0:00

Hey, sweeties. We all know the importance of

0:02

building a bright future and that

0:05

includes feeling secure That's why

0:07

I keep it positive sweetie is a proud partner

0:09

with State Farm a good neighbor

0:11

who understands the importance of protecting What matters

0:13

most in the black community? State

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Farm isn't just about insurance. They're committed

0:18

to investing in our communities because

0:21

they believe the future of black excellence is a

0:23

future worth protecting From

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supporting HBCUs to promoting financial

0:27

literacy State Farm empowers black

0:30

families to thrive Stay tuned

0:32

after the episode to learn more Hello

0:43

and welcome to this episode of keep it

0:45

positive sweetie I'm Christopher a hazelid and today

0:47

I have with me guys.

0:50

I'm so excited about this one I

0:52

have the Sarah Jakes Roberts. Thank

0:54

you I'm so excited.

0:56

No, I'm so excited when you you're

0:59

on your books here right now We got you to stop

1:01

by when you DM me and asking to be a part

1:03

of the tour I literally was like, it's

1:06

just a spam Message

1:08

this really hurts. I had to go to the

1:10

family. My way. This is really her. Of course

1:12

You're making such an incredible impact. I know that

1:14

you're gonna add so much value. Thank you so

1:16

much. I'm so excited I'll

1:18

see you guys there tonight Well

1:21

by the time this airs it would already happen, but I hope

1:24

to see you guys there I

1:26

like to start off each episode with either a quote

1:28

or a song and today I thought it would be

1:30

only fitting to Do a quote from your new book.

1:32

Okay, power moves make sure you guys

1:34

get it. It is so good and it's so

1:36

powerful the quote

1:38

says The only

1:41

thing worse than being powerless is falling for the

1:43

illusion that power can be a mass By

1:45

what you have instead of who you are willing

1:48

to become When I read that I

1:50

was like That is so powerful because

1:52

a lot of times we look around like

1:54

well, I don't have this I don't have that I don't

1:56

have that but not thinking hey, it's really what I need

1:58

to be right here while I'm trying to For

2:00

sure I went over know them so I

2:02

know a lot of and he will get

2:04

caught up in the now and light look

2:06

into where they want to go and like

2:08

feel suck nanny now so they're really slow.

2:11

The name thank you are people who have

2:13

a lot realize that I still feel empty

2:15

on the anti America is a nursery and

2:17

I know for sure I feel light on.

2:20

Nominees: Our family is never enough. like

2:22

you're never satisfied and I fly is entirely

2:25

said once you hit the top of my

2:27

level if I start now low rate of

2:29

wind? yeah and I feel I therefore I'm

2:31

alive right now like I read not alone

2:33

like Hogarth now have them learn everything all

2:35

over again for this level of my trying

2:37

to find new code in had a like

2:39

a video game like had i get passes

2:42

level and ominously right now with as though

2:44

through the air at them a faint what

2:46

are you learning about this season? You know

2:48

what I'm learning is that disallow. Pray for.

2:50

A lot of how about the most of your really says out.

2:53

On. My own or okay as you to

2:55

large my territory by I know this

2:57

is what came with a larger the

2:59

territory. So for me I'm learning just

3:01

pause. Even yesterday. For. Had a situation

3:03

where my family about the kind of them calling you.

3:07

see with those the same something for it's a

3:09

nice yesterday in a way where the clothes and

3:11

out of i almost as of info font i

3:14

didn't get it in i'm like in the middle

3:16

starting to feel next week a lot of normally

3:18

i would ahead of having attack near thing like

3:20

i will have time so i it just messes

3:22

everything up winner thing that the fall into place

3:25

and my you know what give you will grace

3:27

rain and. Use. This alice figured out.

3:29

a lie. Worth a solution. Can I used to

3:31

live? Have a pity party? Now if you know

3:33

it, Find. A solution. Breathe air they

3:35

find Yeah and are they wanna hesitate as

3:38

the main thing and as you forgot his

3:40

out. A way that you

3:42

are ride. Alongs like

3:44

okay, We

3:47

know. The Eye on them. Learn to

3:49

give myself great and give other people great. Yeah

3:51

Vanessa maintain because I feel like a lot of

3:53

time were so hard on ourselves. I have. up

3:55

ahead and working on it i'm a

3:58

perfectionist we're it where it again from

4:00

a childhood, like everything had to be right, just because

4:02

I didn't want to get in trouble, or I was

4:04

scared to make a bad grade, because certain different things

4:06

I didn't want to happen, so it's like this perfection

4:08

thing just carried through my whole life. And

4:11

even as an adult, it's relationships. Just

4:14

everything had to be perfect, and that's just my life. No,

4:17

not even a little bit. Right, right,

4:19

right. Seriously, have you ever dealt

4:21

with anything like that? Man, I think

4:24

my thing was once I figured

4:27

I'd messed up, like in the eyes of the

4:29

church, in the eyes of my family, once I

4:31

became a teen mom, I felt like the bar

4:33

was so low for me that there was no

4:37

reason to try and be perfect. So I think I

4:39

just was like, we'll

4:41

try whatever. We'll do whatever. And

4:43

so I think coming to a

4:45

space where I find worth and

4:47

value in myself has

4:49

allowed me to work on my own

4:51

set of ethics that weren't based on

4:53

someone else's opinion or perspective of who

4:56

I was, because I

4:58

didn't have a lot to reach for. Wow,

5:00

that is powerful. You touched on 14 year

5:03

old Sarah. I want to talk to

5:05

14 year old Sarah, because we have a wide range. Is it

5:07

where you're gonna try and make me cry? No. Okay.

5:10

No, I'm really, no, no, no. No, no, no. No,

5:13

no, no. But

5:17

we have like a wide range of age

5:19

groups in our community. I

5:21

have high school girls all the way to women, oh,

5:24

you say I'm more mature women, or

5:26

seasoned women. Yes. So

5:29

I want to talk to 14 year old Sarah,

5:31

because I know just being the daughter

5:33

of Bishop, the Bishop,

5:35

TDJ, already carries a way of

5:37

responsibility that you didn't ask for, even as a

5:39

child. You know what I'm saying? Growing up in

5:41

the church, and the church can be

5:43

one of the most judgmental places

5:46

that there is. What

5:48

was it like in the mental of 14 year

5:50

old Sarah realizing, oh my goodness, I've

5:53

made a mistake. What you probably felt was

5:55

a grave mistake in the eyes of a

5:57

pastor's daughter. You know, I was...

6:00

I was so young, so technically 13 when

6:02

I got pregnant. I was so young

6:04

that the worst thing I could think about

6:06

was like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna get

6:08

a whooping. I'm gonna get grounded. I

6:11

wasn't even thinking about the

6:13

implications of having a child. All

6:16

I could think about is how my

6:18

parents would respond. It was their response

6:20

that let me know that this is bigger than trouble,

6:23

like your life has changed. There

6:25

was something about the way they responded that

6:27

made me realize this isn't something grounding's gonna

6:30

fix. This isn't something that we're

6:32

gonna take the TV away. I

6:35

had no idea what it meant to be

6:38

a parent. I had no

6:40

idea. And then their grief

6:42

let me know that this is gonna be hard.

6:44

And then I began to realize not only am

6:46

I gonna have to figure out whatever it means

6:48

to be a parent at 14 years old, I'm

6:51

also gonna have to do it with this audience.

6:54

And so the first time anyone at the

6:57

church even knew that I was pregnant, I

6:59

had my son in October. So

7:02

my mother's day, my parents knew. The mother's

7:04

day before I had him. And

7:06

I wasn't showing, but there was a family friend

7:08

who knew and my father did a prayer for

7:10

mothers in the church and he asked the mothers

7:13

to stand and this woman grabs me by my

7:15

hand and has me stand up. I

7:19

just got chills, what? It was,

7:21

that was, yeah. Messy,

7:23

but girl, what

7:25

is your, I know three was like, ma'am. But

7:28

that's the, I think part of how

7:30

I think I even ended up pregnant was

7:32

like, so my parents, when we lived in

7:35

West Virginia, that's where I was born. We

7:37

would like, it was a smaller family church.

7:39

We'd all sit together. When we moved to

7:41

Dallas because of just how that church was

7:43

set up, like my parents sat on the

7:45

platform and we sat on the floor. And

7:47

so that separation at like seven, eight years

7:49

old was the beginning of me feeling like,

7:52

I don't know where I sit. And then

7:54

we had 1500 people join the church that

7:56

Sunday. So it's like, you mean something

7:58

to them, but you don't really. know what you

8:00

mean to them. And then I don't have

8:02

this comfort or security blanket, which would have

8:04

been my parents. And so she didn't even

8:06

know until after service, my sister was so

8:08

upset. Oh, I bet. My sister was so

8:10

upset. That wasn't the place for that or

8:12

her place to do that. Yeah. How did

8:14

you feel that moment where you just like

8:16

humiliated, like what are you doing? Yeah, that was

8:19

the beginning of shame. That

8:21

was the beginning of shame. I think before

8:23

then, like I knew my life had changed.

8:25

I was still probably trying to figure out

8:28

what that meant. I knew my parents were

8:30

grieving and working through something. But the beginning

8:32

of embarrassment and ashamed happened before I was

8:34

even showing. And

8:36

it just carried on throughout then,

8:39

wondering what do people think about me

8:41

or knowing what people thought about me.

8:44

People like fast girls are contagious. So

8:46

we got to pull our daughters away

8:49

from you. So that was an interesting

8:51

thing. It's funny. When you say fast girls

8:53

are contagious, we had to pull our daughters

8:55

away from you. I remember my

8:58

brother, he had gotten in trouble when he was younger.

9:01

And as parents, you want to, when you

9:03

see other people's children saying, don't

9:06

hang around him because he's a troublemaker. Yeah.

9:09

And your son hasn't done anything yet. But then when

9:11

your son gets in trouble and you feel what it

9:13

feels like for other parents, like stay away

9:15

from him. Yeah. It's a different feeling. And

9:18

you're like, oh, then you realize what that

9:20

feels like. It's not until it's your child

9:22

that people are saying, don't hang around that one.

9:25

She's a troublemaker. He's a troublemaker that they

9:27

realize, oh, this is what I

9:29

was doing too, to understand their kids.

9:31

And it's so interesting now that I

9:33

am a parent, I think that like

9:35

separation is what we use instead of

9:37

conversation. So instead of talking about

9:39

like, what types of conversations are you all

9:42

having at your age? And like, how did

9:44

you feel about that? And like, what do

9:46

you think about your own body and your

9:48

own? Like we don't have conversations, we just

9:50

separate, which doesn't necessarily keep

9:52

it from happening. Because unless we're having

9:54

communication with our children, we're just setting

9:57

them up to do something with a

9:59

different friend group. You know exactly that's so

10:01

true. How do you have transparent and vulnerable

10:03

conversations with your kids? Oh my goodness. Okay,

10:06

cuz you know that now I like I'm

10:08

probably overboard. They're probably picking me mom So

10:12

a few years ago my daughter was singing

10:14

a song in the car is like some

10:16

little song and Shoot whatever it

10:19

was. I don't remember exactly the song but whatever it

10:21

was I could tell she was talking about something nasty,

10:23

but she was it had some candy on it So

10:25

what nasty nasty right and so I paused it and

10:27

I was like, what do you think she just meant

10:29

by that? And she was like, I don't know. I

10:31

just like to be I was like what she's talking

10:33

about It's someone I'm using like

10:36

the biological names of body parts like this.

10:38

I'm not this happening there She's like, uh,

10:40

I was like in that growth Understand

10:46

that like part of the messages that are

10:48

being sent are so sugar-coated That

10:51

you will be bopping your head to something that you

10:53

actually think is gross And I'm like, okay the beat

10:55

is like I'm not trying to take you a little

10:57

shoulder bopping away I just want you to know that

11:00

while your shoulders are bopping. They're trying to send you

11:02

a message exactly And so she was early in her

11:04

life when we started asking when she when we had

11:06

that conversation Another thing I've

11:08

done is I'm like anything in the world that

11:10

you asked me I will answer because if you

11:12

were grown enough to ask me like if it's

11:15

circling in your world circling in your thoughts I

11:17

want you to know that no matter what if

11:19

you ask me I will tell you the truth

11:21

and my girls take full advantage

11:23

of this. I tell my husband sometimes some of

11:25

the sense that they're asking me It's

11:33

really funny to hear what's happening in their school

11:35

Like I'm keeping up with all their friends and

11:37

I would she taught my house her friends Howard

11:39

things with her mom I'm not like the other

11:42

moms. I'm a cool mom, right? Right I can

11:44

I can say but it helps me It helps

11:46

me to keep a pulse on their world My

11:48

kids are really really important to me and in

11:50

this theme of all of what's happening in my

11:52

life I just want them to always feel center

11:54

stage and I want them to know that I

11:57

want to be a part of your world You're

11:59

not just in in my world. I want to be

12:01

a part of your world. And we

12:03

work towards that. I love, that is amazing.

12:05

I thank you. I love being a mom.

12:08

It's okay now, let me tell you something personal. I

12:11

go back and forth if I want to have kids.

12:13

I'm 41 now. And I'm like, you know, as we

12:15

get older, it's harder to have kids. And

12:18

P.D., I go to a change church, Dr. Dave

12:20

Daniels, and he told the story about Sarah. And

12:23

I was like, well, maybe I'll have

12:25

a Sarah moment, you know, where like later on in

12:27

life, if God's willing, then I'll have a child. But

12:29

I am so scared to bring up a child into

12:31

the world that it is today. Because it's not like

12:33

it was when we were growing up. It

12:36

is so different. And I just think about all

12:38

the influence from social media to the music. You

12:40

know, even like the music we listened to back

12:42

then, in the 90s, they were singing some freaky

12:44

songs. They were. And now I'm growing up like...

12:47

I know. The

12:50

fact that I could rap word for word

12:52

through the Christmas song, I want to do

12:54

things in the back of the

12:57

car. I mean, word for word.

13:00

I know I was. When I think about

13:02

it in context, like now, I'm like, no

13:04

wonder you got pregnant. It's not like that

13:06

didn't exist in your world. Like R. Kelly

13:08

was out here talking about ignition, key to

13:10

ignition. Like there was a curiosity in the

13:12

music. And that has really helped me to

13:15

forgive myself, too, because a lot of times

13:17

I was just looking at what I did,

13:19

but not the context that I was raised

13:21

in when I made those choices. So my

13:23

parents are busy, they're working and I am

13:25

literally being raised by the culture. I'm

13:28

being raised by hip hop. I'm

13:30

being raised by music. And so

13:32

it was not as far off

13:34

as people. People made it sing.

13:37

Even seeing my daughter years ago, we're listening to

13:39

the song. She's 14 now and they're talking about

13:41

sex in the song. So it's not as like,

13:43

oh my gosh, where did this come from? It's

13:45

everywhere. It's everywhere. And you turn TV on, it's

13:48

on the TV, it's in the music, it's on

13:50

social media, like everywhere you turn. I was just

13:52

like, oh, I was like, do I want to

13:54

ring up with tracks? I know how protected I

13:56

am of my nieces and nephews and people

13:58

I love. I would get on

14:01

my child's nerves. They'd be like, mama, please.

14:03

I'm like, what you doing? Where you going?

14:05

I totally support the women's, you

14:07

know, right to be able to say, I don't

14:09

know if motherhood is gonna be

14:11

my thing. Like, I may be the

14:13

rich auntie vibe, because it's very much

14:15

the rich auntie vibe in here. It's

14:17

definitely not giving toys. I'm gonna be

14:20

honest with you. Oh my gosh. It's

14:22

not giving diapers, but you know, it

14:25

could if you wanted to, but it could not if you

14:27

don't want it to. I got a basement that all the

14:29

walls are black. Okay. The furniture's dark down there. They can

14:32

go down there and play. They can go down there and

14:34

do all of the mething. All of the things. My

14:38

brother's girlfriend was changing my nephew's

14:40

diaper on that sofa back

14:42

there. How'd that come? That's them sofa. Yeah.

14:45

And I came out and I said, uh-uh, uh-uh. Can you

14:47

put him on the floor? She's like, oh, I'm not,

14:49

she's like, I'm not gonna, can you put him on the floor?

14:51

Just to be safe. Yeah, just to be

14:53

safe. I don't need no, mm-mm. I was like, and

14:55

it's so funny, because he'll come through here hands-on, and

14:57

he'll come through here. Oh, yeah. And sometimes I tell

15:00

a cleaning lady, just leave that there. Just so I

15:02

can see his little hands around the window. I'm like,

15:04

well, maybe I could. It is

15:06

an incredible journey. It's

15:10

an incredible journey to see a version

15:13

of yourself, but also

15:15

to experience this

15:17

person who has their unique imprint and

15:19

identity. It's petrifying.

15:22

It's exciting, but it's

15:24

one of the things I love. I

15:27

love you and my husband's wife, but

15:31

it's one of the things I love the most in

15:33

my world. That's amazing. You talk about how

15:35

you want your children to feel like they're a part

15:37

of your life, not just in your life. In a

15:39

part of her book, you, let me get to

15:41

the note, you talked about, here we go,

15:43

you talked about, imagine with me,

15:47

you're standing in an empty parking lot with

15:49

reserved faces. You can't tell

15:51

what each side is labeled, but each time

15:53

a new expression of your identity is added,

15:55

a car pulls into a spot. Eventually you

15:58

see that there are spots labeled. friend,

16:00

sibling, partner, leader, student, entrepreneur,

16:03

or colleague. Each

16:05

spot with its own car. When you

16:07

are navigating the responsibilities of your life, you're

16:09

moving from one vehicle to the next. So

16:13

you were on this tour, 7 City tour. How

16:15

are you finding time for your children,

16:17

your husband, your team? You got so

16:20

much going on. Like how do you balance it

16:22

all? Preaching, you're doing everything. Well I put a

16:24

lot of time in with the family before I

16:26

go on the road. A

16:28

lot of times, my husband and I are

16:30

usually taking them to school. My husband and

16:33

I are picking them up. So my whole

16:35

world fits around their school schedule. That's

16:37

amazing. Like after 230 I can't take any meetings.

16:39

Like maybe I could take something at 430 when

16:41

I get home, but my world centers around them

16:43

when I'm home. So that when I tell them

16:45

that I need to take some time to do

16:47

the thing that I get to do, that I

16:49

love to do, that makes me feel fulfilled, they

16:51

are more willing because I've put in a lot

16:54

of time at home. Even then we're doing a

16:56

lot of texting, a lot of face timing. I

16:58

was on the same time last night with my

17:00

daughter. She's eight.

17:02

We were definitely having some girl time, some

17:04

girl talk, but I stay in touch with

17:06

them. Then my husband's on the road with me

17:08

too. And he's like also

17:10

helping me to facilitate everything connected

17:12

with the tour, but he's also

17:15

you know my soft place when

17:17

it's finished. Because a lot of

17:19

this requires me to be more

17:21

extroverted than I am naturally and

17:23

to have more energy than I usually do.

17:25

And I always tell people like he knows

17:27

how much it cost me to be me.

17:30

And so when the day is over to be

17:32

able to have someone who's like I know that

17:34

was expensive, it grounds me.

17:36

That is so good. I'm the same way.

17:38

I am like introverted,

17:41

but then I'm, they tell me I'm the most

17:43

introverted extroverted person they know. Really? Yes, because my

17:46

social battery runs very fast. Okay. And I'm like

17:48

okay I need a minute. I go to my

17:50

corner so I can recharge and then I come

17:52

back out. I'm like I'm

17:56

only introverted. I'm

18:00

so weird. I'll be trying to tell people. They're

18:03

like, I would love to spend the day with

18:05

you. I was like, you would be so disappointed.

18:07

I am so socially awkward. It's not even funny.

18:09

Like it takes so much for me to be

18:11

like, all right, I'm gonna go talk to people,

18:13

like in a room full of people. Girls. People

18:15

think because you can put words together that that

18:17

means you're not introverted. But it's like, just because

18:20

I know how to use words, doesn't mean

18:22

I want to use it. Right. That

18:25

part, you know, that is so true. I'm literally

18:27

the same way. My

18:30

friends tell me that I said, she'll ask me if I want to

18:32

do something. I'm like, no. No. You

18:34

say no so easy. And like, with no

18:37

life. No, because there is no because. No,

18:40

I can't do it. I can't. No, I can't.

18:43

DeNoro tell you that there are times where

18:45

I'm like, oh, like I just

18:47

need a minute. And she's like the best housemate because

18:49

she knows, like, as soon as we're done working, go

18:51

to our respective corner. Like she goes

18:53

to the prayer. Yeah. And it's almost like

18:56

nobody's here. And I'm like, this is great.

18:58

Yeah. I love that. I love traveling with

19:00

people who like don't make me feel like

19:02

we're traveling together. Yes. Yes. I learned that

19:04

with Tyler. Oh, really? Yeah. I'm just saying

19:06

that this person has a million things going

19:08

on. They don't need me talking. They just

19:10

need to feel like you're not there almost.

19:12

That's the thing. That's the thing. Because a

19:15

lot of times when I am working with

19:17

someone intimately, like they're like, now, here's my

19:19

chance to like tell you all of

19:21

the things that I want to tell you. It's not.

19:23

I need you. You're doing this. I need you. Yeah.

19:25

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I

19:27

mean, when I'm with my kids, like they're talking

19:29

24 seven. So

19:33

if I'm constantly around talking to

19:35

silence, refuel me. So I need

19:37

silence saying I am the same

19:40

way. Oh my goodness. You

19:42

talked about to Ray being your pass the charade.

19:44

Can you listen to that? I'm like, I'm doing

19:47

the right way. Pastor

19:49

to Ray being your soft face, especially

19:51

on the road. Do you

19:54

remember the first person that made you feel

19:56

seen and safe? Oh, okay.

20:01

Yeah, the first, I'm

20:04

gonna say people who made me feel seen and

20:06

safe were the people who

20:08

were around my parents. So

20:12

there's their head of

20:14

security who is my

20:16

son's godfather, Sean Smith.

20:19

There was a gentleman who worked in

20:21

our home. His name was Anthony Smith.

20:24

He died suddenly and it felt like

20:27

losing an adoptive father. But

20:30

he was there throughout my pregnancy and said, baby girl,

20:32

you gonna be all right. Baby girl, you gonna make

20:34

it through this. And

20:36

Kami Garner, who was my mom's assistant. She's still

20:38

a part of my mom's team and she's been

20:40

there for like 20 years. Even

20:43

though my parents were balancing all of these things,

20:45

there were these people around them that took such

20:48

good care of me that they made me feel

20:50

seen and valued just for who I was. That

20:52

is beautiful. That is beautiful. I know

20:55

oftentimes when I'm sure being this or

20:57

this daughter, you feel like it

20:59

takes a team. For sure.

21:01

And I'm sure those people helped fulfill a lot of

21:03

those fights where maybe daddy wasn't there and momma

21:05

was busy. Exactly. Because he was all over the world.

21:08

All over the world. The world. Especially

21:10

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21:12

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22:34

he would preach on...there was three services

22:37

on Sunday, a Saturday service.

22:39

He'd get on the plane and he'd preach

22:41

at all of these different churches, come home

22:43

on Saturday, and then leave again on Sunday,

22:45

like 24 Saturday. And

22:48

sometimes my mom would go with him.

22:50

It was just like...we didn't know when

22:52

he was coming, when he was going. There

22:54

were these people who would take the time

22:57

to be there for us and tote us

22:59

around the things and, yeah, got

23:01

some help. Yeah, no, for sure. It

23:04

wasn't long ago that your father

23:06

passed down the torch of Woman Thou Art Loose,

23:09

and in that moment he didn't lose his power,

23:11

but you gained a huge set

23:13

of responsibility and power in that. Yeah. What

23:16

was that like? So, everyone

23:18

knew that Woman Thou Art Loose was coming

23:20

to an end, and they were like, you

23:22

know, you're next, you're next. But Woman Evolve

23:25

had already existed. So I was a little confused

23:27

with, like, I don't know what people...I don't know

23:29

what y'all think is about to happen here, because

23:31

you can't... Well, you put that code on your

23:33

solo... Done. Done.

23:36

It's hard to call. He dragged

23:38

me solo. He

23:41

dragged me solo. First of all, I'm like, okay,

23:43

so he's going to honor what Woman Evolve

23:45

is in the context of Woman Thou Art Loose. I'm

23:47

like, that's the extent of it. Maybe

23:49

he's going to tell people, hey, Woman

23:52

Evolve. But I did not think it

23:54

was going to be this whole entire

23:56

thing. And it was a thing. It

24:00

was a whole thing. Down to a

24:02

video of how we got here. And

24:05

yeah, so, I

24:08

was ugly crying for the world to see. That

24:10

was probably the tears for the whole year. Oh,

24:13

you know, I have a limit. I have a limit. I

24:15

can't fool with you today. So don't even, I'm not really,

24:17

you know what I mean? I'm a little, because I don't

24:19

know what you're trying to do to me today. But

24:22

I will say that above what it

24:24

meant for one mini-volve and one mini-art

24:27

loop, that was less important to me

24:29

as much as, and I didn't know this until

24:32

afterwards, the fact that my father is poured

24:34

so much of his life into

24:36

a woman that I won't lose. And for

24:38

him to say, I'm gonna

24:40

lay this at your feet, like my

24:42

influence, the knowledge that I have, these

24:44

people who I have walked through so

24:47

many different stages of life, I trust

24:49

you with them. And I

24:51

trust that you can handle whatever comes

24:53

with this platform. It

24:56

restored a part of me

24:58

that felt like I had lost his trust. You

25:00

know, not just through my pregnancy, but after I got

25:03

pregnant, I was just kind of like, I'm

25:05

just prepared for this appointment out of me. Like,

25:07

I'm not gonna do any of the things you want me to do.

25:10

I waited at the strip club, I dropped out of college,

25:12

they bought me a car when I was 16. I

25:15

was like, you know what, I don't want the car,

25:17

because I don't want you thinking you're gonna be able

25:19

to tell me what to do. Like, I'm my own

25:21

person, I gave the car back, I went to a

25:24

car lot, got my own car. I was constantly like,

25:26

I don't want the expectation, I'm gonna

25:28

make it on my own. And I

25:30

did, I mean, I got this incredible

25:32

job, I was going for an Air

25:34

Force contractor, then I became a receptionist,

25:37

an office manager, government clearance, I was

25:39

making my own path. And

25:42

I think I began to prove to him that I

25:45

had the work ethic to take care of myself, and

25:47

he was like, all right, you know, I didn't agree

25:49

with the path you took, but I see that you're

25:51

making headway. But I don't know that I ever felt

25:53

like the trust was

25:55

fully restored from those moments. Wow,

25:57

until that moment. Until then. Wow

26:01

So how how are you then like when I

26:03

was I'm it passed Do you feel like this

26:05

is in restored in this moment? I think

26:08

I will say that I felt like he respected

26:10

me. I felt like he loved me I felt

26:12

like there had been forgiveness But

26:15

my dad's life he's poured his

26:17

life into his work Yeah, and

26:20

he's very protective about his work.

26:23

So that level of trust man.

26:25

I mean 20 years Wow

26:30

So now you are carrying this torch you're

26:32

at you're an assistant pastor at Potter's

26:34

house in Dallas Yeah What

26:36

what is what does that weight feel like and how

26:38

you carry that every week? Cuz I'm sure like those

26:40

are some big shoes of stuff into you. I Do

26:44

not see it that way. Hmm. I

26:46

don't see it that way. I think if I thought that

26:48

way it would scare me Yeah

26:52

Yeah, I don't see it that way only

26:54

because I never asked for this

26:58

So when we were in Brooklyn, we're standing

27:00

in this beautiful theater and I'm like there

27:02

are sometimes I don't always feel I guess

27:04

deserving The influence and the

27:06

impact because there are some people who are like

27:08

I always knew one day But I

27:10

would be standing in a room like that. I always knew

27:13

one day that I would inspire millions of people I never

27:15

felt that way. I never like wanted this I

27:21

Want to be a steward over it. I love it.

27:23

I respect it. I honor it, but I never wanted

27:25

it and I'm careful to try and

27:29

Manipulate something that God placed

27:32

in my lap. I feel

27:34

like my responsibility is to protect

27:36

it Yes, not manipulate it. And

27:38

so even with us being positioned

27:40

in Dallas as assistant pastors I

27:42

feel like my job is to stay

27:44

pure to stay authentic to say obedient

27:46

but not to then think that this

27:48

is Something that is

27:51

mine when it's something that God's given

27:53

me It's interesting.

27:55

Yeah, you saying that you didn't feel

27:57

deserving and in your book you dedicated

27:59

it to anyone who wonders if they

28:01

are enough. Yeah, I

28:03

understand that now because I know there's still

28:05

today there's moments where I'm like, I

28:08

don't know if I'm made for this or I don't know if

28:10

I deserve that, you know? And even

28:13

the life that I live, because I've made mistakes,

28:15

you know, we've all made them. And a lot

28:17

of them, we carry it harder than God does.

28:19

A lot of them forgave it for us. And

28:21

I'm still carrying this on my back like, oh

28:23

Lord, please give them saying like, just praying that

28:25

I've been forgiven for certain things. And then to

28:27

look around like, I am so undeserving. And

28:30

then trying to get out of that saying, no, I'm a child

28:32

of God, this is what he wants from me. At

28:36

what point did you, or have you gotten to the

28:38

point where you feel like I am enough, I do

28:41

deserve this? Or do you still walk in there

28:43

like, I know you said that, you're like, dang. I

28:53

don't know that I feel like influenced is

29:01

something that

29:04

like I deserve. I

29:06

wanna say this, right? Cause like, I know what I feel

29:08

in my heart. It's

29:10

something that I honor, but

29:13

I see God loving on me, not

29:15

from the fact that I have influence,

29:18

or that my life means

29:20

a lot to a lot of people. I

29:23

see God loving on me in the way

29:25

that love comes through the people who are

29:27

closest to me. And

29:29

that I have been able to accept.

29:33

I will say that one of the things I'm like

29:35

trying to work through, sometimes

29:37

when I'm on the road, people are like, oh my gosh,

29:39

I love you so much. And your messages

29:42

have helped me, they've touched me. And

29:44

one of the things I'm working through is like,

29:46

that doesn't feel safe to me, because I think

29:48

that, I think there's a lot of it's

29:50

rooted in what I've gone through. But the

29:52

idea that someone can love you, but you

29:54

could disappoint them, and then you could be

29:56

the girl that nobody wants to be around

29:59

anymore. makes me feel

30:01

unsafe with that level of

30:03

love. And so I think

30:05

that I keep a healthy distance with the

30:07

influence part of it. And

30:09

that could be healthy or not healthy.

30:12

We'll see, I'll talk to my therapist

30:14

about it. But it's hard to feel

30:16

safe in influence. So the influence part,

30:18

I just try to honor

30:20

and protect, but my family, that's where I

30:23

feel God's love the most. Absolutely, oh my

30:25

goodness. It's so crazy sad because as my,

30:29

I don't like to call them fans, but my community grows.

30:32

So many people kind of stand over me. Like that,

30:34

I'm like, I got a crystal crystal crystal. And that

30:36

level of love, you're my best friend in my head.

30:38

You're my sister in my head. I love you so

30:41

much. I wake up and

30:43

watch your videos every day. You kept me alive.

30:45

I didn't kill myself because of you. That's a

30:47

different, it's scary. It

30:49

really is. And like you said, one day you can love me.

30:52

And if I do make one mistake, you're

30:54

written, careful, because it's real. And we see it happen

30:56

all the time. I want to

30:58

believe, like, so I call the community that's

31:01

connected with women, evolve the delegation. And

31:03

part of why I've been really intentional about like

31:06

being authentic and like here I am, I'm

31:08

on a journey just like the rest of you,

31:10

is that like, I know I

31:12

may disappoint you at some point. I'm not intentionally going

31:14

to disappoint you. Like I'm not out here living

31:17

one thing and saying a different thing. Like I

31:19

am a woman of integrity and I'm living the

31:21

very thing that I say to you. Even

31:23

then I know that we may not agree about

31:25

some things and I want to believe that

31:27

like we can work through and grow through

31:29

anything, but I don't know.

31:32

Like. Yeah, but the people are like, it's

31:34

so quick to cut you off. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, so I

31:36

understand when you say like your family knows the close you is

31:38

where you feel the safest and the most loved. It's the same

31:40

way as me. Because I know these are people that's gonna ride

31:42

with me. If I fall down, they're gonna

31:44

help me get back up. For sure. So now you're

31:47

kind of like walk over me and be like, all

31:49

right girl, we're done with you. I know, I want

31:51

to believe though. And sometimes I

31:53

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32:57

haven't been canceled like there are still some people

32:59

who really rock with them who

33:02

are like you know I love them and

33:04

so I also don't want to make the

33:06

people who would be willing to grow with

33:08

me feel like I don't trust

33:11

them either because there are some people

33:13

I mean you know I've seen

33:15

a lot of people who look like oh my gosh this

33:17

is their downfall they're never going to recover from this but

33:19

there was a space created for them so

33:22

I don't know we'll see what happens. Oh that's

33:24

so true you talked about you're gonna

33:26

talk to your therapist about it. Yeah a

33:28

lot of people don't want to mix Jesus

33:30

with therapy. When did you realize that God

33:32

did create other tools of resources that you

33:34

could talk to someone and still believe that

33:36

your source is Jesus Christ? My relationship with

33:38

God has become much more deeper as a

33:40

result of me being in therapy because

33:43

there were moments where I had felt something

33:45

that I could not give language so

33:47

my prayer was not as effective you

33:50

know just kind of like God helped me God helped me

33:52

God helped me but to be able

33:54

to say like God I am feeling

33:56

anxious about this transition that's taking

33:58

place in my life. and I

34:00

need your spirit to meet me in the

34:02

place of my anxiety. Like my prayer life

34:04

became so much better. It was probably honestly,

34:06

after I dropped my book, Woman Evolved, it

34:09

hit the New York Comics best sellers list. And

34:11

one of my friends came over to me like, oh my gosh,

34:14

oh my gosh, and I was like, hmm.

34:17

You know what I mean? Like,

34:20

I feel like I should probably be happy

34:23

about this, but I don't feel anything at

34:25

all. And so I started

34:27

like reading some books, and then once

34:29

I went through a few books, I'm

34:31

like, you probably should talk to someone.

34:33

But what I learned is that like,

34:35

I have just been like emotionally frozen

34:37

because I was overwhelmed by shame and

34:40

regret and depression that I can function

34:42

and work and hit markers and hit

34:44

goals, but I can't celebrate myself. I

34:46

don't know joy. I don't even know

34:48

anger. Like people can disappoint me. I don't

34:50

let it get to me because I won't

34:52

own or advocate for what I'm feeling in

34:54

any given moment. And so I feel like

34:56

I've become a much better partner, a

34:59

much better leader, and a much better

35:01

believer as a result of me going

35:04

to therapy. Yeah, same. My

35:06

therapist definitely opened me up. My therapist and

35:08

I just talked about what I just learned

35:10

was the mother wound. And you

35:12

did an episode with your mom entitled Trauma

35:14

to Hope. You also read

35:16

the book, which is a book that Denora introduced

35:19

me to, Adult Children of Emotionally

35:22

Immature Parents. Yeah. What

35:25

was that like opening up to your mom

35:28

like in her apology apologizing for not being there

35:30

the way that you needed her to be? It

35:32

was interesting because we've never had the conversation before.

35:34

I just came to a place where I was

35:37

like, I'm gonna do this work on my own.

35:39

I'm not gonna invite either of my parents to

35:41

be a part of this journey because I don't

35:43

know where they are. And I

35:46

don't know that they're gonna be receptive to this. I'm

35:48

gonna just figure it out on my own. And I

35:50

think I was actually doing, I was at that stage

35:52

when we had this conversation and out

35:54

of nowhere, she started it. Out

35:56

of nowhere, she said something like, I think I

35:58

was talking about being nervous. about moving back to

36:01

Dallas, cause I didn't want to, you

36:03

know, I wanted to keep my family close and she was like,

36:05

please do that. I didn't do that with you all. I was

36:07

like, just so, ooh. The

36:10

accountability and saying it. She just said it.

36:13

Like, she just said it. I

36:15

like, I didn't, I didn't know

36:17

that she knew that. Like, I

36:20

felt that, but I didn't know that she knew that.

36:24

And that was, I think I instantly turned into a

36:26

seven, eight year old girl. I was about to say,

36:28

what did that do for seven, eight year old? So

36:30

I was gonna ask you that in that moment, I

36:32

know she spoke to that child. Mommy

36:35

sees me. Like, it

36:37

was like being at the Potter's house in Dallas

36:40

with surrounded by thousands of people.

36:43

And my mom grabbing my hand and saying,

36:45

I see you. And you're

36:47

not by yourself. That's

36:49

like, it doesn't matter

36:52

how difficult your relationship

36:54

with your child has been, even

36:56

if they're an adult, oftentimes

36:58

we think it's too late. But

37:01

that wound is still there. And as

37:03

long as you're still here, you have

37:05

an opportunity to speak into that wound.

37:08

And it really does restore, it really does heal.

37:10

I think sometimes it can be discouraging for

37:12

a parent when it's like, okay, I can see some areas

37:14

where I messed up, but there's nothing I can do about

37:16

it now. That's not true. By

37:18

acknowledging it, you can do something with what's

37:21

left. You can do something with where they're

37:23

still growing and healing. And my

37:25

mom did that for me. In a way I didn't

37:27

anticipate. That is beautiful. I

37:29

was, first of all, we were supposed to just have like

37:31

a little cute Christmas chat. And

37:34

all of a sudden she was like, I didn't do

37:36

that with you. And because it was so raw for

37:39

me, I just immediately broke down

37:41

in tears. And then she said

37:43

something. She was like, anything I can clear

37:45

up, talk about, ask, like you tell me

37:47

now. She's like, cause my mom's not here

37:50

and I'll never get answers. And so now

37:52

I have this woman who's in her sixties

37:54

and I still have questions that

37:56

I'll never get an answer to. So

37:58

as long as I can be your answer. I was hearing.

38:01

Yeah, that is beautiful. My mom

38:04

is so, I mean, everyone's like, you know,

38:06

you're T.J. daughter, and I am. But my

38:08

mother. Yes, yeah,

38:10

talk about it. She is the

38:13

absolute best. She is

38:15

so sensitive, but also

38:18

resilient and strong and

38:20

hilarious and loyal

38:22

and like, she's just the absolute best. I

38:24

can remember I was going through it. I

38:26

was in college and I was going to

38:28

football games in college and they were having

38:30

my family. They had one of the football

38:32

games, but there was this girl, me and

38:34

this girl, like, I knew. And

38:39

I said, I was like sending my mom a screenshot of

38:41

it. We were just talking about it offline. And then

38:43

so my parents had the football game and I saw the

38:45

girl coming, but I was like, you know, I'm not

38:47

going to look at her. She's not going to look at

38:50

me. My mom stands up. I was like, girl, sit

38:52

down. How did you even remember that was her? Sit

38:55

down. She was like, what are

38:57

we doing? I was like, please sit

38:59

down. She's that friend. She is

39:01

that friend. Girl, what are we

39:03

doing? She is that friend. I

39:06

love that. I was trying to calm her down. I'm

39:08

like, you're 60 something. They

39:10

think you're a queen. What's

39:12

your crown on? It's

39:14

a sapphyrite. For sure. She

39:17

will take that crown off in a minute. As

39:20

she has told some stories, even like on

39:22

my podcast at events about like being doing

39:24

things, I'm just like, can you please stop

39:26

telling people about you stealing? She's probably like,

39:28

when you stop telling them, you waitress at

39:30

the strip club. OK.

39:34

They did not have that. I'm like, she's waiting at the

39:36

strip club. Yeah. That's

39:38

crazy. I was out here. I

39:41

was at InstaMeet. I

39:44

just told the strip club story

39:46

the other day when we used to go

39:48

out to the club with these guys and they would give us all

39:50

these ones. Yeah. I had InstaMeet too, so I'd be throwing and

39:52

putting a little more. That's a

39:54

light deal. Right. That's the

39:57

cable deal. As

40:00

long as they were prepared to spend it anyway.

40:02

Exactly. I was like, I'm here to let me

40:04

get a little bit of this. I'm

40:07

gonna take care of the girls too, but I need to get my

40:09

cut. That is

40:11

hilarious. Your mom, I love that. She's

40:13

amazing. And that's inspiring even for me

40:15

as I did an episode

40:18

called Get to Know Me and where I just put

40:20

it all out there. And just

40:23

with family and friends, your

40:25

stories inspire me just to open up and even

40:27

maybe me be the person to bring up the

40:29

conversation, how your mom just said it. So

40:32

that's inspiring for me as well. It's good.

40:34

I appreciate that. People are

40:36

more willing to have, we

40:38

talk about family sweeping stuff underneath the rug.

40:41

This is the way that we do things, but I

40:43

have found that the person who doesn't mind going under

40:45

the rug and be like, hey, can we talk about

40:47

this? They don't mind talking about

40:50

it. It's just we have been so

40:52

conditioned to think that we don't talk

40:54

about it, that no one's courageous enough

40:56

that they have some questions. I

40:58

wanna know about this person. I wanna know what

41:01

is in them that could be in me too. And

41:03

I have found that especially for people as

41:05

they're aging and I think they're wanting to

41:08

leave a legacy, they're wanting to leave an

41:10

imprint, that they're more willing to have conversations

41:12

than we may give them credit for. I

41:15

love that. You just blessed me. You

41:18

talked about how your mother said that I wish

41:20

I had of been there more with

41:23

your busy schedule and how you're

41:25

all over the place. How

41:27

do you, God

41:29

talks about the Sabbath. Do you take time

41:32

to actually leave? This is

41:34

my day. No,

41:36

because, well, technically sure, there may

41:38

be days where I'm not working,

41:41

but because I have children, even the

41:43

days when I'm not working, there is

41:45

an element of working. So I

41:48

have to be intentional about taking time off. So I

41:50

think Tor ends for me on

41:53

a Tuesday. And I'm going

41:55

home, but I'm gonna ask the older kids to

41:57

take the younger kids to school. Cause if Tor

41:59

ends on... Tuesday and I gotta be up

42:01

at six on Wednesday to take kids to

42:03

school. It's like yeah tour is over but

42:05

like I just got reenlisted.

42:09

Right. It's a whole nother battlefield right here.

42:11

For real. And so I've had to ask

42:14

for help to piece my fabbits together. I

42:16

used to just wait for a day when

42:18

I'd be able to take it off but

42:20

now I've had to be proactive in asking

42:22

for help in that dance. And let me

42:25

tell you doing that, it

42:27

changed my relationship. It changed the way

42:29

that I show up in my world.

42:31

Instead of being the person who allowed

42:34

people to believe that I

42:36

have limitless capacity that I

42:38

could get off on tour and jump into the mom

42:40

thing and not skip a beat. I had to be

42:43

willing to say I actually do need to skip a

42:45

beat because I can't dance this fast. And

42:47

I think what part of the issue with being

42:49

like the strong friend or the person who just

42:51

has so much capacity is there is a little

42:53

pride, a little ego stroking that comes

42:55

with somebody who's like I can never do that.

42:57

They should be like. Hey kids

43:00

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43:28

miss it. But I

43:30

did. Now I'm probably depressed

43:32

and I'm caught men's eating

43:34

and I can't fit my

43:36

clothes but I pulled it

43:39

off. And so I've had

43:41

to learn to not

43:43

seek out the accolades

43:45

that come with overexertion.

43:48

Yeah, oh, because we live

43:50

in a society where it's like you sleep when you're dead. No,

43:52

I'm asleep after this. I don't believe that. I

43:54

don't believe he wants that for me. No, I'm

43:57

a napper. I have to have I gotta get

43:59

some rest. I'm

44:01

learning to really ask for additional support and

44:03

not allow my ego to be fed by

44:06

this relentless you got to keep going

44:08

thing. So true. I have

44:10

to do that. I'm not good at asking for help because

44:13

I always have to do everything on my own and

44:15

then finding good help. You know, like

44:17

I have like one or two people I can call on and

44:20

depend on and then everybody else I hire is

44:22

like. Well, you know, they're probably okay. So, all right.

44:24

So this is, I don't even know if this is

44:26

going to make the podcast at this point. This is

44:28

so good. My message tonight, like God

44:30

changed my message and I think

44:32

it's going to help you to the side. Come

44:35

on. See how you already did that? You already

44:37

knew what I was struggling with. It's so ghetto.

44:39

But you know,

44:41

part of the reason why I feel like it's

44:44

like we can't find good help is because I,

44:46

when I say I want good help, I want

44:48

someone who's going to like work through the flu.

44:52

Like literally, I want

44:54

someone who's going to deplete themselves and overexert

44:56

themselves just like me. Michael Jordan, game six

44:59

all the time. Cause like we're in it

45:01

and we don't have time for sickness. Like,

45:04

and that's toxic. I

45:08

say all of that to say like, I don't

45:10

want you to be lazy. Like I want you

45:12

to push it a little bit, but like maybe

45:15

I should stop. No, I'm the same

45:17

way. I'm like, what do you

45:19

mean? You have a headache. What do you mean?

45:22

You're sick. Like you can't come to work cause

45:24

you have a headache. But did you die? But

45:26

are you breathing? Come on. I had a

45:28

baby of 14 for no headache. And that's weird. That's my

45:30

trauma setting standards for people. And so I,

45:32

you know, I need to get people to

45:34

Tylenol, but I will say the people I

45:36

work the

45:46

best with are people who are like, yeah,

45:48

we are a team of 10 people, but if all

45:50

10 of them fall off me and you could do

45:52

all of it. And it's not true. It's true.

45:55

We are going too bad though. But they make me feel

45:57

good. It's like, I like you. Right. I

46:00

like you, you sit like me. We

46:03

got the same disease. Literally.

46:06

You stated that one of your toxic traits is

46:08

believing that you can do anything. Literally, somebody asked

46:11

me that and I'm like, I can do anything.

46:13

I can, no, like I'm not even joking

46:15

and like this is not even a brat.

46:17

I can do anything. Like,

46:20

if God can, if someone else

46:22

can do what I can do it. I

46:24

think the same way Sarah, I'm serious. Like

46:28

anything. Now I did also say

46:30

in that same paragraph that

46:33

like I could build a house. It's

46:36

going to rain inside the house. I'm not saying I can

46:39

do anything. That I can do everything well.

46:41

Right, exactly. But if you give me a few shots at

46:43

it, I could get to well. Yeah,

46:45

exactly. I'm the same way. I just had

46:47

my live show and I taught myself how

46:49

to play a piano. Period. Like I

46:52

was like, I'm just going to go buy a piano. Yeah. Be

46:54

on YouTube and learn this. I don't see anything wrong with it.

46:57

I don't know if it's my, like I don't know

46:59

if it's my husband's favorite thing about me. I

47:04

don't know if it's favorite thing about me

47:06

because I'll be like, babe, like the

47:08

handyman can't come and the dresser just

47:10

got delivered. And he was like, okay,

47:12

just schedule for next week. I was like, I just got

47:14

the tool kit out. The dresser is

47:16

going to be put together. Now the

47:18

drawer is going to need a little. And

47:24

that is big. That

47:26

cannot be healthy. It cannot be healthy.

47:29

I know it can. He's like, why didn't you just

47:32

let me raise the hand? And I have not learned

47:34

my lesson. Like if you put my back against the

47:36

wall right now, if

47:38

the plane is going down, I can fly it. We're

47:40

going to pull the thing back up. Move back the way. I don't believe God

47:42

put me in this situation. Go

47:45

out like this. I watched Flight

47:47

with Denzel Washington and he did it high. I

47:49

could do it with the Holy Ghost. Amen. Come

47:52

on now. Period. You

47:55

are my kind of girl. I'm telling you. I call

47:57

myself a handy woman. My dad built every house he

47:59

ever lived. I grew up on construction

48:01

sites. I have a toolbox. I

48:05

have more than most men have in their house at my age.

48:07

For sure. They're like, I got that. I can do it. They're

48:10

like, you six inches, so I'm like, yeah. That was when I

48:12

got married, I was a single mother with two children. I had

48:14

my own house. So there were just

48:16

certain things that I was not used to

48:18

asking a man in the house to do.

48:20

And my husband was like, why didn't you ask me to

48:22

do that? I was like, I will ask when I need,

48:24

but I didn't think I needed. So now I'm trying to

48:26

be more. I'm entering into more

48:28

of my princess era. Yeah. You

48:31

know where I'm asking for help. We were traveling somewhere. We got

48:33

home. There's this big box that

48:35

got delivered on a crate, staples shut, screws shut.

48:37

And I like got the hammer and he was

48:39

like, what are you doing? What

48:41

are you, you just got off the plane. I was like,

48:43

I want to see what's in the box. Oh

48:45

my goodness. We are the same person. That's me.

48:49

I will like straighten my back trying to get furniture

48:51

in here. It's fine. I would go to

48:53

Creighton Barrow outlet and get a whole chair and be like,

48:55

because the other thing I will lift the whole chair by

48:57

it. I want it. I want things to

48:59

be the way that I want them to be. And

49:02

I don't want to wait on it now. Instant

49:04

gratification. I need it now. I mean it. I

49:06

can't think of it. I guess that is my toxic trade. It's

49:08

toxic. Oh my goodness. Cause

49:11

when I say back sprung.

49:13

Listen, when I say back

49:16

out and you would

49:18

think that it would keep you from doing it. But soon as that

49:20

back act like she's going to be all right. We're

49:22

back at it. It can't be

49:25

healthy. I know it can't. It is not. I'm

49:27

a work in progress. Me too girl. We're

49:29

going to work on that. Maybe. Maybe.

49:32

It's been 41 years me doing that. So

49:35

that's a hard habit to break. It is. And

49:37

that's I don't know. It's something that

49:40

just, it feels good. It's a feel.

49:42

It's a feel. I do

49:44

think that so much of my life is

49:46

out of my control that like

49:48

to be able to do what's in my control. That

49:51

feels good to me. I like that. Like

49:53

there's so much that I'm not going to make. Like

49:55

so much of this is going faster than I can

49:57

keep up with. I don't know what's going to happen.

50:00

I'm so vulnerable, I'm so exposed, the least I

50:02

can do is pick this chair

50:04

up and put

50:06

it in the corner where I want it. Yeah,

50:08

is that the least I can do? That's real,

50:10

I love that. I love that for you and

50:12

us. Oh my goodness. So

50:16

I'd be remiss if I didn't talk

50:18

about your husband, the pass the tray.

50:21

Robert, you are a powerhouse and he

50:23

is a powerhouse as well. So how

50:25

did two powerhouses come together and also

50:27

keep your individualism and support each other?

50:29

How does that work? We

50:31

have a lot of respect for one another. I

50:33

see that. We have a lot of respect for

50:36

one another. It's not a competition. I

50:38

am fascinated by the gift of God in

50:40

his life in a way that

50:42

I can't even be jealous of. Like he's so dope

50:44

to me that I'm like, I can't even

50:46

be jealous. I think you can be jealous of something

50:48

that you think is within reach. It's so out of

50:51

reach to me. I

50:53

don't even know how you think like that. I don't even know how you

50:55

do what you do the way that you do. So

50:59

all I can do is respect it and love it

51:01

and be grateful that I'm on your squad because

51:03

I would hate to be your opposition, period. Do

51:05

you understand? Yes, yes. That's so good. But

51:07

it took, like I said, like that part

51:10

about me, I was a single mother. I'd

51:12

accomplished enough by myself to make me feel

51:15

like I could live on my own. And

51:18

so welcoming in his perspective

51:20

and his covering and

51:22

seeing the value in it without

51:24

being intimidated by it, was

51:27

hard for me in the beginning stages of

51:29

our life because I

51:31

thought that his perspective made

51:33

mine invalid, not

51:35

broader. Oh, that's good.

51:38

Oh my goodness. And I can imagine that. Yeah.

51:42

I remember it was 2020 when I first like

51:44

really caught on to one church, LA, and I

51:46

would watch you guys online. And then every time

51:49

I would visualize things, I would come to church.

51:51

And I remember if you're facing the pulpit, you

51:53

would sit on the left side in the front.

51:55

I remember that. And I just

51:57

remember just seeing like, kept growing and growing and

51:59

growing. And then before I know you

52:01

guys are in Denver and then Dallas I was

52:03

like, oh my goodness It's just the way he

52:06

delivers the message and then you come up and

52:08

I'm like women these two both are doing

52:10

it You know I'm saying everybody gets it, you

52:12

know Sometimes people preach over your head you guys

52:14

are reaching people at the level that they are

52:17

in a way that we can understand It we

52:19

see ourselves and It

52:21

inspires us to just be better people That

52:24

means a lot to me. I

52:26

wasn't in ministry. I wasn't

52:28

in ministry when I met him I was

52:30

vlogging. I was telling my little stories, but I

52:32

wasn't preaching. I wasn't praying out loud So I

52:34

was like invite me to be on the panel

52:38

I'll offer some insight as a

52:40

collective But

52:43

you know that's all I don't know thing is not

52:45

me and his church was the first

52:47

church where he was like Listen, if there is

52:49

any place where you could come and tell your

52:51

story at a church Like it will be my

52:53

church like you'll be fine And

52:56

so he asked me to come speak on a Sunday in

52:58

2014 hours. I oh I don't do Sunday

53:03

Baby Friday night Friday night girls

53:06

But Sundays that's like where the real

53:08

people are And so one

53:10

was very much so the place where I

53:12

feel like I found my unique voice in

53:15

ministry And I just felt like

53:17

okay Well one will just be the place where

53:19

I do ministry because they get me they understand

53:21

me and so I Tribute

53:23

a lot of my spiritual development

53:25

to his anointing and my voice

53:27

being cultivated in the spaces that

53:30

he created And then

53:32

as I became more confident I think

53:34

as the gift began to grow and

53:36

attract other people and other spaces that

53:38

he's been a covering for me This

53:40

is like now I

53:42

know financial stuff can sometimes feel confusing

53:45

or even overwhelming But

53:47

listen you got this and

53:49

guess what our good neighbors at

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State Farm are here to support black women on

53:53

this journey They understand the

53:55

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53:57

I mean, here's the thing it all starts

54:00

with knowledge. We got to figure out where our

54:02

money's going, right? So, for the

54:04

next week, let's challenge ourselves to track

54:06

our income and expenses. There

54:08

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54:11

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54:13

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54:16

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54:20

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54:22

your money work for you. Allocate

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your funds towards your goals like that trip you've

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forget to set aside some money for emergencies, too,

54:32

because life throws curveballs and you have to

54:34

be prepared. Now, debt happens.

54:36

I know we hate that word, but it happens.

54:38

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54:41

have some. The key is to

54:43

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54:47

repayment plans. Talk to your bank or

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54:51

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54:54

invest in our future, even small contributions

54:56

towards a retirement savings plan can

54:58

make a big difference down the line.

55:01

I mean, think about it. A secure

55:03

future where you can travel the world, spoil

55:05

your grandkids, or finally write that book.

55:10

Just do you everywhere you go. Oh, that's

55:12

good. And that's what that's

55:14

important to have that type of support as

55:17

a woman. Just in general, every woman needs that type

55:19

of support. It's like, baby, do you? Everywhere you go. And

55:22

it's funny. So like most of the time

55:25

when we're in LA, people are like, Oh,

55:27

you're a PT's wife. And then it's like,

55:29

Oh, you're SJR's husband. It's like, depending on

55:31

where we are. Cause

55:34

like, when I tell you he

55:36

is Hollywood, like, on absolute lock,

55:38

like New York, Atlanta, like we

55:40

do not go anywhere without people

55:42

being like PT, PT, PT. So

55:44

that's awesome. I was like, for

55:47

sure. So like

55:49

for me, it's cool because I get to

55:51

see my husband in his light and his

55:53

purpose with his unique identity. I'm in my

55:55

lane and my purpose with my unique identity.

55:57

And then when we get to come together,

55:59

it's amazing. But what's better than all of

56:01

that is like when we're doing none of those

56:03

things and we're at home I took my wig

56:05

off the other day. I Took

56:09

my wig off. I was at home. I was scratching my

56:11

head in the bathroom. It was like Like

56:14

no you better than that Grab

56:17

your dignity And

56:21

I was dying laughing cuz he was so

56:23

right cuz I had just basically I

56:26

went from this to like somebody else and

56:28

we were cracking up laughing because as Valuable

56:31

as those other things are that changed the world

56:33

and touch people What means the

56:35

most to us are those moments where we're like

56:38

clowning on each other? Right, we can be there

56:40

for ourselves. I love that's beautiful. Honey the best

56:42

part of the day is taking the wig off

56:44

Do you understand? It

56:47

is the best part of the day. I'm gonna

56:49

take these braids out tomorrow. That

56:57

is hilarious. I love that though. I love

56:59

that for both of you. Thanks. That is

57:01

beautiful. Yeah, it's funny my 14 year old

57:03

daughter like she He's been

57:05

in her life basically all of her life at this

57:07

point and so at nighttime She's like

57:10

her favorite part of the day is seeing us

57:12

like he had I had usually had tea at

57:14

night He usually has like peanuts and raisins in

57:16

his neck and we're like gossiping about the other

57:18

kids I would you know that one is and

57:20

Kenji's like well truth be told I'm

57:22

like Kenji get out of here I'll be out

57:25

of here cause I'm tired But what you say?

57:28

Please tell us. She will come and sit up

57:30

in the room with us talking about her

57:33

siblings I was like Kenji you are really

57:35

too much. Oh my goodness. I love I

57:37

just love your whole family dynamic. It's just

57:39

beautiful Yeah, I'm really grateful for it. It

57:42

feels very restorative to create an

57:44

environment For my family

57:46

that I think would

57:48

have been really great for me But

57:52

to experience it through them and to be a

57:54

part of it it's the only thing that matters

57:56

to me So even when

57:58

you're like you're always on the go, how do

58:00

you balance it? I'm really not always on

58:03

the go. I say no to a lot

58:05

of stuff so that when I say yes

58:07

to stuff like this where I'm gone for

58:09

seven days, back from two days, and gone

58:11

again, that I haven't been gone so much

58:13

that I feel a whole lot of guilt

58:15

about being gone on these trips. I say

58:17

no to a lot of stuff. Wow, that's

58:19

good for you. Yeah, it's a good word.

58:21

I love it, I

58:24

love it. So by the time this episode

58:26

airs, you have been finished with your seven

58:28

city book tour. What are

58:30

some things that Sarah's gonna nurture when

58:32

she is done and gets

58:35

off the road? My edges. I'm gonna get

58:37

my hair washed. My edges. I'm gonna let these edges breathe.

58:47

I'm gonna nurture my joy.

58:50

I am going to nurture,

58:55

I think my reflection, because

58:57

this season hasn't allowed for a lot

58:59

of reflection because I'm into one thing,

59:03

but I want to sit back and

59:06

think about all of the

59:08

ways that showed up for me throughout

59:10

this tour, throughout this book writing process,

59:12

throughout the whole, because God gave me

59:14

this concept with this book that

59:17

it made sense to me, but I'm like, I don't know if

59:19

I can put it into language. You

59:21

know, because I think when people hear their title, they're

59:23

like power moves, you want to show me how to

59:25

do something? And it's really about the fluidity of power

59:28

and how I can be powerful as

59:30

a speaker and powerful as a mother.

59:32

If I'm in the flow of God's

59:35

power, that everything I do is powerful.

59:38

And, but I didn't, I kept second guessing whether

59:40

or not I made it make sense. And

59:42

to be able to hear that so many people

59:45

said I did. I was, I was actually

59:47

getting out of healthcare in December

59:49

and I'm like in the hospital, fresh

59:51

out of anesthesia with my manuscript reading through this

59:53

book. Cause I'm just like, it has to make

59:55

sense. It has to make sense. And for people

59:57

to say that it makes sense. No,

1:00:00

you can see my iPad because like I

1:00:02

literally was like it's purple like it's

1:00:04

so many highlights. It's crazy That means

1:00:07

yeah Like you know

1:00:09

I've done these interviews and I don't like thinking

1:00:11

on my speed and I've like had to speak

1:00:13

to people and like God has given Language and

1:00:15

words when I did the breakfast club Jason put

1:00:17

me in a white button down And I was

1:00:19

like I can't wear a white button down cuz

1:00:21

I sweat like a man like a fool Yeah,

1:00:24

I build things like a man. I feel like

1:00:28

And I was like no cuz I'm gonna be points. Well,

1:00:30

I had so much peace I

1:00:32

was so grounded like I didn't sweat through

1:00:34

my clothes like little things that are dumb

1:00:36

to most people you're grateful for Yeah, I

1:00:38

am so I just want to sit back

1:00:40

and think I've received so much love in

1:00:42

these cities Somebody in Houston told me I

1:00:44

had made the decision to commit suicide And

1:00:48

I came with my 11 year old daughter

1:00:50

cuz I wanted that to be one of

1:00:52

our last Experiences and she was like I

1:00:54

decided to leave something happened in that room

1:00:56

where I know I've got that something for

1:00:58

me that there's power in more power than

1:01:00

this depression and so just like Not

1:01:03

just let that be something that goes

1:01:05

by in Houston without after the Houston

1:01:07

date. I wanted to cancel the whole

1:01:09

tour Really? Oh, yeah I

1:01:12

was like Atlanta don't want me to come

1:01:15

I was so Was it just like

1:01:18

well, I've poured before I usually have a worship

1:01:20

team Dr. Anita Phillips comes on the road with

1:01:22

me sometimes and so there's all of these different

1:01:24

elements Well, I'm like, this is a book tour

1:01:27

Most time on book tour someone's being interviewed about their book

1:01:29

Yeah, but I was like, but no one knows this book

1:01:31

better than me and I didn't know Let me do exactly

1:01:34

no it's weird It's

1:01:41

weird So I'm gonna create

1:01:44

this evening that is gonna allow me to set

1:01:46

a foundation for people to read the book There

1:01:48

is no worship. I'm gonna like I'm gonna engage

1:01:50

with them I'm gonna interview people who I feel

1:01:53

like embody the message of the book and then

1:01:55

I'm gonna speak but it's so different than anything

1:01:57

That's been done. So after Houston, I was like,

1:01:59

it's It's too new, it's too different, it

1:02:02

doesn't make sense, I'm finished. But power

1:02:04

was moving even in my insecurity and

1:02:06

uncertainty. So I

1:02:08

just, I want to find all of

1:02:10

the ways that power moved in this

1:02:13

season and collect them for

1:02:15

whatever's next. I love this.

1:02:18

Sarah, thank you! Oh

1:02:21

my goodness. Ladies and gentlemen, Sarah

1:02:23

Jakes Roberts. This has been an

1:02:25

amazing episode. Thank you for having me. We

1:02:31

are going to do my favorite part of the

1:02:33

show. This is the end, it's called Positive Outcomes.

1:02:35

Okay. And this is where our

1:02:37

listeners write in to us and we give them advice.

1:02:39

Okay. So this one says, hey Crystal,

1:02:41

first I want to say thank you so much for being

1:02:44

obedient to the voice of God. Your podcast

1:02:46

has made me feel so many emotions in every

1:02:48

season. Thank you for letting

1:02:50

me laugh, cry, sing, shout, dance, evaluate

1:02:52

life, get to the root, get closer

1:02:54

with God and just overall learn to

1:02:56

be and embrace everything about me. I

1:02:59

am a 33 year old single mother

1:03:02

of three and I feel like

1:03:04

I'm stuck where I currently am. I

1:03:06

know God has given me dreams and visions, but

1:03:08

I'm stuck on how to activate them. There

1:03:15

have been times where I was very adamant on

1:03:17

my path for what I wanted to do and

1:03:20

when. But when the time came

1:03:22

for it to come forth, I became afraid. How

1:03:24

do you listen to the voice of God when it

1:03:26

seems as if everyone's voice is louder? How

1:03:29

do you get over your feelings of fear? What

1:03:31

are some steps that you recommend to someone who

1:03:33

feels like it's too late to get started? Wow.

1:03:38

Okay. First, thank you so much

1:03:40

for writing in. I

1:03:43

definitely can say that I have felt like I got

1:03:45

a late start in my career. You know, I moved

1:03:47

here in, what was it, 2009? Okay. And

1:03:50

it was a 10 year process before I got

1:03:52

my first show. Like some people like, Oh my

1:03:54

gosh, she just came out of nowhere. No, it

1:03:56

was 10 years that I was over here grinding

1:03:58

and struggling until that hit. So it's never. too

1:04:00

late, you know when God says yes, that's

1:04:02

your time to go baby and nobody can

1:04:04

stop you when he says yes as far

1:04:06

as Other

1:04:08

people's voices being louder than you can make out

1:04:10

the voice of God for me It's meditation and

1:04:13

sitting in the stillness in the morning when like

1:04:15

nobody's up when I can just hear the birds

1:04:17

waking up That is the best time for you

1:04:19

to hear God's voice Because there's

1:04:21

nothing going on a lot of times once a day gets

1:04:24

started. It's like cause start coming in already giving you a

1:04:26

thing That's when

1:04:28

I feel like it's hard to like really discern where

1:04:30

like guy where are you really leading me? So

1:04:33

I would say for sure just find time that you

1:04:35

can really until you get to a point in your

1:04:37

waffle guy Where you really just hear him? Yeah, and

1:04:39

he sometimes you can be in New York City Times

1:04:42

Square and you can hear him clearly Oh gotcha You

1:04:44

know But sometimes you need to find that still quiet

1:04:46

space that you can really just be a one with

1:04:48

him where you can see what direction he wants to take

1:04:50

you to but and Sarah

1:04:53

J. Robert's book Power Moves She talks

1:04:55

about marinating before you activate because honey,

1:04:58

I didn't activate some things. I should

1:05:00

have let me So

1:05:06

definitely I will just marinate on what you're

1:05:09

trying to do before you activate anything What

1:05:12

do you got to say to her? I

1:05:14

everything that you said I would say as

1:05:16

a part of marinating that I would consider

1:05:18

Why do you feel stuck? I'm

1:05:21

one of those people who like to face off with

1:05:23

the fear face off with the pain

1:05:25

and shame To understand the messages that

1:05:28

I am receiving and so I am

1:05:30

stuck because I am afraid that Blank

1:05:33

is gonna happen I am stuck because

1:05:36

I believe that I do not have

1:05:38

blank Like what is it if that

1:05:40

is making me feel stuck and is

1:05:42

there anything that you can do to

1:05:44

get unstuck? Like do I need to

1:05:46

believe differently? Are there courses I can

1:05:48

take? Are there conversations that I need

1:05:51

to have? Are these friendships the right

1:05:53

friendships for me? If I'm stuck because I'm afraid

1:05:55

people are gonna make fun of me if I don't do

1:05:57

this Well, like are these the types of friends that I

1:05:59

want? want to have in the first place.

1:06:01

Am I wrong or what I make fun of?

1:06:03

I think there's so many things that when we're

1:06:05

marinating that allows us to see. Sometimes what I'm

1:06:08

marinating on isn't even something that's possible. These

1:06:10

friends would never make fun of me. They're

1:06:12

so compassionate, you know what I mean? And

1:06:15

we get stuck believing something that's not even

1:06:17

true. So I would definitely take some time

1:06:19

to marinate to decide what exactly makes me

1:06:21

feel stuck and is it really true? Because

1:06:24

a lot of times it's not true. That's

1:06:26

good, yeah, that's real. A lot of times

1:06:29

I'm an overthinker. I always overthink

1:06:31

the words sometimes like, or

1:06:33

I can overthink the best and be like, girl, okay,

1:06:35

yes. Calm down. I

1:06:37

overthink too. I think

1:06:40

that's part of what makes so much of

1:06:42

what we do successful is that it is

1:06:44

well thought out. But there

1:06:46

are other moments where it isn't us

1:06:49

thinking. Yeah, that is so true. Then

1:06:55

we do something that's called what I'm growing through and

1:06:57

what I'm going through. And right

1:07:00

now I am,

1:07:02

I talked about the asking God to

1:07:04

enlarge my territory, but with that comes finding

1:07:07

my voice in this space of my life.

1:07:10

And right now I'm just really trying

1:07:12

to figure out exactly where I want

1:07:14

to really go as this next

1:07:17

level expands. We

1:07:19

were, in church we were just talking about how as

1:07:21

you continue to get bigger, your options, there becomes more

1:07:23

options and trying to decide, okay, if I can go

1:07:25

this way, this way, this way, really

1:07:28

figuring out those places and avenues that I want

1:07:30

to go down. So right now I'm praying for

1:07:32

the discernment to know, okay, this is the way

1:07:34

God wants me to go. Maybe

1:07:36

I should wait on this because I'm like, I

1:07:39

like to have a lot of, what's

1:07:41

in the fire? What is it called? Colder. Yeah,

1:07:44

I like to have a lot of cold in the fire and a lot

1:07:46

of different things going on, but

1:07:48

making sure that they're God things and they're God

1:07:50

moves because every sentence, he said every good door

1:07:52

is not a God door. I'm trying to make

1:07:54

sure the doors I go through now are the

1:07:56

right ones because that can determine the future. It

1:07:58

can be a good journey. a bad one.

1:08:00

So right now just a lot on my plate with trying

1:08:02

to figure out where to go next. So

1:08:05

that's what I'm going through and growing

1:08:07

through. Okay. Yeah. I

1:08:09

am growing through and

1:08:12

going through embracing the, I

1:08:16

won't even call it a possibility, the

1:08:18

reality that I am

1:08:20

lovable. Okay.

1:08:23

But hear me out. So

1:08:25

I think so much of my reconciliation

1:08:29

with God came down to

1:08:31

me feeling like God

1:08:33

loves me. In spite

1:08:35

of all of these things I've done, God

1:08:38

loves me. He sees all of my flaws

1:08:40

and he loves me and it almost feels

1:08:42

in the grace of that is amazing. And

1:08:46

the charity of it, I think

1:08:48

is amazing. But

1:08:51

I also feel like there's another level that

1:08:53

I am growing and going through that is

1:08:56

like, yes, I love you in spite

1:08:58

of all those things, but also

1:09:00

you're just lovable. Yeah, you are.

1:09:02

And I just went through the bad. Thank you.

1:09:05

Yeah, you guys, like your energy is good.

1:09:07

Thank you. Like just embracing the idea

1:09:09

that like maybe you're

1:09:11

just a lovable person. Like you're not loved

1:09:13

out of this like charity, this pat on

1:09:15

the head, like, Oh my God, you know,

1:09:18

I love you. Okay.

1:09:22

I love you. And you know, I was glad to be

1:09:24

loved. I think that has been my passion. Oh my God.

1:09:29

But like this idea that like, no, like

1:09:31

it wasn't a stretch. Yes. But we talk

1:09:33

about God leaving or Jesus leaving the 99

1:09:35

to go get the one. And if you're

1:09:37

that one, you can feel like, Oh my

1:09:39

gosh, he had to stretch, but you know,

1:09:41

he found me. But like, what if it

1:09:43

wasn't a stretch? Like, what if it

1:09:45

was his privilege and it's honor to

1:09:47

go out of his way because he knew

1:09:50

that you're so lovable that like, I don't

1:09:52

ever want you to feel lost. So I

1:09:54

don't know. It's a rewiring that I'm growing

1:09:56

and going through. I love that. That is

1:09:59

so good. The

1:10:03

last thing we do is fill in the

1:10:05

blank, keep it blank, sweetie. Okay. And

1:10:08

I'm going to say keep marinating

1:10:10

until it's time to activate, sweetie.

1:10:14

I am going to say keep

1:10:17

it authentic. I

1:10:19

love that. I love that. Sarah,

1:10:22

thank you so much. I appreciate it. Guys,

1:10:24

thank you so much for tuning into this episode

1:10:27

of Keep it Pause It, sweetie. If you want

1:10:29

to write into our open listener letter, you can

1:10:31

write into keep it positive, sweetie, at gmail.com and

1:10:33

at sweetie with an I.E. You can follow me

1:10:35

on all platforms at Love Crystal Renee and that's

1:10:37

L-U-V. Sarah, tell the people they can find you.

1:10:40

You can find me at Sarah

1:10:43

Jakes Roberts on Instagram, Facebook, and

1:10:46

on TikTok, the real Sarah Jakes Roberts.

1:10:48

There we go. All right, guys. And

1:10:50

make sure you go right now to get her

1:10:52

new book, Power Moves. It's everywhere. There's no excuse

1:10:54

not to have it. Go get this. She will

1:10:56

make a difference in your walks. Thank

1:10:58

you so much, Sarah. I appreciate it. Thank

1:11:00

you. Thank

1:11:05

you, Loy also,

1:11:07

much for this moment and just

1:11:10

for bringing everyone here seriously. ath.

1:11:14

We just ask that you bless this moment. want

1:11:17

them to receive. and

1:11:20

family. We just ask that you guess this moment. you

1:11:22

want them to receive. That is what I want to do. Please,

1:11:25

thank all your viewers. We thank you for all the

1:11:27

honor and your name is pray. Amen.

1:11:36

Amen. There

1:11:38

you have it. These are just

1:11:40

a few steps to build financial security. And

1:11:42

remember, like a good neighbor, State Farm is

1:11:44

there. Not just with insurance,

1:11:47

but also by supporting resources that

1:11:49

empower black women financially. Head

1:11:51

over to statefarm.com to learn more and find

1:11:53

a local agent who can guide you on

1:11:56

your financial journey. Keep

1:11:58

it positive, sweeties. And remember, Like

1:12:00

a good neighbor, State Farm is there.