www.homoliciousliving.comHello Pod listeners!  Welcome to Episode #21.  In this episode we will talk about how to deal with life’s challenges and how to come out a better person.  Delicious Dish:Today's Delicious Dish is about making “Time for RAIN.”This was inspired by my daily journal, "Time for Me" by Ruth Fishel.  RAIN is an acronym, which is an abbreviation formed from the first letters of a phrase.  When we follow these 4 steps we can change our negative habits which create suffering, and replace with new and positive habits which bring us happiness.  RAIN helps us understand our unconscious patterns.  So when you are feeling uncomfortable in any way, practice RAIN.R - Recognize what is happening.  See your thoughts, emotions, feeling, and sensations.  Recognize what is happening inside of you right now.A - Accept it.  Accept whatever is happening in this moment.  Don't push it away by shutting down or looking for something to eat, drink or smoke.  Accept it.  Be gentle.  You might want to say to yourself, "This is okay.  Easy does it."I - Investigate.  Investigate your inner experience with kindness.  Be gentle again.  Be curious.  Is it pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral?  What emotions does it bring up in you?  Do you tell yourself stories about how you feel or blame it on someone or something?N - Non-personal.  Non-attachment, resting in natural awareness.  Take some time to practice RAIN each day this week.  You'll find it is a wonderful addition to your life, once you form the habit."It feels so good to know I get to let go of thoughts and feel peace by accepting each moment as it is.""It's the journey that brings us happiness not the destination so keep on stepping!"Life ChallengesWe go along in our daily lives, and a major life challenge presents itself.  Some of these challenges are self-induced and we had a direct choice in, and other situations just happen.  There are so many other significant things that happen in our lives and we all go through them at some point, so let’s learn how to come out of it a better person.Your emotional health can be disrupted by many situations, which can lead to strong feelings of sadness, stress or anxiety.  These things can include:Being laid off from your jobHaving a child leave or return homeDealing with the death of a loved oneGetting divorced or marriedSuffering an illness or an injuryGetting a job promotionExperiencing money problemsMoving to a new homeHaving a babyAs strange as it sounds, sometimes “good” changes can be just as stressful as “bad” changes.  All of this can weaken your body’s immune system, which can make you prone to additional issues.5 Stages of Loss and GriefDenial and Isolation, which are normal reactions to overwhelming emotions, so we block out the factsAnger, which are the masking effects of denial and isolation and where the pain begins to returnBargaining, we try to regain control from feeling helpless and vulnerable to we try to “make a deal” with statements like “if only”Depression, we feel sadness and regret for the lossAcceptance, when we face the loss and allow yourself to feel the grief.Not everyone goes through all 5 stages, unfortunately some people never make it past anger.  Resisting the steps will only prolong the natural process of healing, so feel your feelings and always strive to move forward.Emotional or Psychological TraumaThe CausesTraumatic experiences and situations can leave us feeling overwhelmed, whether they are one-time events or ongoing. It happened unexpectedly.You were unprepared for it.You felt powerless to prevent it.It happened repeatedly.Someone was intentionally cruel.It happened in childhood.The Emotional SymptomsShock, denial, or disbeliefAnger, irritability, mood swingsGuilt, shame, self-blame, embarrassmentFeeling sad or hopelessConfusion, difficulty concentratingAnxiety and fearWithdrawing from othersFeeling disconnected or numbThe Physical SymptomsInsomnia or nightmaresBeing startled easilyRacing heartbeatAches and painsFatigueDifficulty concentratingEdginess and agitationMuscle tensionHigh blood pressureSexual problemsUpset stomachWeight gain or lossHow to Recover from TraumaGet MovingTrauma disrupts the body’s natural equilibrium, freezing you in a state of hyperarousal and fear. In essence, your nervous system gets “stuck.” As well as burning off adrenaline and releasing endorphins, exercise and movement can actually help your nervous system become unstuck.Focus on the way you feel. Instead of focusing on your thoughts or distracting yourself while you exercise, really focus on your body and how it feels as you move.       Notice the sensation of your feet hitting the ground, for example, or the rhythm of your breathing, or the feeling of wind on your skin.Use your whole body. Exercise that is rhythmic and engages both your arms and legs—such as walking, running, swimming, basketball, or even dancing—works best.Exercises or activities that need your full attention. Rock climbing, boxing, weight training, or martial arts can make it easier to focus on your body movements—after all, if you don’t, you could get hurt.It’s all about timing. Try to exercise for 30 minutes or more—or if it’s easier, three 10-minute spurts of exercise per day are just as good. Move as often as you can throughout the day.Don’t IsolateFollowing a trauma, you may want to withdraw from others, but isolation makes things worse. Connecting to others face to face will help you heal, so make an effort to maintain your relationships and avoid spending too much time alone.You don’t have to talk about the trauma. Connecting with others doesn’t have to mean talking about the trauma. In fact, for some people, that can just make things worse. Comfort comes from feeling engaged and accepted by others.Ask for support. While you don’t have to talk about the trauma itself, it is important you have someone to share your feelings with face to face, someone who will listen attentively without judging you. Turn to a trusted family member, friend, counselor, or clergyman.Participate in social activities, even if you don’t feel like it. Do “normal” things with other people, things that have nothing to do with the traumatic experience.Reconnect with old friends. If you’ve retreated from relationships that were once important to you, make the effort to reconnect.Join a support group for trauma survivors. Being with others who are facing the same problems can help reduce your sense of isolation and hearing how others cope can help inspire you.Volunteer. As well as helping others, volunteering can be a great way to challenge the sense of helplessness that often accompanies trauma. Remind yourself of your strengths and reclaim your sense of power by comforting or helping others.Make new friends. If you live alone or far from family and friends, it’s important to reach out and make new friends. Take a class or join a club to meet people with similar interests, connect to an alumni association, or reach out to neighbors or work colleagues.Self-Regulate your Nervous SystemNo matter how agitated, anxious, or out of control you feel, it’s important to know that you can change your arousal system and calm yourself.Mindful breathing.  If you are feeling disoriented, confused, or upset, a quick way to calm yourself is through mindful breathing. Simply take 60 breaths, focusing your attention on each out breath.Sensory input. Does a specific sight, smell or taste quickly make you feel calm? Or maybe petting an animal or listening to music works to quickly soothe you? Everyone responds to sensory input a little differently, so experiment to find what works best for you.Staying grounded. To feel in the present and more grounded sit on a chair, feel your feet on the ground and your back against the chair. Look around you and pick six objects that have red or blue in them. Notice how your breathing gets deeper and calmer.Allow yourself to feel what you feel when you feel it. Acknowledge your feelings about the trauma as they arise and accept them.Express your feelings in appropriate ways. If feelings of stress, sadness or anxiety are causing physical problems, keeping these feelings inside can make you feel worse. It’s OK to let your loved ones know when something is bothering you. However, keep in mind that your family and friends may not be able to help you deal with your feelings appropriately. At these times, ask someone outside the situation--such as your family doctor, a counselor or a religious advisor--for advice and support to help you improve your emotional healthTake Care of Your HeathA healthy body increases your ability to cope with stress from a trauma.Get plenty of sleep. After a traumatic experience, worry or fear may disturb your sleep patterns. A lack of sleep can make your trauma symptoms worse and make it harder to maintain your emotional balance. Go to sleep and get up at the same time each day and aim for 7 to 9 hours of sleep each night.Avoid alcohol and drugs as their use can worsen your trauma symptoms and exacerbate feelings of depression, anxiety, and isolation.Eat a well-balanced diet. Eating small, well-balanced meals throughout the day will help you keep your energy up and minimize mood swings. Avoid sugary and fried and eat plenty of omega-3 fats—such as salmon, walnuts, soybeans, and flaxseeds—to give your mood a boost.Reduce stress. Try relaxation techniques such as meditation, yoga, or deep breathing exercises. Schedule time for activities that bring you joy such as favorite hobbies.Live a balanced life. Try not to obsess about the problems at work, school or home that lead to negative feelings. This doesn’t mean you have to pretend to be happy when you feel stressed, anxious or upset. It’s important to deal with these negative feelings, but try to focus on the positive things in your life too. You may want to use a journal to keep track of things that make you feel happy or peaceful. Some research has shown that having a positive outlook can improve your quality of life and give your health a boost. You may also need to find ways to let go of some things in your life that make you feel stressed and overwhelmed. Make time for things you enjoy.Develop resilience. People with resilience are able to cope with stress in a healthy way. Resilience can be learned and strengthened with different strategies. These include having social support, keeping a positive view of yourself, accepting change and keeping things in perspective.When to Get Professional HelpRecovering from a traumatic event takes time, and everyone heals at their own pace, but if months have passed and your symptoms are better, then it might be time to consider professional help.Having trouble functioning at home or workSuffering from severe fear, anxiety, or depressionUnable to form close, satisfying relationshipsExperiencing terrifying memories, nightmares, or flashbacksAvoiding more and more things that remind you of the traumaEmotionally numb and disconnected from othersUsing alcohol or drugs to feel betterYou have no one to share your feelings with, or you can’t handle your feelings and are overwhelmedSigns You’re Getting BetterWhether you’re working on recovery on your own, or with professional help, here are some signs to let you know you’re on the right path.You’re willing and able to process trauma-related memories and feelings, and move forward.You’ve found healthy ways to get rid of your pent-up “fight-or-flight” energyYou’re learned how to regulate strong emotions and not let them control you.You’re building or rebuilding the ability to trust other people, and yourselfHelp Others with Their Life ChallengesSince we all go through these life challenges, it can be difficult to know how to help a friend or a loved one who’s dealing with life’s challenges.  Your support can be so helpful in their own recovery.AdultsBe patient and understanding. Healing takes time. Be patient with the pace of recovery and remember that everyone’s response to a challenge is different.  Don’t judge your loved one’s reaction against your own response or anyone else’s.Offer practical support to help your loved one get back into a normal routine. That may mean help with collecting groceries or housework, for example, or simply being available to talk or listen.Don’t pressure your loved one into talking but be available if they want to talk. Difficult things can be difficult to talk about. Don’t force your loved one to open up but let them know you are there to listen if they want to talk, or available to just hang out if they don’t.Help your loved one to socialize and relax. Encourage them to participate in physical exercise, seek out friends, and pursue hobbies and other activities that bring them pleasure. Take a fitness class together or set a regular lunch date with friends.Don’t take the trauma symptoms personally. Your loved one may become angry, irritable, withdrawn, or emotionally distant. Remember that this is a result of the trauma and may not have anything to do with you or your relationship.ChildrenRegression. Many children need to return to an earlier stage when they felt safer. Younger children may wet the bed or want a bottle; older children may fear being alone. It's important to be understanding, patient and comforting if your child responds this way.Thinking the event is their fault. Children younger than 8 tend to think that if something goes wrong, it must be their fault. Be sure your child understands that he or she did not cause the event.Sleep disorders. Some children have difficulty falling to sleep; others wake frequently or have troubling dreams. Give your child a stuffed animal, soft blanket, or flashlight to take to bed. Try spending extra time together in the evening, doing quiet activities or reading. Be patient. It may take a while before your child can sleep through the night again.Feeling helpless. Being active in a campaign to prevent an event from happening again, writing thank you letters to people who have helped, and caring for others can bring a sense of hope and control to everyone in the family.I believe whole heartedly that there are no “new problems,” whatever you’re going through and whatever you’re feeling has been experienced by someone before.  Know there is help and resources to help get you through difficult times and don’t ever be afraid or embarrassed to reach out and ask for help, or just someone to talk to.How to come out of it as a better personWhen life challenges come our way, lots of times we ask ourselves “Why me?”  We feel singled out or that we are being punished for some reason.  Once we get through the challenge, we should take the time to look back and think about what lesson or value it taught us.Let go of what you don’t need anymore.       When you face a challenge and come out of it, you must realize that things change and your life will be different, so you have to do things differently. Pay attention to what is important and let go of what isn’t, because it’s distracting and takes time away from what really mattersStart believing in yourself. Just because your life will be different, doesn’t mean it has to be worse, in fact, it can be better. You just made it through something very difficult, so trust your gut and do the work to continue to move forward.Use your internal resources. Work on cultivating your emotional strength, courage and discipline. Prepare to handle the worst, but hope for the best. You will be more prepared for the next challenge life throws your way.Use your external resources.       Remember, we aren’t alone and we have people all around us that can help. Become willing to reach out and strive to do the best you can with what you have. Use other people as inspiration and learn from how they successfully dealt with adversity.Discover new possibilities for your life. Sometimes challenges and tragedies make us focus on our hopes, goals and dream of what we want our life to be. Don’t waste any more time and be open to finding new possibilities in lifeEverything happens for a reason. “Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant” a quote by Paulo Coelho   Yes, it’s cliché, but it’s true. Sometimes out of hardships, we discover something wonderful. Sometimes we learn a lesson, in hopes that we don’t repeat the hardship again. Sometimes we learn appreciation, for what we have, because we don’t know when it will leave us. The reasons come in their own time, so pay attention.Things that make you go Hmmm? Or Mmmm…:This week’s Mmmm …   Meditation Studio App by GaiamThe mind is complicated, but meditation doesn't have to be.  Untangle your mind with this guided meditation app.Multiple voicesSections to meditate on like: Be healthy, Be awesome, Be kind, Be curious5-10 mins on stress, sleep, anxiety, pain, happiness, performance, confidence, & compassionWell that’s it for today's show and we hope you join us next week.Thank you:We would like to give a shout out!  A huge thank you to:HelpGuide article, Emotional and Psychological TraumaFamily Doctor article, Mind/Body Connection: How Your Emotions Affect Your HealthRoyal College of Psychiatrists article, Coping After a Traumatic EventPsych Central article, The 5 Stages of Loss and GriefTiny Buddha article by Marya Jan, Facing Life’s big Challenges and Coming Out on TopEssential Life Skills article by Z. Hereford, Tips for Overcoming AdversityMeditation Studio App by GaiamQuote of the week:We will leave you with a quote:“Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together.”  - Marilyn MonroeWe would love to hear from you, so check us out on Facebook or at www.homoliciousliving.com. Subscribe, rate and review us, and share your topic ideas.Have a HOMOlicious day!