Episode Transcript
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0:00
Does this sentence make all the introvert
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that sells in your body cringe and make you want to disappear
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? Cause girl , me too . Hey
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there , fellow introvert on stage . This show
0:09
is a safe space for the soft souls to learn
0:12
, connect and master communication . I'm
0:14
Olivia Lee and you're listening to Introvert
0:17
on Stage . Let's
0:23
say you planned on relaxing and doing some self-healing
0:26
after a long week . To me
0:28
that's cuddling with my puppy while binging
0:30
my favorite show or reading a book . But
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then a friend calls and says they
0:34
need you to babysit their kids for just 5
0:37
hours because something suddenly came up . You
0:39
know these kids and how crazy and
0:41
loud they can be , so just the thought
0:44
of being around them all by yourself stresses
0:46
you out . But your friend continues
0:48
to ask on the phone . Can you please
0:50
help me out this one time ? I promise
0:52
I won't ask again , but just one time
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. You're my friend and I really need your help
0:57
, and no one else said they can Please
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. Does
1:02
this sentence make all the introvert that sells
1:04
in your body cringe and make you want to disappear ? Cause
1:07
girl , me too . Maybe
1:10
you just want to unwillingly say yes , despite
1:12
how tired and frustrated you are , because
1:14
you want to be there for your friend . Or
1:17
if you go deeper , maybe
1:19
it's because you don't want your friend to be mad at
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you or hate you . Or
1:25
if you go even deeper , you
1:27
may be thinking , if you say
1:29
no now , when you need their help
1:31
in the future , maybe she won't be
1:33
there for you either because you said no
1:35
this one time . I understand
1:37
your struggle if you relate to the thought process
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above , because that's my thought
1:42
process too the feeling
1:44
of constantly putting others' needs before your
1:46
own , of being overly friendly
1:48
and saying yes all the time and regretting
1:51
it , and the fear of being disliked
1:53
or misunderstood . It's
1:55
a pattern that many introverts fall into and
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it can be incredibly draining and frustrating
2:00
. This conflict , although
2:03
complicated , is solvable and
2:05
the solution begins with the magic word
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no . First
2:09
and foremost , I want you to recognize the power
2:12
of no , because your kindness is
2:14
a strength , not a weakness . But
2:17
that also doesn't mean other people get
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to walk all over your boundaries . Saying
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no isn't rejecting the person
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. Saying no doesn't mean you don't like
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them . It simply means you can't
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or choose not to take on their project
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. Because , if you think about it , no matter how
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simple the favor is , it's still
2:35
sacrificing your own needs and desires
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, and it helps to script
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out your no as well . It might sound
2:42
silly and you might think it's overdoing it , but
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if you're like me and you often overthink
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how to say no and you end up saying yes
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because you don't know how to say no refusal
2:52
, nicely , trust me , this helps . Here
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are a few scripts that you could use , especially
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in this particular example that I gave
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you before . Number one
3:01
is for people who are more comfortable
3:03
saying no . Number one I'd
3:06
love to help , but I've had a long week
3:08
and really need some downtime . As
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you can tell , you know this answer . You're
3:13
being truly honest , you're not making
3:15
up plans that you didn't have , but
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just simply to the point , you had a long
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week . You really need some downtime for yourself
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. Number two is
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for people who are still uncomfortable
3:26
saying no and want to offer
3:28
a solution . Number two thank you for
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thinking of me . Unfortunately
3:33
, I already have plans , but I really
3:35
hope you find someone who can help . Or you could
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also say I could ask around
3:39
and see if anyone else can help . Or number
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three I wish I could help , but
3:44
I already have plans . Let's catch up later
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. So , as you can tell , those are
3:48
really simple answers , because
3:50
it's also important to avoid over-exponation
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when we don't really have a good
3:55
or clear reason to say no . We
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tend to go on and on about why
4:00
we can't do something , but
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you don't owe anyone a lengthy justification
4:05
, not to mention that makes you sound
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a little sus too . A
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simple and sincere reason is good
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enough . Being nice doesn't mean you have to
4:14
constantly please everyone around you at
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the expense of your own happiness . You might
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not want to disappoint or hurt other people
4:20
and end up saying yes to things you
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don't want to . I used to think this
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was how I get others to like me , but
4:27
after many years of saying yes over
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and over and later disappointing them
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when I actually can't help , I
4:33
realized that we simply cannot control
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how other people react . People might
4:38
get disappointed , and that's okay
4:40
. Your well-being is as important as
4:42
anyone else's , and those who genuinely
4:44
care will understand . Remember
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that setting boundaries is not a selfish
4:49
act . Think of yourself as a beautiful
4:52
yet fragile wildflower . If
4:54
you build a boundary around you now
4:56
, you're in a flower garden and people know
4:59
not to step inside At least those
5:01
would common sense in courtasy . But
5:03
if you're simply a wildflower in the
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wild with no boundary , no fences
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, nothing , people don't know how
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close they're allowed to get to you so they might
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end up stepping on you , plucking you
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or , even worse , it on you
5:16
. Haha , jk . Saying
5:19
no is an act of self-care and self-respect
5:22
, because behind every yes are sacrifices
5:24
you make for yourself , whether it's your time
5:26
, energy or money . By setting
5:29
boundaries , you're acknowledging your
5:31
own needs and limitations and
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you actually earn more respect from other
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people as someone who knows
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how to put yourself first . Not
5:40
setting your boundaries and getting frustrated
5:42
is like not having a
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door and getting mad that people don't
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knock . Ooh , I really like that
5:48
you have to tell them where the
5:50
door is and that to get in , they
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have to respectfully knock and wait
5:55
for an answer . If not , they
5:57
get kicked out . If you want to be kind to
5:59
others , you must know how to be kind to yourself
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first . As cliche as it
6:03
sounds , it's true . Take
6:05
the time to recharge and engage in
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activities that bring you joy and
6:09
peace . As an introvert , solitude
6:12
is our source of strength and renewal
6:14
. Embrace it and use it to nourish
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your soul . Taking care of yourself gives
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you more energy and capacity to give
6:21
to those who really mean more to
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you and who you love more authentically
6:25
. Personal growth and self-discovery
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take time . It's a journey and
6:30
there will be ups and downs , so
6:32
be patient with yourself and celebrate
6:34
every step you take towards finding
6:36
your own voice and being true to who
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you are , instead of thinking . I
6:41
wish I could stop caring so much about
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what others think . Embrace your
6:45
introverted nature as a gift and
6:47
try thinking instead . I
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have a kind heart that makes me care
6:51
about how others think , which allows me
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to connect with other people on a deeper
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level . To all the frustrated
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introverts out there , know that you
7:00
are not alone . Your struggles
7:02
are so valid , but saying
7:04
no is also an essential skill
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that can be learned to prevent burn-out
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and over-commitment . It's okay to
7:11
prioritize your mental well-being , and
7:13
saying no will also clearly
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indicate who
7:17
your real friends are . Thank
7:20
you for having me in your ear . Your time
7:22
and presence are truly appreciated . I
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hope you enjoyed today's episode and we'll
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be back again next Tuesday on Introvert
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on Stage . Bye-bye .
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