0:00

Hey everyone . I was

0:02

diagnosed with ADHD just

0:04

a few days ago . Let's talk

0:06

about that . Welcome

0:18

to Heal and Grow with Nikki . I'm your

0:20

host , nikki Kraminga-Hill . Here

0:22

we talk about everything Grief , hope

0:25

, illness , work , family

0:27

, tragedy , possibilities , fun

0:29

stuff and not so fun stuff . It's

0:31

all on the table . Let's take a look

0:33

at our lives and work to heal and grow

0:35

together . I'm so glad

0:38

you're here . Hello

0:42

, beautiful people , before we get

0:44

going on today's episode , I

0:46

just wanted to reintroduce

0:48

myself in case anyone is new here

0:51

. If you are new , hi

0:53

welcome . If you're not new , hi

0:55

welcome . This is episode

0:58

43 , I think

1:00

, of the Healing Girl with Nikki podcast

1:02

, which is absolutely amazing to

1:04

me . We've been doing this for

1:06

a little over a year and

1:08

it's just been a really

1:11

, really wonderful thing

1:13

for me and for a lot of other people

1:15

. So thank you so much for joining on

1:19

this podcast . We talk about healing

1:21

and growing . I talk about

1:23

personal stories or my guests bring

1:26

their personal stories and

1:29

we talk about our lives and

1:31

how we heal and grow from things

1:33

, or how we sometimes don't

1:35

heal and grow from things , and

1:37

it's really just been a remarkable year

1:40

of podcasting . So thank you so much to those

1:43

who've been here and thank

1:45

you . To those of you that are new , a

1:47

little bit more about me . My

1:49

name is Nikki Kruminga-Hill

1:52

. I live in Minneapolis

1:55

. Actually , if you're a Twin Cities person

1:57

, I live in Richfield , but it's just easier

1:59

to say Minneapolis . I live in Minneapolis

2:01

with my husband , paul

2:03

Hill . We've been married for 11

2:05

and a half years . Paul is a percussionist

2:08

. We met doing a show together

2:10

. We don't have any human

2:13

children , but we have snowball

2:15

pickles , peanuts , almost

2:27

three . She's an American Staffordshire Terrier and she is deaf , so she has a special need . But

2:29

that's okay . It's not that challenging to have a deaf dog , actually

2:31

, but you can . You can hear all about

2:34

her . I think she was episode number six or

2:36

seven , if you want to rewind . I

2:38

um , I am a musical theater performer

2:41

, a musical theater teacher . Right now

2:43

I work for a senior arts organization

2:46

. I'm also an author and a speaker

2:48

and I love to just do

2:50

a lot , a lot of different things

2:53

. Podcasting is just one of the things that

2:56

I love to do . I also

2:58

talk quite openly about my

3:00

depression and anxiety

3:02

, and also I have two

3:05

diagnosed chronic illnesses fibromyalgia

3:08

and myalgic encephalomyelitis

3:11

. You can Google those things or go

3:14

back in the podcast , because I've talked quite

3:16

extensively about both

3:18

. And now we're

3:21

going to talk about ADHD

3:23

. Earlier this week I

3:25

received a

3:28

ADHD-C , which

3:30

means combined ADHD

3:41

, combined diagnosis from

3:43

a gosh neu . And so

3:46

, yeah , I had mentioned

3:48

a few weeks ago , oh gosh , I think maybe

3:50

I have ADHD , and then I kind of didn't

3:52

say anything anymore . So now I'm going to talk

3:54

about it and just tell you what my experience

3:57

has been like so far . Obviously

3:59

, I'm very , very , very early on

4:01

this journey and I'm going to learn

4:04

so much in

4:07

the next few months , for sure , for sure

4:09

. But like anything , I will continue

4:11

learning and growing throughout

4:14

this process . So

4:17

where to start ? Where

4:19

to start ? Adhd

4:21

is not something I ever thought that

4:23

I had . It's

4:48

never been in my brain as a possibility for myself as a teacher . I don't know , knowing a couple

4:50

people , vaguely , who have it , and then you

4:53

know what you hear about a little bit in mainstream

4:55

media . So I

4:57

wasn't ever really wondering if

5:00

I had ADHD . And

5:02

then two things in the past

5:04

let's say year

5:06

have sort of tipped me off or

5:08

made me wonder hmm , is this something

5:11

that I should look

5:13

into ? And the first thing

5:15

is that I take Adderall

5:17

for my chronic fatigue syndrome

5:19

. I really only knew Adderall as something

5:21

that treated ADHD

5:24

, but my

5:26

general practitioner suggested that I try

5:29

it because Adderall is also

5:31

used for narcolepsy , to

5:33

give narcoleptics a

5:35

little bit of energy . I'm not narcoleptic

5:37

, but because of the chronic fatigue he

5:40

thought that maybe adding

5:42

Adderall to my daily regimen would

5:44

help and for about a

5:46

year he suggested that I try

5:48

it and I said nope , I'm

5:51

not doing that . All

5:54

I know about Adderall , really again , is what

5:56

is in the mainstream media , and I know that

5:58

people can be addicted

6:00

to it and I just didn't

6:02

want to take that risk

6:04

, especially because I'm newly sober

6:07

. I just celebrated 500 days

6:09

sober yesterday , everybody , hooray

6:11

. Anyway , after

6:14

I wasn't getting any more

6:16

energy with the medication that I was taking

6:19

, I decided to go

6:21

for it and I started taking Adderall

6:23

. I was on the well I think it's the lowest dosage

6:25

, five milligrams and within

6:28

about a half hour of taking that first dose I

6:30

noticed a slight

6:32

difference in my

6:35

energy . I guess I just felt a

6:37

little more perked up , for

6:41

lack of better words . I suppose I didn't

6:44

feel jittery , which I kind of thought I would . I

6:46

didn't feel , I didn't

6:48

feel weird , I didn't feel odd , I just felt like

6:50

, huh , this is interesting . I

6:52

have slightly more energy

6:54

than I've had in gosh

6:57

, years , years probably . I

7:00

still take Adderall . I'm on 15 milligrams

7:02

right now and

7:04

once

7:07

I started , once I popped up to about 10 milligrams

7:10

, I noticed I

7:13

have slightly more

7:15

focus than I've ever had

7:17

before . I've

7:19

never wondered if I had problems with

7:21

focus before , but now , all of

7:23

a sudden , I could focus slightly

7:25

better and that was

7:27

just really interesting to me . I just thought , huh

7:30

, I know this as a

7:32

ADHD medication

7:34

, a stimulant to

7:36

help people focus

7:39

a little bit better , and I'm focusing a little

7:41

bit better . I wonder if those two

7:43

things are correlated better and I'm focusing a little bit better . I wonder

7:45

if those two things are correlated . The second thing that

7:48

made me question , you

7:50

know , if I should be seen

7:53

for ADHD , was that I , I'm

7:59

going to be . I want to be careful about how

8:01

I phrase this because , um , I

8:07

I want to speak very , very lovingly about , about this person

8:09

and also not give their identity away at all . But I have a really amazing

8:12

friendship that

8:14

I just gosh , I

8:16

just adore this person and we are together

8:19

a lot . We're

8:22

together a lot , we're together a lot . And the

8:24

more time I spent with them , the

8:26

more frustrated I got with them because

8:29

they are

8:32

. They just have some behaviors

8:34

that are really , really frustrating to me . They're

8:36

consistently tardy . They

8:38

consistently don't

8:41

do the things that they say they want

8:43

to do or the things that they don't do the things that they say they want to do , or the things that

8:45

they don't do the things that they want to do for themselves

8:47

and they don't do the things that they're supposed to do

8:49

for me . And

8:52

I

8:54

am certain that this person

8:57

has undiagnosed ADHD

8:59

and

9:01

I mean like the classic

9:03

maybe I shouldn't use the word classic , but the , the

9:05

stereotypical symptoms , the ones that you kind

9:08

of know about from mainstream media . This person

9:10

fits the bill , and the

9:12

fact that they are undiagnosed and the fact

9:14

that they are not getting help for it is

9:16

really frustrating

9:19

for many

9:22

, many people , myself included

9:24

, and I've continued

9:27

to get more and more and more frustrated with this

9:29

person , which I

9:32

am afraid is going to become detrimental

9:34

to our relationship . And

9:36

one day this was sometime last

9:39

fall I just sat down and thought about

9:41

, like why am I so upset

9:43

with this person ? Why

9:50

can't I just like let it go and just say , well , yeah , you know , this is this person's journey and

9:52

they got to live their life the way that they need

9:54

to . I instead became increasingly

9:57

more and more angry with this person and

10:00

I thought about that saying and

10:02

this isn't the exact saying I'm paraphrasing

10:04

, but you'll understand what I'm talking

10:06

about Some sort

10:08

of saying like the things you dislike in others are

10:11

the things that you dislike in yourself . And

10:14

I thought , okay , you know

10:16

, comparing this person with me , and I thought , well

10:19

, dang it . I

10:22

actually am showing

10:26

, demonstrating a lot of these same behaviors

10:28

of

10:31

my friends . The one that I'm so mad at , just

10:35

frustrated with I'm doing those same

10:37

things , frustrated

10:44

with I'm doing those same things At home , for sure , I'm doing those

10:46

same things . And

10:51

I thought , gosh , I got to

10:53

start , I got to start looking into this for myself . Make sure you check

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11:00

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11:03

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11:05

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and get that

11:23

discount everybody . And I did a bunch

11:25

of research . I mean , I'm continuing to do a bunch of

11:27

research , realizing that I don't really

11:29

know what ADHD is and that

11:31

it's absolutely not named

11:33

the correct thing . It should be named something

11:35

else instead

11:37

of , like , attention deficit , hyperactivity

11:40

disorder . It shouldn't be named that . I

11:43

don't know what it should be named , but

11:45

I've just been wrong about

11:47

what it is . So

11:50

I started talking to some friends . I said , hey

11:52

, I'm

11:54

thinking I might have ADHD . Have

11:56

you ever noticed anything

11:59

in me ? And the people I talked to

12:01

all said no , never . And

12:04

so I asked Paul hey

12:06

, paul , have you ever noticed anything in me

12:08

? And

12:10

he immediately said yes

12:13

, I have . I said okay

12:16

, what are the things that you

12:18

have seen ? He said , okay , what are the things that you

12:20

have seen ? And he said well , you are unable

12:22

to finish projects . When

12:25

it's time to do something , you

12:27

do five

12:29

things before , like

12:36

, for example , when it's time to sit down and eat . I do five things before that , and by the time

12:38

I sit down to dinner , my dinner is cold . My meal is cold because

12:40

I didn't come eat when I was

12:43

supposed to and he

12:45

named off a bunch of other stuff too , and

12:48

that's when I was like , oh crap

12:50

, whatever

12:53

this is ADHD or not , I

12:55

am having an impact

12:57

, not necessarily negative , but

12:59

definitely not positive . I'm having an impact

13:02

on my marriage . My behavior is

13:04

having an impact on my marriage . And

13:08

that's when I was like , okay , I am going

13:10

to get tested , I'm just

13:12

going to do whatever it is that you have to

13:14

do to go get tested which

13:17

is easier said than done , my friends

13:19

. I talked

13:22

to my psychiatrist . I said , hey , I

13:24

want to get tested . She

13:26

said why ? What are your symptoms ? I told

13:28

her . She said , yeah , you should get tested . Go

13:31

talk to these people . So I

13:33

called the clinic that she recommends and

13:35

and they say we

13:38

have no openings . I

13:42

said you have no openings , like ever . She's

13:45

like , yep , you're just going to need to keep calling

13:47

back . Well , if

13:49

you've listened to my episode on

13:51

telephone phobia

13:53

, you know that I will not be doing that . I will not

13:56

be . Yeah , you

13:58

tell them , snowball , I will not

14:00

be calling this place to see if they have appointments

14:03

. Sidebar difficulties

14:05

talking on the telephone can

14:08

be a sign of ADHD . Okay

14:11

, so that's not working out

14:13

. I call , I talk to my general practitioner

14:15

. Hey , I'd like to be screened for

14:18

ADHD . Okay , what are some of your

14:20

symptoms ? I tell him my symptoms . All

14:22

right , I got a guy , call this guy . So

14:25

I call that guy yes

14:28

, we can get you in on August 27th

14:31

. Keep in mind this was back in February

14:33

. So I

14:36

took the appointment . I said great , I'll see

14:38

you on August 27th , no-transcript

15:03

. Okay

15:05

, so the appointments are set and in the meantime I

15:07

start sort

15:11

of spiraling . Actually , I

15:14

would say March and April were

15:16

pretty

15:20

dark months for me this year

15:22

, for

15:25

multiple reasons , I suppose . But because I

15:27

was learning about ADHD

15:30

and the more I learned , the

15:33

more I understood myself , which is good

15:35

, right . But it also was

15:37

oh my

15:39

God , are you kidding

15:42

me Really

15:44

? Like , like all

15:46

the signs were there . I missed them , my parents

15:49

missed them , doctors missed them , and

15:52

and now I , oh God , I got

15:54

to do the fibro thing , I got to do the chronic

15:57

fatigue thing , I've got to do the depression thing

15:59

and the anxiety thing and all the other things

16:01

, and now I got to manage this

16:03

ADHD and

16:05

I

16:08

I went through a grieving

16:10

process , a process that probably

16:12

isn't done yet , just because I

16:14

have a diagnosis , because I thought you

16:17

know what I don't want to like , I don't want to deal with

16:19

this , I'm not going to , I'm not going to deal with it Like

16:23

, oh my gosh , I didn't understand

16:26

that these

16:28

things that I do aren't

16:30

neurotypical , and

16:33

I'm not trying to be neurotypical , but I am

16:35

trying to lead a better

16:38

life for myself and an easier life for myself

16:40

, and learning how to cope

16:42

with some

16:44

of these symptoms is a way for me to live better

16:46

. A

16:49

few weeks ago , I reached

16:52

out to a friend who has been

16:54

diagnosed within the past year or so and I just

16:56

said , hey , how did you get diagnosed

16:58

? Because I am having a very difficult time waiting for August . And I'd like

17:00

hey , how did you get diagnosed ? Because I am having a very difficult time waiting for August

17:02

and I'd like to start getting some help now

17:04

. How ? How

17:07

did you get diagnosed ? And she

17:09

said my doctor my doctor , excuse

17:11

me recommended a online

17:13

test to me it's called ADHD

17:15

online , which I had already

17:17

. I knew about it because I already researched

17:20

it . She said I took this

17:22

test and I gave the results

17:24

to my general practitioner

17:26

and that's how I started on

17:28

my meds . And I was like okay , okay , and and

17:30

I had opted out of not taking

17:33

the ADHD online test prior

17:35

to this because it's it was expensive , it's like $'s

17:37

like 170 plus

17:40

. I didn't know if I should trust

17:42

an online test and I

17:44

didn't want to spend that much money and I wasn't

17:46

sure how accurate it was , and so I decided

17:48

to not take it . And then

17:50

this friend had mentioned it and I

17:52

thought , okay , maybe , maybe . And

17:54

then I went to my next therapy session

17:57

and she said you know , while you're

17:59

waiting for this full

18:01

assessment in August , what

18:04

do you think about taking the ADHD online

18:06

test ? I was like

18:08

you know , I told her the reasons why not

18:11

, like why I wasn't going to , and she

18:13

said okay , I , you know , I understand that

18:15

, I respect it , I value your opinion

18:17

and it could be

18:19

helpful to you for this

18:21

interim time , before you get your

18:23

other diagnosis

18:26

or don't get your other diagnosis , you

18:28

could take this test , give the results

18:30

to your psychiatrist , give the results to your

18:32

general practitioner and say is there

18:34

anything we can do with this information or

18:38

what if it says that I don't have ADHD

18:40

? Then I could stop thinking about it . So

18:43

I decided to take the test that night

18:46

. Um , and

18:51

I took it that night . I got the results the

18:53

next day . It said

18:55

that I have major depressive disorder

18:57

which I'm already being treated for General

19:00

anxiety . Already being treated for

19:02

ADHD-C

19:04

. Adhd-c

19:06

means that you have both attention deficit

19:09

and hyperactivity . There's

19:11

two other kinds of ADHD

19:13

, just the attention

19:16

deficit or just the hyperactivity

19:18

attention

19:24

deficit or just the hyperactivity , but they just call it all

19:26

ADHD . So

19:28

it said yeah . So it said I had ADHD . It also said that I had sensory processing disorder

19:30

, which I'm not going to go into today other than by saying this makes

19:32

sense to me and I'm going to see

19:36

if I can specifically get tested for it . And

19:38

then I also have auditory processing

19:40

disorder , and all I'm going to say about that

19:42

today is I'm going to look into that

19:44

as well . So

19:47

it said that I had ADHD

19:49

, sent the results to my psychiatrist

19:52

, sent the results to my general practitioner and

19:54

I'm waiting to meet with

19:56

them and

19:58

I'm just going to leave it at that . I meet with one next week

20:00

and I meet with the other the week after . So

20:03

I was like , okay , I took these tests , I

20:07

realized that there might be , you know

20:09

, some questions about the validity

20:11

of this test , but for right now I'm just going

20:13

to live as if and keep

20:15

researching and keep doing what I can do on

20:17

my end to learn about myself

20:20

. And then , like

20:23

four days ago , I

20:25

got a call at nine 30 in the morning

20:27

. I don't ever answer my phone , but

20:30

I saw that it was the doctor's office for

20:33

my August appointment and I thought

20:35

, oh , maybe they can get me in

20:37

a little bit earlier . I should answer

20:40

this call . So I did

20:42

and they said can you come here in two and a half

20:44

hours ? We've had a cancellation . And

20:46

I said yep . So

20:50

I went Um

20:52

three and a half hours

20:54

, four hours . Maybe I might do a whole

20:56

nother podcast on what the testing was

20:59

like . Um , cause , it's , it's very

21:01

interesting and and it was sort of fun

21:03

I'm someone who likes , you

21:06

know , psychological exams . It was , it

21:08

was very interesting . But

21:10

, um , he said , if you can wait about 20

21:12

minutes , I will

21:14

look at all of this data and

21:16

let you know what I think . I

21:21

will look at all this data and let you know what I think . I said okay

21:23

. So I waited and he brought me back into his office and he said

21:25

yes , it is , it's my . He didn't say it's my understanding of

21:27

something . It was nothing generic like that . Like

21:29

he gave me a positive ADHDC

21:33

diagnoses , the

21:43

diagnosis , and said that he is going to do a big old like workup of all the

21:45

information and he's going to send it to my general practitioner . I also asked him to

21:47

send it to me because

21:49

this particular doctor that I saw only

21:52

does the testing and

21:54

the diagnosing . He

21:56

doesn't do any of the management . He

21:59

suggested that I start seeing an

22:01

ADHD coach , which is

22:04

something I would really enjoy doing . It also

22:06

is not covered by health insurance , so I'm

22:08

going to have to look into that . Yeah

22:13

, so

22:16

you know , I got in three and a half months

22:18

early , which is absolutely incredible

22:20

. So , dear person who canceled their appointment

22:23

last week , thank you . You have

22:26

changed my life for the better

22:28

, I think , and got

22:30

me into this doctor appointment . So

22:33

there

22:36

you have it . So

22:53

there you have it . I feel okay about it right now

22:55

to do with that information , and

22:57

what I want to do with that information is learn

23:00

about myself and and

23:05

keep going and maybe maybe

23:08

live differently in

23:11

in really , really great ways . Like I'm , I'm

23:14

excited . I'm excited for what's

23:16

to come . I'm

23:19

pre-exhausted for what's to come

23:21

, just because I'm exhausted all the time anyway . But

23:23

you know , it's

23:25

work . Bettering your

23:27

life is work and

23:31

I want to better my life and I'm willing to put

23:33

the work in , and I

23:35

know that there's so many people out there that

23:38

also have ADHD and are living

23:40

really , really well and

23:42

are living amazing , fulfilling

23:45

lives and I'm already living an

23:47

amazing , mostly fulfilling

23:49

life . So

23:51

managing this is only going to make

23:53

my life better it's

23:56

. You know . I know that there's a long

23:58

road ahead . I know that this

24:00

isn't a recovery type of situation

24:02

, but that you know that's already happened with

24:04

my fibromyalgia and my myalgic

24:07

encephalomyelitis , like . Those aren't things that I

24:09

recover from ever . I will never not

24:12

have fibro . I will never not have ME

24:14

CFS . I will never not have ADHD

24:17

, um , those

24:20

that those are just there are labels that I have

24:22

and and that's fine . So

24:25

I will always be managing

24:27

this Um , but

24:30

it looks like I've been managing it for at least 20

24:33

years somehow and , wow

24:35

, I'm about to get some coping skills . That sounds

24:37

freaking fantastic for

24:39

me . So that

24:42

is a story of me being diagnosed

24:44

and how

24:49

I got to this exact moment . I'm

24:51

sure I'll have plenty

24:53

to share with you in the future

24:56

. For those of you that have

24:58

already been diagnosed , please feel

25:00

free to send

25:03

your advice . Please don't give advice unless you're

25:05

already diagnosed or if you have a child

25:07

who is diagnosed . I'd

25:09

love to hear from those who are

25:11

on the same path . You can

25:13

send me an email at

25:15

healandgrowwithnikipodcast

25:18

at gmailcom . Nikki

25:21

is spelled N-I-C-K-I-E , and

25:24

yeah , I look forward to sharing more

25:27

with you in the future as I learn

25:31

and as I heal and

25:34

as I grow . As

25:38

always , thanks for healing and growing with

25:40

me today . Bye-bye , hey

25:47

, everyone . If you enjoy my work and

25:49

you would like to support me , there are so many

25:52

ways in which to do so . You

25:54

could purchase my book things I'm'm Thinking

25:56

About A Daughter's Thoughts on the Loss of

25:58

Her Mom . It's on Amazon and

26:00

also linked in the show notes here . You

26:03

could buy me a coffee Mmm

26:05

coffee that's also linked

26:07

in the show notes . Or spending

26:09

money right now is not something that you're able

26:11

to do . You could always share

26:14

your favorite podcast . You

26:16

could tag me in a post . You could

26:18

follow me on Instagram

26:20

or Facebook or LinkedIn . Any

26:23

of those things help me out

26:25

quite a bit . Thank you so much for

26:27

supporting me . This

26:29

podcast is for informational purposes only

26:32

and should not be considered legal , health or professional

26:34

advice . I am not responsible

26:36

for any losses , damages or liabilities

26:39

that may arise from the use of this podcast

26:41

. This podcast is not intended

26:43

to replace professional medical advice

26:45

. Thank

27:12

you

27:15

.