0:12

So I did an introduction

0:14

explaining how I'm going to

0:17

talk about the process of

0:19

my insane

0:21

divorce. And there

0:23

are some people whose divorces I see

0:25

and I think, oh wow, this one

0:28

is not guarden variety. It

0:31

is either going the distance or it has gone the

0:33

distance. And some like seem like they're really bad,

0:35

but it's really for five minutes. It's like Demi Mora and Ashton

0:37

Kutcher seemed like it was gonna be bad. It was really not

0:40

a big deal. Sophie Turner and

0:42

Joe Jonas, it seemed like it was gonna be bad, but

0:45

like it seems like it won't

0:47

you know, a year, two years, that's

0:49

child's play when you when you've had a decade

0:52

year long divorce, that serious

0:54

shit like Kelly Clarkson has had a

0:56

really long divorce. But also this was

0:58

her manager, and it's it's co mingled,

1:01

and like word to the wise, please do not be working

1:03

in a financial way with someone

1:05

that you're married to. It's just not going to

1:07

end well. It's just not a great idea. People do it,

1:12

and it doesn't mean that every situation is bad,

1:14

but it's just not a great idea. So I

1:18

met my ex at

1:22

a nightclub. It was a

1:24

place called ten June, and it was the anniversary

1:28

of this place opening, and

1:31

I was out with two friends

1:33

of Ninny Leekses because I was doing

1:35

an appearance for

1:38

the brand Fra Angelico of all things, who

1:40

wanted to get into business with me and do

1:43

some version of a cocktail because of my Skinny

1:45

Girl cocktail success, which hadn't

1:47

launched yet. It had just been so popular

1:49

me talking about a

1:51

skinny margarita because I invented the skinny

1:54

margarita, and because I did that, I

1:56

just was influential in that space, and

1:59

they wanted to do a deal with me for that, and

2:02

they threw a party for me at

2:04

the Warren Tricomi Salon at the Plaza,

2:07

and Nini Leaks stopped over. This is

2:09

when she was like Andy's favorite, and she stopped

2:11

over to say hi because I invited her, and

2:14

she said, I have to go to something with Andy.

2:16

I think he brought her to Anderson Cooper's house that night,

2:18

and because Anderson loved Nini too, and

2:21

she said, and her friends were

2:23

there, and she left her friends at my party.

2:26

So I took her friends out to two different places.

2:28

I first took her friends to a

2:30

Gotha magazine party unbeknownst

2:33

to me, with only two hundred and fifty people

2:35

there Beyonce, who I think was on the

2:37

cover but it may not be true, and

2:39

she performed and they were freaking out. Think yeah,

2:41

I was the coolest person that ever lived. Beyonce

2:44

performed for two hundred and fifty people. It was nuts. And

2:46

then we went to

2:50

stk in the meatpacking

2:52

district because tenjun wouldn't let us

2:54

in. And then I

2:56

texted the owner and said, like, let

2:59

us in, Like kind of you gotta let

3:01

you know whatever, you gotta let

3:03

us in. And so we went to ten

3:05

June and it was I guess their anniversary and

3:07

there was a lot going on that night, and

3:10

my ex was there with a girl who had

3:13

dated Russell Simmons and was a sports illustrate

3:15

model, sports illustrated model,

3:17

and she I think was a fan of mine. And

3:20

I ended up meeting

3:23

him and interesting

3:26

that this is. I mean, it could be perceived

3:28

as a red flag or as something

3:32

admirable. But he

3:37

lied and said that

3:41

his car was down there, but

3:43

he left his car

3:46

and said that he'd take a ride

3:49

from me and my driver so

3:51

that night, I had a driver

3:54

for the night and his

3:56

car was downtown near the club, but

3:59

he put tended that it wasn't so he could

4:01

ride with me uptown, and

4:04

then he asked the driver to

4:07

take him back downtown to

4:09

get his car so then he could go home. So it

4:12

could either be endearing that he wanted

4:14

to hang out with me or a lie

4:17

and that he wanted to really hang out with me because,

4:20

you know, maybe because his friend knew who

4:22

I was, et cetera. And he

4:25

had already dated someone that

4:27

his parents didn't approve of, but that

4:29

was on another reality show. I don't want to get

4:31

into too much specific gossip about someone else,

4:34

but I didn't know this un till later that he

4:36

had dated someone else on a

4:38

reality show. And there weren't as

4:40

many reality shows then as there are now,

4:42

so this is like probably like fifteen

4:48

years ago, and he had already dated

4:50

someone from another reality show that that

4:52

later presented as like some version of a red

4:54

flag to me. But anyway, we

4:59

he was always a available to do whatever,

5:01

and I thought that was positive because

5:04

I was just coming up and I was just starting

5:07

to have a career and he was always available

5:09

and I thought with what I want to do and how

5:11

far I want to go and traveling

5:13

and working. And I didn't have a kid then, so

5:15

I was willing to go anywhere and do anything and go

5:17

to anything. He was always available

5:20

and he was also really super charming,

5:23

which this

5:25

life coach that I know believes that charming

5:28

is usually only used for men, not

5:30

women, and that it's not in

5:33

small, tiny doses it's a

5:35

positive, but that in large

5:37

doses, if it defined someone's personality,

5:39

if like charming is the first word to describe someone,

5:42

it's toxic. It's a toxic trait. Because

5:45

he says that charming owns

5:47

someone you don't have charm. Charm

5:49

has you so for men, and

5:51

that because women aren't usually described

5:53

as charming, and that charming is something that

5:56

works for you, like when you you know, you say

5:58

something and people like it and they're like, you know,

6:00

they want more of it, and you give them more of it and it

6:02

sort of ends up feeding you because

6:05

it's addictive because it just works,

6:07

like, hey, how are you, how's your golf game?

6:09

You know, like a lot of just like being

6:12

charming becomes an addiction, and being

6:14

charming is really attractive to

6:17

women if you're attracted to men to

6:20

women, but it's something that

6:22

you're attracted to initially and

6:24

then eventually it becomes nauseating.

6:26

And you guys know what I mean. Like when there's somebody

6:28

who's like, you know, the the one

6:31

that's just got that light and always

6:33

charming everybody. And I dated

6:35

someone else in my life who was super charming and like

6:37

could really intoxicate anyone, but it

6:39

becomes like insufferable after a while.

6:42

So anyway, there was a lot of charm

6:44

there, and I really was attracted to that because I thought

6:46

it was really because

6:49

it was charming, because it's it's

6:52

charming and it's something that we

6:55

perceive as positive, but it

6:57

ends up being something that is a toxic trait.

7:12

So anyway, we just sort of

7:14

hung out and dated. There wasn't really an attraction

7:17

for me. It was more of like something

7:20

in my mind, which I've done before, where I convince

7:22

myself or I tell myself or I use

7:24

logic to say to myself

7:27

that I should be into this. I

7:30

married that years ago, someone

7:32

that I cared about, and that was a friend, but I

7:35

convinced myself that I should be into

7:37

it, versus just like your body from

7:39

a visceral perspective, knowing

7:42

that it's into it. And I

7:45

don't think I had very high self worth at

7:47

the time, Like I maybe it was

7:49

just like living in my little, small, shitty

7:52

apartment and didn't

7:54

know what was going to happen with me and didn't really

7:57

have money and or you know,

7:59

had had just started to make money,

8:02

but like didn't like the way it felt

8:04

to be alone. Let the universe

8:06

tell me that I was in my late thirties and that you're

8:08

supposed to be

8:10

having kids by then, or you're supposed to know what roads

8:12

you're on. I didn't really have family,

8:15

so I had no safety net. So I had no

8:18

security with money and no idea,

8:21

and I just like I think I just wanted to

8:23

be wanted and thought that there

8:25

was like at that age you kind

8:27

of had to know what road you were on. And by the way,

8:30

I made the same mistake in my early twenties,

8:32

like at so many stages as women we

8:34

think were supposed to be like finished with the journey

8:36

and know what stage were supposed to be

8:39

at. And you know, it

8:41

doesn't matter whether you're sixty five. I

8:43

mean, there are people, there's somebody I don't want to call

8:45

her out. But somebody from the Housewives universe that's like in

8:47

are almost seventy years old and like

8:50

just and is in a just met someone

8:52

and is in a great relationship. Like we

8:54

put these timelines and these clocks on ourselves

8:56

and they make us make bad decisions. So anyway,

8:59

I wasn't really that into him.

9:01

I convinced myself to be that into him, and

9:04

when I would hit a low during

9:06

that general period, it would be like

9:08

a security blanket and I would like logically

9:10

say this is something I should do.

9:12

It's exactly what I did in my twenties.

9:15

Ellen Dejenneres is the one who says, you will keep

9:17

me, you will keep making the same mistake until

9:19

you actually learned the lesson. So

9:22

anyway, I

9:25

had a situation with a celebrity

9:29

where a celebrity that is

9:32

a big, big name, i'd say a

9:36

list, if not a minus list, that

9:38

was interested in me, and

9:41

I was intrigued and I felt I'm not

9:44

worthy and I

9:46

went out with this person technically

9:50

like I guess like twice or hung out with them

9:52

like three times, no more like three or

9:54

four, but I

9:56

didn't. I ended up being like I

9:59

didn't sleep at them, but I ended up being like disenchanted

10:02

with them, and they this was another

10:04

really big, charming person and it was

10:06

a vulnerable weekend

10:09

when I hung out with this person and ended

10:11

up saying to like, ended up laying

10:15

them out. Basically, I'm the type of person it doesn't

10:17

matter who it is if someone I feel disrespects

10:19

me in any way, even if it's like nuanced

10:22

or if it's just like, if it's the way someone

10:24

speaks to me, or the way someone thinks they're entitled,

10:26

or the way someone treats me in a way I shouldn't be treated,

10:29

I'll call them out. It could be anyone. It could be

10:31

Brad Pitt, it could be Ryan Goss. It wouldn't matter.

10:33

So this person I did call out and

10:37

it ended up putting me at a low. And also, if you're a

10:39

person who like either drinks

10:42

or you know, smokes pot or whatever

10:44

you do like, or you're tired, like

10:46

you when you're feeling lonely and you're feeling like

10:48

vulnerable because you're not feeling

10:51

like wanted or self worth issues, you

10:53

might go run towards another security blanket.

10:55

And because of this situation with this person,

10:58

even though I had already blown out my ex

11:01

and blown out you know, charming

11:03

mister a my ex. I

11:05

was feeling a little bit low and then I

11:07

called my

11:10

ex and that's when we got together. So it was sort

11:12

of on like a low, vulnerable point and

11:15

then it was off to the races, and

11:17

there were moments of it being good, but they

11:19

were very fleeting. It was in the very very beginning

11:22

on a free trip that I was offered

11:24

when I took him, when it was

11:27

like a beautiful hotel and there was like butler

11:29

service and drinks all day,

11:31

and like that's a type of place you could definitely,

11:34

you know, want to be intimate

11:36

with someone and everything seems great because

11:39

like it's not reality. That's

11:41

why the show The Bachelor can be problematic

11:43

to me, because it's definitely not reality, And who's not

11:46

gonna want to have sex with someone when you're in the most gorgeous

11:48

place and it's sunny out and drinks are flowing

11:50

and your room is amazing and your housekeeping

11:52

service and a butler and all that stuff, and like

11:54

so you got to kind of not judge

11:57

a relationship during this like the high

12:01

crazy fantasy times.

12:04

So we got into a relationship, and this person

12:06

said to me that they really were concerned

12:08

about my age and that they

12:11

really wanted to have

12:14

kids, and that I would have to

12:17

think about getting pregnant within, you

12:19

know, a reasonable period of time. And this was

12:21

within the first couple of months of the relationship.

12:24

Now, I did not think of this as a red

12:26

flag. I don't know why I didn't. I think

12:28

other people would think of it. But I

12:30

guess some people think that, you know, thirty

12:32

six. I think I was thirty

12:34

six or maybe thirty seven, Like you are kind

12:37

of your biological clock is ticking,

12:39

But I wasn't forty two. And

12:41

I was also about to launch a liquor brand.

12:44

But I led with like my heart and not my

12:46

my logic and my mind and not

12:48

my gut and my stomach, and I

12:51

kind of just was not being

12:53

driven. Often I'm a person who gets in a car

12:56

that says one

12:58

destination, and because it's feeling good

13:00

in the moment, I ignore the destination and I'm

13:02

in the car and I'm like, we're what the

13:05

fuck and why am I in this car? So

13:07

I was in this car, and I'm

13:09

not blaming anyone else. My body, my own choice,

13:12

but I did

13:15

get pregnant

13:18

not too far into this relationship,

13:22

and before

13:25

that, when we were dating, but it was getting

13:27

serious. Money was a conversation

13:29

in my mind because then

13:31

I didn't have that much, but I had more than this person,

13:34

and I just didn't want there to be a disparity. And

13:36

even to this day, I don't want to be with someone who has less

13:38

money than I do because it becomes a problem.

13:40

I don't care what people say. I don't care what self

13:42

help people want to do on talk shows and talk about

13:45

you have a common bank account, you pay for the dry

13:47

cleaning together, and you do all the shit. I

13:49

don't care if it's it sets women back. I

13:51

really don't give a shit. I'm just telling you, when a

13:53

woman makes a lot more money than a man, it's

13:55

going to lead to problems. In ninety five

13:57

percent of the cases may

14:00

not be right away, you know. Oh

14:02

yeah, the man's staying home, take care of the kids. That's

14:04

wonderful, that's so admirable. Somehow,

14:07

somewhere down the line, it's going

14:09

to feel a certain way to that man.

14:11

I don't care if it's unpopular. I don't care if it's twenty

14:13

twenty four I have enough institutional knowledge

14:15

to know that. So I wanted to understand

14:17

how the finances were going to actually

14:19

work, Like what if I

14:21

want a certain you know, I hadn't sold my company

14:24

yet. That ended up happening during

14:26

this marriage, which was a little bit unlucky

14:28

because it ended up being the reason when

14:31

we get to it that you'll understand, holy fucking

14:33

shipballs, it's the worst divorce in history short

14:36

of like physical abuse. So

14:39

I remember we were at the Waverley Restaurant, which

14:41

is a hip restaurant in New York, and we talked about it because

14:43

I was thinking, like, what if I want an apartment or

14:46

like to buy something, and how does that work? I'm

14:48

buying something, but it's the first money I've

14:50

ever made, and how does it all work? And what

14:52

we came to was that I would buy I

14:54

would not mind buying the apartment or

14:57

the place, but that he would

14:59

pay for like decor or

15:02

like you know, i'd pay

15:04

for I guess a hotel room, but that

15:06

he'd pay for incidentals or we ended up having

15:08

an apartment and I paid for let's

15:11

call it, like seventy five sixty five

15:13

to seventy five percent of the rent I paid for.

15:16

And I'm proud of myself that that that didn't

15:18

bother me. It did end up bothering me,

15:20

but I'm proud of myself that I even I don't know what the fuck

15:22

and why I would suggest that, why I would think that was okay,

15:24

because I wasn't even that in love with this person

15:26

to begin with. I was kind of convincing myself. And once

15:29

I got pregnant, I was on the road, and like you

15:31

just and once you're doing a television show, you

15:34

feel responsible and you feel like a loser.

15:36

And that's why if you're ever in a situation where you want

15:38

to break up with someone, or you want to not get

15:40

engaged or all these things, or you have a wedding plan,

15:42

trust me, in the moment, it seems

15:44

like it's a big deal. It's not that big

15:47

of a deal to everyone else. It just feels like

15:49

it is. I've been through this before. It's something

15:51

you've got too, cup bait. If you know something's not right,

15:53

you get the fuck out. Doesn't matter what your parents think, doesn't

15:55

matter how much money spent, doesn't matter what television show

15:58

you're on, It doesn't fucking matter you

16:01

If you don't know that it's right, get

16:03

the fuck out or sit still. But if you don't

16:06

know that it's right, it's wrong. Just letting you know that.

16:08

That's just a point blank fact. If you do

16:10

not know that it's right, it's wrong, particularly

16:13

when you're about to get married. So

16:26

I've I literally wrote a book called The Eye Secret Relationships,

16:29

so you don't have to because I've fucked every single thing up.

16:31

But I am telling you with no stuttering, I know exactly

16:34

what I'm talking about, and this is all true.

16:36

Like I am an expert on this. Call

16:39

my divorce lawyer Ronnie Schindel, Heidi

16:41

or Alamievsky. Ask them if Bethany is

16:43

an expert on divorce, Ask them if

16:46

they've ever had a client that has been better

16:48

at this than I was, because I won

16:51

everything. I won by being the most organized,

16:53

detailed notebooks,

16:56

everything, So like, I know what the fuck I'm talking

16:58

about, not about everything I know, so everything I'm

17:00

talking about about this with great certainty.

17:03

I do not know how to put eyelashes on. I do

17:05

not know how to do my own hair without it frizzing

17:07

twenty minutes later when it looks like it's pin straight

17:10

the minute I do it. I do not know how

17:12

to download an app. I don't know how

17:14

to get past a paywall on my phone and read

17:16

an article. I don't know how to do a lot

17:18

of things. What I know is

17:21

divorce like the back

17:23

of my hand, every single solitary

17:26

aspect of it. Do. I know it? So and I know

17:28

relationships. I'm just an idiot, but

17:30

I know what you should do. And

17:33

what you should do is run like a thief in

17:35

the night if you're not certain. I was pregnant.

17:37

I was not happy in my relationship. I kept

17:39

going because I was doing a television

17:42

show and I

17:44

was very stupid, and

17:47

because in my life what I've done is something

17:49

that you've probably done. Is like, say, this is what

17:51

I did in my first marriage. Oh, the worst thing

17:53

that ever happens to they'd be a good father. Oh

17:55

you know, you're marrying someone or being with someone because of

17:57

how much they love you, not how much you love

17:59

them. Shake your head up like a snowball

18:02

and get the hell out of your own way and listen to what I'm

18:04

talking to you about. Okay, so now

18:09

I'm pregnant. I get engaged. It feels

18:11

wrong. It all feels wrong, and

18:15

the way that we argue feels wrong, and the

18:17

way that I'm spoken to feels wrong, and certain

18:19

things feel wrong. It

18:22

feels wrong. That we were sitting at the Waverley

18:24

talking about how the finances went, and

18:26

he said to me he

18:28

referenced Nick Lache and Jessica

18:31

Simpson's divorce and said

18:33

to me that Nick

18:35

should have taken everything from Jessica

18:39

because, like I remember, they were in a relationship

18:41

and they did a TV show and she was like the more famous

18:43

one, the more rich one, and he did it with her. And

18:46

this was a time when my ex was like kind

18:48

of being on my television show or agreeing

18:50

to be on it, and said to me, she should

18:52

take he should he should take whatever

18:55

he can get from her. I don't know why he

18:57

said this to me. I don't know why he thought I wouldn't

18:59

read through this. I think he was just being honest

19:01

about what he thought. He thought Nicolachet deserved

19:03

a lot. And there's something about that that

19:05

was such a fire engine red flag to me, going

19:07

wait, what the fuck? But nevertheless,

19:10

I ended up getting engaged and I ended up doing a prenup

19:13

really fast that my lawyer said I

19:15

should not allow you to sign. But I said,

19:17

I'm marrying a regular guy, a

19:19

small town guy from a small you

19:21

know town family, a regular guy.

19:24

He does not want my money,

19:27

famous last words. My lawyers were like, I

19:29

didn't want to even get a prenup. My agent at the time

19:31

and my lawyers were like, or whoever

19:33

I had was like, you need no My agent was

19:35

like, you need a prenup? Like you need a prenup?

19:38

Don't be an idiot. I was so naive.

19:40

I was a late bloomer. I had made a goddamn

19:42

dollar and I was in my late thirties,

19:44

and I was like, wait, what No, Like I

19:47

was so trusting. I'm still so trusting in many

19:49

ways. But I did not even think I needed a prenup.

19:51

I did not want when it made me uncomfortable, It's

19:54

like it made me so uncomfortable, and then talking

19:56

to the lawyer made me feel uncomfortable too. Standing

19:58

my ground made me feel comfortable.

20:00

It made me feel you know. And then it's

20:02

when like you're not pulling up your big girl panties

20:05

in a business meeting and being like absolutely

20:07

not, like as a grown ass woman. Now I don't go Google

20:09

got God, I'm doing a business deal with you, but I'm scared.

20:12

I don't know I trust you, Lollipop,

20:15

Like, what the fuck you're doing. You're

20:17

trying to be successful, You're talking to

20:19

a lawyer. Tough shit, Big

20:22

girl panties are hard to pull on. Business

20:24

is tough. But if you're going to get legally

20:26

married, you're going to be in a contract

20:28

with someone. You're going to get a prenup, and

20:30

you're going to pay attention, and you're going to get

20:32

the best deal you can and you're going to listen

20:35

to your lawyer, and you're going to get a good lawyer.

20:37

Because every day when the lawyers

20:39

are talking to the lawyers, you call me and say,

20:41

you know, wow, he doesn't trust me, and Wow, we're doing

20:44

a prenup and wow and all this stuff.

20:46

And I would get sucked in because that's what lawyers

20:48

are supposed to do. I see it on business deals now

20:50

that I know years later. What's supposed

20:53

to happen is the person you're doing the deal with and the

20:55

business deal is supposed to call you up

20:57

and say, Wow, your lawyer is really a fucking piece

20:59

of shit, and this is what they wanted me to sign

21:02

and then you go Google Gaga like a big

21:04

female baby, and then you call

21:06

your lawyer like, no, I don't want to do this. He said

21:08

that you. And they're like, this is the process, Beth, and

21:10

he trusts the process. That's the part of it. But no,

21:12

you're not listening because you're an idiot. And

21:14

I know Kelly Clarkson went through this, and I know probably

21:16

Ariana Grande went through this, and I know Halle

21:19

Berry went through it, and I know all

21:21

of the women that I've read about having these shitty

21:24

divorces that are paying they went

21:26

through it because they did the goog Gaga

21:28

program that gets you fucking nowhere, and they didn't

21:30

pull on their big girl panties. And if your big girl

21:33

panties want to get married, which

21:35

is not a romantic act,

21:38

being in a relationship and being in a commitment

21:40

is a romantic act. Signing a

21:43

contract and being

21:45

in a contract with another human being.

21:47

I don't care if you want to have kids. I don't give a shit.

21:49

That is a business deal. So

21:51

you can hear it or not. But you're a dummy

21:54

if you're not hearing it, because I went through

21:57

torture to tell you this, and

21:59

get Laura fucking Wasser, the most powerful

22:02

attorney on, or get any attorney on and let them

22:04

tell you different, because they won't. It's a

22:06

contract. You're getting into a legal

22:08

agreement. Be Goldie Han and Kurt Russell

22:10

and stay together the rest of your life. And

22:13

then now they're effectively legally married because

22:15

of common law marriage after I think ten

22:17

years or fourteen years. But it's called

22:19

the tough shit program. If you're big

22:21

girl enough to go get married, you're big girl

22:24

enough to listen to your lawyer and not succumb

22:26

to the bullshit. Okay, that's

22:28

the hard true facts. So once

22:31

I heard that my ex thought

22:34

that my ex had been in a relationship

22:36

with a reality star, had lied about

22:38

coming in the car uptown with me, saying that

22:40

they didn't have a car because they wanted to be in my

22:42

car with my driver, had said that

22:44

Nick Lache should have taken everything from Jessica Simpson.

22:47

Well, guess the fuck what. I should

22:49

have signed a prenup, but I was googoo gaga stupid

22:52

and I didn't know anything, and I didn't want to, and I signed

22:54

a shitty one. And

22:57

while we're at it, the shitty one that I signed

23:00

said that I would give a percentage

23:02

of my business which to

23:05

this person, and it didn't define

23:07

what my business was worth then, so the

23:09

percentage of what it ended up being. When

23:12

I landed on the cover of Forbes and

23:14

I ended up selling it, they wanted

23:16

a percentage of that big number.

23:18

I ended up having to spend two years and

23:20

a couple of one hundred thousand dollars with a forensic

23:23

accountant to determine what

23:25

my business really was worth on

23:28

that day. So sign of value

23:30

there. Otherwise you're gonna spend all this money

23:32

doing all these other things. But wait, there's

23:35

so much more, Okay, And

23:37

I don't want to go too fast because we're going to make this a lot

23:40

of chapters. But I could talk about this for ten

23:42

years straight because I know so much

23:44

about it. So I ended up

23:46

signing a shitty prenup, but better than

23:48

not having a prenup despite it even being

23:50

a shitty prenup. And sometimes

23:53

a prenup will get thrown out and sometimes we'll dispute

23:55

it anyway. So but you got

23:57

to have a prenup, and you have to be a big girl,

24:00

and you

24:02

have to really really listen to the

24:05

red flags,