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1:05

Things may still be a little weird

1:07

around here. Things are always weird around here. Right.

1:11

This would be a

1:13

new category of weird. Clementine told

1:15

me that at one point she

1:19

disintegrated your body, and

1:22

then she reconstructed your

1:25

body from ambient molecules

1:27

in the atmosphere. I'm sorry, she

1:29

what now? Jesus Frank, just go

1:32

away! But

1:36

you look like you're doing great. So

1:38

keep a lookout for that as well. What's

1:41

this town? Oh, okay. Hood's

1:44

Pocket. That's

1:46

a funny name. It's a funny

1:48

town. Up there is Mount

1:50

Hood. The town sits in

1:52

just the right place so that it hardly

1:54

ever gets direct sunlight. It's in the shadow

1:56

of the mountain most of the year. Hood's...

2:10

So that was fun. Yeah.

2:21

Kind of been looking for a category to put

2:24

that whole experience in. Me too. All

2:26

night. I've been doing that all night.

2:28

You didn't sleep either? Ah!

2:31

Sure. Sleep. It's

2:37

like everybody has weird shit

2:40

happen to them, right? They

2:42

swear they saw a ghost? Or

2:45

a UFO? A fast watch? But

2:47

that's easy to understand. Right. I

2:50

know what a UFO is. Or

2:52

Bigfoot. But this? Mmm.

2:58

Hard to describe. All around the

3:00

campfire, everyone. And let me

3:02

tell you of the time an entire diner

3:04

appeared in our parking lot. And

3:06

how right before that, several copies

3:08

of my mom and dad started

3:10

arguing in said parking lot. And

3:12

how some leggy redhead showed up

3:14

and apparently started unraveling reality. And

3:16

how it was all solved by the... I

3:20

don't know. The universe being

3:23

rebooted for something. And before

3:25

all that, Frank was disintegrated and

3:27

then put back together again by

3:29

that same redhead. Oh, sorry. Too

3:32

soon? Hey, you two. What can

3:34

I get you? Idra! Hey!

3:37

You're back! Yeah? I'm back. I thought you

3:40

joined the Peace Corps or something. You did?

3:42

Why? I asked TJ where his

3:44

granddaughter went and he said she joined the Peace

3:46

Corps or something. Oh, no. I was doing some

3:48

community organizing in the city. What

3:51

were you doing? Was this stop

3:53

the tram project? There's a tram? What

3:56

tram are you stopping? The Mount Hood tram? Am

3:58

I supposed to know about this? know anything

4:00

about it. They want to build an aerial tram

4:02

that takes people all the way to the top

4:04

of the mountain. Really? Yes. And

4:07

you stopped it. Nope. They're

4:10

totally building it. We totally

4:12

failed. Months and months

4:15

of getting the word out and we

4:18

totally failed. And then

4:20

I fell into a deep, what the hell am

4:23

I doing with my life depression? So, um, I

4:27

figured I should probably come work

4:29

for my grandpa again. So

4:33

I am now back,

4:35

completely humiliated and

4:37

serving drinks to locals.

4:39

That sucks. Deidre, I'm sorry. How are

4:42

you holding up? Still super depressed, but

4:45

successfully covering it all up

4:47

by being chipper. That a

4:49

girl. Hey Deidre, let me ask you something.

4:53

Have you noticed anything weird

4:55

lately? Weird? Yeah, I'm out of

4:57

the ordinary. Does being a grown

4:59

ass woman without any direction in the life

5:01

count? Let's say no. Then no. If

5:07

you notice anything out of the

5:09

ordinary, could you

5:11

give me a call? Sure. That

5:13

is kind of a weird thing to say,

5:16

Frank. That is kind of a weird thing

5:18

to say, Frank. Just give me a

5:20

call, okay? Okay. What

5:23

can I get you? Uh, two

5:25

IPA. Sure. But what are

5:27

you doing? You heard what they said last

5:29

night. Things could get weird here. We should

5:32

keep a lookout. That was last night. I

5:34

know. I just figured Clementine

5:37

was here a few times. Maybe... I

5:39

don't know.

5:41

You're going to start a neighborhood watch for

5:44

strangeness? I don't know. Frank, are you maybe

5:47

a little freaked out right now?

5:49

Are you? Yeah. I

5:51

think I'm still in shock. Well,

5:53

let me know when that wears

5:55

off. That scientist lady didn't tell

5:57

me that I got... I forgot.

6:00

her exact words. She said at

6:03

one point she disintegrated your body

6:06

and then she reconstructed your body

6:08

from ambient molecules in the atmosphere.

6:12

Yeah that's not

6:14

great. No but look I'm smoking

6:16

you right now. I can see

6:18

that. That solid Frank right there.

6:21

You're right there. Am I? Yes.

6:23

If my truck was destroyed and

6:25

then someone made a new truck

6:27

out of thin air that looks

6:29

like my truck, is

6:32

that my truck? I don't know.

6:34

Did you

6:36

check the glove compartment for that road

6:38

flare you keep in there? I'm being

6:40

serious. Yeah I know

6:42

Frank but you brought up some serious philosophical

6:45

shit just now. I don't

6:48

know if we're gonna get that all worked out in an afternoon at

6:50

the Sheep's Eye Roadhouse. Right. Guess

6:53

not. You're Frank. You're

6:56

right there. Oh okay.

6:58

Hey Frank. Flat dog.

7:01

Oh uh-huh I

7:03

have asked people to stop calling me

7:05

flat dog. Sorry dog.

7:08

Hi um I

7:10

heard you were asking around about weird

7:13

shit. You... wait how

7:15

did you hear about that already? I don't know. That was

7:17

like 90 seconds ago. Look I

7:19

heard it okay. Are you seeing some weird

7:21

shit Doug? No. Okay.

7:23

Okay. What

7:26

are we talking about then Doug? I

7:28

just I would like to be warned

7:30

if there's anything weird going on. Ah

7:32

I see. I don't like weird shit

7:34

Frank. Understand. I have been hit by

7:36

two snow plows and I don't like

7:38

weird shit. It's a it's a pattern.

7:41

We get it. Technically getting hit by

7:43

three snow plows would be a pattern.

7:45

Twice is just a coincidence. Well why

7:47

would you even put that out into

7:49

the world June? I'm sorry.

7:52

Now I'm freaked out about a third snow

7:54

plow. You weren't before? I would be. He's

7:56

really sorry. It's currently spring so you've

7:58

got that working for you. Didn't mean

8:00

renegade know plus how close we

8:02

were just talking about it. If

8:04

you see anything out of the

8:07

ordinary, give me a call the

8:09

motel okay guys are going to

8:11

tell me if something's going on.sled

8:13

dog? we will I promise. Just.

8:15

Give me a call. To

8:19

look. Both ways when you cross the

8:21

street. I

8:25

mean seriously though, who doesn't hear us?

8:27

Know how Khomeini and then put us

8:29

in here as know how coming the

8:31

second time. We have to protect

8:33

flat dog. Know what else

8:36

is gonna work at the convenience store? It takes

8:38

a particular brand. Of human to do

8:40

that. How magnet brand, apparently. Frank.

8:43

Less. Hello!

8:46

I heard you were looking for weird set.

8:48

Cease to see what you did. I was.

8:52

Sure Celeste, what have you got?

8:54

Well, the raccoons for back at

8:56

my place to cast list. You've

8:58

really got to six your garbage

9:01

cans. okay were two. Of them. I

9:03

heard them back there. They knocked over the trashcan

9:05

so I rushed out back to sue them away.

9:07

And then when I hit them with the porch

9:09

lights, one of them. He. Looks

9:13

instead of running away, he just stood

9:15

up like a man. He stood there

9:17

with his arms wide like this. He

9:19

just stood there like he wanted our

9:21

has the. For something he

9:23

says. They're like that for five

9:25

minutes you you stood there staring

9:27

down a raccoon for five minutes.

9:30

I supposed to do as turns his end. Slept

9:33

I I don't think that's the

9:35

kind of weird thing we're talking

9:38

about, Celeste, but you really need

9:40

some locking trustees. I am I

9:42

gonna spend money on something I

9:44

put garbage wealth if. We

9:47

just replace hours at the motel.

9:49

I'll bring a couple of our

9:51

old ones by your place. Okay,

9:53

okay. Beginning

9:55

there like a male Yeah, I

9:57

understand. I

10:00

would say that she needs to quit

10:02

drinking, but I think I'm more scared

10:04

of a sober, Celeste- Oh shit, Edgy,

10:06

Steve Alert! Frank, how you doing, pal?

10:09

Jeez. Listen, I'm here in

10:11

rumblings in town about weird shit going

10:13

on. How does this happen

10:15

in two minutes? I'd like the inside

10:17

track on this. I

10:19

need to know what's going on at all

10:21

times. I don't want

10:23

any surprises. There's nothing to tell, Steve,

10:26

it's just a question. I

10:28

asked Deidre literally two minutes ago- I

10:30

need to stay abreast of these things,

10:32

Frank. Abreast? Sky like me? I'm

10:34

an entrepreneur. You're a meth dealer. And as

10:37

an entrepreneur, I need

10:40

to have my finger on the pulse of the community. I

10:42

need to be jacked into the nervous system.

10:46

I need to stay on top of trends. In a town

10:48

of 600 people? I have

10:50

a lot of projects coming down the pipeline. If

10:53

there's weird shit going on, I

10:55

need to know about it. What are these projects? I

10:58

can't talk about it. It's

11:00

proprietary. What does proprietary mean?

11:02

Proprietary means I can't talk

11:04

about it. That's not what proprietary means.

11:06

Okay, I promise. I'll

11:09

keep you updated, Steve. Thanks, man.

11:12

Hey, are you on LinkedIn? Please go

11:14

away now. Okay, two

11:16

IPAs. Thank you. Hey,

11:18

Frank, my grandpa just called and he

11:20

wants to know why you're asking around

11:23

about weird things going on. What? Where

11:26

is your grandfather? Right now? Right now?

11:28

Fishing. How did... Wait,

11:31

does he have security cameras up in this place or

11:33

something? Oh, I don't know. Maybe.

11:35

Okay. Okay.

11:39

Everybody, can you

11:41

cut the music for a second, Deidre? Everybody,

11:45

listen up. Everybody. Thanks.

11:49

Look, I know I just

11:52

asked Deidre literally a few

11:54

minutes ago if she's seen

11:56

anything weird lately. That

11:59

doesn't mean... It's a time for people

12:01

to panic. It was an

12:04

innocent question. It's not anything to

12:06

worry about. Did you hear about Celeste

12:09

Raccoons? Standing up like a man.

12:11

Yep, yep. And that's not what

12:13

I'm talking about at all. Raccoons

12:19

do weird things, right?

12:22

We've all seen it. But that's not

12:24

what I'm talking about. What are you

12:26

talking about, though? Are you going to

12:28

help me here? This is what

12:30

happens when you don't discuss things with me

12:32

beforehand. Frank, we all live here, okay?

12:35

If there's something you're not telling us, I

12:37

feel like we have a right to know what it is. And

12:40

if it involves snowplows, it

12:42

doesn't involve snowplows.

12:46

Doug, is this about

12:48

the secret military base? There's

12:50

no secret military base. I mean,

12:53

the very nature of a

12:55

secret military base is that you don't know

12:57

about it. Will their transmissions break into my

12:59

radio station sometime? Nope. No.

13:02

No, they don't. I'm with Celeste. I

13:04

think they've got one of those listening stations hidden around the

13:06

other side of the mound. That's

13:09

what it is? A listening station. Really?

13:11

Can either of you tell me what a listening

13:13

station is? It's

13:16

where they listen to things. No, you can't.

13:20

You can't say it's nearby if you don't

13:22

know what it is. Agree

13:24

to disagree. Frank, you can't start asking us about

13:26

weird shit going on without telling us why. Never

13:29

mind. Okay? Okay,

13:33

forget I said anything. I'm not

13:35

asking about anything. I'm not curious.

13:37

I'm not suspicious. I'm nothing. Okay?

13:40

I'm Frank. I'm

13:43

sitting here at the bar having

13:45

a beer. That's it. No

13:48

weird shit is going on.

13:51

Everything's fine. Everything's

13:54

normal. What

13:58

was that? Those gunshots? Wait,

14:00

what is that, hunters? Doug,

14:03

when is hunting season? Not until October. Also,

14:11

that's not a rifle. Mm.

14:19

Doug, what do you mean it

14:22

wasn't a rifle? Sounded more like a pistol.

14:25

Is that Doug a gun person? He is.

14:27

A guy with his kind of luck should not

14:29

be a gun person. You ever tried to get

14:32

a gun person to not be

14:34

a gun person? Wait,

14:38

where's it coming from? I think it's over that way.

14:41

No, it's the other way. You're hearing the echo.

14:43

I think you're hearing the echo. Definitely a

14:45

pistol, Colt 45, I think. It's

14:48

getting closer. Is anyone else hearing a

14:50

horse? What the

14:52

hell? Oh, shit, over there. You'll

14:56

never catch me, lawman. Everybody

14:59

down! What the fuck? What the hell is

15:01

happening? When do we have outlines? Deidre, get

15:03

down! This Rick don't surrender for nothing. That's

15:07

relentless Rick. What? That's,

15:11

he's abandoned. Why is he breaking into the

15:13

sporting goods store? Deidre, what are you talking

15:15

about? Well, that was Rick. He robbed

15:18

the cash stores of timber

15:20

companies. Robbed

15:23

past tents? In

15:25

the 1850s? Oh,

15:28

Jesus Christ. Hey, Frank, I found

15:30

something weird. Wait for the store

15:32

to open? Why is he breaking

15:34

into the sporting goods store? Maybe he's having

15:36

a sporting goods emergency. The sporting goods store used

15:38

to be a holding station for a timber company.

15:41

They kept the payroll there. Damn money.

15:44

Is there anybody in there? No, it's the

15:46

off season. Jeremiah's got the place closed up

15:48

until September. Is this some kind of historical

15:50

reenactment thing? Like for tourists?

15:53

Because I was thinking of doing something like that. That's

15:57

my intellectual property in there. That's not

15:59

how it... The let your property worked.

16:01

Steve for a. What's

16:03

going on? Ah ok.

16:06

Everybody Listen up. When.

16:09

Faith was asking about weird shit going

16:11

on. This is what he was talking

16:13

about. Some. Sort of wild west

16:15

character writing a house through town shooting a

16:17

gun. Okay, weird, right? This is what he

16:19

meant. What

16:23

The fuck. Is he do? we do. I think

16:25

he's shooting Jeremiah? Say are we. Just gonna

16:27

let him go crazy And their we're His

16:29

Jeremiah as pair Illegal in Eugene during the

16:31

off season. Jeremiah.

16:34

A paralegal the has helped me

16:36

file for. Divorce number

16:39

two. Okay, Okay to

16:41

kill someone. Get Jeremiah on

16:43

the phone and. Tell him what's

16:45

happening. Yeah, I think we have his number inside.

16:47

when you. Gonna do get some going to don't.

16:50

Talk. To him gone Frank we'll see

16:52

but hasn't hit anything. Yeah, I'm coming

16:54

with no station on set up a

16:56

dummy what they are than. Everyone

16:59

else stay here rank what the hell is

17:01

going on? Okay,

17:05

Okay, June's

17:08

right, this is the weird

17:10

shit I was talking about.

17:12

Okay, it's things may start

17:14

getting a little weird it

17:17

down. I can't really explain

17:19

why, it's just. We're.

17:22

Going to figure this out. Okay,

17:25

To. Stay here. June and I are going

17:27

to talk to him. Hi

17:30

I'm you Sit down And when I

17:33

was eighteen I was convicted of selling

17:35

drugs. For the past three years I've

17:37

had difficulty finding housing because it is

17:39

legal in the United States to discriminate

17:42

against individuals to have a pass drug

17:44

distribution complexion on their record for lice.

17:46

It doesn't matter if it was a

17:48

hard drugs like heroin for a drug

17:51

pets now legal or partially legal in

17:53

many states across the country like marijuana

17:55

for thera minimum. It was introduced to

17:57

the Fair Housing Act and nineteen. by

18:01

segregationist Strom Thurmond and

18:03

it's since been used to deny housing

18:05

to all people but because

18:08

people of color are disproportionately jailed

18:10

for drug charges we

18:12

are affected more. My goal

18:14

is to overturn this amendment to

18:17

start an end to housing

18:19

discrimination that unfairly targets people

18:21

of color. If you would

18:23

like to join this movement

18:26

please visit thurmondamendment.org to

18:28

learn more. A message from the

18:30

Fable and Folly Network. Okay,

18:34

okay so we're in agreement that

18:36

this is not some history nut

18:38

that this is the actual guy.

18:41

Oh yeah that's the guy. And

18:43

what was his name again? relentless

18:45

Rick. For fuck's sake. This is

18:47

not the type of weirdness I

18:49

was expecting. You know what's funny

18:52

this is not the weirdest thing to happen to us in

18:54

the last 24 hours. That's a good way

18:56

of looking at it. We're nowhere near 1,000

18:58

Hyundai Sonatas territory though I wasn't

19:01

expecting any weird shit we saw

19:03

to be this... rootin'

19:06

tootin'. Any idea how to appeal

19:08

to an outlaw from the 1850s? I

19:11

don't know whiskey prostitutes.

19:14

Pan rolled cigarettes. Who's

19:23

there? Uh, hey there

19:25

it's Rick right? That ain't

19:28

my name. Relentless

19:32

Rick? That's me. Okay

19:35

Rick there's not any money

19:37

in there. I'm looking at a safe

19:39

right now you telling me there ain't no money in it? It's

19:43

empty. It's empty right?

19:46

I guess so. It's empty. They empty

19:49

it out in the off season and

19:51

they take it to a bank in

19:53

the city. There ain't no bank in

19:55

this city. Oh shit really? Goodness gather

19:57

1850s Oregon. I'm

20:01

Frank. I run the hotel

20:04

in town. Hotel? Yeah.

20:07

They got a damn hotel in this

20:09

town now? They do. This place is going

20:12

straight to hell. It

20:14

really is, Rick. Who's the lady? I'm

20:17

June. Hi. I run

20:21

the, uh, dress

20:24

shop. They got a

20:26

damn hotel and a damn dress shop now? Sure do. That's

20:30

a damn shame. Used to be nothing but trees around

20:32

here. That's good news for

20:35

you, Rick. It's really hard

20:37

to rob a tree. Hell,

20:40

I guess that's right. So, uh, Rick,

20:43

Rick, you've got a lot of people really scared

20:45

out here. Well, you should be, Dern it. If

20:48

I don't get this safe open, I'm gonna have to

20:50

use my last stick of dynamite. I was saving it

20:53

for a special occasion. No

20:55

dynamite, Rick. Really bad idea.

20:59

Rick, the safe is

21:01

empty. Ma'am, I've been all over

21:03

this territory and I ain't never seen an empty

21:05

safe. You know, get yourself a safe so you

21:07

can just sit there empty. That's a

21:09

fair point, actually. Also,

21:11

he called me ma'am. This is classic.

21:14

Deidre, did you get Jeremiah on the

21:16

phone? Yeah, um, I'm on with him

21:18

right now. Okay, tell him we need

21:20

the combination to the safe. Why? We

21:23

need to show him that it's empty. Oh,

21:25

um, okay. Uh, Rick, listen,

21:29

we're going to get you the

21:31

combination to the safe so you

21:33

can see it's empty, okay? You

21:35

better. No dynamite, Rick.

21:38

You better hurry up.

21:40

36, 22, 31. Okay,

21:42

Rick, it's 36, 22, 31. Hmm.

21:47

I ain't ever

21:49

opened a safe at the combination before. Bless

21:52

his heart. To go right, then

21:56

left, then right. Well,

22:00

shit. See? What

22:11

in the hell is the safe doing here empty?

22:13

I know, it's like you were

22:15

saying, Rick, the whole town's going to

22:17

hell. Rick! Rick! Come

22:20

on, man! You're just wasting bullets

22:22

now, I'm sure they're expensive. Shit.

22:27

Rick? Rick? Rick,

22:29

you sound a little desperate in there. Are

22:33

you on the run from a... What do

22:35

they call it? A posse? A posse. That's

22:37

a... Rick? Are you on

22:40

the run from a posse? I

22:42

can almost guarantee they're not

22:44

going to find you. Oh my god, please. God,

22:47

don't let a posse start riding through town.

22:49

I'm running from no posse. Rick?

22:53

What's going on? Sound

22:56

like a sad little cowboy in there. I'm running

22:58

from a posse. What

23:01

are you running from, Rick? Progress.

23:05

Progress? Progress. Right.

23:08

Deidre. What? When did Oregon

23:10

become a state? A

23:12

state? Yeah. Ah,

23:16

progress. Progress. Hey, Rick. Rick,

23:18

are you worried about the Oregon

23:21

Territory becoming a state? As

23:23

soon as they sign them papers, I'm going to

23:25

have U.S. Marshals headed right up my ass. That's

23:27

a striking visual, Rick, but

23:30

are you sure that's true? What happened in

23:32

California? As soon as they joined up,

23:34

I ran north. You think I want to be

23:36

here? I hate the rain. Yeah, it's a

23:38

lot. You try and tell people

23:40

it rains a lot, but they just don't

23:42

hear you. I feel like I ain't been

23:45

drying seven years. My heart goes

23:47

out to the sky. How many people has he

23:49

killed? Hey, don't do that to

23:51

Rick. He has one skill, banditry.

23:54

What is he supposed to do? Oh, I'm

23:56

sorry. Should we talk to him about community

23:58

college? What was the plan? Rick?

24:01

Same as everybody else in my line of work. Canada?

24:03

Canada. And you needed one last

24:05

score. It's about the size of it. What do you want

24:08

to do? Start a GoFundMe for

24:10

the time-traveling cowboys? How much did

24:12

you need, Rick? Lorden, you got on you, ma'am.

24:15

Okay, let's run some numbers. Let's see what we

24:17

can do. That's

24:24

right. We'll

24:27

get you to Canada and get

24:29

you set up with a new life. By my estimation. That...inflation

24:33

is real. Everybody, everybody, come here. I'm not

24:35

going over there. He has a gun.

24:38

Yeah, but I'm pretty sure he used all his bullets

24:40

on the safe. Come here. What

24:42

are you doing? Have you got $75 on you? No.

24:45

How much do you have? Eleven. Great.

24:49

That's a start. Give it here. We're

24:51

giving him the money? And he'll at

24:53

least get out of town and be

24:55

Canada's problem. Okay. Frank, what are we

24:57

doing? We need $75. How

25:00

much cash do you have? Oh,

25:02

like $8? Five.

25:05

I could check my tip jar, but it's kind

25:07

of early, okay? Great, great. Steve?

25:10

I don't carry cash. You're a drug dealer.

25:12

I am many things, thank you. Steve? I'm

25:15

100% Venmo now. How are you all

25:17

drinking at the bar just now? Yeah, they're all

25:19

on a tab. Of course they are. Okay,

25:22

Deidra, can you get $75 out

25:24

of the tilt? Tell

25:27

TJ I'll pay him back. And a

25:30

bottle of whiskey. Preferably one

25:33

with no label and a

25:35

cork in it. Okay.

25:39

Rick, we're going to try to help

25:41

you out, okay? This ain't

25:43

the typical reaction when I come to town firing

25:45

my gun. It's like

25:47

you said, Rick, the whole town's

25:50

going to hell. Y'all gonna pay me to leave

25:52

town? We are, but don't

25:54

take it personally, Rick. Okay, here's

25:57

the money. Um, we didn't

25:59

have money. any bottles without labels

26:01

so I got the bottle of old

26:03

granddad because it honestly

26:06

sounded the old time-iest. Great work

26:08

Deidra, give it here. You're going in there?

26:10

Yeah, I'm gonna go

26:12

hang out with the bandit. And then

26:15

encourage him to leave town. Of

26:17

course! Right? June, he does

26:20

not get to crash on your couch. Oh

26:22

relax break I'm coming in! Hey

26:28

there cowboy. Ma'am. Here

26:31

you go. $75. I can't believe

26:35

y'all are just giving me money. Consider

26:37

it a severance package from

26:40

America. A what now? Never

26:43

mind here, have some whiskey. Obliged.

26:58

What the hell is all this? Skiing gear.

27:01

Skiing? Yeah, it's um,

27:05

you see these here? You go you go to

27:07

the top of the mountain, you strap

27:09

these to your feet, and then you go

27:11

down the side of the mountain. Very

27:14

fast. That

27:17

sounds ill-advised. You rob

27:19

people for a living, Rick. Suppose

27:22

I ain't one to talk, am I? No. Rick,

27:25

you're a bona fidey crime-doer.

27:29

Skiing. The

27:31

world keeps changing on me. Here we

27:33

get that feeling? Oh yeah, all the time.

27:37

That's why I live way up here. Seems

27:40

like big changes are happening in the city first,

27:43

and then they make their way out here. At least

27:45

that way I can see them coming. I'll

27:48

have to wake up one morning and suddenly

27:50

everything's different. My mom worked

27:52

a lot and my dad was always out on a fishing

27:54

boat, so I never really knew what to expect when I

27:56

woke up in the morning. Living up

27:58

here, gives me a little bit of a sense of love. I

28:01

always knew what to expect of my daddy. That's

28:03

nice. Expected him to be

28:05

drunk. Aww. Drove me

28:07

out of the house when I was 11 years old. Figured

28:10

I knew how to ride a horse, shoot a gun. What else do I

28:12

need to know? How to drive a stick? Now

28:15

look, everything's about to be the United

28:17

States around here. I don't know how to operate

28:19

in a land that's got laws. How

28:21

am I supposed to keep track of them all? Does seem to

28:23

be a lot of them. Now I gotta figure out how to

28:25

be a galdern Canadian. I ain't learning no French. That's for

28:27

damn sure. Maybe you like it up there. I don't even

28:29

know what they do up there. What

28:33

transpires in Canada? I think

28:35

it's mostly fever hunting and

28:37

syrup making at this point. Well

28:40

now that's just sad. Yeah. I

28:43

guess so. Always a white Christmas though. Maybe

28:45

I'll get one of them furry hats. Sure. Grow

28:48

a beard, hunt a moose. Get

28:51

weird, was it Rick? Might

28:54

not be so bad. Actually the national

28:56

motto of Canada. Might not be so bad.

29:06

Maybe I'll learn a little French. Maybe just a

29:08

word or two. You never know. I

29:13

appreciate y'all helping me out. Don't

29:15

mention it. Come

29:17

on outside and say hello to everyone before

29:19

you go. Yeah, alright. Everyone,

29:28

this is relentless Rick, the soon

29:30

to be Canadian. Afternoon

29:32

all. Sorry about

29:35

the mess. Is that actually- Yeah.

29:38

Yes it is. I'm

29:40

freaking out over here man.

29:42

Just keep it together, Doug.

29:45

I've never seen anyone wear that much leather. I have. I'm

29:48

all turned around. Which way's north? That way. Keep

29:52

the sun on your right in the

29:54

morning, on your left in the afternoon,

29:56

and eventually you'll hit Canada. Alright y'all.

30:02

I'd uh, consider it

30:04

a personal favor if you wouldn't tell

30:06

nobody about this. Not embarrassing

30:09

for an outlaw to be receiving

30:11

charity. We promised to tell them

30:13

you robbed us. Thank you kindly

30:15

ma'am. Let's ride. Eeee-ha! Uh, shit.

30:18

He disappeared. I'm glad everybody else

30:20

did. Uh...

30:24

Shit! He disappeared. I'm

30:26

glad everybody else saw that. Oh, what

30:29

the hell, Frank? Okay,

30:31

okay, everybody listen. I

30:34

want to get out in front of this. I

30:36

have not toast anyone. I

30:38

don't do that anymore. I'm an adult now. We

30:42

know, Steve. Look,

30:44

everyone, we've got a

30:47

lot to talk about, so let's head

30:49

back inside and we'll all talk about it. Okay? Suffice

30:53

to say, things

30:55

may get a little weird for

30:58

a while. We're going

31:00

to be okay. We'll take it as

31:02

it comes, just like we did today. Let's go. So,

31:06

drinks are on you, then? Yeah. Yeah,

31:09

so that's sure. Go on. I

31:33

have brought spears of

31:36

celebration. Thank

31:38

you. Nice work today, cousin.

31:40

Thank you again. You handled it like

31:42

a champ. So did you. I

31:45

must say, I really jumped in there, didn't

31:47

I? Hanging out with outlaws? Look at me! Look

31:50

at you! Remember when we would

31:52

watch Babylon 5? Yes. Why

31:54

can't that be my life? I said that all the

31:56

time, but now look. It's like you've been

31:58

training for this. Exactly. It's

32:01

the sci-fi nerds that you turn to when

32:03

the weird shit hits the weird fan. Never

32:06

forget. I won't. But still, let's

32:09

hope today was it. Though,

32:11

maybe there was just some residual... something,

32:15

and now it's done. BORRY!

32:17

Oh hey, here's an idea. There's a customer

32:19

coming up to the door right now. Let's

32:22

judge if the weird shit is over by

32:24

this next customer. Sorry? What

32:28

are they driving? They appear to be on

32:30

foot. That doesn't bode well for me. It...

32:33

doesn't. Hey

32:43

there! Welcome to the horizon! Thanks.

32:47

Need a room? Sure.

32:51

Why not? Well, we're in the off-season,

32:53

so you've got your pick of all

32:56

of them. How

32:58

about Room 7? Okay.

33:01

It's our best one! Great.

33:04

Just tonight? How long are

33:06

you staying? Um...

33:10

not sure, actually. No

33:12

problem. Can I get a credit card to keep on

33:14

file? Oh, uh... mind

33:18

if I do... the other thing? The

33:21

other... cash? That's

33:25

it. Yes. Cash. Sure.

33:29

I need a $200 deposit, though. Okay.

33:39

Does that work? Yeah. Yeah,

33:41

that's fine. Key is in the bedside

33:44

table. Ice machine is between three and

33:46

four. Okay, thanks. What's your name?

33:51

Virg. Nice

33:54

to meet you. I'm June. That's Frank.

33:57

Hi. Enjoy your stay and let

33:59

us know... if you need anything. So,

34:04

goodnight. Bye

34:06

bye. Okay,

34:10

see, it's totally

34:12

normal. Welcome

34:35

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Lacklustre Moon Vacations. A

43:54

can of beans. Abandoned malls. Catbeds

43:57

that don't come in human sizes. Come

44:01

have a laugh back at the One Star Reviewers. Listen

44:04

to the One Star wherever you get your

44:06

podcasts.