0:00

Hand Me My Purse is a production of iHeart

0:02

Podcasts. So

0:04

as I perused fully

0:08

short Side's Internet, I

0:10

found something

0:13

on threads and it looks like the account

0:15

is Alex

0:18

Sorry Alex Aubrey Poetry

0:21

and the book is called Learning to Love Myself.

0:24

Not sure if she wrote it or if she just posted

0:26

or what or he because

0:30

Alex is a unisex name. It

0:33

says seven steps to self care. One

0:35

if it feels wrong, don't do it. That's

0:38

pretty simple.

0:39

I like that.

0:40

Two say exactly what is on your mind.

0:44

I subscribe to that one thousand percent. I

0:47

probably subscribe to it a little too much, if you

0:49

ask the people in my life. Three

0:51

trust your intuition. I'm

0:56

still working on that. Sometimes I struggle with

0:59

that, but it's never

1:01

wrong. I'll tell you that.

1:02

Four.

1:03

Never speak bad about yourself. I'm

1:05

always struggling with that. Five

1:08

don't be afraid to say yes, hm.

1:14

Six don't be afraid to say

1:16

no.

1:17

I've gotten a lot better with that, that's for sure.

1:20

And seven love openly

1:23

and loudly. I

1:46

can't see the bad that happened. Okay,

1:48

what's up, y'all?

1:49

Welcome to hand Me my personal podcast, I

1:51

and Me me Walker and I will be here forever, host

1:53

each and every single time that you tune

1:56

into this podcast. So go ahead and get

1:58

comfortable. Get yourself a glass of

2:01

your favorite beverage, whether that's water

2:03

fountain water. How many of y'allsoll drink

2:06

from a water fountain so

2:09

white glacier, gatorade. I

2:11

see the kids drinking it. It looks

2:13

like watery milk to me, so it's

2:15

a no for me. A hot cup of

2:17

mull and tea with honey and lemon

2:20

to help with your lungs. Because

2:22

algae season is running,

2:24

a monk pollen is covering our cars.

2:27

It looks like the Ghostbusters and Slimer

2:29

has been walking through our town, killing green,

2:32

slimy ghosts and leaving the powder and residue

2:34

on our cars. It's bonkers out here, So

2:36

make sure that you're taking care of yourself. Go

2:39

like yourself, a candle, some incense, or

2:41

burn some sage, and just get ready to chill

2:43

out and have a good time.

2:56

What's up, friends again? It's me MEI Resident Auntie

2:59

Supreme.

2:59

Here, hand me my purse, and

3:02

today I am sipping on a

3:04

mes Cow mule. While I was sipping

3:07

on one not

3:09

too long ago, I was sipping on a

3:11

mes Cow mule. I went out

3:14

and I had a mescal mule

3:16

and it was delicious. The bartender pissed

3:18

me off because the mescal

3:21

mule was on the menu and

3:23

I asked for a mes cow mule and

3:25

it also had the description in the

3:28

on the menu of what was in the mescal

3:31

mule. And he asked me, have you

3:33

ever had mescal before? And I just kind of

3:35

looked at him like he was crazy,

3:38

and I said, absolutely I have, and

3:40

he said, okay, either way, it was delicious.

3:43

I loved it.

3:43

I love mescal. Some people don't

3:46

like it, but me, I love it. It's smoky,

3:48

it's tequila, but it's

3:50

like tequila as a grown, independent

3:53

human being who serves their community

3:56

in a good way. I feel grown as

3:58

hell when I drink it, and I love it.

4:01

In this moment, I am drinking on some

4:05

green tea kombucha hot.

4:08

It comes in tea bag form

4:12

with some honey, because green

4:14

tea is life.

4:15

It's the elixir of life.

4:18

Before I ask y'all or I get into what y'all

4:20

are sipping on, I want to know how these gratitude

4:23

challenges are going because we're almost done.

4:26

Are you guys sitting

4:29

in your gratitude challenge? Are you guys

4:31

writing down what you're grateful for? Are you focusing

4:34

on gratitude? It may

4:36

not look like writing it down

4:38

every day. That's the goal. That's what we want

4:40

to do. But even if you don't get a chance

4:42

to, are you sitting in gratitude?

4:46

Like? Are you swimming in an ocean of gratitude?

4:48

Is that what you are doing? If you are

4:50

not? Pull on

4:53

you because that was the goal. Anyway,

4:56

What are y'all sipping on right now? Let me know

4:58

what y'all drinking?

5:08

So friends and came forward today's jam.

5:12

The artists for this jam were

5:15

they had another song as

5:17

a jam a few months ago.

5:20

And the reason that this is the jam

5:23

is because last week

5:25

I woke up and this song

5:27

was playing in a dream that I had. So

5:31

I got up and I turned on some

5:34

music. I turned on YouTube, actually on

5:36

the TV, and I played the song

5:39

and I listened to it probably

5:44

seven or eight times as I got dressed

5:47

to go to work. And when

5:51

things like that happen, when I have a

5:53

moment where in my dream there's

5:55

a song or I

5:58

can't get a song out of my head. I feel

6:00

like it is God's way of speaking to me. And

6:03

so that song is by it sounds

6:05

of blackness, and it's called I Believe.

6:08

Now.

6:08

Ever, since spring break, when I went on my

6:10

trip to Virginia Beach, I've

6:13

been heavy, heavy, heavy in my

6:15

gospel bag, like heavy.

6:17

I've been listening to gospel music so

6:21

much, so much.

6:23

Actually, when I was in Virginia Beach,

6:27

a song clopped into my head and

6:30

it is called I drove past the street and

6:33

it was called like Potter's Road

6:35

or something, and I was like, oh, I

6:37

love that song. I

6:40

forgot what it's called, but something about the Potter. But

6:42

it goes the Potter wants to put you back together

6:44

again? Why did I turn that song on?

6:48

Child?

6:49

I was in that car crying. It's not what's coming

6:51

out of my nose. I'm falling

6:53

all out. I had to pull over

6:55

into the CBS parking lot

6:58

and go into CVS to collect myself.

7:02

I also needed some water, but that's

7:05

neither here nor there anyway. So

7:08

Ever, since then, I've been like really

7:11

in my gospel bag also

7:14

because I felt like I needed

7:17

to be recentered, and

7:21

when that happens, gospel

7:24

music does it for me.

7:26

It brings me back right into the middle. Okay,

7:30

so.

7:33

This song could be considered a

7:36

gospel song by some. I

7:39

guess the actual genre would

7:41

be like inspirational,

7:45

so to speak. But it's

7:48

amazing and I'm

7:50

just gonna say some of the words and then you can go I'm

7:52

gonna play it so you can go ahead and get into

7:54

it. But it says I believe in

7:57

the power, and I'll never ever out

8:00

it.

8:00

Every minute, every hour, I believe.

8:03

I believe in myself

8:05

because I know I get my help from

8:08

that power in the sky. I

8:10

believe, and

8:14

I love that. It starts off by saying, no

8:16

need ask me asking where I've been.

8:18

Just ask me where I'm going. Listen,

8:21

that's it. Don't ask me about where I've been.

8:23

Don't ask me about my past, don't ask me about

8:26

what I've been through, because that does

8:28

not define me. Just ask me where I'm headed. Just

8:31

focus on what's going on in front of me. And

8:33

it's a reminder to me and

8:35

to you to stop worrying about

8:37

what's happened in the past,

8:41

just focusing on what's

8:44

in front of you. And

8:47

one line says, I

8:50

don't know exactly what it says. But I'm

8:52

feeling something. I'm feeling so good I

8:55

have to raise my hand and rejoice, say

8:57

a few words to praise him every time I

8:59

lift my voice. Listen, y'all

9:02

better talk to whoever y'all give

9:05

praise to.

9:07

You.

9:08

Better talk to God or Krishna or

9:10

whoever outlaw, whoever, the

9:13

plant in your living room, whatever

9:16

it is, the head of lettuce, whatever

9:19

it is, Buddha, whatever it is.

9:23

Because praise and worship

9:27

and.

9:31

All those things are rooted in gratitude,

9:34

because that's what it's really about. And

9:37

that song, to me, was perfect

9:40

to close out the gratitude

9:43

challenge because it's

9:45

over on the twenty first.

9:48

That was fast. So

9:50

to close out the gratitude challenge.

9:52

What a great song anyway get into it.

9:54

It's a great song. Also,

9:58

let me just say this.

9:59

I don't if you guys know this or not, and I

10:01

know that a lot of you guys may not be into

10:04

astrology the same way I am.

10:05

But Mercury is retrograde. Right now?

10:07

What does that mean? Excuse

10:11

me?

10:12

It means that the planet Mercury has

10:15

slowed down.

10:18

And if I'm not.

10:18

Mistaken, I think it means that it starts

10:20

going in the opposite direction. Hold

10:23

on, let me find out. Okay,

10:26

So it says here that

10:29

when Mercury is

10:32

retrograde, it doesn't mean that

10:34

the planet is actually moving backward. Mercury

10:37

retrograde, and this is per reader's digest.

10:40

Mercury retrograde is an optical illusion

10:42

where the planet Mercury looks as if

10:44

it's moving backward from our view

10:46

on Earth. The illusion occurs multiple

10:49

times a year because it takes just eighty

10:51

eight days for Mercury to circle

10:53

the Sun compare with Earth

10:55

three hundred and sixty five days. As

10:58

such, astrologists think that the areas

11:00

of life rude by this planet, such

11:03

as communication and travel, can also take

11:05

a step in the wrong direction.

11:08

Okay, there we go. So it's

11:11

not moving backward.

11:12

It's just an optical illusion because

11:14

the galaxy is magical. I

11:20

will say this about mercury retrograde though

11:22

it's real. I'm

11:24

experiencing it, and I am experiencing

11:27

it.

11:27

Excuse me.

11:29

In this moment, as I'm recording,

11:31

something got wonky with my sound effects.

11:34

But guess what before

11:36

it got wonky in my sound effects with

11:40

my recording. I go

11:42

to open my soundpad

11:45

and all of my sound effects

11:47

are gone, all of them,

11:51

all of them, and I have a lot. I just use the

11:53

same ones over and over because they're my faves. They

11:56

feel like things that I say in real life.

11:59

All of them gone, So now

12:01

I have to find them. I have to download

12:04

them again, and then I have to add

12:06

them and name them and

12:09

get them all right in

12:12

my soundpad again.

12:14

So thanks Mercury Retrograde. For those

12:16

of you who don't believe it's real, that's fine.

12:19

You don't have to because I

12:21

know otherwise. Anyway,

12:24

get into the song here, because

12:27

I do believe in myself, and

12:29

I know I get my help from that power

12:31

in the sky.

12:32

I believe

12:38

me kill

13:17

I think. Another thing is being

13:19

vulnerable. You know, you

13:21

have to.

13:21

There's a certain level of vulnerability

13:24

that you have to embody and

13:26

embrace and accept in

13:28

order to be authentic.

13:30

It means that I gotta just be who

13:32

I.

13:33

Am and all of my ugly and

13:35

all of my nasty, you know, because

13:37

you know I.

13:39

Have a good time.

13:40

You know, I think that I'm a relatively kind

13:43

person and I'm sweet, but sometimes

13:45

I can be nasty. Sometimes I can say mean shit

13:47

about people. I'm gonna talk about people.

13:50

Oh she ugly, Oh her shoes

13:52

is ugly. Sometimes I can do that.

13:56

To me.

13:57

I think that because I accept who I am, I

13:59

don't in a space of like I'm

14:01

not gonna be and I don't beat myself up about

14:03

it either. I don't sit here and pick it

14:05

apart, like, oh it's my self

14:08

esteem and no, sometimes I just want to

14:10

laugh at people's ugly fucking shoes.

14:12

It's very simple. It's funny

14:14

to me.

14:14

I always say on this show that I will

14:17

never like tear somebody down for, you

14:19

know, something that is beyond their control, in the sense

14:21

of like,

14:24

like some people say really mean things about

14:26

people. I don't If me and my friends are sitting

14:28

there and somebody walk by and her

14:30

shoes is bussy girl, why she got them shoes on?

14:32

Why would she do that? We laugh, we have

14:34

a good time, we keep it moving. But I would never

14:37

try to like hurt

14:39

somebody or embarrass or humiliate

14:41

somebody. That's not where I'm coming from.

14:43

But like, I sit

14:45

in the fact that sometimes I mean it's

14:49

a part of who I am. I'm not gonna

14:51

fight it either, because I feel

14:53

like there are so many other wonderful things about

14:56

myself and I'm off human being,

14:58

so I'm not gonna be And I think.

15:00

This is where that whole.

15:04

Perpetrating the frog can get real tricky

15:06

for some people. I'm not perfect.

15:09

It's a lot of things about me that are

15:11

jacked up. But on the flip

15:13

side, there are so many wonderful things about

15:16

me as a human and

15:18

I embrace them. But I also embrace the shadow

15:20

side of me, because another side of me that is

15:22

not as filled

15:24

with flowers and daisies and essential

15:27

oils that are good for calming

15:29

the mind. That's not what I'm not

15:31

always about that.

15:33

Some people, I.

15:33

Think, want people to really believe

15:36

that they are flowers, candy,

15:39

unicorns and icicles with

15:41

sugar on them all day long, every day.

15:44

That's bullshit. God

15:47

don't even make us like that. Yeah,

15:50

Yeah, God don't make people like that.

15:53

Yeah. And I think that you know

15:55

that is you know when you think

15:57

about getting to that place

16:00

of authenticity where you are

16:03

honest with yourself.

16:04

About who you are and how

16:07

you present.

16:07

Right, Because part of becoming

16:10

self aware is first and

16:12

foremost being able to answer

16:15

the.

16:15

True question of how do I see

16:17

myself?

16:18

Right?

16:19

And then the next thing is how

16:21

do others see me.

16:23

So now it's how you

16:25

know, how do people experience ebany?

16:28

How does people experience make it?

16:30

And then we talked about

16:33

how do I want others to see me? And

16:36

I think that what happens

16:38

is the disconnect in

16:40

the in the the

16:43

the distortion. The distortion

16:46

comes in with how do others

16:48

see me?

16:49

And how do I want them to see me?

16:51

And that right there, that's that's

16:54

the delusion at times because it's

16:56

like, I want you to see me as good,

16:59

but my bi behavior shows you otherwise.

17:02

And so that whole reality

17:06

has to come in alignment. So when we

17:08

talk about acknowledgment, when we

17:10

talk about, you know, being honest with yourself,

17:12

being humble enough to say,

17:15

hey, this is who I really am. I

17:17

want to read something it

17:19

says self awareness is

17:21

the conscious knowledge of

17:24

one's own character, feelings,

17:28

motives, and desires.

17:30

It is the ability to reflect

17:33

on oneself and recognize

17:36

patterns in one's thoughts,

17:38

behaviors, and emotions.

17:41

And so that.

17:42

First part of it is knowledge

17:44

of one's own character. You

17:46

know how many times we lie to ourselves

17:49

about who we really are? Like

17:51

you know, when you know how many times

17:53

if someone said to us who

17:56

are you? And we come up with all

17:58

these things, and then we think about it's like,

18:00

wait, who am I?

18:02

You know what I mean, It's a hard question to

18:04

answer.

18:05

It's a difficult question to answer because

18:07

the first thing, I think, the first thing that we think about

18:09

is that is what do I want them

18:11

to know about me?

18:12

Apps?

18:13

And that goes back to that

18:16

competing and that distorting

18:19

kind those distorting kind of paradigms

18:21

of who do others see me as?

18:23

And how do I want to be seen?

18:25

And so part of that self awareness

18:28

piece, it draws you into

18:30

this because now you have

18:32

to be willing to see yourself

18:35

as other people see you so

18:37

that you can change who you really

18:39

are, because if you don't, then

18:42

you'll keep presenting something

18:44

that you think is different. But

18:47

you know, the fact of the matter is it's not your

18:50

true self.

18:51

I also think another thing. I just read something.

18:53

I think another thing is it says I'm going to read

18:55

something it says why do people lack self

18:57

awareness? It says people who are not self aware

19:00

are afraid to be vulnerable. They are worried

19:02

that they will be judged or rejected by others.

19:04

And then I thought, this is a hot ticket

19:06

item

19:09

which causes them to remain unaware of their

19:11

feelings, thoughts, motives, and behaviors. All

19:13

I could think of when I've read that is rejection

19:16

because at the root, at the root of all

19:19

this, it makes me think

19:21

about the fact

19:23

that people nobody wants to be rejected. Everybody

19:25

wants to be you know, people can tell

19:28

that because this is being not

19:30

self aware too.

19:31

I don't care if people don't like me. Shut the

19:33

fuck up.

19:33

Yes, nobody wants to walk

19:35

around and not be liked by anybody.

19:39

I understand the concept

19:41

of not making it the

19:44

forefront or your reason for living.

19:46

But you want to be liked.

19:48

Nobody wants to be in a situation where

19:51

people are frowning their face up at

19:53

you or treating you with disdain

19:56

or rejecting you. Because rejection sucks,

19:58

and it makes us feel bad about about ourselves.

20:00

It does.

20:01

Being judged sucks, and

20:04

it makes us question our

20:06

value and our.

20:07

Worth, and so does rejection. And

20:10

so it makes me think.

20:13

That when we are afraid to be vulnerable,

20:16

and we are so worried about

20:19

what other people think and how other

20:21

people perceive us, not that we shouldn't

20:23

be concerned about our public

20:27

what's the word. I'm thinking of evening our public

20:29

image because you should.

20:31

You should be concerned at some point or

20:33

somewhat about how you are viewed.

20:36

It should not drive how you

20:38

decide to navigate, but you should

20:40

be concerned. I don't want to be seen as a mean,

20:43

old hag. I don't want to be seen as,

20:46

you know, somebody who doesn't know how to treat

20:48

people nicely, or who can't

20:52

who's awkward in social situations.

20:54

I don't. I'm talking about for me. Mimi

20:56

does not want that.

20:57

But when we're so wrapped

20:59

up up in how we want other people

21:02

to see us, we do become unaware

21:04

of our own feelings. We

21:06

become unaware of how we think,

21:09

what our values are, what our

21:11

motives are, the things that make us

21:13

tick. Because we're so worried about with Joe,

21:16

Sam, Keisha, Pam

21:19

and Tilly thinks that we

21:21

should do, or how we think that they

21:23

see us, that we don't even think about how

21:25

we see us.

21:27

Absolutely, and one of

21:28

the devastating things

21:31

that happens in that scenario is

21:33

that you become what they need.

21:37

And so when you become

21:40

what they need, you lose

21:42

who you are. And so that

21:45

you know, again becomes the

21:48

internal conflict that we experience

21:51

because now we are being everything

21:53

to everybody or for everybody,

21:57

but we yet deny ourselves.

22:00

That's where, you know, we

22:02

have to get to that place where

22:05

we're being reflective, we're being

22:07

honest about where we are, and we're sitting

22:10

in it for a minute enough long

22:13

enough to be able to

22:15

be honest with ourselves about

22:18

what is there, and also be

22:20

honest with ourselves about what I

22:22

want to change and what I don't want

22:24

to change, because sometimes

22:27

what happens is if we are focused

22:29

more on how people perceive

22:32

us, then will become what they

22:34

need, okay, and then when

22:36

they leave our lives and someone

22:38

else comes, will be what they need.

22:41

And so it's a constant it's

22:43

a constant internal battle

22:46

of shaping yourself into

22:48

what each person needs.

22:50

It's almost like shape shift. It's

22:55

okay, I go, and you know I'm with

22:57

me me now, so me me needs all

22:59

of these things. So that's what I'm being to

23:01

become for her.

23:03

And then you get to this place in your life

23:05

where you like, darn this.

23:07

And then it's like who am I?

23:09

I don't even know I'm fifty

23:11

and I don't even know want and

23:14

and and let me say this, and and

23:17

I do not and I certainly do not leave

23:19

myself out with this, but I will say

23:22

as a therapist, and

23:24

I'm going to say, you know, ten

23:28

years ago, I would have said that I

23:30

mostly hear this from

23:32

women, but I'm finding more

23:34

and more that it's with men as

23:37

well in some aspects. But

23:39

people, men and women get to

23:41

their lives where they have been everything

23:45

to everybody for so long.

23:48

When you when they get to that place

23:50

where they start working on themselves,

23:52

you know what the hardest challenge is,

23:55

they can't even discover. They can't

23:58

they don't even understand what they like,

24:01

what they don't like, what

24:03

they prefer, what their hobbies

24:06

are. We often get to that place

24:08

so stuck where it's like, you know what, I've

24:10

been everything to everybody

24:12

for so long, and I'm sitting here

24:15

thinking what.

24:15

Do I like? I don't even know?

24:20

But what you said, who am

24:22

I? Who am I?

24:24

And that is the I

24:27

mean when I tell you, that is

24:29

a prevailing question that

24:32

I often have with middle

24:34

age men and women when

24:36

it comes to getting to a place

24:38

in their lives where they realize

24:41

I'm stuck I'm not happy.

24:43

I need a change. But guess

24:45

what, I don't know what that

24:48

change is.

24:49

And part of the reason why you don't

24:52

know what the change is because you have

24:54

to go back and discover you

24:56

first. And it's not until

24:59

you discover you first all

25:01

create you again that

25:04

you that you are able to

25:06

answer that question you

25:09

know and that part, and

25:11

that's where the real work

25:14

comes in.

25:15

It's so funny that you said that. I

25:17

remember a long time ago, my cousin

25:19

Julia, had like this girl's night

25:21

at her house and one of her

25:25

friends came over. And she

25:27

was a stay at home mom, her husband worked,

25:29

she had three kids, and

25:32

her kids were getting older, they were in high school.

25:34

And she said, you know, and she started

25:36

to cry, and she said, you know, I

25:39

have. I'm looking up now and

25:42

I'm spending more time alone now

25:44

because the kids are getting older and they're in high

25:47

school and they're much more independent

25:49

and they don't need me. And I'm looking around

25:51

and I'm washing people's clothes, and I'm making people's

25:53

food, and i'm cleaning, doing the laundry,

25:55

and I'm making the bed. And I've

25:58

looked up and realized that I don't even know

26:00

who I am anymore. Absolutely,

26:03

all I know is that I'm their mother, I'm

26:05

his wife, I'm their

26:07

cook, I'm the maid in the house. But

26:10

who am I like? What do I

26:12

like? What do I want to do with the rest of my life?

26:14

Because at some point my kids are going to

26:16

graduate and they're gonna move on. They're going to go on

26:18

with their lives, even if they're still living

26:20

in the home. Like they're going to go on with their

26:23

lives. What am I going to do when they don't

26:25

need me anymore? And I will never

26:27

forget that, Ebony. I was in my twenties.

26:29

I was in my mid to early twenties,

26:32

and I just remember thinking, I don't ever

26:34

want.

26:34

To be like that.

26:36

And I felt so much

26:38

empathy for her before I even knew

26:40

what empathy was. I

26:42

was like, oh my god, I feel so I might have started

26:44

crying, you know, I will cry, honey.

26:47

I might have started.

26:47

Crying because it just made me

26:50

so sad for her to be in

26:52

a space where you have catered to everyone

26:54

else's needs for so long that you

26:56

don't even remember, you have

26:59

ventured so far away from your center

27:02

that you don't even.

27:03

Really know who you are anymore.

27:06

That is scary to me.

27:08

Yeah, and I think that. You

27:11

know.

27:12

What I will say is that first

27:15

and foremost, been there, done that,

27:17

and I know all about it. And

27:20

what I will say is it doesn't even

27:22

necessarily have to be the

27:25

woman or the man with the kids,

27:27

and maybe the wife or the husband.

27:30

But the other part that

27:33

is a beautiful thing about our

27:35

lives. But if we're not self

27:37

aware, we'll make it negative. Is

27:40

that I truly believe that we have seasons

27:42

in our lives where we are

27:46

focused in one zone. Okay,

27:48

so we have you know, I'll use

27:50

me as an example. I'm a therapist. I've

27:52

been a therapist for twenty

27:55

or so years or whatever that is. I

27:57

get to my twenty fifth year and

27:59

I realize something great.

28:01

I don't want to do this anymore.

28:03

So now I'm lost because

28:06

I've been this for so long,

28:09

and so now I have the wonderful

28:12

opportunity of having

28:14

the carriage to create something

28:16

different.

28:18

Preacher, come on now.

28:21

But if I'm not self aware

28:24

of the shift and of the change

28:26

and what's happening inside of me,

28:29

right, I'll turn that into something

28:32

that is not I'll turn that into

28:34

I'm not happy with this.

28:35

I'm not happy with the job. They trying to

28:37

do this.

28:38

You know, I'll turn the focus

28:40

outwardly or externally as

28:42

opposed to recognizing that maybe

28:45

I'm shifting to another season

28:47

in my life. And so again,

28:50

that is why self awareness

28:52

is so important, because it's

28:54

it's really about how we are experiencing

28:57

ourselves. Not just about

28:59

how we see ourselves, but what

29:02

we are experiencing. Because

29:04

I've worked with people who don't

29:06

have the family and the kids, who haven't

29:08

been you know, a wife or a husband.

29:11

But they get to a stage in.

29:12

Their life and they're like, I don't know what I

29:14

want. I've been this, I've done

29:17

this, and I don't want to do that anymore.

29:19

But people keep keeping

29:21

me there.

29:22

You know how we we start victimizing

29:24

ourselves in creating this reality.

29:28

You see that a lot of jobs.

29:29

You see that a lot in workplaces where people

29:31

are like, I got to stay here because well

29:34

we work out of school.

29:35

These kids need me, baby, No they don't. Absolutely,

29:38

you think you're the only person who can help kids.

29:40

Absolutely, And we

29:42

create these victimizations

29:45

that are not even you know, they're keeping

29:47

me and they're holding me back. No,

29:50

you're holding you are afraid

29:53

you're just afraid to start over.

29:55

You're just afraid to create something

29:57

different.

30:09

And so you know, there is so

30:11

much power in being self

30:13

aware when you have the

30:16

carriage to be honest and humble,

30:19

and you know, being able to honor

30:22

your feelings, your thoughts, your

30:24

experiences without judging

30:26

you, without criticizing

30:28

you, you know, first being honest

30:31

about what's there and then

30:33

doing the correction later. Like

30:35

we can deal with changing,

30:38

but first I need to figure out what's

30:40

in there. I need to figure out what's

30:43

in there first before I start censoring

30:45

it, because like you talked about,

30:48

you know, we can think some pretty you

30:51

know, some pretty kind of mean

30:53

things and it's in us and it's like,

30:56

oh, nobody hears our

30:58

experiences, but we do and

31:00

we know it.

31:01

But I'm not going to deny that I

31:03

think that way.

31:04

I'm going to be honest with myself

31:07

and then work on changing.

31:09

That thought pattern. But if I don't

31:11

be honest with that, I can't change.

31:13

It, because you're pretending absolutely.

31:16

I will say something that while you were talking

31:18

that I was thinking about because

31:20

I do feel like I'm a relative.

31:23

I think I feel like I'm pretty self aware and

31:25

even to the point where I will do course correction

31:28

like, wait a.

31:28

Minute, you know, girl, you ain't telling

31:31

truth stuff.

31:32

I feel like there's a freedom that

31:35

I feel just being

31:37

me, and I

31:39

can say that I know what that feet

31:41

freedom feels like because I know what it's

31:43

like to not be me. I

31:46

know what it's like to put on And I

31:48

think people thought that when

31:50

I was in that space that I was being

31:52

authentic and I was being myself. The

31:55

thing is that I had gotten so good at

31:57

pretending.

32:00

And at.

32:02

What is it and manipulating people

32:05

that they thought that that's who I was.

32:07

But the truth of the matter is that I was not being

32:11

my true self. There's a freedom

32:13

that I feel now in

32:15

just being who I am and just

32:18

being and being honest about who

32:20

I am.

32:20

Yes, I am, you know.

32:23

In the instance, let's say, in a romantic

32:25

situation or in a situation where you're

32:27

dating somebody, you don't A lot of

32:29

times you don't tell the other person

32:32

when they hurt your feelings because you

32:34

don't want to seem soft.

32:35

You don't.

32:36

And sometimes I feel like this is trauma

32:39

based, especially with I would say

32:41

minorities or with people of color. But I'm

32:44

black, so I'm going to speak to the black

32:46

experience because I don't want to speak for

32:48

Asians, or for Latino

32:50

people, or for Polynesian people. I

32:52

don't want to do that because I can't

32:54

speak to that experience. But as a black

32:57

person, as a black woman, I

32:59

know some time I have been

33:01

in spaces where I did not want to

33:03

tell a man that he

33:06

hurt my feelings because I didn't want him

33:08

to one use that against me. I didn't

33:10

want him to think

33:13

that he had some kind of power over me, like

33:15

you know, I don't want him thinking

33:17

that he got me like that, when

33:20

in fact, he got me like that.

33:22

You know what I'm saying, the.

33:23

Brother, The brother had me losing my mind,

33:26

Okay, but I didn't want that man to know.

33:28

But here I am calling all of my friends, crying,

33:31

sliding down walls, not running

33:33

down my mouth.

33:34

They got to take me out.

33:35

We gotta have tea, They gotta sit in the park with

33:37

me while I cry.

33:39

He had me like that?

33:42

What is wrong with just being

33:44

honest, like you got

33:46

me out here looking crazy. You don't have to necessarily

33:49

say that, but you can't. There's nothing wrong

33:51

with saying you really hurt my feelings.

33:55

It's okay to say I don't like that

33:57

you did that to me, or I don't like that you said

33:59

that to me, whatever, he says. You

34:01

just sent me a text message before we got

34:04

on here about something I was talking

34:06

to you about, and it was a diagram about

34:08

the things that are in our realm of control.

34:11

Because I got that real bad, me

34:13

and my therapist be working hard on me

34:15

being comfortable with uncertainty.

34:18

Right.

34:20

I heard something today that said if you are

34:23

stuck in the past too much, typically

34:25

you are depressed. And if you

34:27

are stuck in the future or worried about the future,

34:30

you are anxious. But if you are

34:33

comfortable right in the present, then

34:35

you feel peace.

34:37

Absolutely.

34:38

Yes, And I want to say it was like a Tibetan

34:41

monk or some kind of you

34:43

know, you know, one of those I'm not or

34:46

in gay kill. It was one of them kind of people.

34:49

But I feel like there's

34:51

a freedom that I experience now

34:54

just being myself, not wanting

34:56

to be a people pleaser all the time, not

34:59

feeling like I'm obligated to do certain

35:01

things, saying no when I want to say

35:03

no, saying yes when I want to say

35:05

yes. There's a freedom in

35:08

that and I think that goes back to the

35:10

very first thing that we said when

35:12

we've started first started speaking,

35:15

and that is when

35:17

you have this wall up or

35:19

when you are so focused on being something that

35:21

you are not, you don't get to experience

35:23

the fullness of your life. Like

35:26

you miss out on so much

35:29

like goodness that you

35:32

can't even see it as goodness because you too busy

35:34

trying to make sure that somebody don't see

35:36

you as something else, or somebody don't see you as

35:38

weak, or they don't see you as a punk, or

35:41

they don't think that you're easily manipulated,

35:44

or they don't think that you're mean, or

35:46

they don't think that you're not smart. Like,

35:48

it's amazing to me how much time people

35:51

spend trying to be somebody

35:53

that they're not, And like I said, you're

35:55

just missing out on the

35:57

fullness of your life.

36:00

Yeah, And you know, I

36:03

also thought about some of

36:05

the work that we

36:08

do with identifying our true

36:10

feelings, and this has everything to do

36:12

with self awareness because one

36:14

of the benefits of self awareness

36:16

is it helps us to identify

36:19

our true feelings.

36:20

It helps us to be honest about.

36:22

What we really feel so that

36:24

we can manage and control it

36:26

better, right, And that is

36:29

such a powerful

36:31

tool of self awareness and

36:33

one of the things that I often do, especially

36:37

when I'm working with people who

36:40

have you know, who have a tendency

36:42

of demonstrating

36:46

or displaying powerful

36:48

emotions.

36:49

As opposed to vulnerable ones.

36:51

And what I mean by that is someone

36:53

can be afraid, but what they'll

36:56

show you is anger, because

36:58

anger tends to be more in

37:00

control and more dominant as

37:03

opposed to feel you know, having

37:05

that fear demonstrates

37:07

a level of vulnerability and inadequacy.

37:11

And so first and.

37:12

Foremost what we do is we kind of you

37:14

know, identify what they say

37:17

that they're experiencing on the

37:19

feeling will. So they may say

37:22

anger, but as you go to

37:24

different levels of the feeling will,

37:27

it talks about embarrassment, it talks

37:29

about fear. And oftentimes

37:31

what I find is that although

37:33

they are their external expression

37:36

is anger, really what they're experiencing

37:39

is embarrassment and fear

37:42

and shame.

37:43

But it looks to other people

37:45

like anger. And I think that.

37:48

When we when we're honest with ourselves

37:50

about what I am actually.

37:52

Feeling, I can better manage

37:54

it or handle it.

37:56

You know, I'm able to say, you know,

37:59

if I'm anger, what's going

38:01

to happen when I'm angry. When I'm angry,

38:03

I'm looking for a target. I

38:05

am looking for someone to blame.

38:08

But when I admit, when

38:10

I admit that I am

38:13

afraid, or when I admit

38:15

that I am embarrassed, that causes

38:18

me to focus on me.

38:19

It doesn't cause me to focus on

38:21

external things.

38:23

It causes me to get in touch

38:25

with why am I embarrassed because

38:27

they expose me because they you

38:30

know, whatever that is, yes,

38:32

whatever that looks like.

38:33

Whatever that looks like.

38:34

And so that's why self awareness

38:37

is such a powerful tool

38:40

for all of us, because if we can

38:43

just get in touch with our emotions,

38:46

we won't have the negative,

38:48

you know, expressions and the mishandling

38:51

of it as much as we do

38:54

when we're not aware.

38:56

Listen, you said something that

38:59

was very interesting to

39:02

me, and that was you

39:04

talked about this feelings wheel. My

39:07

black ass didn't know what a feelings wheel was

39:10

until you, because I didn't know

39:12

that there was a wheel of feelings.

39:14

Remember when you told me about it and I was like, well, what does

39:16

it look like? And I

39:19

said, okay, so this makes sense because I had

39:21

heard many times that anger is

39:23

a secondary emotion that

39:25

wheel, and I'm gonna forensicat I'm going to put

39:28

a link to the feelings

39:30

wheel in the show notes.

39:32

Look at it because it's something

39:35

to marvel at when you think about reflecting

39:39

and really dissecting. For those of you who

39:41

are thinking like, how can I be more self

39:43

aware? How can I be more in tune with my

39:46

feelings, look at this

39:48

wheel because a lot of times what

39:50

you said, Ebney is so right. People will present

39:53

powerful emotions so

39:55

that they don't seem vulnerable.

39:57

Or we absolutely so.

39:59

I present like I am angry,

40:01

but the truth of the matter is that I'm disappointed,

40:04

or the truth of the matter is that you hurt

40:06

my feelings. The truth I see this a

40:08

lot. I have a family member

40:10

who does this big time. The truth

40:13

of the matter is that you know I'm sad.

40:15

The truth of the matter is that I'm

40:17

confused or I'm afraid.

40:20

But I'm going to present like I'm angry

40:23

because I'm gonna feel like I have some control

40:25

not only over myself, but in

40:27

my mind. I may even be able to have some

40:29

control over you. And then you

40:32

can feel less dominant, or you can feel

40:34

like you are not as powerful as me because

40:37

I am angry.

40:39

Absolutely absolutely, And our

40:42

levels of expression when it comes

40:44

to our feelings, they look

40:46

the same, but they're not the same, right,

40:49

and you know, and it's so

40:51

simple, but we don't always

40:53

understand that. And what I mean by

40:55

that is, think about your

40:58

tears. Okay, their

41:00

tears come. It could be

41:02

because you're sad, it could

41:04

be because you're happy, it

41:06

could be because you're empathetic.

41:08

Now, it's all the level.

41:11

Of expression is the same, but the

41:13

meaning and the source

41:15

of it is very different. And

41:18

so when we think about all

41:20

of these emotions that are our

41:22

secondary but yet they're the first

41:24

ones you see sometimes.

41:27

You know, and I would not what

41:29

I would not do.

41:30

Is try to interpret someone

41:32

else's for primary

41:35

and secondary emotions. But this is

41:38

strictly about us mastering

41:40

us.

41:40

Okay, So just so y'all know, Just

41:43

so y'all know, don't play with

41:45

me.

41:45

Ebne Ebany is always telling

41:48

me that I'm always trying to diagnose people

41:50

because in my mind, I probably should

41:53

have been that therapist. I probably should

41:55

have been a therapist. I probably would have been

41:57

very good at it.

41:58

It's never too late. Who's say that I won't be

42:00

in five years, but.

42:03

I'll be trying to diagnose people, and I will ask

42:05

her it's your fault, though, because

42:07

my first year at that school, you gave me

42:09

that book and I started

42:11

looking, or maybe like my third year, she gave

42:14

me this book with all these diagnoses

42:16

in it. I started reading it and I was

42:18

like, I knew that was what she had

42:20

or you know what, Ebony, I was reading through that book

42:23

and you know what.

42:23

It turns out that my such and such and such

42:25

got this right here. What is it called histrionic

42:28

behavior?

42:29

Yes, she got that.

42:30

Listen, I'm a diagnose you baby,

42:33

So I know you was throwing.

42:34

A little dig at me about don't be diagnosing people's

42:37

primary emotions.

42:38

No, no, the reason why and

42:40

I wasn't doing that digg at you. But the

42:43

reason why that is so important is

42:45

because a lot of times will spend

42:47

time thinking, oh, you feel

42:49

this way. We attempt to

42:52

control other people's narratives,

42:54

and you have to be careful about that. Self

42:57

awareness is about you and

42:59

how you experience

43:01

the world and how other people experience

43:04

you. Other people have

43:06

to do that for themselves too, you

43:08

know. So we get into arguments with people

43:10

and we're like, you're trying to do this. You

43:13

don't know what they're trying to do, so don't

43:15

you know, So don't go to the primary.

43:18

You deal with what's in front of you. But as

43:20

we're you know, but we're talking about

43:23

self awareness, and so the

43:25

reason why it's so powerful because

43:27

it helps you to identify, but

43:29

then it also helps you to control

43:32

the truth, right, because now

43:35

you have the willingness to look

43:37

beyond what you're showing everybody

43:39

else, and then you're able to

43:41

see what's really there. But then the

43:43

other thing that that you know, another

43:46

way that that benefits you is it helps

43:48

you to make better decisions. When

43:51

you are truly aware of the feeling

43:53

that you're experiencing in that moment,

43:56

you're oftentimes not as irrational,

43:59

right, and.

44:01

Not as reactive as.

44:03

You would be if you are, you

44:05

know, remaining in that secondary

44:07

emotion.

44:08

So we're talking about how the.

44:10

Self awareness causes you to

44:13

gain a greater level of self control,

44:15

and then it also helped you in the area

44:17

of decision making because it's like, now

44:21

I know what I'm working with, so I know

44:23

what I have to do with that. Now

44:25

can people know all of this and

44:27

still act a full absolutely,

44:30

because it bends down to choice.

44:33

What is not choice?

44:34

Come on, now, come on now,

44:38

come on choice today.

44:42

Listen and see.

44:43

The funny part about that thought is that people

44:47

oftentimes go through life not

44:49

realizing that you choose

44:52

this, You choose

44:54

to do these things. You

44:58

chose these outcomes, whether or

45:00

not you want to own it or not, you

45:03

are choosing to do these things, and

45:05

so as a result, you know, it's just

45:07

like we tell the kids, for every action, there is a

45:09

reaction. For everything you do, something

45:12

else is going to happen as

45:14

a result of what you did.

45:16

That's just the nature of life.

45:18

It's science cause and effect,

45:22

and for every action there's an equal.

45:24

Or greater or lesser

45:27

whatever reaction.

45:29

I don't understand when grown people

45:32

move or navigate or act and then

45:34

don't expect for there to be recourse

45:37

behind what they do.

45:39

And the reason why I think

45:42

that that happens is because naturally,

45:45

you know, we are often self centered

45:47

people in soul. We're

45:50

we're not thinking about the

45:53

consequences as much as we're

45:55

thinking about the level of expression

45:57

in that moment and what we want

45:59

to do, what we want to get out

46:01

of and how we want to demonstrate

46:04

something. So I think that sometimes

46:06

the consequence is not considered,

46:09

or if it is considered, we

46:12

may say or think I got time

46:14

for that, you know, like I don't care

46:17

about the consequences because this is

46:19

what I want to do. And so

46:22

in that moment, you're thinking about

46:24

you and only you.

46:26

And part of self awareness.

46:28

Going back to that ability

46:31

to help us to be more self controlled

46:33

and to become better decision

46:36

makers. But then I think, you know, one

46:38

of the other things that is more important

46:40

about the benefit of self awareness

46:43

is it really helps

46:45

us to, you know, really

46:48

recognize where the corporate

46:50

lies. Because when we

46:52

are self aware, we don't get

46:54

to blame other people for our stuff

46:57

because now we are honest, we

46:59

are open, and we're reflective

47:02

about what's our stuff.

47:04

And this is truly important.

47:06

And this is a whole another topic,

47:08

but I think that for those of us

47:10

who may struggle with that personality

47:14

style of passive aggression, this

47:17

is where self awareness

47:19

is so powerful, because a

47:21

passive aggressive person will smack

47:23

you and say that they're okay,

47:26

you know, like I'm not mad, but they

47:28

don't smack you, they don't slam the door,

47:31

but they're saying they're not not fine,

47:33

So I'm fine, everything is okay,

47:35

but their actions are totally,

47:39

you know, contrary to what

47:41

they're saying, and self awareness

47:44

comes in where it's like, you know what,

47:47

I'm upset.

47:48

I'm mad, I'm angry.

47:50

I am angry because

47:52

I not because of what you

47:55

did, but because of I. And

47:57

I think that it's important because

48:00

the more self aware we are, the

48:02

less we are the victim, because

48:05

we own our feelings

48:07

and we recognize where the interpretation

48:10

comes from.

48:10

But I do feel like some people. I feel

48:13

like some people like being a victim, like

48:15

it's a fun place to be for people, because

48:17

it's like a lot of

48:19

this. At the root of a lot of this is

48:22

a lack of self awareness. Which is funny

48:24

because I've read this thing that said self

48:26

awareness. I didn't know that there were five levels

48:28

of emotional intelligence. But yes,

48:31

yeah, I didn't know that, but I mean, I'm not a clinician,

48:33

so I don't know all that stuff.

48:34

I did read though.

48:36

That self awareness goes

48:39

hand in hand with emotional intelligence,

48:41

and so many adults are walking

48:43

around lacking social and emotional

48:46

intelligence that it seems

48:49

easier to blame someone else for

48:51

something that you essentially

48:53

you did when you chose

48:56

to do it, okay, And when

48:58

you said somebody walks around and they slammed the door, they

49:00

slap and say, well they did this. It makes

49:02

me think of an abuser who say

49:04

why do you make me at who who will say something

49:07

like why do you make me act like this?

49:09

What are you talking about?

49:10

What absolutely are.

49:14

I didn't want to hurt you? Well, why did

49:16

you do it? Then? Like absolutely

49:18

this is this was your decision?

49:20

And I think that until people It

49:22

makes me think about again when you talk

49:24

about when you first start treating

49:27

people or seeing people

49:30

and dealing with mental health issues

49:32

and mental health services, like until

49:34

they get to the place where they

49:36

can say like, all right, that was

49:38

me, I did that.

49:40

Damn I did that. But that goes back

49:42

to what you said.

49:43

Sometimes you got to see the destructure the destruction

49:45

before you can heal the destruction or before

49:48

you can clean it up, and it goes

49:50

that's that whole hurricane thing. I can't clean

49:52

the hurricane mess up until the hurricane

49:54

is finished. Then I can go and I can

49:56

clean it up and we can start a project, and the

49:59

Red Cross gonna come and FEMA and

50:01

they're gonna clean it up. But we can't do that until

50:03

it happens. But a lot

50:05

of people don't want to call FEMA. A lot

50:07

of people don't want to do the work

50:10

to do the cleanup. But if you

50:12

don't get to a place where you want to do the work,

50:15

then you just live a life, a convoluted

50:18

life of delusion, or

50:20

as the kids call it now delulu. And

50:22

you're delusional. You're walking

50:25

around deceiving other people. But in addition

50:27

to that, and more importantly, you are being

50:29

deceptive to yourself.

50:32

But I tell you who, you ain't fooling God.

50:35

That's right, You're

50:37

not full And at the end of

50:39

the day you'll always

50:41

come to that. You'll always come

50:44

to face to face with yourself

50:46

and with your God. And you

50:48

have to deal with or come to

50:51

terms with what you see

50:53

and who you experience.

50:55

But you know you you said something

50:57

just now.

50:58

It It makes me think

51:00

about the cost of freedom,

51:03

right, and so part of

51:05

the cost of freedom it

51:08

requires.

51:08

Us to give up something.

51:10

Right, there is a cost, and so we

51:13

have to sacrifice our realities,

51:16

our delusions of grande ur.

51:18

We have to sacrifice you

51:21

know, these created personality

51:25

types or you know these defensive

51:27

structures that we have created

51:29

to protect us.

51:30

From more harm.

51:32

We have to begin to, you

51:34

know, to sacrifice those

51:36

things in order for us to get in

51:38

touch with ourselves.

51:41

And as a clinician, you know,

51:43

when I first worked with when I first

51:45

started working with people, that's one

51:47

of the things that I ask them in the very

51:49

beginning. First of all, I ask them what

51:52

they want out of the connection

51:54

and the relationship, But then I ask

51:56

them, what are you willing to give up? And

51:59

a lot of time people are not, you

52:01

know, they're not equipped to answer

52:04

that question yet, especially when

52:06

we talk about like married couples and

52:08

family sessions. It's like, Okay,

52:11

you want to work on this relationship,

52:13

what are you willing to give up?

52:14

Are you willing to give up your perspective?

52:17

Are you willing to give up your

52:20

idea of who she or he

52:22

is, you know, as opposed to who

52:24

they really are or what they're what

52:26

they're.

52:27

Experiencing with you.

52:29

And so again, when we're talking

52:31

about becoming this tremendously

52:34

self aware person, it's really

52:37

you being willing to give up

52:39

something that has protected

52:41

you for so long, but it has also

52:44

imprisoned you.

52:55

Whoa there it is that

52:58

right there, that is

53:00

exactly what I'm

53:04

thinking about. You just said it much

53:06

more eloquently than I did, or than I

53:08

can when I think about not experiencing

53:12

when I keep coming back to this, not

53:14

experiencing a full life

53:17

or the fullness of joy, the

53:19

fullness even I would even take

53:21

it. If we're gonna be spiritual,

53:23

and I know you don't ever shy away from that, right

53:26

No, ma'am, We're not shining away.

53:28

From that, Jesus, Jesus.

53:29

If we are talking about experiencing

53:32

the fullness of God and the fullness

53:35

of the life that God has

53:37

for us, like we won't get

53:39

to see that. Even if you think you are

53:41

living a good life and you have

53:43

a lot of degrees and a lot of money, and

53:46

you have a husband and you have the children, or

53:48

you have the wife and the children and the

53:51

all of the things that you want, you

53:54

are still missing out on the fullness

53:56

of God and the fullness of the joy and

53:58

the peace that God has for you. Because

54:00

He holding it for you, he ain't gonna ever,

54:03

he ain't gonna ever let it. He gonna keep it in

54:05

this little trinket box right here on

54:07

the shelf for you and when you ready,

54:10

he gonna take it down and he gonna give it to you. But you

54:12

are not really getting a chance to experience

54:14

that because you are so caught up

54:17

in trying to uh perpetrate

54:20

the fraud. As we used to say, Absolutely,

54:23

you so busy trying to make sure that you're accepted

54:25

by other people, liked by other people.

54:27

And there's nothing wrong with wanting to be

54:29

accepted, wanting to be liked, not

54:32

wanting to be rejected, not wanting to be abandoned.

54:34

There's nothing wrong with that. And now I understand the

54:36

trauma. I understand probably more than most

54:38

humans on the planet, the

54:40

trauma.

54:41

That is associated with that. Trust

54:43

me.

54:44

But there comes a time where you have

54:46

to say, and maybe because of my trauma, Ebany,

54:49

I have had to say, I've

54:51

been abandoned, I've been rejected, I've

54:53

been all of the things.

54:55

But now I gotta be some shit for me.

54:57

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I gotta be something

55:00

for me, because if not, I'm going to

55:02

continue to be a perpetual

55:04

victim who has been abandoned, who

55:06

has been rejected, who has been

55:09

unliked, who has been left

55:12

and who wants to live that way. There's

55:14

nothing full and there's nothing free

55:16

about that. And I can speak on it because

55:18

I used to be that way. I used to live

55:20

in that space. Oh this person did this

55:23

to me. Oh that person did that. Oh

55:25

this person hurt me. Oh this person abused

55:27

me.

55:28

Oh this is yeah.

55:29

Okay, and not to be little

55:31

or minimize my trauma

55:35

because the shit happened. Okay, I'm

55:37

not creating it in my mind. It

55:39

happened, but okay, it happened. But

55:42

I'm still here. I'm still

55:44

wonderful. God still loves me,

55:46

my family and my friends still love me. I

55:49

had to figure out if all of these people

55:51

still love me, I need to figure out how to love

55:53

me. I need to figure

55:56

out that I am great even though

55:59

I have flaws. I am great even

56:01

though I may have struggled with some things.

56:03

I am great because I am kind.

56:06

I am great because I am funny. I

56:08

am great because I am beautiful inside

56:10

and out. And that is a part of self

56:12

awareness. And you said it,

56:14

self acceptance is a part of self awareness.

56:17

Absolutely. I had to accept.

56:18

Who I was in addition to

56:21

my life's experience. Because

56:25

everybody don't come from Beverly Hills

56:27

with everybody ain't the girl from

56:29

Clueless. I don't remember what her name was, and I think

56:31

her name was Claire in the movie. Everybody

56:34

doesn't have that life, and sometimes

56:36

that having trauma and experiencing

56:38

trauma makes you hard. It

56:41

makes you want to be angry. But you can't

56:43

live like that forever. You can, you

56:45

can. But if you are living like that forever,

56:48

if you want me to be honest, you're not really living.

56:50

Absolutely you survive, you're existing.

56:53

You're just existing. There's no thriving

56:56

in your life. And I know I

56:58

keep saying this, and God is putting

57:00

it on my spirit to say this, and this was

57:02

why I keep saying it. You don't get to experience

57:05

the fullness of all of

57:07

the things that God has for you. And

57:09

that's not to make this all a

57:11

churchy kind of situation, because that's not

57:13

what I'm.

57:14

Doing, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. But what

57:16

I am saying is.

57:17

You don't I don't know why I keep

57:19

saying this, and maybe God is going to reveal it to

57:21

me later on, because maybe He talking to me

57:25

through me. But there is a fullness

57:28

of life and of joy

57:30

and of peace that sometimes we don't

57:32

get to experience, and we don't get

57:35

to feel. We don't get to taste, smell,

57:37

here, touch until

57:40

we let go of who we

57:42

think we are.

57:44

Absolutely I agree,

57:47

one hundred percent. You know, we

57:49

when we are not living as

57:52

authentically as God has created

57:55

us to be, we can experience

57:58

him?

57:58

How can we experience it?

58:00

Is a perfect God with an imperfect

58:02

mindset, with an imperfect.

58:05

You know, image of who

58:07

we are.

58:08

How can we experience Him in our

58:10

in his fullness if

58:12

we haven't even embraced.

58:14

Ourselves in which He created?

58:17

You know? So I truly believe

58:20

that with every five of my being. And

58:22

I also believe that, you

58:24

know, when it comes to self

58:26

awareness, we do ourselves

58:29

a disservice when we don't get

58:31

to know this very likable

58:34

person like you know, just like

58:36

you've described you know, you're

58:38

a cool person, like you know,

58:40

I'm funny, you know, I'm I'm

58:42

I'm you know, I'm a nice person

58:44

to be around. I have a good sense of

58:47

human you know, we can have some fun, you

58:49

know. And I say that, you

58:52

know, laughingly, but it's

58:54

the truth.

58:55

You know.

58:55

How often do we get to enjoy

58:57

ourselves? How often do we

59:00

of ourselves permission to

59:02

be our authentic goofy selves

59:04

and be okay with that.

59:06

It's funny that you said that,

59:09

Oh, you cracking up. You

59:12

are cracking up, Yes I

59:15

am, but it's fun You're

59:17

so silly. It's funny that

59:20

you said that, because, like

59:23

when you said that, it made it made me think about

59:25

something that me and

59:28

my best friend, Crystal Ebany knows. Crystal,

59:30

something that we talk about all the time about

59:33

people who want to be in relationships but they cannot

59:36

manage to spend time alone.

59:39

I don't get that, and I think I don't

59:41

get it because I lived around people for

59:43

forty one years of my life, and

59:45

when I finally lived alone, I

59:47

was like, what the fuck did

59:49

I wait this long for?

59:51

Like?

59:52

What is wrong with me? I love

59:54

being with myself. I

59:56

love and it doesn't have to be anything

59:59

major. I just came back from vacation. It

1:00:02

was a staycation. Some days I stayed

1:00:04

in the bed, I

1:00:07

ordered room service, or I walked downstairs,

1:00:09

got the food, came back upstairs, got back in

1:00:11

my pajamas, got in the bed and watched

1:00:13

television. Or I went and sat out

1:00:15

on a balcony and just looked at the water. By

1:00:18

myself. There was nobody else

1:00:20

and do you know how much I enjoyed

1:00:22

it.

1:00:23

We always talk about like.

1:00:27

Seasons of solitude. You

1:00:30

can't I believe you can't really be a

1:00:32

good partner to somebody until

1:00:34

you've had a season of solitude where

1:00:36

it's just you, where you

1:00:38

have to get to a place where you have no choice,

1:00:41

and you could have a you could be single and not

1:00:43

have a season of solitude, okay,

1:00:45

because if you're the type of person where you

1:00:48

need the validation from other external

1:00:51

factors, whether it's your grandma, your mama, your

1:00:53

cousin, your auntie, your dog, your

1:00:55

cat, your co.

1:00:56

Workers, whoever it is.

1:00:57

If you need a lot of validation from outside

1:01:00

factors, that's not really living in the season

1:01:02

of solitude. A season of solitude where it's just

1:01:04

like CMB, we all we got it's

1:01:06

me up in here. You can

1:01:08

have a season of solitude and still have all those

1:01:10

loving people around you. But

1:01:12

at the end of the day, you realize, like I

1:01:15

like me, and I ain't

1:01:17

got a problem with saying it.

1:01:19

Like I like me.

1:01:20

I'm funny, i am

1:01:23

crass, I use bad

1:01:25

words. I

1:01:28

think that I'm a beautiful person on the inside. On

1:01:31

the outside, I'm gonna show

1:01:33

up as me and I

1:01:35

accept people for who they are unless

1:01:38

I don't. Now,

1:01:40

I may accept you for who you are, but that don't mean I

1:01:42

want to be around you.

1:01:43

And it's okay.

1:01:45

And I just wish that we could get to a place where

1:01:47

people more people

1:01:50

would just live in their own truth because

1:01:52

I just I want for people to be happy

1:01:54

because and I know that sounds so cliche.

1:01:57

I want people to be happy. You know why.

1:01:59

I want people to be happy.

1:02:00

It's a little selfish, so people can stop

1:02:02

pouring their yuck and their muck

1:02:04

and their misery out on other people. Keep

1:02:08

that to yourself. If you miser miserable,

1:02:10

keep it to yourself. I love you,

1:02:12

Ebany, thank you so much for coming on

1:02:14

the show today, because I'm not gonna keep you here

1:02:16

on this. Yes, it's just an extension

1:02:19

of our conversations in your office. Yes,

1:02:21

yes, yes, we have a good time. So I

1:02:24

want how do people find you?

1:02:26

I was not joking when I said this woman n wrote eighty

1:02:29

seven books. Okay, she done wrote fifty

1:02:31

seven books, and she had come

1:02:33

to work and be like, oh, I'm writing another book.

1:02:35

I'm like, girl, didn't you just put one out? I just

1:02:37

came to the book sign and thing like two months

1:02:39

ago. Now you're writing another book.

1:02:42

But she writes books. They're beautiful.

1:02:44

Tell us a little bit about your books and where they

1:02:46

can find them. I'm going to have you send me links

1:02:49

to them so people can find them

1:02:51

and buy them if they want to. But tell

1:02:54

them about the one that you're working on right now,

1:02:56

or can you.

1:02:57

Yesk so so yes.

1:03:00

I have written six books

1:03:02

now told I am Cursed and

1:03:04

currently releasing maybe

1:03:07

in the next three three weeks my

1:03:09

last book, which is The Sober Church,

1:03:11

and it is really

1:03:14

about helping people to

1:03:16

understand the intersection of

1:03:18

faith and mental health and how.

1:03:21

You're gonna make somebody. Man, you're gonna make somebody mad

1:03:23

with this one. They're gonna get mad.

1:03:25

They're gonna get mad about this because

1:03:28

a lot of people in the church ain't no such thing as the mental

1:03:30

health. If you've got a problem, you just give

1:03:32

it to God, because God fixes everything.

1:03:35

But you know what, one of the things

1:03:37

and one of the reasons why I

1:03:39

love, love, love this book is because

1:03:42

you know, as a believer, as

1:03:45

someone who loves the Word of God,

1:03:48

you know, I'm finding more and more

1:03:51

that God's agenda

1:03:53

has always been mental health

1:03:56

and wholeness.

1:03:57

There is not a place in the Word

1:03:59

of.

1:03:59

God where I can't find

1:04:01

a clinical, interventional strategy,

1:04:04

you know, some form of therapeutic,

1:04:07

you know, principle.

1:04:09

But the Word of God is full.

1:04:11

Of interventions and strategies that

1:04:13

we use every single day. But

1:04:16

what happens is we get

1:04:18

caught up in language it

1:04:21

and it dismisses the intersectionality

1:04:24

of faith and mental health, you know,

1:04:26

which you know, when you think about mental

1:04:29

health, it is a God ordained

1:04:31

thing.

1:04:31

It has everything to do with

1:04:33

our well being.

1:04:35

And you know, we are a three

1:04:37

part being where body, we're spirit,

1:04:39

and we're soul, and our soul

1:04:42

is where our emotions lie, where

1:04:44

our mind, you know, what's in our thoughts

1:04:47

and behaviors and actions.

1:04:49

And so all of that is

1:04:51

tied into this book and really looking

1:04:54

at how God truly views

1:04:56

through the Word of God, mental health

1:04:58

and wholeness. And so, you

1:05:01

know, other books that I have are are

1:05:04

definitely helping people

1:05:06

to develop an authentic relationship

1:05:09

with the Lord and and and helping

1:05:11

them to see themselves as gifts,

1:05:14

you know. So those are all books, and you can find

1:05:16

all my books on Amazon dot

1:05:19

com. You can also find them in

1:05:23

on Walmart dot com.

1:05:25

Ont you better be on you

1:05:27

Better and Noble girl,

1:05:30

better get out of my face talking about some barn

1:05:32

you better be in.

1:05:33

You better be on a Barnes and Noble dot

1:05:35

com.

1:05:36

So yeah, so you can all, you know, play

1:05:38

with my friends. Yeah, but I do

1:05:40

have books. If you ever want

1:05:43

to visit my website, it is triplegliving

1:05:46

dot com.

1:05:47

Triplegliving dot com and

1:05:49

she doesn't mean g g G living

1:05:51

dot com. It's actually triple

1:05:54

the word g one

1:05:56

g living dot com.

1:05:58

Do yourself a favor, you know, I'm gonna put it in a show

1:06:01

note so that you guys can access it. Put

1:06:03

it in a show notes such so that you can have it.

1:06:05

And I'm actually looking forward

1:06:08

to this next

1:06:10

book because I think that I

1:06:12

never thought about Well, of course I'm not

1:06:15

very well versed in the Bible, but when

1:06:18

you mentioned that you find

1:06:20

a lot of mental clinical

1:06:23

or mental health practices

1:06:26

or I forget how you were to it.

1:06:28

In the Bible.

1:06:29

I am very very interested

1:06:31

in that because I've always had a very

1:06:33

interesting perspective when it comes to

1:06:35

the Bible and when it comes to how

1:06:39

people perceive the Bible, because

1:06:42

everything is like, I'm just going to take it at its

1:06:44

flat raw word, and I

1:06:46

don't really think that that was its intention.

1:06:49

I could be wrong.

1:06:50

I don't know, because I'm not a scholar and i'm

1:06:52

not a I'm not a scholar of Christianity

1:06:55

or of religion. But I am

1:06:57

very interested to see

1:07:00

like how you make those connections.

1:07:02

So I'm excited about that.

1:07:03

And again, first of all, thank you

1:07:05

for being my friend.

1:07:07

Thank you for being my friend.

1:07:09

Absolutely, and thank you for coming on

1:07:11

my show. And I think it's

1:07:13

been a great conversation and

1:07:16

I love you.

1:07:17

I love you too.

1:07:19

All right, thank you guys for listening.

1:07:41

All right, friends, again, let's get into this straight fax

1:07:43

question for the episode

1:07:46

today. Hey me me, my

1:07:48

name is Tony and I am what I believe to

1:07:51

be a heterosexual male. Well,

1:07:53

all right, Tony, I've had my

1:07:55

fair share of situationships and relationships

1:07:57

with women, and they never seem to

1:07:59

work out.

1:08:01

And I'm truly wondering if I am to blame.

1:08:03

When I was ten years old, I was

1:08:05

touched inappropriately several times, several

1:08:08

times by my older male cousin who

1:08:10

was babysitting me.

1:08:11

I'm sorry that that happened to you.

1:08:13

Tony, like that sucks and your older

1:08:15

cousin is gross and he's not a good

1:08:17

person.

1:08:18

And I'm sorry.

1:08:19

I'm really sorry that that happened to you, and

1:08:21

I hope that you have gotten some

1:08:24

help or talk to somebody to work

1:08:26

through that trauma, because that is, in fact

1:08:28

trauma carrying

1:08:31

on during these interactions, I

1:08:33

would become aroused despoue, despite

1:08:36

excuse me, me knowing that it

1:08:38

was not right. It honestly all

1:08:40

left me pretty messed up and confused.

1:08:43

Now I am battling with my thoughts about

1:08:45

my sexuality.

1:08:47

Mimi, do you think I'm gay?

1:08:49

And if I'm not, why did my body become

1:08:51

aroused when my older cousin touch me? Does

1:08:53

that mean that I liked it? Tony

1:08:55

from Fort Worth, Texas Well,

1:08:58

Tony, let me just say this. Our

1:09:02

bodies are human constructs.

1:09:04

They're actual, They're not even a construct.

1:09:06

Our bodies are human, right, and our

1:09:08

bodies have nerve endings and our body

1:09:10

had Our bodies have natural

1:09:13

physiological responses to.

1:09:19

Things, to things happening.

1:09:21

So let

1:09:26

me just say that becoming

1:09:28

aroused if someone touched you

1:09:32

in a sexual way doesn't

1:09:34

necessarily mean that you like it.

1:09:36

It's just your body responding

1:09:40

to that action or

1:09:42

to that touch, or to like

1:09:44

I said, that action if

1:09:49

your brain doesn't

1:09:51

know who is touching

1:09:53

you, you know what I mean? And you

1:09:55

were a little boy, how about this. I

1:09:58

am not a therapist. You need to work

1:10:00

through this with a therapist, with through a professional,

1:10:03

and I

1:10:06

am not that, so you

1:10:08

know, I can't really I

1:10:11

don't want to give you. I don't want to really say

1:10:13

too much about you, know that,

1:10:17

because this is tricky, you know, And

1:10:20

it's tricky because you

1:10:23

asked me, do I think you're gay? I don't

1:10:25

know.

1:10:27

Only you know.

1:10:27

That, Tony, I don't know. I don't know the answer

1:10:29

to that. What I will say is that

1:10:34

it's probably something that you should contend

1:10:36

with, something that you should think about

1:10:39

in process, and you should contend

1:10:41

with it and process it

1:10:43

with a professional,

1:10:46

a mental health professional. Not

1:10:48

because being gay is a mental health issue,

1:10:52

but because there has been trauma and

1:10:55

you are associating your thoughts

1:10:58

around your sexuality and

1:11:01

your feelings towards your sexuality with

1:11:03

this traumatic event. You need

1:11:06

to work through that. I

1:11:08

don't know if you're gay, if

1:11:10

you are great, if you're not great,

1:11:14

Like it doesn't you know, you're

1:11:17

still probably a really great person. You're

1:11:20

still probably really kind. I

1:11:22

would hope you're kind. You're

1:11:24

still probably a great person

1:11:27

to be around.

1:11:28

You're still probably.

1:11:30

Fun, you know, like, And

1:11:33

I don't think that I

1:11:37

don't think that you should feel like

1:11:39

you are to blame because

1:11:42

your relationships or your

1:11:44

situationships don't work out.

1:11:46

Dating is hard. Dating

1:11:48

is hard.

1:11:49

Finding someone that you really

1:11:51

like and that you're truly compatible with is

1:11:54

hard.

1:11:55

Oh.

1:11:55

I just looked on my tea bag not to divert

1:11:58

and the tea bag, the little note

1:12:00

on it says gratitude leads to love.

1:12:04

I don't know why I've read that just now, but

1:12:06

it does. I just think that you need to talk

1:12:10

to a mental health professional about

1:12:13

these things that you're feeling. Not again,

1:12:15

let me be very clear, not because

1:12:18

your sexuality is a mental health issue,

1:12:21

No, that's not what I'm saying, but because

1:12:24

you are connecting it to or

1:12:26

associating it with a traumatic

1:12:28

event that happened in your life, Because

1:12:30

that is trauma. And your older cousin

1:12:33

is a piece of shit for

1:12:35

touching you inappropriately. Because

1:12:38

when things like this happen, you know people

1:12:41

who I'm gonna call them predators.

1:12:44

Predators never think about the long lasting

1:12:46

effects it's going to have on the person.

1:12:48

And so.

1:12:51

For whatever reason that your cousin

1:12:53

did that, because he's a sick

1:12:55

fuck. Really, now

1:12:59

you have to deal with this. So I'm really

1:13:01

sorry that that happened to you. And

1:13:03

there are so many safe spaces for

1:13:06

you to work through this, and I

1:13:10

really hope that you talk

1:13:13

to somebody about it. You're

1:13:15

also asked, does that mean that you liked it?

1:13:17

No?

1:13:18

Like I said, our bodies have

1:13:20

physiological responses,

1:13:24

natural responses

1:13:27

to things. It's like when there's

1:13:30

dust in a room, we sneeze. That's

1:13:34

a response that we don't have. We

1:13:36

were not really connected to we

1:13:39

sneeze. Does that mean that I like

1:13:41

dust?

1:13:42

Hell? No, I'm allerged to dust.

1:13:44

Actually, sometimes

1:13:47

when people touch me, I get goosebumps.

1:13:50

Does that mean that I like their touch? No?

1:13:53

I don't even know what goosebumps. Getting goosebumps

1:13:55

is about. But no,

1:13:59

sometimes when people and I don't like it,

1:14:01

and I get goosebumps. So,

1:14:04

Tony, I pray that you find

1:14:07

some resolve and you find some peace with

1:14:11

this. I know that so many people do not, and

1:14:14

that makes me sad. But I pray that you

1:14:17

find some peace in this and that you

1:14:19

get the help that you need. And

1:14:22

if you are listening in my show

1:14:25

notes, there is a link

1:14:28

to find yourself

1:14:30

a therapist in

1:14:32

the show notes at the bottom. Get

1:14:35

yourself, find

1:14:37

yourself somebody to talk to about this, and

1:14:39

so that you can work through it, and so

1:14:41

that you don't have to struggle

1:14:44

with this by yourself and try to figure it out

1:14:46

on your own, because little

1:14:49

ten year old Tony can't really process

1:14:51

this, and in working through this,

1:14:54

you are going to go back to little

1:14:56

ten year old Tony, and little ten

1:14:58

year old Tony deserves

1:15:02

some help in processing what happened

1:15:04

to him. Okay, frim

1:15:09

Y, All

1:15:13

right, friends and ken for two days,

1:15:15

we got to do better. I decided to go back

1:15:17

to that book Black Liturgies

1:15:20

by Cole Arthur Riley.

1:15:23

And I told you Cole Arthur Riley is actually

1:15:26

a black woman. Well, I knew

1:15:28

Cole Arthur Riley was black, but I did not know

1:15:30

that Cole Arthur Riley was a woman. Shout

1:15:33

out to black women. I

1:15:35

don't have my sound effects. Can

1:15:37

Can I just tell you that I'm struggling here?

1:15:40

Okay, I keep opening the

1:15:43

app to see if the

1:15:47

sound effects are going to magically appear, and they

1:15:49

don't, and I'm heartbroken.

1:15:51

But since it's not, I'm

1:15:54

gonna make do. Okay, shout

1:15:56

out to black women and shout out to Cole

1:15:58

Arthur Riley, bar bar bar by.

1:16:02

Okay, Yes I did that, okay,

1:16:05

and I'm not ashamed that I did it, all right,

1:16:08

anyway. This

1:16:10

is from the benediction. It's

1:16:14

the benediction from the chapter on power,

1:16:16

and it says, may you wake and

1:16:19

rest with humility

1:16:21

in your hearts. May you be protected

1:16:23

from the greed and fear that

1:16:26

tempt us to dominate others.

1:16:30

Chum

1:16:34

after that, straight facts that hit

1:16:36

a little different, possess

1:16:39

such moral clarity that

1:16:42

you would be able to be both the

1:16:44

leader and the follower without

1:16:47

threats to your sense of

1:16:49

self. May you live responsibly

1:16:52

and tenderly, that your power would

1:16:54

never come at the expense

1:16:56

of someone else's Amen.

1:17:00

I'm telling you I did not even

1:17:04

select this as a

1:17:07

result of this straight

1:17:10

fact question or submission.

1:17:13

I did not put the two

1:17:16

together at all. Excuse me, I

1:17:19

didn't put the two together at all. I'm gonna

1:17:21

read that to you one more time because

1:17:25

some of us need to really think about how

1:17:28

we navigate and how we treat people.

1:17:33

A lot of times we're focused on competition

1:17:36

and being better than somebody, and

1:17:39

you know, trying to dominate in

1:17:41

your career and dominate in

1:17:44

school, and dominate in athletics,

1:17:47

and dominate our partners

1:17:50

and dominate our children, dominate

1:17:53

our friend groups and dominate a room.

1:17:56

What is that about? What

1:18:01

is that about?

1:18:03

It's definitely connected

1:18:06

to ego and

1:18:08

it's really dark if

1:18:11

you really really think about it. Okay,

1:18:16

I'm going to read it one more time again.

1:18:18

This is from the book Black Liturgies, and

1:18:21

this is the section or the chapter on power.

1:18:23

And this is the benediction in

1:18:25

the chapter on power. May you wake

1:18:28

and rest with humility in your hearts. May

1:18:30

you be protected from the greed and

1:18:32

fear that tempt us to dominate

1:18:35

others. Possess such moral

1:18:37

clarity that you would be able to

1:18:39

be both leader and follower without

1:18:42

threats to your sense of self. May

1:18:44

you live responsibly and tenderly,

1:18:47

that your power would never come

1:18:49

at the expense of someone

1:18:51

else's.

1:18:53

AMN. Child,

1:18:58

let me tell you something.

1:18:59

That's something else right there, that's

1:19:03

something else And I'm not even gonna

1:19:06

child.

1:19:07

Welcome to America.

1:19:09

All right, let me go ahead and get out of here, because

1:19:11

I feel a little preachy and.

1:19:13

I ain't got time for that today. I don't.

1:19:15

I don't. Friends

1:19:26

again. The first thing that I want to say is

1:19:28

thank you to God. First. That's

1:19:31

the first, the very first thing.

1:19:32

I want to say, because

1:19:35

God is supreme and I recognize and appreciate

1:19:37

the grace that God extends to me every

1:19:39

single day of my black ass

1:19:42

life. I want to say thank you to all

1:19:46

of my ancestors. You for

1:19:48

riding with me, for having my back,

1:19:50

for protecting me, for working

1:19:53

with God and tangent with God on

1:19:56

excuse me in tandem with.

1:19:57

God on my behalf. Thanks.

1:20:00

Thanks, guys.

1:20:03

I want to say thank you to my folks, to my people,

1:20:06

to each and every one of you guys that have been rocking

1:20:08

with me since day one. I'm grateful for you,

1:20:11

immensely grateful. Ever since March

1:20:13

the first of twenty twenty. I am so

1:20:15

grateful, and I thank you. I truly appreciate

1:20:18

you for being here and there

1:20:20

and everywhere. And even if you did

1:20:22

just start listening today at

1:20:24

episode ninety, can you guys believe this?

1:20:27

I'm on episode ninety.

1:20:30

I'm on episode ninety

1:20:33

wow.

1:20:34

Wow.

1:20:36

I thank you for that as well. I'm grateful either

1:20:38

way, and I'm thankful for my family. I'm

1:20:40

thankful for my friends, my friends and Ken, all

1:20:42

of my supporters, and of course, most

1:20:44

importantly, every single one of you guys out there

1:20:47

listening. I love you guys so much, and it's

1:20:49

nothing short of an honor, a privilege, and a blessing

1:20:51

for me to share my time and my energy and

1:20:54

my thoughts with you,

1:20:56

because I do recognize that you ain't

1:20:58

got to be here because

1:21:00

you want to be here, and if you keep

1:21:02

coming back to spend time with me, I look

1:21:04

forward to the next time that we get to do this with one

1:21:06

another. Now, before you exit out of

1:21:08

whatever streaming service you're using to listen to this,

1:21:11

stop what you're doing, and if you haven't already done

1:21:13

so, look for the subscribe or follow

1:21:15

button. Click on it if it's an option

1:21:18

on the streaming service where you're listening. Next,

1:21:20

I want you to go over to Instagram and

1:21:23

follow me at hand Me my Purse podcast,

1:21:25

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1:21:31

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1:21:33

follow me on Twitter or x

1:21:36

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1:21:38

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1:21:40

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1:21:43

can also find me on threads. I'm on threads way

1:21:45

more than I am on Twitter or x

1:21:47

and you can find me on threads through

1:21:50

my Instagram profile. Just click the little

1:21:52

squiggly thing that looks like a pigstail

1:21:55

because that's what it looks like to me on

1:21:58

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1:22:00

you can follow me there. If you listen

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on a streaming service or medium that allows you to

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do so, please rate and review the show or

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give it a thumbs up if you can. Friends

1:22:09

again, be sure to share Handing my Purse with

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Ones, and even the people that you don't like at

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1:22:16

Because the best way for people to find

1:22:18

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1:22:20

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1:22:25

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1:22:26

Please, please,

1:22:29

I'm begging you.

1:22:30

Submit a question for the straight Fact

1:22:32

segment by clicking on the link in the

1:22:34

show notes that says submit a question for straight Facts,

1:22:37

or click the link in my Instagram profile

1:22:40

look for the button that directs you to submit a

1:22:42

question and who knows, your

1:22:44

question may be featured on an

1:22:46

upcoming show. Also, remember that show

1:22:48

notes are always available in the episode

1:22:51

description. Wherever you are listening to the show, be

1:22:54

sure to take a look at the show notes because that

1:22:56

is where I put all of the links and

1:22:58

other information that I'm met during the show

1:23:01

that you may want to check out, in addition to

1:23:03

some stuff that I just want to share with

1:23:05

you guys. Also, just so you know, the

1:23:08

music from hand Me my Purse is provided by none

1:23:10

other than West Baltimore's own Gloomy

1:23:12

Tunes.

1:23:13

Shout out to Gloomy Tunes. Yes,

1:23:17

I did.

1:23:18

Last, but not least, I want to give a big old shout out

1:23:20

to my producers, Evan and

1:23:22

Taylor. Together we make up random

1:23:25

being on the dirty throats. And

1:23:27

always remember that I look forward

1:23:30

to you looking forward to listening

1:23:32

to hand In My Purse the podcast

1:23:35

each and every Tuesday, and I'm

1:23:37

out this bitch piece. Hand

1:23:57

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