0:32

Took me about six months and

0:35

I got a full-time job working

0:38

on the 810 , and the title of that

0:40

job was considered an Air Reserve Technician

0:43

, what you were ? You were , you

0:45

worked for the Air Force , but you was

0:47

a civilian at the same time , and

0:49

that worked out . So you kind of like found

0:51

the magic . It was magic . You couldn't

0:53

, you couldn't ask for nothing better . Okay

0:56

, so that just set

0:59

me up for life . Um

1:01

, so

1:03

during that time , you

1:10

, you just I'm gonna ride this out , I'm

1:12

gonna just ride the Air Force out . During

1:15

that time , once I got out of Air Force

1:17

, got the job working , on the 810

1:20

. You gonna ride that job out . That's what I'm

1:22

saying . Yeah , when

1:24

I , when I found out the money that was to be

1:26

made for what I was doing , I

1:29

had planned on retiring that I knew

1:32

that this was gonna be my home forever

1:34

. And

1:36

I mean , growing up we

1:40

we didn't want for nothing , like we lived good

1:42

, y'all lived good . That's what I and the

1:45

kids you guys grew up with . That's

1:48

what I'm saying . You 12 , 3 years , didn't

1:50

understand there was nothing y'all

1:52

didn't want . Y'all had a basketball goal

1:54

. Y'all had swimming pool . Y'all

1:56

had waist medicine ball . Kids

1:59

didn't even know what a medicine ball was , but

2:01

y'all had that , y'all

2:03

. Y'all really had it good , because I wanted

2:05

you guys to have everything that I

2:07

didn't have , plus or dad . So

2:09

what was your philosophy

2:13

on raising us

2:15

? Because you were a disciplinarian

2:17

, you ain't taking no

2:19

junk . But I

2:22

look back on it and I'm like I'm

2:25

glad you did it Because I

2:28

get it . You know , I

2:31

understand like

2:34

the principles

2:36

and having morals and being a man

2:39

Like everybody says , being a

2:41

man . But when I look at man , I like , I look

2:43

at you because you were like the man

2:45

. Is a man Like you gonna stand

2:47

on your word ? It's

2:49

what it is you have to do the

2:51

right thing , have integrity and

2:54

all that , and that's I get that from

2:56

you and you

2:59

instilled it in us in a way . It

3:01

was very , I

3:04

would say , you were strict , but

3:07

it was respectable

3:09

and I

3:11

mean it was like just do what you told . If you do what you

3:13

told , you'll be fine . You know what I'm saying . Well

3:16

, for one thing , being

3:21

a father was hard , the number

3:24

one thing . You

3:26

have to experience something before

3:28

you can actually do it . But I mean

3:31

never having a father , I

3:33

didn't know how to be no father . See

3:36

, I'm just watching people

3:38

pick it up on stuff

3:40

Before you finish in . But for

3:42

everybody out there , we got a preface

3:45

. We got to put in this that you're

3:48

not Barry's biological father

3:50

and I , in

3:53

the one thing that

3:55

I commend you on , I never

3:59

knew like you . There

4:03

was never a time where

4:06

I felt that there was like

4:08

you treated him different , treated me different

4:11

or anything . So when

4:13

I did find out and it was

4:15

actually like a mistake when I

4:17

was in California , I saw like some papers

4:19

Barry had , and that's when I

4:21

found out . And then I look back I'm

4:23

like , damn , he treated us like there

4:26

was never like that's my stepson . That's like

4:28

you treated . We

4:31

both got the ass whippers and we both got the love

4:33

. We both got the respect . We both got all of that

4:35

and I like that's a big thing

4:37

that . I took from you . What happened with

4:39

that was I met your mom

4:41

. She had Barry and I , the

4:45

caller the packet dealing them dead , and

4:47

I decided that I

4:50

found out she had a little son . I said I'm

4:52

not gonna let that bother me . So

4:54

I decided

4:56

to raise the little guy and I told

4:59

him everything I knew . And what

5:01

had happened was when

5:03

we , when your

5:05

mama was getting child support for Barry

5:08

, for little for Barry

5:10

and what happened was when

5:12

we moved on , I

5:15

moved y'all south , living in the barracks

5:17

. I had to find a house or apartment . When I finally

5:19

moved , y'all there just swung

5:21

like apartments . Yeah . Okay , you

5:24

were getting in fights

5:26

at school because

5:29

the kids were asking you why you got

5:31

it . You and your brother got different

5:33

last names . This happened

5:35

. We went to school a lot for for y'all fighting

5:37

you and Barry , really For people

5:40

, white kids asking y'all why

5:42

y'all got different . I didn't even . Yeah , okay , I

5:44

don't remember this . But so for me

5:46

to remember that situation

5:49

, I said I can't have them fighting every time . Somebody

5:51

asked somebody last name . So I

5:56

asked your mom to call her ex and

5:59

I said tell her dude that if

6:02

he let me adopt Barry , I'll

6:05

make your mama drop

6:07

the child support on him . And to

6:09

him that was a good deal , so he

6:11

was paying big money . So

6:14

he just he decided he'll

6:16

let me adopt . And if mama dropped

6:18

child support and it was big money so

6:21

I said , to make

6:24

us a whole family , I'll

6:26

do that . And then he gave me the

6:29

permission and we went to the judge

6:31

. It took a little while . Then I adopted

6:33

Barry , put it , gave him my last name

6:35

. So

6:38

that goes back to my

6:40

first point

6:42

, that the way you raised

6:44

us it was

6:46

like it

6:50

wasn't different . It wasn't one track

6:52

raise this child like this , raise this child like

6:54

this . And so

6:57

with you

7:00

was just figuring it out , figuring

7:03

the father thing out . Yeah . I think I had

7:05

that straight . I

7:07

had an idea from

7:10

the guys that I grew

7:12

up with , from their fathers . I

7:14

read a lot and then one

7:16

guy did tell me that , t

7:19

, you can't be the daddy

7:21

and their friend at the same time . So

7:24

my program was I can travel

7:26

your father , I can travel your NITL

7:28

, give you all the much things I could give you . Or

7:31

I was going to be hard . That

7:34

wasn't nothing I tried to do , it was

7:36

just me . But at

7:39

the same time I

7:41

figured well , they just liked me

7:43

that when they

7:45

grow older and if

7:48

from what I done taught them that

7:50

, they will see why I did what I did

7:53

and then they'll probably

7:55

thank me . If they don't thank me , then

7:57

when they get older , from

8:02

all the things that they've been through , they'll

8:04

see the reason I did all the things . And

8:07

if that time they think

8:09

it was well done that y'all will

8:11

come back and we could be friends at

8:13

a later date . But my job

8:15

at that time raise y'all

8:17

, teach y'all discipline , show y'all

8:19

as much as I can to keep y'all out of

8:22

trouble , try to make y'all happy

8:24

until you get 18 years old and

8:26

by then you make the decision

8:28

whether you want to try to be my friend

8:31

or we be friends , but at that time

8:33

my thing was to get y'all straight

8:35

. So as a kid I remember

8:37

I remember just be like you , gotta

8:40

say good morning , good

8:42

night , do your chores

8:44

. And it

8:47

was a time I didn't like you . But

8:50

now I

8:53

get it , like I can say like from what

8:55

you said , like now it oh

8:57

, I'm 42 now , you know , now

8:59

it it may have since earlier

9:02

in my life , but now I get

9:04

what you did

9:06

and it's helped me as a man

9:09

and as a father . So I

9:11

wanna say thank you and it was all worth

9:13

it . You know what I'm saying , that you , you

9:16

know , took the steps

9:18

that you did to do that , to

9:20

do that . At the time I didn't

9:22

understand it , but I mean , it's

9:25

not a lot of things the kids gonna understand that

9:28

what you're going through , you know what I'm saying . Well

9:30

, I've been on the street , wasn't

9:34

no gangster , but I was

9:36

rough , but I knew that the

9:38

gangster life , what y'all wasn't

9:40

gonna make it thinking , y'all were no gangsters

9:42

and you was gonna put your shirt

9:44

in your pants , you were gonna speak , well , you

9:46

were gonna respect your dolls . That

9:48

was my thing and long I can say if

9:50

you did that , we was cool , but I

9:52

wasn't taking nothing . I remember one time

9:55

the thing was kids

9:57

were breaking emblems off

10:00

cars and bull just said , uh-huh . I

10:08

went to your brother's room and he had a Cadillac

10:10

emblem and I said where you get

10:12

this from ? He

10:16

said what you doing in my drawer

10:19

and I knocked him through the wall . I

10:22

said this ain't your drawer , this bed ain't

10:24

your drawer , that pillow ain't it , it's for

10:26

me . And

10:29

I took his little emblem and I had trouble with

10:31

him . No more , there ain't nothing in

10:33

here for you . Yeah

10:35

, so during

10:40

, let's

10:44

say , elementary school for me I'm

10:46

at MetaView . What

10:50

I remember

10:52

and this is my account I remember you

10:54

and mom used to argue

10:56

a lot and

10:58

she drunk beer . You drunk

11:01

Jack Daniels . Yeah . What

11:03

was ? Was there something

11:06

that we didn't know about ? Yes , that

11:09

through that time that caused

11:11

those . Is

11:13

that something you could speak about or not ? I have no

11:15

promise . Up to you , what

11:17

, okay , what was that error

11:20

of like arguments ? Drinking

11:24

was enough for your mama . Okay

11:26

, your mama

11:29

girlfriends weedheads

11:31

and your mama wanted

11:33

to smoke weed . I

11:36

couldn't stop her from smoking

11:38

weed when she wasn't smoking weed

11:40

in the house . Gotcha , and

11:43

that was my pet pee . You're not

11:45

smoking weed in this house , you're

11:47

not smoking weed in the yard , and

11:50

that was it . And she wanted

11:52

to smoke weed and I did . Was

11:54

not allowing weed . Okay

11:58

, what ? As

12:02

far as the alcohol from you

12:04

and her ? I

12:07

remember , no

12:10

, I remember what I'm saying is from that

12:12

. I don't drink and

12:14

I've never smoked Like my entire life

12:16

. I've never smoked cigarette , never

12:18

smoked weed . I've probably , I've

12:22

probably been drunk , maybe

12:25

three times , and I don't even know if

12:27

I was drunk because I don't really know what

12:31

was that for you

12:33

, the drinking Okay

12:35

, as far as the drinking , the

12:38

drinking was my

12:41

enjoyment , my way of

12:43

life , and

12:46

what happened to me was later

12:49

on in

12:51

life . The

12:54

drinking got out of control with

12:56

me , but , to your

12:58

defense , during that

13:00

time , our life never . Quality

13:04

of life never changed . Oh no , because I

13:07

had a way how to do it . I

13:09

had a way . I used to

13:11

use the word . That

13:14

was a word I used to use , but

13:16

I was functional

13:18

. I could drink , but I still

13:21

went to work every day and I did my job

13:23

. See , my drinking never

13:25

was on the job or never before

13:27

the job or stuff like that

13:29

. Never went to work . Gotta

13:31

have a little hit or drink . My life wasn't

13:34

that way , was

13:37

it ? Was it stress or was it enjoyment

13:39

, or was it enjoyment and stress ? No

13:46

, it wasn't . It was a relief then

13:48

that it

13:50

was the job , because

13:54

you've got a good job but you're still in the military

13:56

and you're still dealing with good the job was stressful , okay

13:59

, but the job was stressful . The

14:01

racism , the constant

14:04

argument with me

14:06

and your mom , it

14:08

just made the drinking increase more

14:10

and more and go ahead . And

14:15

to preface this , we're

14:18

living in Boat City , louisiana

14:20

. We're living in a Republican

14:23

, david Duke Clue-Clark's

14:26

Clan mindset area

14:29

. So you dealing with that , your

14:31

job , so you had stresses

14:36

around that we wasn't aware

14:39

of and privy to , but

14:41

you made

14:43

us I'm gonna speak for myself . I'm

14:46

sure Barry didn't say anything , but you

14:48

made us aware of how to identify

14:50

racism and

14:53

how to navigate . I

14:56

remember one time , I

14:58

think you were working , I

15:01

played a football game and Mr

15:04

Don took me I think it

15:06

was me , barry Earl and Mr Don

15:08

, because I think we played whatever

15:10

and we shook hands and

15:14

this white kid hit me , like , punched

15:16

me in the shoulder , so I grabbed his shirt and I

15:18

started fighting him , whatever , and

15:21

I remember I

15:24

was so scared and

15:27

then when I told you the story , he was like all right

15:29

, good , good job Cause I

15:32

think he called me the N-word and

15:34

hit me or something like that . But

15:36

he was like , on the principle

15:38

of , like , you did the right thing , you defended yourself

15:40

. So that's when I was like , oh , okay , so

15:42

, violence

15:45

or physical , if there's a purpose and

15:47

there's a reason for it , then

15:49

that's when I started understanding

15:52

, accepting not accepting , but understanding

15:54

you on how your mindset

15:56

and you instilled that I

15:58

wouldn't say military mindset , but just

16:00

a man's mindset of how to think

16:02

things out and decipher and filter

16:04

through bullshit . You know what I'm saying , and

16:07

that's another thing that I I know you far too

16:09

now , but they

16:11

tell you when

16:16

a dog about to attack you Hold up a little bit

16:18

when a dog about to attack you . Don't

16:20

run as a

16:22

man because

16:24

sense your weakness just like an animal

16:26

. And I learned that and

16:28

I always told myself I'm never gonna

16:31

feel man and what happened

16:33

was by me being in that racial

16:35

environment , that street , poor bullshit , not

16:39

bragging those

16:43

people feared me . Yeah

16:45

. I mean , I feared

16:47

me . I

16:49

don't know if you I don't know if you even noticed it

16:52

was the way you got . I thought

16:54

, the way you carry yourself

16:56

. That's when you could get

16:58

away from the physical violence

17:00

, if you carry yourself a certain way

17:02

. Yeah , people used to

17:04

fight the- . If you

17:07

be real , a man

17:09

could tell you a real stand

17:11

up guy and then you're gonna get

17:13

to respect like that . You can't take respect

17:16

. Yeah , respect got to be earned

17:18

. I don't know if you remember this

17:20

. Well , there

17:22

was a coach at

17:24

Cope . He hit bad . Yeah

17:26

, he called the police on me . He

17:29

ran in the locker room and

17:32

I don't

17:34

know if I was there or

17:36

I don't know if I heard the

17:39

story after . But , like you

17:41

said , you think through things and remember

17:43

stuff . So if

17:45

Barry's in , if

17:48

Barry's at Cope it's about seven grade

17:50

, so I'm in elementary

17:52

school , but I remembered that

17:54

. And when I came

17:57

back in eighth grade , he

17:59

did some funny stuff to me , disrespectful

18:03

stuff , and I remember

18:05

telling him I'm gonna call my daddy

18:07

, cause I clicked in my

18:09

head that what

18:13

happened years ago ? And I went in the

18:15

locker room and when I tell you , that man came in the locker room

18:17

and he was about to cry , but

18:21

because he knew the result

18:24

of what would happen

18:26

, and that's

18:28

when I was like , oh , my

18:30

daddy's something out here . You know like I knew

18:32

prior , but and

18:35

I've never seen you put your hands on nobody but

18:37

it's just the way that you carried yourself , that

18:40

you wasn't to be played with . I called the

18:42

police . Yeah , so

18:44

that's another example of like understanding

18:47

the

18:49

way that you carry yourself and demand and

18:51

respect prior to a

18:54

problem , and then that

18:56

also go with respecting

18:59

the other individual . All that

19:01

is hand in hand . And I've never seen

19:03

I don't think I've ever seen you play Disrespect

19:08

somebody . I try my best not

19:10

to . That's why I said if I went

19:12

off , you

19:15

really did something to me to set me

19:17

off . I

19:19

know about getting in trouble . It's

19:21

easy to get in trouble when it's hard to

19:23

get out . So if I could go

19:25

another route to try to solve a problem

19:27

with someone , I'd do that for it . Okay

19:31

, let's

19:33

say around 13

19:35

, 14 , for me , I

19:41

got , I'm living with Tiger , so I'm not with

19:44

you , I'm not with mom , and

19:47

I'm asking this because I'm

19:51

kind of going through the same thing with my kids

19:53

and

19:56

I don't know if

19:59

my situation was your situation

20:01

. If I could do

20:04

it , how did you ? What

20:06

was your mindset when

20:08

I'm

20:10

not with you ? Like , how did

20:12

you get through that part ? Or what were

20:15

you thinking ? Like ? Was it like a ? I

20:17

don't even know the answer . Once

20:20

I tried the

20:23

legal aspect of it as far

20:25

as I went to court , I went to judges

20:27

, and that's when I came back

20:29

. Yes , okay , and

20:33

I

20:35

found out that I was , you

20:38

were upset with me . That

20:40

was a battle I couldn't fight , trying

20:42

to go to work , fight for you , and

20:47

it just came

20:49

to a point where there was nothing I could do . You

20:51

didn't want to come live with me , your mama didn't want

20:53

to come live with me . I

20:56

wouldn't have won in the court of law because

20:58

the judge would

21:00

have gave your mama full custody . That

21:02

situation was totally out of my hands

21:04

. There was nothing I could do about

21:06

it and like and all it did was made

21:09

you think I

21:11

drank more because it was the depressing

21:13

. It messed my plan up

21:15

and I know you don't like

21:17

nobody talking about your mom , but women

21:20

know how to get you . Yeah

21:22

, and your mom knew

21:24

she

21:26

messed my money up with . You

21:28

See , like I said

21:31

, you didn't know how guys wanted

21:33

me to move to a certain school

21:35

district so I could then

21:38

you play on that team . I had all

21:40

kind of connections . Like you

21:42

didn't like Bolger City Because

21:45

, like I said , if that situation

21:47

wouldn't have you to love Bolger City , you

21:50

was the most sought after after

21:53

at the leak in Bolger City . You

21:55

just didn't know it and then , by

21:58

your

22:00

mama taking you you

22:02

not being under my wing to keep you

22:04

straight it

22:06

just bloomed to a bad

22:08

situation . You were set

22:10

in Bolger City . I just in

22:12

my opinion set . So

22:16

I had connections

22:18

with the Hamilton's . I had connections

22:20

with coaches at high

22:22

schools , guys who were willing

22:25

to move in a rented house so I could be

22:27

in a certain district , so you could come . It

22:29

was set and your mama knew that and

22:32

that was another way to hurt me . So

22:36

how did you , I

22:38

don't know , win ? What

22:42

was your recovery from ? That Recovery

22:44

Meaning like ? Was there

22:46

resentment towards

22:49

me ? Was there

22:52

resentment towards like

22:55

? When did you feel mentally

22:58

that like , okay , me and you

23:00

was in a good space . We weren't , or

23:02

we were when we were like , cause , if

23:04

let's , I

23:07

was mad at you at then but I

23:10

didn't understand . But what I'm saying is like when

23:13

did you say , all right , it happened

23:16

, let's move on

23:18

Like , was there a time

23:20

? Oh , that was once I actually

23:22

realized that you

23:25

were gonna go live wherever your mama , your

23:27

uncle wanted you to live . I knew it was out

23:29

of my hand . I just

23:31

gave up and you wouldn't

23:34

believe it Cause , as I was saying , I

23:36

put that in the hand of the Lord . There was no more

23:38

I could do . And I said

23:40

one day , if

23:43

he grew up

23:45

the way I think he gonna grow up he's gonna

23:47

realize that I did the best

23:49

I can and it wasn't

23:51

all my fault and there was no more I

23:53

could do . I just it was out of my hand . So

23:59

this is another thing

24:01

. Like for

24:04

you to come where you come from and then

24:06

you go to apartment , you go to the first house

24:08

and then we bought the second

24:11

house . Like that was a to

24:14

me , to us it was regular , but

24:16

that was a big thing . Like

24:20

to you bought the house you know what I'm saying , cause

24:22

you rented the first one and then I remember saying we're

24:24

buying the other , like that's a big thing

24:27

, like we were pretty . I was

24:29

a thinker I'm gonna stress

24:31

that you

24:34

might be thinking right there about that dude

24:36

my mind way across the street . I don't

24:38

know already I don't wise

24:40

that house to begging for

24:42

them people to move . I just

24:44

knew I know where I'm going . All

24:48

of a sudden it could stop you from going

24:50

some ways yourself , and

24:53

that for a while , for almost

24:56

20 years , that

24:59

alcohol had stopped

25:01

me from doing the things I wanted to do . And

25:06

this guy clowns . You

25:09

never met him , damn him . He passed away

25:11

two years ago . Like

25:13

we're drinking , like

25:17

he told me there

25:22

wasn't nothing wrong with that , but

25:25

he told me there was a right way

25:27

to do things . And when it came

25:29

to alcohol , I just did it the wrong

25:32

way , that's all . I did it the

25:34

wrong way . I don't

25:36

regret it , I

25:38

feel at the end of the day . I met

25:41

the Almond . She knew my situation . She

25:45

prayed for me . I prayed for myself . I

25:48

read the Bible . Lord

25:51

took that disease out of my body and I'm through

25:53

with that . When

25:56

was it the worst ? You think the

25:58

worst the

26:00

worst was , and why , and

26:04

why ? I

26:07

was at when

26:12

I transferred back to the base

26:14

in New Orleans . I

26:17

had filed a discrimination

26:19

suit that

26:22

they were messing with my rank . I

26:25

filed a discrimination suit that

26:28

didn't work . I knew so

26:30

much that I filed

26:32

a complaint with the office of special counsel

26:35

. They ain't know nothing about that . This was a

26:37

big disarmament to the president . Yeah

26:39

. And I

26:41

got some feedback , but

26:44

I still didn't get what I wanted

26:46

. I wanted to be supervisor and

26:49

then

26:51

what had happened was there

26:53

was only good the

26:56

management . So

26:59

Katrina had

27:01

hit and

27:04

the governor at that time

27:08

, blank or something

27:10

. She was closing bases and

27:13

right after Katrina hit , then

27:16

they decided that they were gonna close

27:18

the base . They wasn't

27:20

gonna close the base , but they were gonna

27:22

take the aircraft that I worked on

27:25

in Belchase , louisiana , out

27:27

of that area . But

27:30

it

27:33

was gonna take the aircraft , but it

27:35

was gonna let the people who had the time

27:37

to retire retire

27:39

and the people who didn't have

27:42

the time , they

27:44

was gonna transfer them to another

27:46

location , gotcha . So

27:50

when it was time to

27:52

go to personnel and

27:54

do your thing either you're gonna get your retirement

27:57

or you're gonna find out where your new location

27:59

gonna be they

28:04

blackbought me and said that I

28:07

wasn't approved to go nowhere . In

28:09

other words , when the unit closed

28:12

, I was out of job , and

28:14

that's what my words are . I was out of job

28:16

for

28:18

18 months

28:20

in World Heavar and

28:23

I prayed to the Lord and what I did was

28:25

I

28:29

had some money in my savings account

28:31

. When I took that out and I bought

28:33

a house , it

28:35

was in a bad neighborhood in New Orleans

28:37

and I bought this house and

28:39

I rented out Section 8 . And

28:43

the monies

28:45

from that helped me to live

28:48

and pay the rent . That went

28:50

off 18 months and at

28:52

the end of that 18 , my

28:54

tenants had moved out on me because I

28:56

was hard on them and

28:59

I had this big old two-story

29:02

brick house in New Orleans . I was still living

29:04

in the apartment and my tenants

29:06

moved out and

29:08

it was hard for me to pay the

29:10

note and pay the rent where I was . And

29:16

then I was working

29:18

and I just had to let the

29:21

house go because I couldn't afford

29:23

it anymore . But when that happened

29:25

, god bless me that all

29:30

those little lawsuits I was trying to

29:32

do one of them finally came through and

29:34

a judge had called me to come to the

29:36

courthouse up in New Orleans and

29:40

she asked me do I want

29:42

to go back to Barclay ? And I said

29:44

no and I found my job at the Nail

29:46

Warehouse Station and finished

29:49

my . I needed eight more years to retire

29:51

. I stayed there eight more years and

29:53

retired . So

29:55

it worked out . Yeah

29:58

, that's good . Okay , you

30:03

glad you

30:06

did the military thing . Yeah

30:09

, I'm very glad I did the military

30:11

thing . I

30:14

don't even regret

30:17

the drinking , because

30:21

it took me over

30:23

to realize all the different

30:25

places I went , the

30:28

trouble I got in . I

30:30

realized that all that God

30:33

would guide my steps and

30:37

everything that happened had

30:40

to happen for

30:42

me to give it a day . If

30:45

none of all that wouldn't happen , I'd never met

30:47

my wife Gotcha Never

30:51

. And

30:54

also all that took place

30:56

to be where I'm at today

30:58

and other than the

31:01

birth of you , that's

31:04

the best thing that ever happened in my life

31:06

. I

31:09

say I don't regret nothing , but one thing

31:12

I do regret is a man

31:14

is believing

31:17

that my

31:19

little brother was my best friend . I

31:21

regret that to this day . Other

31:25

than that , because

31:27

y'all don't talk , no , we don't talk , I'm

31:32

not going . My

31:35

question about that is does

31:40

it hurt ? Yeah

31:42

it hurts . It

31:44

hurts when you put so much faith

31:46

and confidence and belief

31:48

and love in the individual

31:51

and then they'll stab

31:53

you in the back . That's what you do to get

31:55

shot with a bullet . How

31:59

long has it been ? I'm

32:03

going to say about ten years . Y'all

32:06

haven't spoken ten years . Yeah

32:08

, seeing my funerals and that's all , y'all

32:10

on speed . No

32:16

, is there anything , anything

32:21

? Is

32:23

there any way for that to reconcile

32:26

? No , because

32:29

, even

32:31

if it was initiated by him , no , I

32:34

don't want that , because To

32:39

me , maybe it's foolish to you , maybe it's

32:41

foolish to someone else For

32:44

me to reconcile . That situation

32:46

is like I'm nothing Like

32:49

you . What To me ? I feel

32:51

like I'm nothing . All

32:53

you did to me . You

32:56

tell me you're sorry , and

32:58

me and you'll be back like we used to be . There's not

33:00

enough , no , no , no , there's not enough . Don't

33:03

hate him . You still

33:05

love him . Huh , you still love him . I ain't

33:07

got no love for him . Just don't

33:09

hate him . What

33:23

is your character ? How do you characterize

33:26

your relationship

33:29

with your mom ? When

33:33

we were living , I think my

33:37

mom was hard on me more

33:40

than the rest of the kids and

33:42

I used to think that just because I was a

33:45

little more , I guess badder than

33:47

know they were . But as I grew

33:50

older , this

33:54

sounds unbelievable , but I

33:57

think there was some type of hate

33:59

that my mom had for

34:01

me Because of your father

34:03

. Yes , I

34:07

can't explain it , it was just a feeling

34:09

and it's just

34:11

some things that were done

34:14

to me by her in my adult

34:16

life that made me come

34:19

to this conclusion Before

34:23

she passed . Were y'all on

34:25

good terms ? I

34:30

would say we were on speaking terms

34:32

. I was casual . I

34:34

loved it then and I loved it now , but

34:36

there were some things that

34:38

were done to me that

34:42

it

34:45

hurts to know that those

34:47

things took place and your mama was

34:49

a part of it . What

34:54

hurt more ? What hurt

34:56

more ? What

34:59

would hurt more ? No , the

35:01

stuff that happened with grandma

35:05

or uncle , and

35:08

why ? What would hurt more ? What

35:11

hurts more ? Now , like

35:13

, what hurts you more ? If

35:16

you said you were wronged by grandma

35:19

and you were wronged by uncle , what dug

35:22

deeper more to you ? I

35:32

would say my mom , because

35:38

as a mother to me

35:40

, I'm not a mother , but

35:48

to be a mother or father shouldn't

35:51

share in no conflict with

35:53

siblings . Look like you will be neutral

35:56

, or , if you're not neutral

35:58

, you'll find some kind of way to dissolve

36:00

the situation . I

36:03

don't think you should be a participant in

36:05

something like that . So

36:09

that really got to me . Did

36:12

you always feel like this ? What about

36:14

my mom ? Like you were treated differently

36:17

? Yes , from

36:20

when you get

36:22

to an age when you could start thinking

36:24

as

36:26

a child , you remember

36:29

things . You remember things as

36:31

you get older that

36:34

you didn't understand why

36:36

this was happening . You knew something

36:38

wasn't right . But

36:41

as you grow older you start connecting

36:44

the dots and

36:46

now I've connected a lot of dots in

36:48

the last couple years Without

36:53

name and names . Is there any

36:55

way to

36:57

reconcile the rest of

36:59

your siblings , me

37:03

and my brother Russell ? He's great

37:06

terms . I love him and I really think he

37:08

loves me . I'm

37:12

67 years old . I'm

37:15

happy , you're happy . I'm

37:17

happy . You

37:21

think that would add stress . That's

37:24

the point . Why

37:27

take a chance ? Got you

37:29

. When

37:31

everything is going so good , why

37:33

take a chance to

37:35

go back into that situation ? And

37:40

you got it going on like this . Leave

37:42

it alone . It ain't hurting me , it

37:45

ain't hurting my wife . Then

37:51

it's stress free and

37:56

I don't know this . With

38:00

grandma , with uncle ? Is

38:02

there anything with uncle

38:05

Chris ? Where

38:08

Is there anything that you had

38:11

Were you ? Did

38:14

you do anything ? See

38:16

, that's another good . I'm glad you asked

38:18

me that question . I

38:20

don't know I

38:22

can sit up here and lie to you and

38:24

say I did

38:27

something I didn't do nothing to

38:29

know about it . That's the bad

38:31

thing about it . All I knew how to do

38:33

was help people . That's

38:36

all I know how to do . It

38:40

took my wife to let me know some

38:42

of the things my mom was doing behind my back

38:44

. My partner , clarence

38:47

he's dead he told me some of the things

38:49

my mom and Chris was doing behind my back

38:51

. You

38:54

can't do nothing about it , so

38:56

you just go with it . It

38:58

comes up every night and I think about

39:01

it because you

39:03

could see somebody

39:05

really doing you something if you know

39:07

you did them something . When you know

39:10

all you did was help your

39:15

uncle Chris when they got , the job

39:17

in Streetport was for me

39:19

. He was an Arizona . I

39:21

told him about the job . Then

39:25

I went to talk to the people for him to put

39:27

a good word in for him . He didn't know nothing about

39:29

that . I could have kept that a

39:32

secret for 10 years he's

39:34

still been an Air Force . But

39:36

I told him about the job and

39:38

got him to Streetport . When

39:42

he came there he had a house . He lived with me

39:44

, me and your mom . He

39:47

got his place . Then that

39:49

was after he divorced . I lived

39:52

by myself . We moved

39:54

out of the coast

39:56

sign for calls . It's

39:59

nothing I did to him

40:02

, if

40:04

I had something to admit what I did to him

40:07

or my mom , I would tell you I just

40:09

didn't do nobody , nothing . I

40:12

can tell you . I

40:14

mean you're

40:18

not an expressive person , I

40:22

agree with that . Like

40:26

I said at the start , I don't know , but

40:29

I can tell that that hurts , like

40:31

you said , because I've never

40:34

really seen . I mean I

40:37

think I've seen you emotional maybe

40:40

two or three times . If you go on

40:42

your whole life thinking

40:45

one way , having feelings

40:48

a certain way about a person

40:51

, and then you find out that's not the real deal

40:53

, that hurts . It hurts . No

40:55

matter who you are , no matter

40:57

what you who you are , how tough you are how

40:59

mentally , whatever . It ain't no situation

41:01

where you sit down and cry but it

41:04

hurts and what it does , it

41:07

makes you hold

41:11

back from caring and

41:13

helping other people Because

41:15

you figure that , hey , man

41:17

, you did this before and you got screwed

41:19

and you go here and don't help somebody

41:21

else care about them . It

41:24

makes you be on guard about who you care

41:26

for after that . Okay

41:29

, I'm going to ask you something and

41:32

you don't have to answer it . I

41:35

don't know if we've

41:38

. I can't remember

41:40

if we spoke about this . How

41:45

did you feel and again you can

41:47

decline when

41:49

Barry changed his name ? When

41:52

Barry changed his name , that

41:57

hurt me to the core , to the

41:59

core . I

42:02

could have been a dog as

42:05

a man and

42:09

not

42:12

even I could have

42:14

told your mom hey , look , we

42:16

might be together and I ain't raising no kid . I

42:18

could have did that . I

42:23

could have left

42:26

him being the name he

42:28

was in high school and let him keep

42:31

going through all the things

42:33

that he went through . But

42:36

I raised another man's kid

42:38

and what hurts me the most

42:40

was

42:44

that my plan . I

42:50

put all my time in

42:52

the barrel all them years

42:55

. Another

42:57

man wanted to put all that time

42:59

in another man's child and

43:04

my plan was okay , I'm

43:06

going to get him straight , get

43:09

him out of school Now . I could

43:11

put all my time into you

43:14

and

43:17

for him to change his name

43:19

, knowing that

43:23

if

43:26

he has any success because

43:29

of the man I made him out of

43:31

and for him to change

43:34

his name from mine it

43:38

felt like he

43:41

felt like a

43:43

piece of shit . And not only that

43:45

. His daddy was

43:48

dead and

43:50

I don't want to get into detail . I

43:52

know the things his daddy done

43:54

to that family

43:57

, pried him down . So

44:01

it hurt me . I got over it and

44:08

I don't wish that I wouldn't have did what I did

44:10

by raising him . It's

44:13

just that he got to live with himself

44:15

. Is

44:19

there anything and I just

44:21

thought of this right now is

44:25

there anything that I've

44:27

ever done to

44:30

hurt you ? You

44:33

upset me , but I

44:36

was really upset when I

44:38

mentioned the name . When you was going through the divorce

44:41

, I was trying to tell

44:43

you things to do to get

44:45

yourself together and one

44:47

of the things you know leaving your kids . You got

44:49

upset and called me a name , but I got

44:52

over that . I knew what you were going through

44:54

. I thought about it . I knew what you were going through

44:56

and I knew

44:58

you as I saw more

45:02

than you could see at the time by

45:04

me being there . Knowing people being there

45:07

, I said , well , as time

45:09

goes on , he going to see what I'm talking about

45:11

and he can't do what he want to do at this

45:13

time . You was really confused and going

45:16

through divorce does that . But

45:18

other than that , I know what you were going

45:20

through . You been there . Yeah , I been there . I

45:22

had brought up divorce . My mom used

45:25

to call me up and say , uh , dad , what you doing

45:27

? I said nothing Because

45:33

you go stop Jero from killing himself

45:35

once a week from divorce

45:37

. I know what people go through , what Um . What , what

45:39

, what what . What

45:41

, what , what , what , what , what , what . I

45:47

think he okay . What's

45:49

the thing that brings what's the most

45:51

happiest time ever ? What

45:54

life ? Life , yeah . Right

45:57

now , being married

45:59

, having my house

46:02

, I

46:04

lost Barry as a son , but I gained another

46:07

son from Terrell , her son . I

46:10

always wanted a family and I

46:12

got it . I knew your situation

46:15

. You come in town . I'm happy , we

46:17

got somewhere to call , we got somewhere to go

46:19

. You can't from

46:21

the moon Other than I wish I had a little better help

46:23

but I ain't got no complaint . What's

46:27

, uh , what

46:32

was like the worst time , worst

46:35

time For me I'ma

46:40

go with when they refused

46:43

to let give me a job . They

46:45

got me back . They

46:49

really stuck it to me . What

46:54

, um , is

47:00

there any ? If you had

47:02

words

47:06

, would you ever have ? Is there

47:10

anything you would like to express to Uncle

47:13

? To Uncle Chris ? Yeah , no

47:17

, no , no . If

47:23

, when a person know , you

47:26

know what a person did and he knows , and

47:28

I ain't nothing to say , is

47:32

there anything you would like if

47:35

you could say to your

47:37

father , my dad

47:39

, yeah , I'm

47:41

not upset with my , my dad . What

47:44

had happened was whatever

47:47

happened to him . I

47:49

don't want to get into no detail . My

47:51

mom are believing all that voodoo stuff , what people

47:53

did , but

47:56

anyway , I was hoping that

47:59

when I got myself straight

48:01

as far as finance

48:03

and living me , if

48:07

my dad was still living , I would go . I would

48:09

have helped my dad Really

48:12

All I . He

48:14

didn't live with us , but

48:17

, uh

48:20

, I

48:23

didn't . I don't want to call him doing me anything

48:25

wrong other than not living

48:27

with us and I just didn't have nothing to cancel

48:29

. If I was , my

48:32

dad was living the day , I'd be trying to help

48:34

him as best I can and

48:37

he made me proud , even

48:40

whatever was wrong with him . I walked down the street

48:42

, that big ground that made my

48:44

church go up back down . So

48:48

he did something good when

48:50

he was straight to me because

48:52

, I got a lot of respect from being

48:54

his son , from elderly people , really

48:56

From because of

48:58

him . Yes , gotcha , that big ground

49:00

, just like it , for I used to like that . Who

49:05

was your relationship like with your grandmother

49:07

? My grandmother was

49:09

my best friend . I love

49:11

my grandmother . What was her

49:13

name , henrietta ? And

49:15

see what we did . We had one television

49:18

and my grandmother got

49:20

to watch what she wanted but she was hard

49:22

of hearing . So we'll

49:24

she'll be looking at a program

49:27

and at a chair sitting next to the bed

49:29

and she

49:31

could see the people laughing like uh , beverly

49:34

Hills Village on , or something like that , and

49:37

I tell them what they said and then she break

49:39

out laughing . I'm talking out here . So anytime

49:41

she looking at TV I go sit

49:43

next to her and tell

49:46

her . And one time

49:48

she told me she

49:51

said come here , they

49:55

think I can't hear them , but them people don't

49:57

like you . I'm talking about my mom right

49:59

now , see that . And

50:02

I tell you another thing . I

50:06

went to Air Force , did a basic training

50:08

, came home my grandma was

50:10

doing bad . I

50:13

came home and ate it . I

50:15

came home and ate it . I

50:18

did a basic training . I came home , my

50:20

grandmother was doing bad and

50:26

she said and I figured

50:28

I never was going to see her again . And

50:31

she said

50:33

I ain't doing too good , but I'm a

50:35

whole lot to that baby . Come here talking

50:37

about you . And

50:39

after he was born I don't lost

50:41

the picture , but I got a picture with you and

50:44

she holding you . She

50:46

was 94 , holding you and

50:49

then I left

50:52

back to go back to Air Force . I

50:54

was just home on leave and they called me and

50:56

told me she died . But that was my problem

50:59

. I

51:01

had two dimes she left me and

51:03

I lost them in the hurricane . I got a nickel

51:05

still wrapped up

51:08

in a piece of paper . She gave me a 1965

51:11

for my birthday , but it's

51:14

still in the same little piece of paper . That

51:17

was dope . Yeah

51:19

, anything

51:21

, we didn't cover that

51:24

. I don't know . We talked about Chris

51:26

, that I wanted to tell you that I

51:28

got a barrier out of

51:30

everything and

51:33

this one , okay . I got a question

51:35

and

51:39

again I don't know the answer , I don't

51:41

know really

51:44

the end result of why

51:46

. When y'all

51:48

broke up me and my mom , you

51:50

and my mom , was there anything

51:52

that you could have done to

51:55

save it ? No , if

51:59

you remember your

52:04

little friends you had met

52:06

they

52:08

were big in the weeds and drugs . Once

52:12

your mom made that connection

52:14

with them and

52:17

had

52:20

more plentiful I

52:22

don't know what you would call it had more access

52:25

to drugs by meeting them people , she

52:28

would have never stopped . I

52:32

lost y'all . I lost my house , I

52:34

lost my Lincoln , I lost my truck

52:36

, I lost my Dolmets . You was

52:38

not smoking weed in my house

52:41

, and that's how I was . I lose

52:43

everything before I let you do that . And

52:46

I met that . It wasn't no , I met that Because of the military

52:48

. Because

52:57

of the military , I

53:00

wasn't allowed to play with the . No

53:03

Got you no . I'll

53:06

tell you one story , though . I

53:11

was about to get out of

53:14

the military and

53:16

I went by a guy house . I

53:21

had six months to go . I

53:25

went by this guy house I

53:28

shouldn't be telling you this and

53:31

there was smoking weed . I was drinking

53:33

and

53:38

I said

53:40

, shit , why not , I'm getting out . I took my

53:42

little two parts . I

53:46

was on a weekend . That

53:50

Monday I went to work and

53:56

the supervisor said Zee

53:59

and his other guy , t , y'all

54:01

need to go take a drug test . I said drug

54:03

test . Mine is smoking weed

54:05

in my life . That little hit . I said I'll be goddamn . Joe

54:11

was a goddamn rat to myself

54:13

. So I

54:19

went down there take the drug

54:21

test and a

54:24

dude

54:26

come out Big brown , you

54:29

ain't got a driver's license , you

54:31

ain't got an ID , that ain't going to let you take it

54:33

. So

54:36

I

54:38

went home and

54:42

then I said I don't know

54:44

. And then the supervisor

54:46

called and told

54:48

your mom telling me if he

54:50

ain't by the hospital

54:52

at such and such a time . We're going to send an SP

54:55

to that . And

54:59

I said all the time , if you got

55:01

me . I

55:06

took a glass , pour

55:09

some coke in there , fill

55:12

it up with bleach , drank

55:15

that got

55:18

in the car , made

55:22

it to the corner , hit brakes , threw

55:24

up our stuff , got

55:26

that car , got

55:30

in the truck , went to take the drug

55:32

test and passed it . So

55:44

for clarity , I

55:48

said I died before I give up four

55:50

years of my life

55:52

, I done put in this shit . So

55:55

it actually went down in your stomach . I

55:57

drank a glass of bleach or

55:59

coke . Come

56:07

to work that money super far . They

56:09

know , joe Ratte , he was a

56:11

rat . Yeah , the super . What

56:13

you doing there , brown ? I said what I

56:15

got work here , because

56:28

if you get caught everything out

56:30

of this , just sign with this

56:33

job . And

56:40

he was so happy he could have stabbed my ass . That's

56:42

super right . See

56:45

what you doing there . Does that work here , man

56:47

? He

56:50

wanted to say Joe , saw

56:52

your dude . Oh

56:56

man , that's

57:03

out of my story . Well

57:06

, I just I mean , okay

57:09

, that was a good way to end it . I

57:13

want to say thank you and

57:16

I want to say , if

57:20

I haven't , I

57:22

appreciate the

57:25

way that you . I

57:27

appreciate . I'm glad I'm your son , like

57:30

I appreciate the way you raised me . I

57:32

appreciate everything that you instilled in me

57:34

. I

57:36

know we had ups and downs and rocky

57:39

moments , but I'm

57:41

proud that I'm

57:43

your son and you raised me

57:45

. Everything

57:48

that I have now is

57:51

because of you and what you did , what

57:53

you sacrificed and

57:56

from you . To come from

57:58

where you

58:00

come from to

58:02

where you are now and to

58:04

raise us is like mind

58:07

blowing to me and

58:10

I just say I appreciate it and I love

58:12

you . You're welcome , I love

58:14

you and I'm very proud of you . Thank

58:17

you , enjoy the conversation . Yeah

58:19

, say what

58:21

I'm , thank you . My

58:26

life remind

58:28

me of . I like music and

58:31

my man was Frank Sinatra and

58:33

I always remember his

58:35

song was I did it my way . Yeah , and

58:38

I'm proud to did it my way . That's

58:42

it . Well , that's

58:44

another episode of Life in Times

58:46

with Tub City with my father

58:49

. Daddy is Brown Sr

58:51

, I'm Daddy's Brown Jr

58:53

and thank

58:55

you , we are .

59:26

Visit my pin pluscom

59:28

today for more information . All

59:43

right , thank

59:58

you .