0:03

Were you out and about at the weekend at all? Or

0:06

did you just stay home?

0:07

I never un out and about I

0:10

go out. I means I

0:12

don't like going.

0:13

Out, and then when I do, it's usually to one restaurant

0:16

and that's it.

0:19

Hello, I'm Mini driver. I've

0:21

always loved Preust's questionnaire. It

0:23

was originally in nineteenth century

0:26

parlor game where players would ask

0:28

each other thirty five questions aimed at

0:30

revealing the other player's true nature.

0:33

In asking different people the same set of

0:35

questions, you can make observations

0:37

about which truths appear to be universal.

0:40

And it made me wonder, what if these questions

0:42

were just the jumping off point, what greater

0:44

depths would be revealed if I asked

0:46

these questions as conversation starters.

0:49

So I adapted Prus's questionnaire and

0:51

I wrote my own seven questions that I personally

0:54

think are pertinent to a person's story.

0:56

They are when and where were you happiest?

0:59

What is the quality you like least about yourself?

1:01

What relationship, real or fictionalized,

1:04

defines.

1:04

Love for you?

1:05

What question would you most like answered?

1:08

What person, place, or experience

1:10

has shaped you the most? What would be

1:12

your last meal? And can you tell me something

1:14

in your life that's grown out of a personal

1:17

disaster. And I've gathered

1:19

a group of really remarkable

1:21

people, ones that I am honored

1:24

and humbled to have had the chance to engage

1:26

with. You may not hear their answers to

1:28

all seven of these questions. We've

1:30

whittled it down to which questions

1:33

felt closest to their experience, or

1:35

the most surprising, or created

1:37

the most fertile ground to connect.

1:41

My guest today is the actor Courtney Cox.

1:43

Courtney has been such a huge part of all of

1:45

our cultural consciousness since nineteen ninety

1:48

four when she was cast in Friends, perhaps

1:50

the most successful sitcom of all time. It's

1:52

really interesting to speak with a person who everybody

1:55

has this deep feeling of already knowing

1:57

because of the beloved character they played. Out

2:00

of space for who you are as a person beyond

2:02

the characters you play as an actor is

2:04

a challenge, particularly when your fame

2:07

is stratisferic. Courtney

2:09

is a curious, deep feeling human who is unafraid

2:12

to explore the meaning and mysteries of life.

2:14

It was great to have such a candid conversation

2:16

with her here on the shed. What

2:26

quality do you like least

2:29

about yourself.

2:30

Oh wow, the thing I

2:33

like least about myself being any

2:36

feelings of jealousy,

2:39

whether you can feel replaced or

2:42

whether it's I think just chelousy,

2:45

is such a horrible emotion

2:47

to have, and I have that sometimes I

2:50

get jealous or afraid. Whether

2:52

it's because I'm getting older and I'm not can't

2:55

stay in the game, or it could

2:57

be about anything. But anytime I feel jealous,

2:59

I can't stand it. I

3:02

will talk to my therapist and go, I just hate

3:04

this feeling.

3:05

It's so interesting because when we think about jealousy.

3:08

When I'm thinking about it, it's easy to do with a

3:10

lover. That's how I perceive it.

3:12

But it's really interesting the idea

3:14

of if you follow it all the way through and

3:17

it's like no, it can

3:19

come in many forms. That feeling of being

3:22

replaced that is such a

3:24

pertinent one that

3:26

goes to the fundament of who

3:28

I am or of who you are. The idea

3:31

that there is someone who could could

3:33

take our place, when categorically

3:35

there isn't.

3:36

I know, when you step back, of

3:38

course, you're not replaceable, but it's

3:41

such a it's a feeling that can come up for me

3:43

whether it's through friendships or like you

3:45

said, relationships,

3:48

or in work.

3:49

I'm fascinated by that because I

3:51

know that there must be these aspects of you. It's like you're

3:53

glad that you're grown up because you're

3:56

Koko's mama and you get to be that.

3:59

But there's also that profound memory,

4:01

specifically as an actor of

4:03

when we were very young and like at this

4:05

sort of the zenith and that exalted feeling.

4:08

I feel that it's like,

4:11

how does one negotiate and manage that

4:13

feeling of being older

4:15

and that being these young people

4:18

who are who we were.

4:20

As it were.

4:21

But no, yeah, it's not easy,

4:24

No, not at all.

4:25

I remember when Olivia Newton John I read

4:28

this a long time ago, and

4:30

I couldn't find it when she passed away, and I wanted

4:32

to because I remember it being so important to

4:35

me. But she had said this comment that when

4:37

she was in Greece and she was wearing

4:39

those black tight pants and smoking

4:41

that cigarette and doing that dance.

4:44

She felt terrible about herself.

4:46

She didn't like the way she looked, she felt

4:49

fat, she wasn't comfortable. This is what I

4:51

read, and I could have been you know, I'm making

4:53

some of it up because I just remember the feeling

4:55

of going, WHOA, how could

4:57

you not think you're perfect back then?

5:00

And she didn't.

5:02

And then we look back in life and go, wait a minute, we

5:04

should so pleased with certain aspects

5:07

of our life.

5:07

Anyway, that's not part of my part of my

5:10

jealousy.

5:10

Answer, no, but I think that's part.

5:13

It's the irony of the wonder of getting

5:15

older. Is I find now that

5:17

my presence of mind, or presence

5:20

of self, or presence of everything around

5:22

me is so acute, and it's

5:24

almost like I was fast asleep

5:27

when I was there in those moments of

5:30

whether it's a physical peak of strength

5:32

and agility or how

5:35

it was that I wanted my body to look or

5:38

I it was like I was fast asleep.

5:40

And I can't believe the disparity

5:43

of this wisdom

5:45

that comes. It's such a cliche with the wisdom that

5:47

comes as we get older, which is not visited

5:49

upon us, or if we're very lucky, it is when

5:51

we're younger. And that it is

5:54

that I wish I could take this and

5:56

go back and tell that person be present

5:59

and be aware and be in love with the way

6:01

that you are right now, because it's

6:05

full of so much good stuff. It's

6:08

wild.

6:09

Yes, I think that we always whether

6:12

it's oh, when you have a child, you

6:14

know you're going to really miss these how

6:16

other days, you know, just stay in the moment,

6:18

enjoyed them being a little baby.

6:20

And I

6:22

was just like, oh, when is this phasing me over? This is brutal.

6:25

But I guess when you don't get the chance to have

6:27

more kids or now they're growing up,

6:30

it's just like, oh God, I wish I'd held on to

6:32

that a little longer.

6:33

But I just think it's kind of the way of life, isn't

6:35

it.

6:36

Yeah, I think it really is. I did a birthday

6:38

video on Instagram and I was remembering

6:40

this thing Carrie Fisher said when I was twenty five

6:42

and I was at this birthday party that I

6:45

didn't know a single person there would I'd literally

6:47

just arrived in town. I was shooting a movie, and they'd thrown

6:49

this Hollywood party for me

6:51

as I turned twenty five, and I

6:53

was kind of sitting by the fire and she came and sat down and

6:56

she was like, why are you looking so miserable?

6:59

And I was like, I don't know, twenty five,

7:01

it feels like a milestone and I'm not

7:03

with anyone I really know. And she was

7:05

like, let me tell you, this

7:08

is the youngest you're ever going to be. Again. I

7:10

know it's the oldest you've ever been. And

7:13

I think about that all the time. I

7:15

think about it on my birthday. I also think

7:17

about it when I get because I get so exactly

7:20

is I know you must about

7:23

your child because we both have one

7:25

kid. I'm like, God, I wish I'd paid more

7:27

attention, or I wish I hadn't wished that phase was over.

7:29

Like I go, okay, well, Henry's fourteen. God,

7:32

I wish he was little again. And we

7:35

were having that conversation. I let that trigger

7:37

me into going, well, I'm

7:39

going to have that conversation with him now because I

7:42

know when I'm older, him being fourteen

7:44

is still going to be like a baby, and

7:47

those conversations are I mean, obviously

7:49

it's very different to when they were little. I

7:52

was just thinking, I remember being a thing when

7:54

you had Coco. I don't know. She

7:56

must have been like eight or nine, and

7:58

I had a leather jacket, aren't We said

8:00

hi, and you went to leave,

8:02

and then she came back and she went I like

8:05

your leather jacket. That was a good choice.

8:10

It was so and then she gave me a thumbs up, and

8:12

I was just like the kids go in places.

8:18

She's like a firecracker. I mean, I just remember

8:20

her when she was little, like I don't know her as a young

8:22

woman now, but like, you got

8:24

to be a firecracker in this world. You

8:27

have to be there. You have to

8:30

be strong and wily

8:32

and ready for anything. And I think, particularly

8:34

being a woman and growing up in this world, I

8:37

think it's I think it's a good thing. I

8:39

really do. It was.

8:41

I think that time of her life she was

8:43

so I mean, she is really

8:45

funny, but there was no insecurity about

8:48

her.

8:48

Do you ever find that when you're looking at your

8:50

daughter in the way that I look at my style

8:52

and go, my god. They are just

8:55

not imbued with the same insecurity

8:57

that I have, Like I categorically

8:59

know I did not pause on my

9:02

pathological insecurity about

9:04

well that whatever that is to

9:07

them. Do you ever feel that with Coco or does

9:09

it make you feel proud or happy?

9:11

Not at all.

9:13

I feel like I look at somebody and I've passed

9:16

all of that stuff onto anything.

9:19

I mean, it's I think having a girl is probably

9:21

different. But I wish

9:24

so bad that I could have realized in the

9:26

moment a way to protect Coco

9:28

from things that I didn't because

9:31

of my own issues, whether it was codependency

9:34

or seeing her in relationships

9:36

with people that I knew this was not good. But

9:39

I didn't want to step in even though I knew

9:41

something wasn't right, because she would she

9:44

would get so.

9:44

Mad at me.

9:45

She wanted me to, you know, let me deal

9:47

with it. Mom, you don't understand.

9:49

And I did understand, and

9:51

I should have trusted myself and I should have stepped

9:53

in so with certain things about myself,

9:56

she saw them. I'm not saying I made her who

9:58

she is, but you do see

10:01

things in other people, and whether it's just always

10:03

you know, taking care of people and being the nicest person.

10:05

And I mean that's one of the things. With age,

10:08

I've learned to say no, I've learned to have

10:10

boundaries. But earlier

10:12

on, when she was a kid, or not even that

10:14

many years ago, I wish i'd been a firmer

10:16

parent.

10:18

Hmmm, wow, I mean, yeah,

10:21

God, that's so interesting. I feel

10:24

like I wrote down a list of things that I didn't

10:26

want to do that my parents did with me. I've

10:28

already tried. I mean, you don't. You can't

10:30

do it all the time. I don't know what Henry's

10:32

going to be in therapy over to do with

10:34

me, but I'm sure he'll

10:36

tell me.

10:38

But you know what, he might be the kid

10:40

that has the coolest mom and

10:43

he will look for his partner to

10:45

be whatever it is that reminds him.

10:47

And it's going to be hard to live up to. But

10:50

I have a feeling you're an incredible, kind,

10:53

loving patient mom.

10:55

Well that's really nice for you to say, but I'm definitely

10:57

not that all of the time.

11:00

Thank god cocos and to really high

11:03

end clothes or designer

11:05

anything. She doesn't care about the labels,

11:08

And thank god that she shops for her

11:10

clothes on Amazon, because

11:12

she could be this other kid I want

11:14

to have Guji and you'd have to spend your whole life

11:16

saying no. But she'll say, Mom,

11:19

I have bought like five pairs of Mary

11:21

Jane's on Amazon and.

11:23

They just keep breaking.

11:24

I would it be okay if I

11:26

got just one really nice pair. I'm

11:28

like, oh shit, yeah, and she'll

11:31

say yeah. From Steve Madden

11:34

and I'm like, sure, Coco, go ahead, I'm

11:37

so lucky.

11:51

What question would you most

11:54

like answered?

11:56

I would like to know the answer

11:59

to where we come from? Hmmm,

12:03

because if I knew where he came from, I know where

12:05

were going.

12:07

Do you know I think that as well? Henry

12:09

said the other day, He's like, why do you think that where you were

12:11

before is where you're going to go after you die? And

12:14

I was like, I don't know, I just did.

12:16

Well, it's also at least it's a possibility.

12:18

I mean, yeah, it's the I think it's a

12:20

solid theory based on absolutely

12:22

nothing. But yes, I'm completely

12:25

with you. So you're talking about

12:27

a consciousness, a consciousness that would then enter

12:29

the bundle of cells that are created

12:31

by human beings. Like, do you believe that there is somewhere

12:35

a before consciousness or a before

12:37

place that consciousness swells

12:39

around?

12:40

Yeah?

12:41

I think so.

12:42

You know, I've watched people close

12:44

to me die and

12:46

I saw my dad when he was

12:49

within moments of dying, and I saw him looking

12:52

up and smiling, and

12:55

then he would frown, and

12:58

then he'd be confused and

13:00

then repeat it all over again.

13:03

And I was like, Dad, are you talking

13:06

to angels? And

13:08

he said yes, baby, And

13:10

then I said, are you safe? His

13:13

nurse was next to me. Did

13:15

you hear him? He said yes, I go I

13:17

didn't hear that.

13:18

And then I was like, oh, this is the part where

13:21

I'm supposed to have faith that it's going to

13:23

be okay.

13:24

You don't get to have the answers. And

13:27

I was like, I didn't hear him.

13:28

I tried to ask again, I got nothing.

13:30

But I don't know what happens out there. I don't

13:32

know where we go, why we do it, what are

13:35

we coming back?

13:35

Are we not? I don't know.

13:37

But if I knew where we came from, it feels a little

13:40

it would give me some a

13:42

little safety or some insight.

13:44

Do you think it would be easy to get the answer

13:46

to where we came from as

13:49

opposed to where we're going.

13:51

Well, I don't want to know where we're going, really, because

13:55

what am I to do every day? Worry that what if it's

13:57

not a place I want to go?

13:59

Aha?

14:00

Or what if this is it?

14:01

Then I got to know every day that, oh my god, Well, I

14:03

guess if you think this is it, you

14:05

can live in the moment, really enjoy every

14:08

single thing. But I don't want to have fear

14:10

about it. But if I knew where we came

14:12

from, then there's

14:15

possibility still. What it would

14:17

be interesting if you didn't know, like, oh, yeah,

14:19

you were an insect last time something?

14:22

It would be I seemed it because I'm

14:24

really happy in this life.

14:26

I just want to know was it worse before?

14:28

Was it better?

14:29

I think I know there's certain lessons that we

14:31

will continue to have to learn until we get

14:33

them.

14:35

Do you mean that singularly or

14:38

do you mean that as people?

14:40

Well, actually as people, but I met that

14:42

singularly when I said it.

14:43

You know what's really interesting what you do? Which I'm

14:45

saying this because I got Mustard for this. When

14:47

I was writing my book. You

14:50

do this thing where you put things in the

14:52

second person, and I do it too, So in

14:54

talking about a relationship, you know, when

14:57

you're angry with someone, or when you love

14:59

someone, or when they do such and such,

15:02

and I was writing like that, and my editor

15:04

went, do you realize that whenever you're writing

15:06

something really emotional you go into the second

15:08

person? You were right? You know, when

15:10

you leave school and there's nobody there to pick you up,

15:13

and you fall over and you have to pick yourself

15:15

up and walk home and there's no one to open the

15:17

door. And I was like, I don't

15:19

do that, got really defensive, and then

15:21

I went back and I looked, and any time there

15:23

was something, it was like to create

15:26

a space between me

15:29

and this thing happening. It feels

15:31

so tender to me now when we

15:33

as people. When you do it and

15:36

when I do it, or when I hear someone else

15:38

do it, it immediately makes me know. It

15:41

makes me want to hug them. It's so

15:43

hard to be a human and to be in

15:45

our to be in our stuff

15:47

and to own it because there is so much

15:49

we don't know and so much

15:52

we just have to trust, and so much

15:54

we have to embrace. And

15:56

then having children and watching

15:58

them go through all of that not knowing. I

16:00

think that is such a genuinely

16:03

sweet, dear, tender part of

16:05

you. Courtney really is

16:09

just in observing.

16:11

But yeah, I'll be taking

16:13

note of that and watching myself do it.

16:15

It's really funny.

16:16

Sidically in my mind when she told me that

16:23

what relationship, real or fictionalized

16:26

defines love for you, I.

16:28

Mean, I have certain people

16:30

that I know and love that have

16:33

relationships that I

16:35

look up to but I would say

16:37

a relationship that has

16:40

complete acceptance when

16:42

you love somebody through their emotional

16:45

challenges and their frailty and their weaknesses

16:47

and their triggers and just

16:49

their messiness, their

16:52

unsolved selves, and

16:54

you love them through all of that, or you

16:56

accept all of that.

16:57

That's to me, the definition of

17:00

real love is acceptance.

17:03

Acceptance.

17:05

Do you feel that's like when

17:07

you feel about that? Is that the

17:09

way in which you were accepted or the way

17:11

in which you feel yourself accepting

17:14

the other person. Well,

17:17

I.

17:19

To feel someone accept me for

17:21

all of my foils and my you

17:23

know, whatever they are, that

17:26

feels like true, absolutely true

17:28

love.

17:29

I mean it's hard.

17:29

I don't accept everything about somebody.

17:31

But when I meet people in the you know, they

17:33

say, oh, you know, I hated

17:36

this before I met this person. Then then

17:39

it's like, you know what, I love that person, and so

17:41

I what are you going to do?

17:44

When did you first feel that? Like

17:46

did you have that modeled for you as a kid

17:48

or did you come to it when you were

17:50

in a relationship? Like how did you

17:52

come upon that realization?

17:56

No, I didn't have that at all when I was a kid,

17:59

not at all. My mom she

18:02

was a beautiful woman that had no real

18:04

drive. She was so sweet and

18:06

she was so non judgmental to

18:08

everyone except for herself

18:10

and maybe your kids.

18:12

But I used to say to my mom, did you ever go

18:14

long?

18:15

Did anybody ever throw a football

18:17

and say run and then someone

18:19

throws it and you caught.

18:21

In the middle there? And She's like,

18:23

no, she's a southern

18:26

sweet lady.

18:26

That's why I actually got this tattoo that says go

18:28

long, because I wanted my mom to like

18:33

go But my mom didn't

18:35

have a lot of drive. And my dad would love sports

18:37

and he loved he loved women. He

18:39

was very much a flirt.

18:42

But no, they had nothing in common.

18:44

They didn't have any acceptance for each other.

18:46

See your tattoo says go long. When

18:48

you look at that, what does that mean for

18:51

you?

18:51

Pay chances, enjoy, be

18:54

silly, don't let fear stop

18:56

you. You know, if you're embarrassed to fail,

19:00

it's okay, do it anyway.

19:02

Yeah, it means so many different things.

19:04

Yeah, I love that. I think

19:06

it's such a I think that's I think that's such

19:08

a fantastic thing to be able to look down and look at and

19:10

remind yourself of I.

19:12

Mean, I'm in a relationship now where I feel

19:14

like we are growing to accept each

19:16

other. It's taken a long time. I think sometimes

19:19

you have to grow into that.

19:21

What is it that you think makes you

19:24

stay like to wait for the acceptance

19:26

if that's the thing that you've set your course for,

19:29

if that's the thing you're running towards, and there's

19:31

a certain amount of faith in that of going, Okay,

19:33

well this is what I'm heading towards. What is it that keeps

19:36

you going I'm waiting for this to show

19:38

up, or I believe that this is going to show up. What

19:40

are some of the other tenets that kind of keep you strong

19:42

and well, you're waiting for acceptance.

19:45

Well, when you first meet someone, you accept everything,

19:48

and then as time goes you don't accept

19:50

anything or accept Oh

19:53

wait a minute, I don't really like that. And then

19:55

as I get further into

19:57

a relationship and I like the person,

20:00

then I realized some of the things that I

20:03

couldn't accept in the middle part were

20:05

things that are probably needed to control.

20:07

I remember wanting to control certain things,

20:09

whether it's I don't like you smoking cyretts,

20:12

I would make it personal syah. It's

20:14

a really hard to not do when you were

20:16

addicted, but for some reason, if you couldn't

20:18

quit for somebody, then it was like, how

20:21

about that's their ISU, It's okay,

20:23

I accept I remember just feeling that.

20:25

I think that a lot of it has to do with feeling.

20:28

I guess again, like the other question

20:30

important, So what keeps you in there?

20:32

Just liking the person?

20:33

I think. I mean, that's really interesting because perhaps

20:35

it's about the acceptance

20:37

of self. That's how one accepts

20:40

things in another person, whatever it is, intolerance

20:42

or impatience, all

20:44

of those things, because you really like a person.

20:46

I think liking someone is a huge bridge.

20:48

I think that's really true.

20:50

It's really about self acceptance

20:52

because if you can accept the part

20:55

of you that doesn't have to be rigid, you don't

20:57

have to hold onto things. You can accept or

21:00

ask yourself questions.

21:01

Well, I don't know the things that make me in the beginning,

21:03

what is it? Chris Rock said, when you first start dating

21:05

me, you're not dating me, you're dating my representative.

21:08

Like that's that. I've

21:10

always loved that you accept everything in the beginning,

21:13

and then all that shit starts to bug

21:15

you. But it's

21:17

funny now, Like in my

21:19

relationship. The stuff that bug me now

21:22

it makes me laugh because I see

21:24

it as part of him, this

21:26

person that has all these

21:28

things that are amazing, not

21:31

just the highlights that I loved before and just

21:33

looked at that, but the

21:35

really annoying stuff. It sort

21:37

of makes me chuckle because I feel like it's

21:40

made me a more tolerant person. And I know that's

21:42

the same with him, the stuff that he puts

21:44

up with, just as you said, the stuff that they put up with with

21:47

us. That's part

21:49

of what love is, like, love

21:51

is accepting one's intolerance

21:54

in power and carrying on anyway. You know,

21:56

it's so funny this idea of romantic love

21:58

that we are soul that this person and encapsulates all

22:00

of these things. It's not love

22:03

is actually love is actually

22:05

tolerating that shit and

22:07

loving them anyway.

22:09

And understanding them

22:11

more.

22:11

Because I don't know if it's age or whether it's

22:14

duration, but now I can

22:16

really see, oh, this

22:18

is what's happening. I see where the wounds

22:21

come from and myself and in others.

22:23

I see that in all my relationships. It's

22:26

so much easier to be tolerant and patient when

22:28

you know that any kind of act out

22:30

or any kind of trigger that comes up. It has

22:32

such a route that is more important than

22:34

what's happening in the moment.

22:36

Yeah.

22:37

Yeah, So I can forgive anybody

22:39

for any like any friend anything. I

22:42

don't hold any grudges because you

22:45

know that's coming from a deeper wound.

22:48

Although I did have a dream about Lisa Kudro last

22:50

night, and she

22:53

really hurt my feelings and I wouldn't

22:55

like think about her why she

22:57

might not she wouldn't do something

23:00

with me.

23:00

And at Liasa is one of the greatest people on

23:02

the planet and she would do anything for

23:04

me, but not last night.

23:05

You didn't.

23:06

So I got to call her and find out that.

23:09

God, I wish I knew what dreams. Man, You've

23:11

taken the most reliable person and then you spun

23:13

her into your dream to be the person that

23:15

lets you down. It's like, okay, I found

23:17

the most reliable person to

23:20

screw me over, Like, what is that in

23:35

your life? Can you tell me about something that has

23:37

grown out of the personal disaster.

23:40

I won't use the second person.

23:43

I will say when

23:46

Johnny and I broke up, yeah,

23:49

five years ago.

23:51

This is Johnny who you are still in I'm

23:53

still with your relationship with you're still

23:55

together, but there was a moment where you broke up.

23:57

Okay, yeah, after about two

23:59

or three years moving together for like

24:02

a long time. Yeah, so

24:04

three years in we broke up and

24:06

it was really intense. We broke up

24:08

in therapy. I didn't know it was coming,

24:11

whether I should have or not. It was just

24:13

like we went to this therapist to talk

24:15

about our boundaries, what we could and couldn't

24:18

accept about each other.

24:19

There's that acceptance, uh huh.

24:21

Instead he just broke up within

24:23

the first minute, and

24:25

I was like, what we were engaged? And

24:27

I was so shocked.

24:30

I was in so much pain. I

24:32

also don't like surprises, and he's an incredible

24:35

human beings, so he wasn't trying to surprise me. He was

24:37

in that much pain in the relationship. There was that much

24:39

that needed to be dealt with, that he

24:41

had to protect himself around his heart.

24:44

So as opposed to like going fucking I

24:46

don't know if I'm allowed to cuss on this thing, but.

24:48

You can cuss up as to.

24:50

Him, okay, as opposed to going fuck him,

24:53

you know, getting in this mode

24:55

of anger. I went in

24:58

and I I did the

25:00

most work on myself by

25:03

far. I learned how

25:05

to claim my voice, boundaries, what were

25:07

my motives in life?

25:08

Like what was my part in

25:11

this?

25:11

And I'm so thankful for that breakup

25:14

because a when we got back together, it was a different

25:16

relationship, but also because it really

25:18

taught me how I.

25:19

Operated in the world.

25:21

What were the things from my childhood that I needed,

25:24

like whether it was to be adored by

25:26

men or things that I didn't know how

25:28

to let go, to be in a relationship, to

25:30

not take things personally my boundaries.

25:33

I just went into myself and I had a

25:35

great therapist. I went to the same one. I kept seeing

25:37

him, the one that we met all

25:39

the breakup day, and it was brutal to go to

25:42

his office after that for a while, but then it

25:44

was great and I'm

25:46

really thankful a nothing will ever hurt

25:48

me that bad again. And then

25:51

the most of all, most importantly,

25:53

I completely changed.

25:55

H gosh, that's

25:57

so interesting. I feel like all of us, well most

26:00

do anything we can to not feel

26:02

pain. I think people are so frightened

26:05

of emotional pain, but

26:08

the idea of when it happens, there's

26:11

so much strength in realizing that

26:14

it doesn't killy, and that

26:18

what one can foster in oneself

26:21

because of that pain is so

26:23

much better and so much more

26:25

amazing. There is such incredible

26:28

freedom in taking the hit and then going

26:30

what is my part in the pain

26:32

of all of this and coming out the other

26:34

side, Like I imagine if you come out

26:36

of the other side of that with Johnny or without

26:38

Johnny, it would sort of have been a completely different version

26:41

of yourself.

26:42

It takes a lot of bravery to end

26:45

something that has so much passion

26:47

or and anything any kind

26:49

of relationship.

26:50

It's so much easier just to stay and ride

26:52

things out and make excuses, and you

26:54

know, fear of.

26:55

Pain is just too much to handle.

26:58

But once you are bold enough to make this and

27:01

go through the pain, you can't go around it,

27:03

so you just go through it, and then when you do, everything's

27:06

easier. I so I always trying to tell Coco, Coco,

27:09

this issue, this is a roadblock. You

27:11

can't go around it. It's going to catch

27:14

you down the road. Go through it, deal

27:17

with it. And this is another thing I learned

27:19

during that time, and I'm still working on

27:21

it every day. Am I

27:23

doing this out of fear or connection?

27:27

And I have to ask.

27:28

Myself like some of them like, oh, I haven't heard

27:30

from that person. I wonder if they still like

27:32

me, or what if they care? And

27:35

then I think, wait a minute, do I actually care? If they care?

27:37

Do I really want it? Am I connecting with them or

27:39

now just seeing if they care.

27:41

I'm writing things down that you're saying.

27:43

It gives you a lot of clarity. What

27:46

is your motive? What are you doing things

27:48

for? And I'm thankful that Johnny

27:50

was so bold and brave because

27:54

it was life changing for me and I'm

27:56

sure for him.

28:01

You do make the most delicious food.

28:03

So what would be your last meal?

28:06

Is my stomach like endless.

28:08

It's limitless. This is like your everything

28:11

that you love.

28:12

Okay, I would start with a

28:14

Giorgio salad, the one on

28:16

West Channel. Oh

28:18

I loved dressing whatever the

28:20

red wine, vinegar or whatever it is. I

28:23

cannot. I've tried, but

28:25

I cannot make it as good. It's got a rubula

28:27

and ondives and anyway, That's what i'd

28:29

start with.

28:30

And then I would have like a

28:32

pasta course, which.

28:33

Would be maybe a pesto and

28:36

maybe a tomato sauce with some fresh

28:38

mozzarella and then

28:41

I'd have a twice baked potato stuff

28:43

with like sour cream and cheese and butter,

28:47

and I would I'd have a steak but

28:49

cooked the way the sky made it

28:51

on my Instagram.

28:53

Recently, so good. It

28:55

was better than I can do.

28:56

Wait, you didn't even eat it. You just looked at

28:58

it on Instagram, and that's you want your steak.

29:01

No, no, no, I saw him on Instagram

29:03

and then you got him to I wrote to him to

29:07

stop it.

29:08

Oh, Instagram was like a dating friend

29:10

website.

29:11

Oh my god, Cotney, that's the most amazing thing.

29:13

So you saw a guy make a steak and then

29:16

you DMed him and he was like, sure,

29:18

will come. And then he came and actually recreated

29:20

that steak in your house and you ate it.

29:22

This looked so good, So I asked, could

29:24

he please come over and teach me something? He

29:26

used to work for a Michelin Star restaurant, and

29:28

I'm not really that kind of food because I want more.

29:30

I like bulk.

29:31

Yes, I like bulk too, I agree.

29:33

And I don't need it to be so fancy. I need I needed

29:36

like how do I make this?

29:37

Yes?

29:38

So yeah, he came over and he taught me how

29:40

to make that steak. We made that, and then he came

29:42

over again and made

29:45

this Korean Southern fried chicken with

29:47

coleslaw over waffles.

29:49

Oh my god.

29:50

And it was incredible, but I will say it took like seven

29:53

hours. He made the pastry.

29:54

I said, like, dude, why don't you just get some Pillsbury

29:56

dough crescent rolls. That was going to

29:58

care once you put it in the wall, Homemaker, just the

30:01

shape there, and he had

30:03

like the layer of pastry and

30:05

then the big thing of butter, and then more pastries.

30:07

And I'm like, oh my god, it was the longest meal in the whole

30:09

world.

30:10

That's making puff pastry. It is

30:12

gnarly making puff pastry from

30:14

scratch. Yeah. Yeah.

30:16

It was like a poissant that you put into a.

30:18

That you then put in a waffle line. Oh

30:21

my god.

30:21

It was great.

30:22

That's a croissant waffle.

30:25

It's called a proffele.

30:26

Oh ohissant any

30:29

which way, Yeah, now I want that. And

30:32

then he put fried chicken on top that.

30:34

Was twice fried, and

30:36

then after it was so crunchy, then

30:38

he put it with this Korean kind of.

30:42

It was salty, sweet, spicy.

30:44

Salt, fat, acid sugar. Oh my god, I'm

30:46

so hungry now. I

30:49

just can't thank you enough. That's such

30:51

a wonderful conversation. I've written

30:54

so many things down just to

30:56

go and remember. And

30:59

waffles made out of puff postries.

31:06

Mini Questions is hosted and written by

31:08

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31:10

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31:13

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