0:00

When it comes to public speaking . What exactly

0:02

are you afraid of ? Most people I

0:04

talk to don't explore their fears at all

0:06

, and this makes them worse . The

0:09

thought of public speaking brings up such

0:11

uncomfortable feelings that they try

0:13

to ignore them or stuff them down

0:15

, and this is why they continue

0:17

to suffer from speaking anxiety . And this

0:20

is one of the most common fears in the

0:22

world . So how is

0:24

an amorphous fear of fear

0:26

holding you back and keeping you quiet

0:28

? Hi , I'm Sarah Micotel

0:30

, your Communication and Mindset Coach , and

0:33

by the end of this episode you are

0:35

going to know what you're really afraid

0:37

of when you say you don't like public speaking

0:39

, how anxiety manifests in

0:41

your mind and your body , and why

0:43

not managing it is so harmful . You'll

0:46

know the beliefs underlying the four

0:48

different flavors of speaking anxiety

0:50

and you will learn stoic practices

0:52

you can do to let go of anxiety

0:54

so you can more eloquently express

0:57

your thoughts , feelings and ideas

0:59

. So no more holding in

1:01

what you want to say and then internally

1:03

screaming when somebody else voices

1:05

what you had been thinking . It

1:07

is time to start feeling more calm and

1:09

confident when you speak . During

1:13

his first inaugural speech in 1933

1:15

, president Franklin D Roosevelt said

1:17

the only thing we have to fear

1:19

is fear itself . The United

1:22

States was in economic crisis . Millions

1:24

of Americans were unemployed , businesses

1:26

were failing and people were panicking

1:29

. Roosevelt knew that fear

1:31

and anxiety were exasperating the crisis

1:33

. People were withdrawing money from

1:35

their banks , making fear-based decisions

1:38

, and this made the economic situation

1:41

worse . And more recently

1:43

we saw a similar panic during the COVID

1:45

pandemic , when people were hoarding groceries

1:47

. And this idea that

1:50

our worries about a future event

1:52

are often much worse than the

1:54

actual event itself . This

1:56

goes back at least to the ancient stoics

1:58

. Nearly 2,000 years ago

2:00

. Seneca said we suffer more

2:02

in imagination than in reality

2:04

. This is true for public speaking as well

2:07

. The fear of speaking in public is worse

2:09

than actually speaking in public . People

2:11

come to me and say I hate public speaking

2:14

. I've always hated it , but I'm at this point

2:16

in my career where I need to move past

2:18

this . I'm sick of anxiety . It's holding back my

2:20

career . It's tinder my relationships . I

2:22

just don't know what to do with this fear . But

2:24

what are they actually afraid of

2:26

? Often , we carry a vague

2:29

sense of anxiety or apprehension about

2:31

speaking up without giving any

2:33

consideration to what's really concerning

2:35

us . The first step in addressing

2:37

the Samorphous Fear is to name it and

2:40

bring it into focus . Ask

2:42

yourself what exactly you're afraid

2:44

of when it comes to speaking up . Is

2:46

it the fear of being judged , saying

2:49

the wrong thing , not being heard

2:51

? Maybe it's something else . When

2:54

you get more specific about your fear , you

2:56

can demystify it , you can challenge

2:58

its validity and you can make it more

3:00

manageable . Pay attention to

3:02

how speaking anxiety shows up in

3:04

how you think , feel and act . If

3:07

you're feeling anxious about speaking , you

3:09

might struggle to find your words , find

3:12

it difficult to focus , speak

3:14

with a shaky voice , speed up

3:16

your rate of speech , fidget

3:18

, avoid eye contact

3:21

, criticize yourself , assume

3:24

other people are judging you . You might

3:26

start sweating , tremble , blush

3:28

. You might stay quiet . The

3:31

anxiety , nervousness and self-doubt

3:33

attached to our fear . This blocks

3:35

our ability to communicate . We

3:37

worry we'll make mistakes , forget what we

3:39

want to say and that our audience

3:41

will judge us fears that are often

3:44

not based in reality . This

3:46

rumination can become a self-fulfilling

3:48

prophecy . When our fear of failure

3:50

makes us so nervous that we stumble

3:53

over our words and spin out , our

3:55

confidence takes a hit and we stay

3:57

in a loop of assuming the worst , and

3:59

then we deliver on that . The cycle continues

4:02

. Not learning to manage your speaking

4:04

anxiety can have major impacts on

4:06

all areas of your life . People might

4:08

think you're not interested in them or the work

4:11

that you do . You might sit out on opportunities

4:13

you really want to try . Plus , the constant

4:15

stress is bad for your mental and physical

4:18

health . But the good news is that you can

4:20

learn to get a handle on your anxiety and

4:22

become an excellent speaker . The

4:24

first step is figuring out what

4:27

makes you nervous in the first place . You

4:29

may feel more anxious depending on who you're

4:32

talking to , what you're talking about , the

4:34

type of communication scenario you find yourself

4:36

in , and there's also a genetic component

4:39

to this . You might feel fine

4:41

going to a party where you won't know most

4:43

of the people , but have a panic attack

4:45

about the speech you're going to give at your friend's

4:47

wedding . There

4:49

are four common types of speaking anxiety

4:52

, which researcher James McCroskey

4:54

calls communication apprehension

4:56

, and he defines this as fear

4:59

or anxiety associated with either

5:01

real or anticipated communication

5:03

with another person or persons . Public

5:06

speaking anxiety is one of the most

5:08

common fears there is , and it's not

5:10

limited to speaking on stage . People

5:13

panic in all sorts of communication

5:15

situations , including meetings , interviews

5:18

, even casual conversations

5:20

, when someone feels the spotlight is

5:22

on them . I can definitely relate to that . The

5:25

four types of communication apprehension are

5:27

trait-based , context-based

5:29

, audience-based and situation-based

5:32

. If you want to become a more confident

5:34

and competent speaker , consider

5:36

which audiences or communication

5:38

scenarios trigger your anxieties

5:40

so you can follow strategies to manage

5:42

them . Here is an explanation

5:45

of each type Trait-based

5:47

anxiety People with

5:49

trait anxiety were likely born

5:51

predisposed to feeling anxious about

5:53

speaking . In most situations , for

5:56

example , you feel anxious

5:58

whenever you speak , whether it's with a

6:00

friend or in a formal situation

6:02

. Context-based anxiety

6:04

this depends on the specific

6:07

kind of speaking scenario

6:09

there is . So you might

6:12

generally feel very comfortable having

6:14

one-on-one conversations with your colleagues

6:16

, but if you have to present in front

6:18

of all of them at once , you usually

6:20

feel nervous the change in the context

6:23

of your communication . So discussion

6:25

versus presentation this is

6:27

what triggers the anxiety . Then

6:29

there's audience-based anxiety , and

6:31

this is based on the presence of a specific

6:33

person or group of people . It's

6:36

not about the kind of communication or where

6:38

you're doing it , but who you're actually talking

6:40

to . For example , you might

6:42

feel fine presenting ideas in front of your

6:44

team , your immediate team , but

6:46

panic when sharing the same ideas with

6:48

your board of directors . If

6:50

you identify with this , ask yourself

6:53

why you might feel anxious in front of certain

6:55

audiences . Is it fear of judgment

6:58

? If you're getting a bad review , fear they'll

7:00

find out you don't know what you're doing . Being asked

7:03

questions can clarify your fears

7:05

and help you combat them . Then

7:08

there's situation-based anxiety

7:10

, and situation-based anxiety comes about

7:12

during specific , more one-off circumstances

7:14

rather than ongoing fears

7:17

based on audience or environment

7:19

or how many people are going to be there . For

7:21

example , you might really enjoy one-on-one

7:24

conversations most of the time , but

7:26

you're on a first date and now you're

7:28

really freaked out and your heart is pounding , at

7:30

least at first . After a few minutes you're probably

7:33

going to be fine . So

7:35

where does communication apprehension

7:38

come up for you ? Is it

7:40

when speaking with somebody who

7:42

seems higher status or who

7:44

you perceive to be more successful , speaking

7:46

in front of a large audience versus one-on-one

7:49

giving a toast at the wedding ? Maybe

7:52

you're always nervous when it comes to public speaking

7:54

or speaking with anyone , so

7:57

does it depend on the audience , the context

7:59

, the situation ? Was this a

8:02

trait that you were born with ? What

8:04

are you actually afraid of when you're speaking

8:06

in public ? Start thinking about

8:08

fear as a challenge . That

8:10

will help you grow instead of a

8:12

permanent obstacle . And , by the

8:14

way , if you would like , in-the-moment pep

8:16

talks to help you through communication

8:19

anxiety . Grab my introvert

8:21

emergency kit . The link is in the episode

8:23

notes . Let's

8:25

really break this down using Stoics psychology

8:28

. More than 2,000 years ago , the

8:30

Stoics practiced challenging the unhelpful

8:32

thoughts that popped into their minds . They

8:35

said we really need to dissect our worries

8:37

and our vices , to see them for what they

8:39

really are . They took a lot

8:41

of inspiration from Socrates , who famously

8:44

said the unexamined life

8:46

isn't worth living . This

8:48

means getting curious about our world and

8:50

also what is happening in our own minds

8:52

. Most people accept their

8:54

thoughts as facts , but thoughts

8:56

are simply your opinions based

8:58

on your experience . What

9:00

do you believe ? Why you

9:03

open to changing your mind ? What

9:05

is guiding you ? Who is influencing

9:07

you ? We can use the Stoic

9:10

theory of emotions to manage our speaking

9:12

anxiety . Their framework says

9:14

this is how humans operate . Something

9:17

happens , something makes an impression

9:19

on us . Then we take

9:21

a step back and evaluate

9:24

our first impression . When

9:26

we ascent to this impression as

9:29

being correct or we

9:31

don't agree that it's correct and

9:33

if we do ascent to it and agree that

9:35

our impression is true , then

9:37

we feel an impulse to take some

9:40

kind of action . That is the ideal

9:42

scenario where we're taking time to

9:44

evaluate our initial impressions

9:46

. Often people just skip that

9:48

part and immediately accept that

9:51

what they're thinking is true . And

9:54

when they're agreeing to these irrational

9:56

thoughts , that's when full

9:58

blown passions can occur . And passions

10:00

, in Stoic speak , are negative

10:02

emotions . There are positive

10:05

passions as well , but that is a story for another

10:07

time . Here's an example

10:09

. Let Stoic Lee break down Michelle's

10:12

fear of presenting in front of her colleagues

10:14

. Michelle is the story here . She

10:16

spent hours the day before revising

10:19

her slides on her team's latest product

10:21

launch . She knows her stuff , she

10:23

has a great relationship with her colleagues . But

10:25

as she stands in front of the room before the meeting

10:28

begins , her heart races , she

10:30

starts to sweat and now she's panicking

10:32

. She's not going to be able to think clearly . These

10:35

involuntary sensations , or

10:37

pre-emotions probithiai , these

10:39

aren't in Michelle's control . But

10:42

what comes next is but these pre-emotions

10:44

? They are instinctual . Michelle's

10:47

fight-or-flight response is kicking in

10:49

to keep her safe . Stoic said

10:51

that this is a natural

10:53

part of life . This is totally understandable , but

10:56

then we need to take a step back and bring the

10:58

rational part of our brain back online

11:00

. Michelle has received an impression

11:03

that she is not safe . The

11:05

next step , according to Stoicism , is to evaluate

11:08

that impression . Is it true that she's unsafe

11:10

? No , it's not true . Michelle

11:13

is not going to ascent or she's

11:16

not going to agree to this impression . So

11:18

she reminds herself that she is safe

11:20

and , to help , she does some belly

11:23

breaths to help her relax . And she also

11:25

imagines that her legs are

11:27

like solid tree trunks with roots in the ground

11:29

. No , let's

11:31

take this a step further . Why

11:34

does Michelle feel unsafe when

11:36

she journals about this ? Later she

11:38

says that she worried her colleagues would

11:40

think she was dumb . But as she writes

11:42

this , she realizes that this thought doesn't

11:44

make any sense . Her colleagues have always

11:47

given her high marks on innovation and

11:49

outstanding performance . So

11:51

Michelle has evidence to challenge

11:53

the unhelpful thought that her colleagues think

11:55

she's not smart . So she's definitely

11:58

not going to assent to that false

12:00

idea . But let's

12:02

say that she just started the job and

12:05

doesn't have any of those great performance

12:07

reviews yet . Because she's new

12:09

, michelle can still replace her

12:11

unhelpful thought that she thinks

12:13

her colleagues think she's dumb with

12:15

a more useful thought . Like I worked hard on

12:17

this presentation and I know

12:19

my colleagues want to hear this information

12:21

Again . A thought

12:23

and impression exist in Michelle's

12:25

mind that her colleagues think she's dumb , but

12:28

she reflects on this . How true

12:30

is this ? What evidence is there

12:32

? There's not evidence , because they

12:34

don't know her well enough . So she doesn't

12:37

assent to this false impression . Instead

12:39

, she focuses on contributing to her

12:41

team instead of being preoccupied

12:44

with what people think about her . She is applying

12:46

wisdom , a core stoic virtue

12:48

, to her situation , and she

12:50

is exploring the root causes of

12:52

her fears . Michelle knows that

12:54

courage isn't the absence of fear

12:56

, but the willingness to act despite

12:59

it and to seek to understand herself

13:01

better , including her anxieties , her

13:03

triggers , her reactions . Stoicism

13:06

encourages you to embrace your current

13:08

circumstances , no matter how challenging

13:10

they might be . Focus your energy

13:12

on what you can control and accept

13:15

what you can't . You can control

13:17

your response to public speaking anxiety

13:20

, such as your mindset and your willingness

13:22

to confront your fears , but you

13:24

can't control external factors

13:26

like the reactions of other people

13:28

. So you can have influence , you can prepare

13:31

, but ultimately the final control

13:33

is out of your hands . Let's

13:35

really stretch our minds here and imagine

13:37

a version of the story in which

13:39

Michelle starts a new job and

13:42

her colleagues do think she's dumb , or

13:44

their words give her that impression

13:46

. So , while presenting

13:48

in a meeting , michelle's colleague

13:50

Carl says you don't know

13:52

what you're talking about , and Michelle's

13:54

heart starts racing and she thinks this

13:57

is bad . They don't like me . And

13:59

she ascends to this impression and starts

14:01

believing this is bad . And then

14:04

she starts feeling anxiety and

14:06

sadness . But what if Michelle

14:08

had given her time to pause and reflect

14:10

on her situation instead of automatically

14:13

believing the impression ? She'd

14:16

realize that her new colleagues

14:18

don't know her and the comment

14:20

that she perceived as hurtful was made

14:22

out of ignorance and isn't true

14:25

. She would realize that she doesn't

14:27

need to value ignorant statements above

14:29

her own opinion of herself . She

14:32

can let go of the panic that

14:34

this is a bad situation and

14:36

proceed with more calm . She could even

14:38

respond with a joke like tell me how you

14:40

really feel ? Or ask a

14:42

question what gives you that impression

14:45

? She can also consider

14:47

Carl's perspective . Maybe he

14:49

thinks she only got hired because she's

14:51

the CEO's niece and he

14:53

assumes she doesn't deserve her

14:55

job . Maybe he applied for

14:58

it . Maybe his mom is

15:00

on her deathbed . She doesn't know . Michelle

15:03

doesn't need to let people walk all over her

15:05

, but she can engage from a place

15:07

of calm curiosity instead of defensiveness

15:09

. This is how you effectively

15:12

build relationships and lead . Of

15:14

course , this kind of stoic mindfulness

15:16

requires practice . Most of

15:18

us would be angry if somebody said I

15:21

don't think you know what you're talking about in front

15:23

of a bunch of people , and this is because we

15:25

are assenting to the impression that this is

15:27

bad , that our value has been tarnished

15:29

. But this is a thought error . Other

15:32

people's words can't affect your

15:34

character . You are in control

15:36

of the kind of person you are and no

15:38

one can take away your value . Otherwise

15:40

known as arite I love that word

15:42

. That means personal or moral excellence

15:45

. The stoic said that virtue is the

15:47

only good and vice is the only bad

15:49

, meaning that virtue is the only

15:51

thing that is always good , no matter

15:53

what . You can substitute personal excellence

15:56

or value or moral character here

15:58

whatever word you want to use . For

16:01

example , they would say money isn't always

16:03

good because it can be used to fund

16:05

a war targeting civilians . You

16:07

can fill in whatever variable you want

16:10

here , but you , living with

16:12

arite , that is always a good thing

16:14

, living as your best self . So

16:16

is Michelle's situation a bad

16:18

thing ? The Stoics would say that Carl's

16:21

comment was indifferent , meaning

16:23

that his opinion doesn't change

16:25

who Michelle is as a person . It

16:27

doesn't affect her moral character . Of

16:29

course she would prefer that he welcome

16:31

her and treat her kindly how she

16:34

wants to be treated , but this is a preferred

16:36

indifferent . It's not ultimately in

16:38

her control . Furthermore , epictetus

16:41

would say Michelle , why do you want

16:43

to impress Carl so much ? Yesterday

16:45

you were talking about what an idiot he is . So

16:47

why is his opinion so valuable

16:49

and accurate all of a sudden ? Why

16:51

are you chasing the approval of crazy people ? So

16:54

there is a stoic paradox for you . They

16:57

say try to understand people and see the

16:59

world from their point of view , and

17:01

also don't privilege their opinions

17:03

of you above your opinion of yourself , especially

17:06

if these are people you don't respect . Final

17:09

tip if you are like Michelle and you

17:11

know you get nervous in certain situations and

17:14

that's most of us you can

17:16

prepare in advance . The Stoics

17:18

practiced the premeditation of

17:20

adversity . This involved imagining

17:23

obstacles that could come up in specific

17:25

situations and how they would manage

17:27

them , and professional athletes do this today

17:29

. The Stoics were not panicking

17:31

about the bad things that could happen . They

17:34

were calmly contemplating these

17:36

adverse scenarios and how

17:38

they would deal with them . This is very

17:40

different from worrying about the future . The

17:43

Stoics practiced rational thinking

17:45

, knowing that most things that come up

17:47

are indifferent again , meaning they're

17:49

neither objectively good or bad and

17:52

they're not the end of the world . This

17:54

exercise helps you see that the worst case

17:57

scenario is usually not

17:59

as bad as you think , and

18:01

it reminds us that most situations

18:03

are beyond our control , and it's how

18:05

you respond in the moment that's important

18:07

. It's the quality of your character . It's

18:10

who you choose to be . So

18:12

if you blush in a meeting or forget someone's

18:14

name , or someone calls you out in

18:17

a meeting , this isn't a catastrophe

18:19

. Michelle can

18:21

brainstorm all kinds of circumstances

18:23

in advance of her meeting and she

18:26

can think about how she would deal with them , from

18:28

someone shouting a nasty comment , which

18:30

isn't likely to happen , to feeling

18:32

anxiety in her body before a presentation

18:35

, which is highly likely . This mental

18:37

preparation will help you respond

18:39

more calmly and confidently in

18:42

real life situations . To

18:44

sum all this up , when you are faced

18:46

with something you're afraid of , like public speaking

18:49

, remember this is a universal

18:51

human experience . We all

18:53

have fears and insecurities , so

18:56

have compassion for yourself . You

18:59

don't have complete control over

19:01

the initial flutter of nerves or

19:03

how others will perceive you , but

19:05

you do have control over your mindset

19:08

and how you interact in the world

19:10

. You choose the values you

19:12

want to live by If

19:14

you want to speak more confidently in front of a room

19:16

online and in social situations , without

19:19

becoming a sweaty blushing mess with a stress

19:21

headache . Get in touch at sarahmygattelcom

19:24

or click the link in the episode

19:26

notes . It is time to stop letting

19:28

performance anxiety silence you and stress

19:30

you out . You have what it takes to be a calm

19:32

and confident speaker , so let's start

19:35

now , sarahmygattelcom

19:37

. Book a consult . Let's talk about

19:39

your communication goals and how you

19:41

can become the charismatic speaker that you

19:43

want to be . No more playing small

19:45

. It's time to speak up .