If you find yourself wanting to limit conflict at all costs — in your life or writing — you’ll wind up limiting your potential, your life, and end up in Mediocrity. Since most conflicts in your life are with yourself, even if you don’t want to deal with conflict, you’re going to have to. Might as well get to it.

An alternative to the mediocrity and self-destructive behavior of your efforts and exertion to avoid conflicts and Self (drugs, alcohol, sugar, self-medicating, extreme behaviors, addictions, etc.), is taking pen in hand (crayon, pencil, or sitting in front of the keyboard also work) and letting it all out. Spew forth! Let all the bilge and bile rush out. Keep at it until the initial onslaught slows to a trickle. Once you’re in trickle-mode and have a routine going, find some nuggets of gold in the free-flowing bilge. Those nuggets will be worth exploring. Spending time with. Getting to know.

Disclaimer: The process of growing is obnoxious. It hurts. It’s painful. It’s a drag. Still, the results are sooooo worth it. You acquire an expanded world view. Energy surges. You gain purpose. A sense of well being. A greater sense of Self. The best analogy I can offer is pregnancy. A horrible experience in my opinion. Giving birth is a really lousy end to nine lousy months. (Can you tell I had extremely difficult pregnancies?) But the end result is totally worth it. Even after the hell I went through, I wanted to do it again. And again. That’s what growth is like.

Sometimes that’s what it takes to get the writing out. But once it’s out. Once you’ve given it life. A whole chapter of Self opens before you. Do your part by getting the bilge down to a dull roar. Pan for those nuggets of gold. Keep your ears (physical and other) tuned to the frequencies and make sure you transcribe what you hear.

Remember also, wherever you are in the process, keep an open invitation extended to your Muse.

©Tana Bevan, reprinted and published with permission by Viga Boland, author of the book, “Don’t Write Your MEmoir without ME’

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