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treat, cure, or prevent any disease. You're

1:02

listening to Impact Theory. Impact Theory.

1:04

Impact Theory. Impact Theory.

1:06

Impact, baby. Hey everyone. Welcome to Impact

1:08

Theory. Today's guest is Impact Theory's first

1:10

ever 3-peat for a full blown breakdown

1:13

of her obscenely long list of awe-inspiring

1:15

accomplishments, which you can go back and

1:17

watch either of our previous two encounters

1:19

and get that entire laundry list. For

1:22

now, I'll just say this. She

1:24

is a hardworking Jersey girl with the

1:26

kind of insights you can live your

1:29

life by. And in

1:31

her book, Everything is Figureoutable, she

1:33

turned those insights into an instruction

1:35

manual for an amazing life.

1:37

And that is exactly what we're going to be

1:39

diving into today. So without further ado,

1:41

I give you the one

1:44

and I assure you only, Marie

1:46

Forleo. Hello. It

1:50

is so good to have you back. Oh my

1:52

goodness. It's amazing to be back. Hi

1:54

everybody. Your book is Rad. And

1:59

my whole thing is... is can you take someone's

2:01

advice, use it as is, and actually

2:03

make your life better? And your book

2:05

delivers that in spades. And I think

2:07

probably comes the closest to like what

2:09

I really feel is just

2:11

the core truth of life. And

2:14

you sum it up in such a fun way. And

2:17

I love the story. So that we

2:20

get a little bit of framework. I want people

2:22

to understand what does it mean for everything to

2:24

be figure-outable and where did you come up with

2:26

that phrase? So it was

2:28

kind of interesting when we were creating

2:31

the book and started selling it actually

2:33

into foreign markets. They're like, well, how

2:35

are we gonna define this word? Everything

2:37

is figure-outable because it doesn't translate into

2:40

other languages. And I was like, okay,

2:42

it is achievable. It means that something

2:44

is possible. We started playing with all

2:46

these words, but I think to

2:49

answer the second question of how this phrase

2:51

came about, taking it back to

2:53

Jersey, taking it back to the 80s and

2:56

taking it back to my mom

2:59

who is like this interesting

3:01

character. So she's about

3:03

five three. She looks like

3:05

June Cleaver and she curses like a

3:07

truck driver. She

3:09

grew up in the projects of Newark,

3:12

New Jersey to two alcoholic parents. And

3:14

she learned by necessity how to stretch a

3:16

dollar bill around the block like five times.

3:19

And she promised herself that when she got older

3:21

she would find a way to a better life.

3:24

So cut to me growing up

3:26

in this Italian American home, there's

3:29

like plastic covered couches, very working

3:31

class. And one of my

3:33

fondest memories was me and my mom sitting

3:35

at the kitchen table and cutting out coupons.

3:38

So because frugality is her number one thing

3:40

in life, she loved teaching

3:42

me all the different ways that we could save

3:44

money. And she also

3:46

introduced me to this idea of proofs

3:48

of purchase. Do you remember those? Yes.

3:51

So if you like save up the fact

3:53

that you bought X amount of

3:55

boxes of cereal or whatever and you mailed in this

3:57

little piece of the box that these brands would send

3:59

you. you like a cookbook or utensils,

4:02

like good stuff for free. And

4:04

one of my mom's most prized possessions

4:07

was this tiny little orange radio, like

4:09

Transistor AM FM. It had a little

4:11

red and white straw sticking out of

4:14

the side. That was the antenna. And

4:16

she got it for free from Tropicana orange

4:19

juice. And my mom is the kind

4:21

of person who's always busy, always doing something.

4:23

And so as a kid, I knew

4:25

the way to find her was to listen for

4:27

the sound of that tiny little radio coming like

4:30

somewhere from the yard or in the house. So

4:32

like one day I was walking home from school and

4:35

I heard the radio off in the distance. And

4:37

as I got closer, it was coming from above,

4:39

which was a strange kind of orientation. And I

4:41

look up and we had a two

4:43

story house and my mom, who's tiny, is perched

4:45

on the top of the two story house, like

4:47

very precariously. And when you're little and you're short,

4:50

it's just everything is amplified. And I was like,

4:52

mom, I was like, is everybody okay? Like what

4:54

are you doing out there? And

4:56

in her very Jersey accent, she's like, re

4:59

I'm fine. You know, the roof had a leak in

5:01

it. I called the roofer. He said it's going to

5:03

be at least 500 bucks. I

5:05

said, screw that. I went into the garage, there

5:07

was extra asphalt, I'm going to fix it. And

5:10

I was just like, okay, you

5:12

know, that's mom. Another time I came

5:14

home and I heard the radio like blaring from the

5:17

back of the house. So I walked in the back

5:19

of the house and I saw the bathroom. It's like

5:21

the door was cracked open. And as I push

5:23

the door open, the whole room was filled with

5:25

dust particles. There's like pipe sticking out of the

5:27

wall. It looked like a bomb went off. I'm

5:30

like, mom, what are you doing? Like, is everything

5:32

okay? And she said, you know,

5:34

the tiles had cracks in them. And I

5:36

didn't want the bathroom to get moldy. So

5:39

I'm retiling the bathroom. Now,

5:41

Tom, you got to get this again is the 1980s.

5:44

My mom is high school educated.

5:46

This was pre internet, pre YouTube,

5:48

pre Google. I

5:50

never knew like where I would find my mom or

5:52

what I'd find her doing. But that radio was always

5:55

my clue. So one day it was in the

5:57

fall and in New Jersey, you know, the daylight savings

5:59

had already passed. It was dark and

6:01

it was spooky and I went home and it

6:04

was Totally silent and

6:06

the house was dark, which is very odd for

6:08

my family so I walk in

6:10

and I had that pit in my stomach that you

6:12

have when You're nervous that

6:15

something's wrong and I start

6:17

walking around the house and

6:19

I didn't know Where my mom

6:21

was and I felt like something

6:23

bad had happened Then all of

6:25

a sudden I heard these tiny clicks and

6:27

clacks and I followed this down to the kitchen

6:30

And I saw my mom hunched over

6:32

the kitchen table. It was like an

6:35

operating room She had like electrical tape

6:37

and screwdrivers and in a dozen or

6:39

so little pieces her Tropicana orange was

6:42

completely dismantled I was like

6:44

mom. That's your little radio. What happened? Are you

6:46

okay? Is it broken and she said

6:48

oh, it's fine you know the antenna was

6:50

off and the dial was not

6:52

working right, so I'm fixing it and And

6:55

that was the first time I thought to

6:57

ask the question that I really needed to

7:00

ask all along which was How

7:02

do you know how to do so many

7:04

different things that you've never done before yet?

7:07

No one's showing you how to do them and

7:10

she like put down her screwdriver And she cocked her

7:12

head and she looked at me and she's like, what

7:14

are you talking about? It's not that big of a

7:16

deal Nothing in life is

7:18

that complicated You can do anything you

7:20

set your mind to if you roll up your sleeves you

7:23

get in there and you do it Everything

7:25

is figure outable and I

7:27

was like Like

7:30

just in that moment and I will tell you

7:32

this I don't know Tom for sure Whether

7:35

she said those three words or that's

7:37

what my childhood brain heard and translated

7:39

because you know how we do that

7:41

kind of thing But

7:43

that phrase got embedded in my soul on

7:45

such a deep level and I just said

7:48

it over and over again And then I

7:50

realized as I became

7:52

an adult. It's been the single biggest driving force

7:55

of my life like from You

7:57

know continuing to get rejected on

7:59

like sports teams and cheerleading and going

8:01

again and again and like getting out of

8:04

an abusive relationship when I was like my

8:06

first love to Like getting

8:08

into classes in college to getting

8:10

every part-time job I've ever gotten

8:13

every full-time job I've ever gotten

8:15

getting out of relationships into relationships

8:17

Building the entire business like I

8:19

still use that phrase Every

8:22

single day and so I

8:25

knew I needed to write this book, but I

8:27

think more importantly right now When

8:29

we look around at what's happening economically

8:33

environmentally socially

8:35

politically we've got

8:37

a lot of challenges that we're

8:40

collectively facing and my biggest hope

8:42

was that if people pick up this book of

8:44

course I Want them to use it to? Help

8:47

them build a better career or get their

8:49

health back online or anything that is challenging

8:52

for them personally But honestly, I

8:54

really really hope that once people unlock

8:56

that possibility within themselves that people pick

8:58

up this book and say You know

9:00

what? There's bigger problems that we can

9:02

figure out and we need to do

9:04

this together This

9:06

is always risky because I could be misreading but you

9:08

look like you're getting emotional from telling that story. I

9:11

Mean, I believe in this

9:14

so much like my friend Toby who

9:16

runs a company called Shopify. I Was

9:19

writing the manuscript? Like

9:22

writing. Okay, let's be real. I was like

9:24

bleeding like I can't write that like, you

9:27

know Just trying to pound out on my

9:29

keyboard. I am NOT an easy like everything

9:31

flows kind of writer It's very torturous. Um

9:34

for me and I was trying

9:36

really hard to write the manuscript. I saw my friend

9:38

Toby. We said hi He's like Murray house the business

9:40

what's going on? What's happening in your life? And I

9:42

said everything is great and I'm working on this manuscript

9:44

and he's like, why are you doing a

9:46

book? He's like that's so much work

9:48

and that's such a huge commitment and everything else

9:50

seems to be going great It's not like you

9:52

need to write a book and I

9:54

said Toby if I got

9:56

hit by a bus tomorrow, which could happen I don't

9:59

want it to happen and I hope I'm around

10:01

for a very long time. But if I got

10:03

hit by a bus tomorrow, this is the one

10:05

idea that I would want to leave behind. That's

10:07

it. Everything else I've done,

10:09

that's awesome. It's beautiful, I'm proud of

10:11

it. But if I

10:13

can communicate this idea effectively and give

10:15

people the gift that I was able

10:17

to receive from my mom growing up,

10:21

like I could go

10:23

on to the next adventure feeling very

10:25

satisfied. And

10:28

that thing in what you just said about

10:30

it being in an idea

10:32

that's worth telling and that could really

10:34

last beyond you, it comes out in

10:37

the book so well. And

10:39

one thing that I loved in the book is

10:41

how you essentially use font to shout. Everything

10:44

is figureoutable. Everything is figureoutable. And

10:47

I thought that it's

10:49

really so powerful and so many people are

10:51

paralyzed because they don't think it's figureoutable. I

10:54

think it's figureoutable by Marie Forleo, but it's

10:56

not figureoutable by me. How

10:58

do you help people have that breakthrough

11:00

to really understand? And part of what I

11:02

love from that story, and I really want

11:05

to believe your mom actually said those words.

11:07

I do too. Because it makes her seem

11:09

so just earthy and the person that you

11:11

knew growing up. I mean, that's

11:14

her. She still is that character

11:16

and sometimes the text messages I get, like

11:18

the all caps and the expletives. But to

11:20

your question, how do we get, I mean,

11:23

the whole book is designed to help people.

11:25

Like I'm doing everything in my power to

11:27

get them to adopt this belief. And we

11:30

talk about try it before you deny it.

11:35

There are of course challenges

11:37

that every single human being faces.

11:39

And I don't pretend to know

11:41

the history or the hardships

11:43

of every single person watching this interview right now.

11:46

But what I do know is this,

11:49

that every single person watching or listening

11:51

to this has immense power inside, has

11:53

incredible talents and gifts, has incredible capabilities

11:56

that they don't even know exist right

11:58

now. And I know. that

12:00

if they're just willing to try on this

12:02

idea, just again, try it before you deny

12:04

it. Don't believe me, just try it out

12:06

for yourself, that they

12:09

can overcome any hardship,

12:12

any challenge they face and create miracles

12:14

in their lives and in the lives

12:16

of people around them. I'm certain of

12:18

it. Like we have dozens, I think

12:20

maybe you read them, dozens and dozens

12:22

of stories in the book from people

12:24

who I have never coached, I've

12:27

never met, I've never worked with,

12:29

and their stories bring me to

12:31

my knees because they're facing really

12:34

hard truths, terminal

12:36

illness, death, loss,

12:38

grief, addiction, and have

12:40

used these three little

12:42

words to lift themselves

12:44

up and to find a way to get

12:46

back on their feet. Your

12:49

mom actually has maybe the most powerful

12:52

moment for me, the one that I felt the most

12:54

viscerally and maybe because of the way you wrote it,

12:56

I don't know, but like when

12:59

you come home and she's just

13:01

freaking out over the

13:04

divorce, walk

13:06

us through that moment. I have the chills now just

13:08

thinking about it and I just read it. So

13:11

our beliefs are often

13:13

forged, I believe, when

13:17

we have these intense emotional experiences

13:19

and oftentimes this happen in

13:21

our childhood. They certainly happen in

13:23

our adulthood as well, but I think a lot

13:25

of us really form our ideas about how the

13:28

world works and our place in it and where

13:30

everyone else's place is and how we fit into

13:32

the structure when we're kids. And so my parents

13:34

were going through a divorce and the one thing

13:37

was really clear. It wasn't about drugs

13:39

or alcohol, it wasn't about infidelity,

13:41

it wasn't about violence

13:43

of any kind, it was always about money, money,

13:46

money, money, money, money. There not being enough

13:48

of it. My mom feeling like she never

13:50

knew if everything was okay, the

13:52

fact that she felt powerless, like she didn't

13:55

have any control over it. The

13:57

list goes on and on. And so when they

13:59

finally got a divorce. I remember the day that

14:01

it was finalized and I just walked into

14:03

the kitchen and my mom was sobbing and

14:05

like she's a tiny woman, but she had

14:07

lost, I don't know, 15, 20 pounds. It's

14:10

made her look like a skeleton. Her eyes

14:12

were bloodshed and she was on the phone

14:14

with her mother who was in Florida at

14:17

the time and she was just beside herself

14:19

crying, bawling, saying, I have nothing. I have

14:21

nothing. I have nothing. I can't believe I

14:23

was so stupid. Like, I mean, it was

14:26

just this whole thing. I

14:28

just stood there as probably like

14:30

around eight or so just feeling paralyzed

14:32

because I really love my dad. All

14:35

I wanted to do is get my mom to stop crying, like

14:37

trying to figure out how to make sense of all this. Just

14:40

everything felt unstable, which I think most people have

14:42

some kind of experience like that from childhood. And

14:45

my mom hung up the phone and she

14:47

still had tears running down her face and her

14:50

hands were like really red and you could just

14:52

see the veins. And she bent down

14:54

so that her eye level was near mine and she

14:56

took me by the shoulders and she shook me and

14:59

she said, Rhee, don't be

15:01

stupid like I was. Don't ever, ever let

15:03

a man control your money. Don't ever, ever

15:05

let a man control your life. You need

15:07

to grow up. You need to be independent.

15:09

Don't be stupid like me. Look at me.

15:12

Look at me right now. Don't ever be me.

15:15

And I was just like, you know, just

15:18

no freaking clue how to process all that.

15:21

Right? This part of

15:23

me inside made a

15:26

promise to myself in that

15:28

moment that somehow I was going to find

15:30

a way as an adult to make enough

15:32

money so that the lack of

15:34

it would never cause this kind of pain again. Because

15:36

I knew my dad was a good guy. I knew

15:38

my mom was a good guy. But

15:41

I just had this equation that

15:43

the lack of money

15:45

equaled extraordinary stress and the loss of

15:47

love and family that giving

15:49

a man control over your money meant

15:51

being stupid, that giving anyone

15:53

power over your life was just a

15:56

whole bunch of bad things

15:58

were going to happen. That

16:00

belief formed really early in me.

16:02

And to be honest, I

16:04

think it's the reason that big

16:07

reason of who I am today and

16:09

what has driven me to be

16:11

here and to also place

16:13

such a high value on helping

16:16

women be financially empowered because

16:18

the statistics are, you know, it's pretty

16:20

sad. And I've seen it even in

16:22

my career when a woman doesn't feel

16:24

like she has any choices because economically

16:27

she doesn't. It's

16:29

just it breaks my heart. Yeah,

16:31

hearing that story and knowing how

16:33

beliefs are formed. It was

16:35

really powerful in the book. And I'm

16:37

really freaked out in life just how much

16:39

your youth matters. Yes. Because I really want

16:42

it to be true. It is sadly not,

16:44

but I really want it to be true

16:46

that we're all blank slates and you know

16:48

that we can become anything we want. But

16:50

childhood has a disproportionate amount of imprinting, especially

16:53

when it comes to belief systems. Your book

16:55

is full of just a ridiculous litany of

16:57

amazing quotes, both from you and other people.

16:59

And you had a quote about this. And

17:02

he said, beliefs are the hidden scripts that

17:04

run our lives. And that's

17:06

one of those if you could get

17:09

people to really internalize the fact that

17:11

right now, your whole life is being

17:14

dictated by the beliefs that you have. Yes.

17:16

How do you help people unwind those beliefs?

17:18

How do you help them replace them with

17:20

more powerful beliefs? Because that is

17:22

like a layer of the operating system

17:25

that is so wildly underappreciated that that's

17:27

almost always where I start with people.

17:29

Yeah, it has to be. I think for

17:31

all of us, I think the first thing

17:33

for us to go to is that recognizing

17:35

that beliefs are a choice and every choice

17:37

can be changed. Yes. So beliefs

17:40

are a choice and every choice can be changed.

17:42

Do people react like you're crazy when you

17:44

say that? You know, I haven't floated

17:46

that out enough in a big enough audience to

17:48

see people like, I don't

17:50

believe it. I'm dying to know how

17:52

people respond to this. Let's see. Because

17:54

I really think people think that beliefs

17:56

are recognition of truth and

17:58

that to try to change your beliefs is to try

18:00

to deny the truth in someone. Well, I mean,

18:03

for anyone watching who ever believed in Santa Claus,

18:06

right? Like you believed things, I'm certain that

18:08

I know I have, like you believed things

18:10

when you were younger, even if you weren't

18:12

a child, if you were a teenager or

18:14

you were a young adult that now experience

18:17

or wisdom or something has shown you, you

18:20

know, that's not actually the truth. Anyway,

18:22

my point is this, we collectively have

18:25

believed things both individually and as a society

18:27

over time that we've changed our beliefs. So

18:29

I think that that is proof positive that

18:31

our beliefs are a choice and those choices

18:33

can indeed be changed. You know, obviously there

18:36

is the phenomenon known as confirmation bias, which

18:38

is the brains, just it

18:41

tends to reinforce what we already

18:43

believe and then ignore information consciously

18:45

or subconsciously that doesn't match

18:48

what we already believe, which is

18:50

often why whenever we're having conversations

18:52

about really delicate topics, like

18:54

it could be about gun control

18:56

or reproductive rights or race, and they

18:58

just evolved so fast because people hunker

19:01

down in their belief bunkers and they're

19:03

unwilling to see another point of view.

19:06

But I do hold fast to the fact that all beliefs

19:08

are a choice and choices can be changed. And here's what

19:10

else is cool. You know

19:12

this because you're so immersed in the world

19:14

of personal development. You're someone who is so

19:16

committed to learning and growth. Over

19:19

the years, I've read more personal development books

19:21

than you can like just shake a tree

19:23

at. And oftentimes

19:25

part of the exercise is like you have to

19:27

go hunt down all of your limiting beliefs, right?

19:30

So if you want to become this powerful person

19:32

and be the best that you can be, you

19:34

need to find every single limiting belief and then

19:36

change it and do all these different things. Here's

19:38

what I realized when writing this book, you actually

19:40

don't need to do that. I

19:42

have a time saving tool because everybody needs

19:45

to save some time and to make this

19:47

really effective and efficient. If you adopt the

19:49

belief that everything is figureoutable and you take

19:51

that on for yourself, you don't

19:53

need to go hunt and down all your limiting

19:55

beliefs because that one thing is like the master

19:57

key that handles everything below it. like

20:00

slipping a switch in your consciousness where then

20:02

everything else becomes possible. So let's say if

20:04

you're like, oh, everything is figure outable, you

20:06

bump bumped into something in your relationship that

20:09

feels like it's problematic. You're like, oh, I

20:11

could figure this out. You don't need to

20:13

go necessarily looking for all those limiting beliefs.

20:15

You may eventually uncover them. And that's cool.

20:17

You can kind of clean them out. But

20:19

you don't have to do all this front

20:22

end work. Adopt this one. It's like the

20:24

master key. And it'll help you achieve anything

20:26

you want for the rest of your life.

20:28

This is not like hype.

20:30

I'm dead serious on this. Oh,

20:33

dude, I am I'm a psychopath for the truth

20:35

of that state. So for real, like this is

20:37

this is what I call the only belief that

20:39

matters. So when people come to me and they're

20:41

struggling with something or whatever, I always

20:44

start with the same thing. There's one belief that

20:46

matters. And if you're willing to take this on

20:48

every other domino falls from here. And if you

20:51

don't believe this, and we're in trouble, very similar,

20:53

which is that the human animal is designed to

20:55

learn and grow, meaning you can get better at

20:57

anything, which is another way of saying everything is

21:00

figure outable. You can learn this stuff. Yeah. So

21:02

yes, I get it. You don't know

21:04

it now. I agree. You right now

21:06

today, you're incapable. Yes. You're

21:08

in the moment where the radio is broken, you

21:10

haven't yet opened it. You're not yet trying to

21:12

figure out like what pieces need to go where

21:15

you haven't done the experimentation. So I fully accept

21:17

that right now you're incapable. But if you believe

21:19

that you can learn, then it all

21:21

goes from there, then it's about you can decide I don't

21:23

want to put the energy in which of course you cover

21:25

in the book. Oh, yeah, we should talk about the

21:27

three rules because these are really good. When I first

21:30

started writing this book, I floated the idea out to

21:32

my friend who has an eight year old boy, we're

21:34

sending out brunch and he's like, What are you writing

21:36

your book about? And I said, I just everything is

21:38

figure outable. He's like, I don't believe that. I was

21:41

like, perfect. That's what I said. Like, this is

21:43

great. Tell me more. And he's like, Well, we

21:46

humans can't grow working wings out of

21:48

our back. And I was like,

21:50

you damn right. I was like, but you

21:52

know what, we can indeed fly. And he

21:54

was like, Oh, and he was like, but

21:56

you know, I can't get my child to

21:58

dog back. He's dead. And he died when

22:00

I was three and I was like this kids in

22:02

10. Yeah. No, I like it man I'm like bring

22:05

it prove my book like holy I

22:07

said bring it to me. We're like eating our french

22:09

fries together I'm dipping in that ketchup. I'm like bring

22:11

it brother. And I said you are

22:13

absolutely right. I said however Dog

22:16

cloning is happening and they are working

22:18

on cryogenic So it may not be

22:20

figure outable right now But

22:23

that does not preclude it from being

22:25

figure outable at some point a couple

22:27

hundred years ago We thought it would be

22:29

preposterous to be on the moon walking, right?

22:31

If you said that and yet we did

22:33

it so there are many things that Perhaps

22:36

we have not put our attention on quite

22:38

yet to figure out but doesn't mean it's

22:40

not possible So after my amazing

22:42

talk with my eight-year-old friend at brunch, I

22:45

created three rules To

22:47

help all of us have a mental container

22:49

so we can do less kind of devil's

22:51

advocate and more Just use this friggin idea

22:53

to help yourself and others like can we

22:55

just focus there? So rule

22:57

number one all problems

22:59

or dreams are figure outable rule

23:02

number two if a

23:04

problem Isn't figure outable. It's

23:06

not a problem. It's effective life ie

23:09

death Gravity

23:12

laws of nature now we can play around in there for a minute,

23:14

but you don't even have to write if we could change those Rule

23:17

number three you may not care

23:19

enough to solve this

23:21

particular problem or reach that

23:23

particular dream And that's okay.

23:25

Don't beat yourself up Go

23:27

find something that you're so friggin passionate about that

23:30

you can't help yourself but just attack it and

23:32

then go back to rule one and Those

23:35

three simple rules create a fun

23:37

mental container Within which

23:39

you can play and then just go

23:42

and start having fun with making your

23:44

life immeasurably better My

23:46

response to that because so it's cute and

23:48

funny when it's an eight-year-old heckler But

23:51

when they get to be like 48 and

23:53

they're coming at you with the well, but this

23:55

is impossible. That's not possible I'm like, all right.

23:57

Hold on. Yeah, don't you hope I'm right? Don't

24:00

you hope I'm right that you can learn

24:02

and grow and figure this shit out? What

24:05

exactly are you arguing for? That's

24:08

somebody who's built their entire identity and sense

24:10

of self worth around being right. And when

24:12

they can identify something where you're wrong, they

24:14

get so much orgiastic pleasure off of ha

24:17

ha ha, like I have you on this

24:19

one. And I'm like, ah. Well,

24:21

it's the old adage. If you argue for your limitations,

24:23

guess what, you get to keep them. And

24:26

in terms of this book, what

24:29

you're talking about, if

24:31

you want to just make the case,

24:33

like this isn't gonna work, well, congratulations.

24:35

Have fun with your life, but nothing

24:37

else will work either. Yeah, that's

24:40

me. I

24:42

won't say I've never understood it because I used to

24:44

be exactly like that. But once you get to the

24:46

other side of really internalizing it. Yeah, what changed

24:48

for you? I'm curious, because you might be giving

24:51

a lifeline to someone listening right now, to people

24:53

like they hate both of us. I believe that, you ready?

24:55

No, please. So it was, once

24:57

you get into business, the

25:00

marketplace is telling you whether you're winning or

25:02

losing, and the binary nature. And when your

25:05

house is on the line, like shit gets

25:07

real clear real fast. Like all of a

25:09

sudden, you don't care about being right. You

25:11

just don't wanna lose your house. You don't

25:13

wanna be standing in front of your wife

25:15

going, hey, remember when I asked you to

25:17

gamble the house? We lost. Like there's so

25:19

much fucking clarity in that. So yeah, that

25:22

being an entrepreneur is like this really powerful

25:24

thing for people who can stomach the risk

25:26

and all that. But there's just so much

25:28

binary clarity, and you're so hungry to, if

25:31

you're me anyway, I just wanna win, right?

25:33

And because I believe in what I'm creating

25:35

that it will really help people, then I'm

25:37

like, I have every incentive in the world

25:40

to just be a slave to the truth.

25:42

What is actually working? And

25:45

when you can give people in that frame of reference,

25:47

and I was trying to use the most brutal possible

25:49

situation they could find themselves in, someone wants to hurt

25:52

you, and they are bullying

25:54

you, they're being intentionally cruel.

25:56

When somebody's trying to be intentionally cruel, they're gonna come

25:58

at you with something that's true. And

26:00

so it's like, in that moment,

26:02

you know you're on the right path.

26:05

If when somebody says something to be

26:07

hurtful, and it is real, and you

26:09

go, I'm actually gonna hear that,

26:11

which you talk about in the book. How

26:14

do you walk people through that moment where

26:16

it's like, it hurts, it

26:18

really does suck, and it really is real? In

26:20

terms of facing a hard truth? Yeah, like if

26:23

somebody, whether it's being flung at them, whether they

26:25

turn inward and they see it themselves. Oh,

26:27

there are many different

26:29

ways, I think, that we can deal

26:31

with the haters. I'll tell

26:33

a quick story, because I, it's

26:36

over a decade ago, and I had just

26:38

created B-School. It was the first time launching

26:40

something of that scale. I had done other

26:43

group coaching programs, and I had already been

26:45

successful in my business and taking care of

26:47

myself. And I remember going to this business

26:49

conference where I was really excited, because I

26:52

was clear. My audience was like tiny. It

26:54

was devoted, but small.

26:57

And I wanted so badly to share this idea.

26:59

I said, I know I need promotional partners. I

27:01

went to this business conference, and I had like,

27:04

you know, like cheesy ass binders, like big plastic

27:06

binders filled with things, and like my lanyard, and

27:08

I was like going up to the main session,

27:10

and I was on the escalator in this hotel,

27:12

and there was a gentleman on the escalator with

27:14

me who was also part of that conference. And

27:16

as you do, they were like doing small talk

27:19

like, oh, who are you, what do you do?

27:21

And so he asked me, you know, what's your

27:23

company? What are you here for, what are you doing? And

27:27

I was so friggin' excited, Tom, and I told

27:29

him all about this new thing B School, and

27:31

how it's gonna help people build and grow their

27:33

businesses with integrity, and it had, you know, it

27:35

was all aligned with your heart and your value

27:37

system, and it actually works, and there's like style,

27:39

and humor, and all this stuff. He

27:42

literally laughed in my face, and

27:44

he was like, are

27:46

you for real? Is this a

27:48

real business? Come on, you gotta have

27:50

a rich boyfriend or husband bankrolling you.

27:52

There's no way this is a real

27:55

business. And like, you gotta get,

27:57

I'm from Jersey, and it's very hard, one, to like

27:59

get me to be. to, I was

28:01

like, can I just grab him by

28:03

the frickin collar and throw him off this damn

28:05

escalator? Like I was like, what is this fucking

28:07

1808, not 2008? Like how does chauvinistic assholes

28:11

like this actually still exist? Like I was

28:13

completely baffled. Anyway, we

28:16

got up to the top level of that escalator

28:18

and he went his way and I just kind

28:21

of recomposed myself. I gotta tell you, I

28:23

really thank him for not believing in

28:25

me. I call it fuck you

28:27

fuel because in that moment

28:30

I had such a big F

28:32

you in me that it fired

28:34

me up to spend the rest

28:36

of my time at that conference

28:38

doing everything I possibly could to

28:41

make my program a success. Do you

28:43

know what I mean? And so I

28:45

hustled even harder. I was even more

28:47

charming and trying to be persuasive as

28:49

I possibly could be because I was

28:51

so motivated to prove that asshole wrong.

28:53

And I completely get as a coach,

28:55

like having that kind of F you

28:57

fuel as a long-term motivation is not

28:59

healthy. But I also think in the

29:01

moment we have to work with what

29:03

we have, like to

29:05

just alchemize the anger,

29:07

the frustration someone putting you down and

29:10

to use it as a positive

29:12

and productive vehicle to help

29:14

you move ahead. So, you

29:17

know, thank you for not believing in me. Dude,

29:19

I always tell people the greatest gift anyone

29:21

can ever give you is doubt. Now,

29:23

the bad news is it breaks most people.

29:26

So I get how, like

29:28

if you're at the very beginning of your journey, it

29:30

can be quite counterproductive. But one of the things I

29:32

think people need to rush to get to is the

29:34

point in which doubt actually fuels them. So my

29:37

question is how do you teach people because

29:39

you and you talk about this in the

29:41

book about, okay, look, I break things down

29:43

into binaries sometimes because you have to to

29:45

make a point or be clear. But I

29:47

really do struggle when people don't recognize the

29:49

nuance in life. So I love that you're

29:52

talking about on a line of timeline, this

29:54

becomes problematic. But in short bursts, it can

29:56

be insanely powerful. How do you like watch

29:58

yourself to make sure or you're not getting

30:00

into the danger zone of like just being

30:03

spiteful and angry all the time. Me, personally,

30:05

I think that I burned through that fuel really

30:07

fast. Like the fact that I used it in

30:09

that particular instance to like get me through those

30:11

two or three days, it was like

30:13

a way to burn it up. And then I

30:15

think what you have to do is stay focused

30:17

on the difference that you wanna make. If we're

30:19

talking about a business context, or we're

30:22

talking about something in your career or something creatively

30:24

that you wanna put out into the world, you

30:26

can use that FU fuel for like

30:28

a minute, but then go back to what's

30:30

the deeper fuel of

30:33

why this is gonna make a difference? Who

30:35

is it gonna impact? What's the greater difference

30:37

you wanna make in that particular market or

30:39

to someone or even to yourself? And

30:42

so I think that's a really easy way so

30:44

we can all check ourselves before we wreck ourselves

30:46

when it comes to that FU fuel. So

30:49

I think that you have to be really rooted in

30:52

your own process, in your own dreams, and

30:54

realizing you're gonna fall on your face

30:56

like all of us do. You're gonna wipe

30:58

out, you're gonna try some things. We

31:01

call it on our team throwing spaghetti at the wall to see

31:03

what sticks. And no, not

31:05

all the spaghetti is gonna stick. Someone's gonna slide

31:09

down and be like a messy blob on the floor and

31:11

it's like, okay, that didn't work. You're

31:13

probably gonna waste some money. You're probably gonna

31:15

bruise your ego. You're gonna be

31:17

wrong and that's okay. That's what it takes

31:19

to figure things out. There's a whole chapter

31:22

in the book about progress, not perfection. Progress,

31:24

not perfection. That's all we're striving

31:27

for. Progress, not perfection. And I

31:29

think that those stumbles and those

31:31

screw ups are a

31:34

really positive indicator that you're actually in

31:36

the game, that you're actually making progress

31:38

and that you're on your way eventually

31:40

to victory. Yeah, you talked, I

31:42

can't remember if it's a whole chapter, but you

31:45

talk at length about something that I think is

31:47

incredibly important, which is you've gotta start before you're

31:49

ready. Dark before you're ready, baby. Yeah. Like

31:52

that is so critical. Walk people through what

31:54

that is, why it's so important.

31:57

Okay, so I think one of the biggest things

31:59

we can all do in life. life is tell ourselves

32:01

this nasty little lie and we believe

32:03

it. Oh, I'm not ready yet. I'm

32:06

not ready to, um, send

32:08

that email to ask for the intro

32:10

introduction. I'm not ready to go out

32:12

with that particular promotion or to raise

32:14

my prices or to have that deep

32:16

conversation with my spouse, whatever the

32:18

case may be. I'm not ready yet. I need a little

32:21

bit more time. I need a little bit more experience. And

32:23

I found that, um, it's just a

32:26

form of procrastination. And then before you

32:28

know it, like two years, five years,

32:30

a decade goes by and you're just

32:32

older and none the wiser, none the

32:35

richer, none the more alive. Cause

32:37

you didn't even attack your dreams. I realized

32:39

this, uh, when I was starting

32:42

my dance career and

32:44

I had, I was 25 at the

32:46

time, which sadly in the dance world is

32:49

a little bit over the hill when you're

32:51

wanting to be a professional dancer. And I

32:53

had never taken a dance class in my

32:55

life. I had no training, no technique, nothing.

32:57

And here I was starting to teach a

32:59

hip hop class purely on passion and just

33:01

like, Oh, I think I can do it.

33:04

And a woman was in the

33:06

class. She came up to me afterwards and she

33:08

was like, you're pretty good. Which by the way,

33:10

was such a shock to me. Cause at that

33:13

time my self esteem was so in the toilet

33:15

because I had such a string of failures back

33:17

after back, after back. And she's

33:19

like, you should come in and audition for this position I

33:21

have. I work at MTV. We're working on a new show.

33:23

We need a choreographer and producer. And I was like, are

33:26

you serious universe? Like I am so green.

33:29

I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

33:31

I am not ready for this opportunity. It

33:33

made me want to throw up, but of

33:35

course I was 25 and not getting any

33:37

younger. And this was a time when MTV was still like

33:39

super big as a brand. And it was one of the

33:41

things I grew up on. So I was like, this is

33:43

like a dream come true. So I had a choice to

33:46

make either. I was going to sit there and be small

33:48

and be like, no, I'm not ready.

33:50

Like come back to me in a year or two. Like

33:52

that's not going to frigging happen. Or I

33:54

was going to suck it up and walk my ass over

33:56

to the Viacom building, practically wanting to hurl

33:59

in the. trash can and just

34:01

like go for it. And I

34:03

went for it and I booked that

34:05

gig and here's the thing, I was not great

34:08

at it. Like I got through

34:10

being a choreographer and a producer at MTV,

34:12

right? There was like people I was choreographing

34:14

who had literally decades more experience in dance

34:16

than I did. They were talking about dance

34:18

terms that not only could I not perform

34:20

physically, I didn't even know what the hell

34:22

they were. However, that

34:25

one opportunity and the friggin massive

34:28

growth that it produced and I

34:30

behaved professionally of course and I

34:32

was honest, but it was like

34:34

starting before I was ready led

34:36

to me eventually becoming a Nike

34:38

elite athlete, led me to eventually

34:40

choreographing commercials for Reebok and Nike and

34:43

other brands doing all of these things.

34:45

And I think starting before you're ready

34:47

is one of the greatest secrets to

34:50

kick your butt out of procrastination and

34:52

into a world of growth. Yeah,

34:54

the phrase that I use is failure

34:56

is the most information rich data stream

34:58

there is. Like you're going to learn.

35:01

And so going back to your notion

35:03

about beliefs, it's like if

35:06

you have a belief that failing makes you

35:08

a failure, which, oh, let's

35:11

see how fast I can get to it. You have a quote

35:13

about this. Yeah, that was awesome. It's from Judge Pratt. Do you

35:15

know it right off the top of your head? Judge Victoria Pratt?

35:18

No, I have one from you.

35:20

Oh, great. Let's

35:22

see. Oh, God. Failure is just

35:24

an event. It is not a

35:27

characteristic. Yes. So that is actually

35:29

that's the riff on Judge Victoria Pratt. So she

35:31

was, she's a beautiful guest on

35:33

MarieTV. She's a judge. And that was one of

35:35

the, when I heard that out of her mouth,

35:38

it was so incredibly moving because failure

35:41

is just an event. It's not a

35:43

characteristic. And here's one of the things

35:45

that has really helped me in that

35:48

regard. I win or I learn, but

35:51

I never lose. I live my

35:53

life by mantras. I'm a pretty simple girl. Like they,

35:55

right, they work for me because I just

35:57

repeat the things that I know are going to lead me

35:59

in the right direction. So I win or I

36:01

learn, but I never lose. What does that mean? It

36:03

means that no matter what situation I put myself in,

36:05

either I'm going to be a fucking baller and I'm

36:08

gonna knock it out of the park or I'm gonna

36:10

learn a shit ton. And then I'll

36:12

be like, okay, so I learned all this

36:14

stuff. I could do it next time, but

36:17

I never lose. So I'm not attaching that

36:19

identity. Does that mean that I never make

36:21

the silliness? Of course I do. Does that

36:23

mean in the moment when I've wasted cash,

36:25

when I've made a poor judgment call, when

36:28

I've fallen flat on my face that I

36:30

don't fucking cry or feel like an idiot

36:32

or absolutely want to cry in the corner

36:34

or call someone, I absolutely do those things.

36:36

I do those things. But then the moment

36:39

I like actually take a breath and have

36:41

a little perspective for a moment, I'm like, okay,

36:43

I win or I learn, but I never

36:46

lose. And that allows me to get back

36:48

up, contextualize it and keep on trucking. Oh

36:50

God, I really hope people hear that you do

36:53

both, that you cry in the corner, call a

36:55

friend, freak the fuck out. And then I freak

36:58

the fuck out throughout this whole book. Like

37:00

people are like, I

37:02

want to beat my head against the wall. And

37:04

I know how hard things are. But there were

37:06

so many times when I called people on my

37:08

team, I called friends, my dear friend, my best

37:10

friend in the whole world, her name is Chris

37:12

Carr. I would Skype with

37:14

her, Tom with tears running down my face going, I'm

37:17

giving the check back. I'm giving the check back. I

37:19

don't need to write a book. Why did I say

37:21

yes, this is the dumbest thing I've ever done. No

37:23

one gets a shit. There's already an Oprah talk. Who

37:25

cares? Like that's that happened. That

37:28

happened the whole way. That's what

37:30

makes the book so useful. And

37:32

truly, truly the highest compliment that I can

37:34

pay a person their work, anything is that

37:36

it is useful. Thank you. Is you

37:39

tell both sides of the story, the like, here's, here's

37:41

where you're going to struggle. Here's where I struggled. Here's

37:43

how I pick myself back up. This is the mantra

37:45

that I use. This is how it becomes ultimately

37:48

useful. And the thing that gets

37:50

really frustrating, and I'm sure you have this as well, like

37:52

the more you get successful, the more people will begin to

37:55

discount you. And it's like, okay,

37:57

you're, you're sort of putting them in a pedestal. So in the one

37:59

hand is flat. but it's like my whole mission in

38:01

life is to help you. And the more

38:03

you allow yourself to think that I have something

38:05

you don't, the less likely you are to turn

38:08

in a stellar performance. And so

38:10

it's like, ah, you're thinking about this the wrong way. You're

38:12

thinking that I feel confident all the time, which I do

38:14

fucking not. And what I'm trying to tell you is like,

38:17

I have tools and techniques for dealing with that moment. It

38:19

isn't that I don't have that. Is it Mark Twain that

38:21

has that rad quote? It's like, courage is

38:23

not the absence of fear. It's rising up in the face of

38:25

fear. It might be. Something like that.

38:27

I think action is the antidote really to fear.

38:30

And I also think people have a really

38:32

mistaken notion about fear. They think it's an

38:35

enemy that needs to be like kicked and

38:37

punched in the face and like steam rolled

38:39

over and like, ugh. And I don't think

38:41

that that's true. I think fear outside of

38:43

the evolutionary response to keep you from not

38:46

walking into moving traffic, very, very useful.

38:48

I think that all of the other

38:50

flavors of fear that we feel on

38:52

a regular basis when it comes to

38:54

moving forward with an idea, a project,

38:56

something risky, something creative, something exciting. And

38:58

we're like, oh, we feel that. Our

39:00

fear is directive. It's a

39:03

GPS for our soul most wants to go.

39:06

And if you reframe that and listen to it,

39:08

I like to give the analogy that, you

39:10

know, fear is like an infant

39:12

or like a dog. Like an

39:14

infant can't use language yet. It's

39:17

just going, ah. Like

39:19

it's making all kinds of sounds. I need to

39:21

poop. You know, I need to eat. What's going,

39:24

like that's what it does. It's trying to communicate.

39:26

Same things like my dog Kuma,

39:28

right? He doesn't have language. He's just

39:30

barking his little head off. If someone's

39:32

coming or he wants to play, it's

39:34

like one note. And

39:36

with fear, I think it's very similar. Like

39:39

when we feel so much fear, again,

39:42

outside keeping us safe, outside of keeping

39:44

us out of danger where it's legitimately

39:46

we could die, what

39:48

fear is doing, she's like jumping up and down

39:50

like this. She's like, do this, this

39:53

thing. I'm making you feel something so

39:55

good, so so important. Right? So

39:57

it's like, that's what fear is doing. And she's your friend.

40:00

She's trying to aim you in the direction that

40:02

your soul most wants to go. And

40:05

if you start thinking about it that

40:07

way, all of a sudden, fear becomes

40:09

this incredibly instructive guidance tool that puts

40:11

you on the path that's gonna allow

40:13

you to have the most growth. Yeah,

40:16

fear's telling you there are stakes. Like there's

40:18

something here that matters. Yes. And

40:21

then, I mean, look, you can get

40:23

yourself into trouble with if you

40:26

talk about this very powerfully in the book, that the

40:28

more you think about something, the more it hardwires your

40:30

brain, which by the way, I really respect how much

40:32

of the neuroscience you bring in, enough to

40:35

really legitimize what you're talking about, but not

40:37

enough to slow me down, which is wonderful.

40:40

And so I definitely want people

40:42

to know, in reading the book, they will understand

40:44

that, look, there's a level to which you can

40:46

take this, you can let fear become hardwired, where

40:48

it is the problem that you think it is,

40:50

but it is figure-outable. You can unwire that stuff

40:53

and really begin to go in the opposite direction.

40:55

And we give people tools, like there are a number

40:57

of exercises in the book, there's somatic tools, there's

41:00

cognitive tools, there are just practices in terms of

41:02

fear. And I would say the one thing, I

41:04

don't know if we want to talk about this,

41:06

but I think the one thing that trips people

41:08

up is understanding the difference between fear and intuition.

41:11

Definitively, we want to talk about it. Okay, because

41:13

this is an exercise that I would

41:15

tell you. This is, you've done your

41:17

pro-con lists, right? We've kind of looked

41:20

at this from a very logical and

41:22

reasonable perspective, where you understand the landscape

41:24

and you still can't make

41:27

a discernment between whether your intuition is going, don't

41:29

do this, this is bad news, you're gonna go

41:31

down the wrong path. Or it's very normal, healthy

41:34

fear that you're like, oh, I should move into

41:36

this, this is like a new level of growth

41:38

for me. It's a physical test. So

41:41

the difference between fear and

41:43

intuition can be found through this simple

41:45

exercise. So think about the opportunity you're

41:47

looking at. It could be an investment,

41:50

it could be hiring someone, it could

41:52

be taking a particular trip, saying

41:54

yes to a new relationship, whatever. When

41:57

you ask yourself, does saying

41:59

yes to this? Make me feel

42:01

expansive or contracted.

42:04

You want to close your eyes, ask yourself

42:06

that question, not in the company of other

42:08

people. You got to tune in.

42:10

And in the nanosecond after you ask that

42:12

question, physically, your body

42:14

is going to have a response. Expansive

42:19

will feel something like either your

42:21

body ever so subtly moving forward

42:23

in space, a lightness in your

42:25

chest, your face may lift. You

42:27

may feel some semblance of joy

42:29

or excitement or just like a

42:33

breathy feeling. On

42:35

the other hand, contracted, any sense

42:37

of heaviness in your tummy,

42:39

dread, anxiety, even your physical

42:41

body moving back or even your

42:43

head ever so gently shaking no.

42:46

Now a lot of people have been living from the neck up

42:48

for so long, fucking sucked into their screens or typing on their

42:51

computers. They're like, I don't know how to hold up on my

42:53

body. And you need to get

42:55

into your body because there is so much

42:57

wisdom, so much natural knowing

42:59

in this vessel that it goes on top

43:01

and this simple test, expansive versus contracted, it

43:04

will save you every time. I've never had

43:06

one person not do this and really do

43:08

it with good faith. Do you know what

43:10

I mean? Like take those deep breaths, tune

43:12

in and not go like I have my

43:14

answer. Here's where it trips you up. Most

43:18

of the time, the opportunity you're considering looks amazing

43:20

on paper. For your ego, it

43:22

looks awesome. There's money involved. There's prestige.

43:24

You think you're going to get ahead. Everyone

43:27

else in your position would say yes to this. This

43:29

is the opportunity of a lifetime. Yet you cannot deny

43:31

that something in you is like, I can't, I can't

43:33

figure this out. I don't want to do this thing.

43:36

Something in me is saying no. Trust

43:39

that voice. That is your intuition. Trying

43:42

to save your ass from making a

43:44

really expensive mistake. As you were

43:46

telling the story, I was like, oh my God, I read somewhere

43:48

who somebody walks through like all the amazing

43:50

opportunities they had and they had a couple of big jobs that

43:52

they did and they're like, fuck, why do I still not want

43:54

to do this? You

43:58

detail that really well in the book. of like this job, like

44:01

this is everything I've ever wanted and I still

44:03

don't wanna be here. Yes. Which

44:05

is very hard for people to get beyond

44:07

that sort of prestige moment of like, this

44:09

is what I'm supposed to want. Yes. This

44:12

actually isn't what I want. And it happens

44:14

a lot in business and I think that it's

44:16

amplified in our culture that is so paid attention

44:18

to social media and looking at what other people

44:20

have. And I think this is potentially the danger

44:22

side. Like again, I feel like I can speak

44:24

to this because it's been 20 years and I've

44:26

been around this industry enough

44:29

times. One of the dangerous

44:31

bits about like personal development and growth

44:33

is people can sometimes get into masterminds and

44:36

there's a bit of group think that happens

44:38

and everyone's following what everyone else does and

44:40

they're kind of just copying each other. And

44:43

then you're like, well, those are his metrics

44:45

for success. Like I should be doing that

44:47

too, where she's doing this and I should

44:50

want that thing too. And all

44:52

of a sudden you're chasing these goals

44:54

that don't fucking matter to you at

44:56

all. And you're so far off track

44:58

because you've lost touch with your own

45:00

internal compass. And I

45:02

believe that every single person listening

45:04

right now has so much internal

45:07

wisdom and innate knowing if they

45:09

can train themselves to continually go

45:11

inside rather than outside for the answers.

45:14

That's really powerful. Do you have advice for people in

45:16

terms of how to learn to interpret the signals they're

45:18

getting from their body? Like contracting and

45:20

expanding, that one's genius. Yeah, but here's the fastest way

45:23

to learn. Do

45:25

a little bit of excavation in your past. Look

45:29

at the times when you made some kind of

45:31

boo-boo, when you just took yourself in a direction

45:33

and when you look back and most people can

45:35

get this in an instant, you're like, something

45:38

in me said no. And I

45:40

overrode that. Look at all

45:42

the times when something turned into a

45:44

shit show and ask yourself, honestly, was

45:47

there a signal that I overrode? Was

45:49

there something happening, this little voice, a

45:51

feeling in my tummy, something that told

45:53

me you shouldn't do this, but you

45:56

pull out on through because your ego

45:58

wanted to run the show. Most

46:00

of us have some instances of that,

46:02

and that's how you can use your

46:05

past to help inform a smarter future.

46:07

How do you think beliefs are playing into that? In

46:10

what way? So my gut instinct is, so when

46:12

you talk about the ego, the ego's getting in

46:14

the way, so I started thinking, yeah, what is

46:16

the ego latching onto? And that's what's beliefs about,

46:19

I'm better. It's a belief about needing to

46:21

get somewhere and to get ahead and like almost fear

46:23

and scarcity that you're not gonna be good enough unless

46:25

you achieve X, Y, and Z. It's

46:27

a belief in that someone else is gonna

46:29

get ahead if you don't take this opportunity.

46:32

It's a belief that perhaps you're not gonna

46:34

be important enough or loved enough unless you

46:36

have enough of a big bank account, unless

46:38

enough likes on Instagram, unless you get the

46:40

recognition that you think you need in order

46:43

to feel enough in this life. Yeah,

46:45

a thousand percent. And that's why when you

46:47

started talking about beliefs in the book, I

46:49

was like, homie! Like, it's so on the

46:51

money for people to really, really take control,

46:53

start making different choices around their belief system,

46:56

build a belief system that's empowering, have

46:58

their mantras, I'm like you. Like, there are

47:00

so many phrases that I repeat to myself

47:03

that I almost forget how many phrases I

47:05

use. And then people ask me like, oh,

47:07

how do you deal with this? I'm like, oh, well, when

47:09

that happens, whether it's an either win or I learn, it's

47:12

like, I'm actually saying those things in my head

47:15

and getting people armed with those and

47:17

understanding how to use them so that

47:19

at that right moment, when you're feeling

47:21

that self-doubt, that you have a belief

47:23

system to lean back on that's always

47:25

setting you up for the right thing.

47:30

that I wanted to get back to, which is I

47:32

think the word you used was action, but you'll know what

47:34

I'm talking about. Action is the cure for fear. Oh

47:37

yeah. So action,

47:40

I actually don't know. It

47:43

was great, you probably hung onto it. You

47:45

said, so the punchline. Actually, the antidote to

47:47

fear. There we go. Yeah. So I thought

47:49

that is so true. The mantra that I

47:52

use in my head is action cures all.

47:55

So whenever I'm feeling anxious, if I'm

47:57

feeling overwhelmed, like I know like the

47:59

last. The last few days I've had so

48:01

much to do, it's really been, like I try

48:03

never to get to the point where I have

48:07

more to do than I have hours. Like more

48:09

to do where something pretty important will break if

48:11

I don't do it. Because I

48:13

can always deal if just giving more hours solves the

48:15

problem, but once I run out of hours, then

48:17

I start to feel that sense of overwhelm. And

48:20

I was having that sense of overwhelm, and I thought

48:22

okay, if I sit here in this, it's

48:24

not going to go away. But if I actually

48:26

just, what's the most important thing on the list

48:28

and start doing it? I will immediately diminish

48:31

my sense of anxiety, of

48:33

being overwhelmed. So yeah, that

48:35

one's super powerful, and I don't think a lot of people

48:37

lean into that. One of my other favorite

48:39

ones is clarity comes from engagement, not thought. You

48:42

gave me that one the very first time we

48:45

met. That's so powerful. Yeah, because we can

48:47

all sit here and be like, I don't know,

48:49

should I say yes to this person? Should I

48:51

hire this person? Should I go ahead with this

48:53

product launch? Should I go ahead writing this book?

48:55

And I think until we actually start to do

48:57

the activity or find a small way to test

48:59

to actually dip our toe in the water, we

49:01

won't know. It's just going to be like this

49:03

mental exercise and this cyclical type of thinking and

49:05

back and forth and back and forth. But the

49:07

moment you bust out of that, it's kind of

49:09

like you go into a new matrix, the

49:11

feedback you'll get both from the outside

49:14

world, meaning to actually, wow, this is

49:16

kind of fun. And what happens inside? Do

49:18

I like this? Does this feel great? Is

49:20

this a challenge that I want to take

49:22

on? You're going to get all the information

49:24

you need to inform your next step. And

49:26

what's great is you don't have to know

49:28

everything in advance. You

49:30

don't have to have a perfect plan because those rarely work.

49:33

All you need to do is to get into

49:35

that motion and to trust that clarity comes from

49:37

engagement, not thought. And the more active steps you

49:39

can make, like rather than necessarily watching, you know,

49:42

five hours of a tutorial online, well, I love

49:44

the internet and it's great. Can you pick up

49:46

the phone? Can you go to

49:48

an in-person class? Can you go and

49:50

meet someone in real life? I think

49:52

that that active learning gets us so

49:54

much farther faster than the kind of

49:56

quasi, like I'm going to do some

49:58

research online. Again, that's... It's cool for like a

50:00

minute, but don't get sucked down the rabbit hole for like

50:02

three hours, three weeks, or three years. I'm

50:05

going to read you a few quotes from your book.

50:07

You're going to be super rich in quotes. I wrote

50:09

so many, but we'll start with just three. I'm going

50:11

to make you pick your favorite. So

50:13

we've gone through some of yours. There's a bunch

50:15

more that you did that were awesome, but

50:18

I'll give you some from other people. We

50:20

don't see things as they are. We

50:23

see them as we are. That's one

50:25

that's by Anise Nin. Never

50:28

heard of Anise. Anise. The

50:31

best years of your life are the ones

50:33

in which you decide your problems are your

50:35

own. You do not blame them on your

50:37

mother, the economy, or the president. You realize

50:39

you control your own destiny. That's Albert Ellis.

50:42

And then the last one I'm going to make you choose from. There

50:47

is more wisdom in your body than your deepest

50:49

philosophy. And that's from Nietzsche, which I was very

50:51

surprised by. Which of those three do you

50:53

think is most impactful? I

50:56

think number two with a

50:59

follow-up on number three. All right. Yeah.

51:02

Why is that? Well, I think that all

51:04

of us have to really watch out for

51:07

excuses. The excuses that we

51:09

give ourselves for why we're not either

51:11

experiencing what we most want to experience,

51:13

achieving what we most want to achieve,

51:15

or pursuing that which is making our

51:17

heart come most alive. And the three

51:19

most common that I've seen are a

51:21

lack of time, a lack of money,

51:23

and a lack of know-how. We

51:26

attack those like beasts in the book.

51:28

So we don't have time to go

51:30

through all that. But I made it

51:32

my mission to make sure that people

51:34

could remove every last excuse that

51:37

they have so that they feel

51:39

free. And I think

51:41

when you take responsibility for yourself,

51:43

which includes how you invest your

51:45

time and your money and your

51:47

mental effort and realize so much

51:49

is in your control, that There

51:52

is a certain freedom in that. And Yes, there

51:54

are tons of things that are outside of our

51:56

control. Absolutely. We Go into that in the book

51:59

too. This notion

52:01

of not blaming anything else.

52:05

Is really really Fran. And.

52:07

I think when we get there all of

52:09

a sudden we feel empowered in a way

52:11

that you never felt before. I agree

52:13

with that idea so violently you

52:15

can't him as guess where can

52:17

people find the book? Everything. As figure

52:20

out a bull.com And of course you know

52:22

anywhere books are sold, our audio books or

52:24

listen to. Nice was amazing. What's the

52:26

impact? The hope this book as. Honestly,

52:29

I really do hope that there is

52:31

a generation both now and following that

52:33

has this idea in their hearts and

52:35

takes a look around and realizes the

52:37

and eight power and listen that's possible

52:39

and takes a look at some of

52:41

our side or problems and there's always

52:43

one that aligns right like I feel

52:45

like my role in this on it

52:48

is really a catalyst. I feel like

52:50

I'm part of my role, is a

52:52

communicator and share of ideas and I

52:54

think each of us has a certain

52:56

role to play. I believe we need

52:58

the diversity as Palins. And guess

53:00

and abilities working together and concert to

53:02

solve some of our bigger problems. So

53:04

the impact that I hope this book

53:07

has is to light a fire under

53:09

some of the geniuses that I know

53:11

are listening right now and gets them

53:13

on that past to collectively solving are

53:16

bigger issues. Of they do

53:18

it. The book is. Done. So

53:20

well and so much like an

53:22

instruction manual with do this, Do

53:24

this exercise. Go here. Journal that.

53:27

It. Really really was very impressive. Thank you

53:29

so much! Reynaud Monument today that was

53:31

amazing. You guys gotten good. The book

53:33

is really really phenomenal. When she said

53:35

she was riding it I references and

53:37

the last episode we did that I

53:39

cannot wait to read. it did not

53:41

disappointed is absolutely fantastic. It really will

53:43

make your life better if you do

53:45

the things in it. I can offered

53:47

no higher praise. If you haven't already,

53:49

be sure to subscribe and until next

53:51

time. Licence fee Legendary Teacher Murray idea

53:53

that was a man. and

53:57

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