Today’s episode is about how we learn to forgive, what we can do to unlearn some bad forgiveness habits, and how to make a sincere apology.

We are social beings and human brains develop in community. From a very young age, we observe how adults in our homes behave toward one another. We copy their behavior, but we are also directly impacted when we are instructed to do as they say.

How we learn to forgive has a direct impact on our relationships throughout life. Forgiveness requires words and actions. Some of us believe that if they say they’re sorry without actually owning what they are sorry for it should be OK so relationship issues never get resolved and we end up with what marriage and family therapist Dr. John Gottman calls perpetual problems.

We can tap into the graces we receive through the Sacraments and allow Christ to enter into the places where we need to forgive and be forgiven. 

A sincere apology does not contain any conditions, most especially the conjunction “if”. It shouldn’t put the victim on the defensive or leave room for doubt. For example, Don’t say, I’m sorry IF I did X. The truth is, I did what you did, and it impacted someone else negatively. Instead, say something like I did X to you, and I can see how much it hurts you, and I am sorry. What can I do to make it better? Describe in sufficient detail what you did so that the victim feels validated in their experience, but not so much detail that the victim re-experiences the injury. Allow the victim to respond to the apology in the way they feel is appropriate without trying to control the outcome. 

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Connect with me as your forgiveness guide at www.drcarron.com. I will hold space for you as your Christian Life Coach as you work through your pain and rewrite your story. 

Not ready for coaching? Sign up for my 5 Days to Forgiveness Self-Guided Mini-Audio Retreat. 

Email me at [email protected] to schedule a speaking engagement at your church or small faith-sharing group.

Remember Friend, Forgiveness is for You.