0:00

I had like all my little rules for myself, so it was

0:02

like I had a playlist I would listen to. I had like

0:04

a go-to outfit. I would do my makeup and I would try

0:06

to plan dates on the same nights as my friends, so that

0:08

we could all get ready together. I would have a glass of

0:10

wine before, like all of these things that I would do, that

0:13

would make me feel like more in control. Hi

0:15

guys! Hi guys! Welcome

0:18

back to another episode

0:20

of Girls Gotta Eat.

0:33

Welcome back! I'm wearing the merch. I thought you

0:35

were gonna wear the merch. How

0:38

embarrassing would it be if we both wore the

0:40

merch the same day though? It's too much. Listen,

0:42

I brought it. Take

0:46

your shirt off on camera. Okay,

0:49

here it is. But

0:53

I'm wearing this... Well now,

0:55

okay, so I got all fucked up because

0:57

we basically did like two days of recording.

1:00

Spoiler alert, sometimes that happens. We're

1:03

in a totally different like set than the interview

1:05

will be. Well, I ran back upstairs today because

1:07

you were like, I'm gonna wear my GG shirt

1:09

for the earlier... You got played. You

1:12

played me. I went back upstairs and now I'm in

1:14

this hot sweatshirt. Can't fool me twice. Can't fool me

1:16

again. You can fool me seven times. I'll fall for

1:19

it. Yeah, so this is gonna feel so different than

1:21

when we come in with our guest today, Eli. It

1:24

feels so different. I'll be in a tank top. And

1:26

there will be a different room. Oh yeah, also different. Also

1:29

that. But we're still here

1:31

at Spotify, but we are really

1:33

making headway with our studio and,

1:36

you know, I asked for help. I

1:39

have a good grasp on a lot of things. I've been

1:41

doing our sound and all of our stuff for a

1:43

lot of years, but I was like, you know what? I

1:45

have blind spots. Let's bring in a professional and really

1:47

get some stuff going. And we're actually, you know, been working

1:49

with one of the guys that works with stiff socks. So

1:52

they were nice enough to lend him to us. And they

1:54

were really excited about the way it's going to look and

1:56

feel and sound and everything. But in the meantime, we're

1:58

still at Spotify. So list on Spotify. Just go to

2:00

Spotify and just shout out to them for having

2:02

us. Yeah, seriously. All right. Then,

2:04

thanks to a couple of other partners. We'll dive

2:06

right in. Thanks to Babbel for supporting our show.

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shipping on orders over $75. Okay. You

2:59

know what I'm going to do? I usually don't do this. Let's

3:01

open up to feedback on what you

3:04

guys think about the angles and the

3:06

rooms. And our personalities.

3:08

Yeah. Roast me, bitches. No.

3:11

Honestly, Reina, people are really nice to us on

3:14

YouTube. People say that's the scariest comment

3:16

section on the internet. I think the people that

3:18

subscribe on YouTube and they write really nice comments.

3:21

I think that we want you guys

3:23

to like the viewer experience. If you

3:25

were watching on YouTube, we want

3:27

you to like it. I

3:29

think we're always just like, what do people want to see?

3:31

Do you like when we're across from each other at

3:34

that table, kind of a radio station vibe? Or do

3:36

you like this more? Or do you miss the couch?

3:38

I don't know. Of course, we're not going to base

3:40

it on one or two people, but I'm just curious

3:42

what people like. I'm interested. I

3:44

am too. We bought four chairs

3:46

that I dragged across my lawn, unpacked, hired a tasker.

3:48

I sat them all night, built the chair. We

3:51

have four chairs. No, I know. We're not going

3:53

to undo stuff we've already done, but I'm just

3:55

curious what people like for to watch a podcast.

3:59

I love... sitting up in a chair. Yes,

4:01

I have really enjoyed it. Yeah. Now

4:04

I'm a little slouchy. But just in general, watching YouTube,

4:06

it's a fun time. It is. And

4:08

if you guys are new here, we have a

4:10

great YouTube channel. There's clips and

4:12

whole episodes. We have a full merch

4:14

site, girlsgottaeat.com, also girlsgottaeatpodcast.shop. All the episodes

4:17

are there, all the offers and everything.

4:19

So if you're like, I wonder if

4:21

they have an episode about this, girlsgottaeat.com,

4:23

every episode is there. You can search

4:25

it. Yeah. And one last

4:27

thing, we also have a sex toy company. It's called Vibes

4:30

Only. And we have premium sex toys. They're all

4:32

Bluetooth connected. So you can connect them with our

4:34

app, have someone control them long distance, or check

4:36

your battery, which is amazing. So your vibrator never

4:38

dies on you. There's erotic audio in there and

4:41

all kinds of stuff. And we just did a

4:43

photo shoot and we shot some of our new

4:45

toys. And we have a toy coming that is

4:48

unreal. It is, like

4:50

I've used it. I'm like, I can't. I have to

4:53

really use this sparingly because it'll just take over my

4:55

life. We have really fun

4:57

stuff coming out. This is like a showstopper.

5:00

Oh, it is big, beautiful. It's

5:02

a big daddy. Yeah, it really

5:04

is. Yeah, we did a photo

5:06

shoot with our friend, Afrique Armando,

5:08

and it was like seven hours,

5:10

like eight outfits. Yeah. All

5:12

day long. We did like boss lady

5:14

outfits for Vibes, do tour poster. We're doing

5:16

a tour. We're doing a fall tour. I

5:18

miss it so much. I

5:21

came up with the name the other day.

5:24

I'm like, big things. Our agent was like,

5:26

he goes, I said two possible

5:28

names. He goes, whoa. He was

5:30

like, I usually hate when my clients tell me a name

5:32

they have for a tour. And I like both of those.

5:34

And I was like, thank you so much. So

5:37

we're really excited. But yeah, this

5:39

new big daddy toy, big

5:41

mommy, big pussy, big,

5:44

big orgasm, big O. Yeah, so we're

5:47

really excited. So just keep it in mind. Just

5:49

get excited. Save your money. We

5:52

are re-releasing some stuff that's been out of stock

5:54

pretty soon. So we're excited. You can get that

5:56

all at vibesonly.com. I have to just like kind

5:59

of save. something a little bit

6:01

more on like a serious note and then you know

6:03

we'll get into how to spit on a dick but

6:05

I just feel like I wanted to address like

6:07

what's going on with women's rights right

6:10

now I feel like every day it's

6:12

something new and horrifying with the

6:14

you know conservatives Republican Party and obviously

6:16

it's tied into Trump is he's gonna be

6:18

the candidate and as of now

6:21

this will be a few weeks from what

6:23

happened in Alabama with IVF and with embryos

6:25

and women scrambling who had done IVF and

6:27

you know people knew that was gonna happen

6:30

you know it was first they're gonna come

6:32

from abortion they're gonna dismantle Roe and then

6:34

it's gonna be IVF and

6:37

then it's gonna be birth control and then

6:40

it's gonna be recreational sex I mean

6:42

these real conservative people are like women

6:44

are have one purpose in the world

6:46

and that's to like have babies and

6:48

you shouldn't be having sex or pleasure

6:50

I mean it's horrifying birth control the

6:52

whole goal of this party and these

6:55

people is to strip women of their

6:57

rights their bodily autonomy and their power

6:59

and that's the goal so women are

7:01

forced to rely on men have more

7:03

children you know be forced to stop

7:05

working working as much and for a

7:07

lot of families stay in poverty that's

7:09

the goal you know like I'm not

7:11

making this up right like it's just like

7:13

it's it's become very apparent and

7:15

I have always believed that there are really two

7:17

things that it can break a poverty cycle which

7:20

are education and access to birth control and they

7:23

want to take those things away I mean

7:25

the Venn diagram of red states and states

7:27

that have these laws in place and states

7:29

with the worst education systems is a circle

7:31

like you know the Alabama when they did

7:34

this whole thing with IVF they also had

7:36

just gotten rid of their like lunch program

7:38

for children in need you know what I

7:40

mean like they don't give a shit about

7:42

human life about kids like they just well

7:44

it's half the life and then there's no

7:47

trickle-down policies on how do we support these

7:49

lives they don't care and they never have

7:51

care this is a true handmaid's tale like

7:53

come to life like it's really really terrifying

7:55

and then you really think about what Donald

7:58

Trump did with the last election this

8:00

could be the end of our democracy. And I don't

8:03

say that lightly. I'm not fear

8:05

mongering. We're watching it happen in

8:07

real time and people are like,

8:09

we're sleepwalking towards dictatorship. And that's

8:11

not exaggerated. You know what I

8:13

mean? And so much of this stuff is

8:15

completely unprecedented. And I did a call that

8:17

I hadn't really talked about with the Biden

8:19

administration about this. And we talked a lot

8:21

about abortion. It was like the anniversary of

8:23

Roe v. Wade. And we

8:25

know there's a tons of other issues and we're

8:27

going to get into this. We're going to address

8:29

it. I know some of you guys don't like

8:31

Biden, but the alternative is just really, really terrifying

8:34

for everybody, but for women. And, you know,

8:36

I haven't spoken on this podcast about politics in

8:38

a minute, but we're going to continue to talk

8:40

about this. It's on my mind constantly. You know,

8:42

sometimes I got to take a little bit of

8:45

a break, but it's what I'm consuming day to

8:47

day on social media and then the news, whether

8:49

I'm like posting about it or not. And I

8:51

can reference our abortion episode from June, 2022. Everything

8:53

kind of happened in June of 2022. And,

8:56

you know, we're going to have some guests on and

8:58

as we go into the election and we just want

9:00

to speak candidly about this stuff. I mean, it's so

9:03

important. It's so important for women. Yeah. And

9:05

it is really a war on women. And

9:07

you can also believe for yourself that you

9:09

don't believe in abortion and these things, but

9:11

also not want other women to have this

9:13

ability taken away from them. And then, you

9:15

know, they have these children and God forbid

9:17

in this society, these children

9:20

are gay, they're trans, they have disabilities.

9:22

How are we supporting them? We're not.

9:24

They're not. Women's right to abortion was

9:26

taken away from us. It is happening.

9:28

They're talking about birth control. Like truly,

9:30

like this is in the cards for

9:33

them. This is their plan. If this

9:35

were to happen and we would go right into the handmaid's

9:37

tail, which I just keep referencing up kind of the best

9:39

reference I have. And it's a show that a lot of

9:41

people have seen it where women have

9:43

really lost all their power and their autonomy. Like

9:46

that will happen. And then we would be like,

9:48

yeah, the plan was in place. Everything had happened

9:50

to lead up to this. No one is surprised.

9:52

We can actually see this coming. That's why it's

9:54

just got to be stopped. So

9:57

you think that they would stop at abortion to take

9:59

the leap to birth control, you're like,

10:01

that's crazy. But it is happening to take

10:03

the lead to IVF. I'm like, what does

10:05

this even have to do with the right

10:08

to abort? But that is happening also. No,

10:10

it's every like you really, it's really, really

10:13

insidious of just like, it's just

10:15

to take all these rights and all

10:17

these things away from women, like their

10:19

intentions are so evil, truly.

10:22

So anyway, it's just on my

10:24

mind constantly. And you know, I used to be

10:26

like, I don't want to say more outspoken, but

10:28

I can't let it consume me all day every

10:30

day. So I just kind of like, a lot

10:33

of times I am just really informing

10:35

myself and talking about it with friends and

10:37

dinners and things like that. And not necessarily

10:39

on my platforms, which I don't, you know, it's

10:41

important. It's an important year, we got to come

10:43

up. So don't think that we're not, we

10:45

always used to, of course, you know, during

10:47

election years, we'll always talk about rights and

10:49

the election. And we've had Elizabeth Warren on the

10:52

show, we are really committed to just uplifting

10:54

voices that provide information. And Ashley and I

10:56

aren't your main news source, you know, but

10:58

we want to lift up women's voices and

11:00

support them and help people to vote not

11:02

against their own interests. You know? Yeah. Okay.

11:04

All right. Dick stuff. Let's

11:07

roll right into second deck. Okay. We

11:09

got this email really caught our attention.

11:12

Subject line. Is there a sexy way

11:15

to spit on a cock? Hey,

11:18

ladies, love the pod. Thank you

11:20

for doing the Lord's work. I

11:22

love your advice on a recent hookup experience

11:24

I had. I was making out with this

11:26

guy while standing up and things started getting

11:28

handsy. As I was jerking him off, he

11:30

asked me to spit on his cock. I've

11:32

never been asked this question from such a

11:34

distance before. And I had no idea how

11:36

to act. So she's standing up, jerking him off.

11:39

And he's like spit on it. Okay, yeah, it

11:41

took me a second to I was like, Okay,

11:43

she's standing, I have to get a visual logistically.

11:45

He's like, get your spit down there. I've never

11:47

been asked a question from such a distance and

11:49

had no idea how to act. Do I spit

11:51

on his dick from a standing up position? Like

11:55

guys do what is shoot with guys are spit on

11:57

each other's dicks that they're standing. No. That's

12:00

so funny you interpret it that way. I think she

12:02

just means like I'm a guy standing spitting, you know?

12:05

Oh, just like like hockaloo. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

12:07

And what if I miss? Stop. She

12:10

misses his dick, it just lands on his thigh.

12:12

Do I bend over and politely spit on his

12:14

dick? How do you politely do it? Does a

12:16

sexy way of doing this exist? SOS,

12:19

teacher girl, how to spit and polish.

12:21

Not the polish. What? She's

12:23

gonna do a little like... Wait,

12:25

wait, wait, wait. Okay. From

12:28

a standing up, like, are

12:30

you allowed to get on your knees? Are you allowed

12:33

to spit in your hand and then put it on

12:35

the dick? Okay, again, I wasn't there. Again.

12:38

You guys thought I was. In case you guys weren't clear,

12:40

this is an email and not a first hand experience. Yeah.

12:44

I think he wants a blowjob. Right, I think

12:46

like that's his way of being can we

12:48

move from hand job to blowjob. Or maybe he means

12:50

her hand's a little dry and it would slide up

12:52

and down his dick a little bit better if she

12:54

loved it up. Yeah, love that take. Hot

12:56

take alert. And I do that sometimes

12:58

when I'm like, turn guys off, I'll spit in my hand

13:01

and like, get that on their... But

13:04

I'll usually lick my hand. I'll get a lot

13:06

of saliva on my tongue and then like deposit

13:08

it on my... I'm not

13:10

spitting like with like that long trail. No,

13:12

no. I think he means

13:15

like, let's get this a little wetter. Yeah,

13:17

which we celebrate Loub for that. I don't

13:19

think anybody wants you to be fully standing

13:21

and try to hit your mark. Right, exactly.

13:24

If you miss, that's insane. Just like what

13:26

stuff you do when you're bored as

13:28

a couple. You know, you

13:30

don't know what to do on a Saturday.

13:32

You've had a few mimosas at brunch. You're like, stand up,

13:34

stand up. You can hit my dick from standing. I

13:39

love that she was like, do I bend over and

13:41

politely do it? Also if he is also standing, I

13:43

feel like your target is swaying a little bit. Like

13:45

if he sits, you could probably

13:47

spit out a little more easily from a standing

13:49

position. I don't think he's asking

13:52

you to try to hit the target. I

13:54

think he wants you to make his dick a little

13:56

bit wetter. Yeah, and just big

13:58

picture. Is there a

14:00

sexy way to spit on a cock? Like let's remove

14:02

her whole like I'm standing, oh no, kind of situation.

14:05

Like in general, I don't think you need to worry

14:07

about that. Just doing it in general is sexy enough.

14:09

And in my experience, this is a great thing to

14:11

do when you've been drinking a little bit. I mean,

14:13

again, you know, all respect for people who don't drink,

14:15

but if you're a person who's like, that's a little

14:18

kinky to be spitting on someone's dick, this just try

14:20

it after you've been out drinking. Like it'll feel great.

14:22

You know, this one you have that naughty, dirty sex

14:24

and then you can incorporate that into your sober sex

14:26

life. I'm more of a slobber, my mouth's already on

14:29

the dick and I'm like letting saliva just like

14:31

drip down their balls. But

14:35

have you ever had someone ask spit on his dick?

14:37

Yeah, I'll probably put my mouth on it and let

14:40

the slobber come down. I don't think that I have

14:42

a lot of experiences where I'm spit, like the way

14:44

the guy spits in your mouth, like I like. Yeah.

14:46

I don't think I'm spitting on a dick the way somebody

14:49

spits in my mouth. I mean, if you

14:51

specifically requested on the menu, I'll do it. Here's

14:53

the thing, if a guy says spit on my

14:55

dick, which, you know, I've been asked and

14:58

just literally anything you do will be hot.

15:01

I guarantee, I mean, well, I don't know

15:03

if you got a real phlegmy, like maybe

15:05

not, but like I wouldn't get too in

15:07

your head about it. Like if they ask

15:10

and you do it, that's mission accomplished hotness.

15:13

You know what I mean? It's interesting you bring up

15:15

drinking because I find that my mouth's a little dehydrated

15:17

when I'm drinking. So what I like, not

15:19

to like hot grown products, but I like our sucking

15:21

blow gel because it activates your saliva glands and just

15:24

makes your mouth a little bit juicier. And if you

15:26

guys don't know what that is, we have a flavored

15:28

oral enhancer and we have different seasonal

15:30

flavors, but one like drop of

15:32

it makes my mouth salivate a little bit. And then I

15:34

got a lot of juice in my mouth. I'll spit on

15:36

your dick, just spitting all day. I mean, that's so funny.

15:38

Like if the guys like spit on my dick, you're like,

15:41

how about this? Hold my beer. You

15:44

go grab your vanilla frosting blow gel. You're like, just

15:46

you wait. But also to your point, is there a

15:48

sexy way to do it? They've asked. So whatever you

15:50

do will be sexy. If you just spit on it,

15:52

they're like, I just requested this and it happened. Well,

15:54

and this is, you know, she said, what did she

15:56

say? I was making out with a guy. It doesn't

15:58

sound like this to her boyfriend. friend. I mean,

16:00

this stuff to me is so funny.

16:02

Like when you are in a comfortable

16:04

relationship with somebody, like you do this

16:07

drunk, you know, and then you're like the next day, he's

16:09

like, babe, remember you spit on my dick last night. Type

16:12

two fun. Yeah. And then you're like, yes, exactly. Type two

16:14

fun. If Reina talks about this, you could recap it the

16:16

next day and get turned on. But then you can be

16:18

like, well, did you like it? Like, should I do more?

16:20

Like, what'd you like about this bidding? More force, less, more

16:22

polite. Like, you know, these things are so funny to discuss

16:25

as a couple and be like, tell me how to do

16:27

it better if you liked it, you know, totally. So it

16:29

is one of those things that feels a little weird in

16:31

the moment. And you can talk about it the next day,

16:33

turns me on the next day, I can masturbate to it

16:36

like, well, how freaky I was that night is type

16:38

two fun. Yeah, sometimes in the moment, it's a little weird.

16:40

So is there a way to

16:42

stand up and spit on a deck from where

16:44

I'm licking my hand standing? I am so dead

16:46

to think that if she would have done it

16:48

from standing and he would have been like, whoa,

16:51

whoa, whoa. And she's like,

16:53

you asked you asshole. Don't gaslight

16:55

me now. I spit.

16:57

I spit. It is me. You

16:59

said like a wet knee.

17:02

You have to like clean up your spit on

17:04

the floor. What if you walk around a bar

17:06

with like a loogie on your knees to wait

17:08

for it to dry? The bar. Are you? Well,

17:11

I'm picturing not

17:16

a place as a couch

17:18

or a bed. That's funny.

17:20

Thank you. It's funny that you picture a public

17:25

place you think this is a bathroom.

17:27

I pictured a single stall bathroom. Stop.

17:29

Yeah, place where

17:32

you don't put your knees on the floor. There's

17:34

no couch or bed available. I'm picturing some dude's

17:36

apartment, but you don't think you would just be

17:38

like, let's move this a little bit more comfortable

17:40

for me. That

17:43

is so funny. I wonder what everyone else's picture when you

17:45

saw this rain is like definitely the bar

17:47

at Boowa. No, I was I was saying

17:49

spring lounge

17:51

the bar at spring lounge dive here doesn't

17:53

even latch. You're just spitting on a

17:55

deck and somebody opens the door. I don't know if we've

17:57

ever shared this friendship story, but spring lounge in New York is

18:00

just this divey place and I think Streamlovers is the

18:02

first time I ever saw you and then we did

18:04

the dinner. I have a Melanie. I know. I

18:06

get confused. I'd have to like run the tape. You

18:08

were with a friend. You were with a couple, you were two friends. Yeah. But

18:11

we go to this bar, whether it was the first or second time Ray and

18:13

I ever hung out back when we got back to the States, after we met

18:15

on this trip and she walks in. She like

18:18

looks so cute. She was with her best friend

18:20

and she's like looking around. She's like, where's my

18:22

co-cad ex? He's usually here. And it

18:24

was just so funny. You were skating the

18:26

room for your co-cad ex. If you run

18:28

into a bloated guy named Owen at Spring

18:30

Lounge, who's gotten too much coke, he

18:33

used to make me talk on his balls really hard. Okay.

18:38

So I am just going to roll right into

18:40

telling you guys about Skims. I

18:43

recently got some Skims as a gift. I got some

18:45

stuff. This is what we're talking about today, but I

18:47

just, I always want to talk about how like we

18:49

really love this brand and to the point where like

18:51

my boyfriend's gifting it to me. Yeah, but I recommended

18:53

to your boyfriend. He was so excited. He followed up

18:56

with me and was like, what do you think she

18:58

would like? I saw they were dropping a

19:00

new thing and you and I had been talking about it.

19:02

And then he did not hear back from me and like

19:04

doubled down like, um, hello, dap, dap. So

19:07

he just got me some stuff from the Valentine's shop,

19:09

which we're not really talking about today, but just like,

19:11

I don't really have any lingerie. So it was just

19:13

like a little, all their drops are so fun though.

19:15

Yeah. And like this neon shirt.

19:17

And yeah, so they're just great for whatever they do.

19:19

But we have just been wearing Skims forever. The bras

19:21

are so, so incredible. So we had this photo shoot

19:23

that we mentioned and I pretty much wore the same

19:25

bra for like everything. It just kind

19:27

of went with everything. It's just wireless. It's

19:30

their t-shirt Demi bra. I'm so obsessed with

19:32

it, but I love the pushup bras. Like

19:35

they are my favorite pushup bras I've ever worn. What

19:37

I found before sometimes with, I don't know what it

19:39

is about pushup bras that I've worn in the past,

19:41

like they kind of cut into your skin a little

19:43

bit. They leave you looking a little lumpy. You

19:46

know, you have kind of like weird bulges and stuff

19:48

like they're just so smooth and seamless

19:50

feeling. Like I wear them with like my skin

19:52

tight like turtlenecks that I wear like other skin

19:54

type skin stuff. And like, it looks like I

19:56

have a smooth silhouette. So they just

19:59

do bras. like nobody's business. I

20:01

mean the no-show balcony bra. Oh, that's so sexy.

20:03

That's sexy sexiest bra. Again, the fits everybody the

20:05

t-shirt bra fits every t-shirt with the underwires. My

20:07

favorite bra. I sleep with it every night and

20:09

I go good. I sleep with the Skims boy

20:11

shorts and like the fits everybody bra every single

20:14

night. It's my favorite thing. Yes. And so Rayna

20:16

loves that the standard t-shirt bra that has the

20:18

wires, which I have that too. And I love

20:20

it, but this wireless form t-shirt Demi bra I'm

20:22

like so obsessed with they have ones that have

20:25

just like a more plunge that give you cleavage

20:27

and we can't recommend them enough in the colorways.

20:29

Of course, you just have holiday, right? Whatever. If you

20:32

want to match your skin tone, you can, or if you want to

20:34

have a little pop of color, you can. And so

20:36

these are the best bras. Like I just threw

20:38

out of my other bras, like anything that was

20:40

kind of in the same vein. I was like,

20:42

I'm not never going to wear these again. Let

20:44

me make the space for more Skims. And of

20:46

course, match them with your cute boy shorts and

20:48

your panties and your thongs and all of that.

20:50

But we're just kind of focusing on the bras

20:52

today, but obviously just like follow them. I mean,

20:54

their campaigns, I can't even keep up, you know,

20:56

everything they do is just so dope and we

20:58

are such fans, but get on those bras,

21:00

treat your titties right. Shop Skims bras

21:03

at skims.com now available in 62 sizes,

21:07

30A to 46H plus get free shipping on orders

21:09

over $75. If you haven't yet, be sure to

21:11

let them know we sent you after you place

21:13

your order, select podcast in the survey and select

21:15

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22:49

Really enjoying my life right now. I

22:51

have an embarrassment of riches with reality

22:53

television. We have Love Is Blind, Vanderpump

22:55

and Summerhouse all on at the same

22:57

time. I can't get enough of it.

22:59

I can't believe this is happening. Love Is Blind, it's

23:01

not the reunion comes out tomorrow or in two days

23:04

or something. This week, I woke up

23:06

at six o'clock in the morning today. I

23:08

want to watch you episode. To watch you

23:10

episodes. I was like, this might be one

23:12

of my favorite episodes of all time. Of

23:14

all time. Of like, of Love

23:16

Is Blind. And I'm just, I

23:19

keep wanting to hate on Vanderpump, but I can't

23:21

stop watching it. I love Summerhouse. We're so happy

23:23

it's back. I just, I'm really, I'm loving it.

23:25

I'm loving for it. And we'll try to get

23:27

some people on the show, hopefully. From all these

23:29

shows. Yes. From all

23:31

of them. Okay. So I

23:33

wanted to talk about something. I am in

23:35

a love triangle with me and

23:38

sparkle on. Like a true love

23:40

triangle. And I wanted to share the story. So

23:43

over the holidays, like over Christmas time,

23:45

I seen a

23:48

friend of mine who I love and she knows this whole thing.

23:50

She had gotten this huge influencer

23:53

package from Wawa, which is

23:55

pretty crazy. I feel like you have been really,

23:57

listen, you, you tell your story. You introduced me to

23:59

Wawa. and I think about it on the

24:01

daily. That's the thing. I have been just giving free

24:03

advertising for Wawa. I have lifelong allegiance. I've introduced so

24:06

many people to it. I'll go out of my way

24:08

on a road trip just to hit a Wawa. I've

24:11

been this unpaid spokesperson for years.

24:13

And if you guys don't know, it's like,

24:16

East Coast thing, convenience store slash gas station.

24:18

Not every Wawa has gas. There are some

24:20

stand-alones. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, I

24:22

did know that actually. Yes, I did. Growing

24:24

up, the one, our local one was no gas. So, and

24:26

they just have great hoagies and now apparently they have pizza.

24:28

I haven't tried it. And they just, it's amazing.

24:30

It's a thing. They sell merch and

24:32

it's like a thing for people and like

24:34

Pennsylvania, Delaware, and like beyond whatever, the Tri-Sid area

24:37

and beyond. And they've expanded. So, I saw her get this

24:39

whole package and basically her fiance is from Pennsylvania. So, they

24:41

sent it when she was home with him. So, there was

24:43

a reason. She didn't like send it to her. She's from

24:45

Chicago. We're like, whatever. It's Kate Steinberg. I don't care if

24:47

you guys know this. Her and I talked about it. And

24:49

her and Chad, I told them all about it. And I

24:51

just like saw red. I was like, I cannot believe this

24:53

because it snubbed me. And what they did to me, it

24:55

was like two years ago, they

24:59

were typing us and then they never sent me anything. And

25:01

I was waiting, Reina. Like I was really

25:03

excited that they acknowledged me and my

25:05

love for the brand. I love Wawa.

25:07

Every time we take a road trip,

25:09

we do so many Instagram stories, being

25:11

there, ordering sandwiches. We promoted so heavily.

25:13

I have bought the merch. Like I've

25:15

got it as bips. Yeah, like

25:18

I have the hoodie. I've worn it on a podcast.

25:20

Like I am out here just like promoting them constantly.

25:22

And so, when they asked my address and I just

25:24

like waited around, just like a kid waiting for like

25:26

a package, like waiting for daddy to come home. You

25:29

know, it was just like so sad. And then

25:31

so to see her get all this stuff, it

25:33

just like triggered me so hard. And I was

25:36

like, fuck them. And I just felt so mad.

25:38

And so I went to Royal Farms, which is

25:40

another convenience store slash gas station known for their

25:42

fried chicken. World famous fried chicken. It's the first

25:45

thing I ever ate on my way home with

25:47

you. It's delicious. Yeah, it's

25:49

different than a Wawa hoagie. Different vibes, but

25:51

I prefer Royal Farms for the fried chicken.

25:54

And So the Royal Farms is the closer to

25:56

my parents house. Do I Go there? And I

25:58

Just had a great coffee experience. Their Coffee. the

26:00

bar Lily they have it like fresh into the

26:02

push a button like freshly ground. I will say

26:05

better I like I fear and got a while

26:07

so I beasley posted on Instagram a was like

26:09

I'm a Role Farms curly now like While has

26:11

stumped me all in good fun. I wouldn't drag

26:13

anybody intellects I tagged both of them you know

26:15

like this is my jam. Real farms right away

26:17

Derek? just like in my Dm stank you can

26:19

we send you something such a sweet like you

26:21

know they're on me right now that thank you

26:23

so much. Whatever. While wasn't the dems to. We're

26:28

so sorry. What to make it up? ceo? Let

26:31

us have your address so much what's happening right?

26:33

So I was it but know they still to

26:35

work for it cause you know fully Once and

26:37

so I get my role farm package. It was

26:40

really cute. I didn't on boxing, it was like

26:42

a hoodie of that of fried chicken key chain.

26:44

It was like really nice. Whatever this came you

26:46

know it's weeks later. Nothing from Walla and at

26:48

this point eight six, six week since. Ask my

26:51

address. Like knew it wasn't

26:53

com and and I'm like wow towards my

26:55

emotions like that flick the second time this

26:57

happened you've asked my address Austin free after

26:59

often for you and likes So where am

27:01

I did my a Royal Farms and boxing

27:03

an eyelid Loki tagged Whitelaw Any going to

27:06

define light hearted way like they've snubbed me

27:08

twice Now you know for me twice I

27:10

can't lose it happened again. But anyway here's

27:12

where of arms is like come to save

27:14

the day and still like out rural farmers

27:16

garlic wallet. And. The Dm again. For

27:20

some three oh my god who make it up

27:22

to and I'm like Ikea up and I lisi

27:25

the conversation above this where I gave you my

27:27

address the years now years. So I also can

27:29

be clear enough I don't need the swags. this

27:31

is his own son in a rain and only

27:34

one like stuff right latest cluttering up our home.

27:36

But it's the principle. Of you know

27:38

international Chance I'll be here and there be streaming

27:40

along right to self. The. Package Games

27:42

pro off easy as. It.

27:45

Is so over the top. It's

27:47

a dead object is. To

27:52

get. His full said. There's.

27:55

Like sandals slides He was sides

27:57

it's so big it is. The

28:00

giant box feel like Sakara.enter every say they

28:02

don't sell on the merchant like only at

28:04

the office yesterday by break lot of glasses

28:06

is like get this of America with this

28:09

is the most thera typical love triangle wallet.

28:11

Such a stock boy This is exactly what

28:13

a fog boy would do well just gave

28:15

you just enough for you to keep hanging

28:18

on your like oh guess I have to

28:20

like while I again yes like I moved

28:22

on from them I found someone who loved

28:24

me back you more that who showed up

28:26

for me who was secure and we that

28:29

a lateral farms while. I sniffed it out.

28:31

You were happy and they said hi to Never

28:33

enough for you. It's

28:35

oh wait, she's moved on. Let's do

28:37

a grand gesture high Tide, Sure that

28:40

for you. To the

28:42

classic. Fuck. Boy Classic Hoagie

28:44

Classic Support. The So

28:46

listen I'm in do have both you know to me and

28:48

from here on out you know I feel like they made

28:50

up for it even though we know their intentions. Resist like

28:53

you know they waited to. They thought they locked me. In.

28:55

The try to get me back they

28:57

sniffed out the were happy rural farms

29:00

as the like securely attached boyfriend you

29:02

want here in this situation. But.

29:04

I don't succumb. It's either. Like from here on our I

29:07

think that it's like mental whatever is more convenient. I.

29:09

Have always going to go to Reforms to get that

29:11

coffee when I'm on my parents and like I'm gonna

29:13

go to while offer whoa him than a Royal Farms

29:16

for my fried chicken. I can do both and support

29:18

both. I'll get gas at both. Little have the same

29:20

things about I can't or are my double turkey on

29:22

a raft that they don't really use for say our

29:24

chairs. I think. I

29:27

get extra made ever. Like

29:29

and I meet us. Rain has walked around since you'd

29:31

basically in the kitchen with them have asked if she

29:34

can have it on around. They won't give you a

29:36

rap. some of them like we have. yeah we do

29:38

that. Oh and ninety percent it yet. A dude from

29:40

he has a big burrito. They have a bath

29:42

and have the raps. Have you been to a while

29:45

I was arguably that's where we live. We don't have.

29:47

yeah we'd see it's fellow. Have a seat. you walk

29:49

up to the screen, you order from the screen and

29:51

like it's not an option. would a sandwich together

29:53

on a rap but a burritos? They have them right

29:55

next to the bread. Is so they will

29:58

do it. You just have the afghan and. One

30:00

time I get a faith and the longer

30:02

we can't account for financially and said that

30:04

is that mean and she the school district

30:06

image heard everything behind the counter and we

30:08

give you the brothers no way for us

30:11

account for the family gave a tortilla away

30:13

arms like charge me for a pack of

30:15

or twenty. As such whole pack is like

30:17

whatever you need you are pay four dollars

30:19

or the park or it's henson to the

30:21

tortilla. Whatever you need it's hard me I'll

30:24

pay for this and she really was like

30:26

policies policy to the on person gives me

30:28

a hard time it was once sometimes. I

30:30

gotta catch Malik Five Zero Farms whenever they

30:32

double major fried chicken on around. Yes, There's

30:35

Rove. I'm very close to my brother's healthy my parents

30:37

are so it is a sign and it's very convenient.

30:39

And I love their coffee bar. they better creamers but

30:42

when I pay for that coffee mean it's a dollar.

30:44

For. One ten are selling for where

30:46

you can't get coffee and a layered got

30:48

New York for like under like three fifty

30:51

for the black coffee you know? A.

30:53

Small black coffee. Definitely so asus. I feel

30:55

like I'm going back in time when I

30:57

get that dollar coffee and it's good. You

30:59

could have anything for a dollars, have nothing

31:01

to sooner you get he's a gun per

31:03

dollar services. I love Triangle and it's just

31:05

very funny. like I really have the more

31:07

I want them. You know they about are

31:09

vying for me and I'm going to support

31:11

both. Think you're bringing your silence on your

31:14

love triangle. You testing the

31:16

you're in a love triangle and you some He

31:18

was on another she thought I say is sort

31:20

of that leagues denim jacket own see it on

31:22

your own watch Youtube we put an issue I

31:24

was plan on doing embark seen soon Sol just

31:26

kind of put that. Video on youtube says he

31:28

was. Miss it on my Instagram as one I'm

31:31

just said. It's got the little

31:33

bird employer color I can up losing. You

31:35

don't jagger? Through an entire

31:37

an easy to set I cannot wait to see

31:39

to settle the slides. Oh you know what the

31:41

side zones? That mean they're small. Six nabbed seven?

31:43

Sort of like of yeah yeah for sure. took

31:45

my shoes as reforms would have guessed that. So

31:47

typical the fuck were to get you something another

31:49

woman size. They're just like that's what was available.

31:51

I'm sure she's just small. And

31:55

was. So funny

31:57

to send people such as very sides. The

32:00

planet and not as as like you could look

32:02

very small The book my instagram dog that bit

32:04

as they are so sexy yeah Hodel a yeah

32:06

look I mean you're like simmer for that's a

32:09

tall but with big the last week I give

32:11

that energy I'll give you a nine year when

32:13

you were a I'm and nine nine half year

32:15

as an or sizes and you ninety time the

32:17

do ten Sometimes these are Nine August Nine. Anything

32:21

like fancy like Lou Baton.

32:24

Jimmy Choos your life and like bigger

32:26

sizes. They run so small a my forty

32:28

six and I bought a Loop apparel. There were

32:30

times have we for sartorial the com to sit

32:33

on stage these like right bottoms. I have never

32:35

been more proud of something that I hated wearing

32:37

more. Mine are like they were so I put

32:39

the money badges I could wear them learn a

32:41

little younger me sick when I was walking mm

32:43

they are made for like tiny see that like

32:45

I have a slender foot but I still to

32:47

excise up by like two sizes. Videos on Youtube

32:49

about how fit into a pair of yeah eight

32:51

hundred dollar pairs of shoes through supposed to put

32:54

on a sock, flip your funny to the loop

32:56

it once and blow dry. The Mother until it

32:58

expand. it's a risk on his for a

33:00

hundred hours. You need to do that for

33:02

me. The guess for close to her grandeur.

33:04

Like better go up my blowdryer walk and

33:07

blow dry my heels Now so he totally.

33:10

Okay well we are going to get into

33:12

with Eli but I'm just gonna tell you

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We can after move and then I have

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my midnight lox. King. In my room

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I've really been on my side. How can I

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37:34

starts now. okay okay guy we

37:36

are very excited to welcome our guess

37:38

today she has a multifaceted create our

37:40

writer tic tac star and park has

37:42

has of the shall miss congeniality she

37:44

hasn't held as gens he is carrie

37:46

bradshaw by the new york post as

37:48

been featured in force the today show

37:50

good morning america cause our and more

37:52

her debut block i didn't know i

37:54

need a desk the new rules for

37:56

flirting at feeling and finding your thoughts

37:58

is out now Please welcome a proud

38:01

cancer sign to my row. I'm

38:03

such a proud cancer sign. I threw

38:05

that in. So listen, I want to

38:07

take some credit. Raina does the intro,

38:09

but I made notes. Ashley's

38:12

first intro. Yeah, I made some notes. And I was

38:14

just like, you, we talked about it when I did

38:16

your podcast. You're the most proud. No, I love it.

38:18

And I think about you every time I see those

38:20

things, the signs as whatever, and

38:23

cancer gets absolutely shafted. I'm like, Ashley's

38:25

probably somewhere crying. Somewhere crying.

38:27

One of the most viral things we ever talked

38:29

about in the podcast so many years ago.

38:31

Yeah, cancer. It's like napkins, nisani. Yeah, nisani

38:34

just the crust of the pie. Yeah, it's

38:36

so embarrassing. But they're jealous. And you know.

38:38

No, they're jealous. They're jealous. We have just

38:40

so much to us. So dimensional, so emotional.

38:42

Yeah. What are you? You're a tourist. I'm

38:45

a Gemini. Oh, my dear Gemini. I knew

38:47

that. I'm just like a couple weeks behind

38:49

Ashley. She's my first cancer best friend. Really?

38:51

Yeah, I gravitate towards Aries, Virgos,

38:53

and Geminis. I love Gemini women. I think

38:56

that's the best sign. I think that's the

38:58

most powerful, fierce, kind of like brave.

39:00

And also, they're not afraid to say things. And

39:02

I always need people who aren't afraid to be

39:04

confrontational in my life. So I love a Gemini.

39:07

I don't think I'm confrontational. But I try to be.

39:09

You're trying to get better about it. I'm trying to

39:11

change it all. I'm working on that part

39:13

of myself. Some people are like, I hate confrontation.

39:16

I'm like, I'm trying to actually be more confrontational.

39:18

You're like, I'm actually, I want to be confrontational.

39:20

I run towards it. Well, Ashley's teaching me to

39:22

be better. Yeah, you must have some air or

39:24

fire sign in you if that's like, well,

39:26

if I'm not. I can't remember how much we talked about our

39:28

full birth chart. But I'm Cancer Sun,

39:31

Cancer Moon, Scorpio rising. Oh, it must be

39:33

that. A little Scorpio. So much emotion. Yeah,

39:35

there's so much emotion there, though. But what

39:37

are you again? I'm Cancer Sun, Cancer Moon,

39:39

Saj rising. Oh, right. OK. Yeah. But then

39:41

the rest of my chart is all cancer.

39:43

So it's like very emotional. You sound

39:45

really LA. You're from New York, but you sound like you're

39:47

really part of the LA culture. Wait, do I? In a

39:49

good way. Yeah, in a good way. Oh my god. I

39:51

love it. I mean, until I moved out here, I didn't

39:53

talk about this stuff as much. It's very LA and good.

39:55

And you're here doing a book tour, and you're wrapping up

39:57

your book tour. Yes, I love visiting LA.

40:00

I don't know if I could live here like you guys

40:02

inspire me though like watching your journey of moving here and

40:04

being like Oh my god We are so glad we moved

40:06

here like I felt like it was 50-50 when I was

40:08

listening to you guys talk about that I was like are

40:10

they gonna like it or are they gonna miss New York?

40:12

But I love that you guys love it here I mean

40:14

I hated LA in my 20s and then even probably early

40:17

30s like I it took a while to come around to it and

40:19

then I Started to love it

40:21

and then I forced Reina to love it

40:23

and now she might even love it more But can

40:25

you imagine if you both didn't like it though like

40:27

it needed to come here? Really

40:29

did but you just like I feel like it

40:31

would be really hard to move here in your

40:33

young 20s Yeah, we've heard it's really

40:36

hard to make songs Like I don't

40:38

think it'd be fun to be here like

40:40

cheap, you know, like yeah like New York

40:42

You could just like live cheap 100% and

40:45

it would be fun. Yeah in like a really fun

40:47

life I mean, yeah, it's isolating here, you know, if

40:49

you don't like have friends already, but I really miss

40:51

New York I've been missing it so much. I said

40:53

Ashley. I won't go back as soon as possible. Oh

40:55

my god, actually Yeah, not a little

40:58

bad Well,

41:00

anyway, okay So I first

41:02

heard of you because people would send us

41:04

your list that you included girls gotta eat

41:06

on So like years ago you would just

41:09

do lists of kind of like I mean

41:11

I feel like they've taken off now with what's in and

41:13

out what's hot or not But you would just kind of

41:16

be like what would it be like this is what to

41:18

do this week Yeah Do like rules for this week like

41:20

wait to elevate your life and make your life a little

41:22

bit better And I always include like podcasts I feel like

41:24

having a podcast that you listen to every week is like

41:26

something to look forward to and I feel like you Forget

41:28

so much like having something to look forward to like makes

41:31

life worth living And I always like

41:33

loved Mondays cuz I'm like, oh, I know that I'm

41:35

getting GGE Like I know that I'm gonna listen to

41:37

it I've been listening to it since college and so

41:39

like that was like such a huge part of Like

41:41

my life that I wanted to share that with other people and then

41:43

I found out like so many other people either listened to It or were

41:45

like I started listening cuz of you like now I'm obsessed with them and

41:47

I'm like, of course you are So

41:50

nice and we'll talk about that more cuz I know

41:52

that's a big part of your book is like little

41:54

ways to treat yourself And like love your life and

41:57

like no one talks about this enough like you really just like get

41:59

excited excited about little things in your life. It's like,

42:01

what keeps us going? Otherwise,

42:04

I just would get into such long

42:06

funks or different periods because I have

42:08

nothing to look forward to. I'm

42:10

just sitting here, I don't know. And then I

42:13

was like, OK, I need to get out of

42:15

this. And now I literally embrace every single day.

42:17

I'm obsessed with getting my coffee. I'm obsessed with

42:19

every moment. I love to live less with the

42:21

fullest. I'm like, am I a toxic positivity? I

42:23

don't know. I am like,

42:25

am I the problem? Yeah, I'm like, am I

42:28

the problem? Are you happy? Yeah, I'm an enjoyable

42:30

person now. I just picture skipping out on

42:32

my coffee. It literally means I'm so excited

42:34

about life. I just love it. And so

42:36

it's been fun to share that with my

42:38

audience and bring people together on the

42:40

basis of just having more fun. I want to unpack that.

42:42

I do want to talk about the motivation for writing the

42:44

book because I think you speak about it so well. Can

42:47

we talk about how you became so happy to do everything?

42:50

I think I just did. I

42:52

think that I did. How are you happy? I

42:55

think I realized over COVID

42:57

and then I was living in New York City

42:59

going to grad school during the pandemic. I moved

43:01

in July 2020. So it was pandemic

43:04

times. And I was just in such a

43:06

bad period of my life. I'd been single

43:08

for a few years, but I was always

43:10

an extreme serial dater. And I

43:12

was trying to force myself to do all

43:15

these Zoom dates, meet people, trying to get

43:17

into a relationship, create this perfect adult life

43:19

that I thought that I was supposed to

43:21

become. Because I would even look at people

43:23

like you guys and be like, oh, they're

43:25

adults, but I'm not. Even though I'm 22

43:28

and I'm a technically illegal adult and I live on

43:30

my own in a main grad school, I didn't ever

43:32

feel like one. I was like, how can I push

43:34

myself to be better? And I always felt

43:37

like I was so hypercritical. And

43:39

then one day I realized that I

43:41

was the one creating my own misery.

43:43

I was creating all of the energy

43:45

that was making me miserable from putting

43:47

pressure on myself To

43:49

go on dates and meet someone like, oh, you have

43:51

to be in a relationship. You have to have this

43:54

perfect job, all of these things. That was all coming

43:56

from me. So In the same way that I created

43:58

misery, I could also create joy. I'm

44:00

like why not just like choose to do things I

44:03

wanted to do. What it out was like notice how

44:05

I felt after hanging out with her and people like

44:07

do I like them? Do they like me too? I

44:09

want to keep seeing them are like to. I want

44:11

to be actively dating. Do I not want to be

44:14

actively dating like stray? Wanna go out tonight? Like what

44:16

am I actually want to be doing And I

44:18

feel like that seems so obvious, but it's actually like

44:20

not, well forget about. I think some of you'll forget.

44:22

Please hang on themselves. And Felix I created this narrative.

44:25

Yeah, I could change the sort of all people have

44:27

to whole families without thinking if they wanted them or.

44:30

Anything. Seriously and people do all this shit that they

44:32

think they're supposed to do ya and I like of

44:34

I do it all feel good but it's like know

44:37

the only we're going to feel that it's if you

44:39

do what you actually want to do Race Amber So

44:41

long I was doing what I thought I was supposed

44:43

to do and like partially been going to grad school

44:45

with that and I don't regret it. Like I met

44:48

like my best friends and like it was the right

44:50

step. A yeah but like that was all because I

44:52

was at all I'm supposed to do. I'm supposed to

44:54

be this like serious. I personally gets a degree in

44:56

does whatever and I like wasn't happy and who am

44:58

I glad? How's this for myself? Yeah.

45:01

Choice? Yeah, I bet you see that. allows people

45:03

in grad school like I just I don't have

45:05

to do you not seen that with your story

45:07

kind of. I have to economize because I was

45:09

a theater student in college I really wanted to

45:12

be like a writer my whole life. that like

45:14

how do you dislike right bucks I didn't know,

45:16

nobody has an answer and so I was like

45:18

our minute Thirty Feet are already play, writing and

45:20

producing. I'll be producer and I hated it. Wasn't

45:23

creative and like again you have to be so

45:25

confrontational, assertive and is not that way. Pretty thing

45:27

especially on Broadway. Like all straight white man which

45:29

is crazy. To people think of theater as like

45:31

so diverse. yeah like everybody at the topic like the

45:34

same as the top anywhere else. I just didn't like

45:36

it and it was my senior year cells like what

45:38

the fuck do I do I just one be a

45:40

writer like I want to write fiction and nonfiction poetry

45:42

plays but I was like what is the path and

45:45

those at all I said get my masters in journalism

45:47

because and at least also be writing. So that was

45:49

like the point A to point B but it really

45:51

was like I don't know what else to do and

45:53

then I couldn't get a job cove it happened and

45:56

I had already gone into Colombia as like I'm just

45:58

gonna go and figured out and yeah. Like

46:00

mixed feelings about it because again I met like

46:02

from my best friends in my life and a

46:04

challenge me but also at I took out loans

46:06

for and that was really expensive and then I

46:08

was like in debt during Kobe it without a

46:10

job like after graduating it was just like you

46:12

know I have complicated feelings about that choice and

46:14

I feel like a lot of people choose grad

46:16

school there like I don't know what else to

46:18

do I'm I was ready for the world after

46:20

color as I've gotten into an Ivy League master's

46:22

program are probably would have done that. I yam

46:24

and go there and then it was like impostor

46:26

syndrome like it was like a crazy time. I

46:28

almost thirty blocks out for. The whole time with

46:31

an eight month program at of you remember it

46:33

what? op and I don't know so then kind

46:35

of like short story for people who may not

46:37

know as. To how you got to

46:39

are you are today mean what blew up

46:41

on Tic Toc mean like how bout trajectory

46:43

Yeah so I was at twenty twenty, graduate of

46:45

college like I was to graduate college and

46:47

then one day in March they were like leaves

46:50

and we were like okay so my brother and

46:52

I was out of order to houses and

46:54

Leandro volley home and about. when I got into

46:56

Colombia like three days before the world shutdowns

46:58

I don't even know it by was gonna

47:00

go or not later world shutting down all these

47:02

choices I get home. I decided to commit

47:04

to going and my parents on restaurants. so

47:06

we were working the entire pandemic. Of they

47:08

were open so was like ten people per

47:10

restaurant like mask dabbling curbside pick up all

47:13

that shit. yeah and we would get home

47:15

after a long day and fauna like fuck

47:17

around and like. Open wine and like

47:19

watch movies or whatever. and one day we were

47:21

just like screwing around on Tic Toc and I

47:23

uploaded a video of like This Family viral snacks

47:25

jar that we had that like everybody in the

47:27

town like everyone knew about it was every one

47:29

of my life. about every everybody's when. I love

47:32

that I love Robin. Such a small town like

47:34

people didn't come over and be like taking a

47:36

coffin like scooping out of of I love that

47:38

and will be filled it up and I like

47:40

accidentally plus it around public like and that sounds

47:42

like such a dumb story but I was always

47:44

making tic talks and putting them on private that

47:47

my friends could like see. them i'd make like

47:49

videos of college or whatever so i made that video

47:51

meant to put it on friends only so they would

47:53

see x of like funny but if her on public

47:55

a like blew up and then the next day he

47:57

were like what is this i made a really funny

47:59

videos that blew up. So I ran with it for

48:01

like a few months, but then when I moved to New York, I

48:03

made a video being like, hi guys, I'm

48:06

leaving the door at home, I'm moving to New

48:08

York. I don't know if you guys give

48:10

a fuck about me, but I actually love doing this, so if

48:12

you wanna stay, stay. And

48:15

I actually got more followers from that video, which

48:17

is a very 2020 story of

48:19

people blowing up on TikTok. It was

48:21

a different time for TikTok, and people

48:23

growing on TikTok, and it was such

48:25

a special moment. I went to New

48:27

York and started making all sorts of other content, but I

48:29

never really took it seriously until I was working my

48:31

nine to five post graduating from Columbia. I still think

48:33

it's relatable. I think so many people are like, should

48:35

I put this out into the world? It's embarrassing, or

48:38

maybe it's stupid. It's like, see, people like it. People

48:40

really liked it. You don't know if people are gonna

48:42

gravitate towards latch onto, and it seems like it brought

48:44

you a lot of joy. Yeah, it was like a

48:46

fun thing. Like it was like a, I don't know,

48:49

everybody has that thing they were doing during the pandemic,

48:51

whether it was like some workout they discovered, or like

48:53

a show that they watched that they were so enmeshed

48:55

with almost. That was like this for my family. We

48:58

were laughing about it, thought it was so funny that

49:00

it was going viral. We never would have thought,

49:02

though, that it would have been this now. It's

49:04

kind of a weird pipeline, but I'm glad that

49:07

you also didn't feel beholden to do it, because

49:09

this is what people, it's the biggest complaint of

49:11

going viral for something that they have to do

49:13

forever. They're like, I have to

49:15

do this forever. I'll lose all my followers, and you were

49:17

just like, I'm gonna just not do the jar, but I'm

49:19

gonna do this other stuff, and I hope you guys stick

49:21

around, and people were like, okay. The jar's in the air.

49:24

I'll see what else she has. She's putting that out. She

49:26

didn't pick it up. It

49:28

was really funny, because I had 100,000 followers

49:30

on TikTok when I left and moved to New

49:32

York, and then by the time I graduated a

49:34

year later, I was around 200,000, so

49:37

it wasn't a ton of growth, but there was growth,

49:39

and then I started doing the lists, and that was

49:41

200 to 400 overnight. I've

49:44

never seen something happen so fast. That was crazy, and

49:46

around that time, people were like, oh my god, you

49:48

were the girl with the jar. People

49:50

had lost me for a bit. The

49:52

plot was gone, and then I came back to them

49:54

through the lists, and it's interesting, every

49:57

era that I've had on TikTok, I've gotten

49:59

some new. friends and it's fun. It like

50:01

builds a really diverse and interesting community of people.

50:03

I just think people, not that

50:05

this is going to be relatable to everybody, but I just

50:07

think people who need to hear this, who are creators, who

50:09

think they have to stay in this one lane forever, like

50:12

it's just, it's not fair. And you don't have to when

50:14

you might lose some people along the way. But like, why

50:16

would you not do what you want to do? What's authentic

50:18

to you? Like we have a friend who I'm not going

50:20

to like put her on blast, but she's like caught in

50:22

this, like this is her lane and everybody wants more, more,

50:25

more. That's what they come to expect. And she's like, I

50:27

want to do this like other thing. But like I know

50:29

it'll just tank. And I'm like, what's the alternative? You got

50:31

to do this thing forever. And she's so cool and fun.

50:33

And I'm like, I want to see every facet of

50:35

your life right now. Like people will come eventually.

50:37

Like it might not be immediate. But anyway, I

50:40

have a question for you. And then I want

50:42

to like maybe say, were specific types of lists

50:44

really like hot button type? Like what, what do

50:46

people gravitate towards? And did that lead you to

50:48

write in the book? Yeah. So the thing that

50:51

people gravitated toward at first was like, I did

50:53

rules for every day of the week. So the

50:55

first one ever was like rules for brunch. And

50:57

that one did decently well. And then I did

50:59

rules for a first date. And that one was

51:01

incredibly viral. And then I did rules

51:04

for a Sunday. And that one was so

51:06

viral that I did Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,

51:08

Friday, Saturday. And then those

51:10

ones like then I just like was the next

51:12

next next. But it's crazy. Like I don't forget

51:14

about them. Obviously, they're like my lifeline literally, but

51:17

I was doing them that was October 2021. And

51:19

that was around the time I

51:21

left my nine to five. I signed my book deal in January

51:23

2021, because my literary agent

51:26

saw the lists. And then they saw the sub stack

51:28

blog that I was writing of personal essays. And they

51:30

were like, this needs to be a book. And

51:33

I like took a break from posting lists for a

51:35

while with posting other content about writing my book,

51:37

whatever. Every time I like come back

51:39

to the lists, and I do them again, it just

51:41

brings them to a whole new side of TikTok. And

51:43

like, that's a lot of times how I see like

51:45

my biggest growth jumps, like I have to take long

51:47

breaks in between or else like it's, you know, over

51:49

saturated. But I think like a year later, in

51:51

October 2022, I did it again, like brought

51:54

back the days of the week. And that was like

51:56

another 100,000 new friends. And I

51:58

think, you know, I'll probably do it again. soon. I

52:00

always like bring back certain lists like first date or

52:02

rules for getting out of a funk like ones that

52:04

I think a lot of people might resonate with and

52:06

yeah that definitely did lead to the book. Okay. I

52:08

don't want to harp too much on like social media

52:11

and stuff but I think especially Gen Z and people

52:13

are trying to find their voice and what they want

52:15

to do in the world whether it's on the internet

52:17

or not. I think you've done such

52:19

a great job of staying authentic to yourself and

52:22

for lack of like a better phrase like blocking

52:24

out the haters you know and you posted about

52:26

it too like you've done a really good job

52:28

of both of those things and do you have

52:31

tips for that because I think there's this comparison.

52:33

I mean everybody just gets caught

52:35

up and like comparing themselves to what everyone else is

52:37

doing listening to the critics. Yeah you know I think

52:39

it's like a mixed bag with the haters and like

52:41

I think it's two separate things you know totally. Yeah

52:44

I feel like if you want to post online you

52:46

just have to like almost get over yourself a little

52:48

bit that like people are going to talk about you

52:50

but the reason that anyone is talking about you so

52:52

long as you're not being like a bigot or doing

52:55

something like problematic like if you're a good person and

52:57

kind-hearted person like the reason that people are going to

52:59

talk shit is because they wish they could be as

53:01

brave to like let down their guard and like do

53:03

something creative or put themselves out there and they

53:05

can't so they internalize that and they dislike you and

53:07

a lot of times it's like other women which just

53:10

like makes me sad so I always try to look

53:12

at it with like almost pity like I feel kind

53:14

of bad for you that that's how you're spending your

53:16

day and your energy. I agree yeah. And I just

53:19

think that in terms of the haters you know like

53:21

sometimes it is hard and like I've gone through periods

53:23

where I'm like I don't know if I can do

53:25

this like because I'm just like anyone who knows me

53:27

I'm very friendly like kind I'm trying my best putting

53:30

my best foot forward like for that many people to

53:32

like hate you is such like a feeling

53:34

nobody should experience and like psychologically not

53:36

normal even. Not of us are trained

53:38

to experience it. To deal with that

53:41

and I think though like what's really really helped

53:43

is that like my people in my life have

53:45

been my people for the longest time like I

53:48

have a really good family I have a very

53:50

loving and caring boyfriend who's been a part of

53:52

this like every step of the way and like

53:54

those people know me and even

53:56

though like my internet persona is as authentic and

53:59

real as possible. Like I

54:01

know myself and like I know that I'm doing my

54:03

best I know I'm a good person and then the

54:05

people in my life know I'm a good person and

54:07

that also keeps me grounded Like I've obviously gained new

54:10

friends But I've never lost any of my friends that

54:12

I had when I started all of this and that

54:14

community helps so much I feel like yeah I feel

54:16

like sometimes you can get caught up like if all

54:18

of your friends are like people that are doing this

54:20

kind of stuff And then all you talk about is

54:22

like the haters and the drama and the tea like

54:24

it kind of weighs on me I'm like I you

54:26

know I need to have those people that have like

54:28

been my backbone in my lifeline this whole time. I

54:31

Totally agree and we were really lucky We don't get

54:33

like a lot of hate online people are our audience

54:35

is really so kind but like I used to like

54:37

read one Comment it was like ruin my day and

54:39

it be yeah set and I've had to remind myself

54:41

Like I didn't know this person's three minutes ago So

54:43

why am I letting somebody who chose to spend their

54:46

day carrying me down? Ruined my

54:48

day exactly, you know exactly or like I

54:50

don't know I think on TikTok too like

54:52

the trolls are just it's nasty. It's really

54:54

bad. Yeah content creators Like I don't even

54:56

know why and I think what I've realized

54:58

though It's talk is like an anyone can

55:01

platform and because of that the jealousy

55:03

like runs rampant because people see like

55:05

regular Regular college kids or whatever just

55:08

people blowing up overnight and they really

55:10

can see themselves in those people So

55:13

the jealousy is higher than like an Instagram baddie

55:15

model where it's like you can't see yourself in

55:17

her Yeah, I mean and that's

55:19

something that rain and I didn't grow up with

55:21

like that wasn't like a thing Yeah, there were

55:23

no regular people that just got to get famous

55:26

overnight Like it was just like no that these

55:28

people are you know child actors and they go

55:30

on Yeah, like a kid from summer Nadella or

55:32

doesn't even this isn't within her realm So it's

55:34

like it makes you view it

55:36

completely differently 100% but not attainable I'm so grateful

55:39

and like ultimately I try to focus on the

55:41

positive over the negative because it's like 0.01%

55:43

of the people are locators, you know And

55:46

then like the comparison thing if you just kind of

55:48

like stay the course and like keep your blinders on

55:50

and just do What is authentic to you? Yeah, you

55:52

know, I think like I still struggle with that to

55:54

be honest like on a day-to-day Because it's like I

55:56

have chosen this like life where I'm juggling like

55:58

being a creator but also like being an author

56:01

and like having my podcast. Like sometimes I feel like I'm

56:03

not a good enough creator and I'll like look at creators

56:05

and be like, I'm not doing a good enough job. I'm

56:07

not like going on brand trips or like posting an FPR,

56:09

like getting enough brand deals or like going to events. And

56:11

then I'll look at like my author friends and like writer

56:14

community and be like, I'm not writing enough. I'm not like

56:16

going to enough writing retreats. I'm not like doing enough there.

56:18

But then I have to remind myself that like, this is

56:20

such a unique position to be in one that I like

56:22

built myself that I'm like so proud of and grateful for.

56:25

And like, there's no one right way to be me or

56:27

to do it. And I think I've also been using the

56:29

mute button and I'm like, I can't recommend

56:31

it. I can't recommend it. Yeah. I didn't even

56:33

like think about using it. And then I just started to

56:35

be like, oh, I don't, I can't unfollow this person for

56:38

like reasons of like social, whatever etiquette, but I don't really

56:40

need to see their content nor would I like follow it.

56:42

Did we not know each other in person? I know just

56:44

mute and it makes me feel so much better. They cease

56:46

to exist. They cease to exist. I muted somebody and I

56:48

was like, I thought to myself, I

56:50

was like, God, she must be not doing well. And then

56:53

I'm like, no, she is doing great still. I just haven't

56:55

seen it. And it's also no shade to those people. Of

56:57

course not. It's actually the opposite. A few people sometimes was

56:59

like, I can't see this. It makes me feel bad about

57:01

myself. Yeah. And it's like not their fault. I just don't

57:04

want to be around it. And like, you do you, I'm

57:06

going to do me kind of vibe. During COVID I unfollowed

57:08

a ton of like fashion influencers cause I was like, I

57:10

don't need this content, but I needed a friend, not a

57:12

close friend, an acquaintance of ours the other day. And it

57:15

just was making me feel kind of a certain way about

57:17

myself. And I feel like great. Yeah. You're like, she didn't

57:19

do anything wrong. She's great. Yeah. I

57:21

look at it and I'm like, I don't need this

57:24

energy right now. No, normalize the mute. It's a good,

57:26

it's a great feature. Okay. The

57:28

list about dating went viral, crazy. People loved it.

57:30

And you've written this book and I love that

57:32

the book is about friendship and the relationships you

57:34

have with yourself and taking a break after a

57:36

breakup, but also a lot of like first date,

57:39

early stages stuff. So let's talk about why you

57:41

wrote the book. Oh my gosh. Yes. I think,

57:43

you know, this is like a cheesy thing to say and like

57:46

definitely like a way that we like pushed the book in like

57:48

a marketing way, but this is really like what I wished I

57:50

had when I was like 18 to 23. I

57:52

feel like I spent so much time

57:54

relying on like mail validation and affirmation.

57:56

I was such a serial dater. I

57:59

viewed dating and. in such a heteronormative

58:01

way, I couldn't break out of that. And

58:03

I could listen to my mom give me

58:05

advice, or anyone tell me anything, and I'd

58:07

still just crave and

58:09

need that validation and affirmation. And now

58:12

I look back on that person, and I don't

58:14

regret my decisions, but I just wish that I

58:16

had my now brain. I could be like, oh,

58:18

we don't do that, or you don't tolerate that

58:21

or put up with that behavior. And I feel

58:23

like I was, again, miserable for so much of

58:25

that time, and I was choosing my own misery.

58:27

So I wanted to really write it in order

58:29

to show people how to elevate their life in

58:31

tangible and accessible ways, but especially through the lens

58:33

of relationships, because I feel like this

58:35

time in our lives, from the time

58:38

that you're in college to early 20s post-grad

58:40

relationships, it feels so fraught, whether

58:42

it's dating, or whether you're in

58:45

a serious romantic relationship, or going through a

58:47

breakup, or a friendship, or just so much

58:49

is changing around you, and your relationship to

58:51

yourself changes. And I also just wanted to

58:53

normalize that conversation, because I didn't hear enough

58:55

people talking about that kind of stuff.

58:57

I was like, I just want to talk about

58:59

this, and I want to make people feel less

59:02

alone, or maybe learn something, or just laugh and

59:04

feel a little bit better about their day-to-day, because

59:06

it is so weird time. Yeah,

59:08

we think about that all the time. We

59:11

didn't have any of the shit when we

59:13

were navigating our

59:15

20s, and then we're just in this weird echo

59:17

chamber with our friends giving each other terrible advice.

59:19

No, seriously, yeah. I don't know, I just have

59:21

an older friend to even tell me what to

59:23

do, an older sister, yeah. No one told me

59:26

what to do, and my friends were just like,

59:28

block him. And obviously, I wasn't going to do

59:30

that. And Cosmo's like, how the fuck a dick

59:32

better? That's all they cared about. Seriously, I'm reading

59:34

that, I'm like, oh, this will win him back.

59:36

I'm going to get my ex back. I

59:38

was just so, I had such a

59:41

terrible track record with just letting

59:43

people walk all over me, and I had a terrible

59:45

ex that I went back to actually a million times,

59:47

that I would have literally died for this man,

59:49

and he did not give a fuck about me. Not

59:52

a fuck, and it's so obvious now, but

59:54

then I thought that there were so many things I could do

59:56

to win him back. And it's like, bitch, he broke up with

59:59

you, bitch. Now he's having sex

1:00:01

with you every weekend because you are

1:00:03

giving that to him. And you're saying like, you

1:00:06

can have me. Totally. We have friends that

1:00:08

still do it. They'll do it. They're 40s.

1:00:11

You know? You talked about this at Nick Biles podcast I

1:00:13

was listening to this morning, but I'm sure you talk about

1:00:15

it in the book as well, about how you, and it

1:00:17

goes to your story. Like, you didn't stop to say to

1:00:19

yourself, like, do I like this? Do I enjoy this? How

1:00:21

am I showing up in this experience? Like, how

1:00:24

does this person make me feel? Can you like speak about that

1:00:26

a little bit? Sure. I was like almost

1:00:28

like more comfortable avoiding the conversation of

1:00:30

do I like myself? Like I almost

1:00:32

like loathed myself so much that I

1:00:34

didn't even want to face like getting

1:00:36

to know myself. Instead, I would let

1:00:38

like other people's perceptions of me like

1:00:41

shape who I was. And so

1:00:43

like, it was like a lifeline. Like I needed that validation.

1:00:45

So going on a date or going out was never about

1:00:47

like, oh, do I like this person? And did that make

1:00:49

me feel good? And did I enjoy that? It was more

1:00:51

about like, am I going to come

1:00:54

out of this advantage? Like, is he going to like me

1:00:56

and like, want me? And like, okay, that means I'm worthy.

1:00:58

If I have his validation and affirmation, even if

1:01:00

it's just like that brief ego boost, I can

1:01:03

like avoid for longer time, like dealing with my

1:01:05

own demons and like getting to know myself. And

1:01:08

I think like, I realized, I don't know, after

1:01:10

I took my like long dating break that I

1:01:12

talked about in the first chapter of the book,

1:01:14

I like decided to like take a break and

1:01:17

not actively date at all. And then the first

1:01:19

date that I had back actually was this older

1:01:21

guy and the situation where I could tell that

1:01:23

he was like doing everything in his power

1:01:25

to keep us casual. And he was also being pretty honest

1:01:27

about it, but he was like older and mature. And

1:01:30

so like he was nice about it, but that's not what I

1:01:32

wanted. Like I wanted a relationship. And that was the first time

1:01:34

that like he told me like, I'm actually

1:01:36

just like, I've never dated someone this young. So I was

1:01:38

like 22 and he was 31. So

1:01:41

he was like, I've never dated someone this young. I

1:01:43

just got out of an eight year long relationship. Like

1:01:45

I'm not looking for anything. And that was the first

1:01:47

time I was like, okay, then then

1:01:49

we should just stop. And like, I

1:01:51

remember like that feeling like leaving his apartment, like

1:01:53

going in the subway and being like, I literally

1:01:56

just did that. And instead of saying like, I

1:01:58

know I love it. Instead of

1:02:00

being like, I want to win by getting you to like

1:02:02

me. Yeah, instead of being like, okay, me either. Like, we

1:02:04

want the same thing. Yeah. Right. watch

1:02:09

music videos and like hook up. Like, I didn't

1:02:11

want that though. He was great, but like he

1:02:13

was honest with me and that was the first

1:02:15

time that I was like, no, like, what do

1:02:17

you want? And I remember feeling like, whoa, okay,

1:02:19

that's possible. And I also like don't feel bad.

1:02:22

Like I thought I was going to be like

1:02:24

crushed and upset. I was definitely disappointed because he

1:02:26

was awesome and smart and like hot and whatever.

1:02:28

But I was like, wait, I just like freed myself

1:02:31

up to find what I actually want. It was

1:02:33

actually a weird realization. Again, seems obvious, but it's

1:02:35

like not. I mean, I also just love

1:02:37

those wins for yourself when you actually

1:02:39

take a moment to be like, this

1:02:41

is gross. Yeah. As corny

1:02:44

as that might sound like I am

1:02:46

learning, I'm growing. I did this thing

1:02:48

that I couldn't have imagined doing a

1:02:50

year ago even like really celebrating those

1:02:52

wins. I don't know if you guys like felt

1:02:54

this way, but I'm 25. And I

1:02:56

feel like whenever I turn 25 prefrontal cortex

1:02:58

like developed, like I started like whenever Kylie

1:03:00

Jenner was like, I'm just realizing things this

1:03:03

year. I'm like, no, me too.

1:03:05

Like I really am like, tusses and trinks. She's

1:03:07

like, wait, what? I

1:03:10

feel like like a fog cleared over my head, which

1:03:12

is like bad and good. Because I feel like I

1:03:14

realized too many things now. But also

1:03:17

I remember like so long and like college and

1:03:19

like early twenties being like growth like growth, growth.

1:03:21

And I'm like, what was I growth? What

1:03:24

growth? What was I doing for said growth? You

1:03:26

can't just say like, oh, this is gross. You

1:03:28

have to like fucking work on yourself for there

1:03:30

to be growth. And I remember like turning 25

1:03:32

and like realizing that I had been like actually

1:03:34

working on growing for the first time opposed to

1:03:37

being like growth. And then there's like no growth.

1:03:39

Like the growth is not in the room with

1:03:41

us. Right. Like the actions

1:03:43

matter. Yeah. That's actually like show that

1:03:45

there's growth. I don't want to like shit on 22 year olds. Like

1:03:47

you have to like live the life to learn a lesson. Sometimes you

1:03:49

don't like you can say to yourself like I want to be better.

1:03:51

It's like, but you haven't lived any life yet. Yeah. I

1:03:54

thought I knew not that you are. I just know I

1:03:56

don't want to. When I was 22, I thought I knew

1:03:58

like literally everything. I was 16 I

1:04:00

was like I could live on my own. Yeah no, in

1:04:02

college I'm like, you know what I mean? You

1:04:05

know, you can't. Like I don't even know

1:04:07

how money works. You know, you're just like, you look at

1:04:09

your parents and you're like, you even know how the world

1:04:11

works because I do. You're looking at your parents like you

1:04:13

guys are pathetic. You know, you're just like, I should be,

1:04:17

no seriously, I should run the household. No seriously,

1:04:19

that's like exactly how you feel at 16 and

1:04:21

you kind of ride that wave. Like college is

1:04:23

a scary place because every person there can think

1:04:25

that way. They're like, I could fucking run this

1:04:27

shit and I'm like, I'm scared of you. Right,

1:04:31

I like went to college in like my first department. They were

1:04:33

like, rent's like $265. I

1:04:36

was like, a year? Like

1:04:38

I had no cost. I was like, oh my God, that's

1:04:40

a lot. Wait, every month I have

1:04:42

to pay that? Are you for real?

1:04:47

Mom, did you know this? Did you know this is

1:04:49

how things work? Sorry,

1:04:52

also being a mom is probably so stressful but if

1:04:54

you have to sit there and not like be an

1:04:57

ass to your kids when they're like, fuck you mom,

1:04:59

I know everything and it's like, she's like, she's like, totally. And not

1:05:01

put them across the room. I know. I know. I

1:05:04

know you don't. so you don't.

1:05:06

Exactly, yeah. Parents like dedicate their lives

1:05:08

to you. They plan all these special things and you're just

1:05:10

like, this is so stupid. I watched one TikTok video that

1:05:12

says you're stupid and I know better. No seriously, and now

1:05:14

I know better. So we

1:05:17

do wanna talk about some of the dating stuff in

1:05:19

the book but you are in a relationship now. Yes.

1:05:22

For how long? Like three years. Three years, okay.

1:05:24

And then we asked what people wanted to ask

1:05:26

you on our Instagram and people wanted to hear

1:05:29

about manifesting your partner. Yeah. I know that you

1:05:31

like speak on that too. So we just

1:05:33

wanna hear how this happened. Do

1:05:35

you guys like manifesting? Are you like manifesting girlies? I

1:05:37

feel like you do. Well, yeah. So people say

1:05:40

that. I mean, I feel like I did that with my now partner. Like I said,

1:05:42

the first episode of 2023 that

1:05:44

I was like, this is your I'm finding a partner.

1:05:46

I did like a terror reading and I really just

1:05:48

like put it out into the universe and it just

1:05:50

like really did happen. So I feel like an example

1:05:53

of that completely and really believe in it. I think

1:05:55

you can call it whatever you want but it's making

1:05:57

a decision about like how I wanna see my life

1:05:59

and only make. making decisions later that

1:06:01

satisfy that decision you've made earlier.

1:06:04

If you want to find a husband,

1:06:06

then you don't date guys that just don't want relationships. Like

1:06:08

you said, you left that place and you just went to

1:06:10

the subway and you were like, he doesn't want a relationship?

1:06:12

That's fine with me. And you pivoted.

1:06:14

And to me, that is manifesting because if you put

1:06:16

it on the world, this is what I want, this

1:06:18

is the goal, and you stick to the goal. Yeah,

1:06:20

I think people over complicate manifesting.

1:06:22

That's exactly what it is to me. It's

1:06:24

really me believing that future me has what

1:06:26

current me wants, so current me has to

1:06:29

work to get what future me has and

1:06:31

just be positive. And like, I'm

1:06:33

very big on law of attraction. Like what you put out is

1:06:35

what you'll get in return. So after I took

1:06:37

like my big dating break and I wanted to get back

1:06:39

into dating and I started dating that guy, then I was

1:06:42

like, okay, I'm actually gonna like, I saw a TikTok, I

1:06:44

like watched a video, I was like, I'm gonna like learn

1:06:46

how to manifest. And basically it was like

1:06:48

right down, like exactly what you want, be hyper specific,

1:06:50

just write it on a piece of paper and then

1:06:52

keep that piece of paper. And I

1:06:54

did that. And then the other part is like believing

1:06:56

that that's coming to you. So again, that's like picturing

1:06:58

future you with that person. And it's like, get really,

1:07:00

really specific. Like what is their relationship look like to

1:07:03

their family? What does this person like do on a

1:07:05

daily basis? What do they do for work? What do

1:07:07

they look like? And

1:07:09

then you have to really picture that person coming to

1:07:11

you. So I just did that. So

1:07:13

I was like, you know what, like, I feel like

1:07:15

I'm really ready for someone to come into my life,

1:07:18

even though I have work to do, like, I feel

1:07:20

like I'm in a good place. And then I, this

1:07:22

is like a crazy story. But after that, I was

1:07:24

like really living in like law of attraction, like manifest

1:07:26

land. And I had matched with this

1:07:28

guy on hinge in like June of 2020. But

1:07:32

it was like, obviously COVID. So we never met

1:07:34

up, but we had exchanged social medias. And then

1:07:36

a few months down the line,

1:07:38

it's not like December, he like hopped on one of

1:07:40

my TikTok lives. And he was like commenting. And he

1:07:42

kept being like, do you remember when we matched on

1:07:45

hinge? And finally, after like ignoring it, because I thought

1:07:47

that somebody was like trolling me, I was like, I

1:07:49

don't know who you are. You're like user eight, five,

1:07:51

whatever. But if you

1:07:53

have a way to contact me, you should. So this guy

1:07:55

like slides into my DMS and was like, lol, that was

1:07:58

me. But like, I'm in a relationship now. just

1:08:00

like fucking around and like commenting on your thing and I

1:08:02

was like okay ha ha and I was also in a

1:08:04

period of my life where I was like incredibly afraid of

1:08:06

like doing the wrong thing getting cancelled

1:08:08

whatever so I was like oh my god like

1:08:10

what if his girlfriend sees this and thinks that

1:08:12

I'm like I don't know like even though that's

1:08:14

like crazy exactly I was like I don't

1:08:16

even know why he's chatting me maybe he's just friendly but I don't want

1:08:18

his girlfriend to see this and think anything so I responded and was like

1:08:21

you should set me up with one of your friends and we could all

1:08:23

go on a double date so I was like why is he even reaching

1:08:25

out to me like I think he wants to be friends I don't really

1:08:27

know right and he said like I'll see what I can do or something

1:08:29

like that and then a few hours later like sent me a group photo

1:08:31

I was like what about this guy and I was like I don't know

1:08:33

maybe I should just say yes so I

1:08:36

said yes I did not know where this story is

1:08:38

going crazy I said like sure I'll go on a

1:08:40

date with that guy friend of yours and then I

1:08:42

cancelled the date two times because the

1:08:44

first time I like just got nervous and I was

1:08:46

like a blind date like I don't know I don't

1:08:48

know the fucking first guy let alone this guy I

1:08:52

had not even like really seen a picture of this man I'm

1:08:54

like I don't even know him and then the second time there

1:08:56

was like a family emergency and I felt so bad that I'd

1:08:58

cancelled twice that I like texted guy number one and I was

1:09:00

like can you let your friend know like I swear to god

1:09:02

I want to go out with him I'm just like my grandma

1:09:04

died terrible like literally and then I

1:09:06

was like still unsure it's like blind date that's so weird

1:09:08

and at the time I was doing this series on TikTok

1:09:10

where I was making like lattes and I was putting salt

1:09:12

in them because it was like cut the bitterness of the

1:09:15

coffee I don't know it was just like a viral clickbait

1:09:17

thing and like the second guy who's

1:09:19

now my boyfriend was like watching that and then

1:09:21

he like texted me a video of himself going

1:09:23

to Dunkin Donuts and like getting the exact order

1:09:25

that I get and then like putting salt in

1:09:27

it and taste I think it's like I'm gonna

1:09:29

cry and I thought it's like really adorable and

1:09:31

like whatever that I was like okay are you

1:09:33

free like actually when are you free and

1:09:35

then we went on our first date and I was

1:09:37

like oddly like oh god I'm about to be in

1:09:39

so deep I have to like cut off like this

1:09:42

whole roster of men that I have like going on

1:09:44

in my life I have to like clear the bench

1:09:46

fully because this is like I think gonna be my

1:09:48

person and it's just weird cuz he's

1:09:50

actually story why not he's just very identical to

1:09:52

the thing I wrote on the paper which is

1:09:54

like very very strange like I ended up showing

1:09:56

him like a while ago I can't like do

1:09:58

this now but like I'll show it

1:10:00

to him and like, it's weird, he's just like very

1:10:02

similar. Whether or not that's like, I actually manifested it

1:10:05

or like that he was just such a good match

1:10:07

for me and I really, for the first time in

1:10:09

my life, like actually went out to find what I

1:10:11

was looking for. I knew yourself enough. Either way, that's

1:10:13

still manifesting though, like to Reina's point. Well, it might've

1:10:16

made you go on that date when

1:10:18

maybe before you wouldn't have because before you might've said

1:10:20

like, that's too nice. That's like not what I'm looking,

1:10:22

somebody that's gonna watch my video and like do this

1:10:25

thing that I suggested. But I think you probably were

1:10:27

in this head space of like, sounds really flattering. And

1:10:29

I do wanna prioritize somebody like that. Yeah, and I

1:10:31

just like showed up as myself too. Yeah, I wrote a

1:10:33

list that had 29 things on it, a

1:10:36

year prior and my boyfriend's

1:10:38

like 27 of the things. You know, one

1:10:40

of them just said he doesn't live here. But

1:10:42

I don't know. I like

1:10:45

that he just didn't give up too. Like I

1:10:47

think that's important. That's part of my

1:10:49

story too. Someone's just like, no, I really wanna go

1:10:51

out with you. I know you've blown

1:10:53

me off twice, but like, I'm gonna keep, yeah, there's

1:10:56

no ego surrounding it, like fuck her. Do

1:10:58

you guys go on double dates with the... Yeah,

1:11:01

but you have a couple, do you? Well,

1:11:03

okay, they're not together anymore. But is that still his

1:11:05

friend? Yeah, that's still his friend. It's

1:11:08

so funny, like I met my boyfriend like before

1:11:10

ever meeting this other guy. Right.

1:11:12

Cause like we went on our date and then like obviously

1:11:14

I eventually met his friends and then me and this guy

1:11:16

meet and it's like, hey, like, and now we're like, oh,

1:11:18

he's gonna have to give like a speech if we ever

1:11:20

get married one day at a wedding. Cause like, I really

1:11:22

did match on Hinge with his friend. And that's like how

1:11:25

we'll be. We also love a Hinge story as a partner

1:11:27

of the podcast. It's still

1:11:29

technically a Hinge story. No, it's like a Hinge

1:11:31

success story, low key. That's the thing about Hinge,

1:11:33

like anything can happen. Just like a great way

1:11:35

to meet people. Yeah. Like really. Also, I like

1:11:37

your, I think some women are just, they're turned on

1:11:39

by a guy who's in a relationship hitting on them. And

1:11:41

I think some people would have just leaned into that. You

1:11:43

know? Like you just pivoted it

1:11:45

immediately. Like, I don't know if

1:11:47

everybody would have done that. No, I was like, yeah,

1:11:49

like what are your friends like? Like, I don't know

1:11:51

if we should be friends. Cause I was just like,

1:11:54

even if he's genuine, cause I do believe men and

1:11:56

women can be friends and like you guys have tons

1:11:58

of friends who are men who are married. You're

1:12:00

like, to be honest, like we have a vast, like,

1:12:02

you know, you guys have friends who are married and

1:12:05

like they're your guy friends. And so

1:12:07

like, I knew that and I knew that that could

1:12:09

be okay. But also I was like, in the odd

1:12:11

chance that that's not what this is. I just want

1:12:13

to make sure that this girl, if she were to

1:12:15

ever see this, knows that like my number one priority

1:12:17

was looking out for her and being like, well,

1:12:19

let's all go on a double date together. And then like we ended

1:12:21

up hanging out with them for a bit, but then they broke up.

1:12:24

And now my boyfriend is still friends with him. So

1:12:26

you talk a lot about

1:12:28

how people perceive value when they're

1:12:30

in a relationship versus like being single. And we

1:12:32

kind of want to talk to you a little

1:12:34

bit about that, because I feel like you really

1:12:36

are still someone that really like lifts

1:12:39

up women that are not in just relationships. And

1:12:41

it's just like important for you to like see

1:12:43

the value in both. And I think you wrote

1:12:45

like singlehood as equal in value to be in

1:12:47

a serious relationship. But we love talking about that,

1:12:49

too. Honestly, like your podcast and like I think

1:12:51

so many podcasts of women just like talking about

1:12:53

sex and dating helps with this kind of thing

1:12:55

so much. Like you should know that like the

1:12:57

work that you're doing is really helping people to

1:12:59

feel like just normal on their everyday lives, because

1:13:01

you guys are just honest about what you're going

1:13:03

through and what you're experiencing. And like

1:13:05

if I didn't say that you guys have helped me, I'd be

1:13:07

lying. Like you guys have really helped shaped my mindset

1:13:09

so much around this. But I think for

1:13:11

like a really long time, I had the

1:13:13

mindset of like, oh, like, I'm looking for

1:13:15

a missing piece. Like I need to be

1:13:18

whole. But that would like insinuate that I

1:13:20

was like somehow like broken or like not

1:13:22

full or whole before, which is just not

1:13:24

true. And I think that

1:13:26

what I've really learned in dating my boyfriend is I

1:13:28

love him so much. And I hope that this is

1:13:30

my forever person. But like the end goal of every

1:13:32

relationship is not forever. And if the end goal of

1:13:34

this ended up being like a lesson that I learned

1:13:37

or something, like that would be fine. And you

1:13:39

know, no one is going to be forever

1:13:41

until somebody is so like every relationship pretty

1:13:43

much is going to end really like that's

1:13:45

what the statistics show. So I

1:13:47

think that like learning to just like like being

1:13:49

single was so important for me and then learning

1:13:51

to view being single like not as a waiting

1:13:53

room because for so long, I was like, this

1:13:55

is my waiting room. Like I am waiting to

1:13:57

go get in a relationship and that's like the

1:14:00

destination and that was just

1:14:02

such a shitty way to think because then I was

1:14:04

just like not liking my life when I wasn't in

1:14:06

a relationship which is so ridiculous like why do I

1:14:08

need a man to like like my life why can't

1:14:10

I like it when I'm single and just chilling or

1:14:12

why do I always have to be actively dating mm-hmm

1:14:15

it's so much pressure and like so much stress

1:14:17

and now I always say this I'm in a

1:14:19

very serious relationship we live together like I hope

1:14:21

that it's going in the direction that we talk

1:14:23

about and plan for but if it didn't like

1:14:25

I think I would stay single for such a

1:14:28

long time because like I fucking like myself in

1:14:30

my own company and this person who's in my life

1:14:32

he is like so special and important to me and

1:14:34

at this point if we didn't work out it's gonna

1:14:36

be because our priorities switch or like something doesn't align

1:14:38

it's never gonna be because we don't love each other

1:14:41

and I think I would really just

1:14:43

be single for so long like I think I would

1:14:45

Samantha Jones it and I would love that too and

1:14:47

that's not what I want necessarily like I'm so happy

1:14:49

in my relationship but I feel like people think that

1:14:52

that mindset is taboo almost mm-hmm and I just like

1:14:54

don't think it is at all like I'm comfortable and

1:14:56

confident saying that that's how I would feel like and

1:14:59

I think that's okay you know what I mean

1:15:01

yeah absolutely we love that I mean this quote

1:15:03

I wrote from you I think this is in

1:15:05

your Cosmo article you were just talking even about

1:15:07

friendship love and you said I feel like I

1:15:09

could sustain myself on female friendship for the rest

1:15:11

of my life it's so important to me like

1:15:13

yeah those are like the forever relationships not always

1:15:15

but you know when you talk about the importance

1:15:17

of keeping the friends and things like that and

1:15:19

it's like there's so much other love we have

1:15:22

in our lives and we talk a lot about

1:15:24

like why is the romantic love on such a

1:15:26

pedestal and everything else falls by the wayside like

1:15:28

if you were to break up if anywhere to

1:15:30

break up there wouldn't be like an absence of

1:15:32

like love in your life hopefully if you've

1:15:34

built a life outside of your romantic relationship

1:15:37

and like back to the manifesting thing like

1:15:39

the universe simply will not reward you if

1:15:41

you have like a negative shitty attitude it's

1:15:43

only gonna reward you if you have attitudes

1:15:45

of like gratitude and abundance and

1:15:47

if you view your life like I don't have

1:15:49

romantic love so my life sucks and I'm depressed

1:15:51

you're ignoring all the love that you very likely

1:15:54

do have in your life which would be platonic

1:15:56

familial the love you have for yourself your hobbies

1:15:58

your passions like you're fucking work out class,

1:16:00

your favorite restaurant, your pet.

1:16:02

That's so much love. The universe would

1:16:05

see that and be like, okay, well,

1:16:07

this person isn't giving anything to all

1:16:09

of that love. Which is just

1:16:11

like romantic love is just another piece of that that

1:16:13

you could have and it's okay to want that. I

1:16:15

certainly did. But it's also like, what about everything else?

1:16:17

Don't neglect it. I love being

1:16:20

single. I think it's great and I have all these friends

1:16:22

and that's really nice. And I look at Ashley's life and

1:16:24

I look at her relationship. I love her boyfriend so much

1:16:26

and I love what she has. And of course I want

1:16:28

that, but it's important to not compare yourself

1:16:30

constantly to other people's lives and their happiness.

1:16:32

And I was watching this like where

1:16:35

you're on a Vanderpump rules last night. Years

1:16:37

ago and Sheena is like crying to Lala and

1:16:39

she's like, I'm single and all of you have

1:16:42

this thing and they panned all the other couples

1:16:44

in the room and it's like four other couples

1:16:46

and four of the five couples are broken up.

1:16:48

Right. It's like one of them. It's like scandal

1:16:50

ball. One of them was like Lala Randall. And

1:16:53

they're like, she's crying because she wants this thing

1:16:55

so much and everybody around her has it. And

1:16:57

fast forward two years later and everybody's life is

1:16:59

this like dumpster fire. She has a husband

1:17:01

and a child and she's really happy and

1:17:03

it's important to like, yeah, yourself. Like you

1:17:06

should remind yourself that like

1:17:09

today you should make yourself happy and enjoy what's going

1:17:11

on. Cause like you had no idea number one was

1:17:13

actually going on other people's relationships and how happy they

1:17:15

are or what your life will be like in a

1:17:17

couple of years versus there. So like make today really

1:17:19

happy for you. I don't have like romantic love like

1:17:21

Ashley does, but like I have like all these friends

1:17:24

I get like the pleasure of having and so many

1:17:26

people would die for the social life that I have.

1:17:28

You also have like Rotten Be Alone at a higher

1:17:30

volume, which like I was saying to my boyfriend, I

1:17:32

was like, do you miss me when I'm not here?

1:17:34

Like before I left, cause I was going to be

1:17:36

gone for like seven days and he's like meeting me

1:17:38

now like in Texas where we're going next. I was

1:17:40

like, Oh, do you miss me when I'm gone? And

1:17:42

he was like, I miss you. Like the thought of

1:17:44

you being with you, like sleeping in bed with you

1:17:46

at night. But he was like, however, he

1:17:49

was like not having someone nag me about like keeping

1:17:51

this place clean and tidy and like being healthy and

1:17:53

like going to exercise. He's like, I kind of get

1:17:55

to like rot out like yeah, everywhere. And then he's

1:17:57

like, I do a deep clean right before like either.

1:18:00

to come see you or as you come back. And

1:18:02

I'm like, that's such a thing that when you're single, you

1:18:04

can do that whenever you want. You're just living by your

1:18:06

own rules. You're not having to actively think

1:18:08

of another person, which is a lovely thing to do,

1:18:10

but also the grass is green on the single side.

1:18:13

Oh my God, a rot day. I was thinking about

1:18:15

you on Saturday, because Ashley did all these activities with

1:18:17

her boyfriend. It was so cute. I never left the

1:18:19

house. 10,000 subs. I was the biggest piece

1:18:21

of shit I had ever probably been in my whole life.

1:18:23

I didn't get it back until 11. No,

1:18:25

I don't feel it in a year. I was like, Ashley doesn't get

1:18:27

to do this to you. I'm like,

1:18:30

Ashley, I had to have sex, put makeup

1:18:32

on. You can have a house, take a

1:18:34

shower, make reservations, talk to someone. That is

1:18:36

so funny. You're like, I don't want her

1:18:38

life. Yeah, first of all, people

1:18:41

that just aren't relationship to relationship, you know, live

1:18:43

your truth, but I don't think you can ever

1:18:45

really know yourself. Like the single years are so

1:18:47

important. So important. Yeah, it's just like an amazing

1:18:49

relationship now. I'm single for so fucking long, the

1:18:52

whole duration of this podcast until nine months ago.

1:18:54

So I cannot recommend it enough. And

1:18:56

like the life you get to live when you

1:18:59

do whatever the fuck you want all the time,

1:19:01

it's like amazing. Also, if you like your life,

1:19:03

being single is fun. Yeah, it's

1:19:05

like an understatement. Like we've had the best life. We've

1:19:07

like lived a dream. Yeah, like you're living a dream.

1:19:09

Like look at Sex and the City. You cannot tell

1:19:11

me that you watch that show and you're not like

1:19:14

a little jealous. Like I watched that show and I'm

1:19:16

like, I want their life. Like I want to live

1:19:18

in New York City in the 90s with like no

1:19:20

iPhones and just like be having crazy sex and then

1:19:22

like getting together with my girlfriends every fucking day at

1:19:24

a random lunch restaurant and like talking shit. Like

1:19:27

that is the best life ever. And like that show, I

1:19:29

mean, I know you guys like love Kin especially I know

1:19:31

you love the show. It's like ahead of its time, like

1:19:33

so much so, but I watch it today and it

1:19:36

makes me feel so comforted. Even if someone is in

1:19:38

a relationship because I'm like, I have those women in

1:19:40

my life and like those are my real soulmates. And

1:19:42

like that's like the whole message of that whole show.

1:19:44

Yes. And like you think of

1:19:46

the scenes of the four of them together at

1:19:48

brunch or doing whatever they're doing. You're like, that

1:19:50

is peak life right there. And then the opening

1:19:52

of movie number two, which was an abomination. I

1:19:55

like to pretend it was never made. It's just

1:19:57

like Carrie and big like fighting and this like

1:19:59

dark. I'm like, that's miserable. And

1:20:01

that's the goal, this marriage.

1:20:05

There's one over here that's just like bright and fun and

1:20:07

full of life. And then there's just this like married couple

1:20:09

that's like at each other's throats and fighting about what they're

1:20:11

gonna do that night or what they're gonna order to eat.

1:20:13

And I'm not saying that every relationship is like that, but

1:20:15

it's just kind of like, what do you

1:20:18

really want out of life? Like I hate when it's

1:20:20

the inverse. People are like, God, it's so sad to

1:20:22

just be like single and out with all your girlfriends

1:20:24

and having random sex. And it's just like, no, it's

1:20:26

not. It's so fun. It's so fun. I always think

1:20:28

back to like even the most damaging

1:20:30

parts of like my singlehood and being in

1:20:33

college, the like morning group chat

1:20:35

debrief. Like, sorry, nothing hits in

1:20:37

that way. And you and all

1:20:39

your friends are single. That's

1:20:41

why I go out to have the debrief. No, to

1:20:43

have the debrief. And like now, you know, my best

1:20:45

friend from college and I are both in serious relationships

1:20:48

and we take trips with our partners and it's so

1:20:50

lovely. And it's this new chapter, but I'm like, I

1:20:52

also miss that. Like that was also really fucking good

1:20:54

when we were both single. And we always said we

1:20:56

were each other's soulmate. And like, we were fine because

1:20:58

we had each other. Absolutely. And by the way, like

1:21:00

making friends does come naturally to me and Ashley, but

1:21:02

it is work. And I did manifest that too. When

1:21:04

we moved here, like I said yes to everything. Shit,

1:21:06

I never wanted to do. I like reconnected with somebody.

1:21:08

I was like casually friends with the New York. She

1:21:10

invited me to this dinner with all these girls. I

1:21:13

didn't want to go hang out with like 11 girls.

1:21:15

I didn't know, but like I ended up becoming really

1:21:17

good friends with them. Our friend Alyssa invited us to

1:21:19

something. And it was all these girls

1:21:21

there. We've become really close to everybody. Like I said

1:21:23

yes to a lot of shit. You've driven like an

1:21:25

hour to West Hollywood a lot. A lot. Just

1:21:27

to make this friend group. Yeah. Alyssa's

1:21:30

amazing. I love Alyssa. Yeah, I'll be glad when you're

1:21:32

here. Alyssa Maraso and she's been on our podcast. Shut

1:21:34

up. But yeah, people are always like, they love episodes about

1:21:36

making friends. And like, that's not easy all the time. Either

1:21:38

you have to say yes to stuff. I

1:21:41

actually was saying this on TikTok the other

1:21:43

day. After my LA show, I did

1:21:45

like a meet and greet. And before the LA show, we

1:21:47

had to do a VIP meet and greet because it was

1:21:49

like something the venue wanted to do. So people paid extra

1:21:51

and it was like a 20 minute Q&A. And this one

1:21:54

girl had come to that. And then she actually waited afterward,

1:21:56

which I didn't expect. I expected the girls that had the

1:21:58

VIP thing before not to wait after. She

1:22:00

waited after and she said that she came by herself

1:22:02

and she was just really going through a hard time

1:22:04

like how do many of us get out of bed

1:22:06

lately and like for some reason like decided like this

1:22:08

was gonna be the thing that Like got her out

1:22:11

and like put on makeup and put on an outfit

1:22:13

like she was like she had such a good time

1:22:15

She had so much fun and like she met new

1:22:17

friends and everything and I was really just saying on

1:22:19

tik-tok go out in your Community even with a friend

1:22:21

you don't have to be by yourself But like go

1:22:23

somewhere people do want to make friends if everybody is

1:22:25

having the same problem 20s of how

1:22:27

do I make friends that means everyone's friend So

1:22:30

like you have to be a friend to make a friend

1:22:32

to have a friend like go out and find those people

1:22:34

and like For a long time. I thought it was weird

1:22:36

to like introduce myself to people like I would be like

1:22:38

oh my god It's so weird for me to just like

1:22:40

talk to a stranger. It's fucking not that's just friendly and

1:22:43

like that's just being like hi I'm Eli. What's your name?

1:22:46

Like there's nothing wrong with that right like we kind of

1:22:48

forget that I forget that people are a lot more introverted

1:22:50

than I am too and that be shy can read is

1:22:52

like not really wanted You and if you

1:22:54

like connect with somebody a little bit DM them talk

1:22:56

about that thing go to call remind with them I

1:23:01

really want to actually go on a date at Calorie mine.

1:23:03

Why can't we just go on a friend date? Oh, yeah,

1:23:05

not solo hung and so I don't hang out outside of

1:23:07

right here We

1:23:10

joke that like rain and I would never go to dinner that'd be so

1:23:12

weird We

1:23:15

haven't solo hung in so long Reservation

1:23:19

yeah, the whole thing but we are always

1:23:21

together We're here together socially so much more

1:23:23

than we were in New York actually like

1:23:25

because we moved here together And then made

1:23:27

the same friends and then like my friends

1:23:29

I had coming in or now her friends

1:23:31

like in New York we made friends after we both

1:23:33

lived there So we did have a separate groups of

1:23:35

friends so like I don't know in the weekends We

1:23:37

would like do stuff with them and so there's never

1:23:39

like a big group friend hang here that we're both

1:23:42

like not a part So it is nice, but like

1:23:44

to go to dinner like yeah, I mean rain is

1:23:46

staying at a bar having drinks Want

1:23:48

to ask you out to do that soon and we haven't been

1:23:50

so much time together in a while See like even besties get

1:23:53

nervous about me I

1:23:57

think I did here. I said something like well It's

1:24:00

a little awkward when we're alone. And she's like, I know, right? I was

1:24:02

like, I was kidding. You were like, I was fucking joking, you

1:24:04

bitch. I was like, I'm gonna be alone. Well,

1:24:06

yesterday we were talking about Hawaii and actually I was like, I'm

1:24:08

just not trying to go alone with you. She's like,

1:24:10

I did not say it like that. I

1:24:13

was like, if we're gonna go to Maui, I wanna have a

1:24:15

group, go to a luau, do the whole thing, and you wanna

1:24:17

romance again. I'm gonna go with you. You're like, I could do

1:24:19

the same stuff with me. Same room. I'll go on one hike

1:24:21

with you. I'm gonna be like on a sunset hike, you know?

1:24:23

Show them like, do yoga and then take a hike and then

1:24:25

I'll choose to go. But I do wanna ask you out on

1:24:27

a solo friend date soon. You should. Yeah, we

1:24:29

need the bond. Let's just go a couple quick topics

1:24:32

that you do talk about in the book that we

1:24:34

just think are really fun and obviously relevant to what

1:24:36

we talk about in the podcast. Well, hiking updates. Do

1:24:38

you know that one? Prepping for a first date like

1:24:40

an athlete before a game. Okay, I'm

1:24:42

obsessed with this because I'm like a

1:24:44

nervous person. Everybody thinks that because I'm so

1:24:47

energetic and outgoing that I'm like extroverted, but

1:24:49

I'm really not. And I get nervous

1:24:51

and I'm introverted and I get social anxiety.

1:24:53

And so instead of looking at first

1:24:55

dates, like, oh my God, this is so make or

1:24:57

break. Like, holy shit, this is either gonna be the

1:24:59

love of my life or like he's gonna hate me

1:25:01

and like I'm gonna feel bad about myself. I started

1:25:03

to look at it more like a game, like a

1:25:05

literal game. Like all this is is like a second

1:25:07

date or a good story to tell my friends. This

1:25:09

isn't anything more or less than that. Those are the

1:25:12

only two outcomes. Like I'm gonna go to brunch with

1:25:14

my girlfriend tomorrow and talk about this or we're gonna

1:25:16

go out again. That's it. And I

1:25:18

also tried to view it like if I met a girl at

1:25:20

a party, like we all didn't know each other and we met

1:25:22

each other at a party, the next day I might be like,

1:25:24

oh, should we all get brunch? I wouldn't be like, oh, do

1:25:26

you wanna be the maid of honor at my wedding? And

1:25:29

it's weird that we go into first dates being like,

1:25:31

oh, that's my husband. And it's like, you wouldn't act

1:25:33

like that with a girl you just met at

1:25:35

a party. And so I had that refresh in my

1:25:38

mind. So I was like, all right, I'm gonna prep

1:25:40

for this and make a routine for myself to make

1:25:42

it more like a game. And I had all my little

1:25:44

rules for myself. So it was like, I had a playlist

1:25:46

I would listen to. I had a go-to outfit. I would

1:25:48

do my makeup and I would try to plan dates on

1:25:50

the same nights as my friends so that we could all

1:25:53

get ready together. I would have a glass of wine before.

1:25:55

All of these things that I would do that would make

1:25:57

me feel more in control. Cause I think part of the

1:25:59

problem was... I felt out of control because I'm going into

1:26:01

an environment where I don't know what's going to happen. So

1:26:04

making yourself feel as in control as possible, I just

1:26:06

feel like it makes you feel confident going into it.

1:26:08

Totally. I've heard you talk about

1:26:10

making sure you have a plan after the date

1:26:12

too. So you're also in control of like, I've

1:26:15

chosen to leave at this time. You need them

1:26:17

wanting more. That's my favorite tip ever. I always

1:26:19

say make tentative plans for afterwards. I'm not necessarily

1:26:21

against sleeping with someone on a first date or

1:26:24

going home with them or going to a second

1:26:26

bar or whatever. I've done it. But I think

1:26:28

if you're dating for a relationship, men really

1:26:30

do fall in love in time spent apart where they

1:26:32

get to think about you. So you have to give

1:26:34

them that. Like if you know that, why not give

1:26:36

that to them? So I would always make plans afterwards

1:26:38

that weren't like a birthday party, but like something like

1:26:40

more chill that I could miss had I decided I

1:26:43

wanted to stick around or whatever. One

1:26:45

of two reasons. If it's going badly, then you can just rewrite

1:26:47

your night. You're going out with your girlfriend, you're going to a

1:26:49

pregame, you're going to go watch a movie, whatever it is. If

1:26:52

it goes really well and you're going to make a second

1:26:54

date with this person and you want to leave them with

1:26:56

that, wanting more, the ability to think about you and really

1:26:58

like fall for you, then you're just going

1:27:00

to go do something fun and you have a nice,

1:27:03

easy out and you're not lying about it. I always

1:27:05

recommend doing that because it's like win-win either way. Yeah.

1:27:08

And then if it's bad, bad, you know, like

1:27:11

dark, bad, it's just bad. You're like that's not

1:27:13

a fit. What a waste of like a contour.

1:27:15

Yeah. Like at least you have other

1:27:17

plans. Like that just sucks. It sucks. It sucks.

1:27:20

Pick out an outfit, do your makeup and then just like have a

1:27:22

bad date and like go home. It sucks. I

1:27:24

mean, I go home to like my dog and like love is

1:27:26

blind or whatever, you know, you can still look forward to the

1:27:28

small things. You're like taking off your makeup and you're like, why

1:27:31

did I do this? And then it makes you feel like you

1:27:33

don't want to date again. Yeah. Whereas if you

1:27:35

go out after your whole night is going to be like the memories

1:27:37

you made after you're going to be laughing about the bad date with

1:27:39

your friends and then you're going to be like, okay, I can go

1:27:41

on another date now. I'm good. I agree.

1:27:44

And I've been saying Ashley, I've really enjoyed the last few dates I've

1:27:46

gone on, not because the dates were good. It's because the plans I

1:27:48

had right before right after were great. Ashley

1:27:50

and I with our friend went out to this great dinner and we got

1:27:52

dressed up and we looked so cute and then I met this guy for

1:27:55

like an hour and a half. I had an out because I was tired

1:27:57

and it was late and I like how great and I was my girlfriends

1:27:59

and like I didn't particularly. really loved the date but I was

1:28:01

like I had a good night. I had a good night,

1:28:03

you had a good night, I didn't waste an outfit. Exactly.

1:28:05

Yeah, because those moments after a bad date

1:28:07

when you just go home after are like you said

1:28:09

the moments that are like I'm giving up like I'm

1:28:12

not doing this anymore, this sucks. And you're alone in

1:28:14

your spiraling. Yeah, it's so brutal. Then your friends say

1:28:16

how was it and you say horrible I'm not dating

1:28:18

anymore. Yeah, I'm done with that. Exactly. Something

1:28:21

else you said that we really loved was

1:28:23

trying out a person in different settings before

1:28:25

committing, which is so clueless, like the movie,

1:28:27

like could do a lot before committing to

1:28:29

a location. But I feel like have you ever

1:28:31

gone on a date with someone but it's like

1:28:34

you go on five late drink dates in a

1:28:36

row and it's like, yeah, I'm having so much

1:28:38

fun with you and I've had four margaritas because

1:28:40

you're hot and we're like, put it in your

1:28:42

bar. Seriously, we're like, we're having this dark bar

1:28:44

and like you look hot and like the more

1:28:46

I drink the hotter you are. So then like,

1:28:48

we like go to dark bars, drink and make

1:28:50

out. So like, I think that I like you.

1:28:52

How fun is it? All of a sudden we

1:28:54

go on a fucking walk during the day and

1:28:57

I'm like, how am I doing? Like, who are

1:28:59

you? What time am I wasting? I really

1:29:01

love like if your first date is like going

1:29:03

out for drinks or going out for dinner, the

1:29:05

next date is like something during the day. Don't

1:29:07

waste your own time. Try them on in different

1:29:09

settings. And like, I'm somebody who's like, I'm a

1:29:11

theater person. If I started dating someone and

1:29:13

I was like, do you want to go see a Broadway show?

1:29:15

Or do you want to go see theater? Like, whatever. And they

1:29:17

said no, like, even if they weren't interested,

1:29:19

if they were like so anti like, then I just know

1:29:21

like, that's a setting that matters to me. And if you're

1:29:24

not willing to like try that out, and I can't see

1:29:26

what it would look like to be in that space that

1:29:28

matters to me with you, that we're not going to

1:29:30

work like, it's the same thing as

1:29:32

like, am I willing to go watch whatever sport it is

1:29:34

and like have a fun time. It's like baseball means a

1:29:36

lot to him or whatever the fuck it is. Like, right.

1:29:38

You want to try that person out in places that matter

1:29:41

to you, but also different settings because it would happen to

1:29:43

me that I would especially in New York, it's always drinks.

1:29:45

Yes, it's always drinks. I love this so

1:29:47

much, but I'll go on a hike with

1:29:50

you. I love you. I'll be in different

1:29:52

settings. You're not running. You're running. She

1:29:56

insulted me on a recent podcast or she's trying to

1:29:58

wake up for it. It's so

1:30:00

hard to be together. Not what I said, I got

1:30:02

roasted for an hour. Okay. We're

1:30:05

just up there. I had this situation that happened where there

1:30:07

was this guy that I knew from New York just from

1:30:09

like partying late at night. He was friends with some restaurant

1:30:11

people that I knew. And one night we ran into each

1:30:13

other. I lived in New York, he lived in Cincinnati, I

1:30:15

think. We had sex like that first night. He leaves and

1:30:17

we just start talking on the phone a lot. And it

1:30:19

was, you know, long distance. And I really, I enjoyed him

1:30:21

late at night at these bars and I had sex, the

1:30:23

sex was fine. I enjoyed him on the phone. And I

1:30:25

was gonna be in Pittsburgh for the weekend, like a few

1:30:27

weeks later. And since he lived in Cincinnati or Cleveland or

1:30:29

something, I was close. and

1:30:32

we went out to dinner and I was like,

1:30:35

oh, I've never like been around you at this time

1:30:37

of day. Yeah. That's, yeah, was so

1:30:39

pretentious, so obnoxious, cut me off, ordered for

1:30:41

me without asking me where I wanted. And

1:30:43

I was, restaurants are a very important setting for

1:30:46

me and like liking food and being able to

1:30:48

like be around people. And I was like,

1:30:50

oh, I don't like this person. What the

1:30:52

fuck are you doing? That was the very first

1:30:54

person I dated on the podcast, that young guy,

1:30:56

when we first started, I was like sleeping

1:30:58

with this younger guy, I was like 10

1:31:00

years younger than me. And we only drank, we

1:31:03

hooked up, the sex was great. And then

1:31:05

I went to dinner with him. Remember he held

1:31:07

the fork like this. Like he fisted the fork.

1:31:09

Yeah. And I was like, I

1:31:12

never would have go to dinner with you.

1:31:14

Like, and then the conversation didn't flow. Like

1:31:16

it was like, oh my God, I have

1:31:18

only been drinking and fucking. Yeah, or like

1:31:20

they meet your friends and you find yourself

1:31:22

having to like apologize for them. Or you're

1:31:24

like, this is so fucking awkward. Like I

1:31:26

should have like tested this person

1:31:28

out a couple more times to see how

1:31:30

they like interact. Yeah, like the

1:31:32

talking on the phone, this guy was like, this is

1:31:34

my guy. He's great, but like anybody can show up

1:31:37

for you on a phone call for 45 minutes. I

1:31:40

think that's the thing about like getting love

1:31:42

bombing and all that stuff. Like anybody can

1:31:44

pretend to be someone on the phone, like

1:31:47

at a drink, having sex, like. Well, it's hypothetical, right?

1:31:49

Yeah, it's all like, this is just a fun little

1:31:51

thing. And then once it's the light of day, all

1:31:53

of a sudden like you see who they really are.

1:31:57

Like, what is it really gonna be like when you guys aren't on

1:31:59

a date and. For sigh totally 100% not

1:32:01

realize now. Okay. Well, we had a little

1:32:03

segment We wanted to do it with you

1:32:05

because we know you love your horoscope Often

1:32:08

you I did this on your podcast with you So I did

1:32:10

like rip this off, but we kind of changed

1:32:12

it to be about dating Okay, and

1:32:15

like most likely to blank and then you're

1:32:17

gonna say the sign. Oh, I love that.

1:32:19

That's so fun Okay, okay. I can start

1:32:21

miss positive. I was like later plan an

1:32:23

amazing thoughtful date that makes you feel like

1:32:25

you're in a 90s rom-com. Oh I

1:32:29

Feel like it's like Leo because Leo's

1:32:31

I think Like gratification and

1:32:33

they like people to tell them like thank you

1:32:35

for what you did. I also think they're not

1:32:37

cool Yeah, cuz if you were gonna say

1:32:40

if you said like a really romantic sappy date I would

1:32:42

have said cancer but like a cool 90s

1:32:44

rom-com like whirlwind date Like you're gonna be with the

1:32:46

fire sign you're gonna be as a Leo like they're

1:32:48

gonna make you like you're on top Of the world

1:32:50

like literally on fire. Okay, the most sentimental date you

1:32:52

could possibly think of is cancer Yeah It's

1:32:56

hard to shut for her for Christmas. I'm like,

1:32:58

she's gonna get me this painting she's commissioned I

1:33:00

do you gotta plan a nice bath for me. I

1:33:04

Got her charm brace with this shirt. I was like, okay most

1:33:07

likely to man-splain the

1:33:09

stock market Marvel movies

1:33:11

fantasy football politics, etc on

1:33:14

a date Virgo Okay,

1:33:17

so Virgo men like I'm so sorry like if anyone's

1:33:19

being a Virgo man I just want to like give

1:33:21

a disclosure like I don't judge me some sun signs

1:33:23

I judge based on your whole chart, so I don't

1:33:26

believe anyone's a truly bad person. But like a Virgo

1:33:28

son Virgo sons, I think

1:33:30

they're they're going to mansplain like okay It's also oftentimes

1:33:32

because they know what they're talking about, but that doesn't

1:33:34

make it less annoying right? Sometimes you are learning. Yes,

1:33:36

and if you're learning something, but you maybe don't want

1:33:39

to learn it Yeah, but I feel like your brother

1:33:41

could explain all those things in a way that wouldn't

1:33:43

bother me Well, I mean explain is one of those

1:33:45