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Welcome to the Happiness Podcast. I'm

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Dr. Robert Puff. If

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you don't mind, take a moment and just

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think about what's happening in

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your life right now. Where do

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you live? Who's in your life? What do you

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do for a living? What type of

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car do you drive? What type of home do you

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live in? What type of friendships do you have? How's

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your health? Just think about your

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life right now and how it's going. And

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then think about is there someone on the planet

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that would do anything if

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they could be in your shoes right now? That

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they had the same situation that you were in

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based upon where they're at? That they would think

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they are so blessed by what you

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had if they had that? And

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the reverse is true. Do you think there's someone on

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the planet who, if they had

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to trade places with you, wouldn't

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do it for a million dollars, even a

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billion dollars, because they would find your life

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as deplorable, despicable, and not something they

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would want? Maybe it wouldn't be that

1:04

bad, but they definitely wouldn't want to

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trade places with you. And

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there's you. What do you think about your current situation?

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How do you feel about it? Do you feel lucky?

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Do you feel unlucky? Do

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you feel blessed? Do you feel

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like someone's trying to get you and you just had

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all the bad breaks of life? I'm

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hoping with this little exercise that if you

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actually do it and believe that it's true,

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that there actually would be people that would

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love to be in your situation, and

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there are people out there that would not want to be in

1:33

your situation, and yet you

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have your situation and you view it

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however you view it, that that's three

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different ways to view the exact same

1:41

event. But how could this

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be? How could three people view the

1:45

exact same event and see

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them differently? It's because

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our minds shape our reality, how we

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see things affects a way, how we

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feel about them, and how we experience

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them. Think About one of

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your favorite places. The Planet the you

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really like a visit when a

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mine is you somebody National park.

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It's here in California and it's

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beautiful. He. Be ever get a chance

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please come visit at I think you'll find

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it spectacular. Since. The national

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Park knowing and let their whole time

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to everyone visiting the park is on

2:18

vacation and you would think they be

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having a great time Wife and their

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many times over the years I remember

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to advance their incredibly distinct and their

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premise for been there was exact same

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they were there to get married in

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this was beautiful place a nature and

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you could have weddings air ever one

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have one to thera the great place

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to have one anyways the one couple

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I saw the first one was a

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singer couple. And they were so

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happy. They look so beautiful together. They

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didn't dress and typical outfits, a more

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work and a notary outbursts the best

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way can describe it. Spread natural and

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you get to see the joy in

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bless their hearts and they were just

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truly a joy to see. Well then

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another time I was there there was

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another cup of that I saw. Also

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I just got married but experts say

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we're having was very different in the

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first couple they were not very happy.

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I don't know what was going on,

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I wasn't privy to the conversation. But

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the wife was very angry at

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are just newly wed husband and

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was screaming at him. I thought

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oh this place is so beautiful.

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Who could possibly cause you to

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be so angry. Know. I

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know there's a lot of circumstances that

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could cause these two tad to weddings

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to be experience for differently but. This

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was the first day of their lives

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together and they're in a big kick

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yearly. Gorgeous environment that there should have

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been so much joy and happiness. and

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yet on one hand there was, and

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on the other hand there wasn't. If.

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You're still not convinced by my

3:50

examples. Think of someone to you

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know the has so much more

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than you do. I mean a

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lot more pressure, more beautiful than

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you are. Perhaps him or money,

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perhaps a more famous perhaps are

4:03

more intelligent and then study the

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lives of these type of people

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that you look up to and

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are all them equally happy and

4:11

joyful. and their lives are going

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wonderful are better than yours. I

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better not. Awesome may have good

4:18

lies, but some may not have

4:20

criticized me. Don't we all know

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people that seemingly had everything and

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then they. Do. Something

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that's very destructive in their lives.

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Our. Thoughts are so incredibly powerful,

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Days shape the way we

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interact with our world, and

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perhaps one last example can

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help. Illustrate. This point we've

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studied greatly Study people have won

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a lotta money in a lot

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of and we looked allies pre

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and post winning the lotto and

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I think most upon the planet

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would say if I won ten

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or one hundred million dollars and

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lot all my life would be

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great and we started their lives

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extensively as within three to six

5:00

months than at any more happier

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than they were before they won

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the lotto and sometimes or less

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happy. How can that

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be? Because what happens with it

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is we take us with us

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and our worldview and how we

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see the world to artillerist everywhere

5:17

we go server one person a

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beautiful sunset for another person to

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can be the end of a

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very long day. We.

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Have I thought with a cock?

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Cognitions and we ever cognitive biases

5:30

that shape the way we see

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or world. Some. People have

5:34

negative diocese so we all know

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people to see things as a cop

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half empty and this cues their

5:40

view the world without them even realizing

5:43

it. If you assume that people

5:45

out there are bad and one hurt

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you and everywhere you go you're

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gonna be under guard and be careful

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and it's gonna be exhausting, but

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that viewpoint will shape the way you

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interact with the world. and then

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we have was caught him. Coloring

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Wow. I mood affect our perceptions.

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For example, a sad person is

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much more likely to notice negativity

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in their environment than a person

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who isn't sad or as even

6:11

happy. And then there's a power

6:13

of our beliefs. When. We

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have expectations of how things are going

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to work out. Our expectations can manifest

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in reality. For example, if we call

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up customer service and are hoping for

6:25

a good response probably will get a

6:27

nice pleasant person and though they may

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not be able to solve all our

6:31

questions or help solve our problems the

6:34

off and will work towards helping us

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find someone who can. If.

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We call up angry with expectations that

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they're just Dirksen gonna do anything for

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us. They. May not.

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their expectations are beliefs

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can shape or reality.

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And. They do, so understanding what

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they are is one of the

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key components of saying. okay, how

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are my thoughts, our my beliefs,

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our my emotions, covering the way

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I interact with world and shaping

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the way I see it. Because.

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Even if it doesn't impact the other

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person, it's a mackey me. Whether.

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In good ways whether and harmful ways

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or whether in ways that are just

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neutral. but it is going to impact

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my life and that's the one thing

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I can control is me. I can

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work on changing my thoughts. so I

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changed my world. For. Example:

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If we accept friend a dear friend

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and they don't texas pack we at

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that point have cocking this choices that

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we can make we can say third

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jerk maybe they're not is closer friends

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I thought they were. Maybe there are

7:38

other friends are more important than I

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am. Or. We. Can

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say oh i wonder if they got that

7:45

message us and them another one because they

7:47

may have forgotten I get bit sometimes to

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and don't detectable back saw text him again.

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we have choices that we can

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make and do make proper day

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and the way we see the

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world shapes our world. Our

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mind clearly affects how we're

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interacting with the world. Do

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we see metaphorically the world

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is a cup half full or half

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empty? It's half either way, but

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we have choices all along the way to change

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the way we see it. And

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what I want to argue, if we see it

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from more positive, loving,

8:24

kind, accepting ways, we're

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going to find our world become a safer,

8:29

kinder, gentler, happier place.

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That's how we shape our world.

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I think there's a tendency to think

8:39

that life is just objective. There's one

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truth and that's the truth that

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I experience and everyone else sees it the same

8:45

way. That is not true

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at all. Our thoughts shape the way

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we interact with our world. So

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if you perhaps agree with me that our

8:54

thoughts do shape the way we see our

8:57

world, then what can we

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do to make our thoughts help

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us in seeing the world as a better place,

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a place that we want to live in and

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are happy with? Well, I

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want to conclude with three activities that can

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be helpful for changing our thoughts and the

9:12

way we see the world. The

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first one is called mindfulness. You may have heard

9:16

of it before, but it's

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basically a simple technique of being mindful

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and aware of our thoughts as they

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happen throughout the day. Instead

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of watching the world and constantly

9:27

engaging with it, we watch

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ourselves and the thoughts that we have going

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on inside of us and

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ask ourselves, is this a good thought? Is

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this a helpful thought? Is this a

9:38

productive thought or is this a negative thought?

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Is this a depressive thought and one

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that will lead to me becoming an

9:45

unhappier person? So we start

9:47

with mindfulness. And then

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when we discover that some of our

9:51

thoughts aren't good thoughts, our thoughts leading

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us down the path of despair and

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sadness, then we do a

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thing called cognitive reappraisal. And

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that basically means is to reframe

10:03

the negative thoughts into more balanced,

10:05

realistic like. So let's

10:08

say for example someone we love or we care

10:10

about or even a stranger is doing

10:12

something that we find somewhat offensive that

10:14

bothers us. What we can

10:17

do is begin to ask questions, see if we

10:19

can change their mood, look at it differently instead

10:21

of getting angry at them and saying they're a

10:23

bad person or what's wrong with them. We

10:25

can instead work towards changing the

10:28

situation by being kind, by

10:30

staying calm and sometimes

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I find often if we just ask a

10:34

few questions and we actually

10:36

care about them, they become softer,

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they become gentler and our

10:41

interactions with the world then become softer and gentler

10:44

too. It's the way

10:46

we see the world instead of seeing it as a place

10:48

that we have to fight and protect

10:50

ourselves from all the bad people out there.

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Instead we see it as a wonderful adventure

10:55

that we get to enjoy and most

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people actually care about us, not everyone

11:00

of course, but enough people out

11:02

there do. Now of course

11:04

if we adopt this attitude that people care about us

11:07

and we're wrong, the one

11:09

thing is going to change is how we see

11:11

the world. That person would still be nasty towards

11:13

us but we're going to see it differently. We're

11:16

going to see this, they're just having a bad day and

11:19

I know I didn't do anything to hurt them and if

11:21

I did I'll apologize. What

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begins to change in us, which is the third step

11:25

we can do besides mindfulness

11:28

and cognitive reappraisal is

11:31

we develop a gratitude practice and

11:34

this is where science has shown that

11:36

by focusing on gratitude we

11:38

can shift our overall perspective of

11:41

our world because when we're grateful

11:43

and someone does something that's unfair to us

11:46

instead of fighting them or saying we're going to

11:48

stand our ground, instead we say well I'm

11:51

blessed in so many different ways, I don't mind if they

11:53

cut in front of me, it's no big deal or

11:56

when we don't get the promotion that we wanted, Oh

11:59

we don't get into. The school that we

12:01

are hopeful for. or if someone we

12:03

thought. We. Loved doesn't love us back

12:05

for grateful for all the other things we

12:07

have a life and realizing to miles a

12:10

new day. And. Perhaps in

12:12

a few years we will get a

12:14

promotion and perhaps in a few weeks

12:16

we'll get into a different school that

12:19

will be okay. and perhaps someday we

12:21

will find the person that we want

12:23

to spend our life with. It's all

12:25

about gratitude and realizing that our thoughts,

12:28

whether they're negative or whether they're positive,

12:30

shape our world. I.

12:33

Thought shape our reality and we

12:35

can change your thoughts. To

12:38

my views. And to. Cognitive.

12:41

Reappraisal and to. Gratitude.

12:44

Practice When we do, these

12:46

things will begin to see

12:48

that our world is changing

12:50

because we're now seen it

12:52

to different eyes to eyes

12:54

of love to eyes of

12:56

kindness to eyes of thankfulness

12:58

in gratitude. When. We

13:01

do. This will find that

13:03

and of struggling everyday and

13:05

fighting life we begin to

13:07

flow of life and find

13:09

joy and happiness. Instead

13:11

of been an occasional occurrence

13:13

becomes a regular practice house.

13:17

We. Can truly have beautiful eyes.

13:19

This. Does take work. This.

13:22

Does take a print but if we work at

13:24

it. And we practice said. We.

13:26

Will find that each day. Will

13:29

be getting better. And. Each day

13:31

will be thankful for that day

13:33

as our lives continue to improve.

13:37

They. Keep a journey me

13:39

on the Happiness Podcast. If

13:42

you'd like to learn more

13:44

about the podcast, please go

13:47

to www.happiness podcast.org that Happiness

13:49

podcast.org and Co next time.

13:52

Except what is. Love

13:54

White his. you