0:00

I have one. I have an appropriate

0:02

one.

0:12

When does either

0:15

one of us ever come in with one and be like, I

0:17

got it. Welcome to Maintenance Phase, the

0:19

podcast that believes diets

0:22

are a matter of personal responsive bootstraps.

0:24

I wonder

0:27

where we're

0:28

going in this episode. I'm Aubrey Gordon.

0:30

I'm Michael Hobbs. If you would like to support the

0:32

show, you're already doing that. Thank

0:34

you so much. And

0:38

today

0:39

we are combing the shelves

0:42

of Aubrey's diet book collection. This

0:44

is going to be the first of many such

0:47

comings. And

0:50

according to a text message you sent last night, we're

0:52

today talking about conservative

0:56

diet books. Yes. It's

0:58

not GOP, but it stands for go on a plan.

1:00

Nope. That wasn't that good.

1:03

I really like the, like, the

1:05

challenge here is I don't think anybody calls a diet

1:07

a plan. Yeah, I know. Give

1:09

me a time to work on that. I'll come back. So

1:12

we're normally doing a diet book deep dive. I'm

1:15

calling this a diet book buffet. A little smorgasbord.

1:18

You had this great idea of just doing

1:20

a

1:20

tour of the diet book collection and

1:22

picking out a few that like didn't

1:24

have quite enough there there to sustain

1:27

a whole episode. Right. And

1:29

as I started to look at the collection

1:32

like a that's a lot of the diet books, a

1:35

lot of the diet books are like it's not enough for

1:37

a whole episode, but it's very funny and silly

1:39

and let's talk about how funny and silly it is. As

1:42

I started to look through the collection, it became

1:44

clear that there were these little like sub themes

1:46

like there are a bunch of diet books that are just about like

1:48

the wine diet or the pasta diet

1:51

or the popcorn diet or the junk

1:52

food diet. There's a bunch of celebrity

1:55

diet books written by people who have absolutely

1:57

never been fat. Why does Cher have

1:59

a. a diet book. Oh, yeah. So

2:02

there are all these little subsets. And I thought for

2:04

today we would start out with one

2:07

of those subsets. Which

2:09

is politically conservative diet

2:12

books. And straight up,

2:13

some of these people are politicians. Some of them are political

2:16

actors. Either way, they

2:18

are folks who have been like upfront about

2:20

their political conservatism. Get out

2:22

the paleo.

2:24

I'm going to keep doing this. Out

2:26

the paleo. Good job. Throughout.

2:29

So for this one, I pulled more diet

2:32

books than I used. There were a couple.

2:34

There's one that I pulled that was called A Diet Plan

2:36

for Uncle Sam. Oh,

2:38

yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's get into this.

2:40

And then it was just about like federal

2:43

budgets and like obliterating the social

2:45

safety net. I thought it was going to be

2:48

like roast

2:49

bald eagle and shit. No,

2:51

unfortunate. No, it

2:53

was a bummer, but it was not the kind of

2:55

bummer I was looking for. A fun

2:57

bummer. I know I was looking for a fun

2:59

bummer and it was just a straight

3:01

up bummer. There was another one that I was like,

3:03

I think this might actually be a whole episode

3:05

as a sort of like an episode

3:08

in two parts. One of them is the

3:10

Boston Police had a very

3:12

popular diet book. What? Yes,

3:15

what? Yes, yes. If

3:18

it was popular enough,

3:19

which it definitely was not, I would

3:21

have been like, we should do this on a book could kill.

3:23

Do you know what I mean? Like, hang on. I'm coming over.

3:26

We're doing this one because it's garbage.

3:29

So today we're going to look at three different

3:31

diet books. It is a classic

3:33

maintenance phase crescendo. So brace

3:36

yourself for things to get wilder

3:39

as we go along. The first diet

3:42

book that we are going to look at. Hang on.

3:44

I got to.

3:47

Close out of everything and open up the folder

3:50

of pictures of these diet books. And then

3:52

I'm going to send you one of them. Garbage obstructing

3:54

progress. Is that

3:58

is that one. I see it

4:00

coming. That one has a verb. Okay,

4:02

Mike, I sent you a picture of

4:04

the cover. No fucking way.

4:10

I got you a present. Wow.

4:12

Okay, so good God. Okay,

4:15

so it's the I heart

4:17

America diet by someone

4:20

named Phyllis George and Bill

4:22

Adler. And the cover is like

4:25

this bright

4:25

Rubik's Cube red with like

4:29

a nice like swirly wedding invitation

4:31

font and it says I heart America and the

4:33

heart

4:35

is like an image of

4:37

like a Barbie doll woman. It's like a woman

4:40

like blonde white gleaming

4:42

teeth. Yeah, my whenever

4:45

I see like Republican

4:46

imagery like this, I'm just ready for a fucking

4:48

horror show. I'm sure she's nice.

4:52

This is a red flag. The Barbie doll woman

4:54

is Phyllis George. It is the author

4:57

of the book. She not

4:59

nice. Her career started as

5:02

the winner of Miss America. She went on to become

5:04

a sports reporter and a news

5:06

reporter. Okay. And at the time

5:08

that she published this book, it

5:11

was her last year as the

5:13

first lady of Kentucky. Oh,

5:15

okay. Yeah, she has she has a sort of Miss

5:17

America news

5:18

anchor lady kind of look technically

5:21

the title of the book is the I

5:23

love America diet. But every

5:25

time they do the heart. So I'm only

5:28

calling it the heart America. I

5:30

feel about this like I feel about

5:32

like so I live in Portland, Oregon. There

5:35

are Nike bikes

5:37

that you can use all around town. Many cities have

5:39

like just like bikes that you can like pick up and use ours

5:41

are provided by Nike. Nike has

5:44

a store in town called Nike town as it

5:46

does in a number of places

5:47

on the side of the

5:49

bikes. It says bike town,

5:52

but my brain always reads it as bikey.

5:54

Biking town same whatever I'm in Portland.

5:56

I'm like, I guess it's a bike town bike. And I feel similarly

5:58

about this, which is like, look, I could try to rewire my

6:01

brain to read that as the I love America

6:03

diet. But it's always going to be the

6:05

I heart America diet with the Barbie doll lady

6:07

in it. Also a ton of people, you know, TSA

6:10

pre check how it's like pre

6:12

dash and then like a check emoticon.

6:15

But everyone ignores that. So they'll just say like, I

6:17

have TSA pre. This

6:20

is where I fully turn into that like

6:22

fucking TikTok about us, where

6:25

I'm like this week, I thought we'd go light. And

6:27

I end up with 11 pages of notes.

6:30

I think about that TikTok all the time. I

6:32

really am like, they really nailed

6:35

it. And I know because of the amount of personal

6:38

embarrassment I feel when I catch myself

6:40

doing those behaviors, I'm called out,

6:42

called out

6:44

so lovingly, but absolutely. I know

6:46

we we appreciate you and we're

6:48

wildly self-conscious now. And we're mortified.

6:52

Yeah. OK,

6:54

so Phyllis George with

6:57

this book joins the pantheon of

6:59

lifetime thin people

7:00

with the goddamn audacity to write a diet

7:02

book. Oh, yeah. Look, look what I did. Miss

7:04

America wrote a diet book. Yeah.

7:07

This is how I became symmetrical. Wow.

7:12

Her co-writer and I would guess

7:15

the main writer of this book is

7:19

Bill Adler, whose bio

7:21

just says like he's a literary agent and a writer

7:23

and he co-authored the I Heart

7:25

New York diet, which

7:27

I also have. Is that just a bunch of like pizza

7:29

slices and sewer rats? Step one,

7:31

former rat king with other rats.

7:33

Future maintenance phase. Bonus app. This

7:35

book was published in 1983, so it's exactly

7:38

as old as I am. It was

7:41

published again in her last year

7:43

as First Lady of Kentucky, and it was

7:45

blurbed by like

7:46

one million med school

7:48

professors. Interesting. We

7:50

will get into why that is momentarily.

7:53

The main thing that

7:55

we are going to focus on for this book

7:58

in particular.

8:00

is the description

8:03

on the flap of the book jacket. Because

8:06

it really does encapsulate, like

8:08

I skimmed the whole book and I was like, no

8:10

actually I think the strongest text to look at is

8:13

the actual pitch that they're

8:15

making to readers. So

8:17

I'm gonna send you, we're gonna go through bit by bit,

8:19

we're not gonna do the entire thing because it's longer than it

8:21

needs to be. But we

8:24

are absolutely going to talk

8:26

through the first couple of

8:28

paragraphs of it. Okay, putting on my

8:30

bifocals. There you go. It

8:33

says, this is a diet for sensible

8:36

Americans, like you

8:37

and me. It's safe,

8:39

it's sound, it's sure, of course

8:42

it works, because it's based on the official

8:44

recommendations of US government agencies.

8:47

It's like no other diet you've ever been

8:49

on or heard of before, doubtful. Because

8:52

it's not just a diet, it's an integrated

8:55

three-way program that

8:57

permits you for the first time in your life to take control

9:00

of your weight destiny. It

9:02

tells you what to eat, it tells

9:04

you how to eat, it tells you

9:06

the ways, all caps, to beat fat

9:09

with

9:09

workouts anybody can do.

9:11

It's not just a diet, it tells you what

9:14

to eat, it tells you how to eat, it tells

9:16

you what workouts to do. You're

9:18

describing a diet. It's just like

9:20

such God, it's such boilerplate

9:23

and stuff. It's like this is like

9:25

nothing else. We're gonna tell you to eat

9:27

less and move more. It was

9:30

really striking to me to be looking

9:32

at something, again, that

9:34

is my entire lifetime

9:37

ago, and be like, oh, this

9:39

is new marketing. Every

9:41

diet is doing the same

9:44

thing,

9:44

which is just like, they're all like, we're

9:46

not like the other girls, we're different.

9:48

It is fascinating how like five minutes

9:51

after the first diet, there was the first

9:53

diet being like, we're not a diet. We

9:55

know diets don't work. Are

9:57

you ready for our next chunk? the

10:00

description. Give on

10:03

programs. No. No, it doesn't really work.

10:06

Sorry. Yes, I'm ready. Sorry. Okay.

10:08

So I'm sending you the next chunk of the

10:10

description. All caps. And there's

10:13

a fabulous bonus.

10:15

Sentence case. You can be healthier

10:17

than you are. You can live longer with increased

10:20

vigor. That's because you'll be following the

10:22

US federal dietary guidelines

10:24

for Americans. The recent scientific

10:27

breakthrough praised by doctors everywhere.

10:30

The president's council on physical fitness and

10:32

sports asks a strong vital

10:35

America depends on physically fit Americans.

10:37

Can we depend on you? If you

10:40

love America, the answer is yes.

10:42

It's patriotic to be trim

10:45

and healthy.

10:45

Ooh. Yeah.

10:48

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Problematic through lines

10:51

in this little paragraph. I picked this one out because

10:53

I was like, Oh, cameos. We've got

10:56

the president's physical fitness tests. We've

10:59

also got the US federal

11:01

dietary guidelines for Americans, which came

11:04

up so much in our food pyramid

11:06

episode. They are the basis of the food pyramid.

11:08

Food triangle. But yes. Also,

11:10

we've got those guidelines being praised

11:13

by doctors everywhere, which

11:15

like they weren't even really

11:17

praised by doctors within the

11:20

USDA. The guidelines doctors everywhere

11:22

said about. And

11:25

then we've got this absolute

11:28

fucking bananas shoehorning

11:31

in of like real patriots

11:34

are thin. Yeah, dude. It's weird

11:36

that they're saying it this explicitly.

11:38

Usually it's like between the lines. It also

11:40

just like, I was reading this one and I was like, this is

11:43

pure camp. Yeah. I know

11:45

this is the problem with this is it's hard to be offended

11:47

by it. It really is so

11:50

weird and surreal. This

11:53

description also lists out

11:56

the things that you can do on

11:58

this diet. which also

12:01

felt really reminiscent of

12:04

diets that we have heard about, talked

12:06

about, all that kind of stuff. This is a list

12:09

that should have bullet points in front of it, but it doesn't because

12:11

I'm texting it to you. Is the exercise plan just standing

12:13

up and saluting the flag and sitting down over

12:15

and over again? It's

12:19

actually just like joining the military and going

12:21

to boot camp. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just push-ups? Yeah,

12:23

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

12:24

It says, lose

12:27

up to 11 pounds of fat a

12:29

month, not water, as on fad

12:31

diets. Eat the kind of foods

12:33

you've always loved, even ice cream.

12:35

Never, never diet foods. Make

12:37

the switch to lifetime stay-slim

12:40

habits easily, pleasantly, deliciously.

12:42

Learn how to transform your favorite recipes

12:45

into scrumptious, nutrition-packed,

12:47

slimming delights. Oh, this

12:49

is very similar to the Scarsdale diet thing,

12:52

where in general, when it talks

12:54

about the diet in the introduction,

12:56

it's like you can do anything. Don't worry

12:58

about being hungry, Bestie. And

13:00

then once you get to the specifics, it's

13:03

like prisoner of war camp rations

13:06

and hours of exercise, and

13:08

they just coexist peacefully. Here's

13:11

the thing that I would say about this particular diet

13:13

is normally I'm like, yes, that is the pattern.

13:16

In this case, it is USDA

13:18

and FDA guidelines

13:20

that they're operating off of, so

13:23

it's less of that, just like

13:26

you get one ounce of cheese every

13:29

week, enjoy it, savor it while

13:31

you can. It's less of that. It

13:34

reads much more like kind

13:36

of any number of 80s low-fat or

13:40

low-calorie diet meal plans.

13:43

A bunch of the meal plans are like most

13:45

nights for dinner, you're getting a whole baked

13:48

potato plus a protein plus

13:50

a cup of vegetables because it's

13:52

essentially a diet book that was created

13:55

to popularize public

13:57

nutrition guidelines, right? Right.

13:59

So it's not like completely off the rails. The

14:02

fascinating thing to me is that they like

14:05

include a small number of recipes and

14:07

the recipes that they include

14:09

seem fine. They don't seem like bad

14:12

recipes to me, but I am confused

14:15

as to how these ones made the top of the

14:17

list. So they

14:19

have like a few dinner recipes. They've

14:21

got a couple of soup recipes. They've got some dips,

14:24

that kind of thing.

14:25

They have a lot of recipes

14:28

that seem very time limited

14:30

for your use in the year. So they

14:32

have a recipe for gingerbread.

14:35

They have an eggnog recipe. Festive

14:37

liquids. They have a recipe for something called

14:40

cottage

14:40

cheese dip. Oh no,

14:42

the cottage cheese in the 80s. It was

14:44

so much. I have,

14:47

listen, Stockholm syndrome has been

14:49

debunked, but I have it with cottage cheese.

14:51

I continue to enjoy cottage cheese. I

14:54

have tried to get into cottage cheese so

14:56

many times. I've tried. I'm like, I

14:57

want to like this. It seems fine.

15:00

And every time I do it, it's

15:03

like opera. It's not for you. Aubrey,

15:05

what if we wrote a diet

15:08

book?

15:08

We've talked about this. We

15:10

did the same intro. It's like, you can eat anything on

15:12

this plan. You can move however

15:14

you want to. You don't have to be hungry. And then we

15:16

actually did it. We just provided

15:19

a bunch of bomb-ass recipes. And

15:21

we were like, you can make these. You can not make these.

15:24

You can eat them. I don't give a shit. Literally anything

15:26

else. Whatever portion makes you feel

15:28

full and happy. Like, what

15:30

if? And then we just call it a diet

15:33

book. Or like, it's a diet book, but

15:35

it's literally just like,

15:35

physically eat anything what you want. Yeah,

15:38

yeah, oh my god. Listen, any excuse

15:40

to get this recipe for like a shrimp

15:42

that's poached in coconut milk and like

15:44

ginger and a bunch. Like, it's fucking

15:47

killer. I would get that out of the world. The

15:49

last thing I will say about this particular diet

15:52

book

15:53

is that, so they've

15:56

got the front spread

15:58

and the back spread

17:59

It's just like, this is very goofy.

18:02

This is sort of the theme of the episode. Like

18:05

we talked in the Goop episode about like

18:07

dunking on things, but making it nutritious dunking.

18:10

There is no nutritional value. You're not learning

18:12

anything. You're not growing as a person. You're

18:14

not getting Thiamine out of this.

18:16

Book two, Michael, are you ready? Book

18:20

two, give me. Book two is

18:22

called The

18:23

Love Diet. Oh,

18:26

The Love Diet. Another heart cover, another

18:28

heart on the cover. This one's written by someone named John

18:30

Daubert. John Daubert has written

18:32

a number of other books.

18:34

Titles include How

18:37

to Improve Your Child's Education,

18:40

Give Yourself a Chance Finding Your Role

18:42

in a Competitive Society,

18:44

John Daubert's First Aid

18:47

for Marriage. Okay. And

18:49

If Being a Christian is So Great, Why

18:52

Do I Have the Blaws? That one actually

18:54

sounds good. I also have the blaws.

18:56

Maybe he has tips. This one was published

18:58

in 1977. The

19:01

tagline for this one is, how

19:04

to diet successfully using

19:07

that most powerful of all

19:09

motivators, love. I'm

19:11

intrigued. I'm going to

19:14

send you the description from

19:16

the back of the cover.

19:17

Get ready. It says,

19:20

a simple but complete explanation

19:22

of the catalyst, which can make any reasonable

19:25

diet a resounding success. The

19:27

catalyst is love. Everyone

19:29

has a capacity for it. Everyone has seen evidence

19:32

of its universal appeal and power.

19:34

John Daubert shows how to harness the enormous

19:37

power of love to benefit dieting.

19:39

The writing. Yeah. The goal is

19:41

to build a deep seated unified

19:44

inner attitude that controls the dieter's

19:47

behavior. An attitude motivated

19:50

out of love for the dieter himself,

19:52

his friends, his family, his career, and

19:55

his self perceived purpose in life.

19:58

The author shows not only. how to use

20:00

the love we have, but how to obtain

20:03

all the love we will ever need to get

20:05

slim

20:06

and stay that way. Is this chat

20:08

GPT? Are you motivated

20:11

out of love? You're right to be confused

20:13

by this. Use the love we have,

20:15

how to obtain the love we need

20:18

to

20:18

get slim. Why would

20:20

I need love to get slim? I need self-hatred

20:23

of the way that I look and feel. Mike, I'm

20:25

going to tell you what. This is the one

20:27

of the books that we're talking about today where I read

20:29

the entire thing cover to cover, and

20:32

I am no more clear on any

20:34

of the answers to any of the questions raised

20:36

by this

20:37

description. God, the real,

20:39

I feel like Jordan Peterson is the one that really cracked this

20:41

code. The trick to these books

20:44

is to write something totally incomprehensible.

20:47

And then if anyone is like, oh, this doesn't make any sense,

20:49

then you could just be like,

20:50

looks like somebody didn't get it. I

20:53

guess you don't understand these intellectual

20:55

concepts. You might be wondering, Michael,

20:57

why this is on our list of books

21:00

written by conservative political actors.

21:03

Please enjoy the cover. Oh,

21:06

wait, what? Oh, it took me

21:08

a second. Okay,

21:11

so it says, I mean, first of all, this

21:13

graphic design is on point as usual. It

21:17

is Microsoft Word 95. They

21:20

figured out the arch function. So

21:22

it says The Love Diet. And there's

21:24

like a little tagline

21:26

by John Daubert, small font

21:29

forward by James Dobson.

21:32

Yeah. The infamous focus on the

21:34

family, prime minister, whatever the fuck

21:36

he is. But like, he's this like this anti-gay,

21:39

anti-everything fun ghoul. Absolutely.

21:42

If there was gremlin shit

21:43

being said about queer people in national

21:45

politics, it was either

21:47

being said by James Dobson,

21:50

furnished by James Dobson, or

21:52

like parroted by people who were close to

21:55

him. Like he is like the nexus,

21:57

right?

21:59

Jerry Falwell or Pat Robertson, you're

22:02

also probably

22:02

mad at James Dobson. Right. Like

22:04

he is again, like the beating heart of a lot of

22:06

this stuff, but also very, very trim.

22:08

People are always talking about his six pack neck veins.

22:11

OK, we'll get there. Just

22:13

a trim little man. At the

22:15

point that this was published, he

22:18

was an associate professor of pediatrics

22:21

at USC.

22:23

At the time, he was best known

22:25

for his book, Dare to

22:28

Discipline, which advocated

22:30

for the use of corporal

22:32

punishment by parents on kids.

22:34

I love it when they try to present this as like

22:37

as like a bold new idea. It's like

22:39

finally beating kids. It's like, yeah,

22:41

that's what we've been doing for like thousands of years. And

22:43

it's bad.

22:44

Also, it's 1977. So

22:47

this isn't necessarily even an idea

22:49

that has like gone out of vogue

22:52

in the way that it has gone out of vogue. When

22:54

I think of love, I think of beating children.

22:56

I think of the guy who's like gay people

22:58

are all going to die. And it's going to be their fault. Also beat

23:00

your kids more. The love diet. Yeah,

23:02

I just want to make literally everyone's

23:05

lives worse. This is also the year

23:07

that he founded Focus on the Family. So

23:09

he had his eyes on bigger things,

23:12

right? It was either become

23:14

a lifestyle influencer

23:16

or become an anti-gay grifter.

23:19

If only Instagram had been around back then. Chapter

23:21

titles for this one include Born

23:24

Again and Obese. That's

23:27

an absurdity. Oh, no. Your

23:30

diet must be self-imposed.

23:32

OK. Group pressure is great,

23:35

but at midnight, it's only you in the refrigerator.

23:38

OK. Tithing food

23:40

for health. Giving away 10 percent of all my

23:42

food. That's the key

23:45

to losing weight. I look at a meal and

23:48

I cut off 10 percent of it. I

23:49

put it in the collection plate. I just save the potatoes

23:52

just in my little hand. The last one

23:55

is absolutely, unquestioned of the darkest,

23:58

which is am I important?

25:59

There's no like evil genius stuff in here. It's like,

26:02

don't you have a Thanksgiving to ruin, James?

26:05

Yeah, he doesn't name check like Jerry

26:07

Falwell or anything. Like, it's like, it's

26:09

a real bummer. The other day, as I was shoving

26:11

a child back into

26:12

the closet against their will, I thought

26:14

about the exercise that I needed to be stronger.

26:17

Yep. Boo. Boo.

26:19

OK, so another

26:22

one of my questions was just like, what the fuck

26:24

does it mean for it to be the love diet? Yeah.

26:27

The argument for the connection

26:30

between love and dieting in

26:32

this book is so unbelievably

26:35

tenuous.

26:35

OK. He just keeps

26:37

saying, love is the greatest motivator, so

26:40

harness love as your motivation to diet.

26:42

Is it? I don't even understand what his fucking argument is. Is

26:45

it like, get thin so that people will love you, like you'll

26:47

be more successful at dating? Oh,

26:49

Michael, you are. That is the thinking

26:52

of someone who's operating on love level one.

26:55

I'm just like, yeah, I'm just like, I

26:57

paid $1.50 for this book.

26:57

I want

26:59

like some useful advice, but I guess it doesn't

27:02

even do that. Let me tell you, this is, I found

27:04

the clearest passage

27:06

that I could where he's like spelling out

27:09

what love has to do with motivation

27:12

to diet. What's love? OK.

27:16

He's stacking another metaphor on top of his

27:19

already tryhard metaphor. He

27:21

says, love levels can most readily

27:23

be compared to gears in an automobile.

27:26

It is necessary to get the diet

27:28

rolling just as first gear gets

27:30

the car rolling. First

27:32

gear, however, cannot meet the demands

27:34

and conquer all types of driving.

27:37

And love level one cannot

27:39

meet the demands and conquer all

27:42

impediments to dietary success.

27:45

Traveling in first gear for

27:47

a long duration is impractical

27:49

and may cause mechanical failure. Jesus

27:52

Christ. That's

27:55

the end of that paragraph.

27:57

Oh, that's as good as it gets.

28:00

I'm just going to guess. I'm

28:03

so sorry. It

28:07

is so funny to

28:09

me to think that I'm like, did

28:12

any editor ever look at

28:14

this? Because it doesn't even

28:17

make sense. This is such like

28:19

Michael Scott vibes where he's like, look, I'm

28:21

going to break it down. A business has

28:23

to make more money than it spends and

28:26

then draws out this extended metaphor

28:28

on this extremely easy to

28:31

understand concept. Yes.

28:33

Like, oh, in levels. So

28:36

can I walk you through the three love

28:38

levels? Oh, yeah. Because now I've been

28:40

in first gear

28:40

and I'm experiencing mechanical failure. This

28:43

is normally where you would say something like, I'm intrigued

28:46

and I appreciate that you didn't because you're not

28:48

because there's nothing to be. I'm not. There's

28:50

nothing here, but I love empty verbiage. So

28:53

take me with you.

28:55

According

28:58

to Daubert, according to this

29:00

author, when he's writing

29:02

about love level one, he's talking

29:04

about dieting from a place

29:06

of love using your motivation. Love is

29:09

your motivation

29:09

to diet. Right. It's

29:11

sort of his overarching thing. And he says that

29:13

love level one is about

29:16

dieting from a place of love of

29:18

yourself. OK. His version

29:20

of this sort of like love of self is just

29:23

really similar to the concept

29:24

behind Khloe Kardashian's Revenge

29:27

Body. Oh, yeah. That show. Do

29:29

you remember that show? Only from you talking

29:31

about it. If you are dieting on

29:34

love level one, if you are dieting for

29:36

a love of self,

29:38

here are his tips for

29:40

how to get yourself more motivation.

29:43

OK. He says that you should

29:45

undress in front of a full length

29:47

mirror, jump up and down and quote,

29:50

count the seconds until the roles

29:52

settle. Oh, my God. Motivation

29:56

tip number two, ask an honest friend

29:58

to tell me how I really.

29:59

Look oh These

30:02

are mean Aubrey motivation

30:04

tip number three Mike if those were too dark

30:07

for you hang on to your fucking butt I can't because

30:09

of jiggling too much. It's still it's still vibrating Picture

30:14

yourself confined to a nursing

30:17

home as a result of sickness caused

30:19

by overweight What that's not even a useful

30:22

tip just imagine myself in a nursing

30:24

home Also, it has the weird like 60s

30:27

70s language of like caused by

30:29

overweight. Oh, yeah, it's just such a

30:31

weird It should be overweightness

30:35

People with overweightness

30:36

Aubrey we're using people first

30:38

language Michael Are you ready to

30:41

hear about love level to love

30:43

level two? Is this like caring

30:45

for my family or something and then

30:47

like level three is like caring for my community

30:50

or some shit? Stop trying to skip ahead

30:53

because you're

30:53

not gonna guess level three the brother I'm

30:55

trying to impose like some form of coherence

30:57

onto this book No, just really just incoherent

31:00

level two is about love

31:02

of sort of the collective. He calls this the group

31:05

theme

31:06

He talks about

31:08

like teachers being motivated by

31:10

love of their students Pastors being

31:13

motivated by love of their congregants doctors

31:15

being motivated by their love of patients

31:18

so on and so forth So

31:20

he is sort of like thinking and talking

31:22

about like, okay

31:23

What does it mean to diet from a

31:25

place of love for other people?

31:29

He has some motivation tips for people who are

31:31

dieting at love level two Okay,

31:33

I'm gonna send two of those motivational

31:35

tips to you

31:36

motivate me He says even

31:39

a small weight loss causes your attitude

31:42

to be one of confidence Since

31:44

you know how many lives you're affecting

31:46

through your dietary compliance

31:49

Aubrey maybe this is just because I

31:51

just read your book which is like coherent

31:54

and like nicely Attitude

31:59

to be one of

31:59

confidence. Like why do you just say even

32:02

a small weight loss gives you a more confident attitude?

32:04

It's the writing is so

32:07

bad. Is he being paid by the preposition? Look

32:11

closely at each child as

32:13

he sleeps

32:13

and examine how much he means

32:16

to you and what he would be

32:18

facing if you, your love and

32:20

your earning power were suddenly

32:22

gone.

32:23

This is so weird.

32:25

I'm gazing at myself jiggling

32:27

in the mirror. I'm gazing upon my small

32:29

children. It's just like think in the most

32:31

negative terms possible at all times. Right.

32:34

And it's like think about what a failure you

32:37

are and will be. This is the

32:39

Jane Lynch meme.

32:40

I'm going to create an environment so toxic.

32:43

Like that is what is happening here.

32:45

Right. Uh, Michael, are

32:48

you ready for love level

32:51

three? I think I figure it out. I think

32:53

it's going to be God. Oh, fuck.

32:55

God damn it. Is it? It's love of God.

32:57

Dobs include me in. So he

32:59

offers some examples of what dieting

33:02

at love level three looks like. Okay.

33:04

I'm sending those to you. Okay. He says,

33:07

if my weight is controlled

33:09

and I'm healthier, I'll live longer, which

33:12

gives me more time on earth to serve

33:14

my master.

33:15

If I'm successful in setting an example of results

33:18

in my diet, others will ask me how

33:20

I succeed and I'll witness that my God

33:22

assisted me. My witness may result

33:24

in a convert

33:25

to my beliefs. Oh,

33:28

so I'm recruiting people to Christianity

33:31

with my like rippling abs. People

33:33

are like, yes, wait a minute,

33:36

Mike. None of you was jiggling in the mirror.

33:38

I'm like, thanks, Bible. He created

33:41

everything. And he's also like, man,

33:43

on this planet full of like, you

33:45

know, billions of people. Right. Uh,

33:47

John's getting a little fat, huh? The funny thing is, as

33:50

a former Christian kid, I actually think that like New

33:52

Testament morality is like pretty lit,

33:54

but nobody actually implements it. Jesus

33:57

talked all the time about like how, you know,

33:59

rich people. can't get into heaven and you

34:01

should care the most for like the weakest

34:03

among you. But there's just a

34:06

whole economy of fucking grifters

34:08

who are like, no, no, no, no, no, Jesus said the

34:11

opposite of what you think he said.

34:13

He wants you to be rich. He wants you to be thin.

34:16

It is really wild that in, you

34:18

know, some setting somewhere,

34:21

somebody read the Bible and out the other

34:23

end of whatever machine creates

34:26

these people came like Joel Osteen.

34:28

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Bible, yes. I

34:30

just want you to be hot and

34:31

shitty. That's what Jesus wants. Would

34:33

you like to hear some motivation tips for people

34:36

at love level three? He says pray

34:38

periodically during the day to seek assistance

34:41

to overcome temptation. Pray before

34:43

each meal asking assistance for appetite

34:46

control. Nurture the

34:48

belief that failure to adhere successfully

34:50

to your diet displeases God. Yeah,

34:54

this is like maybe false idol

34:56

territory. It's wild as fuck. I've

34:59

been doing some reading lately about spiritual

35:01

abuse. Is this a term you've come across?

35:04

It sure is. It's like a lot of church leaders

35:06

will use your sort of sense of morality

35:09

and like, you know, your entire worldview

35:12

through

35:12

religion to basically get away with terrible

35:14

shit, right? For like sexual harassment

35:17

or exploiting you for money. This

35:19

honestly feels like a form of spiritual abuse,

35:21

right? Where it's like he's explicitly invoking

35:23

your like moral

35:26

and religious worldview to

35:29

sell a book. Absolutely. To

35:31

me, the good parts of religion are

35:34

just a weekly invitation for

35:37

people to think about things larger than themselves.

35:39

And like, how am I doing good in the world? How am

35:42

I affecting other people? And

35:44

he's explicitly like clawing

35:46

that back. He's like, no, no, no, no, no. Monday

35:49

morning is to think about like how many sit

35:51

ups you did this week. And like, if you

35:53

don't do more, you'll die

35:55

and your children will never forgive. Yeah, exactly.

35:58

It's very strange for anyone with.

35:59

even passing familiarity with the Bible.

36:02

But at the same time, there is an

36:04

entire cottage industry

36:08

of evangelical diet books, evangelical

36:11

weight loss programs, right? Like there's like

36:13

a million of these, they are legion.

36:15

It's also very funny the idea

36:17

that Jesus would want you to adhere

36:19

to like conventional modern beauty

36:22

standards because of course beauty standards have changed over time.

36:25

So like, why would

36:25

Jesus be like, oh yeah, in the 1990s, I

36:28

want everyone to have like a long skinny torso.

36:31

And like right now Jesus wants you to have like thick hips

36:33

because like that's where the fat is. Look,

36:37

Jesus reads in touch weekly. He

36:39

pays attention to who wore it best.

36:41

He has some thoughts. Jesus says

36:43

boot cut is out. Skinny jeans are in.

36:46

Oh, oh buddy. I think you're behind

36:49

the times now. Is that not? That's out.

36:51

We're out. We're old. I ordered a pair of skinny jeans on

36:54

the internet the other day. So that's why I'm like, I'm on trend.

36:56

I'm a 40 year old man.

36:59

This is what having a 15 year

37:02

old niece will do to a person. See,

37:04

you actually know what the kids are doing. Because

37:06

I get corrected on it. Yeah.

37:11

What are you doing? Why are you wearing that? You're at my

37:13

school

37:13

and that's what you're wearing. She's like, Kigo

37:15

has a whole song about this. You're wrong. Okay,

37:17

Michael, are you ready for our third

37:20

and final conservative diet

37:22

book? Problematic level three. This one

37:24

is not actually a diet book. I will set

37:27

it up that way. This one is just straightforwardly

37:29

a cookbook. There's no calorie counting. There's no weight

37:31

loss. There's no nothing. This

37:34

one is just, I thought it would be fun

37:36

to yell about the existence of this book

37:38

with Michael Hobbs. Yelling about

37:40

recipes. Our favorite thing.

37:43

I am sending you, I'm

37:47

sending you the book cover to look at and to

37:49

describe for the listener. Oh yeah. I

37:52

feel like I will hear when you get it.

37:55

Oh, what? Yeah.

37:58

Wait, what? This

38:02

exists? This exists and

38:04

I own it. I'm so sorry. Holy

38:07

shit. Okay.

38:09

Where to begin? Wow. There's

38:12

so much happening on this book

38:14

cover. There's so much happening. Okay,

38:16

so it's a man and a woman

38:18

like facing the camera with their backs to each

38:20

other, like leaned up against each other, like two news

38:23

anchors or something. They're both wearing

38:25

sleeveless denim vests.

38:28

He is holding a rifle

38:30

and

38:30

she is holding some sort of like terrifying

38:33

looking fucking knife. I think it's a hunting

38:36

knife. Yeah, like a hunting like stab

38:38

a deer knife. And the

38:40

name of the book is Kill It

38:43

and Grill It. And it's by Ted

38:46

and Shemaine Nugent. A

38:48

guide to preparing and cooking wild

38:50

game and fish. So this

38:53

is like how to fucking kill animals

38:56

and eat them basically. It says includes

38:59

a recipe for deer, elk, wild boar,

39:01

rabbit, bear, wild turkey,

39:04

duck and more. I feel like bear

39:06

is the odd man out there. Everything

39:08

else I can get at Costco. Absolutely. There

39:10

are definitely bear recipes in this one.

39:13

Mike,

39:14

what do you know about Ted Nugent? Oh,

39:18

wait, did he do know when

39:20

to hold him and know when to fold him? No,

39:22

that's Kenny Rogers. That's Kenny Rogers.

39:25

Could not be more different. All I know is that he's

39:27

like a right wing

39:29

gun dude now, but

39:31

I don't know what he was like before

39:34

that. He's like an Elizabeth Taylor figure where

39:36

it's like I know her from the perfumes, but not from like

39:38

the main thing that she's known for. Yeah, you know

39:40

him from his appearances on Fox News.

39:43

Yeah, he showed up and I'm like this is

39:45

a I guess a famous person, but he's

39:47

like famous to other people for reasons I don't

39:49

understand. We're going to listen to the

39:51

opening riff of this song, which

39:53

I think will get you oriented

39:56

to who he is.

40:04

I've heard this. Yeah,

40:07

that's him. Wait,

40:09

let me let's wait till the beat drops. Oh,

40:12

yeah. So

40:20

you get the idea. Ted Nugent

40:22

official YouTube has 192,000 subscribers. Yeah,

40:26

it's both higher and lower than I would expect.

40:29

There's like Pokemon reaction YouTubers who have

40:31

like more than that.

40:32

I mean, listen, he's

40:34

a 74 year old man from Michigan, you

40:36

know, so he's like a 80s rocker

40:39

guy like hair. It sounds like hair metal, but then

40:41

the cover of

40:41

the album does not look hair medley.

40:44

He is reliably described as like a hard

40:46

rock musician. That's sort of how folks

40:49

describe him. Seventies, eighties

40:51

was sort of his high point. Okay.

40:54

Since then, he has really seemed

40:56

to make most of his career out

40:58

of being sort of like a personality. Yeah. Which

41:02

for him means like astonishingly

41:04

regressive,

41:04

outspoken

41:07

racism, proud racism,

41:10

big gun advocate. He

41:12

is a full disaster.

41:14

Wait, to go back to my acronym,

41:16

he's a geriatric obstructing

41:18

progress. Okay, there we

41:20

go. I thought that one was good.

41:22

He was and is

41:24

an extremely outspoken Trump supporter.

41:27

He refused to get vaccinated for covid

41:30

and then got covid. And

41:33

when he announced

41:33

that he had it, he only referred

41:36

to it as, and I quote, the Chinese

41:38

shit. God,

41:41

right.

41:44

He called President Obama, quote,

41:47

a subhuman mongrel. Oh,

41:49

my God. I mean, he

41:51

is like next

41:54

level. Here's

41:56

my question for you, Mike. What

41:59

year do you think? Who do you think this cookbook

42:01

came out? Who

42:03

graphic design says,

42:05

I want to say 90s actually.

42:08

Like it looks late because there's gradients.

42:11

That's a good catch. In

42:12

the color and then the background of

42:14

the image looks like one of those fucking magic

42:17

eye things where you'd blur your eyes and it would

42:19

be like, oh my God, a dolphin. It looks

42:22

like that. Like that's the aesthetic. And

42:24

then, God, the lighting is terrible. There's

42:27

like weird, just like a random pink

42:29

light that is like lighting of his hair but not

42:31

hers.

42:31

I think that's to be like, doesn't it look

42:34

like stage lighting for like a hard

42:36

rock musician, perhaps? It looks

42:38

fake and weird. And then I'm

42:40

going to say, I'm going to be wrong, but I'm

42:43

going to say 1996. Oh, you

42:45

are a lot closer than I was. I assumed this

42:47

was like late 80s, early 90s. This

42:49

book was somehow

42:51

published in 2002. Wait,

42:55

really? Yes. I guess conservative

42:57

aesthetics are a little, a couple of years behind.

43:00

Sure, sure, sure. There's no Helvetica here. The

43:02

blurbs on this book

43:05

are fully unhinged.

43:08

Is it like Ted Cruz? No,

43:09

no, no. You're not going to guess.

43:11

It's wild. They're so wild, they're unguessable.

43:15

Oh, no.

43:15

I'm sending you a blurb and

43:18

then you're going to read it. We're going

43:20

to talk about it and then I'm going to tell you who it's from. What

43:22

can I say about Ted that he hasn't

43:24

already said himself? Ted is a true

43:26

original. Whether you love him or hate him, agree

43:29

or disagree with his philosophies, side

43:31

with or oppose his politics, you

43:33

always know where you stand with good old

43:35

Uncle Ted. He means what

43:37

he says and he says what he means. Hillary

43:40

Clinton. Oh, interesting. No,

43:42

it's a twist. Not Hillary

43:44

Clinton. No. So first of all, just tell

43:46

me your take on this blurb. This

43:49

is a blurb for a cookbook. I mean, it's

43:51

just the whole thing of like,

43:53

well, he says it like it is. And

43:55

like, well, just because he's wrong

43:57

and bad,

43:59

he's being authentic. It's like

44:01

right, but I don't like the wrong and bad

44:03

part is what I object to. I don't think that he's being disingenuous.

44:06

Yeah, totally. These are the things that you say

44:08

when you can't say anything

44:10

else about someone who is an

44:13

asshole,

44:13

right? Yeah. That

44:15

blurb, by the way, comes to us courtesy of

44:18

Joe Perry from Aerosmith. Wait,

44:20

really? Yeah. That's also

44:22

a bit of a like, I didn't read the book blurb,

44:25

but I'm doing this as a personal favor. That's

44:28

all of these. Get ready. I

44:30

sent you another one. I've known Ted for

44:32

years and I can't say I always agree

44:34

with him. I can't even say I often

44:36

agree with him. It's just a huge asshole,

44:39

but I respect him for this reason. In

44:41

a world where fame makes people fat and

44:44

satisfied. Weird. Ted continues

44:46

to fight for his beliefs. He

44:48

loves nature and as this book

44:51

proves page after page, he feels

44:53

that living without passion is not really

44:55

living. That I agree with him

44:57

on

44:57

wholeheartedly. Barbara

45:00

Walters. Mitch Albom,

45:02

the dude who wrote Tuesdays with...

45:05

What? No. There's

45:07

a cameo from the Tuesdays with Morrie

45:09

guy? This

45:11

is also so chicken shit. To

45:14

just be like, well, I don't always

45:16

agree with him. I can't say I always agree

45:18

with him. I can't even say I often agree

45:20

with him. Right. I respect

45:22

him for continuing to fight for his

45:25

beliefs, which I

45:26

ostensibly find abhorrent. This

45:29

is such fucking brain

45:31

disease among people

45:33

like us, like over educated liberals. It's

45:35

like, well, I don't agree, but at least he's

45:37

fighting for his

45:38

beliefs. Yeah. His beliefs are

45:40

bad. He's fighting for things that

45:42

make the world worse. It's

45:44

weird to be like, oh, I like it

45:46

when people fight for their beliefs, regardless of

45:48

their beliefs. No. I

45:50

mean, listen, right now today, Pete Evans

45:52

is fighting for his beliefs, right? There

45:54

are plenty of people who really believe the stuff

45:56

that they're talking about that we have talked on this show

45:59

about. Right. Oh, God,

46:01

Mike, I'm getting so much worse at putting together

46:04

sentences. I think I've been infected by the

46:06

Love Diet guy. Yeah. Now

46:08

I only know how to say things in confusing

46:10

ways. Question mark. You have an attitude

46:12

that is out of confidence and

46:15

something. There's

46:17

one quote

46:18

that says Ted Nugent is beyond

46:21

argument. One of the good

46:22

guys attributed to Charlton

46:25

Heston. Look, as a piece of shit,

46:27

I respect the fact that Ted Nugent is a piece

46:30

of shit as well. There is a page inside the book

46:32

where the header is just praise

46:34

for Ted Nugent. Oh, nice.

46:37

And it includes quotes from George

46:39

W. Bush and Tom

46:42

Ridge. Why are politicians

46:44

blurbing a

46:46

wild game cookbook

46:48

from a guy who? From like

46:50

a total weirdo. Like

46:53

a deep weirdo who again is just

46:55

like proudly shouting

46:57

his racism rooftops.

47:00

Yeah. And his biggest hit

47:02

was at this point a solid 20

47:04

years ago. Right. Better

47:07

suited to be at VH1. I

47:09

love the 80s commentator than to

47:12

be like anyone's presidential

47:15

endorsement or what like it's just weird. It's

47:17

just weird. Right. The introduction

47:19

has a title. That title is Celebrate

47:22

the Flesh.

47:23

Oh, oh, God. Other

47:25

notable chapter titles include Rock

47:28

and Roll Hog Mando. Hog

47:31

Mando? I like my pork

47:33

pissed off.

47:34

He's going to make any sense.

47:36

I like my rare, but not that rare.

47:40

And a chapter

47:41

just called this is two words.

47:43

It's going to sound like four words. It's two words.

47:46

First word. No,

47:49

God. The

47:51

first word is sex fried.

47:55

What? What? Sex

47:58

fried? You've

48:01

melted down. We lost Aubrey.

48:04

It's so... It's

48:08

so ridiculous. Okay,

48:13

okay. I'm pulling it together. What

48:15

kind of sex are they having on the ranch? Uh,

48:17

sex fried fish slab.

48:26

Sex

48:27

fried fish slab. It's

48:30

like one of those things they say as like a vocal

48:32

warmup before you go on stage. You

48:35

need New York. You need New

48:37

York. Yeah,

48:40

red leather, yellow leather, sex fried

48:42

fish. Man, I'm trying to piece this together

48:44

backwards. So it's like I have a slab

48:47

of fish and instead of frying

48:49

it, I'm sex frying it. I don't

48:51

know. There's a whole note on language

48:53

that the book opens with.

48:56

It's like, you know, two sentences that's like,

48:58

hey, man, this language

49:00

has been newgentized or something. Or

49:03

you're like, okay, I get it. Content

49:05

warning. This book contains total gibberish.

49:08

He has some recipes in here. Mostly it's

49:10

like little essays or whatever. Like

49:12

he does some writing and then each chapter,

49:14

there are so many chapters. Each

49:16

chapter has like one

49:19

to three recipes in it. We were like, this

49:21

is not a great cookbook. This seems

49:23

like one of those books that's just like very blatantly

49:26

a cash

49:26

in. Absolutely. Where like he probably

49:29

wasn't meaningfully involved and

49:31

it's just like put them on the cover, people buy it. No one will

49:33

actually read it or engage with it anyway. After

49:35

all of those chapter titles,

49:38

my notes just say, I get it. You're

49:40

straight. Like Jesus message

49:42

received. Chapter 16,

49:45

vaginal intercourse with my wife. Like,

49:49

all right, Ted. All right. We already got

49:51

it with sex fried. So he does have

49:53

recipes in this cookbook. There are not a ton

49:55

of them. The first one

49:57

that I want to talk about is a barbecue sauce.

51:59

What have you seen the fucking TikTok videos?

52:02

I don't know what you're talking. I mean, I've seen TikTok, but

52:04

I don't know what videos you're talking about. But you've seen those like

52:06

deranged ones where it's like, I'm going to make this in the sink.

52:09

And it's like, you take all this pasta and then you pour like

52:11

a whole thing of

52:12

pasta sauce on it and you get in there

52:14

with your hands and you

52:16

mix it up. And it's like, then you add a bunch of slices

52:18

of American cheese and then something like peanut butter, like

52:20

it just gets like aggressively

52:23

more demented as it goes along. And

52:25

it's like, these things exist only

52:27

to be shared on Twitter for everybody to be like,

52:29

eww, gross. But then the

52:32

current theory is that these are

52:34

actually just like fetish content. And it's

52:36

like women getting into food

52:38

with their hands and getting like really dirty

52:41

and sort of talking about it, you

52:43

know, they're like, oh, just go in and get

52:46

really slimy in your hands. And

52:48

it's like, you know, there is an

52:49

audience for this, but it's not home chefs.

52:52

Once again, you and I are on different parts

52:55

of the internet. Learning

52:57

about different people and different things. I should say there's also

52:59

like a middle section that are

53:00

just like one million pictures of

53:02

Ted Nugent and his wife and his kids.

53:05

There's a picture of her posing

53:07

with like a bow and arrow.

53:08

I find it totally plausible,

53:11

Aubrey, that you are one of the only people who actually

53:14

read this book. This

53:16

does not seem like an organic grassroots

53:21

uprising of people who are like, what can I do with

53:23

this venison and my six pack of Coke

53:25

in my pantry? I will say I'm flipping

53:28

through the book right now. I'm on page 57 and

53:31

so far all of the recipes

53:32

have been for venison. I'm living it

53:34

with the lack of bears. That's why we're here. It's

53:36

a real bummer. There was one bear

53:38

recipe in here at some point. There's

53:41

a recipe just called Big Game Meat

53:44

Cakes. Oh, God, tone it down,

53:46

Ted. Jesus Christ. It's just

53:48

meatloaf. Oh. Salt,

53:51

pepper, ketchup, which he spells, cats

53:53

up, chopped onion and one

53:55

pound of ground lean

53:57

meat. The insecurity is

53:59

just. It's like leaping off of the page.

54:02

It's astonishing. It's like, it's OK to eat meatloaf, Ted.

54:04

You don't need to be like, it's

54:06

my man fried

54:08

meat slap. It's like this is just a normal

54:10

meal, Ted. That's all

54:13

I have for Ted Nugent. Do

54:15

we have any wrap up thoughts?

54:16

What have we learned?

54:18

I think the interesting thing about this is that

54:20

pretty much every diet and every

54:23

diet book has an extraordinarily

54:26

conservative logic to it, which is

54:28

like personal responsibility.

54:30

You've got to pull yourself up by your bootstraps.

54:33

And I think what was interesting about all of these

54:35

books was that when

54:38

asked to fill a book full

54:40

of wisdom related to that worldview,

54:43

the first book that we looked at just reprinted

54:46

the USDA guidelines. And

54:49

the second one couldn't do it.

54:51

It's like a very short book, and it's

54:53

all gibberish and nonsense. So

54:55

it's just very interesting to me that

54:57

when asked to expound upon these

55:00

already very conservative views about dieting,

55:03

you can't go much more conservative than just

55:05

dieting to begin with. Also,

55:07

the phrase conservative diet

55:10

is kind of a pleonasm, because

55:12

the whole thing is instead of

55:14

changing a social hierarchy,

55:16

where fat people are poorly treated

55:18

in society, the way that you respond

55:20

to that is not by, well, let's treat

55:22

fat people better. The way you

55:24

respond is, well, I don't want to be fat. Yeah, absolutely.

55:26

It's kind of impossible to not write

55:29

a conservative diet. Absolutely. I mean,

55:31

listen, this is the same impulse behind

55:34

looking at a person who's fatter than you and

55:36

going, at least I'm not that fat. And

55:38

we don't really think

55:39

about our opportunities to reject the

55:41

entire fucking premise. Right. That's

55:43

why our advice on the show is get

55:46

out of these programs.

55:49

I'm out of them. I'm out of them. I'm

55:52

out of them. I'll

56:00

see you next time.