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shopify.com/ special offer. You're

1:00

listening to the Impact Theory podcast,

1:02

your source of empowering ideas and

1:04

actionable techniques from the world's highest

1:07

achievers. Join host Tom

1:09

Billew, serial entrepreneur and co-founder of

1:11

the billion dollar brand Quest Nutrition

1:13

on a journey to unlock your

1:15

potential and realize your vision of

1:17

success. Welcome to

1:20

Impact Theory. Hey

1:26

everybody and welcome to another

1:28

stellar edition. I went with

1:30

stellar instead of whatever the

1:32

word is rousing, I guess.

1:34

Rousing, yeah, it's always a rousing edition apparently. A

1:36

edition of Relationship Theory. I am

1:38

your co-host Tom Billew. I am here with Lisa

1:40

Billew, my wife. What's up?

1:43

How are you doing? Good, how are you?

1:45

I'm doing very well, thank you very much.

1:47

I'm feeling much better than last week where

1:49

I could barely talk. That is very good

1:51

news. It is. I'm a bit stuffed up

1:53

this morning, but I don't feel bad. So that's always

1:55

good. Nice. We'll call that a win. We'll

1:58

call that a win. If

2:00

we need to, we'll reference your shirt, which

2:02

you're hiding behind your computer, but nonetheless,

2:05

if you start feeling weak,

2:08

TTF, UBC, everywhere. Oh,

2:10

shit, we have Shonzi in the house. Oh, we got

2:12

a new- Sean, you gotta come say what's up. You

2:14

got a new intern. We got a

2:16

newbie. He's gotta come on.

2:18

He came unprompted, by the way, in his

2:20

Impact Theory shirt, which you have to have mad

2:23

respect for that. Go to respect, come on

2:25

in. So what is up? You have to kinda

2:27

duck down a little. There it is. There

2:29

he is. All

2:31

right. Nice to meet you guys. Good to have

2:33

you, man. Welcome to the team. Thank you for

2:35

yeah. I'm very excited. Thank you. All

2:38

right. Without further ado, there was something you wanted to

2:40

talk about. Yeah, so I actually thought I

2:42

would do something different today. I didn't pull

2:45

any questions. I wanted

2:47

to basically talk about a specific subject. So

2:49

I posted fairly recently on my IG post

2:52

that certain foods,

2:54

basically the keto diet, saved my

2:56

life, no joke, like literally. And

2:59

went into a bit of a story about

3:01

how that happened. And then also on podcast,

3:04

the Shiroic podcast, if you guys aren't subscribed.

3:06

Get up on it. Yeah. Get up

3:08

on it. Please rate and review that. We'd love

3:10

that. Would be really meaningful. Nice. But

3:13

also we did an episode based on food and

3:15

how food can become religion for some people. And

3:18

in that, I went on and described a

3:20

bit of the story about how I've come

3:22

about getting on a ketogenic diet and how

3:24

before I used to be low fat and

3:27

how that is part of my issue. And

3:30

some people have ridden in and basically like, wow,

3:32

I didn't realize how intense that was. Well,

3:34

I think we're gonna have to back up. So what was

3:36

your issue? Okay. What is

3:38

your issue? Okay, so I'll back up. So what happened

3:41

was for the last 15, 20

3:43

years. And you're gonna be

3:45

given this from a relationship perspective, which is why you're bringing

3:47

it up. Exactly. So hang in there,

3:49

everybody. While we catch you up. Exactly.

3:52

So about 15, 20 years ago, I've

3:55

just always had digestive issues. Way back.

3:57

Yeah. Yeah.

4:01

That was good. Sorry. Good

4:03

sound. Thank you. Had really bad

4:05

digestive issues. It got worse and worse over

4:08

the years. I started getting more and more

4:10

sick. So every time I would eat something

4:12

that varied from my regular diet, I would

4:14

just be in agony. I

4:16

wouldn't be able to eat. It would really hurt

4:19

my stomach. And it just got worse and worse

4:21

over time to the point where sometimes my stomach

4:23

would hurt so bad the next day that my

4:25

entire tummy would be completely

4:27

protruded out. I couldn't stand

4:30

for more than five minutes at a time. And

4:33

it was just really for like a day. It

4:35

was always the day after I would have something that

4:37

would upset it. Cut

4:40

to three years ago now, I

4:42

got the stomach bug and

4:45

it completely threw me off all of

4:47

my eating

4:49

completely to the point where

4:51

I couldn't eat. Anytime I would

4:53

eat something, it would go straight through me. I'd be

4:55

in agony. So we started going to the

4:57

doctor. And it started presenting as vomiting. So

5:00

we were packed and ready to go to Vegas. That's

5:02

a really good story. That's the flu, the stomach flu

5:04

itself. But just so people

5:06

can understand chronic and

5:09

acute illness. Everything's

5:12

normal, been struggling with the same thing for 15

5:15

years or so it seems. One

5:17

day you say, I'm not feeling very well.

5:19

You vomit and then all hell breaks loose.

5:22

Right. So that was really the stomach

5:24

flu that then kind of started everything

5:27

where I literally couldn't eat after that.

5:29

So every time I eat even regular

5:31

food that I would normally eat like

5:34

egg, it would just completely wreck

5:36

me. And we didn't know what was

5:38

going on. So we started going to

5:40

the doctors. And by the way,

5:42

so there's something in me pointing out the acute

5:44

thing that you're pushing back on. What

5:46

is it? Because there's a very specific

5:48

reason I bring up that acute moment that

5:51

I want people to understand. So

5:53

the reason I'm bringing up the

5:56

fact that it got acute is

5:58

even though in a moment it may seem

6:00

like, oh, I have a chest infection,

6:02

right? Which you've suffered from chronically. But

6:06

really this is something that had been building for

6:08

a very long time. So even though it presents

6:10

as, oh, I just got sick and oh, I

6:12

think I have this stomach flu, it really is,

6:14

you have a problem that's been building and building

6:17

and building, and then it presents as

6:19

something acute. And I bring this up because

6:21

to really understand and

6:23

to really fix the problem, which is part

6:25

of what people are writing in about, you've

6:28

got to now rewind all the way to

6:30

the problems that you've been introducing to your

6:32

diet microbiome and all that for decades. Right,

6:35

sure. Not to get lost in

6:37

the acute part. But,

6:40

and I think people do, I think they think,

6:42

oh, I had this thing, it's this symptom, but

6:44

in reality it's a far deeper problem. No,

6:47

that's why I gave the whole back story of it being

6:49

a 15, 20 years, it being a problem, and then come

6:51

that stomach flu, I couldn't then, like it used to be

6:54

one day of agony, and then past that, it

6:56

would be fine. But

6:59

this, I couldn't get back on track. And so

7:01

I couldn't eat, my stomach was inflamed all the

7:03

time. We started going to the

7:05

doctors, every doctor I went to, of course, it's

7:08

like, oh yes, it's this problem. So apparently I

7:10

went to an allergy doctor and they told me

7:12

30 different things that I eat daily that I

7:14

was supposedly allergic to. So I cut that out

7:17

of my diet. I then went on to like

7:19

doing the FODMAP, which is you can have eight

7:21

almonds, but the second you have 15

7:24

almonds, it goes into the danger zone. So

7:26

I would look at that map or that thing and just

7:29

go, okay, cool, well, I won't have that many. I won't have

7:31

that many. And then you just, well, even now,

7:33

is it the almonds that I might as well just cut

7:35

them out of my diet. So it started

7:38

accumulating the things that I was cutting out

7:40

of my diet. Took me down to four

7:42

ingredients, literally four things that I

7:44

could eat, which was,

7:46

they told me I was allergic to beef,

7:49

so I cut beef out of my diet.

7:51

So I was eating lamb, pork, salt, and

7:53

coconut oil, and then sometimes put in chicken,

7:55

but it was pretty much four ingredients, all

7:58

home-cooked for over six months. That

8:00

was my breakfast lunch and dinner those four

8:02

items. I would still get really

8:04

bad stomach upsets But I would you know, it was

8:06

at least manageable like

8:09

I could still go to work and So

8:13

that went on for like six months I was getting

8:15

sick all the time going back to like 20

8:18

years ago Like I was just getting sick more

8:20

more more more and

8:22

after a long long stretch I don't

8:24

know how much the condenser down, but

8:26

basically we've started and The

8:29

key I started the keto diet. It

8:32

really changed my digestive system really brought

8:34

the inflammation down in my Digestive

8:36

track and now I'm somewhat able to

8:38

eat it regularly But

8:41

I still have issues right and

8:43

so having told that story on

8:46

the show our podcast and You

8:49

know mentioning in some social posts the

8:52

big thing was Me and you

8:54

as a relationship right and this is why I bring

8:56

it back because it doesn't have to be the situation

8:58

I was in someone's got a partner that might be

9:00

depressed or might be just

9:03

seriously ill like how do you work

9:05

through that because It's

9:08

been a struggle now for it's probably what two

9:10

years now that we've been going through like in

9:12

10 It's getting closer to three now

9:15

Which yeah, and so to even set

9:17

a stage so now we've kind of figured

9:19

out ourselves The microbine is definitely attached to

9:21

my immune system. They wanted to give me

9:23

a immune Globulin

9:26

transfusion. Yeah, so before you

9:28

had figured out gone to

9:31

like R&D Department and Quest and kind of

9:33

cultivated like my own probiotics and

9:35

getting me on the keto diet and

9:39

The last doctor told me I had an

9:41

autoimmune Deficiency and that I

9:43

need you to have a transfusion that you

9:46

don't buy it Tom I need

9:48

to have a transfusion and for six months.

9:50

They were going to literally put this little

9:52

implant in me I was going to plug

9:54

myself in once a week at home for

9:56

you know, was it three hours or something

9:59

as me once? a week and I was

10:01

going to, for six months, have this blood

10:03

transfusion. And you're

10:05

like, that's crazy. What

10:08

else haven't we looked through? That's

10:11

so severe, but we were kind

10:13

of lost at the time. And

10:16

that's where I was about to go.

10:18

In a week before, you just said,

10:20

go on keto, try it, give us

10:23

a month to put you on the straight

10:25

and narrow, and if we can't, then get

10:27

the transfusion. How does this sign the relationships? Well,

10:30

just like, so A, I mean,

10:32

I guess I was going somewhere with it,

10:34

but you never

10:36

gave up, right? You didn't

10:38

just go, okay, yeah, go on this medication and

10:40

that's it. And so the support for me was

10:43

very important. But just

10:45

giving it an example of how long we had

10:47

been dealing with this because my immune system had

10:49

been shot for 15 years. So

10:52

you asked yourself the question when we first,

10:54

when you were about to propose, what question

10:56

did you ask yourself before you proposed to

10:58

me? Is it going

11:00

to be worth dealing with somebody who's sick all the

11:03

time? Because you were sick so

11:05

often and not at the time with stomach

11:07

issues, but I didn't realize that this is

11:09

all connected, but you just used to get

11:11

colds, chest flu, or chest infections all

11:14

the time, all the time, all the time. So I

11:16

used to take antibiotics that killed my

11:18

gut biome. I was having a very

11:20

restricted diet, so I wasn't replenishing the

11:23

gut biome. So okay, so

11:25

now let's get to how that works in

11:27

relationships. I think for

11:29

anyone listening who is with somebody who's

11:32

really struggling with a health issue, with

11:35

something, or whether they're struggling with it, it

11:37

can really take a toll on your relationship.

11:40

I would think that that's probably going back

11:42

to like, if someone was to ask, what

11:44

is the hardest time you guys have ever

11:46

gone through? I would have said dealing with

11:48

my digestive issue because I

11:50

wasn't really eating. So my

11:53

hormones were changing, my moods were changing.

11:55

It was the peak request where you

11:57

would just go, go, go, you were

11:59

traveling. You just went home

12:01

much, you didn't have much spare time,

12:03

let alone time to do things, like

12:05

come to the doctors with me and

12:07

things like that. So what

12:10

do you think I guess was the biggest thing

12:13

that helped us get through that period? Because

12:15

for me, that was definitely the darkest period,

12:17

I think, in my life. Like

12:20

if I don't think I would ever clinically depress,

12:22

but I would definitely say I was down in

12:24

the dumps. Yeah, and I

12:26

wonder if you weren't clinically depressed only because we

12:28

didn't take you to see a doctor to

12:31

say, by the way, you're clinically depressed. The more

12:33

I, so to answer your question, how

12:36

did we make it through or what was the

12:38

biggest thing, commitment, right? So I'm committed to this

12:40

person, like we're in it through thick and thin,

12:42

better or worse. And you've got to

12:44

want that test, like I never

12:47

want to see you go through something hard

12:49

ever, but at the same time, when

12:52

you haven't been tested, what do you really know? So

12:54

you get what you focus on.

12:56

So going through that brutally difficult time, even in

12:58

the midst of it, it's like, okay, well, this

13:00

is where you earn your stripes. And focusing on

13:03

that and saying, okay, I've got a code that

13:05

I live by, and this is

13:07

the person that I've sworn to protect. And

13:09

so I need to do that. And it

13:12

was really hard. And it

13:14

was a gut check,

13:17

I think, for me for sure, because

13:20

I wasn't able to solve the problem.

13:22

And so that was hard emotionally for

13:24

me to deal with. And to know

13:26

that you were going through a depressive

13:29

time, even if you weren't actually depressed

13:31

though, I think it's probably fair to

13:33

say what I know now about the

13:35

gut and how much of the serotonin and other

13:38

neurotransmitters that it produces, and the fact that you

13:40

were producing probably zero, I'm

13:43

going to guess you actually were sort of

13:45

by any reasonable measure depressed. So

13:47

it was like, there's no like positive

13:49

reinforcement of, hey, we're having a great

13:52

time. But you didn't just go in there saying like,

13:54

I've committed to this woman, so I'm going

13:56

to suffer. Like there were definitely things that

13:58

you did within our life. our relationship you

14:01

gave but also stayed strong. Like

14:03

what are the things, right?

14:05

So obviously commitment, sure, but what are

14:07

the even smaller little things that

14:09

you had to deal with and how did

14:11

you handle it? Well, so I'll say

14:15

probably less important to focus on what I

14:17

did and more important to focus on what

14:19

you did. So you had a growth mindset

14:21

through everything which really kept me from going

14:23

crazy. So, and you're

14:25

also really good about recognizing and

14:27

giving a ton of credit for

14:29

no one wants to be around

14:31

the mopey person. So like

14:34

you would really try to do things to be

14:36

responsive. So if I tried to bring a cheery

14:38

mood, like you would respond to it. If

14:41

we talked about, hey, here's probably what we're gonna

14:43

need to do, it's not gonna be easy, you're gonna have to

14:45

change this out of the other, like you did it. If I

14:47

said, hey, like you get

14:49

what you focus on, like you would focus

14:51

on other things. Like because you were so

14:54

responsive, because you didn't wallow, because you weren't

14:56

just begging for sympathy, you

14:58

wanted empathy 100%, but

15:00

you weren't like, just feel sorry for me. Because

15:03

of all of that, I think it was

15:06

plausible for us to like keep pushing and get

15:09

through it. And look, at

15:11

the end of the day, I also have a code that I

15:13

live by. And so it was like, I knew that there was

15:15

gonna be a certain amount of just like, you've gotta pull this

15:17

person back up, like when they're knocked to their knees, they

15:20

may not want you to get down and give

15:22

them sympathy, but at the same time, they do

15:24

need you to pick them back up. And that's

15:26

not a try once and stop, it's like, they're

15:28

gonna resist a little bit. There's gonna be some

15:31

just like fatigue and other things that

15:33

you're gonna have to help them through. And it's gonna

15:35

need to be consistent. And if they reject your first

15:37

attempt, you gotta try again and again and again until

15:39

they do. And I really do in

15:41

that sense feel like I got a very, very easy because

15:44

you were so receptive to things. But, you know, I mean,

15:46

I'm leaning on things like that. I'm leaning on, I know

15:48

I need to get her to focus on something more positive.

15:50

I'm leaning on, I know I need to focus on something

15:52

more positive. There needs to

15:54

be action. So we tried the,

15:57

and to really make sure people understand I'm answering.

16:00

your question, like these are the sort of checklist items

16:02

that I'm going through in my head. That's

16:04

what I was going to say, like I can say from my, because the

16:07

people listening, they may be in my situation or

16:09

in your situation, right? Where like, okay, what do

16:11

you do if you're feeling sick? But what do

16:14

you do when you're on the other side? Like

16:16

what are those check things that you go through?

16:19

I wasn't easy to deal with. I mean, obviously, you

16:21

know, I can talk about my struggle

16:23

and how I had to work on my mindset to

16:25

try and see the positive. But from

16:28

the outside, like it's, you're seeing

16:30

me go through pain. You're seeing me sad.

16:33

You're seeing me depressed. You

16:35

feel somewhat helpless. The hard part,

16:37

like if we're in full confessional, the hard

16:39

part was you being unstable emotionally. I was

16:42

not used to that. Like

16:44

you're normally like just a

16:47

rock. And for years, I really did

16:49

take that for granted and not really

16:51

understanding. And now this is why I tell

16:54

people like, find a woman that edges

16:57

a little on the emotional side

16:59

towards masculine, which is nice. Like there's

17:01

just the stability of consistency, which

17:04

I have long enjoyed. And

17:07

for the first time in our

17:09

life, your moods were wildly unpredictable.

17:11

And so you, you became the

17:13

only like real word is unstable.

17:16

So how did you handle that? What were the things

17:18

you were telling yourself? Understand

17:20

that this is neurochemistry. And

17:23

so we need to figure out what

17:25

the underlying causes to only action matters.

17:27

So like, I need to actually solve this

17:29

problem. So thank God

17:31

for Quest and what they were doing from

17:34

a research and development perspective into the microbiome.

17:36

And so there was like somewhere to go

17:38

to get just like a ton of information.

17:40

And that really laid the foundation for what

17:43

I'm building on now as I really turned

17:45

myself into an expert in the area of

17:47

the microbiome. But so

17:49

knowing that we had to do that, knowing that

17:51

we had to make dramatic changes, being willing to

17:53

push through knowing that like you, so you know

17:55

me, I'm not a fan of patients. I absolutely

17:58

no patients, but I'm willing to go. to

18:00

the wall for a very long period

18:02

of time, for years, decades, a lifetime,

18:04

like whatever it takes to just keep

18:07

going, keep going, keep going. And when

18:09

you do that with absolute,

18:12

absolutely being devoid of patience, so that like

18:15

you're trying to solve the problem right now

18:17

today, but you're willing to do that for

18:19

the long run. Those

18:22

were the things that I was telling myself and I

18:24

just kept owning everything, extreme ownership, right? I kept saying,

18:26

this is my fault. The fact that she's going through

18:29

this is my fault. It's not her fault, it's nobody's

18:31

fault but my own. So I need

18:33

to solve this problem. I need to figure it out

18:35

because then I wasn't blaming you like

18:37

her instability in moods is because I have

18:39

not figured this problem out, right? So, and

18:41

then very thankfully that I have a partner

18:44

in all this, you were saying the same

18:46

thing. So, and there, I mean,

18:48

look, there were so full confessional mode, there were

18:50

times where you were looking

18:52

at me like, hey, motherfucker, you ever gonna solve this?

18:55

And that at times was,

18:58

that was a real check for like how

19:00

much of extreme ownership is a T-shirt

19:03

and how much of it is for real. And

19:06

that's why, you know,

19:09

because it's real for me and it's not a slogan, it's

19:11

not a bumper sticker, it's not a T-shirt that

19:14

three years in and I'm still like stacking knowledge

19:16

on top of knowledge on top of knowledge. And

19:18

I mean, just now, just today, and this is

19:20

true of virtually every day, I spent an

19:23

hour just researching the

19:26

microbiome so that we

19:28

can actually solve this problem. When it

19:30

comes to platforms that will help you

19:32

run a business, there is no shortage

19:35

of options on the market, but if

19:37

you wanna use the best, most advanced

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23:10

We were very honest with each other

23:12

though so it was definitely delicate and

23:15

you know different delicate situation but we

23:17

were always very honest. So like for

23:19

instance I'd never felt

23:21

emotionally unstable before I can normally think

23:24

of my way through things and I

23:26

was feeling emotionally unstable. It was like

23:28

I would I'm not a crier

23:30

and then I remember once I literally just burst into

23:32

tears in your office. You know for

23:34

me it was I wasn't able to E

23:36

I was trying to

23:39

run entire media department. I was

23:41

going to work every single day. I was

23:43

having sometimes I had to swallow camera

23:45

pills and have these. You heard

23:47

that right to swallow a camera.

23:49

Yeah a camera and then I had like

23:51

these patches all over my stomach that was like

23:53

tracking the camera to take photos and I went

23:55

into work with them with all these patches on

23:57

me and I hid it and I didn't obviously.

24:00

tell anybody. And so feeling

24:02

like I don't want to seem weak at work, I still

24:04

need to come in, I still need to crush the job

24:08

and be being seriously weak and then having like

24:10

these weird emotional feelings which I've never had before

24:12

where I'm just like, I'm feeling teary all of

24:15

a sudden I'm just like, you've hurt my feelings.

24:17

You're like, what the hell did I say? Like,

24:19

I think that was tough where things that you

24:21

would say because you're the closest to me, it

24:23

was easy for me to bite back. So if

24:26

you said something that for whatever reason didn't make

24:28

me feel good, totally normal, right? Like not mean

24:30

something to say, but you just said

24:33

something. And it upset me like I'd be like, you

24:35

really upset me. Because I was close to

24:37

you, I could say that and I could act differently.

24:39

I guess you like

24:41

because I know that you're going to forgive

24:44

me, but that doesn't make an excuse. So

24:46

I would literally be like, I'm like this

24:48

babbling, bawling woman now who's sitting in your

24:50

office crying because of whatever reason. And

24:53

that was a trigger for me was like,

24:55

this isn't normally like me. So I can't

24:57

help the way my chemicals are feeling, but

24:59

I know this isn't me. And so what

25:02

can I do to tell myself,

25:05

I need to change the cycle and you

25:07

will always you showed empathy, but you didn't

25:09

show sympathy. And I think that was a

25:11

big deal, because you didn't stop your life. You didn't

25:13

say to me, all right, baby, all consuming, let's do

25:16

this. What do we have to do? Like, you didn't

25:18

do that. You said, look, I've got a company to

25:20

run. And you know, I love you. And then

25:22

you know, I would do anything for you. And I'll

25:24

be there no matter what you need. You just have

25:27

to say the word, but I'm not going to

25:29

come to every single doctor's appointment. I'm not going to

25:31

be there every second that you're feeling pain. So you

25:33

need to articulate to me when

25:35

you need me what it is that I

25:37

need from you. Because you said, I'm not

25:40

a mind reader. And I'm, I'm just

25:42

upsetting you without realizing it. So

25:45

set you up for success. What are the things that

25:47

I'm looking for from you? And then you say whether

25:49

you can do it or not. Versus

25:51

I think a lot of people sit back and think,

25:53

well, they should do this for me. I'm not feeling

25:55

well. And then you get upset and then it spirals

25:58

and now you're just holding on to the. you're

26:00

not holding on to. Wow, I said to

26:02

him, like, I really need him to come to the doctors

26:04

to meet today. And he cleared his schedule and he came.

26:08

So communication with that, I think, as well, was

26:10

a really big deal. But yeah,

26:13

like, I think you, for me, it's

26:15

almost easier to go through the problems

26:17

when it's you. It

26:20

is, in some

26:22

ways, I mean, at the end of the day,

26:24

you are the one truly experiencing the pain and

26:26

the all-consuming and so there's no break. Whereas

26:29

when it's not you, there are breaks, right?

26:31

There are times where you forget about it

26:33

and you get sucked into something else and

26:36

it just sort of takes you out of it for a minute. And so

26:39

at the end of the day, honestly,

26:41

like if everybody's really honest, it's easier

26:44

to be the other person. It's just not

26:46

a scot-free job, right? So- It

26:49

is, but like you almost, you

26:51

are somewhat powerless. You can't just click your fingers

26:53

and solve it. Sure, and I'll

26:55

use an analogy and tell me if this hits it. When

26:58

you have the flu, it's easy to

27:00

fast. When you're just fasting, it's

27:02

harder. Yes, but

27:04

I'd rather be in the position

27:06

of just fasting

27:09

because having the flu sucks.

27:12

I realize that partway through

27:14

being feeling like this and just feeling sick

27:16

all the time, I mean, it's 24 hours

27:18

a day, I was always in pain. It's

27:23

kind of like when other people would be happy

27:25

or you'd be happy or nonchalant, it's like, yeah,

27:27

it's a doctor's appointment. I

27:30

would really get upset because it's like, oh my God, but this

27:32

is a really big deal for me and you're not taking it

27:34

seriously, but to you, it's like I've been to 30 doctor's

27:37

appointments. You can't treat everything with

27:39

the extreme. And me understanding that,

27:41

sorry. I'm

27:44

sorry, you sick? I know, yeah, right? So

27:50

I think you not losing yourself was

27:52

important for me to see. Not

27:54

only that, so if we're talking about what

27:56

are things that I think that I did

27:58

right, emotional stability is. is something I demand

28:01

of myself in no uncertain terms. And

28:04

in all of this, like one thing when you said that you

28:06

wanted to talk about this one thing, I was like, I really

28:08

wanna make a fucking point of saying at the

28:11

end of the day, the reason that

28:13

you have chronic illness or anything like

28:15

that is because you, and this goes

28:17

for everybody, myself, you, anybody, you

28:20

have not made enough demands of yourself, right?

28:22

Like how many people say, oh, I'm struggling

28:24

with this and I'm gonna become the world's

28:27

foremost expert in that thing, essentially

28:29

zero. And until you go

28:31

to that point, until you're willing to say, okay, I

28:34

didn't want to have to learn all of this, but

28:36

I'm gonna have to learn everything. Like I'm gonna go

28:38

in and I'm gonna tell the doctor, like people just

28:40

shut down and to them there's like some sense of,

28:42

well, I didn't go to medical school, so like how

28:44

am I supposed to learn this? You fucking learn it,

28:47

like step by step, you get out there, the number

28:49

of books that are published, you could be reading the

28:51

books that are put in these. Have you even tried

28:53

to reach out to a professor at a medical school

28:55

and say, I'll take you to lunch. It

28:58

is the time to get there as well. It

29:00

wasn't that day one that was how you acted.

29:03

Are you talking about the mindset or

29:05

are you talking about with- The

29:07

actual microbiome itself. That's

29:09

only sort of true. So I was

29:12

pursuing the path of like, what

29:14

do I think will be the easiest and

29:17

the biggest return, right? Doctors, like

29:19

that seemed like, hey, they've spent all

29:21

this time studying it and it really wasn't

29:23

until your illness that I lost absolute

29:25

faith in doctors. Until

29:28

that point, I still had faith that, hey, like

29:31

since then, the more I read and the more I

29:33

learn about it, and it is like, I don't blame

29:35

doctors, I get that the system is working against them,

29:37

but the truth is statistically speaking, doctors

29:39

get this, doctors do not get

29:41

better over time. Yeah,

29:44

I know that's sad. That's crazy. So,

29:46

and they don't get better over time, I

29:48

think, and I'll be generous here, I

29:51

think they don't get better over time

29:53

because they are so inundated the

29:57

system that is not exactly set up

29:59

to... make them successful, the way that everything

30:01

is focused on making them specialize

30:03

instead of, you know,

30:06

really looking at something holistically, the way that

30:08

there's very little money left in it, so

30:10

now you're not attracting the best and the

30:12

brightest, and they're just killing themselves day and

30:15

night just to keep their heads above water.

30:17

When I realized that Heal was a thing,

30:19

Heal apps, amazing by the way, but you

30:21

pay $99 and you

30:23

get a doctor, a real like, they

30:26

try for double board certified doctors.

30:28

For $99 will come to your house.

30:32

But we will have that back then. No, but I'm

30:34

just saying, that's how messed up the system is

30:37

that they can afford to do that, that's

30:39

crazy, and they come them and another person,

30:41

so that's how little money is in a

30:43

practice. So you do all of that, they

30:45

just don't have the time or

30:47

the incentive to continue to progress and

30:50

push themselves and all that. So statistically

30:52

speaking, doctors don't get better over time going through

30:54

this whole process. I learned all of that, but

30:56

I would say I went into the process with

30:58

the right mindset. I was just pursuing ineffective

31:02

avenues. And it must have

31:04

been difficult because I remember like every time, so

31:06

I had so many doctors appointments and it came

31:08

to a point where like, you just couldn't come

31:11

with, you know, like I said, you're running a

31:13

billion dollar company, you can't just up and leave.

31:15

And every time I would go to the doctor, I

31:18

would go there and be like, all right, Lisa, like,

31:20

because I pride myself on being, you know, independent in

31:22

I can take care of myself of, you know, when

31:24

needed and I can handle it, no

31:27

problem. But I would go to the doctor and

31:29

it was a whole new thing where I was

31:31

experiencing like this really emotional thing. So I would

31:33

leave that and not really know what they said to

31:35

me, because I'm going through it emotionally. So

31:37

then I almost started to absent

31:40

mindedly started to hold it against

31:42

you, that you weren't with me,

31:45

right? Because each one of

31:47

those, I was like, I don't know,

31:49

like I just felt lost and even more frantic and

31:51

out of control. And I normally with the projects that

31:53

I do at work and things like I like to

31:55

be in control of things. And so

31:58

I remember having that discussion with you. I'm

32:00

like, yeah, and you weren't then I could like my anger

32:02

kind of came out in what I was saying to you

32:04

Like you weren't even there and I don't know what they'd

32:06

like if you want to know ring them or something And

32:09

that's when we had that really hard conversation Which

32:11

I remember to this day because it was

32:13

so impactful for me because up to

32:15

that point I just wanted you to always be

32:17

there for me And this is

32:20

why like I really want to belabor this point because

32:22

I think if you're going through it and you're in

32:24

my position It's important to hear or

32:26

if in your in your position It's important

32:28

to say like I am NOT going

32:30

through this every single moment like you

32:32

are I love you I I will be

32:35

there for you, but I cannot Literally

32:38

give up my entire life to

32:40

be at every doctor's appointment

32:42

and so how do we make this work without you

32:44

feeling like I'm just letting you down all the time

32:47

because I think that that Was it I would just

32:49

get upset with you a lot and you were like

32:51

like I just feel like I'm letting you down But

32:54

it wasn't like you weren't doing anything So having

32:56

like we had to talk of okay What are

32:58

the things that important to me to make me

33:00

feel like you're supporting me? But

33:02

you didn't go down that dark path with

33:04

me And I think that's so important for

33:07

someone on the outside if they're with someone

33:09

that's sick It's like don't just sit with

33:11

them and feel sorry that with them like

33:14

help pull them out in a really

33:19

Empathetic way But you

33:21

didn't let me just be a total bitch

33:23

basically right and I think that that but

33:25

that was important And then I started to

33:27

flip it and I thought okay if I'm

33:29

going through this like it we are a

33:32

partnership We're a married couple so if I'm

33:34

going through one thing it shouldn't always be

33:36

about me Right like if

33:38

I'm going through this how are you handling this

33:40

you've got a sick wife you pride yourself on

33:42

being the one To figure it out. You know

33:44

you're the alpha of the family What

33:47

are you thinking and feeling going through this and I

33:49

thought you know what just me saying to him you've

33:52

let me down Isn't

33:54

really nice because the truth is part of it

33:56

isn't in your control as much as I know

33:58

you say it's all in your control but that's

34:00

going to internally just violently. That's

34:02

going to take time, right? Like you said, you have to read

34:04

about it. You have to learn about it. And

34:07

so I wasn't making you feel good

34:09

about the situation. Which is a bad

34:11

strategy. Which is a bad strategy. Exactly.

34:13

So I literally had to flip it

34:15

and think, what can I do

34:18

for him today? Well, like I'm in agony,

34:20

but like, God, I've been in agony for

34:22

a year. Like, come on, it's about time

34:24

to, you know, snap out of it. What

34:26

can you do for him? And just almost

34:28

changing that mind frame and going, you know,

34:30

okay, I need him right now. All I have

34:32

to do is say, baby, I really need you

34:35

for this. And then when you're there for me,

34:37

thank you profusely on how much

34:39

that meant to me that you were there

34:41

for me. So we can now start to

34:43

deal with this as a partnership again, instead

34:45

of I'm going through this and you're kind

34:47

of helping me in the background, you

34:49

know, like being there, like in

34:52

the shadows, like let's do this as a

34:54

team. I need you to feel good about

34:56

helping me. I need to snap out

34:58

of it because it may take another year. It may

35:00

take another two years to get

35:02

healthy again. So what am I going to do? Spend

35:04

the next two years in misery. And

35:07

so you always say to me, you get

35:09

what you focus on. And that like was

35:11

the strongest quote thing that

35:13

you could ever give me because

35:15

I remember them saying

35:17

to people like my mom, bless her, who's actually

35:20

here. Watching. She literally set up

35:22

like a stadium seating. She used

35:24

to say to me like she would call

35:26

from England and ask like, how are you?

35:29

How was your tummy? And it would

35:32

frame things in a negative way. She didn't mean

35:34

it. Right. It came from a pure place of

35:36

love. But I'm

35:38

concerned, but I knew that

35:40

bringing that back into my mindset was

35:42

a negative and I had to stay

35:44

strong, stay strong for myself and then

35:47

stay strong within our partnership. It's

35:49

a really interesting point that I want

35:51

to look at for a

35:53

second. So take a kid, kid falls and they

35:56

look to you to see, am

35:58

I crying about this? Am I laughing? If

36:00

off like and of you panic they

36:02

freak out. But I always found it

36:04

so interesting that kids give you that

36:06

moment of. What is this like?

36:08

What's the emotion here and that's

36:10

the same problem with somebody like

36:12

overly worrying about you is in

36:14

that moment they're saying this is

36:16

bad, you should be like super

36:18

concerned. They sit even just like

36:21

let's say. didn't say a word

36:23

and they just made sound the

36:25

sounds like trigger that sense of

36:27

like oh shit this is bad.

36:29

This dark and. There's some part

36:31

of your mind that latches onto that

36:33

so fast. And that's one

36:35

of the reasons that, like. It

36:37

to your point. it's so and

36:39

fact. Eighty

36:42

twenty? right? Beauty and

36:44

rage. Make. Their there's when

36:46

you say I wouldn't allow you to

36:48

be a bitch her which I am

36:50

utterly fascinating to hear how people responding

36:52

to that ah bites he thinks he's

36:54

and are no one hundred percent but

36:56

I have a backstop of snap the

36:58

fuck out of it like I'll put

37:00

it in front up. With.

37:03

A people wonder by the way of bees are like

37:05

just things that we say of this stuff that we

37:07

the bus great story. My.

37:09

Thing is at the end of the day.

37:12

I'm gonna give you the eighty percent of

37:14

beauty first, but if you're essentially like. Running

37:17

out of that and then we click and

37:19

to a point where it's like snap the

37:21

fuck out of it and not on. I'm

37:23

not just making a demand view. I would

37:26

expect you to make their demand of me.

37:28

I will make that demand of myself. so

37:30

I'm certainly not in a push back. I'm

37:32

not being, you know, one sided about it

37:34

or hypocritical. It is absolutely

37:36

what I'm looking for myself as well, but it's

37:38

like eat. They're very much is the backs of

37:40

of look I will bust my ass for you.

37:43

I will. there's a certain number of times or

37:45

you could push me reject me a like just

37:47

be angry and upset and down in the dumps

37:49

and I will totally get it and I will

37:52

keep coming back and trying to pick you up.

37:54

Pick you up Pick you up. But there is

37:56

a point at which my responses knock it off

37:58

snap out of it like. You

38:01

have to, and you, as the

38:04

other person, and this, they can

38:06

forget everything that has been said about me,

38:08

because I'm telling you, my

38:10

side of the equation is not that interesting.

38:13

My side of the equation is not gonna help you much.

38:16

But if you understand what she did, then

38:18

you'll get it. When I said that,

38:20

you snapped out of it. When I said that,

38:22

you did not go, I can't believe what an asshole

38:25

you are. You snapped out of it. That

38:28

moment there is why I

38:30

say in a relationship, selection

38:33

is the most important

38:35

thing ever. Because if in that moment you

38:37

push back and told me that I was

38:39

an asshole, it never works. You've

38:42

gotta hold yourself to a standard. You've gotta pick

38:44

yourself up. At the end of the day, there's

38:46

nothing I can do other than present you

38:48

things like, hey, you get what you focus on.

38:50

But you decide whether you're gonna actually take that

38:53

in. It's like when I tell people, hey, before

38:55

you read a book, say to yourself, I'm open

38:57

to being changed forever and for the better

38:59

by reading this knowledge. I'm actually open to being

39:01

changed. If you're not open to being changed, it's

39:04

totally useless. It's pearls on swine. So

39:07

legitimately, I don't think it

39:09

was my presentation of here

39:12

are actual effective strategies. It

39:14

was only the fact that

39:16

you used those strategies. That's

39:19

what matters. But you weren't afraid to say

39:21

it. And I think that that's where people, they'd

39:24

so wanna be supported if they don't

39:26

necessarily say that because it's gonna hurt

39:28

their feelings. You wanna know why they do that? They

39:31

either don't live by a code or

39:33

they live by a code that doesn't make any sense.

39:35

Yeah. Yeah,

39:37

and we had. Can

39:40

I explain that? So what I mean by

39:42

that is, I

39:44

know that from an effective strategy standpoint,

39:46

it's not an effective strategy for you

39:49

to wallow. It's just not. And

39:51

so even though part of my code is to

39:54

take care of you and to make you feel a

39:56

certain way, part

40:00

of the code is do what works.

40:03

And if something doesn't work, then you have to

40:05

change the strategy. And so that's

40:07

what you're ultimately going to run up

40:09

against is I have those things running

40:11

through my mind, right? Like, is this

40:13

an effective strategy or not? Because if

40:16

it's not an effective strategy, then to

40:18

keep being nice or polite or whatever,

40:20

like it doesn't, it doesn't make sense.

40:22

But most people, they don't go, my

40:24

backstop is, does it work? Right?

40:27

And as long as you don't have a backstop of, Oh,

40:30

this isn't working. And therefore I have to

40:32

change. Like most people, their backstop we're

40:35

in advanced class now, but most

40:38

people, their backstop is self-esteem. And

40:41

the way that they build their self-esteem

40:43

is very fragile and it's based

40:45

on what we'll call traditionally

40:47

egotistical stuff, being right, being smart, that

40:49

kind of stuff. So now

40:51

it's like, well, she didn't take my advice. Right.

40:55

And so that's where he doesn't, he's not being

40:57

nice. He doesn't understand, fuck him. And

41:00

that's where this all like devolves. But

41:02

I think we've, you're right. And

41:05

we have set the stage for that even before I

41:07

got sick. Like let's say we just met and I

41:09

got sick. Like who knows how we would have handled

41:11

it. But the one thing I would have handled

41:14

it exactly the same. But it's true. Right. And

41:16

so then the variable becomes, does the other person

41:19

receive that? Right. Well, this, that's

41:21

what I was going to say we have

41:23

in the past said to each other when

41:25

we're emotionally sober, we've said to each other,

41:27

it's kind of the anorexic syndrome. So take

41:30

anorexic, they look in the mirror, they don't

41:32

see the accurate reflection that

41:34

is in total delusion. If

41:37

when you're emotionally sober and

41:39

you can sit down with your partner and say, we

41:42

understand that humans can get to that

41:44

stage. So I trust you. If I

41:47

ever get to that anorexic quote, unquote

41:49

stage where I can't see what's in

41:51

front of me, obviously not necessarily regarding

41:54

food, but in general, if I'm acting

41:56

a certain way, and my emotions are

41:58

really high, need to trust

42:00

that you're going to point it out, but it

42:02

comes from a loving place and you're doing it

42:05

for the best of me, not for selfish reasons

42:07

for you. And we've said that to each other.

42:10

So that if I ever got somewhere

42:12

like I did emotionally, where I was

42:15

just upset and a mess, you could

42:17

turn around to me and say, you're

42:19

acting crazy, baby, I love

42:21

you, but your emotions have got a

42:23

hold of you. Your chemicals are completely

42:25

in balance. You need to trust me

42:27

that this is the case. Because when

42:29

you're feeling it, when you're feeling upset,

42:31

like you feel completely justified. Like,

42:34

no, it's him. Like your emotions, all your chemicals

42:36

are telling you, you have every right to be

42:38

upset. You have every right to be angry at

42:40

them. You have every right to feel sad. But

42:43

the truth is you need that other person

42:45

that can point out the accuracy. And

42:47

it's, you know, that's what we kind of say with

42:50

the anorexic syndrome. So when you said that to me,

42:52

even though I felt so validated

42:55

feeling upset and feeling neglected and feeling

42:57

emotional, I literally stopped myself in that

43:00

moment and said, I need

43:02

to trust him. Like everything my body and my

43:05

mind is telling me right now isn't

43:07

real. Like it's, it's

43:09

playing a trick on me. And so

43:11

I can keep going down there and I can

43:13

double down or I can go, wow, we made

43:15

a deal when we were when I wasn't feeling

43:18

like this, that you would point out and it

43:20

wouldn't be for your own selfish needs. It would

43:22

be because you really realized this was, this

43:24

wasn't good for me. And that trust has

43:26

to be earned. And that by

43:28

the way, the two ways that it's not

43:31

like we said, Hey, by the way, I'll

43:33

watch out for you getting crazy. It was

43:35

like whenever one of us is emotionally unsober

43:37

for whatever reason, then the other person will

43:39

be there. That

43:42

but earning that trust is

43:44

so critical and making the

43:46

other person on balance feel

43:48

overwhelmingly positive is a huge

43:52

part of this. All

43:54

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investing and there is absolutely no guarantee

46:26

of any kind. Should we

46:29

get to questions? Yeah, Chase

46:32

is slacking me saying

46:35

people are loving this conversation. Interesting. Yeah.

46:39

I'm always surprised. People wanna know what the

46:41

book that you're reading on

46:43

microbiome is. In fact, we're gonna

46:45

flip that on Chase for a minute. This

46:47

kid is exceptional, by the way. I find

46:50

myself relying on him more and more and

46:52

more, which is a great sign, is

46:54

a huge burden on him, but greatness

46:56

will come from that pressure. Have

46:59

we put up the trail of knowledge

47:01

yet? So deep

47:04

and abiding shame on Chase, because

47:06

this is something that we need to get

47:08

up. So once

47:10

Chase starts doing his job, we will

47:13

eternally have something that tells you what

47:15

book I'm reading. That way,

47:18

we don't have to go through this. People can

47:20

go to impacttheory.com and see it. But

47:24

the book that I'm reading right now

47:26

is called The Disease Delusion. And

47:28

the one that I read before that was

47:31

The Human Superorganism. Also, mad

47:33

shout out to this guy named Dr. Ruscio,

47:35

R-U-S-C-I-O. I'm

47:38

just sort of getting into his world, so

47:40

I don't wanna overcommit, but I think he's

47:42

well worth looking into. He's a functional medicine

47:44

guy, which

47:46

has now completely captured my imagination. I

47:49

think it's a terrible name, but

47:52

holistic medicine has been so

47:54

brutalized and bastardized and just

47:57

turned into something horrifying, but

47:59

that's really what it is. It's looking at the body

48:01

as an entire ecosystem, something that works together

48:03

in concert, all these things

48:06

that compete for resources and attention and health

48:08

and all that, and then they come together

48:10

in concert to make either a

48:12

healthy being or a sick being. But

48:15

Dr. Ruscio is very, very interesting, and so I'm diving into

48:17

his role now. And that's even, in

48:19

all the research you're doing, like

48:21

it makes me feel special, right?

48:23

Like you're really doing all this work for me. You

48:26

know, I'm on your mind, shows that you

48:28

care. And

48:31

that's actually one thing that's pushed me to not

48:34

be afraid to try new things with food,

48:36

because over so long, like the amount

48:38

of agony and digestive issues that

48:40

I've had, the pain, I become fearful,

48:43

right? Like, here, eat this, like,

48:45

oh my God, I can't eat that. Like, I

48:47

so remember when it doubled like pepper on

48:49

my food. People are never gonna believe, they'll

48:52

never believe that you're being honest with this story,

48:55

they really won't. But tell it, tell how many-

48:57

The great news is you were there. Oh, I

48:59

know it's real. Even I can't

49:01

believe that it was this dramatic. So I literally, one time

49:03

it was like, this is getting ridiculous, I can only

49:05

eat four ingredients. So when you said salt, by the

49:07

way, I thought, no one thinks like, they're just assuming that

49:09

you have all those other things as well. But

49:12

salt was one of the four things.

49:14

That I could add to the salt. So

49:16

that excludes everything else. I

49:19

could cook it in coconut oil, but

49:21

I couldn't use like the spray pan. Right.

49:25

Yeah, I mean nothing. So I literally went to put a tiny bit

49:28

of pepper. How many

49:30

flecks, like those tiny little black flecks made it on

49:32

to what you ate. Imagine you get a pepper thing,

49:34

you go, choo, choo. Yeah, so would

49:37

we say less than 25? Yeah.

49:40

Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably

49:42

less than 10, if we're honest. And

49:45

what happened? Yeah, I completely doubled over in

49:47

pain. It's so much so like, I could barely

49:49

breathe. You were gonna take me to the doctor.

49:52

I was going to take you to the emergency

49:54

room at like 9 p.m. That's

49:56

like how much pain you were in from. Yeah,

50:01

so because it it

50:03

just kind of becomes ingrained in you right like

50:05

okay I know I can have these things stick

50:07

to salt like thoughts fine, right? The

50:10

the fact that you're doing all this work

50:12

actually makes me go Well, he's like the

50:14

tablets that you just got me the digestive

50:16

enzymes cause I have no idea how that's

50:19

gonna end creatine But

50:21

literally yesterday. I'm like cool. I've got to switch over I've

50:23

got to have three a day and if it works it

50:25

works and if it doesn't it doesn't but I can't be

50:27

fearful and So

50:30

far so good on those right? Yeah But

50:34

one more thing based on this whole thing

50:36

that we've been discussing was Like

50:40

really from the sick person's perspective

50:43

really thinking about the

50:46

what's the phrase Just

50:49

the other person and that they're not there at

50:51

your beck and call just because you made a

50:53

commitment Right, like I had

50:55

to think of you as still being my husband

50:57

who should be happy and what can I do?

51:00

and that made a

51:02

difference just in my own mindset where it's

51:04

like you're so easily focus on yourself and

51:07

Everything that you do because it's such

51:09

intense like intensity in your life that

51:13

Just by switching it and saying, you know, you've

51:15

got a husband You've committed to him to

51:17

like he needs to be happy and what are the

51:19

things you can do for him? And it just like

51:22

takes you out of that selfish mode That

51:25

was really powerful. And then we

51:27

had that talk because obviously, you know being

51:30

a man and you know

51:32

my husband like the the intimacy

51:34

side to actually, you know had

51:37

to Kind of it

51:39

got affected by it and we had to talk

51:41

about that and versus like a really Delicate

51:45

way of saying we had less sex. Is that where you're headed with

51:47

that? It is a very delicate way of saying we

51:49

had less but we spoke about it, right because I

51:51

didn't just want you to think Oh, well, of course.

51:53

I'm in pain. Like how could you be so insensitive

51:55

and My family

52:00

Yeah, like I

52:02

couldn't just be insensitive and say, well, I'm

52:04

in pain so he has to deal with it. Like

52:06

that doesn't make you feel like connected because

52:08

you're going to have an emotional reaction

52:11

on the side. You may not say anything to

52:13

me, but of course you're having less sex. And

52:15

as a guy, it's very important to you to

52:17

feel that intimacy in that way. And obviously

52:19

it was for me too, but when you're in pain, you

52:22

just go, well, God, I'm in pain. Like

52:24

I can't even think about it. But for you, it's

52:26

an actual difference to your life. So

52:28

instead of me taking it for granted, like we spoke

52:31

about it. I want to clear my own throat. Is

52:33

that like tickly throat thing? So

52:37

I think that was really important at

52:39

least. And I don't know if it

52:41

came across like that, but I wanted

52:43

you to feel loved, appreciated. No,

52:46

for sure. For sure. You were

52:48

amazing about that. But I think those

52:50

little things make a difference. It wasn't like, well, you

52:52

have to still have sex even though you're in pain.

52:54

Like it wasn't that. But it was communicating

52:57

that made a big difference. Yeah, no

52:59

question. No question. Look, through

53:01

this whole thing from my perspective, have

53:03

there been little moments where it was

53:06

like rough? Sure.

53:08

But I just cannot stress enough. I

53:11

think what I did was like sort of

53:13

follow a playbook. But I don't want you to

53:15

push it off like that because that's not true. You

53:18

pushed when you had to push. You were there

53:20

for me when you needed to be, but you

53:22

didn't give up your life. And I think that

53:24

that's really important because it gave

53:28

me something to look forward to as well. I

53:32

think if you had just given

53:34

up everything and again, you're kind of

53:36

just wallowing together and that doesn't solve

53:38

anything. Always

53:40

kind of me to dig you out, baby. Yeah. I

53:43

got you. All right. So

53:45

I don't know if we have any questions

53:47

about dealing with health or someone else that's

53:50

getting sick or let's take a look. And

53:55

if you want to keep going on the book

53:57

side of things. I'm one of them. Yeah,

54:02

so I'm utterly fascinated by this.

54:04

And, you know, I really, really

54:06

wish I could give people the

54:08

gift of insatiable curiosity, because

54:11

in doing this, there is so

54:13

much pleasure in

54:16

learning something that has so much

54:18

use. And that's why

54:20

I talk a lot about like, it's

54:23

not enough to acquire skills randomly. You

54:25

need to have, you need to acquire

54:27

skills that have purpose, utility, and

54:29

then you put that utility to the test

54:31

to see if it actually works. So

54:34

like the pan creatine enzymes

54:37

that we've got you on, yeah, I hope it works

54:39

just because I, you know, don't want to see you

54:41

struggle for a second longer than you absolutely have to.

54:45

But if it doesn't work, then I want to know

54:47

immediately so we can get on to trying the next

54:49

thing. But learning

54:51

things that are applicable is

54:54

super, super important to me. And I used to say,

54:56

and this is still true, just for whatever reason I've

54:58

been talking about it much, that

55:00

business really is just the way, the thing

55:03

that I've chosen to see if

55:05

my skills actually have merit or not. But you

55:07

need something, and I think that's one of the

55:09

reasons that people like sports so much, is you

55:12

get to go compete against other people and see

55:14

if what you're learning actually works. And when something

55:16

actually works and people can't outperform it, that's

55:19

an amazing feeling. That's really amazing. And when

55:21

I think about what we're doing with the

55:23

studio, I really have like this growing sense

55:25

of the skills that I've been

55:27

acquiring for the last 20 plus years,

55:30

they're indomitable. Like that's

55:32

how I feel. And when I meet people that are

55:34

in the industry trying to do

55:36

things, I think, I know how to help

55:38

this person. Like I know how to be

55:41

what they need and to leverage

55:43

what they've built, but don't know how

55:45

to like bring to the world to

55:47

really do something incredible. So I am

55:50

very, very excited about that. It's the same

55:52

giddy feeling I get. Like I actually get

55:54

giddy researching the microbiome and I'm like, this

55:56

is gonna work. Like when you feel like

55:58

you're on to like. the thing that, whoa,

56:01

this is actually gonna play out. This makes so

56:03

much sense. And that's how I feel with functional

56:05

medicine. Like they're the only people looking at this

56:08

in a way that just from the physics

56:10

of the problem makes sense. And

56:12

so once I tapped into that vein, that's when it

56:15

really started to get exciting, but you've got to try

56:17

some of the other things. You've got to go to

56:19

all the doctor's appointments. And by the way, like when

56:22

I went to a doctor's appointment, I was trying

56:24

to learn. Like I was listening and

56:26

paying attention and taking notes and then going and looking

56:28

this stuff up and trying to figure out what it

56:30

was. And like doing

56:33

that, instead of going through the motions,

56:35

like actually doing it, it's

56:38

pretty interesting. And what's

56:40

funny is when you go into the doctor's,

56:42

you people, like they got

56:44

defensive because you're asking so many

56:46

questions. Yes, because yeah, you

56:50

can take people to the edge of what they actually

56:52

understand really fast. And people

56:54

don't enjoy that feeling. But

56:57

I felt very protected when you were there. Yeah,

57:00

well, we all know I have issues when

57:02

it comes to me thinking that

57:04

doctors aren't going as far as it should go

57:07

for you. I'm not

57:09

even sure like if

57:12

the strategy is perfect, but

57:14

it's the, so it's

57:16

very hard to make me angry. But

57:19

when I don't think people are taking

57:21

your problem seriously, I fucking, I redlined

57:24

so fast. And so there've been a

57:28

fair, maybe a distressing amount of

57:30

doctors that I've gotten

57:33

very intense with. Did

57:35

you totally? I don't raise my voice. I wanna

57:37

make that clear. But

57:40

wow, I know I feel it click in

57:42

my head when I'm like, this motherfucker is

57:45

not taking this seriously enough. And now we

57:47

have to get intense. And those are the

57:49

things that again, instead

57:51

of focusing on like, oh, I can't believe you didn't ask

57:53

me this morning how I was feeling, right? Like

57:55

the kind of the negative and the positive mindset. So

57:58

because you're, experiencing this day

58:01

in day out every moment you move

58:03

every moment that you eat even cold

58:05

water would cramp my Digestive my stomach

58:07

just to kind of give an idea

58:09

again how like that was even

58:12

cold water So everything I

58:14

was doing it was like why don't

58:16

you ask me? We were you know like focusing on

58:18

the negative like I can't believe he got up and

58:20

he knew I had the bad stomach yesterday didn't do

58:22

anything about it this morning didn't ask me Switching

58:26

that mindset like you gave

58:28

up going out for dinner For

58:31

me right like I couldn't eat

58:33

for six months those ingredients only from

58:35

home And then I was able to

58:37

go out to a restaurant and try eating the

58:40

same things, but just from a

58:42

restaurant All the

58:44

little things that I think that someone can

58:46

do for somebody makes all the difference like

58:48

it doesn't have to be dramatic but In

58:52

fact insane it's a little things almost diminishes how

58:54

intense that that must have been for you But

58:56

did you ever think about that like food and

58:58

stuff like that because you never ate out by

59:01

yourself without me Yeah

59:03

a little bit. I mean that's just like whatever

59:05

so I will

59:07

quote my boy Phil Jackson and say things

59:09

come together things fall apart And so while

59:12

it was a rough time. I just knew

59:14

this doesn't last forever And

59:17

so it seemed like a relatively small thing to

59:19

give up. I love being tested like right now.

59:21

I'm fasting An

59:23

intermittent fast full disclosure. I probably won't make

59:26

it to 24 hours, but I'll be 20

59:29

ish hours by the time I eat and I'm

59:31

I didn't tell myself that I was gonna keep

59:33

fasting to the episode, but I'd like to be

59:35

tested I'd like to push myself a little bit

59:38

and so I have

59:41

trained myself to Appreciate

59:44

a good test when life throws it your way,

59:46

so it's like okay. We're not going out. Okay

59:48

I'm not gonna cheat either if you're not gonna

59:50

cheat. I'm not gonna cheat And

59:52

so they're not even cheat. It was

59:54

just like go out to for regular meal Yeah,

59:57

but in fairness like I didn't go down to

59:59

the foreign So that felt like

1:00:01

extravagant to me. I thought I'm such a

1:00:03

lazy get get as the Brits would say

1:00:05

like I'm I'm not yeah, I didn't go

1:00:07

all the way to that So I actually

1:00:10

even things like that I had a little

1:00:12

bit of guilt over because I'm like I

1:00:14

could really it's like those people I saw

1:00:16

this one guy This is on

1:00:18

reddit His

1:00:21

son had like leukemia or brain tumor must have been

1:00:23

a brain tumor And so we had like this really

1:00:25

brutal scar on the side of his head and the

1:00:27

father shaved his head and got a tattoo Of

1:00:30

the scar so that the kid would

1:00:32

feel like I'm not alone in this I thought

1:00:35

okay full respect and I didn't

1:00:37

go that far But we actually

1:00:39

had to have a discussion because you were so like babe

1:00:42

if you're not eating out I'm not eating out if we're

1:00:44

not doing this then I'm not gonna do it like you

1:00:46

didn't even flinch To

1:00:49

the point where I'm like look it's actually meaningful

1:00:51

to me if you do like we would go

1:00:53

out with the family This is when I could

1:00:55

eventually start to eat out You

1:00:57

the family would have lovely food and pizza

1:00:59

and stuff like that and you're like no

1:01:01

like until you can have it I'm not

1:01:03

I'm not gonna have it either and At

1:01:06

one point I think it was like Christmas or something. I was

1:01:08

like, please like I

1:01:11

feel guilty now You're not having it

1:01:13

and it actually doesn't bring me joy

1:01:15

So as much as you want to

1:01:17

like show that you're there for me

1:01:19

right in this moment Showing

1:01:21

support is actually having it because I feel guilty

1:01:23

and I don't like feeling like that And I

1:01:25

was very honest like this absolutely it's selfish of

1:01:27

me. I feel guilty and I don't want to

1:01:30

feel guilty about it But please

1:01:32

like join in with the family so at

1:01:34

least I can see that happiness in your

1:01:36

face and then in Turn

1:01:38

I get happy from it But that

1:01:40

we had to speak about it because you were just

1:01:42

like so like no not gonna have if you don't

1:01:44

I don't but

1:01:47

that supportive system is so important

1:01:49

and there is

1:01:51

actually one question about Being

1:01:54

around people who are sick. Okay, I'm almost out of

1:01:56

time, but this isn't

1:01:58

Jennifer Walsh or Do

1:02:01

you have advice for how to deal

1:02:03

with the emotions associated with the sickness

1:02:05

of a child? Do you think the

1:02:07

same therapies apply? How do you keep

1:02:09

the balance in your relationship? Yes,

1:02:12

so I do think they all apply.

1:02:15

I think that anybody that goes through that

1:02:17

is just a hardcore

1:02:20

mofo in the extreme, like that

1:02:22

kind of thing, because I know

1:02:24

how hard it would be to

1:02:26

have to like really be

1:02:28

hard and fast, just no more

1:02:30

feeling sorry for yourself, but you absolutely must do

1:02:32

it. And I think that the

1:02:34

people whose kids end up doing the best are

1:02:37

the ones who are like, we're not treating this

1:02:39

child any different than our healthy children.

1:02:41

And I think that is absolutely the

1:02:43

right answer. And I

1:02:46

am moved to the

1:02:48

extreme by people that do things like shave their head and

1:02:50

put the scar on. I think that's amazing. And I would

1:02:52

do that in a heartbeat. But then

1:02:54

at the same time, I'd be like, you don't get to feel

1:02:56

bad. You don't get to feel sorry for yourself. It

1:02:59

is such an ineffective strategy that

1:03:01

you just can't let them. And that like

1:03:03

the amount of heartbreak that must go into that,

1:03:06

because you just want to molly coddle them.

1:03:08

You want to make things easy. You want

1:03:10

to compensate in some way for

1:03:12

what they're going through, but it just like

1:03:14

the mind isn't designed to develop like that.

1:03:16

And so if you molly coddle them, if

1:03:18

you do all of that, they just won't

1:03:21

develop into a well-rounded individual with

1:03:24

self-respect and all of it, they

1:03:26

just won't. They'll become demonstrative. They'll

1:03:28

be like brats. And

1:03:31

it's just true. And even if they don't

1:03:33

like, let's really go hard. Like

1:03:35

even if they are just, they're going to die

1:03:37

young. We just don't have a solution for it.

1:03:39

I think even in that, you have

1:03:41

to be like, gonna

1:03:43

treat you like a normal kid. I'm gonna make you

1:03:45

feel good. I'm gonna hold you responsible. Like you want

1:03:47

them just like you should with a normal healthy child.

1:03:50

You should want them to have a wonderful life, but

1:03:52

a wonderful life. Part of that is discipline. Part of

1:03:54

that is becoming someone that you can be proud of,

1:03:56

even if you only have a couple of years to

1:03:58

be proud of yourself. It's

1:04:00

all still real Like

1:04:03

my mom was super disciplinary with

1:04:06

me But I always felt loved

1:04:08

and having those confines actually made

1:04:10

me feel safe So

1:04:12

I think yeah, I think you have

1:04:14

to brutally difficult of nothing but empathy

1:04:16

but and I would make sure

1:04:18

that mean you were on the same Page

1:04:20

about how to deal with that child for

1:04:23

sure. That goes Sick

1:04:26

healthy and everything in between but

1:04:29

that could be tough Right where one mother

1:04:31

or one parent probably the mother wants to

1:04:33

Molly coddle be super nurturing over the top

1:04:35

No, don't make them do this and then

1:04:37

right you've potentially got the partner who's pushing

1:04:40

in the other direction Yep

1:04:44

Gotta be on the same page. Oh, wow. There's

1:04:46

a you know, I talk about something that creates

1:04:48

problems Yeah All

1:04:51

right, that's out of time Alright

1:04:54

guys, thank you so much for joining us for

1:04:56

this very weird

1:04:58

and hopefully wonderful diatribe

1:05:02

on Relationships and illness and what

1:05:04

that battle looks like Hopefully

1:05:07

that is really helpful to some of you. I'm

1:05:09

sure there are many many people out there They're

1:05:12

going through something similar especially with the

1:05:14

rise and chronic illness that we're facing

1:05:16

But that's a whole nother thing that

1:05:18

we could do a whole show about

1:05:22

If you haven't already be sure to subscribe this

1:05:24

is a weekly show and until next time

1:05:26

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1:05:30

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1:05:50

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1:05:53

And until next time my friends be legendary.

1:05:55

Take care