instead of pokey.

16:08

Instead of pokey, it's stabby

16:10

instead of folks. It's a double sign

16:13

and two pronged in one pronged fork.

16:15

My definition of love is three pronged. But

16:17

you're saying, like existential

16:20

love is two pronged, human and spiritual.

16:22

Yeah. Great, I think you should write a book by

16:25

Wow. The two pronged fork of love. Yeah,

16:27

I'd buy that book. I'd buy that.

16:30

I think we should illustrate that cover later, the

16:32

two pronged fork of love from

16:34

up with your your whole what you've been saying.

16:37

Do you think you would have like answered this question differently

16:40

twenty years ago, like you know, before you had

16:42

me, before you've gone through other stuff, etcetera.

16:44

Yes, Christ, Yes, I

16:46

would have. I would have. I would have thought that

16:49

this idea of romantic love,

16:51

this idea of a family unit looking

16:53

the way that I thought it was supposed to, even

16:55

though I don't even come from that, which is, you know, two

16:58

parents who are married who then have children, like

17:00

my parents weren't married, they had kids, they

17:02

had kids with other people. I had you without

17:04

having a partner who was sort of, you

17:07

know, doing the shared duties with Like twenty

17:09

years ago, I would have said that it was some romantic,

17:12

ridiculous idea that had been

17:14

pushed on me by how I'd processed

17:16

society, which was looking around going, oh,

17:19

if somebody chooses you and marries you, that

17:21

means that you are loved, as opposed to

17:23

being in life discovering that love for

17:25

yourself and seeing what kinds of expressions of

17:27

that love show up. I eat a beautiful

17:29

baby that comes miraculously out

17:32

of a connection with a person. You know, there's

17:34

more magic. Now, that's really beautiful.

17:36

How perspectives can change in you know,

17:38

twenty years. Do you ever do that? Do you ever write down

17:40

your thoughts now like a time caps you're

17:42

thinking, Oh, I'm going to look back and just gonna see. I'm

17:45

going to leave a breadcrumb trail for myself, and then

17:47

I'll come back to this in twenty years and see what I think about

17:49

it. I think I've done that before. I think i've first

17:51

school. Yeah. It sounds a bit schoolly,

17:53

doesn't it. Sorry, I'm sorry. I don't mean to,

17:56

like, you know, down on your cool style,

17:58

but it does feel. It does feel

18:00

sort of like, you know, write down, think about

18:02

later. But I think your explanation of

18:04

you know, twenty years ago, half love sort of felt

18:06

somethybe pushed instead of something that you felt.

18:10

That's really beautiful. That feels, you know, take

18:12

a little garden of love sprouting

18:14

up, changing and evolving. Oh you

18:16

know what, Also, like that is actually

18:19

a really clear indication that evolution is possible.

18:21

In my bumbling old brain.

18:24

Actually, so maybe going back to that question

18:26

before of like will this stuff I

18:28

don't like about myself? Will that evolved? It's like, well,

18:30

your idea about love evolved, and

18:33

why can't that happen to other things? That's

18:35

true, So then maybe maybe it'll be when

18:37

I'm e te, I won't have a ball of catastrophe

18:39

too ProMED. Fork has turned into a sport.

18:42

It's turned into a sport. We're going to have

18:44

light a whole tableware philosophy

18:46

by the end of this what

18:58

person plays or ex Varian's most

19:00

altered your life? Well, you did,

19:03

really it's you. But like it's going to become

19:05

repetitive if I just keep saying that you. But you

19:07

must know that and people will know that

19:09

that you were the person who changed my whole

19:11

life. But when I was much younger, a person who

19:14

really did have this huge impact was

19:16

this girl who is one of the stories

19:18

in my book. You're only your book,

19:20

Mom, I'd tell you I have a book coming at out right

19:22

now. It's called Managing Expectations. Well,

19:24

mom, so in this book there's a story about

19:26

how when I left college, when I left drama

19:28

school, you know, absolutely intent on

19:31

becoming an actor. I was the only kid in my

19:33

class to graduate without getting representation,

19:36

you know, an agent or a manager. Nobody was

19:38

interested. All my friends got them. I didn't, and

19:40

I was absolutely stuck. I had no idea what I

19:42

was supposed to do in my whole life. Since

19:45

I was five or six years old, had

19:47

just been gunning for this notion of becoming

19:49

an actor. And I had also been told that the only

19:51

way that you could get work as an actor is if you had representation.

19:54

So there was nineteen, absolutely

19:56

stuffed, and Mom was

19:59

so hilarious. You was like, right, well,

20:01

I supposed to better just get a job as a waitress. She

20:03

had no sympathat She was just like, go and

20:05

find a way to pay your rent. We need money now,

20:07

please get on with the look. Yeah, exactly,

20:09

get on it. So I was like okay, and

20:11

I had to work. I didn't have any money, so I was singing

20:13

in jazz clubs. I was like doing whatever

20:16

I could. I hated waitressing, so

20:18

it's a terrible waiter. Like. I was always questioning

20:20

people's wine choices, you know, Like my

20:22

dad sadly taught me about wine,

20:25

and I would mutter under my breath. God,

20:27

don't order the peanuts greasy with the

20:29

beef. That is just

20:31

what I was thinking. Oh my god, I was really just

20:34

thinking I could I pictured you sing,

20:36

dude terrible.

20:39

So I get fired off. And so then I just started singing

20:41

in jazz clubs and dinner jazz and no one

20:43

was listening. And through this summer it was this

20:45

explosion of this music called acid house,

20:47

and I would go to these parties, these

20:50

raves out in the middle of the countryside in like warehouses

20:52

and barns and wherever, and these huge parties

20:54

and it was amazing, and you just dance all

20:56

night until it got light, and then a bit further

20:59

and then you go home. And in that time, because I wasn't

21:01

really as you know, I just

21:03

I don't drink a lot, and I didn't really do all

21:05

the drugs that the kids were doing at that

21:07

time, so I was pretty sober. And I would be

21:09

driving home and there was this one girl who I always

21:12

seemed to be, you know, I connect with her because

21:14

she was also sober, and we'd have these

21:16

great conversations and that we partied all

21:18

through the summer and had this great time, and she was just

21:20

really cool. But we never really hung out in between. We

21:22

just see each other at these parties, and towards the

21:24

end of the summer, I was just dreading September.

21:27

Reality was bench pressing in

21:29

the parking lot, waiting for August

21:31

thirty one to switch over to September one,

21:34

and then I was just going to get my ass kicked.

21:36

And we must been driving home early one morning

21:38

and she was like, you know, what do you do And I was like, oh, well,

21:40

you know, I'm supposed to be an actress. And she was like, what do you mean

21:42

supposed to be I was like, well, I left school, I

21:44

don't have any work. I'm singing, I'm trying

21:46

to do that. I don't know what I'm doing at it. And she was

21:48

like, I worked for a casting director and

21:51

I was like, do you She was like, yeah,

21:53

you should come and meet her. And that was like

21:55

on the Saturday night, Sunday morning, and

21:57

on the Monday I went and met this casting

21:59

direct who was one of the nicest people

22:01

and one of the biggest casting directors in the UK

22:04

and in the world. And I don't know, I

22:06

don't know what she saw in me. I had

22:08

nothing to recommend me except a smart mouth

22:11

and making some jokes, and

22:13

she called up an agent who had

22:15

seen me in a play at drama school and have been

22:17

like, she's rubbish, and she just

22:20

convinced her to give me a trial, just

22:22

to give me a try, just try me out for a few

22:24

weeks and see if I could do something. That

22:26

girl that I used to go raving with, she

22:29

really did change my life. I

22:31

feel like I've heard some of it before. I

22:33

think that's really cool. Her life just kind

22:36

of life finds away. It does.

22:38

Actually for

22:42

the next question, what question would you most

22:45

like it answered? I know this is the difficult

22:47

one for you. You told me it's going to be a

22:49

bit hard. I literally ran into Henry's

22:51

bedroom like before we were like setting up this, and I was like, day,

22:53

I don't know what to say to this question, Like I don't

22:55

know what like I've been asking it, and I asked

22:57

it because I don't really know what should I say, and

23:00

Henry just sat there watching me eat turkey

23:02

and lettuce, going I don't I don't know. I said

23:04

how long does the battery last? Because

23:07

that would be pretty cool? Or I mean, I

23:09

do want to know. Why does my electric car tell

23:11

me that I have two d and sixty miles

23:14

and then I drive sixteen miles and it says

23:16

that I've used up fifty. It's such a lie

23:18

like that that bugs the

23:21

crap out of me. But I know what this

23:23

just to do with commerce and like you know, metrics

23:25

and the way stuff looks. The question I would

23:27

most like answered is I

23:30

want to know how to stop this

23:33

savagery that man shows

23:35

two people, and I say man, because

23:37

it is always men starting

23:40

wars and creating

23:42

this profound unrest. I want

23:44

to know rather than like will it ever

23:46

end? I want to know how to stop

23:48

it, like as a society, like how we

23:50

could globally unite to

23:53

stop this? That there would be like what's

23:55

the protocol when you start to see

23:57

the troops amassing on a

24:00

border? What do you do? How do we all

24:02

come together really quickly to stop

24:04

that from happening? I would like to know that. That's

24:07

definitely that's sort of expanding on the end world

24:09

hunger kind of thing. Do you mean, like solving like these

24:11

huge issues that we have as people? Yeah,

24:14

like these massive issues, But I think that's

24:16

sort of like taking no step further with wanting

24:18

to know how. But I think Yeah, you're definitely

24:21

right. If there's a tier list of questions that need to be

24:23

answered, it's pretty high up there. It's kind

24:25

of like a here question, right. It's the same thing about

24:27

saying that we're human or spiritual, because obviously

24:29

I want to know am I going to see Mom again?

24:32

Am I going to see her again? If someone could just

24:34

tell me that, I wouldn't worry so much. I

24:36

wish I could know that. But that's also

24:38

the sort of spiritual question. Then there are these human

24:40

questions about being here and now, like could

24:43

we actually affect change here if

24:45

we knew the answer to some of these huge questions?

24:47

Could we make this experience less

24:50

awful for so many people? I

24:52

think, well, because yeah, you're sort of showing the

24:54

two roads, the sort of question for yourself and

24:56

the question for humanity. Yeah. Like, I'm

24:58

referencing what's happening the Ukraine right now,

25:01

and it feels it's like a dead end

25:03

because we don't know how to or what's going to happen.

25:05

I mean, I think that's one of the issues with one of

25:08

some of the big questions. You ask them and there's

25:10

no real answer, sort of it leads to

25:12

a dead end. But I think exploring that, I

25:14

think that's really that's important, sort of like you

25:16

know, knowing what life means, knowing

25:18

how to make peace. I think one it means dead

25:20

end. I think that sort of means

25:22

very important and too important to

25:24

have a short answer. It

25:27

would take textbooks of home textbooks

25:29

to solve you know, peace, the world hunger, because

25:31

there's just there's so many different sides

25:33

to it. It's it's really difficult to sort of

25:36

create one single piece of perfectness.

25:39

But let me ask you this, Why do you think Addison

25:41

would say it's because of tribalism. But

25:43

we are human beings before we are

25:45

our tribes. Why as human beings

25:48

can we not unite around that humanity?

25:50

Why is it always about the tribalism

25:53

And the kind of furthering what Putin is

25:55

doing is like the furthering of Putin's agenda,

25:57

like he's also a person, Like how

26:00

how does that get? This is so terrible, you

26:02

poor thing. I'm so sorry that I'm pushing this only

26:04

Oh no, no, it's completely fine. I thought about

26:06

this, you know, but I wonder why the humanity

26:09

doesn't come first, Like why isn't there some a chip

26:11

in our brain, a part of our brain that kicks in when

26:13

we start acting only in our own self

26:15

interest. How come there isn't this thing that completely

26:18

reminds us that we are part of something so

26:20

much bigger than where people.

26:22

We're not just a person. I so badly.

26:24

I don't want to say tribalism, but I

26:26

think since we are descendants of the

26:28

Ape, I feel like Apes, they're

26:31

very tribalistic. They like territory

26:33

there. I mean, as as much I know is of Apes.

26:36

I think since our brains evolved from them,

26:38

and we've evolved from no wanting

26:40

to be together with our tribe and wanting

26:42

to keep out the others, I think there's just

26:44

that small bit from being Apes.

26:46

I think that's left in our brain of just that we don't

26:49

want our tribe to be taken away from

26:51

us. But it all leads back to I don't know the word.

26:53

I I'm gonna say apeism because that sounds

26:55

correct. So it all leads

26:57

back to apeism. The evolution they think.

26:59

They call it the reptilian brain. I'd prefer

27:01

apism. I prefer apism too. I'm

27:03

going to go to the apism now, the monkey brain, the monkey

27:06

mind. Yeah, the monkey mind. If we

27:08

evolved from you know, like if we evolved from

27:10

something that that didn't really care. If we have all from like

27:12

turtles, I'm going to make some turtle

27:14

special. It's very mad now, but I'm just assuming

27:17

the turtles they don't really care about territory and tribes.

27:19

If we have all from them, we'd have shells, but

27:21

we'd also sort of wouldn't care as much.

27:23

But Darning, when you know what, you being able to see

27:25

that, and you being thirteen, it gives me hope

27:27

that that question I want answered is that it's

27:29

possible it might get answered, and that a global

27:32

response to territorial terrorism

27:34

might be found with your generation. Yeah,

27:36

I don't think you need to bust my room with your turkey

27:38

and salad. You you had that figured out, thank

27:41

you, Ding. I just needed to talk to you about it, and I figured

27:43

out what my question was. I'm

27:45

very easy to talk to you. I've been told you really

27:47

are I think I told you I made you?

27:50

Yes, good for you, you know, thank

27:52

you for the reminder. I'm not taking credit

27:54

for you completely. You are you? Are you

27:57

truly? Another book? Idea? You

27:59

are? Letter? Are you? Exclamation

28:02

point? Yeah, we need like really cool colors

28:04

are nice like gray scale photos. We're

28:06

looking off in the distance. We have this

28:09

book, by the way, That is what I didn't want

28:11

for my memoir, the whole idea of

28:13

like a black and white, gray scale picture of

28:15

me sort of like you know, hand under your chin,

28:17

kind of staring off out of the ocean. Yeah.

28:20

I just like just like walking off like this, Yeah,

28:22

just looking like pensive. What

28:34

would be your last meal? Well, it's

28:36

about that it would be with people, So it would

28:38

be with you, adds

28:41

Auntie, Katie, Percy, Jess, Lily,

28:43

mom, dad, my stepmother, my

28:45

two brothers and their families, and it would be

28:48

us on a beach, but with it would

28:50

be catered by this restaurant

28:52

on the Amalfi Coast called La

28:54

Scola, which is the best food I've ever eaten,

28:57

the most transporting food I've ever eaten in

28:59

my life. And there would be a way of making

29:01

sure everything was like hot and the perfect temperature

29:03

and perfectly sir. But we would all be on the beach

29:06

together. And then at the end of eating.

29:08

I know it sounds nuts, but there's this courgette

29:11

zucchini in American pasta that is

29:13

unlike anything I've ever eaten in my life.

29:15

And these fresh anchovies, which are not like the antivies

29:18

that you think of in a can. They are white. They have just

29:20

come out of the ocean with the warm tomatoes

29:22

that come from the garden in the back of

29:24

the restaurant. So these warm, vine

29:26

ripened by the sun tomatoes with these

29:28

fresh white anchovies that have been grilled

29:31

to perfection with olive oil and lemon

29:33

on them, and they're presented on a plate in like a star.

29:36

You lose your mind. You

29:38

lose your mind, which if it's my last

29:40

meal, I don't care about my mind anymore. I

29:42

just want to be eating that food with all of you. And then at

29:44

the end of that right when we've just finished

29:47

everything delicious, I want to hear

29:49

the tinkling of an ice cream van.

29:52

So I get that feeling that you get

29:54

when you hear the tinkling of the ice

29:56

cream van. Brings you back to your childhood. Yeah,

29:58

and immediately you get that butterflies in your

30:00

stomach. It still happens to me when I hear an ice

30:03

cream Then now and then I want us all to race

30:05

up the beach and go and get a Mr Whippy

30:08

with two flakes in it. Two flakes

30:10

not through not one to to for

30:12

American listeners. And Mr Whippy is a soft

30:14

serve ice cream that comes out in a coil

30:16

into a cone and a flake. Is this chocolate

30:19

bar that you get in England that's arguably

30:21

the most delicious chocolate bar to me is and

30:23

that's stuck in the top of the ice cream crumbly.

30:26

It's really nice. Oh my god,

30:28

that is my perfect last

30:30

mail. It's perfect, and then I

30:32

want to take off into whatever's next, like

30:34

as if I had like power jets in my

30:36

feet, so I would literally just wave goodbye

30:39

to everybody and then just shoot straight out. Oh

30:41

yeah, fireworks, fireworks with

30:43

your ice cream and like like a really

30:45

good firework display and like really good

30:47

music and be as I ascended,

30:50

because there would be some kind of ascent in

30:52

your power rocket boots with your two flag

30:54

not or not three Mr Whippy

30:57

from an ice cream. Then after you've eaten this delicious

30:59

zuki and then there would be a giant

31:01

rainbow over the beach and glitter.

31:03

That's really great. That is it? Men

31:06

out such a great answer.

31:08

I think incorporating people that you love and

31:10

stuff that's really interesting. And then Auntie Katy would

31:12

be like, Okay, let's pack up the leftovers. Don't

31:14

waste anything quickly. You need to go

31:17

by waited getting

31:19

dark? Leave, that's getting dark.

31:22

If the mill has all your friends and family and

31:24

everyone, what would you want to talk about? Love?

31:27

I just love stories. I love when

31:29

people tell stories. But my dad

31:31

used to tell the best stories. Mom used to

31:33

tell the best stories. I just and I loved hearing

31:36

the same stories. Like Mom and Dad used to tell

31:38

the story, and they would tell it about each

31:40

other when the other one wasn't present, and they tell it when

31:42

they were together. It used to crack me up that they

31:44

both would tell the story, which was when mom

31:46

and dad went to Morocco and they were

31:48

on this amazing, crazy adventure

31:51

and they were in this place and they

31:53

were serving lamb and my dad goes,

31:55

the lamb was green, and Mom goes, the

31:58

lamb had a green sauce. And

32:00

my dad would be like, the lamb was

32:02

green because it was bad, and

32:05

my mom was like, the lamb had a green sauce

32:07

because everyone knows that you eat mint sauce

32:09

with lamb, and that mint is very very

32:11

common in Morocco. So Dad says,

32:14

I told her not to eat it, and Mom's like, he

32:16

told me not to eat it, And I said, you're being ridiculous,

32:19

and Dad said she wouldn't listen. And then

32:21

Mom eats the lamb and obviously nearly

32:23

dies of food poisoning, and my dad

32:26

manages to be both completely empathetic

32:28

and take care of her whilst also massively

32:31

doing the I Told you so danced as

32:33

she's throwing up and almost dying from food poisoning.

32:36

So that's what I would like everyone to be talking about. It is like telling

32:38

the funniest stories and laughing really

32:40

hard, just like when we all start laughing

32:43

in Cornwall. That's my favorite

32:45

thing in

32:49

your life. Can you tell me something

32:52

that has grown out of a personal disaster?

32:55

Yes, looking back, I

32:57

know that every time I

33:00

thought the world was ending, when

33:03

you know, a relationship didn't work out, when

33:06

I was suddenly broke and

33:09

didn't know where the next job was

33:11

coming from. When I look and I see,

33:14

invariably things grew out

33:16

of all of those things. I have so many disasters

33:19

because I think people do. But invariably

33:22

every choice that you're forced to make when something doesn't

33:24

work out leads you to what your life

33:26

is and how can you not celebrate that. It's

33:28

a heavy one, but it's true. When

33:31

Mom died, I was like, it

33:33

is not possible to recover from this. So

33:36

I kept thinking, well, this is terrible.

33:39

Nothing good can grow out of this, and it's true,

33:41

for a long time nothing did. And

33:43

then so strangely, like

33:46

the little shoots you see on a tree that looks

33:48

dead in winter, you know, the trees near our

33:50

house in London that just looked like there is no way

33:52

they are coming back. And then one day

33:55

in March you see a little,

33:57

tiny green shoot coming out

33:59

of a branch. And I had that this year

34:01

because I was still feeling so much

34:04

grief. And when I saw that little green

34:06

shoot on the magnolia trees, I felt this

34:08

thing inside. I felt this recognition

34:10

that it was growing anew. And then it reminded

34:12

me of Mom, because she loved the spring.

34:15

She died in the spring. She loved the spring.

34:17

She loved the notion of renewal. She loved

34:19

being able to say it is ship right now, excuse

34:22

my French, and it is going to get better. She

34:24

loved that. So there's something in

34:26

March of this year when I saw those

34:28

shoots growing out of the trees, I

34:30

knew it was going to be okay. And that didn't mean

34:33

that I wasn't going to have days where I would

34:35

miss her so much, but it reminded me that

34:37

it is true at all things evolved,

34:39

even grief, even lost,

34:42

and sometimes they can evolve in the absence

34:44

of the thing that you think has to happen to make you

34:46

feel better. And in that case, it was she has

34:48

to be alive again in order for me to feel better. And

34:50

the problem, or the thing is is that she isn't going

34:52

to be alive again. And she would be the first person

34:55

to scoff with laughter me thinking that could

34:57

ever happen. But she's definitely what gave

34:59

me the ability to like notice the

35:01

green shoots on the magnolia tree and actually

35:03

connect that to the evolution of grief.

35:06

But it was a bit heavy, darling, sorry about that. No,

35:08

no, no no, it's fine. I mean I lived through

35:10

it as well. I got the same memories.

35:12

So I think you're wrapping it all around to the evolution

35:14

thing where we all evolve, Like we're just full

35:17

circled right on into the evolution

35:19

again. It all can evolve your dead

35:21

trees they go sprouts, so that

35:23

that might be the best knowalogy I've ever heard.

35:25

I mean, I mean that's yeah, like you know,

35:27

the power of evolution, renewal,

35:30

renewal, renewal, Yeah, you know of like

35:32

how things they reap, they

35:34

recycle, they regret, which is again

35:37

what makes me feel that the notion of death

35:39

being an end seems really improbable,

35:42

given that this whole universe seems

35:44

to be about the continuation and the

35:46

renewal of energy and that's pretty much

35:48

what we are. It's been a lovely

35:50

conversation. I'm sad that I run out of questions

35:53

starting when you're properly empathetic,

35:55

hen And like I said, I have great

35:57

hope for the future because because of you.

36:00

Thank you, Mom. You're welcome, my darling. Happy

36:02

Mother's Day to both of us. I mean,

36:04

I'm not really a mother, but I think you

36:06

made me a mother, so I suppose I

36:08

should sort of thank you. We're in it together,

36:11

like fast and furious, you know, like

36:13

that kind of thing. Family.

36:15

Family. Family. That's

36:18

a perfect way to end this evolution And

36:20

Vin Diesel, You're amazing. Thank

36:23

you so much. I love you, love

36:25

you. Happy Mother's Day. My

36:29

mom. Mini has a book out right now you

36:31

should definitely buy. It's called Manergy

36:33

Expectations, and it's kind of a bit

36:35

more ish. It's stories from her

36:37

life about how life not working out is

36:40

really life working out. You can see her in the

36:42

movies Chevalier and Rosalind later this

36:44

year, and thank you for listening to her podcast.

36:47

She really loves doing it. Many

36:51

Questions is hosted and written by me

36:53

Mini Driver, Supervising producer

36:56

Aaron Kaufman, Proda

36:58

Morgan Levoy, Research

37:00

Assistant Marissa Brown. Original

37:04

music Sorry Baby by Minni

37:06

Driver, Additional

37:08

music by Aaron Kaufman. Executive

37:11

produced by me Mini Driver. Special

37:14

thanks to Jim Nikolay, Will

37:16

Pearson, Addison No Day,

37:19

Lisa Castella and Nick Oppenheim

37:21

at w kPr, de

37:24

La Pescador, Kate Driver

37:26

and Jason Weinberg, and for

37:28

constantly solicited tech support, Henry

37:31

Driver