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Embrace Your Cringe and Take Back Your Dating Power feat. Tinx

Embrace Your Cringe and Take Back Your Dating Power feat. Tinx

Released Monday, 6th May 2024
Good episode? Give it some love!
Embrace Your Cringe and Take Back Your Dating Power feat. Tinx

Embrace Your Cringe and Take Back Your Dating Power feat. Tinx

Embrace Your Cringe and Take Back Your Dating Power feat. Tinx

Embrace Your Cringe and Take Back Your Dating Power feat. Tinx

Monday, 6th May 2024
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Episode Transcript

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0:00

And when you make that shift internally and

0:02

you go into a date thinking this is

0:04

a vibe check, that's it. It's

0:06

so powerful and it makes it more fun. Hi

0:24

guys! Hi guys! Welcome to another episode.

0:28

We've already done one podcast recording today. I mean

0:30

now you're all off track because you did

0:32

a whole new intro today. Welcome everybody! You

0:35

guys, we just filled in for Nick Vial. Are

0:38

we already gonna do it? Whatever, forget it. You

0:40

guys have heard it for six years. You're gonna.

0:42

And Rayna just absolutely crushed it. Thank you. You

0:44

just sprang into action. You

0:47

just co-hosted another show. I don't know how I

0:49

feel about it. Well you were with

0:51

me. I mean I was with you but like you

0:53

were the host. It was really fun. I've never been

0:55

in that scenario without you. So his show is reality

0:57

recap. It's Bravo reality recaps. You don't watch as much

0:59

Bravo as me. Yeah, that's why. I listen to his

1:01

show every week. I'm such a fan girl and so

1:03

he was like do you want the main chair? And

1:05

I was like yeah I got this. And so I

1:07

felt like it like fell to me to like lead

1:09

the conversation, take us into the next topics. And I

1:11

was like I gotta do this. I gotta like. It

1:13

was kind of funny. I was like afraid I was

1:15

in charge. I was like I'm just here just

1:18

for fun. It was really fun. I'm just hanging out. I

1:20

just when you and I record together I'm always just like

1:22

it should be 50 50. We take turns

1:24

talking. I'm like I really am the Bravo historian. So I'm going

1:26

to take a floor. Exactly.

1:28

I want to give a weather update. We

1:31

haven't done this in years. We really haven't because I

1:33

think we've made it over this hump in

1:36

LA of this like rainy, colder

1:39

winter and it's like you know

1:41

70 and sunny. We

1:43

made it and I think that we

1:46

are good from here on out with El Nino.

1:48

And I have been telling everybody this

1:50

that I know because I have a researching and how

1:52

we moved here in 2023. It

1:54

was just like so terrible and it rained for three months.

1:56

And we were like maybe it's just a fluke like maybe

1:59

it's just one. Winner in a way.

2:01

And. Then I did know deep down that I was going to

2:03

continue and I feel like I was just really hoping that

2:05

that wasn't the case. But I was like it's gonna be

2:07

ended. Twenty Twenty four. As I had to

2:10

six sneaking suspicion and sure enough secessions confirmed

2:12

and it was this terrible rainy and it's

2:14

rainy everywhere. like the whole climate is changing.

2:17

Like don't get it with this by I

2:19

mean this is a crazy when turned like

2:21

Miami east coast everywhere was just like shit

2:23

and I think when the tail end of

2:26

it allegedly were really society down with el

2:28

nino and like June. but then el nino

2:30

ah get as close as might come in

2:33

with a new said hurts it's gonna be

2:35

hot and wear a wet hot summer. Wet

2:38

hot American. Summer yeah that's a people are saying

2:40

what hot California savages like. I give up by

2:42

like New York City membership card to move here

2:45

and live in the rain like I didn't do

2:47

that like few moves. Ally for two games, the

2:49

weather and a space and like audible here for

2:51

fifty percent of those things I will to state

2:53

a New Yorker. Yes, But

2:55

I mean, I take solace in the fact that

2:57

every worse than. Dog. Shit. Aslan

2:59

Alec does, but I keep like I keep

3:01

Chicago New York different neighborhoods and I like

3:03

that it's whatever I like to make sure

3:05

every else is miserable with the second up

3:08

with your accent. What

3:10

else is really suck it up on New York

3:12

Whether his second up to make sure x the

3:14

still do a bad I make sure they're like

3:17

even know it's like a little rainy or that

3:19

it will be cloudy and colder there longer I

3:21

to check in on your every day. it's a

3:23

slippery slope anyway I think it's going to shape

3:25

up and grab a great summer. Two thousand twenty

3:27

four weather wise. More. So than last like

3:29

year and half. So. If. I'm wrong

3:31

what he has been do about it. I'm don't

3:34

claim to be a meteorologist, people to claim to

3:36

eat or all just around all the time tail

3:38

and no one hold them accountable. Such a funny

3:40

job that ferry like but I d k as

3:43

a job I know know you've got might be

3:45

this but you never know whether through real say

3:47

is that I went and saw the can't control

3:49

the weather that's your old job A says you'll

3:51

have to be right. So funny.

3:55

Don't have the rematch on. Like that media. But

3:57

you're a doctor and you're like. They.

4:03

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4:05

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7:56

like seeing the funny flavors and we did a

7:58

funny April Fools posts on Divides only. Instagram and

8:00

some of the funny flavors you guys, most of

8:02

them came from like crowdsource questions, but when you

8:04

guys are being serious, you really have requested peach

8:06

and we have done a lot of taste testing.

8:08

We probably taste tested this for over a year

8:10

just to get it right and get it like

8:12

to the right flavor and you know, the sweetness

8:14

juiciness. So I mean, it'll really like you taste

8:16

it. Like my mouth salivates for it. I know

8:19

and then we launched Suck and Blow Gel two

8:21

years ago with the mango flavor and it was

8:23

like our best seller people went crazy for it.

8:25

So this is in like the mango family. Peach,

8:28

I think it's gonna be a huge seller

8:30

and these are all limited time flavors. So we do

8:32

them for the season and then they're gone. Yeah. Maybe.

8:34

And you know, since it's peach, eat some apple. Put on

8:36

your mouth with it. What would be a butthole

8:39

taste like? We don't advertise the Suck and

8:41

Blow Gel for eating ass, but go

8:43

off. It's an oral enhancer. It's an oral

8:45

enhancer. Why would you not? Butthole, you wanna

8:47

taste butthole. This is so... Exactly. Like what?

8:50

Dicks taste fine. Like I'll suck a dick.

8:52

I love sucking dick. I haven't had a

8:54

lot of weird funky smells on dicks, but

8:57

a butthole stays earthy. I

9:03

wouldn't know. I would never eat a butthole.

9:05

I would never stick my face in a

9:08

man's butthole. That's insane. I've said

9:10

it before, anyone off the street can

9:12

eat mine. To put up my nose,

9:14

my new nose, my pristine perfect nose

9:16

in a butthole. My

9:19

old nose probably would have just got stuck in there. So

9:22

you can't eat ass with that nose, ma'am.

9:25

You'll get stuck. I think

9:27

a vortex, that butthole just sucks up that nose.

9:30

And as someone who's eaten one butthole, so I've

9:32

eaten one more butthole than you have, and it

9:34

was after a shower, and he didn't have like

9:36

a lot of hair. Yeah. He wasn't like a

9:38

hairy person. I think. Maybe a Dutch. No,

9:41

oh. You ate a Dutch butthole? It's

9:45

like a delicacy. Not

9:47

the Danish. Like I'm a Dutch

9:49

butthole. I mean. I

9:54

don't know anyone. I'm like thinking of

9:56

like this pastry and Prague, called like

9:58

the Turdownik or whatever. the Dutch

10:00

bottle is like a delicacy in

10:03

that part of the country. I don't know what he was. He was

10:05

a Dutch butthole. Was it Amsterdam? No!

10:10

How was it? There's

10:12

Dutch people outside. I

10:15

know that. It was in Nordic butthole.

10:18

I know that he's... Okay,

10:21

I see what you mean. He was

10:23

tall and pale. Like, tasty. Oh

10:26

my god. That is insane. Okay,

10:28

well good for you. I

10:31

do understand that it's empowering. I mean Nikki Glaser

10:33

does bits about... Oh, the man that your

10:35

face is in his bottle. She said she felt like when she

10:37

first ate an asshole that she was like, I

10:40

should run for president. She felt empowered. In like

10:42

a dirty way. She's like,

10:45

I'm kinky. That's why I feel when I

10:47

suck dick and lick the taint and don't

10:49

neglect the balls. But like, a butthole and

10:51

we have fallen from grace. So

10:54

anyway, get the fucking blow gel guy. And

10:56

eat it on that Dutch butt. No. If

11:01

you eat this on a Dutch person, please DM. I

11:05

don't know why but like, I feel like

11:07

Dutch should be like apple flavored.

11:10

Like a Dutch pound cake. A

11:12

Dutch baby. Okay, let's

11:15

do that. It'll be our Dutch collection.

11:18

But we're really excited for you guys to like get this and taste it. I'm

11:20

all fucked up. I don't

11:22

even know what I was going to say. I

11:24

can't recommend enough. I can't wait to use it myself. I

11:26

have to tell you that I did send a text to

11:29

sparklyize. I went to Boston this past week and I'll tell you guys

11:31

a little bit about it. It was a little bit more of an

11:33

abbreviated trip because I had to get back for Brittany Schmidt's birthday. And

11:35

to do this Nick thing that we did this morning, Monday morning. And

11:38

so I usually go like Thursday afternoon, early evening. I leave

11:40

Monday morning but I left Sunday morning. It's

11:43

like a whole day earlier than. So anyway, we

11:45

had two and a half days. And we had like

11:47

a lot of great sex and we really

11:50

had such a wonderful weekend. And I didn't

11:52

fuck his dick. And

11:55

I kind of felt like you

11:58

had been like dropping hints. He just makes a lot of

12:00

funny jokes. We make a lot of sexual

12:03

jokes. And there was a point where I was like,

12:05

you're making a lot of dick jokes. Just funny, he's

12:07

just quick with it. It's just that boy

12:09

humor and we both share that. And you share

12:11

that too. Any opening to do a blowjob

12:13

joke, or that's what he said kind of stuff. And

12:16

so I was on the plane going home and I was like, I'm sorry

12:18

I didn't suck your dick this weekend. I was like, I really,

12:21

I just said an apology text. It was

12:23

like, rain check on that. It

12:25

just didn't come up. Sometimes you're not fired. Yeah,

12:27

he's one of those guys that's like, I don't

12:29

need that, but I obviously I like it. He's

12:31

just one of those. He's never really requested. I

12:33

enjoy sucking his dick. We have the blow gels,

12:35

all the things. I get down there, but it

12:37

just didn't come up this weekend. You

12:40

know what I mean? We did other stuff. Yeah. And

12:42

so when I sent that text, it was a dead ass

12:44

serious text. I'm so sorry I didn't get to that blow

12:46

job this weekend. You're a long distance relationship. Every time you

12:48

guys are together, it's an event and you wanna do all

12:50

these things. But I'm really proud of you because you've come

12:52

a long way. Because I feel like sucking dick was not

12:54

number one on the menu for you when I met you

12:56

for years. And I feel like

12:59

you've really come into your own. Like you enjoy it

13:01

now. Yeah, and it's really, like we said before, when

13:03

I'm doing it, it is more in the four play

13:05

realm. It's not just like get down there to finish

13:07

the job. We both really like to have intercourse and

13:09

like, be intimate and look at

13:12

each other. You know, like that whole thing. And I think

13:14

I sent in that text and he was just like, am

13:16

I giving off the energy that I need in the apology? It's

13:19

so funny. And I was like, no, I just like wanted

13:21

to, you know. I would have loved it if he was

13:23

like, you should be sorry. Yeah, he was like, thank you.

13:26

I appreciate it. Cause I was upset. No,

13:28

he was just like, that's so funny. And you know, I don't care. And

13:30

I'm like, okay, well. Plan all this stuff for you this weekend, Ashley. And

13:32

you didn't even suck my dick. Yeah, he was like, I'm playing a

13:34

picnic for you. And I didn't get a blow job. I'm

13:38

disappointed that somebody finishes doing a blow job. I'm like,

13:40

I wasn't done with this experience. I don't, I'm not

13:42

finishing blow jobs. That's actually a great call. Just like,

13:44

we're just done here. That is so true. I mean,

13:46

that's the whole thing we talk about. We feel like

13:48

people are intimidated. We did a whole episode,

13:51

you can go back and listen, called how to give better blow

13:53

jobs and enjoy them. It was a Valentine's day. Yeah, it was

13:55

a Valentine's day in 2022. Yeah,

13:58

yeah, sounds about right. But that's a true. a

14:00

great point like oh we're done now. I've done

14:02

you a favor and you've ruined the experience for

14:04

me. Yeah, look I get it that there's some

14:06

moments you wanna get down there and do it

14:08

all and that's what the event of the night

14:10

is. But you're so right, like yeah then it's

14:13

just over. What do we do now? What do

14:15

we do? I mean they can go down on

14:17

you. Yeah, but they're a little tired. Yeah I

14:19

know it's like over for them. Yeah, yeah

14:22

exactly, I'm just, I'm a foreplay. It's rude. Dick

14:24

sucker. It's rude if you finish drawing a blowjob.

14:26

You've just totally reframed this for me. Not that

14:28

I was finishing them on the reg, but yeah

14:30

it's a little bit of a bummer. It is

14:33

a bummer. We now, we just what, watch

14:35

a movie? While

14:37

you regenerate, we have a little sex tomorrow.

14:39

I gotta do this all over again tomorrow.

14:42

Right. Thanks. Great

14:44

call. When you said I

14:46

just didn't think of it, it's like Dallas business car guy,

14:48

I never felt inspired to suck his dick. Never put it

14:50

in my mouth. Never came up. Any

14:52

of the time we had sex, I wasn't like, that time I

14:54

don't like you. Oh 100%, yes. The

14:56

first time you ever said that, when did you say that? It

14:58

was so hysterical. When you said you didn't feel inspired. Forget

15:01

it. The vibe this weekend was, it was good.

15:03

It was just very like, we were still new,

15:05

but it felt like very new. Like just rip each

15:07

other's clothes off. Like really wanted to like get down to

15:10

it. So it just didn't really come up, you know?

15:12

Yeah, sometimes you just wanna start fucking. That's

15:14

been a critique I've gotten in the past. I

15:16

need to do a little more foreplay cause I

15:18

do just get so excited. I just wanna like

15:20

penetrate. Yeah. I want to be penetrated. I

15:22

don't wanna penetrate you. Yeah. No one's ever letting me peg

15:24

them. 20, 25 goal. Maybe

15:28

that should be your goal before you turn 40. Peg

15:31

somebody? Yeah. I would love

15:33

that. Can you just make that the goal? Because I'm into the universe. I

15:35

would love it to peg somebody. That sounds so fun. I've always wanted to.

15:37

Like 10 years I've wanted to. I know, we've been

15:40

talking about it. It's Tessa's birthday today. So

15:42

happy birthday to Tessa. Happy birthday to Tessa. By the time this comes

15:44

out. And I was wondering like, do you have any like sexual goals

15:46

for the year? Oh my

15:49

God. No, don't tell us. You're like our daughter. I don't

15:51

even like when you post thirst traps on Instagram. I'm like, I

15:53

shouldn't want to. Reina! I

15:57

Wish she could post it to her if she wants, but

15:59

it does feel a little bit like. you're gonna see them

16:01

Your boss. For

16:03

has. No me out

16:06

your blood of always everything you do. Gray that she's

16:08

on the city so that like we do it uses

16:10

a good your my boss think do my mom's are

16:12

puzzling I'm sorry your time a second my boyfriend dig

16:14

in front of her you see like oh i'm sorry.

16:16

That I sorts of cleavage. C.

16:20

C Adipose a photo of you on your

16:22

knees on a bad ordering a butterfly. Like

16:25

thought greg. Anywhere the

16:27

don't have packages back and thought also you

16:29

guys I was promoting it and sexual manner

16:31

last week and not back. So yes. so

16:33

a Happy Birthday Tessa And then I don't

16:35

think this is essentially but as those gotcha

16:38

day with last week so he's been with

16:40

us. it's like April twenty fourth. so he's

16:42

with us for three years or you're welcome

16:44

eight hundred, I know. Can you believe it?

16:46

Irina Yes, it's like a simple three. Years

16:48

is really flown by. He's

16:50

come a long way since been seized from an

16:52

arrest in South Carolina. I feel I have like

16:54

yesterday years old and I realize you had the

16:56

footage. Is. That real what this does.

16:59

A photo of him being seized. oh

17:01

no that wasn't him. been seized it

17:03

with him like other seltzer. Sell

17:09

on. Your Instagram an employee. I like

17:11

news footage. Season

17:14

like the math books like that as others little

17:16

posts it basically what it was. very cute. I

17:18

wanted you know reminisce on a settlement a person

17:20

in general but I posted the original email I

17:22

got one my rescue animal lighthouse sounds to them

17:24

we love them when they were like hey when

17:26

are you in foster We have this little fluffy

17:28

tail boy coming in would you want to foster

17:30

M and then that there is like a video

17:33

and I think a still showed up in the

17:35

email but if he was already I am a

17:37

shelter I was. I meant as you that was

17:39

like a human for something. The footage of him

17:41

being rescued so you know I can't get the

17:43

story. I thought well this is for like they

17:45

won't tell me what happened so I just have

17:47

to come up my own hypothesis is it was

17:49

like a drug bust? Are you know that's kind

17:51

of I'm guessing here on earth would you blessed

17:53

up in a house and then there's four dogs

17:55

in there? You know like it's it's it's oh.

17:57

see the gonna love this way Sandler I mean.

18:00

The little teeth came looking like he was the one to

18:02

en masse, but yeah. But we're a plastic surgery family.

18:04

Yeah. So he has to get it too. I think

18:06

I said this before, but there was a vet who

18:08

reached out to me and asked if she could

18:10

give a little braces as like

18:12

her final thing in vet school. Dog

18:14

braces. Yeah, she was like, this is part of

18:16

what I want to do. I can't remember how she

18:18

worded, but she was like, can I do braces on

18:20

a zole? Whatever. It was like part of her

18:23

residency. I don't know how that works exactly. And

18:25

I was like, no, I just like, I'm like this. It's like

18:27

her thesis project. I was like, there's only four teeth even.

18:32

Is it even braces if you like to do four? Yeah.

18:35

I also wanted to say, I mean, at this point

18:37

we will have just gotten back from the Lovers and

18:39

Friends Festival in Las Vegas. But as we record, we

18:42

are heading out there this weekend and it's just like

18:44

my Super Bowl and it's all my like throwback artists

18:46

from like the nineties, early two thousands. And I went

18:48

two years ago. It was truly like the best day

18:50

of my life. And you're coming this year. We'll see

18:52

how you do. Cause I

18:54

don't, you're not a musical festival girlie. Fuck no.

18:56

I don't care about these artists as much and

18:58

it's going to be hot as balls. I

19:01

feel empowered though, going into it. Cause like no

19:03

one thinks I'm a musical festival girlie. I left

19:05

Coachella as soon as I got there. Essentially, it's

19:07

just, it's not for me. I don't want to

19:09

be hot. I just don't care that much. It's

19:11

not just, it's not for me. I'll go to

19:13

a concert. It's still not my favorite way to

19:15

spend money. Like in the hierarchy of like, I

19:17

spent my money on it's like travel, food, clothing.

19:19

Music is so far at the bottom. Yeah. So,

19:22

so we'll see how it goes. I'm excited. We have a big

19:24

group of girlfriends going. Yeah. I

19:26

think it's like worth the money. I just want to take it

19:28

with everybody. Oh, totally. Yeah. And we'll

19:30

do the pool party at the encore, at the

19:33

win on Friday. I think it's like Diplo and

19:35

we have a dinner that night and it's my

19:37

best friend from childhood, kind of early 40th celebration.

19:40

And so it's like a whole thing and yeah,

19:42

we'll see how you fare. I mean, to me,

19:44

I'm like, this is a marathon, not a sprint.

19:46

Like I'm dressing for it. I'm hydrating. Like I'm

19:48

getting there as early as I can and like

19:50

I'm planning out my schedule. Like we'll see who

19:52

wants to like run around with me and do

19:54

all this. Cause like the lineup is insane. It's

19:56

like so many artists that I'm like, I can't

19:59

see them all. I really wish it was two days.

20:01

It's crazy to me that they put people of our age through this.

20:03

This is an older demo, and they're like, 300

20:06

artists one day, see if they can do it. See how many of them

20:08

die. Yeah. Let's kill

20:10

off some of these generations. Who

20:13

survived? See if you can make it

20:15

to Jana Jackson that night. Yeah. That's funny. Well, there's like

20:17

six of us going, and plus like a bigger group also.

20:19

So like, I feel fine. This is where I like group

20:21

trips. You can splinter off if you feel like it. Lee's

20:23

gonna get blacked out by four o'clock. She'll take a nap,

20:26

I think. Yeah, I mean, you can just, and you can

20:28

walk back to the hotel. Two years ago, I had to

20:30

go back and like take a break, take a shower, do

20:32

an alpha change. I like physically felt like

20:35

so disgusting. But let's

20:37

take a quick break, and then we'll get back

20:39

into it. I am so excited to tell you

20:41

guys about Hatch. Okay, so I am so big

20:43

on sleep and quality of sleep, and I'm always

20:45

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20:51

your cortisol, all the stuff that happens, and what

20:53

the screens do to your brain activity, and all

20:55

that type of thing. So we're just really excited

20:57

to talk about this. And I think everybody can

20:59

relate to that. Like you're laying in bed, you

21:02

know, if your phone's within reach, like you're tempted

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22:12

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that like ah ah for I think it's

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25:33

so I was in Boston this past weekend and

25:35

I just have to tell, I love telling you

25:37

about like some fan interactions because they're like my

25:39

favorite. Those are like some of our absolute favorite

25:41

girlies and we have a show there and we'll

25:43

talk about the tour in a little bit, but

25:45

I just had like two very funny things. So

25:48

one, we were like going to his parents' house

25:50

and just to like visit with them for a

25:52

little bit and they live like more in the suburbs

25:54

like outside of Boston. And so we stopped at

25:56

this huge farm. It was so beautiful, I

25:58

was like, Raina would be loving this so much. like rain at my

26:00

mom would thrive here. It was just like this

26:02

huge market. Then they have this giant tulip field.

26:04

They were doing a tulip picking day. So there's

26:06

always like families in this like tulip garden. You

26:09

could get flowers. It's huge. It's called Wilson Farm,

26:11

I think. They have the pumpkin patch in the

26:13

fall and it's just this like amazing farmer's market

26:15

indoor vibe, whatever, it's like incredible. So I was

26:17

like, let me pop in there and get some

26:19

flowers for your mom. So I go in, I

26:21

get her like a dozen tulips and I didn't

26:23

pick up myself. Sorry, we don't have time. And

26:25

we're driving out and I hear like, Ashley! A

26:28

car, a girl in the suburbs out of this farm.

26:31

Ashley, we love you! And

26:33

it's like five girls, they're hanging out at this

26:35

SUV. They're like two cars behind. And they're like,

26:37

ah! And so first of all, like, how am

26:39

I hearing these girls' names in like the farm

26:41

in the suburbs, whatever? And so I turn around

26:43

and I'm like, I love you too, whatever. And

26:45

they go, show us your tulips! And

26:48

they just spook me out

26:50

the window. All day we

26:53

were going, show us your tulips. That's not where I thought

26:55

this was going. Show us yours? I heard so close to show

26:57

us your tits. Like, show us your

26:59

tulips! And then I suck 12 tulips out the window and

27:01

they go, whoa! This

27:03

is better than our oddest. Funny thing. That is not what

27:05

I expected. Show us your tulips. Show us your tulips?

27:08

What if you just took your boobs out? I know, I

27:10

was like, oh, I heard tits. Sorry, I heard breasts. No

27:12

one's ever asked you to do my flowers. You weirdo. But

27:15

also no one's ever asked you my tits either. They're like, we don't care,

27:17

we get it. They're small. And

27:19

then the other thing, we went to this dinner at this

27:21

place, which I've been trying to keep them a little bit,

27:23

but I still wanna hype them. They're called Source. It's like

27:25

my favorite pizza. It's in Cambridge, like in Harvard Square. So

27:27

we leave the restaurant. We're walking out, this girl comes up

27:29

to me in the street. She walked out the same time

27:32

as us. She's with her boyfriend. And she was just like,

27:34

I love you so much. You know, coming to the show,

27:36

this and that. We've come to the show before, whatever. And

27:38

she was like, can I get a picture with you? And

27:40

then sparklize was like, do you want me to take it?

27:42

And she was like, of course. And so he goes, after

27:44

this you can get a picture of us. And he said

27:46

it kidding. Well. And

27:49

I thought he meant like me and him. Yeah,

27:51

after. After. After.

27:56

We took a picture. He handed it to her and made

27:58

her take a picture of him and her. Boyfriend.

28:03

He was. He made a surprise bigger

28:05

picture of him and her boyfriend and

28:07

the spurs. I say that hurt himself

28:09

or others. You can be like me.

28:11

As far as I. Said

28:14

no Her boyfriend i was like a

28:16

was i haven't. Seen a half ads

28:18

and the through public what am I doing

28:20

It was so funny is so fun energy

28:22

really it like our remix up all the

28:24

time the adolescent that about as the games

28:26

especially like on one I was it was

28:28

very very funny I just think he really

28:30

is like such as guys I'm like guys

28:32

like him are friends boyfriends l a cameo

28:34

important I haven't Ryan or body like it's

28:37

of word them the like and along with

28:39

her that he has and then another girl

28:41

we're hanging out with a Borgias on the

28:43

water. this girl comes over and she's sorry

28:45

dell you do not have. To

28:48

like and twenty and foot six. I she's very cute

28:50

she was like he was help me to. Realize she came to the

28:52

show in two thousand twenty one by herself and she's

28:54

gonna come again. She was like very cute! I loved.

28:56

Her story. but at one point she goes. I

28:58

mean, you're older than me and my skills that

29:01

slicks. I appreciate that she's twenty and I'm forty.

29:03

Thanks you Thirty eight Be like I'm here to sorta

29:05

be clear the are older than me like you would

29:07

do but see just misses and case but she was

29:09

just like I look up to you and a funny

29:11

way but is she walked away he was six to

29:13

talk bother you as a so not all I knew

29:15

it she maxime Switzer say to somebody i mean you're

29:17

older than me it's very funny but I actually to

29:20

me I got all I really appreciate are spending and

29:22

said he down and linked to selling right an usher

29:24

in her story by us you know been there were

29:26

just out and any so excited go back on tour

29:28

and like see all of he buys and you we

29:30

have that. Third, so he added in Boston and we

29:33

really hope you guys like thought of this tickets because

29:35

it'll sell out and of course every the place we're

29:37

going like we have so many shows even listed on

29:39

them all in a couple weeks but we're so excited

29:41

for the know com sore in the fall in the

29:44

winner Roka is our com us gals tickets and just

29:46

like mean so much because when I meet our listeners

29:48

on the street like almost all the time they have

29:50

like com do a show or they're coming to another

29:52

show and i just feel if we have share this

29:55

bond like every single time like everyone what I'm avast

29:57

in at least because. Those are like the elite where

29:59

they're just like. I came in 2019, I came in 2021, I came

30:01

in 2023, I'm

30:03

coming this year, it just means so much. I

30:05

feel like we all really share this experience together.

30:07

It never gets lost on me what an honor

30:09

it is that somebody spends their money and a

30:12

lot of their time on us. I

30:14

met the hottest couple ever in Santa Barbara and they're like, we came to

30:16

this show in Sacramento last year and I was like, we two are so

30:18

hot out of the three, some would do. I

30:20

wanna hear about your weekend. So I had honestly the

30:22

best few days. I like can't believe how great it

30:25

was. So this is this weird thing. No one that

30:27

we're friends with who's in town this weekend, it was

30:29

pretty crazy. Everybody abandoned me, like 100% of people left. And

30:33

so I was like, what am I gonna do? But

30:35

I've been wanting to go to Santa Barbara and Ojai.

30:37

Santa Barbara is two hours north and it's like sort

30:39

of a beach town, like a fancy beach town. And

30:41

Ojai is inland in the mountains. So Santa Barbara was

30:43

like really cloudy the day I got there and it

30:45

is sort of like a ghost town during the week

30:47

anyway. So I was like, what the fuck am I

30:49

gonna do all day to like kill time? I'm gonna

30:51

be bored, I'm like between meals. And so I like

30:53

looked at the spa and then it was like last

30:55

minute. So she was like, do you mind a male

30:57

therapist? And I was like, I could do that, that's

30:59

fine. It usually turns me on a lot, so I'm like, that's

31:01

great. So I got there and this kind of

31:03

walks into the room. He's young and

31:05

so buff and like big muscles, like

31:08

big thick nerd glasses. Oh my God.

31:10

He's like maybe 30. He's Superman. Yeah,

31:12

he did, he was like a short

31:14

Superman. Short kick. I like laid

31:16

down on my stomach, whatever, and he was like, do you

31:18

want me to focus on anything? I was like, no, great.

31:20

And he was like, do you want me to paint? And

31:22

I was like, no. And he was like, nothing. And I

31:24

was like, I don't carry a lot of tension in my

31:26

body. And he was like, that's crazy. But

31:29

he was like so hot. So I put my face in like that

31:32

butt pillow. In the hole. In

31:34

the hole. And I like, I like couldn't

31:36

stop smiling and laughing at how uncomfortable this was because

31:38

he's like very hot. And I just, you just walk

31:41

in, you're just like immediately naked with a person. You

31:43

get to put their hands on you. It's so, so

31:45

wild. It's crazy. And like, he gets like down

31:47

to my butt where the oil is. And I

31:50

don't know, he said something and then I said

31:52

something. And then we just started like talking and

31:54

we talked for the full hour. And I'm always

31:56

like, how do I stay present during a massage?

31:59

I don't pick all this money. And like I actually like

32:01

was able to say present because him and

32:03

I just like laugh to joke about crazy,

32:05

but it's so awkward. You don't acknowledge it.

32:08

It's so intimate. His hands are all over

32:10

my body with lube. Yeah. With the lube.

32:13

Don't forget you guys. Frana likes her lube

32:15

massages. It's crazy. And you enjoyed

32:17

it. Okay. Would you enjoy it if he was

32:19

not? You would have been like, shut the

32:21

fuck up. I mean, it always says like, how much talking do you

32:23

want? Yeah. Like an Uber.

32:25

Like who says a bunch of

32:27

a lot of full conversation? Like

32:29

I said to him, like, do you prefer to disassociate

32:32

when this happens? And he's like, Oh, that depends

32:34

on the client. He's like some clients moan a

32:36

little bit. Oh, yeah. Frana, that's sexual.

32:38

And I was like, he wanted you to moan. Some

32:41

clients moan a little bit? He didn't say that to

32:43

you. Can you use the word moan? Yeah. I

32:46

said like, what? He said make noises and

32:48

I said moan. Okay. Exactly. Exactly. I

32:51

was like, he didn't say moan to you. That's a sec. But

32:53

I was like, what's like some weird stuff people have done?

32:55

He's like, there's some kind of crazy noises. And I was

32:57

like, if a man walks in here, is he weird about

32:59

it being you? Because you're hot. Like,

33:01

I didn't say because you're hot. That would have been sexual harassment. But

33:04

you said it. I

33:06

just stuffed out her another cute line.

33:11

It's just their hands are all over your body

33:13

and they're like inches away. He did the whole

33:15

butt like nude butt cheek. Sometimes they don't do

33:17

nude butt. And I was just so intimate.

33:19

We were talking about like his life. He mentioned like some

33:21

daddy issues and I was like, here's where we're going to

33:23

be quiet. Now we're here to talk about my. I'm

33:26

like, oh, weird. I fell asleep. You did such a great

33:28

job. Talk to someone else about your daddy issues. Yeah, seriously. He

33:31

like mentioned that he had a girlfriend while we were

33:33

doing it. Oh, he did. Okay. Is

33:35

this uncomfortable? How does she feel about it? Yeah.

33:38

I mean, that whole thing is like so crazy to

33:40

me that your boyfriend like lubes people up for a

33:42

living. And how many butts did you touch today? Yeah,

33:44

I mean, the same. It's like when the guy is

33:47

like when his girlfriend's touching on all these people every

33:49

day too. You know, I don't know. I mean, it's

33:51

professional. It's like anybody that's like actors make out with

33:53

other actors. Yeah. I have

33:55

not had a male masseuse in so

33:57

many years. I'm going to go back to it. I'm

34:00

going back like it is so intimate

34:02

sexy. I found myself being a little jealous me

34:08

Palm is in your butt crack and you're like damn

34:10

it. I thought I was the only one. Yeah, you're

34:13

like you touch her like this You

34:16

tell her about your daddy issues. Well, you've robbed

34:18

her attention out. Oh my god.

34:20

That's what I've always noted to you and you

34:22

and spark live Yeah, I did. We

34:25

enjoyed it. Anyway, well, we are gonna

34:27

get into it with tanks We are so excited for

34:29

you guys. This is such a fun conversation. We haven't

34:31

had this in a minute We've just had a lot

34:33

of male guests on but it really

34:35

is like three girlfriends just chatting about dating and

34:37

I Loved it so much and you

34:40

guys are gonna love it too But before we do I'm gonna tell you

34:42

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34:44

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34:46

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36:57

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37:00

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like to sleep kind of cool. So I just

37:27

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38:26

Okay, guys, we are very excited to welcome

38:28

our guest today She is a lifestyle creator

38:30

advice expert and the host of the podcast.

38:32

It's me tanks She has been named

38:34

one of Forbes top creators and she is

38:37

a New York Times Best-selling author of the

38:39

shift change your perspective not yourself, you know

38:41

her as TikTok's big sister. Please welcome

38:43

to the show tanks Thanks guys. Thank you

38:45

for having me. Yeah We're

38:49

learning a lot. I'm glad we didn't

38:51

know if tanks when the name came about you've had

38:53

it since you were 12 Yeah,

38:55

a long-standing nickname. We didn't know you

38:57

had a water bottle company. Yes ESWB

38:59

emotional support water bottles because I made

39:02

a video in 2020 about this water

39:06

cup that I loved and I was like so

39:08

obsessed with it and it went really viral and

39:10

then if you searched tanks

39:13

cup and Amazon it would come up and

39:15

then so like After a year I started

39:17

developing my own because I was like I really want

39:19

really cute patterns and colors for us to have Because

39:21

I feel like a water bottle now is almost like

39:23

a phone case where you kind of want to have

39:25

multiple For your mood and your

39:27

vibe and like, you know what for the

39:29

car you need your like bedside table one

39:31

So I'll send you guys

39:33

some and okay. It's your water bottle

39:36

designer and also a DJ and DJ

39:38

writer Multi

39:40

hyphen it's I'm a true millennial. Where did

39:43

you DJ in your closet? Lucy's? Okay. Yeah,

39:45

it was really fun I did you with

39:47

my best friend Lucas We

39:49

have been best friends for like eight years

39:52

I met him in San Francisco

39:54

and we've always loved music and then I

39:56

mean, it's not that deep basically at Coachella

39:58

last year We were like a little drunk and

40:03

you know we were enjoying nature's bounties

40:05

like all the everyone yeah and we

40:07

were like looking at Sophie Tucker and

40:10

we were like you know

40:12

they look like they have so much fun like

40:14

we should do that we should get

40:17

paid to party and and go all

40:19

over the world and party with our friends and so

40:21

that's what we decided to do and less

40:23

than a year later we're doing it so

40:25

that is so iconic you know my

40:28

favorite non DJ DJ besides you

40:30

now is check yeah

40:33

wait what does he go by

40:35

DJ diesel yeah pop up with

40:37

that one people people so fun

40:39

good skill to have and it's so fun

40:41

and I love to party like in a non-ironic

40:43

way like I really do just like I enjoy a

40:45

party I always will it's not like a phase

40:48

it's not like something I'm the grow out of yeah

40:50

no matter what happens if I have kids whatever like

40:52

I'm always gonna love a party so it's just like

40:54

a fun skill to have and bring people together and

40:56

it's a great way to hang with my community because

40:59

like so many of them came on Saturday night we

41:01

get to braids together I feel like we say I'm

41:03

like the DJ but I'm not actually behind the booth

41:05

yeah 100% okay I have a question for you since

41:07

you say you like to party you're like no really

41:10

like I love to party do you

41:12

consider yourself an extrovert no I'm

41:14

actually an extroverted

41:16

introvert I know I know I know

41:20

everyone does but it's like I get energy from

41:22

the right people and I get very tired from

41:24

the wrong people I'm so rude about small talk

41:26

like I can't emphasize this enough people think that

41:28

I'm kidding my eyes will like start to glaze

41:30

over like I was born cross-eyed so like sometimes

41:32

I even feel like I go a little cross-eyed

41:35

when people when if I sit down and people

41:37

are like so where are you from I'm like

41:39

oh like I start to spasm like I

41:41

can't and it's because I'm just

41:44

I can't deal with the small talk like I'm

41:46

terrible at a cocktail party where I don't know anyone but

41:48

if you put me in you know in front of a DJ booth

41:51

give me a microphone then we're good you know

41:53

we're always the girl growing up that said like

41:55

crazy shit you just could not do small talk

41:57

or did you feel like you're screaming on the

41:59

inside trying to be like quiet a people-plaser. I

42:01

didn't really come into myself until I went to

42:03

college. I went to an all-girls school that was

42:05

very strict with a uniform and I had one

42:07

best friend, we did everything together and I had

42:09

a few other friends, but I wasn't like part

42:11

of a huge group. I grew up in England

42:13

and so it was like also a very British

42:15

school and I just felt like I had to

42:18

spread my wings, so I was like, I'm gonna

42:20

go to California. Like I had watched a lot

42:22

of Laguna Beach and I had watched like the

42:24

OC and I was like, it was

42:26

like a movie, you know, when they're like, I wanna

42:28

go there, like foreign. Say

42:30

by the bell too, which I'm a little older than you,

42:32

but I was like, California is a foreign place. It's a

42:35

different place, they do things differently there. They

42:37

have a really good time, like everybody has a convertible, like

42:39

everybody's kissing a lot of boys, me

42:42

a virgin at the time. Like I was like, I need

42:44

to get myself to California. So I applied to like a

42:46

ton of schools in America. I was like, see you later

42:48

family, go to school in

42:50

California and like the second my feet hit

42:52

the ground, I was like, I'm reborn. And

42:56

it's like a good, no, I'm so preachy, like I turn

42:58

and my followers always make fun of me because I like

43:00

everything has to be like a lesson. But like what I

43:02

learned a lot is like confidence is so fake at you,

43:04

you make it like I wasn't confident in high school and

43:06

then when I got to college, I was like, nobody

43:09

here knows me. Who's gonna call your bluff? Who's gonna

43:11

call my bluff? Like, yeah, if I pretend to be

43:13

confident and fun, like they'll think I

43:15

am and that's exactly what happened. President of

43:17

my sorority, like had the best time, like

43:19

a million friends and like you can be

43:21

whatever you want and I'm a big fan

43:23

of, you know, reinventing yourself and

43:25

going through different eras and you know,

43:27

doing the whole thing. So long winded answer, but. No,

43:29

I'm fascinated by people that grew up in all girls'

43:31

schools and like what that does to you. I loved

43:33

all girls. Did you love it in it or looking

43:35

back? Of course at the time I was like, you're

43:37

ruining my life. Like I'm so excited. It's horrifying,

43:39

terrifying environment to me. But I hear you like looking

43:42

back, you're like, that was dope. It made me who I

43:44

am today. My entire platform is

43:46

about female friendship and like being a strong

43:48

woman and like making yourself happy, filling up

43:50

your cupboard. That's what my book is about.

43:52

Like it's all, you can trace it back

43:54

to the female friendships that I

43:57

had and how important I feel

43:59

that they are. in life and I don't

44:01

think I would appreciate it on the same level had

44:03

I not gone to an all girls school. And

44:06

also I'm boy crazy now like I

44:08

cannot imagine how it would have been if I

44:10

was in high school. I'm actually not boy crazy

44:12

now but you know what I mean if I

44:14

was in high school I was very self-conscious in

44:16

high school. I think the uniform and the fact

44:18

that it was all girls was kind of like

44:21

if I have a zit who cares. It removes

44:23

the whole thing. I mean I had the exact

44:25

opposite experience. It took me way longer to arrive

44:27

at the like I want to be a girl's

44:29

girl. I want tons of girlfriends like growing up

44:31

I just wanted boys attention. I want to be

44:33

popular. I want guys to like me. I had

44:35

a lot of girlfriends but I wasn't like beating

44:37

the drum of like female empowerment. Nothing

44:40

means more to me than my girlfriends. It took me much

44:42

longer to arrive there. But I like that you're like I

44:44

wouldn't be who I am today without it. I think it's

44:46

that way about social media. If I went out social media

44:48

in high school and college I think it would have broken

44:50

me a little bit. Of course. And I feel so lucky

44:52

and so I feel like it's kind of the same thing

44:54

like looking back it's like that's what made you who you

44:56

are. Nice. Not boy crazy. Are

44:59

you dating anybody? Are you single? I'm seeing someone

45:02

it's very very casual. We're not

45:04

like exclusive or just like yeah. Okay.

45:06

How'd you guys meet? I was dating an

45:08

app. Okay. How do you like do you

45:10

like using dating apps? You found the sass. Are they mean to an end?

45:12

She's in the dating app era. I watched your thing last night. So it

45:14

was a sponsored post but I still felt like I felt like it was

45:16

pretty much. No but it was true. As

45:18

much as possible I tried to line up

45:21

the truth of the one kind. It was

45:23

fun. Last year I was so

45:25

like moody Judy. I

45:27

was so had a really bad attitude

45:29

about dating and I didn't go on

45:31

any dates. I was just like obsessed

45:33

with my ex-boyfriend who I broke up

45:35

with was like okay whatever how long

45:37

together only nine months but like

45:40

everything with me is like so like that's a

45:42

long time like anyway long story but obsessed

45:44

with him for the whole year wouldn't go

45:47

on dates when I was like the apps

45:49

are so bad and they are listen the

45:51

apps are really really really bad but then

45:53

I went on this classic classic millennial go

45:56

on a trip to Costa Rica over New

45:58

Year's and I like you pray love. like, act

46:00

a little slutty and I come back a new woman and

46:02

I'm like, you know what? I have

46:04

a choice. Like, I can either let these dating

46:06

apps fuck me and make me depressed or

46:09

I can learn how to use them to my

46:11

advantage. This is an app. This

46:13

is an algorithm made by people

46:16

who want money. So I can

46:18

either let that make me depressed or I can find a

46:20

way to make it work for me. And so I just

46:22

started being like, for example, on Hinge. I

46:24

don't know if you guys know about Rose Jail, but

46:26

there's something called Rose Jail. I don't know

46:29

what the real name for it is, but

46:31

like they put the hot people in Rose

46:33

Jail and to get them, you have to

46:35

buy digital roses and send them, which is

46:37

humiliating, by the way. First

46:39

of all, you're going to make me buy

46:41

a digital flower to send to some guy

46:43

named Chad who lives in fucking Mar Vista.

46:45

Like getting real hands. And so

46:47

he's in Rose Jail. But Chad is six three. So he's in

46:49

Rose Jail. And I was like, oh, that's so cringe. And then

46:51

I was like, this coming from

46:54

the girl who spends $11.99 on a latte, like, I

46:57

think I can splurge for some roses. Or like,

46:59

yeah, totally. So now

47:01

what I did is I bought 10 pops

47:03

of them. I got rich in

47:06

roses. I am rich. Okay. I

47:08

send them out like they're candy. I pop those

47:11

motherfuckers like they're M&Ms. Okay. I

47:13

send it out all at the time. And

47:15

it's like, yeah, I'm a bad bitch. I'm

47:17

like, and it's like, and I think it

47:19

we're at the point where it's like everybody

47:21

knows that we're in hell together. Like

47:23

we're wading through this sludge of

47:25

the trenches. So it's like, if

47:27

a guy thinks that me sending a roses

47:29

hinge, if he's so not clued into that

47:31

fact that obviously he's in Rose Jail, then

47:33

I would never be with him anyway. And

47:35

also like, I'm not, I can't deal with

47:37

that beta behavior. So it's like, so to

47:39

me, it's like, if I send you

47:41

a rose, you better accept and like, write me something

47:44

funny quick because I've been so do you. So it's

47:46

honor. So if someone sends me a rose, am I

47:48

in Rose Jail? No, not necessarily.

47:50

Damn it. But high

47:52

likelihood, but high likelihood. I'm not. No,

47:55

you are. I'm not a guy. Okay. Or

47:57

is this just a. Yeah, I sent him a rose. This

48:00

is incredible. And I just want to go back

48:02

to what you said about like spending the money,

48:04

you know, if you have it, obviously, you know,

48:06

we don't someone overdrafting for roses, but like, it's

48:08

I when I moved here, I was on this

48:11

mission to really find a partner last year, and

48:13

I and I did, and I'm with my boyfriend

48:15

for about a year, I didn't mean to my

48:17

day now. But regardless, it was like, my intention

48:19

and my manifestation. And I paid the premium Raya

48:21

top tier price, which is not cheap.

48:23

And that's just one example, like kind of like the

48:26

rose thing, like, you feel like you're like, am I

48:28

going to pay for this shit? And I'm like, am

48:30

I this big of a loser? And then you're

48:32

like, why would I not like, I'm paying for

48:34

all this other stuff. Yeah, I'm spending my energy

48:36

pay for a gym. Yeah. You pay for a

48:38

certain student on a plane while reading by the

48:40

way, if you want to take it back to

48:42

how people used to me, which is like going

48:44

out, you pay for the drinks. Like when you

48:46

go out on a night out with your friends

48:48

to try and meet a guy, you pay for

48:50

a million shitty vodka sodas. It's the same fucking

48:52

thing. Pay for an Uber. Like, I was like,

48:54

removing the stigma. Like, if this is my goal,

48:56

and it costs a little more money, like, why

48:58

do I have a weird thrush? Hold on this.

49:00

Totally. I'm going to spend it somehow 100%. And

49:03

what I say to my followers also is, we

49:05

need to take it less seriously, because it's

49:07

so unserious. We're at the point where we

49:09

are like pontificating about digital roses. It's so

49:11

unserious. So just do whatever feels good and

49:13

try to have fun with it. Because I

49:15

really think that we're at the elbow of

49:17

a shift in dating, where we are just

49:19

going into a new time. And we're not

49:21

adjusted yet. And it feels uncomfortable and strange

49:23

and stressful. And it feels very personal. But

49:25

it's not. So don't take it seriously. Well,

49:27

you talk about your book about getting people

49:29

off of pedestals. And like, I think we're

49:31

embarrassed to buy these roses and set them

49:33

because you're like, well, how's this gonna look? It's

49:36

like, who fucking cares? What does that guy do

49:38

today? That's so impressive. We're all gonna be cringe.

49:40

And also, like, I love the notion, not as

49:42

it pertains to dating, but in general, of like,

49:44

everything you want is just over the other side

49:46

of cringe mountain. And it's like, everybody who has

49:48

achieved something great that you could possibly want, they

49:50

got there because they were like, yeah, fuck it,

49:52

I'm gonna go for it. Like, I'm gonna do

49:54

the cringe thing. I'm gonna post on TikTok. I'm

49:56

gonna record the song. I'm gonna learn to DJ

49:58

in my 30s. Whatever. It's like

50:00

yeah, you can sit there and think it's cringe,

50:02

but like you're the one sitting there and they're

50:04

the people doing it I love that. Yeah, great.

50:06

Okay. Well, what we don't want to do is

50:09

have basic ass small talk with you about the

50:11

box theory No, we already dove in but you're

50:13

kind of known for the box area And I

50:15

really wanted to chat with you about your feelings

50:17

on it now and if you still believe it

50:19

wholeheartedly And

50:21

then also we have a reverse

50:23

box theory in the book, which we want to dive into

50:25

I always wanted to write a book I

50:27

went to school for English like I had a

50:29

creative writing and you know, I got my masters in

50:31

journalism and I Didn't know

50:33

what I wanted to write it about and as my content

50:36

started to develop I just

50:38

thought why don't I put all my theories which

50:40

other girls seem to like in one place and

50:42

kind of write about the mistakes that I

50:44

made in my 20s and It's

50:47

just a book that I wish I had when

50:49

I was 25 because I was like very lost

50:51

and felt very upset and alone and behind and

50:53

I didn't know how to be happy by

50:56

myself and I wish that I had an

50:58

Influencer who I thought was cool to be

51:00

like, oh, well, I'm single and I'm happy.

51:02

It's okay You're allowed to be that's normal

51:04

and fine. I'm good and you should box

51:07

theory I'm shocked at

51:09

how much it's like retained

51:11

its, you know notoriety or whatever But

51:14

for anyone listening who doesn't know it's

51:16

my theory that when a guy

51:18

meets a girl This is sis

51:20

hetero relationships in a romantic setting

51:23

He puts her into one of three boxes. He wants

51:25

to date her he wants hookup with her or he

51:28

wants nothing to do with her Okay, last one is

51:30

easy You should be able to tell when he wants

51:32

nothing to do with you where people get confused is

51:34

between hookup and dating box Now the

51:36

thing is you cannot switch from box to box So

51:39

if you're in the hookup box You

51:42

can talk about Jesus and golden retrievers

51:44

and you cannot have sex with him

51:46

for five months and

51:49

he still won't want to date you Bryce versa if

51:51

you're in the date box and You

51:54

get blackout drunk on your first date and throw

51:56

up on his shoes if he wants to

51:58

date you he's still gonna want to date you It's

52:00

just different for men and women. Reverse

52:03

box theory is more of like a mindset

52:05

trick. I noticed throughout my 20s and myself

52:07

a lot as well, is that before girls

52:09

would even meet guys, they would put them

52:11

in one box. See, I want to date

52:13

him, he's everything. He's marriage material. Future trip

52:15

like crazy. Future trip like crazy. Like you

52:17

see three pictures of him on a dating

52:19

app and you're like, we are gonna have

52:21

a June wedding. And you're like, you don't

52:24

know his last name. And it's bad. It's

52:26

like, it's a silly, you know, I'm making

52:28

it sound silly, but like it's very damaging

52:30

because then girls going to first dates

52:32

thinking this is an interview. I have

52:34

to be perfect. Anything I do

52:36

is gonna fuck this up. Like I am on

52:38

edge and they don't for once stop and say,

52:41

wait, has this guy asked me any questions? Wait,

52:43

my drink's been empty for half an hour. He

52:45

hasn't asked if I go refill it. Like he

52:47

didn't remember that I told him that I'm a

52:50

nurse. Like because they're so blinded by the one.

52:52

You already decided. You totally. He has to be

52:54

my husband. He has to be my boyfriend. And

52:56

when you make that shift internally and

52:59

you go into a date thinking this is a vibe check. That's it.

53:02

It's so powerful and it makes it more fun.

53:05

Yeah. I love the advice in

53:07

this book because it just deescalates all these situations.

53:10

It really makes you walk into a date and go, I'm just gonna see

53:12

if I enjoy this. I'm gonna see if I like this person. Yeah.

53:16

But by the way, men agree

53:18

or don't agree with BoxSiri based

53:20

on their maturity and intellect. So have

53:23

people like, they buy some validated

53:25

BoxSiri on TikTok, gotten hundreds of

53:27

thousands of views and said this

53:29

is actually correct. Yeah. And

53:31

my feeling is like, okay, if I withhold

53:33

sex, I could jump boxes. But it's like,

53:35

we always talk about how women have all

53:37

these stories of like, he wore me down.

53:39

You know, like men can jump boxes for

53:41

you, but like you don't hear men and

53:43

stuff like that. It's like for that, my

53:45

thing is like women date like venture capitalists

53:47

and men like stockbrokers. Men are like, what

53:49

is it today? Like I see her and

53:51

I value her on this stock today. Women

53:54

are like, well, with

53:56

us. In three to six

53:58

months, if I put an improvement plan. and

54:00

I invested money here and I did this, then

54:02

I think I could make it work, I could

54:04

scale this company and it's like, why? I'm

54:07

not a rehabilitation center, I'm not a

54:09

therapist, I'm not someone's mommy, we've gotta

54:11

stop thinking like that because you can't

54:13

date someone for their potential. I don't

54:16

want to. Absolutely, but all I'm saying is we

54:18

know so many stories of where women

54:20

didn't like them at first and then they married. I

54:22

was just talking about this yesterday on Instagram, someone

54:24

was like, so you think that women can grow to

54:27

be attracted to a guy? And I was like,

54:29

abso-fucking-lutely. All the fucking time. Men,

54:32

you've never heard him say, and then she was super

54:35

funny and I all of a sudden wanted to fuck

54:37

her. And then my penis got up. No, you don't

54:39

hear it. We talked about it with Jared because we

54:41

were like, this is a story that you hear at

54:43

a wedding. You're like, well at first, when you were

54:45

just friends, I didn't find him attractive and here we

54:47

are today and no guy's ever been like, well at

54:50

first, I didn't want to fuck her at all. Right,

54:52

right. And I was like, how funny was it? People

54:54

are listening and they think they jump boxes and I'm

54:56

sure there's exceptions, everything. There's always an exception, and I

54:58

don't mean this in a mean way, but when

55:01

people write these really long accounts of

55:03

how they jumped a box, they're like, and then I

55:06

hooked up with him casually for two years

55:08

and he finally dated me. And I'm like,

55:11

okay. I'm like,

55:13

so you jumped boxes, good for you. Two

55:15

years? Was it worth the two years? You

55:17

proved me wrong. Yeah, you got

55:20

me. Okay. I

55:22

don't want to manipulate my way into

55:24

the date box. And by

55:26

the way, we've all been in the date box

55:29

and it doesn't happen every day, obviously, but when

55:31

you're in the date box, you

55:33

remember how fucking stupid, you know what I mean?

55:35

You have those moments where you're like, oh, this

55:37

is what it's supposed to feel like. And all

55:39

those other times you were like, I was fucking

55:41

playing myself. I was hitting myself when I was

55:44

like, well, I guess it's not weird that he

55:46

didn't text me for six days. You're like, you

55:48

were in the hookup box. And that's why I

55:50

love the series so much and it's so freeing

55:52

because it just empowers women. Be empowered, by the

55:54

way, if you're okay with being in the hookup box, that's

55:57

okay. Yeah, totally. Like, stay in the box, get yours. I like

55:59

what you said. about waiting two years, because we actually

56:01

in particular, I know one person that's just like,

56:03

she's married to him now. She waited him out

56:05

for years of him not introducing her to his

56:07

family, his friends, like not feeling like she was

56:09

really a part of his life. He like went

56:11

on a trip, was talking to some girl on

56:13

Instagram, she found out, like she just waited him

56:15

out for years. And now they're married. And then

56:17

I'm like, you won't be taking the best years

56:20

of my life waiting for somebody. Like it's everybody's

56:22

choice. I can't feel like that day to day

56:24

for a month. No, no, no, no, same. I'm

56:26

very independent. Like I couldn't do it. But like,

56:28

if it works for someone, it works for them.

56:30

Like, you know, Tina Jade. I think

56:32

that it's hard to like, like you meet somebody and you're

56:34

just like, I'll wear them down. Like he'll see how great

56:36

I am. And maybe I just want to sex them. Like

56:38

he's gonna see that I'm worth dating. And it's, I like

56:40

how you talk about in the book where you're just like,

56:42

you gotta just go live your life. You gotta date and.

56:45

You have to live your life. You have to be the

56:47

main character of your life. The second you start to wait

56:49

around for a guy or anybody, you

56:51

are elevating them to a higher status in

56:53

your own life. Which is like really sad. And

56:55

I don't say that from a judgmental place. I say it

56:57

because I did it for an entire decade of my life

56:59

in my twenties. And I feel sad and I wish that

57:01

I could go back and I could be like, maybe he

57:03

doesn't like you. Like it's okay. There's a lot of guys

57:06

who do. And if you would just go

57:08

see them or better yet, go have fun

57:10

with your friends and do anything else and

57:12

sit around and be sad about this guy

57:14

who does not like you, then yeah. Absolutely.

57:17

I love this theory of match the energy.

57:19

If that's what somebody's giving you. Match the

57:21

energy. Match the energy back. Yeah. I

57:24

think that we all think I'm gonna lean in harder. I'm gonna show this

57:26

person how great I am because I am

57:28

so great. And I like that. I also, you just said

57:30

this and I also like to reiterate, like we've all done

57:32

this. Like that's how we're able to speak on it. I

57:34

always wanna make sure, I mean, I'm 40 years old. We

57:37

never wanna come across like, you silly girls. We're like, no,

57:39

you are us. I only know this because I've done this

57:41

a hundred times. You look

57:43

fast, you're like, oh my God. I quite literally wrote the book

57:45

on this because I did it so many fucking times. Like

57:47

that's the point of it. It's like, it's

57:49

not from judgment. It's just like, if I save one

57:52

girl, like six months of

57:54

time, that is like, that's a win for

57:56

me. As lame as it

57:58

sounds, that's really. what I was put

58:01

on earth to do is to like save women

58:03

time. I love it. I do think

58:05

as you get older it does get easier to walk

58:07

away from these situations. Even recently, I've noticed guys

58:10

for a couple years, I really like him, I care about

58:12

him, I can see like a really great future and he's

58:14

just not gonna date me, he's just not. And our friend's

58:16

wife said to me, that guy's not gonna take you home

58:19

to his parents. Like they're conservative, they have a certain type

58:21

of life, like he's not gonna take home the girl who

58:23

owns the vibrator company. And it felt like

58:25

as I've gotten older it was easier to

58:27

just acknowledge that and walk away from the

58:29

situation. Instead of like being depressed and pining

58:31

over it for too long. Knowing where you

58:33

stand is so powerful

58:36

because then you can make an informed decision as

58:38

to whether you're having fun or not or if

58:40

it's worth it for you or not. And we

58:42

have to be real with ourselves. And then you

58:44

can have a funeral. We want to talk about

58:46

funerals. This is maybe arguably my favorite part of

58:48

the book. I just really like

58:50

the closure you can provide

58:53

yourself. Yeah, I personally

58:55

believe we give ourselves closure with a

58:57

situation shift. This is not for if you

58:59

are dating someone for two years and you

59:01

break up, whatever. I'm talking about situation

59:04

shifts. You're seeing someone casually, it's undefined.

59:06

You're probably in the hug-up box, whatever.

59:08

And either they ghost you or they

59:10

are breadcrumbing you, whatever it ends, like

59:13

you need to hold a funeral. You need to get

59:15

yourself together. And like the sillier you make it, the

59:17

better. So what I say is like, go buy yourself

59:20

a treat, a latte, a cake,

59:22

a bottle of wine, go home, light

59:24

a candle, put on Hallelujah,

59:26

the song that Marissa died to in

59:29

the OC. And literally like hold a

59:31

funeral and be like, it is so

59:34

sad that Jonathan

59:36

died or whatever his name is. Like,

59:39

it's so sad that Chad

59:41

from Hinge passed away. That's like

59:43

really, really sad. And take a

59:45

day to fully mourn. And then

59:48

you don't think about him again, because we waste

59:50

so much time thinking about guys we never dated,

59:53

so much time. And it's like

59:55

kind of addictive. Again, speaking from

59:57

experience, not judgment. It's kind of

59:59

addictive. because you're like, you're at work,

1:00:02

you're like on your phone, you're like refreshing

1:00:04

his dumb Instagram that has nine posts, you

1:00:06

know, he's not gonna post, you're like, but

1:00:08

what if, what if, what if, no, what if

1:00:10

he's dead? Yeah, he had a funeral. And

1:00:13

I think, you know, not that like death is funny, he, he,

1:00:15

he, but like you can talk about him as if he's dead

1:00:17

with your friends, which is funny. Totally. RIP,

1:00:19

like rest is sold out. Yeah. Like, I think

1:00:21

that's the way, yes, we don't wish death on

1:00:24

anybody, but to even like, yeah, have him post

1:00:26

mortem with your friends too. It's

1:00:28

just good to like draw a line in the

1:00:30

sand and kind of like, hold your shit together,

1:00:32

you know, sometimes and just be like, enough is

1:00:35

enough, like this is where we're gonna stop because

1:00:37

you can go on and on and on. And

1:00:39

then all of a sudden you've spent like three

1:00:41

months kind of seeing someone and then another three

1:00:43

months like thinking about him. And

1:00:45

I always think to myself, like in any

1:00:47

situation in a year from now, how do

1:00:49

I want to have dealt with this and

1:00:51

then act that way? And it's like, you're

1:00:54

not gonna remember this guy. Like trust me, if

1:00:56

it's just like a random thing you're just doing

1:00:59

to like keep yourself entertained, like it doesn't

1:01:01

matter that it ended, just like move on. The

1:01:03

sooner you move on, the more good shit will

1:01:05

come into your life. I love the theory of

1:01:07

like, how in a year do I want to

1:01:09

look back and see myself? Because how many of

1:01:11

us years later down the road look back and

1:01:13

go, I cried so much over that person. I

1:01:16

was so miserable. I journaled so much. I talked

1:01:18

to everybody in my life. And how lovely would

1:01:20

it be once to look back and be like,

1:01:22

I actually did what I would have hoped I

1:01:24

did. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm proud of

1:01:26

yourself. And again, like one of the nice parts about getting older is

1:01:28

you can kind of like gut check is like, does this matter? Does

1:01:31

this not matter? And like, when

1:01:33

I think about the guys that I cried over

1:01:35

in my twenties and I like literally don't remember

1:01:37

their names. Like I literally have to look on

1:01:39

my list of people I had sex with. And

1:01:41

I'm like, that was so funny. Like, yeah, I

1:01:43

mean, I've dated for, you know, 20 plus years

1:01:45

now at this point. And it's like, you really

1:01:47

literally forget like, okay, I'll be in my contacts.

1:01:49

And I'm like, no, who is Arthur? No, you

1:01:51

know, literally a whole journal about our, I was

1:01:53

upset about Arthur. When I really ran the tape,

1:01:55

I was like, oh my God, I was 27.

1:01:58

Oh, yeah. And it's crazy. It's all skinny, I

1:02:01

was a big dick. It all started to come

1:02:03

flooding back. And I was like, I had forgotten

1:02:05

that a person existed. I even dated an Arthur.

1:02:07

It's wild. And when I was watching Sex in

1:02:09

the City, when I was growing up, I thought

1:02:11

that was the most outrageous, unrealistic episode when she's

1:02:13

like, I fucked you before. I was

1:02:15

like, that would never happen. And I literally, where

1:02:17

was I recently? I was talking to this guy

1:02:19

and I was like, I fucked up with this

1:02:22

guy before. And I was like, oh my God.

1:02:24

I didn't have sex with him, but I was

1:02:26

like, I just literally made out with this person.

1:02:28

And I was like, where have I met you? And

1:02:30

he was like, our friend

1:02:32

had a situation where she matched this guy in Hinge

1:02:34

or whatever day nap. And he felt

1:02:38

familiar to her, but she was like, no, I probably just seen him on

1:02:40

Hinge before, you know? And they

1:02:42

exchanged numbers. The last

1:02:44

text he had sent her was a Zoom

1:02:46

link during COVID for a 2020 COVID date

1:02:48

that they did and never spoke again. She

1:02:51

hated him on the Zoom date. And the

1:02:53

last text was the Zoom. I was like,

1:02:55

oh my God. She was like, I've already

1:02:57

broken up with you. That is so funny.

1:02:59

Did you break up with somebody again? Oh,

1:03:01

the Zoom dates. Did you do those during

1:03:03

COVID? Yeah, I did a lot of FaceTime

1:03:05

dates. I did one with a guy,

1:03:07

he's on TV. He's not that famous, but he's on

1:03:09

TV. We were having a FaceTime for

1:03:11

probably an hour. And then he was like, do

1:03:14

you wanna see something? And I was like, yeah.

1:03:16

And he flipped the camera and he was

1:03:18

choking his dick. And I was like, he was choking

1:03:20

off just me. I was like, ahh! And

1:03:22

we weren't talking about anything sexual. We were like,

1:03:24

we're crazy. Is this the first time you guys

1:03:26

talked? Yeah. You wanna see something?

1:03:28

Yeah. What did you do? I

1:03:30

was like, oh, okay.

1:03:34

I was like, damn, cool. Good

1:03:37

for you. I'm gonna go now. Will you

1:03:39

tell us after a while? And you crossed the phone? I got

1:03:41

off this phone right away. How long did you watch from Jarkov?

1:03:43

Raina. I would've had to linger for like 20 seconds. I'm

1:03:46

heading record, just in case. The worst part

1:03:48

is I actually met up with him after

1:03:50

that. Ah! I'm trash, but

1:03:52

it was really hard times. I

1:03:54

did disgusting things during COVID. No, I was like,

1:03:57

it was really bad. But all bets are off

1:03:59

before I had. I became an influencer, I had this job. I was

1:04:01

out of work, I was like literally going crazy. So

1:04:03

I was like, whatever, I'll go get coffee with

1:04:05

you. 25 minutes late. He

1:04:09

was 25 minutes late? Yeah. Okay.

1:04:12

And then he was like the biggest dick ever. And I was like,

1:04:14

I never again. We were just so desperate during

1:04:16

COVID. No, I smiled. Did like a Zoom recording with

1:04:18

Ashley and a guest and then I blew him like

1:04:20

two seconds later. Like as soon as we got the

1:04:22

room, the first person that was in your

1:04:24

home. The first person during COVID, it was like in

1:04:26

May of the quarantine. And I was like, I'm gonna

1:04:28

suck off this stranger. I remember

1:04:30

doing a Zoom date with the guy that I was dating right before COVID. And like,

1:04:32

I like did a contour. I'm like,

1:04:34

what am I doing? My parents, I was with my parents

1:04:36

for those three months and they were like, what are you

1:04:38

doing? Your makeup? I was like, what? Just leave me alone.

1:04:40

I like shaved my bush for what? Like

1:04:43

what I thought you were gonna show them on Zoom. I used to

1:04:45

put on perfume for Zoom dates. Cause it's just like,

1:04:47

I don't have to live in the mood. I

1:04:49

used to fuck my neighbor during COVID who couldn't

1:04:51

even string together enough words in a sentence to

1:04:53

make me like interested in anything he ever said.

1:04:55

He was the worst. It happened. So you said

1:04:57

something that was interesting. You broke up with somebody

1:04:59

and then you were like kind of obsessed with

1:05:01

them. Yeah, I'm like still obsessed with them. I

1:05:03

think I always will be. Was it you, you

1:05:05

just knew it wasn't? We knew we weren't, it

1:05:07

wasn't like a long-term thing, but it was like,

1:05:09

sometimes you just have the chemistry with someone. That's

1:05:11

like, Okay, that's what you miss, like the chemistry.

1:05:13

The sex of the Maybach. Yeah. Okay. But

1:05:16

like the banter, like the whole package of

1:05:18

like the chemistry together. It's just, we're not

1:05:20

right for each other. I think, you know,

1:05:22

I have the utmost love and respect for

1:05:24

him and like I'm a Virgo and I'm

1:05:26

very like regimented and like prideful. But

1:05:29

I feel like it's almost easier for me to

1:05:31

be like, I'm always gonna like be obsessed with

1:05:33

him or have a crush on him because he's

1:05:35

just like that guy. But it doesn't mean that

1:05:37

it worked out, you know? That is, it's just

1:05:40

such a funny concept. It's such a funny concept.

1:05:42

Having those feelings about an ex and you're like, what do

1:05:44

I work up with him? Yeah. And

1:05:46

it's like, yeah. That's not usually. And then I was like such

1:05:49

a miserable bitch for a year to all my friends. I

1:05:51

was like, you guys need to put this. And they were

1:05:53

like, I can't. Like I

1:05:55

was Carrie. That when her friends are like, stop

1:05:57

talking about him. And then I was like. Did

1:05:59

you mean? him on social? No, I might have been

1:06:01

real life. No, mute him. Did you meet him? Oh,

1:06:04

me too. Yeah. Yeah. But

1:06:07

like you always got that cheeky finsta. I stopped

1:06:09

going on my Finsta. It's been honestly months when

1:06:11

I got a new phone, I just like lost

1:06:13

access to it. And then I created a new

1:06:15

one and I like put a couple people on

1:06:18

there and I was like, I don't care about

1:06:20

any of you. No. So I did an entire

1:06:22

podcast episode called delete your Finsta about like how

1:06:24

it's so damaging for us. Like, yeah, I am

1:06:26

the worst. Like I'm back with a vengeance. I'm

1:06:28

so hypocritical. It's really addictive. And it's

1:06:31

like, I have it for two reasons, like to

1:06:33

stalk boys and then also to like

1:06:35

follow people who make me feel

1:06:37

terrible about myself, like models and whatever. So

1:06:39

it's like double whammy bad. Our friend has

1:06:42

one that's so funny. She

1:06:44

just follows every like reality show person and

1:06:46

all their extraneous. It's like her, I like

1:06:48

that life and style because she doesn't want

1:06:51

to have them on her main.

1:06:53

Yeah, yeah. No, no, no. Go into her Finsta

1:06:55

just to catch up on like the most random

1:06:57

D list reality show stars. So I like that

1:06:59

because I actually have two, I have my like

1:07:01

stalking one and then I have my fashion one

1:07:03

where I just follow like everything and it's like

1:07:05

beautiful and I more think about it like a

1:07:07

Pinterest, right? Because I don't want to have it

1:07:09

on my main. So it's like that for you

1:07:11

page is more of like my real true self,

1:07:14

but like my main is obviously like my friends

1:07:16

and whatever. I try to keep my main just

1:07:18

to like my friends and people that I actually

1:07:20

have met in real life. But

1:07:22

still my for you page is like really weird

1:07:24

on Instagram. It's like I've been talking about getting

1:07:26

a boob job a lot to my friend. So

1:07:28

it's like, Oh, boobs on my feet right now.

1:07:30

We know I'm a guy. Okay, there we go.

1:07:32

We literally he has the best. Okay. Amazing. Yeah,

1:07:34

Dr. Barrett. He's great on social. He

1:07:36

did my job. I've got my face a

1:07:38

little paralyzed right now. That's great.

1:07:40

When did you do it? Four weeks ago. Oh,

1:07:42

wow. But that's normal. Yeah. Yeah. Paralysis in your

1:07:45

face. I'm talking about every week. Yeah. Yeah. He's

1:07:47

the best. He's the best. Okay. So will you

1:07:49

do you get the DM slides? Like will you

1:07:51

entertain the DM from guys? Yeah.

1:07:53

No, I don't think that you go now

1:07:55

following think it's a safe space. They learn,

1:07:58

but it's like not safe for them. there

1:08:00

but I occasionally will but not like

1:08:02

any real one. Nothing's ever come of it. You

1:08:04

have more of like a female following? It's like

1:08:06

97%. I'm 97. Yeah,

1:08:09

yeah. It's so funny. Girls, gays and

1:08:11

nays, thank God. Honestly, I like it.

1:08:13

Our pages are so positive and so

1:08:15

nice. They're so positive. Everything I post,

1:08:17

everybody's just like, yes girl, fire emoji,

1:08:19

go off. There's never, if one man

1:08:21

dares to comment something, everybody will attack

1:08:23

them. It's crazy. We get hate here

1:08:25

and there but it's not unlike our

1:08:27

Instagram. People are really nice. This isn't

1:08:29

a challenge if anyone's listening. But these

1:08:31

poor girls who at one point ever worked

1:08:33

at Barstool or whatever, got all those guys

1:08:36

in their orbit. It's not their fault but

1:08:38

we've cultivated this female audience for six years.

1:08:40

It's really so special. Yeah, that's what we

1:08:42

want. So nice. Can we talk about sex

1:08:45

a little bit? Let's do it. My favorite

1:08:47

topic. I like the chapter in the book

1:08:49

about prioritizing your own pleasure and sex. And

1:08:51

I think so many of us, myself included,

1:08:54

in the middle of a sexual experience are

1:08:56

just like, how do I look? Is this

1:08:58

person enjoying what I'm doing to them? Is

1:09:01

my technique good? Do they like this? And it's

1:09:03

so hard to be like, wait, do I like

1:09:05

this? Am I enjoying this? So can we talk

1:09:07

about this chapter in the book? Yeah, I think

1:09:10

again, it's so from experience. It's like I didn't

1:09:12

really start having good sex until I was like

1:09:14

30. And

1:09:17

I again, really hope that anyone who listens to

1:09:19

me or reads my book or whatever can try

1:09:22

to implement this earlier. I think

1:09:24

that there's so much shame surrounding

1:09:26

female pleasure. I think there's a

1:09:28

huge orgasm gap. I think that

1:09:30

we are just not taught to

1:09:32

advocate for our own pleasure at

1:09:34

all. And the crazy thing

1:09:36

is, once you start doing that, you actually

1:09:38

become hotter. That's like the kicker of all

1:09:41

this, is like once you actually start to

1:09:43

learn how to talk about sex and like

1:09:45

ask the questions and communicate, it

1:09:47

gets better and you become like

1:09:50

so much infinitely hotter to whoever you're

1:09:52

having sex with. What was sex life in your

1:09:54

20s versus your 30s? It was just

1:09:56

so performative. Like it was completely based on

1:09:58

what I thought I needed. to look

1:10:00

and sound and feel like, and that's like

1:10:02

a horrible experience because you're so in your

1:10:04

head and you're not in your body. Orgasms

1:10:07

are so mental for women too. And if you're thinking

1:10:09

about like, oh my God, wait, how should I sound?

1:10:11

Like, wait, what should I do? I read that thing,

1:10:13

like I have to do this nut and this nut

1:10:15

and like, you don't have a shot in hell to

1:10:17

orgasm. It's no wonder why. I think the stat is

1:10:20

like 68% of men orgasm the

1:10:25

first time with a new female partner and like

1:10:27

9% of women do. I

1:10:29

think that 68 seems really low. I

1:10:31

know, I agree. We

1:10:34

did a great episode with Vanessa Marin

1:10:36

and she's a sex psychotherapist. She's fantastic.

1:10:38

We talked about, yeah, if you want

1:10:40

to talk about orgasms. We talked about how women

1:10:42

just don't prioritize this at all and we pride

1:10:44

her as male's pleasure. And I think it is

1:10:47

getting better the more conversations you have about this

1:10:49

stuff, but there's a huge gap. It is, but

1:10:51

like even anecdotally, when I speak to my followers,

1:10:53

who I think are a group of pretty like

1:10:55

engaged, like thoughtful,

1:10:58

intellectual, like women who want it all.

1:11:00

A lot of them are still like, I can't,

1:11:02

I don't know how to work out, so I'm

1:11:04

scared to ask. It's been two years, he's never

1:11:06

gone down on me. And I'm like, this is

1:11:08

like a crisis in my opinion. I'm not trying

1:11:10

to be some like, oh, like I love sex,

1:11:12

like let's talk about it all the time. It's

1:11:14

all rooted in like shame and it's

1:11:17

all rooted in women not viewing

1:11:19

their needs on the same level as men. And

1:11:21

then so like, if that's your relationship with a

1:11:23

guy in the bedroom where it's like, it's always

1:11:25

he comes first. It's always like, oh no, like

1:11:27

it's taking me too long. Don't worry about it.

1:11:30

How do you think that's gonna translate in your

1:11:32

life? Like that will be for your career too.

1:11:34

Like it's gonna be like, oh, well your career

1:11:36

matters less. So like, oh, well you're, you wanna

1:11:38

go there on vacation. I wanna go here, you

1:11:40

matter less. Like it's all connected and I

1:11:43

want to empower women to feel

1:11:46

like they can ask for what

1:11:48

they want in the bedroom and

1:11:50

that's just normal. Yeah, and everyone's

1:11:52

goal should be that you both

1:11:54

get off. So if you're with somebody

1:11:57

that doesn't even cross their mind, I mean,

1:11:59

that's kind of crazy. to me. Like when you're

1:12:01

in like a strong healthy relationship with a partner that

1:12:03

cares about your pleasure, like if he does come first

1:12:05

he's like well what can I do? Oh yeah. If

1:12:07

they just get up and that's it? It's a huge

1:12:09

red flag for me. Or

1:12:11

the did you come? Did I sound like

1:12:13

I came? Oh yeah I mean yeah. Grow

1:12:15

up. No it's crazy. What do you say

1:12:17

to somebody that says my man hasn't gone

1:12:19

down on me in two years? I mean

1:12:21

first my heart. I know it's difficult because

1:12:23

I think when you're

1:12:26

that deep in it's incredibly

1:12:28

daunting subject to broach. Absolutely.

1:12:30

And so that's really tough if you've done

1:12:32

something for that long and it's just you've

1:12:34

never brought it up. You sent him this

1:12:36

podcast. You sent him this podcast or you

1:12:39

say like I really want

1:12:41

to try this or like I was watching

1:12:43

this it really turned me on I want

1:12:45

you to do this like I'm not whatever

1:12:47

you have. But it's like I'm not diminishing

1:12:49

how daunting that task is which is why

1:12:51

I really encourage girls to like

1:12:53

in the beginning stages make it known like no I

1:12:55

didn't come like no that didn't work for me. If

1:12:57

you don't do it from the onset it's very

1:12:59

very difficult to change. It's true and we do believe

1:13:02

you can change it and you can wrap it into

1:13:04

positivity and say you know I love what we're doing

1:13:06

here's what would enhance it for us even more. I

1:13:08

think this thing would be really fun for us

1:13:10

together but yeah if you start from the beginning it

1:13:12

is definitely less backpedaling to do. Oh my god yeah

1:13:15

I mean and again I think you'd love talking to

1:13:17

Vanessa Marin but we talked about our whole episode was

1:13:19

about faking orgasms and like yeah what do you do

1:13:21

when you're in a marriage and you've been doing it

1:13:23

for 10 years or whatever it's like crazy to have

1:13:25

to tell them. Remember I was listening to that couple

1:13:27

fight at the hotel in San Diego and I was

1:13:29

like supposed to meet Raina in the lobby and I

1:13:31

was like I'm gonna be late this couple just started

1:13:33

fighting and if I was like gonna listen till I

1:13:35

felt like if it got dangerous I would call down

1:13:37

because I've actually done that before Gary and they're screaming

1:13:39

back and forth and then she was like what the

1:13:42

fuck have you ate my pussy and I was like oh

1:13:44

Raina I'm gonna be late I have to see this thing.

1:13:46

I was like I support this wholeheartedly and it was so

1:13:48

funny and he's trying to recall and it was just like

1:13:50

the funniest fight to listen to and then they were silent

1:13:52

and I only can assume that he was eating her pussy

1:13:54

and that's what I hope happened. I

1:13:57

have like a kind of an out there like I feel like

1:13:59

most of my fear are kind of

1:14:01

like really backed up by real thought. Is

1:14:03

it the box theory or the actual? No,

1:14:05

this is the actual box theory. But you're

1:14:07

in the box theory? No, but like I

1:14:09

don't really talk about this one because it's

1:14:11

for me personally, it's not for like. Are

1:14:13

you debuting a theory here? No, I just

1:14:15

like think that guys are split into two

1:14:17

types. Like those who love eating pussy

1:14:19

and those who don't. And it's like, I know who

1:14:22

I'll end up with. And it's like, you can tell.

1:14:24

It's hard to get the ones that don't like to

1:14:27

do it, to do it, it just is. I'm so

1:14:29

on my like shit now that I would just

1:14:31

be so turned off by that. Like I don't

1:14:33

think I would ever be even be in a

1:14:35

relationship with a guy who wasn't like obsessed with

1:14:37

doing it. It seems a little stunted and just

1:14:39

like. Because again, it goes back to like, do

1:14:41

you love women? Like do you like, if you're

1:14:43

not turned on by the female orgasm, like then

1:14:45

that to me is like a red flag. So

1:14:47

like there are women that like don't like sucking

1:14:50

dick. I know, but so that's what I was

1:14:52

about to say. But it's different because of the

1:14:54

orgasm inequality. Because when he's

1:14:56

having sex, penetrative sex,

1:14:58

he's coming a hundred percent of the

1:15:00

time. And I also just think it's

1:15:03

like one of those cases where there's a double

1:15:05

standard. And like, I don't give a fuck. Like

1:15:07

sometimes like there's been enough inequality and women have

1:15:09

been through enough shit. Where sometimes I just say

1:15:11

to my followers like, I'm just, I'm sorry,

1:15:13

I can't explain this one away. Sometimes it's not

1:15:15

equal. And in the case of oral sex, I

1:15:17

don't think it is. Well it's also not the

1:15:19

same mechanism. Like, yeah, it's not the same mechanism.

1:15:21

You're choking on something. Your eyes are literally, yeah.

1:15:23

I love sucking dick more than anybody. They don't

1:15:25

call it a job for nothing. Right, but you're

1:15:27

like, your eyes are choking. You're gagging. It's a

1:15:30

lot of work. Well, listen, we could

1:15:32

line up a hundred dudes. And guys that are like, oh, don't

1:15:34

you pussy. Like, I just know who you are. You're not my

1:15:36

kind of guy. You're not my kind of guy. I know it

1:15:38

to be true. I know it wholeheartedly in my soul. I

1:15:40

never dated a guy that didn't want to go down to me. But

1:15:43

it's very funny because then there is that line of

1:15:45

they're too eager. And Nikki Glaser does a bit about

1:15:47

this. She's in her standup session. She posted a clip

1:15:49

recently. The guys that talk about it too much. And

1:15:51

they're like, I'll eat it. I'll eat your pussy. No,

1:15:54

not you. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah. That's

1:15:56

so right. That's so right. I agree with you

1:15:58

wholeheartedly. Because there's like. healthy enthusiasm. But

1:16:00

there's the guys who are like, let's call

1:16:02

them evolved Chads, where they are like in

1:16:05

the mix enough where they know that we're

1:16:07

talking about this. And so they are like,

1:16:09

I actually know one. Yeah. And he's like

1:16:11

my friend, but he's always like, I do

1:16:13

it first thing. And I'm like, okay, but

1:16:15

do you earn it to like, yeah, but

1:16:17

I love that theory. And I stand by

1:16:19

it. Okay, this is gonna be like fighting

1:16:21

last words, but I don't think I would

1:16:23

ever like be with a guy who I

1:16:25

had to ask to do it. I don't

1:16:27

think that's a crazy thing. I don't think

1:16:29

we want to beg people to like worship

1:16:31

our body parts. No, we should want to

1:16:34

be intimate with each other and please each

1:16:36

other. Again, because like, if you've been with

1:16:38

people who do that, then you know,

1:16:40

it's possible. So you're like, well, if this isn't

1:16:42

it, then it's just a compatibility thing. And that's

1:16:44

okay. Right? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's like, it's just

1:16:46

a bad ability thing. So some people are sexual.

1:16:48

I think that, you know, I often forget having

1:16:50

grown up on the East Coast in a very

1:16:53

liberal Jewish family, like people grow up in extreme

1:16:55

religious situations. They don't want to talk about this

1:16:57

stuff. David, that's just not your match.

1:16:59

Oh, a hundred percent. Yeah. This is the new

1:17:01

box. Very like, I feel like it's like he could

1:17:03

take this updated series actually about you. Like if he

1:17:05

doesn't eat your pussy with box

1:17:10

theory. Can we get some press? I wonder

1:17:12

if Simon and juicer will, we'll buy that

1:17:15

book. Thanks. Update her box theory on girls. Yeah. It

1:17:17

doesn't need box theory. It's

1:17:21

just eating box theory. You heard it

1:17:23

here first. I

1:17:25

love that. I really want to like hype this book

1:17:27

because I love the perception shifting

1:17:30

and you, the chapters are short

1:17:32

and there's good takeaways and you really just talk about

1:17:34

how to like change your outlook. And it is so

1:17:36

much more about just like, do I enjoy this? Am

1:17:38

I having fun? Am I finding myself worth? Do I

1:17:40

have friends in a life that I like? And that's

1:17:42

the kind of stuff we talk about all the time.

1:17:45

It's not like a means of finding a partner. It's

1:17:47

like a means to enjoying yourself along the way. And

1:17:49

I think you just have like a lot of really

1:17:51

fun takeaways. You know, if you start with like, I

1:17:53

can change him to shift it to like, why would

1:17:55

I want to? Things like that. I just, there's a

1:17:57

lot of really good takeaways in this book. Even at

1:18:00

the beginning when you were talking about reinventing yourself in

1:18:02

college, I just think that's so important. And we get

1:18:04

asked the question all the time, how can I be

1:18:06

confident? Or how can I have main character energy? Or

1:18:08

how can I reinvent myself? And I just love that

1:18:10

you did it. And you can always do it and

1:18:12

you can always start. It was really great if you

1:18:14

go to college and you're far away. It's great if

1:18:16

you move away. These are great opportunities, but you don't

1:18:19

necessarily have to. But you can just do a little

1:18:21

thing, like a little tripwire into it. Like I believe

1:18:23

in that stuff. Like I know it sounds so stupid

1:18:25

and silly, but like if you go

1:18:27

get a new haircut, or like if you like

1:18:29

go get a cool outfit, or if

1:18:31

you, even if you move apartments, like take

1:18:33

those opportunities to refresh and be like, what

1:18:35

do I want for this next era of

1:18:37

my life? You start a new job. I

1:18:39

don't know. You get a new fucking amazing

1:18:41

peacoat. You can use

1:18:44

that to get into your next era.

1:18:46

It's very available. And I really, really,

1:18:48

really, will even faking until you make it. I

1:18:50

love that. Accept your orgasms, everybody. Accept your orgasms.

1:18:54

Well, tinks, tell everyone where they can

1:18:56

find you, click the book, whatever you

1:18:58

want to plug your show. I'm at

1:19:01

tanks, T-I-N-X on all platforms. My podcast,

1:19:03

it's me, tanks is available everywhere you

1:19:05

get your podcasts. And my

1:19:07

book, the shift is available wherever you

1:19:09

get your books. Okay. And

1:19:12

you guys know where to find us. girlsgottaeat.com

1:19:14

for tour tickets, new merch, all the things.

1:19:16

Girls Got to Eat podcast on Instagram and

1:19:18

TikTok. I'm Ash has right as right as

1:19:20

that Greenberg and vibesonly.com for all the sex

1:19:22

toys and all the things and subscribe on

1:19:24

YouTube. Share this episode with a friend, get

1:19:26

Tinks' book. And we'll see you next week.

1:19:29

Have a good week, guys. Bye. Bye. Bye.

1:19:32

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

1:19:35

Bye. Bye. Bye.

1:19:38

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

1:19:41

Bye. Bye. Bye.

1:19:44

Bye. Bye. Bye.

1:19:46

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

1:19:50

Bye.

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