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0:31

her up! You're listening to the

0:33

cast of Digital Network. What's

1:14

up everybody? It is the

1:17

Legion of Skanks podcast. That's

1:19

right, we're here at the Stan Comedy Club.

1:23

Turned into like, fuck, you remember

1:25

Stomp? That old off-road, they're all

1:27

banging things. Bringing the noise, bringing

1:29

the funk, guys. Hell

1:32

yeah. Paco, you're Sabion Glover. That's

1:36

the only name I know from Stomp ever. Sabion

1:38

Glover. Big Jay Oakerson, everybody.

1:40

Welcome to the show. To

1:42

my right, as always, we got Davey Smith. What's

1:46

up? This is going to be

1:49

a good one. This is going to be a very good one,

1:51

everybody. We're in a crucial moment of

1:54

a contest on this show. Everybody,

1:56

as always, to my left, you know him and love him, everybody. He's

1:59

the Puerto Rican rattlesnake. Nick, Louis,

2:01

Jay, Gomez. Yeah! Thank you.

2:04

The King of Things, the point

2:06

guard of podcasting, the human liability, the

2:09

human liability of the artist formerly known as the Helwood shirt

2:11

of MMA radio. And

2:13

those are only half of them. I

2:16

got so many more, I don't wanna board our guests. We

2:19

have amazing guests on the show tonight,

2:21

everybody. Both returning guests, both favorites of

2:23

the show. You know, from

2:26

being in with Jordan podcast, everybody makes some

2:28

noise for the hilarious Ian Fideance. Yeah!

2:31

Yeah! Thank you! Woo!

2:34

That was a peppered response. Yeah! Well, here's

2:36

a big response. Here's a good big response.

2:38

The reason all of us know we'll never be

2:41

great at comedy is sitting with us, everybody. How

2:43

about it for Dave Atal in the house? Yeah!

2:46

Yeah! Oh, good one. By

2:51

the way, Dave is a trailer for, Hot

2:54

Cross Buns, the new special coming up, 26, correct? That's

2:57

right. I loved watching the trailer, seeing

2:59

that you're wearing the dupe rack under

3:01

that hat on the special. I

3:04

like to keep it Ukraine casual, you know

3:06

what I'm talking about. Thank you. Ukraine

3:09

Cash, what's up, Dave? Thank you guys both for being here.

3:11

Thanks for having us. It

3:13

is a big week. I know later in the

3:15

show, we're getting to our second round of Milk

3:17

Madness brackets. Very excited. It's a crazy moment to

3:19

be in this contest, in this crazy moment in

3:21

history. It's a big, big time, yeah. You guys

3:23

were here for it. Ian

3:26

turned us down. We didn't ask Dave, because we

3:28

have too much respect for him. No, my mom

3:30

entered. Where are we in the contest now? It's

3:34

round two, so we had 32 initial

3:37

contestants. Yes. So we

3:39

did eight on each side, eight battles on

3:41

each side, and they moved on. Do we have the

3:43

names of who's still in it? The

3:45

names of the people whose mothers they are? We

3:51

do. Can

3:53

you give me a second to pull up? Yeah, get that right here for when we

3:55

do the segment, it's fine. You got it. I

3:58

thought you guys wanted it to be a surprise again. Oh, that's right. right yeah

4:00

we don't know who's yeah we've moved on I

4:02

don't even go ahead off the bracket after we

4:04

did off in a random order don't don't read

4:06

off the list what's going blind see if we

4:08

can even remember yeah just you know

4:11

yes fire away

4:13

you can't say worse things than we said

4:15

in round one okay mother's no filter well

4:17

these moms that went through to so these

4:20

moms are all technically more fuckable than the

4:22

last round of mom or a little less

4:24

ugly oh yeah and

4:30

we asked you for pictures of your

4:32

mom and you refused of course yeah

4:34

I assume your mom has the same

4:36

face like you like Mrs. Potato Head

4:38

can I tell you uh when Lewis

4:40

first proposed this idea and our legendary

4:42

show meetings yeah he said he goes

4:44

okay we'll enter everybody's mom in this

4:46

contest and I was like you

4:49

know you Alex said well are they

4:51

gonna submit their pictures and Lewis goes you could

4:53

pull them all off Facebook I said go to go to go to

4:55

Louis and

4:58

I went Lewis that's something you got to get permission for

5:00

yeah diabolical and we were

5:02

I guess and Lewis goes no one is gonna

5:04

say no everyone's gonna just because I thought our

5:06

friends were all hilarious and the list of knows

5:08

that Alex came up with by the way almost

5:10

form letter knows they were like I would appreciate

5:12

very much if you would not include it they

5:14

wrote it that way because

5:17

they wanted to have it in writing in a very

5:19

clear way they sent it to

5:22

their lawyer right after us well

5:25

I have to tell you my mom just got out of

5:27

the hospital and that is the only reason why she's not

5:29

in this company so hopefully

5:33

2025 you'll be seeing Lily and tell the

5:35

interesting thing is the comics the hot game

5:37

by the way yeah because the comics did

5:39

know why they were staying them in it

5:42

is interesting and Lewis pointed this out and he's right

5:45

the difference people have on some people just setting

5:47

like a lovely picture of their mother in

5:49

like a nice dress with the family

5:51

picture sure and some people went for

5:53

like bikini picture hot

5:56

slutty that's Me: I

6:00

target of my mom's next round. Pick your

6:02

she was Where's yours is is like to

6:04

raise it doesn't matter. Winning.

6:06

This thing. Yeah, we're gonna win. How is

6:09

it all on Looks? Are there other competitions

6:11

like vacuuming position? For

6:14

that is best snacks selling for thirty give

6:16

you give your sob story try to sell

6:18

or if it was quite ib. Now for

6:21

the most part this is just who you

6:23

want it. We shouldn't. We shot at have

6:25

do like mom talent competition later often hunting.

6:27

So yeah I agree on my mom's not

6:29

good at cooking largely. Some.

6:32

Of these moms are dead so

6:34

forth and so what atmosphere Mom's

6:36

now who have been like cast

6:38

aside where they a shame ville

6:40

Yeah yeah just living like. Fuckin.

6:43

Agree like they were when the summer assess

6:45

assess the tell her love their vacuuming the

6:47

big rug up in the sky and and

6:49

I mean I guess as as. Or

6:53

my mom had me. and nineteen Swiss are pretty good

6:55

about this contest. Yeah, My. Mom

6:57

had it's when he but she was

6:59

a heroin addicts. Are you know she

7:01

a pair Snyder the other Rosenberg. Said.

7:07

I mental and of ruling. Was

7:10

ever a heroin. Addict

7:13

this is the fat her when an accessory or.

7:17

Oh yeah, No. Of lose or

7:19

so we're on her. We're also extremely lazy.

7:21

he probably just junk food is the last

7:23

guy who expects you to ask what's your

7:25

secret. Wasn't. Thought we were just

7:27

as a whether bodies before was neck i have

7:29

an era was I think so. I.

7:32

Am I right Imagination? I know everybody. Sir

7:34

Ninian, What's up with heroin Give you might

7:36

be a history with Drowning Pool of. Your

7:40

own hair when you eat you. Not lazy. probably

7:42

to do a ton of stuff to get effects.

7:45

Wealth but I just the hardest workers amongst I you

7:47

know who they are going in slow motion so if

7:49

the workers have much more than. I

7:54

am thrilled to discuss. You

7:56

know it might try to

7:58

run underwater. Wherever

8:00

yeah, the you're running to get the older insists

8:02

on the street. Or three dollars. I'm

8:06

say I'm very sorry about to witness a little bit

8:08

later on said we have some fly me to spend

8:10

quite a the skanky wheat. Mom.

8:12

And Dad's ashes on the person who

8:14

says know jack. I. Don't want to

8:17

talk about pedophile hunters. I settled. science in

8:19

my life is a constant battle. Know you

8:21

bring up to me at all times. Jay

8:23

has an obsession. he loves it and maybe

8:25

as his favorite topic in the world. Forty

8:28

years so many you tube rabbit hole behind.

8:30

I'm so pet pet A five months now

8:32

I'm on to sovereign citizens arguing with cops

8:34

If they can arrest them out on shows

8:36

are don't know it's the best Is that

8:39

the car? The snaps embrace the windows seven

8:41

as yes yes always is another. They always

8:43

pays the same evening that were no reply

8:45

to your. Laws that amazing about it

8:47

is that you would think that they

8:49

are so the sovereign citizens guys believe

8:51

their shit so much that no matter

8:54

how aggressive the cops get the never

8:56

break. Like. By the time he smashed

8:58

the window through like there's a sovereign force,

9:00

the other. Words

9:02

You're not I do not have you producers

9:04

and you use your he's got his taser

9:06

out which is give up the sovereign think

9:09

I'm I of the wrong with ninety percent

9:11

of us I bet they're not right but

9:13

the law already been quite a morally. Waffles

9:15

were the best is out yeah no fucking

9:17

argue that the are the rules don't apply

9:19

And him the when I have declared independence

9:22

from Junior when they ask him whether driving

9:24

they go do have a driver's license ago.

9:26

Know. But I'm not the not driving,

9:28

I'm traveling. Africans

9:30

were treated as a mother masses. Return it

9:32

Affleck, you'll get your to my girlfriend the

9:35

when they get case or when they take

9:37

a mere still lives in some where they're

9:39

still yelling off this they're like suggests that

9:41

it. As

9:44

an asset that here's what I'm going to do. You

9:46

know my meetings and next level. I'll

9:48

give ten bucks anyway. This crowd of can spell

9:50

sovereign the cinema. Her. body

9:54

that i'm our arms race i'm a positive that i

9:56

could spell sovereign right now can i try i mean

9:58

the eye and dollars on the table I

10:01

want that I need to be $10. Let's write it

10:03

all of my money's now in crypto. I need to

10:05

tell dollars SOV

10:08

yeah nailed it e r no No,

10:14

that's not right is it sovereign

10:17

Sovereign no, that's I before you yeah, I

10:19

said that that's a fight Yeah,

10:27

but I don't believe in money I

10:33

Know I'm gonna pass this on to my own challenge

10:35

to others during today's show. Oh, that should be the

10:37

challenge $10 bill Yeah, you keep moving

10:39

whatever with it has to oppose another challenge to the

10:41

crowd. I love it You know what we have to

10:44

do to become sovereign citizens only yellowed a cop like

10:46

that Nonsense people but people that aren't even sovereign citizens

10:48

do that. You'll just see a guy nobody's a size

10:50

But can you imagine if that just worked like

10:52

we would all become sovereign citizens? But they may have

10:54

never just argued with a cop and the cop was

10:56

like damn it They're sovereign, you know,

10:59

and we would just all join

11:01

not international waters What

11:05

if there was just like a thing where like the

11:07

cops were like, do you know why I pulled you

11:09

over and you were Like I'm touching base right now.

11:11

Yeah, you can't get in my sovereign car. Sorry also

11:13

does not apply to your walls Anyway,

11:15

the point I'm making is that I usually

11:17

shy away from these pedophile hunters. I don't

11:19

even like the pedophile hunter guys I think

11:21

yeah, they're coming after your people The guys

11:23

that are The guys

11:26

that are pedophile hunting they are never not creepy

11:28

every time I get a vibe that they are

11:31

Overcompetent also, it's another kind of you

11:33

always want it like the thing is

11:35

that 50% of the time You're

11:39

not sure whether they created this situation

11:41

and it never would have happened if

11:43

they hadn't like been like Loring some

11:45

and then you see the guy and

11:47

the guy's the biggest loser in the

11:49

history of the universe and you're like

11:51

Oh, if anyone had messaged him come

11:53

over. I think this guy might have been

11:55

coming over. This is my argument you Most

11:59

of them to show up again maybe eight years old or 80 years

12:01

old, they just can't believe someone answered finally. That

12:03

is the truth. But I tell you what happened

12:06

this weekend. I was in Providence. This

12:08

was fucking crazy. You got called. I'm a pedophile,

12:10

honey. I was in my hotel. You're not even

12:12

cops. You're just doing this for YouTube. I

12:15

was saying that to Marion. I'm not a pedophile, I'm a

12:17

sovereign citizen. In Louis, man, you can fuck any age. No,

12:23

dude, I'm saying, and I guess there was

12:25

like a dance competition in Providence, like a

12:27

statewide dance competition. How are you

12:30

gonna sell any tickets when you're competing with that? In

12:32

my hotel, it was just like two or 300 six

12:35

to 11 year old dancer girls, right?

12:37

Wow. Heaven, some would say.

12:41

You gotta stack them. Doggy. I

12:43

went, I was sitting

12:46

in the hot tub. On

12:49

Saturday morning, I'm sitting in the hot tub and

12:51

fucking eight different fucking seven, eight year old

12:53

girls jump in the hot tub right after

12:55

I get in. Wow. Girls,

12:58

you're floating in my comms. I

13:01

don't believe it. There's

13:03

no hot tub out of comforting. You're

13:08

getting in the hotel hot tubs already. That's suspect

13:10

for you. But the fact that these parents let

13:12

their little girls get in the hot tub with

13:14

a brand new boner is psychotic.

13:18

Were they in two pieces, Louis? Yeah,

13:20

dude. Ew. Dude, it was fucking

13:22

crazy. If I was a pedophile, it would have

13:24

genuinely been heaven. Wow. Dude,

13:27

you're just a pedophilic observer. Louis

13:30

goes, I'll rape you girls when you turn 18. He

13:33

goes, hey, before that. Oh God, this is

13:35

insane. I'm gonna spank back this. Yeah,

13:39

dude. It was fucked up. Underage pussy soup.

13:46

Jesus. Well, if they rolled her, it'd be more of a

13:48

stew. Chowder.

13:52

Oh, yum clam chowder. So

13:57

this pedophile, I'm sure they are. Alex

14:00

Rose and Courtney Elizabeth, two ago on pedophile hunts

14:02

with. So Lewis, they rule. So Lewis hates pedophile

14:04

hunts typically, but you saw one that was so

14:06

great. I couldn't shy away from it. There was

14:09

no way, it hit on so many different core

14:11

values that it had to be brought to the

14:13

show. This is when

14:15

it went viral, so there was a guy, how did

14:17

I miss this? This is crazy dude, it's all over

14:19

the place. He got caught, this guy right here. Oh

14:22

no! Now this guy should be a sovereign citizen. Oh

14:25

no! Holy shit! Wait, why

14:27

is his head AI a regular person? It's

14:31

almost like God preemptively punished him

14:33

for his crimes. Why

14:35

did he take this picture with the green screen

14:37

of a kitchen? Oh I

14:39

thought it was him getting caught, I'm like he's pretty

14:41

happy about it. He's like good, good. I

14:44

have to come off the streets. Is

14:46

the guy holding his marionette strings also

14:49

going to get charged? Oh wow! He's

14:52

the real culprit of these actions. Let

14:54

me ask you this before I come over, 12 year old. Is

14:57

your front door street level? Holy

15:03

shit! Will we be fucking on

15:05

the first floor? So

15:07

yeah, this guy apparently he works

15:09

for somewhere, Alex pulled

15:11

the information, he works for like Pinterest I believe.

15:14

Well yeah, definitely not a construction. It's

15:16

funny. Yeah, you're definitely not

15:19

my... Why? I'm the

15:22

dispatcher. You're the contractor? Definitely

15:24

not my legs working for

15:26

a reason. He's

15:31

a long distance runner actually. He's

15:35

definitely fucked up. So watch the press play

15:37

on the video. The conversation needs to be

15:39

met because obviously you understand what you're doing

15:41

right? So can we

15:43

talk about this? Okay,

15:46

where do you want to go? You

15:49

want to have a conversation? Pause it for a

15:51

second. Dude, what if he tries to take off

15:53

right now? Hyper speed engage! I'll tell you who

15:56

he's disappointing. more

16:00

than anybody, the person who definitely combs

16:02

his hair for him. There's

16:04

no way those arms are making that happen. And

16:07

he got especially combed up to go meet this

16:09

child. What fucked up was he

16:12

had to blow into a little straw in order to type to him.

16:14

Would you believe I cut my own hair? He

16:19

was pretending to blow the kid. Listen,

16:21

I'm sorry dude, but this is just wrong.

16:24

This is wrong to do this to the... Look,

16:26

this guy's life is harder than anything else. If

16:28

anything, he deserves a child. Listen,

16:31

I'm not going to say he... Ready, put

16:33

it in. Listen, I'm not going to say

16:35

he deserves a child, but I will say

16:37

if your child gets caught by that, your

16:40

child deserves to get caught. You

16:44

couldn't outrun this thing? What

16:46

are you talking about? You're eight goddamn years old. Even

16:48

the child would feel bad enough that you could probably

16:50

solve this with a going like say you're sorry, you

16:52

accept his apology, shake hands, go separate ways. He can't

16:54

even move. He's got to be like, he's like, hey,

16:56

can you put my hand on your own penis?

17:00

Oh, is it boys coming to me? It's a boy, a

17:02

40 year old boy. Oh God, now it's terrible. I'm going

17:04

to put... I haven't seen this

17:06

clip. I'll put three bucks on the table if he

17:08

fucks the coffee maker. Okay.

17:11

In a Transformers style. Shape

17:15

of a... Coffee

17:18

maker sex. I would... Dude, he's meeting

17:20

a 14 year old boy. This

17:22

is a mismatch. A 14

17:24

year old boy could fuck this guy up. First

17:27

of all, you can't convince me he's a programmer. The table

17:29

behind, by the way, am I crazy? Dab rigs?

17:32

No. No. He

17:34

was my favorite battle

17:36

bot. He really

17:39

let me down. He's

17:41

more human than human. All right.

17:44

Well, go ahead. You want to have a conversation?

17:46

There's a coffee maker. Okay, so I'm sorry. Is there

17:48

a longer version of this? I mean, play it, but

17:50

I think I saw a longer version with a coffee

17:52

company. Shit.

17:59

So you can't say... that I heard you ask

18:01

you for money anything like that okay yeah you

18:03

understand that I'm not the person that you invited

18:05

over here tonight you understand that yeah no shit

18:08

yeah is she in the car no he's a

18:10

boy if anything they

18:15

should just call it even and drop them off at

18:17

the bottom of a hill how old is

18:26

the person that you did invite over

18:29

here tonight you said he was 18 really yeah

18:32

would it surprise you if I have the whole conversation

18:34

drew and honesty is obviously your best policy you don't

18:36

want to talk about it no my roommate's on the

18:38

blade here right now so do you want to talk

18:41

about this or no no I don't okay so you

18:43

just want me to go outside and call the cops

18:45

no you don't need to call it cops my roommates

18:47

already on his way David

18:59

there's still 20 seconds left he might fuck off you

19:01

make it Kobe

19:04

makers not off the table just yet guy don't screen

19:06

monitors by the way I already

19:08

told him would you tell him dude

19:12

you want to talk about this or no drew this

19:15

is a pretty serious situation don't you think

19:17

yes yeah I told my roommate I thought

19:19

you were trying to get me who I

19:21

told my roommate I thought you were trying to get your

19:23

idea of gay boy okay so like I said by

19:26

the way he says he told his roommate

19:28

underage kids coming over but it's probably bullshit

19:30

that's what

19:33

he's arguing right I guess I told my roommate

19:35

this is probably just an adult pretend to be

19:37

a young boy but I'm gonna hedge my bets

19:41

dude I like he's hey if there's a

19:43

completely unused sock on the door if

19:45

there's a cleanest sock you've ever seen on the door

19:48

that means I'm fucking this boy Lewis

19:51

when you say he's like it's

19:53

not that he looks like gay blind Mike but

19:56

it's that like if I ever had to go

19:58

pick gay blind Mike up from a pedophile hunting

20:00

I think I would be like

20:02

guys come on look at him leave him

20:04

alone let him go yeah blind he would

20:06

have finished way quick also see

20:08

those keys I want

20:11

to have a conversation can we talk about this or

20:13

no okay

20:16

cool if the rest of my body

20:22

matched my head I would like a Halloween ornament

20:24

just came to life I'm

20:31

gonna call the cops you want me to go outside I'll call the car

20:33

no you don't know

20:36

it looks like

20:38

someone left someone left them in the just

20:40

body tanning bed too long it's really yeah

20:43

so is there any more information

20:45

about this story Alex or Mike yeah

20:47

all right thank

20:50

you guys didn't know more research beyond this is the

20:52

video I

20:54

mean I know that the cops came and they arrested him and then

20:57

the guy the pedophile hunters really see if you find the video

20:59

after the cops come because the pedophile hunters were like no dude

21:01

we're gonna stay here and the cops like you

21:03

leave you don't have

21:05

to stay anymore it's like no dude we got to make sure

21:08

justice is there did they attach the wheelchair to the back of

21:10

the cop car the same thing with the midget when I showed

21:12

you the cops

21:15

eventually come and they the cops will do that

21:18

they'll come and just be like yo if he

21:21

has if he a hundred times gets somebody to agree to

21:23

come meet him the

21:28

fuck yeah one hundred times gonna be a

21:30

hunter of some sort trying to catch him

21:32

but it's never gonna be a real person

21:34

and if it is a real person that

21:36

child can just walk away yeah like

21:38

it's not he poses much of a threat my daughter could

21:41

have kicked this guy's ass and she was 12 yeah

21:44

but I think he has like a secret

21:46

power like a kid's like oh look it's

21:48

like a bike I can put together a

21:52

go-kart maybe

21:54

he's like professor Xavier he's got one of those

21:56

giant domo it controls the market into

22:00

14 year voice of Suckerscock. Wow. That's

22:02

what I would do if I could mind control. Kind of with a pedophile in

22:05

a wheelchair. If all of those things happen,

22:07

that's what I would do. Everything came together like that. Gentlemen,

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okay, then I'm using it wrong. He's

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code LOS10. What's Pinterest? You

24:29

work for Pinterest. Pinterest is like a website that

24:31

women use to look like. To plan their weddings

24:33

and stuff. Yeah, for designs for rooms and

24:35

shit. Oh, God. What does it mean? We've never

24:37

discussed Pinterest on the Legion of Skates. Can

24:41

we see if there's a racist Pinterest? Are there any

24:43

racist Pinterests? But what is?

24:45

I wouldn't know what that means. I think you hit

24:47

a button and it's an aggregate for all the things

24:49

you like. You can

24:51

make a page for wedding ideas

24:53

and then it's signs that are like live,

24:56

laugh, love or like, you know, I've made

24:58

some jars with yarn or whatever. I've heard

25:00

the name. There are a lot of lesbian

25:02

weddings with live, laugh, love. I've heard Pinterest

25:05

so many times. I have no idea. I

25:07

know the symbol for it. I'm not

25:11

Pinterested. Just

25:15

so that guy was arrested,

25:17

right? Yeah, I got more. I think it's fucked up.

25:19

That's a great picture. I think this guy is.

25:21

He's super, he's super core values because he's already

25:23

shaped like a swastika. What

25:26

is this? The day that he was the day

25:28

the whole neighborhood built a house. God made him

25:30

shaped like a swastika. Well, he's lying in his

25:32

resume already. It says, I took a leap of

25:34

faith. No, you didn't.

25:36

Journey has been nothing short of

25:41

exhilarating. Yeah, I bet you this guy lives on the

25:43

edge. Master's degree

25:45

in human resource management from the University of Illinois.

25:47

He took a leap of faith to support space

25:50

systems engineers and leaders for four

25:52

incredible years. But my

25:54

true calling awaited me. Yeah, yeah, I

25:56

bet. I have Pinterest. Oh, that wasn't what I

25:58

thought he was going to say. where I now

26:00

focus on supporting the monetization of Org and

26:04

proudly serve as one of the global co-leads

26:06

for Pinnable. Wow, great

26:08

thing. Also fun fact, all

26:11

of his shoes have complete tread. Wow.

26:14

Ha ha ha ha. Resale

26:16

value. The roof. Crazy.

26:23

Raining and puddles out? No

26:25

prob. Wow. What a great

26:27

picture for a GoFundMe. Really?

26:31

I mean, what a whole bunch of fucking, all

26:33

the leaps and fucking red flags in the way

26:35

of him getting boy pussy. I

26:37

mean, it's just not gonna happen. He's never gonna get

26:39

there. I'll tell you what though, probably

26:42

easier to get dudes in general than chicks when you're

26:44

all- No way, dude. Women are retarded and they wanna

26:46

be like moms and shit and take care of that.

26:48

Guys just wanna fucking get their dicks up and get

26:50

in and out. I know, but you don't wanna fucking

26:53

have to fuck yourself with that guy like a human

26:55

dildo while he's just fucking frog legs are flapping all

26:57

around. This is a

26:59

weird turn, but I

27:01

feel he's a vampire and he used

27:03

the boy's blood to walk again. He's

27:07

slowly coming back? Yeah. He's

27:09

not helping his arms or- I just need one more.

27:12

His head came back first and it was the body

27:14

to catch up. I'm sorry. I

27:17

need the blood. If

27:19

I was that guy, I would've tried to bike pump up the ass or

27:21

something, just see if we could get the rest of the body to match

27:23

the head. The head's so normal. I

27:25

just wanna suck him. His blood, his blood. His

27:28

sale on coffins on Pinterest. Did

27:32

we milk this enough or no? Okay, good.

27:35

Sure. I think we got it. Sure,

27:37

sure. Wow. Oh

27:40

shit. Alex was telling me before the

27:42

show about the- When it's the Special

27:45

Olympics, is that like your puppy bowl? I

27:47

can imagine when you guys was going nuts.

27:51

No, no, we've done better. We don't make fun of just

27:54

retarded kids. Now they have to be retarded kids that are

27:56

pedophiles. Yeah, on the wrong side of the- That

27:58

was carblanche. We did what we wanted. That's that's your

28:00

show the wrong side of the ramp I

28:07

swear to God that is the influence

28:09

of culture on Legion of Skanks like

28:11

times have changed. We got to find

28:13

a guilty retard Can't

28:16

just be coming after anyone For

28:18

being all wacky now we have to fucking make way

28:20

from the committed major crime Great

28:24

or they have to be highly accomplished also Yeah,

28:29

if you're in a wheelchair you can beat me in basketball

28:31

you're fair game, bro Yeah,

28:33

anybody who's more successful than me that has any disability.

28:35

I feel like is fair game that is punching up

28:38

You have an are you curious what his roommate looks

28:40

like? Yes So

28:42

they bring in a bucket with two eyes in the middle. Hey

28:46

What are you doing to my man? I'm gonna get

28:48

all Blob

28:51

dealer all over you does the longer video show the

28:53

roommate because I am curious if the roommates coming home

28:56

There's a bit of a cop showing up implies.

28:58

He told the roommate he implies a roommates gonna

29:00

be like no We

29:03

talked about I don't think he implies that cuz I

29:05

think it could be that when he saw it was

29:07

an adult coming to The door or something like that.

29:09

He's like I just called my roommate because I thought

29:12

you're coming to get me I don't know whether that

29:14

meant he's no no no no no if

29:16

you if you go back on it He says because I told

29:18

my roommate. This is probably like a set. Oh My

29:21

oh, so he said so he was saying he called his he

29:23

really gave him the whole thing I think it's been set up

29:26

for a while you know they do this for days to back

29:28

and forth these guys sometimes So he's saying

29:30

while he's going back and forth so I'm talking

29:32

to this JV point guard I

29:34

have a young boy coming over to fuck But

29:37

me and he says roommate was like he

29:39

said he told his roomies like it's probably gonna be a

29:41

setup though But he still couldn't help himself But even his

29:44

roommate was like it's probably gonna be a setup, but dude

29:46

on the off chance I'm

29:50

gonna give you a couple I'm gonna go watch Dune 2 Time

29:53

to get your fucking wobbly legs up on a bit

29:55

look It's like you have the

29:58

scratch off picky might as well pull up the quarter and just scratch You

30:00

know the answer to is he a top

30:02

or bottom is this We

30:09

have the video of the arrest but it's like

30:11

45 minutes long we could look at little tidbits

30:13

of it if you want Little tidbits will

30:15

be almost arms and legs the video have the

30:17

most replay thing Alex

30:21

yeah, the tomato have that that thing where

30:23

it shows you the most replay parts. Yeah,

30:26

it's not easy, right? Is there a basketball

30:28

court there? I Mean

30:33

I'm not a detective or anything. That's a

30:35

tell right there. I think this guy can

30:37

walk He's

30:42

a French proportionist this

30:44

is one of his characters so they get them outside

30:48

At her that just how his head hang do

30:51

you think when the cop got out who has to arrest

30:53

him? He went fuck we're gonna need a bus I Forget

30:57

this video. So that's what happens The cops are

31:00

there for a while because they have to find

31:02

a way to transport it dude I

31:04

think it's hog time We'll just play play

31:06

though just as they first approach tie his feet and

31:08

not and then put him over the back of his

31:10

head But he's lifting his shirt up in

31:12

the summer I

31:15

Want to hear the black area? Why

31:18

I thought that was the news that's why it's a 45

31:20

minute video What a question ask

31:23

why are they moving so slow goes well, they don't have

31:25

to run Good. What are

31:27

they gonna? If this was a

31:29

black guy, they would be running with her gun

31:31

strong Dude

31:34

this guy if this kid spins a basketball on his

31:36

finger, he looks like a drawing you get at the

31:38

boardwalk of yourself I Did

31:47

a picture of me last summer from the

31:49

boardwalk he does have normal like I think

31:51

good-looking guy face Yeah, he should be on

31:54

a skateboard spinning a basketball an Asian guy

31:56

drew him in Times Square He's

31:59

only got one split his teeth right in the middle. Dude,

32:02

I'll say having seen none of this, I

32:04

would bet that the cops, they

32:08

have way less hatred for this

32:10

fucking thing. And

32:13

they really hate guys who do

32:15

their own independent child predator traps.

32:18

You know cops are just like, dude, could you,

32:20

there was no need for you. Like the authorities

32:22

have this under control. I just like how this

32:24

guy had to like position his arms that way.

32:26

Yeah, he was like, what are you doing? Like,

32:28

this is my casual look. I

32:31

look thoughtful. Okay, is this it? I'll tell you what, let

32:33

me tell you something. I'm thinking about what I did. Let

32:35

me tell you something I blame this guy for. You're

32:37

in a wheelchair for life. His

32:39

arms clearly work. I understand you

32:41

having those little fucking string bean legs. No, he has

32:44

a disease that does that to your muscles. He has

32:46

a muscle. Fuck that. Get

32:48

yourself a regular wheelchair and

32:50

fucking build that upper body up, dude. I thought

32:52

Jay was about to say, get yourself a home

32:55

gym. Yeah. Really,

32:57

just get after it. You fall out of that chair, you're gonna

32:59

be able to chase a boy with those fucking stringy arms, dude.

33:02

You need some upper body strength, bro. He

33:04

has whatever that disease is that you don't

33:06

grow muscles. Can I tell you something? The

33:08

Awe roll. He in finance. He's a

33:11

little bitch. Let

33:14

me tell you. He took me inside and said, we need

33:17

to be friends on this episode. We should be friends. You

33:19

fucking cock up. No, I'm back. The gloves

33:21

are off. I was so nice this whole time.

33:23

The fucking piece of shit. Let's just have fun

33:25

on Monday. We don't have

33:28

to be mean to each other. It's fun. You

33:30

fucking cock. It's such a loose bitch. The gloves

33:32

are off, you fucking pedophile. It is such a,

33:36

it's such a loose thing to do before

33:38

the podcast starts off there. Just be like, dude, let's

33:40

just be friends on this episode, man. We

33:42

don't always have to be going back before we talk.

33:45

Oh, he's got a, you fucking cock.

33:47

He's got a disease. It looks like

33:50

Ian disease, you know? Lame faggo over

33:52

here. I

33:54

said tepid. Go back to the video

33:56

for a second. I'll tell you, how loud

33:59

do you think the... I roll

34:01

is gonna be when they bring this guy into his

34:03

cellmate in jail Shit

34:07

Imagine they're gonna change around here that sucks

34:09

to go to prison and you have to

34:11

put your cellmate on the toilet Yeah, but

34:13

dude imagine I try to imagine imagine

34:15

you're like Hey

34:19

Craig, no, you know what I have to

34:22

shit You know what

34:24

happens the pedophiles in prison. Well actually

34:26

they would just use him as a shank Oh

34:28

my god, by the way, this guy this guy could

34:30

be the king of prison dude. Just wail away on

34:32

his ass He doesn't know he's fucking fine on his

34:34

nails watching TV. You don't give a shit I

34:37

don't know if he's numb How cool would be if

34:39

he like launched himself at the cat at the cops

34:41

face like alien, you know In

34:44

pregnant egg in his tummy and

34:47

then one of him just burst out of the guy

34:49

eventually Yeah, I was imagine you were like a white

34:51

dude and you were like in jail and you're like

34:53

terrified and you're like Oh my god, I'm gonna get

34:55

killed in here and then they're like getting your

34:57

cell We'll be bringing your roommate in soon and

34:59

then you caught this dude. You'd be like, thank

35:01

God. I'm gonna be alright I'm gonna live through

35:03

this prison sentence. I don't know dude. I don't

35:05

know if I want to hear this guy's stories

35:07

all the time Not

35:10

great, but it's not a guy who's gonna fuck me up So

35:14

much stuff and

35:17

just I bet noises and Things

35:20

that leak and he doesn't know Boobs

35:23

were probably not seeing because it close This

35:27

is not leading to like a running gun battle, is it? Where

35:30

is he? He's

35:43

good real good He

35:45

barreled through the fence Posting

35:47

on Pinterest the whole way Good

35:50

places for a quadriplegic to hide what's even

35:52

sadder. Look at the shadows on the garage

36:00

That's bad. Yeah. Nah,

36:03

that's bad. Looks

36:06

like one guy sucking his asshole, the

36:08

crippled kid sucking his wiener. He's

36:11

got a weird curvy wiener. Wow. Let

36:15

me think, how do I approach this?

36:18

Wow, man. Does he end up going

36:20

to jail? Do we know Alex? What's the final verdict on

36:22

the story? We don't have to watch the 45 minute video

36:24

of a kid reacting to it. Do you think he has

36:26

fingerprints? Nice. They send him

36:28

sitting in the window at a

36:31

PC Richard. I'm

36:34

not a vacuum. I'm

36:37

not a wet vac. I'm a man who

36:39

made a horrible decision. They're gonna go do

36:41

what I did. They're gonna call

36:43

him Roomba in prison. Yo, where's Roomba? I'm

36:45

horny. Oh

36:52

fuck, do we know if he was actually arrested, right? I'm

36:55

sure he was. Well,

36:58

he says he was arrested. I'm trying to

37:01

see. Finally that menace is off the street.

37:03

Innocent until perfect guilty. I believe in the

37:05

American justice system. God bless us all. I

37:07

hope he didn't do it. He

37:10

was fired from his job. Oh,

37:12

Pinterest let him go? No.

37:15

Oh, that doesn't help anybody. I don't believe in cancel

37:17

culture no matter what. No

37:19

matter what. Did he do a good

37:22

job at Pinterest? Believe all men. Sure,

37:24

he's got some fucking antiquated

37:27

ideas, but. I gotta be honest

37:29

with you, he's probably not good at whatever job he does. No,

37:31

no, no, he wasn't great. They were looking for

37:33

an excuse at Pinterest. For sure. It

37:36

takes him a week to type three sentences. Even

37:38

if he knows how to type, it ain't quick.

37:40

It's crazy. Holy shit, did he just do two

37:42

fingers, that method? I mean, the signals have to

37:44

get to those whacked out limbs. A,

37:46

S, D, F, J, K, L, semi,

37:48

weirdo. He's

37:51

got cordy hands. You

37:55

can't get his hands on those skis. This

37:57

is fucked up because we're only saying the skis have had a.

38:01

If he wasn't a pedophile, this would be wrong. Mostly,

38:03

he's pretty cool. Gentlemen,

38:06

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let us know. Well, Dave, they gave you a form- I'm

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dead! Dave, they gave you a formula right here on the

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which will be these four drinks. Dude,

38:49

that's so crazy. I had X amount.

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Capsulite makes you kill yourself. Do you think

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this is just making you not hungover stuff?

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This is fucking science, queers. Dude,

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40:09

Alright where were we? Do we want to talk about the,

40:11

this is a great story by the way, a

40:14

trans woman got into a fight at a

40:16

Kanye West concert and legitimately held her own

40:18

and I thought about Ian the entire time.

40:20

I was like this is Ian's type of

40:22

woman right here. Yeah, f***ing boner material. What's

40:25

her Instagram? Let's

40:27

see. It's like during

40:30

the concert? Yeah it's like a full-fledged

40:32

brawl with a dude during a concert.

40:37

That's the dude? I mean the trans. That's the

40:40

trans. I don't

40:42

know, she's sweet hands. Get it

40:45

girl. I hope

40:47

she beat her dad. She

40:49

did. I mean it's too close of a fight. Oh

40:53

that was a good one. He landed a good

40:55

one there. By the

40:57

way, Morbison on a con, man for Kanye

40:59

West not liking Jews and s***, his audience

41:01

is entirely white. Oh no! Oh

41:03

she got her face period. They do bleed. She's

41:09

menstruating. I'm

41:15

surprised that nobody, because she looks enough

41:17

like a woman that I would just assume that a couple

41:19

people would be like oh a dude's beating up a woman

41:21

and they would just jump in and start an iconic concert.

41:24

Except she's the tallest person at the concert. By

41:28

the way I just saw while the guy

41:30

was like loading up he was screaming stop.

41:33

I tried to suck my tit. Oh

41:36

dude, she seems to be the aggressor.

41:39

I'll tell you what, she's not a bad scrapper. Let

41:42

me swim! By the

41:45

way, after seeing

41:47

this I believe

41:49

that women should be

41:51

able to compete. I'm so happy

41:53

everybody is broken to a party afterwards. That

41:56

is so progressive. I Like that she's like the

41:58

best. Thing like

42:00

energy like a weird mix match where she's like

42:02

was and I i'm a woman's a respect me

42:04

as a woman but I do think I knew

42:06

makes a good point about hitler or ha ha

42:08

are all here in the. Skies

42:12

are all you see. That

42:14

us as far as I just a coincidence. I

42:17

think he is. you're not. He just asked if I

42:19

even a concert though. he just has like. He

42:21

just plays. He gets plays his his

42:24

new album and stuff there looks you

42:26

and bosses head when an awful person

42:28

plays guitar just for you and stairs

42:30

are you feel like when you have

42:32

yet to look at the baggage of

42:34

it's really good like any have like

42:36

suddenly throw para he easy data and

42:38

ten percent the second assault on. Everybody

42:42

went out bought tiny was made that. Stupid.

42:45

Sox you twenty bucks and everyone has bought. I

42:47

will say everyone did. A lot of people bought

42:49

these. Things won. The lottery ticket there's

42:51

to Sox I was there. Sachs is what they

42:53

are. Twenty dollars. The Hawks. But.

42:56

They fold up as you get with them

42:58

is your pocket I guess she told me

43:00

that I can now com in my shoes.

43:02

Yes yes Luxury my kind. Yeah com shoes.

43:04

When are they look like loses? Ah,

43:07

Yeah that is Assad is the sauce as

43:09

a saucer sister called succeed but show him

43:11

what they do. They like they they fold

43:13

up to nothing. Say

43:16

google. I don't know being in a real

43:18

picture other do they have like is a heart of

43:20

the bottom is like sick or like a plastic I

43:22

think puts they give you that it seems like the

43:24

Sox they give you a hospital. Rehab

43:28

Sox yeah there's a grip on the bottom

43:30

see inside and thought that is your brand

43:32

on it. That's. It. In.

43:34

I was so stupid looking another the honey or if

43:36

they didn't get a grip on the bottom I would

43:39

just be doing that. A risky business slide All

43:41

of an as awesome. Why is it? But I do

43:43

have grips. You go head first. do

43:46

do do do like loaded been delayed look

43:49

it's also an eyepatch assessors this is assistance

43:51

that the digital so if i don't hate

43:53

of by the way if what if you

43:55

listen to one interview with tonya you're like

43:57

yeah those are the shoes he would Yeah,

44:00

I actually genuinely like them and I feel

44:02

like they'd be comfortable as fuck Alex They're

44:06

comfortable can I stop the podcast for a minute

44:08

sure this is a total f you to that

44:10

last guy in the wheelchair Spinning

44:13

around don't you think he thinks about that

44:15

all the time just beautiful legs The

44:21

guy had a rough enough go Your

44:25

fold down going well you could actually do that with

44:27

that guy's legs in them You

44:30

know what he never has to take off this thing they

44:33

were made for him. Oh 18 points of

44:36

articulation for that guy's wacky legs That

44:40

is why I said Alex can you order us a

44:43

couple pair of Kanye socks or

44:45

it was all wear them next week's show, okay?

44:51

Would you say four weeks to come takes four

44:53

weeks to get a pair of the socks

44:55

one Hitler got through Poland in two weeks

45:01

For the history fans out there, let's get

45:03

back to the fun We

45:15

can yeah ready or not ready after that What

45:24

happened at the concert well that was I

45:26

guess they beat and what happened anybody get arrested They

45:29

just all seem to jump and get excited afterwards Transphied

45:32

it was even but it literally was I

45:34

think they were excited That

45:36

a trans woman held her own with a dude

45:38

that was the joy from that group, and I

45:40

feel like that's genuinely progress Yet

45:43

a guy though who who got

45:45

his own held against Yeah,

45:49

I wish that video wouldn't be out there where

45:51

I don't completely dominate that chick But

45:55

it's a but it's a it's an actual

45:57

yes a guy that's why he's holding his own yeah

46:00

Yeah, but it's so I

46:02

mean a dude who's had some fucking chick

46:04

like sensibilities. Yeah, they didn't cut his

46:07

punch off Yeah,

46:12

sure you wouldn't have win a cock swinging contest out

46:14

there I'm sure Do

46:17

you not Ian? Do you? like

46:19

a trans less attracted to them if they

46:21

have the surgery No,

46:26

have you done I've never been with a woman that had the

46:28

surgery Yeah, oh you

46:30

think maybe your wiener will lock into that inside out

46:32

wiener and it'll open some sort of a door I

46:34

hope Like

46:36

a hellraiser puzzle box. I'll come out

46:39

rip you apart. It's like have a

46:41

refuel aircraft. Yeah It'll

46:44

be a real a real lady in

46:46

the tram type thing. Oh, yeah, I said like

46:48

I said one of my old It's like yeah,

46:50

I said it's like the Alfred Hitchcock silhouette when

46:52

he steps into it It's like putting your wiener

46:54

in its case. That's fit exactly for it Mm-hmm.

46:57

Well, you would do it though. Yeah Well,

47:00

I'll give you a bunch reasons. Why not Your

47:10

eternal where I want to spend eternity

47:12

your your poor poor family The

47:15

people that live with what you does that make

47:17

you more attractive to the trans woman or less

47:19

attractive that she could like throw Down like that.

47:21

I don't care. You don't care You

47:24

know, it would be okay fine, but you're with a

47:26

trans woman I'm gonna come over and insult you that

47:28

he does nothing that happened on the train meet a

47:30

guy We're on a date and we were holding hands

47:33

and the guy asked for money and I was like,

47:35

no I don't have it. He goes give me some

47:37

fucking money and she smacked the tip cup out of

47:39

his hand and goes kiss the tip of my dick

47:41

bag it and I had never

47:43

been more turned on I was

47:46

like take care of me mommy Hey,

47:49

no, everyone knows you have a dick it's

47:51

part of the mass joining the things that'd be if it was

47:53

ago She switched it on and off like that Happen

47:57

like baby that's like sucking your dick

48:00

dick being all girly and then stops for a second and

48:02

goes, ugh, sorry,

48:04

your friend is off. When it comes

48:06

to the game, I'm so dead, make

48:08

a beat. Yeah, just switching back and

48:10

forth. Just blowing into

48:12

you comes up. You check NASCAR, you bull's my

48:14

car. My seven layer. Oh, yeah. My

48:17

seven layer dibs to die for. Gives you the

48:19

squirt something. It's wicked, though. Yeah,

48:23

Ian. Yeah. Well, anything to

48:25

add? Good point. No, no. All right.

48:27

You just grossed out by your own. Lewis,

48:30

you said you wanted to be friends with him. I'm kidding.

48:33

I know. We're joking. Today's friend. That's like me and Ian

48:35

are always contentious. So I was like, let's fucking be friends.

48:37

We like each other. Off air, we really like each other.

48:39

I know. We talked on the phone the other day for

48:41

a while. We love each other. But I'll never get on

48:43

air and we go at each other's throats. And this, I

48:46

have been Mr. Friendly Fun Guy, and then

48:48

you have been picking at me. Maybe I don't feel it,

48:50

but I've never, until it gets talked about that

48:52

you guys are having a thing, I never feel

48:54

it. I always think it's jokes. Yeah.

48:56

I always just think it's like silly jokes. Nah, Lewis

48:59

gets pissed. He's just like, I'm sorry. He's not going

49:01

to be really pissed at Ian. Ian knows how to

49:03

fucking pull my fucking threads. Yeah.

49:07

Lewis, I've had several conversations with Lewis after

49:09

a podcast with Ian where he's going, fuck's

49:11

up with Ian, Terry. Just

49:14

fucking die. I'm trying to help the guy out. He's a good

49:16

guy, you know? I try to put him on everything I can.

49:18

He just comes at me. Can we have a show? I

49:20

love you, Ian. I love you. It all comes to care. Just

49:22

rest, Dave. You had a lemon the whole time. You had a

49:24

lemon with you? You had a lemon in front of him. All

49:29

right, well, you know, hey, I'm glad you guys are

49:31

friends again. That's real good. And the

49:33

crowd is too. Someone's

49:38

got a host. Let's go

49:40

and have you some plugs. Yes, sir. Let's do that.

49:42

Ian Fidance. What you got, buddy?

49:45

Hi, everybody. Ian, ianfidance.com for all my

49:47

dates. I'm at the creek in the

49:49

cave, April 5th and 6th. Hollywood

49:52

improv, May 5th. Chicago Zany's,

49:54

April 19th and 20th. And

49:56

my special Ian Fidance, Wild

49:59

Happy and Free is coming out. out on

50:01

the podcast. Hell yeah. youtube.com/Beanie and Pod. It's

50:03

coming out at the end of April. Fuck

50:05

yeah, dude. Yeah. Thank

50:09

you. Mr. Tell. Well,

50:13

I guess I got a special on

50:15

Netflix, March 26, Hot Crust Buns.

50:17

So I hope the comedy fans will give it a

50:19

look. And I

50:25

guess that's about it. I'll be out there. davytel.com,

50:27

come see me live. That's where the real comedy

50:29

lives, out live at those shows. So thanks for

50:31

everybody who comes down. Did

50:34

you see the trailer? Yeah,

50:37

it was so fun. The

50:40

trailer was so great. Davytel,

50:42

the fucking godfather of Legion of Gangster, that's

50:44

what I say. Really? Oh yeah. I know it

50:46

was on the first year a lot, wasn't it?

50:48

Sure. Yeah. But I mean, I feel like without

50:50

you, we have so much influence, and we

50:52

love you, and we think you're the fucking best. You make

50:54

us nervous, Davytel. Lewis, you're blowing us. No,

50:57

it is funny. It's one of our top five. One of

50:59

our top five is we talk about how nervous you make

51:01

us. Really? This is usually the talk you get as you're

51:03

being driven to a home. You

51:05

really had a big influence on us. Goodbye.

51:08

Goodbye. You

51:11

don't know what you mean. Thanks, fellas. We

51:16

just left them to wander in the mall. I'm

51:19

definitely the oldest skanker, wouldn't I be? You

51:22

are. Thank you. The original vampire.

51:24

Godfather of skanks. This

51:26

weekend, Friday night, I'll be at the Vogel

51:28

Red Bank New Jersey. Scott Chaplin

51:30

and Zach Amico, special guest on those shows.

51:32

Gonna be Ed Paco. Ed fucking Paco's coming

51:34

out. Then I'll

51:36

be in Potsdam, PA Center, A Night, Soul Jewels.

51:39

Then the next weekend, I'm in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. It's

51:41

my birthday weekend. We're doing a live podcast on

51:43

Thursday, May the 28th. Then

51:45

we're doing live stand-up shows. Zach Amico, Tim Butterly,

51:47

Naeem Ali. Lots of fun Philly comics coming out.

51:49

Lots of other dates coming up. We've

51:52

got San Diego, St. Louis, and many more.

51:54

Go to lewisofskanks.com to grab those tickets.

51:56

Subscribe to the new Gas Digital brand

51:58

new apps, brand new platform. form. We

52:00

do a bonus episode of the Legion of

52:02

Skanks every Friday night that is exclusively for

52:05

subscribers, plus you get ad-free and uncensored

52:07

episodes. The entire Iron Man Library. Go

52:09

to gasdigital.com. Use the promo code LOS14 for

52:11

a limited time. We're doing a 14-day free

52:13

trial. So do that now. Wow.

52:17

Baby. All

52:20

right, guys. The day after

52:22

tomorrow, I'll be out through

52:25

this weekend in Key West,

52:27

at the Comedy Key West. Come on

52:29

out there if you can. And then

52:31

April 12th, Portland, Aladdin Theater. Please come

52:33

out to this show, guys. Go buy

52:35

some tickets, please. This is my first

52:38

headlining theater show I've ever done. Awesome.

52:42

Don't make me look like an asshole,

52:44

please. Don't

52:47

clap yet. It might go bad. And

52:50

then the following weekend, I'm out at the Funny Bone

52:52

in St. Louis, which I love. That's one of my

52:54

favorite clubs. And then Tacoma

52:57

as Spokane, Atlantic City, Nashville, a

52:59

whole bunch of stuff. comicdavesmith.com. Of

53:01

course, part of the problem. My

53:03

other podcast here on the Gas

53:06

Digital Network. And the Libertas and

53:08

30 Minutes with Dave Smith is

53:10

both on YouTube for free. If

53:12

you want to go check that

53:14

out, please do. And

53:16

just killed it on Piers Morgan, by the way.

53:19

Oh, yeah. And I just killed it on a

53:21

little thing called Piers Morgan. Wow. I

53:24

went all 1776. We'll rise again. Sure.

53:26

Oh, really? I let him down. What do you have

53:29

on me? Dave Tiki torches behind him. I

53:32

love him. bigjcomedy.com for

53:34

all my dates. Listen. Long

53:36

Island. Listen. Me

53:39

and Robert Kelly are co-headlining a theater.

53:42

Sure, it's a Thursday night. This

53:44

Thursday night. Sure, I

53:46

probably should have let you know sooner.

53:48

Wildly expensive tickets. For sure. But buy

53:52

them. It's going to

53:54

be an amazing night. You know how much

53:56

it costs to hold Bobby Kelly's stomach together?

53:58

Oh, my Christ. I think you're

54:00

made of Teflon. I don't know what bullshit to decide

54:02

though. You and Bobby Kelly, yes. Co-headlining

54:04

shows, one of the fucking funniest shows you can

54:06

talk to me. That'll be a great one. It's

54:08

gonna be fucking great. It's a phenomenal show. Paramount

54:10

Theater, awesome theater. I've done that with you before,

54:13

dude. Legitimately two of the best headliners in the

54:15

country and Bobby Kelly. Yes, it's all on one

54:17

show. We wanna sell this thing. I'm decaying. Both

54:19

of you are great. We wanna sell this thing out,

54:22

man. So yeah, let's fucking get there. And then it

54:24

was pretty hilarious. I'm doing a Black

54:27

Circuit Comedy Club on Sunday. One

54:30

night only and I'm excited to do it. Are you

54:32

going by plane or time machine? Time machine. Brooklyn.

54:35

But I will tell you, I want some fans to

54:37

come out but I haven't pushed it heavy because my mind

54:40

was like, oh no, I wanna go do like the

54:42

house crowd this place. But I

54:44

think he believes this

54:46

was gonna be like my night there drawing my

54:48

crowd. And it's on a weekend that I'm in

54:50

Nyack, Friday and Saturday

54:53

and me and Bobby are in Huntington, whatever. So get

54:56

tickets and go to the club. I

54:58

put up on my website. It's Brooklyn, it's

55:00

called 275 Comedy Club. Come check it out

55:02

if you're in town. But Black

55:05

people go. I want the Black crowd to

55:07

be there. Well then why are you talking

55:09

about it on this show? Because I feel

55:11

bad because the guy says, today he wrote

55:13

no ticket sales. They're like, oh, I think

55:15

we have to. Yeah, but it's not that.

55:17

I haven't promoted it all because I thought

55:19

it was just gonna be like a house show.

55:22

And also our audience doesn't wanna hang out with

55:24

Black people. No, no, no. Wow,

55:26

easy. I know what they are. They

55:29

love hanging out with Black people. But they

55:31

love hanging Black people. So don't you dare.

55:33

We don't know our audience. Jesus. Is that

55:35

a time machine joke? I'm putting the lemon

55:38

up on that. I'm putting the lemon. Lemon.

55:42

Oh, squeeze it, lemon will lose. He is

55:44

sour right now. Yeah. David

55:46

Telekalb lemon. You gotta pause your applause

55:48

for three minutes. Sorry. Those

55:50

are the rules. The technical foul. But

55:52

yeah, and then a bunch of this. I'll be in Vegas very

55:54

soon if I get wise, guys. I do wanna do one that

55:56

you just did. Is it great? Oh, I love it. Yeah, the

55:58

wife has exhaust. You're like going off

56:01

the grid with this thing. So what's

56:03

the gig after that? You're playing Gaza? What do you

56:05

do? Like

56:09

a dangerous all right, that's what I do

56:11

this summer I'll be on

56:13

every date me and Dan Soder both are on

56:15

every single date of the fully loaded tour of

56:17

our precious food Wow, please Get

56:20

tickets. What we'll see. Why do you still man? Why

56:22

do you still feel the need to say Dan Soder

56:24

to? He's not your partner anymore. No, but he's on

56:26

every day He's me and him are the only ones

56:28

I think on every day. You're still I'm just saying

56:30

when we Dan plugs it I don't think he's

56:33

saying me and Jay. That's all you're right Being

56:41

mean I'm saying Jay stop fucking like believing

56:43

this bitch loves you Hey,

56:47

you gotta move on Oh someone just

56:50

earned the lemon No,

56:55

I put it up and I put it back down Free

56:58

speech you get lemons now when you step out

57:00

of line. I got four

57:03

hours of crowd work We're gonna see we're

57:05

gonna do it there pretty soon So we

57:07

also news on that coming very soon watch

57:09

dog belly on YouTube Listen to the bonfire

57:11

on faction talk series XM 103 with me

57:13

the great Robert Kelly. Yeah again come see

57:15

us on Thursday Yeah, and the FDR for

57:17

a death for the network best radio show

57:19

on radio. Also, I gotta say I

57:22

will also Stern

57:24

and Jim and Sam Stern stinks now

57:27

Bennington still awesome Jim and Sam also

57:29

skank us tickets are officially on sale

57:31

on 20th Officially

57:34

on sale go to skank us calm grab

57:36

us a shout out to your freedom for

57:38

being the marquee sponsor for us the Fourth

57:40

year in a row for skank us the

57:42

last year in Vegas Before

57:45

we sell the festival shit. I forgot

57:47

to mention this also Thursday night at

57:49

Huntington to Paramount Theatre Shane Gillis

57:51

and Dave Chappelle posted they're gonna swing by Wow

57:55

They said I think Louis K and Louis K and

57:57

Joe Rogan and I think if you chant their names,

57:59

they'll come out. Wow. Is

58:02

it illegal to say that if there's no confirmation of what's going

58:04

on in this place? No, you gotta do a little caveat. What

58:06

could they do though? You gotta do a little like, you go,

58:08

as they said, don't hold them to it, but 99.9% chance. They'll

58:12

all be there. Absolutely. And then Guns N' Roses

58:14

are gonna play after. If

58:17

you guys got it in, you stay out that late on a

58:19

Thursday, Guns N' Roses are gonna do a full set afterwards. I

58:22

think... Full production of Pyro! Jay,

58:25

I think as your Skankfest

58:27

lawyer... Yes, man. You

58:29

bring a gun and a rose, I think we

58:32

could make a strong legal defense. Okay, you

58:34

got it! He didn't lie! Bobby's heavily armed,

58:36

he's planning for the apocalypse. Oi! Should

58:41

we get into this game, Lewis? Yeah, let's do it.

58:43

Uh, it is time for round two,

58:45

everyone, of the Milk

58:47

Madness tournament. We're never

58:49

gonna get another 32

58:51

comics to give us

58:53

their moms a

58:56

game. No,

59:10

we burned them out this year. Black Comedy Club just hit

59:12

me up, sent me the flyer. Wow, let

59:14

me see the flyer. Is it a microphone for

59:16

the tiffies? Mattie Smith and Kareem Green also on

59:18

the show. Oh, hell yeah. And Mattie's so small

59:20

and Kareem's so big, they have no idea... This

59:22

person's out of touch with what's happening in the

59:24

industry. Not in the Black Comedy Club, he's

59:27

not. Let's hope that pants out.

59:29

No, but Mattie's pretty big of the Black Circuit too.

59:31

Of course. Yeah, no, I know. Now,

59:34

Kareem's good for some tickets.

59:38

And then you'll get a little bit of what you want.

59:40

No, listen, the show quite honestly is a fucking great show.

59:42

Mattie Smith, Kareem Green, there's gonna be other comics on it

59:44

too, but that's an already great show. How

59:47

many seats? Shit, man, somewhere

59:49

between zero and I'm guessing four or

59:51

five hundred? Oh, geez. Wow. No,

59:53

I don't know, that's probably a... I don't know, maybe a

59:55

200 seat room? It's a small comedy club. I can already

59:57

hear the keys being shaken. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He told me...

1:00:00

my potential walkout and then every time I keep saying it I

1:00:02

go, I think you think this is

1:00:04

me like headlining a comedy club. I'm just like, I

1:00:06

thought I was just coming through on a Sunday night.

1:00:08

It's a Sunday night show. Yeah. What's

1:00:11

the potential walkout? It was like two grand

1:00:13

or something. 2500 but I was like, it's

1:00:15

not going to be that because I just want to

1:00:18

come perform for the black people in your club. But

1:00:21

there has been I believe a miscue. We'll see.

1:00:23

Miscue is one of the comics on the show.

1:00:25

That is. The black one. I think

1:00:27

that they've been like 40 years. Do you believe it? I

1:00:29

said her name is miscue and there's not a

1:00:31

cue in the name at all. I

1:00:34

do a posture to a posture for you

1:00:37

and three Ks. That

1:00:39

might be the best joke Lewis has ever

1:00:42

told. It was layered. You went miscue and

1:00:44

he immediately picked up that miscue. I've

1:00:46

been hanging out with that for too

1:00:48

long. It was a great fucking black

1:00:51

chick, fat black chick comic name miscue.

1:00:53

I'll give it up on miscue. She

1:00:55

ain't got time for the bullshit. My

1:00:57

name is miscue and I ain't got

1:00:59

time for the bullshit. That's

1:01:01

her catchphrase. We already got it. I'll give

1:01:03

you 20 bucks to open with that at the club. What's

1:01:05

up, yo? It's miscue and

1:01:07

I ain't got time for the bullshit. I

1:01:10

can already smell the CVS burning. Last

1:01:14

motherfucker took me out on a date. Said he'll pay for

1:01:16

dinner but I got to pay for parking. I ain't got

1:01:18

time for the bullshit. Damn

1:01:20

miscue, you tell it like it is.

1:01:23

Miscue don't talk about none of that bullshit. Come

1:01:25

out here with that nonsense. You're

1:01:27

good. Jay

1:01:29

embodies fat black woman

1:01:31

so well. He just turns

1:01:33

into it. It's not even a voice. It's like him. When

1:01:37

I started the black circuit, that's all that ever hit

1:01:39

on me ever was fat black woman.

1:01:41

I took so many pictures like this with fat

1:01:43

black chicks in front of an airbrushed picture of

1:01:46

Tupac or a fucking Lamborghini or something.

1:01:48

Dude, if we had the technology to

1:01:50

just turn you into a fat black

1:01:53

chick and we're a few years off,

1:01:55

I'd be a gazillionaire dude. If I

1:01:57

could just be your Jewish agent. You

1:02:00

be that fan let that act you just did I

1:02:02

swear to God we would take it to the top hell

1:02:04

Yeah, dude, dude, honestly like Tyler Perry

1:02:08

Sort of is doing a not as good version

1:02:10

of what you could do like you should I

1:02:12

don't you mean I don't argue Medea is a

1:02:14

racist character. Yeah bullshit dude. What I'm doing is

1:02:17

dead on One

1:02:20

of the first times they open for Jay, I mean this is literally like

1:02:23

14 15 years ago Which

1:02:25

is a hilarious piece of recent more work.

1:02:28

Yeah, I guess I would you like

1:02:32

You were like talking about even doing like talking to

1:02:34

some black chick in the crowd and you were even minded

1:02:36

with a different time You

1:02:40

were like me and this black chick you're gonna go home and be

1:02:42

French was a big fat black chick She loved about us. She's dying

1:02:44

laughing. You're like girl. I guess she's gonna go home and teach me

1:02:46

how to dance I'm gonna go home teach her how to read Like

1:02:52

I remember sitting back you took the

1:02:54

cadence of a comedian and everyone was like, ah

1:02:56

and everything I was like that was just so

1:02:58

Racist there was nothing about it.

1:03:00

That was even slightly like trying to be

1:03:03

anything clever, but it was just Joke

1:03:08

started off that could have been cuz she was racist

1:03:10

until later that night when I taught her

1:03:13

to read How

1:03:15

many times it was and then I was a hero We're

1:03:19

trying to tell taking that for the show dude. I was

1:03:21

like stand and deliver Fuck

1:03:23

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1:03:52

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1:03:54

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1:03:56

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Dude, have you guys saw my mom's tit earlier?

1:04:33

Hell yeah, dude. Made me hungry. Speaking

1:04:40

of apple cinnamon pancakes. Ooh, don't

1:04:43

you dare, dude. No way, dude.

1:04:45

Nah, those things were heavy hangers. Nah,

1:04:48

dude, don't talk shit, dude. Don't

1:04:50

talk shit. My mom had big fat tits, dude.

1:04:53

Fucking flapjacks. Fuck you, dude.

1:04:56

Fuck you, call my mom's tits, dude. That's my one

1:04:58

thing. Come on your mom's tits, don't mind if I

1:05:00

do. Dude, you know my mom's tits are my one

1:05:02

thing. All you

1:05:05

gotta do right now is go to factory.

1:05:07

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1:05:09

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1:05:11

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1:05:23

All right, we're on to our second round of

1:05:26

the Milk Madness Tour, and I'm very excited. It's gonna be

1:05:28

hard to follow the first part of the show. So we're

1:05:30

gonna refrain from guessing, because

1:05:32

we know who all the moms are. We'll let you guys guess

1:05:34

if you think you know who's mom is. Okay, and these are

1:05:36

all comics moms. Yeah, and we're doing the entire next bracket now,

1:05:39

right? Perfect,

1:05:42

beautiful. So it's technically 16 moms,

1:05:44

only eight will move on. Oh

1:05:48

my god. Wow. Yeah. We

1:05:51

have a winner. What? We

1:05:53

have a winner. Okay. I

1:05:55

got out. There's a lot going on

1:05:58

here. The one on the left looks like a party. The

1:06:01

one on the right classically more attractive looks like a

1:06:03

Charlie's angel. The one on the left looks like they

1:06:05

just got out of rehab and they're trying to be

1:06:07

a cosmetologist. Yeah,

1:06:10

but the one on the left, I mean, when

1:06:12

she pulls her mouth off your wiener, there's

1:06:15

two strings of slobber still attached to her

1:06:17

lips to your wiener. If

1:06:21

I could describe it in one sense. My

1:06:25

elevator pitch for left was that. Two

1:06:28

lines of slobber off of a wiener when

1:06:30

she's sucking your wiener. Whenever

1:06:32

I'm faced with a difficult decision

1:06:35

to make, I always fall back on

1:06:37

they will not replace us. Okay. So

1:06:39

I'm going to go to the left.

1:06:42

It's not what your flavor is. I don't know the one on

1:06:44

the right. It's none of the comics here now, right? Is that

1:06:46

what it is? Well, it could be. You don't know that. Oh

1:06:48

wait, does it ever ever be? You know who it is. It

1:06:50

could be your mom. Yeah, it'll be a good one. Wow. I

1:06:53

don't know the one on the right so classically beautiful. Absolutely.

1:06:55

I know. I know nothing if

1:06:57

not traditional. I remember who the one on the left is. I don't

1:06:59

remember who the one on the right is. That's so funny. I'm

1:07:02

the opposite. I know who the one on the right is.

1:07:04

Really? For sure. Wow. Absolutely.

1:07:07

And on the left, I don't remember who it is, but I'm just,

1:07:09

this is a simple fit because keep in

1:07:12

mind this is MILF madness. Is that a nose ring?

1:07:14

This is mother I'd like. Yeah. Wow.

1:07:17

This is mother I'd like to fuck. Now I

1:07:19

just feel like Wright's got more of

1:07:22

a chance of being uptight. Well,

1:07:24

Wright is also doing the same thing that the pedophile weirdo

1:07:26

was doing. She was doing with her fists under her chin.

1:07:28

I don't know what her... Oh yeah. That

1:07:30

is true. Did she have the same disease? I don't

1:07:32

know. It's very possible. Because one

1:07:35

on the left's body is pretty fucking rocking fat.

1:07:37

The one on the left... Oh! Get

1:07:39

him out of there. Is that his mother? The

1:07:43

one on the left, if you're going to drink, she'd rather you

1:07:45

do it in the head. Oh my God. Come on. Come

1:07:47

on. What

1:07:49

a couple of dreamboats. She

1:07:52

goes, dream, why don't you just leave soon?

1:07:56

My roommate and my son are going to be home. Could

1:07:59

you make him really... small and like

1:08:01

he's like on her

1:08:03

shoulder you have a

1:08:06

technical no-how for just making

1:08:08

wow I know who the right is if I'm

1:08:10

going for mother I'd like to fuck I'm

1:08:12

on the immediate short term I'm gonna say

1:08:14

I'm my vote's gonna be left

1:08:17

because it looks like she tit

1:08:19

fucks you like you don't hit fuck her like

1:08:22

she cranks her tits together and

1:08:24

she goes up and down turns

1:08:26

in your day turns into tit

1:08:28

zilla yeah yeah so I'm going

1:08:30

left base simply on aggressive tip

1:08:32

fuck the one on the

1:08:39

left has she's wearing luggage

1:08:41

locks as jewelry absolutely true it's a

1:08:44

little trashy really true the clasps do

1:08:46

not look high-end she's told Jay's chain

1:08:51

wallet absolutely I've been

1:08:53

behind this woman in line and a clairs on the

1:08:55

road picking up some

1:08:57

new stage where and what do you think I

1:09:00

before me and Dave move on let's let's let

1:09:02

her guess talk about the little one is the

1:09:04

one on the right like a classic like old-school

1:09:06

mom but the one on the left looks like if

1:09:08

she's gonna if you're gonna drink she wants you to do

1:09:10

it at home oh yeah definitely

1:09:13

terrible parenting oh yeah yeah I yeah

1:09:18

the left the one on the right had

1:09:20

a lot of help parenting I bet but

1:09:22

the one on the left now hmm the

1:09:24

one on the right looks like she's punching

1:09:26

herself in the face which turns me on

1:09:28

yeah hey you're doing my job for me

1:09:30

why you're hitting yourself she does look like

1:09:32

she runs like

1:09:34

an impound yard or some kind of

1:09:37

yeah yeah a parole

1:09:39

kind of thing going there she does she seems like

1:09:41

the quiet like hot girl in the neighborhood you don't

1:09:43

know what I'm talking about the one on the left

1:09:45

oh yeah she looks like a bounty

1:09:48

hunter yeah she looks like dog To

1:09:50

Bounty I Promise you she has some

1:09:52

badge of some sort. she's worked local

1:09:54

security or something. Yeah, definitely has some

1:09:57

of his staff. Yeah, she's not like

1:09:59

40. Five pp a

1:10:01

course and guys who fought absolutely

1:10:03

true difference. is that yours anymore?

1:10:05

you been repurposed, See has been

1:10:08

on the I'm camera, added a

1:10:10

Phillies game and our service at

1:10:12

her lips are big and they

1:10:14

are dark slacks. And.

1:10:17

Her belly buttons out. He. Said

1:10:20

cellphone Know my guess is a jail The

1:10:22

by the way I've already photo I said

1:10:24

west. Or

1:10:26

he's had left. Yeah. She looks

1:10:28

like a radiology technician something suitably absolutely

1:10:31

since I considered highly achieves it or

1:10:33

family, but not really that big a

1:10:35

deal for anywhere else. And. Is

1:10:38

a registered nurse for last few

1:10:40

years registered nurse demise will be a

1:10:43

heart surgeon. The family for sure for

1:10:45

sure. Ah

1:10:48

day but he same the my saying but how

1:10:50

would you like on oh no I mean I'm.

1:10:53

See as another both too strong powerful

1:10:55

women and. I

1:10:58

really wanna hear with the recipe is

1:11:00

in office. Says

1:11:05

someone's actual mother, a few Beatles as a

1:11:07

volunteer. their moms. they they know the game

1:11:09

a good thing as your mom's You know

1:11:11

it's funny. You know what I would say

1:11:13

When in doubt, go with the eyebrows. I'm

1:11:15

the one on the left. I. Find

1:11:18

snap on that was left throw at

1:11:20

present their hope is that for the

1:11:22

argument say who would you picked Ah.

1:11:26

Sorry for being honest one I'm right aren't

1:11:28

as I pick what is right and I've

1:11:30

always felt that when all my I always

1:11:32

felt that you're hispanic bicycle may have you

1:11:34

look at this. Everything we had and everything

1:11:37

that's been taken from a picture and not

1:11:39

conclude by myself. For me though I know

1:11:41

who the one on the left is so

1:11:43

I I would feel bad not voting for

1:11:45

her because I know specifically the mom came

1:11:47

players gonna listen to this show are now

1:11:49

yeah for sure out in the one of

1:11:52

the let's obviously we have won the last.

1:11:54

We all want to for their thank you

1:11:56

for listening. unquestionably she will watch

1:11:58

this affair Alex

1:12:00

you gotta put your mic on Not

1:12:05

only will she watch it, but she probably wants

1:12:07

to win we're sure the moving forward on the

1:12:09

left is Kim Congen Can

1:12:16

you put up her picture next to her so we can

1:12:18

see how how it goes Yeah, that's actually a great pop

1:12:20

Kim's picture. Yeah to her mom's picture. Well, who is the

1:12:22

one on the right on the right? Unfortunately

1:12:25

not moving forward is Ralph Oh, Ralph

1:12:27

is such a fucking beautiful. She's how

1:12:29

did Ralph come from that? I she

1:12:31

has you have to see his other

1:12:33

brother his other brother got the Schwarzenegger

1:12:35

thing and Ralph got the Gigandro. Yeah,

1:12:37

but she looks on the right like

1:12:39

one of those Lifetime movies what happened

1:12:41

to Ralph's mom That's

1:12:44

true. Yeah Wow,

1:12:46

that's really her Wow Weird

1:12:50

we can't look like she tries to fuck her

1:12:52

boyfriends Yeah, absolutely at

1:12:54

least litter bush hang out of some

1:12:56

fucking a bathing suit in front of

1:12:59

them Hmm, I

1:13:01

appreciate that Ralph's mom is beautiful.

1:13:03

I feel bad Kim looks like she's that

1:13:05

what's her mom's name? Mary

1:13:08

and that's Leah Sutton on the right. Mmm. How

1:13:11

to ask Leah shut I love it All

1:13:13

right, we came as mom moves forward into job. I

1:13:15

like milk But

1:13:19

they both look great beautiful. Yeah, yeah, the

1:13:21

real winner Over

1:13:24

fans beating off to these moms

1:13:26

our second bracket. Oh Whoa

1:13:34

Nice real bottom of the barrel.

1:13:36

Nice. I'll take the

1:13:38

one with Ted Bundy If

1:13:43

I dress like a mouse he won't kill me was that

1:13:46

taken on a conjugal visit It

1:13:50

does look like a prison marriage it really

1:13:52

does Yeah, that looks like Ted Bundy and

1:13:54

then the one on the right looks like

1:13:56

it was the first one in a spread

1:13:58

by Hugh Hefner This

1:14:00

was his first project that got him off

1:14:02

the ground. There's a boo popping out. Nice. Yeah,

1:14:04

that's what I'm saying. Whoa. She's

1:14:07

fantastic. I mean,

1:14:09

they're both pretty in the wrong way.

1:14:11

But the one on the left is a mouse, I believe. I

1:14:15

think I staked it soon. I don't know how I even played.

1:14:17

That was a different time when Black Nose was in. Yeah. We

1:14:24

didn't know. We

1:14:26

didn't know. The pendulum is going to swing. I

1:14:30

mean, the one on the right has a heavy

1:14:32

tit that's just hanging out. Oh, Jesus. Look,

1:14:35

she's got a fucking Jew face. And the

1:14:37

cover of Jewish Nose monthly. Don't

1:14:40

make fun of Mrs. Horshack. Mr.

1:14:44

Kater, please. Mr.

1:14:46

Kater. She's got quite the fucking

1:14:48

schnazarooski on this one. Right. Oh,

1:14:51

my god. Yeah. I

1:14:53

mean, the problem with the one on the left, I

1:14:55

feel like underneath that nose, she's adorable. Yeah. And she

1:14:57

looks like she's got a big fat tit. You can

1:14:59

see the silhouette of her tit. Wow. But

1:15:02

she's showing it, though. Lefty's

1:15:04

really showing it. Is that a bear tit? Is

1:15:07

that a bear side tit, though?

1:15:10

Who's saying that? Is that somebody on personal? Wait, you mean

1:15:12

like an actual? Is that somebody in production? Who is saying

1:15:14

this to me right now? Is that

1:15:17

my inner monologue? Is

1:15:19

it God? I think it's a bear side tit.

1:15:21

You think it's a bear side tit? It is.

1:15:23

Dude, I'm like, wait, there's a mouse on the

1:15:25

screen. There's also a bear? A

1:15:29

bear's tit. Like where? I go

1:15:31

to the one on the right. What

1:15:34

is that? Yeah. Davey. Nice tit. You

1:15:36

and Lou's got to vote this one, because you're voting

1:15:38

this one. I feel like Hitler would have let her

1:15:40

live. He would have been like, you know what?

1:15:44

Who, the mouse? No, the one on the

1:15:46

right. I'd have voted for a hot tub.

1:15:48

I like you, mini mouse. Yeah, you know?

1:15:50

You're pretty good. That's a terrible

1:15:52

German accent. Hello. I

1:15:54

am Hitler. Hello.

1:15:58

Hello, I'm Hitler. going

1:16:01

to burn you now. Oh, stay

1:16:03

dirty. Minnie

1:16:05

Mouse, this seems like a Halloween. No,

1:16:08

dude, it's a fucking Tuesday night. Well, I'll

1:16:10

tell you what, it doesn't feel like the

1:16:12

guy's playing along. He's like,

1:16:14

this is Minnie Mouse and I went as

1:16:17

a plumber. What is that? Yeah,

1:16:19

she's hot, dude. One on the left,

1:16:21

you can tell she's hot from this

1:16:23

photo. One on the right is just

1:16:25

sluttier and she's Jewish. That

1:16:28

one gets my vote. That's two pluses, right? What's

1:16:31

one in your Jew? Yeah. Who

1:16:33

voted so far? Big heavy jubes. Yeah, I vote

1:16:35

one on the right. Davey? Really?

1:16:39

Oh. Can you get back to me?

1:16:41

You and really? No, no, no, Davey, this is a coin

1:16:43

toss. This is a coin toss. It's

1:16:45

a lemon toss. Oh, Lewis and Dave already voted. It's a coin

1:16:47

toss. He votes for the Jew. But the weird

1:16:49

is... The weird is the

1:16:51

one on the left has a guy and

1:16:53

the other one is making faces at her

1:16:55

parrot. Pretty bird. Pretty

1:16:57

bird. I'll clean your cage

1:16:59

out after I do this,

1:17:03

okay? Just

1:17:08

take the picture. It's not often

1:17:10

you meet Craig of Craigslist, but I think... Sorry, guys. Whoever

1:17:13

mom that is, she's awesome.

1:17:16

Who'd you vote for, Lewis? Come back

1:17:18

to me. Who's voted... Well, you

1:17:20

and Dave have to vote because you're both going

1:17:22

to count. Who's voted so far? I'm voting for

1:17:24

the guy. All right? Why

1:17:26

not? Yes! Why not?

1:17:28

One vote for the guy. Dave goes left. I'll

1:17:31

throw another behind the left. Lewis,

1:17:34

you're the tiebreaker. You're the Jew. You're

1:17:36

the Jew. You're the Jew. You're the

1:17:38

Jew. I didn't pick it. Oh, I thought you didn't pick

1:17:40

it. Oh, sorry. This

1:17:43

one's actually the closest one I think we've had so far. Really?

1:17:46

It tears me up in

1:17:48

size. Of the two? I

1:17:53

hate to say goodbye to either of you.

1:17:55

Beautiful mommies. Did you

1:17:58

see that fake smile on the girl on the right? Like can

1:18:01

you put up that guy in the wheelchair again? Well

1:18:08

this blind date did not work out oh No

1:18:20

Go ahead for hard chilies

1:18:22

fuck this is really hard dude mmm It

1:18:26

sure is oh, you know what dude I Took

1:18:29

great, you know what fucking you know go one on the right

1:18:32

to serve side to it fuck You

1:18:34

said great you great you hanging. I gotta

1:18:36

be honest I'm

1:18:39

changing my vote. I'm going

1:18:41

with Lewis on that too now, so that's two

1:18:43

votes for her. What are you three three three?

1:18:47

Fuck that right moves on Alex.

1:18:49

That's big James mom Yeah,

1:18:55

all right Right

1:18:59

dad is it too racy I said

1:19:01

no such thing we're winning this thing

1:19:03

mom Father's

1:19:08

excited my mother's excited the whole family's

1:19:10

interested in this I thought I thought

1:19:12

that might have been Sabrina Piper's mom

1:19:14

I wasn't sure that was your mom

1:19:16

dude Feels

1:19:20

good she did she got that man.

1:19:22

She had a nose job. The woman's

1:19:25

made me lasagna. Yeah, not good It

1:19:28

wasn't good. That's not her thing cooking. It's not the jam. She's

1:19:30

made my she's baked my ziti if you know what I mean

1:19:32

oh Oh

1:19:35

You race yes, it's shown that side tit

1:19:37

mom Hey,

1:19:40

I slept on the couch of her house There

1:19:44

was a joke. Oh, there was your remember pull

1:19:46

up a picture show next time remember We

1:19:49

crashed at your mom's house course went when

1:19:51

uh and she had so many kids in

1:19:53

the house Yep, there were three other kids.

1:19:55

I know and it was just me so

1:19:57

she was just sluttin around Who

1:20:00

knows who took this weirdly sexy picture? I

1:20:02

was a child. Whose

1:20:04

mom was on the left? Man, that couch was

1:20:07

so rough. Yeah, before they took this picture,

1:20:09

they just had to grab a Snickers and throw

1:20:11

it in the corner to get Jay out of

1:20:13

there. Yeah. They

1:20:15

go, we hot, we hit candy in your room.

1:20:18

Can you make him like a baby

1:20:20

suckling on her tits? Please. Yeah,

1:20:26

Terry. You did it,

1:20:28

girl! Nice one, Jay. We're

1:20:33

saying goodbye to Tim Butterley's mom here. Oh,

1:20:37

the army girl! So pretty. She

1:20:39

is cute. Cute as fuck. Yeah,

1:20:41

that was close. Your mom was very close

1:20:43

to being voted off the island. I told her. What's

1:20:46

next? Did you make you be able to spread gas next

1:20:48

week? It's

1:20:52

Tim Butterley's own fault. He's sending a

1:20:54

picture of his mother identifying as a

1:20:56

cat. Yeah. Alright,

1:20:59

let's take a quick moment and thank you, delta.com,

1:21:01

for supporting today's show. Lewis, it's just

1:21:03

me and you. Thank you, Delta.

1:21:06

Oh, hey guys. What's up? I know, it's been a while. I

1:21:08

wasn't about to talk shit about you, you Delta vampire. No, yes

1:21:10

you were. What the fuck is going on? You

1:21:13

piece of shit. What were you getting ready

1:21:15

to say? Oh, is you an organ player?

1:21:18

Yes, I've got myself a pipe organ

1:21:21

player to accompany me. Crack

1:21:23

it. Yes.

1:21:26

You learned to play the pipe organ?

1:21:29

Yes, I call him DJ Kid for

1:21:31

free. Yes, I'm

1:21:33

working on my black set again. Well, I'll

1:21:36

tell you right now, I'm super high because I took

1:21:38

some Yo Delta gummies before today's show. Hit a little

1:21:40

vape too, dude. Yeah, why not, man? And

1:21:43

if you want to get high... Yo, shotgun, shotgun. This

1:21:46

is not gay. We're getting high. Dude, we're

1:21:49

not kissing. Ooh,

1:21:51

it's looking through my eyes. I'm giving

1:21:54

you some real stuff to my penis. I'm

1:21:56

clattering you. Dude, you told me you

1:21:59

would never hit me... me to do gay separate

1:22:01

forgets. And I lied. And I spit on my hand

1:22:03

and rubbed it up my butt crack. Well,

1:22:07

look, I'll tell you right now. You want to get

1:22:09

super duper high legally and have Joe Delta vapes and

1:22:11

gummies shipped to your door. You

1:22:15

gotta be 21 years old,

1:22:17

but it's legal in I think almost every state at this

1:22:19

point. But if it's not. Let's just say not every, but

1:22:21

most. Order it in one of the legal ones and then

1:22:23

drive it around and do it in one of the illegal

1:22:25

ones. I think they probably

1:22:27

should. We have not. They don't know what to do.

1:22:29

They don't know what to do. Joe Delta vampire. Delta

1:22:31

eight. What even is that?

1:22:34

It sounds like a mileage program for

1:22:36

an airline. Official Joe

1:22:38

Delta sponsors says that they do not approve that

1:22:40

statement. Do not do it in a state where

1:22:42

it's not legal. But at the

1:22:44

same time, if you get it from the Joe Delta

1:22:46

vampire, then who's to say? Who's to

1:22:48

say? Well, go to

1:22:51

yo delta.com. Use the promo code gas for

1:22:53

25%. I'm a Delta

1:22:55

eight mule. I

1:22:57

pack it up my vampire butt and I bring it

1:22:59

to illegal places. Yo Delta

1:23:01

dot com. You heard it first. We heard

1:23:03

the black market. Joe Delta dot com.

1:23:06

We didn't tell you how it got here. We're not the

1:23:08

same. Yo delta.com has no parts

1:23:10

of this. This is my side hustle, dude.

1:23:13

I go to the illegal places and I sell it out

1:23:15

of the back of my Dracula car.

1:23:19

Dracula. Yo

1:23:22

Delta Delta dot com. Yes. Yes.

1:23:25

25% off. Yes. All

1:23:27

right. Round three. Oh,

1:23:32

well, we've certainly fallen off.

1:23:36

Wait, are there on the left? On the left picture, which

1:23:38

one is it? In

1:23:41

the milk man. Do we? So

1:23:44

in the picture on the left, it's the woman

1:23:46

on the left and the woman on the right

1:23:48

is actually AI generated. Like I replaced her face

1:23:50

so that it's not just a stranger. Well,

1:23:53

I wrote to the AI robot. Well,

1:23:55

I'm going to say this the left, thank God,

1:23:57

because being the left on the left is good.

1:24:00

right looks like Robert Wohl. Wow.

1:24:02

It's like Robert Kelly. You're not

1:24:06

wrong. I'm gonna

1:24:08

go... I mean

1:24:10

come on, MILF, left.

1:24:13

Again, she's just wearing like a sexier outfit

1:24:15

on the right. It looks like... I

1:24:17

don't know. I don't like the sweater choices. No, come

1:24:20

on. Call me a traditionalist, but

1:24:22

I like the right. Really? Sure.

1:24:24

I like the right, why didn't you know?

1:24:26

Strong family values. Now, the right, I like

1:24:28

that she has hair like Dave

1:24:31

Snake Sabo from Skid Row. She

1:24:33

really does. Can you please? That's a

1:24:35

very specific reference. It's just their face

1:24:37

put into another picture.

1:24:39

And what's going on? Are they conjoined? What

1:24:42

is the left of her? Yeah,

1:24:45

if you want to buck a one, you gotta

1:24:47

deal with the other. No, are you saying that

1:24:49

the fatter chick on the picture on the left

1:24:51

is AR generated? That one's killer. Yeah, it was

1:24:53

like an old lady who they didn't want to show

1:24:55

and I just switched her face with an AI face.

1:24:58

The picture on the right's a legit picture. Why'd you

1:25:00

blur it on the right and put a different face

1:25:02

on the left? Because when I tried to do the

1:25:04

AI thing on the right, it was coming up

1:25:06

to the point where you guys would have said

1:25:08

something about it. It was not looking right.

1:25:10

It was a child's bitch. Instead,

1:25:13

you just subbed in a picture of Melissa

1:25:15

McCarthy on the left. So

1:25:18

who is the mother there on that side? Who

1:25:20

is? Where did we... do you have a winner yet? I

1:25:23

mean, I think... Alex, from

1:25:25

now on, just fucking cut the person out. It's all

1:25:27

confusing now. Nobody knows who she's like. You're looking at

1:25:29

the blonde lady. Yeah, I know the blonde lady. Is

1:25:31

she real or no? She's real. Really?

1:25:34

Yes. Wow. The moms are

1:25:36

real. Oh. They're just confused. You didn't have

1:25:38

to tell us about the AI. It was

1:25:40

just confusing as fuck, Alex. Yeah, I thought

1:25:42

the one on the right was AI face

1:25:44

on a different picture for some reason. Yeah.

1:25:46

It was confusing. You have brought the show

1:25:49

to a screeching halt, Alex. It's great. Don't

1:25:51

judge the blonde lady or the lady in

1:25:53

the photo on the right. Well, now we know, Alex.

1:25:55

I appreciate you for clearing things up. Well, the

1:25:57

one on the right really looks like a comic.

1:26:00

You can see the disappointment in her face. I

1:26:03

sent you to physical therapy school, and

1:26:05

this is what you're doing. I

1:26:08

think we're gonna be a pharmacist. I am. The

1:26:12

one on the left looks like a cunt. No

1:26:15

doubt, by the way, no doubt. But

1:26:17

I tell you something, she's bitchy at work,

1:26:20

so she likes to get butt-fucked to be put in her place. Hell yeah. Oh,

1:26:23

my God. Yeah. The

1:26:25

one on the left looks like she's wearing an

1:26:27

expensive necklace, and the one on the right looks

1:26:30

like she's wearing costume jewelry. Oh, absolutely, dude. That's

1:26:32

an impulse buy at a fucking Target. That's

1:26:35

in a bin with fucking squishy balls

1:26:37

and fucking dog toys. Well,

1:26:40

I'm going for the one on the left, whoever it is. The one

1:26:42

on the left. Yes. I'm going for

1:26:44

that teen boy in the background. Yeah, who is that

1:26:46

guy? He's got my vote. Fair enough. Yeah.

1:26:51

That kid comes from cash for sure. Look at

1:26:53

his dickhead haircut. All right, the one

1:26:55

on the left takes it. Yeah.

1:26:58

Dave, who'd you vote for? I went right. Who'd

1:27:00

you vote for? One on the left. Oh,

1:27:02

there's someone behind that one. I didn't even see that. Oh,

1:27:05

geez. Wow. This is like

1:27:07

an eye exam. All right. All

1:27:09

right. So

1:27:12

on the right side, we're saying goodbye to Louis.

1:27:15

You pieces of shit. Louis.

1:27:20

Louis. Mama. Louis. Mama.

1:27:24

She's frowning in her family picture. Her

1:27:26

lips are turned down. She's so

1:27:28

loving, dude. She's a genetic.

1:27:31

Louis, who is the one wearing the sweater

1:27:34

that you could tell us? That's my sister.

1:27:36

Oh, I get it. Janice. Yeah,

1:27:38

she's frowning in family pictures. Wait, can you pull

1:27:40

out, we see Louis in the family photo? Yeah,

1:27:43

yeah. Louis, let the record show. I

1:27:45

gave your mom a pity vote. Oh,

1:27:47

and I know, yeah, Dave knew exactly who it

1:27:50

was. I pitied the fool. I pitied the fool. Yeah,

1:27:52

I couldn't let my boy's mom go out with not

1:27:54

one. I mean, we were just, this is like one

1:27:56

of the, like we went to Shoprite to get these

1:27:58

photo stations. Shoprite. Shoprite. You know, not came

1:28:00

a see you see we did shop right? Kmart

1:28:03

did this shop right? I'm also very weird looking in

1:28:05

this photo if you pull up the thing After

1:28:08

I'm making a very weird face in the old this the

1:28:10

only time I've ever looked like this in my entire life

1:28:12

Seems it runs in the family She's

1:28:15

trying to smile Jay. That's how bad

1:28:17

I know that's crazy This is the

1:28:19

happiest moment of her life fucking shop

1:28:21

right pictures with her kids Everyone's

1:28:25

wearing costume jewelry I Was

1:28:29

real gold my sister was wearing real gold. All right,

1:28:31

dude, that's a great a poor people did they bought

1:28:33

their kids gold Buying

1:28:37

our fucking children gold Remember

1:28:43

it's Chris Coppos Okay,

1:28:46

dude, I don't mind by the way I see

1:28:48

James so much in that picture I

1:28:51

was in the middle of sneezing or

1:28:53

something. That's the left. Yes. Wow. I

1:28:55

love it The name

1:28:58

is Lewis a Gomez. He's got a sharper

1:29:00

nose. Do you guys have the same fucking

1:29:02

face? Wow, that's amazing Denise

1:29:05

looks like Joe Jackson None

1:29:13

of us were smiling in this photo. How sad is

1:29:15

that? You bring a picture of Joe Jackson also? Yeah,

1:29:17

but if you put all of them together, it makes

1:29:19

one smile That's

1:29:21

really it's the evolution of smile Let

1:29:27

me tell you I'll break

1:29:29

this down Lewis is giving you slight smile

1:29:32

Denise is giving you pure even and Lewis

1:29:35

his mom is frowning. It's right. It cancels

1:29:37

out Picture cancels

1:29:39

off at Lewis is going though.

1:29:42

I may be the darkest of the photo.

1:29:44

Yeah, I will be the most successful Can

1:29:48

you put up the picture of the guy on the wheelchair next

1:29:50

to Lewis? I just want to see I

1:29:54

really just want to see what that encounter would be

1:29:56

like Oh,

1:30:00

hey little man. Oh, Lewis, he would have

1:30:02

fucking loved you to come over. Absolutely. I

1:30:05

would have loved maybe. I love your beautiful

1:30:07

Puerto Rican butt-hop. That's a lot, dude. If

1:30:09

you would have let me ride in his

1:30:12

wheelchair, I would have done whatever he

1:30:14

would have wanted, dude. Wheelchairs are so fun. I'll ride

1:30:16

you home from ShopRite. Dude, you had a flat little

1:30:18

nose when you were young. No, I was flaring my

1:30:20

nose because I was like, I was in the middle

1:30:22

of a smile. There's not a face I've ever made

1:30:24

in my entire life. I'm going

1:30:26

like. Oh, a little adorable Lewis.

1:30:29

Look at his little head of hair. Look at his

1:30:31

cheeks. I'm going to eat them. I'm going to eat those

1:30:33

cheeks. I'm wearing a vest. I love the vest.

1:30:36

Why not? A bulletproof vest, actually. Joey Lawrence wore

1:30:38

it. All

1:30:41

right, next round. Moving on, Chris Gopo's

1:30:43

hot ass mother. The whole

1:30:45

family got ass. I

1:30:48

met Chris Gopo's mom, too. She's cool. Yeah?

1:30:51

What do you mean, man? Whoa. Look at that.

1:30:54

The apple doesn't fall so far from the tree.

1:30:57

They both have great hair and they're

1:31:00

dumpers, dude. It

1:31:03

must have been exciting when they met young Frankenstein.

1:31:10

Next round. Oh, this

1:31:13

is a toughie. This is a really, wow.

1:31:15

Look at that. JFK. Rosie

1:31:18

the Riveter on her day off. The

1:31:21

one on the right has some sort of

1:31:23

weird radioactive thing going on. Yeah. It does.

1:31:25

That is a bit of a problem. That

1:31:29

is weird. It looks like a tiny

1:31:31

sized woman and put her in a big window. Weird.

1:31:36

Blind. It really does. Right? Honey,

1:31:40

I shrunk the mill. Did she? It

1:31:44

looks like a cardboard cut out of somebody in a picture. Yeah.

1:31:48

Did she chew bubble gum at

1:31:50

Willy Wonka's chocolate factory when

1:31:52

they told her not to? The one on the right is

1:31:54

hot, for sure. I don't know the

1:31:56

word. I don't love the outfit because I don't love the

1:31:59

poof in the cooch. That's a strange thing happening.

1:32:01

Oh, it looks like a diaper. It does look like

1:32:03

a diaper a little bit, because this one's going to

1:32:05

be a hard judge just on looks. The one on

1:32:07

the left looks bitchy, but like a real spinner. You

1:32:09

know what I mean? I like the one on the

1:32:11

left. The left. Yeah. The one on the left's easy

1:32:13

to make squirt. The one on the right's hard to

1:32:15

make cum. No, I like the safe space show one

1:32:18

on the left. I

1:32:20

like the hobby lobby. When's the hobby lobby going to

1:32:22

be invented? Hey, I

1:32:25

want a compost. Does anyone know what that is yet?

1:32:29

Nice doo rag. The one

1:32:31

on the left, she dressed like the Ajax ad in the 40s. Oh,

1:32:35

yeah, for sure. He said Rosie the Riveter. Holy.

1:32:38

Oh, is that what it is? Yeah. Um,

1:32:40

what should we go? Yeah, the one on the

1:32:42

left. You know what? It's it's a

1:32:45

it's an easy, difficult decision. Is

1:32:48

it? The problem is the picture on the one on the

1:32:50

right is not a great representation. I bet you super hot.

1:32:52

But the left in the middle of being electrocuted. Yeah, that's

1:32:54

weird. The one on the left looks like he's looking at

1:32:56

the one on the right and judging her. Yeah. The one

1:32:58

on the right. Because that means he's a pink bitch. The

1:33:00

one on the left is not going to be that fun.

1:33:03

But if you're talking about pure physical experience, I'm

1:33:05

thinking left. But right. But right here to do

1:33:07

some shit. The one on the right is underneath

1:33:09

a lot of hot dog lamps. Yeah,

1:33:11

it was really funny that Lewis, the one on

1:33:13

the left is judging the one on the right.

1:33:16

I'm sure. All right, whatever you pink bitch, walk

1:33:18

into your pink room. She

1:33:20

goes, you're dressed like a whore and guys don't respect that.

1:33:24

She's so man tuck it. Early

1:33:26

70s. I got it. I'm going to throw in

1:33:28

again. I'm going again. I can keep considering the

1:33:30

fact this is MILF madness. Yeah. This is who

1:33:33

I want to spend time, watch movie with and

1:33:35

buy presents for each other. This is somebody who

1:33:37

I want to dump a fat load of come

1:33:39

on. Wow. Or talk to again

1:33:41

or in depending on the age. I'm

1:33:45

on and if I'm thinking straight fucking

1:33:49

one night experience, I'm

1:33:52

going to go with that pink bitch on the right. Wow. She

1:33:55

looks like a muscle man. Remember muscles, remember

1:33:57

those toys? Oh, yeah. I

1:34:00

would have killed if everyone in the audience was my age. I don't know

1:34:02

what the mess I made. Well,

1:34:04

Jay, you just voted for Mike Racine's dad. No!

1:34:10

I mean, you're right, dude. The one on the right looks like

1:34:12

a better time in the bedroom. The one on the left looks

1:34:14

like she's gonna, like, lie there and fucking stare up at the

1:34:16

ceiling and cry a little. Pretty, but you know... So I choose

1:34:18

the one on the left. Yeah,

1:34:22

there you go. Muscle. Oh, there it is. Yeah.

1:34:25

Now, give it its pass. Give it its fucking

1:34:27

grenade. Yes, that was a great

1:34:29

reference. Uh,

1:34:34

I say left. Wow! I

1:34:37

thought you were gonna go right. I'm going left. You're

1:34:39

going on pure physical. I'm just going the

1:34:41

one on the right. She looks too fucking pink for me, dude. I

1:34:43

can't deal with that. She's not that pink all the time. I don't

1:34:45

think happening... I'm going what in front of me, dude. There's

1:34:48

a thing happening in that room, dude. No one is completely

1:34:50

the same color as their clothing. Dude, that's crazy. What do

1:34:52

you think? She Rambo fucking painted herself into a wall to

1:34:54

surprise her? I'm gonna put her in the next dress. She's

1:34:56

gonna come out and be that pink bitch again, and I'm

1:34:58

gonna freak the fuck out. There's no way, dude. This one

1:35:00

walks in her room. No, dude. That's supernatural if she walks

1:35:02

in like that. She used to zoom into her face and

1:35:04

tits. Let's

1:35:07

get in a little bit. Oh, it's like an

1:35:09

eclipse. Holy... Wow. Dude, this

1:35:11

girl... Oh, she is hot. This girl

1:35:13

fucks rules free. And this

1:35:16

one's got a lot of shit she doesn't like.

1:35:18

Yes, but she has a kiln that one on

1:35:20

the left. But afterwards,

1:35:22

you can make some pottery and ceramics. Alright,

1:35:26

well, hey, this is another really tough... She's petite. I like

1:35:28

that, dude. I like the one on the left. I'm telling

1:35:30

you, the one on the left I would pick on pure

1:35:32

physicality. But with the vibe she's giving

1:35:34

off is not fun. But one of the wear it looks

1:35:36

like she's 6'8". The toke... Zoom back

1:35:39

out on the one on the right. Absolutely,

1:35:41

dude. Her knees... She's tall, dude. You can

1:35:43

fuck her on top, and her knees bend

1:35:45

at your shoulders, naturally. This fucking Amazonian whore

1:35:47

out of my bedroom. This one here, when

1:35:49

you get on top of this one here,

1:35:51

her tootsies are gonna be right here. And

1:35:54

it feels weird like you're fucking a

1:35:56

doll. This one here's got some

1:35:58

fucking heft to her. I like the fucking... girls in

1:36:00

my son's top of his bunk bed, of course she's

1:36:02

not going to work out with this girl. That

1:36:05

is true. You're going to hit the fucking fan

1:36:07

for sure. I can't come without that. You know the woman on

1:36:09

the left looked like, you know, I'll

1:36:11

let you take my picture, but I hope years from now you don't

1:36:13

have me in some kind of milk. I

1:36:15

promise you that. Probably,

1:36:19

probably. But

1:36:22

I'll go with the, that woman over

1:36:24

there, the white lantern. Okay, nice. When

1:36:29

she gets angry, does she get brighter? Let's

1:36:31

not test it. She

1:36:33

looks like she's made with the same technology

1:36:35

when they made Godzilla angry in the old

1:36:37

movies. Yeah. She's turning into something

1:36:39

else. Yeah, I don't know. I just,

1:36:41

I can't go with this mom who

1:36:44

convinced Jerry Seinfeld to switch apartments with

1:36:46

her. Wow. I'm going

1:36:48

left. I'm going left. She

1:36:50

looks sad and I want to cheer her

1:36:53

up. So who's left? Is that three left?

1:36:55

You got left, Lewis? Left wins. All

1:36:57

right. So we're saying goodbye to my mom

1:36:59

tonight. No! That

1:37:02

was your mom on the right. We're going to

1:37:04

Alex shooting a hot photo of herself, you kind.

1:37:06

Alex, we can see you right now. Where'd she

1:37:09

make? She makes you creep. By the way, your

1:37:11

mom's creep. She's not. You're fucking

1:37:13

rapist. Your mom's not tall at all. No, she's

1:37:15

not tall. She looks a lot taller in this picture.

1:37:17

She looks taller in that picture. I think that this

1:37:19

is a bathing suit cover up. She's wearing a bikini

1:37:21

under it and she's got a sunburn from Club Med.

1:37:23

God damn, does she have a sunburn. No, that's not true. She

1:37:26

is a nun. That's a sunburn? I

1:37:28

thought this was a photo issue. Alex,

1:37:30

why is it that the room she's

1:37:32

walking into has a huge sunburn? It's

1:37:35

like the aha take on me video. She

1:37:38

was drawn into it. Is she on

1:37:40

Mars currently? I think it's a combination

1:37:42

sunburn and photo situation. What year was

1:37:45

that? Can you tell us? The 80s? She's

1:37:48

pretty toyed. Your

1:37:51

mom's toyed as fuck, for sure. Yeah, no. But

1:37:53

this photo is a bad photo. Alex,

1:37:56

why would you choose this photo? This was her submission. She's

1:37:58

stupid. She took this photo. I

1:38:00

know she's a stupid woman tell her I said you

1:38:02

had a good chance Moving

1:38:05

on we have micro scenes mom It

1:38:12

looks like she's just getting explained to her what

1:38:14

autism is What

1:38:19

if she's blind Good

1:38:23

job, she does look like she's looking at Mike

1:38:25

saying I don't find it funny She's

1:38:28

like I don't want to see your new special Let's

1:38:31

take a quick moment and thank the official marquee sponsor

1:38:33

for skankfish. You'll create them calm You'll create them be

1:38:36

yeah home of the 60 dollar kilo if you're over

1:38:38

21 in the market for create them We're not telling

1:38:40

you you need cram. We're just saying if you're already

1:38:42

getting it Why not get it at the best price

1:38:44

possible on the internet? I'm trying to get off of

1:38:47

it and you're getting the itch Yo,

1:38:49

create them dude if you've never done it and

1:38:51

you want to know what it feels like to

1:38:53

be alive Yeah, and if you

1:38:55

just look at it straight up get nice Well,

1:38:58

maybe or maybe you did that one time the first time

1:39:00

and it's never been quite the same again That's

1:39:02

called chasing the dragon Lewis. Yeah chase

1:39:05

the dragon with your creative home in

1:39:07

the 60 dollar kilo You can make

1:39:09

a lot of long lines with that

1:39:13

I've seen it. It feels great your hands.

1:39:15

You're not snort create them. No.

1:39:17

No melt it down and inject it I'd

1:39:21

say get it into the veins quicker. You

1:39:23

put in your veins I say boof it boof it wrap

1:39:26

it in a wet tissue and shove it up your ass All

1:39:28

this is possible. You have a kilo something you're

1:39:31

what you're called great. I'm rich. You can experiment

1:39:33

You'll fucking throw it and fucking mailman's faces. You

1:39:35

don't give a shit Your

1:39:39

crib that's up your crib calm. How

1:39:42

many more we have left? Whoa,

1:39:45

hi, I've left really great.

1:39:47

How's that possible? We

1:39:50

did three of those eight. We okay Oh

1:39:57

My god, we have top of nipple Right.

1:40:00

Yeah, for sure. There's top of dip there.

1:40:02

Yeah, I don't care who it is. Zoom

1:40:04

in. Oh My god,

1:40:06

I'm in that one By

1:40:09

the way, that's not his father whoever's mom that is

1:40:11

that's not the dad. This is an easy. This is

1:40:14

an easy choice for this right

1:40:17

Naturally pretty your face left don't matter

1:40:19

this get down dude. Yeah, she fucked

1:40:22

right where that picture was wherever it

1:40:24

was No Can

1:40:27

you pick was involved? Can you pull out again? Look

1:40:30

how she's got a lot. Look how proud

1:40:32

they are of that bumper pool table He's

1:40:38

gonna bend me over this tonight and then

1:40:40

we're gonna go see 38 specials Look,

1:40:44

this guy's holding her and she didn't mind

1:40:46

the other guy was catching top nip Yeah,

1:40:48

well, I mean look if this was a

1:40:51

whose mom's cooler competition. We'd already be done

1:40:53

with that. Fuck. Yeah, Dave You're gonna pick

1:40:55

like a nerd. Oh, right Beautiful

1:40:58

woman to take on a cruise to show

1:41:00

her the world Dude, I'll

1:41:02

be honest this one on the left dude.

1:41:04

If you were to a fucking beef and

1:41:06

beer. She'd suck your cock in a bathroom

1:41:08

Wow, another guy shit in a stall next

1:41:10

to you. I'd like to believe that What

1:41:14

an old I'd like to believe that the

1:41:16

guy on the left didn't actually

1:41:18

take this chick on a cruise He just walked her

1:41:21

down to the pier Then cut

1:41:23

the picture so perfectly You'd be like,

1:41:25

wow you were on a fucking they

1:41:27

like the ocean. They look like welcome

1:41:29

to the world of time-sharing, you know

1:41:31

every Year, we get a

1:41:33

week in Florida. This girl does not care

1:41:35

about the poor people she hurts Yeah on

1:41:37

the right the one on the left has

1:41:39

the draws no lines. Yeah whatsoever. Look at

1:41:41

that guy's fluffy hair I know we spent

1:41:44

our rent money on this Miller sign and

1:41:46

fucking right. Yeah, this guy fucking works in

1:41:48

an electronic store Yeah, I mean

1:41:50

look mom who I want to fuck obviously We

1:41:52

don't want to be with or fuck either one

1:41:54

of these but if don't you dare Do you

1:41:56

have to choose the goddamn nightmare the one on

1:41:58

the right looks like? farm warfare

1:42:00

bill from to

1:42:07

do generation one i

1:42:10

hurt it hanging out we'd all be a bar

1:42:12

looking at this is the country really but no

1:42:15

you hope that she grabs your hand with the

1:42:17

other three ages already hold which leaves i'd

1:42:19

like when those two have sex they probably scream the

1:42:22

same thing not in my hair yeah it's

1:42:26

up but that they ever

1:42:28

find the woman on the right doubtful

1:42:34

you know she's wearing an animal

1:42:37

sanctuary is not that

1:42:39

the other out there doing a dolphin mission yes

1:42:42

you think you know the ocean but i don't

1:42:44

know uh...

1:42:48

who spoke they devote nobody voted for the one of

1:42:50

the right where you can walled on

1:42:52

hold on the side of the hand on

1:42:54

that well

1:42:56

sheet we know she took on a

1:42:59

giant holy shit well i'll can speak

1:43:03

like i have to talk about monstracao when

1:43:05

i get them with his big guys were

1:43:07

so aggressive in the eighties we love to

1:43:09

just show our dominance on a one of

1:43:11

the yeah yeah my rolling is my hahaha

1:43:13

no taking a picture my box you can

1:43:15

enjoy but don't touch which

1:43:17

one we've a pool cues away from her which

1:43:21

one was closer to a super cuts uh...

1:43:26

yesterday but yes it's rough anymore

1:43:28

question now

1:43:30

when you put the kid in the wheelchair like he's

1:43:32

addressed but

1:43:35

he's not only like that in the evening the

1:43:38

time out of the

1:43:40

but i think i don't know for the answer

1:43:42

of what the man i've only run about five

1:43:44

times you can make it smaller uh... because

1:43:48

i give you an a i program that could be so

1:43:50

easily but this woman over

1:43:52

here is about to queef and is proud of

1:43:54

it yes that's what is

1:43:56

that position she is a good way to get you guys here

1:43:58

at that you guys here at Did you hear it?

1:44:02

All right. The answer is left. There's only

1:44:04

one answer. Okay. Left

1:44:07

wins. All right. Moving on. On

1:44:09

the left we have Doug Stanhope's mom. Yes!

1:44:13

Yes! Yes! That

1:44:16

explains it all. That is fantastic.

1:44:20

That is great. That

1:44:22

is, by the way, if you're going to

1:44:24

be knowing it, that picture is how you

1:44:27

make a Doug Stanhope. That's the recipe. That's

1:44:30

the ingredients for Doug Stanhope. And,

1:44:34

Dave, by the way, we should tell you, Doug

1:44:36

Stanhope's the only person who reached out to us

1:44:38

to include his mom. He asked his mom to

1:44:40

do the concept. I swear to God. His mom

1:44:42

was the coolest. Oh, hell

1:44:44

yeah. Doug reached out to us and went, dude, I'm

1:44:46

sorry, is it too late? I feel such an asshole

1:44:48

if it's too late. Can we get my mom in

1:44:51

this? Nice. That's

1:44:53

fantastic. Doug Stanhope's moving on, going off. Who is

1:44:55

on the right? We're saying goodnight to Tom's

1:44:57

mom. Tom's mom. That

1:45:00

makes a lot of sense. Tom,

1:45:02

your mom fell off in picture too, dude. Same

1:45:05

haircut. My daughter said a year ago that Tom

1:45:07

looks like a Bob's

1:45:10

Burger character and I never unsee it. I

1:45:13

never unsee it. That's

1:45:15

pretty good. Wow. Mrs.

1:45:17

Stanhope. All

1:45:20

right. That one sank in for

1:45:22

a minute. Everybody, take a moment. Take

1:45:25

a moment with that. Drink that

1:45:27

in for a minute. This is all... Oh,

1:45:31

whoa. Holy shit. Somebody

1:45:34

kept their safety for last week. 1983 and... All

1:45:38

right, no idea. Wow, this

1:45:40

is a real tough one. I'm going to tell you what. I'm going

1:45:42

to tell you why this is an easy one for me. Bring

1:45:45

Tom back up there. Put Tom back up for

1:45:47

no reason. I won't spoil it there. Genuinely,

1:45:50

so I only think this is a bullshit answer, but

1:45:52

I think I'm picking right because I'm more attracted to

1:45:54

the right. But I think I

1:45:56

remember whose mom left is. I know who left it.

1:45:59

And I don't see it. I don't see anything but that

1:46:01

person now. I was born in 1983 and I

1:46:03

feel like I gotta go 1983 on that. Okay,

1:46:07

okay. I don't

1:46:09

know, right? I like right. I'm

1:46:12

going with the left because I love the

1:46:14

Bronx in the early 80s. Now, that woman

1:46:16

looks, yeah, I know what I'm doing up

1:46:19

there, yeah. See

1:46:22

you at the bodega. So this is up to me.

1:46:24

I think it's up to you, Louis. Louis,

1:46:26

you are the tie breaker. I mean, I feel

1:46:28

fucked up because I know who it is on

1:46:30

the left. And

1:46:33

if I'm just being honest, I'm gonna pretend I

1:46:35

don't know which one it is. Who do I find

1:46:37

more attractive? The

1:46:40

one on the left, it really does look exactly

1:46:43

like it. Exactly, like the comic. Yeah, it does.

1:46:45

And I can't see it. She's very pretty, nothing

1:46:47

can do with that. The one on the right

1:46:49

looks like they're in an Amy Grant music video.

1:46:51

Listen, before we knew who the comic was last

1:46:54

week, they clearly moved forward. They're in

1:46:56

the second round. So

1:46:58

everyone thought it's beautiful. Nice shoulders. But now I can't

1:47:01

unsee the person. I wouldn't know who it is. And

1:47:03

when you do, it's gonna make you laugh really hard.

1:47:05

I have no idea who the right is, but I

1:47:07

feel like on the right, she's

1:47:09

a very pretty woman. The one on the left

1:47:11

looks like she's just down to spread that gash,

1:47:13

though. Wow. I was about to give it the

1:47:16

look. I'm having a hard time here. Well here,

1:47:18

let me say why I'm picking the right also,

1:47:20

even though I don't mind. This picture, though, I

1:47:22

would say historically, is someone trying

1:47:24

to lure you in with thin neck pretty

1:47:26

face and a dating app, but that bottom

1:47:29

is all fucked up. Look at the way

1:47:31

the tip meets the armpit, J.

1:47:35

Hill right here. She's falling apart and

1:47:37

the body bit too. Which one on the right? I

1:47:39

like it. On the right, yeah. Gorgeous face, but that,

1:47:42

it seems like it goes anywhere. If you do, Alex. No,

1:47:45

I think that's the picture, right? I

1:47:47

like the left. You can almost hear- Shane Quinn

1:47:49

the phrase fat trickster, which I really love that.

1:47:52