0:00

Hi , I'm Emily with the Limitless Female

0:02

podcast . You were listening to episode 130,

0:05

. Emily coaches Jodi on regaining

0:08

her power over food . Woman

0:11

, welcome . If you're a mama

0:13

who is feeling all the feels of motherhood

0:15

the ups and downs of hormones and

0:17

maybe even depression then you are in the

0:19

right place . Limitless Female

0:22

is your confident inner voice

0:24

, helping you master your mood and

0:26

create the epic life that calls

0:28

you . My goal is to show you just

0:31

how enough you are , so you can show

0:33

up limitless in your own life . Let's

0:35

get started . Good

0:39

morning everybody . I hope you're having a fabulous

0:41

Saturday morning . I am

0:43

so glad that one of my shift

0:45

members , jodi , has offered

0:48

to share part of her coaching session

0:51

with you guys . So if you're not familiar

0:53

with shift , it is my coaching

0:55

membership and we start

0:58

off with 12 months and then after that it's a

1:00

really low , low , low monthly

1:03

fee so that you can just have ongoing

1:05

help whenever you need it , without

1:08

paying like the really large costs that sometimes

1:10

comes along with ongoing therapy

1:12

or counseling . So it's built

1:14

to be a well-rounded , global

1:17

approach to mental health . So we

1:19

attack areas

1:21

such as regulating your nervous system

1:23

, rewiring your brain

1:26

and also some physiological things that

1:28

affect the body that

1:30

then in turn affect the mind . Nutrition

1:34

. You know your nutrigenomics

1:36

or epigenetics , how you're created and what

1:38

you're predisposed to , what kinds of

1:40

chemical and external things

1:43

will affect your mood . So all of those things are just

1:45

in the program for you , with

1:47

the main focus being regulating

1:49

your nervous system and rewiring your brain . So

1:52

it's an excellent program . And Jodi

1:54

is one of my newer members and

1:57

she came on to get coached and

1:59

I think it's a topic that a lot of us want

2:02

help around . Food in general is something

2:04

we can't just get rid of right

2:07

. When we have addictions or

2:09

even just compulsions

2:11

to do things . Some of those things

2:13

we can avoid . We can change the circumstance

2:16

, we can . You know , if we're in alcohol , we

2:18

can not go into a bar . We

2:20

can not hang around our old friends maybe who

2:22

drink , but food is everywhere

2:24

. You can't just stop eating . If

2:27

you are a compulsive chocolate

2:29

eater , you can't just stop eating

2:31

or being around food . Just

2:34

food is something you use instead

2:36

of feeling your feelings if

2:38

you use it as a coping mechanism and

2:40

not when you're hungry . And a lot of us

2:42

end up turning towards dieting

2:45

methods or things that are short term

2:47

right . We restrict really heavily

2:49

or we work out really

2:51

hard , we do things that are not something

2:53

we can maintain for life

2:55

, and everything we do here

2:57

in you know , limitless female in my shift

3:00

membership is to treat

3:02

the root cause , which is the opposite

3:05

of diet culture

3:07

. It's something that will

3:09

give you long term results . That

3:11

will literally , like I said , rewire

3:13

your brain and help you regulate

3:15

your nervous system so that not only

3:17

do you no longer think

3:19

about the chocolate all the time , but

3:22

also your nervous system is

3:24

regulated to a point where you don't need to

3:26

cope so often Because when

3:28

things come at you that are challenging

3:30

, you have a much wider range

3:32

of that , that middle zone

3:35

of your nervous system , that zone

3:37

where you can handle those things

3:39

and you don't need to pull out the coping mechanisms

3:41

because your body can handle

3:43

these ups and downs of life

3:45

. So I'm really excited for you

3:47

guys to hear this . I think you're going to love it . She asked such

3:50

a great question in the beginning , basically

3:52

saying all right , I figured

3:54

out how I feel . I know what I do

3:56

when I go fog eat or like eat

3:58

without thinking about it . Sometimes I call that

4:00

like a booty call eat right

4:03

, it's , there's no good relationship with

4:05

food . You're just going to go show up in the pantry

4:07

at midnight and down a couple handfuls

4:09

of chocolate chips without even thinking about it and then

4:12

wake up feeling super guilty . You know what I'm saying

4:14

For somebody who's never had a booty call . That's what

4:16

I imagine a booty call would be like . So

4:19

I certainly had a booty call with chocolate

4:21

chips . So she's kind

4:23

of gotten that first step . She's gained awareness of

4:25

what emotions she's trying to

4:27

avoid or that feel like they're driving

4:30

her to eat . So

4:32

we kind of take it the next step and

4:34

instead of diving into the thought work part

4:36

of it , I just ask her , because

4:40

of the previous thoughts she has what

4:42

has her identity come around food ? What's

4:45

the story she tells herself about

4:48

what she's capable of ? And

4:50

then we also just stay in the

4:52

emotional part getting better at

4:55

sitting with boredom , which will widen

4:57

that range I was talking about in the nervous system

4:59

. Give her more space to

5:02

be more comfortable with uncomfortable feelings

5:04

like worry and overwhelm

5:06

, so that she doesn't have to go cope

5:09

with chocolate chips or a bagel

5:11

late at night . All right , you guys , I hope you enjoy

5:13

it . If you want more help or want to learn more about

5:15

shift , you can go down in the show notes

5:18

below and you can click on the link for

5:20

shift and you will get to

5:22

a kind of a little mini course

5:24

, a few videos that are going to take you through

5:26

everything

5:29

that I do , show you the membership in depth

5:31

and even give you access to text

5:33

me and ask me questions about it . I hope you guys

5:35

have an amazing day . Here is the

5:38

session , hi

5:40

. How ?

5:40

are you ? I'm good .

5:42

Oh , it's so good to see your face .

5:44

I know I'm sitting in Starbucks because

5:46

this is the morning that all of a

5:48

sudden , we're getting better better

5:51

internet and of course the guy

5:54

changes the appointment and he has to be at the house

5:56

, so I'm in Starbucks . So it's

5:58

perfect . A little bit noisy , but

6:00

I'm well . So I

6:02

had . Did

6:05

you want to know what I wanted to talk about today ?

6:07

Yes , go right . Yeah , you just dive right into

6:09

it , you do it , you had it down .

6:10

So , when we first

6:13

, when we first , when you and I first chatted

6:15

, we were talking about weight loss and everything

6:17

which is , but

6:20

you also told me to read more than a body

6:22

that book , that's

6:25

the best book I've ever read .

6:27

Oh , good right .

6:28

And my older daughter actually works with

6:30

. Her focus is she's getting

6:32

her PhD . She works with people with eating disorders

6:35

and my younger daughter has a needing disorder

6:37

and the only reason I'm bringing all this up is just

6:39

I want to give you a little background . So I'm changing

6:41

. I want to be healthier

6:44

. I may or

6:46

may not lose weight in doing that , so

6:48

I hope I lose some weight

6:50

, but I'm coming to the realization

6:55

that that really is not what's most important

6:57

for me , Although I

6:59

do want to do that . So I'm not conflicted

7:01

about it . But

7:04

I'm trying to make some peace with the fact

7:06

that I

7:08

may not be that may not be the outcome

7:11

at the level

7:13

that I had hoped that that would be , Because

7:16

I really believe and I'm a nurse and I know

7:18

that it really truly is more important to be it'll

7:20

fade them , to be thin

7:22

, and that doesn't mean I'm not

7:24

gonna , I mean I'm going , I exercise

7:26

the whole thing . But my question

7:29

was so I'm

7:31

trying to figure out because I do a lot

7:33

of eating when

7:35

I

7:37

don't know why I'm eating , and

7:40

I've gone through the model and

7:42

my problem seems to be that

7:45

, right when I'm getting to do , I do a

7:47

lot of I

7:49

don't really call it binge eating , I think it's

7:51

more the fog eating thing . Okay , and

7:54

I'm not quite sure how to identify

7:57

. Sometimes I can identify

8:00

my thought . I'm

8:02

not quite sure what to do

8:04

with that . Okay

8:07

, you know , like say I'm bored , or

8:09

say I'm worried

8:12

. I'm

8:15

not quite sure then , when I'm at that

8:17

point , what my next step

8:19

is to after

8:21

identifying that , how to make that not

8:24

happen again , or how to stop

8:26

myself then , or whatever . That's my

8:28

big question . Right , I need

8:30

some insight from you .

8:32

Okay , perfect . So is that , when you notice

8:34

that you kind of like

8:37

unconsciously , just grab food

8:39

, is when you're worried or bored ? What do you

8:41

think it is the most ? Or can you give me

8:43

a specific situation where one of those was the

8:46

driving emotion ?

8:50

Yeah , I think mainly it's

8:52

when

8:54

I'm bored or

8:56

worried .

8:58

Okay .

8:58

Either way , and lots of times it's

9:00

later at night , because when

9:03

you get to be old , like me , lots of times you don't sleep

9:05

well , and so then I'm

9:07

worried about not sleeping , and so then

9:09

I go downstairs and

9:11

I just start eating

9:13

the chocolate chips or whatever

9:16

. So it's

9:19

, and the thing is

9:21

is that

9:23

I don't know how to pull myself up

9:25

right then and say , hey , this is what's happening

9:27

.

9:29

Is it most often late at night .

9:32

No , lots of times . Yeah , most

9:35

often it's late at night because usually during the day I keep

9:37

myself pretty busy , right

9:39

, Right , right . So sometimes

9:42

it can be in the afternoon when I'm

9:46

kind of tired , I'm kind of just hanging

9:48

out and there are things I know I either

9:50

need to do or whatever . I

9:52

don't really want to do that .

9:53

Yeah .

9:55

Right , it's really convenient

9:57

to just do something

10:00

else , and that may be just go

10:02

and start snacking . And

10:05

I mean , I know , if I didn't do those things and

10:07

let's get the whole weight thing out of it , it

10:10

would be much healthier for me , because of course I'm not

10:12

snacking on . You know

10:14

, I'm not snacking on carrots . I mean

10:16

I love sweets , I'll be the first to admit it

10:18

.

10:19

So Me too , right there with you , girl yeah .

10:21

I mean , and you know what ? Yeah

10:23

, it is Okay .

10:25

so I have some good

10:27

questions and strategies , right , but that's

10:29

jumping right to the action line , which

10:32

is always a short-term you

10:34

know thing , right , if

10:36

our brain comes with us and keeps offering us

10:38

the same thoughts , so Right . One

10:41

of the things that you

10:44

probably haven't like identified

10:46

is also your story

10:48

around you with food , because

10:51

you're paying attention , you're getting some awareness of your

10:54

habits . You probably created like a title

10:56

to your story . Like you

10:58

know , I struggle

11:00

with sleep , so I often eat at

11:02

nighttime , which could

11:05

be a circumstance , right . It's pretty

11:07

factual , although it's not like last night

11:09

I ate this . That's a little more factual

11:11

. So it kind of tends to become a title

11:13

of our story like I'm late night eater

11:16

, right , or

11:18

like I kind of binge eat , or when I'm bored

11:20

, I eat . So it tends

11:22

to kind of hold us back a little bit because

11:24

it becomes sort of an identity thing , like

11:27

I'm just not good at not eating at night . I

11:30

don't know if you ever have those thoughts about being

11:32

less of what you do but more of who you are . That's

11:36

one place that I would start . It's like what

11:38

is the title of ? What do

11:40

you think about you when you think about you in regards

11:42

to food ?

11:45

Well , I

11:48

had this thought and I've had this

11:50

thought over on and off , but

11:52

I think I first started having

11:54

those behaviors when my

11:57

parents were at work and I

11:59

would come home from school and I

12:01

mean , my grandmother was always there until

12:04

we were old enough to be by ourselves , right but

12:07

, and she was wonderful , and the

12:09

thing was she always faced and always

12:12

rewarded or didn't reward us , but when

12:14

we came home and what we ate was something

12:17

really yummy and sweet , but that one she was no

12:19

longer there and I

12:21

was lonely

12:23

. I think I was lonely or I

12:26

was bored . I think that's

12:28

when I started those behaviors and they've

12:30

just followed me my whole life and

12:33

there've been times when I've been

12:35

much more in control of them , but then I was

12:37

also in a restricted pattern and

12:39

I don't I'm trying

12:42

not to do those kinds of things anymore because those

12:44

are very , they're

12:46

never successful and they're not healthy

12:48

on so many levels . So

12:52

I guess , so my

12:54

, my thing , I think with food started it . It

12:56

was a comfort for me right , I'm so many levels .

12:58

What do you think about your past ? What do you think about you

13:00

with food ? Do you think you're good with food ? Do you think food

13:03

has always been a challenge for you ?

13:04

Like food has always been a challenge .

13:07

Okay , always , always

13:09

been a challenge for you .

13:10

Yeah , always . So I just

13:12

want you and there are times when I'm better .

13:14

Yeah , go ahead . I'm sorry , go ahead

13:16

. I just want you to question that title of

13:18

your story , because when you believe

13:21

that , it's not that it's wrong or right

13:23

, it's just that it's optional if

13:25

you , if you want it to be Okay

13:28

, because when you believe food has always

13:31

been a challenge , right

13:34

, it feels like it's like food is a deficit

13:36

in your life Food and food's never going anywhere

13:38

, right , that's one of the circumstances we can't get rid of . Right

13:41

, we can get rid of some of the hard ones , but

13:43

that one's not going away . So if

13:45

food is a challenge . If that's a thought that we

13:47

have , that food has always been a challenge for me right

13:51

, then any positive

13:54

thought or any you know new emotion

13:56

we try to create is kind of just like it's

14:00

like . It's

14:03

like not it's the word I'm looking for despite

14:05

or in spite , I don't know . It's kind

14:07

of like saying , like that , the circumstances

14:10

, food , but then

14:12

the thought is food is a

14:14

challenge . But I got this right

14:17

. It's not , that's not really

14:19

. We think we're thinking a positive

14:21

thought about this neutral circumstance

14:24

, but we're actually trying to think a positive thought about what we

14:26

consider a negative circumstance , which is food

14:28

is challenging , right ? Yes

14:31

, we haven't really neutralized that circumstance

14:33

, right , correct ?

14:37

There's a value judgment on it and it's negative

14:39

for me .

14:40

Yeah , what if food wasn't

14:42

always a challenge ? What if food just has always

14:44

been in your life just like everybody else ? It's

14:47

always been something that we all think

14:49

about . It's

14:52

just that we have a lot of cues and people telling

14:54

us that if we think about food a lot , right

14:57

, or that if we choose one food over a different food

14:59

, that we struggle with food , or

15:03

if we have more weight on us than someone

15:05

else , that we struggle with food , but we might be eating

15:07

the same amount as that person next to us

15:09

. Maybe food

15:11

is not the problem , right , and

15:13

maybe you're not the problem Right

15:18

. Okay , where would you put

15:20

food in a model ?

15:24

No , I'm not very good at the model yet , well

15:28

, is it a circumstance ? I would

15:30

put it as a circumstance . Yeah , I mean , it's just

15:33

there , it just is , it just is right

15:35

and it's part of life it can't be challenging . No

15:37

.

15:38

No . So what is challenging then ? If food

15:40

can't be challenging , what

15:42

is challenging ?

15:48

I'm not quite sure , maybe dealing

15:52

with the emotion that's

15:56

making food a problem . I

15:59

mean , I don't know .

16:01

It's the thoughts we have about food

16:03

.

16:03

About food right yes .

16:05

Right , it's what we make food mean in our lives

16:08

, and that's

16:10

when we say it's challenging . I am talking about the

16:12

emotion . So what comes before that ? It's

16:14

what we think about food , right

16:16

, that's . And this is such

16:19

a good thing because it means that

16:21

that food has never been the issue

16:23

. We don't need to have less

16:25

cake around , or we don't need to

16:27

even eat less . We just

16:29

need to pay attention to the thoughts we

16:32

have around our

16:34

eating , around the cake that's sitting

16:36

there . I want you to consider that there's

16:38

no negative circumstance , so if you

16:40

eat an entire cake , that not being negative

16:43

.

16:44

Okay , Well , the only problem

16:46

is that I will be like sicker

16:48

than a dog .

16:49

Yeah , you might get sick right , but

16:52

it just you just do feel sick , right , just

16:54

like when we get the flu , because

16:56

we didn't get a flu shot , right , maybe there was preventative

16:58

measures , it just

17:01

is the flu , right . Yeah

17:03

, we don't have a story about how , like man

17:05

, the flu has always been a real struggle for me . It's

17:08

not loaded , I

17:10

get the flu , like every year , but I don't have

17:13

like any kind of story around the

17:15

flu and who I am and whether or not

17:17

I can handle when the flu comes up

17:19

, right . So

17:22

you like , the first start step is always

17:24

really neutralizing , like it's . It's just

17:26

food . It doesn't have power over you

17:29

. It's

17:31

, even if you ate a whole cake , I wouldn't be like , oh , that

17:33

cake . Like , so just start

17:35

paying attention to the words you use

17:37

, the way you talk about food and

17:39

the way you talk , even about your decisions , because it's

17:41

even decisions are just neutral . It's

17:43

like , oh , I ate a cake , right

17:46

, because

17:48

it really is that next step that's

17:51

causing the unnecessary suffering

17:53

, either in emotion or the outcome of

17:55

maybe , like you were saying , like you

17:57

know health problems or weight

17:59

or whatever it's that next step it's

18:02

going . Oh my gosh , I ate a whole cake

18:04

. I can't , you know , do it . So

18:06

then our action line ? So we feel

18:09

shame . So our action line

18:11

is to restrict like crazy which is

18:13

a dieting thing , not a long term

18:15

thing , right , right . And

18:17

then our result is that we

18:19

binge eat again because it's not a long

18:21

term solution , right . So

18:24

the problem never really was eating the entire cake

18:26

. The problem was us believing

18:28

that this means that we have a problem

18:30

with food and that food is challenging

18:32

and that we don't have willpower , whatever we

18:34

make that means . Do you see that I

18:37

do , yeah , yeah

18:39

, okay . So when you say , like , what do I do

18:41

with those thoughts ? That's a good question . You know

18:43

, you're like I think I'm getting some , you know , awareness

18:45

of my thoughts , at least the feelings , which is really

18:48

huge , right , like boredom and

18:50

worry , I

18:52

could totally say those wanting

18:54

to get rid of those and just go , like snack

18:56

on something . Yeah , right

18:58

.

18:59

Yeah .

19:00

I want you to consider what

19:03

it would be like just to sit with that one

19:06

minute longer . So

19:08

it probably doesn't come to your mind , when you

19:10

feel boredom , that like

19:12

, oh , what does this feel ? Like your

19:15

, your first thought is whatever your brain offers

19:17

you to offset that , like , let's go get some

19:19

chocolate chips . So you've , you've taken

19:22

it to step one , which is oh wait

19:24

, what am I feeling that's

19:26

making me want to do this boredom ? Okay

19:29

, okay . So that's the thought . Let's

19:31

just go , I can totally have chocolate chips , because

19:34

we're not going to , we're not going to say you can't have them . Choco's

19:36

member , they're not the problem , they're neutral . Right

19:38

, I can totally have chocolate chips , but let me just

19:40

feel this boredom for like five

19:43

minutes longer than

19:45

I normally would . Great

19:48

, and not with the goal of , oh

19:50

, hopefully , five minutes . My cravings have gone away

19:52

. No , remember , the chocolate chips are neutral . Let's

19:55

just get good at boredom .

19:58

Right , because I think my problem is that

20:03

I don't

20:05

really sit with that . I think , then , that

20:07

I have to just come up with the willpower

20:10

and say , no , I can't do that Journey

20:12

instead of really , instead

20:14

of just really dealing , and then that

20:17

whole thing is just ridiculous .

20:19

The willpower is like all in the action line right

20:21

. It's like further down the model . It's like we're

20:23

walking towards the chocolate chips and then we're like , no , no

20:25

, no , I can't have them , I shouldn't have them . So

20:27

that's like all the action line . It's actually so much easier

20:30

to be like , well , whatever comes next

20:32

, that's fine , but can

20:34

I just feel bored for a minute and see

20:36

what that's like ? Right ? Yes

20:38

, a lot of people too will

20:40

be like , well , let's replace the chocolate chips with

20:42

something else . You can do that too , but that's still

20:44

the action line . Like when we're bored , we

20:46

could go for a walk instead of eating chocolate chips . But

20:49

we're still not getting better at

20:51

just sitting and with our feelings

20:53

and being bored . Great

20:56

, I love that . So

20:58

that's the first part of

21:00

just slowing down everything

21:02

a little bit . And what will happen

21:04

to if , eventually

21:07

, we get to a place where you

21:09

are ? You're so willing

21:11

to feel your feelings that

21:13

you kind of feel

21:15

them instead of going and doing something else . What

21:18

happens is because you're consuming less

21:20

sugar , because you're consuming less . You

21:22

know what's

21:25

the opposite of complex carbs ? I can't think of it . Right

21:27

, refine carbs . Refine carbs , process carbs

21:30

. Because , you're consuming less of it . Your

21:32

hormones will you know , up-regulate

21:34

right , and then those

21:37

cravings will take care of themselves a little

21:39

bit right .

21:40

But it's like , well , I hope so , but you know , I don't really

21:42

have anything anymore but testosterone

21:44

because of my age . But I mean like left and

21:46

growling right , Left and growling will start

21:48

to regulate , because right now there's

21:50

a couple .

21:51

you know there's different reasons that they are

21:53

offered to you . They're offered you

21:55

because of the time of day that you normally eat . They'll be like oh

21:58

well this one . We always , you know , offer growling

22:00

. We're hungry , right . So there's

22:03

different reasons , or because your hormones are

22:05

off , right , or because of blood sugar . So

22:07

when we start to sit in our feelings , and

22:10

eventually also the

22:12

physiology part comes along with it

22:14

and we start to have like a lower

22:16

hunger scale , right . So

22:19

it's all going to work together . But

22:21

first we're just going to think about how food

22:24

is neutral , your past is neutral and

22:26

we're just going to learn to sit in our feelings a little bit longer . Does

22:28

that sound like a plan ?

22:30

That works for me .

22:33

If you have questions about anything you've learned here

22:35

on the podcast or want to help with something

22:37

going on in your own life , hop on a

22:39

free coaching call with me . In

22:41

just 30 minutes you'll have real tools

22:44

for your unique situation . Go

22:46

to limitlessfemalecoachingcom

22:48

forward slash workwithme , or

22:51

you can find a link in the show notes below . Spots

22:54

are limited , so grab one before you miss it

22:56

.