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for free. warbyparker.com/ covered. Hello,

1:04

and welcome to Made by Momma's the

1:06

Podcast. I'm Zoe. And I'm Georgia. And

1:09

we're here talking all things parenthood. You

1:11

know, the real conversations. Tips and tricks.

1:13

Products we love. And brands we can't

1:15

live without. Let's get into it. Hello,

1:18

mate. Hello. It's Tuesday. Hello.

1:20

It is Tuesday. I'm on the

1:22

countdown to get on holiday, and

1:24

I cannot wait. I've got

1:26

to be honest with you, and I want to

1:29

say this on the podcast so everyone hears it.

1:31

Nobody is working harder than you at the moment.

1:33

I am so proud of you. You are smashing

1:35

it. You've got all these clients. You're

1:37

rushing around the country. You're podcasting. We're doing

1:39

careers. You, if I was

1:42

there, I'd be giving you a medal and

1:44

a cuddle. Thank you. It is. Well done,

1:46

mate. Do you know what? I am actually

1:48

quite aware that don't actually post that much

1:50

on stories anymore, do we? Like anyone who

1:52

follows us on Instagram who's listening to this.

1:54

We don't post a lot of what we're

1:56

doing. And that is because we're so busy.

1:59

So busy. It's like, yeah, I

2:01

don't know. That's why you gotta

2:03

listen to the podcast to find out what

2:05

we're doing. Exactly, exactly. Sometimes I'm like, oh,

2:07

I look at myself on those stories and

2:09

think, I said it all on

2:12

the podcast. Yeah, same. You know, when you, yeah,

2:14

but we need to be better at that. We're

2:16

the worst content creators ever. We got together twice

2:18

last week and took zero content by side, not

2:20

together. Didn't take a single photo, didn't do a

2:23

single story. Like we actually do

2:25

see each other and we do talk to each

2:27

other, but just we don't share it online, apparently.

2:29

I don't know why. We

2:32

still love each other very much. It's okay.

2:35

Oh God, what's going on? Tell me what's

2:37

going on. I've got to share, because obviously

2:39

we've been talking quite a lot about Axel

2:41

and his like,

2:43

you know, natural dressing night. Yeah,

2:45

dressing, yeah. And we haven't

2:48

really checked in about Kit and his

2:50

going to the loo. I

2:52

think maybe I mentioned a while ago that Kit

2:54

had sort of got into this fucking

2:56

hysterical habit although it's

2:59

fairly gross, I'm going to be honest with you. So if you don't

3:01

want to hear Pooh's story, probably just turn the volume down for

3:03

a second. But he would do a Pooh, not

3:05

like pull his pants straight back up, leave the

3:07

lid open, not flush the loo and not wash

3:10

his hands, right? So not wipe

3:12

his bum. No wipe his bum.

3:15

No flush the loo, leave the lid open and we've got

3:17

an en suite and he'd sneak in, he'd do a Pooh

3:19

in the night and I'd be like, what

3:21

has gone on here? This is an

3:23

absolute shit show. An actual shit

3:25

show. An actual shit show. I've

3:27

been trying to teach him obviously, this

3:29

is what you have to do. Otherwise you'll

3:31

be known as like stinky

3:33

Pooh bumboy at school or whatever it is. And

3:36

so I was like, you have to do it Kit.

3:38

Anyway, so the other day we're sitting, he started sleeping

3:40

in Isla's bed, poor thing. And the other day we're sitting

3:42

on the bed reading a story. And

3:44

I said, Luna was there and she was like, mummy,

3:47

what is that smell? And I was like, I

3:50

don't know. And I was like, sort of

3:52

going around sniffing and sniffing.

3:54

Kit had the largest lump of dried

3:56

poo on

3:58

his foot. But he had been washed. walking around

4:00

the house with, and I said, Kit, and

4:03

he goes, yeah, I miss the loon. I

4:05

was like, what is wrong with

4:07

you? If that had been Luna or Isla, I

4:10

think it must be a boy thing. I think

4:12

it is, yeah. He's quite able to walk around

4:14

with a dry bit of pill on his foot

4:16

for hours, walking into the car, and I'm like,

4:19

oh my God, oh my God. Sometimes he sits

4:21

on his carpet, gets himself changed with a pooey

4:23

bum, stands up and there's pill on his

4:25

carpet. What am I gonna do? Oh, I don't know.

4:27

Do you know what? And it's very, very typical,

4:29

isn't it? Like to say, like, oh, you

4:32

know, boys are stinky and whatever, but they

4:34

actually are. Like they actually are. Like if

4:36

I look at the habits in our house,

4:39

two and two, right? Gigi

4:41

and I know how to use a toilet and

4:43

to clean the toilet and to put the toilet

4:45

lid down to wash our hands. Axel

4:48

and James do not know how to

4:50

do either of those things. And

4:53

they don't care and they're quite proud of it. And

4:56

that might be very typical, but that's the reality

4:58

in my house. Toilet

5:01

competition. Yeah, it's actually rank. Yeah, it

5:03

is rank. So I thought I'd share

5:05

that because I'm sure there's lots of

5:07

people listening that also having the same

5:09

situation in their house. Parenting's literally walking

5:11

around, wiping loose seats and fluffing through.

5:13

That's what I've decided now. It

5:16

really is. I

5:18

would never sit down on the toilet in

5:20

my house without wiping it first. And I'd

5:23

put a sad situation to be in. It's

5:25

actually better to go in a public clue than in

5:27

the loon in your own house. Or anywhere in fact,

5:29

apart from the loon in our house. George,

5:32

we've got a really, really interesting conversation

5:34

on the podcast today, which we actually

5:36

recorded yesterday. So it's very fresh in

5:38

our mind. Now this is somebody that

5:40

you met at an event actually. And

5:43

I've got one for you. I haven't heard

5:46

of her, but that's because I'm too old for

5:48

TikTok. No, that's because I'm not really on TikTok.

5:50

I'm trying to get better at it, but she's

5:53

got a really big voice on there in the parenting space.

5:55

And she also has been through so much since

5:58

becoming a new mum. Yeah. I

6:00

mean, when I heard her story at

6:02

the event, obviously we've been doing this

6:04

podcast for six years and been talking

6:06

to like, you know, hundreds of people,

6:09

and I'd never heard of this happening

6:11

to anyone's child before. And

6:13

I think it's important, you know, when you

6:15

hear something that you've never, you know, that

6:17

I've never heard in my day to day,

6:20

that we share it, because if this happened

6:22

to her and her son, I'm sure

6:25

there are people listening, you know, who listen

6:27

to the podcast or who've got friends that

6:29

this has happened to as well. And

6:32

we're all about sharing stories on this,

6:34

you know, on this platform. And so

6:36

we wanted to get her on to

6:38

talk about it. And also as well,

6:40

it's not just about that

6:42

story, it's also about her being

6:44

a relatively young mum and

6:47

the reaction to that. And maybe it

6:49

will teach us, you know, a lesson

6:51

as well, you know, in when, if

6:53

someone comes to you, when,

6:55

you know, they announced that they're pregnant, they're

6:58

going to be able to get their reaction to that. And what,

7:00

I don't know, do you think it's a society thing that

7:04

we now think should be a certain age when

7:06

they have a child? I don't know. But yeah, it was

7:08

an interesting one. And

7:11

one that I think we can take certain things from,

7:15

whether we're at that stage of parenting or not.

7:17

Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I loved her. She was lovely.

7:19

George, who are we talking to today? We are

7:21

talking to Olivia Hammond and

7:24

she's sharing her amazing story. So

7:27

welcome to Tuesday's episode of the podcast. Obviously

7:30

we have been, well, I

7:32

guess, I say we have launched

7:34

our amazing stories, but this is actually only the

7:37

second story that we're going to be doing in

7:39

the series so far. So we're very, very excited

7:41

to welcome today's guest who had an absolutely horrific

7:43

experience happened to her son when he was very,

7:45

very young. She is, she's

7:49

a big deal on TikTok. I mean, when I

7:51

went on there, I was like, was there a

7:53

lady? But speaks really honestly

7:55

and really bravely about motherhood. So

7:57

we're so excited to welcome Olivia Hammond to

7:59

the. podcast today. Thank you so much

8:02

for coming on because we've had a

8:04

little chat before and we know that

8:06

it's not easy to come on and

8:08

talk openly and you know especially when

8:10

it's something that's so personal but just

8:13

before we get into the chat do

8:15

you want to just sort of give a little

8:17

insight into who you are so I mentioned you're

8:19

big on TikTok how you got into it like

8:21

just just a little insight into who you are.

8:23

Tell us about you. Not in a job interview

8:25

way either. No, I will thank you guys for

8:28

having me on here. So I'm

8:30

Olivia. I have a son

8:32

Beau who is 18 months old. I

8:35

started making TikToks and he was like three months old just

8:37

because I was on the emergency leave and

8:40

it gave me something to do in

8:42

his naps and then it's grown into

8:44

something that's allowed me to make it

8:46

my income and stay home with Beau

8:48

which is like my dream come true.

8:50

I'm 28. I was

8:52

the first and Beau was also a big

8:55

surprise. I was

8:57

a first in my family to have a baby and I kind

8:59

of started it as a way

9:01

just to share my experiences because I didn't

9:04

have anyone to talk to about them. You

9:07

know no one's really got it until no one really

9:09

gets it until they've gone through it and I found

9:12

an amazing community on there and I've actually

9:14

made so many friends who are mums through

9:17

like TikTok and Instagram and

9:20

honestly it saved my life. I don't know what

9:22

they've done otherwise. I'm now actually pregnant again. Yay!

9:24

Congratulations! I

9:27

feel like I definitely found myself in motherhood though.

9:29

I always say I feel like my life began

9:31

when I became a mum properly. I felt like

9:33

I was just treading water before so I

9:36

love it. I share a lot about it and

9:38

I try and be as honest as I can

9:40

with my experience. Sometimes it's good. Sometimes

9:42

it's negative. Talk to us about having a

9:44

baby. You were what? 26? 26

9:48

when I was born? 26. And

9:51

you said you were the first one in your friendship

9:53

group. What was that like for you? Yeah well honestly

9:55

when I told a lot of my friends the reaction

9:57

was are you sure It's

10:00

a good thing. Are we celebrating it? And it's funny to

10:02

hear that for a lot of people because 26 is

10:05

quite a normal age across the country to have

10:07

a baby. Yes. My social circles

10:09

in London, a lot of

10:11

my friends I met at uni had then

10:13

just started their careers and I

10:16

felt almost ashamed to be

10:19

going down this different path and it wasn't

10:21

what we had planned. We'd actually planned to

10:24

go away traveling for a year. So we

10:26

had to change everything around but luckily we'd

10:28

just bought a flat. So it was possible

10:30

for us financially and it was really hard

10:32

and it still is hard in

10:34

that way. You have to have different friends for

10:36

different things. And I've

10:38

got friends who aren't mum and that's absolutely fine but

10:40

you also do not have that core group of mum

10:42

friends who you do just gather and you can text

10:45

in the middle of the night or when you've had a hard night.

10:48

You just really understand the

10:50

most helpful thing. Did those reactions ever

10:53

get to you and make you question whether

10:55

you were making the right choice or not?

10:58

I didn't ever question my choice personally but

11:01

it did just make me feel a little

11:03

bit removed from people knowing

11:05

that they were saying these things. And also I tried

11:07

to keep my pregnancy a

11:09

secret until 12 weeks and I

11:11

told maybe four people but

11:13

it was this huge gossip that

11:15

everyone seemed to know and people were

11:18

all talking about it and I felt

11:20

like oh Olivia Hammond's pregnant, have you heard? Like

11:22

it was this... which

11:24

now no one cares about my pregnant mother, maybe it's not

11:26

really a big deal. And do you

11:28

think that's because of your age? Do you think

11:30

that's because you were in your mid-20s and it

11:33

was almost and you said it was a bit

11:35

of a shock? Yeah and I hadn't been with

11:37

my partner Martin for that long. We've been together

11:40

just over a year but I think it

11:43

was just a shocking thing for people. It

11:45

did make me feel kind of alienated from

11:47

people around me. Well that's bizarre. I find

11:49

that really strange that you've come out and

11:51

said you were obviously overjoyed about it, bit

11:53

of a shock but you've said a

11:56

good shock. So for

11:58

people to then almost be wishy. whispering behind

12:00

closed doors. I find that quite strange. Did you challenge any

12:02

of your mates on it or

12:04

did you lose any friendships? I guess it's

12:06

funny. I think having a baby is almost

12:08

in the best way possible. You do definitely

12:10

slimline your friends down a little bit. Yes.

12:13

And you really see who your two friends are.

12:16

I used to go out like partying a lot.

12:18

Like honestly, that was a huge part of mine

12:20

and Martin's relationship is every Friday,

12:22

Saturday we go out and we'd have the

12:24

groups of friends that we'd go out with

12:26

and you'd message like two in the morning

12:29

like, who's still like going for after parties?

12:31

Yeah. And those are the friends

12:33

that I haven't even spoken to. I've like pumped

12:35

into them and it's really awkward and you realise

12:37

that that's the only thing you have in common.

12:39

But the friends that you would meet up, text

12:42

one on one, go for coffee with, I've definitely

12:44

become closer with. But yeah, I

12:46

think it's, I mean, you guys, you have different friends

12:48

for different places in your life, don't you? Yeah. And

12:50

it does sometimes come back around as well, I think.

12:53

Like our kids are a bit older now, like mine

12:55

are four and seven, almost five

12:57

and eight. And I think

12:59

for the first, well, certainly before

13:01

they started school, I kept my

13:03

circle very tight, like didn't, you

13:05

know, it was almost like head

13:08

down survival, like just get on

13:10

with it. And then

13:12

sometimes those friendships come back around,

13:14

especially when those friends start having

13:16

kids themselves. And it almost,

13:19

then you kind of feel like you lost

13:21

touch and then you they realise what you

13:23

were going through. And they're like, Oh,

13:26

right, now I get it. Now

13:28

I understand why you didn't reply

13:30

to my messages. You weren't just

13:32

sitting around having coffees all day.

13:34

You were like, you know, having

13:36

a break. Yes, you were actually

13:40

like raising a human. And you

13:42

just mentioned that like partying and stuff was

13:44

like a really big part of your

13:46

relationship. How has

13:49

being a mom impacted your relationship?

13:51

Because I think, you know, you said

13:53

you hadn't been together that long. And,

13:56

you know, it would have been a

13:58

big change, right? Yeah. So we have

14:00

been through so like

14:02

already both a year and a half, so many

14:04

different phases since even he was born.

14:07

And after I had Bo, it was a huge

14:09

strain on your relationship. We really struggled

14:12

with the whole just as you're mentioning

14:14

the whole thing of Martin coming home

14:16

from work and being like, what

14:18

did you do today? We were also renovating a house at

14:20

the same time. And he said,

14:22

have you done this? He'd asked me to do a few things.

14:24

And he'd come home and say, have you done this? And I

14:26

would say no. And he thought, what have you done? He didn't

14:29

understand how hard it is in those

14:31

days, even though

14:33

your children are napping. Now I look back and I'm

14:35

like, oh God, Bo slept all the time. What did

14:37

I do when he was asleep? But

14:40

you're so consumed and

14:42

exhausted. And he now

14:44

has a much better understanding of how

14:47

hard it can be to be at home with

14:49

your kids. And I just threw him

14:51

in the deep end one day and he had to

14:54

look after Bo when I went out with the girls

14:56

one day. And honestly, since that day, he hasn't really

14:58

said it as much, but there was a big, there

15:00

was a lot of tension then when like he

15:03

just thought I was just at home.

15:05

He was also supporting our both of

15:07

us financially. Because I was on

15:09

statutory maternity pay, but it doesn't go

15:12

very far. When I found out from

15:14

my old employer that there wasn't any

15:16

enhanced maternity leave. Honestly, I cried in

15:18

the office for two days. I

15:20

couldn't even be in our office. I decided to go

15:22

to the shared common area because I was just on

15:24

the verge of tears. So scary. Your salary just

15:26

dropping off a cliff. Martin was supporting us and

15:28

also we're building a house and then

15:31

he'd come home and I wasn't bringing

15:33

anything to the table in his eyes because I

15:35

was just like on the sofa, but Bo was

15:37

napping. And was that a conversation that you guys

15:39

had together? I mean, was that something that he

15:41

said to you? Was that your interpretation of his

15:44

feelings? Well, I think he

15:46

was a bit of both. I think he definitely did. We

15:49

now speak really openly about things.

15:51

So when resentment comes up

15:53

and it comes up for loads of

15:55

different things, I'll be feeling resentment for

15:57

him because he can go to the gym in the morning.

16:00

or he has to find himself

16:02

when he's driving in his van between his

16:05

jobs, which he says isn't

16:07

time to himself. I'm like that absolutely is. It's called a

16:09

van disco. Yeah. And

16:13

he was feeling resentful towards

16:15

me and he admitted that he was feeling a bit

16:17

resentful because he felt like I wasn't doing as much

16:19

as he was or working as hard as he was

16:21

and he does work incredibly hard and really on hours,

16:23

but so do you as a

16:25

mum. Yeah. How have you

16:27

kind of navigated your way out of that

16:30

because that in certain, you

16:32

know, partnerships, relationships, marriages

16:34

can finish it, can end

16:36

it when the resentment builds and you're not communicating

16:39

and you're in the throes of, you know, being

16:41

new parents. So what was it for you guys

16:43

that kind of kept you together? Yeah, we had,

16:45

we actually had like one really big blow up,

16:47

one though, it must have been maybe

16:50

four or five months. And

16:53

I said, I can't, we

16:55

can't go on like this, but it was

16:57

just a tiredness. I mean, we were exhausted.

16:59

I think I didn't sleep more than a

17:02

few hours at a time until he was nine months old. So

17:05

just with time and having more

17:07

sleep and also being much more

17:09

open. And I would

17:11

always say to him, like, we need to work on

17:13

our communication. We need to be open about these things.

17:15

It's not very, you know, we were early in our

17:18

relationship and not very sexy to

17:20

sit down and say, I

17:22

felt resented for this this week. And this is how I'm

17:24

feeling. And this is what I need from you. But

17:27

we do now try and have these conversations more

17:29

purposefully. And with time, and

17:32

with him, seeing it more.

17:34

And also the fact that it has got

17:36

harder on my part, it

17:38

has that dynamic has

17:40

gotten better. Olivia, talk to us

17:42

about what happened to though

17:45

when he was five months old, he ended

17:47

up in hospital. And we

17:50

had no idea what has happened to

17:52

him. None of the doctors had known. It

17:56

was actually triggered. So he was five

17:58

months old. fell off the

18:00

sofa and kind

18:03

of bumped his head mainly like kind of touched

18:05

his head onto the floor but

18:08

mainly fell on the side of his body and

18:11

I being paranoid first time

18:13

mum obviously not paranoid now called

18:16

the ambulance and they reassured me everything

18:18

was fine they had to send

18:20

an ambulance because he was under one and the

18:23

paramedics came and they looked at the height and

18:25

he fell from it it's a really low sofa

18:27

things like this happens all the time he's absolutely

18:29

fine we have to take him

18:31

to hospital just to be sure so we

18:33

took him to hospital got to hospital they

18:35

said he was fine hours

18:38

and hours later he just wasn't seeming right

18:40

to me so they finally

18:42

said they were going to do a

18:44

head CT scan and then the results

18:46

from that came back as completely

18:48

normal and they came and said no

18:51

signs of a head injury he's definitely not had a head

18:53

injury everything's fine but he

18:56

was starting to lose the movement down

18:58

one side of his body which

19:01

I only noticed because my

19:03

partner's dad had had a

19:05

stroke when I was about nine

19:07

months pregnant with Beau he's got a symptom

19:09

lose Martin's dad had like he can't move one

19:12

side of his body and even his mouth was

19:14

starting to droop down and I

19:16

was obviously googling what it could possibly be for

19:18

ages we just basically had no idea what had

19:20

happened then he was able to have an MRI

19:22

the next day but that first day was just

19:25

shocking because we didn't know

19:27

what was wrong with him well you sit in hospital

19:30

they kept you in and that first night we

19:32

just had no idea what was happening

19:34

but you try to think positively and think maybe

19:36

it's temporary and he's gonna suddenly be able to

19:38

move that side of his body again but his

19:40

arm was bent by his side and so was

19:42

his leg and he just wasn't himself

19:44

at all and he was just a

19:47

few strange things like he was doing this really

19:49

red hiccup and you

19:51

could just tell that something wasn't right

19:53

and then eventually he had an MRI

19:55

and they said that he'd actually had

19:57

a stroke it's quite technical

20:00

But he was born

20:02

with these calcified areas of his brain

20:04

on both sides and they

20:06

don't know what caused it. They just referred him for genetic

20:09

testing to try and figure out what caused it. And

20:12

in this crazy, unlikely set of scenarios,

20:14

the combination of a minor head injury

20:17

and that

20:20

triggered stroke. Brains

20:22

are so small. Yeah. That age,

20:24

they're just at high risk for it. So

20:26

strokes are more common during pregnancy, during birth

20:29

and for the first few months of their

20:31

life, just because their brains are so tiny,

20:33

I think that was just, yeah, shocking news.

20:36

But they were always quite positive about how

20:38

his recovery could be. At

20:41

one point when I googled it,

20:43

it said two thirds of children have a

20:46

full recovery from this specific type of stroke.

20:48

And over time it's become clear that Beau

20:50

isn't going to have that. He

20:52

is quite, his arms

20:54

particularly is quite affected. So

20:57

from then on, we were thrown

21:00

into therapy every single day, every

21:02

waking moment for the next six

21:05

months really of his life. Every time

21:07

he woke up, this morning that we do therapy, every time we

21:09

wake up from lunchtime, that we do therapy. And

21:12

we started going to these centres

21:15

and it was

21:17

really hard driving in to

21:19

a centre for disability for Beau's

21:22

last therapy appointment because you

21:25

just never think that's your child, you never think that's going to happen to

21:27

you. But actually, it's

21:29

an amazing world and we've met so many amazing people

21:32

through it. But yeah, it was a big deal.

21:34

We'll be right back after this short break.

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get this dinner party started. Welcome

22:45

back to this episode of my Mom

22:47

is Now where were we allow that

22:49

for you at that time because he

22:51

nice five months into mother his you

22:53

know you may be starting to find

22:55

your flyers may be find some in

22:58

our enjoyment in it in the and

23:00

things. Out: how

23:02

are you mentally banned? Because that's a

23:04

lot to guy. three. The

23:06

I personally. I

23:08

just found my motivation. Three.

23:12

Doing. Everything I had a hand.

23:14

Therapy guys. We. Such hang

23:16

up all night looking at why I

23:18

could do because in Texas therapies and

23:20

just encouraging him to use and a

23:22

side of his body as much as

23:24

he cares. and I also I started

23:26

sharing. Ah, Morning blocks

23:29

on Tic Toc A C months before

23:31

that and then when his straight up

23:33

and die the site well. I

23:36

guess I'll just keep doing them

23:38

and sharing what happened. And it's funny

23:41

because I see I really suited of

23:43

I did go on. Right

23:45

at the other day and about someone saying

23:47

that. It was inappropriate.

23:50

I sides has medical details of to

23:52

has tried Back to the you never

23:54

know how you react until your child.

23:57

Has. Something like that happens to them

23:59

sperm soon. it really gave us

24:01

the motivation to keep going and raising awareness

24:03

about it and it really

24:06

kept me going every single day. I would post

24:08

a video and therapy and that was

24:10

just my life the

24:12

whole time. I also struggled. I think

24:15

having a second child is going to be a really

24:17

different experience because I struggled with

24:19

going out to cafes with those

24:21

seven months and seeing

24:23

people with their kids sat in their prams

24:25

or just out enjoying them out on long

24:28

walks with them where

24:31

I would feel like I couldn't do that

24:33

because it would be wasting time because he

24:35

wasn't doing any therapy. If he

24:37

was just in his pram, it wasn't benefiting him. It

24:39

wasn't going to give him the best chance of having

24:41

the best recovery possible. If I went for a walk

24:43

and it was a really good time just after he'd

24:45

woken up from a nap, that would have been wasted

24:48

which I probably went quite

24:50

extreme with that and now I've got much more of

24:53

a balance and he is doing so well. He does

24:55

a lot of his own therapies walking but I did

24:57

struggle mentally and then we had to go back and

24:59

talk to him recently and it

25:02

just all came flooding back and I realised

25:04

that I haven't actually dealt with it

25:06

and I still don't think I have dealt

25:08

with it but you just focus on

25:10

every day, don't you, and also celebrating

25:13

the small milestones

25:15

which become so incredible

25:18

and so much more meaningful than they

25:20

ever would have before. Every

25:22

tiny milestone that he met, he ends

25:25

up growing and growing and growing and

25:28

they were so special that you

25:30

keep yourself going by celebrating each

25:32

one of those. Do

25:34

you feel that you have got trauma

25:37

around this? Yeah, I mean I

25:39

used to struggle so I started going to Pilates

25:41

classes once a week. Bo goes to the child

25:43

minder now once a week and I went to

25:45

Pilates classes and I would find those classes really

25:47

hard because it was the first time since what

25:50

happened, since becoming a mum really, that I had

25:53

just stopped and not

25:55

thought about anything else for an hour and I

25:57

would have all these horrible thoughts in my head. And

26:00

I would like, it was like the only time

26:02

I really sit down and think, I think I keep

26:04

myself so busy now that I probably haven't done that

26:06

enough. But

26:08

time is definitely the biggest either

26:10

with that. And just also, I struggle and I'm

26:12

not with him because I think about, I

26:15

worry, I worry so much about his future.

26:17

I worry, you know, he

26:19

is walking, but his arm is different, it

26:21

acts differently to his right arm, and it

26:23

probably always will. And kids are

26:26

so mean at school. And as a mom, I

26:28

already worry what they might say or what he'll

26:30

be teased. You know, I was worried if our second

26:32

child was going to be a boy, would

26:34

there be competition between them if the younger child

26:36

could do a sport that he couldn't do? And

26:40

that's going to be a whole different

26:42

thing that we'll encounter then. But when

26:44

I'm with him, I feel amazing. Like

26:46

I look at him, he's an incredible little

26:48

boy. He has got the

26:50

best personality, he's gorgeous, he's so happy. This

26:53

is the only time I'm not with him, I start to

26:55

really worry and overthink. You

26:58

mentioned that you'd met, you know, some

27:01

amazing people from going to like the

27:03

Disability Centre. And do you share like,

27:06

those worries with those people? Because you're

27:08

right, like, when you know, however much

27:10

you shouldn't pick to your child's future,

27:12

everybody does from the second that you're,

27:14

you know, you find out you're pregnant,

27:16

you imagine what life is going to

27:18

be like for you and them. And

27:20

something like that happening flips it on

27:22

its head. So do you share these

27:24

kind of worries with those people, your

27:26

friends, your mum, like, you know, who

27:28

do you talk to about these worries?

27:30

What do they say? So I've met

27:32

some friends through, there's actually so what

27:34

Bo has is called hemoplegia, the one-sided

27:36

weakness. And I had no idea

27:38

that there's so many people out there with it, because

27:41

we met these random places.

27:44

And it's hard because every child

27:47

is so different, no child will

27:49

ever be affected the exact same.

27:52

So while my worry might be both

27:54

are someone else's worry might be their

27:56

child's leg, or, and

27:59

you can't You can obviously relate to

28:01

the problems. You can relate to

28:03

the worries that you're both feeling, but it's

28:06

really difficult to compare and

28:08

to a lot of people, they might not even notice it if they

28:10

didn't know what they were looking for. He

28:13

is still affected and it is

28:15

still a main focus of all of our days. At

28:17

the moment, we're in the middle of an intensive therapy

28:20

block for him, which is five days a week

28:22

every day. And in

28:25

June, I'm going up to Manchester with him

28:27

on my own with that Martin for

28:29

three weeks where he's going to have his right arm

28:31

put in a cast to try and encourage his left

28:34

arm to move. And it's just always

28:36

think about having a child who's got anything

28:38

wrong with them, any type of health issue.

28:40

Yeah. Well, I think it's an

28:42

interesting point, though, that you've because we obviously spoke

28:44

about it when we weren't recording as well, and

28:46

you were concerned because you said, well, you know,

28:49

there's in a way you were sort of saying,

28:51

I think that there are people worse off. And

28:54

you didn't want to say that

28:56

he had a disability because actually

28:58

in comparison to certain people, this

29:00

wasn't as major. But it's impacted

29:02

you and it's impacting Martin and

29:04

and bow and your little unit.

29:06

And it's all relative stuff. I

29:08

mean, my daughter, stepdaughter, Ila was

29:10

born with a club foot. And

29:13

on one set of her feet, she has no

29:16

toenails. Now you may think or somebody might think,

29:18

well, that's whatever. I mean, she's got no toenails.

29:20

She's got toenails on the other foot. But for

29:22

an 11 year old girl who's going through hormonal

29:24

changes, you know, joining secondary school and she's she

29:27

worries about it. She doesn't want to show her

29:29

feet off in the summer. We have lots of

29:31

tears around it. Can I get fake man fake

29:33

toenails put on, you know, I don't really talk

29:35

about it that much because I want to protect

29:38

her. But it's not that I don't think that

29:40

it's major because for her and us, not me,

29:42

but for her, it is major. Yeah.

29:46

And it impacts her greatly. So I

29:48

think please don't hold any concern

29:50

around that because you've been through it and you're going through

29:52

it and it will be a journey. And

29:54

I think it's really interesting as well,

29:57

like to people listening who feel like

29:59

they can't. talk to others

30:01

because their problem seems so much

30:03

less than someone else's. And

30:08

that's not just about our children, that's I

30:10

think everything. There's always going to

30:12

be somebody worse off and there's always going to be somebody

30:14

better off. And I think it

30:16

doesn't make any less of things that we

30:18

go through. And I think that's why we

30:20

love doing this podcast because it's so important

30:23

to share everything, like the small stuff, the

30:25

big stuff. And yeah,

30:27

just I guess for people to know that

30:29

they're not alone in that way

30:32

of feeling. Yeah, that

30:34

is so true. You received quite a

30:36

lot of hate online, didn't you? So

30:38

at the time with Bo, I

30:40

have never received such an outpouring of love.

30:45

You didn't even realise all the people that do

30:47

watch your videos, but there were literally thousands

30:50

of comments of people being so

30:52

supportive. And I used to share in

30:55

the early days a lot more of

30:57

his actual physical journey. And

30:59

there was so many supporters and people were always

31:01

asking them. I kind of stopped sharing

31:04

it as much. I'd have comments on

31:06

every video going, how's this stuff done? How's this arm

31:08

doing? How's this? But

31:11

as my account has grown, I've

31:13

definitely received more negative

31:15

comments and eight

31:17

pages. And yeah, it's

31:19

really hard to read those.

31:23

So you're pregnant with number

31:25

two now. And you've already

31:27

said that this time is going to be different. What

31:30

are you looking forward to? What

31:32

are your concerns? How are

31:34

you feeling? To be honest, I barely thought

31:36

about it. By this time with Bo, I'm

31:38

21 or 22 weeks pregnant. I'm

31:43

not sure. By this time with Bo,

31:45

I had a thousand bump photos.

31:47

I spent my whole life, sorry

31:50

to get my old employers, but I would sit

31:52

in the office just googling prime reviews on

31:55

the Mumsnet forums. And this time round, I just

31:57

like, this is happening so

31:59

fast. But the thing that I'm

32:01

most excited about is just to see, I

32:03

think the best thing you can give someone is a sibling. My

32:06

brother is 10 years younger than me. So I

32:08

effectively was an only child up until I was

32:10

10. And then I went away to school when I was 13.

32:15

And all I had wanted, I used to put my Christmases every

32:17

year that I wanted a sibling. My baby brother was his first.

32:19

So I'm just so excited to give him a sibling

32:21

and see their bond as they grow up together.

32:24

And Martin, in your relationship, obviously, you know, it's

32:26

still quite fresh. I was also pregnant within

32:28

the year of meeting my now husband. So yeah,

32:30

yeah, yeah. So I never thought we went through

32:32

that like really sort of sexy initial

32:35

step. It's coming back now, by the way. I won't

32:37

talk about it because Georgia's not changing now. No, don't

32:39

talk about it. I won't. But romance isn't dead at

32:41

our end. But it did take a long time for

32:43

us to come out the fog and

32:46

me stop feeling like a feeding whale and

32:48

just, you know, you do just think, oh,

32:50

fucking hell. I've either been pregnant or breastfeeding

32:52

for a really long time now. So yeah, it

32:54

does come back. But are you, how are you

32:56

guys coping with that? Being a bit younger and

32:58

kind of fresh in your relationship? Yeah,

33:01

yeah. I had to say because I breastfed Beau to he

33:03

was like 10 months and you just end up being so

33:05

touched out at the end of the day, don't you? But

33:11

to be honest, it's been okay in that

33:13

regard. Like, I think we

33:15

have always just been quite open about

33:17

it. And we have struggled with not

33:19

being, I guess I feel less affectionate

33:22

because I do spend my whole

33:24

day with Beau literally on my hip. He's very

33:26

attached to me. I still

33:29

struggle to put him down. He's getting better now that

33:31

he can walk and he can kind of toddler away from me

33:33

and I can sit down for a minute. But

33:37

Martin has definitely had an adjustment of feeling like

33:39

he's not number one. I think that's the biggest

33:42

thing that men go through, isn't it? Is they're

33:44

not actually the most important person in the house?

33:46

Yeah, I think we've just because I guess it

33:48

has been early in our relationship, we've always been

33:50

conscious of that. And we've always made an effort

33:53

to still prioritize our relationship. And both of us

33:55

will bag up, we feel like we

33:57

haven't had time together. Then we'll make

33:59

sure that we do. do. We just went away to Sri Lanka

34:01

with Beau and we were away for

34:03

three weeks and it was like the best quality time

34:06

and that was the best thing that we could have

34:08

done for our relationship. Spending three weeks all

34:10

day, every day together. Yeah. And also I

34:13

think as well, when you've been at home

34:16

with the kids or

34:18

kids and then you get

34:21

to go away, it's almost like you

34:23

feel like you've got the support again.

34:25

Like I don't know, it's lonely, isn't

34:27

it? When you're on your own and

34:29

your partner is at work, to have

34:34

that actual time together for them

34:36

as well, like to see just find joy

34:38

in the small stuff.

34:42

Yeah. I think you can

34:44

also slip really easily into

34:46

tag teaming. So Martin leaves

34:48

for work or he leaves to go for dinner at

34:50

5am. Then he gets home and he's got to work

34:52

once he's back and then as soon as he's done

34:54

with his work, I'm like, can you take dinner? Can

34:56

you look after Beau so I can go and do

34:58

something? And then you find

35:00

that you're actually taking shit and

35:02

that's what I've noticed for us that we need

35:05

to work on is actually making sure that we

35:07

don't always just tag out when the other person

35:09

tags in and actually spend time together as a

35:11

family. All both looking after

35:13

Beau together, which is like the best for

35:15

the best memories of my life. And Beau's

35:17

prognosis in terms of

35:20

the recovery and being able to

35:22

use his arm fully functioning, what

35:24

does that look like? So they

35:26

could never say it's going to be...

35:28

So after you have a stroke, there's an

35:30

initial recovery period. The same as with adults

35:32

of three to six months where you see

35:34

really quick improvements.

35:37

And now it is much more gradual

35:39

and it has... We're doing a few

35:41

intensive therapy but

35:43

once the next baby is here, obviously we'll have a

35:45

little bit less time to do that, which is why

35:48

I'm cramming it all in now. I'm just trying to

35:50

get him the best possible chance he can have. But

35:53

he is walking, he's trying to

35:55

run, he's got a

35:57

slightly uneven walk, but it probably won't be when he's all alone.

36:02

and they do adapt,

36:04

they focus a lot on

36:06

functional movements. So he could hold things with

36:08

both of his hands, but he'll always be

36:10

right handed. And he'll always pass

36:12

things into his right hand and mainly use his

36:14

right hand. But yeah, I don't

36:17

know, they can never actually really give you I always

36:19

try and ask what do you think? I have to

36:21

compare or what are you gonna be able to do

36:23

and they don't give it to you. They really tight-lipped

36:25

about what they say because they didn't want to give

36:27

you any false promises. Yeah, you can't really

36:30

know, but he's in every

36:32

other respect doing amazing and he still makes

36:34

progress, you know, every week. So it's

36:37

still very much motivating us. Yeah, it's

36:40

incredible. It sounds like you're absolutely doing

36:42

everything you can and smashing it. So

36:44

well done. Yeah, thank you.

36:46

We always like to ask

36:49

our guests on the podcast the best piece of

36:51

parenting advice that they've either been given or the

36:53

piece of advice they'd like to impart on a

36:55

new parent listening. My favourite piece of advice is

36:57

to lower your standards and

37:00

decide the things that you're gonna

37:05

really care about. I get a

37:07

comment saying that Beau looks like

37:09

he needs his hair to be brushed or

37:11

he needs a good bath or

37:14

like his clothes are too oversized on him.

37:16

What is fun? Like he has a

37:18

really fun childhood, we get messy and

37:21

I'm not running around after him

37:23

panicking about things, making a mess

37:26

and there are obviously things that are important. I

37:28

want him to have good manners when he's older.

37:30

But yeah, I think picking

37:32

the things that you're actually gonna care about

37:34

because if you decided to care about everything,

37:36

always been clean, then always

37:38

looking pristine. It's all you're

37:40

doing. Drive yourself insane. Yeah,

37:43

not realistic. Yeah, lower my

37:45

standards. Lower your standards and

37:47

favourite products, like what products

37:49

do you love for Beau,

37:51

for you? What have you

37:53

bought for a new baby?

37:55

So my favourite thing, I

37:58

try to be minimal where I can. because you

38:00

can end up with so many things but

38:02

obviously babies do come with a lot. Yeah,

38:04

they do need some stuff. Yeah,

38:07

we couldn't live without our baby carriers.

38:09

We're about to go to Glastonbury with

38:11

them actually and he's going to be in his car.

38:13

Are you taking my video? Yeah, so he came back

38:15

to us all this last summer and it

38:17

was the best thing. He was so happy

38:19

when he was there. It's like all the

38:21

music, the positive energy, they just feed off

38:23

it, don't they? So we have the Ergo

38:25

Baby Omni Breeze. I will die by.

38:28

It's such a good carrier. It just rates the

38:30

weight really well and also now he's

38:32

a bit older. He goes

38:34

in his little life. It's the

38:36

cross-country F4 carrier which

38:38

we recommended which we also have been handling with

38:40

us which are amazing.

38:43

Thank you so much. Olivia, thank you so much

38:45

for coming on and talking to us about that

38:47

and hopefully people listening will take comfort and I

38:49

think you're just smashing it really. What an experience

38:51

to go through five months into new motherhood. Thank

38:53

you. It's been lovely to speak to you both.

38:56

Oh, she's so lovely. Yeah, she is. All

38:58

great stuff. Yeah, she really

39:00

is and actually I thought I

39:02

felt bad that she was talking

39:05

about the whole situation and saying,

39:07

you know what? I haven't even really processed this

39:09

yet but actually

39:11

I think when things

39:13

like that happen to somebody, it can

39:17

take a long time to process and we

39:19

kind of probably expect people to process things

39:23

so quickly and you won't, especially

39:25

when you're in the throes of parenting, I'm sure

39:27

there's only people listening to this who've had

39:29

things happen to them the first few years

39:31

of parenting and only when their child goes

39:33

to school or whatever it is and they

39:35

have a little bit more head space that

39:37

they actually think, oh gosh,

39:39

wow, that really happened to me and

39:42

I got through it and I've survived

39:45

and gosh, wow, I can't believe

39:47

I did that and I think

39:49

anyone listening to this do take

39:52

stock sometimes and realise the things

39:54

that have happened and what you've

39:56

achieved and any trauma that's come up in

39:58

those few years as well. give yourself a

40:00

minute to allow yourself

40:03

to think about it and

40:05

yeah yeah wise words George

40:09

wise old owl aren't you? Not old, less

40:11

is the old. Sorry

40:14

sorry pal. I need

40:16

to let you go now because you have only got

40:18

24 hours before you get on a plane to Abu

40:20

Dhabi. We will be back on Friday for another Q&A.

40:22

We're going to do the second part of our SOS

40:25

parenting episode so please make sure that you come back

40:27

and listen to that and as

40:29

always we'd love you to rate,

40:31

review, subscribe and please give the

40:34

podcast a little follow. Yeah and

40:36

any feedback or any amazing stories

40:38

like if you've heard someone who's

40:40

been through something amazing, horrendous, traumatic

40:43

like whatever it is if there's

40:45

a story that you've heard that you

40:47

know relates to parenting that's made you go oh please

40:50

share it with us because we want to use

40:52

this platform to share these stories. Drop

40:55

us a DM on Instagram we're on at Made by

40:57

Mamas and as I said we will be back on

40:59

Friday. Made

41:06

by Mamas is

41:08

an Insanity Studios

41:10

production and today's

41:12

episode was produced

41:14

by the lovely

41:17

Charlotte Mason. Hold

41:19

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