0:12

So I cried on the internet,

0:15

and there's a conversation. I've talked

0:17

about it a while ago. I talked

0:20

about it with michaela On here. So

0:22

I think people call the relationship between

0:25

people and their followers a paris

0:27

social relationship, but

0:30

I guess it's this different type of social relationship

0:32

where you don't really know the people. And

0:34

so when I first came on TikTok

0:37

a long time ago, more

0:39

than even Instagram, I would see people

0:42

really emoting and crying about their skin,

0:44

about their life, about their weight, about their

0:46

loneliness, about their depression or anxiety.

0:49

And I felt that sometimes

0:52

that seemed dangerous.

0:55

I thought that it seemed like, if

0:57

you're doing it too much, you're kind of using these

1:00

followers as your therapists,

1:02

and some this boomerang

1:05

can smack you, like a therapist is not

1:07

only professionally trained, but

1:10

they're there to support and listen. Sometimes

1:13

people can really sting

1:15

you on social media. So you could be

1:17

crying about something and one day they have compassion

1:20

for you and they're telling you everything you want to hear, and

1:22

we're here for you. And then you do something wrong

1:24

and unlike your therapist or your parents

1:26

or your family, they're going to like come back

1:29

and cancel you. So

1:31

that's why it's a unique relationship and why I

1:33

don't really advocate for people like all

1:35

the time going

1:38

on social media to treat your

1:40

followers like your therapists

1:44

or like your best friends or like your family, because

1:47

the pendulum can swing and in a way that

1:49

unconditional love family members

1:51

wouldn't. And of course unconditional love

1:53

family members can can, you know, cut

1:56

you off, and there can be extreme

1:58

circumstances. But by in law, you can make mistakes

2:00

and tell people that you know that you messed up,

2:03

and they will be a nice cushion

2:05

for you. This is an environment where it could

2:07

be oh

2:09

my god, we support you, we love you. And

2:11

also sometimes people like when someone's not happy

2:14

and like they want you to be down, and then once you get

2:17

happy, they're not. I mean, there's a lot of stuff that goes on because

2:19

these are not professional So I

2:22

don't really emote that much. I'll

2:24

communicate and express,

2:27

but I don't really emote, and I haven't really cried

2:29

on the internet, and I have sometimes cringe when I've

2:31

seen people do it, and I've done it on reality

2:34

TV, and it's a cousin of this too, because

2:37

it's a similar situation, and then there's

2:39

an edited situation which is more scary. But

2:45

after experiencing the loss of my mother and

2:48

some traumatic events, I

2:52

chose to post something that I thought was fascinating

2:54

because before my mother passed away, I

2:58

was really I just had sort of an

3:02

emotional breakdown. I

3:05

just was I just was not doing that

3:07

great. Like I just wasn't

3:09

feeling right, I was feeling unsettled, I

3:11

was feeling not balanced. And I

3:14

recorded this short video during

3:16

a period of that, saying like I

3:19

don't want I'm not I'm not doing that great,

3:22

and like I basically need to

3:24

stop. I need to stop this meaning social

3:26

media. I need to stop

3:30

working the way that I've worked. And I just I

3:33

just it was not long. It was just very brief. It

3:35

was just like a break and I said, I probably won't

3:37

have the courage to post this and it's a little embarrassing.

3:40

And then I was looking through my drafts today

3:43

because I haven't been posting at all

3:45

really on social media, very very minimal since

3:48

my mother passed, and said, since I've been going through

3:50

it and experiencing and not wanting to

3:53

distract and divert because social media, when people

3:55

say doom scrolling, you're diverting, You're

3:57

just it's eating junk food, you're just watching crap

3:59

to like just yourself. And I

4:02

really have chosen, as I've talked to you about

4:04

grief, the method of going through

4:06

this stuff, so not like just taking the easy way out

4:08

and not really medicating, not distracting,

4:11

not going out, not you know, doing

4:13

other things to distract. And so I

4:15

was looked today and saw that video and

4:18

I posted it saying how crazy

4:21

that this is right before my mother passed

4:23

away. And it was interesting because I

4:25

really do believe in energy and signs and

4:27

things like it's almost like your body,

4:29

you know your body, or the temperature

4:31

outside, or like there's her there's actually

4:34

earthquake weather, like people in

4:36

La I remember there used to be earthquake weather, Like

4:38

it's so nice right before crazy earthquake.

4:40

Or you can feel like the swell

4:43

before hurricane or before like

4:45

the ocean you could tell when a storm is coming.

4:47

I feel like we feel that emotionally. And it

4:49

was weird that I was just crying and I was like having

4:53

an undefined, unspecified

4:56

emotional experience. And then my mother passed

4:58

away, and so I posted it today because I

5:00

wanted to not only post when things

5:02

are perfect. This should not be a habit of

5:04

me just crying into the internet. But by the same token,

5:07

I think that we should not always

5:10

make it like things are perfect.

5:24

Now. Forget the fact that people are showing filters

5:27

and their perfect lives and their perfect vacations

5:29

and their expensive bags despite maybe them being

5:31

broke. They're bragging only about the good in a relationship.

5:34

Despite the fact that social media is now a commercial

5:37

marketplace. It is a television

5:39

show is everything is for sale,

5:41

and people are selling things even when you don't know

5:43

they're selling things. People are finaggling

5:46

and shady about the way they're doing it, and they're not

5:49

saying that they're a partner, they're not saying

5:51

that they're paid. But

5:53

it goes so much deeper and so much

5:55

more layer than that. So

5:58

now you're on social media and treating it as like

6:00

your friend and like your therapist and all this.

6:02

So I think there has to be a balance between

6:04

being authentic there and also just not overusing

6:07

it. It shouldn't be a place to live, and a lot of people

6:10

that are these influencers they're gonna be like child

6:12

Stars, where it's gonna run out

6:14

one day. This is not going to go on forever, and there

6:16

are gonna be some emotional ramifications. It's

6:19

just sometimes too raw and too real

6:21

to be expressing and emoting all day

6:23

all the time. So I think I'm developing a better

6:25

relationship with it. Also, I just don't want to do

6:27

it that often, and I want to live

6:30

in what I'm actually feeling and not It's

6:32

a great distraction, and the pandemic

6:34

again made us insular, made

6:37

us in our pajamas, gave us

6:39

license to stay home and to connect

6:41

with people that are, in many cases strangers.

6:43

You get a familiarity with certain people, but

6:46

they're not you know, they're not your best friends.

6:48

And people expect something from you. Once you become

6:50

an influencer or a famous person. People expect you're

6:52

going to tell us about your money, your sex life,

6:54

your relationship. You didn't tell us this,

6:56

what's going on with that? Like as if they're

6:58

owed something, And it's like you want to say

7:01

to the people that are they're like, okay with you. Tell

7:03

me how much? How many times a week you fuck your husband?

7:05

What's in your bank account? How much do you make a

7:07

year? You know, people are very very intrusive in

7:09

a way that your own therapist will be

7:11

a little more patient,

7:15

thoughtful, all of that. So I think that's

7:17

an interesting conversation. Where's the line, where's

7:19

the balance? How much to share? How much not to share? Should

7:22

you cry? Should you not cry? Should you be filtering, should

7:24

you be faking? Should you be showing only the good

7:26

and not the bad? You know what? Should

7:28

you be on there only to sell? And then it becomes,

7:30

you know, it's just a commercial space.

7:32

So for younger kids, they

7:34

have to know how to navigate this. This is why it's been

7:37

so insane with all the shit that they're

7:39

buying. And these kids are literally

7:42

they don't even know what they think. They're buying peel

7:45

peel products on their face at eleven years old.

7:47

It's why there's that problem. It's aphora. They don't

7:50

even know what they're buying. They're just buying pretty colorful

7:52

packaging and what's being marketed to them.

7:54

I give my daughter a lip oil today from

7:56

a very major viral brand because

7:59

like, it's not good, but I just knew

8:01

that she would want it because it has this big viral

8:04

brand name on it, and it's not a good product. I don't

8:06

care if it's from the drug store or if it's this viral

8:08

name product. But the truth is she

8:10

cares because they're so influenced more

8:13

than when we were kids. More than when we were kids.

8:15

It was around Christmas, you know, the Cabbage Patch

8:17

dolls and that shit would come and everyone will be obsessed, and

8:19

yes, I get that, but it wasn't every

8:22

minute of every day. This is all these fucking

8:24

kids want is what someone else told them

8:26

to want. It's really insane.