www.homoliciousliving.com  Hello Pod listeners!  Welcome to Episode #24.  In this episode we will talk about vulnerability. Delicious Dish: Today's Delicious Dish is about 9 Ways Trusting Your Gut Can Change Your Life   1. Prevent injuries. Most of us have aches and pains from time to time. In order to help prevent injuries it’s important to stay tuned in to the physical self.  Tip: If it hurts or doesn’t feel right, stop.   2. Tuning in and acknowledging the positive moments that pop up throughout the day will help you give and attract more positive energy. Tip: Take a moment to bask in your victories, whether it’s special time with your child, a big break at work or a delicious dinner with a loved one, being aware and grateful will help you circulate the flow of positive energy. 3. Help your heart. Take a moment to educate yourself about the warning signals of a heart attack. It just might save your life. 4. Trust your instincts. Tip: When faced with decisions, grab a pad and pencil and doodle. Jot down the pros and cons. Give yourself time to sit with your thoughts for a bit. If it brings you joy or pleasure, tune in and listen. If it makes you feel stressed out, uncomfortable or anxious, put it aside. Trust your instincts and be happy and secure and with the decisions you make. 5. Ease stress and anxiety. Tip: Tune into your body's signals: elevated heart rate, heavy breathing and racing thoughts are just a few signs that it’s time to step back, take a deep breath and cut yourself some slack. Give yourself permission to take a break and do something relaxing for yourself. 6. Lighten up. Tip: THINK before you eat. Choose wisely. Slow down. Chew. Relax. Eat at the table. Give thanks for your meal. Put your fork down between bites. Breathe. 7. Deepen your spirituality. Tip: Set aside at least an hour a day without digital distractions. Read, meditate, stretch, breathe, let go, think. All of these practices will help deepen your spirituality. 8. Feel better. Get real with how you feel.  Tip: Think about what your body is craving right now. Ex: More water, a healthy snack, grabbing a quick walk, an earlier bedtime, a simple meditation, stretching, etc. Take these cravings seriously and try putting a few of them into effect today. 9. Love yourself. I get so caught up in doing and caring for everyone around me that I shove myself to the bottom of the list. This approach catches up with us sooner or later and we can end up feeling burned out, disgruntled and lacking in self-love. Tip: Plan some “me” time. Do something that makes you feel loved and cared for, that makes you feel good. Be patient and gentle with yourself. Honor and respect the loving person you are by loving yourself. The greatest gifts we can bestow upon ourselves is to cultivate and listen to this communication with the physical and spiritual self. "It's the journey that brings us happiness not the destination so keep on stepping!" What is Vulnerability? Getting to know yourself, the good, the bad, and the ugly is a major part of living your authentic life.  Sharing all of that to connect with others is being vulnerable.  It’s about being honest about how we feel, our fears, our needs, and being brave to ask for what we need.  Brene Brown talks about “The vulnerability paradox:  It’s the first thing I look for in you, and the last thing I want you to see in me.”  We all want it from others, but have a hard time showing it ourselves. Myths and why we think it’s hard to be vulnerable Being misunderstood Being labeled as submissive Seeming naïve, gullible or weak We have to share our secrets with everyone Getting hurt Some people just aren’t capable of being vulnerable We won’t be special anymore, just ordinary Being exposed and emotionally naked Being rejected, the biggest fear of all We believe we always have to be perfect and never making mistakes How we respond to our discomfort of vulnerability We get angry or just disengage so we don’t have to deal with it. We turn against ourselves, and engage in destructive negative talk. We are scared of the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. We isolate ourselves from others We aren’t honest with ourselves or others We deny or ignore that things bother us so we don’t have to talk about them A lot of wasted time putting up walls and being “fake” Why it’s so important for us to learn how to be vulnerable We need connections with other humans, we aren’t meant to live in isolation All romantic relationships require us to be vulnerable, in order to make them last. We need it to be able to trust each other In other relationships, it’s helps us to reach out and ask a friend for help, console someone who suffered a loss, taking responsibility for something that went wrong at work, or confronting a family member about their behavior. We all have an internal “bullshit” meter and we can sense when someone isn’t being authentic, which makes us uncomfortable to be around people who aren’t vulnerable. When we are real and authentic, it gives others the comfort and permission to behave the same way. How to manage your shame and stop it Identify that you realize when you have it Understand what activates or triggers your shame Ask yourself critical question of why you feel your shame.  For example, if you don’t feel like you’re good enough because someone didn’t like how you did something, say “Is it really true that my self-worth is based on making someone else happy?” Reach out and talk it through with someone you respect and trust. How to start being more vulnerable “Intimacy requires vulnerability. The amount of intimacy you experience inside your relationship is directly related to how vulnerable you are willing to be.” ~ Amy E. Smith   "When you come in a relationship with baggage you are already packed & one step out the door." – Mr. Smith It’s so much easier when you love yourself, all of you.  Don’t worry so much about what others think. Get over your fear of rejection and just be open and don’t just show the parts of you that are shiny and fun. Set boundaries for special time for yourself, your family or friends, your creative time, whatever self-care time you define. Realize that how people treat you is a reflection of how they treat themselves.  Good-natured people rarely treat others badly, and depressed or cranky people don’t treat others kindly. In romance, we need to pull down our walls so we can let the other person in, and show your true self to them. Let go of your need to control anything and everything all of the time.  Acknowledge and accept your imperfections, and let go of the need to control how others see you. It takes practice to be vulnerable.  You don’t do it just once, so pay attention to all of the opportunities life gives us to let our guard down and share the real you.   How to teach our children to be vulnerable in a “never enough” culture      We need to strive to raise children that who: Engage with the world from a place of worthiness Embrace their vulnerabilities and imperfections Feel a deep sense of love and compassion for themselves and others Value hard work, perseverance, and respect Carry a sense of authenticity and belonging with them, rather than searching for it in external places Have the courage to be imperfect, vulnerable, and creative Move through our rapidly changing world with courage and a resilient spirit      As parents this means we are called upon to: Acknowledge that we can’t give our children what we don’t have and so we just let them share in our journey to grow, change, and learn Recognize our own armor and model for our children how to take it off, be vulnerable, show up, and let ourselves be seen and known Honor our children by continuing on our own journeys toward vulnerability Parent from a place of “enough” rather than scarcity Mind the gap and practice the values we want to teach Dare greatly, possibly more than we’ve ever dared before If we want our children to love and accept who they are our job is to love and accept who we are. The Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto, from “Daring Greatly” by Brene Brown Above all else, I want you to know that you are loved and lovable. You will learn this from my words and actions—the lessons on love are in how I treat you and how I treat myself. I want you to engage with the world from a place of worthiness. You will learn that you are worthy of love, belonging, and joy every time you see me practice self-compassion and embrace my own imperfections. We will practice courage in our family by showing up, letting ourselves be seen, and honoring vulnerability. We will share our stories of struggle and strength. There will always be room in our home for both. We will teach you compassion by practicing compassion with ourselves first; then with each other. We will set and respect boundaries; we will honor hard work, hope, and perseverance. Rest and play will be family values, as well as family practices. You will learn accountability and respect by watching me make mistakes and make amends, and by watching how I ask for what I need and talk about how I feel. I want you to know joy, so together we will practice gratitude. I want you to feel joy, so together we will learn how to be vulnerable. When uncertainty and scarcity visit, you will be able to draw from the spirit that is a part of our everyday life. Together we will cry and face fear and grief. I will want to take away your pain, but instead I will sit with you and teach you how to feel it. We will laugh and sing and dance and create. We will always have permission to be ourselves with each other. No matter what, you will always belong here. As you begin your Wholehearted journey, the greatest gift that I can give to you is to live and love with my whole heart and to dare greatly. I will not teach or love or show you anything perfectly, but I will let you see me, and I will always hold sacred the gift of seeing you. Truly, deeply, seeing you. The rewards of vulnerability Deeper understanding of yourself and others Connections and emotional intimacy with others Letting people get close to you and you to them You become “wholehearted” You know that you’re enough You realize you are worthy You feel more joy You are willing to show up and let yourself be seen Opens doors to opportunities Practicing gratitude Letting go of perfection Living authentically and courageously Things that make you go Hmmm? Or Mmmm…:   This week’s Mmmm  ….   Interview between Brene Brown and Oprah Winfrey on Living Brave What is your definition of vulnerability? What is something you’re still vulnerable about? What are your struggles to be brave? What fears do you have? What was one of your toughest falls? If you can put anything on a t-shirt, what would it be? What is the soundtrack of your life? What is the favorite room in your house? What is the best thing about being your age right now? Well that’s it for today's show and we hope you join us next week. Thank you: We would like to give a shout out!  A huge thank you to: Mind Body Green article by Laura McDonald, “8 Ways Trusting your Gut Can Change Your Life” Tiny Buddha article by Wendy Miyake, “How Being Vulnerable Can Expand You World” Thought Catalog article by Kovie Biakolo, “What Happens When You Make Yourself Vulnerable” Spirituality and Health article by Karen Bouris, “Brene Brown:  How Vulnerability Holds the Key to Emotional Intimacy Psych Central article by Margarita Tartakovsky, “3 Myths about Vulnerability” Lonerwolf article by Aletheia Luna, “Why Vulnerability is your Greatest Asset in Life” Fulfillment Daily article by Emma Seppala, "Why Being Vulnerable is the Key to Intimacy" “Daring Greatly” by Brene Brown Living Brave with Brene Brown and Oprah Winfrey video interview Quote of the week: We will leave you with a quote: “What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.” ~Brene Brown   We would love to hear from you, so check us out on Facebook or at www.homoliciousliving.com. Subscribe, rate and review us, and share your topic ideas.   Have a HOMOlicious day!