Thanks and Enjoy!FMC [email protected]"Sex with me is like the Special Olympics. Lot's of drooling, but in the end everybody's a winner."--Matt WeinholdObjection. But…that technical term does not accurately portray the vast amount of bulbous slushiness present in your bipedal form. - HK-47 (Best robot ever)Star Wars vs. Star Trek...TOP TEN REASONS WHY THE STAR WARS CHARACTERS WOULD KICK BUTT IN THE STAR TREK UNIVERSE1. In the Star Wars Universe weapons are rarely, if ever, set on "stun".2. The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit and a crew of 20 just to go into warp --- The Millennium Falcon does the same thing with R2-D2 and a Wookie.3. After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader, Princess Leia still looked fresh and desirable --- After pithy Cardassian starvation torture, Picard looked like hell.4. One word: Lightsabers.5. Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg empire with one glance.6. The Death Star doesn't care if a world is class "M" or not.7. Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he encounters.8. Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his action.9. The Federation would have to attempt to liberate any ship named "Slave I".10. Picard pilots the Enterprise through asteroid belts at one-quarter impulse power --- Han Solo floors it.Source: Jokes2UNever argue with an idiot; because people watching may not be able to tell the difference.Source: - TZA big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As he climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.” The old farmer replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.” The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial attorneys in the US and if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.” The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick Rule.” The lawyer asked, “What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule?” The farmer replied, “Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up.” The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man’s nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer’s third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, “Okay, you old coot! Now, it’s my turn!” The old farmer smiled and said, “No, I give up. You can have the duck!”Source: jokeemail.com"People who didn't want to watch the presidential debate were able to switch over to watch Paris Hilton's new reality show. In honor of the debate, tonight's episode of Paris' show featured Paris having sex in the 'town-hall format’."-Conan O'BrienDebates should be called talkes, nobody debates the other on actual issues and they aren't allowed to go on and on about one subject, and don't even bother trying to learn specifics, why aren't our future leaders being held to a much, much higher standard then our high school debate teams?But enough of such general observations, on to how to fix such a thing. Well how about three debates.One where they can just go nuts - no mediator interruptions just a guy sitting down asking questions. That way all the things that go on now can continue.Now the second debate is heard with the leaders deliberated over by the most uptight debate moderators that can be found, someone un afraid to point out quit wasting our time with thanking me for being here and answer the question, that will turn off their mikes when they over talk, cut time off their next question if they don't just spit it out, and make them discuss things like you would in a real debate.The last is my favorite, the leaders are all strapped down and feed a constant IV drip of soduim pentothal and are then asked short precise questions like:“Do you care about the environment?”“Are you going to lower green house gas emissions?”“Is this wife a better fuck then the last one?”“Should you be leader of this country?”“Do you care about the middle class?”“Would you raise taxes if you had to?”“Would you raise taxes if you didn't have to?And, “What question do you really not want me to ask you about?”Oh and if any of the guys out there want to know what a woman looks like when she wants to slap the shit out of you take a look at the Katie Couric interview with Sarah Palin right when she asks again can you give me specific examples - that’s the look. That’s the look of a woman thinking "Look bitch, answer the question or so help me you’re not going to be so pretty when I'm done with you...Oh yes, and I bet you’d like that wouldn't you bitch - me riding on top you.“(Sorry like I've said before yours truly is a bit of a freak).I just had a fun moment with my boss. I was in the kitchen getting some coffee, and he walked in all dressed up. SO, I ask “Nice suit! You got a job interview?” And he laughed and I laughed and then he said, “Nope, funeral.” WOW now I feel like a douche and then and I left.I've resigned myself to the fact that since I'm so bad with women, and given the breeding history of my family I'm probably going to be having girls when I get around to having kids, but I think as long as they are all not Asian I will have dodged a really big bullet.Archimedes, giver of the famous quote "Give me a lever and I can move the world," ironically had trouble moving his furniture.Scientists don't write the rules, they just try and keep up.-Brandon CoppesWhy do we need to store nuclear waste on earth? We are, as far as I can tell with INFINITY around us on all sides in space and an extremely large burning thing not too far from us - why not fire all that shit into the sun?Q: Why was the Pope’s toilet clogged?A: HOLY SHIT.(Sorry for this but just needed to make a pope poop joke)I tell you what my truck ain't very long but both lanes better be cleared ‘cuz it's a comin' through.-FMC country versionI have decided to hold off on becoming 27 and would like to repeat my 26th year. I feel with a bit more work I could make it just that much better, now don't get me wrong things were great, I learned a lot and enjoyed the time that I did spend I just feel with a bit more attention to detail I could make things so much better. Actually I might just add 2 extra months onto my 26th year and turn 27 late nothing big and nothing official but with an extra two months I could really put that final spit and polish on the hole last year.And finally, here is an interesting thought: There might have been a Human Resources Department for the Nazis. Image what a Nazi HR lady would have been like.For Archives visit http://fullmetalchickeneggs.blogspot.com/For those of you using iTunes, or any other podcast software you can subscribe to the podcast http://feeds.feedburner.com/FullMetalChickenEggs.