0:00

And when you make that shift internally and

0:02

you go into a date thinking this is

0:04

a vibe check, that's it. It's

0:06

so powerful and it makes it more fun. Hi

0:24

guys! Hi guys! Welcome to another episode.

0:28

We've already done one podcast recording today. I mean

0:30

now you're all off track because you did

0:32

a whole new intro today. Welcome everybody! You

0:35

guys, we just filled in for Nick Vial. Are

0:38

we already gonna do it? Whatever, forget it. You

0:40

guys have heard it for six years. You're gonna.

0:42

And Rayna just absolutely crushed it. Thank you. You

0:44

just sprang into action. You

0:47

just co-hosted another show. I don't know how I

0:49

feel about it. Well you were with

0:51

me. I mean I was with you but like you

0:53

were the host. It was really fun. I've never been

0:55

in that scenario without you. So his show is reality

0:57

recap. It's Bravo reality recaps. You don't watch as much

0:59

Bravo as me. Yeah, that's why. I listen to his

1:01

show every week. I'm such a fan girl and so

1:03

he was like do you want the main chair? And

1:05

I was like yeah I got this. And so I

1:07

felt like it like fell to me to like lead

1:09

the conversation, take us into the next topics. And I

1:11

was like I gotta do this. I gotta like. It

1:13

was kind of funny. I was like afraid I was

1:15

in charge. I was like I'm just here just

1:18

for fun. It was really fun. I'm just hanging out. I

1:20

just when you and I record together I'm always just like

1:22

it should be 50 50. We take turns

1:24

talking. I'm like I really am the Bravo historian. So I'm going

1:26

to take a floor. Exactly.

1:28

I want to give a weather update. We

1:31

haven't done this in years. We really haven't because I

1:33

think we've made it over this hump in

1:36

LA of this like rainy, colder

1:39

winter and it's like you know

1:41

70 and sunny. We

1:43

made it and I think that we

1:46

are good from here on out with El Nino.

1:48

And I have been telling everybody this

1:50

that I know because I have a researching and how

1:52

we moved here in 2023. It

1:54

was just like so terrible and it rained for three months.

1:56

And we were like maybe it's just a fluke like maybe

1:59

it's just one. Winner in a way.

2:01

And. Then I did know deep down that I was going to

2:03

continue and I feel like I was just really hoping that

2:05

that wasn't the case. But I was like it's gonna be

2:07

ended. Twenty Twenty four. As I had to

2:10

six sneaking suspicion and sure enough secessions confirmed

2:12

and it was this terrible rainy and it's

2:14

rainy everywhere. like the whole climate is changing.

2:17

Like don't get it with this by I

2:19

mean this is a crazy when turned like

2:21

Miami east coast everywhere was just like shit

2:23

and I think when the tail end of

2:26

it allegedly were really society down with el

2:28

nino and like June. but then el nino

2:30

ah get as close as might come in

2:33

with a new said hurts it's gonna be

2:35

hot and wear a wet hot summer. Wet

2:38

hot American. Summer yeah that's a people are saying

2:40

what hot California savages like. I give up by

2:42

like New York City membership card to move here

2:45

and live in the rain like I didn't do

2:47

that like few moves. Ally for two games, the

2:49

weather and a space and like audible here for

2:51

fifty percent of those things I will to state

2:53

a New Yorker. Yes, But

2:55

I mean, I take solace in the fact that

2:57

every worse than. Dog. Shit. Aslan

2:59

Alec does, but I keep like I keep

3:01

Chicago New York different neighborhoods and I like

3:03

that it's whatever I like to make sure

3:05

every else is miserable with the second up

3:08

with your accent. What

3:10

else is really suck it up on New York

3:12

Whether his second up to make sure x the

3:14

still do a bad I make sure they're like

3:17

even know it's like a little rainy or that

3:19

it will be cloudy and colder there longer I

3:21

to check in on your every day. it's a

3:23

slippery slope anyway I think it's going to shape

3:25

up and grab a great summer. Two thousand twenty

3:27

four weather wise. More. So than last like

3:29

year and half. So. If. I'm wrong

3:31

what he has been do about it. I'm don't

3:34

claim to be a meteorologist, people to claim to

3:36

eat or all just around all the time tail

3:38

and no one hold them accountable. Such a funny

3:40

job that ferry like but I d k as

3:43

a job I know know you've got might be

3:45

this but you never know whether through real say

3:47

is that I went and saw the can't control

3:49

the weather that's your old job A says you'll

3:51

have to be right. So funny.

3:55

Don't have the rematch on. Like that media. But

3:57

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4:03

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some of the funny flavors you guys, most of

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I think it's gonna be a huge seller

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and these are all limited time flavors. So we do

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them for the season and then they're gone. Yeah. Maybe.

8:34

And you know, since it's peach, eat some apple. Put on

8:36

your mouth with it. What would be a butthole

8:39

taste like? We don't advertise the Suck and

8:41

Blow Gel for eating ass, but go

8:43

off. It's an oral enhancer. It's an oral

8:45

enhancer. Why would you not? Butthole, you wanna

8:47

taste butthole. This is so... Exactly. Like what?

8:50

Dicks taste fine. Like I'll suck a dick.

8:52

I love sucking dick. I haven't had a

8:54

lot of weird funky smells on dicks, but

8:57

a butthole stays earthy. I

9:03

wouldn't know. I would never eat a butthole.

9:05

I would never stick my face in a

9:08

man's butthole. That's insane. I've said

9:10

it before, anyone off the street can

9:12

eat mine. To put up my nose,

9:14

my new nose, my pristine perfect nose

9:16

in a butthole. My

9:19

old nose probably would have just got stuck in there. So

9:22

you can't eat ass with that nose, ma'am.

9:25

You'll get stuck. I think

9:27

a vortex, that butthole just sucks up that nose.

9:30

And as someone who's eaten one butthole, so I've

9:32

eaten one more butthole than you have, and it

9:34

was after a shower, and he didn't have like

9:36

a lot of hair. Yeah. He wasn't like a

9:38

hairy person. I think. Maybe a Dutch. No,

9:41

oh. You ate a Dutch butthole? It's

9:45

like a delicacy. Not

9:47

the Danish. Like I'm a Dutch

9:49

butthole. I mean. I

9:54

don't know anyone. I'm like thinking of

9:56

like this pastry and Prague, called like

9:58

the Turdownik or whatever. the Dutch

10:00

bottle is like a delicacy in

10:03

that part of the country. I don't know what he was. He was

10:05

a Dutch butthole. Was it Amsterdam? No!

10:10

How was it? There's

10:12

Dutch people outside. I

10:15

know that. It was in Nordic butthole.

10:18

I know that he's... Okay,

10:21

I see what you mean. He was

10:23

tall and pale. Like, tasty. Oh

10:26

my god. That is insane. Okay,

10:28

well good for you. I

10:31

do understand that it's empowering. I mean Nikki Glaser

10:33

does bits about... Oh, the man that your

10:35

face is in his bottle. She said she felt like when she

10:37

first ate an asshole that she was like, I

10:40

should run for president. She felt empowered. In like

10:42

a dirty way. She's like,

10:45

I'm kinky. That's why I feel when I

10:47

suck dick and lick the taint and don't

10:49

neglect the balls. But like, a butthole and

10:51

we have fallen from grace. So

10:54

anyway, get the fucking blow gel guy. And

10:56

eat it on that Dutch butt. No. If

11:01

you eat this on a Dutch person, please DM. I

11:05

don't know why but like, I feel like

11:07

Dutch should be like apple flavored.

11:10

Like a Dutch pound cake. A

11:12

Dutch baby. Okay, let's

11:15

do that. It'll be our Dutch collection.

11:18

But we're really excited for you guys to like get this and taste it. I'm

11:20

all fucked up. I don't

11:22

even know what I was going to say. I

11:24

can't recommend enough. I can't wait to use it myself. I

11:26

have to tell you that I did send a text to

11:29

sparklyize. I went to Boston this past week and I'll tell you guys

11:31

a little bit about it. It was a little bit more of an

11:33

abbreviated trip because I had to get back for Brittany Schmidt's birthday. And

11:35

to do this Nick thing that we did this morning, Monday morning. And

11:38

so I usually go like Thursday afternoon, early evening. I leave

11:40

Monday morning but I left Sunday morning. It's

11:43

like a whole day earlier than. So anyway, we

11:45

had two and a half days. And we had like

11:47

a lot of great sex and we really

11:50

had such a wonderful weekend. And I didn't

11:52

fuck his dick. And

11:55

I kind of felt like you

11:58

had been like dropping hints. He just makes a lot of

12:00

funny jokes. We make a lot of sexual

12:03

jokes. And there was a point where I was like,

12:05

you're making a lot of dick jokes. Just funny, he's

12:07

just quick with it. It's just that boy

12:09

humor and we both share that. And you share

12:11

that too. Any opening to do a blowjob

12:13

joke, or that's what he said kind of stuff. And

12:16

so I was on the plane going home and I was like, I'm sorry

12:18

I didn't suck your dick this weekend. I was like, I really,

12:21

I just said an apology text. It was

12:23

like, rain check on that. It

12:25

just didn't come up. Sometimes you're not fired. Yeah,

12:27

he's one of those guys that's like, I don't

12:29

need that, but I obviously I like it. He's

12:31

just one of those. He's never really requested. I

12:33

enjoy sucking his dick. We have the blow gels,

12:35

all the things. I get down there, but it

12:37

just didn't come up this weekend. You

12:40

know what I mean? We did other stuff. Yeah. And

12:42

so when I sent that text, it was a dead ass

12:44

serious text. I'm so sorry I didn't get to that blow

12:46

job this weekend. You're a long distance relationship. Every time you

12:48

guys are together, it's an event and you wanna do all

12:50

these things. But I'm really proud of you because you've come

12:52

a long way. Because I feel like sucking dick was not

12:54

number one on the menu for you when I met you

12:56

for years. And I feel like

12:59

you've really come into your own. Like you enjoy it

13:01

now. Yeah, and it's really, like we said before, when

13:03

I'm doing it, it is more in the four play

13:05

realm. It's not just like get down there to finish

13:07

the job. We both really like to have intercourse and

13:09

like, be intimate and look at

13:12

each other. You know, like that whole thing. And I think

13:14

I sent in that text and he was just like, am

13:16

I giving off the energy that I need in the apology? It's

13:19

so funny. And I was like, no, I just like wanted

13:21

to, you know. I would have loved it if he was

13:23

like, you should be sorry. Yeah, he was like, thank you.

13:26

I appreciate it. Cause I was upset. No,

13:28

he was just like, that's so funny. And you know, I don't care. And

13:30

I'm like, okay, well. Plan all this stuff for you this weekend, Ashley. And

13:32

you didn't even suck my dick. Yeah, he was like, I'm playing a

13:34

picnic for you. And I didn't get a blow job. I'm

13:38

disappointed that somebody finishes doing a blow job. I'm like,

13:40

I wasn't done with this experience. I don't, I'm not

13:42

finishing blow jobs. That's actually a great call. Just like,

13:44

we're just done here. That is so true. I mean,

13:46

that's the whole thing we talk about. We feel like

13:48

people are intimidated. We did a whole episode,

13:51

you can go back and listen, called how to give better blow

13:53

jobs and enjoy them. It was a Valentine's day. Yeah, it was

13:55

a Valentine's day in 2022. Yeah,

13:58

yeah, sounds about right. But that's a true. a

14:00

great point like oh we're done now. I've done

14:02

you a favor and you've ruined the experience for

14:04

me. Yeah, look I get it that there's some

14:06

moments you wanna get down there and do it

14:08

all and that's what the event of the night

14:10

is. But you're so right, like yeah then it's

14:13

just over. What do we do now? What do

14:15

we do? I mean they can go down on

14:17

you. Yeah, but they're a little tired. Yeah I

14:19

know it's like over for them. Yeah, yeah

14:22

exactly, I'm just, I'm a foreplay. It's rude. Dick

14:24

sucker. It's rude if you finish drawing a blowjob.

14:26

You've just totally reframed this for me. Not that

14:28

I was finishing them on the reg, but yeah

14:30

it's a little bit of a bummer. It is

14:33

a bummer. We now, we just what, watch

14:35

a movie? While

14:37

you regenerate, we have a little sex tomorrow.

14:39

I gotta do this all over again tomorrow.

14:42

Right. Thanks. Great

14:44

call. When you said I

14:46

just didn't think of it, it's like Dallas business car guy,

14:48

I never felt inspired to suck his dick. Never put it

14:50

in my mouth. Never came up. Any

14:52

of the time we had sex, I wasn't like, that time I

14:54

don't like you. Oh 100%, yes. The

14:56

first time you ever said that, when did you say that? It

14:58

was so hysterical. When you said you didn't feel inspired. Forget

15:01

it. The vibe this weekend was, it was good.

15:03

It was just very like, we were still new,

15:05

but it felt like very new. Like just rip each

15:07

other's clothes off. Like really wanted to like get down to

15:10

it. So it just didn't really come up, you know?

15:12

Yeah, sometimes you just wanna start fucking. That's

15:14

been a critique I've gotten in the past. I

15:16

need to do a little more foreplay cause I

15:18

do just get so excited. I just wanna like

15:20

penetrate. Yeah. I want to be penetrated. I

15:22

don't wanna penetrate you. Yeah. No one's ever letting me peg

15:24

them. 20, 25 goal. Maybe

15:28

that should be your goal before you turn 40. Peg

15:31

somebody? Yeah. I would love

15:33

that. Can you just make that the goal? Because I'm into the universe. I

15:35

would love it to peg somebody. That sounds so fun. I've always wanted to.

15:37

Like 10 years I've wanted to. I know, we've been

15:40

talking about it. It's Tessa's birthday today. So

15:42

happy birthday to Tessa. Happy birthday to Tessa. By the time this comes

15:44

out. And I was wondering like, do you have any like sexual goals

15:46

for the year? Oh my

15:49

God. No, don't tell us. You're like our daughter. I don't

15:51

even like when you post thirst traps on Instagram. I'm like, I

15:53

shouldn't want to. Reina! I

15:57

Wish she could post it to her if she wants, but

15:59

it does feel a little bit like. you're gonna see them

16:01

Your boss. For

16:03

has. No me out

16:06

your blood of always everything you do. Gray that she's

16:08

on the city so that like we do it uses

16:10

a good your my boss think do my mom's are

16:12

puzzling I'm sorry your time a second my boyfriend dig

16:14

in front of her you see like oh i'm sorry.

16:16

That I sorts of cleavage. C.

16:20

C Adipose a photo of you on your

16:22

knees on a bad ordering a butterfly. Like

16:25

thought greg. Anywhere the

16:27

don't have packages back and thought also you

16:29

guys I was promoting it and sexual manner

16:31

last week and not back. So yes. so

16:33

a Happy Birthday Tessa And then I don't

16:35

think this is essentially but as those gotcha

16:38

day with last week so he's been with

16:40

us. it's like April twenty fourth. so he's

16:42

with us for three years or you're welcome

16:44

eight hundred, I know. Can you believe it?

16:46

Irina Yes, it's like a simple three. Years

16:48

is really flown by. He's

16:50

come a long way since been seized from an

16:52

arrest in South Carolina. I feel I have like

16:54

yesterday years old and I realize you had the

16:56

footage. Is. That real what this does.

16:59

A photo of him being seized. oh

17:01

no that wasn't him. been seized it

17:03

with him like other seltzer. Sell

17:09

on. Your Instagram an employee. I like

17:11

news footage. Season

17:14

like the math books like that as others little

17:16

posts it basically what it was. very cute. I

17:18

wanted you know reminisce on a settlement a person

17:20

in general but I posted the original email I

17:22

got one my rescue animal lighthouse sounds to them

17:24

we love them when they were like hey when

17:26

are you in foster We have this little fluffy

17:28

tail boy coming in would you want to foster

17:30

M and then that there is like a video

17:33

and I think a still showed up in the

17:35

email but if he was already I am a

17:37

shelter I was. I meant as you that was

17:39

like a human for something. The footage of him

17:41

being rescued so you know I can't get the

17:43

story. I thought well this is for like they

17:45

won't tell me what happened so I just have

17:47

to come up my own hypothesis is it was

17:49

like a drug bust? Are you know that's kind

17:51

of I'm guessing here on earth would you blessed

17:53

up in a house and then there's four dogs

17:55

in there? You know like it's it's it's oh.

17:57

see the gonna love this way Sandler I mean.

18:00

The little teeth came looking like he was the one to

18:02

en masse, but yeah. But we're a plastic surgery family.

18:04

Yeah. So he has to get it too. I think

18:06

I said this before, but there was a vet who

18:08

reached out to me and asked if she could

18:10

give a little braces as like

18:12

her final thing in vet school. Dog

18:14

braces. Yeah, she was like, this is part of

18:16

what I want to do. I can't remember how she

18:18

worded, but she was like, can I do braces on

18:20

a zole? Whatever. It was like part of her

18:23

residency. I don't know how that works exactly. And

18:25

I was like, no, I just like, I'm like this. It's like

18:27

her thesis project. I was like, there's only four teeth even.

18:32

Is it even braces if you like to do four? Yeah.

18:35

I also wanted to say, I mean, at this point

18:37

we will have just gotten back from the Lovers and

18:39

Friends Festival in Las Vegas. But as we record, we

18:42

are heading out there this weekend and it's just like

18:44

my Super Bowl and it's all my like throwback artists

18:46

from like the nineties, early two thousands. And I went

18:48

two years ago. It was truly like the best day

18:50

of my life. And you're coming this year. We'll see

18:52

how you do. Cause I

18:54

don't, you're not a musical festival girlie. Fuck no.

18:56

I don't care about these artists as much and

18:58

it's going to be hot as balls. I

19:01

feel empowered though, going into it. Cause like no

19:03

one thinks I'm a musical festival girlie. I left

19:05

Coachella as soon as I got there. Essentially, it's

19:07

just, it's not for me. I don't want to

19:09

be hot. I just don't care that much. It's

19:11

not just, it's not for me. I'll go to

19:13

a concert. It's still not my favorite way to

19:15

spend money. Like in the hierarchy of like, I

19:17

spent my money on it's like travel, food, clothing.

19:19

Music is so far at the bottom. Yeah. So,

19:22

so we'll see how it goes. I'm excited. We have a big

19:24

group of girlfriends going. Yeah. I

19:26

think it's like worth the money. I just want to take it

19:28

with everybody. Oh, totally. Yeah. And we'll

19:30

do the pool party at the encore, at the

19:33

win on Friday. I think it's like Diplo and

19:35

we have a dinner that night and it's my

19:37

best friend from childhood, kind of early 40th celebration.

19:40

And so it's like a whole thing and yeah,

19:42

we'll see how you fare. I mean, to me,

19:44

I'm like, this is a marathon, not a sprint.

19:46

Like I'm dressing for it. I'm hydrating. Like I'm

19:48

getting there as early as I can and like

19:50

I'm planning out my schedule. Like we'll see who

19:52

wants to like run around with me and do

19:54

all this. Cause like the lineup is insane. It's

19:56

like so many artists that I'm like, I can't

19:59

see them all. I really wish it was two days.

20:01

It's crazy to me that they put people of our age through this.

20:03

This is an older demo, and they're like, 300

20:06

artists one day, see if they can do it. See how many of them

20:08

die. Yeah. Let's kill

20:10

off some of these generations. Who

20:13

survived? See if you can make it

20:15

to Jana Jackson that night. Yeah. That's funny. Well, there's like

20:17

six of us going, and plus like a bigger group also.

20:19

So like, I feel fine. This is where I like group

20:21

trips. You can splinter off if you feel like it. Lee's

20:23

gonna get blacked out by four o'clock. She'll take a nap,

20:26

I think. Yeah, I mean, you can just, and you can

20:28

walk back to the hotel. Two years ago, I had to

20:30

go back and like take a break, take a shower, do

20:32

an alpha change. I like physically felt like

20:35

so disgusting. But let's

20:37

take a quick break, and then we'll get back

20:39

into it. I am so excited to tell you

20:41

guys about Hatch. Okay, so I am so big

20:43

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20:51

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20:53

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20:55

that type of thing. So we're just really excited

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to talk about this. And I think everybody can

20:59

relate to that. Like you're laying in bed, you

21:02

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21:04

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25:33

so I was in Boston this past weekend and

25:35

I just have to tell, I love telling you

25:37

about like some fan interactions because they're like my

25:39

favorite. Those are like some of our absolute favorite

25:41

girlies and we have a show there and we'll

25:43

talk about the tour in a little bit, but

25:45

I just had like two very funny things. So

25:48

one, we were like going to his parents' house

25:50

and just to like visit with them for a

25:52

little bit and they live like more in the suburbs

25:54

like outside of Boston. And so we stopped at

25:56

this huge farm. It was so beautiful, I

25:58

was like, Raina would be loving this so much. like rain at my

26:00

mom would thrive here. It was just like this

26:02

huge market. Then they have this giant tulip field.

26:04

They were doing a tulip picking day. So there's

26:06

always like families in this like tulip garden. You

26:09

could get flowers. It's huge. It's called Wilson Farm,

26:11

I think. They have the pumpkin patch in the

26:13

fall and it's just this like amazing farmer's market

26:15

indoor vibe, whatever, it's like incredible. So I was

26:17

like, let me pop in there and get some

26:19

flowers for your mom. So I go in, I

26:21

get her like a dozen tulips and I didn't

26:23

pick up myself. Sorry, we don't have time. And

26:25

we're driving out and I hear like, Ashley! A

26:28

car, a girl in the suburbs out of this farm.

26:31

Ashley, we love you! And

26:33

it's like five girls, they're hanging out at this

26:35

SUV. They're like two cars behind. And they're like,

26:37

ah! And so first of all, like, how am

26:39

I hearing these girls' names in like the farm

26:41

in the suburbs, whatever? And so I turn around

26:43

and I'm like, I love you too, whatever. And

26:45

they go, show us your tulips! And

26:48

they just spook me out

26:50

the window. All day we

26:53

were going, show us your tulips. That's not where I thought

26:55

this was going. Show us yours? I heard so close to show

26:57

us your tits. Like, show us your

26:59

tulips! And then I suck 12 tulips out the window and

27:01

they go, whoa! This

27:03

is better than our oddest. Funny thing. That is not what

27:05

I expected. Show us your tulips. Show us your tulips?

27:08

What if you just took your boobs out? I know, I

27:10

was like, oh, I heard tits. Sorry, I heard breasts. No

27:12

one's ever asked you to do my flowers. You weirdo. But

27:15

also no one's ever asked you my tits either. They're like, we don't care,

27:17

we get it. They're small. And

27:19

then the other thing, we went to this dinner at this

27:21

place, which I've been trying to keep them a little bit,

27:23

but I still wanna hype them. They're called Source. It's like

27:25

my favorite pizza. It's in Cambridge, like in Harvard Square. So

27:27

we leave the restaurant. We're walking out, this girl comes up

27:29

to me in the street. She walked out the same time

27:32

as us. She's with her boyfriend. And she was just like,

27:34

I love you so much. You know, coming to the show,

27:36

this and that. We've come to the show before, whatever. And

27:38

she was like, can I get a picture with you? And

27:40

then sparklize was like, do you want me to take it?

27:42

And she was like, of course. And so he goes, after

27:44

this you can get a picture of us. And he said

27:46

it kidding. Well. And

27:49

I thought he meant like me and him. Yeah,

27:51

after. After. After.

27:56

We took a picture. He handed it to her and made

27:58

her take a picture of him and her. Boyfriend.

28:03

He was. He made a surprise bigger

28:05

picture of him and her boyfriend and

28:07

the spurs. I say that hurt himself

28:09

or others. You can be like me.

28:11

As far as I. Said

28:14

no Her boyfriend i was like a

28:16

was i haven't. Seen a half ads

28:18

and the through public what am I doing

28:20

It was so funny is so fun energy

28:22

really it like our remix up all the

28:24

time the adolescent that about as the games

28:26

especially like on one I was it was

28:28

very very funny I just think he really

28:30

is like such as guys I'm like guys

28:32

like him are friends boyfriends l a cameo

28:34

important I haven't Ryan or body like it's

28:37

of word them the like and along with

28:39

her that he has and then another girl

28:41

we're hanging out with a Borgias on the

28:43

water. this girl comes over and she's sorry

28:45

dell you do not have. To

28:48

like and twenty and foot six. I she's very cute

28:50

she was like he was help me to. Realize she came to the

28:52

show in two thousand twenty one by herself and she's

28:54

gonna come again. She was like very cute! I loved.

28:56

Her story. but at one point she goes. I

28:58

mean, you're older than me and my skills that

29:01

slicks. I appreciate that she's twenty and I'm forty.

29:03

Thanks you Thirty eight Be like I'm here to sorta

29:05

be clear the are older than me like you would

29:07

do but see just misses and case but she was

29:09

just like I look up to you and a funny

29:11

way but is she walked away he was six to

29:13

talk bother you as a so not all I knew

29:15

it she maxime Switzer say to somebody i mean you're

29:17

older than me it's very funny but I actually to

29:20

me I got all I really appreciate are spending and

29:22

said he down and linked to selling right an usher

29:24

in her story by us you know been there were

29:26

just out and any so excited go back on tour

29:28

and like see all of he buys and you we

29:30

have that. Third, so he added in Boston and we

29:33

really hope you guys like thought of this tickets because

29:35

it'll sell out and of course every the place we're

29:37

going like we have so many shows even listed on

29:39

them all in a couple weeks but we're so excited

29:41

for the know com sore in the fall in the

29:44

winner Roka is our com us gals tickets and just

29:46

like mean so much because when I meet our listeners

29:48

on the street like almost all the time they have

29:50

like com do a show or they're coming to another

29:52

show and i just feel if we have share this

29:55

bond like every single time like everyone what I'm avast

29:57

in at least because. Those are like the elite where

29:59

they're just like. I came in 2019, I came in 2021, I came

30:01

in 2023, I'm

30:03

coming this year, it just means so much. I

30:05

feel like we all really share this experience together.

30:07

It never gets lost on me what an honor

30:09

it is that somebody spends their money and a

30:12

lot of their time on us. I

30:14

met the hottest couple ever in Santa Barbara and they're like, we came to

30:16

this show in Sacramento last year and I was like, we two are so

30:18

hot out of the three, some would do. I

30:20

wanna hear about your weekend. So I had honestly the

30:22

best few days. I like can't believe how great it

30:25

was. So this is this weird thing. No one that

30:27

we're friends with who's in town this weekend, it was

30:29

pretty crazy. Everybody abandoned me, like 100% of people left. And

30:33

so I was like, what am I gonna do? But

30:35

I've been wanting to go to Santa Barbara and Ojai.

30:37

Santa Barbara is two hours north and it's like sort

30:39

of a beach town, like a fancy beach town. And

30:41

Ojai is inland in the mountains. So Santa Barbara was

30:43

like really cloudy the day I got there and it

30:45

is sort of like a ghost town during the week

30:47

anyway. So I was like, what the fuck am I

30:49

gonna do all day to like kill time? I'm gonna

30:51

be bored, I'm like between meals. And so I like

30:53

looked at the spa and then it was like last

30:55

minute. So she was like, do you mind a male

30:57

therapist? And I was like, I could do that, that's

30:59

fine. It usually turns me on a lot, so I'm like, that's

31:01

great. So I got there and this kind of

31:03

walks into the room. He's young and

31:05

so buff and like big muscles, like

31:08

big thick nerd glasses. Oh my God.

31:10

He's like maybe 30. He's Superman. Yeah,

31:12

he did, he was like a short

31:14

Superman. Short kick. I like laid

31:16

down on my stomach, whatever, and he was like, do you

31:18

want me to focus on anything? I was like, no, great.

31:20

And he was like, do you want me to paint? And

31:22

I was like, no. And he was like, nothing. And I

31:24

was like, I don't carry a lot of tension in my

31:26

body. And he was like, that's crazy. But

31:29

he was like so hot. So I put my face in like that

31:32

butt pillow. In the hole. In

31:34

the hole. And I like, I like couldn't

31:36

stop smiling and laughing at how uncomfortable this was because

31:38

he's like very hot. And I just, you just walk

31:41

in, you're just like immediately naked with a person. You

31:43

get to put their hands on you. It's so, so

31:45

wild. It's crazy. And like, he gets like down

31:47

to my butt where the oil is. And I

31:50

don't know, he said something and then I said

31:52

something. And then we just started like talking and

31:54

we talked for the full hour. And I'm always

31:56

like, how do I stay present during a massage?

31:59

I don't pick all this money. And like I actually like

32:01

was able to say present because him and

32:03

I just like laugh to joke about crazy,

32:05

but it's so awkward. You don't acknowledge it.

32:08

It's so intimate. His hands are all over

32:10

my body with lube. Yeah. With the lube.

32:13

Don't forget you guys. Frana likes her lube

32:15

massages. It's crazy. And you enjoyed

32:17

it. Okay. Would you enjoy it if he was

32:19

not? You would have been like, shut the

32:21

fuck up. I mean, it always says like, how much talking do you

32:23

want? Yeah. Like an Uber.

32:25

Like who says a bunch of

32:27

a lot of full conversation? Like

32:29

I said to him, like, do you prefer to disassociate

32:32

when this happens? And he's like, Oh, that depends

32:34

on the client. He's like some clients moan a

32:36

little bit. Oh, yeah. Frana, that's sexual.

32:38

And I was like, he wanted you to moan. Some

32:41

clients moan a little bit? He didn't say that to

32:43

you. Can you use the word moan? Yeah. I

32:46

said like, what? He said make noises and

32:48

I said moan. Okay. Exactly. Exactly. I

32:51

was like, he didn't say moan to you. That's a sec. But

32:53

I was like, what's like some weird stuff people have done?

32:55

He's like, there's some kind of crazy noises. And I was

32:57

like, if a man walks in here, is he weird about

32:59

it being you? Because you're hot. Like,

33:01

I didn't say because you're hot. That would have been sexual harassment. But

33:04

you said it. I

33:06

just stuffed out her another cute line.

33:11

It's just their hands are all over your body

33:13

and they're like inches away. He did the whole

33:15

butt like nude butt cheek. Sometimes they don't do

33:17

nude butt. And I was just so intimate.

33:19

We were talking about like his life. He mentioned like some

33:21

daddy issues and I was like, here's where we're going to

33:23

be quiet. Now we're here to talk about my. I'm

33:26

like, oh, weird. I fell asleep. You did such a great

33:28

job. Talk to someone else about your daddy issues. Yeah, seriously. He

33:31

like mentioned that he had a girlfriend while we were

33:33

doing it. Oh, he did. Okay. Is

33:35

this uncomfortable? How does she feel about it? Yeah.

33:38

I mean, that whole thing is like so crazy to

33:40

me that your boyfriend like lubes people up for a

33:42

living. And how many butts did you touch today? Yeah,

33:44

I mean, the same. It's like when the guy is

33:47

like when his girlfriend's touching on all these people every

33:49

day too. You know, I don't know. I mean, it's

33:51

professional. It's like anybody that's like actors make out with

33:53

other actors. Yeah. I have

33:55

not had a male masseuse in so

33:57

many years. I'm going to go back to it. I'm

34:00

going back like it is so intimate

34:02

sexy. I found myself being a little jealous me

34:08

Palm is in your butt crack and you're like damn

34:10

it. I thought I was the only one. Yeah, you're

34:13

like you touch her like this You

34:16

tell her about your daddy issues. Well, you've robbed

34:18

her attention out. Oh my god.

34:20

That's what I've always noted to you and you

34:22

and spark live Yeah, I did. We

34:25

enjoyed it. Anyway, well, we are gonna

34:27

get into it with tanks We are so excited for

34:29

you guys. This is such a fun conversation. We haven't

34:31

had this in a minute We've just had a lot

34:33

of male guests on but it really

34:35

is like three girlfriends just chatting about dating and

34:37

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38:26

Okay, guys, we are very excited to welcome

38:28

our guest today She is a lifestyle creator

38:30

advice expert and the host of the podcast.

38:32

It's me tanks She has been named

38:34

one of Forbes top creators and she is

38:37

a New York Times Best-selling author of the

38:39

shift change your perspective not yourself, you know

38:41

her as TikTok's big sister. Please welcome

38:43

to the show tanks Thanks guys. Thank you

38:45

for having me. Yeah We're

38:49

learning a lot. I'm glad we didn't

38:51

know if tanks when the name came about you've had

38:53

it since you were 12 Yeah,

38:55

a long-standing nickname. We didn't know you

38:57

had a water bottle company. Yes ESWB

38:59

emotional support water bottles because I made

39:02

a video in 2020 about this water

39:06

cup that I loved and I was like so

39:08

obsessed with it and it went really viral and

39:10

then if you searched tanks

39:13

cup and Amazon it would come up and

39:15

then so like After a year I started

39:17

developing my own because I was like I really want

39:19

really cute patterns and colors for us to have Because

39:21

I feel like a water bottle now is almost like

39:23

a phone case where you kind of want to have

39:25

multiple For your mood and your

39:27

vibe and like, you know what for the

39:29

car you need your like bedside table one

39:31

So I'll send you guys

39:33

some and okay. It's your water bottle

39:36

designer and also a DJ and DJ

39:38

writer Multi

39:40

hyphen it's I'm a true millennial. Where did

39:43

you DJ in your closet? Lucy's? Okay. Yeah,

39:45

it was really fun I did you with

39:47

my best friend Lucas We

39:49

have been best friends for like eight years

39:52

I met him in San Francisco

39:54

and we've always loved music and then I

39:56

mean, it's not that deep basically at Coachella

39:58

last year We were like a little drunk and

40:03

you know we were enjoying nature's bounties

40:05

like all the everyone yeah and we

40:07

were like looking at Sophie Tucker and

40:10

we were like you know

40:12

they look like they have so much fun like

40:14

we should do that we should get

40:17

paid to party and and go all

40:19

over the world and party with our friends and so

40:21

that's what we decided to do and less

40:23

than a year later we're doing it so

40:25

that is so iconic you know my

40:28

favorite non DJ DJ besides you

40:30

now is check yeah

40:33

wait what does he go by

40:35

DJ diesel yeah pop up with

40:37

that one people people so fun

40:39

good skill to have and it's so fun

40:41

and I love to party like in a non-ironic

40:43

way like I really do just like I enjoy a

40:45

party I always will it's not like a phase

40:48

it's not like something I'm the grow out of yeah

40:50

no matter what happens if I have kids whatever like

40:52

I'm always gonna love a party so it's just like

40:54

a fun skill to have and bring people together and

40:56

it's a great way to hang with my community because

40:59

like so many of them came on Saturday night we

41:01

get to braids together I feel like we say I'm

41:03

like the DJ but I'm not actually behind the booth

41:05

yeah 100% okay I have a question for you since

41:07

you say you like to party you're like no really

41:10

like I love to party do you

41:12

consider yourself an extrovert no I'm

41:14

actually an extroverted

41:16

introvert I know I know I know

41:20

everyone does but it's like I get energy from

41:22

the right people and I get very tired from

41:24

the wrong people I'm so rude about small talk

41:26

like I can't emphasize this enough people think that

41:28

I'm kidding my eyes will like start to glaze

41:30

over like I was born cross-eyed so like sometimes

41:32

I even feel like I go a little cross-eyed

41:35

when people when if I sit down and people

41:37

are like so where are you from I'm like

41:39

oh like I start to spasm like I

41:41

can't and it's because I'm just

41:44

I can't deal with the small talk like I'm

41:46

terrible at a cocktail party where I don't know anyone but

41:48

if you put me in you know in front of a DJ booth

41:51

give me a microphone then we're good you know

41:53

we're always the girl growing up that said like

41:55

crazy shit you just could not do small talk

41:57

or did you feel like you're screaming on the

41:59

inside trying to be like quiet a people-plaser. I

42:01

didn't really come into myself until I went to

42:03

college. I went to an all-girls school that was

42:05

very strict with a uniform and I had one

42:07

best friend, we did everything together and I had

42:09

a few other friends, but I wasn't like part

42:11

of a huge group. I grew up in England

42:13

and so it was like also a very British

42:15

school and I just felt like I had to

42:18

spread my wings, so I was like, I'm gonna

42:20

go to California. Like I had watched a lot

42:22

of Laguna Beach and I had watched like the

42:24

OC and I was like, it was

42:26

like a movie, you know, when they're like, I wanna

42:28

go there, like foreign. Say

42:30

by the bell too, which I'm a little older than you,

42:32

but I was like, California is a foreign place. It's a

42:35

different place, they do things differently there. They

42:37

have a really good time, like everybody has a convertible, like

42:39

everybody's kissing a lot of boys, me

42:42

a virgin at the time. Like I was like, I need

42:44

to get myself to California. So I applied to like a

42:46

ton of schools in America. I was like, see you later

42:48

family, go to school in

42:50

California and like the second my feet hit

42:52

the ground, I was like, I'm reborn. And

42:56

it's like a good, no, I'm so preachy, like I turn

42:58

and my followers always make fun of me because I like

43:00

everything has to be like a lesson. But like what I

43:02

learned a lot is like confidence is so fake at you,

43:04

you make it like I wasn't confident in high school and

43:06

then when I got to college, I was like, nobody

43:09

here knows me. Who's gonna call your bluff? Who's gonna

43:11

call my bluff? Like, yeah, if I pretend to be

43:13

confident and fun, like they'll think I

43:15

am and that's exactly what happened. President of

43:17

my sorority, like had the best time, like

43:19

a million friends and like you can be

43:21

whatever you want and I'm a big fan

43:23

of, you know, reinventing yourself and

43:25

going through different eras and you know,

43:27

doing the whole thing. So long winded answer, but. No,

43:29

I'm fascinated by people that grew up in all girls'

43:31

schools and like what that does to you. I loved

43:33

all girls. Did you love it in it or looking

43:35

back? Of course at the time I was like, you're

43:37

ruining my life. Like I'm so excited. It's horrifying,

43:39

terrifying environment to me. But I hear you like looking

43:42

back, you're like, that was dope. It made me who I

43:44

am today. My entire platform is

43:46

about female friendship and like being a strong

43:48

woman and like making yourself happy, filling up

43:50

your cupboard. That's what my book is about.

43:52

Like it's all, you can trace it back

43:54

to the female friendships that I

43:57

had and how important I feel

43:59

that they are. in life and I don't

44:01

think I would appreciate it on the same level had

44:03

I not gone to an all girls school. And

44:06

also I'm boy crazy now like I

44:08

cannot imagine how it would have been if I

44:10

was in high school. I'm actually not boy crazy

44:12

now but you know what I mean if I

44:14

was in high school I was very self-conscious in

44:16

high school. I think the uniform and the fact

44:18

that it was all girls was kind of like

44:21

if I have a zit who cares. It removes

44:23

the whole thing. I mean I had the exact

44:25

opposite experience. It took me way longer to arrive

44:27

at the like I want to be a girl's

44:29

girl. I want tons of girlfriends like growing up

44:31

I just wanted boys attention. I want to be

44:33

popular. I want guys to like me. I had

44:35

a lot of girlfriends but I wasn't like beating

44:37

the drum of like female empowerment. Nothing

44:40

means more to me than my girlfriends. It took me much

44:42

longer to arrive there. But I like that you're like I

44:44

wouldn't be who I am today without it. I think it's

44:46

that way about social media. If I went out social media

44:48

in high school and college I think it would have broken

44:50

me a little bit. Of course. And I feel so lucky

44:52

and so I feel like it's kind of the same thing

44:54

like looking back it's like that's what made you who you

44:56

are. Nice. Not boy crazy. Are

44:59

you dating anybody? Are you single? I'm seeing someone

45:02

it's very very casual. We're not

45:04

like exclusive or just like yeah. Okay.

45:06

How'd you guys meet? I was dating an

45:08

app. Okay. How do you like do you

45:10

like using dating apps? You found the sass. Are they mean to an end?

45:12

She's in the dating app era. I watched your thing last night. So it

45:14

was a sponsored post but I still felt like I felt like it was

45:16

pretty much. No but it was true. As

45:18

much as possible I tried to line up

45:21

the truth of the one kind. It was

45:23

fun. Last year I was so

45:25

like moody Judy. I

45:27

was so had a really bad attitude

45:29

about dating and I didn't go on

45:31

any dates. I was just like obsessed

45:33

with my ex-boyfriend who I broke up

45:35

with was like okay whatever how long

45:37

together only nine months but like

45:40

everything with me is like so like that's a

45:42

long time like anyway long story but obsessed

45:44

with him for the whole year wouldn't go

45:47

on dates when I was like the apps

45:49

are so bad and they are listen the

45:51

apps are really really really bad but then

45:53

I went on this classic classic millennial go

45:56

on a trip to Costa Rica over New

45:58

Year's and I like you pray love. like, act

46:00

a little slutty and I come back a new woman and

46:02

I'm like, you know what? I have

46:04

a choice. Like, I can either let these dating

46:06

apps fuck me and make me depressed or

46:09

I can learn how to use them to my

46:11

advantage. This is an app. This

46:13

is an algorithm made by people

46:16

who want money. So I can

46:18

either let that make me depressed or I can find a

46:20

way to make it work for me. And so I just

46:22

started being like, for example, on Hinge. I

46:24

don't know if you guys know about Rose Jail, but

46:26

there's something called Rose Jail. I don't know

46:29

what the real name for it is, but

46:31

like they put the hot people in Rose

46:33

Jail and to get them, you have to

46:35

buy digital roses and send them, which is

46:37

humiliating, by the way. First

46:39

of all, you're going to make me buy

46:41

a digital flower to send to some guy

46:43

named Chad who lives in fucking Mar Vista.

46:45

Like getting real hands. And so

46:47

he's in Rose Jail. But Chad is six three. So he's in

46:49

Rose Jail. And I was like, oh, that's so cringe. And then

46:51

I was like, this coming from

46:54

the girl who spends $11.99 on a latte, like, I

46:57

think I can splurge for some roses. Or like,

46:59

yeah, totally. So now

47:01

what I did is I bought 10 pops

47:03

of them. I got rich in

47:06

roses. I am rich. Okay. I

47:08

send them out like they're candy. I pop those

47:11

motherfuckers like they're M&Ms. Okay. I

47:13

send it out all at the time. And

47:15

it's like, yeah, I'm a bad bitch. I'm

47:17

like, and it's like, and I think it

47:19

we're at the point where it's like everybody

47:21

knows that we're in hell together. Like

47:23

we're wading through this sludge of

47:25

the trenches. So it's like, if

47:27

a guy thinks that me sending a roses

47:29

hinge, if he's so not clued into that

47:31

fact that obviously he's in Rose Jail, then

47:33

I would never be with him anyway. And

47:35

also like, I'm not, I can't deal with

47:37

that beta behavior. So it's like, so to

47:39

me, it's like, if I send you

47:41

a rose, you better accept and like, write me something

47:44

funny quick because I've been so do you. So it's

47:46

honor. So if someone sends me a rose, am I

47:48

in Rose Jail? No, not necessarily.

47:50

Damn it. But high

47:52

likelihood, but high likelihood. I'm not. No,

47:55

you are. I'm not a guy. Okay. Or

47:57

is this just a. Yeah, I sent him a rose. This

48:00

is incredible. And I just want to go back

48:02

to what you said about like spending the money,

48:04

you know, if you have it, obviously, you know,

48:06

we don't someone overdrafting for roses, but like, it's

48:08

I when I moved here, I was on this

48:11

mission to really find a partner last year, and

48:13

I and I did, and I'm with my boyfriend

48:15

for about a year, I didn't mean to my

48:17

day now. But regardless, it was like, my intention

48:19

and my manifestation. And I paid the premium Raya

48:21

top tier price, which is not cheap.

48:23

And that's just one example, like kind of like the

48:26

rose thing, like, you feel like you're like, am I

48:28

going to pay for this shit? And I'm like, am

48:30

I this big of a loser? And then you're

48:32

like, why would I not like, I'm paying for

48:34

all this other stuff. Yeah, I'm spending my energy

48:36

pay for a gym. Yeah. You pay for a

48:38

certain student on a plane while reading by the

48:40

way, if you want to take it back to

48:42

how people used to me, which is like going

48:44

out, you pay for the drinks. Like when you

48:46

go out on a night out with your friends

48:48

to try and meet a guy, you pay for

48:50

a million shitty vodka sodas. It's the same fucking

48:52

thing. Pay for an Uber. Like, I was like,

48:54

removing the stigma. Like, if this is my goal,

48:56

and it costs a little more money, like, why

48:58

do I have a weird thrush? Hold on this.

49:00

Totally. I'm going to spend it somehow 100%. And

49:03

what I say to my followers also is, we

49:05

need to take it less seriously, because it's

49:07

so unserious. We're at the point where we

49:09

are like pontificating about digital roses. It's so

49:11

unserious. So just do whatever feels good and

49:13

try to have fun with it. Because I

49:15

really think that we're at the elbow of

49:17

a shift in dating, where we are just

49:19

going into a new time. And we're not

49:21

adjusted yet. And it feels uncomfortable and strange

49:23

and stressful. And it feels very personal. But

49:25

it's not. So don't take it seriously. Well,

49:27

you talk about your book about getting people

49:29

off of pedestals. And like, I think we're

49:31

embarrassed to buy these roses and set them

49:33

because you're like, well, how's this gonna look? It's

49:36

like, who fucking cares? What does that guy do

49:38

today? That's so impressive. We're all gonna be cringe.

49:40

And also, like, I love the notion, not as

49:42

it pertains to dating, but in general, of like,

49:44

everything you want is just over the other side

49:46

of cringe mountain. And it's like, everybody who has

49:48

achieved something great that you could possibly want, they

49:50

got there because they were like, yeah, fuck it,

49:52

I'm gonna go for it. Like, I'm gonna do

49:54

the cringe thing. I'm gonna post on TikTok. I'm

49:56

gonna record the song. I'm gonna learn to DJ

49:58

in my 30s. Whatever. It's like

50:00

yeah, you can sit there and think it's cringe,

50:02

but like you're the one sitting there and they're

50:04

the people doing it I love that. Yeah, great.

50:06

Okay. Well, what we don't want to do is

50:09

have basic ass small talk with you about the

50:11

box theory No, we already dove in but you're

50:13

kind of known for the box area And I

50:15

really wanted to chat with you about your feelings

50:17

on it now and if you still believe it

50:19

wholeheartedly And

50:21

then also we have a reverse

50:23

box theory in the book, which we want to dive into

50:25

I always wanted to write a book I

50:27

went to school for English like I had a

50:29

creative writing and you know, I got my masters in

50:31

journalism and I Didn't know

50:33

what I wanted to write it about and as my content

50:36

started to develop I just

50:38

thought why don't I put all my theories which

50:40

other girls seem to like in one place and

50:42

kind of write about the mistakes that I

50:44

made in my 20s and It's

50:47

just a book that I wish I had when

50:49

I was 25 because I was like very lost

50:51

and felt very upset and alone and behind and

50:53

I didn't know how to be happy by

50:56

myself and I wish that I had an

50:58

Influencer who I thought was cool to be

51:00

like, oh, well, I'm single and I'm happy.

51:02

It's okay You're allowed to be that's normal

51:04

and fine. I'm good and you should box

51:07

theory I'm shocked at

51:09

how much it's like retained

51:11

its, you know notoriety or whatever But

51:14

for anyone listening who doesn't know it's

51:16

my theory that when a guy

51:18

meets a girl This is sis

51:20

hetero relationships in a romantic setting

51:23

He puts her into one of three boxes. He wants

51:25

to date her he wants hookup with her or he

51:28

wants nothing to do with her Okay, last one is

51:30

easy You should be able to tell when he wants

51:32

nothing to do with you where people get confused is

51:34

between hookup and dating box Now the

51:36

thing is you cannot switch from box to box So

51:39

if you're in the hookup box You

51:42

can talk about Jesus and golden retrievers

51:44

and you cannot have sex with him

51:46

for five months and

51:49

he still won't want to date you Bryce versa if

51:51

you're in the date box and You

51:54

get blackout drunk on your first date and throw

51:56

up on his shoes if he wants to

51:58

date you he's still gonna want to date you It's

52:00

just different for men and women. Reverse

52:03

box theory is more of like a mindset

52:05

trick. I noticed throughout my 20s and myself

52:07

a lot as well, is that before girls

52:09

would even meet guys, they would put them

52:11

in one box. See, I want to date

52:13

him, he's everything. He's marriage material. Future trip

52:15

like crazy. Future trip like crazy. Like you

52:17

see three pictures of him on a dating

52:19

app and you're like, we are gonna have

52:21

a June wedding. And you're like, you don't

52:24

know his last name. And it's bad. It's

52:26

like, it's a silly, you know, I'm making

52:28

it sound silly, but like it's very damaging

52:30

because then girls going to first dates

52:32

thinking this is an interview. I have

52:34

to be perfect. Anything I do

52:36

is gonna fuck this up. Like I am on

52:38

edge and they don't for once stop and say,

52:41

wait, has this guy asked me any questions? Wait,

52:43

my drink's been empty for half an hour. He

52:45

hasn't asked if I go refill it. Like he

52:47

didn't remember that I told him that I'm a

52:50

nurse. Like because they're so blinded by the one.

52:52

You already decided. You totally. He has to be

52:54

my husband. He has to be my boyfriend. And

52:56

when you make that shift internally and

52:59

you go into a date thinking this is a vibe check. That's it.

53:02

It's so powerful and it makes it more fun.

53:05

Yeah. I love the advice in

53:07

this book because it just deescalates all these situations.

53:10

It really makes you walk into a date and go, I'm just gonna see

53:12

if I enjoy this. I'm gonna see if I like this person. Yeah.

53:16

But by the way, men agree

53:18

or don't agree with BoxSiri based

53:20

on their maturity and intellect. So have

53:23

people like, they buy some validated

53:25

BoxSiri on TikTok, gotten hundreds of

53:27

thousands of views and said this

53:29

is actually correct. Yeah. And

53:31

my feeling is like, okay, if I withhold

53:33

sex, I could jump boxes. But it's like,

53:35

we always talk about how women have all

53:37

these stories of like, he wore me down.

53:39

You know, like men can jump boxes for

53:41

you, but like you don't hear men and

53:43

stuff like that. It's like for that, my

53:45

thing is like women date like venture capitalists

53:47

and men like stockbrokers. Men are like, what

53:49

is it today? Like I see her and

53:51

I value her on this stock today. Women

53:54

are like, well, with

53:56

us. In three to six

53:58

months, if I put an improvement plan. and

54:00

I invested money here and I did this, then

54:02

I think I could make it work, I could

54:04

scale this company and it's like, why? I'm

54:07

not a rehabilitation center, I'm not a

54:09

therapist, I'm not someone's mommy, we've gotta

54:11

stop thinking like that because you can't

54:13

date someone for their potential. I don't

54:16

want to. Absolutely, but all I'm saying is we

54:18

know so many stories of where women

54:20

didn't like them at first and then they married. I

54:22

was just talking about this yesterday on Instagram, someone

54:24

was like, so you think that women can grow to

54:27

be attracted to a guy? And I was like,

54:29

abso-fucking-lutely. All the fucking time. Men,

54:32

you've never heard him say, and then she was super

54:35

funny and I all of a sudden wanted to fuck

54:37

her. And then my penis got up. No, you don't

54:39

hear it. We talked about it with Jared because we

54:41

were like, this is a story that you hear at

54:43

a wedding. You're like, well at first, when you were

54:45

just friends, I didn't find him attractive and here we

54:47

are today and no guy's ever been like, well at

54:50

first, I didn't want to fuck her at all. Right,

54:52

right. And I was like, how funny was it? People

54:54

are listening and they think they jump boxes and I'm

54:56

sure there's exceptions, everything. There's always an exception, and I

54:58

don't mean this in a mean way, but when

55:01

people write these really long accounts of

55:03

how they jumped a box, they're like, and then I

55:06

hooked up with him casually for two years

55:08

and he finally dated me. And I'm like,

55:11

okay. I'm like,

55:13

so you jumped boxes, good for you. Two

55:15

years? Was it worth the two years? You

55:17

proved me wrong. Yeah, you got

55:20

me. Okay. I

55:22

don't want to manipulate my way into

55:24

the date box. And by

55:26

the way, we've all been in the date box

55:29

and it doesn't happen every day, obviously, but when

55:31

you're in the date box, you

55:33

remember how fucking stupid, you know what I mean?

55:35

You have those moments where you're like, oh, this

55:37

is what it's supposed to feel like. And all

55:39

those other times you were like, I was fucking

55:41

playing myself. I was hitting myself when I was

55:44

like, well, I guess it's not weird that he

55:46

didn't text me for six days. You're like, you

55:48

were in the hookup box. And that's why I

55:50

love the series so much and it's so freeing

55:52

because it just empowers women. Be empowered, by the

55:54

way, if you're okay with being in the hookup box, that's

55:57

okay. Yeah, totally. Like, stay in the box, get yours. I like

55:59

what you said. about waiting two years, because we actually

56:01

in particular, I know one person that's just like,

56:03

she's married to him now. She waited him out

56:05

for years of him not introducing her to his

56:07

family, his friends, like not feeling like she was

56:09

really a part of his life. He like went

56:11

on a trip, was talking to some girl on

56:13

Instagram, she found out, like she just waited him

56:15

out for years. And now they're married. And then

56:17

I'm like, you won't be taking the best years

56:20

of my life waiting for somebody. Like it's everybody's

56:22

choice. I can't feel like that day to day

56:24

for a month. No, no, no, no, same. I'm

56:26

very independent. Like I couldn't do it. But like,

56:28

if it works for someone, it works for them.

56:30

Like, you know, Tina Jade. I think

56:32

that it's hard to like, like you meet somebody and you're

56:34

just like, I'll wear them down. Like he'll see how great

56:36

I am. And maybe I just want to sex them. Like

56:38

he's gonna see that I'm worth dating. And it's, I like

56:40

how you talk about in the book where you're just like,

56:42

you gotta just go live your life. You gotta date and.

56:45

You have to live your life. You have to be the

56:47

main character of your life. The second you start to wait

56:49

around for a guy or anybody, you

56:51

are elevating them to a higher status in

56:53

your own life. Which is like really sad. And

56:55

I don't say that from a judgmental place. I say it

56:57

because I did it for an entire decade of my life

56:59

in my twenties. And I feel sad and I wish that

57:01

I could go back and I could be like, maybe he

57:03

doesn't like you. Like it's okay. There's a lot of guys

57:06

who do. And if you would just go

57:08

see them or better yet, go have fun

57:10

with your friends and do anything else and

57:12

sit around and be sad about this guy

57:14

who does not like you, then yeah. Absolutely.

57:17

I love this theory of match the energy.

57:19

If that's what somebody's giving you. Match the

57:21

energy. Match the energy back. Yeah. I

57:24

think that we all think I'm gonna lean in harder. I'm gonna show this

57:26

person how great I am because I am

57:28

so great. And I like that. I also, you just said

57:30

this and I also like to reiterate, like we've all done

57:32

this. Like that's how we're able to speak on it. I

57:34

always wanna make sure, I mean, I'm 40 years old. We

57:37

never wanna come across like, you silly girls. We're like, no,

57:39

you are us. I only know this because I've done this

57:41

a hundred times. You look

57:43

fast, you're like, oh my God. I quite literally wrote the book

57:45

on this because I did it so many fucking times. Like

57:47

that's the point of it. It's like, it's

57:49

not from judgment. It's just like, if I save one

57:52

girl, like six months of

57:54

time, that is like, that's a win for

57:56

me. As lame as it

57:58

sounds, that's really. what I was put

58:01

on earth to do is to like save women

58:03

time. I love it. I do think

58:05

as you get older it does get easier to walk

58:07

away from these situations. Even recently, I've noticed guys

58:10

for a couple years, I really like him, I care about

58:12

him, I can see like a really great future and he's

58:14

just not gonna date me, he's just not. And our friend's

58:16

wife said to me, that guy's not gonna take you home

58:19

to his parents. Like they're conservative, they have a certain type

58:21

of life, like he's not gonna take home the girl who

58:23

owns the vibrator company. And it felt like

58:25

as I've gotten older it was easier to

58:27

just acknowledge that and walk away from the

58:29

situation. Instead of like being depressed and pining

58:31

over it for too long. Knowing where you

58:33

stand is so powerful

58:36

because then you can make an informed decision as

58:38

to whether you're having fun or not or if

58:40

it's worth it for you or not. And we

58:42

have to be real with ourselves. And then you

58:44

can have a funeral. We want to talk about

58:46

funerals. This is maybe arguably my favorite part of

58:48

the book. I just really like

58:50

the closure you can provide

58:53

yourself. Yeah, I personally

58:55

believe we give ourselves closure with a

58:57

situation shift. This is not for if you

58:59

are dating someone for two years and you

59:01

break up, whatever. I'm talking about situation

59:04

shifts. You're seeing someone casually, it's undefined.

59:06

You're probably in the hug-up box, whatever.

59:08

And either they ghost you or they

59:10

are breadcrumbing you, whatever it ends, like

59:13

you need to hold a funeral. You need to get

59:15

yourself together. And like the sillier you make it, the

59:17

better. So what I say is like, go buy yourself

59:20

a treat, a latte, a cake,

59:22

a bottle of wine, go home, light

59:24

a candle, put on Hallelujah,

59:26

the song that Marissa died to in

59:29

the OC. And literally like hold a

59:31

funeral and be like, it is so

59:34

sad that Jonathan

59:36

died or whatever his name is. Like,

59:39

it's so sad that Chad

59:41

from Hinge passed away. That's like

59:43

really, really sad. And take a

59:45

day to fully mourn. And then

59:48

you don't think about him again, because we waste

59:50

so much time thinking about guys we never dated,

59:53

so much time. And it's like

59:55

kind of addictive. Again, speaking from

59:57

experience, not judgment. It's kind of

59:59

addictive. because you're like, you're at work,

1:00:02

you're like on your phone, you're like refreshing

1:00:04

his dumb Instagram that has nine posts, you

1:00:06

know, he's not gonna post, you're like, but

1:00:08

what if, what if, what if, no, what if

1:00:10

he's dead? Yeah, he had a funeral. And

1:00:13

I think, you know, not that like death is funny, he, he,

1:00:15

he, but like you can talk about him as if he's dead

1:00:17

with your friends, which is funny. Totally. RIP,

1:00:19

like rest is sold out. Yeah. Like, I think

1:00:21

that's the way, yes, we don't wish death on

1:00:24

anybody, but to even like, yeah, have him post

1:00:26

mortem with your friends too. It's

1:00:28

just good to like draw a line in the

1:00:30

sand and kind of like, hold your shit together,

1:00:32

you know, sometimes and just be like, enough is

1:00:35

enough, like this is where we're gonna stop because

1:00:37

you can go on and on and on. And

1:00:39

then all of a sudden you've spent like three

1:00:41

months kind of seeing someone and then another three

1:00:43

months like thinking about him. And

1:00:45

I always think to myself, like in any

1:00:47

situation in a year from now, how do

1:00:49

I want to have dealt with this and

1:00:51

then act that way? And it's like, you're

1:00:54

not gonna remember this guy. Like trust me, if

1:00:56

it's just like a random thing you're just doing

1:00:59

to like keep yourself entertained, like it doesn't

1:01:01

matter that it ended, just like move on. The

1:01:03

sooner you move on, the more good shit will

1:01:05

come into your life. I love the theory of

1:01:07

like, how in a year do I want to

1:01:09

look back and see myself? Because how many of

1:01:11

us years later down the road look back and

1:01:13

go, I cried so much over that person. I

1:01:16

was so miserable. I journaled so much. I talked

1:01:18

to everybody in my life. And how lovely would

1:01:20

it be once to look back and be like,

1:01:22

I actually did what I would have hoped I

1:01:24

did. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm proud of

1:01:26

yourself. And again, like one of the nice parts about getting older is

1:01:28

you can kind of like gut check is like, does this matter? Does

1:01:31

this not matter? And like, when

1:01:33

I think about the guys that I cried over

1:01:35

in my twenties and I like literally don't remember

1:01:37

their names. Like I literally have to look on

1:01:39

my list of people I had sex with. And

1:01:41

I'm like, that was so funny. Like, yeah, I

1:01:43

mean, I've dated for, you know, 20 plus years

1:01:45

now at this point. And it's like, you really

1:01:47

literally forget like, okay, I'll be in my contacts.

1:01:49

And I'm like, no, who is Arthur? No, you

1:01:51

know, literally a whole journal about our, I was

1:01:53

upset about Arthur. When I really ran the tape,

1:01:55

I was like, oh my God, I was 27.

1:01:58

Oh, yeah. And it's crazy. It's all skinny, I

1:02:01

was a big dick. It all started to come

1:02:03

flooding back. And I was like, I had forgotten

1:02:05

that a person existed. I even dated an Arthur.

1:02:07

It's wild. And when I was watching Sex in

1:02:09

the City, when I was growing up, I thought

1:02:11

that was the most outrageous, unrealistic episode when she's

1:02:13

like, I fucked you before. I was

1:02:15

like, that would never happen. And I literally, where

1:02:17

was I recently? I was talking to this guy

1:02:19

and I was like, I fucked up with this

1:02:22

guy before. And I was like, oh my God.

1:02:24

I didn't have sex with him, but I was

1:02:26

like, I just literally made out with this person.

1:02:28

And I was like, where have I met you? And

1:02:30

he was like, our friend

1:02:32

had a situation where she matched this guy in Hinge

1:02:34

or whatever day nap. And he felt

1:02:38

familiar to her, but she was like, no, I probably just seen him on

1:02:40

Hinge before, you know? And they

1:02:42

exchanged numbers. The last

1:02:44

text he had sent her was a Zoom

1:02:46

link during COVID for a 2020 COVID date

1:02:48

that they did and never spoke again. She

1:02:51

hated him on the Zoom date. And the

1:02:53

last text was the Zoom. I was like,

1:02:55

oh my God. She was like, I've already

1:02:57

broken up with you. That is so funny.

1:02:59

Did you break up with somebody again? Oh,

1:03:01

the Zoom dates. Did you do those during

1:03:03

COVID? Yeah, I did a lot of FaceTime

1:03:05

dates. I did one with a guy,

1:03:07

he's on TV. He's not that famous, but he's on

1:03:09

TV. We were having a FaceTime for

1:03:11

probably an hour. And then he was like, do

1:03:14

you wanna see something? And I was like, yeah.

1:03:16

And he flipped the camera and he was

1:03:18

choking his dick. And I was like, he was choking

1:03:20

off just me. I was like, ahh! And

1:03:22

we weren't talking about anything sexual. We were like,

1:03:24

we're crazy. Is this the first time you guys

1:03:26

talked? Yeah. You wanna see something?

1:03:28

Yeah. What did you do? I

1:03:30

was like, oh, okay.

1:03:34

I was like, damn, cool. Good

1:03:37

for you. I'm gonna go now. Will you

1:03:39

tell us after a while? And you crossed the phone? I got

1:03:41

off this phone right away. How long did you watch from Jarkov?

1:03:43

Raina. I would've had to linger for like 20 seconds. I'm

1:03:46

heading record, just in case. The worst part

1:03:48

is I actually met up with him after

1:03:50

that. Ah! I'm trash, but

1:03:52

it was really hard times. I

1:03:54

did disgusting things during COVID. No, I was like,

1:03:57

it was really bad. But all bets are off

1:03:59

before I had. I became an influencer, I had this job. I was

1:04:01

out of work, I was like literally going crazy. So

1:04:03

I was like, whatever, I'll go get coffee with

1:04:05

you. 25 minutes late. He

1:04:09

was 25 minutes late? Yeah. Okay.

1:04:12

And then he was like the biggest dick ever. And I was like,

1:04:14

I never again. We were just so desperate during

1:04:16

COVID. No, I smiled. Did like a Zoom recording with

1:04:18

Ashley and a guest and then I blew him like

1:04:20

two seconds later. Like as soon as we got the

1:04:22

room, the first person that was in your

1:04:24

home. The first person during COVID, it was like in

1:04:26

May of the quarantine. And I was like, I'm gonna

1:04:28

suck off this stranger. I remember

1:04:30

doing a Zoom date with the guy that I was dating right before COVID. And like,

1:04:32

I like did a contour. I'm like,

1:04:34

what am I doing? My parents, I was with my parents

1:04:36

for those three months and they were like, what are you

1:04:38

doing? Your makeup? I was like, what? Just leave me alone.

1:04:40

I like shaved my bush for what? Like

1:04:43

what I thought you were gonna show them on Zoom. I used to

1:04:45

put on perfume for Zoom dates. Cause it's just like,

1:04:47

I don't have to live in the mood. I

1:04:49

used to fuck my neighbor during COVID who couldn't

1:04:51

even string together enough words in a sentence to

1:04:53

make me like interested in anything he ever said.

1:04:55

He was the worst. It happened. So you said

1:04:57

something that was interesting. You broke up with somebody

1:04:59

and then you were like kind of obsessed with

1:05:01

them. Yeah, I'm like still obsessed with them. I

1:05:03

think I always will be. Was it you, you

1:05:05

just knew it wasn't? We knew we weren't, it

1:05:07

wasn't like a long-term thing, but it was like,

1:05:09

sometimes you just have the chemistry with someone. That's

1:05:11

like, Okay, that's what you miss, like the chemistry.

1:05:13

The sex of the Maybach. Yeah. Okay. But

1:05:16

like the banter, like the whole package of

1:05:18

like the chemistry together. It's just, we're not

1:05:20

right for each other. I think, you know,

1:05:22

I have the utmost love and respect for

1:05:24

him and like I'm a Virgo and I'm

1:05:26

very like regimented and like prideful. But

1:05:29

I feel like it's almost easier for me to

1:05:31

be like, I'm always gonna like be obsessed with

1:05:33

him or have a crush on him because he's

1:05:35

just like that guy. But it doesn't mean that

1:05:37

it worked out, you know? That is, it's just

1:05:40

such a funny concept. It's such a funny concept.

1:05:42

Having those feelings about an ex and you're like, what do

1:05:44

I work up with him? Yeah. And

1:05:46

it's like, yeah. That's not usually. And then I was like such

1:05:49

a miserable bitch for a year to all my friends. I

1:05:51

was like, you guys need to put this. And they were

1:05:53

like, I can't. Like I

1:05:55

was Carrie. That when her friends are like, stop

1:05:57

talking about him. And then I was like. Did

1:05:59

you mean? him on social? No, I might have been

1:06:01

real life. No, mute him. Did you meet him? Oh,

1:06:04

me too. Yeah. Yeah. But

1:06:07

like you always got that cheeky finsta. I stopped

1:06:09

going on my Finsta. It's been honestly months when

1:06:11

I got a new phone, I just like lost

1:06:13

access to it. And then I created a new

1:06:15

one and I like put a couple people on

1:06:18

there and I was like, I don't care about

1:06:20

any of you. No. So I did an entire

1:06:22

podcast episode called delete your Finsta about like how

1:06:24

it's so damaging for us. Like, yeah, I am

1:06:26

the worst. Like I'm back with a vengeance. I'm

1:06:28

so hypocritical. It's really addictive. And it's

1:06:31

like, I have it for two reasons, like to

1:06:33

stalk boys and then also to like

1:06:35

follow people who make me feel

1:06:37

terrible about myself, like models and whatever. So

1:06:39

it's like double whammy bad. Our friend has

1:06:42

one that's so funny. She

1:06:44

just follows every like reality show person and

1:06:46

all their extraneous. It's like her, I like

1:06:48

that life and style because she doesn't want

1:06:51

to have them on her main.

1:06:53

Yeah, yeah. No, no, no. Go into her Finsta

1:06:55

just to catch up on like the most random

1:06:57

D list reality show stars. So I like that

1:06:59

because I actually have two, I have my like

1:07:01

stalking one and then I have my fashion one

1:07:03

where I just follow like everything and it's like

1:07:05

beautiful and I more think about it like a

1:07:07

Pinterest, right? Because I don't want to have it

1:07:09

on my main. So it's like that for you

1:07:11

page is more of like my real true self,

1:07:14

but like my main is obviously like my friends

1:07:16

and whatever. I try to keep my main just

1:07:18

to like my friends and people that I actually

1:07:20

have met in real life. But

1:07:22

still my for you page is like really weird

1:07:24

on Instagram. It's like I've been talking about getting

1:07:26

a boob job a lot to my friend. So

1:07:28

it's like, Oh, boobs on my feet right now.

1:07:30

We know I'm a guy. Okay, there we go.

1:07:32

We literally he has the best. Okay. Amazing. Yeah,

1:07:34

Dr. Barrett. He's great on social. He

1:07:36

did my job. I've got my face a

1:07:38

little paralyzed right now. That's great.

1:07:40

When did you do it? Four weeks ago. Oh,

1:07:42

wow. But that's normal. Yeah. Yeah. Paralysis in your

1:07:45

face. I'm talking about every week. Yeah. Yeah. He's

1:07:47

the best. He's the best. Okay. So will you

1:07:49

do you get the DM slides? Like will you

1:07:51

entertain the DM from guys? Yeah.

1:07:53

No, I don't think that you go now

1:07:55

following think it's a safe space. They learn,

1:07:58

but it's like not safe for them. there

1:08:00

but I occasionally will but not like

1:08:02

any real one. Nothing's ever come of it. You

1:08:04

have more of like a female following? It's like

1:08:06

97%. I'm 97. Yeah,

1:08:09

yeah. It's so funny. Girls, gays and

1:08:11

nays, thank God. Honestly, I like it.

1:08:13

Our pages are so positive and so

1:08:15

nice. They're so positive. Everything I post,

1:08:17

everybody's just like, yes girl, fire emoji,

1:08:19

go off. There's never, if one man

1:08:21

dares to comment something, everybody will attack

1:08:23

them. It's crazy. We get hate here

1:08:25

and there but it's not unlike our

1:08:27

Instagram. People are really nice. This isn't

1:08:29

a challenge if anyone's listening. But these

1:08:31

poor girls who at one point ever worked

1:08:33

at Barstool or whatever, got all those guys

1:08:36

in their orbit. It's not their fault but

1:08:38

we've cultivated this female audience for six years.

1:08:40

It's really so special. Yeah, that's what we

1:08:42

want. So nice. Can we talk about sex

1:08:45

a little bit? Let's do it. My favorite

1:08:47

topic. I like the chapter in the book

1:08:49

about prioritizing your own pleasure and sex. And

1:08:51

I think so many of us, myself included,

1:08:54

in the middle of a sexual experience are

1:08:56

just like, how do I look? Is this

1:08:58

person enjoying what I'm doing to them? Is

1:09:01

my technique good? Do they like this? And it's

1:09:03

so hard to be like, wait, do I like

1:09:05

this? Am I enjoying this? So can we talk

1:09:07

about this chapter in the book? Yeah, I think

1:09:10

again, it's so from experience. It's like I didn't

1:09:12

really start having good sex until I was like

1:09:14

30. And

1:09:17

I again, really hope that anyone who listens to

1:09:19

me or reads my book or whatever can try

1:09:22

to implement this earlier. I think

1:09:24

that there's so much shame surrounding

1:09:26

female pleasure. I think there's a

1:09:28

huge orgasm gap. I think that

1:09:30

we are just not taught to

1:09:32

advocate for our own pleasure at

1:09:34

all. And the crazy thing

1:09:36

is, once you start doing that, you actually

1:09:38

become hotter. That's like the kicker of all

1:09:41

this, is like once you actually start to

1:09:43

learn how to talk about sex and like

1:09:45

ask the questions and communicate, it

1:09:47

gets better and you become like

1:09:50

so much infinitely hotter to whoever you're

1:09:52

having sex with. What was sex life in your

1:09:54

20s versus your 30s? It was just

1:09:56

so performative. Like it was completely based on

1:09:58

what I thought I needed. to look

1:10:00

and sound and feel like, and that's like

1:10:02

a horrible experience because you're so in your

1:10:04

head and you're not in your body. Orgasms

1:10:07

are so mental for women too. And if you're thinking

1:10:09

about like, oh my God, wait, how should I sound?

1:10:11

Like, wait, what should I do? I read that thing,

1:10:13

like I have to do this nut and this nut

1:10:15

and like, you don't have a shot in hell to

1:10:17

orgasm. It's no wonder why. I think the stat is

1:10:20

like 68% of men orgasm the

1:10:25

first time with a new female partner and like

1:10:27

9% of women do. I

1:10:29

think that 68 seems really low. I

1:10:31

know, I agree. We

1:10:34

did a great episode with Vanessa Marin

1:10:36

and she's a sex psychotherapist. She's fantastic.

1:10:38

We talked about, yeah, if you want

1:10:40

to talk about orgasms. We talked about how women

1:10:42

just don't prioritize this at all and we pride

1:10:44

her as male's pleasure. And I think it is

1:10:47

getting better the more conversations you have about this

1:10:49

stuff, but there's a huge gap. It is, but

1:10:51

like even anecdotally, when I speak to my followers,

1:10:53

who I think are a group of pretty like

1:10:55

engaged, like thoughtful,

1:10:58

intellectual, like women who want it all.

1:11:00

A lot of them are still like, I can't,

1:11:02

I don't know how to work out, so I'm

1:11:04

scared to ask. It's been two years, he's never

1:11:06

gone down on me. And I'm like, this is

1:11:08

like a crisis in my opinion. I'm not trying

1:11:10

to be some like, oh, like I love sex,

1:11:12

like let's talk about it all the time. It's

1:11:14

all rooted in like shame and it's

1:11:17

all rooted in women not viewing

1:11:19

their needs on the same level as men. And

1:11:21

then so like, if that's your relationship with a

1:11:23

guy in the bedroom where it's like, it's always

1:11:25

he comes first. It's always like, oh no, like

1:11:27

it's taking me too long. Don't worry about it.

1:11:30

How do you think that's gonna translate in your

1:11:32

life? Like that will be for your career too.

1:11:34

Like it's gonna be like, oh, well your career

1:11:36

matters less. So like, oh, well you're, you wanna

1:11:38

go there on vacation. I wanna go here, you

1:11:40

matter less. Like it's all connected and I

1:11:43

want to empower women to feel

1:11:46

like they can ask for what

1:11:48

they want in the bedroom and

1:11:50

that's just normal. Yeah, and everyone's

1:11:52

goal should be that you both

1:11:54

get off. So if you're with somebody

1:11:57

that doesn't even cross their mind, I mean,

1:11:59

that's kind of crazy. to me. Like when you're

1:12:01

in like a strong healthy relationship with a partner that

1:12:03

cares about your pleasure, like if he does come first

1:12:05

he's like well what can I do? Oh yeah. If

1:12:07

they just get up and that's it? It's a huge

1:12:09

red flag for me. Or

1:12:11

the did you come? Did I sound like

1:12:13

I came? Oh yeah I mean yeah. Grow

1:12:15

up. No it's crazy. What do you say

1:12:17

to somebody that says my man hasn't gone

1:12:19

down on me in two years? I mean

1:12:21

first my heart. I know it's difficult because

1:12:23

I think when you're

1:12:26

that deep in it's incredibly

1:12:28

daunting subject to broach. Absolutely.

1:12:30

And so that's really tough if you've done

1:12:32

something for that long and it's just you've

1:12:34

never brought it up. You sent him this

1:12:36

podcast. You sent him this podcast or you

1:12:39

say like I really want

1:12:41

to try this or like I was watching

1:12:43

this it really turned me on I want

1:12:45

you to do this like I'm not whatever

1:12:47

you have. But it's like I'm not diminishing

1:12:49

how daunting that task is which is why

1:12:51

I really encourage girls to like

1:12:53

in the beginning stages make it known like no I

1:12:55

didn't come like no that didn't work for me. If

1:12:57

you don't do it from the onset it's very

1:12:59

very difficult to change. It's true and we do believe

1:13:02

you can change it and you can wrap it into

1:13:04

positivity and say you know I love what we're doing

1:13:06

here's what would enhance it for us even more. I

1:13:08

think this thing would be really fun for us

1:13:10

together but yeah if you start from the beginning it

1:13:12

is definitely less backpedaling to do. Oh my god yeah

1:13:15

I mean and again I think you'd love talking to

1:13:17

Vanessa Marin but we talked about our whole episode was

1:13:19

about faking orgasms and like yeah what do you do

1:13:21

when you're in a marriage and you've been doing it

1:13:23

for 10 years or whatever it's like crazy to have

1:13:25

to tell them. Remember I was listening to that couple

1:13:27

fight at the hotel in San Diego and I was

1:13:29

like supposed to meet Raina in the lobby and I

1:13:31

was like I'm gonna be late this couple just started

1:13:33

fighting and if I was like gonna listen till I

1:13:35

felt like if it got dangerous I would call down

1:13:37

because I've actually done that before Gary and they're screaming

1:13:39

back and forth and then she was like what the

1:13:42

fuck have you ate my pussy and I was like oh

1:13:44

Raina I'm gonna be late I have to see this thing.

1:13:46

I was like I support this wholeheartedly and it was so

1:13:48

funny and he's trying to recall and it was just like

1:13:50

the funniest fight to listen to and then they were silent

1:13:52

and I only can assume that he was eating her pussy

1:13:54

and that's what I hope happened. I

1:13:57

have like a kind of an out there like I feel like

1:13:59

most of my fear are kind of

1:14:01

like really backed up by real thought. Is

1:14:03

it the box theory or the actual? No,

1:14:05

this is the actual box theory. But you're

1:14:07

in the box theory? No, but like I

1:14:09

don't really talk about this one because it's

1:14:11

for me personally, it's not for like. Are

1:14:13

you debuting a theory here? No, I just

1:14:15

like think that guys are split into two

1:14:17

types. Like those who love eating pussy

1:14:19

and those who don't. And it's like, I know who

1:14:22

I'll end up with. And it's like, you can tell.

1:14:24

It's hard to get the ones that don't like to

1:14:27

do it, to do it, it just is. I'm so

1:14:29

on my like shit now that I would just

1:14:31

be so turned off by that. Like I don't

1:14:33

think I would ever be even be in a

1:14:35

relationship with a guy who wasn't like obsessed with

1:14:37

doing it. It seems a little stunted and just

1:14:39

like. Because again, it goes back to like, do

1:14:41

you love women? Like do you like, if you're

1:14:43

not turned on by the female orgasm, like then

1:14:45

that to me is like a red flag. So

1:14:47

like there are women that like don't like sucking

1:14:50

dick. I know, but so that's what I was

1:14:52

about to say. But it's different because of the

1:14:54

orgasm inequality. Because when he's

1:14:56

having sex, penetrative sex,

1:14:58

he's coming a hundred percent of the

1:15:00

time. And I also just think it's

1:15:03

like one of those cases where there's a double

1:15:05

standard. And like, I don't give a fuck. Like

1:15:07

sometimes like there's been enough inequality and women have

1:15:09

been through enough shit. Where sometimes I just say

1:15:11

to my followers like, I'm just, I'm sorry,

1:15:13

I can't explain this one away. Sometimes it's not

1:15:15

equal. And in the case of oral sex, I

1:15:17

don't think it is. Well it's also not the

1:15:19

same mechanism. Like, yeah, it's not the same mechanism.

1:15:21

You're choking on something. Your eyes are literally, yeah.

1:15:23

I love sucking dick more than anybody. They don't

1:15:25

call it a job for nothing. Right, but you're

1:15:27

like, your eyes are choking. You're gagging. It's a

1:15:30

lot of work. Well, listen, we could

1:15:32

line up a hundred dudes. And guys that are like, oh, don't

1:15:34

you pussy. Like, I just know who you are. You're not my

1:15:36

kind of guy. You're not my kind of guy. I know it

1:15:38

to be true. I know it wholeheartedly in my soul. I

1:15:40

never dated a guy that didn't want to go down to me. But

1:15:43

it's very funny because then there is that line of

1:15:45

they're too eager. And Nikki Glaser does a bit about

1:15:47

this. She's in her standup session. She posted a clip

1:15:49

recently. The guys that talk about it too much. And

1:15:51

they're like, I'll eat it. I'll eat your pussy. No,

1:15:54

not you. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah. That's

1:15:56

so right. That's so right. I agree with you

1:15:58

wholeheartedly. Because there's like. healthy enthusiasm. But

1:16:00

there's the guys who are like, let's call

1:16:02

them evolved Chads, where they are like in

1:16:05

the mix enough where they know that we're

1:16:07

talking about this. And so they are like,

1:16:09

I actually know one. Yeah. And he's like

1:16:11

my friend, but he's always like, I do

1:16:13

it first thing. And I'm like, okay, but

1:16:15

do you earn it to like, yeah, but

1:16:17

I love that theory. And I stand by

1:16:19

it. Okay, this is gonna be like fighting

1:16:21

last words, but I don't think I would

1:16:23

ever like be with a guy who I

1:16:25

had to ask to do it. I don't

1:16:27

think that's a crazy thing. I don't think

1:16:29

we want to beg people to like worship

1:16:31

our body parts. No, we should want to

1:16:34

be intimate with each other and please each

1:16:36

other. Again, because like, if you've been with

1:16:38

people who do that, then you know,

1:16:40

it's possible. So you're like, well, if this isn't

1:16:42

it, then it's just a compatibility thing. And that's

1:16:44

okay. Right? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's like, it's just

1:16:46

a bad ability thing. So some people are sexual.

1:16:48

I think that, you know, I often forget having

1:16:50

grown up on the East Coast in a very

1:16:53

liberal Jewish family, like people grow up in extreme

1:16:55

religious situations. They don't want to talk about this

1:16:57

stuff. David, that's just not your match.

1:16:59

Oh, a hundred percent. Yeah. This is the new

1:17:01

box. Very like, I feel like it's like he could

1:17:03

take this updated series actually about you. Like if he

1:17:05

doesn't eat your pussy with box

1:17:10

theory. Can we get some press? I wonder

1:17:12

if Simon and juicer will, we'll buy that

1:17:15

book. Thanks. Update her box theory on girls. Yeah. It

1:17:17

doesn't need box theory. It's

1:17:21

just eating box theory. You heard it

1:17:23

here first. I

1:17:25

love that. I really want to like hype this book

1:17:27

because I love the perception shifting

1:17:30

and you, the chapters are short

1:17:32

and there's good takeaways and you really just talk about

1:17:34

how to like change your outlook. And it is so

1:17:36

much more about just like, do I enjoy this? Am

1:17:38

I having fun? Am I finding myself worth? Do I

1:17:40

have friends in a life that I like? And that's

1:17:42

the kind of stuff we talk about all the time.

1:17:45

It's not like a means of finding a partner. It's

1:17:47

like a means to enjoying yourself along the way. And

1:17:49

I think you just have like a lot of really

1:17:51

fun takeaways. You know, if you start with like, I

1:17:53

can change him to shift it to like, why would

1:17:55

I want to? Things like that. I just, there's a

1:17:57

lot of really good takeaways in this book. Even at

1:18:00

the beginning when you were talking about reinventing yourself in

1:18:02

college, I just think that's so important. And we get

1:18:04

asked the question all the time, how can I be

1:18:06

confident? Or how can I have main character energy? Or

1:18:08

how can I reinvent myself? And I just love that

1:18:10

you did it. And you can always do it and

1:18:12

you can always start. It was really great if you

1:18:14

go to college and you're far away. It's great if

1:18:16

you move away. These are great opportunities, but you don't

1:18:19

necessarily have to. But you can just do a little

1:18:21

thing, like a little tripwire into it. Like I believe

1:18:23

in that stuff. Like I know it sounds so stupid

1:18:25

and silly, but like if you go

1:18:27

get a new haircut, or like if you like

1:18:29

go get a cool outfit, or if

1:18:31

you, even if you move apartments, like take

1:18:33

those opportunities to refresh and be like, what

1:18:35

do I want for this next era of

1:18:37

my life? You start a new job. I

1:18:39

don't know. You get a new fucking amazing

1:18:41

peacoat. You can use

1:18:44

that to get into your next era.

1:18:46

It's very available. And I really, really,

1:18:48

really, will even faking until you make it. I

1:18:50

love that. Accept your orgasms, everybody. Accept your orgasms.

1:18:54

Well, tinks, tell everyone where they can

1:18:56

find you, click the book, whatever you

1:18:58

want to plug your show. I'm at

1:19:01

tanks, T-I-N-X on all platforms. My podcast,

1:19:03

it's me, tanks is available everywhere you

1:19:05

get your podcasts. And my

1:19:07

book, the shift is available wherever you

1:19:09

get your books. Okay. And

1:19:12

you guys know where to find us. girlsgottaeat.com

1:19:14

for tour tickets, new merch, all the things.

1:19:16

Girls Got to Eat podcast on Instagram and

1:19:18

TikTok. I'm Ash has right as right as

1:19:20

that Greenberg and vibesonly.com for all the sex

1:19:22

toys and all the things and subscribe on

1:19:24

YouTube. Share this episode with a friend, get

1:19:26

Tinks' book. And we'll see you next week.

1:19:29

Have a good week, guys. Bye. Bye. Bye.

1:19:32

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

1:19:35

Bye. Bye. Bye.

1:19:38

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

1:19:41

Bye. Bye. Bye.

1:19:44

Bye. Bye. Bye.

1:19:46

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

1:19:50

Bye.