HabsFan vs. LeafsFan - Season 2, Episode 8.

Auston Matthews & The Letter "C" Offer (0:00).

Straight from our coveted partnership with MLSE and Amway comes the greatest fan offering since our highly controversial "Uncle Leo's magic trousers" promotion - we bring you an exclusive look at the North American premiere of the Auston Matthews Captain's Letter sweepstakes. You won't want to miss your chance at a piece of history while simultaneously giving all your hard-earned disposable income to the Blue and White machine.

HvL Banter (1:30).

Kamal and Ari engage in some verbal sparring and sword-crossing double entendres that reveal the sticky residue of their shared contempt for small sample sizes, overhyped media sources, and lazy journalists who ask lame questions on Sportsnet and TSN.

LeafsFan rant (15:28).

Shapiro desperately tries to sound like a soothsayer in an old medieval village and instead comes across as a "told-you-so" apologist when it comes to curbing frenzied fans who honestly believed in the prospect of an 82-0 season.

HabsFan rant (17:15).

Rehman channels a svelte mix of Stephen Hawking and Jim Hughson as he offers up a torrid volley of statistics which not only validate the current plight of the Habs, but vilifies them for believing in Mark Streit, Bergevin's empty promises, and the ghost of Bonhomme.

We're sad to say that Kamal and Ari are such profound egoists that they neglected to interview anyone for this episode. We hope you enjoy this "special" limited edition episode that you can tell all your friends was nothing more than a true anomaly in the expanded HvL catalog. It's not going to get you laid, but chances are you'll impress the heck out of your mates.