0:09

Welcome to FitzDog Radio, your intrepid

0:11

host. Happy Earth Day, everybody.

0:14

I'm taping this on

0:16

Earth Day, April 22nd.

0:21

And a little toast. I want to

0:23

make it my Earth Day toast to

0:26

my father-in-law Joel Covell, who's no longer

0:28

with us, but he was a very

0:32

influential environmentalist. He published probably

0:34

published a dozen books in

0:36

his life. Very

0:39

esteemed college professor, had a chair

0:41

at Bard University. And

0:43

one of his books, which

0:45

what was it called? Hold

0:51

on. I wrote it

0:54

down somewhere. Can't

0:58

remember. But anyway, it was a

1:00

big book, not only here, but like

1:02

all over China. It

1:04

was like really influential. He

1:06

used to go to China

1:09

and lecture and edited a

1:11

newsletter for environmentalists. Anyway, this guy really walked

1:13

the walk. He had a he

1:16

had like this house in

1:18

Woodstock, New York, and

1:20

he wore the Birkenstocks and he was

1:23

like me, unshaven, had a

1:26

fucking whatchamacallit. Instead

1:28

of a toilet, he had a compost. He

1:31

shit right

1:34

into a compost. But

1:38

he lived he lived the life and

1:40

he he basically

1:46

died. And when he died, he had

1:48

requested that his body not be embalmed

1:50

because it's bad for the earth. And

1:52

so we took him. He was put in

1:55

a wicker basket with

1:57

flowers leaves

2:00

and stuff thrown all over them

2:02

and then we carried them into the woods. I was

2:04

one of the pallbearers. We carried his body into

2:07

the woods and we just put

2:10

it in the ground. I don't even know if

2:13

it was legal. I don't know if we were

2:15

allowed to do it. It was on the outskirts

2:17

of the graveyard. Anyway,

2:20

he's had a big influence on me.

2:22

He's always a guy who was a

2:24

great grandfather. He really cared about his

2:26

grandkids a lot. It was very sweet.

2:29

Miss him. His

2:32

grandkids are here now. The nephews

2:35

are visiting my

2:37

wife's sister's kids. It is hard because they

2:39

are, I think they're 13 and 10. What

2:45

a fucking handful. I love these

2:47

kids. They're interesting and they're fun

2:49

and they're just great, but

2:52

I forgot how fucking hard it was.

2:55

They're feeding them and they take things

2:57

out and don't put them back. You

2:59

spend a lot of time just reorganizing.

3:06

You have to pay attention because

3:08

you fuck kids up. My

3:10

biggest thing is I have ADHD and I never wanted to

3:12

feel like I was ignoring my kids. I

3:16

tell them jokes ever since they were little.

3:19

I've always told them dad jokes, really corny

3:21

jokes. Their favorite one when they were little

3:23

was what do you call a

3:25

fish with no eyes. They

3:30

love that. I still love it.

3:32

It's a solid piece of comedy. I

3:36

asked their parents, can I tell them a dirty

3:38

joke, like a shit joke? They were like, of

3:40

course. These kids, they live in Harlem.

3:42

They grew up in New York City. As

3:47

an 11-year-old, my nephew was taking the

3:49

subway through Harlem to school every day.

3:53

Very street smart, very cool kids. Anyway, I told

3:55

them this. I don't know if you know this

3:57

joke. I

4:00

was like, a guy's at a bar and

4:02

he's shit-faced, he's annihilated. And

4:04

he gets so drunk that he vomits all

4:06

over his shirt. And he

4:09

looks at his friend and he goes, oh my God, what am I going to

4:11

do? I gotta go home, I see

4:13

my wife, I got vomit on my shirt. His

4:16

buddy goes, look, take $20 out of your pocket, give me the

4:18

$20. He sticks it in the guy's

4:20

shirt pocket and he goes, you go home, you tell your wife,

4:23

a guy next to you at the bar

4:25

threw up on your shirt, gave you 20

4:27

bucks to dry clean it. And he goes,

4:29

that's the greatest thing I've ever heard. I

4:31

said, genius, I'm going to buy you another

4:33

shot. He does another shot, another shot. He

4:35

comes home two hours later, fumbling

4:38

with his keys in the door, wakes his wife.

4:41

He walks in, she's standing there and

4:44

she goes, look at you, look at, you are

4:46

drunk, you

4:48

got vomit on your shirt. And he goes, no,

4:51

look at my shirt pocket. The guy threw

4:53

up on me, he gave me a minute to dry clean it, he gave

4:55

me $20. She reaches in

4:57

the pocket, she pulls out a $100 bill

4:59

and she goes, this is $100. The

5:01

guy goes, he shit my pants. Great.

5:08

So I told him that joke and they were howling

5:10

and the parents were fine with it. I want to

5:12

be that uncle. I had an Uncle Paul that

5:15

was, I had some goody two shoes

5:17

uncles, my Uncle Francis and my Uncle

5:19

Mike, who I loved, but they were

5:22

very, they were

5:24

just good Catholic solid

5:26

guys who grew

5:29

up Catholic in the Bronx and lived the life. Each

5:32

had, they had kids and raised

5:34

them well. And anyway, my Uncle Paul was more of

5:36

a, he was a sailor. He was in the Navy

5:38

and he used to tell me dirty jokes. He

5:41

was great. Irvine

5:45

Improv, thanks for coming out this weekend. We packed it, which is, and

5:47

it's a big room. It's like 400, 450

5:49

seats. And

5:52

so thanks for coming out. So,

5:54

you know, 450

5:56

in each room. And I'll see you next

5:58

week. and

6:00

a total of maybe nine

6:03

black people all weekend Which

6:06

was a little odd. It's a little

6:08

weird Especially it's like

6:10

the guy that I have open for

6:12

me is black and I think he's like, where the

6:14

fuck you bringing me? This

6:18

this guy Chris

6:20

is fucking great Chris Reagan's he's a really

6:23

funny comic opens for Chappelle a lot on

6:25

the road and He

6:28

was great local guy he's a deal He

6:30

was a door guy at the comedy store and now

6:32

he's moved on quit the

6:34

day job And now he's doing

6:36

comedy full-time. So look for

6:38

him support him I had

6:40

a couple that came out that showed me

6:42

on their phone pictures this was the

6:45

11th time they'd come out and seen

6:47

me and one of those times was

6:49

their first date and So

6:52

they showed me the pictures of each 11 times

6:55

They had it in a little folder and I

6:57

was wearing the same shirt in three

6:59

of the photos so

7:03

Here's thing when you go on the road you

7:05

get you get a shirt that

7:07

is wrinkle-free That

7:11

looks sharp that's a strong color You're

7:14

gonna wear that shirt a lot. I'm

7:16

not a big shopper. I find some shirts I

7:18

like I bring them on the road if I'm

7:20

there for three nights. I'm bringing two shirts I'm

7:23

gonna repeat I'm gonna repeat a shirt and

7:26

I'm gonna keep them for years and I'm gonna take

7:28

good care of them, but you're gonna see

7:30

the same shirt You may see the same act Sometimes

7:33

if you come for 11 years, you may see

7:35

some of the same jokes But

7:37

that I think it's more romantic for

7:39

them. I'm like they're I'm their Cupid.

7:41

It's very beautiful What

7:45

else Oh driving home last night, this was

7:48

surreal I'm driving

7:51

home. It's like 11 o'clock on a Sunday

7:54

night and I'm going down, La

7:56

Cienega and there's a car next to me and

7:58

it has no driver.

8:01

They're called, um,

8:04

I forget what the fuck they're called, but

8:06

they're, uh, fully, oh,

8:08

Foley. I think it's good. No, no, no,

8:10

no. What's, what's the brand? I forget what

8:12

it's called, but it

8:14

was so surreal. It's got like cameras all over

8:17

it and a spinning camera on top and, and,

8:19

uh, and it pulled up in the right list

8:21

of three, it's last day and it was three

8:23

lanes going down, but nobody goes in the right

8:25

lane because the right lane has got potholes and

8:27

people pull out of side streets. It's a very

8:30

dangerous road. This driver's car is going right down

8:32

the right lane and I see

8:34

it and I pull up at the light next to

8:36

him. Him. I don't have to him it's her. I

8:38

don't know what fucking pronoun an electric

8:41

car uses. They, they are next to

8:43

me. So I pull up

8:46

ahead and I try to just test them,

8:48

them. I try to push

8:50

them off the road. So I ease

8:53

into that lane and they just slow

8:55

down and stop and

8:57

I stop them and then I keep driving. And

9:00

then it was, it just,

9:02

it made my stomach drop. I

9:04

was like, it's here. It's happening.

9:07

It's over. I heard

9:09

something like 3 million truck drivers

9:11

will lose their jobs in the

9:13

next five years, five years because

9:16

here's the thing. Once a company can get away

9:18

with this, why would they pay somebody? Why

9:21

wouldn't they just spend that amount

9:23

of money that they'd pay for one

9:25

year for a driver into a driverless

9:28

technology that they never have to pay

9:30

somebody that by the way will make

9:33

less mistakes on the road. You will

9:35

pay less insurance on

9:37

the truck. It will conserve

9:39

gas because it will drive exactly the

9:41

way you program it to drive. It

9:44

will drive through the night. Truck drivers have to get

9:46

a break. They, I don't know if you know this,

9:48

but they have to clock in and out and

9:51

take breaks. Not this fucking truck. It's

9:53

just going to keep on driving and

9:56

it's going to drive past a lot of

9:58

unemployed people. More. disgruntled,

10:00

unemployed people. And I thought about

10:03

my kids and I thought about the Uber

10:05

jobs that are gone. And

10:07

I just, it's just my heart saying, I

10:09

don't know. Some

10:12

people say, be hopeful. These jobs create jobs.

10:14

I don't know. I

10:16

don't know what the fuck my kids are going to do. You

10:19

know? And what about these

10:21

guys? Who says they are that good? You

10:24

know, there's technical glitches. These things could

10:26

go barreling into, they can't, I don't

10:29

know. Like is a cop, if it

10:31

fucks up, does a cop pull over

10:33

a driverless car? Is it programmed to

10:36

pull over when it sees lights and

10:38

a siren? Does it

10:40

know? And

10:42

who gets the ticket? Say the cop

10:44

wrote a ticket. Who would he, who would he give the

10:46

ticket to? Who could she? I don't know if the cop's

10:49

a he. Could be a she. Who's

10:52

she going to give the ticket to? I don't know. What

10:56

if you're drunk? What if you're

10:58

drunk and you have a driverless car

11:00

and you get pulled over, but you

11:02

weren't driving, you're just in it. Do

11:05

you get a DUI? These

11:07

are the questions I want to ask.

11:13

I don't know. Other gigs coming

11:15

up, Carpentaria just announced the Alcazar

11:17

theater on May 3rd, May 7th.

11:20

I will be running in the

11:22

Two Bear 5K. Segura

11:25

and Burt asked me to run in some kind

11:27

of a, I don't know if it's for charity,

11:30

but there's a poster out. You can come, you

11:32

can, you can also run if you'd like to.

11:35

I don't know how. I'll be a

11:37

memeric at the Emmeline theater, May 31st. Escondido

11:41

at the Grand Comedy Club, June

11:43

7th and 8th. Pittsburgh

11:45

at the WDVE Festival, June

11:47

21st with Harlan Williams. Get

11:49

tickets for all of these

11:51

adventures at fitsdog.com. And

11:55

now let's get to some emails.

11:59

Adam Bean wrote. I just heard your

12:01

Pete Holmes interview. What a delight he is.

12:03

Being around Pete is like feeding

12:05

your soul rice crispy treats. Well

12:08

that that about sums

12:10

it up. He is delightful and sweet.

12:12

Please consider a phone call segment

12:14

on Sunday Papers with one news

12:16

story to which he gives his

12:18

thoughts or experiences. Another

12:20

few years of Sunday Papers, you'll be able

12:23

to take it on tour and pitch it

12:25

as a TV show. Already shot a pilot

12:27

for it. Couldn't sell it as a

12:29

TV show. I guess

12:31

nobody reads a newspaper anymore, so they don't know what the

12:33

fuck we're talking about. And

12:35

then I got this piece of email and maybe

12:37

you can tell me should I follow up on

12:40

this? It's an opportunity. Hi,

12:42

my name is Omar Salada, Franchise

12:45

Consultants at Franchise Creator,

12:47

the world's leading private

12:50

equity backed franchise development

12:52

firm. What does that even mean? I

12:55

would like to speak to the owner

12:57

of Greg Fitzsimmons about owning up more

13:00

about opening up more locations through

13:03

franchising. And

13:05

then Omar gives me some information how to get in

13:07

touch with them. So I don't know maybe whoever

13:10

owns Greg Fitzsimmons, I got to find out who owns

13:12

me, but maybe he can open up more

13:14

of me. Then

13:17

there is one from

13:19

a Brad Chatelian, Chatelian,

13:22

who said Point of

13:25

sale donations. You are correct that retailers

13:27

get accolades from charities when they hand

13:29

them a big check from point of

13:31

sales donations. I was talking about when

13:33

you go to Walgreens and they try

13:35

to hit you up for a dollar

13:37

for St. Jude's or some bullshit. But

13:40

they do not get a tax deduction. I

13:42

read that they they're really strict on that.

13:44

The donor may claim a deduction, but not

13:46

the retailer. Here's my idea.

13:48

When they say round up 49

13:51

cents and give a donation to whomever,

13:53

how about I round down and you

13:56

send 51 cents? I like

13:58

that. How about that? How about you? match,

14:01

you match what I, what I pay. Walgreens.

14:08

Uh, we got some overhards, but we will get

14:10

to those later. I want to get to my interview

14:12

with the great, this guy's been on the podcast

14:14

as much as anybody I've ever had on.

14:17

He's got a new special called crazy good.

14:20

He's the youngest of 10 children.

14:23

I knew him. I've known him for 30

14:25

years since he was a doorman at the

14:27

Boston comedy club back when

14:29

Chappelle and Atel and Jay Moore and,

14:33

um, all the great

14:35

ones, Mike Royce, we're all, all

14:37

banging around doing sets. He was a door

14:39

guy. And now

14:41

he's a very successful comedian. Uh,

14:44

he co-created Chappelle

14:46

show. He co-wrote half baked.

14:49

He's got some other specials called

14:52

three mics and unacceptable and blocks.

14:55

So, uh, I hope you enjoy this

14:57

as much as I did. Here's my chat with the

15:00

great Neil Brennan. Uh,

15:18

welcome to the show. Back to the show. Neil

15:21

Brennan, my God. Multiple.

15:24

Multiple champion. And

15:26

this is the first time I've done it in,

15:28

in this, on this

15:31

roof in Venice. Yeah. And, uh,

15:33

it's good to be here. Not near,

15:35

is that good to be outside of

15:37

that closet that near that commuter airport.

15:40

Yeah. It used to have us do

15:42

it in. That was intimate, wasn't it?

15:45

At best. Do

15:50

you know what I paid for that place? $350

15:52

a month for 13 years. Yeah,

15:58

it showed. You

16:03

get what they, you get what you get? Yeah, you do. And this

16:05

place is $22,000 a month for me. Wow.

16:09

Yeah. Worth it. Totally.

16:12

Totally worth it. That's why I have my daughter working for me. Pretty

16:14

great. Yeah. And a couple of real hunks.

16:17

It's a good looking staff, I'll tell you. And

16:20

I think in podcasting, that's the key. Who's

16:23

the best looking podcaster that's big?

16:27

Well, Tasha's doing a podcast. Oh, okay. There's

16:29

a lot of, I mean, are you comedy

16:31

people or just regular people? No, comedy people.

16:34

Tash. Tash is always one of the

16:36

better looking comedians. Yeah, he's crisp. He's got a

16:38

good American look. Sagura's gotten better looking when he

16:40

got, when he lost weight. Schultz is good looking.

16:43

It's funny, when I see Sagura lose weight

16:45

or Jimmy Kimmel lose weight, you really do

16:47

kind of go like, no,

16:50

liked fat better. Like

16:53

you're, you, they're more relatable. Yeah. Fat.

16:57

I think that's what it is. You get

16:59

more fans skinny. You think

17:01

so? Yeah. Tash,

17:03

tell me about it. Right? Hello.

17:06

Angular, I would call it. Hello. Yeah.

17:09

No, you get more fans. That's

17:11

probably true. Yeah. Because

17:13

you're getting the comedy. Yeah. Why

17:16

not also get a rock hard

17:18

erection? I mean, kind of.

17:21

So I'm not going to say

17:23

who, but

17:25

somebody was casting a huge comedy. It's

17:28

a comedy movie. It's a

17:30

now considered a classic and

17:32

they were going to have, it was a bunch of guys

17:35

and they were all sort of mediocre

17:37

looking and the producer was like, can we have one

17:39

good looking guy in the movie? Yeah.

17:41

Just fucking one. Right. Instead

17:44

of like, yeah, they're all funny, but like just one good. Yeah.

17:47

A movie star. There's movie stars for a reason. Just

17:49

can we have one movie star? Yeah. And

17:51

I won't say who it was. Well, I think Judd is

17:53

pretty, he doesn't care

17:55

too much about, you know, he had, what's

17:57

his name is always good looking James Franco.

18:00

He's gone now. Franco Jason Siegel's not bad

18:02

looking. He's all right. He's pretty average.

18:04

Yep. Um, I

18:07

mean, if you look at the old sitcoms, look at Essel

18:10

and Fred on I Love Lucy.

18:12

And- Right, but they're not the leads. Right. Lucille

18:15

Ball's good looking, doesn't he? Yeah. Great

18:18

looking. Archie Bunk, Renee-dus. Ugly. A

18:20

couple of uggos. Yeah. I mean,

18:22

look, we can go back and forth. All the entire

18:25

friend's cast. Gorgeous. Yeah. Or

18:28

not gorgeous, but good looking. I felt kind of good

18:30

looking. Like you know what I mean? Like he's not-

18:32

It's okay. Yeah. Like

18:34

he's not ugly. I think you want to be-

18:36

Elaine's great looking. Yeah. I think

18:38

you want to be good looking without- I mean, friends proves this

18:40

wrong, but you don't want to be beautiful. You

18:43

want to be good looking. Right. Yeah.

18:46

But like Kristen Wiig's also good looking. Paula's good looking. Tina's

18:48

good looking. Yeah. There's

18:50

a lot of good looking people. Would you consider me

18:52

good looking? I wouldn't and nor would anyone. I

18:56

think probably what was most hurtful about my answer

18:58

was the speed. It was fast. And

19:00

there was a follow up. You could have

19:03

said no. Because I was so heated. Yeah.

19:05

From the original. I had so much adrenaline that you even

19:07

asked me. I think it was me asking. That I didn't

19:09

know what to do with it. If somebody else had asked

19:11

you- I had so much excess adrenaline, I was like, what

19:13

am I going to do with this? I'm

19:15

going to tag my bit. I'm going to tag it. Yeah.

19:19

If somebody else had said, do you think Craig Fitzsimmons

19:22

is good looking, you probably would have gone, not so

19:24

much. Well then I would have rooted for you. Yeah.

19:27

Yeah. Now in the underdog. But now, not

19:29

in the US. What's to root for? Fucking

19:32

piece of garbage. I think you have to be

19:34

Irish to really find either one of us good

19:36

looking. There has to be some in your DNA

19:38

that clicks against- Don't run me into this. Oh,

19:40

come on. You're in it. I

19:43

am super enough to think I'm a little

19:45

better looking than you. Do you think that?

19:47

I do. But

19:49

again, I'm rooting for it. You're younger. Yeah, yeah,

19:51

yeah. Who am I going to root for? I

19:54

mean, we'd have to do- I don't know if your daughter would

19:56

count. Although it would be great if your daughter said that I

19:58

was better looking than you. You'd

20:01

have to of course cancel the whole

20:03

podcast. If your daughter, you'd

20:05

have to shut it down. I

20:08

would call iTunes and go shut this motherfucker

20:10

down. Yeah

20:12

I think I'm better, it's not a blow out. No,

20:16

it's not a blow out. I'm a

20:18

lot older than you. Not a lot

20:20

actually. Somehow. I

20:23

think I've aged harder in my time. That's

20:26

where the no kids help. Daughter,

20:28

again daughter. And it would be a real

20:30

sweet payoff if she knew

20:32

why I was better looking than you

20:35

and still punish you for it again. In

20:37

other words, I'm the product of her. My looks

20:39

are a product. Yeah, it's her fault. Right, right,

20:41

right. She's still like, I don't know what to

20:43

tell you. Yeah. Sorry chief.

20:46

Loyalty only goes so far. Yeah.

20:48

I mean this guy's, he's

20:50

the charisma machine too. And

20:53

me? Yeah. So that

20:55

kid. Okay, again, not

20:57

the fastest race in

21:00

the history of races. Greg

21:02

Fitzhibbons first, Neil Brennan in a charisma

21:05

off. But

21:08

if, okay. Yeah.

21:11

Okay. But you're charismatic in your way. Like you're, I'll

21:14

watch you sometimes and be like, why aren't you

21:16

louder like him? Why aren't you more, you're

21:19

more like you come into a set

21:23

at the comedy store and like flip

21:25

over tables. Yeah. Like, all right,

21:27

listen here, pussies. You turn

21:29

on stage or backstage. On stage. Yeah.

21:32

Yeah. On stage. I

21:36

kind of feel like you have. Yeah. Most places

21:38

you will flip the table and be like, all right,

21:40

look up. Listen up. Take control.

21:44

Yeah. Yeah. I think it comes

21:46

out of fear. I think, I think for me, like comedy

21:48

is very much like a fight or flight response. Not

21:51

me. Absolutely me. Yeah. Of

21:54

course. I think that night after night

21:56

and I have, I actually don't

21:59

even want to acknowledge it because I

22:01

don't want to deconstruct it and have

22:03

it not work anymore. But for 35 years,

22:05

I have put myself in a position that

22:08

makes me uncomfortable and fought my way out

22:10

of it. My buddy Bajan calls it a

22:12

car accident. He's like, you get

22:14

into a car accident every night. I was like, I

22:17

do. Yeah, that's right. And I

22:19

train my body to act like

22:21

it's fine. But it's

22:24

not. No. It's

22:26

just, yeah, it's not. And

22:28

then having said that, George Burns lives to be 100. Oh,

22:33

I think it keeps you young, actually. I

22:36

think it's a really good, in

22:38

exercise, you want to shock your body.

22:40

They say do different exercises each time

22:42

so your body doesn't learn it. And

22:44

I think stand-up is like a completely

22:46

different terrain every time you go on

22:49

and you're adjusting to it. And

22:53

I think that during the pandemic, I realized that

22:55

not only is it a car crash, it's a

22:57

car crash that I need. Like

23:00

without it, I kind of

23:02

flatlined. Yeah,

23:04

I didn't flatline, but I

23:06

realized it's a car accident

23:09

that I don't need. I

23:12

like it, but I don't, it's

23:14

not, I hadn't, I don't even doing

23:16

it 15 years in the pandemic, whereas you had

23:18

done 30, so it was like, all right. And

23:23

I've also realized

23:25

that there

23:27

are so many different ways to be a

23:29

comedian where we all thought like, no,

23:31

you have to be a tell. You have to

23:33

be David Tell. There's only one way to be

23:36

a comedian and it's David Tell. And

23:38

then now I'm kind of like,

23:40

I think I don't have to be David Tell. I

23:43

think I can be something else or whatever.

23:45

I don't have to do it, you

23:49

gotta do seven spots a night for

23:51

30 years or not, because

23:55

that's not how Pryor did it. That's not how Carlin

23:57

did do it that way, but so what. That

24:00

doesn't mean anything. Chris Rock takes long

24:02

periods off. Like, people take time

24:04

off. Louis took time off. Like, you can take time off. It's

24:06

gonna be good at it. Yeah. If

24:08

you, I think doing it that much at the

24:11

beginning is helpful, but like once you figure it

24:13

out, somebody, the other trap

24:15

that, and I won't say who, you can,

24:17

everybody can get sound off in the comments.

24:20

Somebody made a special fairly recently and

24:22

it was all of

24:24

their jokes were like, so I called the

24:27

concierge. Yeah, right. Which

24:29

is like, how, do you think this is

24:31

what normal people's life is like? Yeah, right.

24:33

Like just constantly calling the concierge and dealing

24:35

with like, you know, I

24:37

was dealing with my handyman and

24:40

my fucking, my groundskeeper and servant

24:43

comedy. It was the name of the special.

24:49

So yeah, so I'm more, I

24:51

don't, the, I, it's

24:54

the good part about aging is

24:56

you go, oh, everyone's fucking full

24:59

of shit and lying and or guessing.

25:02

And the idea of having,

25:04

there being one way to do it

25:06

is so wrong. Yes. And

25:08

like, I'm not even gonna pretend that

25:11

that's the right way to, it's

25:14

silly to act like, no, that's how you do it. It's like,

25:16

I've been, the

25:18

last couple of years, whenever I do TV, I

25:24

really try. I

25:27

really practice and I

25:29

did Fallon last week and I spent

25:32

the morning and afternoon or it was

25:34

the beginning, three hours in the afternoon

25:37

in my room, writing it out over

25:39

and over and over again. And

25:42

then I wrote out what he was gonna say and then

25:44

I wrote out what I would say. And I, A, I

25:46

came up with a bunch of new shit, which is great,

25:48

but the, and

25:51

then I went to the show and I'm in

25:53

the dressing room and like, I know a lot

25:55

of people there and they're coming in.

25:57

And finally I was like, hey. Can

26:00

you I just have to be like an

26:02

NFL place kicker? Let

26:04

me be weird. Let me

26:06

be off to the side and work

26:09

in my hips, my legs. Yeah. And when

26:11

I make the field goal, we're all going

26:13

to hug. Let

26:15

me make the field goal instead of this

26:17

like thing of like, I don't even know

26:19

how Chappelle's a good and

26:21

bad example of most things, which is like, he's

26:24

so fluent that he's just like, yeah, man,

26:26

he's smoked. Yeah. You walk out

26:28

there and crush. He'll be in the middle of a

26:30

sentence backstage and he'll just walk on. Yeah. And

26:33

then you destroy and it's the greatest show anyone's

26:35

ever seen. It's like, all right, well, that's not

26:37

that I can't do that. Yeah. So I'm just

26:39

going to admit that I

26:42

have to work hard and

26:44

do that. No, as

26:46

a store, I mean, you learn this

26:48

in New York, following Atel, following Louis

26:51

CK, following Chappelle, you know, back

26:53

when we were in New York. And it's like, you

26:55

learn that you

26:58

can't do what the guy ahead of you

27:00

just did. Right. Because I'll, I follow Bobby

27:02

Lee for some reason. They put me on

27:04

after Bobby Lee, like every night at the

27:06

store. And this guy is up there. I

27:08

had to follow D'Lia for six years. Yeah.

27:10

D'Lia. Yeah. These guys are just destroying. You

27:12

think I'm a charisma machine. Oh, that guy

27:14

oozes charisma. Ah, yeah. And

27:17

so you got to say, I always

27:19

have to say to myself, go ahead.

27:21

No, but, and I watch you and

27:23

I actually get something from watching YouTube

27:25

because I see a guy go in

27:27

and you lock into your energy and

27:30

you lock into your point of

27:32

view and they find you.

27:34

It doesn't always happen in the first joke

27:37

or two, but by the third joke, you're

27:39

locked in. Yeah. And, um,

27:41

and I think that. So that can't win

27:44

at the Bobby game. Right. When

27:47

I follow by, tell you what I do to

27:49

undercut Bobby, they give it for Bobby Lee, he looks like

27:51

homeless Ali Wong. Let

27:56

some know I'm racist, sex, I'm all kinds of, and

27:58

it lets me. So no,

28:00

I'm not he's done. Yeah, I used

28:02

to say before he got big I

28:04

used to say how about I have

28:06

for Bobby Lee And his new film

28:08

crazy poor Asians great

28:12

Great also serves the same purpose.

28:14

Right? We're both racist again Yeah,

28:16

if you're white these you got to write

28:19

your own Yeah, but under

28:21

cut them racially and yeah, I know that not part

28:23

of the show's over But yeah, no,

28:25

it is like you I can't do anything

28:27

else. Yeah, it's like well This is

28:29

what it's gonna be. What do

28:31

you want to do? What do you want? We're on a

28:33

date? Yeah, 15 minute date you

28:35

want to soak? Yeah,

28:38

or you want to enjoy yourself? You

28:41

can so yeah, and I'm gonna

28:43

say the same thing. Yeah, whether

28:45

you're soaking or not, sweetie. Yeah,

28:47

sweetie Well,

28:51

it's always it's like dating a woman

28:53

and she used to date Fill

28:55

in the blood. Yeah Yeah,

28:59

she's a crystallize usually Bobby Lee she

29:01

used today she was just dating him.

29:03

Yeah before I came and

29:06

ruined it, right? But

29:09

you got me that's it. This is all

29:11

I actually said it to a girlfriend one

29:13

time I go. This is all God wanted

29:15

for you This

29:18

is it honey, you like it this

29:20

is it this is all you get you know what

29:23

and this is what you deserve Maybe

29:25

all you deserve at the end of

29:27

the day, maybe you did this to

29:29

yourself Yeah,

29:32

so yeah, yeah I

29:35

think that's what a relationship ultimately is

29:37

is two people Kind

29:39

of like you shot higher and

29:42

then you you you finally found somebody and you

29:44

both you got grabbed the other person You grab

29:46

the other you go. This is as good as

29:48

I'm gonna do and you grab them and love

29:50

and if you're lucky They're saying the

29:52

same thing and both people feel like they're

29:54

getting a good deal And then as a

29:56

guy you may go she couldn't do better

29:58

than you know, she tried Yeah, couldn't

30:01

do it. You're right couldn't couldn't couldn't put

30:03

up with that level my

30:05

level because I'm better looking than you of The

30:09

the bullshit that I would put it through yeah,

30:12

yours is a lower level bullshit because you're uglier

30:14

So you can only get away with so much and get away with a lot

30:18

and Yeah, but you're

30:20

that's exactly right and I was thinking about

30:22

our friend Mike Givens on the way over

30:24

here because he once

30:27

said being married is Is

30:31

Sitting around being sad with your wife

30:35

That's horrible. It's incredibly six

30:37

months before I got divorced

30:39

Wow But

30:41

it was it what there's something to it No

30:44

for some people for some people for

30:47

some people. I am the most happily

30:49

married guy you've ever met 25 years this summer

30:52

Fantastic and when I hear comment,

30:55

I've never said anything bad about

30:57

her on stage Yeah, and I think that's

30:59

part of it is maybe I'm not

31:01

the happily most happily married guy in the world,

31:03

but if I Believe

31:06

I am I am I think

31:09

as soon as you start saying marriage is

31:11

sitting around being said Well now it is

31:13

because you're you're projecting that now you want

31:15

to make the joke work, right? Exactly Yeah,

31:17

now you're gonna want to make your premise

31:19

work. Yeah, I Yeah,

31:23

well that's you're you're talking about a different thing.

31:25

That's been a big thing

31:27

for me, which is Gratitude

31:30

and I May

31:34

have told you on the phone. So I've been

31:36

I Had

31:38

like an MDMA thing which I'd like you to

31:40

bring you into but MDMA Probably

31:45

eight months ago took MDMA was

31:48

able to forgive all of my

31:50

many enemies Mmm,

31:52

my many many enemies that I carry around

31:55

everywhere. I go. I'm a girl. I'm 80.

31:57

I'm 90% grudge If

32:00

you take the graduate, you just collapse onto

32:02

the ground. Yeah, it's nothing. It's

32:04

teeth. And

32:08

the, so

32:10

I was able to, and I was like, why was

32:12

I able to forgive everyone yesterday? And

32:14

the reason was because I had positive

32:17

chemicals in my brain for once, serotonin,

32:20

dopamine, oxytocin. Normally

32:23

I don't have any of that. I have

32:25

cortisol and adrenaline. If

32:28

you're flooded with cortisol and adrenaline most of the

32:30

time, which I have been, and you probably are

32:32

as well, you start to look

32:34

at the world, you start

32:36

framing things like that. So your frame,

32:39

instead of appreciation or joy or happiness,

32:41

it becomes like justice and

32:44

retribution. So I

32:46

realized that I have a machine in my

32:48

brain, I have a kitchen in my brain

32:51

that's just making lead

32:53

sandwiches. And I'm eating. It's

32:55

a good sound. And

32:57

I was like, I'm just going to stop listening to my

33:00

brain. So I've stopped listening to

33:02

my brain. I just go

33:04

like, no, no, I'm not.

33:06

I don't even believe that. Because if

33:08

I'm mad on Friday and

33:11

forgiving on Saturday, what's

33:13

even my personality? I don't have any

33:15

fixed beliefs. I thought my fixed

33:17

beliefs was like, well, when they do this, then I have

33:19

no truth. I've

33:22

been writing in a, I've

33:24

been doing, I was doing a gratitude checklist once a

33:26

day. Talking to somebody. You're telling me you're

33:29

doing like three times a day. Now I'm doing it. So someone

33:31

goes, why don't you do it more than, why don't you do

33:33

it? I was talking about Islam and saying, I'm

33:35

like praying five times a day is about right. Because

33:37

he forgets. You know what I mean? It's like why

33:39

I try to do a joke one time. There's churches

33:41

on every block because that's how long

33:44

church lasts. You're

33:46

like, how many people are good? And

33:50

then you're like, fuck people. And then you see the church

33:52

and I'm like, people are good. So

33:56

Islam prays five times a day. I was like, someone

33:58

said, why don't you write in that? Journaled five times.

34:00

I was like fine. I've been doing it like

34:02

three or four times a day Yeah, and and

34:05

it's not even a joke. I just checklist the

34:07

facts of my life, right and my life is

34:10

unequivocally great so you're just Describing

34:12

I'm just just I'm just actively

34:14

what is a good life right

34:16

in my life, right and It

34:20

can be career shit. It can be your you

34:22

have legs It can be

34:24

you're healthy. It can be it's sunny out

34:26

in LA Yeah, be whatever the positive you

34:28

have a family you have a debt happily

34:31

married the bullshit you tell yourself But

34:35

it really is Like

34:37

it changes the weather in your brain, right?

34:40

Instead of just like taking the temperature you

34:42

can actually like be like the

34:45

Chinese military and shoot bombs Yeah, you

34:47

can cloudseed you can control

34:49

the weather like the Jews and the Chinese

34:52

And you can actually control and it's been

34:54

a it's been a huge boon

34:57

so it's not about because so

34:59

much of therapy is On

35:02

your feeling well, it's honor your

35:04

feelings, but it's also trying to

35:07

nullify the negative things it's trying

35:09

to put to rest your traumas

35:12

and and at a certain point I

35:15

made a transit because I've been going to therapy as

35:18

long as you have and I've tried everything as you

35:20

have we've tried every You were

35:22

the one that got me into electromagnetic stimulation

35:24

or TMS

35:27

Transcranium magnetism. I've tried it all

35:31

and it's all added up I mean, I

35:33

think like you there's a there's a cumulative

35:35

effect that I have become a much more

35:37

boundless happy person but

35:40

I think one of the big transitions I made

35:42

was going from more of a psychoanalytic

35:45

looking at past trauma and

35:47

instead Cognitive behavioral therapy

35:49

where you say hey,

35:52

you know that thought you keep happen You're

35:54

allowed to swap that out for a different

35:56

one. Yeah, and so you're looking forward instead

35:58

of back and I've And that works much

36:00

better for me. Yeah or In

36:04

like questioning like well,

36:07

I thought it so it must be true, right?

36:10

It's science fiction most of the time.

36:12

It's it's literally like a

36:15

world that doesn't exist And

36:17

you're writing for it like this person hates it.

36:20

They're not thinking about you in the slightest, right?

36:22

This is a day they fuck me did it

36:25

Occasionally, I'm like fuck you you fuck people

36:28

probably more than they then you get fucked.

36:30

Mm-hmm You

36:32

weren't ready for that were you? That

36:35

level of truth. I

36:37

had that thought the other day. Yeah. Yeah,

36:39

like I'm not that good of a guy

36:41

I'm expecting things from people. I don't necessarily

36:44

give them at all Yeah, like

36:46

when somebody ghosts me I could

36:48

get so upset and then I go I

36:50

fucking ghost people all the time Yeah,

36:53

well, there's like a dozen people

36:56

who think you're dead. Yeah I

37:00

think my looks well

37:03

do with that what you will I

37:05

like to do vague insults Yeah,

37:15

so you can change you

37:17

don't have to take your word for

37:19

it like you're lying to yourself

37:22

Most of the time. Yeah, and

37:24

we're also trained to scan for

37:26

threats as people So

37:28

when you're when there's no threats left

37:31

you go like That roof leaking.

37:34

Yeah, well, we won't have a roof. All

37:36

right, and and by the way your roofs

37:38

not leaking Yeah, but you just

37:40

yeah and but and

37:44

Then the weird because of the way culture

37:46

is now unless social media is like you

37:48

can't even really Be

37:51

grateful or appreciative because it's like it's

37:54

privilege Okay. Yeah,

37:57

you know what guys I'm gonna keep you out of there.

37:59

Yeah I'm gonna have to then now

38:01

I'm gonna become like Uh,

38:03

the way rich people have giant hedges

38:06

Because they don't want people looking poor poor

38:08

people looking at it. Yeah, because they couldn't

38:10

handle it uh That's

38:13

how i'm gonna be with my mood now It's like well,

38:15

then i'm just not gonna bring you in if you're gonna

38:17

be mad at it if I have to

38:20

do a caveat Right, but how does that keep you

38:22

from being shut off from people? It

38:24

doesn't you just selectively let people in shut

38:26

off. I mean, what do you mean like? I

38:28

mean walking around in a cocoon. I'm walking It's

38:32

when's the last time you walked around I

38:34

mean like walking into the back hallway of

38:36

the comedy store. Yeah, that's fine But you

38:38

just you uh, i'm not like what

38:41

am I Sebastian? Sebastian

38:44

if you're just listening about

38:46

seven years ago Found

38:48

an entrance to the comedy store No

38:51

one knows about it. I don't know how he

38:53

gets in I always make a joke He like

38:56

repels down from a hotel across the way I

38:59

don't know where he parks. Yeah, I don't know

39:01

how he gets out, but he's really reduced the

39:03

riffraff in his life I think it's a hologram

39:06

Still still writing a lot of jokes. Yeah, and he's

39:08

on a sitcom. So he seemed to be fine Yep

39:10

that that but that's the thing of like what are

39:13

you gonna? You're not going to be

39:15

a man of the people yeah why so he

39:17

can be around a bunch of fucking mental patients

39:19

Yeah, right, right No, there's landmines.

39:21

That's the thing about going to comedy clubs

39:23

or industry parties

39:26

or anything like that is that I

39:29

always am talking to somebody I don't want to

39:31

be talking to and the person that is going

39:33

to bring me joy He's over there

39:36

or she's over there and i'm stuck

39:39

and uh So yeah, it's it's it's

39:42

hard to learn how to flow through those Social

39:44

situations because I do want to be open.

39:47

I do want to be available because you

39:49

know There's a lot of like especially young

39:52

comics at the store Maybe doorman

39:54

pick up a reference and

39:56

pick up a Yeah, yeah

39:58

find out the new social Medium the people

40:00

are using before it's gone past me again

40:04

How many have I missed entirely? I

40:06

was Johnny Myspace. I had so many

40:09

followers. I fucking loved it I'm

40:11

using the term Johnny Yeah,

40:14

really dated. Yeah, Mike's

40:16

driving you crazy Well, only the fact that it's

40:18

tilting repeatedly. No, I don't drive me crazy. It's

40:20

gonna be bad TV and bad podcast Yeah,

40:22

just put your hand. I'll do whatever I know

40:25

but it's it's a Okay

40:30

$22,000 a month. I think we have the

40:32

mic stands for you. Yeah, I knew a

40:34

guy who was paying 350 Yes,

40:37

so I don't I'm not worried about Even

40:41

that thing of like I saw all right, so

40:43

I'll say to the crowd. What's a better reference?

40:45

I don't yeah and again I'm not Yeah,

40:49

I just now a lot of times and it's maybe

40:52

We've talked about this Learning a lesson.

40:54

I don't want to learn which

40:57

is I don't want to think everyone's

40:59

crazy. Yeah, and everyone's selfish and but

41:04

It seems pretty Pretty

41:07

overwhelming at this point Wow like now I'm

41:09

going to the comedy store going like this

41:11

is a bunch It's like I just see

41:13

like an insane asylum. Yeah, I feel like

41:16

Shutter Island Uh-huh in at a comedy club

41:18

because I just did shit people

41:20

will say to me where I'll be like what?

41:23

And and then I have to decide like

41:25

should I vaporize this person with negativity or

41:28

just go like ah, yeah But

41:31

I cuz it's their own craziness.

41:33

Yeah yapping at me and

41:37

I'm just less interested. Yeah, I'm less

41:40

interested because it You

41:45

know how much we is there How

41:48

much is it an us well,

41:50

that's the thing about the store is

41:52

there's always been this history of it

41:55

being an us and Like you know

41:57

clubs having an identity where people? brought

42:00

up and they help each other

42:02

and they support each other, that's

42:04

not always the experience.

42:06

And it's also now everyone's a

42:09

booker. Yeah. Everyone's

42:11

a comic slash... Podcast booker.

42:13

Massive podcast booker. Yeah, they want you to do

42:15

their show and love to feel it. Or they

42:18

don't. Yeah, right. You

42:21

might catch a do my open mic, do

42:24

the podcast in the trunk

42:26

of my car, or you

42:28

might catch Sagura. Right. You

42:31

know what I mean? You might... And

42:33

is there... So there's a thing of like, I

42:35

don't want to do the trunk of my car podcast, which gets

42:38

surprising about it, downla... But

42:42

I do want to do Sagura, but

42:44

I don't want him to not want me to do it.

42:47

So it just becomes this like tension

42:51

within... That probably wasn't there before. Right.

42:54

That was just like, hey, can you get me in

42:56

at the tonight show? And you go like,

42:58

not really. And that was the end of the comic. So

43:01

whatever. So I just think it's more fraught.

43:05

And if

43:08

I just write the jokes and figure

43:10

out a place to do them where they work,

43:12

the community part is

43:15

less meaningful. Well

43:18

you've got your own... You have a phone

43:20

community. You seem like a guy that keeps

43:22

in touch with people. You

43:25

know, like you pick up the phone anytime I call

43:27

and we'll talk for an hour, like nothing. Yeah. And

43:30

I feel like you talk to Chappelle and

43:33

Rock and Trevor Noah. You

43:38

talk to a lot of people that are like-minded, that

43:40

are kind of positive people.

43:44

Yeah. I mean, well... I

43:46

don't know how to say positive,

43:48

but they're moving towards something. Well

43:52

I think when people hear those names they go

43:54

like, black. That's the first thing.

43:56

Oh, I didn't even think of that. Yeah. Please

44:00

race the guy who says racist that you

44:02

just noticed that rich poor raisins Now

44:06

all of a sudden he doesn't see race No,

44:08

the Trevor we talk about mental health stuff

44:10

a lot with those guys with

44:13

with anyone at like a high-level showbiz

44:15

person I just see it as like

44:18

What am I aiming at? Yeah,

44:21

like is that the end game? Mm-hmm

44:23

cuz I'm not I Mean

44:25

shivers will take care of you one more the other like

44:27

cuz I'm not gonna like I don't even want their level

44:29

of Success. Yeah, but you kind of go Huh?

44:34

Well, that's like the dream How

44:37

does it sound? Mm-hmm? How's it sound talking

44:39

to them about like right what the experience

44:42

is? All right. I think most

44:44

things that you would consider negative are just

44:47

like it's hard being a

44:49

person Mm-hmm, so it's hard being a person

44:52

When you're like a target for money

44:54

and Whatever you're

44:56

a rich celebrity. That's like its own

44:59

difficulty, but it's all it's all just

45:01

it's all about the same amount of

45:04

hard. Yeah Unfortunately,

45:07

right There's no

45:09

escape that no, it's almost better

45:11

to find a level you like and then make

45:14

your home there You know, like I have a joke

45:16

like I've crawled my way to the middle and I'm

45:18

staying right there I got you I

45:20

have really don't look I'd like to be

45:22

selling more tickets in bulk on Wednesday night

45:24

Sure, but that's the extent of me going

45:26

like like I don't see that You know

45:28

what I've done that you might want to

45:31

try doing it It's just don't put yourself

45:33

in situations where you're gonna get embarrassed right,

45:35

you know where I don't do shows ever Florida

45:39

right, you know why because

45:41

Boca's there Yeah I don't do

45:43

shows in Florida because I can look on my

45:46

website and See where people

45:48

are from and they're not

45:50

from Florida, right? They just aren't I'm not

45:52

gonna be like I gotta break the market

45:54

No, yeah, I hear you.

45:57

We don't got the chemistry Florida Charlotte

46:00

We don't got it. TAPA though,

46:02

rethink TAPA, side splitters. Good

46:05

club. Don't care. Don't

46:07

care. Don't need it. And

46:11

then what? Yeah. Oh,

46:13

I do, I sell out. I make

46:15

my bonus at side splitters. Yeah. There's

46:18

seven saddest words in the English language.

46:21

I don't even know how many words that is. Too many.

46:24

I made my bonus at

46:26

side splitters. I think

46:28

it's one word, side splitters. Yeah, but

46:30

close enough. Yeah, all right, close enough.

46:32

Yeah, so I don't, and that's the

46:35

other thing that you get old enough,

46:37

you go, and then what? Well,

46:39

I don't know if there's an, if

46:42

I find a club that's great, look,

46:44

would you go to Wisconsin normally? Madison,

46:46

Wisconsin, Comedy on State is one of

46:48

the best comedy experiences you can have.

46:51

I mean, there's clubs in cities. I

46:53

could go there. Yeah. You

46:55

know, there's- I do there because there's college, because I

46:58

will draw. I

47:01

do, the last time I did some, I

47:03

put shows on, I don't, no

47:06

one there wants to, I don't do it for

47:08

them. Yeah. Point taken. It's

47:11

like, Sam Morrell had a joke about, he

47:14

was, his parents put him up

47:16

for adoption, and it was like, you ever want to

47:18

find him? He's like, no, I got the message. Pretty

47:22

loud and clear. And

47:24

that's how I feel about like

47:26

Florida, Ohio. Yeah.

47:30

I don't need to go there. Yeah. Idaho,

47:32

I don't need to go to. Seattle, yeah, I'll go a bunch. Like,

47:35

in certain places, I'll just, where do they want me? Texas. Great.

47:38

Austin, great. Dallas, not bad.

47:40

Houston, not bad. Houston's actually gotten great. Again,

47:42

I was just there. I

47:44

was just there. I, for you. Yeah.

47:48

I'm doing a show. When

47:51

does it sell out? Yeah. Houston,

47:53

it was the day of the show. It's a little late.

47:55

Right. For me. Yeah.

47:58

So whatever. I'm just gonna

48:00

go places where I don't there's

48:02

the emotional wear and tear is Minimal

48:05

yeah, I can do a great show for people that want

48:07

me to be there right and I don't have to worry

48:10

about like Buying

48:12

ads It

48:16

turns and for what I

48:18

can remember being a feature act and seeing a

48:20

headliner Sweat about whether the show was sold out

48:22

and when you're a feature All

48:24

you care about is trying to kill

48:26

trying to have fun It's

48:28

all about the comedy and then you become a

48:30

headliner and you have to spend 50%

48:33

of your energy is like a marketer and you

48:35

know worrying about sales and all that It's like

48:37

running for Congress once you get elected you have

48:39

to spend most your time on the phone And

48:41

then I look at like a hell and we

48:43

talked about earlier. Do you see his new special

48:45

by the way? fucking

48:48

great But he

48:50

stayed in clubs I mean he could have

48:52

Tried to step it up to theaters because

48:54

he goes into a club and he sells

48:56

out every show and then he doesn't have

48:58

to Worry about it. That's exactly what I'm

49:00

saying. Yeah, why? Make

49:02

it hard on yourself right why do it's like

49:05

if I don't have kids The

49:07

point of not having kids is then I don't have

49:09

to go to Boca. Thanks

49:11

Jojo again Jojo This

49:14

is really appreciate it. I mean what I really

49:16

put a lot of things in perspective And

49:19

then I'll call her from Boca to say hi

49:21

doesn't take the call why would she yeah Who

49:24

wants to talk to a guy in Boca? It's

49:29

for head loads for sellouts only so

49:32

so yeah, so it's it's more like What

49:36

I'm I'm in the what am I

49:38

doing this for yeah phase and I

49:42

probably am who I am phase and

49:44

I probably am not gonna change anyone's

49:47

mind about me phase Yeah, which

49:49

seems like Well,

49:52

are you like throwing in the towel no,

49:55

but I'm just I'm not Gonna

49:59

make myself self insane

50:01

trying to get to use

50:03

the girl analogy again a girl

50:06

who doesn't want to buy right right well

50:09

I mean I think having said

50:11

that a lot of girls wanna

50:13

fuck me and I'm popular

50:15

yeah I'm not but there's always

50:17

someone more popular yes it's just a

50:20

matter of do you let it define

50:22

you and make you

50:24

insane right because what you what you

50:26

find is a lot of people that

50:28

are more popular presently it doesn't

50:31

last forever it my

50:33

popularity won't last forever there's

50:35

a lot forever they might

50:37

get on pop but

50:40

it's also about balance and I think that you

50:42

and I have both done a lot of writing

50:45

you do directing and

50:47

when you don't put all your eggs in that

50:49

one basket it really it doesn't

50:52

hurt as much when you don't sell out

50:54

in Boca because I'm you know I just

50:56

directed a special this past weekend and I'm

50:58

coming back and I'm working on you know

51:01

my podcast and but I think when you

51:03

live and die but it does make you

51:05

doesn't make you question the

51:08

old dreams where

51:11

even before we started talking you were talking

51:13

about somebody selling out and no sitcom and

51:15

no yeah the old like no you get

51:17

you do stand

51:19

up and then some angel from

51:21

Hollywood comes yeah and plucks you

51:24

and then you get a sitcom

51:27

and then you get a hundred

51:29

million dollars and then you

51:31

go on the road yeah and

51:33

that's a career and then

51:37

or but it's

51:40

and then if you're stuck with that then

51:42

if you're doing a special and you'd be

51:44

like Richard Pryor didn't have to direct specials

51:46

yeah like you can make or you can

51:48

just put it in perspective and

51:51

I'm more on the put it in

51:53

perspective side and I still have a

51:55

lot of that

51:58

like virus of like If you

52:00

got it. Oh, yeah, right at a

52:02

show when you got it But I think it

52:04

was very the first writing job I got was

52:06

very humbling because I had made my way up

52:09

to being a headliner and I was making good

52:11

money and I had stuff going on in my

52:13

career and Then I had a

52:15

kid and I realized that I had missed a lot

52:17

of the first year of his life by being on

52:19

the road An important year go ahead. He's not gonna

52:21

remember anything and So I

52:24

called Louis CK who was writing on Cedric the

52:26

entertainer presents on Fox and and I was like

52:28

hey man You got to get me a job

52:31

and he fucking got me a job. It was that easy

52:35

and so I Suddenly

52:37

had to go to meetings. Mm-hmm And

52:39

I had to show up at a certain time and I

52:41

had to work late and I was like and every time

52:43

If PA would call me into a meeting, I'd be like

52:47

You get such a big ego is

52:49

just a comic and you're so in

52:52

control Yeah and nobody's talking down to

52:54

you and then you take a and then

52:56

you work on a TV show and you're just a cog

52:58

and I think

53:00

that was really good for me I think why because

53:03

it made me realize that I'm I

53:05

think my ego people would build differently Some

53:07

people can give look at Ray Romano I

53:09

never got an ego with all the success

53:11

he's had and I think when

53:13

I had stuff go like when I was hosting

53:15

a Game show on MTV. I had a big

53:17

development deal and I just done Letterman and I

53:20

was kind of a fucking asshole I look back

53:22

at that time right and I know not just

53:25

because people told me but I look back I can

53:27

remember some of the things I said and I realized

53:29

like I needed to be humbled a little bit and

53:31

I think that the balance of getting

53:33

built up on the road and then

53:36

coming back and Working for

53:38

other people and being part of a team has

53:40

made me a more complete person Yeah,

53:43

you're a better person. Mm-hmm, but you didn't move

53:45

out to LA to be a good person No,

53:50

no better I mean I Play

53:52

devil's advocate with what you're saying,

53:54

but you're you're assuming that dreams

53:57

stay static for your whole life. I

53:59

think a dream is something that gets you

54:01

from A to B and then the next dream gets

54:03

you from B to C and there may still- Then

54:05

what happens to the one after that? Well

54:08

I think you still have- Let me get

54:10

C to D? You still have dream B

54:12

going but it's not the only dream now.

54:15

Right. Well you realize the

54:17

sort of silliness of the dream. Right.

54:20

Where you get close enough and you're like,

54:23

I'm just going to do this because I don't want to have to do it.

54:25

Oh, all right. Good. With

54:27

the horse shit facilities? It's unbelievable. Twenty

54:30

two thousand dollars a month. Come

54:34

on Boca. Come

54:36

on Lechu Boca. Come on Boca. Now

54:40

here's the best part, my mom's coming to the

54:42

show in Boca with friends from her- Hopefully the

54:44

least sole one. Hopefully the

54:47

least, the most, the most, this ticket's

54:49

still available one. Yeah,

54:52

so the dream, and then I'm

54:55

also thinking about like when

54:58

dreams do come true, what

55:00

does that even mean? Yeah.

55:04

Even the story you tell yourself, I was

55:06

just a doorman and then

55:08

I became a man and then I

55:11

did this and it's like and? Yeah.

55:14

Yeah. It's even

55:17

like I want to be remembered, no

55:20

one's remembered, no one's remembered.

55:22

And that's a stupid goal.

55:24

Yeah. It's from a sick

55:26

person. I remember, I'm not going to say

55:28

the comic talking about his legacy and I

55:30

just literally looked at him like what the

55:33

fuck? Name a comic from 100

55:35

years ago. Yeah. You

55:38

can't. Yeah. Mark

55:40

Twain, that's it. Yeah.

55:43

And name a Mark Twain bit. Real

55:46

quick. Remember

55:50

that one, I mean he does have some bangers,

55:52

but he has like the weather in San Francisco.

55:55

Yeah. Everybody talks about the weather, nobody ever

55:57

does anything about it. He's got some bangers, but like they're

55:59

one. Yeah. But

56:02

no, that's why I say that all the time. I love comedy.

56:04

I haven't watched Richard Pryor in 20 years. Yeah.

56:07

I love comedy. Comedy's my life. Yeah,

56:10

I don't. Yeah. Thank

56:12

you. Carlin? Yep. Same

56:15

thing. Yeah. I don't.

56:18

It's temporary. And even

56:20

the goal, we

56:22

both had goals. We both fulfilled

56:26

a lot of them. What

56:29

did it mean? You know

56:32

what I mean? I think goals are- It's

56:34

like a story and it gives you a

56:36

frame, but then you're just gonna

56:38

go, okay. Even Dave,

56:40

Trevor, like iconic

56:43

live and you just go, and?

56:45

Yeah. I don't know.

56:47

I think the goal is the thing that

56:49

gets you out of bed and gets you

56:51

moving, but ultimately you try

56:54

to find a process that you enjoy.

56:57

And then the goal becomes less important because

56:59

you found the process. But you gotta have

57:01

the goal. And it is

57:03

hard when you're

57:05

young and you don't have one and

57:08

you're just sort of like floating around.

57:11

Yeah, we are lucky because people without goals will say you're

57:13

very lucky with a goal. And I would agree with that.

57:17

It's almost like

57:19

a chopping wood type thing. Just

57:23

do it again, do it again, do it again. I mean the

57:25

good news about comedy is it's so hard and

57:27

they don't care about how

57:30

good you've been. They don't- they- what?

57:32

Yeah. I mean

57:35

look at your ticket sales in Boca. They

57:37

don't care. They have no idea that I did-

57:39

They've never heard of you. 50

57:42

times on Stern, 23 times on Rogan. They've

57:45

never heard of you. They have never heard

57:47

of you. Nope. Thank

57:50

you. That's why I stay away from that entire state. And I

57:52

hope it keeps sinking. Anyhow, and

57:55

I hope that they can't get-

57:57

I hope the homeowners insurance debacle.

58:00

It continues and I'm gonna be, you know, where I'm gonna be,

58:03

not there. Yeah. But I'm

58:05

gonna be clicking, I'm gonna be hitting refresh

58:09

on what, on Florida, Google. Um,

58:11

so yeah, so I guess I'm, I'm,

58:16

I'm getting some perspective or

58:19

I've gotten some perspective and

58:22

a lot of

58:24

this stuff is silly. Yeah. And

58:27

that, and it's not even sour

58:29

grapes. Right. I say that as a

58:32

successful person and I'm like, a

58:34

lot of this is silly. Yeah. Um,

58:37

and, and I'm gonna keep,

58:39

I'll keep doing it. I

58:41

think the other thing that helps is when

58:43

there's somebody who you consider to be a peer,

58:46

they consider to have kind of an equal

58:48

skill set to you. Yeah. And you get a

58:50

little competitive with that person. That's the best. Nothing

58:53

drives you. And then you let go of it. Then you

58:55

get to a certain point and you go, thanks for the

58:58

ride, buddy. I appreciate the little pull you gave me. Yeah,

59:00

I'm trying to think of people that I, when you say

59:02

that, I'm, I was thinking of, I'm trying to think of

59:04

who, I never had it

59:06

equal because

59:09

I was like, you know, I

59:12

was Kevin's little brother. Yeah. And then

59:14

I was kind of Dave's little brother.

59:16

Right. And then I was 33 and

59:18

started doing standups. So there was no,

59:20

like, there were no peers.

59:23

And I always find it weird when me

59:26

and you and Tom Papa are like

59:28

the New York guys left. Yeah. In

59:30

LA. Yeah. And I'm sure there's more

59:32

that just aren't at

59:35

the store and then those guys like were, but

59:37

it is, but like, you know, how many Papa

59:39

are not really peers. I didn't start

59:41

with you guys. You know what I mean? Like, so

59:44

it's just, I, I, I don't know.

59:46

Who your competitors were. Well, Jeff Ross

59:48

and me, I think we were very

59:50

similar. Jeff as well. Yeah. Gerardo

59:54

was till he died. So

59:57

he won? I won. He won or he lost? I

1:00:00

won that one. He

1:00:02

was taking it way too seriously.

1:00:04

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1:00:08

He couldn't sleep until he really could. Please

1:00:11

cut that. He was just... No, there

1:00:13

was a... I've

1:00:15

had a lot of people that I started

1:00:17

with and it is funny how the older

1:00:19

you get, the closer you get to those

1:00:22

people, even though you don't see them as

1:00:24

much. Like I'll see Todd Barry. Yeah. And

1:00:26

I'll be like, holy shit. That's an understanding.

1:00:28

That's weirdly what I have with Dave and

1:00:31

Chris and like, there's

1:00:33

not... It seems like we're not peers. Like

1:00:35

everyone would go, you're not peers. And I

1:00:38

go, I know what you

1:00:40

mean, but when

1:00:43

someone was at the Boston Comedy Club in 1992,

1:00:45

it's just,

1:00:48

there's a shorthand that

1:00:50

you can't... Like, you

1:00:53

can't... But at the same time,

1:00:55

I was never... I never was like trying to outright

1:00:57

any of them. I

1:01:00

mean, I... Dave, I was sketch...

1:01:03

I just wanted to contribute. I didn't want

1:01:05

it to be like... I didn't want to

1:01:07

do the show if it wasn't gonna be... We

1:01:10

were both getting shit on. Right. Would

1:01:13

you ever create another sketch show? No.

1:01:15

Too much work? Yeah, it's too hard. And

1:01:17

also, it's the other thing of, I

1:01:21

know what happens. You know

1:01:24

what I mean? Yeah. Like, no, I

1:01:26

know... It's a joke I've never been able to figure

1:01:28

out, but you know how you get to it when

1:01:30

people go, where you want to go out later?

1:01:33

We're gonna go drinking. You

1:01:35

know that there's four or five

1:01:37

outcomes. You've lived

1:01:39

them all multiple times. I

1:01:42

did a sketch show. I've

1:01:45

seen... I know... Lorne Michaels had

1:01:47

a fucking... It's not even like a diss. It's

1:01:49

just like a funny thing that when

1:01:51

you've been doing it long enough, Lorne was talking about a

1:01:53

sketch and he goes, it was

1:01:55

a sketch I'd seen five times.

1:01:57

I'd written it three times myself.

1:02:00

Like, yeah. I don't know

1:02:03

if I've ever said there's a sketch that

1:02:05

most, a lot of people submit when they

1:02:10

submit to Represent Our Live, it's like Mike

1:02:14

Schur wrote it. I just know four or five people

1:02:16

that have written it. It's a guy,

1:02:18

a woman breaking up with a guy and he's in the middle

1:02:20

of a pie in a contest. But

1:02:23

it's just that sketch, but you can

1:02:25

do, it's a cancer

1:02:27

ward on the Halloween. It's

1:02:30

just like something, whatever. So

1:02:32

you end up in

1:02:35

life, you know the outcomes of going on

1:02:37

the road. You know what Thursday

1:02:39

night's probably going to be like, probably

1:02:41

going to eat something bad and then you're

1:02:43

going to be like, why did I do that? And you're going to try to go

1:02:45

to sleep and you can and whatever. And

1:02:48

then with a TV show, I know

1:02:51

what happens. And I don't,

1:02:54

I did it. I lived it. What am I going to

1:02:56

do? Was it more successful? For what? All

1:02:59

people are going to say is it's not as good as

1:03:02

Chevelle show, which, and they'll be right.

1:03:04

Yeah. So why do that to myself? Right.

1:03:07

And they'll be right and I won't have slept for a year

1:03:09

and a half. Cool. Yeah.

1:03:12

Sign me up. No, it's like process versus

1:03:14

goal. And some people, I never had the

1:03:16

long term gratification thing. I think I've always

1:03:18

needed the quick hit. So I stand up

1:03:20

was always a good answer for me. But

1:03:23

there are people that even within stand up

1:03:25

are looking at that, selling out that arena

1:03:28

and saying, I will, I

1:03:30

will, you know, make this sacrifice. I'll

1:03:32

put in this extra effort. I will push

1:03:35

myself. And the process is

1:03:37

not fun. I mean, the idea of

1:03:40

pushing yourself and cutting up clips and getting on

1:03:42

the internet. But I don't know anyone who's pushed

1:03:44

themselves into an arena. I

1:03:49

think it's a combination of natural

1:03:52

persona that clicks with the

1:03:54

public. Yeah. And pushing

1:03:56

yourself that hard. Dave didn't push something or in.

1:03:58

Now he's a. Yeah, but those

1:04:01

are anomalies himself and no Joe

1:04:03

didn't all of none of them did you

1:04:05

don't think bird and Tom have? Created

1:04:08

a media empire. I don't think they did

1:04:10

it. I think it just happened. I don't

1:04:12

think there was any premeditation Honestly,

1:04:15

you know, I'm not maligning them Saying

1:04:18

they're hard-working saying there's nothing you can

1:04:20

do to get popular other than just

1:04:22

be Somebody that

1:04:24

people want right I couldn't

1:04:26

I was arguing with this I couldn't make

1:04:29

myself into an arena act. Mm-hmm Impossible.

1:04:31

Yeah, I I'll work

1:04:33

my ass up. You know, you're confirming

1:04:35

my point I can cut up all

1:04:38

the clips I want yeah, this face ain't gonna

1:04:40

be on a marquee And

1:04:42

and this is better looking than you.

1:04:44

Yeah So still questionable

1:04:47

right into the show No No,

1:04:52

you can't I don't believe I believe

1:04:54

and that's the other thing of like how

1:04:56

badly am I gonna beat myself up for?

1:04:59

The way my voice is and the way

1:05:01

my the way my eyes look I

1:05:04

mean like that's and so much of this is

1:05:07

Intangible. Yeah Like

1:05:10

it's an energy thing. Yeah the

1:05:12

way your eyes dart around the

1:05:14

room fucking old-time carnival barker, right?

1:05:16

He did 15

1:05:18

years ago in conversation Or

1:05:21

20 years ago. It's just like it's not like

1:05:24

and he built the perfect comedy me just

1:05:26

was All right, you know, I don't know

1:05:28

I I think that's true to some degree

1:05:30

But I think that there are people that

1:05:33

have incredible like Jim Gaffigan putting

1:05:35

out new hours Doing

1:05:38

viral stuff doing interviews.

1:05:41

It's a lot of stuff. He doesn't have to do

1:05:43

there's a point at which most people

1:05:45

go This is enough and I'm talking

1:05:47

about the people that have that arena

1:05:49

goal and they stick with it and

1:05:51

they push past comfort zones where

1:05:54

they could settle and You

1:05:56

know that I think Gaffigan's maintained a

1:05:58

high level For a long time. I

1:06:01

don't but he's the arena thing is like he's doing

1:06:03

them with Right as

1:06:06

an example. Yeah, but he didn't he can

1:06:08

do 10,000 seats on his own Yeah,

1:06:11

I agree. But i'm saying I

1:06:14

don't know if it was I

1:06:16

don't know gaffigan well enough to say what his motivation was

1:06:19

Um, but I think a lot of it's just

1:06:22

people Make a decision about

1:06:24

you that you have nothing to do with

1:06:26

right and You just have

1:06:28

to just like oh cool. Right? Right. They

1:06:30

love me like all the people

1:06:32

we've named Anyone

1:06:35

malaney, let's say I do in

1:06:38

chicago. I do the vic twice 2000

1:06:40

seats malaney does the united center four times That's

1:06:43

uh, 65 000 seats. Yeah, is he 32

1:06:45

times funnier than me? Yeah There's

1:06:50

no amount of work That

1:06:53

it's just the audience just

1:06:55

decides you And

1:06:57

there's nothing you can do. Yeah, um, and

1:06:59

if you're not if it's not you there's kind of nothing you

1:07:02

can do And it is funny because

1:07:04

then you have comics comics, which are the guys

1:07:06

that You know your eddie

1:07:08

pepitones or your andy kindlers or your

1:07:10

todd glasses? Who can even

1:07:12

worry about for to some degree who can

1:07:15

be? among comedians

1:07:17

Respected more than anybody

1:07:20

and the public just goes nope I'm

1:07:23

not going to go on the record of saying the audience is

1:07:25

like nope But I will say

1:07:27

I mean a mass audience like a

1:07:30

touring following right? But now the audience

1:07:32

in the room loves them. It's like

1:07:34

gourmet It's like a michelin star chef

1:07:36

is never gonna be you have to

1:07:38

be able to be sold at you're

1:07:41

like mcdonald Yeah, and some people Are

1:07:44

like easily digestible? And

1:07:47

some are not right so So

1:07:50

and it again, and what does it

1:07:52

mean? Nothing? Yeah, not

1:07:55

even kind of like the the narrative

1:07:59

and like the story and like the future

1:08:01

and I'm gonna and then because all the stuff

1:08:03

you do, none of it,

1:08:06

none of it really feels like what

1:08:09

you think it's going to be like. You know,

1:08:11

like your multiple things you've done. It's like, yeah,

1:08:13

and then you just leave and you're like. Yeah.

1:08:17

And the next day is actually usually a sad

1:08:19

day. Anytime something big happens. Because you thought it

1:08:21

was, you thought you were, you escaped. You dug

1:08:23

a hole to be in a different

1:08:26

part of the prison. Right. Right.

1:08:29

No, that's just, no, I've got the map. No,

1:08:31

I remember doing Letterman for the first time and

1:08:34

it was a high point in my career. Still,

1:08:36

high point in my career. Nothing will ever match how I felt the

1:08:38

night I did that. And I spent three

1:08:41

days on the couch after that. I

1:08:43

was like, what now? Yeah.

1:08:45

That didn't fit. That felt great, but.

1:08:48

Nothing changes. Nothing changes. I mean,

1:08:51

you're still an obnoxious guy with an MTV game

1:08:53

show from what I heard. But

1:08:55

good looking back then. All right,

1:08:57

let's do a little thing called. Fastballs

1:08:59

with fit. He had bangs. I

1:09:02

did have bangs. I just made that up. I

1:09:05

had bangs. Hilarious. Yeah.

1:09:08

It's a tell-the-all joke that if he knew if he was going

1:09:10

to lose his hair, he would have done more fun shit with

1:09:12

his hair. Yeah, yeah. He would have had a

1:09:14

man bun. I don't remember what his. That new

1:09:16

special is just, it's the best thing he's

1:09:18

ever done. I mean,

1:09:21

he's done a lot of great things, but I said

1:09:23

to him the other night when I saw him, I

1:09:25

go, that's as good as anything you've ever done. I

1:09:27

would do that. He goes to me, he goes, well,

1:09:29

that's a backhand accompaniment. I

1:09:32

didn't mean it to sound like that. I just

1:09:34

meant that the quality of what you do has

1:09:36

not. Oh really, I know. Yeah, I

1:09:38

know. But he has never

1:09:40

dipped. He's always kept it at

1:09:42

this level. Agreed. Yeah.

1:09:46

A food delivery guy, or as I call

1:09:48

him, a third responder. Yeah,

1:09:52

he's got great bit. All

1:09:56

right. So have

1:09:58

you ever saved somebody's life? I

1:10:01

mean fans every night Right

1:10:05

fans, you're like an emotional support

1:10:07

animal. I'm a fifth responder. Yeah,

1:10:09

uh No, and

1:10:11

I hope to never have to has anyone

1:10:14

ever say your option. I will I refuse

1:10:16

it you'll pass It's like sitting in the

1:10:18

aisle on the plane. Like I can't handle

1:10:20

this Um, I love

1:10:22

has anyone ever turned that down? Like

1:10:25

are you I'm not prepared to what do I have to

1:10:27

do god? No Oh, no, Kevin Pollack just came on and

1:10:29

said that he was in the ocean with

1:10:32

a friend and the waves

1:10:34

got crazy and uh The

1:10:37

guy called for help And

1:10:39

Kevin just ignored him and

1:10:41

he tried to save himself and he said luckily the

1:10:43

lifeguard came out and saved the other guy He

1:10:46

ignored him? Yeah. Well, he I guess he

1:10:48

didn't see him. He saved his friend Did

1:10:52

the other guy die? No, the

1:10:54

lifeguard saved Kevin's friend was Kevin in trouble.

1:10:56

Hey, Kevin was in trouble too, but I

1:10:58

guess he found his way out um

1:11:02

Yeah, i've never I don't yeah not so

1:11:04

far I hope to not yeah, I really

1:11:06

hope to not right because I don't I

1:11:08

don't think It's not worth the story

1:11:11

I think the the thing about debt

1:11:14

like uh, there's some stat that murderers

1:11:17

convicted murderers There

1:11:19

were like they they like

1:11:21

less than one percent of them do it again

1:11:24

like we don't like dead

1:11:27

people. Yeah It's

1:11:29

not a pleasant experience like I

1:11:32

was arguing on and there was an article about

1:11:34

it If I

1:11:36

don't want a gun in my house Because

1:11:39

I don't have anything in my house.

1:11:41

That's worth killing someone for right that

1:11:43

includes my grave. No, I'm kidding um

1:11:47

No, I don't take the fucking 400

1:11:49

dollar tv. I don't give a shit. I don't

1:11:52

want to have to have killed someone And

1:11:54

and the other thing So

1:11:57

I shoot him Then what

1:11:59

are we just? hang out until the cops

1:12:01

get there. So

1:12:04

he just like, so what else? Yeah. What did

1:12:06

you, how did you thought you were going to use

1:12:08

crazy? By the right. Like what? Oh, you're saying he's

1:12:10

not dead. He's not dead. Yeah. He's,

1:12:12

maybe I shot him in the leg or

1:12:14

the shoulder. And now he's looking in the

1:12:17

eye. Like now it's just, now it's just

1:12:19

an real awkward day. Yeah. And

1:12:23

yeah, like what do you, so I don't

1:12:25

want to kill anyone and I don't want

1:12:27

to save anyone. Yeah. It's

1:12:29

almost like the stand your ground thing of like,

1:12:32

you know, it's always some

1:12:34

guy who's, he lives in a

1:12:36

trailer. He hates the job, he's

1:12:38

divorced. Yeah. You're protecting nothing. Yeah.

1:12:40

You just don't like X-rays.

1:12:43

Yeah. There you go. Yeah.

1:12:46

Um, who

1:12:49

do you want to give your eulogy? I

1:12:51

want, I may have said this to

1:12:53

you before. I want

1:12:56

every comedian I've ever given a tag

1:12:58

to line up. There

1:13:00

you go. And, and go up

1:13:02

and say what the tag was. Oh,

1:13:05

that's good. Yeah. Tell them

1:13:07

the joke. Tell them what I gave him. Yeah.

1:13:09

That's all I want. Credit. To

1:13:13

the fucking bitter end, beyond after

1:13:15

the bitter end, so that everyone

1:13:17

will know they were wrong

1:13:19

about me. That's all I've ever wanted, but

1:13:22

I'm very healed. Thank you, MBMA.

1:13:24

But these cocksuckers, they make it

1:13:26

hard. I

1:13:28

know. I think, I think there,

1:13:31

there is a, yeah, there's a

1:13:33

line where people are wondering when they listen to

1:13:35

you, if there is, uh, if

1:13:38

there's a rage that's going to come back out

1:13:40

after this phase. No.

1:13:42

You think this is forever? Yeah.

1:13:47

I'm either, yeah, I'm

1:13:49

not going to put up with this shit anymore. Like

1:13:51

I'm just not going to, I'll just leave. Yeah. I'm

1:13:53

not going to keep begging

1:13:57

for something that people.

1:14:00

People aren't capable of giving me.

1:14:02

I have some pride. Yeah. And

1:14:04

there was never a rage. It was just

1:14:07

like a pool

1:14:09

of bitterness. No, but I

1:14:11

have a relationship in my life that I just yesterday

1:14:14

said, you know what?

1:14:16

That person is not calling me back

1:14:18

and I'm ruminating on it and

1:14:20

all I got to do is let go of it. All

1:14:23

I got to do is go, I got so many people

1:14:25

in my life. I don't need that. The amount of people,

1:14:27

we've talked about this off the air, the amount of people

1:14:29

I've stopped talking to is

1:14:33

impressive in the last couple of years. I'm

1:14:35

like, oh no, I'm not doing this anymore.

1:14:38

And it's not even bitter. It's like, not like, fuck you.

1:14:40

It's just like... No, that was the

1:14:42

beauty of the feeling I had. It's pushing

1:14:45

a little boat off on that pond in

1:14:47

Central Park. It felt gentle yesterday. Not

1:14:49

that I will forever forget about

1:14:52

this person, but that dynamic

1:14:54

that I was holding on to that was

1:14:56

feeding me, I realized like

1:14:58

you said, it's all me. It's

1:15:02

a lie in my head what's going on. I

1:15:04

don't know what's going on with them. You also

1:15:06

thought it was you. I've

1:15:09

realized that a lot of... I

1:15:11

was doing like the sci-fi negative and

1:15:14

then magical thinking about friendships.

1:15:17

About how we were all... It's that we

1:15:19

thing. It's like the we and we're all

1:15:22

a clan. You're a store guy and you're

1:15:24

a seller guy. It's like, that

1:15:26

shit doesn't mean anything. You think that most people.

1:15:29

Yeah. And it may not even mean anything to

1:15:31

me. If push comes to shove, I'm not doing

1:15:33

your trunk podcast. All

1:15:37

right. Last

1:15:40

question from the Fastballs with Fitz. I

1:15:42

love it. What is

1:15:44

the hackiest bit you've ever

1:15:46

done? Fuck. How

1:15:49

to decide. I

1:15:51

got like a dozen if you run dry. In

1:15:57

order to say it, I would have to

1:15:59

sell some people. out so I won't say it.

1:16:01

I won't say that story. I

1:16:05

did Seinfeld's plane bit with

1:16:07

the curtain once

1:16:09

at the like five

1:16:11

years ago. I was like that seems familiar.

1:16:13

Yeah. And then I found it was like

1:16:15

oh yeah what did I think? What's the

1:16:17

bit? Just that little

1:16:19

curtain between first class and business

1:16:22

or first class and coach? What

1:16:26

we used to call coach and I was called economy. It's

1:16:29

like when they close

1:16:32

it they might as well be like if you just worked

1:16:34

a little harder and then they close it.

1:16:37

It was a great pitch. I just thought it

1:16:39

was mine. It turned out it was 30 years

1:16:41

old. Well that yeah I think that's part of

1:16:43

the definition of hack that most people don't think

1:16:45

of. It's comics think of hack as you stole

1:16:47

it or it's been done a number of times.

1:16:50

So well that's the

1:16:52

hard part with like well we just wrote

1:16:55

the same joke last month. Yeah. I

1:16:57

wrote that joke well I won't say yours because

1:16:59

I don't know if you're doing it special or

1:17:01

whatever but we had the exact same joke. Yeah.

1:17:04

I feel like mine was

1:17:07

structured better.

1:17:09

Oh I dropped mine because I thought

1:17:12

yours was stronger. Okay. Yeah. Mine was

1:17:14

what? I am great. I was right. No mine no

1:17:16

just because mine had one beat and you had you

1:17:18

had a few you had a few jokes about it.

1:17:20

Yeah and also like the clock's

1:17:22

ticking. Right. Hamas. Literally

1:17:25

Hamas. Yeah

1:17:27

so hack but that's with

1:17:29

gender stuff or relationship stuff or sex stuff.

1:17:31

You're like how do I has

1:17:34

no one done this? Right. And

1:17:36

then you do it and no one says

1:17:38

anything. Right. I know I

1:17:40

call three people I just taped a special a

1:17:43

few months ago and I I called three people

1:17:45

in the green room before I went on to

1:17:48

ask them if they had this particular joke

1:17:50

because I'd had it for it was a

1:17:52

pretty new joke and nobody said anything but

1:17:54

then I said if it's anybody's it sees three people and I

1:17:56

called them they're all like no and I was like I did

1:17:58

it in the special. Yeah I feel like It feels good,

1:18:00

although 5% of you still thinks you stole it

1:18:02

or something. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I

1:18:05

was talking to Bert Kreischer about this. It

1:18:09

might be a Catholic thing, but if I get

1:18:11

accused of something, I

1:18:13

automatically picture myself

1:18:15

doing it. And then I

1:18:17

think I did it a little bit. Well, that's what

1:18:19

they do when they interrogate the prisoners. Yeah. Yeah,

1:18:22

you go. It's Rockhead version of it, which

1:18:24

is after, when

1:18:26

the cop pulls them over and they're like, is this your car?

1:18:28

And he's like, is this my car? Am I? Well,

1:18:32

I think, how could I have this car? Um,

1:18:35

correct Fitzsimmons, ladies and

1:18:37

gentlemen. Thank you. Neil Brennan, everybody. Thank

1:18:39

you for being here, my father. Thanks.