0:02

I'm gonna call your Minica and hunger

0:05

okay or okay Minica

0:08

Minica any

0:12

Minika Niga

0:16

like, but you're not. You're

0:19

a biggie. I am a biggie.

0:21

That is so exactly right. I'm not many

0:23

at all. I'm a giant tea. Hello,

0:29

I'm Mini driver. Welcome to Many

0:32

Questions, Season two. I've

0:34

always loved Pruce's question. It

0:36

was originally a nineteenth century

0:38

parlor game where players would ask

0:41

each other thirty five questions aimed at

0:43

revealing the other player's true nature.

0:46

It's just the scientific method,

0:48

really. In asking different people

0:50

the same set of questions, you can make observations

0:53

about which truths appeared to be universal.

0:55

I love this discipline, and

0:57

it made me wonder, what if these quests

1:00

were just the jumping off point, what greater

1:02

depths would be revealed if I ask these

1:05

questions as conversation starters with

1:07

thought leaders and trailblazers across

1:09

all these different disciplines. So I

1:11

adapted Pru's questionnaire and I wrote my

1:13

own seven questions that I personally

1:16

think a pertinent to a person's story. They

1:18

are when and where were you happiest?

1:20

What is the quality you like least about yourself.

1:23

What relationship, real or fictionalized,

1:25

defines love for you? What question

1:28

would you most like answered, What person,

1:30

place, or experience has shaped you the

1:32

most? What would be your last meal? And

1:35

can you tell me something in your life that's

1:37

grown out of a personal disaster? And

1:40

I've gathered a group of really

1:42

remarkable people, ones that I

1:45

am honored and humbled to have had the

1:47

chance to engage with. You may not hear

1:49

their answers to all seven of these

1:51

questions. We've whittled it down to

1:53

which questions felt closest to their

1:55

experience, or the most surprising,

1:58

or created the most fertile

2:00

ground to connect. My

2:03

guest today on many questions is

2:05

best selling author, psychologist, and

2:07

extraordinary teacher Dr Edith

2:10

Eager. Dr. Eagle was born

2:12

into a Jewish family in Hungary, and

2:15

she and her family were sent to Auschwitz during

2:17

the Nazi occupation, where her parents

2:19

were killed and she and her sister

2:21

survived. She said that she had been

2:23

found by an American soldier on May four when

2:27

he had seen her hand moving slightly where she

2:29

lay among a number of dead bodies. Dr.

2:32

Eager eventually moved to America and

2:34

received her PhD in clinical psychology

2:36

from the University of Texas at El Paso.

2:39

She spent her entire life helping

2:41

patients with post traumatic stress disorder

2:43

recover and teaching all

2:45

of us through her books how to

2:48

free our minds from the prison of destructive

2:50

thoughts and behaviors. She is genuinely

2:52

one of the sweetest, most positive

2:54

and powerful people I've ever spoken to in

2:57

my life, and she left me with the lasting

2:59

idea that what happens to us in life

3:01

is not the most important thing in the end. Rather,

3:04

the most important thing is what

3:06

we do with our lives. Where

3:13

and when were you happiest When

3:16

my daughter was born September

3:19

nine, four seven, because

3:22

my doctor didn't want me to have a

3:24

child and his scheduled an abortion,

3:27

and I told him I want to give

3:30

life. And so I'm glad

3:32

I didn't listen to the doctor. Wow,

3:35

And that's my daughter, Mary Anne,

3:38

doctor Mary and Anger married

3:40

to Robert ang gerl Ian

3:42

jay Lee who got the Nobel Plaze

3:45

and Economics and two thousand

3:47

three. So I think it's probably

3:50

the most beautiful time when

3:53

I was able to not only

3:55

survive but also give

3:58

birth to a child. Eat

4:00

itth the war ended in nineteen

4:03

and you gave birth to ninety

4:05

seven. People usually asked me did

4:08

you love your husband? And my entries.

4:11

I was seventeen, I

4:14

was very skinny. I was

4:16

very lonely, and most

4:18

of all, I was very hungry. So

4:20

he bought me hungary and salami,

4:23

and so I met it him. That's exactly

4:26

Edith, that is exactly it. You

4:28

were hungry, and he put your salami.

4:31

I was hungry for attention, for

4:33

a fraction, for approval.

4:36

And that's how I called my patients

4:38

today. Hungry. They

4:40

come to me hungry, hungry because

4:43

they expected one thing and they got

4:45

another. They were told one

4:47

thing and then they were presented

4:50

something. And now, Schwitz, I

4:52

asked myself many times, does

4:54

anyone know that I'm here? It

4:57

was so important for me some

5:00

how to know whether anybody

5:02

ever heard of we

5:05

want to forget and use

5:08

all kinds of defense mechanism.

5:11

We deny it. If we forget it,

5:13

we run away from it. And thank

5:15

God, I'm here with you at

5:18

ninety four, a mother of

5:20

three, a grandmother of five,

5:23

and a great grandma of seven.

5:26

My goodness, seven little boys,

5:29

My goodness, that's my

5:31

revenge to Hitler. That's the

5:33

best revenge to Hitler. Your beautiful children

5:36

and their children and their children. Yeah,

5:38

do you remember the liberation

5:41

really, really clearly? Do you remember

5:44

when you really knew that it was over?

5:46

That's a beautiful question, and

5:49

doubt, doubt such

5:52

thing. I can remember. Doubt

5:54

it's just really happening. Is

5:57

it really true? Yeah? I remember

5:59

I've out someone holding my hand,

6:02

and then I looked up. I saw beautiful

6:05

eyes filled with tears.

6:08

I was liberated. I wish

6:10

I could meet that man now. Who

6:13

gave me Eminem's. He

6:15

gives you Eminem's. He gave

6:17

me M and M's. If you come

6:19

to my house. Someone

6:22

sent me M and M's with my

6:24

picture on it. I don't

6:26

know how they got to do

6:28

that, but I can

6:31

give you Eminem's with picture.

6:34

I would like that. I would very much

6:36

like to have some Eminem's with your face

6:38

on them, but I'm almost positive I would not be

6:40

able to eat them. I would just look at

6:43

them. Oh, I

6:46

don't think I could eat something with your face on it, Edith.

6:49

But why don't I shave you some and

6:52

you come here to my house? Yes,

6:54

okay, you did that. I'm gonna come I'll come

6:56

over and we'll look at them together. Make

6:58

I'm hungarian compapria yum.

7:02

I would like that very much. I've

7:04

never had that. You're liking, you

7:06

like round chicken paprica. I

7:09

guaranty you. I actually don't doubt it at

7:11

all. Howard is your son. He's

7:13

thirteen. He's thirteen and he loves

7:15

to cook. Oh you know, I'll

7:18

tell you a story about him, Edith, When he was

7:20

five years old, he came running in the room

7:22

and he grabbed my shoulders and he was crying,

7:25

and he was like mommy, and

7:27

I was like, darling, what's happening, What is

7:29

happening? And he said, I can't

7:31

believe it is chicken

7:34

a chicken And I said,

7:38

well, yeah, yeah, yeah,

7:41

chicken is a chicken, and he went, I

7:44

can't believe it. I thought it was a

7:46

coincidence. And he

7:48

was devastated that he had been eating

7:50

an animal and he didn't know it was an animal.

7:53

So he wrote a song about how sad he was.

7:55

And then he was a vegetarian up until

7:58

only about a year ago. And

8:00

he's always made a lot of his own

8:03

food and always been very interested

8:05

in cooking. And now he's starting

8:08

to eat a lot of different food now,

8:10

and it's amazing to watch this child

8:12

who's really he closed his world

8:15

down and now he's really opening

8:17

it up. But he's doing it really

8:19

consciously with a lot of awareness, and

8:22

it's really amazing to watch. I think

8:24

it would be good for him to talk to Mary

8:26

Anne because she is an expert.

8:29

Is she You go to her house and you

8:31

don't know what you're gonna get on your play.

8:34

You never know what she's going to serve

8:36

you. And so she would be the

8:38

person because he could be really

8:41

a chef. Yes, men should

8:43

stay in the kitchen. What

8:48

question would she most like

8:51

answered? I have been asked

8:53

many times the question

8:56

how would you like to be remembered?

8:59

I think that's very fitting for

9:01

me right now. How would

9:03

you like to be remembered someone who did

9:06

everything in her power that

9:08

your children, grandchildren

9:10

and great grandchildren were

9:13

never experienced what I

9:15

did. I work preventively

9:18

and I'm going to work as long as I

9:20

live. I do not believe in retirement.

9:23

Yeah, my mom was the same, because it's

9:26

not really work, it's living. Then

9:28

we like what we do. We like

9:30

because it's genuine. Yeah, And

9:33

I think if you're putting something into the

9:35

world. Like he said, you have a

9:37

far greater experience than most people

9:39

in the world currently of what it

9:41

really means to sacrifice and what

9:44

it really means to put light back

9:46

into the world. I think we celebrate

9:49

many times what we lost

9:52

rather than celebrate what we

9:54

still have left. And I think

9:56

it's important for us to be very

9:59

picky what we concentrate on.

10:01

I know because when my sister asked

10:03

me, and now shows, how do I look?

10:06

And we were completely naked,

10:09

and uh, I knew that I

10:11

became her mirror. And instead

10:13

of telling her that we should look I

10:16

told her, Magda, you have beautiful

10:19

eyes. And I didn't see it when you

10:21

had hair all over the place. Oh,

10:24

so you say you find something good

10:26

in everything? Why do you think as

10:28

people, as humans? Why

10:31

do you think we jumped to the negative

10:33

so quickly? Why do you think we don't naturally

10:36

fit ourselves to the positive? You

10:39

know? I was in there in Milwaukee,

10:41

invited to a dinner for a family,

10:44

and we said down and the children,

10:47

you know, sit down. This is my

10:49

shy one, this is my funny

10:51

one. So on. So I

10:54

sit down next to the girl and I

10:56

look at her and I said, you

10:58

have such beautiful pro fire, and

11:00

the mother kicked me under the table

11:03

and said, don't tell her that she

11:06

will be conceded. I think

11:08

it's very important, very important

11:10

to pay attention what you're paying

11:13

attention to, because we

11:15

remember the messages our

11:18

parents give us. We really

11:20

do. See. My mother told

11:23

me, I'm glad you have brains because

11:25

you have no looks because my sister

11:28

was the pretty one. Well, I think

11:30

you're beautiful. I think you're beautiful.

11:33

I am very important, and really

11:35

to tell you that you can rewrite

11:38

your script. Oh, yes, that

11:41

is true, always right, every

11:43

day. That's real. Right, I

11:45

am beautiful. I'm one of her

11:48

kind. There'll never be another me,

11:50

and that's true. Never ever

11:53

will be another Mini Mini Mini, never

11:56

ever ever be another Edith. Yes,

11:59

you know. I think people

12:01

can take a journey to discover

12:04

their true self that we give

12:06

up to fit the dynamics. Why

12:09

do you think people give up? It's kind

12:11

of like Shakespeare put people

12:13

on that stage and you will be the

12:16

firstborn child, so you are

12:18

the responsible one. The middle

12:20

child is usually pacemaker. They

12:23

want everybody to get along with everybody

12:26

else, like Kissinger and the babies.

12:28

We call charming manipulator.

12:32

I was the charming manipulator.

12:35

Oh. I would go to my

12:37

father and ask for money

12:40

when he was playing with his croonies

12:42

billiards, because I knew he was

12:44

going to be very generous. I couldn't

12:47

gotta be with my mother with anything

12:49

like that, but you could with your dad. With

12:51

my dad, I could do that. Yeah,

12:54

I was the same. You got to

12:56

know the customers. You gotta

12:58

know that editory. That

13:02

is exactly correct. Now,

13:15

what quality do you like

13:17

least about yourself? If you had to pick

13:19

something, I could be

13:22

less perfectionistic and

13:25

just to be average. I think

13:27

it takes courage just to be average.

13:30

It's okay not to make a plushes

13:32

all the time. It's okay to make

13:34

beds or even flunk.

13:37

I always had to be the number one

13:40

and graduating with owners and

13:42

and I think it takes courage just

13:45

to be You don't have to be anything

13:47

just me. Do you think that you needed

13:50

to strive for perfection and

13:52

to be the best because you've had such

13:55

a lot of time and life and people

13:57

you love taken away from you. I think it had

13:59

agree I do to do with earning,

14:03

deserving and the survivor's

14:06

geared has really taken over

14:08

big time because when I was graduating

14:11

with honors, I did not show

14:13

up for my graduation because

14:16

they died and I did not even

14:18

allow myself. That is a good

14:21

word, permission. I didn't

14:23

give myself permission to

14:25

show up for my graduation, and

14:29

that is really something I would

14:31

not do today. So I think

14:33

it's important to live in a

14:35

present and celebrate every

14:38

moment because life is just one

14:40

day. The morning sunshine

14:42

doesn't come back. And that's why

14:45

I love to live in a present and

14:47

think young, but not young and

14:49

foolish. I like to be liked,

14:53

not chardish. So

14:56

then you know, I still like

14:58

the big band and my children

15:01

call it supermarket music.

15:03

They do. I love big

15:05

band music. You do too, Oh, I love

15:07

that, Glenn Miller, I love. I love

15:10

big band music. My mom used to love

15:12

that. To come with them together. So

15:15

I'm gonna come to your house. We're gonna look at

15:17

the Eminem's with your face on it. You're

15:19

gonna make some chicken Papa cash, and then we're going

15:21

to go out dancing. This

15:23

is like the best date ever. It's

15:26

a date, so

15:30

eat it. What person place

15:33

or experience most altered

15:35

your life. When I was accepted

15:38

at the university, I never

15:40

told them that I never finished

15:43

high school and

15:45

I was accepted on probation,

15:48

and they put me in a class called English

15:51

as a second language. So

15:54

you see, I'm manipulated the

15:56

environment for me to be

15:58

able to be a college

16:01

student and ended up being a college

16:04

professor. I was able to somehow

16:07

get the education to be able

16:09

to be part of a

16:12

life where I could not only

16:15

teach others, but teach them

16:17

what I lived. And anything I tell

16:20

you, I tell you what I lived

16:23

and made it happen. That they

16:25

don't give in to nahility.

16:28

You don't give in to nothing.

16:31

What hope and find hope

16:33

in hopelessness every time.

16:35

Never give up no exactly. And

16:38

I love that you say that you teach preventively.

16:41

To teach love is how to prevent

16:43

creating people who would take part in

16:45

atrocities, but who would love themselves

16:48

so they would never even it would never even cross their

16:50

mind to do that. You know. I have

16:53

it in my book that I took care

16:55

of a young man who was part

16:57

of the David Korage movement

17:00

in Texas, and the first thing

17:02

he told me that he's going to kill

17:05

or the Jews. Now I

17:07

had a choice, the difference

17:10

between reacting or responding.

17:13

If I would have reacted, I would

17:16

have dragged him into the corner. I

17:18

would have looked at him and say, how

17:20

dare you talk to me like this? I

17:23

saw my mother going to a gas chamber.

17:26

But I remember I was having a

17:28

relationship with God, my

17:30

God. I call it tinker Bell, the

17:33

free Spirit. And I was told

17:35

to find the biggot in me, and

17:38

I said, no, no, no, that's impossible. I

17:40

came to America, Penneler, I didn't

17:42

speak about the English. I went to

17:45

the bathroom and one of them sad colored

17:48

yes. Prejudice means to pre

17:50

judge. And I joined the n c

17:52

P. And I marched with Martin Luther

17:55

King in nineteen sixteen

17:58

three, I believe two or me

18:00

and I was singing, we shall

18:02

overcome with the mamas

18:05

and the papas way before your

18:07

time. You remember those

18:09

days. I don't remember those days. I remember

18:12

the music, and I remember the

18:14

mamas and the paper. How do you

18:17

feel You've lived through so

18:19

many generations? Do you ever feel

18:22

angry that we don't seem to learn

18:24

that even today Vladimir Putin is

18:27

invading Ukraine and causing misery

18:29

and heartache, Like, do you ever lose hope

18:31

for humanity? You know, a

18:34

woman just told me that

18:36

the boyfriend left, and I told

18:38

her I'm gonna give you one word,

18:41

and the one word is next.

18:45

So the question is my daughter calls

18:47

it dysm. Are you ewarving

18:51

or are you rewarring? Oh

18:54

my god, I stough that I

18:57

want that on a T shirt. I'm gonna make that T shirt

19:00

fear. Are you evolving or are you revolving?

19:03

Thank you, because that way

19:06

you don't just do the same thing. Oh

19:08

well, I know where I get expecting

19:10

different results. Yes, that really

19:13

is the definition of insanity. Huh, insanity,

19:16

that's what Albert. Yeah.

19:20

Albert Dunstein, I understand,

19:23

was teaching at Princeton and he

19:25

came out and one of the students

19:28

looked at him and said, you're not wearing

19:30

socks, And he said, I'm

19:32

not in two socks. And

19:35

I'm thinking, sure, if you're aber, you

19:38

don't have to bet sock. You can't

19:40

do anything you want to because

19:42

you're aber. I

19:44

think you cannot wear socks even if you're

19:46

not. Albert Einstein. Yeah, because

19:49

you have to risk, You have to risk cold

19:51

feet, chances that that no

19:53

one notices it as much as

19:56

you. Yeah. I remember

19:58

I moved to Sandy Ago from

20:00

Texas and I went to the symphony

20:03

one night and I forgot

20:05

to take off my slippers. Nobody

20:08

noticed that I was the only one.

20:11

I think people have fall less interested in

20:13

our story than than we are. Of

20:16

course, of course, can

20:29

you tell me about something that has grown

20:32

out of a personal disaster. I

20:35

appreciate every moment because

20:37

I remember when I saw my mother

20:40

going to the gas chamber, and when

20:42

that picture comes up for me, it

20:45

really gives me right on time

20:48

how to experience the present that

20:50

I can only touch you now. So

20:53

I do live in a present. I never

20:55

forget the past. I don't even

20:58

know what the world overcome means,

21:01

but I came to terms that I

21:03

call it my cherished wound. I

21:06

think in a way, in a big way,

21:09

we're all wounded, and that

21:11

woundedness gives

21:14

us birth to the me, my

21:17

genuine self that I give

21:19

up many times to please

21:22

the family dynamics. Take

21:24

a journey and see what you discover

21:27

on the way. Where you are now A

21:29

many girls and how much do

21:31

you have left? Because chances

21:34

are you may have fifty

21:36

more years and that's quite

21:39

a bit of time for you to maybe

21:41

go back to school, maybe

21:43

learn how to do belly dancing.

21:46

You're something red. Maybe

21:50

I've got a belly dancing school, or

21:52

go to Hungarian jars. You

21:55

know it is that a plastical dancing? Is

21:57

that first dancing? Yes? Yes,

21:59

I was dancing with car Lodgers

22:02

in Hungary in nine Yes.

22:06

Yes, eating the Hungary

22:09

eating goulash is

22:13

very good, very good. If

22:15

your sound likes cooking, I'm

22:18

happy that you are supporting. It

22:20

doesn't have to be his future.

22:23

It can be one of his goals

22:26

to be a good chef. Yeah, exactly.

22:28

I think food is love. I mean it really

22:30

making food is that there's a lot of love

22:33

in it. When he makes food for me, I know

22:35

that he has put all his love into it.

22:37

Maybe you can buy it, Asta. I

22:40

love that you're reworking my whole life. I'm

22:43

going to go back to school, I'm gonna learn to

22:45

be a belly dancer, and I'm going to open a restaurant.

22:47

There you girl, I'm loving

22:50

my alternative life. I love the idea

22:52

of expanding and doing lots of other

22:54

things. You're

22:56

a magical person. You really are. Like

22:59

it feels like everything has grown

23:01

out of something which one would imagine

23:04

might end a person's life,

23:07

even if they carried on living, that their spirit would

23:09

be so traumatized and damaged.

23:12

But to talk to you and to see you, and

23:14

to hear the way that you feel about the world,

23:17

it's such a beautiful reminder

23:19

that we can always choose to grow,

23:22

we can always rewrite

23:24

the script. Like you said, life is

23:26

beautiful. It's not what there

23:28

is. That's what we do with it every

23:30

moment. We don't seem to appreciate it

23:33

what we have many times until

23:35

we lose it. And

23:38

that's why I eat up every

23:40

marshal of food on my plateate

23:42

on your play. If you don't

23:44

need, they'll take it home. I

23:47

never reached fiece of bread

23:50

ever. Well, it has been

23:52

the most wonderful, wonderful

23:55

time talking to you. Thank you so much, really,

23:57

with all my heart, thank you. It's so beautiful

24:00

to share what you have to say with everybody,

24:02

everybody is an absolute blessing.

24:04

Thank you. Memories, yes,

24:08

yes, Edith, we're making beautiful

24:11

memories. I'm very grateful

24:13

for sharing memories with you. Edith

24:17

has put out a new edition of her acclaimed book,

24:20

The Gift. The Gift covers Edith's

24:22

insight into dealing with life's most complex

24:24

challenges, and the new edition includes

24:27

two additional chapters that examine Edith's

24:29

introspections during COVID. She

24:31

really is always growing, always

24:34

evolving, and always teaching. You

24:36

can find her book and more about Edith on

24:38

her website, Dr Edith Eager

24:40

dot com. That's d r Edith

24:43

Eager dot com. Many Questions

24:45

will be taking a short mid season

24:48

break while I'm on set for a new movie,

24:50

but we will be back next month with more

24:53

guests. While we're away. If

24:55

you're looking for more stories, please do

24:57

check out my newly published memoir, Well

25:00

Memoirish Managing Expectations.

25:04

Thank you for listening, and please rate

25:06

and subscribe to the Share and as

25:08

far as my belly dancing career goes,

25:11

I'll keep you posted. Mini

25:16

Questions is hosted and written by me Mini

25:18

Driver, supervising producer,

25:21

Aaron Kaufman, Producer

25:23

Morgan Lavoy, Research assistant

25:26

Marissa Brown. Original

25:29

music Sorry Baby by Minni

25:31

Driver. Additional

25:33

music by Aaron Kaufman, Executive

25:36

produced by ME Mini Driver Special

25:39

thanks to Jim Nikolay, Will

25:41

Pearson, Addison No Day, Lisa

25:44

Castella and a Nick Oppenheim at

25:47

w kPr de La

25:49

Pescador, Kate Driver and

25:51

Jason Weinberg, and for constantly

25:54

solicited tech support Henry

25:56

Driver