0:00

This is the BBC. This

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podcast is supported by advertising outside

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the UK. BBC

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Sounds, music, radio, podcasts.

0:18

Hello, I'm Steve Punts. And I'm Hugh Dennis. With

0:21

us are Lucy Porter, Alastair Beckett King, Ed

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Jones, Katie Norris and Mitch Ben. And

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this is... The

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No-Show! Thank

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you. Thank you very much.

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So, for the second week running, we

0:45

begin by pointing out that we know

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there's an election coming, but we don't

0:49

know when. And the whole country is

0:51

treading water until we do. You see,

0:53

they could be trying to pick a

0:55

date where the nation might feel good,

0:57

like during the Euros or straight after

0:59

Eurovision or during the Olympics. Next for

1:01

the high jump, Rishi Sunak. The

1:05

thing the government seems to be most banking on

1:07

is their plan to send around 300 asylum seekers

1:09

to Rwanda, leaving only the other 161,000

1:11

waiting for a decision still in the country. Labour

1:15

predictably criticised the plan this week, claiming

1:18

that each person sent to Rwanda will

1:21

cost the same as sending six people

1:23

into space. Which isn't really fair on

1:26

the government, because sending migrants into space

1:28

is a reform party policy. But

1:32

anything that boosts the PM's image is welcome. This

1:34

week, for example, it was heavily reported that Barack

1:36

Obama made what was described as an... Unannounced

1:39

visit to Downing Street. Which is

1:41

interesting, because I've been wondering what Obama was doing nowadays. Oh,

1:44

hello. Hi, Rishi.

1:47

I was just in the area and

1:49

I was wondering... Yes? If

1:52

I could interest you in buying some tea towels. He

1:55

then explained that it was a special

1:57

scheme to help ex-presidents back into work.

2:01

and showed some badly photocopied ID.

2:05

Mr Obama also visited Kia Starma. We

2:08

don't know why, possibly to discuss a potential

2:10

opening line of a limerick. This

2:13

visit wasn't nearly as widely reported

2:15

because news generally isn't very balanced.

2:18

GB News was finally found guilty

2:20

of breaking Ofcom impartiality rules this

2:23

week, leading Jacob Rees-Mogg to call

2:25

Ofcom old-fashioned. There is something about

2:27

Jacob Rees-Mogg calling anyone else old-fashioned

2:29

that just doesn't compute, especially as

2:31

he's one of the people who

2:34

presents news on the channel in

2:36

his own way. Oye, oye, and

2:38

as the flame approaches the

2:40

base of the fourth candle,

2:42

here are the headlines from

2:44

around the Shires and Counties

2:46

of Albion, committed by our

2:48

Scriveners and delivered to us

2:51

by Trained Falcon. We

2:55

learn this week that GB News lost

2:57

£42m last year, largely because of overpaying

2:59

its presenters, something you'd think an ex-secondary

3:01

state for business might criticise, but strangely

3:04

not. In the quest to find a

3:06

feel-good factor for the election, though,

3:08

they really are trying everything. A

3:10

headline on the BBC website earlier

3:12

this week read... Government wants flying

3:14

taxis to take off in two

3:16

years. Two years. It's two

3:18

decades to build a railway from London to

3:20

Birmingham, but flying taxis will be

3:22

with us in 24 months. From

3:26

the picture I've seen, it's basically a giant

3:28

drone. So the first problem with this plan

3:30

is that anyone who orders a flying taxi

3:32

to the airport ends up shutting down the

3:34

airport. But if

3:36

you're staying on the ground, it's no better. Another

3:38

traditional promise politicians make in spring is

3:41

to deal with potholes. But this week

3:43

it was reported that roads are at

3:45

breaking point. In some areas, councils are

3:47

trying to persuade climate protesters to

3:49

lie down in the potholes... to

3:53

fill them temporarily, while

3:56

others are filled with all the cans that have been

3:58

kicked down the road over the years. The

4:01

potholes are interesting politically because they reflect

4:03

all sides. The left say they are

4:05

a minister cyclist and they are caused

4:07

by privatised utility companies constantly digging the

4:09

roads up. The right say, well, they're

4:11

getting worse because electric cars are twice

4:13

as heavy as petrol cars. And the

4:16

Lib Dems aren't happy about potholes either

4:18

because sitting in the middle of the

4:20

road annoying everyone is their job. Whatever

4:25

your politics, the other big cause of potholes

4:27

is the effects of extreme weather. Tarmac melts

4:29

in the summer and then freezes and cracks

4:31

in winter, reflecting increasing climate change,

4:33

which means that potholes officially can

4:35

be classified as a symptom of

4:37

the end of the world. Oh,

4:42

spin! Our

4:45

time has come. Together

4:47

the four of us shall herald

4:50

the apocalypse. Let's check

4:52

everyone's here. Whoa, I am

4:54

here. I'm here. Present effective.

4:57

Yes, that's me. I'm here,

4:59

obviously. So that only leaves

5:01

our fourth and final member, potholes.

5:10

But is this really a new problem? I mean,

5:13

thanks to a newspaper headline quoted by the Beatles,

5:15

we know that there were 4,000 holes

5:17

in Blackburn Lancashire, even in 1967. And

5:21

Lancashire, believe it or not, is still

5:23

the second worst counting for potholes. But

5:26

I'm not sure it would be newspapers they'd

5:29

be quoting nowadays. I thought he'd be in

5:31

use today. Oh, boy. The

5:34

only real solution to it depends on one

5:37

man. Thanks, he. All he needs

5:39

to do is declare that for years he's been

5:41

secretly making all the potholes himself and then suddenly

5:43

they'll be worth enough to dig them up, sell

5:45

them all off and use the proceeds to resurface

5:47

the roads properly. Incidentally,

5:50

since 2020, the government have been giving councils

5:52

half a billion pounds a year to deal

5:54

with potholes. One person who could use half

5:57

a billion at the moment is Donald Trump.

6:00

that much to pay for an appeal bond

6:02

for his New York fraud case. Now interest

6:04

payments mean that the amount Trump owes is

6:06

currently increasing by about £80,000

6:08

a day, a situation familiar to anyone

6:11

who took out a student loan after

6:13

2012. These

6:15

kind of bonds are commonplace and they're

6:17

usually fairly easy to find. Trump's problem

6:20

though is that no insurance company will

6:22

lend him the money. Hello

6:25

direct line. Hello, this is your

6:27

once and future president. Are

6:31

you looking for car or home insurance?

6:33

Neither. I would like insurance

6:36

against criminal charges in New York. Fabricated

6:38

deep states criminal charges by the way.

6:41

We don't do that kind of insurance. Oh okay,

6:43

who else can I try? You

6:45

could ask the meerkats. Are they Russian? Yes.

6:48

Good, I can do business with them. Hello,

6:57

here to talk about high

6:59

profile celebrity retirement Lucy Porter.

7:04

This week it was announced that Dame

7:06

Laura Kenny would be retiring. Now Dame

7:09

Laura is of course the UK's queen

7:11

of the Olympics, a cyclist who holds

7:13

five Olympic gold, seven world championship titles

7:15

and was the first British woman to

7:18

win a gold medal at three consecutive

7:20

Olympics. And she was born in 1992. Which

7:26

I just cannot get my head

7:28

around by the calculations of my

7:30

internal time perception monitor. Someone

7:33

born in 1992 should just about

7:35

be studying for their GCSE. My

7:39

brain just screams, what do you mean she's giving up

7:41

her bike? Surely she needs it for a paper round.

7:46

She is in fact 31, by no means a child

7:48

but still at least 36 years away

7:51

from during her state pension. The

7:53

fact that someone who has only lived through two

7:55

James Bonds can now take a step back from

7:57

the public eye as the UK's queen of the

8:00

Olympics. today's most successful female Olympian really makes you

8:02

take a look at your own life. I mean,

8:04

for a period of at least two Olympics, I've

8:07

been promising to clear out the garage. We

8:11

do tend to judge our own lives

8:13

by these milestones. Happy anniversary, darling.

8:15

I can't believe we've been together

8:17

for five rugby world cups. Actually,

8:19

I prefer to think of it as 15 models

8:21

of iPhone. Or 10

8:23

Ashes series. Or 27 blindingly

8:26

passionate but ultimately meaningless affairs that I've

8:28

had while you've been ignoring me. Gosh,

8:32

depressing when you think about it, isn't it? Only

8:34

four of those Ashes were England wins. I

8:39

feel a bit better that Laura has at least

8:41

seen eight Prime Ministers in her lifetime, although half

8:43

of those have been in the last few years.

8:46

And not all of them bowed out of

8:48

public life as gracefully as Laura. Don't

8:51

forget me, I'm in this trance,

8:53

returning from the last of us. To

8:57

poor me, it is a decision you need

8:59

to make, and I beg for the supermarket.

9:05

The undignified spirit of Liz trust there,

9:07

the woman who proved that salad

9:09

leaves means leave. In

9:13

contrast, Dame Laura has packed decades

9:16

worth of achievement into her comparatively

9:18

short career. Her story is incredibly

9:20

inspirational. Born with a collapsed lung

9:23

developing asthma as

9:25

a child, she was only encouraged to take up

9:27

sport in order to regulate her breathing, and then

9:29

went on to win six Olympic medals. That's like

9:31

finding out that Joe Biden only got involved in

9:34

politics because his doctor told him it would get

9:36

him out of the house and might help with

9:38

his lumbago. Which,

9:41

thinking about it, might plausibly be the case.

9:44

The Guardian described the years 2011 to 2016 as Laura's

9:46

golden age. And

9:51

with the London Olympics at its heart, her career perhaps represents

9:53

a golden age For the

9:55

country too. It was a moment of

9:57

national optimism where we felt good about

9:59

ourselves. thou just before things went catastrophic

10:01

the wrong. like Jfk excited be telling

10:04

just the about how we can't breathe

10:06

through it and the new comfortably Fit

10:08

film or the Captain of the Hindenburg

10:10

celebrating his successful crossing of the Atlantic

10:13

by lighting a cigar. Dame.

10:16

Lower has inspired pride in all of

10:19

us and terror in her opponents. I

10:21

can't imagine how intimidating it must have

10:23

been to compete against Laura to face

10:25

an incomparable perform us with an insatiable

10:27

desire to victory clad in a multi

10:29

colored jersey Bachelor can imagine a of

10:31

pay just a minute against sells brand

10:33

just. Lore

10:36

and her husband competed at the Tokyo Olympics

10:38

and she says it's a child care range.

10:41

Months are often absolute carnage. This is an

10:43

image or it's I suspect we'll be familiar

10:45

to a lot of working parents. My husband

10:47

and I may not be Olympians, but we

10:49

both working comedy, which is similar to international

10:52

cycling in that you meet a lot of

10:54

people who are on drugs. Every

11:00

to have experienced skills and anxiety over

11:02

juggling children and work. but it's hard

11:04

to talk about that without feeling ashamed

11:06

or worrying. the he sounds self pitying

11:09

as Lower the South said everyone paints

11:11

a pretty picture but we are not

11:13

robots and to prove it, she then

11:15

went on to correctly identify six pictures

11:17

of traffic lights. Retirement

11:21

can be daunting at any age, and I'd

11:23

imagine. Especially say for someone who's not even

11:25

old enough to remember the classic era of

11:28

Doctor Who. all that time and bucks is

11:30

one year of his thought that was great.

11:33

Obviously it's thirty one sees unlikely

11:35

to have the kind of retirement

11:37

I'm looking forward to those be

11:39

based around caravanning, garden centres and

11:41

hardcore finance. Ministers.

11:48

Of every. Ending. Can bring sadness whether

11:50

it's a glittering Olympic Korea coming to

11:53

chase the most movies have a really

11:55

good tiramisu or the final series of

11:57

a much loved radio for comedy show.

12:00

But it also gives us a chance

12:02

to look back and remember the good

12:04

times. Oh really miss the now so

12:06

it's given say what sorts of millions

12:08

and I've been lucky enough to the

12:10

he talking about subjects from the brownies

12:12

to bricks it which is to I

12:14

was on the week before the referendum

12:17

that you know remain position and Simon

12:19

Evans was speaking at says i leave

12:21

so I still owes I'm under center

12:23

and the rest of you an apology.

12:27

But I'm excited to see what see

12:29

you and the gang will do next.

12:32

Say is to say will return A

12:34

satisfying Kings Lesions An exciting easy getting

12:36

spanked to. Go.

12:43

Whole. Stranger.

12:46

Is the only constant said the Greek

12:48

philosopher her records as though was it

12:50

Boris Johnson. Other members of the changes

12:52

a funny thing, Osmosis what they want

12:54

and they say we won't say much

12:56

on change anything and they say things

12:58

alone so change is a tricky one.

13:00

This week Hmrc noticing that they will

13:02

only go attack So blind and the

13:04

second over the years. For

13:07

the first half of the tax here to

13:09

save money only for Jeremy Hunt, Sell them

13:11

not to do that because once in government

13:13

departments to save money is not something. He

13:15

would ever encourage promo Jamal see to

13:18

the Bbfc were reassessment is going on

13:20

with the British Board of Film Classification

13:22

who reckon that today's audiences are worried

13:24

about sex scenes in films rated twelve

13:26

or twelve way now. You'd assume that

13:29

these bars are coming from parents bought

13:31

their far more likely to be coming

13:33

from children because the whole point of

13:35

Twelve A is that these of films

13:37

that they can only see accompanied by

13:40

an adult said what we're talking about

13:42

here is sick scenes that they have

13:44

to watch with mom. And Dad. To

13:48

the average or year old, a two second

13:50

kiss between Shrek and Fiona is basically the

13:53

bathroom seen from So been. first

13:57

children due to confuse more explicit things

13:59

over screen because they're used to seeing

14:01

them on phones. Yes exactly. Now

14:04

the BBFC quoted one respondent

14:06

to the survey who wanted sex scenes banned

14:09

from 12A's entirely. At the moment

14:11

the rules say that for films with a 12

14:13

or 12A rating sexual

14:15

activity must be discrete and brief.

14:17

In other words like

14:20

real life. In a

14:23

15 rated film sexual nudity is

14:25

allowed but strong detail is likely

14:28

to be presented in a comic

14:30

context. Again. Like

14:34

real life. You never know what's going

14:36

to offend people nowadays. They even have

14:38

to warn about mild sexual references in

14:41

the Paddington films. Why

14:43

are you called Paddington? said Mrs. Burns.

14:46

Paddington looks thoughtful and says because

14:49

I like the seedy hotels in

14:51

general ambience around big railway stations.

14:57

I see. said Mrs. Brown. And why

14:59

do you always carry marmalade? Ah.

15:05

Paddington. Now that is a bit embarrassing. Interestingly

15:10

although today's audiences are much more

15:12

worried about sexual references they are

15:14

much less worried about depictions of

15:16

cannabis smoking. Why else would you

15:18

be talking to a bear? said

15:20

Paddington. Now

15:24

sometimes changing things is not as easy

15:26

as you think. So this week

15:28

we learned that secondary schools in England

15:30

are turning to PE teachers to plug

15:33

gaps in maths. That's because last year

15:35

the government missed its target number of

15:37

maths trainees and only got 63%. How

15:40

did they manage that? They divided the number of trainees

15:42

by 100 and multiplied by 63 but that's not the

15:44

point. The point

15:46

is they're using PE teachers to

15:49

teach maths. I mean surely there

15:51

are concerns. Sir I forgot my

15:53

protractor. Right you'll be doing part vagaries

15:55

in your pants. Changes

15:59

also happening faster than what's left

16:01

of our high streets. M&S are moving

16:03

more of their clothes and homeware online

16:06

and making more stores food only, which

16:08

from a brand perspective does make sense.

16:10

You want to represent quality in a

16:12

clearly defined area of the market, not

16:14

several apparently random things mashed together. This

16:18

is not just food. This

16:20

is M&S food. And

16:23

also knickers. Huge

16:26

enormous knickers. Knickers

16:29

so big that proportionately any

16:31

bum looks small. M&S,

16:35

come for the ready meals. Stay for

16:37

the Bridget Jones cosplay. Supermarkets

16:41

are also changing the way we pay.

16:43

Many of them are giving up on

16:45

self-service tills because they have

16:48

led to a spate of shoplifting and

16:50

also because people like to have a

16:52

human being to talk to. So surely

16:54

the answer is to use AI to

16:56

create a self-service till but with a

16:58

more human feel. Please scan

17:00

your first item. How

17:02

you doing? All right? Can't believe

17:05

I've still got another

17:07

hour till my lunch break. Still

17:09

can't complain. Ha ha ha. It's not

17:13

just change but also changes of mind that made

17:15

the news this week. For example, vapes turn out

17:17

to cause the same DNA altering changes as cigarettes.

17:19

So it looks like when you quit you really

17:21

should quit and not carry on doing a pretend

17:23

version of what you used to. I don't mean

17:25

anyone in particular, Liz Toss. Now

17:29

the thing about vaping is that

17:31

the flavours are so obviously aimed

17:33

at children. I mean they could

17:35

easily cut young people's vape habit

17:37

but they clearly don't want to. What

17:40

flavours you got? I've got broccoli, dry

17:43

white wine flavour and

17:46

hispy cabbage flavour. Nah, forget it. Just

17:48

give me some of those paddings and

17:50

condoms. And

17:53

finally something that doesn't change. Scandal in the

17:56

art world because this week it emerged that

17:58

some dead animals in for from aldehyde

18:00

tanks by Damien Hirst were

18:02

not made in his nineties heyday

18:05

but in twenty seventeen by some

18:07

assistants and then deliberately aged now

18:10

you may remember his original dead shark

18:12

piece which sold for eight million dollars

18:15

was called the physical impossibility of death

18:17

in the mind of someone living and

18:19

this new piece is called the limitless

18:21

gullibility in the mind of someone with

18:23

more money than sense to

18:32

plunge us into icy waters would you please

18:35

welcome alice de becky king this

18:40

week I discovered Wim Hof

18:43

the motivational speaker fitness guru

18:45

and ice-bothering Dutchman if

18:47

you've seen Wim Hof you know he looks

18:49

like a Viking made of corned beef and

18:51

he's famous for his ability to withstand cold

18:53

temperatures you might know him by his other

18:55

name the ice man which

18:58

is a nickname he so obviously gave himself

19:00

you're not allowed to come up with your own

19:02

nicknames that's why we don't stand for people saying

19:05

hi I'm crazy Becky no one calls you that

19:07

Becky we call you sad Becky now

19:11

I don't know why people are so impressed by

19:13

them Hof's ability to withstand cold temperatures penguins can

19:15

do that nobody thinks penguins are tough because they

19:18

look like someone put a cat in a condom

19:25

everyone loves penguins no one wants to see a

19:27

penguin being made but

19:29

this week scientists at the University of Warwick

19:31

suggested that there may be some health benefits

19:33

to the Wim Hof method exercise regime now

19:36

I'm not a scientist but I can't help

19:38

being a little skeptical of Mr. Hof if

19:41

you look him up on Wikipedia there's a

19:43

paragraph on the Wim Hof method and the

19:45

section underneath is titled method related deaths you

19:48

see it turns out ice water is actually very

19:50

cold it's quite bad for you whether

19:53

it works or not I don't think The Wim Hof method is

19:55

for me. You see I already know what it's like

19:57

to plunge into a barrel full of ice water because

19:59

I've performed. The Comedy in Aberdeen.

20:03

Don't get me wrong, Amazonians have a fine sense

20:05

of humor, but they laugh when they want, not

20:07

when you want. I

20:10

respect that is the only Thomasina Com

20:12

pass I saw a sense. And

20:15

the entire audience reply we'll see

20:17

about. What

20:20

have you think of Vim? Half and his brothers been

20:22

cool and bank. Whatever

20:27

you think of the brothers half skipping across

20:29

the north. Pole in their flip flops and

20:31

speedos. We have to do something about on

20:33

Nation's health. Apparently it's children on our shorter

20:36

on average than they were in two thousand

20:38

and ten. And facts: kids are getting shorter

20:40

and Sasha which is good news because it

20:42

means the overall volume of children is staying

20:44

constants. That

20:47

I'm hardly Little Johnny Sports myself. I should

20:50

be worried about my own health. And I

20:52

know that's because of the targeted adverts I

20:54

get online. They are trying very hard to

20:56

scare me. Those like most radio foolishness, the

20:58

internet doesn't really know who I am, so

21:00

the targeted ads I get could not be

21:02

less relevant. I got one which said hey,

21:05

Alister. Is it time to freeze your

21:07

ads? Which

21:10

is nuts because on a region. Stars

21:15

on I saw was an American giving

21:17

die as advice and the advice was

21:19

don't eat any food your grandparents wouldn't

21:21

recognize. Which. Sounds good, but I

21:24

just think this guy does not know

21:26

my grandparents die as migrants. I grew

21:28

up in a working class part of

21:30

Manchester called Manchester. And

21:35

he was sixty three before he ate any food the

21:37

wasn't yellow. Run

21:39

over the last of the Rio Grande. that's

21:41

flat cap, bald head, suspicious of babel, the.

21:46

What was the secret to his longevity? Will never know.

21:48

because there are no real grand aunts left. When I

21:51

was a kid, I had to brand. That's. One

21:53

of the spare now I have Zero

21:55

Brand us. Are there any real granddaughter?

21:57

The audience. that

21:59

out what You do it, Dunkirk. Nothing!

22:03

You weren't even there! Fake grandads! My

22:07

grandad probably didn't have the most balanced diet, and he

22:09

wasn't a tall man. In the 90s he was often

22:11

mistaken for a Nat West piggy bank. My

22:15

generation is too tall. We've grown too

22:17

large, fed on avocados and broken promises.

22:19

It's exacerbating the housing crisis because the

22:22

bigger you are, the smaller your house

22:24

feels. Photos of me at home

22:26

look like Gandalf visiting Bag End. I,

22:29

for one, am sick of gargantuan

22:32

millennials stalking the land like Godzilla,

22:34

if Godzilla had generalized anxiety disorder.

22:37

We've got to do something. We've got to

22:39

get up and do something. That's what Netherlands

22:42

cardiologist, Zenard Hofstra, thinks. In the news this

22:44

week, he struck out at what he calls,

22:47

Cheer Youth Disorder. That

22:49

is, our addiction to sitting down.

22:52

Now I'm looking at you, sitting there, in

22:54

the radio theatre audience, and frankly I am

22:56

disgusted and angry at such a flagrant display

22:58

of chair lust. Hey, I'm no

23:00

better than you. My name is Alice de

23:02

Beckett King and I am addicted to sitting

23:05

down. For me it started when I was a student

23:07

with beanbags. It was a bit of fun in those days. It

23:09

was a laugh. I thought I could handle it.

23:13

Sitting down is no walk in the park,

23:16

let me tell you. It starts with beanbags,

23:18

but it moves onto stools, deck chairs, sofas,

23:20

spinny roundy office chairs, first

23:22

comfy chairs with a spring-loaded bit for

23:25

your feet. Ooh, twang me into comfort,

23:27

mister. I'm

23:29

reclining on a cosy dragon. I

23:31

used to love a love seat. I used to squat on

23:33

an ottoman. Next thing you know, you buy the towpath at

23:36

3am trying to buy a tapestry

23:38

upholstered Louis XIV armchair with sea

23:40

scrolled elbow rests. ABK, check out

23:42

this pair of water-damaged Queen Anne

23:44

Chesterfield. No, leave me alone. Wing

23:46

back, sketch, a wing back, here.

23:49

No, please. Chays long for the

23:51

gentleman, exquisite Chays long. Leave

23:55

me alone, damn you, I choose life. That's

24:00

got my heart going. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going

24:02

to have a sit down. Thank you. So

24:11

as we mentioned earlier, supermarkets are getting rid

24:14

of self-service tales because they've made it far

24:16

too easy for people to shoplift. So

24:18

we have asked our audience this week

24:21

whether they have ever stolen anything, either

24:24

deliberately or inadvertently. Have you ever

24:26

stolen anything? Yes. Soap from hotels

24:28

on business trips. I haven't

24:31

had to buy a cake of soap since 1988.

24:36

Have you ever stolen anything deliberately?

24:38

Yes, a brick. What happened?

24:40

The building collapsed. Have

24:43

you ever stolen anything, deliberately or

24:46

inadvertently? Yes. A shit glass ornament

24:48

from Woolworths. I'm still

24:50

living with the guilt after 60 years.

24:54

And the shit glass ornament. So

24:59

thank you Torrid, it's for confessing their sins to

25:01

us there. And now to

25:03

sing it out, would you please welcome back

25:05

our giants of the now show, Mitch Ban.

25:12

I was surprised and delighted to be asked back

25:14

to do the now show one last time. Delighted

25:16

because of course I always had a great time

25:18

doing the show, it was always great fun, I

25:20

was looking forward to it. And surprised because honestly

25:22

I had no idea it had still been on

25:24

the whole time. I

25:27

was under the impression they wrapped this up eight years ago.

25:30

That's what they told me. Scamps. So

25:35

everything that comes and ends, and

25:38

this is where we are my friends, no

25:41

use in trying to pretend. It's

25:47

sad and over, please don't grieve,

25:50

there's nothing worse I

25:52

believe, than when everybody's

25:55

wishing you would leave.

25:58

So it's time to say goodbye. and

26:00

everybody knows the reason

26:02

why. I'm

26:04

afraid that you must state

26:07

you're welcome. Time to say

26:09

goodbye. Your

26:13

capital has all been spent. There's

26:16

not a rule you haven't bent. And

26:19

you're holding at 18 percent.

26:24

And now you're running out of things to hate.

26:27

Just sling your hook, don't hesitate. A

26:31

cushy job of G.P.

26:33

News awaits. So

26:36

it's time to say goodbye. And

26:39

everybody knows the reason why. I'm

26:42

afraid that you must state

26:44

you're welcome. Keep a passing

26:46

sign. You're hopelessly complacent and

26:48

corrupt. There's not a thing in

26:50

life that you haven't screwed up.

26:53

You think Bob Jenricks gonna save

26:55

you. Are you high? It's

26:59

time to say goodbye. You'll

27:17

be listening to the Now Show, starring Steve

27:19

Pancho, Dennis, Alice, Rebecca King, Lucy Porter, Ed

27:21

Jones and Katie Norris. The

27:24

song was written and performed by Mitch Penn.

27:26

The show was written by the cast with

27:28

additional material from Cody Darla, Zoe Tomlin, Katie

27:30

Sayer and Peter Toulouse. The

27:33

producer was Sasha Bobak and it

27:35

was a BBC Studios production for

27:37

Radio 4. I'm

27:49

Natalie Custerdey. And I'm Joanna Peay. Now

27:52

you might know me as Sonia from EastEnders. And

27:54

Stacy from Gavin and Stacy. And while sometimes we

27:56

are on the telly, mostly we just love watching

27:58

it. So that's what we're talking about. about in

28:00

our broadcast, Off The Telly. We're checking about shows

28:03

we just can't miss and the ones that aren't

28:05

quite doing it for us. That comes for Telly,

28:07

we can't get enough of. And things we know

28:09

we shouldn't watch but we just can't help ourselves.

28:11

And we'll be hearing about all the Telly you

28:14

think we should be watching and talking about too.

28:16

No judgment here. Well, a bit.

28:18

Join us for Off The Telly. Listen

28:20

on BBC Sam's.