HOW TO BE GOOD...AND MAD!Ephesians 4:26-27 • FCBC • 6/25/23Intro: We live in a polarized world. Put a Democrat and aRepublican together and you’ll likely see an argument or a fight.Post anything remotely controversial on Facebook and you’llprobably get called a name or have your motives impugned. Evenin your car you’d better buckle up because if you go any distancewith any traffic there’s a better than even chance someone mayanger you or you may anger them. We’re fast losing civility in ourcivilization. And it gives all of us a great opportunity to grow andhighlight the transformation God is working in us. And in fact, ifanyone ought to be distinctive in their attitudes, reactions andbehavior, it ought to be people who say they know the Living andgracious God. We should think differently, and see thingsdifferently, and behave differently, than if we had never put ourlives and futures in Jesus’ hands. Remember the [insight] aboutthose who know God? “You are not the person you once were, so youmust no longer live as you once lived.” Salvation isn’t merely addingsomething new to your old life, but becoming someone new,replacing an old life with a new one.•So, precisely what should change in my life? Paul doesn’t leaveanything to the imagination: he points out five critical exchanges.Last week we were first challenged to replace all forms of lying &deception w/truth. (So how did Truth Week go? Catch yourself inany lies? I hope we all have a stronger hold on the truth as a resultof Truth Week.)•This week we’re about to hear a second challenge: When Godwants to expose areas that distinguish our new lives in Christ fromhow we once acted/reacted, He also points to our temper, andcommands that we replace sinful with righteous anger: NB:(4:26-27). “Be angry and do not sin. Do not let the sun go downon your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.”•“Wait a minute! Are you saying I can be angry? I thought Bible taughtus NOT to be angry at all? Isn’t anger a sin?” This is one of the moremisunderstood & mishandled areas of our lives—how we thinkabout and deal with our anger. So:I. [WHAT IS ANGER?][A. It is an internal emotion:] Websters: “a strong feeling ofannoyance, displeasure or hostility.” Want a clearer picture?OT/Hebrew word for anger literally means, “to get red in the face”or “to see nostrils flare”. It’s an accurate picture becausephysiologically, when we become angry, adrenalin pumps into ourbloodstream (we feel a rush); our blood pressure rises & our pulseaccelerates; our pupils dilate & our muscles tense. It happenswhether we like it or not/whether we want it to or not. It’s anemotion. We feel angry. How we respond may also be seen as anger:[B. It is an external reaction] We respond in anger—and here iswhere we can have some control over our anger—in its expression.“But I can’t help it–when I get mad, I react.” Really? Have you everbeen mad and the phone rings, and you answer it and say sweetly,“Hello?” Apparently, you do have some control.• The OT Hebrew language doesn’t distinguish between kinds ofanger—good and bad; just pictures it. But the NT Greek languageis far more specific; it IDs 3 kinds of anger:II. [WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?][A. There is a slow–burning anger]: (vs. 26a) (“anger”/orgh) themost common term for anger can be described as getting hot undercollar, we set our jaw, our eyes ablaze, fuming. Interestingly, it candescribe both sinful OR righteous anger. But it’s not the only kind:[B. There is a seething anger]: (vs. 26b) (parorgismoß) This is thedeep-seated, unforgiving, unrelenting resentment. It is anger thathas been nursed, fueled, and coddled over a period of time. It’salways sinful.[C. There is an explosive anger]: Never used of the righteoushuman anger. You’ve known people with hair-trigger temper. LikeMt. St Helens erupting, or a bomb exploding—you blow up. If youwere in terrible 2s, we’d call it temper tantrum. It’s translated in vs.31 as “wrath” (ESV) or “rage” (NIV). So:III. [IS ANGER ALWAYS WRONG?] Not at all. God created youwith the capacity to get mad. It’s as legitimate as your capacity tolaugh/cry. Need to ask yourself, “Is anger an emotion designed byGod, or it is a sinful short-circuit in our emotional system?Check out:[A. A Few Examples:][1. God does get angry] [Exodus 34:6-7/x] (repeated 9x). Goddoesn’t anger quickly, but in time, if a matter is not resolved, hisanger can be great as Moses predicts: [Deut. 29:28/x]! The Biblenever blushes to portray God’s anger; but his anger is not the resultof his being touchy or bad tempered; it is the expression of hisholiness and righteousness, and directed toward evil in his creation:[Rom. 1:18] God is angry with anyone who suppresses the truthabout Himself. [God] does get angry. But what about Jesus?[2. Jesus became angry], even though never sinned! He wasangry at people who sold the right to worship [Jn 2:13-16]. Yet hewas never explosive nor out of control. NB it took him a while tomake the whip of cords. Not an emotional, spontaneous outburst,but a controlled, careful and determined response to a situation. Hewas angry at men in the synagogue [Mk 3:1, 5]: they were using ahandicapped man as bait to catch Jesus! [x] And what about us?[3. Believers should get angry!] Bible never forbids anger, justqualifies it. NB vs. 26: “Be angry and do not sin” — it is assumingyou will and even should get angry at times. Anger not alwayswrong, like lying or casual sex; rather, it depends upon why you’reangry, & how you respond when you are angry. EG David: [Ps.119:53/x] In face of blatant evil, we should be indignant rather thantolerant; angry, not apathetic. What other reaction can wickednessbe expected to provoke in those who love God? [Beecher/x]So how do I know if my anger is right or wrong?[B. A CLOSE COMPARISON]: [Chart: Sinful vs. Righteous Anger]•Anger is sinful when it’s [selfish]: when our desires, ourneeds, ambitions are frustrated; when our demands not met, ourexpectations not realized, our well-being threatened, our selfesteem questioned, when we’re embarrassed, inconvenienced. (e.g“you’re in my way, bothering me, hurt me...); but it’s all about me.That anger is sinful, defensive, full of pride, resentful of whathappened to you. But righteous anger is [unselfish]: Can be angryin behalf of God: angry at unbelief, at dishonoring God, at warpingthe truth, or hurting others.•Anger is sinful when it [controls us]; it causes us to say/dothings to hurt another. Looking back on our anger, we realize hadwe been in control, we never would have said/done that! You hada bad day, kids getting wild, bills thick and wallet thin; and youexplode at the person you love most/closest to. If you lose control,it’s not righteous. But righteous anger is always [controlled]; itnever short-circuits a person’s thinking or blinds a person to thetruth; it never makes a person do what God would never want himto do.•Anger is sinful when it seeks [revenge], when it breedsmalice, resentment. Righteous anger seeks [resolution]. Righteousanger vanishes when a person really repents; or when justice isdone. You don’t make a person pay at your hands to yoursatisfaction. It has limits how long it lasts.[C. A Key Insight]: (Pr. 22:24-25) [Anger is a learned response]Which means, however you learned to be angry, you can unlearnit. What you have seen modeled/been exposed to is probably whatyou’ve picked up. With God’s help, you can learn the respondbetter, differently! So:IV. [HOW CAN I HANDLE MY ANGER?] How can I be good & madat the same time? 2 unbiblical, unhealthy ways of dealing with our anger:[A. Don’t:][1. Blow up] (Prov. 29:11/x): Slow down! Don’tlet loose. Whenyou blow up, it’s usually destructive. The energy of your emotionsis released not toward the problem, but toward another person. Theclassic example is in sports—e.g. hockey fights, baseball umps &managers. Some psychologists have advocated unrestrainedexpression of anger; they encourage angry person to fully ventilatethe anger against a punching bag, or a pillow, or golf ball. Not wisebecause you’re cultivating a learned response. What you may bedoing is encouraging a spirit of murder in your heart; all you neednow is an opportunity. Not to mention that merely expressinganger doesn’t get rid of it; in fact, anger breeds anger (Pr. 29:22)—apparently not only in you, but in others around you; angry peoplemake people angry. AND it clouds your judgment, making you lessable to respond clearly, thoughtfully. You’re increasingly enslavedto your own responses. (So don’t blow up. On the other hand, you don’twant to just:)[2. Clam up]: We clam up for a couple of reasons: We may betrying to:1) deny our anger. When I see anger, I point it out (“you seemangry”). Common response: “NOT angry. I’m concerned, I’m hurt,I’m upset, I’m disappointed.” Uh huh (you’re angry!) Even thosewho come to admit their anger sometimes try to do 2nd thing:2) we may try to suppress our anger. We bottle it up (“keep a lid onit”) You let it simmerinside. When clam up, like a can of pop shakenup–when opened, spews out all over. People become angry, bottleit up, then go home and yell at kids, or snarl at wife, snap at others.Makes person irritable, sullen, tense, miserable, even depressed.Best way to ensure that when you do get angry, it will be a blow up.•EG: Boy Scouts/snow camp. Tenderfoot dropped can of corn intofire. Wearing poncho, sat on log shivering, waiting for dinner. Iheard “shotgun” blast,ran over to noise; found blackened pit whereonce was fire, kid on his back, dazed, and splattered with millionniblets of corn. Toss the can of your anger on the fire, & when itblows, it won’t be pretty. So what’s the alternative?B. [Do:][1. Face it.] (vs. 26): “Be angry.” Don’t deny it. Admit you’reangry and accept full responsibility for it. Not “you make meangry!” Just say, “I am feeling angry when you said/did that.” Noblaming, no sarcasm or put downs; just the honest statement of fact.Me: “Honey, I’m feeling angry & touchy right now. Not even surewhy. I don’t like it when I feel like this, but I am. Amazing howquickly anger is diffused when you admit it.[2. Evaluate it.] “...do not sin.” Idea isn’t to count to ten beforegetting angry; if you have to do that, probably already are angry!Now you’re simply deciding if and how you’ll express it! Instead,think. Are you certain you know the facts? Some people get angryover a perceived but unreal situation (Prov. 18:17/x). Getting thewhole story might change your feelings. Then, consider yourmotives. Righteous anger rarely spontaneous: requires you toexamine the cause before choosing to express it. What has set youoff? Is it selfish or is it something that hurts you because it hurtsGod? Make certain anger isn’t from injured pride, malice, revenge,resentment, self-righteousness. Need to know if it’s right or wrongso you can deal appropriately with it. May help to take time out ordo something physical. Anger releases all kinds of adrenalin inbloodstream, so good walk may be effective in reducing the initialtension of anger. Yet if problem isn’t dealt with, only temporary.More you think about it, it may increasing the churning inside. Butwhatever you do, ponder, & evaluate before speak! James’ adviceis very good: [James 1:19-20] Anger may be short-circuiting yourability to hear what God is telling you; and even if you are angryover something legitimate, you still have to ponder your response,because simply being angry isn’t enough. Just being angry won’taccomplish what God desires. Have to do something more. {Then][3. Deal with it]: vs. 27: “Do not let the sun go down on youranger.” Don’t let it fester. Don’t nurse it. It’s never safe to let itsmolder. No anger (righteous or otherwise) must be allowed tocontinue. Deal with it, ASAP. The limit is one day. Terminal pointis bedtime. The same day you get angry is the day you deal with it.The sun which rises to mark a new day must not be a witness toyesterday’s outburst. Left-over anger sours in a person. (So I shoulddeal with my anger. Precisely how do you suggest I do that?)•[You can overlook the offense] (Pr. 12:16, 19:11/x) Just dropthe matter. Not man’s glory to win, but to overlook an offense!•[You can short-circuit the anger:] [Pr. 15:1, 18/x] You shortcircuit anger through a gentle answer or through patiently trying tounderstand. The other person may be well-intentioned, orspoke/acted out of mood, or was completely oblivious to the fact hehurt you.•At the theater, we were watching a particularly tense movie, whenthe guy in front of me turned around and said, “If you touch theback of my chair again, I’ll take you out and kick your behind.” (Buthe didn’t say, “behind.”) Shocked, my immediate responsewas...like to see you try it, bub. Instead, I took a breath, realized Imight in fact have been kicking his chair (& who likes that?); so Ileaned over to his side and whispered, “I’m really sorry. I didn’teven know I was doing it. I’ll be more careful.” After the movie weall stood, he turned to me, apologized, embarrassed, and told mehe had had a very bad day. Then he asked me, “What do you do for aliving?” (*!)•[You can confess it to another.] One of the very darkmemories I can’t forget is when my daughter was trying to help herfrustrated father with his computer, and he got angry, snapped andsaid something brutally unkind to her. She quietly left, teary.Somebody once pointed out, “Temper is what gets us into trouble;Pride is what keeps us there.” I instantly knew I had stepped in it,and knew what I needed to do. I went down to her room. I felt likeI had lead feet & a swollen tongue, but when I began to apologize,the anger evaporated. God says there is one way you can be sure toalways have the last word when you’re angry: Just say, “I’m sorry.I was wrong. Will you forgive me?”•[You can confront the underlying problem.] (Prov. 24:26/x)Express your wishes openly. What do I want? Do I want to betreated right? Or shown respect? or loved? Or to be listened to? Sayit plainly. “Sweetheart, I would like you to turn the TV off and talkwith me about your day...throw your own clothes into the dirtyhamper...kiss me and take a few minutes for me as soon as you gethome... (Many wives furiously writing...) Jimmy, when you use mycoffee cup for your earthworm collection, I really have tough timedrinking out of it. How about if we get a jar for you to use?” Youmay be tired, troubled, or worried; need to pray.•(Wait! What if I can’t resolve everything quickly? What if the personisn’t sorry, or won’t reconcile, or situation is beyond my reach? Do I haveto forgive and forget before sundown? No. Lifeisn’t a half-hoursitcom thatresolves neatly from episode to episode. But God forbids your angers tocontinue...So—)[4. Let go of it]: “...give no opportunity to the devil.” (4:27)•Negatively: Anger can give Satan an opportunity—lit. a footholdin your life. Don’t help him by staying angry. If we follow theseinstructions, Satan would have no room to maneuver, no way toleverage our anger against us. Satan knows there is a fine linebetween righteous & unrighteous anger. Knows we have difficultyfinding that line, and do poor job of responsibly handling anger forvery long. What might start off as righteous anger may quicklydegenerate into unrighteous resentment, or self-righteous pride. (IfI keep it, Satan uses it; but how do I let it go, to whom?•Positively: [Rom. 12:18-19/x] Entrust to God your hurt. Let Himbe the Judge. He’s a whole lot smarter, wiser, righteous. What if youdon’t? Cherish and coddle your anger and it will someday consumeyou [Buechner].Concl: 2300 years ago, Aristotle rightly observed, [quote/x] But theMaster clearly points the way (4:26-27).“Be angry and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on youranger, and give no opportunity to the devil.”