0:00

This. Episode of Family Trips is broadly

0:02

by the Two thousand and Twenty four

0:04

Nissan Pathfinder. With seven drive modes, the

0:06

Pathfinders built for even the most epic

0:08

journeys Learn more at Nissan usa.com. A

0:13

posh you dystrophy am I?

0:16

Going. To see this weekend. Yes,

0:19

Is it official? Yeah, it's official. Or

0:22

it so you're coming out east. With. Your

0:24

fiance, Mackenzie? Yeah, Tell everybody what? What

0:26

is the core reason? I know you're

0:29

gonna see me, but what's the core

0:31

reason for the trip? The core reason

0:33

is we're going to drive from her

0:35

hometown and Western Massachusetts down towards New

0:38

York City. We've got a party in

0:40

New York City, but we're doing is

0:42

we're stopping and looking at some potential

0:44

wedding venues. Some venues. Yeah, getting more.

0:47

It's getting more real. You can. You.

0:49

Could feel it. It's tactile now. Yeah,

0:52

Any it's were got, try and

0:54

see a lot of places. Ah,

0:57

it's not not stressful. I'm

0:59

hoping that once we sort of have

1:01

our little short of map set out

1:03

and have a plan that will be

1:06

able to enjoy ourselves. And

1:09

but we've already reached out to a lot

1:11

of these places and they're like, oh, are

1:13

you looking for like mid week because that's

1:15

all we have Than it's like, no, we're

1:18

not going to get married on a Wednesday.

1:20

Can I throw around. Three

1:22

words that would solve all your problems. Was

1:24

yeah. go for it. Dave.

1:26

And. Busters. Available

1:30

on the weekends. I just went to

1:32

a Dave and Busters for the first

1:34

real I'm and years. Yeah, I

1:37

already my body. Molly wanted to go for

1:39

her birthday and instead she had a garden

1:42

party and then it was Devin birthday and

1:44

she was like Devon How about Dave and

1:46

Busters and he's like I just want. Someone.

1:49

To like make dinner for me and I

1:51

want to watch basketball and she's like they

1:53

got t v's have dinner so he went.

1:58

When. i walked in i was the first one

2:00

there And there's someone that greets you and they're

2:02

like, hey, well, David Busters, do you want to

2:04

like get the, you know, power card or whatever

2:07

they're called? And I was like, yeah, I

2:09

was like, I need one of those because we're going to play some games.

2:11

And she's like, well, what value do

2:13

you want? And I was like, well,

2:15

what's the best deal? And she's like, if you get

2:17

three cards at

2:19

a $45 value, they each

2:22

get like bumped up to 60.

2:25

And I was like, oh, yeah, that's

2:27

what I want. I want. I need to get four

2:29

cards. So I was like, I'll do that. And then

2:31

she was like, do you want to supercharge them? And

2:33

I was like, yeah, because we had like five or

2:35

six people meeting us there. And I was like, well,

2:37

everyone's going to use these cards. But

2:40

then first of all, I just want to

2:42

say you're literally their dream. I am their

2:44

dream. Oh, my God. Immediately. It's like, yes,

2:46

yes, yes, yes. So

2:48

they went back and they were like,

2:50

nobody remember that supercharged thing that we

2:52

said nobody was ever going

2:54

to do. OK, so keep going. So right

2:58

away, my tally within the first minute is

3:01

$220. Incredible. She's

3:04

like, she gives me a thing to sign

3:06

because she's like, we need to

3:08

confirm that someone system. This is going to end up

3:10

in court. They want

3:12

to get your signature on a legal document.

3:15

And she says, and I'd appreciate if

3:17

you put a tip on here. I've talked to her

3:19

for one minute and I'm like

3:22

fired up. I'm at my buddy Devon's birthday and I'm

3:24

like, yes. You said yes to everything. You tip as

3:26

well. I tipped her 20 bucks. And

3:30

I don't want to say she did nothing,

3:32

but it sounds like you've already on this

3:34

podcast. It seems like you have told us

3:36

everything she's done and it's gone very quickly.

3:38

Yeah, it's gone very quickly. And I tipped

3:40

her 20 spots. And

3:43

then we're having a

3:46

very mediocre dinner. Sure. Watching

3:49

great basketball. They was great basketball that night.

3:52

And but one

3:55

of the guys at our table goes and buys a card. And

3:58

I was like, no, These are like. I

4:00

I have paid so cards I want like

4:02

a gave one to Devon I'm like that's

4:04

your that's your birthday presents Happy Birthday From

4:06

Mad For lot of thought into this. And.

4:09

Then see and of the night I have four

4:11

cards. I don't know how much money's on him

4:13

but now I like have to go back to

4:15

Dave and Busters own. So this is my is

4:17

A you didn't burn through the carts know where

4:19

me we sort of tried to grow out of.

4:21

The games are pretty. Unimpressive,

4:24

Yeah I will say are like you play some

4:26

game you're like let's play this one and you're

4:28

like what's happening you have no idea. You.

4:31

M I go through are here I

4:33

get. I get any

4:35

and all these negative many than I got all

4:37

these cards. I had a

4:39

really harrowing things happen. I was

4:41

an airport a camera which airport.

4:43

And there was a retro arcade.

4:47

And. None of the

4:49

games were from our use. Less.

4:52

They were all. The

4:54

Game Video games from the mid nineties.

4:57

That bumblee gonna post my time? Yeah,

4:59

yeah yeah. In an arcade? Yeah. And

5:01

that was shocking that there is a

5:03

retro arrow that. Wasn't even

5:06

my retro era by L Am

5:08

now yeah are harboring via It's.

5:11

So funny how maybe we'll do our

5:13

wedding a Dave and Busters will you

5:15

got? I mean you're already like a

5:17

sorry in like your pot committed the

5:19

and Busters the as anyone out there

5:21

knows a grape a place to get

5:23

married for tennis elbow that's gonna create

5:25

a real wave of people be and

5:27

like. Yeah. Yeah. But.

5:29

We want legs we want. Sort of like

5:32

a property that people can like stay at

5:34

for a long weekend. Ah gotcha us and

5:36

ah and like relax and hang out and

5:38

so when they said are you looking for

5:41

mid week is that because are you aiming

5:43

for this year That's what they're thinking and

5:45

I said no like with like talk to

5:48

me about twenty twenty five and and they're

5:50

like will have to fill out the inquire

5:52

your inquiry foreign. And. A couple days

5:54

as I'm like whoa, we're just can be driving

5:56

through Second, we decide pop onto the property and

5:58

they're like we need to. That up like. A

6:02

tour and I was like i don't want

6:04

to tour I just wanna like see it

6:07

like I'm I don't like. I.

6:09

Don't like going into a store. Fans.

6:12

Having someone be like can I help you find something It's

6:14

like I know where. The. Pants are.

6:16

My. Bf like a clothing store and then if

6:19

they're like do you need help finding another

6:21

size it's like up. I bet I can

6:23

do it on my own. I don't. And

6:26

aren't the only thing you like when

6:28

you enter a place is somebody immediately

6:30

up selling you on that kind of

6:32

football? Clearly I got a problem. Yeah,

6:34

we're at it will as soon as

6:36

someone who works at that establishment can

6:38

get their hooks in the mean. That

6:41

sparrows my wallet. I got

6:43

a quick up cel story from last

6:45

night where I actually. I.

6:47

Was going to have sell myself. Was

6:49

it a steak houses and buddies? Ah

6:52

never do that and I was gonna

6:54

get a fillet. Okay I'm sure there's

6:56

some. Judge He sighs

6:58

from. Listeners. right? But.

7:00

I didn't win the hungry so my only

7:02

be no evidence for this was delicious. For

7:04

as someone who don't eat meat anymore as

7:07

we are you one remember a bigger stakes.

7:09

It's like full of fat and wrestlers you

7:11

want to small the day hundred and I

7:13

think some people do be I don't have

7:15

that of the I was never once we're

7:17

yeah. so anyway then whoop Josh Not only

7:19

were you not one of them if there

7:21

was any fat on. A home

7:23

prepared steaks? Yeah, it's send

7:25

it back to the bachelor

7:27

or to our mothers. A

7:30

Kfc see. had to remove

7:32

all. The steak. Or

7:34

the fast and I know who's nice.

7:37

Yeah, I was also weird because we

7:39

ate at the kitchen table so after

7:41

celiac it was very awkward right? It

7:44

was sort of later we're we're was

7:46

real chef's table said. then I notice

7:48

on the menu there's the fillet and

7:50

then there's like the Wagyu super fillet

7:53

right? right? To

7:55

and has time? Surprise? maybe? Ah. And

7:58

everybody at. was getting the

8:00

flame. I said, you know what, let's get one of the

8:02

super wagyu fillets and just see if we can taste the

8:04

difference. Yeah. Let's see if it's at

8:06

two and a half times

8:09

the price. It's got to be

8:12

a noticeable difference. And

8:14

then the waiter, I told the

8:16

waiter my plan and he, to his

8:18

credit said, ah, don't do that. Oh.

8:22

And I was, you know, I got a

8:24

very nice tip from the table because he

8:26

was, he, he, he even knew

8:28

he was downselling us. Yeah. I

8:30

wonder if he knows that if one

8:34

table does that, then they will learn

8:37

without a shadow of a doubt that

8:39

it is garbage. Right.

8:41

And then they'll tell other people and then they'll

8:43

never sell any of them. They need a table

8:45

that's going to do, we want four of those

8:47

wagyu steaks. Yes. And they would, they also, or

8:49

if it's like, we're going to get three, my

8:52

buddies are all getting the lasagna.

8:55

They just can't have two of them. They

8:57

can't have the comparison happening. Yeah. Yeah.

8:59

So that he actually, okay. Yeah. Maybe he was, maybe

9:01

he was smarter than, than just

9:03

a virtuous. Um, the

9:06

other thing though, about the description of the steak

9:10

was a little off putting the wagyu state. I've

9:12

never seen it. It was wet aged.

9:15

Oh, I didn't care. Yeah. Right. That's not good.

9:17

Nah, that's good. Not good. Add

9:19

speak. No. Um, and

9:22

it just makes things like a piece of steak.

9:24

Just like, I don't know. They put it on

9:26

a fish hook and like flow it into the,

9:29

into the water. For

9:31

me. So how do you guys, I have a question.

9:33

Yeah. Do you feel like you, I mean,

9:35

I think this could be stressful for, for you and

9:38

Mackenzie. Yeah. Look at the venues. Do you feel like

9:40

you guys have discussed

9:43

like how to keep a chill vibe

9:46

because pre-wedding stuff is, you know, can

9:49

be very fraught. Yeah. I don't

9:51

think it'll be stressful when we get into it.

9:53

It's stressful when we're like talking about it before

9:55

we're there, but when we go, I think we

9:58

just want to go. to

10:00

a place and kind of

10:02

be able to envision our wedding there and be

10:04

like, oh, this is great. Like,

10:06

this is people are going to be happy here and we're

10:08

going to be happy here and it'll be beautiful. And

10:11

also if we are going to,

10:13

if we are end up, that's

10:15

how you say that, right? If we are, if we do end up looking at

10:17

2025, I feel like we're sort of ahead of those early birds.

10:25

Like we're the earliest of the early birds. Well,

10:29

I cannot wait for that very special

10:32

Tuesday in February. I

10:39

remember our stressful. We

10:41

I don't need to tell

10:43

you posh, you were there, but

10:45

our wedding was

10:47

at a friend's property and

10:50

they were they were building a barn

10:52

on the property. Yeah. And

10:54

we then that was where the

10:57

dancing was after the event.

11:00

Yeah. And we went

11:02

to look at it while they were building

11:04

and it was an old barn. So there

11:06

was like the dugout basement and

11:09

they were building this

11:11

reclaimed wood to build the barn and they were

11:13

just like, we're like beams over the basement.

11:18

And we had Frisbee was very

11:20

small time. Your dog Frisbee.

11:23

Yeah. And Greyhound. And

11:26

I remember I said we should put her

11:28

on a leash and Alexia said, we don't

11:30

have to put on a leash. Don't be

11:32

crazy. And then at some point Frisbee ran

11:34

and jumped like

11:37

over the basement. And I was

11:39

sure she was just going to like just

11:41

like fall into the bay and like explode. Yeah.

11:44

And instead she landed weirdly like landed on

11:46

the beam and it was like a balance

11:48

beam and we all everybody like

11:50

gasped. And she meant she like backed.

11:53

She like was terrified and her little legs and

11:55

she managed to back off the beam. Yeah. And

11:57

I to this day I'm like, I don't know if we would have got.

12:00

and married. We've

12:02

gone and visited the venue and the dog

12:04

had exploded. Especially

12:07

because one of us had said, let's put the dog on

12:09

a leash. Yeah,

12:12

if we had been dancing over the spot

12:14

where she had perished. She

12:17

did once jump into an empty swimming

12:19

pool. Really? Yeah.

12:23

And I definitely, I mean,

12:25

again, you know Frisbee, what Frisbee looks like.

12:27

If you saw Frisbee jump into an empty

12:29

swimming pool, you would, in the moment before she

12:31

hit the ground, think, rest in peace, Frisbee,

12:33

right? I would think she would break into

12:35

like a thousand pieces. And

12:38

she weirdly, like, I don't know, managed to

12:40

like put her arms and legs and just

12:42

like scraped her belly. And

12:44

definitely was a little out of it for the

12:46

rest of the day. But she's not a dog

12:48

that's ever jumped into a pool of water, is

12:51

she? Yeah, I

12:53

think maybe she

12:55

was trying to off herself. Frisbee's

13:00

still with us though. Yeah, somewhere.

13:03

Under a blanket? Yeah. Somewhere

13:05

under a blanket. You can't sit on a

13:08

blanket in one of your houses. You

13:10

have to check first. Yeah, it's a

13:12

very high risk that the dog is

13:15

under a blanket. Because yeah, she wouldn't.

13:17

You don't see even like a lump of

13:19

something. You just see blanket. Yeah.

13:22

She's that small. This

13:25

is a very exciting interview

13:27

we had. It's a two-hander.

13:29

We talked to a

13:31

couple of folks who are hosting a

13:34

wonderful podcast together. Johnny Knoxville. I think

13:36

everybody knows who Johnny Knoxville is. And

13:38

Elna Baker, his co-host, who everybody's

13:41

going to be happy they know if

13:43

they don't already by the end of this

13:45

podcast. Give it a

13:47

listen. They were fantastic. They have very

13:50

disparate backgrounds. But

13:52

before you listen to them, give a listen

13:54

to Jeff Tweedy. My

14:01

brother, family

14:05

chest, my

14:10

husband, you

14:13

know. Yeah.

14:16

Hello, Loydy. Hello. Hello,

14:22

Johnny. Hello, Elna. How's

14:24

it going? Good. Elna,

14:26

maybe best backdrop we've

14:28

had. Probably. Pretty

14:31

legit. It says the

14:33

majority report behind me, but I like

14:35

moved it, so it's not as leading.

14:39

It is lovely to see both of you. I'm very

14:42

just cognizant of the fact

14:44

that you are going to have two

14:46

very incredibly diverse, divergent, I should say,

14:48

childhoods, and I'm very excited to get into it. But I've

14:50

both known you for like over 20 years. Johnny,

14:53

I met you when you hosted SML, and

14:55

Elna, I met you pretty much

14:57

when I moved to New York because my

14:59

first, one of my first friends is my

15:01

now sister-in-law, and you were college friends with

15:03

her. Yeah, yeah. So how about

15:05

you? Well, we have a history.

15:08

We have what you

15:10

most want on this podcast, some history. And

15:13

Johnny, I will say as someone who I

15:15

don't really like going to, I'm not the

15:18

kind of person who goes to a theater

15:20

to see a movie multiple times. Yes. But

15:22

all those jackass movies are 100% double takes.

15:27

And it's so fun. Every time

15:29

you put out a new movie, you just

15:31

feel like you're friends with everyone in the

15:34

theater when you see those because

15:36

it's such a shared... Trauma

15:38

bonding. Trauma bonding. Yeah,

15:41

so thank you. Thank you. That's very

15:43

nice. And I haven't seen any of

15:45

those movies, but I did see Dukes of Hazzard ten

15:47

times. Talking

15:51

about trauma bonding. Wait,

15:54

first of all, explain how you

15:56

two met because I'm delighted to have you both

15:58

together, but you are new. not

16:00

a natural match. No,

16:03

we're not. I mean, they put us together to

16:05

make the show that we're making for Smartless. But

16:08

then we met and immediately it was like, oh

16:10

yeah. So somebody

16:12

had this idea to put you together to

16:14

host a podcast. Yeah. And

16:18

first of all, tell us about your podcast real

16:20

quick off the top. Well, on the surface, if

16:22

you think, oh, well, they're the

16:24

kind of opposite personalities.

16:28

But if you talk to Ellen for five minutes,

16:30

you'll find that we're not. What

16:33

does that mean? You launch

16:35

into story sometime that my

16:38

face is totally red and

16:40

I don't even know what to say. It's, yeah,

16:42

so how we met, the

16:50

podcast is called Pretty Sure I Can Fly. And

16:55

it's about people that have done

16:58

something most

17:02

of the time very daring and

17:05

achieve something great against all odds.

17:07

Everyone telling them they're crazy, but

17:10

they still persevered and saw it

17:12

through. And it's

17:14

enabled us to do

17:17

tributes to some of our favorite people

17:19

today and in history. Pretty

17:21

good. And we're very happy you guys are

17:23

together, especially because we get to talk to

17:25

you. Also, Johnny, you've been mentioned twice by

17:28

previous guests on this podcast. Jimmy

17:30

Kimmel and Jake Tapper. Saw

17:33

your son total a

17:36

golf cart. Oh,

17:38

yeah, Rocco, yeah, he was

17:40

involved, but he wasn't driving,

17:42

which is unbelievable.

17:45

But yeah, Rocco is a real pill. We

17:48

should have named a Murray from accounting or

17:50

something because he didn't know it. So his

17:52

fate with that name. Yeah,

17:56

Tapper Said Your only question after the incident was

17:58

did you get it on tape? It's

18:02

not a bad question. seven none of that

18:04

way on ebay out fine we have a

18:06

couple buddies are we go on a trip

18:08

every year with a bunch of our college

18:10

friends and two of them rolled a golf

18:13

cart a couple years ago and it's a

18:15

real thing at the real thing. the atlas

18:17

their heart but they sort of and again

18:19

late forties when this happened these gentlemen they

18:21

we were all laughing about it and then

18:23

we noticed they were a little ass and

18:25

faced and one of them emitted we later

18:27

that he thought he was gonna die sister.

18:31

I'm sure you know you did on the golf course.

18:33

get a few beers, a new A, and who knows

18:35

what's gonna happen. Yeah. I'd So

18:37

we have one of you. Famously. From

18:39

Knoxville. And. Elena you grew

18:42

up in Washington? Say yes.

18:44

I was born to my son and say and

18:46

the mean is t Madrid when I was nine

18:48

said Griffin the Dead in England. And

18:51

so before nine and you're one of five,

18:54

Were. You the kind of family I mean to deserve

18:56

a passing. The you ended up in Madrid in England.

18:58

That seems like you're a very well traveled group. It

19:00

did you take a lot attempts before that. I

19:03

asked Mormon? Big Mormon Family?

19:06

Ah, Lot of like. Are of the

19:08

traps in our just like constant

19:10

to. The. South anytime summer time family time.

19:13

And where did you have regular destinations

19:15

are? I will go camping with.

19:17

My grandparents ass. And actually, when

19:19

am I a of. As everything

19:21

in the shower center think about. My

19:24

my most vivid vacation memory came

19:26

from one of those are the

19:28

Chaps. Ah, Which was

19:30

than my grandpa look for certain is

19:32

them example as a deck. Huge!

19:35

their last. Legs

19:39

know this is dick a role in

19:41

the Mormon church or that you used

19:43

to get away with it Was it

19:46

was It was substantiated by the patriarchy

19:48

is think this nest again and. That

19:51

he like a lived on a recliner

19:53

chair. he has his bald ah he

19:55

was like a grown if he did

19:58

you. put a magic potion on baby

20:00

and they became a man like he looks like a

20:02

baby and like you couldn't touch his

20:07

reclining chair no one could sit on it my grandma

20:09

like waited on him hand and foot he

20:12

was mean too I remember when I was a little girl he

20:15

I said when I grew up my dream is to be

20:17

an actress and he said no one

20:19

wants to see a fat girl on TV you

20:23

know it's like who does that when a

20:25

kid says their dream there was no what were you

20:28

I was probably like I was a

20:30

little older than I think I was 13 when I said

20:32

that but again remember he was only

20:34

for an old man so one of

20:36

my favorite

20:40

vacation memories we went on this RV trip

20:42

that we would always do every summer with

20:44

his grandpa and we're

20:47

all their cousins family tents

20:49

everything and he has his

20:51

like precious motor home that's like sacred you

20:54

know and so he says

20:56

nobody used the bathroom I have to clean

20:58

out the septic tank and

21:02

everyone knew everyone knew but my cousin

21:04

Dan did not get the memo and

21:08

next thing you know I you

21:10

hear a scream and my grandpa

21:12

comes running from behind the RV

21:14

and on his bald head there's

21:17

like a perfect swirly shit on

21:23

his head it looks like

21:25

an ice cream you're like swirl and

21:28

he's yelling and he's running right he's

21:30

literally running and the shit doesn't fall

21:33

and then he just starts like

21:35

which one of you did like lining us up

21:37

which one of you did this but he doesn't

21:39

take the shit off his head I even I

21:41

called my dad

21:47

to be like did that happen because I was

21:49

just like it's such a memory of him turning

21:51

this corner with the shit stuck to his head

21:53

and my dad was like yeah it was like

21:56

cartoonish it didn't even seem

21:58

possible the way that shit was stuck to his

22:00

head. Now this does

22:02

really support Johnny's earlier

22:04

comment that you're more like

22:06

than we would seem like.

22:08

Like shit hat does seem

22:10

like a jackass. All

22:14

you gotta do is just let her go and gold

22:17

comes out. Now

22:20

is that was your grandfather your dad's or your

22:22

mom's father? My mom's dad's dad's dad. Gotcha. And

22:24

so how did your dad feel about him? Did

22:26

your dad think he was maybe

22:28

a bad guy or a poorly

22:30

behaved man? My dad's

22:32

way of always dealing with conflict was like

22:35

faces, right? So like you know anything my

22:37

grandpa did my dad would just like look

22:39

over at you like make like big eyes and be

22:41

like that's crazy we all know that's

22:43

crazy. Never say anything. There's

22:45

just like whispers to the side

22:48

like don't listen to him. I

22:51

have no memory of

22:53

our eternal grandfather's personality

22:55

Josh but he did look like a baby

22:57

in an old man. He also had that

22:59

baby look and he wore very high-waisted pants

23:02

with suspenders. That's what my grandpa wore. Wow.

23:04

And I think they were it's just the

23:06

last person I ever saw who dressed that

23:08

way. I think it was the last it

23:10

was basically we're done with this look and

23:12

they were the last era of people that

23:14

are gonna do it but I remember he

23:16

famously we had three-legged kitchen

23:19

table chairs and he

23:22

was in a design very and he

23:24

was in a plastic three-legged chair and

23:26

he leaned back to see a squirrel

23:28

because he'd never seen a squirrel before

23:30

and he tumbled real it was

23:33

a real Humpty Dumpty moment in my recollection

23:35

because he did kind of look like an

23:37

egg in a pants. Hey we're

23:39

gonna take a quick break and hear from some of our sponsors.

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26:40

Now what about you Johnny? Did

26:42

you have deep family in Knoxville? Were your grandparents

26:44

around where you grew up? My

26:47

dad's father passed

26:49

when I was around nine months old and

26:52

my mom's dad was

26:54

around but I didn't

26:57

get to see him as much because he

27:00

remarried and it was like a

27:02

contentious thing between the family. But

27:07

I do, when Elna was talking,

27:12

I do remember an RV story from my father

27:14

too when we were getting ready to go on

27:16

a trip. He

27:18

had this old bread truck

27:22

that was converted into an RV. He

27:26

had his buddy who would always do

27:28

that kind of thing. There's

27:31

no pictures of it unfortunately but

27:34

we're getting ready to go

27:36

on a trip probably to

27:38

Gatlinburg or the Smoky

27:41

Mountain National Forest.

27:45

He was like, I

27:48

believe your grandfather was cleaning out the, what

27:50

do you call it? The

27:52

septic? The septic tank. And

27:58

I guess he, I don't know what. happened

28:00

but he unscrewed it and the whole

28:02

thing he was on his back

28:04

and the whole thing just just went

28:06

down into his face and

28:11

my aunt Phyllis whenever she would

28:13

get really tickled she

28:15

couldn't contain herself and she would pee she

28:17

peed her pants my

28:21

dad got up and he thought it was he was grossed

28:23

out but he thought it's hilarious he was like well if

28:25

I hadn't had my mouth open that it hit me right

28:27

in the face and my

28:31

mom goes to the trunk

28:34

to get a towel for him

28:36

and she finds his

28:38

whiskey bottle so not only

28:40

was he covered in shit now he

28:42

was in trouble with my mother because

28:44

she found his stash of whiskey the

28:48

day he most needed a hard

28:50

drink you know oh yeah

28:53

if you knew my father you yeah like

28:55

you'd won't take that whiskey from him but

28:59

yeah he could come out with

29:01

funny lines under duress so that

29:03

was pretty fond memory for our

29:06

family what kind of trips did

29:08

you take were you would you take the converted

29:10

bread truck camping as well yeah

29:13

I was very young I

29:15

don't even like

29:17

I remember

29:20

being there for that incident but it

29:22

was I

29:24

was probably too young to remember but we would

29:26

go to Daytona Beach

29:28

or Myrtle Beach every year

29:30

and I remember I was

29:33

pretty naughty when I was little

29:35

because I had no sisters I

29:37

was I had two older sisters

29:39

you know I want to get

29:41

back to Ellen the stories because they're so much

29:43

better than mine but I had two older sisters

29:46

and they would always they and their

29:48

friends would put me up to naughtiness

29:50

along with my father I was like

29:52

a program monkey but sometimes that would

29:55

backfire because I was

29:57

rewarded for being naughty and And

30:01

we stayed at the Treasure Island

30:03

in Daytona Beach every year. And

30:06

I was out on the balcony looking

30:08

down and my mom heard

30:10

a terrible commotion and people

30:12

were yelling up at me

30:15

and her. She ran out to see what

30:17

was going on. She said, your son just

30:19

threw water on us. And

30:22

me wanting to be completely honest, I'm like, no,

30:25

I actually peed on you. And

30:28

oh my God, they got even more. They

30:30

got even angrier and then my mom just,

30:32

oh, I got in so much trouble. I

30:35

wanted to be more honest. I wanted

30:37

to come clean. Maybe

30:40

I should have kept that one to myself. I

30:44

feel like this is, and again, this is

30:46

probably deeply unfair to Daytona Beach, but I almost

30:48

feel like half the people who go

30:50

on vacation there are going to get a little pee on

30:53

them. Yeah, it's, it's, it's Chuck

30:55

Mary time. And

30:57

Elna, where do you fall in

30:59

your siblings? There's five of you. I'm second

31:02

of five. Yeah. Do you

31:04

have any not grandpa getting shit on his

31:06

head sort of memories from these camping trips?

31:09

I'm assuming they were mostly, mostly

31:11

out West, I would think if you're in

31:13

Tacoma. We did the camping trips

31:15

are out West. And then when I was

31:17

nine, we moved overseas and my mom had

31:20

never left the Washington state and you

31:22

shoot mostly Mormon communities. And then

31:24

like suddenly, if you're in Europe,

31:26

like driving to another country is like driving to

31:28

another state. Yeah. So we would,

31:30

they would pack us in a minivan.

31:33

They had these two maroon crates

31:35

that they put on top of the minivan full

31:39

of our stuff. And then we would just go from

31:41

country to country. We went like one,

31:43

one summer we went to 25 countries and

31:46

they would just be like, Oh, wow. So

31:48

Austria is there. Let's go. Like they never

31:50

made any plans. And that it only

31:52

backfired. I remember one time we, we

31:56

went to check Republic. This was like

31:58

shortly after it was like open. to

32:00

tourists, this is like early 90s, and

32:03

we got there late at night and there were

32:05

no hotels. They couldn't find any hotels. There was

32:07

like nowhere to stay. And

32:09

so they went up to a long line of

32:11

like, um, taxi cab drivers and they went to

32:14

the first guy and they were like, uh, do

32:16

you know a hotel or a bed and breakfast?

32:18

And he was like, in broken English,

32:20

he was like, you're in luck. I, I own

32:22

a bed and breakfast. You know,

32:24

just come back to the bed and breakfast.

32:27

And like Mormons are so trusting. I think I was

32:29

like 10 and I was like, this guy's going to

32:31

kill us. Like I just knew

32:33

this guy was going to kill us. I

32:37

was like, what? So we

32:39

follow him like 45 minutes to like the

32:42

middle of nowhere. Like we're in like the

32:44

forest and there's his, it's his house. It is

32:47

not a bed and breakfast. It's just this man's

32:49

house. Right. And so

32:51

we go into that house and I am so vocal

32:53

to my parents about like, you know, he's going to

32:55

kill us. And I keep saying like, he's going to kill

32:57

us and they don't believe me.

32:59

So I decided to make a police report and

33:02

they thought it was so cute, like so funny.

33:04

Right. So I had a notebook,

33:06

pre-emptive police report. So I went to out

33:08

to the car and I got the license

33:11

plate number. I wrote

33:13

down like when we met him,

33:15

what were the circumstances? I,

33:17

and then I drew a pic. I was like, you'll

33:19

know him when you see this face. Right. And

33:22

I drew a picture, but of course it's like a kid picture. It's

33:24

like googly eyes and like dribble hair.

33:28

And then I was like, well, then I remember trying to

33:31

go to sleep and I was like, Oh, what if he

33:33

went in? What if he kills us? And then

33:35

he throws the police report away. I was just

33:37

so, so thoroughly into this. So I, I crumpled

33:40

it up and I put it in my underwear

33:42

and I slept

33:44

with the police report in my underwear. So when they

33:47

found our dump bodies, they would be able to find

33:49

this police report.

33:51

Do you still have that police report? You

33:53

know, I don't think I do. I

33:56

was going to say that he was maybe

33:58

he was probably offended by you. writing

34:00

down his license plate number and all the

34:02

paperwork but you know if he'd been

34:05

behind the Iron Curtain for that long that was probably just the

34:07

normal. This level of surveillance. I

34:09

like that the minute capitalism was

34:11

available it's like that in breakfast

34:13

eh? Yeah, yeah. I can make

34:15

that work. Come

34:18

to our house. I'm sure he's

34:20

been having to sit for his own police

34:22

sketch. Now

34:26

did you were you guys

34:28

excited when on a 25-country

34:30

summer were you as

34:32

kids into this? Honestly like most

34:34

of those memories as kids are throw-up

34:36

stories because we were always throwing up in

34:38

the car so it's just like like

34:42

and we had a the catchphrase

34:44

was not another castle because they

34:46

were sick of some of the castle. Was

34:50

there one of your siblings who was more

34:53

prone to throwing up or it really sort

34:55

of thing? Julia. Julia threw up.

34:57

Julia and Julia was always like like

34:59

her throw-ups were always like I feel

35:01

and then like one time my mom's

35:04

purse she just leaned forward and went

35:06

I feel and then we literally filled

35:08

the entire purse with puke and

35:11

she would throw up so much my mom got

35:13

like good at it so we were like visiting

35:15

England and I remember she was wearing a bobby

35:17

hat like a souvenir bobby hat and Julia started

35:19

to go I feel and my mom just reached

35:21

from the front grabbed the bobby hat and put

35:23

it over her face in like perfect timing to

35:25

catch all the vomit. I

35:28

know it didn't happen but I'm just gonna picture

35:30

at some point a perfect vomit

35:32

swirl was on your grandfather's head. This

35:37

I feel like also when

35:40

you're driving to a castle I

35:42

feel like those are real throw-up roads. Oh

35:45

yeah. Yeah I feel like sure once you get to

35:47

a castle it's nice but the very where you tried

35:49

to put a castle even in medieval times you wanted

35:52

to make sure that if people wanted to get there

35:54

for sort of bad reasons they were gonna have an upset

35:56

stomach by the time they were in. trips

36:01

was we went to Barcelona and they

36:05

like I don't know how it happened but somewhere

36:07

on the way my shoe fell

36:09

out of the car so we get to Barcelona

36:11

and I don't have a

36:13

shoe and my parents like want to

36:15

see Barcelona so they're like well you just walk

36:17

with a sock and a shoe and I

36:22

had to say and it was and I remember

36:24

like they were like we'll buy you a shoe

36:26

tomorrow when this door is open so we like

36:28

sight-seed with me like just disgusting walking all over

36:30

the street and then the next day all

36:33

the shops were closed for like a holiday or

36:35

something so then I still couldn't get a shoe

36:37

and we went through like a fish

36:40

market and it was just like

36:42

covered in like guts and I was walking

36:44

through it and I was just like I

36:46

hate this you know what I'm

36:48

gonna say something I don't mind teaching your kid

36:50

a lesson when their shoe falls out of a

36:52

car I do think it's a little cruel

36:55

to walk them through a fish market. For two days without

36:57

a shoe? Yeah,

37:00

also maybe I'm wrong. Yeah I got

37:02

a shoe on the third day. I

37:04

never heard like if you go to

37:07

Barcelona you gotta walk through the fish

37:09

market. Oh, so last summer I was

37:11

with Seth and his family and you

37:14

were trying to get all the kids in the car

37:16

and one of your kids like they couldn't find their

37:18

shoes and I was like is there not a second

37:20

pair of shoes for this kid? But

37:23

I guess with five kids all packed into

37:25

a one minivan you probably got like... It

37:27

was a one day you know one one

37:29

shot one shoe. Yeah yeah yeah.

37:32

Also if Alexi could pack our family

37:34

in a manila envelope she would the

37:36

idea of a second pair of shoes

37:38

on a trip is never gonna happen.

37:40

Yeah yeah. It's very it's very tightly

37:42

everything's very snug. I was hoping that

37:44

you would lost that shoe because you

37:46

were like I guess we have to

37:48

go shopping like you just wanted to

37:50

get a pair of those Barcelona shoes

37:52

that everyone's been talking about. Estudellos or

37:54

whatever. Yeah. How

37:57

much older were your sisters Johnny? Eight.

38:00

10 years older. Oh god, so you were really

38:02

a little scamp. Yeah, my

38:04

father told me I was an

38:06

M&M baby. I'm like, what's that?

38:09

He's like, you came between menstruation and

38:11

menopause. You

38:15

know what? That's nice about that. That's the kind

38:17

of joke a kid likes. Yeah. He said the

38:19

best, the best part of you

38:21

ran down your mama's crack. In

38:23

the worst part, my mom would go,

38:26

Oh, honey, it did not. I'm like,

38:28

don't defend him. Don't defend that same.

38:30

I realize he's saying it to be

38:32

funny. But when you say that, and

38:34

I was born with a club foot,

38:36

so I think he's actually right. Well,

38:38

yeah, now you're laying out some data.

38:40

I feel like maybe we're too quick

38:42

to judge. Yeah. And

38:46

would you was that a drive when you

38:48

guys would go down to Florida? Yeah, it

38:50

was, it felt like, you know, in little

38:52

kid time, it felt like three days. It

38:54

was like a 12 hour drive, but it

38:57

felt so long. And I bet it's a I

38:59

mean, it's it's certainly in my head that feels like

39:01

a long hot drive. Yes,

39:03

it was because in the south, you

39:06

know, it's so humid, you got to

39:08

chew the air before you can breathe

39:10

it and you're stuck in a hot

39:12

car and there's air conditioning, I guess,

39:14

but it's, it was, you

39:17

know, that's what it's a kid problem.

39:20

You know, what was a dead

39:22

Daytona Beach vacation like were you

39:24

just was it

39:26

all on the beach the whole time? Yeah, it

39:28

was all on the we stayed at the hotel

39:31

mostly. But the highlight for

39:33

me was one of the

39:35

highlights was going to the boardwalk

39:37

and getting like

39:40

an iron on shirt or

39:42

an airbrush t shirt.

39:46

I remember I remember being very that

39:49

that was a highlight or seeing how fast you could

39:51

throw on the bait with

39:53

the baseball, you know, that

39:55

kind of touristy stuff

39:57

I loved. It's funny being a. Parent

40:00

now because I remember those things

40:02

filling a whole day. But when

40:04

you go to a fair say

40:06

with your children like the baseball

40:08

thing takes like three minutes fry

40:10

and now yet still have. Their.

40:12

Still like now seven hours and fifty seven

40:15

minutes until it's bad timing as they look

40:17

at. how does it does not take longer?

40:20

Exists. Just. I

40:22

don't know he then kid energy years

40:25

played in the ocean for hours or

40:27

building sand castles? are you know. Ah,

40:31

Idol! I loved our time Daytona

40:34

yeah as being so much younger

40:36

would you find like other kids

40:38

to play with on the beach

40:40

and thing oh yeah I would

40:42

usually fall in love with a

40:44

girl. Isn't the down there I

40:46

haven't always been meet a girl

40:48

who I would really. With.

40:51

Right to. Ask. You

40:53

know, for. Two. Or three

40:55

letters did he really follow through? That's

40:58

really impressive. Oh yeah, Yeah.

41:00

I will follow through each year for two

41:02

or three four ladders. And

41:04

any kind of you know via

41:06

his stop writing. So.

41:09

For your romantic at heart, I love it! Oh.

41:12

Yes, Yes! Ah,

41:14

in hours in the arcade.

41:17

Man in the at the hotel.

41:20

Or a beads in New Hampshire called Hampton

41:22

Beads and I think it is the opposite

41:24

of what people picture a sort of New

41:26

England beats being it is very much what

41:28

you'd striving. It is the Florida of the

41:30

northeast and is it's Mississippi nonetheless in arcades

41:32

and fried dough and certainly air breast t

41:34

shirts but it was is amazing he was

41:36

appointed. Go be in for kids are is

41:38

yeah it was great and a weird that

41:41

like my dad never. He

41:43

never. Cook at all by.

41:45

when we would go to the beach

41:48

he would always make me i rice

41:50

krispies with bananas every morning. And

41:52

ah it's it's. a weird. Thing.

41:55

To remember but it's you know is a

41:57

kid. I like that. he asks

41:59

him Gotta get your energy up.

42:01

You might meet the woman of your dreams

42:03

out there. I did every year. Hey,

42:08

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we go. Now,

45:36

did you still have friends from your Spain

45:39

and England years? Did you keep in touch

45:41

with people you met over there? We

45:45

have church friends because even though we

45:47

were living abroad, we were

45:49

like Mormons. And

45:52

of course, all my parents'

45:54

friends, it turns out they were all in the CIA. Because

45:58

Mormons are notoriously involved. the CIA.

46:00

So like all these people that we

46:02

went to church with were like

46:05

in the CIA. Wow. And

46:07

so what age do you sort of find that

46:09

out? And do they admit it to you or

46:11

do you sort of suss it out on your

46:13

own adult? I think when they retire that's

46:15

when my friends found out that their parents

46:17

were CIA. Were you ever bummed

46:20

that your parents weren't? Well, I've

46:22

always like I've always wondered

46:26

if they were like they've been because my

46:28

dad like I mean he's worked for

46:30

Boeing which at this moment is not

46:33

a great place. No, but a very

46:35

good CIA cover job. Very good CIA

46:37

cover job. And then he so they

46:40

moved from Seattle to Spain

46:43

to England and then to

46:47

Siberia. My dad ran a titanium

46:49

factory in Siberia

46:52

which was like it was a dream of mine to

46:54

like visit and run down the hall and like knock

46:57

things over and be like it's daddy's factory. Then

46:59

he went from the titanium

47:04

factory to a factory in China.

47:06

So he's always in the big

47:08

spaces. Did you do Siberia? Were you

47:10

there? I went to Siberia for how

47:13

long? Just for two weeks.

47:16

Yeah, I was in Siberia for two weeks. And

47:18

a lot of the people I know who vacation

47:20

there say you pretty much get it in two

47:22

weeks. Yeah, I

47:25

mean the one cool thing about it

47:27

was like so I remember we went

47:29

to there were these there's these ghost

47:31

towns there they're just totally abandoned and

47:34

you can just kind of go from house to

47:36

house and going from house to house everyone

47:39

had the same stuff because I

47:41

guess like under communism like if you wanted to buy

47:43

a chair you had like chair option

47:46

A or B and that

47:48

was it or only one option of crib and these

47:51

houses just seem like people you know like

47:53

they just evaporated and like the

47:57

rapture. And so they're really empty

47:59

all the furniture, but every

48:01

house was exactly the same, like all

48:03

the same stuff. It was so interesting.

48:06

That's eerie. It was very eerie. It is

48:08

such a... It's maybe one of the

48:10

worst things you can have as a tourist does this.

48:12

It's like, oh, these really cool ghost towns. Oh, what

48:15

happened to the people? We don't want to say. There's

48:17

only two kinds of chairs. And

48:22

so at that point, had you moved back

48:24

to Washington after the tour? Yeah, then

48:26

they moved back to... Then they

48:28

moved back to... Now they're Arizona. And

48:32

I'm not Mormon anymore. My

48:34

brother isn't Mormon anymore. But

48:37

we still go do the

48:39

whole Mormon family Christmases. And so

48:41

all the vacations are still

48:43

very Mormon. How deep

48:45

does your Mormon Christmas go? How many people

48:47

are going to be on site? Oh, there's

48:50

cousins. There's like 50 people.

48:52

Do you have 50 people at one meal? Yeah,

48:55

no, it gets huge. Oh, and was that the norm when

48:57

you were growing up as well? It

49:00

was pretty big growing up. Not as big, but

49:02

in Arizona, it's just like, nonstop

49:04

family, nonstop family games. But

49:07

then the hard thing is that when we go

49:09

back for family vacation, my brother... So we

49:12

finally worked through this, but basically, my parents would

49:16

get really upset if they saw us drinking coffee.

49:18

So we weren't allowed to drink

49:20

coffee. So every Christmas when we

49:22

go home, my brother, I would be like, oh, I want

49:24

to get... I started my period.

49:27

I need to get tampons. And

49:29

then my brother would be like, I'll come get tampons with you.

49:33

We would just go to town,

49:35

get Starbucks and get coffee. And

49:38

so we'd do this for years. And

49:41

finally, my dad was called and he

49:43

was like, look, I know you're not

49:45

getting tampons. I

49:47

know you're getting coffee. And you

49:49

guys are only here for a few days. Why

49:52

don't we just... I'll buy a coffee machine. I

49:55

want you here. I don't want you gone all day.

49:57

And I was like, are you sure? He was like,

49:59

yeah. So I was like, you

50:01

know what, I can bring one. You don't have to

50:03

see it year round, like Satan in the corner. Like

50:06

I'll just bring a handheld coffee thing, right? So

50:08

I brought one, we make coffee in the morning.

50:10

The whole family's like gathered around the kitchen island.

50:13

It's great. It's like, I had no idea you

50:15

could be normal with your family. Then

50:17

my mom walks in. She

50:19

walks straight to the window, not speaking

50:22

to anyone, and just starts

50:24

stoically like staring out the window. And

50:28

doesn't say anything for like a few

50:30

minutes. And finally I'm like, mom, are

50:32

you okay? And she's like, honestly, like

50:34

your father didn't consult me about the

50:36

coffee and I'm not taking it away,

50:38

but I don't feel comfortable with this

50:40

in my house. So

50:43

then the next day, my dad wakes my

50:46

brother up. I up at like 8 30.

50:49

He's like, get up, get up. Your mom's walking the

50:51

dog. Make the coffee, make the coffee. Make

50:53

the coffee. Make the coffee. And he's like, hey,

50:55

get down here. And then he grabs

50:58

a whole thing of apple juice and pours

51:00

it into a frying pan and like dumps

51:02

the thing of cinnamon. And he's like stirring

51:04

it to cover up the smell, to

51:07

counteract the smell of the coffee. And

51:09

he opens all the windows. And

51:11

then he's like, hurry, don't make

51:13

such a big production. And then

51:15

he's like, literally it like over

51:17

boils. And he's like, ah,

51:20

you know. So we

51:22

finished our coffee. My mom comes back. It

51:24

smells like, it's so intense. And

51:27

he's like, we just had five pies. So

51:32

then the next day I come

51:34

down and I can't find the coffee maker anywhere. And

51:36

I know she hid it, right? So I'm like, say

51:39

to my dad, I'm like, gas

51:41

mom where the coffee maker is. And he's like, find

51:43

it. Don't ask your mother, just find it, find it.

51:46

And we can't find it. So finally I'm like, to my

51:48

mom, I'm like, have you seen the coffee maker? And

51:52

she's like, where did I, you know, I think

51:54

I did see that. Where was that? And like,

51:56

she walks out of the house, into

51:59

the garage. to the back of the

52:01

garage and like on a shelf behind things. She's like,

52:04

oh yeah, I hear where

52:06

that was.

52:08

You know what, now that I'm

52:10

thinking of it, I think I smashed it into a thousand

52:13

pieces. But then the final thing that happened with the copy was my, my brother,

52:20

okay, so I have a brother-in-law. He's kind

52:23

of, I like him now, but initially he was like

52:25

very pompous. So I was like not into him. He's

52:28

British. And that's

52:30

pompous British. It's

52:35

his first Christmas there. My mom has

52:37

made a cheese plate for everyone. And

52:39

there's like a big hunk of cheddar

52:41

on the cheese plate, right? So Tristan

52:43

goes over the cheese plate. Well,

52:46

the entire hunk of cheddar, the

52:49

entire entire hunk takes the whole

52:51

cheddar on his plate and

52:53

just starts eating it.

52:57

And my brother and I are watching him.

52:59

We're like, is he trolling us? Like what

53:01

is he, what kind of psychopath? Like, I

53:04

don't know what he like, I don't know if he

53:06

just thought like every, each piece of cheese on the

53:09

cheese plate, it's like dessert. One person picks one.

53:13

He ate the whole thing of cheese. Like that's

53:15

more cheese than anyone should be. Well,

53:17

he's going to eat a copy. Yeah.

53:19

So then he looked at

53:22

me and he leaves and I'm making fun of him

53:24

with my brother. We're like making fun of him. And

53:26

my mom is like pathologically nice.

53:28

You don't make fun of people, right?

53:30

So she's really offended that I've

53:32

been making fun of him for eating the cheese. So

53:35

she's like, you know, I'm, I'm going

53:37

to bed early. And I don't even know

53:39

at this point that she's mad at me, but she leaves

53:42

and we're all like hanging around and

53:44

you're talking under the tree hanging out.

53:46

And then I look at

53:48

my phone and I have six emails

53:50

from my mother and the emails

53:52

are all, um, I don't even know how

53:55

she found this like, like,

53:57

you know, Venn diagram, but all scientific. reports

54:00

about like what's better for

54:03

you cheese or coffee. Every

54:05

finding is coffee is worse. I

54:08

will say it's nice that your

54:10

mother when she is displeased

54:13

with something she either

54:15

puts voice to it or she puts

54:17

herself in a position where you have

54:19

to address it. It

54:21

doesn't go unaddressed. She gets very

54:23

dramatic. She's very dramatic. Johnny knows

54:25

the story but I have only ever had one

54:28

internet troll and it turned out to be my

54:30

mother. Fake people to troll me. And

54:42

this is to troll you

54:44

for your disappointment in certain

54:46

choices you've made? Yeah. She's like

54:49

Garbo are the famous spy from World War

54:51

II who had like 42 other

54:53

spies that he would pretend to be. So

54:56

it's safe to say that your parents

54:58

are both deeply loving and also disappointed.

55:01

Is that a fair way? Yeah that's

55:03

like I mean they're wonderful.

55:05

I have great parents. They're coming across as

55:07

wonderful. Yeah. I do want to stress that

55:10

as well. Deeply loving and and

55:12

you know they wish I had the same values as

55:14

them. Yeah. Sure. And they have

55:16

three so three daughters still Mormon.

55:18

Yes. Gotcha. Are they disappointed

55:20

or are they kind of understand having

55:23

grown up with you? It

55:25

varies but I think they're pretty they're

55:27

pretty understanding. They feel like they're on

55:29

this you know religiously

55:31

like it varies from

55:33

sibling to sibling. Gotcha. Which is

55:36

worse in your parents eyes like

55:39

coffee, beer, weed or are

55:41

they all the same? They're

55:44

all pretty much the same. So then

55:46

when you think about it that way to

55:48

your mom it was like your dad said

55:50

you guys can have a bong in the

55:53

kitchen. Totally. Totally. And she

55:55

wasn't consulted. Yeah. So that you know what if

55:57

they're all the same I feel like your dad

55:59

should have after. Should have

56:01

you bring heroin into my house you ask.

56:03

Were they, again I'm just

56:07

guessing based on everything you've told me about the

56:09

way they seem to address

56:11

conflict on these road trips

56:13

because if Josh and I had

56:15

gone with our parents to 25 countries in a

56:17

summer I think both

56:21

of my parents would have spent a night in

56:23

a foreign jail just based on their behavior with

56:25

one another. Are

56:27

they, do they ever fight on these stressful

56:29

trips? No my parents are like buddies they

56:32

love each other. I mean our parents love

56:34

each other too but they're I mean buddies.

56:36

They are buddies. Yeah yeah they're buddies. So

56:41

they never like raise their voices with each other or anything?

56:44

No no never. What was

56:46

the goal of visiting 25 countries

56:48

in once? It feels like a like a

56:52

stunt. How

56:54

many days would you spend in? I

56:57

mean it was that was it really was like it

57:00

was a very American approach it was like

57:02

how many can we do? Yeah

57:05

Germany. There should be a

57:07

German word for when Johnny Knoxville says

57:09

what's the point of that? Did

57:17

you have a favorite? Do you remember as a

57:19

kid like if you when you were if we

57:21

don't met you when you were 13 what country

57:23

would you have told us you have to go

57:26

to? I remember being in France

57:28

and Biarritz was like I just remember

57:30

walking out on like a really long

57:32

like not a I guess it

57:34

was just like a concrete path

57:36

into the ocean. A jetty?

57:39

And yeah I guess so yeah and then

57:41

they way it was built like the waves

57:44

these huge waves would just sort of almost clear you

57:46

so you were almost under the arch of the wave

57:49

watching it. I just thought it was so beautiful. I

57:51

mean we saw a lot I mean it was a

57:53

cool thing to do because like you were learning about

57:55

the history of the world while you're seeing.

57:58

You learning about World War II and then you you're going to

58:00

the beaches of Normandy. Like

58:03

it was sort of

58:05

like everything in history that

58:07

happened is real. And

58:09

then not enough. I would say, I think it might be

58:11

impossible for a 13 year old to

58:13

say you have to go to Bea Ritz. What

58:17

would make you want to slap them?

58:19

That seems like something somebody would say

58:21

in Talented Mr. Ripley. You

58:24

have to go to the jetties

58:26

of Bea Ritz. Well,

58:29

it's such a mixture because I'm Mormon and

58:31

then I have this, people don't

58:33

expect a Mormon to know, you know what I mean? It's

58:36

like a total contradiction of

58:38

things. Do you think anyone in

58:40

your parents' church is like, well, what did you

58:42

expect? You took her to 25 countries

58:45

in one summer, of course she's gonna leave the church. My

58:47

dad says that all the time. He does,

58:49

he goes, I think, honestly, did we do

58:51

you a disservice by showing you the world

58:53

because these simple good choices that we

58:55

want you to make, you

58:58

can't seem to make them. You

59:02

know, only I hadn't taken you

59:04

to Prague. Johnny,

59:07

what was the first time you took a

59:09

trip with your family on an airplane? Do

59:11

you remember that? Yes,

59:14

I was four years old and

59:17

we went to the Dominican Republic, to

59:20

Santa Domingo. And

59:22

I remember a few

59:25

things from the trip. I remember getting

59:28

some red, white, and

59:30

blue shell toaditas. I

59:32

remember eating fried bananas for the

59:35

first time. Bananas

59:38

are big on your trip. Really

59:40

clear banana memories. Yeah, if it's a

59:43

vacation, you know Johnny's got those bananas.

59:46

Yeah, and I backed up like a Chinese

59:48

traffic jam, the whole trip. And

59:53

I remember my dad, when

59:55

you were taking a shower, he would always go

59:57

get a glass of ice water and pour it over the top

59:59

and dump it. on your head. And

1:00:02

he did it to my sister there and she

1:00:04

fell down and bruised her leg. And

1:00:10

yeah, that's, but that was the

1:00:13

first plane trip. You're like a prank some.

1:00:15

You grew up in a prank some. Yeah,

1:00:17

my dad pranked, the

1:00:20

only reason he had a tire company was to be

1:00:22

able to prank his employees. And he did it constantly.

1:00:26

I'm surprised he could get anyone to work for

1:00:28

him. What kind of stuff would he

1:00:30

do? Make X-lax milkshakes

1:00:33

for them. Stuff

1:00:37

that would, you know, probably get

1:00:40

you charged today. He would write

1:00:42

letters to their wives

1:00:44

from the VD

1:00:48

clinic saying they have to come in

1:00:50

unless their last 10 partners, they

1:00:52

contracted a venereal disease, signed

1:00:55

Parlentine Titmore. And

1:00:58

it looked like some

1:01:01

crazy, it was like rubber stamped

1:01:03

VD clinic. And it

1:01:06

clearly didn't look official,

1:01:09

but people, I find

1:01:11

this today, if you, when you're

1:01:13

doing something in prank, if

1:01:15

they become emotional, then they believe

1:01:17

everything. So they would just

1:01:19

see VD clinic and they start spinning. And

1:01:22

some people went down to the health

1:01:24

department with these letters. Was

1:01:26

he deeply proud then of the path that

1:01:28

you ended up taking? Yes,

1:01:31

he, my parents were

1:01:33

so proud. I mean, people

1:01:35

would just come deliver a pizza

1:01:37

at the house or something. And dad would open

1:01:40

up the door and say, home of Johnny Knoxville.

1:01:43

You know, it was really sweet. Do

1:01:46

you think he, did he have a

1:01:48

VD clinic stamp made up or did he

1:01:50

steal it from the VD clinic? No,

1:01:53

it was like, you know how you just put

1:01:55

the V in and the D in, you know,

1:01:57

he loaded it. And so everything was kind of

1:01:59

crooked. He would

1:02:01

write letters from the

1:02:04

IRS saying they're going to be audited,

1:02:06

get your books together. Also

1:02:09

you have VD. Yeah, I... Also here's a

1:02:11

milkshake for your trouble. He

1:02:14

would stage gunfights at the Christmas

1:02:16

parties. Oh, God. You know. Oh,

1:02:19

boy. You would a lot. Yeah.

1:02:23

Did your sisters go to college?

1:02:27

One sister did. She

1:02:29

went to the University of Tennessee and

1:02:31

one sister did it. Would you go

1:02:33

visit her when you were younger? Would

1:02:36

you go off and see sis

1:02:38

at school? Well, the university

1:02:41

was five minutes from our home. So

1:02:43

she was still living at home. How were

1:02:45

your parents when you decided to go to

1:02:47

New York for college? Oh, my mom was

1:02:49

so nervous. She was so

1:02:51

worried I was going to become gay. That

1:02:54

was her big thing. Wow. Yeah,

1:02:57

she's like, you know, the first thing will happen, a

1:02:59

woman will... What will you do if

1:03:01

a woman tries to make out with you? I

1:03:04

was like, what? Okay, Mom. I

1:03:06

have to cross that bridge when I come

1:03:08

to it. Yeah. I'll let

1:03:10

you know. Depends if she's

1:03:12

cute. Yeah. It is really fun.

1:03:15

Of everything for a parent to worry about.

1:03:17

Because that's late 90s, early 2000s.

1:03:21

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I

1:03:23

guess it's so funny to be like, it's not

1:03:25

crime, it's not this. It's just like, that's where

1:03:27

all the lesbians are. Yeah. So, so afraid. Very

1:03:30

hard to visit. You in New York? Yes. Yeah,

1:03:33

she came and visited. They

1:03:36

actually, they've been a lot now, but yeah,

1:03:38

my parents... It's

1:03:42

funny, my mom initially was

1:03:44

just like, you know, this is the

1:03:46

city of thin, and you

1:03:48

know, it'll take our daughter. And

1:03:51

it did. She was right. Well

1:03:54

done, New York. Oh boy. Can we get

1:03:56

into those stories? Because those are

1:03:58

some real bangers. How quickly did

1:04:00

you, when you were in New York, were you

1:04:03

like, oh man, mom and dad were right? No,

1:04:06

I was Mormon until I was 28. Okay,

1:04:08

and so you were, you made it. I made

1:04:10

it, yeah. I stayed for a long time. All

1:04:12

right. Yeah. What happened when you were

1:04:14

28? Oh, they, isn't

1:04:16

this like a kind of family show? You don't want

1:04:19

to hear a... Oh, oh, is

1:04:21

it a family show? I don't know.

1:04:23

Pretty much every family member we mentioned

1:04:25

is, they defecated on. Maybe

1:04:28

you can cut some of my stuff out. No,

1:04:34

what's up? Have you taken, have you, I know

1:04:36

you go home to visit your

1:04:38

family. Elna, have you

1:04:40

gone on a trip with them outside

1:04:42

of Arizona? Yes. Yeah, we've done quite

1:04:44

a few. We go for, actually, you know, I

1:04:46

have a, I have a, this isn't funny,

1:04:49

but it's like a crazy family trip

1:04:51

story. Perfect. Bring it on. Okay.

1:04:53

This, I would have been, I was 14. And

1:04:57

so we're staying at a hotel again. There's

1:04:59

seven people. So my parents have their room.

1:05:01

There's an adjoining room. And my

1:05:04

older sister's in that room. And she's

1:05:06

having a slumber party with a friend. And

1:05:08

then the room that I'm in,

1:05:10

which is sealed off, it's like I'm

1:05:12

there with my, with Britt and Julia

1:05:15

Jill. So the littles. So I'm maybe

1:05:17

14, 10, 8, 5. So

1:05:21

just me and little kids. And

1:05:24

it's the middle of the night. And

1:05:27

I remember seeing like a sliver of

1:05:29

light. And then it

1:05:32

was gone. And I just

1:05:34

had this feeling that someone was standing at the

1:05:36

foot of the bed. And

1:05:39

so I turn the light on. And

1:05:41

there's a woman standing at the foot

1:05:44

of the bed, looking down on us. And

1:05:46

the first thing she says when she sees us is, you're

1:05:50

just children. I didn't expect

1:05:53

you to be children. And

1:05:56

I was like, oh, you know, shit.

1:05:59

Right? That's not the right

1:06:01

response if you've gone into the

1:06:03

wrong room. You would just normally be like, oh

1:06:05

sorry and She

1:06:09

is like talking

1:06:11

to herself she's crying

1:06:13

and she won't leave and

1:06:17

I remember being like Everything

1:06:20

was very I remember slow motion II in

1:06:22

this moment of being like, okay Anything

1:06:25

I do could

1:06:28

totally escalate this and I'm

1:06:31

in charge of getting the little

1:06:33

kids to safety like I have to figure out

1:06:35

how to get us out of the situation and

1:06:39

So I was like, okay Do I reach for

1:06:41

the phone and try to call for help

1:06:43

if I reach for the phone? I feel like

1:06:46

she's gonna like Attack me if

1:06:49

I yell she could attack

1:06:51

me if I try to get to the door Do

1:06:54

I do a quick drawing of her and put in my So

1:07:01

I Made this

1:07:03

decision. I was like I have to become friends with

1:07:05

this woman if I can become friends with this woman

1:07:08

And I have to make her think that we're just little kids And

1:07:11

she said you're the only one awake of all the kids

1:07:13

all of the kids are awake all of their like wide-eyed

1:07:17

staring One of

1:07:19

them she said she was like, oh, I'm sorry.

1:07:21

I'm sorry girl She kept saying I'm sorry girls

1:07:24

and my brother's main memory of this night was being

1:07:26

like Oh my boy, come

1:07:28

on He

1:07:33

wasn't even scared he was just pissed he was like, I'm not

1:07:35

a girl You're

1:07:37

like not now so I Like

1:07:40

I remember like looking at them like just

1:07:42

don't I got this don't don't do anything.

1:07:45

And so I Went

1:07:47

and said she sat on the edge of the bed. Um And

1:07:50

so I went and sat next to her and I'm

1:07:53

trying to understand her but she's not making any sense

1:07:55

like she's You

1:07:57

know her train of thought is that there's no plot. It's

1:07:59

like bus station in this place and oh

1:08:01

no and why does he always and me and

1:08:04

I can't and like crying crying and I

1:08:08

I'm like, I'm so sorry and You

1:08:12

know that sounds really hard and then I

1:08:14

remember she she reaches into her

1:08:16

bag and she just grips something like in

1:08:18

her hand and

1:08:21

I was like I thought it was either a

1:08:24

gun or a knife and then she just pulls out

1:08:26

a hairbrush and just starts like

1:08:28

slowly Brushing her long hair on the

1:08:31

edge of the bed for like minutes.

1:08:33

She's just like brushing her hair and

1:08:35

crying I don't know. Was she doing a one-woman

1:08:37

show? It's

1:08:43

about 45 minutes Yeah

1:08:48

Amazing yeah glossy

1:08:51

flowy hair So eventually

1:08:53

I oh and then she she sat at the

1:08:55

vanity She went to brush her head then at

1:08:57

the vanity and she took your earrings off. She

1:09:00

took her coat off she took her shoes off

1:09:02

knocks off and I Eventually

1:09:05

like got up and I walked over to

1:09:07

the door and I opened the door and I said,

1:09:10

you know We have to wake up

1:09:12

early, you know, we have school even though we're on vacation

1:09:14

I was like we have school in the morning. We have

1:09:16

to wake up early and and She's

1:09:19

like, oh no, I know. I know I'm so sorry. I'm so

1:09:21

sorry You're just children and you're just children and she

1:09:23

put her shoes on to put a coat on

1:09:26

and she started to leave And just as

1:09:28

she's about to leave I go. Oh you forgot

1:09:30

your earrings. Oh And

1:09:32

she goes back in sits down starts.

1:09:35

I'm so stupid I can't the ear

1:09:37

and I'm like as the

1:09:39

door shuts and I'm like, oh my god. What

1:09:41

have I done? That was so close So

1:09:44

then I talked to her I think for like another

1:09:46

10 minutes calmed her down walked her to the door

1:09:48

again and This

1:09:51

time she stepped out in the second she

1:09:53

stepped out I like slam the door behind her

1:09:55

and like did the lock She

1:09:57

starts screaming at the top of her you hear a scream

1:10:00

running down the hall screaming, then I hear like

1:10:02

a pounding pounding on the door. And then

1:10:05

I hear my dad's voice and it's my dad and he's like,

1:10:07

open the door, open the door. I open the

1:10:09

door and he's like, did you hear something? And he had

1:10:11

seen a woman just as he came out. She saw him

1:10:13

and turned the corner and I'm like,

1:10:15

this woman was, I tell him

1:10:17

the whole story. He's furious. He

1:10:20

goes downstairs to the, you

1:10:22

know, to the lobby. He finds

1:10:25

out like she was outside

1:10:27

the building, she was crying. She said this was her

1:10:29

room. They just let her into the room. Oh my

1:10:32

God. And so then they're like, you

1:10:34

know, they offered to give us a hotel for free, but my

1:10:37

dad was like, I don't want to like, you need to

1:10:39

make sure this never happens again. I want

1:10:41

a formal investigation, right? So

1:10:44

I didn't learn this until, because I

1:10:46

told this story for this American life and

1:10:48

then we went to my dad and he never

1:10:51

told us what actually they found

1:10:53

in the investigation until I asked

1:10:55

as an adult. So

1:10:57

in the investigation, they found that this woman had escaped

1:11:01

like a psychiatric clinic or institution

1:11:04

that night, which

1:11:06

she had been put into for breaking into

1:11:08

people's home and attacking them. So she had

1:11:10

like a history of attacking people. And,

1:11:14

but he, you know, he didn't want to scare us.

1:11:16

So he was like, I think the, I won't tell

1:11:18

the kids like what they, you know, I want him

1:11:20

to live in like a safe world. So

1:11:22

they won't know. But I do remember

1:11:24

this was the one trip because my

1:11:26

parents never let us get room service or

1:11:29

watch movies. And

1:11:31

so this was the one trip after that, they were

1:11:33

like, have as much room service as you want. Like

1:11:35

watch as many movies as you want. And we were

1:11:37

like, mom and dad got cool. So cool. We had

1:11:39

milkshakes. Yeah.

1:11:46

Coffee's all around. You're

1:11:50

going to be up anyway. Wow. Yeah. That

1:11:53

was like good. Hard to top.

1:11:55

I think we may maybe have to leave it

1:11:57

there for the best family trip story or certainly

1:11:59

the most haunting one. It's not a good

1:12:01

family trip. It's like a... No, it is.

1:12:03

I think for that woman, it was a

1:12:06

special. We should have her on. You should

1:12:08

have her on. Get it from her perspective.

1:12:10

She's a little stream of consciousness and doesn't quite make

1:12:12

sense. She looks loose, but whatever. We'll have to

1:12:14

do some editing. We have a

1:12:16

series of questions. We ask all of our guests,

1:12:18

which we are gonna ask you both now. Okay,

1:12:22

you can only pick one of

1:12:24

these. Is your ideal vacation relaxing,

1:12:26

adventurous, or educational? Adventurous.

1:12:30

I would say relaxing. And I'm just gonna jump

1:12:32

in because, Johnny, we did mention, so you went

1:12:34

on vacation with Kimmel. Tapper was there. Real

1:12:37

celebby vacation. Congratulations on getting

1:12:39

the invite. You

1:12:42

don't have to answer. This is a question that's not... Most

1:12:45

fun person on that trip. Most

1:12:48

fun person on that trip. Oh,

1:12:50

man. And mind you, Tapper said

1:12:52

all of their names. So it's

1:12:54

not like there's... Tapper namedropped so

1:12:56

much on our podcast. I

1:13:00

think one of the

1:13:02

guys we went out fishing with...

1:13:05

Oh, you're not... Look at this. Man of the people, Johnny Knoxville's

1:13:07

not gonna even say it was a celeb. He's gonna be like,

1:13:09

it was the fishing... Oh, yeah, no, no, no. My

1:13:14

girlfriend and I had a fishing battle

1:13:16

going back and forth, and her guy

1:13:19

really got into it. And he

1:13:21

was very funny about it, and she destroyed me.

1:13:24

There's a lot of smack talking, so

1:13:27

that guy really made the trip. All right, one of

1:13:29

the guides. Give it up for the guides. What

1:13:33

is your favorite means of

1:13:35

transportation? Train, plane, automobile, boat,

1:13:37

bike, walking? There

1:13:40

we go. First person to say rocket,

1:13:42

love it. That's

1:13:45

true, and actually you have ridden a

1:13:47

rocket, so you're being... Yeah. Built

1:13:51

by a part-time rocket scientist. Just

1:13:54

straight airplane, Hilda? Yeah, yeah. Okay,

1:13:57

great. This one's a little bit trickier. If

1:13:59

you could take... a family vacation with

1:14:01

any family, other than your

1:14:03

own family, alive or dead,

1:14:05

real or fictional, what family would you like

1:14:07

to take a vacation with? Fred

1:14:10

and Lamont Sanford. Oh,

1:14:12

great. I like

1:14:14

the family from Friday Night Lights. Oh,

1:14:17

that's a good one. They're great. The tailors.

1:14:19

Oh, God, when Connie Britton talks to her

1:14:21

daughter about what sex is, I was like,

1:14:24

whoa, it was my mom that done that. We.

1:14:27

It was so nice. My fiance and I, and I feel like we're

1:14:29

not the only ones, but we contend it's

1:14:31

maybe the best couples show ever. You

1:14:34

do not need to like football. That show

1:14:36

is so good. I

1:14:38

wish I could watch it again for the first time. If

1:14:41

you had to be stranded on a desert island with

1:14:43

one member of your family, who would it be? I

1:14:46

mean, everyone's gonna get mad. Yeah,

1:14:48

but they're already mad. Remember, you've disappointed them

1:14:50

so much. And I choose the one

1:14:53

who's not Mormon. I

1:14:56

choose my brother Britton. Yeah, I mean, you're

1:14:58

gonna have, maybe you want to have some coffee

1:15:00

on the island. Yeah. I

1:15:03

choose my father. We wouldn't last more than

1:15:05

two weeks, but it'd be a fun two

1:15:07

weeks. Yeah, there you

1:15:10

go. We're functionally illiterate in so many

1:15:12

areas, especially survival. So. Yeah.

1:15:16

Okay, the last ride of the

1:15:18

Knoxville boys. Johnny,

1:15:22

you are appropriately from Knoxville

1:15:25

and Elna from Tacoma, Washington.

1:15:27

Would you recommend Knoxville and

1:15:29

Tacoma as vacation destinations? Elna?

1:15:34

I mean, there's the Chihuly Glass Museum

1:15:36

in Tacoma. That's sort of the-

1:15:39

I was like, I know. It's a yes for

1:15:41

me, because you got the Smoky Mountains you

1:15:48

could go to close to Knoxville.

1:15:50

You could go down to Chattanooga

1:15:52

to the Towing and Recovery Museum

1:15:54

and check that out. You

1:15:57

got all kinds of things you can do. I

1:15:59

don't know. Live and let let launder

1:16:01

live and let live laundromat is right

1:16:03

down the street. Yeah, there's all kinds

1:16:05

of, you know, cultural significant places to

1:16:07

visit. I will say weirdly, Elna, we

1:16:09

had Joe Coy, who's also from Tacoma

1:16:11

on recently, and it

1:16:14

is now two strikes for Tacoma. Really? Yeah. He

1:16:17

didn't even mention the the glass museum.

1:16:21

And you put a better fight up for Tacoma. And

1:16:25

then Seth has our final questions. Have either

1:16:27

of you been to the Grand Canyon? Yes.

1:16:30

I don't remember. I don't

1:16:32

think so. Let me tell you,

1:16:34

the best answer we've heard yet is someone

1:16:36

not remembering. 16

1:16:38

concussion set. But

1:16:40

I mean, it is. Did one happen to jump

1:16:43

over the Grand Canyon? I

1:16:46

guess so. Yeah. All right. So I was

1:16:49

in. I'm going to make this the follow up is just

1:16:51

round. Elna, was it worth it? It is. I mean,

1:16:53

I think this is the best feedback I got on

1:16:55

whether you should visit the Grand Canyon because all my

1:16:57

family's from Arizona and go to Arizona. It's

1:16:59

like you go

1:17:02

on a big journey and you're there and it's

1:17:04

like, wow. And no

1:17:06

one can be there for more than 10 minutes. That's

1:17:08

the thing. After 10 minutes, you're

1:17:11

like, OK, what do I? All right.

1:17:13

It's still here. It's what does

1:17:15

it do next? Does it do some do tricks?

1:17:18

Jumping. It's like too much. And

1:17:20

weirdly, if you go to like Antelope

1:17:22

Valley or you did the you do

1:17:24

the other ones, they're they're more interesting.

1:17:27

Horseshoe Bend is more interesting. It's not

1:17:29

as like it's not as grand. But

1:17:32

like somehow it keeps

1:17:35

your interest longer. OK, I mean,

1:17:37

I know I am. By the

1:17:39

way, I have a lot of sympathy for your concussions

1:17:41

because I feel like you had them for our entertainment.

1:17:43

But I do feel like it would be if I

1:17:45

asked, have you ever seen a monkey ride a bicycle?

1:17:48

And you're like, I don't know.

1:17:50

We did in Russia. Yeah. Oh,

1:17:53

well, you remember that. Yeah.

1:17:56

Thank you both. much

1:18:00

congrats on the new podcast.

1:18:02

Who give us one one

1:18:05

example episode for us of somebody?

1:18:07

I love, well I'll give you

1:18:09

three in a row. Anne Daniels who

1:18:11

went to the North and South Pole after

1:18:16

having triplets and

1:18:18

needing to provide for her babies she

1:18:20

decides to just suddenly become a polar

1:18:22

explorer. The first woman to

1:18:25

row across the Atlantic that

1:18:27

is a harrowing story. She's

1:18:30

helped by Muhammad Ali. Garrett

1:18:32

McNamara first person to try to surf a

1:18:35

hundred foot wave and

1:18:37

then Travis

1:18:40

Pastrana. All the stories are like, what

1:18:42

I like about it is you

1:18:44

find out often these people who have done

1:18:46

these insane things you find out the reason

1:18:49

they did them and the

1:18:51

reason is always like you know

1:18:53

something really either

1:18:56

dark or twisted happened in their

1:18:58

childhood that made them have to

1:19:00

do something big. Except for Travis.

1:19:02

Everyone except for Travis who had

1:19:04

a normal happy childhood and he's

1:19:07

one of the craziest. But

1:19:09

yeah I honestly think it's like really

1:19:11

like especially the more episodes you listen

1:19:13

to the more it becomes like a

1:19:15

meditation on courage. Like you really

1:19:17

learn a lot of the qualities it takes

1:19:20

to be both. Well check

1:19:22

out Pretty Sure I Can Fly the

1:19:24

podcast hosted by these two wonderful

1:19:26

people. Thank you so much this was just a

1:19:28

delight. Thanks guys. Thanks so much.

1:20:00

...I I