Episode Transcript
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0:00
Hand Me My Purse is a production of iHeart
0:02
Podcasts, Friends and Ken
0:04
on Grace Jones Internet. I've read this
0:07
and it is actually a
0:10
quote from our
0:13
wonderful Auntie Tony Morrison. Actually,
0:15
but it was not something that I
0:18
wanted to read for that we Gotta Do
0:20
Better segment. I wanted to read it
0:22
for the
0:25
opening of the show. I wanted to share
0:27
it at the top of the show, just
0:29
to put it on your mind and have it in the back of
0:32
your mind. And it says, at some
0:34
point in life, the
0:36
world's beauty becomes enough.
0:39
You don't need to photograph, paint,
0:43
or even remember it.
0:45
It is enough. And
0:48
that was from Auntie Tony Morrison. And you
0:50
know, I just thought about all
0:54
the wonderful experiences that
0:57
I have had over my life and even
0:59
just in the past year. And
1:01
I take a lot of pictures, and you know, we
1:04
live in the day and age where we take a lot of pictures,
1:06
and we share a lot of pictures, but
1:08
sometimes just being in the moment
1:12
and experienceing
1:16
the world's beauty and
1:19
the beauty of the moment and
1:21
the beauty of the memory that you may share
1:23
with somebody.
1:25
It's enough. You don't have to record
1:27
it or shared
1:31
in your stories.
1:33
You know, experiencing it
1:35
is enough even if you don't remember
1:37
it, because I ran into that today
1:40
where I just couldn't remember some
1:42
things about an experience
1:44
that.
1:45
I had, but I know I had it.
1:48
And if someone else experiences
1:50
it with you, having them to
1:53
recount those
1:56
memories or to share those memories
1:58
with you, sometimes it can jog your memory
2:00
and sometimes you won't remember it at all. But
2:03
because of the way they share the story,
2:05
it's almost like you can relive it all over
2:07
again and create
2:10
the memory all over again. So I'm
2:12
going to read it to you, guys one more time. I just
2:14
think it's really, really beautiful what
2:16
she says. She says, at some point in life,
2:19
the world's beauty becomes enough. You don't
2:21
need to photograph, paint, or even
2:24
remember it. It is enough.
2:26
Sometimes just let it be enough, guys. Sometimes
2:30
just let the memory, the experience, the
2:33
beauty of the moment, the beauty of
2:35
the world, the beauty that
2:37
you encounter. Just let it be
2:40
enough and leave it there
2:43
and just hold on to the memory.
3:05
I can't see the path that. Okay,
3:08
what's up, y'all. Welcome to Hanidmy My purse
3:10
the podcast. I am Mimi
3:12
Walker, and I will be your forever host each and every
3:15
single time you tune into
3:17
this podcast. So go ahead and get yourself
3:19
comfortable. Get a glass
3:21
of your favorite beverage, whether that's a
3:23
cherry Cooke zero that's
3:26
been in the freezer so it kind of has that like
3:28
slush in it. God, I love
3:30
that, God of Mercy.
3:33
I love that.
3:38
Some moonshine, to
3:40
be more specific, some
3:43
apple pie moonshine. Let
3:45
me just tell you I've had it before and
3:49
it's quite fucking delicious, or
3:51
a tasty, delicious
3:55
ice cold moscow mule. I
3:57
love a good moscow mule,
4:00
honey, and let me tell you that much. Whatever
4:02
it is, get it, go l
4:04
like yourself a candle, some incense, or
4:06
burn some sage and just get ready to
4:09
chill out and have yourself a
4:11
good time. What's
4:22
up, friends, and can it's MEMI resident
4:24
Auntie Supreme. Here, I hand me my purse and
4:27
today I'm sipping on some
4:30
alkaline water. It's room temperature because
4:32
I need to hydrate, and
4:34
I can tell that I am still. I think
4:37
I told you guys that I have
4:39
a personal trainer now and we did this
4:41
whole body scan thing, and it told me that
4:44
I was dehydrated. And that was in August, and
4:48
I can tell no, I got the
4:50
scan thing, I want to say, in October, the
4:53
beginning of October, and I can
4:55
tell that I
4:58
am still in a state of dehydration because my
5:00
skin is hella dry. Not
5:02
the skin on my face, but
5:05
the skin on my body is pretty
5:08
dry, even after I moisturize
5:10
it. And I mean, don't get me wrong,
5:12
the seasonal weather is definitely shifting
5:14
because it's cold out outside, Like
5:16
it's cold as shit outside today. Yesterday
5:19
it was cold, today it wasn't as hot. But lately
5:21
it's been I mean late as cold. But lately
5:23
it's been really chilly, I
5:26
mean like brisk, baby Like in the morning,
5:28
I get up and go to the car and it's
5:30
like twenty five degrees. Ain't
5:32
nobody got time for that. I don't like
5:34
that, Okay, most of other stuff. I'm
5:37
getting tired of the cold. Like it's getting
5:39
to be a bit much. I mean I like it.
5:41
I don't like it at all. The
5:43
skin on my feet is getting ridiculously
5:46
dry. And here's where the real issue
5:48
comes in for me. My lips are starting
5:50
to feel a little chappalicious. And
5:53
one thing about Mimi Walker is
5:55
that she has soft lips.
5:58
Okay, It's like it's like my superpower,
6:01
and they ain't flaky and they ain't
6:03
chappy. And lately
6:07
my lips have been feeling a little chapped and
6:09
I don't like it. So I'm about
6:12
to guzzle this. Sixty four hours is of alkaline
6:14
water down. Baby, I'm
6:16
gonna take it down because
6:18
Cis does not want to be ashy
6:21
and water is a healing source.
6:24
It is a healing bomb. So I'm just gonna go
6:26
ahead and drink that down. So I'm
6:28
not out here looking like a
6:32
cactus, okay, or the ground
6:35
in the Sahara desert, because
6:38
I deserve to be hydrated.
6:40
Hydrates yourself, babe, go ahead
6:43
and do that. Oh yeah,
6:51
So friends in Him. For today's gym, I
6:53
chose a song that is solely
6:56
based on an experience that I had
6:58
a couple of hours ago. And
7:01
this evening I went to see Renaissance, the
7:03
film by Beyonce,
7:05
and I, you know, I think that if
7:09
I'm not already a
7:11
beehive convert,
7:15
I think I'm.
7:16
On my way.
7:17
And I
7:20
simply adore Beyonce
7:23
and her work ethic and her music.
7:26
Like I'm just.
7:28
I don't know, like just
7:30
I like her a lot. I think that she
7:33
is amazing. I
7:35
love to watch her perform. I'm sad
7:37
that Renaissance was the first concert
7:39
of hers that I had gone to, especially
7:42
because I love live performances
7:45
and I like eat them up. But
7:47
it's okay because I'm here now. And
7:49
so I went to see it, and
7:52
I said, so, I was
7:54
definitely singing in the theater. I mean, everybody
7:56
in there was jamming. But my
7:58
favorite song from that album is called Heated,
8:01
and so that's your jam today. It's
8:03
Beyonce song Heated. You know it's
8:06
going to be in the show notes. Let me just tell you
8:08
that the song is
8:11
life, particularly
8:14
the end when
8:16
it's like I don't know if you
8:18
want to call it a bridge,
8:22
but it's everything. I
8:24
don't want to sing it. I don't want to tell you
8:26
what it says, but you'll know it because
8:29
it's kind of when she
8:31
goes off and I'm
8:34
here for it. And it took me a minute to get it down
8:36
because I like to sing a song, Honey, I
8:38
want to sing the song. I want to know the words I grew
8:40
up in the era I'm Generation X. Shout
8:42
out to gen X. I
8:47
grew up in an era where when you wanted to learn
8:49
the lyrics of a song, you
8:51
had to record it from the radio
8:54
first, unless
8:56
you had the cassette of the
8:58
song, but you had to record from the radio,
9:00
and then you had to rewind it and
9:04
play it, and rewind it and play it
9:06
until you were able to write all of the lyrics
9:08
down. And then by the time you finish
9:10
writing the lyrics down of the song, before
9:13
you knew it, you memorized it because you had been
9:15
writing it for five hours and
9:18
it's only a two minute song. But anyway, the
9:20
song is heated and it's
9:23
everything. So I want you to go and listen to
9:25
it. Don't really want to do a lot of talking about
9:27
it, because you know, I want you to just
9:29
experience it for yourself. But it's
9:31
a dope fucking song, Like if
9:33
you don't get pumped up listening to it, and
9:36
it's not deep, it's nothing, heavy,
9:39
it's nothing.
9:40
It's not it's so good
9:42
though.
9:45
Like this
9:50
like this,
9:56
no no.
10:03
And if you get a chance to go, even
10:05
if you went to the
10:08
actual Renaissance tour, but if you get a chance
10:10
to go see Renaissance to film in
10:12
theaters, do
10:15
that for yourself.
10:17
It's so fucking good. It was so good.
10:19
I'm probably gonna go see it again, maybe like two times,
10:22
because I just had a good time, like
10:25
reliving that experience of going
10:28
to the concert and seeing the show
10:30
actual actually in
10:32
person, but seeing it
10:35
there. It was really amazing
10:37
because you got to see things that you may not have seen
10:41
at your show. She
10:43
explains a lot, she talks a lot about
10:45
her process. It was just really good.
10:48
And just shout out to you, Beyonce Knowles
10:51
Carter.
11:14
We were created through slavery, and.
11:16
That's so interesting that you say that.
11:18
And I didn't expect this conversation to take
11:20
this turn. But I
11:23
wonder sometimes how like
11:27
mainland African
11:30
nations would view or
11:32
how they view Cape Verdeans
11:35
if they are welcoming the same way
11:38
that the Portuguese are not as welcoming. Are
11:40
they as welcoming, because let's just take
11:43
the band aid off. Sometimes there
11:46
are some Africans that are not as welcoming
11:49
to African Americans when it
11:51
comes to understanding that essentially
11:54
like we are one. It's like, no, you're
11:56
not you weren't born here, You're not African, you
11:58
know. And I get that I experience is
12:00
different. And I get that even
12:02
for Caribbean people, they feel
12:04
like they can't identify with the Black American
12:06
experience because even their experience with
12:09
slavery is different. But I
12:11
wonder why is that
12:13
like with dealing with like
12:15
mainland or you know, people from the continent
12:18
that are not from an island.
12:20
And I wonder if people from Madagascar experienced
12:22
the same thing.
12:23
I don't know. That's a good question about Madagascar. I
12:25
don't know about that. I don't know too many people from
12:27
Madaga.
12:28
I don't know anybody Fromican, Yeah.
12:30
But I know some other islanders, like I know
12:32
some people from Reunion Islands,
12:35
and also from Mayachts,
12:38
which is part of oh,
12:40
what's the name Comoros Islands?
12:43
Okay, and then Sound to me and Principe, which
12:45
are really small, they're small islands.
12:48
I think it depends, you know, I
12:50
think.
12:50
It really don't know. Those are all
12:52
parts of Africa. Just read
12:54
a book, do a little geological learning
12:57
for yourself. Africa is not just
13:00
everything that you can visually see on
13:02
a map.
13:03
Yeah, that's so true. I
13:05
think that's What's I
13:08
find sort of fascinating to the
13:11
way that Africa is perceived by people
13:13
both within and outside of it
13:15
is that outside of Africa, people sent
13:17
like, oh Africa, what you just said,
13:19
Like people see it as this one thing,
13:22
and it's not homogenous.
13:23
On a country. They see it as a country.
13:26
It's not. It's a continent.
13:27
It's a continent with fifty four four
13:29
countries. Actually, yeah, and they're all
13:31
different, and even within those countries there's
13:33
different types of people within, Like if you go to
13:36
Morocco, there are indigenous Moroccan
13:38
people who look you know, they're they're
13:41
Amaza people and they look sort
13:43
of Asiatic, you know what I mean. And
13:46
they have straight hair because they're people
13:48
who dwell in the desert, you
13:50
know, and their landscape, their
13:52
body, their phenotype has adapted based
13:54
on their environmental condition.
13:56
People do not come on.
13:57
They don't get it. They don't get as it.
13:59
Shut to Marcie Depeina for being smart, like
14:04
people don't understand that. People don't
14:06
And it reminds me of the sand people
14:09
of like southern Africa, who
14:12
they look extremely
14:14
Chinese and they look specifically
14:16
Chinese.
14:18
Or like Mongolians. Their eyes are very
14:20
tight.
14:20
They're very light with yellow undertones,
14:23
but their hair is as kinky as
14:25
the day is long. Their lips are big,
14:28
their noses are big, and if you put them next
14:30
to Chinese
14:33
people who live in like mountains, they look
14:35
like twins.
14:37
But there you have it, right. I think that's like people.
14:39
Just think that all Africans look like
14:41
whatever mainstream
14:44
American media has told us that Africans
14:46
look like, and it does not look like.
14:48
It doesn't work like that.
14:49
It doesn't, it doesn't. And so I think,
14:51
you know, going back to your question, I think that
14:53
oftentimes when I interact
14:56
with people from other African nations,
14:58
there is a sense of there's
15:00
a kindred spirit thing that happens there,
15:03
and there's also an understanding of the
15:05
diversity of the continent
15:07
of Africa. So sometimes
15:10
people will be like, oh, you're African, and
15:12
then when I tell them I'm Cape Verdie and they're like, oh okay, they
15:14
immediately understand. They're like,
15:16
oh, okay, I understand that you're a creole person
15:19
like you might even find in Liberia or
15:21
Sierra Leone or other places,
15:24
and certainly South Africa.
15:25
You have a lot of mixtures.
15:27
But you know that as soon as people understand
15:30
the context, they're like, oh, okay, I
15:32
get it. But there are definitely
15:38
cultural there's a cultural
15:40
continuity there, and there's a certain understanding
15:43
there that I pretty much always
15:45
have felt. There's an a there's definitely like
15:48
a recognition like oh okay.
15:49
You're African your
15:51
Familyeah.
15:54
But that's not to say that there isn't.
15:57
As I told you, you know, with what the Portuguese
15:59
did with colonial administrators, there
16:01
is definitely some resentment and there's definitely
16:03
especially you know, from the old school
16:06
days, there's definitely ways
16:08
in which people felt maybe Capaved wasn't a team
16:10
player, you know what I'm saying, like that kind
16:12
of thing, or you know, other
16:15
Portuguese colonies, you
16:17
know, being pitted against each other really.
16:20
But yeah, but when the revolution happened
16:22
in the seventies, that really changed all
16:24
of that because of people like Augustino
16:27
Nato, who was the leader
16:29
in Angola, and even Fidel
16:31
Castro.
16:32
They
16:38
it's the take of our.
16:41
Exactly. No, It's true though. They they
16:43
went over to Angola and they trained
16:45
and they trained with the male Charcaba and Augustino Nato
16:47
and they were all together and so this idea of
16:49
this Pan African identity and
16:52
then specifically this idea
16:54
of the former you know, Portuguese colonies,
16:56
which at the time were Portuguese speaking nations,
16:59
then necessity to ban together
17:02
and how each played their own role. So
17:04
cape Verdians having that closeness
17:07
to Portuguese Portuguese
17:09
officials right specific specifically
17:13
was beneficial when it came to the revolution
17:16
because they were there was a role to
17:18
be played there, and you know cap Verdians
17:20
played it.
17:21
What about Brazil.
17:25
Brazil is interesting.
17:26
They're like their own, Yeah, their
17:29
own thing, they got their own they got their.
17:31
Own thing going on. But there's definitely a closeness
17:33
with Brazilians and cape Verdians. One of the islands,
17:36
one of our islands, Samvicent, is
17:38
known for its carnival, so they call that little
17:40
Brazil like they have a huge carnival.
17:42
They really love Brazilian culture. So there's
17:45
a good connection there. But I was laughing
17:47
too because every time Brazilians, every
17:49
time I've ever been in Cupovid and Brazilians
17:51
are there, they love we
17:54
are in Africa, like, they love it
17:56
so much. They love Couplevid because
17:58
for them it's that entry point for them where
18:00
they feel that sense of belonging. I get it, and
18:03
they're like, Okay, you guys are like us. You have this
18:05
mixture of things going on, but you still
18:07
get to be recognized as legitimately being
18:10
African.
18:10
Yeah. I think that's the thing that.
18:14
As a Black American, that's
18:16
the thing that so many of us are always
18:18
looking for and sometimes.
18:23
Like it's hard to get.
18:24
And I think that one time I
18:26
had or several times, and
18:28
we've actually become friends.
18:30
But I had.
18:30
The president
18:32
and one of the founders of African Ancestry
18:36
on my show shout out to doctor Gina
18:38
Page, and
18:41
we talked about that and how like that
18:44
is like a help very helpful
18:47
tool and like an entry point,
18:49
like you said, or doorway into
18:52
like getting closer because
18:55
for Black Americans, like we're like, okay,
18:57
so where.
18:58
Do we belong? How do we fit in to the
19:00
puzzle?
19:01
And I know that when I went to Senegal, when
19:03
that was when I first really learned about Cape
19:05
Verde. When I went to Senegale, I was about twenty
19:07
four, and like
19:10
it's like when you get when you touch down,
19:12
when your foot steps
19:14
off of the last step
19:17
on the plane, it's like something
19:19
happens yes, and you're like, not
19:21
even a sense of saying like I'm home, but
19:24
like, something about this feels
19:26
familiar, but I don't know what it is like.
19:28
I couldn't figure out what it was. Something
19:31
about it feels like
19:33
genetically or in my bones. Yes, something
19:35
feels familiar, but I don't know what it is.
19:38
I think it's everything. I think it's like. And I've
19:40
experienced this every African country
19:42
I've been to, and I've been south,
19:45
you know, west. I've never been to
19:48
the East side of Africa yet, but
19:50
I've been to Morocco, I've been to Senegal,
19:52
Gambia, Angola, and Cabo verd
19:55
So not that many places, but enough that it's a
19:57
little bit diverse. And I felt the same
19:59
thing single place I went, no matter how
20:01
different they are. There was the
20:04
smell. Something about the smell,
20:07
the colors, the landscape,
20:09
the sort of dry
20:13
could be red, could be like a brown
20:15
color. You know that
20:17
I love
20:19
Senegal. Soon that's like the majority of my DNA
20:22
is from Senegal.
20:23
Yeah, well that would make sense.
20:24
Yeah, allowed to make so much
20:27
sense for Cape Verdeans to have
20:29
a lot of Senegalesea.
20:33
It's beautiful there and
20:35
complicated. You know and complicated
20:38
in a in a kind of beautiful
20:40
way. Yeah, it's
20:42
so funny. You know. You asked me that question about Africa
20:44
how other Africans receive Cape
20:47
Verdians, and it brought me to this memory.
20:49
As soon as I said, I was like, oh, this is so funny. Nigerians
20:52
are funny. Though, Nigerians are funny, especially
20:55
people over here. I I've
20:57
never been called white girls so many times in my
20:59
life and around this a
21:01
group of Nigerians were kept being like, oh, the white girl.
21:04
And I'm like, I'm not white,
21:06
and they're like it's okay.
21:08
I'm like, no, it's not.
21:10
You're pretty and I'm like, what
21:12
what are you talking about? And they're like, we're
21:15
not trying to say we understand the ear
21:17
Cape Verdian, we understand that you're African. We
21:19
get that. We're talking about your skin
21:21
color. Look at your skin look at my skin
21:23
color. You're white. And I'm like,
21:25
okay, I'm not and
21:27
I don't like it. But they almost said
21:29
it to this one particular guy. He said it to me just
21:31
a couple of months ago. It was almost like he was trying to compliment
21:34
me. Well, they probably were, okay,
21:36
that's interesting, but keep it.
21:38
I don't want that. You can have that save
21:42
that. Well.
21:43
People don't understand too, you know, people who
21:45
do not grow up in the United States do
21:47
not understand the racial
21:49
stratifications and what that could potentially
21:52
mean, right, absolutely, and
21:54
that that could be like something painful.
21:56
Yeah, And I think that also he
21:58
may not understand because
22:01
you know, like they do a lot of bleaching,
22:04
you know, too light in their skin, so.
22:06
They would think that you yes, yes,
22:09
they.
22:09
Do a lot of bleaching, too light in their skin,
22:12
so they would probably think, like, what
22:14
is wrong with you? Like this isn't a bad thing
22:16
we're saying, you know, you have white skin. I was
22:18
actually with a very good friend of mine. She is
22:20
Lebanese, she's Muslim, and we were
22:22
in Seattle and she is
22:25
probably she's in
22:27
between.
22:27
I love their color, right, she's
22:29
in between. She's pretty fair.
22:31
She has dark hair, but you never see it because she's
22:34
covered, right, But she has very dark eyebrows,
22:36
very thick eyebrows. We were in Seattle and
22:39
this Asian woman, I don't know, you
22:41
know what country she was from, walked
22:43
up to her. Okay, now, this woman is
22:45
like a owner of like a store
22:48
We were in the market, the big
22:50
Seattle market.
22:53
What's it called the.
22:55
Market in Seattle where they throw the fish
22:57
and they have a pike.
22:58
We were in Pipe Place and.
23:01
Pipe Market, and so we
23:03
went into this T shirt shop because she wanted to
23:05
get some shirts for her kids, and
23:08
the Asian woman walked up to her put
23:11
her hands on her face.
23:14
I was like, oh, we're.
23:14
About to fight this lady.
23:16
I said, oh, we about to fight this lady because
23:18
you do not touch people's face.
23:20
She don't touch.
23:21
She said, you're so beautiful your skin
23:24
it's so white. When I tell you, she was pissed.
23:27
I said, are you more mad that she tells? You're more
23:29
mad that she called? She said you look white
23:32
and.
23:32
She was like, I am not white. I was like,
23:34
a sys, I didn't say that. I
23:36
was like, maybe she meant compared to me, Like
23:39
I don't know. She said, Oh, your
23:41
skin is so white. It's so beautiful.
23:42
I love it.
23:43
And I'm just thinking to myself, ma'am, you're not that much.
23:45
You're not darker than her, like you guys are
23:48
running a race together. But
23:50
she was so offended. But it really
23:52
just like reminded me, like
23:54
that is what people
23:57
are striving for to be very,
23:59
very very fit.
24:00
Yeah, which is interesting.
24:02
Yeah, not me.
24:03
I use my foundation's usually like
24:06
two shades darker than me.
24:07
Yeah. I like on color, I
24:09
you know, obviously because I'm light especially
24:12
and my father is not.
24:13
So like I have brown bro.
24:14
Yeah, and I have you know, in my family,
24:16
I have the whole rainbow spectrum.
24:19
But I'm always I'm like, dang man, I'm like
24:21
yellow. Yeah. My mom tells me in the winter
24:24
gray, you turned gray in the winter.
24:25
I'm like, thanks for the this thing on the internet that
24:28
said winter is coming. I feel
24:30
sorry for my life game.
24:31
Yes, that's me. I'm that person. Feel
24:33
sorry for me.
24:34
Well, I mean everybody gets lighter in the winter.
24:36
Yeah. And if I was in my natural habitat,
24:38
I would not.
24:39
I would be brown, I would be you would
24:41
you would be brown and toasted?
24:43
You would? You deserve that? I do. I want
24:45
that for you.
24:45
Thank you.
24:46
But okay, back to Sweet Daddy Grace.
24:49
So I heard about Sweet Daddy Grace from
24:51
my aunt Jackie May she rest in Paradise
24:54
years ago.
24:55
We were I don't even think I was driving
24:58
at the time.
24:58
So I had to just have I have just
25:00
come back from California or I
25:03
don't know why, but I was in her car and we were
25:05
driving up Liberty Road in Baltimore City
25:08
and there was this church and it had
25:10
these lions on the front. And I remember
25:13
saying on Jackie, what is this church with these lions?
25:15
Like what is that?
25:16
And she said that's sweet Daddy Grace or that's Daddy
25:19
Grace's church.
25:19
And I was like who is that? And she was like chall
25:22
or girl.
25:23
He was a preacher and he had this
25:26
hair and these long fingernails,
25:29
and he would have these events with tents
25:32
and he would serve all this food and
25:34
I was like, okay.
25:35
I kind of put it to the back of my head. I didn't think about it again.
25:38
Daddy Grace came up again.
25:39
They were talking about him again, my aunt Jackie
25:41
and some other elder in my family, and
25:44
I would hear her talking about him, and I'm like, who
25:46
is this man? And I
25:48
left it alone. Then,
25:50
when I started to do my own research
25:53
about like my mother's biological
25:55
fathers ancestry
25:58
during COVID, my grandfather
26:01
passed away in January of twenty twenty,
26:03
and I took a deep nosedive into
26:06
like ancestry because I was like, this is a great distraction,
26:09
And so I ended up finding my mother's
26:11
biological brother. My
26:13
mother had no idea who her had no
26:15
idea who her biological father was.
26:18
She may have heard his name before, but she
26:20
didn't know.
26:21
My great aunt, my maternal
26:23
grandmother's sister, was
26:27
a spicy aunt and she was messy.
26:30
And she said one day to me
26:32
when I was a little girl, so and so is
26:34
not even your grandfather. Your
26:37
grandfather's name is blank blank,
26:39
and he is from Newport News and his mother's
26:41
name is Blanche. I said, well,
26:44
all right, I'm ten, I don't really care. I'm
26:46
going outside. Then fast
26:48
forward to her saying it to me again when
26:50
I first came back from California, I was about
26:53
eighteen, and I wrote it down cause
26:55
I'm like, I'm gonna use this, this is gonna be I'm
26:57
gonna need this later on.
26:59
So I found
27:01
out.
27:03
I ended up going to Newport News
27:05
during the pandemic because I was like, I gotta get out
27:07
of this house.
27:08
I need to find something to do.
27:09
So I went on a road trip to Virginia Beach
27:11
and then on the way back, I stopped in Hampton
27:13
and Newport News because I started
27:15
doing research, and I knew that's where my ancestors
27:18
were from.
27:19
And I was like, okay.
27:20
So I looked up like as many grave
27:23
sites as I could find, and I went
27:25
to all of them. I went to the liquor store. I bought all
27:27
these little miniatures of white rum. I
27:30
went to visit all of the
27:32
grave sites that I could find. One I couldn't find
27:35
the markers, but I knew like five
27:37
of my ancestors were buried there. So
27:39
I kind of just walked around. You couldn't really see the
27:41
markers, so I just did my own little you
27:43
know. I had a little ritual situation going.
27:45
On, and I
27:49
stopped.
27:49
I saw this very old black
27:52
man just sitting in this doorway.
27:54
It was crazy how this happened, sitting
27:57
in this doorway. I took his picture.
27:59
I was dry, and I said, you know what, I bet this
28:01
man knows something about this town, because
28:03
he was like eighty five, almost ninety years
28:05
old. I pulled up in
28:08
my black jedd at the time, and I said
28:10
hi, and I said, I'm looking for information
28:13
about so and so. And he was like, I don't really
28:15
know them, he said, but you know what
28:18
they probably went. She probably because I asked
28:20
about my Grandma Blanche. She probably
28:22
went to the church up there on whatever
28:24
the street is. He said, you
28:26
can't miss it. You'll see it when you go. So
28:29
I go and I look for the church. I went to the
28:31
different houses where my ancestors had lived,
28:34
looked at them and prayed. When I got to houses
28:36
whatever, pull out a little liquor, go
28:38
and buy my business. I went to the James River
28:41
at the end of the street, you know, you
28:43
know. And so then I drive
28:45
to this church. And
28:47
when I pull up, I was like, damn, this a nice
28:50
church. I did not make the correlation
28:52
with the lions at all. Pull
28:55
up big gold lions on
28:57
the church. I was like, this is fancy. Damask
28:59
got a lot of money here. And then I
29:01
said, you know what, I'm by myself
29:04
and the area is a little seedy,
29:07
you know, it's projects a lot of places
29:10
like and I'm alone, so and
29:12
it's this is in my area and I'm driving around
29:14
in a black jedd with tiny windows. I was like,
29:16
yeah, the next time I come, I'm
29:18
going to have to come with somebody else in
29:21
a less assuming car. But
29:24
I want to come back, and I want to go to the church and see
29:26
if they have any information. The reason
29:29
it was interesting that the older man told me about
29:32
this church because that
29:34
is the church where my great grandmother was
29:36
had her funeral. When
29:40
Marcy and I finally talked and
29:43
I listened to it
29:45
might have been episode four or five. She
29:47
talked about a church in Newport News that
29:50
Daddy Grace, that was one of
29:52
the tell me the name of the.
29:53
Church, United House to prayer for all people.
29:56
Yes, you're noted how to prayer for all people. I
29:58
went back and I looked at the pic that I took when
30:01
we had the conversation.
30:02
I remembered the lions.
30:04
Once we made the correlation, I was like, the lions are on
30:06
the church on Liberty Road.
30:07
They're on this church here.
30:09
Then I looked for the obituary that
30:11
said where Grandma Blanche's funeral was, and
30:13
I was like, oh boom. I asked
30:16
my uncle, I said, did she belong to that church?
30:18
He said no, He said he had gone to church with her
30:20
before, but it wasn't that church because he grew up
30:22
in Newport News. But she had
30:24
her funeral there, probably because
30:27
it was fancy looking, right, She
30:30
had her funeral there. And I was like, yeah,
30:32
this is too much of a
30:35
coincidence. That's never a coincidence because
30:38
there's no such thing as coincidences.
30:40
And I was like, no, I need to talk to.
30:41
This lady because she's got
30:43
the juice. She knows something about
30:46
this man, Daddy Grace.
31:01
First of all, that's fascinating because
31:05
your grandmother must have been a member,
31:07
because you don't get buried or have
31:09
a service at the house of parent unless
31:12
you are a member. They are very.
31:16
It's an exclusive thing. It's like being in a sorority
31:18
or fraternity.
31:18
Yes, that's a good way of putting it. It is
31:20
definitely in its generational you
31:23
know, people are members, and their
31:25
children are members, and their grandchildren are members,
31:28
and when you're not a member,
31:30
you don't have access in the same kind of way.
31:33
She had to have been a member,
31:35
whether she consistently went to
31:37
the church or not, she had to have been
31:39
a member. He was maybe yep,
31:42
something like that, yep.
31:44
Or maybe somebody had to be if you're saying
31:47
that. Also, my uncle
31:49
he left Newport News when he was like eight,
31:52
So maybe she joined the church after, you
31:54
know, he left, because she ended
31:56
up remarrying somebody, So maybe she
31:58
joined the church as a result of being to
32:00
somebody else, and all the possibilities
32:02
are endless. Tell us about this man, Daddy
32:05
Grace, Well, I
32:07
have my own opinions.
32:10
I mean, Daddy Grace just you
32:12
can tell just by his name was
32:15
and you used the word enigma. But a character
32:17
for sure.
32:19
It's very mysterious. Yeah, very mysterious.
32:22
Very laired
32:25
laird is.
32:25
A great way of putting him. He
32:28
came to the United States. He was born in the island
32:30
of Brava, which is in Cape verd in
32:34
the eighteen hundreds and came to
32:36
the United States to New
32:38
Bedford specifically, like all Cape Verdians
32:40
did in those days, because it was a port there.
32:43
His parents he had already come a He came
32:45
back and went back and forth a couple of times. His parents
32:48
and siblings settled in New
32:50
Bedford, and one of his brothers opened up a church.
32:53
You know, his parents seemed to be doing well, thriving.
32:56
He had no intention on staying here, so
32:58
the story goes, he went back to his beloved
33:00
islands, where he was already a local
33:03
celebrity. He was known throughout
33:06
all of his island as a
33:08
storyteller, and storytelling is
33:10
a big deal in a culture where you
33:12
know, most people are illiterate and
33:14
the oral tradition is huge.
33:16
I thought you were going to say storytelling is
33:18
a big deal on
33:21
the continent, a big deal
33:23
in black culture.
33:24
And back culture period, right, and and Bravak
33:28
is no different. So he was a local
33:30
celebrity, yeah, because he
33:32
was known for the stories that he would tell. People
33:34
would gather around children and hang around
33:36
and hear him, you know, tell stories. So he didn't
33:38
want to come to the US, but apparently
33:41
God had other plans for him, and he loved
33:43
his hair. So God said his hair on fire and was like,
33:45
you need to go to the United States and spread
33:47
the gospel. That's your mission and if you don't
33:49
go, it's gonna be worse. So he got on a
33:51
boat, made his way over and made
33:53
the United States his permanent home. And that was
33:56
at the turn of the century.
33:58
So his hair cut off.
34:00
Yeah, yeah, like Michael, look
34:02
at that. Before Michael Jackson, there was Daddy Grace.
34:04
Ye okay, but Daddy Grace,
34:06
you know, I feel like he
34:09
did a lot of our jobs when he first got here, like most
34:11
Cape Verdians did. You know, he worked on the docks
34:13
He apparently sold patent medicines,
34:16
worked as a cook, dishwasher, worked
34:19
on the railroads, started to explore
34:21
the country. And you know, like
34:23
I said, his older brother was a preacher,
34:25
and he said he came here on that mission.
34:28
So he started preaching. You know, he was looking for
34:30
a home, looking for different churches. A
34:32
lot of the Portuguese churches
34:34
in the New Bedford area were
34:37
not welcoming to Cape Verdians. So Kate Verdians
34:39
had their own churches. So it would
34:41
be you know, an Ame church or Church
34:43
of the Nazarene, or you
34:45
know, even a Cape Verdian Catholic church. But
34:48
Daddy Grace felt like, you know, there was something
34:50
else for him and decided to build his own church.
34:52
So he did that, built his very first church
34:54
and Wearham, Massachusetts, they
34:57
say, with like forty nine dollars.
35:00
And you know, he tried
35:02
to get a lot of kate Verdians to join join his
35:05
church. But he was Pentecostal
35:08
or thank
35:10
you, I grew up.
35:12
I grew up. I grew up in a Pentecostal.
35:14
Yeah, so you know, yeah,
35:16
and that was very different from Catholics
35:19
or even Church of the Nazarene, where they didn't
35:21
believe in you know, the same things.
35:23
And also Kate Verdians like to drink their alcohol
35:25
and do their thing things that you know,
35:28
Daddy Grace was really against. So
35:31
ultimately he started, you know, his own church.
35:33
You and I have a prayer for all people. And
35:36
after some time, decided to take his show
35:38
on the road.
35:39
Listen, baby outside,
35:42
Daddy Grace. There we outside.
35:44
Yeah, but what's fascinating about
35:46
Daddy Grace? Aside
35:48
from the controversies
35:51
around him, and there were many, he
35:54
was somebody who stood out.
35:56
But I believe he used that to his advantage.
35:59
I think that he he knew he had to attract
36:01
people to himself, so he
36:03
knew he had to dress well. He knew
36:05
he.
36:06
Had to you know, his fingernails.
36:08
He had to set himself apart. And even
36:10
the fingernails come from a Bible verse where
36:12
you know, they said that the prophet will have horns
36:14
what looks like horns coming out of his fingers.
36:17
Okay, maybe I'm proud.
36:18
I think you might be. I think
36:20
you may bing or a cat
36:23
right either way or either way, don't
36:25
mess around. We don't don't
36:27
mess around.
36:28
Don't do it.
36:28
Don't do it.
36:29
Don't do it and it takes too long for me give my nails.
36:32
Yeah, please, we don't. You don't want
36:34
that smoke. But yeah, he he
36:36
really you know, his
36:39
goal, yes, was to spread the Gospel, and he started
36:41
with you know, tents. He would do
36:43
tent revivals and he had Yeah,
36:46
he had a method. He had a very distinct plan
36:48
and what he decided to do. And he
36:51
went to the poorous black neighborhoods. That was typically
36:53
where he went because for him, that was where the most
36:55
need was. Start with a tent revival,
36:57
you know, build up that congregation, get
37:00
as many donations as possible, build
37:02
a church, and keep it pushing. And
37:04
he did that all up and down the Eastern
37:06
seaboard. He ended up with over three hundred
37:09
congregations throughout the United States,
37:12
and at one point he was named
37:14
the wealthiest black preacher in America.
37:17
And so with that, as you can imagine, came
37:19
a lot of controversy,
37:23
jealousy, negative press, government
37:26
interests.
37:26
I love that in the
37:28
episode where you talked
37:31
about the government, Yes, because I
37:33
was wondering, like they ain't bother him.
37:35
Oh no, they did, Yeah they did, Yeah, they
37:37
did. You know, they really did. And you
37:40
know, he was not a perfect
37:42
person obviously, like none of those. Yeah,
37:46
but with him, he was extremely
37:48
intelligent. The thing about Daddy Grace was he was
37:50
smart. He had a marketing you
37:53
know, a head for marketing. He was a marketing
37:55
genius. He knew how to market himself. Clearly
37:58
he was doing stuff, you know, that other people weren't doing.
38:01
But he also understood entrepreneurship
38:03
and he understood that, you know, having
38:05
sovereignty, having your own money was
38:08
the only way that black
38:10
people in America were going to
38:12
have power. Yeah,
38:15
and so he made that his mission
38:17
to not only make his congregation
38:20
self sufficient, but also
38:22
to impart some of the wisdom onto his
38:24
congregants to you know, show people it
38:26
was about. It was a different
38:29
time. You know, there were a lot of people in the
38:31
same era. You know, you had like Noble Druality,
38:34
you had Marcus Garvey, and
38:38
you know, these were people who understood
38:41
empowerment and how critical
38:43
it was at that time for
38:45
black people in America and around
38:47
the globe. Anybody who had been oppressed, which at
38:49
that point, you know, these are people who came
38:52
from in Marcus Garvey's case, in Daddy
38:54
Grace's case, came from other countries.
38:56
Yeah, they were immigrants, but they lived under a colonial
38:58
system, and they understood
39:01
acutely that people's
39:04
spirits had been broken and
39:06
that the self esteem
39:10
was a hindrance. A low self esteem was a hindrance
39:13
to growth. And so that's
39:15
where I think their you know, major
39:17
work was done was giving people
39:20
something to believe in, giving people
39:22
faith, and giving people sense
39:26
of pride and who they were and
39:28
who they could be with community. And
39:32
I think that's one of the things that sat
39:34
him apart. Ultimately.
39:36
So many people have said
39:38
that he was a charlatan. I
39:40
might be one of them at
39:42
first because I misunderstood
39:46
and I think we talked about this because I thought
39:48
that you were saying that
39:50
he had purchased property in
39:53
New York and would not rent the property
39:55
to black people. Oh
39:57
he is not a nice man. I do
40:00
like Daddy Grace, no with your fingernails.
40:03
But then that I listened to the episode
40:05
and then it cleared it up for me what it
40:07
meant and what actually happened.
40:09
Yeah, I mean, he was That was probably
40:11
one of the number one criticisms
40:14
that was, you know, put
40:16
his way, was that he was a charlatan.
40:20
Why do you think people called him the one?
40:21
I mean, first of all, he was extremely
40:25
He was many things right, so
40:27
he was ostentatious. He didn't
40:30
hide his wealth. He actually showed it off.
40:33
I like to think about him like Muhammad Ali,
40:35
Like, you know, Muhammad Ali, I'm pretty, you know. Best
40:39
Daddy grace was that he did not try
40:41
to cower himself in any way.
40:43
He was like, oh, no, you're going to see this beautiful. I'm
40:46
a representation of what God can do so
40:48
you can be the king of your kingdom, you
40:51
know, and here I am as proof of it. His
40:53
outfits were loud, he wore bright
40:55
colors. He had this long hair.
40:58
He taught he would comb his hair apparently, you
41:00
know, all the time, Yeah, and talk
41:03
about how his hair was pretty.
41:06
You know. He had fancy cars. He had it built
41:08
into the bylaws of his church that he,
41:10
the bishop, had to have a new car every year.
41:14
Yeah. He was living a life of a
41:16
man, you know, who had a lot of money. And
41:20
you know, a lot of people during that day, there
41:22
was another preacher named Father Divine.
41:39
My uncles told me about.
41:42
Father Divine, and my uncle's also
41:44
said they used the sea word, the other sea
41:46
word not Charlatan but cult.
41:48
Yes, yes and very much
41:51
so. Right, so we're father
41:53
divine.
41:54
Shout out to my uncle Warren and my uncle Bunkie.
41:58
Big got, big up, big, big up to them
42:01
down in West Baltimore.
42:03
And Lord, I done forgot
42:05
the name of the area, Sandtown.
42:08
That's where my family is, Sandtown, Winchester
42:11
area of Baltimore. And they used to do a lot of tent
42:13
revivals down there. Okay, And
42:16
actually one of my uncles, my uncle Warren, goes
42:18
to the United House of Prayer and
42:20
gets dinners every Sunday. And
42:23
you know what's really funny, Marcy, I was telling Evan
42:25
that last night my uncle Bunkie
42:28
called me and said, hey, Mimi,
42:30
did you.
42:31
Ever make it down? Because I told him, I said,
42:33
I'm going to go one day.
42:34
I have a girl, but we should go today.
42:36
We should go up to Harlem.
42:37
But listen, my uncle said, he said, well,
42:39
do you want to go on Sunday? And I said, Uncle Bunkie,
42:42
is so funny you mentioned that, I said, because I'm going
42:44
to record with the lady that I told you about
42:46
that was doing the podcast about him,
42:48
who was actually related to him. He said, so
42:50
she was related to him. I said, yes, sir, He
42:52
said, well, do you want to go? That's fine about
42:55
this lady, I don't care about that. Do you want to go get these dinners
42:57
on Sunday? I said absolutely, I said,
42:59
and I'm I'm gonna mention it on the show.
43:02
Yes, that's one of the number one things.
43:04
Is the physical food. Yea Fridays.
43:07
I don't know what the schedule is in Harlem. Yeah,
43:09
but it depends. I don't
43:11
know some places or everybody has their own schedule.
43:14
Yeah. But the thing with Father Divine
43:17
was that Father Divine his business
43:19
model was flawed. Okay, okay. And the reason why
43:21
I say that is because he said he was God. He
43:24
said he was God, and he,
43:26
you know, in an act of what
43:29
I think is like utter defiance, right,
43:31
he married a white woman and that woman became
43:33
his wife, and all of the people
43:35
that were part of Father Divine's peace mission
43:38
had to be celibate. They were
43:40
considered Father Divine's children, and he
43:43
and his wife were apparently celibate.
43:45
So eventually, I don't
43:47
believe that a black man in the
43:49
fifties, forties, thirties married
43:51
to a white woman, you having sex
43:53
with that white lady because you think you got something special
43:56
over there. Buddy, you are having the sex
43:58
with this white lady, So stop
44:00
a Father Divine, and how
44:02
do you think you're going to be successful telling people they
44:04
can't have sex.
44:05
Well, that's my whole point that eventually people are here
44:08
for and I mean, that's not a good
44:10
model for growing your congregation. So
44:12
Father Divine's mission failed because pretty
44:15
much everybody is gone. I think there might
44:17
be like two or three members that are still alive and
44:19
maybe a handful more. But yeah,
44:22
so that was why his model was flawed,
44:24
and Daddy Grace called him a Charlotte's into. Daddy
44:27
Grace was like, he's a Charlatan. If he's God, then
44:29
who the hell are we praying to? Daddy? That's
44:31
what he said.
44:31
And it was, you know, period because I heard
44:34
him.
44:34
Yeah, yeah,
44:37
but is that a thing? Yeah, it
44:39
completely is. But yeah, I mean, so,
44:42
you know, just to answer your question, I
44:44
was not. I've never been in Daddy Grace's
44:46
presence. I don't know what
44:48
it felt like to be around him the man. But
44:51
what I can say is this is that people did
44:53
say he had a gift. Even when he
44:55
was a child. He was always known that he had a gift,
44:58
people said, retelling and
45:01
a spiritual gifts.
45:02
Oh.
45:02
People have always said, even people in the church
45:04
that I talked to, Oh, Daddy Grace had special powers.
45:07
Like if you said something bad about him,
45:09
you know something that happened to you.
45:11
Maybe I am a prophet. I tell you about the
45:13
boy who stole my tims.
45:15
Yeah, yeah, the
45:18
nails.
45:18
Yeah. I mean listen, if you do bad,
45:21
Yes, I am anointed, So if you do something
45:23
bad to me, it will come back people.
45:26
Yeah.
45:26
Same. And I know that
45:28
he was known for that. He was known to have a
45:30
healing touch. He was known to have
45:33
performed miracles.
45:36
But then there are also people you know, who
45:38
say no, and they say, oh, he crossed the line.
45:40
He started thinking he was Jesus. He never
45:42
said that. He did say that he was God's prophet,
45:45
but he never claimed to be Jesus. So again,
45:49
I wasn't around to be in his presence
45:51
to know. But what I can say is
45:53
that whatever he had, whatever he
45:56
did, there were thousands
45:59
of people who followed him that follow
46:01
him. He's gone, they continue
46:03
to not just follow him, but I mean be members of the
46:06
church and to believe in their way of life and
46:08
to be completely committed to it. And
46:11
so that's one thing. And I
46:13
will say from my experience,
46:16
because.
46:16
You went to one, Yeah, did you sit
46:18
through a service?
46:19
I sat through. And I've been to a couple, and I'm going to be
46:22
honest. Some of the churches
46:24
I felt just as if I was in my
46:26
own church, right, And I haven't been to
46:28
a church in a long time, but my church growing up. Oh,
46:31
I feel the spirit moving in here. And then there's
46:33
been others that I felt nothing of
46:36
his other of his churches. It just depends
46:38
on who the pastor is. I think from me, So
46:41
that's that's one thing. But you know, what
46:43
they what they practice is not very
46:46
different from any other Christian church.
46:48
The differences are I
46:50
think, you know, no, there are some
46:52
differences because I just like money
46:56
is very prevalent there.
46:59
You know, they have several collections
47:01
throughout one service.
47:03
Theytalia that's like Black Church.
47:05
That's Black Church.
47:06
It's the building Fund, the Women's Day Fund,
47:09
Pastes Anniversary, the Women's Anniversary,
47:11
the Auxiliary Fund.
47:13
That's like Black Church. It is
47:15
USA, it is, it really is.
47:18
But the other thing I wanted to say is that I
47:21
believe that Daddy Grace had some sort of annointing
47:23
because although
47:26
he's been dead, he was dead before I was
47:28
born. I certainly have felt
47:30
his spirit, and his spirit has followed
47:33
me throughout this journey. And that's
47:36
why I did this podcast. I
47:38
did it, Yes, I did it because it was an interesting
47:40
story. I wanted to tell his story.
47:42
I was curious as to why I had never been
47:44
told he's such a fascinating creer somebody
47:48
and where's his place in history?
47:49
And you know what is funny?
47:50
You said that because they talk about Jim Jones
47:53
and not to say that he is a cult leader. I
47:55
am mildly obsessed with organized
48:00
crime, gangs,
48:02
the mafia, and also cults,
48:05
particularly black cults,
48:08
because I'm like, how did why did
48:10
y'all do this? Why did you go and follow
48:12
him? Why
48:15
is he not spoken about
48:17
more? Because they talk about some Jones, They
48:19
talk about the Waco dude, what
48:22
was his name, David Koresh,
48:24
They talk about the Yeah, they
48:26
talk about I remember that I was a senior in high school.
48:29
That was Bob coming and they
48:31
all had black Russell sweatsuits and ate the apple
48:33
sauce.
48:34
You're too young to know about that, Evan yeah,
48:37
remembers.
48:38
Garry as hell. I mean the fact that anybody followed
48:40
that man. D You're talking about Heaven
48:43
the Heaven's Gate guy. He was like translucent
48:45
you.
48:45
No, that's not David.
48:47
I'm not kidding.
48:47
David Koresh had a beautiful head of hair. I'm gonna
48:50
go ahead. And his hair was
48:52
beautiful.
48:53
I said he had a flowing
48:55
hair like he did panting commercials
48:58
for men.
48:59
I mean, that's a good way to get people to follow this.
49:02
But listen. But and so
49:04
this is why I did use that C word.
49:06
It takes and it
49:08
is about marketing because and I
49:11
will fashion him to Beyonce
49:14
uh Janet Jackson, who
49:17
is a man that Michael
49:19
Jackson like, if you want
49:21
the people to follow you,
49:23
you have to be somebody that
49:26
I think that the men want to be
49:30
and that the women want to be with, or
49:32
the women want to be and that the men want
49:34
to be with men want to be like Daddy Grace
49:36
because he was rich, right,
49:39
women loved him. He had these long fingernails,
49:42
he had this hair, and he
49:45
was rich and he
49:47
wasn't ashamed to show he was rich. Everybody
49:49
wanted a piece of that. And he was essentially
49:52
living the
49:55
exaggerated American dream for black
49:57
people to be rich and be able
49:59
to flaunt your riches around in
50:01
the faces of America, right,
50:04
And so it does make sense, and he was smart
50:08
because, like, you have
50:10
to know the thing
50:12
that I always think about when I think about like
50:14
these religious leaders,
50:18
and there's always the argument, and I kind
50:21
of am on both sides of the fence
50:23
when it comes to this. A lot of people
50:25
argue about like them and their riches, and
50:27
then they're in the poorest neighborhoods. You mentioned
50:29
that, and it's like, how do you show
50:32
up loaded down?
50:34
Because he was definitely a millionaire, and
50:37
then my lights are off in my house, or I can't
50:40
pay my rent, or I can't pay my mortgage, but
50:42
I'm going to give the last of my money to you because
50:45
I believe in your cause.
50:46
Like, how do you sleep at night?
50:48
Actually probably gonna very finely crafted mattress,
50:50
But how do you live with that
50:52
knowing that the people who are following you are
50:55
not doing well? And how do you
50:58
turn that around? So the whip
51:00
side of that coin for me is that
51:02
it takes a lot of work to be a daddy
51:05
grace.
51:05
It takes.
51:06
People have said the same thing about in Baltimore,
51:08
where I live. Jamal Bryant used to
51:10
be a pastor there. Now he's in Atlanta,
51:13
and people would say the same thing about him. Oh he has
51:15
a Bentley and da da da. It takes
51:17
a lot of work to do the work that they do. Why
51:19
shouldn't they have nice things. Oh,
51:21
he's a man of God.
51:22
He should be did a minded business.
51:24
You don't go to work and tell them, don't pay me, take
51:27
my money down to the homeless shelter because I'm
51:29
a woman of God, or I believe in God and I should.
51:31
You don't do that. So they deserve to have nice
51:33
things.
51:34
So it is a it's a tangled web or
51:36
a tricky little little thing. It's
51:39
a tricky way to look at it. But either
51:41
way, he was smart. That's one thing that
51:43
I will say. He was very smart. He
51:46
knew how to work whatever it is. He knew how
51:48
to work his plan.
51:50
Yeah, he knew how to work his plan for sure. I
51:52
want to I want to say something just to address what you
51:54
said about cult, right, because it's only
51:57
really in the last few decades that
51:59
the word cult has become a negative.
52:02
Previously cult was not considered
52:04
something negative. It was just simply a group
52:07
of people who had their own set of
52:09
rules, and everybody that
52:11
was in that group followed those sets
52:13
of rules. But things like
52:16
Heaven's Gay or David Koresh or
52:18
Jim Jones that made
52:20
us think about the cult in a negative
52:22
way. So even when they were speaking about Daddy Grace
52:24
and the Times or in Jet or Ebony
52:26
or whatever, they would they would say
52:29
at first, they would say cult leader, and it wasn't necessarily
52:31
negative, but then it started taking
52:33
on a negative It started
52:36
taking on a negative turn. Yeah,
52:38
especially with a lot of white media saying
52:41
really negative things. And
52:44
it could have been. It could have been. But I spoke
52:46
with one of the pastors because one
52:49
thing that was difficult about making
52:51
this podcast was that a lot
52:53
of people that were involved in the church was by
52:56
far Daddy Grace's like closest outside
52:58
of his immediate family. His closest associations
53:02
were within the church, right, I mean, he had other
53:04
friends, but he was a guy who
53:06
worked NonStop. This guy worked till
53:08
the day he died. He literally delivered
53:10
a sermon, right, I Mean all he did was travel
53:13
and tend to his flock right. So
53:16
not being able to speak
53:18
directly and on the record with somebody from
53:20
the church was for me, you
53:23
know, it was like a fail right because I was like, damn,
53:25
man, I can't get anybody from the
53:28
church to speak to
53:30
me on the record. But a lot of people spoke
53:32
to me off the record. And one thing that one of
53:34
the pastors told me was I brought this up,
53:36
asked him the same question. He said, no, actually,
53:38
we are a cult. We are a cult.
53:40
And I said, well, what makes you say that? And he said, well,
53:43
because we all abide
53:45
by the same set of rules. We
53:48
most of us work together, we attend
53:50
the same church, we're there every night of the week,
53:52
we eat together, we marry one
53:54
another. We're encouraged to only have
53:56
friendships and associations within
53:58
this group of people. So, yeah, we
54:01
are a cult. And he's right, that's
54:03
wrong with that.
54:03
Yeah, And he's right though that because they're not going up
54:05
on the hilbop right now.
54:06
They're not They're not going to say it's the difference
54:09
between.
54:09
Somebody like Guyana and drinking
54:12
kool aid. And now they're not Jim
54:14
Jones, They're not like experience friends
54:35
and can let's get into our today's
54:39
uh straight fact question. Let's just let's
54:41
just go straight there. Okay, Hi, mami,
54:44
I would rather not share my name.
54:46
Okay, fine by me, ma'am.
54:49
I need some true advice regarding my friendship.
54:53
My friend and I have been friends for ten plus
54:55
years. We have shared many miles
54:58
milestones together, excuse me, like
55:00
weddings, childbirths, and
55:03
managing motherhood. My friend recently
55:06
wrote in our group chat and
55:08
shared that her mother had passed away.
55:10
This was a complete shock to me because I
55:13
did not even know that her mother was sick. In
55:15
her message, she also said that she and
55:18
her family were navigating the
55:20
loss as they had been dealing with the
55:22
sickness impacting her mother for
55:25
some time, and that she did not want any phone
55:27
calls from any of us during this time.
55:30
Well, I mean not
55:32
to judge your friend, but whoa
55:36
I mean, she has the right to feel however she wants
55:38
to feel. But who tells their friends
55:40
like don't call me because anyway
55:43
whatever? Let me just take that back and my
55:45
business and shut my mouth up.
55:47
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, where
55:50
was I?
55:50
In her message, she also said that she and her
55:52
family were navigating the loss, as they
55:54
had been dealing with the sickness impacting
55:57
her mother for some time,
56:00
and that she did not want any phone calls from any of
56:02
us during this time. I was surely shocked
56:05
and caught off guard by it all. I
56:07
attempted to give her space and respect
56:09
her boundaries.
56:10
Good, because that's what you should do. I
56:13
did follow up with her.
56:14
Directly through texts and call several
56:16
times after the funeral, which
56:19
was two weeks later. I never received
56:21
a response back, not a return text, call
56:23
or anything. Yesterday I spoke
56:25
with a mutual friend of
56:28
one of my close friends who was in our group chat,
56:31
and she informed me that my friend
56:33
is upset with me because I took
56:35
so long to reach out to her regarding the loss
56:37
of her mother. I was just trying
56:39
to respect her wishes and her boundaries.
56:42
Was I wrong?
56:43
And that is from Ava from Twin
56:45
Cities, Minnesota, shout
56:47
out the Twin Cities, Minnesota.
56:51
And that shout out was mainly because I've never
56:53
been there. I've never really had a desire
56:56
to go there, but I'm curious
56:58
now.
57:00
Anyway.
57:01
You know, Ava, this
57:04
is a tricky situation because
57:06
you were trying to respect her
57:08
wishes and her boundaries, and I agree
57:11
that if she said she needed space,
57:14
then what the fuck were you supposed to do? Like,
57:17
how do you know what the perfect time is
57:19
for that? I don't know how long you
57:25
uh, let's see it says two weeks
57:27
later, like she said she
57:29
didn't want any phone calls during
57:31
this time.
57:32
I don't know. Two
57:35
weeks is a long time to.
57:36
Not follow up. I would have to say. I
57:38
feel like two weeks is a long time. I
57:40
would have probably followed up after
57:43
three days. And I don't give a
57:45
shit if she said that, And I mean I
57:47
would have wanted to respect her boundaries, and I would
57:49
have respected her boundaries, but during this
57:51
time to me, would have been three days. Because I'm going to avoid
57:54
being in this situation because people get weird
57:56
when people pass away. But
57:59
on the flip side, I feel like you didn't do
58:01
anything wrong because you were respecting her
58:03
boundaries. At
58:05
this point, everybody
58:08
knows what I'm going to say. It's not a secret,
58:12
you know. You just reach out to her
58:14
and have a conversation with her. She
58:17
didn't return your text, she didn't call. Go to her
58:19
fucking house. Ava go
58:21
to her house and knock on the door, and
58:24
if she doesn't let you in, keep
58:26
calling and keep texting, and
58:28
then after about a month, if she just absolutely
58:31
doesn't respond, fall back
58:35
and then give her about
58:37
two weeks after that month and contact
58:40
her because remember she lost her mom. This
58:42
is some heavy shit. So I'm
58:44
going to say that to say, like, don't give up on your
58:46
friendship. Give her some space. Also,
58:51
you could write her a letter, put it in her mailbox
58:53
when you go to her house.
58:56
To knock on the door or whatever. Have
58:58
a letter already, work hard.
59:01
That you know says something, you
59:04
know that I think we need to talk about this.
59:06
I miss you, I love you. I want to be
59:08
here for you. I think we that
59:10
we had a misunderstanding. You know, you
59:13
kind of got to put forward a little more effort because
59:16
she's your friend and she lost her mind. You
59:18
know, because let me tell you something,
59:21
people passing away and
59:23
friends not showing up. I
59:26
don't give a fuck what's going I don't care if we're
59:28
not talking. I don't care if you hate my
59:30
guts, I don't care about any of that. But
59:33
not showing up when you lose somebody that's
59:35
really close to you, Yeah,
59:37
that's for me that those are grounds to dead
59:40
a friendship and I've done it.
59:43
I've done it, like you don't.
59:45
I just think that it's ignorant
59:48
and I think it really shows who
59:51
people are. And
59:54
so for me, I
59:57
feel like you need to kind of work a little harder
59:59
to make it right because she
1:00:01
lost a loved one and she lost
1:00:04
her mother. She needs a lot of support,
1:00:06
and I think that, you know, you kind
1:00:08
of got to step up and be a really good
1:00:10
friend her and try to help her
1:00:12
out.
1:00:13
Now, if after a.
1:00:14
Month it calls texts,
1:00:17
smoke signals, smoke stacks, morse
1:00:19
code braille on
1:00:22
her front door, like serenading
1:00:24
her from the ground, being
1:00:28
a little stalkrish if
1:00:30
she is not responsive, then you just kind of got to back
1:00:33
up and just pray about it and release it
1:00:35
and just pray that she comes around, and
1:00:37
also pray that when she comes around that you even
1:00:40
are interested in still being friends,
1:00:42
because sometimes people can do that
1:00:44
shit where they like go underground and
1:00:46
then come back and
1:00:48
you're like, yeah, I don't want to deal
1:00:51
with this anymore.
1:00:53
You've been gone for so long that I don't even want
1:00:55
to deal with it.
1:00:55
So try your best to communicate
1:00:57
with her because
1:01:00
she's in a low place right now. But
1:01:02
after about two months, like
1:01:05
you kind of got to just release that
1:01:07
thing and pray to God because
1:01:09
you shouldn't have to chase her like forever,
1:01:13
because after two months like she might
1:01:15
be saying like, no, I don't want this to go any
1:01:17
further, and she has that right, and I
1:01:19
pray that it works out. I pray
1:01:21
that she answers you and that you guys
1:01:24
can talk it out and work it.
1:01:25
Out and make it work.
1:01:27
Because being friends with somebody
1:01:29
and losing a friendship that
1:01:32
long, it's like a fucking death in
1:01:34
and of its in and of itself. Trust
1:01:37
me, I know I've experienced that
1:01:39
death more times than I
1:01:41
would like to even count. So
1:01:45
good luck, Ava. It makes me so
1:01:47
sad to hear this, but I'm hoping
1:01:49
that and praying that everything
1:01:52
works itself out. It's gonna
1:01:55
happen. I believe it because I
1:01:57
believe and
1:02:02
positive stuff I wanted
1:02:04
to happen. I really wanted to happen for you, and it
1:02:06
is it is. That
1:02:10
sound means that it's going to happen. Friends
1:02:15
in Kim for today's we Got to Do Better
1:02:18
segment, I am
1:02:20
reading a quote from Barbara Jordan.
1:02:23
And if you don't know who Barbara Jordan is, go
1:02:26
to.
1:02:26
Google and get yourself together, okay, because you
1:02:28
should know who she is. Especially
1:02:30
you should know who she is period. But
1:02:33
if you are black, and you are Black American, there's
1:02:36
no reason why you should not know who she is. Anyway,
1:02:39
it says I never intended to become
1:02:42
a run of the male person. And
1:02:45
I really love that quote. And I love it because,
1:02:49
you know, it
1:02:52
kind of just says exactly
1:02:55
what everybody should
1:02:57
be thinking, nobody should want to be. I
1:03:00
have this conversation with my students all
1:03:03
the time when I talk to them about
1:03:05
complacency and being okay
1:03:07
with having c's and sometimes
1:03:09
even ds like you should never
1:03:12
be okay with being average
1:03:14
or being run of the mill, or doing the.
1:03:16
Same thing that everybody else is doing.
1:03:18
That should never be okay to you. You should want to
1:03:20
be exceptional, you should want to be great,
1:03:23
you should want to be different. So
1:03:26
shut out to you, Auntie, Barbara,
1:03:29
Auntie Barbara Jordan for
1:03:31
that one, because nobody should ever
1:03:33
intend or have the intention
1:03:36
or have the what
1:03:40
am I trying to say, or have the mindset
1:03:44
of complacency where
1:03:46
being run of the mill and average or
1:03:49
mediocre is okay, and
1:03:51
if you do that is fine
1:03:53
for you. But I just want you to know it's
1:03:55
not going to get you far. It's not going to get
1:03:58
you far at all.
1:04:03
We are not made to be run of the mill. We
1:04:05
are made to be exceptional. So go
1:04:07
out and be great.
1:04:21
Friends again. The first thing that I want to do.
1:04:23
Is say thank you to God first and foremost,
1:04:25
because God is supreme and I
1:04:27
recognize and appreciate the grace that
1:04:30
my God extends me every single day of my
1:04:32
what black ass life.
1:04:35
I want to say thank.
1:04:36
You to my people and for my
1:04:38
people. Thank you to each and every
1:04:40
one of you guys that has been rocking with
1:04:42
me since day one, which
1:04:44
is March the first of twenty twenty.
1:04:46
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I truly
1:04:48
appreciate you for being here. And even if you
1:04:50
just started listening today,
1:04:54
I thank you for.
1:04:55
That as well.
1:04:56
I'm grateful either way, and I am thankful
1:04:58
for my family, my friends,
1:05:00
my friends and can all of my supporters and of course,
1:05:02
most importantly, every single one of
1:05:04
you guys that are out there listening to
1:05:07
the sound of my voice. I love
1:05:09
you guys so much and It's nothing short of an
1:05:12
honor and a privilege for me to share
1:05:14
my time and my energy with you, especially
1:05:17
if you choose me and
1:05:20
you choose to keep coming back to
1:05:22
spend time and energy with me.
1:05:24
I look forward to the next
1:05:26
time we.
1:05:26
Get to do this, which will be next Tuesday, and
1:05:31
I'm excited for it because next Tuesday
1:05:33
will be the
1:05:35
end of the series between the
1:05:38
Excuse Me, the end of the series where I'm
1:05:40
in a conversation with Marcy Depina
1:05:43
about Sweet Daddy Grace.
1:05:46
So I'm excited for
1:05:48
the culmination of that conversation. Now,
1:05:51
before you exit out of whatever streaming
1:05:53
service you're using to listen to this, please
1:05:56
stop what you're doing, and if
1:05:58
you haven't already done so, look for the subscribe
1:06:00
or followup button click on it if that's
1:06:02
an option for you on the
1:06:04
streaming service where you're listening. So
1:06:07
first, I want you to subscribe or follow
1:06:09
hand Me my Purse on the streaming service where
1:06:11
you listen to podcasts. Next,
1:06:14
I want you to go over to Instagram and follow me at
1:06:17
hand Me my Purse Underscore podcast.
1:06:20
Also follow me on threads.
1:06:24
I was about to call it something else threads
1:06:27
and the link to that is going to be in
1:06:30
my Instagram profile. You'll see
1:06:32
my name with a little at in
1:06:34
a little oval right under
1:06:37
my picture. Click on that, go over to threads,
1:06:39
follow me, and on Facebook, just search Handing
1:06:42
my Purse podcast. If you listen on the streaming
1:06:44
service or medium that allows
1:06:46
you to do so, please rate and review the show
1:06:48
or give it a thumbs up if you can. Friends
1:06:51
that can, be sure to share Handing my Purse
1:06:53
with your friends, your family, your
1:06:55
loved ones, and even the people
1:06:57
that you fucking just don't like. Because
1:07:00
the best way for people to find out about him
1:07:02
In My Purse is by word of mouth. It's
1:07:05
by you guys telling them all about the
1:07:07
show. So tell a friend to
1:07:09
tell a friend to
1:07:12
tell a friend. Please submit
1:07:15
your questions for the straight Facts segment by clicking
1:07:17
on the link in the show notes that says
1:07:21
submit a question for stray facts. It's
1:07:24
real simple, friends and can It's real simple.
1:07:26
Or you can click the link and my Instagram profile
1:07:30
and just look for the button that
1:07:32
directs you to submit a question, and
1:07:34
you never know, your question may just be featured
1:07:37
on an upcoming show. I'm starting
1:07:39
to look for show. I mean questions for
1:07:42
next year's shows for the shows for twenty
1:07:45
twenty four, so please submit
1:07:47
some good questions for me. I
1:07:49
look forward to them. I get excited
1:07:51
to read the questions that you guys submit. You guys
1:07:53
submit some good stuff, so
1:07:56
go ahead and start send me some questions so we
1:07:58
can get ready for twenty twenty four. Also,
1:08:01
I want you to remember that show notes are always
1:08:03
available in the episode description. Wherever
1:08:06
you are listening to the show, be sure to take a look
1:08:09
at the show notes because that is where I put all
1:08:11
the links and other information that I mentioned
1:08:13
during the show that you may want to check
1:08:15
out, in addition to some extra stuff sometimes
1:08:18
that I just want to share with you, just
1:08:21
so you know. The
1:08:24
music for Handing my Purse the
1:08:26
Podcast is provided by none
1:08:28
other than West Baltimore's
1:08:31
own Gloomy Tunes. Shout out the Gloomy
1:08:33
Tunes. And
1:08:36
last but not least, I want to give a big old shout
1:08:39
out to my producers Taylor
1:08:41
and Evan. Together we make up Window
1:08:43
Banjo and the Dirty
1:08:46
Throats, and
1:08:48
I want you guys to never forget that I
1:08:50
look forward to you looking forward
1:08:52
to listening to hand In my Purse the Podcast
1:08:55
each and every
1:08:57
Single Tuesday and I'm
1:09:00
out this Bitch Peace.
1:09:11
Hand Me my Purse is a production of iHeart Podcasts.
1:09:14
For more shows from iHeart Podcasts, visit
1:09:16
the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
1:09:18
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
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