Episode Transcript
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ODDECY. Exclusions apply. See site for
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details. I saw Pete Alonso at
1:34
Madison Square Garden. And to me,
1:36
that meant, oh wow, he's about to re-sign him.
1:38
I'm going to get what I want because a
1:40
year earlier, Jeff McNeil was at Madison Square Garden
1:42
at a Ranger game. And maybe this is a
1:45
sign that Pete's going to extend. In the height
1:47
of my excitement, Sean kind
1:49
of guilted me into, well, if you're
1:51
so confident, throw your beard in there
1:53
along with your hair. Yes. I
1:56
agreed, and then it began growing. And
1:58
then I was given an opportunity. An
2:00
opportunity to beat this man Sean
2:02
Morash in pickleball and if I beat
2:05
him in pickleball It's over.
2:07
I win it and there were a lot
2:10
of ugly accusations made by some of my
2:12
dear co-workers Including Greg Gianotti Greg
2:14
Gianotti said I know what Evans doing Evan
2:17
is getting his underling To
2:19
lose for him so he can get rid of
2:21
the beard and that hurt my feelings.
2:23
Yes, it did it by the way He played
2:26
without socks or out shoes. That's true And
2:29
he was cocky when he first started I was
2:32
Why don't you just focus on winning? Well, here's
2:34
the problem It was all Gianotti's
2:37
fault because what he put in my
2:39
head is that if I defeated Sean on
2:41
that You don't hold
2:43
on what if I defeated Sean
2:45
on that February day My
2:48
dear friend Greg Gianotti was gonna continue
2:50
to spread a lie A
2:52
lie that he lost on purpose and
2:54
just to get rid of the beard
2:56
and I do believe that Bothered me
2:58
in the midst of this pickleball game.
3:00
I'm not saying it's wild law Sean.
3:02
I'm saying it was a distraction So
3:06
Gio go at yourself. You
3:08
did this to me you damn it So
3:11
I don't like that answer by the way What
3:13
you thought you were gonna win you were cocky
3:15
cuz you don't have respect for fat people. That's
3:17
what it came down Maybe that
3:19
was a part of it. That's right. Well, we
3:21
had a hard-fought game I had a big lead
3:23
and I blew it and because of that the
3:25
beard continued on Sean got to
3:27
have his a rod day and the journey
3:30
continued and then congrats a rod Congrats
3:32
to a rod and then in the early part
3:34
of March. I'm a dealmaker I
3:37
made a deal with Tiki with Sean with Lugi
3:39
and that was if I color my beard every
3:41
day for three weeks And then I
3:43
go half a beard I can just get out of
3:45
it and we did it I proceeded
3:47
to color my beard and now those pictures are
3:49
used everywhere So I embarrassed myself
3:51
for three weeks and then finally
3:54
it was revealed I
3:56
knew it all along Piedelanzo never wanted me to cut
3:58
the beard. So I left it
4:00
again for two more effing
4:02
months. But Pete said something at the
4:04
end of his message to me. He
4:06
said, you'll know when the time is
4:08
right. Well, Pete,
4:11
your team sucks right now. So
4:14
the time is right. So
4:16
here we are in late May, where
4:19
it is time to do what's best for
4:21
the Mets. And that is to cut the
4:23
beard and cut their hair. So
4:26
in order to do this,
4:29
we decided to morph Tiki
4:31
Barber into Tiki the Barber
4:33
beefcake. And I don't
4:35
know if we've got the old theme music
4:37
ready back at the shop, but
4:40
Rooda, I used to have... Oh, there it
4:42
is, ladies and gentlemen. Open up!
4:45
And Tiki puts on the
4:47
art socks. Left and right on your radio
4:49
dial. He put
4:52
on all the socks like Rooda I used to
4:54
have. And the best part
4:56
is, he's got the accessories.
4:58
Remember the hedge clippers? Oh, take
5:00
it off, Pete! This
5:04
whole shirt came off. Hoppa hoppa. See in
5:07
the muscles. He is now
5:09
putting the boot on here, I like Brutus. By
5:12
the way, Tiki looks better than Jake while my shirt off.
5:14
So now, Tiki the
5:17
Barber beefcake is wearing the Brutus the Barber
5:19
beefcake, uh, socks on his hands. He is
5:22
now setting up the bow tie. His
5:24
shirt is off. And
5:26
trust me, it was very difficult
5:29
to find the best piece of
5:31
Bruti equipment that's needed. So do
5:33
you have it? Get
5:35
it out! I looked in my garage all
5:37
day. The clippers! Where is
5:39
it? Where's the clippers? Oh
5:42
boy. Drop the elbows. No, those aren't it! We
5:46
need the clippers! It's not done
5:48
yet. Don't take that picture yet.
5:50
We lost the clippers! Before you
5:53
have shirtless Tiki with his bow
5:55
tie, we need the hedge clippers. That
5:57
Brutus used to walk around with... Get
6:00
on! Ahh!
6:05
God forbid, plus my hair with... Oh,
6:07
Evan! I cannot wait! Evan!
6:12
Alright. You will now do three last play. The
6:14
headset's coming off. Cut
6:16
my beard, cut my hair, let's get this done for you. Alright!
6:19
Brutus the Beefcake Barber holding the
6:21
clipper's blue and white bow
6:23
tie, obviously red with white
6:25
dotted arms socks. Any
6:27
traditional white summer sneakers? Evan
6:29
Roberts sitting down with his American flag.
6:31
I'm guessing, oh maybe bathing suits. Evan's
6:35
son loves his beard.
6:37
Oh, that's right. So he needs to save the
6:39
beard. So Evan has
6:41
brought leftover tub-aware. Are we ready? Assuming for the Mabelo,
6:44
he's just sitting there. Are we ready? Who
6:46
wants to see his beard? Cut half
6:48
of it! Let's go! Alright,
6:50
Brutus the Beefcake Barber has started the
6:52
cut-in. It looks like he's using about a
6:54
five and a half on the slide guard.
6:57
Hair is now flying so much so his
6:59
red hair is now hit. Evan's grailed
7:02
cup. That's disgusting. I hope
7:04
he doesn't drink it. Tiki's super focused
7:06
in with his sunglasses on. It's
7:08
starting to really come off here. We're
7:11
going left side of Evan Roberts' face. If
7:13
you didn't know his hair was red, you're certainly getting a feel for
7:15
it. It is starting to fly around.
7:18
Dan and Carteret's gonna have to duck. Here comes Tiki from
7:20
the underneath. I
7:23
know! I'm on two and a half. Alright,
7:26
proud ones to see. Okay,
7:30
I think we should take a quick pause here. We're being
7:32
told, let's move Evan and Brutus to the front
7:34
of the stage for the crowd to see. Clumps
7:38
of hair are in the tub-aware. Odd
7:40
that Evan saved some pasta in that in
7:42
a week. Hot. Here we come.
7:46
Evan is now egging on the crowd with a
7:48
partially done half a beard. His neck hair
7:50
is disgusting. Alright, Spent, if you're
7:53
listening at home, Daddy has the hair ready
7:55
for you. Now,
7:57
we need to unplug him. I don't know if he'll
7:59
still work. But here we go. I am both
8:01
pulling play by play and unplugging a razor. I'm
8:04
gonna keep talking right now because it's ready. Now,
8:07
we have a barber chair that is now set up in
8:09
the front of this thing. Bones are out
8:11
all over the crowd. Tommy's return from Stanley
8:13
Cup duties to pull Chris Collins' work in
8:16
through the slide next to me. How
8:18
are you doing, Tommy? You're doing the festivities.
8:21
Tremendous. Great. So, Tiki looks
8:23
great as always, shirt off. Evan still
8:25
looks homeless, even with half of you. But there's
8:27
more work to be done. Alright,
8:30
Tiki's out flexing in the crowd. The
8:32
crowd is electric. Watch that razor for
8:34
the oogie oogie. Here comes Tiki
8:36
now, touching face really close. Tremendous
8:38
form being shown here by Tiki
8:41
Marbell. He has full fame level.
8:43
And if you notice, he's gone
8:45
away from the five ladies going
8:47
closer to home. He's gone to a two. Full
8:50
strategy, Tommy. I think it's the right way
8:52
to do this. This chair is so long,
8:54
you can't go in one full swoop, one
8:56
full swoop, if you know what that means. Now,
8:58
Evan looks really ridiculous. Half the right side
9:01
of his face, Tommy. It looks like a
9:03
little bit of a pearly dose. It may taste
9:05
as white as my tuckus. It is? Well, that's
9:07
a disgusting image. But nonetheless, Evan's a
9:09
disgusting man. And Tiki
9:11
is so focused in here. You know, you rarely
9:13
see what it was like when he looked up at
9:15
that giant medium jumbo tron to see how close his
9:17
offender was to him. He's locked in with the ice.
9:19
I was gonna make
9:22
a pumpling joke, but I figured... No, no, no.
9:24
Oh, he's thrown to two guards. Shave
9:26
and clean! Shave and clean!
9:29
Shave and clean! Shave and
9:31
clean! He's going close to
9:33
the face. We
9:35
know him really, really red hair on the left
9:37
side of Evan's face. He's gonna fly in
9:39
all over DJ's like a ticker tipperade. More
9:41
on that three weeks from the race. Tiki
9:44
keeps going close to the vest. I
9:46
don't have a good vantage point on the front,
9:48
but how ridiculous does it look? Let's get a
9:50
crowd reaction. It looks ridiculous,
9:53
doesn't it? Some might argue though,
9:55
with half a beard, it's the best Evan's looked in
9:57
six months. I'll ask his wife
9:59
about that. You better take a break,
10:01
I don't know CPR, you're about to pass out?
10:03
Oh look, C. Prisall for a long, long story
10:05
career from John Sterling. This job is not easy
10:07
on play-by-play. Now we've
10:09
made his way to the mustache. So
10:12
now, from my vantage point, picture a
10:14
crescent move. You see half-darkness and you
10:16
see a lot of just white
10:18
light, white light. That's what I'm getting out of the
10:20
side of Evan's face that's clean. And
10:23
that beard is still puffy on the right side.
10:25
That's what he is. What's he the first to
10:27
be used to do? I'm gonna be able to
10:29
report something early then. How
10:31
am I dropping? How bad must I talk this about?
10:33
And how bad will this bubble-wear spell drop? Oh, big
10:35
time. I got a wizard that was before I passed
10:38
out. Half the front row just passed out. Now, Evan's
10:40
child does want him to keep the hair to play
10:42
with. Did you ever collect anything weird when you were
10:44
a kid? No, no, I think that's like serial killer
10:46
level, no offense. I think that's kind of odd, but
10:49
he was a little kid, so... I did go a
10:51
full year with collecting fingernails and things at the age
10:53
of 11. I was a pod
10:55
guy. Pod guy. Alright. So Tiki Barbra's still
10:57
focusing. He's really tight on the mustache. And
10:59
that can be a sensitive area for many men.
11:02
When you do shave around that mustache, the lip
11:04
does get a little tight. Tiki's sunglasses are worth
11:07
more than Evan's entire house. It does. Evan,
11:09
though, now, from the vantage point I'm getting on
11:11
the clean side of the face, with the long
11:13
hair still in the distance, he's
11:15
giving Scarecrow decoration by. Yes. It looks
11:18
like you could buy him on a farm
11:20
stand and sit off. And if
11:22
that's the case, I don't know why any crows would hit
11:24
the DJ's yard here. Evan, can you
11:26
turn around for me and talk? Oh
11:29
my God! Oh my goodness gracious!
11:31
Of all the dramatic things that half
11:33
of Evan Roberts did. You
11:36
look ridiculous. You
11:38
look patently absurd. Well
11:40
done. That's a barber, folks. I'll tell you, the
11:42
weirdest part right now is I have no
11:44
idea what I look like. Does
11:46
everybody want to see it? Sean gets to see it.
11:49
But I'll tell you what I feel. And
11:51
we did the beard, which is the most important. But now I don't want
11:53
to see it! You want to see it? God, I'm
11:55
talking to myself before I see it! It's a very
11:57
dramatic moment. I feel very naked on the
11:59
left. I do a kind of naked too. Wow,
12:02
you got the gun hanging out. Yeah, I've been kicking you
12:04
for more naked than you are. And
12:06
I have to admit something that I know it's
12:09
too late. The entire time I was
12:11
closing my eyes, I was looking at the crowd, but
12:13
I was also looking at one of
12:15
our co-workers, Tom Izzo. Tom Izzo is one of
12:17
the most underrated guys at WF, me and Digital
12:19
Guy. A great guy. And
12:22
the entire time Tom Izzo was giving
12:24
me a disapproving look. A
12:27
look of disgust and a look of sadness.
12:30
And as I started to feel the nakedness
12:32
on my face, I'm sort
12:34
of half-regretted. There's a part of
12:36
me that's sort of regrets that it's gone. I've lived
12:38
with this for so long. Well it's not gone. And
12:41
now it's gone because I can't walk around
12:43
half a beard. Why not? Six
12:46
months so long. Six months, when do you care about your image? I
12:48
mean that would be on another level if I did that.
12:51
What is it? But I'm still happy it's gone. Because
12:53
again, it's not about me. It's the greater good. It's
12:55
saving the New York Mets. So
12:58
before I take a look at what the hell
13:00
I look like, how do I look, crowd? Do
13:02
I look alright? I'm
13:04
a good...should I keep him like this?
13:08
Do you think the Mets need any
13:10
save? There you go. So
13:13
it was all for not, Evan. Hold on, it's all
13:15
for not. Oh my God!
13:19
I am a circus freak. Oh my God! I
13:21
tried to be very detailed. I tried to be
13:23
very specific. You did an amazing job! I mean,
13:26
I am a barber. You
13:28
certainly are! For those in traffic when
13:30
you do get to a stop, all FA and social
13:32
media accounts will have to picture ridiculous stuff. And he's
13:34
now swallowing beard. And he's
13:36
got the ink that's picked up off the
13:38
ocean and his hair is blowing all over his mouth!
13:42
Yeah, let's protect him. Brutus, do you know the
13:44
Heinlein? You
13:46
can't talk! You
13:48
can't talk. Alright, Evan Roberts is
13:50
now going to have to down a pole and
13:52
spring you. Ew, you just spilled it on
13:54
the other hand. You... You gotta understand, I...
13:56
You've lost perception on your mouth! I...I...I...I don't
13:59
know what happened. so you just spit out
14:01
water like a two year old. Dude, I
14:03
got a little bit of hair going down my throat. I'm
14:05
not very much used to this. Oh. More
14:07
on that later. I'm so
14:09
fucking tough. How do you feel? Uh,
14:12
I feel very strange right now because even
14:14
like everything feels off like depth perception is
14:16
pretty much off right now. You
14:19
know, here's what we'll do. Hold on. Look
14:22
at right in front of F. How gross is
14:24
this guy? What's wrong with that hair? No, not
14:26
ice. Look at all that hair. What's wrong with
14:28
the hair when I cut hair? It looks like
14:30
a dog rolled around on a couch. I
14:32
mean, it was a lot of freaking hair. What do you want me
14:34
to do? Have you not ever been to a barber shop?
14:36
Seriously, what do you think happened to the barber shop? It's
14:38
been a long time. Tiki, how did
14:40
you feel doing it? Did you get pleasure out of that? I
14:42
actually did get some pleasure out of that. I
14:45
felt like I was being detailed. And
14:47
you focused on something so important. Meaning
14:49
your beard? I wanted to make it look right.
14:53
I gotta tell you, you did a very good job. You
14:55
were very focused and very serious. You got me yelling at
14:57
me. Don't smile. Yeah, if you smile, I'm gonna cut your
14:59
lip. Oh yeah, that would have been a problem. Is
15:02
this the first time you've cut someone's hair since your
15:04
brother? It is the first time I've cut hair since
15:06
my brother. Back when we were 10 or 12 years old. Really?
15:09
So you never cut hair for your kids? Never cut hair
15:11
for your kids. Your wife never said, hey, cut my hair?
15:14
Nope, never. Wow. I'm
15:16
not that good with girl's hair. Was there any... Our
15:18
flag just fell. Let's fix that. It's
15:20
a windy day here in fact. That's why that hair is
15:22
about to go everywhere. By the way, where is my hair?
15:25
I have it in a jar. Did you guys hold on
15:27
to that? I don't know where the hell it is. I
15:29
did it. Oh, you did it. Okay, good. We don't want
15:31
all that hair flying away. Was there
15:33
any part of you that was ever nervous during the
15:35
haircutting? Maybe you would screw up. I was very confident
15:37
in that technique. Very confident in the
15:39
precision that it would make to cut this thing off
15:42
perfectly. When you usually shave, do you ever use an
15:44
electric razor or are you always like straight
15:46
thick? Yeah, I thought about doing that and making
15:48
you do that, but I thought like, does
15:50
that hair would get stuck in the razor? Like it
15:52
would actually never even wash. Would You just throw some water
15:55
on it? You rinse it off? Would You have preferred that
15:57
if I didn't go on electric? I would have actually. Wow.
16:02
It doesn't get all the fighting. For.
16:06
The heart of father of my like. I'm. Sorry
16:10
you feel doing. The playbook was ah. Good
16:12
tommy to give you much as a coma. Guys really
16:14
have the could not. Be
16:17
so he's too busy my addressing himself. a big
16:19
same issue. That and foot know it's so good
16:21
I'm ready. I see the next. That's a point. My point of.
16:23
Even better with your mom and six matches,
16:25
Get rid of Spider Man was not fully
16:28
half, wouldn't. I. Think reasonable, slightly
16:30
covered all into the other have flown to.
16:32
it's perfectly straight line for a certain level
16:34
or but as his I wonder what would
16:36
I go and take pictures of people begin
16:38
to notice and is fully straight. Or do
16:40
you think it even balance? It probably doesn't
16:42
matter. Final were cover for that sub aware
16:45
or you don't like windows down with an
16:47
open? I think it's gotta go in the
16:49
yard in the wall be I brought a
16:51
wall holders when I'm going to do is
16:53
get a shot at. the weirdest part is
16:55
like hello my says we asked the with
16:57
his his parents were poised to. A seat
16:59
of my three year old stop playing
17:02
with daddy. She's here like ah. I'm
17:04
giving him the opportune would see research
17:06
he emphasizes. Still
17:08
going to be was your blaze of this sort
17:10
of a hair and that was like it's support
17:13
I gotta say an austere to we Do you
17:15
do this anymore? As. A good point.
17:17
I'm going to get him through to Maurie. Have
17:19
to do not make it's homeowner gotten nine o'clock
17:21
Be right on Dancers are I thank you very
17:24
much. Well the next part is I get rid
17:26
of the rest of his and you can cut
17:28
my hair during the commercial break. The best for
17:30
our our guys who we to finish this is
17:32
this whole thing off but I gotta say I'm
17:34
glad we did it and I'm glad the Mets
17:37
to now turn season around. Doctoral to was like
17:39
no other course to forward and twenty foot vertical
17:41
speed which to me much as I suspect savvy
17:43
that driver go for maximum acceleration of the star
17:45
measure that. You got a short straightaway to
17:48
push from zero to seventy for the first
17:50
vertical speedway. From what about the rollbacks? Rollback
17:52
Of such your for an explosive reverse climb.
17:54
Four Hundred Twenty three, This guy. Zero. Zero.
17:56
Geez. In total weightlessness, Four hundred twenty feet
17:58
of straight up speed. Let's get it.
18:01
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