0:11

So I am going to talk about something

0:14

that I've never talked about and

0:16

that nobody knows about

0:20

my ten year divorce on a two year

0:22

marriage. Now. Have I discussed

0:25

my divorce in little pieces? And have

0:27

I discussed divorce in general? And

0:30

have there been breadcrumbs? Yes? Has

0:33

the media written about my divorce

0:35

ad nauseum? Yes? Have

0:38

excerpts from the multiple

0:40

years that I was in court come

0:42

out out of context in different publications

0:45

and been analyzed

0:48

and attempted

0:50

to be interpreted. Yes. But

0:53

have I ever really spoken about my divorce

0:56

from my perspective and

0:59

how it all went down. No. And

1:02

there are many reasons for that. One

1:05

was that I was on

1:08

a gag order. I felt

1:10

stifled by certain

1:14

things that I had to sign at

1:16

certain periods to get things

1:18

done and to stop the bleeding, and

1:21

I later felt fraudulent

1:26

in not sharing certain experiences.

1:28

I also felt conflicted because I felt like

1:30

I have a daughter and I

1:32

don't want to put

1:35

her at risk in any way emotionally,

1:39

so I wanted to keep

1:41

certain things private. And that's

1:43

my primary concern as being a mother and my

1:45

daughter. That being said, being

1:48

a woman who speaks out about things that

1:51

happened that other women are going through is

1:53

really important. I mean, women experience

1:57

abuse and torture

2:01

and divorce and confusion and

2:04

financial despair and discrimination

2:07

and a lot of things, Like a lot of bad things

2:10

happen during breakups and divorce. I

2:12

mean, we've heard crazy stories from different

2:14

celebrities and you read the headlines, but

2:16

like divorce, there was a debate

2:18

on The Housewives about divorce versus

2:21

death and

2:22

them being compared, and

2:25

I've experienced both, and

2:29

divorce for me was more

2:32

torturous, was a worse experience.

2:34

And that's a big statement because I experienced

2:36

someone very close to me dying and it was really

2:39

horrific. But nothing

2:41

will ever be in my entire

2:44

life as torturous as

2:46

my divorce. And I grew up in I mean, I've

2:48

experienced drugs and

2:50

gambling and guns and

2:52

abuse and watching people get

2:56

you know, beaten the shit out of and hospitalized,

2:59

and I've seen people in you

3:01

know, try to take their own life.

3:03

And I've seen pretty bad shit. I mean, I've seen

3:05

really bad shit, like and

3:08

there's nothing that will ever compare to my divorce

3:10

and what it was like like it was by

3:13

far the worst experience of

3:15

my life. I thought

3:17

I would never survive it. I did not see

3:19

a way out. It was suffocating.

3:22

I thought I was going to be miserable for the rest of my life.

3:24

I thought I was going to have a terrible life. I

3:27

could not see out of it. I literally

3:29

could not see out of it. And I

3:32

at the time that I could not see out of it,

3:34

was a well known, wealthy,

3:37

powerful, successful,

3:40

attractive, smart woman

3:44

with a whole big career ahead

3:46

of her. So imagine

3:49

what a person who doesn't have all those things

3:51

going for them goes through and feels

3:53

like the power struggle, the

3:55

manipulation. There's so many things

3:58

that go on, and while the world really

4:00

really focuses so much on the fairy

4:03

tale and the dress and then get the ring, and

4:05

get the guy, and get the married and

4:07

get the partner and all of these things,

4:09

and watch us celebrities promote their

4:11

relationships and show us all the good and

4:14

never show us the bad, and show us, you

4:16

know, the rise to romance

4:18

and never, and then it's you know, respect our privacy.

4:21

During this challenging time, I feel

4:23

that there's a responsibility to tell

4:25

the story of what the fuck went down, because

4:27

it's not that common to have

4:30

a ten year divorce on any

4:32

length of marriage, much less a two year marriage.

4:35

And I certainly didn't walk into this thinking

4:37

that this was going to happen. And I

4:39

had a therapist in the beginning say

4:42

to me, you know, this is a

4:44

divorce. It's a garden variety divorce, like you're getting

4:46

divorced, And then I had the

4:49

same therapists, Multiple therapists

4:51

and lawyers say that they have never ever in their

4:53

entire careers seen anything like

4:56

what went down in my divorce. It was

4:58

anything but garden variety. And

5:00

like they've said that, you know this,

5:03

this was mental and emotional

5:05

torture what I went through, And I'm

5:08

discussing it from my perspective, and I'm

5:10

not here to trash anybody

5:12

because it does no good. This is not an anger

5:14

train. If I was so angry, it would have been years ago.

5:16

And I actually had the anger and was so helpless.

5:19

It's not that. It's more like this was

5:21

an experience that I've hidden

5:24

because I felt that I couldn't

5:26

speak out because of a gag order for a certain period

5:28

of time, and then I felt that I shouldn't speak out because

5:30

of my daughter. My daughter knows all about

5:33

this, and we talk about it a lot,

5:35

and I'm not doing anything that

5:37

is even remotely damaging to

5:40

my daughter. I don't have to explain why

5:42

I know that and why I vetted

5:44

that, but I can tell you with great

5:46

certainty, and you know I'm a pretty thorough

5:48

and methodical person that I am speaking

5:51

about this thoughtfully and

5:53

carefully, but responsibly,

5:57

and the story needs

5:59

to be told. When

6:12

I've talked about divorce in just

6:14

little snippets, whether it's on TikTok or Instagram

6:17

or on here. About the fifteen

6:20

notebooks that I have right now in a storage facility

6:22

that were the reason that I ended up getting primary

6:25

custody of my child and ending a ten

6:27

year, harrowing, tortureous

6:29

situation. The

6:33

downloads and

6:35

the views were astronomical, and

6:37

people are desperate for help, and people can't

6:39

afford the legal help

6:42

that I had got. You got to understand

6:44

I had the resources, and I was a

6:46

powerless, tortured

6:49

individual. I cannot imagine what someone

6:51

who has no money or power or resources

6:53

goes through like it used

6:55

to be the only thing that kept me going during this

6:57

divorce to say one day I will

6:59

hope fully get out of this and be able to help somebody else.

7:02

So I took a long time before

7:04

I was ready to do that, and it's years

7:06

after it and now, ironically

7:08

it's not that many years after it was finalized, but it's

7:10

years after it started. And now I'm finally ready

7:13

and this is the place I'm going to do it. So

7:16

I don't know how many parts this will be.

7:19

Off the top of my head, I think maybe ten

7:21

parts on ten years. It could be twenty

7:23

five parts, it could be years.

7:26

There's so many things that happened. I

7:28

can't explain. I went through forensic

7:31

forensic psychologists. I

7:33

went through financial forensic

7:37

analysis. I went through

7:39

parenting coordinators, lawyers,

7:44

multiple trials. I dealt

7:47

with fraud. I dealt with

7:49

forgery. I dealt with being

7:52

followed. I dealt with being

7:54

allegedly being hacked. I'm saying

7:56

words in a certain way because but I

7:59

mean there's I dealt with court appeals.

8:01

I dealt with my apartment, which

8:03

I believed was my own

8:06

to one day finding out that there

8:10

was document documentation that was

8:12

not properly

8:15

and legally executed that

8:18

led people to believe that my apartment was not my

8:20

own. For several years, until I became

8:22

my own detective and figured out how

8:24

to clarify that. I

8:26

mean, I've spent months

8:28

and years in court. I've

8:30

dealt with my daughter having her own lawyer.

8:33

It's called a guardian ad litem. I've

8:35

dealt with multiple trials on custody

8:37

to eventually get decision making and

8:39

then finally get primary custody. And I have

8:42

been through a fucking war,

8:45

a war. I have questioned

8:47

myself as a human, as a parent,

8:50

because I was told so many times

8:52

otherwise how terrible I was

8:54

in disgusting and old and irrelevant and

8:57

so abused. Because there was I had no

8:59

pass to get out of it. I have had my child

9:02

withheld. I have had I mean, I have had every

9:04

single fucking thing except for

9:06

physical abuse done

9:09

to me. And I

9:11

am an expert on this topic. An expert

9:13

on this topic, You can call Alan Myefski

9:16

and Ronnie Shandel and Heidi

9:18

and ask them if I am an expert

9:20

on this topic, if I could not be a divorce

9:23

lay or ask them insane.

9:26

So I am ready to talk about

9:28

something that has been impossible to talk about and

9:30

that cannot be talked about in bite sized

9:32

pieces. It has to live and breathe, and

9:35

it has to be explained how I arrived

9:37

in that situation, how a person who is

9:39

so smart and so successful could

9:42

make such poor judgment

9:44

calls and decisions or just not

9:47

know or just have a bad hand. But

9:50

it's been a journey,

9:53

so I'm ready to discuss it, and

9:55

I'm ready to help some people educate. And

9:58

you do not know what it's like until you go through

10:00

it. So somehow I have to find

10:02

the way to convey to people so they don't go

10:04

through it. I just think I can do that. I think that I

10:06

was born to do that in a way that people

10:08

will not like from the very

10:11

beginning of a relationship, that people

10:13

will not get to where I've gotten

10:15

to. And it's why I have not

10:17

gotten married again,

10:20

or I'm not sure if I would ever get married again, or

10:23

ever be legally bound to someone

10:25

for anything other than a business contract. It

10:27

just is insane to me in

10:29

many ways. So I've

10:32

been burned, I have massive trust issues,

10:34

and I have post traumatic stress disorder.

10:37

It was literally the most traumatizing

10:39

thing that I will hopefully ever go

10:41

through in my life.