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This weeks. Life note. Really,

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it's OK. Just ask the question.

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Welcome to Life Notes from Chair 17,

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a podcast dedicated to sharing life stories,

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wisdoms and inspirations.

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As we navigate life's journey, post chas to share thoughtful perspectives and insights from her own life journey,

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as well as those of special guests, contributors tune in for thoughtful conversations about lessons learned wisdoms,

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gained experiences, had and inspirations shared.

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Find us where you get your podcasts and be sure to hit follow or subscribe.

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So you never miss an episode. Now enjoy this week's episode.

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All righty. Welcome back in friends to another episode of Life Notes from Cheer 17.

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I'm your host ch Thank you once again,

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as always for finding me in this little corner of the podcast universe and as returning listeners know,

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I always like to thank you for your continued support and tuning in each week.

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And if you happen to be joining us for the first time,

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welcome in. Warm welcome to you.

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You likely found us on one of the major podcast platforms or maybe out on our website Life Notes from True 17 podcast.com.

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Either way, thank you for wanting to check us out.

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We hope you like what you hear and you will want to continue to tune in.

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I also want to say thank you to those of you who have shared some positive feedback on the previous episode,

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which was living through a layoff.

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I'm actually quite humbled that this episode is resonating with several of you,

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especially those of you who have also gone through a layoff at some point in your career.

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I don't know about you, but it does sometimes just help to hear that you are not alone,

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especially in a time when you feel as if you are and layoffs can sometimes really do a number on you from a mental standpoint.

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So I am glad that that episode is providing a bit of supportive encouragement,

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whether it is for you or it is for someone that you know,

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who might be going through something similar that is always what we aim to do here on the podcast.

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But for this episode,

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let me ask the question pun intended.

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Why is it that sometimes we just do not want to ask the question.

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This has come up for me recently.

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And this episode is partially inspired by this seemingly coming up recently where I do find myself repeating over and over.

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Can we not just ask the question?

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And I get these looks of,

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oh, no, no, no, we can't do that.

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And I, I find myself going well,

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why? And if I back up for a moment.

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I do have to share that in my other life.

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A K A my day job. I am often the one that has to ask the questions.

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Sometimes in a room full of people I know sometimes in a room full of people I don't and sometimes those questions I have to ask of peers,

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sometimes I have to ask them of leaders.

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But generally, I am always the one having to ask the questions.

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And I have been told they are often good questions or ones people have not thought to ask.

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And I joke that if I had a dollar for every time someone has said to me,

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wow, that is a really good question.

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I may have been able to retire by now. Uh Obviously,

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I'm kidding. But I do often get told that I ask really good questions and yet I am not 100% 100% sure where that comes from.

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And as I was thinking about this episode,

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it gave me pause to reflect back on where I might have developed this.

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In some instances, I think it's probably comes from experience and age uh in others.

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I think it comes from my journalism background.

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I had to learn how to ask really good questions and gather information in the process of putting stories together.

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And especially if I was interviewing someone for a story.

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And if I actually even think about that even further,

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I don't think I had this naturally as a younger person,

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I grew up in a family where questioning anything was,

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let's call it not really OK. And I am sure I am not alone in this anyone else out there who grew up in the era or perhaps in a family where the saying was,

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Children should be seen and not heard,

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which is the absolute opposite of where we are present day.

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If you grew up in that era, then you know what I'm talking about.

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And if you didn't grow up in that era,

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actually, honestly, that is a good thing seriously because you never learned to quell any kind of curiosity or inquisitiveness out of fear of some sort of ra ramification coming back at you for just having that sort of naturally.

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And even though I can certainly say that as a younger person,

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I would often wonder maybe why or wonder in an internal dialogue kind of way,

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hey, maybe there's another way to do this or does it have to be this way or does it have to be that way?

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It really wasn't, I don't think until I got into university,

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started with my major in journalism, then got out into the working world where I started to not fear asking the question and not fear that asking it would seem because I would get something wrong or because I didn't want to guess and be wrong.

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I actually started to flip that and turn it around to say to myself,

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well, if I just ask up front,

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doesn't that save me a whole lot of headaches in the end,

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kinda sorta. And I will say nowadays,

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that's ironic to me because since I have become someone who has learned to be very comfortable asking questions,

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it has made me observe how many of us still aren't.

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And it has made me think about how that I feel becomes such a detrimental thing to us over time.

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Given having the courage to simply ask may oftentimes prevent us again from having to guess or second guess or triple guess or do over or do over again.

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And this seems particularly true in a working environment show of hands even though I can't see you.

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How many times have we found ourselves having to redo something simply because we didn't ask for clarification up front?

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Or how many times do we find ourselves waiting and wondering or wondering and waiting?

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Simply because we just haven't asked.

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Now, I will admit this likely all sounds quite perfect scenario esque meaning.

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Yes. C great. Ask the question,

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get the answers and voila all is well,

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no, I know that is not necessarily true.

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And in fact, there are going to be a number of reasons why we don't feel we can ask the question.

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Perhaps we've had a really bad experience asking or the environment either personally or professionally or culturally or all of them together have been one where raising questions or questioning anything has really been frowned upon or has led to a disappointing outcome.

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And so what do we do? We learn to Contin continue really to not ask,

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right? We condition ourselves to shut off that part of ourselves and never want to put ourselves out there again or never want to be that person that asks the question again,

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if we did not have the benefit or the privilege of being able to be raised in a speak your mind kind of environment in the if you get knocked down,

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get back up and try again, kind of environment.

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We do learn to mute or downplay our curiosities,

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our interests, our inquisitiveness because the environment we are coming out of did not necessarily encourage that or nurture it.

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And yeah, the sad part about that is we could really actually be the one with the best question needing to be asked,

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but we don't do it out of fear,

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concern, worry some sort of retaliation,

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some sort of ramification, whatever the case may be.

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So how do we find that courage and how do we start to undo some of that preconditioning?

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I do remember once being in a training,

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it was some sort of I think teamwork training or collaboration kind of training where I remember the facilitator saying if you have a question,

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ask it because it is guaranteed you are not the only person with that same question.

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And then of course, you have to think about that, that old saying that there is really no such thing as a silly or dumb question.

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And I have to say there really isn't right.

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We all interpret information differently,

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especially when we add in components of culture or neuro diversity.

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Some of us are more visual, some of us are more narrative.

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And in my opinion,

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particularly in a work setting, it hurts no one to ask for clarification and it reflects more poorly on the person who has to answer the question if they cannot tolerate or they seem miffed or they seem annoyed that is on them.

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It's not on you to be able to just want to know a little bit more,

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gather a little bit more information so that you can be or do better in whatever it is that you're being tasked to do.

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I don't know about you. But how many times have you found yourself going down a rabbit hole on a project or a body of work?

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Only to have to redo it because everyone assumed and no one asked or how many misunderstandings do we have say within a family or friend environment?

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Because we have all pulled the ostrich syndrome,

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stuck our heads in the sand and just avoided talking something out because we were afraid to ask,

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hey, you know, what are we? OK?

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Or hey, can you help me understand where we're at or maybe why you said that and yet I would be remiss in saying that even if we do get to a place where we can and do feel comfortable asking the question,

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the flip side is we have to be prepared for the answer.

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And that sometimes can be the real kicker and the real test because it may not be the answer we want to hear or expect to hear.

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It isn't always that asking the questions leads to happy path answers.

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Sometimes it leads to even more questions and harder questions with harder answers.

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I referenced this loosely in the previous episode.

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It was the time in my career where I was starting to potentially figure out that I might be laid off before the organization was prepared to tell me.

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I remember telling my manager at the time,

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I need you to find out and I need you to tell me because I would rather know than not know because if I am blindsided,

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I can't make a plan. And I oftentimes come back to that approach and it still remains really true for me.

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And I know that's not necessarily true for everybody.

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But in my case, I would rather know than not.

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And I would rather ask than not.

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And I would rather have the conversation than avoid it.

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And that generally starts with being able to at least ask the question and start the conversation or at least pose the question.

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And I will say that again for me in my experience more often than not.

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The response is I am so glad that you asked that and not,

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why are you asking that? Now,

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that's not to say that that hasn't happened.

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And that why are you asking that doesn't come out as a result of maybe a harder question or a more uncomfortable question?

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And so sometimes we have to take a beat,

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maybe quell our own emotions or our own maybe defensive mechanism because asking the question isn't necessarily going down the happy path.

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But I do often find that asking questions thoughtfully and with good intent,

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fosters connection and understanding and conversation and collaboration.

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And even if we disagree or even if we are on opposite sides,

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I believe the willingness to ask and potentially show a vulnerability can often lead to finding some common ground or some common connection or maybe even an interesting revelation or two or even an important opportunity to reset and start over.

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And I don't know about you. But for me,

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it's much harder to fumble around in uncertainty and vagueness than it is to switch on the light and ask for clarity.

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You have to have a certain amount of courage to do it and you have to be prepared for what you might find when you flip the light on.

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But it doesn't mean that you don't know the answer.

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It means you want to try to find the answer to something that is still unclear.

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It doesn't mean that you don't know what you're doing.

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It means you want to be better at what you are doing.

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It doesn't mean you aren't listening.

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It means you actually are listening more intently and looking for additional information.

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And above all, it's not a sign of weakness.

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It is, at least in my opinion,

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a sign of self awareness and on the whole,

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I really wish that we would start to see asking questions this way because as someone who often has to ask a lot of questions when you hear back from someone.

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Wow, I hadn't thought of that. I'm so glad you asked that it can really make a big difference,

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not only to you but to others.

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So ask the question y'all,

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it's OK as always be kind to yourself.

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Take it one hour at a time, one day at a time and I'll see you next time.

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Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Life Notes from chair 17.

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Remember to follow and subscribe. So you never miss an episode.

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We'll see you next time.