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woeful gang. I do have your well

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my name is Mark and today rejection

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as a more read it stories and

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if you do love reddit story why

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not consider had a like subscribe maybe

0:46

than notification Mel to unless Greco within

0:49

days. First story much love guys Now

0:51

today's vote story comes from throw away

0:53

chef one six to from the am

0:55

I the asshole he a sub reddit

0:57

and says would I be the asshole

0:59

for telling my husband I'm not in

1:01

love with him any more After I

1:03

had a brain injury. Long.

1:06

Story short: I was in a car

1:08

accident. He. Other driver did a hit

1:10

and run. Sentencing. Is taken

1:12

a lot longer than I expected, but my

1:14

lawyer said he'd probably going to have a

1:16

lot of community service. I. Ended

1:18

up needing physical therapy. And.

1:20

A brain injury and my narrow said

1:22

and I would have some challenges am

1:25

in P G. One. Of the

1:27

things they said, old faces differences in

1:29

mood and behavior. I. Haven't

1:31

been moody, are in fact my friends and

1:33

family sam basically the same as before. But.

1:36

A little slow to get things. But.

1:38

The thing is, I didn't love my

1:40

husband anymore. He feels like a stranger

1:42

to me to like I'm a nice yet but.

1:45

I. Didn't feel connected to the memories I have with

1:47

him. I don't know why

1:49

Loved him so much. Yes, he's attractive,

1:52

but he's boring and expects me to

1:54

worship him. Is. Also obnoxious

1:56

and self obsessed. I.

1:58

feel like i was the one drag the relationship

2:00

in the past. I felt

2:02

like past me was way more in love with

2:04

him than he was with me. Objectively,

2:07

I don't know why I should care about

2:09

him. I don't want to go on

2:11

dates with him or hang around or do whatever I

2:13

used to do with him. I've

2:15

told him I feel a bit disconnected with my

2:18

memories and past emotions, but I haven't told him

2:20

that I don't love him anymore. I've

2:22

talked about it with a psychiatrist and

2:24

she says this wasn't uncommon among patients.

2:27

I called my friend and she insisted I should

2:29

tell him how I feel honestly. Honestly,

2:32

I may not like my husband but I feel

2:34

like that would be cruel. Would

2:36

I be the arsehole for telling my husband

2:38

I don't love him after my TBI? And

2:41

TBI stands for Traumatic Brain Injury.

2:44

Wow, that is just such a

2:47

difficult situation to navigate really.

2:50

Now my first thoughts on this and like I

2:52

haven't got a clue. I'm not a

2:54

neurologist, I don't know anything about this

2:56

but is this like a permanent thing

2:59

or could this possibly be a temporary

3:01

thing? But in all honesty, I don't

3:03

think you're the arsehole for sharing how

3:05

you're feeling currently. I think how you

3:07

go about it may change that. I

3:11

think talking to professionals about it, talking

3:13

about the medical side and you know

3:16

maybe getting your feelings on paper may

3:19

help things out as well. So

3:21

I imagine your husband is feeling

3:23

just as confused and worried and…

3:25

But let's check out to see what

3:27

some of the comments say. Peter Friend says

3:29

not the arsehole however I'd heavily advise to

3:31

phrase this exactly how it is. Brain damage.

3:34

I'm having trouble connecting to our intimacy. I

3:36

don't feel it, but I know I should.

3:39

Opie says I phrased it like I feel

3:41

like my memories aren't connected with me. It's

3:43

like I'm remembering a movie I watched. Edgy

3:48

replies that's in I also have a brain

3:50

injury. Sometimes my brain will replace real memories

3:52

with dreams. Sometimes I'll remember

3:54

something that never was. Or

3:57

fight to the death to prove something and

3:59

be totally wrong. I feel

4:01

and understand your pain here. I

4:03

still have very little real information on the totality

4:05

of the effects of a brain injury

4:08

but I would venture to bet those

4:10

feelings aren't coming back because mine never

4:12

did. I go by middle name

4:14

now because I feel so much of a different person

4:16

than before but my advice to you

4:19

is to just be honest by default but

4:21

go easy. You will never ever

4:23

understand because nothing changed for him or

4:26

everything has changed for you. Yes,

4:28

I'm sure you have changed but your family is just

4:30

trying to be nice and both of those things are

4:33

okay. You are different now. You

4:35

do not try to fit in your old skin. If

4:37

this is recent and you want to talk

4:39

hit me up. I've been living in dreamland

4:41

for a decade now. And

4:44

situationship replies to that saying, this

4:46

happened to my husband. Also a

4:48

car accident. For the next

4:50

6-8 months he didn't just not love

4:52

me, he actively disliked me. He

4:55

would sit next to me and say how horrible

4:57

I was and how much he didn't like being

4:59

married. I don't know how

5:01

it works in the brain but these feelings

5:03

just wore off over time the longer he

5:05

recovered. When we started marriage counselling a couple

5:07

of years later he didn't remember the first

5:09

6 months after his accident at all. I

5:12

believe him. Doctor confirmed it's possible. All

5:15

of this to say you are not the arsehole and

5:17

it's not your fault if your feelings change. He's

5:20

also may have been latent feelings from

5:22

before and not due to the accident.

5:25

But if it's only been a few months maybe wait

5:27

a little longer. Just in case. But

5:29

do whatever is best for your recovery. Polygon

5:33

man says you should talk to your doctor

5:35

and psychiatrist about the chance that this changes.

5:38

Perhaps with this new perspective you wouldn't want to be

5:40

with him even if your feelings did change back to

5:42

how they were. But perhaps you'd want

5:44

to work things out. If

5:46

you know it's unlikely this will spontaneously change

5:49

back then I think telling him and

5:51

moving towards divorce is the best decision for

5:53

sure. Opie says the psychiatrist

5:55

said that it could come back naturally or

5:57

it could not. Brain injuries

5:59

are unlikely. unpredictable. I've been trying to

6:01

build intimacy with my husband but I didn't like who

6:04

he is as a person and I wonder how I

6:06

fell in love with him." Lengthiness

6:09

Wonderful says that's a tough position. I

6:11

personally would because I promise to be

6:13

completely transparent with my husband no matter

6:15

how much it may hurt. So this

6:18

may be an unpopular opinion. Before

6:20

talking with him though, I'd confide in a

6:22

close friend who knows you and your partner

6:24

well. See if they viewed it

6:27

similarly or if this is just a perspective

6:29

change. When you talk to him,

6:31

I would let him know exactly what you said, how

6:33

you don't feel connected to your memories with him and

6:35

how you feel of the memories looking back at them.

6:38

His response may help you form new memories of

6:41

and with him. That would bring to light how

6:43

he viewed those memories. That might help you

6:45

connect or it may give you the clarity that

6:47

this is how it's been. Either way, I think

6:49

it's best for him to know. Opie

6:52

says, I've told it to a close friend.

6:54

She was the one that urged me to

6:56

tell him everything honestly. However, I

6:58

get the feeling that she doesn't really like my

7:01

partner so I might be doing something wrong. Even

7:04

if I don't love him, I feel bad for

7:06

hurting his feelings. Lengthiness

7:08

And it was surprising the amount

7:10

of comments who have been through

7:12

a very similar experience. Of

7:14

course, there was a lot of comments saying you know, don't

7:17

come to Reddit for this sort of advice, just

7:19

talk to the professionals and you know, I think

7:21

that is the best advice in this situation, right?

7:24

But Opie did update their post and said,

7:26

I talked with my husband and I want

7:28

to hurt his feelings and I wanted to fall back in

7:30

love with him. I sat him

7:32

down and told him that I felt disconnected from

7:35

my own emotions and passed with him. That my

7:37

memories with him like I was reliving

7:39

a movie, not my own life. He

7:42

guessed that I wasn't in love with him and he

7:44

sobbed and begged me not to leave him. It

7:47

was heartbreaking and I reassured him that I

7:49

wasn't going anywhere. I wanted

7:51

to build up my emotions again and reconnect

7:53

with my past memories about him. So

7:56

we decided I would go back to the doctors to

7:58

figure out how I can do that. And in

8:00

the meantime we would go on dates where he

8:02

was trying to win me over again. Some

8:05

have asked me what kind of behaviours I didn't like.

8:08

When I was in the hospital he would always crawl

8:10

into bed and cram me into a corner. At

8:12

our date he thought through the entire movie and

8:15

had his flash on when he was taking pictures

8:17

of me. I didn't ask him

8:19

to take pictures, he just likes taking ugly

8:21

pictures of me. He complains a

8:23

lot. When we were at the

8:25

restaurant he kept complaining about the food he ordered to the waiter.

8:28

He pokes me a lot. He also

8:30

whines. And he made me eat

8:32

dessert even if I don't want to. And

8:35

he never stops talking. I

8:37

focused on the bigger things. He's

8:40

very attentive and affectionate towards me.

8:42

He likes to buy me little gifts and he makes me

8:44

try. And he was at my

8:46

side the entire time even if he did get

8:48

kicked out by the nurses for annoying them. I

8:51

know I can rely on him to be there

8:53

for me which is the most important thing. At

8:56

the end of the date we actually slept together

8:58

for the first time since my accident which was

9:00

less than a year ago. It had

9:03

been a couple of months since I was cleared to have sex.

9:05

We hadn't really been romantic and intimate so it

9:08

really did feel like I was with an

9:10

annoying best friend but I wanted to fall

9:12

back in love with him. He

9:14

used to be frequently intimate before my accident.

9:17

This entire paragraph is very embarrassing to write

9:19

so please skip it if you are

9:21

like me and easily embarrassed by public

9:23

displays of affection. He's

9:25

actually incredible. I swear I fell

9:27

back in love with him for a few seconds. Honestly

9:30

I'm much more inclined to ignore all of

9:33

his annoying habits or even find them cute.

9:36

We slept together in the morning too and

9:38

the second day of dating went a lot better.

9:41

Not fully in love with him yet and I

9:43

want to reforge the deeper connection because I know

9:45

I loved him for a lot more and I

9:48

do not want my affection for him resting solely

9:50

on one thing. I started a

9:52

journal of all the things I like and love about

9:54

him. Hopefully it gets failed soon.

9:57

Edit to answer a few questions I got. Yes,

10:00

it was a movie theater. The

10:03

other moviegoers were not happy. This isn't

10:05

new behaviour. He always talked a

10:07

lot and was in my personal space even before

10:09

my accident. When I was

10:11

recovering, the nurses kicked him out for annoying

10:13

them, but they let him back in after

10:15

a bit. And the

10:18

top comments on that update said, Brief Association

10:20

said he might be annoying but man, he's

10:22

one hell of a trooper. That

10:24

man sure loves you. I'm glad you're

10:27

trying. I hope you guys can get the old

10:29

spark back fully. Keep being very

10:31

open and honest. Communicate all of

10:33

your feelings. It can't hurt and it

10:35

will likely help for him to know everything. Best

10:38

of luck to you both. I hope to see

10:40

an even better update in the future. Cofill

10:42

says, Here's the thing. Everything

10:45

you mention about him that really bothers you

10:47

is all stuff that you'd never noticed during

10:49

the dating and courtship phase. And that

10:51

all things people sort of hide during those

10:53

early days. The part where you're getting to

10:56

know each other and all that happens when you're falling

10:58

in love. These things you

11:00

don't like. They're all part of the man that you

11:02

love. But you forgot

11:04

them all and are experiencing them fresh as if

11:06

they are new. And you no longer

11:08

have the larger context that they're small parts of

11:10

the man you love. He isn't even

11:13

aware they're so apparent to you, probably. In

11:16

the early parts we're all on our best

11:18

behaviour and somewhat nervous and guarded, but

11:20

he's not at all. And why should he be? To

11:23

him, you're his wife who he loves and nearly

11:25

lost. He's just happy to have you.

11:27

Probably thrilled and more in love with you

11:29

than ever. You're seeing all

11:31

these imperfections in him that are real and

11:33

maybe never really bothered you before. Or

11:35

did he so comfortable around you that he's just

11:38

himself? Because he loves you. Give

11:40

him a really good, solid chance because it

11:42

sounds like he's earned it and it sounds

11:45

like he sure loves you. Unlucky

11:47

luck says, Your first paragraph was exactly what

11:49

I was thinking as well. Those

11:52

annoying little things he does are signs that for

11:54

him, he'd been married for a while,

11:56

but for her, she restarted in the middle

11:58

of the marriage. In

12:01

those comments I certainly felt a

12:03

little bit like that during that

12:05

update but all I can really do

12:07

is wish you all the best going

12:09

forward and like the commenters said be

12:12

open and communicate your feelings because you may

12:15

as well at this point. But

12:17

now I'm going to turn this one to

12:19

you guys. What do you guys make of

12:21

this situation? Let me know your

12:23

thoughts down in the comments below and

12:26

let's move on to another story. There's

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next story comes from ApprehensiveTie 7252 from

13:44

the Am I the Asshole Here sub-redance

13:46

and says, Am I the Asshole Here

13:48

for not wanting to have sex after

13:50

my wife turned it into a reward

13:53

slash punishment system? I think

13:55

my wife is experiencing a phenomena called

13:57

the 7 year itch right now. married

14:00

to each other for 7 years now and

14:02

did not have any serious problems before. Around

14:05

the end of 2023, she started offering

14:07

sex for small gestures such as gifts

14:09

and doing chores. For the

14:12

last 7 years and since I've been

14:14

an independent adult, I make sure to

14:16

handle my share of chores. She

14:18

offered mind blowing sex for me doing

14:20

her part of chores which I enjoyed

14:22

first. Then it turned into

14:25

gifts and gestures. Even

14:27

due, she has all been present in our relationship

14:29

for the last 7 years. Nothing

14:31

out of the ordinary. That change

14:34

happened literally overnight. Great

14:36

sex life both take care of other

14:38

parties needs by communicating clearly and respecting

14:41

their wishes. Even

14:43

though it was good at first, it turned into

14:45

a form of reward and punishment later on. You

14:48

did not do X, no sex for you. Or

14:51

good, you did this and we can have

14:53

sex. I asked her what is the deal with this.

14:56

She did not do it before. She says

14:58

she gets turned on and feels emotionally connected

15:00

when I put extra effort into the relationship.

15:03

I just rolled my eyes at that. What

15:05

did even change overnight for it to happen? I

15:07

should have asked it back then. It's

15:10

been a few months since this started and I

15:12

could not take it anymore. I

15:14

started refusing her advances because it's such a

15:16

turn off for me. Yesterday

15:18

she came to me and said, you did

15:20

the chores, I think you deserve a reward.

15:23

I told her, I do not know where you have seen

15:25

this but it's getting out of hand. I

15:27

am not Pavlov's dog, so you're giving treat

15:30

or punishment to. Communicate

15:32

with me if there is something wrong

15:34

but this change you had overnight is

15:36

ridiculous. You expect me to

15:38

beg for it and obey you in every case.

15:41

You are making me feel like I have not

15:43

contributed anything to chores or did not show you

15:45

any gestures before that. Just tell

15:47

me what is happening because if we are

15:49

going to change every good aspect of our

15:51

relationship because you saw it somewhere else, the relationship

15:53

will die out faster than a candlestick. She

15:56

stormed out crying and slept on the couch. I'm

15:59

Getting the call, Sean. the now. Is

16:01

my wife turn into is an eight year old

16:03

child or what? What? Is a sudden

16:05

change in a my The also for not

16:07

wanting to have sex with us and calling

16:09

out her behavior. Or. Appreciate advice,

16:12

especially from women. Is.

16:14

It bad that my first thought that

16:16

came out of this is Tic Talks

16:19

Shit I have probably completely wrong. I.

16:21

Remember that was as a trend a

16:23

year or so ago in it was

16:25

a made into like all various newspapers

16:27

and stuff about you notes, his daddy

16:30

sticker shock thing and my thoughts on

16:32

that was especially if it's just like

16:34

happened overnight. like it feels like she's

16:36

picked up this advice from somewhere just

16:38

ran with it. But it's quite simple

16:40

illness in that sex is not transactional

16:42

but software Any says you're not a

16:45

dog, you're a person. This is manipulated

16:47

someone. You probably should have said something

16:49

a first. Not. The are

16:51

so. Apprehensive tie reply sing.

16:53

At first it was pleasant. Haven't

16:55

had sex after Some small gestures

16:57

was good. added a new dynamic

16:59

to our relationships that was good

17:01

until it turned into a reward/punishment

17:04

system. The happened all the time.

17:06

Or. Obligation quotes sense as I think

17:08

this is key. Things like your

17:10

entire sex life as. A started

17:12

the hinge on the system, not just

17:14

parliament. Building seven transaction like

17:16

that once in a could be fun

17:19

by birds and exciting just another way

17:21

to add some spice. But that's the

17:23

thing about spice. A should be the

17:25

only thing you taste. Your.

17:28

Wife has unwisely turn your

17:30

entire sexual dynamic into something

17:32

transactional. Which. Our best is going

17:35

to make you constantly feel like you have

17:37

to earn intimacy with your wife and that

17:39

will get boring and frustrating. It

17:41

seems already has and at worst it

17:43

has a strong X factor. Like.

17:46

Sometimes my wife gets turned down once

17:48

I attack that gigantic pilot dishes. we've

17:50

both left for too long. I

17:52

think people generally like feeling cared for, feeling

17:54

like someone else cares for the and they

17:57

share. As. Attractive. An

17:59

hour silver. The attracted to my wife when she

18:01

cook the favorite meal. People. Get warm

18:04

feeling from that kind of expression of loving

18:06

cat which can turn into sexual excitement. And

18:09

that's all. fine. For. Your wife

18:11

has taken that. I'm turned into something

18:13

else, something less school. I

18:15

think you need to sit down with her

18:17

and com leite gently explain was in your

18:19

mind why this dynamic nice to change. I

18:22

think that comment race and very good points

18:24

of the same time as well. The purple

18:26

go says reminds me of the saying I

18:28

saw on Xml several years ago. Today

18:31

my wife made me sex robots chart

18:34

where I got points by doing chores

18:36

and such and fifty points gets me

18:38

some action. He refuses to even look

18:40

at me if I haven't and the

18:42

points is contemplating sleeping alone in the

18:44

guest room Until I am more points

18:46

out that your relationship turn into the.

18:50

The and if you just do like that

18:52

reward shots you can see him in the

18:54

images stray away like. Cleaning.

18:56

Up baby puke several times gets

18:59

him. Gets. In something.

19:01

One. More comment from filing cabinet brownies as

19:03

a great name Is she talking to a

19:05

friend who's giving a weird advice? Because it

19:08

is not far off to say that women

19:10

are told to praise and appreciate their partner

19:12

the try and get them to do something

19:14

they want. For example, if I want my

19:16

boyfriend to do the dishes or my gosh

19:18

about a wonderfully as when he does the

19:20

dishes. So. In theory does it more so

19:23

I keep telling him he's great. A while you're

19:25

absolutely not supposed to do. About his

19:27

say ooh boy is sex or

19:29

bad Boyfriend know Nookie for you.

19:32

This. Is dope training. Though. I

19:34

wonder she's badly applying some terrible advice and

19:36

if she is when she tried to get

19:38

you to do. And what problem the

19:40

sheets on assault by doing this. Is

19:42

a long com by with her when she's

19:45

not in the she give this and she

19:47

take it away. It's mindset to Opie comes

19:49

a mother up and says I was planning

19:51

to talk to my was today but surprisingly

19:53

she came to talk to me in the

19:55

early morning during breakfast. to apologize

19:57

and tell me the things i'm major understand

20:00

hurt me and she felt terrible for that. She

20:02

told me she took it too far without reading

20:04

my reaction. I also apologized

20:06

for telling her off like that and

20:08

losing control of my emotions. We had a

20:11

great discussion about what happened, why it happened

20:13

and our marriage in general. I

20:15

asked her if she thought my gestures were

20:17

not enough and she thought share of chores

20:20

were unfair. She said it's not like that

20:22

and there is no problem with share of chores nor

20:24

my gestures. She has been feeling

20:26

less confident and adding a new dynamic

20:28

to our relationship by making me try

20:30

more made her feel better just

20:32

like before we were married. Also

20:34

she told me having less to do allowed

20:37

her to completely focus on me and turned

20:39

her on more. She also

20:41

stated that she was feeling shy initiating

20:43

due to her confidence and this dynamic

20:45

helped her to initiate. I

20:47

asked if she was happy with our sex life and

20:49

me. She said she is more than happy and

20:51

reward slash punishment thing has nothing to do

20:53

with it. My final question was

20:56

if she had this kind of kink. She

20:58

said maybe. She felt good playing like that

21:00

but accepted turning the whole sex life into

21:03

this was terrible over her. I

21:05

agreed while it was good in the beginning. Turning

21:07

the whole sex life into a reward and punishment

21:09

system and doing it all the time became a

21:12

problem. I told her I'm okay

21:14

with that kind of play or any kind

21:16

of play as long as it's communicated. I'm a

21:18

freak so no problem for my

21:20

side. Cheeky. We

21:23

had more talk about private things but in

21:25

the end it communicated our thoughts and feelings

21:27

to each other clearly. In the

21:29

end she told me maybe I should reward

21:31

her for being a good girl this time

21:33

and this awakens something sleeping in me. Oh

21:36

dear. I don't know. I don't know

21:38

if I'll be able to wait for the night. Finally

21:41

there were some people demonizing my wife and

21:43

telling me to divorce or find an affair

21:45

right away. On the

21:47

other hand some declared me as a deadbeat

21:50

husband abusing my wife by making her mummy

21:52

me even though I clearly stated it's not

21:54

like that in the post. White

21:56

people love assuming things with zero information like

21:58

that to make one party guilty. Chill.

22:02

The problem is solved and I would say with

22:04

that challenge our love and sex life will level

22:06

up from the looks of it. Thank

22:08

you for all the suggestions and help. Cheers.

22:12

It feels kind of weird saying what

22:14

a wholesome story after two people just

22:16

discovered their kinks. I'm

22:18

just kidding but in reality I'm so

22:20

glad that they did communicate this out

22:22

they did talk it through and they

22:24

didn't take some of reddit's advice there.

22:26

There's always some comments that always go

22:29

too far isn't there. But now

22:31

I'm going to turn this one to

22:33

you guys. What do you guys make

22:35

of this situation. Let me know your

22:37

thoughts down in the comments below. As

22:40

always just a huge thank you from the

22:42

bottom of my heart for getting involved in

22:44

today's stories. Your love, your support, your time

22:46

always means the absolute world to me. So

22:48

thank you so so much for being involved

22:50

and hopefully I'll see you in the next

22:52

one. Take care and much

22:55

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