0:01

Hey, this is Stephen Ferdick.

0:02

I'm the pastor of Elevation Church and this

0:05

is our podcast. I wanted to thank you for joining

0:07

us today.

0:08

Hope this inspires you. Hope it builds

0:10

your faith.

0:10

Hope it gives your perspective to see God is moving

0:12

in your life. Enjoy the message,

0:16

and I feel so energized

0:19

about this new teaching series called

0:22

The Other Half. We're going

0:24

to talk about your relationships. How many are

0:26

excited to talk about your relationships?

0:33

Take a moment if you wouldn't pity me? Would

0:35

you pity me?

0:37

Yeah? Because how would you like

0:40

to speak about relationships to a

0:42

room this diverse?

0:45

Would you enjoy that? You want

0:47

to trade places? Because

0:49

I know, I know I've.

0:50

Been doing this a while now. I know I look twenty

0:52

three, but I've been doing

0:54

this for a minute, and I know

0:57

everybody has a different kind of reaction. We're

0:59

going to talk about relationships four weeks

1:01

and then some people say, well, i'll see you in five.

1:04

Am I sending through that?

1:05

You know? Because really, really they do.

1:07

Some people have been through painful, terribly

1:11

painful relationship situations,

1:13

and you almost think you can predict

1:16

what the preacher might have to say about

1:18

relationships before he even says it.

1:21

So single people are already judging me

1:23

before I even start my sermon.

1:25

Hear me gown okay,

1:30

and then they tell me to wait, wait

1:32

for the one.

1:35

Then i'm you know, and

1:37

if i'm if he hasn't come in my life yet, I'm

1:40

not ready.

1:42

And though my roommate was totally less ready

1:44

than me.

1:45

She I don't say anything

1:47

about you know, tell me not to have

1:49

sex and sex and when you get a disease

1:52

and go to hell and I die.

1:59

But what I'm gonna do, I'm

2:01

going to go straight to the Bible,

2:04

and then if you

2:06

don't like what I have to say, you

2:09

can take.

2:09

It up with my boss, turning

2:11

your Bible.

2:12

To Matthew chapter six, verse

2:14

thirty one. And

2:17

we want to get into this series

2:19

today called the Other Half. If

2:23

I were to ask you the question are

2:25

you in a relationship and

2:29

your hand didn't go up, you misunderstand the very

2:31

nature of what we intend to communicate. This

2:35

series is for everyone. Would

2:38

you touch your neighbor and say this is totally for you.

2:43

When we do it, we'll talk a little bit about.

2:45

If you're married, that's important, but

2:47

there is half of the church that isn't married. Statistics

2:50

say half of marriages and in divorce.

2:51

And let's be honest.

2:53

If we don't have our relationship with God right,

2:57

our relationship with ourself right, we're

2:59

never gonna have our relationship with others.

3:01

Right. So I

3:04

hope you'll just listen with an open mind

3:07

today and

3:09

let me pick up in Matthew chapter six, verse thirty

3:12

one. I'm probably partial to this scripture. My

3:14

dad loved the Sermon on the Mount

3:16

and he would read it every morning.

3:19

So he challenged me to memorize. And I memorize

3:21

some of it, but he memorized

3:23

the whole thing. I didn't memorize the whole thing. But

3:25

I like this part in Matthew chapter six, verse

3:27

thirty one. And I never really saw it as a relationship

3:30

scripture.

3:31

But now that I read it in

3:34

this season of my life, I.

3:35

See that it's nothing

3:38

if not a relationship scripture. It

3:41

is all about intimacy and

3:43

provision. And you'll see what I mean.

3:46

Jesus speaking says, so do not worry saying

3:48

what shall we eat, or what

3:51

shall we drink, or what

3:53

shall we wear? For

3:55

the pagans, people who don't even know God

3:59

run after all these things, and

4:01

your heavenly Father knows that

4:04

you need them.

4:05

Somebody, say God knows what

4:07

I need.

4:09

And tell your neighbor too, in case they've been staying up stressing

4:11

about things that are outside of their control. Tell them

4:13

God knows what you need. God

4:16

knows what you need. And that's a

4:18

good thing to say. Anytime in your

4:21

life you feel like that you don't have enough, or you don't

4:23

have what you want, or you don't have what others have, just

4:25

remind yourself over and over again that God

4:28

knows what I need.

4:31

Now.

4:31

Sometimes the reason that we can't receive

4:33

his provision in some areas of our

4:35

life is because we don't have our priorities

4:38

aligned. And sometimes

4:40

what we interpret as a lack of provision

4:42

on God's part is a lack of prioritization

4:45

on ours. Can I go further,

4:48

so, he says, seek first thirty three

4:51

his kingdom and his righteousness,

4:53

and all these things

4:56

will be given to you as well.

4:59

God says, when you align your heart with

5:01

my heart and your plans with my purposes,

5:04

I will give you the things that

5:06

the rest of the world has to grasp for. I

5:09

will give you the peace that millionaires

5:11

can't buy, I will give you.

5:14

Come on, somebody, Every good and perfect

5:16

gift comes from above. And because I'm in relationship

5:18

with God, I have access to everything

5:20

that I need to be who He's called me to be,

5:22

to do what He's called me to do. And

5:24

so knowing these things, I seek first his

5:27

kingdom and his righteousness, and

5:29

all these other factors

5:32

will be taken care.

5:33

Of by my father.

5:36

I mean, sometimes when I'm preaching, I just get

5:38

into it myself and I forget you there. Therefore,

5:41

therefore, do not worry

5:44

about tomorrow, for

5:46

tomorrow will worry about itself.

5:49

Each day has trouble

5:52

of its own. Now, the people that wrote

5:54

the scriptures didn't put a chapter marker

5:57

here, so I'm going to keep going on in chapter seven

6:00

because it says here that this is a new chapter.

6:02

But to me, it's the same thought.

6:03

And this verse that comes next, this is the verse

6:05

that everybody who smokes weed likes to quote.

6:08

Do not judge, or

6:11

you too will be judged, for

6:15

in the same way you judge others,

6:17

I just woke them up uptown.

6:19

In the same way you judge others, you

6:22

will be judged.

6:23

And with the measure you use, it will be measured

6:25

to you. Why you

6:27

look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's

6:29

eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

6:31

How can you say to your brother, or your wife,

6:34

or your husband, whoever, your boss,

6:36

your kid, how can you say, let

6:38

me take the speck out of your eye. Well, all the

6:40

time there's a plank in your own eye. You hypocrite,

6:44

First the plank out your own eye,

6:47

then you will see clearly to remove

6:49

the speck from your brother's eye.

6:50

Do not give dogs what is sacred.

6:52

I'm speaking to somebody right now

6:55

who is selling yourself short and lowering

6:58

and compromising. Your Jesus

7:01

said, do not throw your pearls

7:03

to pigs. Maybe

7:08

you need to send a text to that guy before

7:10

you leave church today and say, give me my pearls

7:12

back. Don't even explain

7:14

it or put a verse by it, but you'll know what it

7:16

means. If

7:20

you do, they may trample them under their feet

7:22

and turn in tear you to pieces. I'll

7:24

finish with verse seven, because we got to stop somewhere.

7:27

Ask and it will be

7:30

given to you.

7:33

Seek and you will

7:36

find. Knock and

7:38

the door will be opened

7:41

to you. I want to call this

7:43

message fix your Focus, because

7:47

I believe that the only thing you are ever always

7:49

in control of is your focus. So

7:52

many factors in your life are beyond

7:55

your control, but

7:58

one thing you can always control, if

8:00

you learn how to do it, and if you're committed

8:02

to it, is your focus. I

8:06

think that many relationships

8:08

fail not because of a loss of love,

8:11

but because of a loss of focus. That

8:15

would be one of the reasons that a church

8:17

fails as well, while we're at it.

8:20

Is that you lose your focus.

8:22

When you stop caring

8:24

about what God cares

8:26

about, God

8:29

will no longer back you in

8:31

your endeavor. And

8:33

so sometimes what we

8:36

call failure is really

8:38

just.

8:39

Broken focus.

8:42

It's the reason why the

8:44

passion that exists in some parts of

8:46

relationships when it's getting started, tends

8:50

to leak, and you wonder where it went. It wasn't

8:52

necessarily that you lost the love. You

8:54

lost the focus. It's

8:57

very difficult to keep that first

9:00

love focus in any relationship.

9:03

I think Jesus is calling us

9:05

back to focus. If you'll notice the bread on

9:07

the sandwich from the little passage

9:09

that we just read, Both of them

9:11

start with seeking seek first, his kingdom,

9:14

ask and it will be given to you. Seek and you will

9:16

find on both ends of this passage

9:18

where Jesus is speaking on several different

9:21

subjects. Is this idea

9:23

of focus, especially

9:27

in our culture. I think the focus

9:29

when it comes to our relationship tends

9:32

to be a little broken. When

9:34

I say that it's broken, I mean that it's misplaced

9:37

and misleading. Sometimes

9:40

we're so focused.

9:41

On falling in love.

9:45

That we are very uneducated about

9:47

the process of staying in love. Talk

9:50

to me anytime you want to. And

9:53

there's a romantic

9:55

notion that is reinforce

10:00

with every romantic comedy that

10:03

the falling part is where the excitement

10:06

is. I was looking at an article getting ready

10:08

for this series where the

10:10

author said there's a reason that

10:13

fairy tales end in marriage because

10:16

nobody wants to see what happens next.

10:21

Nobody wants to talk about the other

10:23

half. So today, as I

10:25

open this series, and it really will get better

10:27

every week, I hope that you'll bear with me today as

10:29

I lay a sort of foundation. I want

10:31

to talk about four decisions of focus

10:34

that you are making every area in your life.

10:36

And I know that some of you should be teaching

10:38

the marriage seminar all of you patron

10:40

saints of marriage, been doing it thirty and forty

10:43

years and all of that. I'm not quite on

10:45

your level yet. I just celebrated my fourteenth

10:47

year. And while

10:51

somebody's clapping for that, somebody else's.

10:53

Life ain't nothing

10:58

married longer than you've been alive.

11:02

I'm gonna let some whip or snapper and some

11:04

skinny motocross jeans talk to me.

11:09

Type Jens up here trying to tell me how you

11:11

married it.

11:16

But regardless of the

11:18

stage of the relationship, it

11:21

requires a certain kind of focus. That's

11:23

all I want to talk about today. So I want to lay out four

11:26

areas. I want you to take notice. Everybody write something down. If you never

11:28

written, write anything down because they don't love God and don't care

11:30

about his word. Now

11:32

watch this. The first area you got to decide. You

11:34

got to decide your focus. Because you can always decide your focus.

11:36

You can't always decide about all the factors. You can't always decide

11:38

if somebody's gonna stay with you or leave. You can't always decide

11:40

if somebody's gonna ask you out. You can always deide if they're gonna to tuch

11:42

a back, but you can always decide your focus.

11:44

So is your focus number one on

11:47

finding or becoming?

11:52

Finding or becoming?

11:56

Jesus said, seek first the

11:58

kingdom and the others we'll

12:00

move into position. But

12:03

if you seek first the other stuff,

12:05

then you will have no center of gravity

12:09

for the stuff to revolve around. So it's

12:11

important that your focus is

12:13

not I've been teaching this for years, man. I used to go around

12:15

to youth camps and I would teach dating seminar

12:17

and I would say, you know, it's not an original quote from

12:19

me, but I'll say it all the time because I think it's true.

12:22

Happiness isn't finding the right person. Happiness

12:26

is being the right person. I'll

12:30

take it further, since your applause is so tepid.

12:34

If you find the right person and you are not

12:37

the right person, what

12:39

do you think you're going to do to that poor right person? Now,

12:43

I'm not suggesting, please, I'm not suggesting

12:46

that if you're not married or something like that is

12:48

because you're not ready yet. Because all

12:50

we have to do to disprove that stupid

12:52

theory is to look at some of the people who are

12:54

married.

12:57

So mary doesn't equal ready.

12:58

Okay, I could offer

13:01

you many examples of that, starting

13:03

with myself. But what I

13:05

am saying is that it

13:07

is important to God. It as important

13:09

to God that you have the right people

13:11

in your life. But the only way you're going to have the

13:14

right people in your life is if you will be the right

13:16

person in your heart. That's

13:18

the only way. That's the only way you're

13:20

even going to attract them to begin with.

13:21

And that's the only thing you can control.

13:23

I can always can control whether this

13:25

person comes into my life, but I can control the kind

13:27

of person that I am. You know how you have

13:30

little memories from your childhood that

13:32

are so random that you wonder how they're still up

13:35

there from all these years, and you kind of wish

13:37

you could delete them, because honestly, you need that space for

13:39

more important things like your children's names

13:41

and stuff that you forget sometimes. But I

13:43

have a memory. I don't know why. I

13:45

remember in sixth grade they gave us the Berkeley

13:48

County Writing Test.

13:50

I remember the prompt of the.

13:51

Berkeley County Writing Test when I was in the sixth grade,

13:54

almost word for word. Pretend that

13:56

you are on an adventure, or they

13:58

called it a journey with your friend, and

14:01

on this adventure, or journey.

14:03

You come across a.

14:05

Valuable, unusual object, describe

14:07

the object. A couple weeks later,

14:10

the teacher walked in with all of our

14:13

writing tests and made an announcement.

14:15

She said, I've never had this happen.

14:17

Before in however many years of teaching, but

14:19

every single one of you failed

14:22

the Berkeley County writing test.

14:23

We laughed. She said, it's not a joke.

14:27

She said.

14:28

You wrote beautiful essays. You

14:31

went into.

14:31

Great detail elaborating on the journey

14:34

with your friends, but that was not the writing prompt.

14:36

The writing prompt was not to describe the journey.

14:40

The writing prompt was to describe the object.

14:43

All of you wrote essays about walking through

14:45

the woods with your friends. Some of you traveled across

14:47

the seas with your friends. Some of you flew through space

14:50

with your friends. It was highly entertaining,

14:53

but none of you described the

14:56

object.

14:58

The object of

15:00

relationship, the.

15:02

Object of love, is

15:05

not that somebody else would

15:07

complete you. I'm

15:10

sorry, Renee Zellwegger,

15:13

but you got it wrong.

15:15

Your line was touching. It just wasn't true.

15:19

Jerry didn't complete you touch

15:22

your neighbors. Say you can't complete me. Say

15:26

we teach this stuff no wonder are single people

15:29

cut their fists up ready to fight me when I want

15:31

to preach about marriage, because the way we preach.

15:33

It and teach it, we teach it like until you

15:35

get married, your life hasn't started.

15:38

I only got one question to ask you. If

15:40

that's true, how can you worship Jesus.

15:49

We worship a.

15:50

Guy who stayed single till they

15:52

killed him, saying

16:00

you have to stay single and to be like Jesus. I'm like hypocritic

16:02

to say that, but I'm saying. I'm saying

16:05

if Paul would have.

16:06

Waited to fulfill his purpose until

16:08

he had somebody to complete him,

16:11

we wouldn't.

16:11

Have twenty three percent of a New Testament. And

16:16

we teach it wrong. We teach it wrong. I've

16:18

taught it wrong. We teach it wrong.

16:20

In the Book of Genesis, God's describing

16:22

marriage. You talking about Adam, and even he says that you know, the

16:25

man shall leave his father and mother and go be

16:27

with his wife, and it says that the two will

16:29

become one.

16:31

Let me tell you what it doesn't say.

16:32

It doesn't say the halves will become whole.

16:39

But yet we teach it and we treat it, and we expected

16:42

like the halves are gonna become whole. But

16:45

I found out if you go into a marriage half the two

16:48

halves.

16:48

Are gonna make hell, not whole.

16:53

It's great preaching, Pastor seen it.

16:56

That's very true, Pastor. So

17:01

what is your focus?

17:02

Eric, my best my best friend world is here. I

17:04

mean, Holly is my best friend, but

17:07

this is my best my best friend. This is a guy

17:09

other than my son's one of my friends.

17:11

Eric is here. He's

17:13

uh.

17:14

He's been my buddy since since high school,

17:16

really since middle school. We got in trouble together

17:18

and Eric still saved most days. And

17:23

he he came over to my house

17:25

the other day we were gonna work out, and he was all drumpy

17:28

and sluggish and everything.

17:29

I said, what's wrong with you? Man?

17:30

He said, well, he said, these I've been.

17:32

Up since four am. I

17:34

said why.

17:35

He said, these kids, these punk kids in my

17:37

neighborhood and ringing my doorbell

17:39

in the middle of the night.

17:40

They've done it ten times. He

17:42

said, I'm gonna catch them. Though, I'm gonna catch them.

17:44

I had I had a.

17:45

Camera on my doorbell.

17:47

There's I put a camera in my doorbell, and

17:49

I'm gonna catch them.

17:50

But these kids are smart man, smart

17:53

punks.

17:53

They came up. They covered the camera on

17:55

the doorbell ring from

17:57

the side.

17:58

I'm gonna catch them, but I stopped in at ask them a

18:00

question.

18:00

I think it's a good question, I said, And what will

18:03

you do when you catch them?

18:06

And that good question if somebody's looking

18:08

for a woman or looking for a man, what

18:12

will you do.

18:14

If you catch them?

18:16

But we are so focused on the catching that we

18:18

don't even pay attention to the commitment.

18:20

That is required back

18:23

when I.

18:23

Note,

18:27

so what is your focus? Is

18:29

it what you can control, which

18:31

is what God is doing in your life,

18:34

or is it finding?

18:34

You know you? I got to find a woman,

18:37

then you got to find a ring.

18:38

Then you got to find some money, and

18:41

you got to find a date to get married and a place

18:43

to get married. Everybody can come to that,

18:45

all on the same date, working out continents,

18:48

different continents, people coming together from

18:50

all these different places in the world. And got

18:52

to find the dresses for the bridesmade

18:55

something that they'll all wear and won't complain about then

18:57

look good against.

18:58

Their skin tone.

18:58

And you got to find a house and

19:01

find a job, and finding

19:04

finding finding finding, finding finding

19:06

finding finding You see the pattern here. But

19:10

God said, while all of that has

19:12

its place, if

19:14

you will focus on becoming. Remember he said, the

19:16

two will become one.

19:20

That's the focus. What

19:22

are you becoming? It's

19:25

a good question to ask.

19:27

Another thing that Jesus mentions is

19:30

our tendency to live in another time.

19:33

So let me ask my second focus question. Are

19:35

you focused on then or

19:38

now?

19:41

Then or now?

19:43

He said, don't worry about tomorrow,

19:47

not because you don't have the tendency to, or not because

19:49

it isn't reasonable to, just because it doesn't

19:51

work.

19:53

You know the Corey ten Boom quote.

19:55

You may not know that she said it, but she said that worried

19:57

does not empty tomorrow of it sorrow. It only empties

19:59

today of it strength. And I

20:01

believe that while we've talked

20:03

so much about the

20:05

importance of not living in your past and

20:07

the danger of living in yesterday, I

20:11

certainly think that a lot

20:13

of relationships are sabotaged by things that happened

20:15

before they ever began, that

20:18

weren't dealt with, And

20:21

so we project onto other people trust issues

20:23

that were developed because

20:26

of another person's actions, and start

20:29

saying things to somebody that we just met, like who's

20:31

texting you, and

20:38

it's not that you ever caught

20:41

him doing anything. It's just that it's been done to

20:43

you before. And

20:46

so now your word, you're bringing the past

20:48

into the present, and that's dangerous. You got to deal with

20:50

that stuff. However, because

20:52

my text led me here, I was a little bit

20:55

more fascinated with this idea of how many

20:57

of us live not in the past, but

20:59

in the future. Jesus

21:02

said, don't worry about tomorrow,

21:06

and it is equally important that we don't wish away

21:08

today waiting for tomorrow

21:10

to come.

21:12

Tomorrow is a sexy place to vacation

21:14

in your mind.

21:17

Because it's totally imaginary.

21:20

Tomorrow is a wonderful place to visit

21:22

in your mind. It brings hope into the present.

21:24

I think it's cool to have a vision for the future, you know.

21:26

I think it's cool to think I had plan ahead Iras

21:29

and all of that.

21:29

I'm a big fan.

21:31

But I do think at the same time, you can't

21:33

live there. But

21:36

it's so nice to you know, it is

21:38

so freeing from the constraints

21:41

of my current struggle, which

21:44

is so real. There's a shuttle

21:46

myself to

21:49

tomorrow.

21:52

Tomorrow. I

21:55

love you Tomorrow.

21:58

See how good it sounds it is,

22:02

I love you tomorrow.

22:07

You never hear anybody saying today.

22:11

See, it doesn't even sound.

22:12

As good, does it. It doesn't even have the same cadence

22:15

today.

22:16

Today,

22:23

I hate you.

22:25

Today,

22:30

I wish you would go away.

22:32

But tomorrow, tomorrow,

22:37

it's gonna be better tomorrow because

22:39

my kids aren't gonna be in diapers tomorrow. My

22:42

kids are gonna be out of high school tomorrow.

22:45

I'm be an empty nester tomorrow

22:48

about my identity around my kids tomorrow.

22:50

You know, my spouse any aren't tomorrow.

22:54

It's about focus. It's

22:58

about focus, and

23:00

the.

23:00

Only way, the

23:03

only way till tomorrow is through today. So

23:05

you got to live there. You got

23:07

to live there. You can't do

23:09

it like well, you know, if I

23:11

had a man, and I know that's easy for me to

23:13

say, I know us whatever is easy for me

23:15

to say, But it's kind of easy for you single

23:17

people to tell us what marriage is like too, all right,

23:21

So we could all have a decent conversation, all

23:24

right, And by the way, I

23:26

would just put it out there to any of us who

23:28

are married or single. Let's talk

23:30

within the realm of what we know, not in the realm

23:33

of what we think somebody. Have you ever

23:35

noticed how easy it

23:37

is for you to give advice when

23:41

you're looking at what's in somebody else's

23:44

I Jesus

23:46

shifts gears in this teaching, and

23:49

he's going from comfort to challenge, and

23:52

God is good at both. So he says, hey,

23:54

I got you.

23:56

I know what you need.

23:57

You don't need somebody to complete You are

24:00

already the total package. You don't

24:02

need clothes or food, any of these things.

24:04

I know what you need, and you're good in my

24:07

sight. And your life doesn't begin when the next

24:09

stage starts. It starts right now, So don't

24:11

worry about it now. Don't judge

24:14

just out of nowhere. What's

24:18

your focus? Is

24:20

your focus on what is

24:22

not or what you've

24:25

got. Everything

24:28

I've preached to you has been leading up to this point.

24:30

So it's about to get good.

24:32

Touch your neighbor and tell them wake up.

24:33

This is the part I want

24:35

to show you, real quick, the

24:38

two most

24:40

important tools

24:44

in any relationship. This

24:48

is, incidentally, the only time you

24:50

will ever see me carrying one of these.

24:54

For illustrative purposes.

24:58

One time Elijah saw me, he

25:01

was about seven, and he saw me pull out my little

25:03

toolbox. About that big And he said, Daddy,

25:06

you have one of those to

25:09

blow to my masculinity.

25:14

But I would say, right now, when

25:17

you think about your intimate relationships,

25:21

and an intimate relationship can be

25:24

with the parent, can be with whatever

25:27

you do your own application. Okay, I

25:29

can't do everything for you. I mean I can put the food on the plate,

25:31

I can't chew it. So

25:35

when you think about that, the

25:38

first tool, if you reach in here, that you have in any

25:40

relationship. Somebody say, focus, This

25:43

is the first tool that you have in any relationship.

25:45

It is the ability to

25:48

magnify whatever

25:51

you choose to magnify.

25:53

Right, So Jesus said, when.

25:55

You make that little speck that's

25:58

in somebody else's eyes, huge

26:00

thing. Now, now let's break this down,

26:03

because if you're going to

26:05

see a speck in somebody's eye, what

26:08

do you have to be to see

26:10

a speck in somebody else's

26:13

eye? Right? That's

26:15

not something you see from a distance. Right.

26:18

You could have I boogers all up

26:20

in your eye.

26:21

I can't see it from the stage. But

26:24

if I'm noticing a speck in

26:26

your eye, that means we're close.

26:30

And a lot of people fear intimacy

26:34

because I don't want you to see into

26:37

me.

26:40

So I keep people at a distance.

26:42

If I can stay up on the stage and

26:45

only let you meet my representative but

26:47

not see my reality, then maybe

26:49

you'll stay in love with me. But

26:51

I'm scared to let you get up close because

26:54

I have this spec And people do the craziest

26:56

thing, because when you're first in a relationship

26:58

with somebody.

27:00

Magnify all the amazing things about

27:02

them. Wow, look

27:07

how funny she is? Look out look,

27:09

how look? How look how laid

27:12

back he is.

27:13

You don't know that laid back is really code for lazy,

27:15

but you will if you marry him.

27:19

Come on, Wow,

27:25

it's amazing what you will magnify

27:28

in the beginning of a relationship.

27:30

That'll make you love somebody that you will

27:32

take for granted. When you get into the relationship

27:35

and get close and

27:38

you choose, in any relationship

27:41

or in any season of your life, you choose

27:43

what you magnify. I hear single people

27:45

talking about their lonely. I hear married people talking

27:48

about their lonely. I heard a married couple

27:50

the other day talk about having no friends, and it brought

27:52

them to tears. Well,

27:55

there was a time where they would have said to each other,

27:57

all I need is you.

28:02

But then you get with them and you.

28:04

Realize, well, they're

28:07

not a savior. And

28:10

if I'm going to be happy in the season of my.

28:12

Life, I got

28:14

to choose what I magnify,

28:17

what I make bigger.

28:18

Write this down.

28:20

What you magnify, you get more of what

28:25

you magnify, you get more of focus.

28:28

I'm deciding any given moment

28:30

in a relationship what I'm focusing on.

28:32

I was so mad at my dad.

28:35

I was so mad at that man because

28:37

he was impossible. In the last

28:40

two years of his life, he was

28:42

impossible. He wouldn't let us take

28:44

care of him. So he moved

28:47

away. He went to go live by himself.

28:49

He was dying, but he wouldn't let my mom take

28:51

care of him. He wouldn't let us take care of him. Anytime

28:53

we try to put a plan together, he would just

28:55

blow it up. I was so mad at him.

28:58

I got to the point where my

29:01

dad, anytime I would try to talk to him

29:03

on the phone, we couldn't have a conversation. This

29:05

went on for months. When we would get on the phone,

29:07

he would go into a rage. Within two minutes.

29:09

It would start here and it would quickly escalate,

29:12

and I was so mad at him. I would send people

29:14

that I would pay for to go and take

29:16

care of him, and he would fire them. He

29:20

fired four people that I sent

29:22

to take care of him because he wouldn't stay here

29:24

and let us take care of him. I couldn't see

29:26

at the time that he wasn't responding out of his own

29:29

will. He was responding out of his pain. Because

29:31

when you're in something like that,

29:33

you don't see the person's intentions

29:37

or you don't see you don't see the

29:39

place that is coming from. You only feel how it's

29:41

affecting you. I was so mad at him,

29:43

and I just decided, well, find if he has to die

29:45

and we can't speak, I can't have somebody treat

29:47

me like this.

29:48

I was so mad about it, And in the middle of being.

29:50

So mad about it, my father in law said

29:53

something to me that made me so upset, because the last

29:55

thing you want to hear when you're.

29:56

Upset is something like this.

29:59

He said, well, try to remember

30:01

the good times.

30:07

Try to remember the good times. He did a lot of things,

30:09

right,

30:12

Well, shut up, that's

30:14

right. This is the one time you're not

30:16

allowed to say amen while I'm preaching. And

30:21

it was Father's Day of you

30:24

know, twenty twelve, twenty thirteen.

30:26

Forgive me for being imprecise on the date, but.

30:30

My memory of it is.

30:32

That I was driving home

30:34

from vacation with the family on

30:36

Father's Day, feeling bad

30:38

that I couldn't do anything with my dad, and

30:41

my father in law's voice in my head. He

30:43

did a lot of things right. And

30:45

I came to an idea, and I asked Holly if

30:47

we could pull over and switch and she could drive, because

30:49

we were going through the town where I grew

30:51

up, where my dad was living by himself. And

30:54

I had the idea right down, one

30:57

memory for every year that he was your dad,

31:00

and take it to the house and give it to him, one

31:03

good memory from every

31:05

year he was your dad. And

31:09

man, I'm telling you, when I first started making that list,

31:12

my pen was moving so slow. I

31:15

mean, it was all I could do to get a letter

31:19

on the page. I was so mad

31:21

at him. I was so mad at him

31:23

because all I could see is how he's treating me right now.

31:25

But when I started writing, I

31:28

started remembering, and

31:33

so I remembered the first

31:35

thing. I kind of remembered was when I played

31:37

on the Pirates and he was my coach, and we sucked

31:40

so bad that

31:43

he wouldn't let any of us swing at the plate.

31:45

He made us all bunt every time we were at

31:47

back for the whole season. So

31:53

I wrote that down, bunting. It

31:55

was my first word. It got me started. Then

31:58

I remembered about a fourteen that

32:01

he couldn't find a way to connect

32:04

with me because I was into music, he

32:06

was into fishing. And

32:09

he took me to a punk rock

32:11

concert in Ladson, South

32:13

Carolina. The worst

32:15

music that you've ever heard in your life was

32:17

played in that VW

32:19

hall that day, But he he took me

32:21

and sat with me, and I wrote down

32:24

punk rock concert Ladson, And

32:27

then I started remembering how after he

32:29

gave his life to Christ.

32:30

He wanted me to go to church with him.

32:32

One of his customers in his barbershop had invited

32:34

him to their church revival. Now this

32:36

was not like a cod orange revival that's

32:39

uplifting. This was like a hell fire and

32:41

brimstone revival.

32:45

And the preacher was preaching so hard

32:47

that we went out to this little country church

32:50

and me and my dad wondered what have we gotten ourselves into?

32:52

And they seated us on the front row. Were there on the front

32:54

row in this independent fundamentalist

32:56

Baptist church, and all the women are in

32:58

dresses and everything. We're in t sh and we're sitting

33:00

there in the church, not knowing what we're getting ourselves

33:02

into.

33:03

And the preacher got so fired up.

33:04

At one point this little boy stood up

33:06

and he shouted. But he didn't say, Amen,

33:08

praise the Lord, preach preacher. Here's what a little boy said.

33:10

He said, lock the wild hog.

33:16

I never heard that shout before, so

33:24

I wrote down, let the wild hog ee.

33:28

Mean. I knocked on the door and got the house and handed in the

33:30

list.

33:30

I said, here. I

33:32

didn't even hug him.

33:33

I was here. I made your list

33:36

thirty two things. He

33:38

said, how did you remember this stuff? Because

33:42

you choose.

33:44

What you magnify. And

33:49

our story had a happy ending.

33:50

You know, we reconciled, not right at that moment.

33:52

At that moment, I handed him the list and walked out.

33:55

We don't want to see him, but it started

33:57

something. And I know reconciliation is not always

33:59

possible on that life. And I'm not even saying that it's

34:01

always preferable. What I

34:03

am saying is that whatever you've lost, if

34:05

you choose to magnify it, you're going to live in what you

34:07

lost. Whatever

34:12

they're doing to you right now. If you want to magnify

34:14

that, you can forget the thousand nice things that they

34:16

said because of the one text that they sent that

34:18

said that one thing that they weren't even thinking about,

34:21

and in your mind, you will begin

34:23

to magnify.

34:24

Man, we should use these more in.

34:25

Dating because

34:28

we don't look for anything any warning

34:30

signs and dating we

34:33

don't ask any questions about their bank

34:35

account. Well they love God, yes, but

34:37

do they have grocery

34:39

money? Right? See,

34:42

you need one of these in a dating relationship.

34:44

You need to see as.

34:46

Many as NX as you can

34:48

see.

34:51

But then you have to use it for a different purpose.

34:54

In marriage. You got to use it in a close relationship

34:57

where you're committed. Look, if you come to this church

34:59

look for crap to get mad about. Let

35:02

me save you a whole lot of time and searching

35:05

out for you will find.

35:08

What you look for, you

35:12

will find, seek and

35:14

you will find. Isn't that what Jesus said

35:17

now that applies.

35:18

To the good things and the bad things.

35:21

And this is one thing that my wife is really good

35:23

at, and I'm excited she's teaching the ladies

35:25

of it. In a couple of a couple

35:27

of weeks, I

35:30

think they said Elevation Ladies Night dot Com.

35:33

They said, I'll get to come to I'm uncom

35:36

Let me see what y'all are talking about while we're not there.

35:41

Any you know, in

35:43

any time in a relationship that

35:46

see what you magnify. And

35:48

I don't know if we understand the power that we have to magnify

35:51

things in other people that we can bring out of them the good

35:53

stuff.

35:54

I don't know if we understand the power that we have.

35:57

I told you at the beginning of my sermon that I've been

35:59

traveling a lot lately

36:01

in preaching, and so when I do that, I always

36:03

feel like I'm cheating home.

36:05

No matter how much I try.

36:06

I probably not doing as bad of a job as I think

36:08

I am, but I tend to be really hard on myself.

36:11

So wherever I'm giving, I'm feeling guilty about

36:13

where I'm not giving or you like that. So it's

36:15

like ezever enough, And so I'm sitting there feeling

36:17

bad. And one Saturday morning, I

36:19

had all my notes for the sermon that weekend

36:21

spread out on the table, and I've been gone

36:23

somewhere else preaching all week, so I'm feeling kind

36:25

of behind and a little just a little bit

36:28

distracted. The kids are all around me. They're trying to get

36:30

my attention. I'm paying them no attention, and

36:33

they're screaming my name, and I'm not listening

36:35

and all of that. And I know I'm not listening, and I kind

36:37

of don't care because I got to get this sermon ready, but I

36:39

kind of feel awful about it. I'm just feeling

36:41

that thing, like I'm stretched apart. And if you don't have

36:43

a lot of little kids around, maybe this wouldn't apply

36:45

to you. But I think everybody's felt this way at some point,

36:47

just like, well, I can't give enough to anybody anywhere.

36:50

And feeling really like a failure was a very

36:52

mild level, but I felt it. I'm feeling

36:54

up tight and all that stuff, and I

36:56

need to be a good dad, but I also need to be a good pastor, and

36:58

I don't know how to be both at the same time. In their feeling mother and

37:00

the kids are yelling, and I'm kind of mad at them and annoyed

37:02

with them.

37:03

But it's not their fault.

37:03

I mean, I'm the one that's been gone and they.

37:05

Really just want anyway.

37:06

Holly speaks up and she goes,

37:09

kids, your

37:11

dad is a great man.

37:15

I hope when you grow

37:17

up that you grow up to be a

37:19

hard worker like your dad. He's

37:22

been gone all week, preaching,

37:25

doing what God called him to do, and

37:27

providing for our family.

37:29

And now look at him.

37:30

He's got these notes spread all over this kitchen table.

37:32

Let me tell you something. She made me feel in

37:35

just one little speech, one

37:38

little.

37:38

Speech, she

37:41

made me feel. She made

37:43

me bigger. I'm

37:46

telling you, ladies, you can make amend.

37:50

It's bigger. You

37:52

can't. You can make him stronger.

37:54

You can make him bring in more groceries from

37:57

the car.

37:59

Just tell him how strong years I'm telling you Holly.

38:01

I don't know where she learned this, but when we first got

38:03

married, I was carrying in the groceries from the car one

38:05

day. I don't do that anymore, That's what I kissed for. But I

38:08

was carrying in.

38:08

The groceries one day, and I had a.

38:10

Couple of bags, you know, a couple bags bagged

38:12

around my arm.

38:13

Bags everywhere.

38:13

I had bags coming in the house and I said, I'm

38:16

coming in the house and Holly.

38:18

Said, Holly said, how do you do that?

38:21

I said, well, it's easy. You know, it's easy for me.

38:23

So I started curling

38:25

the grocery bags. I grabbed

38:28

a couple. I put a grocery bag in my teeth.

38:30

I put one around my neck. Why

38:34

because she magnified something so

38:36

small, and

38:38

you magnified the little.

38:39

Thing and it gets bigger.

38:43

You magnify what you don't have, and

38:45

it gets bigger in your mind until all you can see is

38:47

what you don't have. You magnify what they're

38:50

not, or do you magnify

38:52

what they've got? See?

38:57

I think this makes all the difference. Are

39:01

you coming back next week to me?

39:03

This is good?

39:05

Are you going to bring somebody with you next week who

39:07

needs to hear this? That

39:10

was less enthusiastic. I

39:13

know they will at rock Hill campus. They bring a

39:15

lot of people at rock Hill. So

39:17

what is your focus? Jesus said,

39:20

You can look at the spec you can.

39:21

Look at the plank.

39:21

It's interesting to me because, knowing very little about

39:23

carpentry, I do realize that the sawdust

39:26

comes from the same material that the plank is made

39:28

of. Usually,

39:30

when I see something in someone else

39:33

that makes me angry offended, it's

39:35

because it represents something that's in me.

39:42

So I told

39:44

you there were two tools in there are when

39:47

it comes to the relationships that matter

39:49

the most, and when it

39:51

comes to the things that offend us and other people.

39:54

Because everybody has issues and

39:56

most of us have a subscription. You

40:01

know what a great dating conversation would

40:03

be what kind of crazy

40:06

are you?

40:10

Because I can't tell.

40:11

From this distance, but if I get close to you, but

40:15

you know all these issues, you got to decide.

40:17

Am I going to focus on theirs

40:21

or mine? Because

40:25

I think the key to this thing of loving the Lord, our

40:27

God with all our heart, with all our soul, with all

40:29

our mind, and with all our strength, and loving our neighbor

40:32

as ourselves.

40:33

Sometimes you got to put down this

40:41

and pick up this.

40:45

And just ask God, So,

40:48

Lord, what

40:51

is it that you're trying to teach me, or

40:54

what is it that I can change?

40:55

Because I tried.

40:57

Changing Charlie and Charlie won't

40:59

change. So here I am Lord,

41:02

And in the words of the King of pop if

41:05

you want to make the world a

41:08

better place where

41:10

you're going to start.

41:11

Sometimes you've got to start with

41:13

your own self.

41:14

And God says, you can't even help

41:16

the people that you love when

41:19

you're infected with the very issue

41:22

that you're trying to solve.

41:25

So it's loved the Lord

41:27

your.

41:28

God, that's one half, But

41:30

it's also loved your neighbor as yourself.

41:32

That's the other half.

41:34

You can't have this half right and

41:37

not have this half right. You

41:39

can't treat people like garbage

41:43

and worship God at

41:45

the same time. You can't

41:48

get this right though. Until you get this right,

41:51

you can't treat people well if you don't know

41:53

God loves you, and you can't love God until

41:56

you have received his love freely. And

42:01

that's what makes it across. That's

42:04

what makes it across. That's what makes it

42:07

complete, is that it's

42:09

this and it's this. One

42:12

thing I never noticed, though, is that Jesus

42:16

said you'd love the Lord your God with all your heart,

42:18

soul, mind, strength. We go around trying to love people

42:21

and we're not even whole within ourselves. But

42:24

the other thing is that he said

42:27

love your neighbor as yourself. Now, I've always known

42:29

that that was a command, but it's also just an

42:32

observation that

42:34

the way you love your neighbor

42:38

is the way you love yourself. If

42:43

you haven't received God's acceptance

42:45

of you, you won't be able to accept

42:47

anybody else as they are because

42:49

you don't even love yourself.

42:54

And so a lot of times it starts there.

42:56

It starts with saying.

42:58

God, I can't go into these relationships

43:00

anymore

43:03

half.

43:03

Empty and needing people. Sometimes

43:05

I'm so needy.

43:06

I was asking God the other day to help me not

43:08

be so hard on others, and God said, well, first,

43:10

you're going to have to not be so hard on you, because

43:14

what starts here, flows here,

43:18

flows here, flows

43:20

here, flows

43:22

here. And

43:26

I just wanted to begin this series today

43:28

asking you where is your focus? Because if

43:31

another person is at the center of your focus and

43:33

they're responsible for the fulfillment of your joy,

43:36

you're.

43:36

Going to always be miserable.

43:40

If you're trying to do God's job in fixing

43:42

somebody else and you have

43:44

a focus on what they need to become. Let

43:48

me tell you something, there

43:52

is no worse strategy

43:56

for your own personal satisfaction

43:58

in life to place that responsibility

44:01

in someone else's hands. So

44:09

for all of us who have been saying, you know, I

44:11

need someone to complete me, or I need

44:13

you to complete me, or I need this. The message

44:15

I think God has for us today.

44:18

Is give me my job back.

44:22

I'm a good God, I'm

44:24

a good father.

44:26

I know what you need.

44:28

And here's the difference between God and everybody

44:30

else in your life.

44:31

Not only does he know what.

44:32

You need, he has what you need and

44:36

he's the only one who has what you need.

44:40

I want you to stand up on.

44:41

Your feet at every location I want to pray for you.

44:43

We're gonna get into this over the next several weeks.

44:45

We're gonna get into this. We're gonna get into

44:47

it so deep that there's gonna be healing that's gonna

44:49

happen in your heart. God is gonna open he

44:51

said, if you would knock, the door would be open.

44:54

If you would seek, you would find where

44:57

is your focus. Let's

45:00

take a moment before we rush out of here and hank

45:02

it people in the parking lot.

45:03

After we worship God, let's

45:06

close our eyes.

45:07

And just lift our hands to Heaven.

45:08

Would you do that?

45:09

Some of you never done that before. Just go ahead and do it right

45:11

now. Just lift your hands to your Father. And

45:15

I want you to just begin to magnify

45:17

the Lord and all of the good things

45:20

that He's placed in your life. Some of you are lonely

45:22

today, and I understand, and God understands.

45:25

And it's okay to be lonely. It's

45:27

okay.

45:28

It's a part of the human experience. Jesus went

45:30

through a loneliness so severe

45:32

that he prayed that the cup would.

45:33

Be passed from him.

45:34

The ones who should have been there for him abandoned him

45:36

in his hour of need.

45:37

He knew what it was like to be lonely. He knows

45:39

what it's like to be lonely, and.

45:41

He wants to stand up on the inside of you right

45:43

now and remind you that He is your completion,

45:45

your satisfaction, and your fulfillment.

45:48

Father, I thank you today for every person that you

45:50

brought to church. I thank you for the work you're doing in

45:52

our lives. I thank you that we are

45:54

full and complete in Jesus Christ. That

45:57

we have all that we need in Him, That

45:59

all that we need is in Him. That

46:01

all that we need to be good husbands, to be good

46:04

wives, all that we need to fulfill

46:06

your purpose in a season of singleness,

46:08

all that we need to be good parents. All

46:10

that we need to forgive people that we need to forgive,

46:12

all that we need is in you. And so our focus

46:15

now is not on what we're not, but

46:17

who you are.

46:18

We thank you God. Let's look at and clap.

46:20

Our hands for the awesome God

46:22

that you are, for the amazing

46:24

God that you are, for the strong

46:26

God that you are, or the

46:29

capable God that you are.

46:30

Come on and praise him.

46:32

When you praise him, when you magnify

46:34

him, he releases bless

46:36

us and you.

46:38

Thank you. Thank

46:42

you for joining us. Special thanks to those

46:44

of you who give generously to this ministry.

46:47

Is because of you that this ministry is possible.

46:50

You can click the link in the description to give

46:52

now or visit Elevation Church

46:54

dot org slash podcast for more information

46:57

and if you enjoyed the podcast, you can subscribe.

47:00

You can share it with your friends.

47:02

You can click the share button, take a screenshot

47:04

and share it on your social stories and tag us

47:06

at Elevation Church.

47:07

Thanks again for listening.

47:08

God, bless you