0:01

Fill her up! Please,

0:32

in a sense, Welcome

0:35

to the Christ! Jay

0:44

really wanted to wear that Gens jersey, dude. He wanted

0:46

to wear that Gens jersey so bad. He was really

0:48

upset about having to take that off. I feel like

0:50

I shouldn't have mentioned it, and

0:52

I should have just taken the fall when he was

0:54

a floating head. Alex, Alex. Well, of hindsight,

0:56

it was Lemon Drops and Gumdrops to be our pair of old

0:58

pairs, lady. Alex. I don't even want Alex.

1:00

And I mean this, Alex. I'm not talking to you for a full month.

1:02

It's a whole fucking, a whole bunch. I

1:05

don't like what you're wearing today. It's also not completely

1:07

see-through. It looks like he's a ghost. It looks fun!

1:09

It's totally fine. It's totally fine. It's not. He

1:12

looks like he's disappearing. He's like, feeling like he's playing guitar. Back

1:15

to the future. You look like, uh, you look like Ghost

1:17

Dad. You look like Ghost Dad. You look like Ghost Dad. You

1:19

look like Ghost Dad. You look like Ghost Dad. You look like

1:21

Ghost Dad. I'm

1:59

not talking to you. We can

2:01

just start fresh now. I'm a Hollywood

2:03

two-buck. What are you talking about? We

2:05

feel better now. I feel great.

2:07

Tension was at an all-time high. It started with Jay and

2:09

God damn. By the way, the tension was at an all-time

2:11

high. We've been way more tense on this show. Are you

2:14

kidding? It's a legion of cake. That's

2:16

fair. There's been tension in the past. Well, this

2:18

is the last... Dave almost left America. He almost made a vow to

2:20

leave America. I would never leave America. Hell yeah. But

2:23

America left me. Tell us about it. Tell us how

2:25

you feel about it. Crazy Week. Another dead comic. Was

2:27

there? Yeah. Oh yeah, Neil

2:29

Manda. Do I know him? I didn't know

2:32

him. I feel like I met him. Were you in the order...

2:34

Somebody said you were in an article about him. I was. I

2:36

was. They said you killed Neil Manda. No, but it is one

2:38

of my favorite things. Josh Edemeyers came into the thing and he had... He goes, I got

2:40

a weird text with this guy. And then I mean... And now I'm like,

2:42

I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm

2:44

not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not

2:46

gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna

2:49

do it. I'm not gonna do it. I

2:52

got a weird text with this guy. And then I mean...

2:55

An hour later they were like, this guy jumped off a roof.

2:57

He was like, you're definitely Josh to

2:59

chat or something like that? No. Josh

3:01

wasn't there for him? Josh wasn't there. Wait

3:04

a minute. Oh my God. I mean this,

3:06

if the last person I spoke to was Josh Edemeyers...

3:08

I'm gonna kill myself. I mean, I was

3:10

like, well now I have to kill myself. He was probably perfectly fine before that

3:12

phone call. He didn't get ahold of Josh.

3:14

He's like, Josh wouldn't pick up? Fucking

3:16

Josh wouldn't pick up? All

3:19

the way to the top. All the way to the

3:21

top. Josh was doing vocal exercises and declined it. You

3:24

didn't even have to worry about that, buddy. You didn't

3:26

even have to worry about what he

3:28

says. He ain't got time right now, dude. Yeah, I

3:30

love that idea. They're like, listen, if you're going through

3:32

something tough, please reach out. I

3:34

keep reaching out. They all reach out.

3:36

No one answers. Well,

3:38

that's the thing that everyone says. It's

3:40

like... Don't for me... Guys,

3:43

like... You

3:46

two, maybe Ari. If you're going through

3:48

some shit, you could reach out. Maybe. I

3:50

mean... I got a

3:52

lot going on. But I'm not just saying, like, you

3:54

see these fucking fags on Google and Twitter, on Instagram.

3:56

Dude, if you're going through anything, dude, just fuck. reach

4:00

out to me I'll be like no I

4:02

don't want to talk to some depressed ass

4:04

fucking comics dude I'm trying to feel better

4:06

about myself I've messaged back with like

4:09

fans who have reached out oh really but like

4:11

you know her COVID proved it if Lev

4:17

if you called me to talk for me to talk

4:19

you off a ledge I'd do it but I go like

4:27

if you just sit there the

4:29

left the ledge will break fucking

4:32

crazy dude I'm really

4:35

comfortable and I'm like oh fuck me cuz I

4:37

like you but it would really bum me out

4:39

but I would have to spend my afternoon you

4:42

like you're like I'll do it but like seriously

4:44

there was no one closer to you who you

4:46

could have called like yeah sorry

4:48

I'm late I had to stop Lev

4:50

Fuhr why

4:53

you must have been really down to it

4:55

recall me I think there's a comic thing like

5:06

you're get me off alleged still a networking call

5:08

I gotta call up you know whatever

5:13

goes do you know what I was gonna do

5:16

it and then this open miker yeah it's always

5:18

someone you don't know it's like you know Louis

5:20

CK it's like really got me through a dark

5:22

time he did it's like oh you got like

5:25

the uncomfortable conversation like have

5:27

you ever have you ever talked somebody off

5:29

like a suicide ledge has anybody ever I don't

5:32

think anyone's I don't think I've ever had a friend

5:34

who's reached out to me because like he needed help I've

5:37

reached out to several friends because I'm

5:39

like you need help like fucking really

5:42

every third week so who was it what happened

5:44

this guy killed himself yeah

5:48

killed himself how do you know

5:50

and inside yeah in his

5:52

letter he wrote like an email like to

5:54

somebody got in a fight with them like

5:56

two nights before oh no he said that

5:59

the check now No, no, he said to

6:01

another dude, he said the first... I feel you anytime.

6:03

Kenny's death was like a big thing fucking him up.

6:05

Like it was in his head. Oh, yeah. Because these

6:07

things happen in threes. If somebody dies, somebody else kills

6:09

themselves. No. You could just point

6:11

the product... People say that things happen in threes.

6:13

No, if you're just looking for the three things,

6:15

you'll find them. That's what it is. I

6:18

think somebody in this room is gonna kill themselves. No, because they also

6:20

have... But it is funny when they have the threes, like the

6:22

third one's always like a... You know what I mean? Yeah.

6:24

It's like two biggies, and then it's just like someone doesn't

6:27

give a shit. And then rotten fruit at the grocery aisle.

6:29

No, the other guy we got was

6:32

Kenny DeForest. DeForest. Yeah, it was like

6:34

Tupac, Biggie, and MC Snow. Yeah, yeah,

6:36

yeah, exactly. Boom, got it. Tupac,

6:40

Biggie, and Eric B. What?

6:42

B and Rock him. I didn't know Kenny well,

6:44

but I knew him. He used to be like a

6:46

pre-eagle all the time. Yeah, I didn't... I

6:49

thought Karen Fian was like close friends with him, so I texted him,

6:51

I'd be like, oh shit, I'm sorry, I bet you're French. She was

6:54

like, I wasn't that close to him. I was like, I guess

6:56

I'm a... You're the only fucking guy 10 times. That's

6:58

the problem. Finding out about

7:00

the Neil Kidd in the

7:02

Stan Green Room, though, is where I heard about it, is like

7:05

there is people there who care, and you gotta be

7:07

like, mm-hmm. And

7:09

then he goes, dude, he was the greatest guy. I go, okay.

7:12

And someone's like, yeah, he was going nuts. He

7:16

was one of the funniest comics ever. I was like, was he? Because I

7:18

never heard of him. You can't hold it. If

7:20

he was one of the funniest comics ever, I think I

7:22

might have heard of him. If one of our best and

7:24

brightest went down, slow down. I

7:26

mean, I'm not saying he's not a funny guy or whatever, but

7:29

I feel like he's a little more out there

7:31

than he is. Well, he left

7:33

a note the last... He couldn't have held a memorial at

7:35

a bar. I mean, he didn't make page six, let alone

7:38

page one. Dude,

7:41

his suicide note wasn't funny. I'll tell you that much. When

7:44

he took the last straw, he actually didn't wear green on a podcast.

7:46

He was so embarrassed. And

7:48

then he just disappeared. He

7:50

was... Basically, he showed up to the Stan. I don't know how

7:53

much of this I should be airing now, but he showed up

7:55

to the Stan. He had like a kind of a manic episode

7:57

there. Yeah, he showed up on jail. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you didn't

7:59

even... New York guy no he just moved

8:01

here what do you say to Joe person Jews are

8:03

better than Syrian Jews Yeah, you like pulled up sighs

8:05

like here's how shit's gonna be I'm gonna start working

8:08

here So clearly he was like going he was like

8:10

yeah my career and shit like like not Joe Joe

8:12

is no say That's what's the

8:14

funniest thing is but I think wait you're something more

8:16

say what's my dad? I think I guess he like

8:18

wrote another like letter to Joe again be

8:21

like alright. Sorry about that Fuck

8:23

the stand though. Yeah Tonight what's the funniest

8:26

suicide note have there been any good

8:28

ones? I don't know I thought

8:30

a great book would be a book of suicide. That's it

8:32

notes would be really famous. It was I know Yeah, that'd

8:34

be dark in the end you write your own They're

8:39

all writers in comics they kind

8:41

of gone out with the Richard jenny, maybe maybe I

8:43

think we are in that mindset You're not trying to

8:45

be hilarious. I think You're

8:48

literally trying to Hey

8:56

Tracy it was you Yeah,

8:59

it was Lee you I would I would write

9:01

like eight different suicide notes specifically pointing at different

9:03

people saying it was them Yeah,

9:06

you'll spread it. He finally made a splash in New

9:08

York. Oh That's

9:10

actually You

9:22

ever feel suicidal That

9:27

joke single-handedly brought Jay out of his

9:30

hoodie slump Shit

9:36

dude well look we I hope you guys had a

9:38

great Christmas or last show of the year I'm

9:40

fucking so wearing my Christmas outfit from last night. I

9:42

decided to not even change nice,

9:45

yeah, so just as those

9:47

guys from the Last Supper Dude

9:50

that just dawned on me that the kid killed himself

9:52

two days for Christmas who yeah,

9:54

even people celebrate Christmas No,

9:57

they celebrated in different time. Yeah, two

9:59

days before Santa Claus is

10:01

like an elephant with eight arms. How does it work? He

10:04

brings so many presents. You bring so many presents.

10:07

Gini Shikla. Gini Shikla. Do

10:09

they believe in Christmas? Indians? I don't think they do the gifts

10:11

because then there's a lot of Indians getting it. If they're like

10:13

Hindu, I guess not. Hold on. Lev is

10:15

on a fucking fire today and we need to point it

10:17

out. Lev is fucking crossing. I'm

10:20

already practicing. Dude, you've got so much to live

10:22

for. Believe in yourself. I believe in

10:24

you, dude. And the world's going to see

10:26

it. You can't burn that light out.

10:28

You've got to let it shine. Come on,

10:30

man. Remember last gangster? You're on fire. You're

10:33

on fire. That's you. You're that guy. He

10:35

was in class, instant class again. I'm going

10:37

to kill you though. The

10:41

way that they talk about comedians, you

10:43

would think that comedians kill

10:45

themselves all the time. It doesn't happen that

10:47

often. It happens once a year. There's a

10:49

lot of comics. They talk about comedians like

10:51

we would kill ourselves if we waited for

10:53

a truly or a beer for 20 minutes.

10:55

I didn't get it. What do you think?

10:57

You get him a fucking beer. Can any

10:59

of our productions do anything live? When we're

11:01

live, do your brains melt down your fucking

11:03

head? I need something to drink also. Yeah,

11:06

obviously he's been saying it's water. When

11:08

we're live, they're perfect. They're perfect when

11:10

we're not live. It's crazy. Oh my

11:12

God. I know what's going on here. Lewis

11:14

set up this live episode just to tank it.

11:17

No. I'm

11:19

not even close. Look at this. I'm

11:22

not even dressed. He's spinning out reality. That

11:25

doesn't make sense. Chase fading away.

11:30

My microphone hasn't been on this whole time. Lewis

11:33

just isn't talking. All

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sports made easy. Or as get back

14:20

into it. What do you think there's

14:23

more? Do think there's more who is blount

14:25

being on us sides? Crazy. This therefore may

14:27

be Neil. Dose of

14:29

know manda try to get into their

14:31

more like violent. Like

14:34

crime. Comics or Suicide

14:36

Com and I'm in love with

14:38

was violent crime. Way. What are

14:40

we concerned about? Across a crime like exclusively

14:42

from Patrick working in the prison inviting them

14:45

or hundred percent of the bit of criminals

14:47

that have made their way into the comedy

14:49

community? His critics one of em, sonic i'm

14:51

at random and disappeared yeah it's crane often

14:53

to the night. I. Actually had nothing

14:55

about that. ah anything is unproven until he

14:58

has a Photos are not as is no

15:00

harm and of your other well love. We

15:02

got the guy who killed his mommy's commercial

15:04

who's good has a good. he has admitted

15:06

want we don't we don't get enough I'm

15:09

an ex. Cons: Yeah, none of

15:11

like I was like. the violent

15:13

types are really podcast fans, right?

15:16

It's title to a long on a

15:18

conversation up and them economic stabbing. Not.

15:20

The fans are that guy that a piano comic.

15:22

You're right because how can our killed his. Most

15:25

one beer for them to split nine or one

15:27

of my views on when I p a Dirty

15:29

Henry your beer. something

15:32

a truism that truly be ground as

15:34

a result of merely was get it

15:36

is try oh yes i'm a i'm

15:38

and divorce haven't you can walk as

15:40

if any of and no turning it

15:42

off i confessed and the weather outside

15:44

is frightful fireside unlikely know the fire

15:46

in this murky basement we decide to

15:48

be here for did his fucking definitely

15:50

especially as and most visible there's you

15:52

in this room really out for sure

15:54

i'm there's the guy vince are soft

15:56

vince champs is the guy attempt rapists

15:58

onto the rapists multiple college to

16:00

college you know about that guy yeah I remember

16:02

that was a big story didn't rape became a

16:05

thing there was like right around the when Trump

16:07

was running rape became a thing where

16:09

they're like all comics are just out yeah rape the

16:11

comedy scene really cared about rape for a couple years

16:13

there and then they moved on yeah thank God but

16:15

I don't think people are raping do you think people

16:17

are raping less cuz everyone was on door or sense

16:22

you think you've ever under a sentence just

16:24

to realize like I think it's men oh

16:27

fuck it down I mean there's

16:29

definitely there's gotta be there's so many accusations

16:32

in comedy for dinner but I'm talking about

16:34

like conviction like this thing you know I

16:36

haven't raped anybody it's because if I had

16:38

raped somebody at the very least I would

16:40

have been accused at this point I'm not

16:42

you're also a great threatner how come you

16:45

know that's true how come you're reading these

16:47

words off a teleprompter did

16:49

you plan out this segment was just

16:52

a written on my forehead does not

16:54

make moves like that but

16:58

I think probably more how

17:00

many suicide ones Richard Jenny Jenny Brody did Richard

17:03

Jenny did it on Nanda not in the least

17:05

hilarious way by shooting himself and not finishing

17:07

the job right now what he died a hospital

17:09

days later I don't know days but like definitely

17:11

like he was like a lot of my biggest

17:14

fears in the world on the fucking head

17:16

I'm gonna show like my frontal lobe off and

17:18

I'm gonna not know how to talk and I

17:20

feel it yeah what

17:35

kind of gun I mean if you're gonna shoot yourself

17:37

if you do the in the mouth or next I

17:39

thought it would be a large caliber gun yeah just

17:42

like what could fucking not kill you like shoot it's

17:44

crazy I almost feel like any caliber gun if you

17:46

just did it in the mouth

17:48

it would go the problem is

17:50

you can't do it like this cuz you're

17:52

gonna right here's the back of my throat

17:55

out the back of my neck that's not

17:57

even a one year of a hospital You

18:01

do that when you fix that at home with a

18:03

fucking bandaid. You just clean up the cum on the

18:05

wall behind you. You thought my mouth was perfectly open.

18:07

All he got was my back neck. No, you have to

18:10

point it, I guess. Or point it. You

18:12

want the flat out of it? Look, dude, look. You want

18:14

the line to go here. You

18:16

think a 22 would for sure kill you through the brain

18:18

like that? I'm not enough of

18:20

a man to really understand. I think a 22... Like point

18:22

blank range like that, I think. Yeah, otherwise what's the point

18:24

of having a gun if it can't kill you while it's

18:26

in your mouth? Dude, what am I fucking Wolverine? Yes, a

18:28

22 can kill you through the head with it, dude. I've

18:31

heard that what we do is like don't always be

18:33

like fully pedagogy. Dude,

18:35

if you shoot somebody in the head with a 22

18:38

in the head, it's totally blank range.

18:40

Otherwise, it's not even a gun. It's

18:43

just a screenshot. It's

18:45

like a rubber band. I'm not a screenshot. It

18:49

just embeds in your head a little bit. What a 22 in the

18:51

arm might stay in your arm. No,

18:53

I don't think it would blast through your arm. It would stay in

18:55

your arm probably. Why even have it? You've got to be so fucking

18:57

close to it. You're saying I guess it wouldn't break your skull. Is

18:59

that Alex? Look that up. What a 22. We

19:02

have interviews. Look at funniest suicide notes. Look up 22.

19:05

What else are you supposed to look up? I bet

19:07

you people have survived a 22 to the head. That's

19:09

the most survivable. Let's go through what you were saying though.

19:13

Brody. Fuck it. Brody.

19:15

Richard Jenny. Robin Williams. Neil Nanda. Robin

19:18

Williams. Jay, if he didn't get his

19:20

jersey back on. Patrice

19:23

O'Neil butterfingers all to death.

19:27

Can't count that. 22

19:30

could penetrate several inches of wood depending

19:33

on the wood type. Who's

19:35

head afraid of wood, Alex? He could

19:37

help easily. You should get to it if you're going to get

19:39

to it. Why even say the first place?

19:41

Penetrate a human skull unless it hits at a

19:43

glancing angle. Wait, say that again? It could

19:46

easily penetrate a human skull unless it hits at

19:48

a glancing angle. Easily penetrate. So if you point it

19:50

right at it, it's going to... Wait, sorry. Can you

19:52

look up a list of comics? You can

19:54

take off safety search and you can look up videos of 22

19:57

deaths to the temple. Jay's

20:00

first. Who

20:05

else killed himself? Who else killed himself? Yeah, I

20:07

bet there's a bunch. Do we count like a

20:09

Petri who like just ate himself to death at

20:12

40? No. Is that not as form of suicide?

20:14

No. But

20:16

I don't think he can actually be counted

20:18

as a suicide. If you're counting that, there's

20:20

also Ramsey Moore, there's Ralphie May essentially did

20:22

the... Chompinette. Chompinette tracked himself

20:24

to death. Chompinette Ramsey, she

20:27

raped herself to death. Rob

20:29

Williams. Freddie Pray

20:31

killed himself? Yeah, he killed himself. Anybody

20:34

hang themselves? Yeah, Rob

20:36

Williams. Charles Rocket doesn't count. Open miker. Ooh,

20:39

he slit his throat. That's crazy. He slit

20:41

his own throat? Where did he go on?

20:43

I'll give him pro status for

20:45

that badass way to go out. That's pretty

20:47

good. Where did he go up? Where was

20:49

his fucking... Who was he? He was

20:51

from Maine and he has credits and

20:53

dances with wolves, thumb and dumber, hocus

20:55

pocus. You look like a comedic actor. They always

20:58

broaden the list. Oh, oh, oh. Oh,

21:00

Jack Knight. Where did that guy come from? Jack Knight

21:02

killed himself. That's right, Jack Knight killed himself. Was that

21:05

Walt Disney? Oh yeah, the guy

21:07

from Family Feud. He's not a comedian. No, he

21:09

was actually. Oh yeah, I think he was. His

21:11

son. Richard Jennings, nice. Andrew...

21:16

That's Boner. Oh, he was in

21:18

growing pain. That's Boner. Boner killed

21:21

himself? Yeah. He hung himself in

21:23

2001. He washed up on shore. I thought

21:25

he washed up on shore. He was well hung. Boner.

21:28

Oh, not bad. No idea.

21:30

British guy, no loss.

21:32

Disney. Oh yeah, the guy from

21:35

Family Feud. He's not a comedian. No, he was

21:37

actually. Oh yeah, I think he was. His son.

21:39

Richard Jennings, nice. Andrew...

21:43

That's Boner. Oh, No

22:00

loss. No loss. But... Who?

22:04

Min Min Jay? You don't even have a picture. Oh

22:07

shit. Yeah, that's my crazy mouth. How would you kill yourself

22:09

Ari? How would you kill yourself? That's a good question. I

22:11

mean, it's all you haven't thought about it. Drying yourself into

22:13

wishing well? No, you wouldn't do it. Roof has always been how I envisioned it.

22:17

Really? Roof? That is a good

22:19

question. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that.

22:21

I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that.

22:23

I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that.

22:27

Really? Roof? That

22:29

is... Hanging in the car. To

22:32

me, I need zero time

22:35

thinking about it at all. Run John. And that

22:37

fall is enough time to feel like

22:39

excruciating. No, that fall is going to be fun.

22:41

You're going to be... It's the last fun, the

22:43

little ride. Yeah, the last fun. You're like, woo!

22:46

Unless you start regretting it right after you. Which

22:48

is what they say happens. They say everyone has

22:50

survived. They say that to make everyone else feel

22:52

better. They were like, we're leavin' time. How

22:55

do they know you regret it when they die? What reports are

22:57

there? That's a clear and made up story. What

22:59

is true, they never talked to the people who

23:01

died. You would never jump up. Maybe those guys

23:03

all were like, yeah, the guys who survived suddenly...

23:05

That's why they didn't actually get the job done.

23:08

Yeah, they're going like, yeah, it turns out that was a

23:10

really bad idea. I survived and broke every

23:12

bone in my body. Now I feel way

23:14

worse. You should

23:16

just do it head first, you idiot. My

23:19

problem is like, how do you do it? I could

23:21

never. I think I would drop my

23:23

thought. I think it's a high over the thing.

23:25

Is it strong enough? I don't even know. It's

23:27

a fucking new... fucking not. You don't know him.

23:30

What? Are you just going to do it

23:32

where it tightens a YouTube tutorial and go for it? No. The

23:35

jumping hang or the falling hang, maybe. The

23:37

falling hang. Are you going to break your own neck? Yeah,

23:39

break your neck. That'd be the idea. Jump up. Jay

23:42

went to the museum of the macabre once.

23:44

Macabre. Say it right. Is

23:46

macabre? I don't know. Probably

23:48

macabre. Macabre. I see

23:50

macabre. I think you're not

23:52

supposed to pronounce the R-E. You're not. I think

23:54

it's macabre. Macabre. That's a good

23:56

one. What about train? That's

24:00

fair, but then you fuck up everybody's day, dude.

24:02

I mean, right? That's also good win, win, win.

24:04

The obvious one is fucking pills, dude. Pills, yeah.

24:07

You just OD and put yourself to fucking sleep.

24:09

But then what happens if you like don't go

24:11

out and you're violently ill and then they save

24:13

you? You gotta make sure you take

24:15

it off. And then you have like, rubrain in your

24:17

eyes or some fucked up shit, dude. Hey guys, listen,

24:19

if you're listening to the show for the record, if

24:22

you are suicidal, reach out to Jay. He'll talk to

24:24

you. Like, like, uh... Dude, we should do a suicide

24:26

hotline on the show. We should. We're all fans can

24:28

call in and we try to talk to Madam Suicide.

24:30

We'll have so many calls. We

24:33

have so many calls out there. Dude, can

24:35

we do a... Dude, do we have a phone line in this room or no? It's

24:37

on the end of Studio A. Do we have the technology here, though? When

24:40

you're right here right now. Can you run like a long,

24:42

like a two cans and a string from Studio A to

24:44

here? You could like pull up. You

24:46

could hear somebody hang themselves with it. Yeah, right? Skype.

24:50

Something. Just hack it down. We don't want to jerk

24:52

off with them, dude. Yeah, I mean... I mean, chat

24:54

roulette, let's do it. Dude, Suicide Hotline would fuck the

24:56

rules. Is Skype that out? Let's

24:58

chat roulette on the show. Dude, that's his own podcast.

25:00

The reason we're saying Suicide Hotline is like we just...

25:03

We actually convince people to kill themselves. Every

25:05

call ends with a gunshot. Yeah. Is

25:08

anyone possibly listening who's live that is also saying tonight

25:10

after that I was going to kill myself? Call him

25:12

the show. 9-11's got to be

25:14

the biggest suicide of all time. A lot

25:16

at once. A lot at once. A lot of suicide.

25:18

Three grand with you. Three thousand

25:20

people. How many guys... That's

25:23

crazy. Like the amount of people that like... Sixteen.

25:27

Alright, hold on. Do you count that as

25:29

suicide? The people that jumped out of the building

25:31

to avoid burning. Suicide. That's suicide?

25:34

Suicide. I don't think that's suicide because

25:36

they do it thinking maybe there's a big trampoline. No,

25:38

there's no doing. They're choosing

25:40

falling death over burning death. You know the

25:42

tragedy of it all is on September 10th

25:44

they had big trampolines down there. I don't

25:47

know what you're thinking. You go, God, please

25:49

say they brought down that son of a man. I

25:52

was saying... Dude,

25:54

if I was in a building on fire, I

25:57

would think clearly they're putting badgers all over the

25:59

ground down there. I just want to have to have

26:01

had the big Fires

26:06

right here you're like I'm hanging in there as long

26:08

as I can man I do I do just jump

26:10

like I hope that could be goes down there Is

26:13

anybody here one of those pumps going off down

26:15

there? Dude, I don't know if I is

26:17

that What

26:20

is the definition of killing yourself kill yourself? It is

26:22

a good one off to you I want to go

26:24

and I bet in the we've got to be depressing

26:26

they wouldn't consider it that way God said that I'll

26:28

be God because you'd be there was Jesus light

26:30

a man. Do you think I'd like nope? about

26:39

This is why I can't be right because if

26:41

you did that if you just like bombed a

26:43

building Yeah, a small building and two people jumped

26:46

out of the window like you'd be charged for

26:48

murdering them sure so if it's a homicide It

26:50

kind of can't be Double-repert

26:54

Those the laws they're committing suicide technically

26:56

I mean They're

27:02

doing it because basically you forced no

27:04

but by heaven they would only be

27:06

charged to hell for once once one

27:08

homicide Over 200 people jumped

27:10

on 9-11 over 200 people jumped on 9-11 Wow

27:17

What's the record for most consecutive people parachuting Is

27:19

that a world record for Guinness Book? Can

27:21

you play the videos while we play jump

27:23

by Van Halen? It's

27:26

don't or or jump by Chris

27:29

Cross Chris Cross. Uh-huh. We'll jump around by

27:31

you know, you know

27:34

how little Lev far knows about anything about

27:37

music was He

27:39

thought that Bon Jovi

27:41

was in oh, no, he thought man

27:43

Halen was in Bon Jovi Wow And

27:46

they were dead I

27:50

knew you were gonna fucking bring this up to that. Yeah, he

27:52

told me that he goes He goes I

27:54

know like the Pink Floyd guys alive Roger Waters. I

27:56

go. Yeah, both the big guys are alive and he

27:58

goes Well now I know there's a both of them

28:02

you're going to convince me that one of the

28:04

Pink Floyd guys were dead pretty easily

28:06

sure but you know there's two of them I know there's

28:08

two of them, Rogers Waters and hold on hold on hold

28:11

on give me the first letter of the first name tone

28:13

fell David Smith no no I

28:16

can't improv he just

28:18

guesses say what I say I can't improv if

28:20

you just look at me in the eyes and

28:22

said my name and the other

28:24

guy is orange chair did

28:27

I get it? David

28:30

David give me the worst guy that's so

28:32

good oh

28:34

yeah I'm pretty sure it's a tree bear pretty

28:36

sure a tree bear is floating head I think

28:40

you know around the boat someone not me yo

28:42

how is the eggnog not here? where

28:44

and he has my credit card too when does

28:46

the eggnog the take? has my fucking credit card

28:49

Jake never come back buddy where is he? it's

28:51

not safe for you here anymore where is he?

28:53

to your heart of the lamb where is he?

28:55

go forever go forever Jake the snake the

28:57

key foods didn't have what you needed and he had to go

28:59

to his second store oh he's here Jake

29:01

can we call him Jake the take because he took his money

29:03

and ran Jake the take because he fucking takes his sweet ass

29:05

time pom pom pom did you

29:07

make this? hold on oh my god Jake

29:10

is this pre-made? no I put

29:12

some rum in the eggnog you put some rum in it? yes

29:15

you went for rum? spice rum oh

29:17

you stole your card you'd be a real nogger that's where

29:19

you put it no you put fucking bourbon I

29:22

think they're separately asked for bourbon they got you

29:25

bourbon thanks buddy oh thanks buddy

29:27

appreciate it oh hey dude can I uh can

29:29

you get the bourbon on the rocks? can I

29:31

have a bourbon on the rocks? can you also bring my cinnamon? thank

29:35

you Dave can you switch questions? here's another young thing what

29:37

the fuck is eggnog? what is this? it's

29:39

uh hold on actually don't you

29:41

ever watch it can anybody can anybody

29:43

actually see what it is? it's like

29:45

eggs and sugar I don't

29:48

know is eggs, sugar and

29:50

milk? more cream? these black

29:52

people drink it I call it nignog oh

29:55

we're live can't take it back it was said live

29:58

take members what you said Damn

30:00

it Alex now. We can't even edit all of the

30:02

fucking racist jokes. We make now you fucking bitch. I

30:05

wasn't even here Did you hear my racist joke? You

30:08

hear it when he said if you stole your card. He'd be a real

30:10

nogger Alright There

30:12

we go. I like it. I don't mind

30:15

it. Um should I bring James

30:17

to Times Square for New Year's Eve? No Oh,

30:19

why would you? seem

30:21

miserable It's

30:25

it's what that's the trashiest place in America.

30:27

Can you please not drink you're drinking the

30:29

way liver King drink I

30:37

hate the way liver King drinks and eats things.

30:39

I don't care as you're eating balls, dude Just

30:42

put them in your fucking mouth. I'm just slamming

30:44

them into your face. You fucking swab gotta hate

30:46

liver King Can I get a napkin already? You

30:49

watch the feed Christ

30:52

Almighty How do you

30:54

hit liver Kings? I just hate him

30:57

dude. I hate him. I hate him. Who's liver

30:59

King He's like a he's

31:01

like a fitness guy who's competing with Lewis in his

31:03

space You

31:08

literally look like liver King with AIDS Yeah,

31:11

you don't know what that guy looks like that

31:14

is me. Yeah, you look like fucking liver disease

31:16

King See

31:18

what happens when I turn my head around You

31:21

should you do dude, okay now

31:23

the liver King he eats like raw liver

31:25

and like testicles and that's what he does

31:27

viral videos Well, pull up a liver thing

31:29

while doing steroids and being like Pretends

31:32

that he pretends that it's like liver and like

31:34

organs Yeah, he's been doing like massive amounts of

31:37

steroids and pretending that he's not which I don't

31:39

even give a shit You do steroids, but like

31:41

I don't even give a shit that he's lying

31:43

about it. He was dumb fucking fans I

31:48

didn't see how much we're in I

31:51

was pranking you I would do Some

31:56

of that acid cinnamon again, that's crazy

31:58

what you just did I didn't see how

32:00

much went in. Most

32:03

of it's on the sides. Yeah. This is eggnog.

32:05

Yeah. And what's in it? Eggs. Vice

32:07

rugs. Rum and bourbon. Rum.

32:10

No bourbon. No

32:12

bourbon. Uh, so I was thinking about bringing

32:14

James because he's, I figured, as a child... It's definitely the

32:16

worst idea I've ever heard. But as a child, wouldn't it

32:18

be kind of fun? Can you

32:20

bring children? You shouldn't. You can bring children to

32:22

Vegas at 2am or to the streets of Bangkok.

32:26

Yeah. You shouldn't. Can you

32:28

bring children to Times Square? Yeah. And

32:30

New Year's Eve? All of it is. It's

32:34

just always looks like so miserable to

32:36

just be standing there. Everybody hits themselves.

32:38

He's gonna love it. He's gonna see

32:40

his first people having sex in public.

32:43

Tits. Uh,

32:45

guys pissing in the streets right at his

32:47

eye level. It's gonna

32:49

be awesome. Have you ever been to

32:51

Times Square during New Year's? No.

32:54

So how do you know any of this? I hear

32:56

people always say that and then you ask them if

32:58

they've ever done it. They're like, no. And then when

33:01

you see on TV, these people... Why do I like

33:03

people having it? They're an ecstasy. I've never seen a

33:05

happier group of people in my entire life. They're fucking

33:07

happy. I remember... They look so happy. They're turning the

33:09

screen all up. None of them look unhappy, dude. They

33:11

look really happy. I remember watching the thing. I've

33:13

never heard anybody who went to the airport. I think it was in like 2019. I

33:17

was sick and I was at home on

33:19

New Year's. And watching... And that year, it

33:21

was like below zero. And they were

33:23

all out there for hours. And then there was one

33:25

guy proposed to his girl and they had it like

33:27

on TV. I think it might have been one of

33:30

the guys who worked at the network or something like

33:32

that. And they had this whole thing and he's putting

33:34

the ring on her finger and they're both just shaking.

33:36

And it took him forever to get it on because

33:38

they're so freezing. They're so cold. And you're like, this

33:41

seems so miserable. Why would you want to do this?

33:43

Before global warming, dawg. It was going to be 48

33:45

degrees. It really is fixing

33:47

everything. Yeah. And he's going to see

33:49

a Post Malone song or something. Yeah. Alright. You know

33:51

what? Yeah, right so far. I'm probably not going

33:54

to do it. But I did think that'd be kind of a fun

33:56

thing to do with him. Right? If you're going to do it, you're

33:58

going to do it now. One of the tips for... going

34:00

to Times Square especially with a child where a guy outside

34:10

where you gonna piss outside where you

34:12

gonna piss to

34:18

go to the bathroom come back you have a great view right yeah

34:21

my son come to your fucking house dude watch

34:23

the ball drop a little shit close you know

34:25

I wouldn't call

34:27

you in a suicide we're gonna jump

34:30

off that roof you could come my

34:32

balls dropping oh you could

34:35

come but I think my roof closes at like 10

34:37

we'll see if I'll find out if it's late why

34:39

would they close the roof at 10 what a shitty

34:41

with a shitty rule but guys one night per year

34:43

can we well Neil Nana jumps off your building they're

34:45

gonna change the rules those middle roof my roof closes

34:48

but they close it like I'm New Year's Eve they

34:50

would July 4th they're like can't go up there too many

34:52

people come up New Year's Eve it yeah I

34:54

bet it still closes at like 11 whatever even more

34:56

is somebody who's gonna fall over

34:58

roofs are like damn that's the thing that would happen right

35:00

here you'd hear about it like I would

35:02

read the newspaper when I was younger and read the subways

35:04

just to kill time because I have like 80 day so

35:06

we get a newspaper just like just fucking sit on it

35:09

because this is before cell phones would work on the subways

35:11

and there'd be like a little like there

35:14

was a section for like New York

35:16

City like just shit that happened around New York

35:18

City it was like just like I

35:20

was called local but

35:22

there was like the post and the other news were both like

35:24

you know it was they're big papers they

35:26

were sort of New York centric but this was like

35:28

very specifically weird shit that was happening around New York

35:31

they always have stories about just like fucking 19 year

35:33

old kids being at a party and just falling off

35:35

a roof and dying that was a regular thing and

35:37

I would go to so many rooftop parties when I

35:39

was like 19

35:41

20 21 years old everybody died so that would

35:43

so change the tone of the party so

35:45

you have to fucking wrap the party up you pretty

35:48

much have to wrap it up and you know some

35:50

people don't know what fucking downstairs problem why that's

35:52

how they count their problems downstairs problems

35:55

yeah 36 floors up from that

35:57

problem can't get better now we

35:59

get down there before him oh yeah high high roofs

36:02

and booze finish the party man John Alex are there

36:04

any tip over like I ever see when you

36:06

get out hell

36:09

of a night man whoa

36:11

this guy parties huh if you found out

36:13

that somebody jumped off your roof would you

36:15

go downstairs yeah to go see it would

36:17

you know you would know I couldn't see

36:19

it you've probably want to call the

36:21

cops and stop the party though yeah yeah I want to

36:23

get in a lot of trouble for now I'm more of

36:25

a curiosity for sure I think I'd have to I think

36:27

I'd be bombed when I see you like I shouldn't have

36:29

watched you down when I watched the beheading video yeah we

36:32

saw a lot of the car mister was next to

36:34

the put on this door somebody came off and went

36:36

right behind like you know that like post no bills

36:39

like right behind that and heard

36:41

it you heard it saw him go last

36:43

like four flights and then disappeared and

36:45

then go bounce you

36:47

saw this yeah well you're like

36:49

somebody should really put a building there from patios

36:51

on there yeah that

36:53

I wouldn't have the morbid curiosity I

36:56

like I can't watch somebody in a bloody nose

36:58

like I can't see blood the guy who killed

37:00

himself he had a bloody nose in the end couldn't

37:05

stand to see bloody nose and

37:07

he jumped Alex what are some tips for our New

37:09

Year's Eve okay so depending on how like

37:12

how close you'd like to be to the barrier you

37:14

want to be there really bright and early because once

37:16

you have a spot it'll only like 9 o'clock

37:18

9 p.m. oh

37:20

no they mean early in the morning get

37:26

there the day before and you have to stay

37:28

before to stay in your spot once you get

37:30

there because the second you leave it it will

37:32

get taken by some do you pitch a pan

37:34

but these are dumb tourists I'm a New Yorker

37:36

I will fucking shovel my fucking way far in

37:39

redeville there's no chance you don't get

37:41

in a fight in front of your son there's no

37:43

chance you don't get a fight for you know that's

37:45

a good point there's no chance your shoulders touching my

37:47

shoulder because I was here stop

37:49

swaying you get a hotel room in there

37:52

then you get to go that's where hotel rooms in

37:54

New Year's Eve Times Square are probably three

37:57

grand tonight you know stop the

37:59

plaza Christmas time is 1500

38:01

a night. The Plaza from Home Alone

38:03

2. I looked it up because they just saw the movie

38:06

Home Alone 2. They

38:08

made a sequel to Home Alone. Trump

38:11

was in it. He helped finance it. Lost in New York

38:13

is called. What? In the

38:15

city? When you watch Home Alone 2 Lost

38:17

in New York, I don't know if you

38:19

watched it any time recently, where they walk,

38:21

like they're walking Central Port West,

38:24

one of the most expensive areas where he's like

38:26

all the homeless people are like hey little kid

38:28

and it's like my assumption is in

38:30

the 90s it was probably was a scary area

38:32

but with the way I know it because James

38:34

went to school right there it was like West

38:36

80th like right along Central Park West these are

38:39

like $10 million apartments like they made a park

38:41

yeah but uh there was the 90s

38:43

New York was way Central Park 90s was hard

38:45

but what but Central Park West

38:47

was always I think probably but there was dude there

38:50

was a lot

38:55

more like violent crime and before

38:59

cell phones dude I'll tell you right now

39:01

if there was no cell phones I might

39:03

rape a jogger they're just out there jogging

39:06

there's people running from rape if

39:10

not for a jogger ass running around the

39:12

race there. Sometimes you see a jogger and

39:14

they're looking all fit and tired. You're lucky

39:16

about cell phones. You

39:25

are so lucky cell phones. Don't act like you're not

39:27

lucky. Like both going to work could have happened right

39:29

now. So the first tip I already don't want to

39:31

do it I gotta show up the day before early

39:33

in the morning it's literally not happening. You have to

39:35

stand there for 24 hours. That's what they pissed their

39:37

pants. You're not getting back in that spot. So

39:39

that or you would have to like leave James to go

39:42

get food for the two of you and then come back

39:44

to him and hope he's still there. No problem.

39:46

These are experiences. These are core memories. He

39:48

could go out and get food and come

39:50

back. And

39:53

remember if he does get taken you

39:55

have a very special set of skills. You have a

39:57

special set of edibles. you've

40:00

been training for this very moment for some of the people who

40:03

the boy lowest or panic you

40:05

know the state would go and the other that's alex uh...

40:08

yet you don't want to our pack a lot

40:10

of snacks hello thanks for what or

40:13

eat before or else or beforehand

40:15

the day before before and twenty four

40:17

hours early i think the writer target

40:19

on the new yorker if

40:22

it gets cold i'm gonna get through if you start

40:24

the hydrating from the cold should you piss on your

40:26

own shirt rapid around your head or be

40:29

well the okay the next hit the don't underestimate

40:31

how cold it's gonna get in the middle of

40:33

the night and dress in a lot of warm

40:35

layers interest james and warmly i think about

40:37

a new edition getting back together to perform

40:42

on new year's rocket eve that

40:45

does not okay it's not a that

40:47

was a different fun to have a miserable day but i

40:50

have a new edition they're already back together to do it

40:52

the whole thing all of them where's

40:56

what does that never heard of the

40:58

baby my fucking kroni bobby ricky mike

41:00

johnny gill or what we're

41:02

talking some uh... uh...

41:06

at the entry points and all the

41:08

designated viewing areas everyone will be searched

41:10

with a handheld wand large

41:12

bags and naps acts are not permitted at

41:14

all and all bags will be no faster that's

41:16

actually not a lot of two-day how the fuck am

41:18

i supposed to bring snacks and i don't have a

41:20

nap sack louis and i do know for a fact

41:22

that you love strangers touching your boy i love that's

41:24

gonna go great uh...

41:26

when he's a boy why are you wanting him understand

41:30

i would have to go to five there we go jay's

41:33

gonna call yourself on in the middle you're having a

41:35

miserable time will be like that's what happens we may take

41:37

off my jersey for five minutes uh... uh...

41:41

no alcohol in time square there will

41:43

be officers circulating it on the floor

41:45

and you know i would i do

41:47

it why would i go to their

41:49

all sober out there but it's also

41:51

crazy no none of them are they

41:54

all speak last below the only how

41:56

would nobody knows because no one's gone

41:58

but nothing you know it Literally nobody gone.

42:00

I don't know, I see, I don't know a single person

42:02

is on. It's not Horace Mann, it's

42:05

the to lives that are. You know? you're

42:07

bucking trash America? Pick. Know there's a

42:09

rage in the middle of this tree is something

42:11

area a New Yorker I assume wouldn't wanna. do.

42:13

Not deny that. Very touristy things to do. I

42:15

bet that a vast majority of that crowd is

42:17

not make it will go to the way on

42:19

earth and to bring my son to like is

42:21

a big white girl even have I just don't

42:23

always go to Caroline's a New That those weekend

42:26

or. News. Shows were pretty when they

42:28

were packed and everything. You walk out and you're able to watch

42:30

from like a very. Protected. Area

42:32

we're pretty far back and said hour

42:34

comedy club you sit line and Taurus

42:36

a very like the black Foggy guys

42:38

have assault against with other Yelp. The.

42:41

Alpha Two hours See your from row

42:43

seats see Jerry Seinfeld and in behind

42:45

him the ball dropping. Out

42:49

of the other how many more exaggerated?

42:51

That's a thing they would tell people

42:53

and our deserve. It reminded his own

42:55

a big Mad Audiobooks lobby on ads

42:57

were twitter our seats, a glass window

42:59

behind him the boss robbery a serious

43:01

I'm about as soon as an issue

43:03

I know what we never saw to.

43:05

We've talked about this a few times

43:07

on the south but subito basement of

43:09

the situation I was as shit comic.

43:11

Grab another one of the Anna this recent

43:13

great the street team was just lying completely

43:15

about when it was. I'm but we were

43:18

always seem to. We've talked misguided or we

43:20

told many times about what it was like

43:22

being up there when people would come up

43:24

and you know be like we were lied

43:26

to about blogger sandals I hear where's the

43:28

ball dropping your there's not even window you

43:30

know and but I imagine his. We were

43:32

never down there What the scene in the

43:34

street was because it was so many these

43:37

thugs long to other suggs on. It isn't

43:39

as much as be. The last time I

43:41

spent. a month dot hot money the other when

43:43

i was lazy was like the people coming up

43:45

so that people coming up upset by getting ripped

43:47

off we're all so far as get on and

43:49

so a lot of i'm a lot of a

43:51

more and so i'm sure there were tons altercations

43:53

with that saga bumped into the so you read

43:55

them auto sound imagine iowa and so i would

43:57

we on my own eyes minor it's all on

43:59

I would have went to fucking find the guy unquestionably.

44:02

Roy, the guy who owned the comedy club said, no,

44:04

it's a separate company, you have to go find that

44:06

guy. You'd be telling him to go find him. Most

44:08

people didn't argue with Roy. Most people left to go

44:10

find that guy. Those people were murdered by crumpet clubs.

44:14

They never made it home to the Midwest. Then by the end

44:16

of the year, only the

44:18

thugs that have survived, all these people trying to kill

44:20

them are left. So now they're a really tough, crazy

44:22

shit to come and go. The

44:25

ball's gonna be falling behind. Who's your

44:27

favorite comic? That

44:29

guy. The thugs

44:31

didn't even do that. So they printed their

44:33

own tickets. This is how

44:35

good they were at ripping people off. The guys who

44:37

were at LLL, they were like, we

44:39

don't even really need LLL. So they just

44:41

printed tickets that had nothing to do with LLL. They

44:44

sold them to Enter Times Square. They were just selling them

44:46

to us. They were like, oh yeah, you just call me,

44:48

you show this, you get right into Times Square, you

44:50

watch the ball drop. They were selling them for like

44:52

$2,300 to pop. They were just printing them because they

44:55

were like, oh yeah, this is fucking retarded. Wow. You're

44:57

gonna check this. It's brilliant. All

45:00

those guys, those barks, are all working 15-minute shifts.

45:03

Make some money and get the fuck out of there. Get

45:05

all the buzz. Hold on. I

45:08

think they have stories. I've

45:10

walked through Times Square very rarely, but

45:12

if I do, there's still the guy

45:14

walking side by side and like touching you with

45:16

his CD. He kind

45:18

of goes, get off of me. Dude,

45:22

that happened to me. Where were we? Me and

45:24

Scott Chaplin were somewhere on the road and there

45:26

was a CD guy. I

45:28

haven't seen a CD guy. Yeah, dude, we

45:30

had some guys like, yeah, man, you want to buy my CD? And

45:33

I was like, no. And then I stopped it. Was it having

45:35

war flashbacks? No, in a moment. I was like, hey, I was

45:37

like, hey, man. Who did play this? I just wanted to have

45:39

a real conversation with him. This is like six months ago. I

45:42

was like, you know, I was like, you couldn't just put this on

45:45

like band camp or just online. You could just tell people, I was

45:47

like, you tell people to swipe their credit cards instead of trying to

45:49

sell them a CD. I was like, nobody has a CD player. I

45:51

was like, this is crazy. I was like, I don't know. I was

45:53

like, I don't know. I was like, I might buy your stuff. I

45:55

was like, if you just said anything. Well, I wasn't looking for notes.

45:57

Yeah. That. What

46:00

his fucking attitude was yeah, he was he

46:02

was like a young man. I got a

46:05

scam idiot Straight

46:10

I know I can get a job go to school I'm

46:16

trying to intimidate you into buying old

46:18

technology. Are you I was a

46:20

root. There's a path Financial

46:22

success through your art How

46:25

are you in STEM? What

46:30

if I told you you could sort of network? You

46:34

can be easier way to do it just from

46:36

me just a logical standpoint me first of all

46:38

I never have cash ever ever

46:40

ever buying loses a lot of cash wrong. It does have

46:43

a ton of cash Louis

46:51

has to at any moment go I'll take two

46:53

vacations to Jamaica Why

47:00

do you think Ari's always followed over and then

47:02

by the time the money falls Lewis is drinking

47:04

a Standpoint

47:11

I can on my phone if you were to say hey, dude, just

47:14

fucking scan this code right here, right?

47:17

And then fucking it I click it and then

47:19

go cool pay for five dollars. You're done I

47:22

have your music here by five dollars. It's done.

47:24

It's such an everyone has that no one's doing

47:26

that That's crazy. No one's doing that first-treat

47:28

guy. I'm like, I'm not Technology

47:34

work so what I would be more comfortable Buying

47:38

guys if you said hey just go on to my

47:40

Apple my my iTunes account right now. Just buy my

47:42

album. It's iTunes It's nothing to do with it. How

47:44

you lost your Twitter three-day It's

47:49

not about his music he's just trying to get

47:51

ten quick bucks. Yeah, what he's doing is actually

47:54

Slightly more noble than

47:56

just pulling out a gun and going give me

48:00

Yeah, I'm like I went through the effort of

48:02

giving like I paid like probably 40 cents

48:04

on the dollar for this Yeah, it's better than

48:06

probably buying people that might be blank anyway I

48:08

knew but I'm giving you a thing for the

48:10

mice of this I

48:12

would say more than half of those guys and

48:14

I knew a few of them. I

48:17

only knew what I'm on What

48:20

happened? No, just the mic in there was on

48:23

How like yeah, hot mic? Loose

48:25

the fucking idiot fuck him dude. I'm done with this

48:27

horseshit I

48:31

knew a few guys that did that you had a guy

48:33

that worked for your street team that did that right? They

48:35

were rappers they were even though they were like

48:37

out there hustling. They were actually rappers It wasn't

48:39

it was horseshit music it was terrible, but every

48:41

night dude They're gonna make it every guy that

48:43

I knew that did that was actually a rapper

48:45

was trying to sell his music They were still

48:47

hustling everywhere But I knew a few guys that

48:49

would just get mixed tapes and they would like

48:51

they would sign it the Suit the scam was this

48:54

again. Yo, yo, yo, what's your name? He's like Ari

48:56

and then they write to Ari love bone thug or

48:58

whatever his name was And then he'd

49:00

give it to you was bone. And then he stuffs

49:02

it deep into your pants. Yeah, it goes you own

49:04

it now you It's

49:07

crazy Every

49:15

day from my old house to the Comedy Store

49:17

same guy in between pink dot in the store

49:20

Pass me the hey you got that you got the woos you

49:22

got woos. I'm like, no, I'm a good guy How you

49:24

like rap? I actually don't sir. Yeah, I hate it

49:27

I passed them 180 times always

49:29

out there. Hey, man, you got that you got that

49:31

woos got that woos and eventually I was like Oh,

49:34

he must recognize me a little bit at this point.

49:36

You got your watch. Oh, yeah, I already got it

49:38

man And he goes, oh, I'm like,

49:40

yeah, I got it already He was all right,

49:42

and he goes what about that cat

49:44

eyes though and some other guy jumps up I'm not

49:47

with the Z. He goes. Yeah, I got that cat

49:49

eyes right here ten dollars

49:54

Nothing on the album Yeah

49:57

handwritten cat eyes nothing off he's there

49:59

every day So was he was like

50:01

yo, how'd you like that album motherfucker? You know,

50:03

right black guy? I'll say nothing It's

50:05

like jazz. It's about to know it ain't played.

50:07

Yeah I'll say nothing

50:13

Like you could do this he's like look here pimp if I

50:15

crack this CD and have I'll cut you right in the motherfucker

50:19

Go home. I want you to get an 800 press Take

50:24

you to tutorials Maybe

50:26

the ultimate ending to the circles you getting stabbed

50:28

in the street by a CD salesman. It

50:30

was crazy I just was like it was like in 2023 selling CD cuz no

50:33

cuz the whole game You

50:36

know this you always break this down the whole

50:38

game was always just intimidating people into giving them

50:40

money Yeah, he's like I'm not trying to set

50:42

up a whole account online and do all this

50:44

I mean and it's if the game is just

50:46

intimidating people into giving you money It's still much

50:48

easier to just intimidate you into giving me 20

50:51

bucks that's in your pocket Then intimidate you

50:53

into pulling out your phone signing into this

50:55

thing do Even

50:57

the merch concept in general is like it

51:00

what you sell much more merch bringing merch

51:02

on the road I assume then like online

51:05

online never getting much on the road.

51:07

I never but my son ever I'm

51:09

just saying like no, that's not true.

51:11

We a couple times. We brought things

51:13

up posters posters I believe

51:16

in Kobe's money on the floor, but it was

51:18

a It's so I take them off well It

51:20

used to be when I like me and Lewis

51:22

specifically used to do this when we were co-headlining

51:24

like maybe five years ago Or something like that,

51:26

but it was also cuz like we were making

51:28

such little money But

51:33

we were at a weird time We're like we were

51:35

we were not making a lot of money But

51:37

we were drawing a little bit of the Legion

51:39

of Skanks like hardcore fan base. There'd be like

51:41

hardcore fans there 15

51:43

people And

51:46

at the time we're you know was just like oh

51:49

we can't it was double the money it would literally

51:51

double our money We're like hey Do you want to

51:53

look like assholes after all of our shows together and

51:55

make? But also also people like genuinely what if you

51:57

make like a decent like product like merch like people

51:59

do one I think we're giving

52:01

out like yeah pencils and stuff the

52:03

things that a lot of people sell I would just give a fuck

52:05

away but like poster dollars

52:10

between dollars I sell a $10 bill People

52:15

I feel like it's a great excuse back in the day

52:17

when I was talking to them I think it's the biggest

52:20

excuse and the only excuse that would really maybe go I

52:22

have no money on me and this

52:24

is 2003 yeah, that was rare You've

52:26

like well, it's for these you have to now you have to get them to

52:28

go to the ATM It's you have to go are

52:30

they lying if they're lying They're never going to

52:32

the ATM because they've lied to me where it's like this There's no

52:34

point you're gonna attempt to announce a battle to get them to go

52:36

to the ATM Which is a whole other thing like you're trying to

52:38

get them to walk you to go Hey, I'll walk you there right

52:40

now. You don't gotta go out of your way. I walk you to

52:42

the Go

52:49

you say you want to share it so bad I'm

52:52

saying I'm realizing how many people that I

52:54

genuinely intimidated Giving

52:56

me $20 More

53:00

coming to New York Today

53:03

love sales today, that's the worst part

53:06

of sales Today

53:11

Everyone has a Venmo everyone's got sell everyone's

53:13

got his digital payment on them on them So

53:15

that excuse no longer exists like that like the

53:17

idea of not so the idea that you'd be

53:20

going for cash Which one out of ten people

53:22

even has cash on them if a little bit

53:24

of fucking cash you are that one But that's

53:26

it's a He

53:35

hides a lot of it and where spare tires should

53:37

be It's

53:39

like a go-back dude, I told you not

53:41

to say Did

53:43

you guys ever have a feature that would write like

53:45

one of his taglines on a shirt and trying to

53:48

sell it on stage? Yeah, I had

53:50

a guy in Texas like the shittiest show

53:52

I've ever done at one point The GM

53:54

is on the god mic during the host

53:56

set going what please let the comedian do

53:58

his act though. They're hammered Oh skits

54:00

off to the audience to the audience

54:02

on the god might club level middle

54:04

of a set for four tables are

54:06

screaming like The

54:10

host is so drunk when the comic people are

54:12

there and they're like they're not comedy fans They're

54:14

like this is like their Friday night. It was

54:16

a movie or this or a cop go And

54:20

then they showed up and it's horseshit. They're like

54:22

fuck you fuck you Like

54:31

we were mad to say that like our fans love what we

54:33

do because they're our Realists yeah, but the

54:35

average person that shows comedy over Topgolf that night, dude If

54:37

you when you thought you think of see we always think

54:39

of it from our perspective Which is like we really want

54:41

you to just listen to these jokes We've been trying to

54:44

do these jokes or whatever and like, you know, come on

54:47

That doesn't really work unless you guys If

54:52

you remove yourself from our perspective and just

54:54

think about the audience Lev's describing you are

54:57

like that's kind of awesome What

55:00

the idea again you've made that decision. It's

55:02

not a cheap thing going on comedy club.

55:04

Yeah, this is all free tickets All right

55:06

Friday, but generally speaking to an audience like

55:08

coming in it is true Like I've said

55:10

that to many audiences before I go look

55:12

I know when everyone pictures going to a

55:14

comedy club the stand like a midnight thing

55:16

I did like last weekend was

55:19

like It was so and people

55:21

like the crowds like kind of shitty and they're being yeah

55:23

Yeah, like just two groups basically and I was just like

55:25

guys I know like in fairness

55:27

to you guys like that is devil when you picture

55:29

a comedy club in your head you're picturing like a

55:32

Rodney Dangerfield like young comedians special like

55:34

it's Pat and ever you're hitting strangers.

55:37

You don't know like There's

55:47

like an echo like a pissed-off waitress The

55:50

one who had to stay and then everybody else go and like

55:52

they're watching the show like this and you're like guy before you

55:54

Had they had to keep on flashing a red light for some

55:56

reason Person on stage isn't

55:58

very good. They're just monologues Jokes like

56:00

what are they looking right through us fucking

56:02

it's something it sucks for them to

56:04

like damn, man This was the

56:06

thing we did Saturday did this crowd they were

56:09

all extremely like at the host like but he's

56:11

so drunk He doesn't even realize Good

56:14

he gets offstage and he walks right up to me goes. They're

56:16

a little chatty, but you're gonna love I Go

56:19

dude look at what you did. I was

56:21

a house Mike interrupted But

56:24

they are I think at the core they're good the features on stage Like

56:31

the Nazis and friends they were just following orders.

56:33

I'm glad I think we're all good people I

56:35

heard they were probably some kind of order Feature

56:38

on stage eating the biggest dick I've ever seen

56:41

and like all week along he's been like plugging

56:43

his merch during it Right crowd is really going

56:45

like what the fuck like they're just

56:47

bad at the world and I put my hand on

56:49

the host shoulder I go dude look at what you did

56:51

them I go you did that I go you got to

56:53

go up there and fix this and tell the crowd to

56:56

shut up as he Look as you look at him the

56:58

features unrolling his merch to people It's

57:01

a phrase he hasn't even got he's never

57:03

even got the joy goes it says two

57:05

scoops is enough for me The

57:11

best moments that you'll ever watch

57:13

all Involve that

57:16

element where like the best vomit where

57:18

you're like How did you not in

57:20

your mind make the decision? I'm gonna

57:23

bail on doing this and somehow

57:25

just in this Pull my pants

57:27

down. I'm saving I was like I was turning around like dude.

57:29

I could not take my pants down They're already

57:31

not enjoying it But

57:34

just maybe this one went in back as well

57:36

It didn't get so many comics have like say

57:38

like a bit sometimes even a really good bit

57:40

But that just relies on the fact that they've

57:42

already bought it. It relies on the fact that

57:44

they're already in on you Punchline

57:50

guys, I know it's really funny How

57:56

do you in your back your head go like oh yeah, well I can't

57:58

go for this one now If you

58:00

don't do that, those are the best. That was my favorite thing.

58:02

Maybe I shouldn't go for it and then go, nah,

58:05

I don't work. Fuck it, I'm gonna do it.

58:07

One of the funniest sentences built into a comedy

58:09

set is now you guys laugh

58:11

but when they don't, that's so funny. Like

58:14

I used to be a Marine. Now

58:16

you guys laugh but he goes, I used to

58:18

be pretty muscular and you're like, no

58:20

one laughs, you know what I mean? I laugh

58:22

but no one laughs. Such a strange, like

58:24

the rehearsed thing is so funny. I

58:27

love just the whole idea like

58:29

from our perspective. And I guess you get

58:31

to a certain level where we have fans

58:33

now that show up for shows, which is

58:36

great, you know, and there's varying levels of

58:38

sets obviously. Like the beginning set.

58:40

What are the varying levels of? There's a

58:42

C in there but whatever, don't worry about

58:44

it. Various levels of sets. We

58:47

catch Lewis driving home with his water

58:49

cash tonight. I'm sorry. He's

58:53

laced up with fucking scratch right now. I just

58:55

thought he got shot. He was only gonna lose

58:58

his cash for him. This guy is more green

59:00

than blood tonight. But like,

59:02

you remember back in the day, you do like a bar

59:04

show and like, they like,

59:06

they dropped the show in a bar and

59:08

like there was people that were at the bar. Like

59:11

an ambush show. They wanted nothing to do with this

59:13

comedy show. Like they wanted to watch a game and

59:15

then they're like, eight o'clock, they turn the game off.

59:17

Yeah like, the difference is, what are you doing? That

59:19

is the best you could hope for. Do you remember when we

59:21

did Albany? They didn't turn it off. They wouldn't turn it off. They

59:24

were like, right, right, right. They're like, they go,

59:26

they go, yeah but we're doing the comedy show for this

59:28

bar. He goes, yeah but we can't

59:30

turn off the game. And then let the game,

59:33

and then also, it was a night that

59:35

they were also hosting, they were one of the main

59:37

stops on like a citywide

59:39

bar crawl. So groups of like a hundred

59:41

would come in. So they're roaming in. They're

59:43

roman leaving and then coming in in the

59:45

next wave of drunken bar hoppers. Do you

59:47

remember the beginning? The worst environment at the

59:49

time. I know, do it. At the time

59:51

you guys were going like, oh this could

59:54

be great. There should be fresh new people

59:56

coming in. As the concept

59:58

sounds great. But. The know

1:00:00

agree, I don't we. We were a little

1:00:02

beyond the point of that. We are no

1:00:04

was engraved a good it was. ah but

1:00:06

it is especially for me to like. I

1:00:08

don't really do city spots anymore and so

1:00:10

it's just. I mean like out I'm not

1:00:12

like drawing like huge amount. Some shows are

1:00:14

lighter than others or whatever but it's a

1:00:16

lot of my people at any show I'm

1:00:18

doing and so it's almost like remove days.

1:00:21

The. Car from. Stripped.

1:00:23

From that ah at.

1:00:27

Hum specific physics a nicer way.

1:00:29

One thousand November fifth of you

1:00:31

are you almost can't Bomb wins

1:00:33

your audience. I like it. There

1:00:36

are better and worse but with

1:00:38

reference. To

1:00:41

the I find a way that a british off at

1:00:43

of as. You'd be surprised

1:00:45

if well I think you're that you might as

1:00:47

guards at no i he had seen we don't

1:00:49

have also we got that was fucking such you

1:00:52

joy for same as they were more they were

1:00:54

more like involved than listen to get ya always

1:00:56

have like. That even even doing city spots when

1:00:58

you're not famous or nothing and you just doing

1:01:00

random spots you get to a level would stand

1:01:02

of were a true bomb is rare earth Yeah

1:01:04

get a rare thing that you are you may

1:01:07

have a bad set. the really like so many

1:01:09

I agree but not at lehman of I Need

1:01:11

Your dad was a ah lasers that you know

1:01:13

what. I'm. Gonna go up on

1:01:15

this Tuesday black show with this weird places

1:01:17

have my leg medalist winners, color or never

1:01:20

her son and and but when you're new

1:01:22

in comedy. Didn't use. You're doing

1:01:24

a ton of the city shows and your

1:01:26

act isn't that good yet It's like a

1:01:29

real concern in a ton of he says

1:01:31

you do that your dinner and with and

1:01:33

a real bombing. Is. Really the

1:01:35

most. we just one person

1:01:37

up every like i think this is funny

1:01:40

or as i said in a fucking success

1:01:42

as i i think this is my god

1:01:44

fucking damn it is i like when you're

1:01:46

like an unknown cli job is also sits

1:01:49

like a herb he thinks this is just

1:01:51

across the threshold the comedy were for hims

1:01:53

whole for for the first like decade is

1:01:55

your fucking door her tits will does it

1:01:58

is it's know really what you like Listen

1:02:00

to me. You're not? You've been doing this

1:02:02

for a year. When the crowd

1:02:04

gets shitty with you, there's just a pretty

1:02:06

heavy year. You learn to fake it, for

1:02:08

sure, but there's such a long time where

1:02:11

genuinely when someone's just like, I

1:02:13

don't know, I'm waiting for a joke, and you

1:02:15

look at them and you go, oh yeah, dude, but

1:02:17

inside you've gone, ahhhhhh! I

1:02:20

don't know how to do this now. He

1:02:23

took everything out of me. All the wind is

1:02:25

out of me. It's so true. And you go,

1:02:28

what's up, dude? You're like, oh my god,

1:02:30

I really don't know how to reply to that. When

1:02:32

you're young at it, you deserve it. What's

1:02:35

up, dude? What's up? I made a bitch out of

1:02:37

you. Even at

1:02:39

a level where if you're past in a

1:02:41

bunch of the clubs in the city, forget

1:02:43

even like you have a lot of fans

1:02:45

or credits or anything like that, but if

1:02:47

you're just past a bunch of clubs, but

1:02:49

any level lower than that where you're

1:02:51

first starting out, we all just think of ourselves as

1:02:53

comedians. You call yourself a comedian from the day you

1:02:55

started doing it. The

1:02:58

truth is if your

1:03:00

introduction is like this guy's performed

1:03:02

at clubs and colleges all around the country, you're

1:03:05

trying to be a comedian. You're not

1:03:07

a comedian. That's correct. You're, you're, I'm just saying, you know

1:03:10

what I'm talking about. I'm just saying, you know what I'm

1:03:12

talking about. I don't get booked to colleges. But it does.

1:03:14

By the way, that might have, by the way, that

1:03:16

might have just shown my age. That

1:03:21

was the thing that was, that was your

1:03:23

basic, you didn't have clubs and colleges. Who

1:03:26

gives a shit? I shortened it. You ever see a guy

1:03:28

shorting it? Oh, did this guy perform at colleges? Yeah, you

1:03:30

ever see a guy shorting it? This guy at clubs and

1:03:32

colleges? I'm in a favorite all over town. And

1:03:37

by the way, maybe this doesn't exist anymore, but for whatever

1:03:39

reason, when we were all young in comedy, if

1:03:41

someone didn't have credits, that was the thing everyone

1:03:43

always said when they entered into that college. But

1:03:45

at that level, you're really, you're trying to be

1:03:47

a comedian. You're not a comedian. And this is

1:03:49

something that I would want to bomb. Well, I'm

1:03:51

going to just say that when you bomb... I'm

1:03:54

going to try to do it. No,

1:03:56

but I'm saying, when you're trying to be

1:03:58

a comedian and you bomb... It's like

1:04:00

the audience is like they know you're trying

1:04:02

to be a comedian and they're like you shouldn't

1:04:04

be you shouldn't be doing this Yeah,

1:04:07

it's not just like oh you had a bad

1:04:09

one It's like what the fuck is this guy

1:04:11

doing a thing you shouldn't be doing for I

1:04:13

think about the girls that you fuck But you're

1:04:15

really fucking check every bomb Which

1:04:19

is crazy the fucking type of pig I'll

1:04:30

never forget that that made me laugh so hard.

1:04:33

I'm trying to remember the exact situation I

1:04:35

only bring it up every couple years in this but was

1:04:38

that laugh factory and that girl? The

1:04:40

Spanish girl that had dreadlocks. She's a comedy more don't

1:04:42

think but like she said something like

1:04:44

she's shown you I don't know what

1:04:46

happened. It was something that no Dave impossible She said something

1:04:48

but it was just something like it didn't make any sense

1:04:51

that you were just like Are

1:04:53

you giving me advice or so? She's giving you advice

1:04:55

on how to handle it better if the crowd does

1:04:57

this or something But maybe you lost the crowd some

1:04:59

like you were fine I probably could have used it,

1:05:01

but she said something and you were like you've

1:05:03

never that when you just explain her You

1:05:06

go. I don't understand. It was so true

1:05:08

when someone does that bad so regularly You're

1:05:11

like isn't on a fucking nightmare every day. Yeah

1:05:15

Oh that wait hold on. I'm sorry. I missed

1:05:17

the connection of that to the story of a waitress telling

1:05:19

me what a waitress Oh, it was another comic the comic

1:05:23

Oh, it was her that we told oh, yeah,

1:05:25

no, I don't remember the camera It was not

1:05:27

kip. She was busting balls, but it was atomic

1:05:29

you did something rough did happen on stage You

1:05:31

had him and lost him or something She was

1:05:33

like you really it was like her commenting on

1:05:35

like a thing where it went left on you

1:05:37

or something Right, you're like are you

1:05:39

giving me like it like you do terrible 100%

1:05:42

of the time Nightmare,

1:05:45

she was I

1:05:47

know who she was comedian. No little

1:05:49

little little chunky. Yeah And

1:05:55

I think I said I said never done well this

1:06:01

We don't see it anymore because we're not

1:06:03

at that level when you really start like

1:06:05

you remember She never does well. She's never

1:06:07

done well, ever. It's

1:06:09

not like you do well sometimes. The

1:06:11

powers don't. I had

1:06:13

a baby with another comic we know. Yeah.

1:06:17

Officials. I

1:06:19

own 100%. No,

1:06:22

really. Let me see the name. No,

1:06:25

I want to watch that one. I want to

1:06:27

watch it. There was

1:06:30

no name. I put a... I

1:06:33

don't think I know it. Who wrote

1:06:35

the name? Oh, that was the

1:06:38

wrong one. If there's no

1:06:40

more eggnog, give me some ice, Alex. We're

1:06:42

out of eggs. Oh, fuck me. We'll

1:06:45

get more eggnog right now. Is the story with that person,

1:06:47

with that chick we were talking about? Did

1:06:50

I say that to her face, the line that we

1:06:52

already said? Oh, I said that to her? Are

1:06:56

you? No, but

1:06:58

I said it again a lot. I go,

1:07:00

you bomb so often, I don't understand how

1:07:02

you don't dread doing it. That's

1:07:04

the word. You don't dread... It

1:07:07

always goes so bad. Hey, I

1:07:09

got a spot tomorrow night. Oh,

1:07:12

man. Like, if you knew

1:07:14

the bomb... The reason we knew it was because most of

1:07:16

the time it's pretty far. Dude, the bombs

1:07:18

we were describing... I'd watch her do it five

1:07:20

times a week. Five times a week. If

1:07:23

she doesn't come and sell it, it's fucking crazy. It's crazy.

1:07:25

There are people who do it all the time who have

1:07:27

never done well. I'm not

1:07:29

going to say any of them, but I'd be

1:07:32

like, they're still doing it sort of. They're just

1:07:34

not clubs. Joe Madreese still

1:07:36

doing it. I don't

1:07:38

know. He probably

1:07:40

is. Joe Madreese was not at all a good

1:07:42

level. Joe Madreese would go do whatever

1:07:44

did well. Of

1:07:47

course, yeah. No,

1:07:50

this is somebody who has never done good. A 100% bomb ratio. That's

1:07:53

crazy. It may be not

1:07:55

100%. That is so awkward.

1:07:59

You should do well. front

1:10:00

of me and Tim just called me on the

1:10:02

side and he goes, you gotta cancel tomorrow buddy. He

1:10:04

goes, hey before 1, 80 listeners are going to be

1:10:07

really bad. Tim called me and goes,

1:10:09

he's like, look buddy, there's certain things people don't

1:10:11

recover from. There was a guy,

1:10:13

James Roar, you ever heard of him? I go,

1:10:15

no, he goes, exactly. He

1:10:17

released a tuba video when he was about 24 and

1:10:19

he bounced back. I

1:10:22

showed up anyway. Was it still online? No,

1:10:24

we were going to do a roast of it on my

1:10:26

podcast. I told him, he ended up taking it down. We

1:10:30

convinced him to take it down and then out of

1:10:32

spite, he put it back up like a week later

1:10:34

and then Lev didn't talk to me for a year

1:10:36

and a half. What are you talking about? I was

1:10:38

mad. No, that's not true. I was just not good

1:10:40

at podcasting so you guys didn't book me. I was

1:10:42

never mad at you. You were mad. I was not

1:10:44

mad at you at all. I was never mad at

1:10:46

you. I've always thought that we had a

1:10:48

good loving relationship. You were never mad at

1:10:50

Lewis? No one who knows

1:10:52

Lewis ever says that. That's a lot. That's

1:10:55

impossible. You just had

1:10:57

a thing where you're like, no, I know. It

1:10:59

is interesting also being as old as

1:11:01

I am and an Ari too. If

1:11:03

you re- I don't know if Ari maybe is

1:11:05

a little more of a grudgy guy, re-evaluating people

1:11:08

that I was like bitchy about. I hate that

1:11:10

guy. Young things in comedy

1:11:12

are such things now where I'm like, they

1:11:15

were either right or they were whatever. By

1:11:17

the way, that was- There were things where I was like- No,

1:11:19

that was- By the way, there's still some things

1:11:21

that I was right about. Correct about. But I mean,

1:11:23

there's plenty of things where I was like, yeah, of course. You

1:11:26

should have been like, I'm not interested, buddy. I was

1:11:28

like a year in comedy and asking about management. Right,

1:11:31

right. Because somebody and they were like, Ari. Dude, this

1:11:33

is the only beef- Fuck you, Trevor. The

1:11:35

only beef that I had with Noam, and when I

1:11:37

went on the show, he immediately just was like, okay,

1:11:39

I got it wrong. So, there was no- I was

1:11:41

like, I can't really be angry anymore. Of course, because

1:11:44

I'm saying- He said on the show that he was

1:11:46

like, oh, Dave hates me because I didn't pass

1:11:48

him at the Comedy Cellar. And I was like,

1:11:50

whoa, dude, don't make it sound like I'm that

1:11:52

bitter guy who's hanging on to that because that's

1:11:54

not true at all. Like I don't even- I

1:11:57

don't hold onto a grudge over that. And so I

1:11:59

hated- It almost kind of like because I was that petty

1:12:01

dude one. He's like I only think about that in the

1:12:04

month of October But

1:12:06

I was like I was really petty and really did

1:12:08

hate all those people like I was the guy who

1:12:10

like Tourists and hated that fucking booker who like wasn't

1:12:12

booking me and looking back on it. You're like, yeah,

1:12:14

it was totally right You

1:12:16

go back and you look like I Was

1:12:20

so right. Yeah, he was like I really didn't have a

1:12:22

very good set or I didn't do it There

1:12:24

was every reason to be like Sure.

1:12:26

Yeah, like there's look there's being

1:12:29

a young bit times You're right when you're you're always

1:12:31

kind of wrong to people are shitty And I was

1:12:33

a young bitter comedian and I look back on that

1:12:36

and I'm kind of like oh that was kind of

1:12:38

ugly I shouldn't have been bitter like that But there

1:12:40

is nothing worse than any comedian who bangs out a

1:12:42

living at it Being bitter is

1:12:45

just like dude, you're doing with this for

1:12:47

work You're doing this for fucking work Like

1:12:49

you got nothing to fucking be bitter about

1:12:51

dude like that's so much better than a

1:12:53

million things I saw the comedy store 50th

1:12:56

anniversary Somebody

1:12:58

and they'd be like fuck that guy and I'd

1:13:00

be like what guy from 1987 like what and

1:13:02

he goes He hit on

1:13:04

some shit. I was talking to her all night And

1:13:09

he didn't go home with her anything but like Yeah,

1:13:12

when was that like 88? Now

1:13:19

it's like That

1:13:22

no big whoop we Have

1:13:24

a pretty fun thing. We wanted to go

1:13:26

over 2023 in core values

1:13:29

Alex put together a whole thing, which is great But

1:13:31

let's do plugs real quick. What'd you put it away?

1:13:34

Honestly, I'm harsh on her today This

1:13:36

is why we don't live anymore because then

1:13:39

your mistakes how much more relaxed am

1:13:41

I when we're not live Alex? So

1:13:43

relaxed. I've been really enjoying it. Why are we

1:13:45

doing live? We were cuz

1:13:47

at the stand the internet's shoddy so it drops

1:13:50

a lot. So so why do we ever go live?

1:13:53

Well, why do we even do it here? Well, we're live now.

1:13:55

We're fine. The streams are Nobody

1:13:58

Cares about the life. The woman would

1:14:00

amp an album. Most Famous Life exists,

1:14:02

right? Nobody cares if they don't actually

1:14:04

care, befitting figure. These people over

1:14:07

toward men or women Harms in my

1:14:09

bring our dilemma with a set of

1:14:11

now that's a favor for has a

1:14:14

few as the sample well what they

1:14:16

wanted they would have said a faster

1:14:18

car sales l one hundred dollars that

1:14:20

a horse is a horse from jealous

1:14:23

of course Budget I first got married

1:14:25

last in Switzerland and a source of

1:14:27

was love what it's like him watch

1:14:29

shuttle of her show right here and

1:14:32

gas digital and gets voted coming up

1:14:34

Minnesota, Baltimore, Tamper, San Diego Boston. Oliver

1:14:36

calmly that com and are going to his

1:14:38

room pomona them as premises. Sickness.

1:14:42

Or night. Before so

1:14:44

I'm close Ties Asked if. Love.

1:14:48

For comedies. That's

1:14:50

who have. So I yeah, I just realized that's

1:14:52

what it is. a Levy. Yeah, Fpr

1:14:55

Love for comedy. Success.

1:14:57

I live for com his love for comedy. Our

1:15:00

economy or better website I just realize

1:15:02

you were neither. Does this little over

1:15:04

miss here. It's not my favorite. Movies

1:15:07

were live what I was dead things,

1:15:09

border or sorry I yelled talked about

1:15:11

ever Really The line is there a

1:15:13

real be a marker? Saxon Math, Math

1:15:15

Math. Ask the web for Germany's eight

1:15:18

hundred out about Live for Com as

1:15:20

his love for comedy is not Bad

1:15:22

move or work in her rebuild Them

1:15:24

story. Lobby. The Love

1:15:26

for Com. Exactly what size of comics you

1:15:29

should know. God go to the bottom of

1:15:31

the Com Snow website on left for Com.

1:15:33

In our car was busy. My name was

1:15:35

on that. Second, Ari Shapiro

1:15:38

com. Fun of all

1:15:40

my days, including. San Francisco

1:15:42

The Pals Fine Arts. In.

1:15:44

January. And.

1:15:47

I'll be in Denver and Boston. Had

1:15:50

to hire you and toronto be in

1:15:53

there. but

1:15:55

who runs home pretty sure that the

1:15:57

city center there is also a for

1:15:59

twenty two There's three O's in

1:16:01

that word. Told Ron Told.

1:16:04

Everybody make sure to eat vegetables on occasion. Don't

1:16:06

go crazy. They don't go crazy. That's a problem.

1:16:08

You have a friend... Part of

1:16:10

my plugs don't erupt. You have

1:16:12

a friend who's like, I'm working out and I was

1:16:14

like, oh you're just doing peps? You gotta do legs

1:16:16

also. Dude, I'm working out for the

1:16:19

first time in years. You should say, good job. Way to go. Instead

1:16:21

you don't. Anyway. So

1:16:24

eat vegetables sometimes. So

1:16:26

it's hard to just do bits during your plugs

1:16:28

that you couldn't get out earlier this year? Yep.

1:16:31

Also, last plug. Hey guys. People

1:16:34

out there listening to music. Don't

1:16:36

you ever sit back and think, shouldn't

1:16:38

Billy Strings and Danny Brown do a song together? I know

1:16:40

I do. Two

1:16:43

boys from Michigan getting at it. One

1:16:45

psychedelic, I don't know, gypsy music together.

1:16:47

Not getting spoken word. I

1:16:50

think they would. I think it would be a great hit. I

1:16:52

think America would prosper. Why don't you

1:16:54

reach out to them? Tell them. Billy Strings.

1:16:56

Get together. Do a song. I want

1:16:58

to do you. You

1:17:00

can call me.com everybody. If

1:17:04

you're watching live everybody, this weekend, Friday,

1:17:06

Saturday and Sunday, New Year's Eve, I'm

1:17:09

going to be in Pittsburgh. Come

1:17:11

check me out. Six shows over three nights. And

1:17:14

then the weekend after that, Liberty, Ohio,

1:17:16

formerly AKA Cincinnati, Ohio. Cincinnati. And

1:17:19

the weekend after that, I

1:17:21

will be in Salt Lake City. And then

1:17:23

after that, everybody, Friday

1:17:25

and Saturday in Denver, Colorado, I'll be

1:17:28

filming my crowd work special. Hell

1:17:30

yeah. I'm very excited. Comedy works. That's

1:17:33

how comedy works. Minimum Colorado

1:17:35

and maximum whole world. Yeah,

1:17:38

yeah. It's somewhere between that. How many shows

1:17:40

are you taping for? Four. But

1:17:43

if you have to wear the same outfit for four shows. I know,

1:17:45

yeah. Two really. I'll just get

1:17:47

the same shirt made four times. Generally,

1:17:49

you just wear a black hoodie. Yeah, I hope.

1:17:52

I hope you're not wearing a green shirt in the backdrops,

1:17:54

not a green screen. That

1:17:56

sure would be a problem when

1:17:59

filming. show number one jays

1:18:01

bomb the

1:18:07

green screen a black hoodie on the the

1:18:10

the the

1:18:12

really hilarious if you guys can find a way to cover

1:18:14

me with a hoodie the whole time karenson philip black hoodie

1:18:18

just moving uh...

1:18:21

bonfire five days a week me and robert kelly faction

1:18:24

talk series six and one of three and

1:18:26

uh... sure you're going

1:18:28

to get signed in the week or there's

1:18:30

five days a week we're live

1:18:32

three days a week three-tape thursdays

1:18:34

best of all pretty peace

1:18:38

and bag in the beginning of joe's joe

1:18:40

soder's uh... ten year before

1:18:42

it would be good no

1:18:44

it's always been a good story for a very good but

1:18:47

no one when me and joe

1:18:49

soder did uh... before the first order

1:18:51

was two days a week two days

1:18:53

a week yeah it was called the

1:18:55

dance order project that was for the first

1:18:58

six shows uh... live shows

1:19:00

coming up january i mean in

1:19:02

the mass pennsylvania with mike figgs

1:19:04

and i'll be in key west

1:19:06

florida comedy key west with scott

1:19:08

chaplin then i got sarah tucker

1:19:10

springs percipse tampa demoine east

1:19:12

providence red bank new jersey warriors for

1:19:14

all the stuff coming up all throughout

1:19:16

the winter and spring lots of other

1:19:19

dates being added to the site louis

1:19:21

of skanks.com for dates all brand new

1:19:23

material as dirty as ever i'm really

1:19:25

gonna fuckin i'm gonna i'm gonna

1:19:27

walk some old ladies on this tour i promise you

1:19:29

to meet over to our hashtag media or guitar and

1:19:32

uh... machines truck to the new gas is

1:19:34

really a brand new platform watch new apps

1:19:36

brand new website gas digital.com what use the

1:19:38

promo code l s get a seven day

1:19:40

free trial get away wait is a new

1:19:42

gas digital the new gas is a great

1:19:44

looking at the fool,

1:19:50

i got a VI Park a pokey Meme in dip jewish-age

1:19:55

jara code

1:20:00

they can get an 8 day free trial. I didn't know

1:20:02

what it meant. Yeah. So you use the promo code Ari.

1:20:04

That is true. You do get an 8 day free trial

1:20:06

instead of

1:20:09

a 7 day. What is this about? It was

1:20:11

about the new gas digital. Couple cool things. If

1:20:13

you have the members of the gas digital, if

1:20:16

you guys are watching this on YouTube or iTunes

1:20:18

or anywhere else, you should know we do another

1:20:20

episode that sort of in January is exclusive to

1:20:22

the gas digital subscribers. You get pre-release and

1:20:25

all of our episodes, ad free uncensored

1:20:27

episodes and access to the racist live

1:20:30

chat. Lewis, I bet you all this is in

1:20:32

the email from my agent or manager. It probably

1:20:34

is. It was a long email that accompanied the

1:20:36

thing of saying the 8 day free trial. And

1:20:38

they told you what the promo code was. Yeah,

1:20:40

they said promo code Ari at gas digital and

1:20:42

then I was like, yeah, it was long. And

1:20:45

they had a link for an email. And also

1:20:47

I'll tell you right now, a couple other things

1:20:49

that are new. The

1:20:52

show is now Tuesday nights. Our live show from

1:20:54

the stand that comes out is every Tuesday night

1:20:56

on gas digital at 8pm. But if you guys

1:20:59

want to be a part of the audience, it's

1:21:01

every Monday night that we tape it at 8

1:21:03

o'clock. Go to the stand at nyc.com to grab

1:21:05

tickets. The tickets fell out like a month in

1:21:07

advance. You got to get them in advance. The

1:21:09

guests moving forward are going to likely be a

1:21:12

surprise. We're going to surprise everybody with the guests

1:21:14

so you'll find out. Introduce them. I'm

1:21:16

so here we go. Hey, hey, hey, live crowd.

1:21:18

Here it is. Here's our guy. This is the

1:21:20

guy. I like that. Yeah. Well, for you, it

1:21:22

would be you're gonna be bummed by the reaction.

1:21:26

To be a very mild. It's gonna be a lot of them like. Documentary

1:21:32

guy. And

1:21:35

what was the other thing? Monday

1:21:38

night. I don't know. That was

1:21:40

it. I'm drunk for making love. All

1:21:43

right. New Year's. East

1:21:45

Rutherford. Live stand comedy show

1:21:48

and alive part of the problem podcast and

1:21:50

then like a meet and greet hang afterward.

1:21:52

It's all one ticket one night for New

1:21:54

Year's. The tickets are moving. This is gonna

1:21:56

sell out. So go get tickets

1:21:58

now. Comic Dave Smith dot com. with better it uh...

1:22:02

i would not have a lot of it and i think i'll go

1:22:04

i don't know what i have a lot of our story i

1:22:08

don't know what i do here is get out of

1:22:10

there come on if you're there it's right it's not

1:22:12

it's real close in new york city to understand uh...

1:22:14

as i don't remember uh...

1:22:16

but but not all of this information is available

1:22:18

com into this.com and then uh... in the new

1:22:20

year on the be on the road the whole

1:22:22

year like uh... so yet lots of dates coming

1:22:24

up i think i'm uh... bunch of more gonna

1:22:26

be posted over the next week com but

1:22:43

but i got one more thing to prove that was that the

1:22:45

easy and

1:22:47

as a check right and you think it going

1:22:50

forward account i'm saying do it she

1:22:52

won't be upset go forth

1:22:54

once you're fucking lives just fucking reach in

1:22:56

there at nine look

1:22:58

at her and then just go

1:23:00

for it it's gonna be a pocket memory

1:23:02

man just fucking go for manages dolewood or

1:23:04

jogger in central park or are you what

1:23:06

old jewish problem you having on your house

1:23:09

the literally cutting hard to allow me or

1:23:12

a wedding bagels are the hard work on

1:23:14

the do you have a do you have

1:23:16

a human eating plant uh...

1:23:20

just working to grow wouldn't we've

1:23:22

a uh... uh...

1:23:26

shit uh... uh... uh...

1:23:54

you said you're not even gonna say that you think

1:23:56

already did this somehow i'll say to you know about

1:23:58

the whole time or i thought he already

1:24:00

did this he planned the Saturday something

1:24:03

that's not that far that's not that far fashion

1:24:05

event that already would have done it and then

1:24:07

like brought wait did you say leopard comedy anyway

1:24:11

that's crazy right that's why you bought it and then

1:24:13

didn't even say to the you're gonna let it go

1:24:15

and bought me can you get charged 12 because

1:24:20

they were like no it's only one joke it'll

1:24:22

work right now that's so funny yeah

1:24:25

live is great you know what maybe

1:24:28

the fans are right bring

1:24:32

it back was on next week was the

1:24:35

next week no surprise that's what I was

1:24:37

testing where's gangfest don't wait all surprised or

1:24:39

prize I heard that when I heard would

1:24:41

you hear nothing or you actually what I heard I would

1:24:43

love to love what have you heard to buy I heard

1:24:45

that there's a great new promo code out no

1:24:48

no but have you heard anything no you know

1:24:50

I've heard rumblings well you hear what's wrong with

1:24:52

my fat stomach I made

1:24:55

the booth laugh and I've heard rumblings what

1:24:58

you hear a couple places yeah

1:25:00

now you go what do they sound like now

1:25:02

you go within the south yeah

1:25:05

everything's in the south can't do this in the

1:25:07

north guys everyone shut the fuck up you

1:25:09

rule out michigan you're not being booked

1:25:13

as you're I do know a love note I do

1:25:16

over a bag of four hundred dollars they owe how

1:25:18

do you owe because they overpaid me

1:25:20

on my skate fest check but we

1:25:22

are back never find another find the

1:25:25

funny thing the world is reported on respect we

1:25:27

have for a bag really for everybody else we

1:25:29

would have never asked for a bad 20,000 dollars

1:25:31

they would just eat the mistake yeah

1:25:35

check a lot of free drinks so nah

1:25:37

give it I

1:25:39

do the over four dollars yeah they

1:25:41

were ready for

1:25:44

the bucks I knew the check was 500 and I fucking

1:25:48

when I saw the extra in the check I go

1:25:50

but how much extra was in the check 400 bucks

1:25:52

400 extra dollars and I looked

1:25:54

at the check and I go fucking funny I'm getting some

1:25:56

respect around here they saw people in the t-shirt level

1:26:00

of respect it is my support. It is a

1:26:02

united, it's not what they recognize. But

1:26:04

with just a bonus that I didn't mention. That's

1:26:07

all correct. That is correct. But

1:26:09

my family saw it. When

1:26:11

I was a little boy performing in front of them,

1:26:13

the side room at 11 p.m. on Saturday was never

1:26:15

so electric as it was that day. I was really

1:26:17

like, oh, they heard me shitting on Austin on stage.

1:26:20

This was my fucking bonus. And then I get back

1:26:22

home and I get a text from Christine and she

1:26:24

goes, it was meant to be sent to Rebecca, but

1:26:26

she actually sent it to me and he goes, oh,

1:26:29

this is so great. We accidentally paid

1:26:31

Lev an extra 400. Hey,

1:26:33

you idiot. The scenes are all

1:26:35

drained. I'm the best one. So she told

1:26:37

me that we're thinking Lev. Well, the kids, oh, you're just

1:26:39

thinking Lev. She's like, oh, this is about, I think he's

1:26:41

just thinking Lev. He's like, hey, you can't let Lev in

1:26:43

the name. He says, there you go. Oh,

1:26:45

we paid that jerk off Lev. I'm mad

1:26:47

at you. I'm mad at you, Dave Lev.

1:26:50

600 dollars. Ask him for a fact. I

1:26:53

don't even want him to have healing and

1:26:55

goodness. So he's like, no, we

1:26:57

should definitely double that payment. The minimal damage

1:26:59

to us and how good it will make

1:27:01

him feel. I mean, it's extremely unbalanced. If he's

1:27:03

good at it, we're good at it. We're

1:27:06

good at it, folks. Appreciate that, Lev. Dude,

1:27:08

that sucks. I remember, listen,

1:27:10

I was fucking, did a lot of years

1:27:12

in this where an extra 400 dollars in my check, if I

1:27:14

thought someone would have given that to me, would

1:27:16

have been like, and I would have spent it right away. And

1:27:19

then if they came back and were like, oh, you owe me that 400 dollars, you're

1:27:21

like, but now I just owe you

1:27:23

400 dollars. Yeah. I don't know. I

1:27:25

mean, it's just because they're planned to have me in service for the

1:27:27

rest of their lives. Yeah. Just

1:27:30

to fucking get 10 bucks for the seven. Yeah.

1:27:32

All right. Let's take a quick moment and thank

1:27:34

one of our incredible sponsors, which is yo-delta.com. I

1:27:36

love yo-delta.com this holiday season. I've been getting super

1:27:38

stoned on their gummies. I switched over to Yo-Delta

1:27:40

gummies as I've been taking edu- Whoa. Yo-Delta's

1:27:43

a vampire. 10-5-8 gummies in the

1:27:45

house. Merry Christmas. Merry

1:27:47

Christmas. Everyone's getting gay on the smoking, you

1:27:49

know? So vapes and gummies pretty much are

1:27:51

the way to play it. Yeah. I like

1:27:53

it. It makes me

1:27:56

super high. Do edu-dables work on

1:27:58

vampires? No, unfortunately- Maybe I

1:28:00

don't. I'm a vape dude. You're a

1:28:02

vape dude. Yeah, I figured like, could you even,

1:28:05

wouldn't your body reject if you tried to eat

1:28:07

the edibles because it's not blood? It's

1:28:09

already possible. I haven't tried in years,

1:28:11

you know? I've just kind of kept

1:28:13

it to the blood thing. Do vampires exclusively

1:28:16

eat blood or do you eat meals and

1:28:18

then have blood on top of it? We

1:28:21

drink blood, Dave. Blood is a liquid. You don't

1:28:23

eat it, idiot. Who's the

1:28:25

new shithead, huh? Welcome

1:28:29

to the party, dumb dick. Go ahead, Lewis. Finish

1:28:31

the ad. Read this guy's name. Well,

1:28:34

look, if you're over 21, you like to get

1:28:36

high. I'll tell you right now, Yo Delta and

1:28:38

Delta 8 can be legally shipped to the majority

1:28:41

of states in this country. We hear that, Dave.

1:28:43

Legally, you stooge. Most of the

1:28:45

time. What can I do on that one? I don't know.

1:28:48

In a lot of places, weed's still illegal and it's expensive, so

1:28:51

we can save you 25% off when

1:28:53

you use the promo code GAS at

1:28:56

yodelta.com. You hate it. Yo

1:28:58

Delta dot com, the best place in the world to

1:29:00

grab your Delta 8 THC. Use that promo code GAS.

1:29:02

I'm too good at it. They're humping right now. That's

1:29:05

how much I love it. Well, anyway, Skankfest,

1:29:07

here's what's going on. We

1:29:10

have the place locked down. We're

1:29:12

just waiting on contracts to be signed for both the

1:29:14

venue and a couple of the locals telling us what's

1:29:16

on the list. I don't know the location and I

1:29:18

want to just start saying locations. Yeah, what's on the

1:29:21

list? I'm worried I'm going to say the right one.

1:29:23

Well, this confirms it'll be a new place. I've

1:29:25

not confirmed anything. But can you at least say you must have

1:29:27

at least considered keeping it in Vegas? We've

1:29:30

considered keeping it in Vegas. You must have

1:29:32

considered New York, we've considered LA, and we've

1:29:34

considered Tampa. Or Detroit. Rock City. Not Tampa,

1:29:36

St. Petersburg. I would love New York. So

1:29:39

you just narrowed it down to those places. Well, we

1:29:41

see. It will be one of those four places. Anchorage.

1:29:43

Okay. Can I suggest one more? That

1:29:46

won't get chosen, but let's just suggest it. I'm not

1:29:48

going to do this one. Yeah, put it on the

1:29:50

list. It's not this point. It's not this point. Phnom

1:29:52

Penh, Cambodia. I think we all meet out there. We

1:29:54

fuck some kids. Jay. We fuck some

1:29:56

kids. Oh, yeah, dude. Have you ever been

1:29:58

to Pyongyang? Thank you, Rowdy. Yeah, what have

1:30:01

you ever been to Liechtenstein? Now

1:30:03

there's no kids talking, but

1:30:05

the per capita income is astronomical. So here's the thing,

1:30:07

January 10th tickets are going to be the only reason

1:30:09

we're not announcing the location and the dates yet is

1:30:12

because we have to have the contracts in place

1:30:18

before we can get there. How could people buy tickets without

1:30:20

a fucking date? We can't announce until we get that $400

1:30:22

back. If

1:30:24

I had to guess, we're going to

1:30:26

announce the location and date on New

1:30:28

Year's Eve and January 10th is the pre-sale.

1:30:32

Do a selfie video while the ball's

1:30:34

dropping and make the announcement. You gotta

1:30:36

go. You gotta go. A

1:30:38

bunch of thugs yelling at people in front

1:30:40

of you. Okay, fuck Mary Kill for your

1:30:42

locations first, gangfest. I'm

1:30:44

going to marry New York because obviously it's the best place. Ooh,

1:30:46

that's a great game, dude. Oh, I live with it. I can

1:30:48

live here. It's been New

1:30:50

York. Yeah. I would kill Tampa

1:30:53

because Vegas is a lot of fun. Tampa's got

1:30:55

to be the history of where we've done it.

1:30:57

So it's New York, Houston, Vegas. Wow, that's a

1:30:59

great game. Oh, okay. New York, I would marry.

1:31:01

It was such a great time. This is too

1:31:04

obvious. It's too obvious. I would kill off Houston.

1:31:06

Everyone's going to kill Houston. Everyone's going to fuck

1:31:08

Vegas. Everyone's going to marry New York. No, I

1:31:10

don't go that way. David, remember when you fucked

1:31:12

me? I've heard people love Houston. I was very

1:31:14

drunk. I loved Houston. I said the festival has

1:31:16

gotten inarguably bigger and better every year for sure.

1:31:27

So it's not about exponentially. It's

1:31:30

not about exponentially. And that's why JG is 5%. I'd

1:31:33

like to say this on a chart. The

1:31:35

festival gets better every year.

1:31:37

It's the people get worse. But as far

1:31:39

as like places for just my personal taste,

1:31:41

my favorite, I'll always say it was Skankfest

1:31:44

South. I thought it was

1:31:46

a bad idea at first and I really, I fucking really enjoyed it. My

1:31:53

favorite memories were Skankfest 2 or 3 in New York. She's

1:31:57

Skankfest with Louis C. K. regarding Houston. Luis's

1:32:00

Day of Returning. That was like

1:32:02

an incredible moment, but I will tell you, Skankfest

1:32:05

1, 2, and 3. And

1:32:09

it was nothing compared to what it is

1:32:11

today. It wasn't nearly as big a thing.

1:32:14

But there was something about, dude, Skankfest 1,

1:32:16

we just packed the creek in the cave,

1:32:18

and it was so fucking cool to us

1:32:20

that we packed it. So

1:32:23

Skankfest 1, the concept was, there

1:32:25

was another festival going on called

1:32:27

the concrete festival. It was a

1:32:30

festival, something like that. It was the

1:32:32

Woke Festival. It was the Woke Festival.

1:32:34

They didn't call it that. And they said

1:32:36

any man, any white man, pays 25% more for

1:32:38

their entry. So it'd be...

1:32:42

You don't remember this? This is the

1:32:45

origin story of Skankfest. The

1:32:47

origin story of Skankfest was that there was this

1:32:49

festival, these woke guys started a Woke Comedy festival.

1:32:52

I remember that. And

1:32:54

they go charging for a brick. Maybe.

1:32:58

That's brick down the center one. They

1:33:00

said we're charging for something. It was something.

1:33:04

Rebecca was involved at one point. She was all

1:33:06

stupid bitches that were made of comedy festivals. So

1:33:10

we took your stupid bitch and made her our

1:33:12

stupid bitch. And now she's stupid bitches. We

1:33:14

stole Rebecca from the Woke. Doesn't that kind of rule? I

1:33:17

love Rebecca Treins, by the way. It

1:33:21

was called the Cinder Block Cinder Block. Cinder

1:33:23

Block! Yeah, we were going to give her

1:33:25

some brains. So they were charging... I

1:33:27

can't remember the exact numbers. But maybe it

1:33:29

would be $100 if you're a straight white

1:33:31

man. $2,000 a submit at... $77 off submission. Give

1:33:35

CinderBacks. There's a

1:33:38

lot of festivals that just make money off

1:33:40

submissions. Where they have thousands of people submitting

1:33:42

to take whatever amount from them. And

1:33:44

they sell tickets that don't make nearly their money back

1:33:46

for that. Pay everybody. That's how

1:33:48

they make money on the festival. It's garbage. So now

1:33:50

the thing that got us so angry is that they were like

1:33:52

these kind of no-name guys who were doing it. It

1:33:55

was a tiny little thing. And they

1:33:58

were passing it off like, oh we're doing this. Noble

1:34:00

thing because we're charging the straight white

1:34:02

men more and we're only charging people

1:34:04

of color and women You're

1:34:09

not doing anything better you're ripping

1:34:12

off everyone including the people of

1:34:14

color And

1:34:16

then you're just ripping We

1:34:19

started with we said if you wanted to submit there

1:34:21

was no fee we booked a bunch of people We

1:34:25

changed the rule for left, but This

1:34:29

has been the Skankfest oh, but that was

1:34:31

it was sort of that was what inspired it

1:34:33

We said we were gonna do it a submission

1:34:35

You don't have to and we had like a

1:34:37

thousand people submit and we booked like 30 It

1:34:40

was very small if you look at the original poster It was like 30

1:34:42

like headliners and then it was like we

1:34:44

but we got a Doug Stanhope Then oh

1:34:47

and they were and that was at to

1:34:49

us at the time. He was like what?

1:34:52

Stanhope is coming to do fucking Yeah,

1:34:55

that was number one I remember being three

1:34:58

years in and going holy fuck skank is

1:35:00

Stanhope's on this like it felt like you guys

1:35:02

were telling the New York Scene like hey, we're

1:35:04

a thing. Yeah, this is becoming a bucket Rebecca

1:35:09

kersieres and we like Skankfest is

1:35:12

as valuable to Legion of Skanks at this point

1:35:14

as Legion of

1:35:16

Skanks is valuable to Skankfest. I really believe

1:35:18

that this is the original skankfest lineup. Yeah,

1:35:20

this Wow 2016 that was the

1:35:22

first year right Wow Post-re-market

1:35:25

Tom Kathy Peter Braille

1:35:27

suicide shows murder fist

1:35:31

Was like a man you guys got better eyesight than

1:35:33

me, huh? Tim Dylan did ha with us like

1:35:35

the rates were Dylan was the

1:35:37

MC for that show And

1:35:40

they create we were like fine Tim

1:35:42

will do you a favor? Greg's I

1:35:44

know the co-headliner Tim your place Show

1:35:47

us super Agarwal Adrian Apolucci

1:35:49

Jacqueline Novak Jacqueline Novak did

1:35:51

it that is wild Yeah,

1:35:54

Red Band desk watch. Oh, yeah, those guys

1:35:56

came out. I remember that was really cool

1:35:58

Chris scope. What was there? Scott

1:36:00

Chaplin Rob may you was I not on this

1:36:02

do you right there or issue fear 11 p.m.

1:36:04

With the mic with Michael Orange you guys Yeah,

1:36:06

we did 30 minute sets which day I remember

1:36:08

this we did we did 30 minute sets We

1:36:10

did call him my me 30 minute sets. That's

1:36:12

all I did know I'm a certain No, this

1:36:14

is just Saturday, but this is also just the

1:36:16

lineup You probably jumped on other things to you

1:36:18

know like the basketball tournament

1:36:20

was that year two there was your two

1:36:22

I was your stop was cheated horribly ruined

1:36:24

the whole thing How's Yeah,

1:36:31

they did they lost in the fire Can't

1:36:34

seem one cannon cannon and then beat him really yeah

1:36:36

cannon and teeny beat him We should bring we should

1:36:39

bring wreck basketball this year. Oh, man. I don't know

1:36:41

if I have it in me boys I'll

1:36:43

do it We get a court in whatever

1:36:45

city we're in and we do if we

1:36:47

do a scan test back home What's one of them

1:36:49

will you do we redeem ourselves or give Matt and

1:36:51

Shane this year wait hold on at scan fest three-on-three

1:36:54

us vs. Them to You

1:37:01

think no no no we'll win three on two I

1:37:04

don't think you know Shane bailed this year

1:37:06

she bailed Shane

1:37:08

owes us in such a massive way at

1:37:10

the very least he'll let us sell his

1:37:13

name this year And I'll pull out later

1:37:20

Why oh cuz he got sick Yeah,

1:37:22

I mean that's not his fault. He got you fucking girls herb

1:37:24

is you gonna get herpes What

1:37:28

it is But then

1:37:30

right so then year two It

1:37:32

was the creek and then we also

1:37:34

rented out like a bigger room just for like

1:37:36

the night show you watch away And they and

1:37:38

it was packed and then it was like like

1:37:40

that year to me in some ways I'd say

1:37:42

that's my favorite festival because that was the first

1:37:44

year that was like oh, this is a thing

1:37:47

Like it wasn't just like oh, we did this this

1:37:49

one time. It was like when those night shows were

1:37:51

packed We were like we got something here. This is

1:37:53

gonna be like a thing every year. Yeah, that was

1:37:55

fuck at

1:38:00

the Brooklyn Bazaar, people were going like, what the

1:38:02

fuck? You're like, I remember

1:38:04

comedians like inching forward, trying to get closer to

1:38:06

things. And Brooklyn Bazaar was such a perfect venue

1:38:08

for it. It was small, it was 1200 people

1:38:10

for the whole each night, but

1:38:12

it was the perfect venue for it. And that actually,

1:38:15

that sculpted what Skankfest was gonna be coming.

1:38:17

And that's also when I saw the first

1:38:19

part of the festival part of it was

1:38:21

a guy who, multiple Ubers like,

1:38:24

I'm not taking you, I won't

1:38:26

take you, you're too fucked up. And then his

1:38:28

friends were like, look, we gotta get this guy back. And it was like 1 p.m.

1:38:32

And the guy was in already barbed, multiple Ubers like,

1:38:34

no, give me bed writing, I don't care. And then

1:38:36

finally somebody did, and we're all like, don't, go. And

1:38:38

I was like, oh, people are getting after it. It's

1:38:41

a festival on top of the shows.

1:38:43

And then it was the second year

1:38:45

at Bazaar that Louis CK was

1:38:48

there, which is, I think it was still four years

1:38:50

of New York. Time to come back,

1:38:52

Louis. I listen, I actually don't

1:38:54

know what's happening. Time to come fucking back.

1:38:57

Well, I'll tell you right now, New York, number one

1:38:59

comedy city in the world, you're gonna avoid it. It

1:39:02

is, are you fighting? It is the number one comedy

1:39:04

fucking city in the world, motherfucker, let it out. Yeah,

1:39:06

not be confused. No offense to London. You're

1:39:08

doing quite well. Yeah, you

1:39:11

got that Jimmy Carr, yeah, but, we're doing

1:39:13

good here too. Obviously us, number one over

1:39:15

London. No doubt. Yeah,

1:39:19

LA with your millionaires, get

1:39:21

outta here. All those LA millionaires went

1:39:24

to Austin. And Austin, you're not a millionaire, you're

1:39:26

paid. You're 13% less

1:39:28

in taxes. That's

1:39:30

a new millionaire. Which doesn't

1:39:32

sound like much if you're the average

1:39:34

person, but you're a multi-millionaire, you get

1:39:37

so much money. But to every comedian

1:39:39

who moved to Austin, it's $13 million.

1:39:41

It's so funny to see him move to Austin, it was like, we

1:39:43

pay less taxes. And I'm like, you pay less

1:39:46

taxes. You should've said that.

1:39:52

Alex, are we gonna go over

1:39:54

the year in core value? Are you fucking crazy?

1:39:56

What, we're good. What, how? 10 o'clock. Is

1:39:59

that true? We just have 12

1:40:01

stories to do really quick. We can do

1:40:03

them quickly. We'll do them quickly. There's

1:40:05

no way we're going to do it. Over the music, guys. La

1:40:09

la la la la la la la la

1:40:11

la la la la la. You go over

1:40:13

the stories in each month. It's going to

1:40:15

be quick. She can do it. I can

1:40:17

do it. They're always going to post cock

1:40:19

out. What's the name of that la la la

1:40:21

song? Ari, no. No, Ari, no.

1:40:23

Ari, no. Stop pissing. No. Dude, dude,

1:40:26

dude. No, Ari. No, he's going

1:40:28

to piss up the headphones. Ari, don't piss on the headphones, please. Please

1:40:30

don't. Dude, you're going to be more pissed than that

1:40:32

cop. I want it. You're more pissed than that cop,

1:40:34

dude. God damn it. I need to help him.

1:40:37

I just can't sit right next to you. Oh,

1:40:39

my god. Oh, man. No. I

1:40:41

know you need another cop. Oh. La

1:40:46

la la la la la la la. If

1:40:48

you're soon to hear his name song, dude.

1:40:51

I'm begging you, please. You can't drink anything

1:40:53

on this thing. Jake, get these cups out

1:40:55

of here, dude. Jake,

1:40:57

get these cups out of here, please. Ari, your

1:40:59

dick's so big, dude. If I had Ari's dick,

1:41:01

I'd be so happy, dude. Fuck his

1:41:04

dick's so big. My dick is 1

1:41:06

third that size. My

1:41:08

dick is always mini me of a dick. My

1:41:12

dick is cute compared to Ari's. My

1:41:14

girlfriend's watching this stream right now. I

1:41:16

know she just saw your cock off making me mad. No,

1:41:18

what she saw was you barely lunged for it and hold

1:41:20

yourself back. Dude, I caught her listening to Andrew Schultz's podcast

1:41:22

the other day. I wanted to punch her in her fucking

1:41:24

mouth. My girlfriend, dude. You

1:41:27

caught her listening to Schultz? She listens to

1:41:29

Schultz's podcast. I know she

1:41:32

does, but I walked into my home listening

1:41:34

to another man's voice. It actually gave me

1:41:36

a visceral reaction. She goes, he. I'm

1:41:39

out of rock. She's wearing

1:41:41

a D-rag, slapping her knee. Laughing.

1:41:43

Yeah. It's funny.

1:41:46

I walked in. I walked in. She

1:41:48

walked into Corinne Fisher and Christina's voices

1:41:50

one day. And I punched a hole in my wall. What

1:41:54

is happening? What are you doing? She walked into my

1:41:56

son for me. Now I got to get a new

1:41:59

house. My girlfriend listens to you. the guys we fucked

1:42:01

in the house but she does it while

1:42:03

she cleans the house so like she's not getting

1:42:05

the message of what they're telling her you know

1:42:07

it's your shit be independent being an issue yeah

1:42:10

what your girl listening to a different like podcast

1:42:13

yeah no that's not yeah your chick listen to

1:42:15

fucking Manson speeches I'm

1:42:17

still at a point with Ari I consider be

1:42:20

a good friend for many

1:42:25

years now we're still when he's got

1:42:28

a full cup of piss in his hand

1:42:30

I'm like he knows like I won't be

1:42:32

friends with him anymore is

1:42:35

it makes it makes it fun right it's a double as no

1:42:37

I'm not already know that makes

1:42:45

it exciting I'm like okay but he knows like

1:42:48

are you know I would be a friend

1:42:52

yes we might fight we

1:42:54

might fight and I'll kill you there's a world in

1:42:57

which I'm like what it up Lewis and then go like

1:42:59

that it would be funny if it hit me and in

1:43:01

a moment like that would be funny go for it but

1:43:03

yeah David the

1:43:06

friend I know it would be a tough price

1:43:08

to pay but it would be funny it

1:43:14

was truly funny but it would like you'd be soaked in

1:43:16

piss I know I don't think he's

1:43:27

about to punch me I'm just staring at you Lewis I

1:43:30

know Dave Davis are fighting you I would not handle

1:43:32

it well yeah I would I wouldn't handle about being

1:43:36

a big I'm gonna get you already I don't know if we

1:43:38

have time for this and stories

1:43:47

of the year the next live

1:43:49

show there might be a mass suicide still And

1:44:00

you're gonna do the soy thing, dude. We're

1:44:02

going too soon. Lose what fucking

1:44:04

seven Nazis came back? Well, here's the thing,

1:44:06

it's the core value. So here's the core

1:44:09

values are rape, the three R's. Rape, retards,

1:44:11

and racism, right? Yeah. So

1:44:13

Alex spent, and I mean this,

1:44:15

a full month going through

1:44:18

the news stories of the past year

1:44:20

and narrowing each story down. It

1:44:22

was an hour before the show. And

1:44:24

picking out one core value story to

1:44:26

represent each month of this past

1:44:28

year. So I wonder if Alex or Dale... You're

1:44:30

right. You think we're all... I'm

1:44:33

not arguing about doing the bit. I'm just saying, should

1:44:36

we do it now? Should we do it live

1:44:38

with the audience? No, it's funny. Jay,

1:44:41

I got what you're saying. I'm saying don't do it at all. But

1:44:43

do it now. Okay, but

1:44:45

do it not now. But I'm saying never.

1:44:49

And she's gonna run them down. If

1:44:51

that's a big deal, we're gonna be good. Maybe

1:44:53

you could just do that over the whole thing. No, excuse me.

1:44:57

What if I... what if like... What if the word... is

1:44:59

that everywhere the word? But then it

1:45:01

did like, it's water, so I didn't time it right and it was splash,

1:45:03

splash and went back on. Do you recognize

1:45:05

that I was trying to stop, but I was being

1:45:07

lead this plea. I'd be furious. Yeah,

1:45:11

I'd be furious. Would that

1:45:13

still be punched right away? I

1:45:16

don't know if you don't hit me with the

1:45:18

pest. Let's get an empty.

1:45:21

It's like this. No, I'm

1:45:23

just kidding. I'd be furious.

1:45:27

If it hits me, I don't want to ever punch you already. But

1:45:31

if you put piss on me, the

1:45:33

thing that would immediately go through my mind is not just how

1:45:35

gross it is that I have your piss on me, but

1:45:39

also that I'm like, I have to fucking smell like this for

1:45:41

the rest of the day. I gotta go

1:45:43

home to my family. I gotta go

1:45:45

home to my family with fucking piss on

1:45:48

me. I gotta go to a real dark

1:45:50

place immediately. And I just don't... I

1:45:52

think we might fit. Okay, what if this? What if this? What

1:45:54

if this? Don't stop to toying with the idea in your hand.

1:45:56

Not even toying it, Louis. Just putting it down like I did.

1:46:00

Very very specific boundaries, but

1:46:02

just dropped out. Hey, but

1:46:04

how would the physics of

1:46:06

that? Examples

1:46:10

this is a good This

1:46:19

drop On

1:46:21

my white sneakers. All right No,

1:46:24

I'm my sneakers. I would be upset here. I wouldn't

1:46:26

fist fight you over on my sneakers If you don't

1:46:28

fit in you for a full covering your face There's

1:46:33

some wiggle room between Hey

1:46:37

Michael Rapopis Couple

1:46:42

pisses fighting words except for with me. Except

1:46:45

for you number three or four or three

1:46:47

All right, we we be pissed

1:46:49

for at Hank fest. No, too

1:46:51

No, it was in the first one it was

1:46:53

not first one was to It was a

1:46:55

second one was threat and then we didn't do

1:46:57

it. They made a promise for four We were

1:46:59

going back to the same venue. You know, like

1:47:01

you can't do can't do that game anymore Who

1:47:04

was the creek? Three was it? No, not Creek

1:47:07

The big room the naked room the big room over

1:47:09

in that room. You did it to Zach. Yeah

1:47:18

Hey, we evolved everyone's like who comes got involved. Well, that's

1:47:21

what that's what it looks like If

1:47:23

you want if you only have three grand sex happening

1:47:25

in a bathroom Yeah, if you want me to tell

1:47:27

you that skank fest was a pure progression with no

1:47:30

setbacks I'm not gonna tell you that story but that

1:47:32

what I tell you that we figured it out Yeah,

1:47:34

that eventually we got to where we needed to go.

1:47:36

Sure we did All

1:47:38

right. So no time for this bit promo

1:47:40

code Jew eight days off and Free

1:47:43

handy from Alice. Go ahead I Was

1:47:48

what that happens where else storm out of here or save

1:47:50

for next week, that's your choice a lot of work Wasted

1:47:54

you think it's gonna be a continued fucking segment.

1:47:56