0:04

He. I'll

0:08

go pee every day.

0:13

I like how

0:15

he. Saw

0:18

I is the

0:20

first-to some cocaine.

0:24

And less d and my

0:26

I. Get

0:31

need drunken brawl.

0:36

Check my post said

0:38

Imo can be. Oh

0:40

yeah I guess our

0:42

shoes the more go.

0:44

Okay. This.

1:58

episode of dope is brought to

2:01

you by Oro Recovery. They're

2:03

located in sunny southern California

2:05

created by Bob Forrest and

2:07

his friends Evan, Jared, and

2:09

Bob. And if you've never been to Oro

2:12

to get help, that's the place

2:14

to go. Their team has decades

2:16

of experience in treating co-occurring

2:18

mental health disorders, including severe

2:20

mental illness. They believe in

2:23

treating patients, addicts, and

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alcoholics by use of compassion

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and connection rather than control.

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Their amenities are the best fucking

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equine therapy, sound bath

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meditation, surfing, John Bucady

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said it's like paradise

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out there, and of

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course the potentially spiritually transformative sweat

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lodge. So if you're fucked and

2:47

you're willing to go to sunny

2:49

southern California to get well, you

2:51

must check them out at ororecovery.com.

2:53

This episode of Dopey is also brought to

2:56

you by our very good friends at Soberlink.

2:58

Soberlink is the only high-tech

3:00

breathalyzer system that keeps you honest,

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rebuild trust and prevent relapse.

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Let 2024 be the year

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you finally make the change.

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Visit www.soberlink.com/Dopey and you get

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50 bucks off your

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device. Also, if

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you're looking for a recovery podcast

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to listen to, check out Recovery

3:45

in the Middle Ages. They discuss

3:47

current topics of interest to the

3:49

recovery community. They are two suburban

3:51

dads in their pursuit of

3:53

recovery, love, and life.

3:57

Find Recovery in the Middle Ages wherever you

3:59

get your podcast. or

4:01

at middleagesrecovery.com. Hello

4:19

and welcome to Dopey the podcast

4:21

on drugs addiction and dumb shit.

4:24

My name is Dave and

4:26

I'm at my dad's house and I

4:29

just got a text telling me that

4:31

Dickie Betts died. And

4:33

if you don't know who Dickie Betts

4:35

is, he was one of the guitar

4:37

players in the Allman Brothers band. I

4:40

love Dickie Betts. I got to interview him once

4:42

in 1999. He

4:45

was drunk. I was on heroin. I

4:48

met his wife who he had just like gotten into

4:50

some brawl with. He's

4:52

a great, great, great, great,

4:54

great musician. And

4:56

sometimes I'll be driving around with Linda

4:59

and we'll talk about what our favorite

5:01

song of all time is. And

5:03

I've always said that this song was

5:06

my favorite song of all time. Linda

5:08

always mocked me for it, but

5:11

I stand by it and I love Dickie Betts

5:13

and I'm going to play some

5:15

of my favorite song that he wrote

5:17

and sang and it's called Blue

5:19

Sky. life

6:04

frame. Anyway,

6:20

rest in peace. Oh,

6:30

let's listen to him rock out for a sec. All

6:42

right, I don't want to go crazy with this, but

6:44

Dickey Betts was my favorite. I mean like

6:46

one of them, you know, one of my

6:48

ultimate favorites. And

6:51

the famous thing about Dickey Betts was

6:54

that Dwayne Allman had died just before

6:56

they put out, and I might get

6:58

the story wrong, the E to Peach

7:00

record. And Dickey played

7:02

both parts, both the guitar parts. He

7:04

played his part and then he would

7:06

play the part that he imagined that

7:09

Dwayne would have played, which

7:11

is just, I just thought such a beautiful,

7:13

kind, loving gesture that Dickey made

7:16

to Dwayne. And

7:18

Dickey was a notorious, supposed

7:21

alcoholic, a prodigious drug

7:23

taker, a lover of mushrooms, and

7:25

probably other substances. I

7:27

had the opportunity to interview this guy,

7:29

Kirk West, last year, and

7:32

he was the Allman Brothers road manager. He

7:34

was also a photographer

7:36

who shot a ton of 60s rock

7:38

and roll, and he actually was Dickey's

7:41

sponsor. And the Kirk West

7:43

interview is up on Patreon, so check

7:45

that out. Join Patreon. You

7:47

know, check out Kirk West and all the

7:49

other dopey shit on Patreon. Let's

7:51

give a big shout out

7:53

to Pizz, who did this

7:55

cockamamie song at the

7:58

front, Everyday Dopey. I

8:00

love Pizz. Congratulations. And

8:02

I also want to give a big shout out

8:04

to Dina Lafonte, you know,

8:07

therapist and transformation

8:10

Taylor at mountainside. She got

8:12

four years this week. So congratulations

8:14

to Dina. And I need

8:16

to say this. I could not be

8:18

more excited about a show than I

8:20

am about this week's show. It

8:23

is a throwback episode. It is a

8:25

woman who you guys heard a few

8:28

weeks ago. Her name is Kimber King.

8:30

She is the woman who was famous

8:32

for shooting fentanyl or for calling

8:34

the never use alone hotline, shooting

8:36

fentanyl in her neck, dying,

8:39

and then being brought back to life. And

8:41

Kimber King is the

8:43

real thing. She fucking brings the dopey

8:46

like the serious old school big time dopey.

8:48

So get ready for a real treat. This

8:51

is one of those ridiculous

8:53

dopey episodes, but Kimber is

8:56

also just brilliant and funny.

8:58

And she works for the

9:00

Massachusetts overdose hotline. Let

9:02

me get the number for that. It's

9:04

the Massachusetts overdose prevention hotline. The number

9:07

is 1-800-972-0590. If

9:11

you're going to get high and you are

9:13

afraid of dying, which you should be, if you're

9:16

afraid, if you're shooting up and you're afraid of

9:18

overdosing and dying, which again, you should be call

9:20

1-800-972-0590 and let them know that and

9:24

stay on the line with you to make sure that you

9:27

don't die. All right. That's the

9:29

Massachusetts overdose prevention helpline.

9:32

And I got a few notes I want to read.

9:34

I got some really good dopey stories, but first a

9:36

few little notes. Hi, Dave. I was

9:38

cracking up at the story about drinking calm, about

9:41

drinking calm every night to fall asleep. I think

9:43

some of you are tired of this joke.

9:45

I plan on, on, listen, I

9:48

don't think Ray heard the story. So I'm going

9:50

to have Ray on the show and tell him

9:52

the story. I think I'm going to tell a

9:54

couple of people the story. If you guys have

9:56

a problem with that, send in an email to

9:58

dopeypodcastatgmail.com or if you're excited. about

10:00

it send in a note to dopeypodcast.com.

10:02

Anyway, hi Dave. I was

10:04

cracking up at the story about drinking

10:06

calm every night to fall asleep. My

10:09

husband and I too drink calm to

10:11

relax at night. In fact, we call

10:13

it relaxo juice, which was inspired by

10:15

you guys calling Xanax relaxos. I thought

10:17

you would appreciate that. Stay strong dopey

10:19

nation. Fucking toodles for Chris. Maya.

10:21

I do appreciate that. Thank you, Maya.

10:24

And then I got this note from

10:26

our Australian friend.

10:29

Ben. He says, I'll tell

10:32

you something weird, Dave. I can't do an Australian.

10:35

Excellent. I'll tell you something

10:37

weird, Dave. I can't do it. The longer

10:39

I stay sober and the

10:42

further away I get from destroying my

10:44

mind and body in every way I

10:46

can, the closer I get to getting

10:48

jacked. Last Fortnite, I dug

10:51

out my dumbbells and I've been

10:53

lifting them every morning. I

10:55

was totally against exercise my whole life.

10:58

Exercise had nothing to do with my

11:00

recovery. I have a daily reprieve contingent

11:02

on my spiritual growth, which I maintain

11:04

is true. But all of a sudden

11:06

my body is a fucking temple. I

11:08

did not plan this. Yeah,

11:10

mine is not my, my, I wish I

11:12

was on your program then I

11:15

won't post any photos until I'm

11:17

more swole than Jesse shout outs

11:19

to that crazy dude. Thank

11:21

you, Ben. Speaking of like in

11:23

shape and shit, I've been running again.

11:25

I don't think I'm like born

11:28

to run. I don't think I'm born to

11:30

be in shape. I just don't. I

11:32

don't know. Like I love sugar so much and

11:35

running hurts my shins. I've been doing,

11:37

I started back up on this couch

11:39

to 5k because I'm going on rich

11:42

rolls podcast on Monday. I'm going to

11:44

California to go on rich rolls podcast.

11:46

So I wish my body was more

11:48

of a temple. So I was ready

11:51

for the rich roll show. I'm going

11:53

to do my joke. I've been doing couch

11:55

to 5k, but I'm stuck on couch. I,

11:58

we were the. So,

12:03

Jesus Christ. I think

12:05

I will be the least in shape person

12:07

in the history of the Rich Roll Show,

12:09

but check that out. It's going to be

12:11

epic, another epic journey to California, which

12:13

I am excited about. I'm going

12:15

to be collecting interviews, interviewing junkies

12:18

and non-junkies alike, which

12:20

I'm very, very excited about. But

12:22

I need to say first that

12:24

this episode of Dopey is brought

12:26

to you by the good folks

12:28

at Mountainside. You can't

12:30

talk about Dopey without talking about Mountainside

12:33

because Mountainside was where Dopey was

12:35

born in Canaan, Connecticut in

12:38

the smoking section. Me and Chris

12:40

locked eyes and the rest is

12:42

Dopey history. And if you're

12:44

looking for a great treatment center to

12:46

go to, Mountainside is actually incredible.

12:49

They have a full continuum

12:52

of care, which includes every

12:54

step from detox to long-term

12:57

outpatient programs, recovery coaching. You guys

12:59

know Deena and Twon

13:02

runs their holistic spiritual

13:04

mind-body soul program. They

13:06

do yoga, acupuncture, sound baths,

13:09

and they foster an environment where something

13:11

as loving and creative as

13:13

Dopey came out of. So

13:16

please check out mountainside.com/Dopey. They

13:18

made a little website for

13:20

us and they also have

13:22

a phone number 888-833-4922. If

13:28

you're anywhere near Connecticut, give them a call

13:30

and please mention that you heard about it

13:33

here. Holy shit. Have you guys heard of

13:35

this show, Baby Reindeer?

13:38

It's like, I feel like it's too early

13:40

to really talk about it on the show

13:42

because it would be too spoilery, but holy

13:45

shit, it's a fucking Dopey show. It's a

13:47

Dopey traumatic show. And

13:50

I don't watch many shows with Linda. Linda

13:54

only watches shows about cults

13:56

or murders or death or

13:59

trauma. And this show is like right

14:02

up there and she, it just relaxes her, but it

14:05

freaks me out. I couldn't fall asleep. Tons

14:07

of drugs, tons of drugs, but

14:09

they come at a heavy price

14:12

as we know, but check out baby reindeer.

14:14

Send in an email with

14:16

your opinion about baby reindeer

14:19

to dopeypodcastatdreamo.com. I

14:21

got a voicemail. I would like to play it. Hi,

14:24

Dave. Celia here. I

14:27

was on the 6 a.m. meeting this

14:29

morning and it's awesome, the Patreon meeting.

14:31

I always wonder why I

14:33

bother getting up so early

14:35

for that meeting. I'm on the east, west coast.

14:38

And then I get to the meeting

14:40

and it's so beautiful the way you

14:42

and the entire community rally

14:44

around anyone who's struggling and

14:47

it's just such great meeting. I could gush

14:49

about it forever. Anyway,

14:51

I wanted to send

14:55

in, I guess it's Adobe story, but also

14:57

a comment. I am a bit behind on

14:59

episodes because I was listening to the Matthew

15:02

Perry biography on

15:05

Audible and that took up a couple of

15:07

weeks. I got behind. So now listening to

15:09

the episode of You With a Woman from

15:11

the Recovery Center and you guys are talking

15:13

about candy flips. And

15:16

I think that I have a strong

15:18

opinion on what a candy flip is

15:20

because of experience. A candy

15:22

flip is definitely, you take the

15:25

acid first and you let that set in and

15:27

then you take the ecstasy or

15:29

MDMA because that kind of gently

15:31

comes in and like kind of

15:34

boosts the acid. If you take

15:36

the MDMA first and then

15:38

take the acid, it's called a back

15:40

flip because it can seriously knock you

15:42

on your back if the acid is

15:45

a little off or if you're not like

15:47

super strong on acid. And

15:50

this I'm pulling from experience way

15:53

back, way back like, I don't

15:55

know, 27 years ago. I

15:58

was with some friends. and

16:00

we're going to see a show

16:02

at a tiny club in San Francisco,

16:04

and we're going to a pre-party first.

16:07

So we all took some MDMA, and

16:10

then we went to this pre-party, and the

16:12

host at the pre-party opened the

16:14

door with a silver tray full of sugar cubes

16:16

that were dosed. So of course we took them,

16:19

but I had never really

16:21

mixed before, and by

16:23

the time we left to go to the show, I was

16:26

like barely feeling my feet under me,

16:29

and I had to stop at the ATM to get

16:33

money for drinks and

16:35

stuff at the bar, and

16:37

I went to the ATM and

16:39

I put my card in, and literally the

16:41

entire machine just melted. I stood there

16:44

for like 10 minutes. I came back, and I just

16:46

like looked at my friend, and

16:48

I was like, I don't even know. I can

16:50

barely talk. I have no money. You have to

16:52

buy me drinks. So we get to the bar,

16:54

and I walk in. I managed to get through

16:57

the line and walk into the bar, and things

16:59

are just going sideways. I

17:01

can barely see. It's like fractal

17:03

everywhere, and I run into this

17:05

new friend who is so psyched

17:07

to see me, and she's like,

17:09

you know, like trying to talk to me, and

17:11

I was just like, I gotta go, and so

17:14

I left the bar, and I walked like half a

17:16

mile to my house, or apartment. I

17:18

have no idea how I got there, and I

17:21

got inside, and I was so

17:23

grateful to be inside, but

17:28

I was still melting down, and I remembered

17:30

that Saturday Night Live episode where they had

17:32

the guy imitate Jimmy Carter, and the person's

17:34

tripping, and Jimmy gets on the phone, and

17:36

he's like, you just took some orange sunshine.

17:39

What you need to do is listen to

17:41

the Allman Brothers, so that's exactly what I

17:43

did. I think I tried

17:45

the Allman Brothers, but then I switched to Pink

17:47

Floyd. I put some low lights on, and I

17:49

just like chilled out in my room, and eventually

17:51

had a really beautiful trip, and then of course

17:54

an hour later I wanted to be back at the bar, but

17:56

was afraid to go. Anyway,

17:58

so that's my story. backflipping

18:01

versus candy flipping

18:03

and yeah

18:05

that's it. I love what you're

18:08

doing. Dopey Podcast

18:10

helped me through a really dark period about

18:12

two and a half years ago when I

18:14

was about to go back out and you

18:16

saved my ass and all the people in

18:18

Dopey Nation and their stories saved my ass

18:21

so thank you. Please keep doing what you're

18:23

doing. Stay strong

18:25

Dopey Nation and fucking to the list

18:27

for Chris. That is

18:30

of course from hippie jam band

18:32

Celia who really

18:34

educated, educated I

18:36

sound like I'm from Trinidad.

18:38

Educated and so frustrated. Educated

18:40

me about candy flipping. You

18:42

know there's so many drugs I didn't get

18:44

to do combinations I didn't get to experience.

18:47

I never got to candy flip and

18:49

that's you know that's gonna be a regret I think

18:52

maybe kind of but now

18:54

I know that you have to take

18:56

the acid first and that and the

18:58

MDMA soothes the acid. That

19:00

makes sense to me and Celia

19:02

is a very very valuable contributor

19:05

to our Wednesday morning meeting. Again

19:07

you do it through Patreon join patreon

19:09

at patreon.com/Dopey Podcast go to our Wednesday

19:11

meeting. Thank You Celia you get socks.

19:14

I think I sent you some socks

19:16

but there's like three different kinds of

19:18

Dopey socks and if anybody wants to

19:20

buy Dopey socks just write

19:22

me wherever Dopey [email protected] and

19:24

you can buy Dopey socks

19:26

too. Isn't that amazing? So

19:29

I want more Dopey listeners tell

19:31

your friends about Dopey share it.

19:34

We are at the center of a new

19:36

movement of addicts band

19:38

together in what we call the

19:40

Dopey Nation. So tell your friends

19:43

make sure they know and listen

19:45

to the Tuesday show also please

19:47

for Christ's sake and more

19:50

importantly it's important to say

19:52

that this episode of Dopey is brought

19:54

to you by the good

19:56

people at better help. social

20:00

battery right now? Is it drained?

20:03

Is it bursting with energy? Chris used

20:05

to say I walked around with my with

20:07

my battery at 5%. I am kind of in

20:09

a middle ground, a

20:12

little bit worried about the trip to California,

20:14

but invigorated because this episode is gonna

20:16

be so dopey. It

20:19

can be easy to ignore our social battery

20:21

and spread ourselves too

20:23

thin, especially with social

20:25

gatherings picking up after winter. What's

20:27

the right amount of socializing for

20:29

you and how do you

20:32

recharge? Maybe you thrive around people or

20:34

maybe you need some time alone. Therapy

20:37

can give you the self-awareness to

20:39

build a social life that doesn't

20:41

drain your battery. I

20:43

am in therapy. It helps me feel better.

20:45

My social battery is running

20:47

thin. I do not do many

20:49

social things, but I

20:52

do do therapy. If you're thinking

20:54

of starting therapy, you should give

20:56

better help a try. It's entirely

20:58

online, designed to be convenient, flexible,

21:00

and suited to your schedule. Just

21:02

fill out a brief questionnaire to

21:04

get matched with a licensed therapist

21:06

and you can switch therapists anytime

21:08

for no additional charge. Find your

21:10

social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit

21:12

betterhelp.com slash dopey podcast

21:15

today and get

21:17

10% off your

21:19

first month. That's

21:21

betterhelp.com slash dopey

21:23

podcast. Alright, I want to

21:25

play another another voicemail, but before I play

21:27

the voicemail, I want to say the Knicks

21:30

are in the fucking playoffs. Knicks

21:34

are the second seed in the Eastern

21:36

Conference and tomorrow night they go up

21:38

against, or Saturday night they go up

21:40

against the Philadelphia 76ers and

21:42

I'm worried. I'm worried, but I'm excited. Are

21:44

you guys excited or worried? If

21:46

you care, send in an email

21:49

or voicemail to [email protected] and now

21:51

I'm going to play another

21:53

voicemail. Hey Dave, hey Dopey

21:56

Nation. Just listen to

21:58

the most recent episode with Hank. is

22:00

area always a delight having

22:02

Hank on the show I heard

22:04

you're looking for boys males

22:07

so I thought I'd share a story

22:09

involving liquid LSD and the time that

22:11

I shit my pants as an adult

22:13

so the year was 2018

22:15

the place was the blue ox music festival

22:20

in Eau Claire Wisconsin which

22:23

I attended with my now wife

22:25

then girlfriend at the time I

22:28

had an recently

22:31

emptied vial that

22:33

had been filled with liquid LSD

22:37

which I had consumed in the

22:39

months prior I

22:41

decided one of these days to fill

22:44

said vial with water give it

22:46

a few solid shakes and

22:49

take a big old eyedropper full

22:51

of whatever you

22:53

know crystals had collected

22:55

on the sides of the glass which

22:57

ended up being quite a lot it was a

22:59

quite a huge dose nothing

23:02

I couldn't handle you know being the experienced

23:04

psychonaut that I was at the time the

23:08

real interesting part happened more toward

23:10

the come down now I

23:13

let me let me preface this

23:15

by saying that my my then-girlfriend

23:17

had brought a pound of bacon

23:21

she made us one breakfast and the

23:23

rest of the bacon needed to be

23:25

cooked she could not pawn

23:27

it off on our

23:29

neighbors so most

23:31

of that ended up being consumed by me something

23:35

that's also important to note

23:37

I think a very common

23:39

thing with LSD is that

23:41

it increases your alcohol tolerance

23:43

but my stomach was pretty

23:45

full of bacon grease and

23:47

a considerable amount

23:49

of red wine you

23:52

know the night progresses we're having fun

23:55

I'm starting to come down off of

23:57

the acid and we're you know wandering

23:59

around meeting people,

24:01

talking to new people. The last

24:04

thing I remember from that night

24:06

is standing with a group of

24:08

new people being, you know, pretty

24:11

drunk and thinking to myself,

24:13

man, I really got to take shit. Next

24:18

thing I know I am coming

24:20

out of a blackout,

24:23

knocking on somebody's tent trailer

24:26

that I thought belonged to us that

24:30

ended up not because some very

24:32

tired looking woman came to the door and

24:36

I said, this isn't my

24:38

trailer, is it? And she just

24:40

shook her head solemnly. I apologized

24:44

and, you know, started

24:47

to get my bearings, started to recognize where

24:49

I was and then

24:51

I realized that I felt extra

24:54

wet in my nether area.

24:59

I looked down and to my horror,

25:02

there is liquid shit running

25:04

down my legs from

25:07

out of my shorts and,

25:11

you know, I was a

25:15

pretty horror struck. Who

25:17

knows how long I had been wandering around

25:19

like this and how many random people's trailers

25:22

I had tried to get into. I

25:26

quickly rushed back to our trailer, cleaned

25:28

myself as much as

25:31

I could with baby wipes and

25:34

ditched my shorts in a porta potty.

25:37

So to any

25:39

sanitation workers that might have been

25:41

at that event, I apologize for

25:43

that. That

25:46

is what happened. Anyway, now

25:49

my girlfriend is my wife. David,

25:52

tell Alan that I said that I'm totally

25:54

on Team David for this whole

25:57

next Tuesday, this Tuesday.

26:00

debates. Shout out

26:02

to Fentanyl J and of course, fucking toodles for

26:04

Chris. That was Brandon.

26:06

I love liquid LSD stories and

26:08

I mean I guess I love

26:10

shitting in pants stories too. So

26:12

thank you Brandon. You get socks.

26:15

If you guys have a great

26:17

story, please send it in to

26:19

[email protected] and shout out to Fentanyl

26:21

J. Linda

26:24

and I went out over the weekend. We had

26:26

like date night. We went to see Colin Hay

26:29

who was a Dopey guest and we went to

26:31

eat at Fentanyl J's

26:33

restaurant and Fentanyl J

26:35

when we saw him

26:37

had three days clean

26:39

and sober. So we're

26:41

actually maybe he's had three days sober.

26:43

I think he had just taken acid

26:46

and gone snowboarding. But still shout out

26:48

to Fentanyl J. We love J.

26:50

Look for J sooner than

26:53

you think as long as he's still

26:55

alive and free back on the show.

26:58

Now, Kimber King brought

27:00

the Dopey. She comes in a

27:02

long line of Dopey guests and

27:04

participants starting with Chris, people

27:07

like Fentanyl J, people

27:09

like I don't know the greats, Jason

27:11

Ricci, the great Dopes. And

27:13

her name is Kimber and she

27:15

came to my dad's house

27:17

with her fiance or her

27:20

life partner Mikey and

27:22

she laid down the Dopey. So get ready

27:24

because this is like one of my favorite

27:26

ones ever. But before we play Kimber, I

27:28

just need to say that this episode

27:30

of Dopey is brought to you by the

27:33

very, very great people at

27:35

Discover Recovery, quite possibly the

27:37

greatest treatment center in the

27:40

Pacific Northwest. Founded by

27:42

our good friend Chris Paulson, who

27:44

is an incredibly Dopey

27:46

episode. He is a therapist.

27:48

Their staff is amazing. They

27:51

strive to provide the best

27:53

treatment possible in a region

27:55

that has been historically underserved.

27:57

Their medical staff, physician

28:00

and psychologists and

28:03

substance use disorder counselors and

28:05

psychiatric services are all available

28:07

seven days a week. Their

28:09

accommodations are super plush. As

28:12

Chris Paulson himself says, I'm

28:14

not great at selling, we operate with

28:17

integrity. You know one

28:19

of the co-founders we are trying

28:21

to do right by those we

28:23

serve and we have a proven

28:25

track record. For more information check

28:27

out discoverrecovery at discoverrecovery.com

28:30

and they are in Washington State and they

28:32

have two detoxes and residential

28:34

treatment centers in Washington State and if

28:36

you check them out please tell them

28:39

that Dopey sent you and they love

28:41

to help people like us.

28:43

And now without further ado here

28:45

is Kimber. Returning

28:52

Dopey guest, Kimber King welcome back to

28:54

the show. Hi. And welcome to my

28:57

dad's apartment. I love it. You do?

28:59

He's a sweetheart. My father. Your father.

29:01

And Joe Rogan. And Joe Rogan. Yes.

29:04

Now just so you know you're

29:06

the first guest maybe ever

29:08

in a long time to have their

29:10

own headphones. Oh really? Do you feel

29:12

honored? I do. It's definitely an

29:14

experience. Thank you. Is it because

29:16

you're a podcast. Let's see. I was

29:18

sure that Kimber was gonna say that

29:20

Dopey was her favorite podcast but it

29:22

isn't. She's a Joe Rogan fan. It's

29:25

actually not my favorite. What's your favorite?

29:27

So the first podcast I ever started

29:29

listening to was My Favorite Murder

29:31

that I don't listen anymore. Why? I kind

29:34

of grew out of it. Okay. And I realized

29:37

that listening to Murder 24-7 was like really doing

29:39

a number on my mental health. Now

29:42

right now my favorite podcast is Dopey

29:44

and Two Dykes and a Mic. Two

29:47

Dykes and a Mic. Yeah they're hilarious.

29:50

I need to find out about

29:52

that show because Dopey has a

29:54

very very powerful LGBTQ fan base.

29:57

Yeah. Lesbians love Dopey. I Think.

30:00

Right now and lesbians more than game man?

30:02

Really? I think so. I think so. It's

30:04

game and loved it when Chris was was

30:06

exclusive alvin a lot of it as much

30:08

less the less be I'm an adobe time

30:11

There's a lesbian couple who said the first

30:13

time they made out was listening to Dopey.

30:16

That's can last day, I know. They

30:19

said that my voice was an aphrodisiac for

30:21

them somehow, which I saw was the great

30:23

compliments and it's rare to get a compliment

30:25

like that never should come to dopey time

30:27

this year whereas that it's on this block.

30:30

And. It's and. Where. I think we're

30:32

changing the date. It's. Supposed to be October twelfth

30:34

but it turns out that see on T poor.

30:37

And. Like I think half of the guess

30:39

we get our Jewish on the only com

30:41

because I'm Jewish and I think we can

30:43

do it on that because of it. Yeah,

30:45

that's probably not a grenade. I'm reading holiday

30:47

it's gonna be at the end of September,

30:49

I bet you Steven. Wants. To

30:51

do something for the hardline and

30:54

you could probably rope it into

30:56

a work trip. A one hundred

30:58

percent sound. The and Co my

31:00

come to and that's fine. we'll

31:02

do worked together. F F F

31:04

Anyway, Kimber King was the woman

31:06

who infamously shot Sentinel and to

31:09

her neck call the Hotline and

31:11

became a renowned junkie. So.

31:14

How does before we get into like

31:16

the nitty gritty of your story. What

31:18

is it like to be? Ah,

31:21

Same as for having or you

31:23

know famous Canada with alarmed or

31:26

or states has to be you

31:28

know who's known notable for shooting

31:30

sentinel into your neck. It's.

31:34

Honestly, I feel really proud of it. I'd

31:37

I'd area I hear you. Say. Cause

31:39

there's so many people that have

31:41

done this. and. Wheatley.

31:43

Gonna represent. Gotta represent,

31:45

that's what I'm saying that and that's

31:47

why I'm so excited to have you

31:50

on the gas! And like I just

31:52

showed Kimber the The did the Sizzle

31:54

reel for time and it shows like

31:57

Chris dying and. It's. just

31:59

that exact why you guys

32:01

do what you do exactly for

32:03

that situation. Like that situation where

32:05

somebody's getting high by themselves and

32:07

dying and their girlfriend is finding

32:09

them is what you deal with

32:11

every day. Yes. Yes. I just

32:13

had this argument in my hotel room this morning

32:15

actually. My partner and I, we disagree

32:18

on a lot of the things. We're

32:20

both in recovery and we

32:23

both go to AA meetings but

32:26

sometimes we just don't have the same opinion on

32:28

like, because I wanted to go visit the safety

32:31

consumption site, the safe injection site while I was here

32:33

in New York City and it's different for

32:35

him because he's not dealing, doing the job I

32:37

do every day. So I think it scares him

32:39

a little bit and he's like, we're, it's enabling

32:41

and it is enabling in a way, but at

32:43

the same time I wouldn't be here

32:45

if it wasn't for that service. It's kind of

32:47

like the same thing. If you, you

32:50

can't keep it if you don't give it away, you know. It's

32:53

a slippery slope because Steven, when he came

32:55

on the show, he was supposed to

32:57

go there. And I was planning

32:59

on going with him to

33:02

the safe injection site. Yeah. But

33:04

like, I don't know what your, what

33:06

Mikey, her part, what was your, what was Mikey's

33:08

take on it? He, well he

33:11

looked it up online. As soon as I said

33:13

it, he's like, absolutely not. I'm not going there.

33:15

Cause he, I think, I mean

33:17

we're early in recovery still. So seeing

33:19

someone shoot up is like terrifying right now.

33:21

How much time does he have? How much time do you have?

33:23

He just celebrated two years in March. Yeah. We just do a

33:25

bit of a big Mikey shout out. Yeah.

33:27

And I celebrate. Yeah.

33:32

And I celebrate two years in July. So

33:34

we're pretty early. Yay.

33:39

Right. Exactly. But so like, if

33:42

you were to go, I mean, okay, I'm going

33:44

to Los Angeles next week. And

33:47

whenever I go to Los Angeles, I try

33:49

to like retread the ground that I walked

33:51

when I was there all fucked up and

33:54

it's never good. Yeah. You know, it's always

33:56

just terrifying. Like I'm not like dying to

33:59

use or anything. Don't know why I

34:01

go. Know I like the first

34:03

time I once Los Angeles after it was

34:05

after I had been sober for a while

34:07

I still I'm a don't sleep while I

34:09

get up early in the morning and I'm

34:11

like oh drive to the old Methadone clinic

34:14

just like jog my memory do a means

34:16

to try to remember what my life was

34:18

like and I got there and I was

34:20

just like traumatized my drove by mail house.

34:23

Terrified. I don't know. If.

34:26

I went to the safe injection site. I

34:28

would only do it to try to get

34:30

recordings for the show and I feel like

34:32

that would be a good reason to go.

34:34

And if you went, you'd been learning for

34:36

the job. Yeah exactly. We run as

34:39

safe consumption site and virtual A so I

34:41

really just wanted to go and kind of

34:43

talk to the people that work there and.

34:46

He known to see what their their take on

34:48

everything as and their what they. What? They

34:50

do on a daily basis you know and

34:52

that was kind of why. wanted to go

34:55

but it is really scary like I. Went

34:57

to Boston a couple weeks ago for a work

34:59

trip and. Can. On our

35:01

offices en masse and cast. and it's.

35:04

It's. All open air drug use that

35:06

right now in Boston? Yeah, there's no

35:08

mile see it doesn't exist in Manhattan.

35:11

Yeah, so this is where all the

35:13

people are have their encampments but they they

35:15

cleared everybody out so now everybody's just

35:17

standing there on the street. And.

35:19

I saw people shooting up and smoking crack right

35:21

outside our office and it was. I thought I

35:23

was like Stephen You have to walk. Me to my

35:25

car like I'm. You. Know I want to

35:27

make sure I get home flake am I going

35:30

to turn around as guggenheim the city so. There.

35:32

Is definitely that fear ends? Yeah so

35:34

what what there any? It's tough when

35:37

you're when you. Are drug addicts? Was

35:39

there any temptation when you're in that

35:41

situation? there? Was definitely there. was just

35:43

the temptation of knowing it was. people are

35:45

using it out. And. Public so it's

35:48

pretty easy to go get. Yeah.

35:50

I have a guy who hims I think

35:52

I'm starting to sponsor but. That. Will

35:54

be seen and he was working a job. and

35:57

he said there was a dude on the job who's

35:59

getting high and he just celebrated a year. And

36:02

I know that feeling, that

36:05

if you can get your hands on

36:07

opiates, you'll feel good that

36:10

day. And it's like, I don't know. I

36:13

don't even know

36:15

why anybody bothers saying what I'm about to say.

36:18

I don't think about using anymore. I

36:21

don't consider it. I don't consider

36:23

it because, I don't

36:26

know. I think I've conditioned myself not to

36:28

consider it. But I know what it's like

36:30

to consider it. And you take one and

36:32

like, it's just, there

36:34

is no one. One is the big

36:36

mess, I think. See, I still think about

36:38

it, but it doesn't go any farther than that. Cause

36:41

when I think about, oh, that would sound good. Then

36:43

I think about what the next steps are. And I'm

36:45

like, I am way too fucking tired now

36:47

to do any of that. Like you

36:49

have to have so much free

36:51

time. And so, and I, okay,

36:54

if I go get high, who's gonna take care of the baby? That's

36:56

the first thing I think of. And then it

36:58

ends there. Well, imagine like what

37:00

your brain would be looking

37:02

at the baby afterwards. Like maybe you don't

37:04

jump on a full run. Maybe you get

37:06

high. Maybe you like get a Percocet or

37:08

like whatever, some bullshit thing. And then you

37:11

feel good and you look at the baby.

37:13

And then afterwards, it's like, how do you

37:15

maintain anything without being full on? Cause you

37:17

were full on, I was full on. There

37:19

is no, like with using for me, I

37:21

was never not full on. And

37:23

that's the insanity part right there because you

37:26

can convince yourself that one will be enough.

37:28

Right. And oh, I can

37:30

sneak off for a few hours. And by the

37:32

time I get back, I'll be okay. And every,

37:34

but then it just, it sounds

37:37

exhausting to me at this point. I

37:39

think. What is a seven month old at home?

37:41

Oh, are you kidding me? I've been not to mention like

37:43

what happened. I mean, like the exhausting part

37:45

is like the joke. Then the reality is

37:47

like, where does she go? Where

37:49

do you go? What the fuck happens? I

37:52

think the thing that taught me the most

37:54

about addiction and recovery strangely enough is cigarettes.

37:57

Like when I kicked cigarettes, I like learned.

38:00

I don't know. I

38:02

learned that because smoking for me, it's like

38:04

there isn't one cigarette. There's only infinity cigarettes

38:06

and when I got that's when it all

38:08

cemented. But I don't want to sit here

38:10

and talk about this shit. I want to

38:13

hear your horrible story of addiction and recovery.

38:15

When's the first time you die? On

38:18

anything? So the first time,

38:20

I mean I drank first. I

38:22

was like 12 years old and my mom

38:24

had, I was living in public housing at

38:26

the time, my mom was gone

38:29

that night and I had a whole bunch

38:31

of people over. We got like a handle.

38:33

Have you ever had pop off vodka? No.

38:35

It's in a plastic handle. It was raspberry

38:37

flavored. It's like a big gallon and

38:39

we all were drinking it and I

38:42

lived in public housing so there was like a bunch

38:44

of teenagers running around this building, preteens.

38:47

And so the neighbors called the police at like eight

38:49

at night and as the police were coming in, my

38:51

mom was coming in from a birthday party and

38:54

I had to go get my stomach pumped and our

38:56

parents all made us go to school the next day.

38:58

It was awful and

39:00

then but the first drug I tried that

39:03

wasn't alcohol was Adderall. I've

39:05

always been a stimulant person. Like I

39:08

think I when I started doing heroin it was just

39:10

like it was

39:12

for different reasons but I've always been like

39:15

in love with stimulants. Like that's my first love right

39:17

there. Did you fall in love with the alcohol when you did

39:21

it? I mean not really.

39:23

I drank. I drank all

39:25

the time when I started but

39:27

once I found hard drugs like alcohol

39:30

was like what not that doesn't sound like a

39:32

good time anymore. Who gave you the

39:35

Adderall? So one of we had a bunch

39:37

back then like everybody was on it. Our

39:39

parents all had us on Ritalin and Adderall

39:41

to function and one of my friends was

39:43

like oh my mom had this locked up

39:45

in her safe in the bedroom so

39:48

it must be good. So he brought it over and

39:51

we all just started taking it. Were you

39:53

prescribed when you were little? I wasn't

39:55

prescribed when I was little. Later in life I

39:57

got a prescription as an adult because I just...

39:59

I just knew how to say the right things. And I

40:01

had a, I was on prescribed Klonopin and

40:04

Ritalin together for a long time.

40:06

Nice. So when, when, how old

40:08

were you when, when it came out of that

40:10

woman safe or whatever? I was, I was like

40:12

14 in middle school. And

40:14

you were like, this is the thing. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

40:17

It was the summer before I was going into high school. Do

40:19

you remember any kind of like thinking, oh,

40:22

this is what I want to do?

40:25

Like, like how does, how does, how

40:27

do you shift from Kimber normal girl

40:29

to Kimber horrible junkie? Take us down

40:31

the road. I mean, I

40:33

was a big partier.

40:35

I mean, all my family was,

40:38

my parents were drug addicts, alcoholics.

40:41

So there was always alcohol and drugs in

40:43

our house. So it was always

40:46

around. And I

40:48

don't know how this shifted. I just

40:50

started partying more and going

40:52

to parties, people had stuff. My

40:55

best friend in like middle school, her sister lived in

40:58

New York city. And we, I, we thought she was

41:00

so cool cause we never knew it. We lived in

41:02

rural mass. And she was a

41:04

dominatrix actually in the city. And she used

41:06

to come home every couple months and she

41:08

had Coke and she was doing Coke. And

41:11

I was like, she's really cool. And

41:13

she does Coke. Like I cannot

41:15

wait to do cocaine. So

41:18

that same summer I started dating like a,

41:20

a guy, he was a senior in high

41:22

school. And- How old were you? I

41:25

met him at my eighth grade graduation. His sister was graduating

41:27

with me. And he- That's like

41:30

13th stepping in high school. Yeah.

41:32

And he, I was, I would stay

41:34

with my dad on the weekends. He ran

41:37

a hotel in Manchester, Vermont. And

41:39

I remember having him drive up and like snuck, I

41:41

snuck out my back door and he had Coke and I

41:43

tried it for the first time. And that

41:45

was when that all started. I was like, it was

41:47

off to the races. And then like,

41:49

were you like, I like drugs. Yeah,

41:51

I love drugs. I was smoking weed pretty

41:54

young. Weed wasn't one of the first things I

41:56

tried, but when I decided

41:58

to try it the first time ever, me

42:00

and my girlfriends were in my bedroom and

42:02

my mom caught us and she

42:04

acted like it was a big deal at first She

42:06

was like mad and then like 15 minutes later. She

42:08

came in with like Ice

42:10

cream brownie sundaes with like hot brownies

42:12

with chocolate sauce and whipped cream Yes,

42:15

and like kept bringing us snacks and

42:17

that was just it was So

42:21

wait, this is the first time you smoke weed Yeah,

42:23

who was it with with a girl

42:25

named Kate from school and my best

42:27

friend Danny and and who's mom

42:29

found out my mom And your mom found

42:32

out and she started bringing brownie sundaes after

42:34

she yelled at us. Yeah, you were destined

42:36

for this Yeah, you were destined to get

42:38

your life saved shooting fentanyl into your neck

42:41

And going on podcast and saving people's lives because

42:43

your mother gave you a brownie sundae when she

42:46

found out you got high Yeah, so it

42:48

was like, all right. This isn't really gonna

42:50

be a big deal. What's up with your mom now? So

42:52

my mom moved in with me Recently,

42:55

she um, she's sober now. She when I

42:57

was younger She was a crackhead for at

43:00

when her mom died. She went off the

43:02

edge. She was a home like home housewife

43:07

she never drank my mom never drank and

43:11

Then when her mom died, she just

43:13

like went off the edge met this guy

43:15

who is my stepfather they're not married anymore,

43:17

but they're still like together and Start

43:20

smoking crack with them for years and Until

43:23

my brother got killed and she when

43:26

DJ got killed she stopped and then

43:28

she has chronic back issues Her

43:31

first surgery was in like 1999. So she's she

43:33

was on purpose at my whole life And

43:35

then it switched over to the

43:38

heroin for her. She would sniff it

43:40

She never like shot it up, but now

43:42

she's been sober for like a year Wow Yeah,

43:46

so she gives you brownie Sundays is

43:48

she on was she on crack or percocet

43:50

at that time? She was still doing

43:53

crack back then and on percocet. She's been on

43:55

percocet since I was a kid in that era

43:57

Yeah in that era and did you know she was

43:59

smoking crack? did at that point it

44:01

became pretty obvious she my stepdad went

44:03

to jail for an extended period of

44:05

time I think he did three years

44:07

at that point and she would disappear

44:09

a lot because she was just

44:11

out doing her thing so the way

44:14

I found out was I had a bunch of friends over the

44:16

house and someone we were sitting in the living room and someone

44:19

like felt the carpet they were sitting on they like

44:21

lifted the carpet up and there was a crack pipe

44:23

under the carpet and I didn't know what that was

44:25

at all and I your friends found the crack

44:27

yeah and like he's like this is a crack pipe

44:30

I was like oh no you're like what

44:32

the fuck were you like my mom were

44:34

you embarrassed were you like I need to

44:36

try crack like what was you know I

44:38

was really embarrassed it was it was a pretty

44:40

hard realization but it all

44:42

kind of started making sense at the time and

44:45

what was your brother up to then he

44:47

was in jail he was in and out around

44:49

then but at that point he was in jail

44:51

he had gotten out for a few months around

44:53

that time at some point but he

44:55

was in more than he was out what was

44:57

he in for he had

45:00

a longtime girlfriend that he would

45:02

get domestics on and he would

45:04

end up in jail and then

45:06

she would get out there would

45:08

be a restraining order and she would beg him to come

45:10

back and he would and then she'd call the police on him again

45:12

and he when he went to

45:14

jail he was just very violent he was always

45:16

a violent person and so he would just end

45:18

up getting having a max out every time cuz

45:20

he'd get in trouble in there was he using

45:23

a ton too yeah yeah he was what was

45:26

his drugs I don't that's the thing I was

45:28

so young he right

45:30

the last time we saw each other he

45:32

had just gotten out like eight months previous

45:34

and I was older then I was 17

45:36

how much older than you was he

45:38

was seven years older than me so

45:41

he got out and he started selling

45:43

coke and I started doing coke

45:45

with him he was he wasn't

45:47

really like thrilled about it at first but after a

45:49

while I was already doing it on my own so

45:51

he would rather at the

45:53

I think he would rather me do it with

45:56

him and not be out in some sketchy

45:58

plays and would you think he was doing the

46:00

coke addictively? Yeah, definitely.

46:02

He did opiates and stuff, but I

46:05

didn't find out about that until later

46:07

because I don't think, it

46:09

wasn't like his main thing back then. He

46:11

was definitely dabbling in it. So like

46:13

15, 16, 17 year drug use is

46:16

just shifting into higher gear. Oh yeah,

46:18

so my mom dated a coke

46:20

dealer. She married him too, married

46:23

him. And so it was in our house

46:25

like Christmas time and stuff. We

46:27

just passed the coke plate around. Hold

46:30

on, how old are you at that point? At

46:32

16, my mom did coke with me

46:34

for the first time. And what is that

46:37

experience? We were at my step sister's

46:39

house, her husband's daughter, and my brother was there.

46:41

And I was doing it with my brother and

46:43

my step sister. And my mom had showed up

46:45

to get- Christmas music is playing, and

46:47

a light snow is falling. No, and at this

46:49

point, but she was

46:51

there to get shit from my brother. And I think

46:53

she just ended up hanging out. And I was like,

46:55

well, I'm gonna do this. And she was like, I

46:58

really don't wanna see it. Wait, who showed up

47:00

to get coke? My mom. Your mom shows up

47:02

to get- You're at your dad's? No, it was

47:04

at my step sister's house with my step sister and my

47:06

brother. And your mom shows up to buy coke from

47:08

your brother? Yeah. I mean, like honestly, it's

47:11

amazing that you do the work that you do. And

47:14

it's really important. And it's like, this is, I

47:16

mean, it's also like, I

47:18

mean, I make jokes how important it is that

47:20

you're on the show because you're so horrible. But

47:22

in reality, it's like the stuff

47:24

that you've been through is like so

47:26

many people out there have been through similar stuff and

47:29

nobody's talking about it. Exactly. And my mom,

47:32

as she hears this, she's gonna, she's probably never speak

47:34

to me again. I love you, mom, I

47:36

really do. But it's really reality. Don't let

47:38

her listen to it. Nobody listens to this

47:40

stupid show anyway. It's no Joe Rogan show,

47:42

don't worry. She'll totally miss it.

47:46

She won't- I don't think my mom even knows who

47:48

Joe Rogan is. Well, then she won't know, then she

47:50

won't listen to this. So that's

47:52

fucking crazy. So your mom

47:54

is like probably embarrassed, right?

47:56

Very. To buy coke from your brother

47:58

and you just to be like, fuck. I'm

48:00

going to do coke too. It's kind of,

48:03

speaking of moms and dads, I

48:05

know my dad had a very similar experience growing up

48:07

in Queens. Grandma Pearl was

48:09

always trying to buy coke off his

48:12

brother Stewie and my dad was very

48:14

embarrassed about doing coke and smoking crack

48:16

in front of Grandma Pearl. Did you

48:18

smoke crack? Dad, why don't you tell

48:20

her the time that Grandma Pearl was

48:22

freebasing on Shabbos. Nonsense.

48:25

Just total nonsense. Don't

48:27

listen to this guy. No,

48:31

crack was crack-a-jacks from a box

48:33

with the popcorn, caramel popcorn, that

48:35

was crack-a-jacks. I like that you

48:37

actually thought that this was possible.

48:40

My dad's never, I've got smoked weed once in

48:42

his life. He's

48:44

never done anything. He drinks beer when he

48:46

eats spaghetti. He's like, there's

48:49

no, but it's a funny visionary. When

48:54

Grandma Pearl was whipping up the freebase

48:56

and pome-a-noke. Hey, in my reality it

48:58

is possible. Of course it is, that's

49:00

the story you're telling. But this is

49:02

how my dad makes his slow exit.

49:06

He lives to ruin the show. We'll

49:09

see you tonight. Goodbye. Goodbye.

49:12

Sorry he's kicking you out of your own

49:14

apartment. He's got things to do. He's looking at

49:16

me, he's on his way, he's doing stuff. So

49:21

that was the first time you did coke with your

49:23

mom. What was the Christmas coke? Oh, I

49:25

mean that was just like normal every day. There

49:29

was this one time we had, their name was Ned

49:31

and Trish and they were these huge hippies. They

49:34

lived out of their van. They parked their van in

49:36

our yard and lived in this van all summer. And

49:40

we just did coke nonstop that whole

49:42

time they were there. It

49:46

was just every day. He was a drug dealer. He

49:49

was an old guy and he

49:51

had all his old friends. The hippie. No,

49:54

he wasn't a hippie. The friends that were living

49:57

in our lawn were like they

49:59

all. It was just

50:01

everyday kind of thing. When did it get

50:03

normal though using with your mom? Immediately

50:07

immediately. Yeah immediately and

50:10

then what what was your style like in

50:12

your late teens? Like were you

50:15

a hippie? Were you a fuck? What were you

50:17

like? I was a party girl. I

50:19

really was I partied all the time bonfires

50:22

I Mean, I guess

50:25

I was like I hung out with like the

50:27

dirtbags. Yeah, I guess I don't

50:29

know why I need to put you in a box I

50:31

just want I just like what like to have a visual

50:33

kind of thing Well, like drugs are the greatest

50:35

way to bring all types of people together

50:37

So I was hanging out with a bunch

50:39

of different crowds because you

50:42

had drugs drugs around. Yeah How did you

50:44

support your did you have a habit at

50:46

that point? Um, I did.

50:48

I mean, I just got it from my

50:50

parents The money were the

50:52

drugs the drug right? It was at my house

50:55

You know, so you're just stealing drugs or they're just giving

50:57

you drugs both So my stepdad was

51:00

a really bad drunk so he would

51:02

pass out at night and he would

51:04

keep all it was just the

51:06

Weirdest situation you can think of he would hide

51:08

it somewhere on the property We had like all

51:10

these like he fixed cars for a

51:12

living like older cars He had cancer

51:15

and he had beat it, but he was

51:17

like very like he he barely

51:19

survived so he puttered around the yard all

51:21

day, that's what he did and He

51:24

would hide it like in one of the old cars

51:26

like bags of coke around and you

51:28

don't like cocaine scavenger Yes, as soon

51:31

as he passed out We would we would

51:33

watch him see where try to see where

51:35

he would like hide it and then we

51:37

would have a cocaine Scavenger hunt exactly and

51:39

go find it. He'd wake up the next

51:41

day and go either Hey, he couldn't remember

51:43

every morning where he hit it So that

51:45

was always a plus or he'd wake up

51:47

and like holy shit. There's like

51:49

a bunch of us missing We're like, yeah, you gave

51:51

it away. You don't remember and he was always like

51:54

black out drunk every night So he just that

51:56

was it. See that's the advantage of

51:58

being a budding drug alcoholic

52:00

with a total alcoholic stepdad

52:03

who's selling coke and that's the disadvantage of

52:05

being a blackout drunk and a coke dealer.

52:07

If you're gonna be a coke dealer to

52:10

be a blackout drunk is not a good

52:12

strategy. No not at all. I mean and

52:14

it was like his daughter, my step sister, my

52:16

mom and I, every you know what I mean?

52:18

You guys were the ones who would steal it.

52:20

Yeah. Then you guys had a weird fucking cryptic

52:22

bond I bet. Oh so

52:24

bad so bad and it's

52:27

taken my mom and I like a lot to have

52:30

like a normal relationship now and I'm really

52:32

enjoying it but there's like a lot of

52:34

like trauma bonding that happened between us all.

52:36

Explain trauma bonding. Like just

52:39

we went through some really hellish shit

52:41

together and you it

52:44

brings you together. You're like oh yeah

52:46

like we have this bond because we

52:48

saw some shit together. Right. That's

52:50

funny it's like those bonds are

52:52

almost like the strongest bonds that

52:54

ever get formed and they're and

52:57

they're hard to get past the

52:59

trauma. Now how

53:01

does your addiction kind of progress

53:03

in that situation? Like because obviously

53:05

it's a weird thing to be

53:07

living in this world where there's

53:09

drugs that are free that you're

53:11

doing with your mother and your

53:14

sister and like you're probably developing

53:16

a tolerance and you're probably developing

53:18

like a worldview that says this

53:20

is how life works. Yeah. I

53:22

mean you had to consider coming on the show that how

53:25

much of this was going to happen. I mean I've played

53:27

my whole heroin addiction on my dad. I don't blame it

53:29

on her though. He's never done anything really wrong. Yeah. How

53:33

hard is it to talk about? It's

53:35

not hard. I just, erring my

53:37

mom is such a private person but I think

53:39

people that have like a lot of things to

53:41

hide are private people and my whole family is

53:43

like that. I find out new shit about them

53:45

every day. My mom has 14 brothers and sisters

53:47

and counting. She has a bunch that she's never

53:50

met before and then my dad

53:52

has eight so like I have a huge

53:54

family and they're all like that and they're

53:56

all alcoholics and drunks and addicts

53:59

even though they don't. admit to it. So

54:02

it's hard coming and talking about her because she

54:04

really was doing the best she could at the

54:06

time. There was just a lot going on. Like

54:08

she was a very broken person and now that

54:10

I'm older I can see all like the disconnects in

54:12

her life. Like it it

54:15

really is like generational trauma. Like

54:17

learning about my family and knowing

54:19

the way it you learn why people are

54:21

the way they are and I give them a lot of

54:24

grace. Like my mom is a strong

54:26

ass bitch. She really is and she did

54:28

the best she could and the best thing I

54:30

could do to honor her is stay

54:32

sober and not raise my daughter the

54:34

way our family has raised each other.

54:37

And there's also like a shit ton of redemption

54:39

that your mother found a year. You know

54:42

your mother found her way to it and

54:44

she's like you guys are now bonding over

54:46

the baby and she gets to be a

54:48

grandmother and it can be in the past.

54:50

Yeah. And I think like because I see

54:52

the pain on you but the point is

54:54

where we get to is here. Yeah. You

54:56

know so like ultimately it all and

54:59

then even more than that like

55:01

your whole life is to be of service and

55:04

this story is of service and it's

55:06

like there is a way to be

55:08

in like one of the worst drug

55:10

addicted situations and actually get out of

55:12

it. Like that's a huge lesson. And

55:14

plus when everything happened with my brother we

55:17

got hounded by newspapers and

55:19

like they would

55:21

come knocking on our doors. They tore my mother and

55:23

my brother apart. Like they made him seem like the

55:25

worst person ever existed when he got killed. And

55:29

it always killed me that my mom never

55:31

had any voice in that. And

55:33

now like I have now I'm sober

55:36

and I'm doing all these things and really

55:38

can turn it into like a positive thing

55:40

and be able to talk about my brother in a

55:42

positive light. And even so like

55:44

I see you I mean it's very emotional

55:46

and it's very painful. How old were how

55:49

old were you when your brother got killed?

55:51

I was 17 he was 24. When he died. So what

55:53

was that

55:56

story? So like I

55:58

said my mother was

56:00

doing drugs. My brother had

56:02

just gotten out of jail a couple months

56:04

previous and he was living in, I don't

56:07

know if his dad, his real dad was living in Idaho

56:09

or Alaska at the time, because he works on the slopes

56:12

and he went to move in with his dad and they,

56:15

he didn't raise my brother so they didn't get along

56:17

very well and DJ ended up coming back so

56:20

he was living up in mass with us and

56:23

he was doing drugs. My mom was

56:25

doing drugs. They ended up, I'll never

56:27

know the real story because there

56:29

was so much that happened but you

56:31

went into somebody's house which was

56:34

my stepsister's aunt's house and

56:36

got killed. There were drug dealers from,

56:39

they were

56:41

from the city here and

56:43

these, they killed him. They stabbed my

56:45

brother and stabbed him to

56:47

death. There was two different kinds

56:49

of stab wounds. He got stabbed 32 times

56:52

and my mom and my stepsister were out in the car

56:55

waiting for him. It was like a cul-de-sac in a trailer

56:57

park and he wasn't answering his phone

56:59

but he was like, they didn't want to go

57:01

in. You know how it is drug dealer like

57:03

one person only. And so they went,

57:05

walked up to the house to get him and

57:08

when they got up there he

57:10

was like crawling out of the house and

57:12

they, I don't

57:14

know if they left their cell phones in the car, what

57:17

happened. Obviously they weren't like expecting that

57:19

so they started, my mom started being

57:21

on trailers. Monique started trying

57:24

to, you know, her and my mom

57:26

tried to stop bleeding. He ended up

57:28

bleeding out of his femoral artery and

57:30

his leg. They had like sliced him

57:32

down and he bled to death

57:34

like crying for my mom and so they

57:36

got, paramedics finally came. My

57:39

brother was wanted at the time. He had

57:41

punched a cop like an ex-cop in the

57:43

face a couple weeks previous. He

57:45

was my stepsister's landlord. He called my stepsister

57:47

a little bitch. My brother fucking laid him out.

57:49

He was a retired police officer. So

57:52

when he got there the cops were just like, oh

57:54

Mr. Walters, you have any warrants? He's

57:56

dying. He died before the ambulance

57:58

got there. And they

58:00

always cops the cops don't spring into action to

58:03

save their life No, not at all and

58:05

they get to the all-hollow hospital. He's dead

58:07

already. My mom doesn't know that she's like

58:10

on top of them Somehow the

58:12

family gets called in Vermont and my

58:14

mom this was at like one in the morning I was at

58:16

a friend's at my a friend's house that night. I didn't even

58:19

know what was going on So her

58:21

sister my aunt Kimmy named after her

58:23

she came and My

58:25

mom was standing on the curb outside the hospital

58:27

the cops showed up and put her in a cruiser

58:29

and brought her in for like Eight hours of questioning

58:31

out of she thinks she doesn't know her for kids

58:34

that are alive She was out

58:36

of her mind and they questioned her My

58:38

mom ended up being the only person out of

58:40

everybody involved to be charged with

58:43

what? No withholding information.

58:45

They gave her a felony over that

58:48

the guys he got away on self-defense the guy

58:50

who killed him He's he

58:53

died two years ago now I

58:55

tried I would like Google search him when I was like

58:57

super strung out all the time trying to find him But

59:00

funny enough he got he got shot to death in front

59:02

of his mother's house here in The

59:05

Bronx. Yeah Wow. Yeah talk

59:08

about Karma. Well

59:10

listen, it's a horrible end

59:12

to your brother's story and it's a horrible end

59:14

to that guy's stories I mean like because like

59:17

what you were saying in the first place it's

59:19

like how do we have the only

59:21

way we get through our life is by being

59:23

as loving and compassionate as we possibly can and

59:26

being an act of addiction things that people do

59:28

are like Unspeakably wrong and

59:30

horrible and and you know,

59:32

it's Tara. It's like I'm absorbing

59:35

You know your pain and I'm sorry,

59:37

you know, it sucks. Yeah, it

59:39

was a long time ago now it is hard,

59:41

but I think the reason why I've

59:44

been able to get sober and For

59:46

real is because I've finally been able to like let go

59:48

of it all, you know I when

59:50

I found out that the guy was dead. I

59:54

Thought that I was gonna be happy and

59:56

when I found out I

59:58

felt nothing And now I wish

1:00:00

he was still alive so I could have an

1:00:02

honest conversation with him about it. Isn't

1:00:05

that crazy? All those years I wished his death and

1:00:08

now I wish he was here so we could just talk about

1:00:10

it. Because he was 19.

1:00:12

He was a scared little kid. There

1:00:14

had to have been something that happened that

1:00:17

I don't know. Definitely.

1:00:19

Of course. I mean also they're both

1:00:21

like crazy drug dealers who are violent

1:00:24

and they're young. Your brother's

1:00:26

not even 25 and this kid was

1:00:28

however 19 when he killed your

1:00:30

brother. Yeah. I mean it's

1:00:32

a horrible story

1:00:34

and it's a common story or

1:00:37

you know not that common but

1:00:39

in that world people get killed

1:00:41

all the time and nobody has

1:00:43

much wisdom or sense and they

1:00:46

got the worst of it. And so how

1:00:48

did it impact you then? Oh

1:00:50

it was terrible. I didn't

1:00:52

finish high school. My mom was

1:00:55

like... How close were you guys? It's

1:00:58

tough because he was in jail a lot. So we

1:01:01

were spending a lot of time together as adults.

1:01:03

I was 17 I think we were finally in

1:01:05

a place where we weren't just beating the shit

1:01:07

out of each other all the time because that's

1:01:09

just how it was. And

1:01:12

so we were getting close but we were very

1:01:14

close. We grew up together. There were those couple

1:01:16

years that he was in jail and we didn't

1:01:18

really see each other but he

1:01:21

was the closest thing I had. Even

1:01:24

though he was doing drugs when he would

1:01:26

come home from jail he was like my foundation because

1:01:30

everything was so chaotic. He would come

1:01:32

home I know I could count on

1:01:35

him. Right because your mom was in

1:01:37

her situation and your stepdad was in his situation

1:01:39

and your dad came home and you guys were

1:01:41

like a team. No my brother. That's what I

1:01:43

meant. Your brother came home and you guys were like a team.

1:01:45

Yeah. So

1:01:49

then what happened? A

1:01:51

lot of drama. It was just like

1:01:53

a lot of the court case got

1:01:55

drawn out for years and the

1:01:58

guy got off. He did five. years

1:02:01

and got out. I ended

1:02:03

up in and out of the hospital a lot. I

1:02:05

was like dealing with a really bad eating disorder.

1:02:08

It was just like a lot of

1:02:10

control at the time that I didn't

1:02:12

have and trying to get you know.

1:02:14

Anoraxia or bulimia or both? Bulimia, yeah.

1:02:16

And I don't know I partied all the

1:02:18

time. There was so right around this time I

1:02:20

met this girl named Maria through a

1:02:22

mutual friend and we

1:02:24

had met each other like two or three weeks

1:02:27

before my brother had died and I was at

1:02:29

a hardcore show in Bennington and I

1:02:31

was sniffing Ritalin and my best friend Parker

1:02:33

was like wouldn't do it with me. She

1:02:35

just didn't do drugs. She's like

1:02:37

oh I know this girl that would probably do these

1:02:40

with you because I wanted someone to get high with

1:02:42

me. So she introduced me to Maria and

1:02:45

that was like literally she's

1:02:47

still my best friend. We haven't spoken

1:02:49

a little while now but that was

1:02:51

like it started like a whole

1:02:53

different page in my life. Like we she

1:02:55

was my road dog and I knew

1:02:58

this girl for two weeks. DJ died

1:03:00

but before DJ died she

1:03:02

had had to have an abortion. I went

1:03:04

with her to this abortion trauma bond all

1:03:06

the way. Then she went she

1:03:09

was the only friend that showed up for my

1:03:11

brother's funeral. She helped me get ready for it.

1:03:13

My mom was like pretty much catatonic at the

1:03:15

time so I was the one that took care of all

1:03:17

the funeral arrangements and Maria helped me

1:03:19

like she went and bought my dress and stuff. Stuff

1:03:21

I didn't have time to do and didn't want to

1:03:23

do. I just

1:03:25

disappeared with her a lot. She had

1:03:28

a car. She worked for her

1:03:30

parents. They owned a real estate business and

1:03:32

so she could do like she did all

1:03:34

the administrative stuff for them. We

1:03:36

would just stay up all night going to parties

1:03:39

and she would just stay up do all

1:03:41

the paperwork. She would get paid for it as she

1:03:43

did it so it was like we constantly had money.

1:03:46

Work trip, everything is paid for.

1:03:48

We'd have to go to these foreclosed houses and like

1:03:50

take pictures and stuff that they were buying or whatever.

1:03:54

You like buying stuff and keep stuff. Yeah

1:03:56

you got to clean them out. It

1:04:00

was a lot of fun. I know

1:04:02

I was running away, but I had a lot of fun

1:04:05

after that. Mostly prescribed amphetamines at

1:04:07

that point? Yeah. So I had

1:04:09

a huge addiction to Adderall and

1:04:11

Ritalin. And this is in

1:04:13

the bulimic state? Yeah. So that makes

1:04:15

you fucking skinny as fuck. Yes, I

1:04:18

was very skinny for the record. What

1:04:20

was bulimia? I bet

1:04:23

you that would help people if you explain

1:04:25

your bulimic situation. Yeah. So I mean, my

1:04:27

favorite thing, we would just like go and

1:04:29

we would hit up like all the different

1:04:31

fast food restaurants, get what we

1:04:33

like from each one. We would sit in

1:04:35

the car and then we would just go

1:04:37

throw up together. Wow. Yeah. And we would do,

1:04:39

she was the same way. So we would do that.

1:04:41

Like that was like our whole day. So

1:04:43

food was like a huge addiction for me too.

1:04:45

Like getting high on food, throwing it up

1:04:48

and then getting high on stimulants? Yeah. And

1:04:50

then just not eat for a few days. Were

1:04:52

you taking benzos too? Not

1:04:54

around that time. No. You were smoking later?

1:04:56

No. So how did you deal with the

1:04:59

stimulants all the time? I just never

1:05:01

slept. It's crazy to think about

1:05:03

like all the times we fell asleep at the

1:05:05

wheel and shit and didn't die. We crashed the

1:05:07

car so many times. I've been in so many

1:05:09

car accidents. But yeah, we drank a lot. I

1:05:11

drank a lot back then. That would

1:05:14

be the thing. This was like around the

1:05:16

time the original four logos just came out. But

1:05:18

we like sparks. So it was the same thing

1:05:20

as the original four logo, but it was just

1:05:22

like this one flavor and they were called sparks.

1:05:25

I had, I was 17 with a fake ID.

1:05:27

Never got turned away with that thing. So

1:05:29

we would just drive around to like Boston. We

1:05:31

had friends that were at all these different colleges.

1:05:34

So we would just drive around and stay at

1:05:36

different people's houses, go to parties, find

1:05:38

people that we could get coke from, pills

1:05:40

from. She dated this guy at the time

1:05:42

that had a an Adderall

1:05:45

prescription. We would take his bottle

1:05:47

Adderall and it was like the

1:05:49

time release beads. So we empty out half the

1:05:51

pill, put it back together and put them back

1:05:53

in his bottle and we would just have like

1:05:55

a big baggie. That was the pinching

1:05:58

Adderall system. Yeah. That's amazing. So

1:06:00

we'd have the pill crusher, you just throw the beads into

1:06:02

the pill crusher, or if you're really in a pinch, just

1:06:04

sniff it out of the bag. And

1:06:06

then, so we had the whole setup in the car.

1:06:08

Whoever wasn't driving was the one crushing up the pills

1:06:11

and drinking. I mean, we're both drinking.

1:06:13

Meanwhile, he was like some person... I think

1:06:15

my tolerance to Adderall is getting crazy. Yes,

1:06:17

exactly. Could you ever hear him

1:06:19

say that? Yes. So

1:06:22

the funny... This is gonna sound terrible, but

1:06:24

he went to this college called Landmark College

1:06:26

up in rural Vermont, that you can only

1:06:28

get into this college if you have a

1:06:30

learning disability. So

1:06:36

he was going there, and

1:06:38

I had a blow-up mattress under

1:06:40

his dorm, his bed and

1:06:42

his dorm. So we would stay at his

1:06:44

dorm. I would sleep there under the bed.

1:06:47

They would sleep on the actual bed. And

1:06:50

we would just party 24-7. It

1:06:53

got to this point, he had like a... With all the learning

1:06:55

disabled Landmark students? Yes, because they all had

1:06:57

Adderall. Shout out to all the Landmark students

1:06:59

in Dopey Nation. They all had Adderall

1:07:01

prescriptions. So it was like heaven on

1:07:03

earth there. And they got to this

1:07:06

point, he got sick, he got something

1:07:08

called Steven Johnson's disease. So he

1:07:10

had to leave school, but we stayed, and

1:07:13

we're partying with all... What's Steven Johnson's disease?

1:07:16

I don't know. Do

1:07:18

you think Steven Johnson was the first person to have

1:07:20

this disease? Yes. It has

1:07:22

something to do with being allergic to... I

1:07:25

remember he accidentally took some kind

1:07:27

of cough and cold medicine, and

1:07:29

it had something in it that triggered the disease.

1:07:32

So he had to leave school, but we

1:07:34

stayed. And we were going to the frat

1:07:37

houses. So he was

1:07:39

gone, and you guys stayed? Yes, for months

1:07:41

partying at this college. And somebody

1:07:43

probably told him... Were there just idiots? Was

1:07:45

it just all idiots there? No, they were just

1:07:47

like... I'm just playing. And

1:07:51

so one night we were hammer drunk. Someone

1:07:55

carried me back to the dorms. Maria was still at

1:07:57

the frat house at the fire. And

1:08:00

I hear there's a knock at the door

1:08:02

and the guy who's room it is

1:08:04

like he's like, Kimber, you got to go to

1:08:06

the door. And I'm like, it's, it's like four in the morning.

1:08:08

I'm so drunk. I go to the door.

1:08:10

It's fucking Kyle, her boyfriend. And he's like, like

1:08:13

he was just like in amazement that we were

1:08:15

there. Somebody must have finally called him. He's like,

1:08:18

Adderall's do nothing. Where's

1:08:21

Maria? And I'm like, uh, I don't know.

1:08:23

So I go find her and I sneak her

1:08:25

out of the college. Where's, where was she? She

1:08:28

was in someone else's dorm room. I had to

1:08:30

hunt her down and I had to put her

1:08:32

in the car and get her out of there

1:08:34

before Kyle found her. I had to pull, I

1:08:36

fell asleep at the wheel. The

1:08:39

rumble strips saved us and I had to park

1:08:41

us at the combees until

1:08:44

we had to sleep. I think it's called comby.

1:08:49

Are you sure? I, from what I understand, they,

1:08:51

people refer to it as come by and not,

1:08:53

and not comby's. Okay.

1:08:56

So did, was that the end

1:08:58

of Maria and Steven Johnson? Yeah.

1:09:00

Um, his name was Kyle.

1:09:02

Shout out to Kyle. Yeah. Kyle Lombach.

1:09:05

And do you remember any time where he did

1:09:07

it though? And was like, what the fuck? Yes,

1:09:10

he did actually. Cause the, the, the

1:09:12

capsules kept falling apart because they had

1:09:14

been on hook. He's like, they're not even

1:09:16

making these good anymore. Did he ever suspect or

1:09:18

no? I don't think so. Cause he would

1:09:20

just give them to Maria whenever she asked for.

1:09:23

So why would Maria be taking

1:09:25

them? Yeah. Yeah. This is good. I like

1:09:27

that story a lot. So shout

1:09:29

out to Kyle and all the good people

1:09:31

at a Steven Johnson University. No,

1:09:34

what's the call? Landmark college. If

1:09:36

anybody out there went to Landmark

1:09:38

college, please send in an email

1:09:41

to dopeypodcastatgmail.com. And if anybody has

1:09:43

Steven Johnson's disease, please send in

1:09:45

an email to dopeypodcastatgmail.com. Yeah. Yeah.

1:09:48

dopeypodcastatgmail.com. So, and you're, you're still

1:09:50

a kid at this point. Yeah.

1:09:53

I was like eight, 17, 18. And

1:09:55

Maria was like the door opening to

1:09:57

your drug addiction. Oh yeah, for sure. She had,

1:09:59

can I. that I didn't have. She was like two years

1:10:01

older than me, so she had been like doing it a

1:10:03

little longer than I had. It's funny how like all

1:10:05

one of us needs is another one of us. But

1:10:08

we were like the same fucking person.

1:10:10

We still are and we, yeah, it

1:10:12

was the perfect storm, it really was. So how

1:10:14

did it, what happened next? When

1:10:17

did you do heroin for the first time?

1:10:19

Oh, so that. Or was there, am

1:10:21

I missing anything between this and that? There's a lot,

1:10:23

but this guy was dating at

1:10:25

that point. He was like my first serious

1:10:27

boyfriend. He started selling perk 30s. That's when

1:10:30

I really started doing them because he was

1:10:32

selling them, he was doing them. So

1:10:34

like it was around and then

1:10:36

we split up and then the

1:10:38

guy, I was dating this guy for a really

1:10:41

long time and he was doing

1:10:43

heroin. But we, he was away

1:10:45

at college. He went, we did it in high

1:10:47

school and then he went to,

1:10:49

he was living in Utah for a while for college.

1:10:51

And then I was at the bar one night and

1:10:54

he was in there. He had just gotten home and

1:10:56

we start hanging out. And I knew that he had had like

1:10:58

a pass with heroin, he told me he

1:11:00

was sober, blah, blah, blah. So

1:11:03

we like got really serious really fast.

1:11:06

And we were staying with his parents a

1:11:08

lot. And then his parents gave us, they

1:11:10

had a second house in town and

1:11:13

they gave us the house. And

1:11:15

he, when we moved in shortly

1:11:17

after that, I realized that he

1:11:19

was doing dope again. He was asking me for money.

1:11:22

I was driving him to the dealer's house, waiting

1:11:24

outside for four fucking hours. So

1:11:27

I quickly realized what was going on. He couldn't ask

1:11:29

his parents for money. They were like supporting him because

1:11:31

they would know what was up. Had you fallen in love

1:11:34

with the blues? Yes, at this point

1:11:36

I had been doing them for like, probably like

1:11:38

a year or two. Like straight? Yeah, yeah. Were

1:11:40

you ever kicking them or were you always in? I

1:11:42

always had them. I remember I got sick.

1:11:44

Good of him? No, because of the

1:11:46

previous boyfriend. So

1:11:49

when this new boyfriend, I

1:11:51

got together, I didn't really tell him I

1:11:53

had like an addiction to blues

1:11:55

though either. You know what I mean? I was hiding my own

1:11:57

shit. And so when I realized-

1:12:00

what was going on I was like I'm not

1:12:02

paying for this shit and driving you all the

1:12:04

fucking time and not I want to try it

1:12:06

like like I said like I

1:12:08

was like always so excited to try the next drug

1:12:10

like I was never afraid of them I wanted to

1:12:13

try them out. Drugs had done a great service to you

1:12:15

it was your life at that point. Yeah it really was.

1:12:17

So I was the same

1:12:19

way and my road dog was my friend Todd who died

1:12:21

just before Chris died and it was the exact I mean

1:12:23

like I really can relate to that

1:12:26

whole thing but so you

1:12:28

get a boyfriend who has Percocets and you find

1:12:30

this other boyfriend who also has Percocets. Yeah

1:12:32

well no he's not doing Percocets he's doing dope.

1:12:34

But how did you maintain your opiate habit

1:12:37

in the middle? Buying them from

1:12:39

people. How'd you have money for it?

1:12:41

I mean I worked I worked I was

1:12:43

going to hair school but I worked at this

1:12:46

pizza place for years I worked for a Greek

1:12:48

family I'm still like friends with

1:12:50

them but so I always worked and

1:12:53

waitressing and stuff delivering pizza brings

1:12:55

in cash every day so I always had money

1:12:58

and so I was just buying them off people

1:13:00

and my mom was still married to the drug

1:13:02

dealer husband so he had people there like he

1:13:04

didn't sell that shit but he always had people

1:13:06

around that could then use somebody so there was

1:13:09

always somebody I could get them from. So

1:13:11

tell me about the boyfriend who

1:13:13

became a heronetic where you guys

1:13:15

were living in Massachusetts? Yeah yeah

1:13:17

and he in North Adams. Are

1:13:20

you notorious in North Adams? I

1:13:22

don't wouldn't say I'm notorious because my drug

1:13:24

use was very solitary like I had a

1:13:26

couple people that knew like I could get

1:13:28

drugs from like the older generation who don't

1:13:30

talk about that you know and

1:13:33

so no one really maybe they did

1:13:35

know and I'm just like think that I'm

1:13:37

being mysterious who knows but

1:13:39

I you're not notorious. You move

1:13:41

in with him you get super

1:13:43

serious and he's doing dope secretly.

1:13:45

Yeah so I found out and I

1:13:48

got some from him and I tried a bag. Did

1:13:50

you accuse him and he was like this isn't good

1:13:52

for you or did that whole kind of cliche happen?

1:13:55

No I didn't accuse him he just pretty

1:13:57

much started asking me for money and

1:13:59

a ride. to go get it. So. He

1:14:01

was like, this is great. We can do it together. I don't, he

1:14:03

didn't really want to get it for me though. He's like, this

1:14:06

is fucking terrible. You want nothing to do with it. And I

1:14:08

was like, you know what? I think I do. So

1:14:10

I remember trying it for the first time. I did

1:14:12

one bag and I sniffed it and we were, we

1:14:15

had like a, like a game room in the shed

1:14:17

out back in our garage. And I

1:14:19

remember sitting up there on the stairs. I can still

1:14:21

remember it and just like looking out the window and

1:14:23

at the sunrise and being like, or sunset. I

1:14:25

was like, oh my God, this is amazing. I

1:14:27

was nodding out. I was like, all right. And

1:14:29

immediately I was like, this would feel so much

1:14:31

better if I shot it up. Cause he was,

1:14:34

everybody else he was hanging out with in our

1:14:36

house was. And I was like,

1:14:38

I want to do it. Yeah. How old were you? I

1:14:40

was 22. And I

1:14:42

was like, I want to shoot it up. And he's like, no,

1:14:45

absolutely not. I'll leave you if you do that, blah, blah, blah.

1:14:47

So what do I do? He's got like a

1:14:49

close friend that's a girl that's at

1:14:51

her house every day buying, you know, getting dope.

1:14:54

And I was like, well, you do it for me.

1:14:56

So that week she came over and we hit

1:14:58

out in my basement and she shot me up

1:15:00

for the first time. Isn't that funny how

1:15:02

that always goes? It's like, somebody's

1:15:04

like, you should never do it. And meanwhile, everyone's

1:15:07

doing it. And then you go to the one

1:15:09

person that will do it. And it's like, why

1:15:11

does anybody do it? But it's

1:15:13

like, you do it to share this

1:15:15

incredible thing. Like this incredible, I know

1:15:17

this is going to change your life.

1:15:20

And it's, I mean, we all know that it's going

1:15:22

to change all of our lives for the worst, but

1:15:24

we're all in it together. Yeah. I

1:15:27

think that's an interesting thing in itself. Like who shot anybody

1:15:29

up for the first time? Did you shoot anybody up

1:15:32

for the first time? Probably.

1:15:34

I don't think so. I think I got someone smoking

1:15:37

crack for the first time. It's

1:15:39

just, I think that, and I'm going to break

1:15:41

for a second, say Dopey Nation, if you ever

1:15:43

shot anybody up for the first time, send in

1:15:45

an email. Those stories are probably very good. Oh

1:15:47

yeah. The only reason why I haven't is because

1:15:49

I could barely do it on myself. I have

1:15:51

the same problem. I would have people do it

1:15:53

for me as often as I could. Nobody wanted

1:15:55

me to fucking put a needle in their arm.

1:15:57

Like, I'm shaking. So

1:16:01

she shoots you up and you're like, holy shit.

1:16:03

Like what was the reaction? It was

1:16:06

the best thing. It was everything that everybody said

1:16:08

it was and more. It's that rush that that's

1:16:10

the part. Like the highs are always the same,

1:16:12

but it's that rush that you're looking for. Was

1:16:15

it a little shot the first shot? Was she

1:16:17

careful? I think so. This was like right when

1:16:19

fentanyl was starting to be like, oh, we saw something

1:16:21

weird is going on, but no one really put their

1:16:24

finger on it yet. So it was still heroin.

1:16:26

Yeah. So yeah, it was probably just a bag.

1:16:28

First time I got shot up

1:16:30

with what was this woman, like

1:16:33

this woman that I worked with, she came to my house

1:16:35

and I had never shot up and she shot up all

1:16:37

the time. And I was like, would

1:16:40

you shoot me up? And she was like, it's

1:16:43

like, now you don't want any part of this. Yeah. But

1:16:46

I was like, no, just do it. And I don't, I don't even

1:16:48

remember her saying, no, you don't want any part of this. And

1:16:50

she shot me up and I OD'd. Oh

1:16:53

God. And she dragged me like

1:16:55

it was definitely not fentanyl. I doubt it was even

1:16:57

good. I think it was decent heroin. And she dragged,

1:16:59

she was, she was big. And she

1:17:02

dragged me to the, to

1:17:04

the bathroom and like put me in the tub

1:17:06

and like, like I don't talk about

1:17:08

it much because it was such a weird one-off.

1:17:11

And like me and her, like, we

1:17:13

had a weekend or something and never

1:17:15

like, we would buy each other dope.

1:17:17

I was on a work trip and she sent me a

1:17:20

bundle. I was kicking in Austin, Texas. And

1:17:23

she sent me a bundle to like,

1:17:26

cause I was working and I went into withdrawal.

1:17:28

I brought fake methadone to Austin, but like we

1:17:30

never like saw each other again, basically. But that

1:17:32

was the first person that shot me up. And

1:17:34

then the second person that shot me up was

1:17:37

years later. Like I just sniffed it for another

1:17:39

year and a half before some dude I left

1:17:41

rehab with shot me up. And still though it

1:17:43

wasn't the magical thing until I was doing it

1:17:46

myself. So it was, but this

1:17:48

lady, when she shot you up, it was a magical

1:17:50

thing. Oh, it was a hundred percent. And

1:17:52

then it became a daily thing. And so

1:17:55

how do you, how do you live as a daily

1:17:57

heroin addict in the beginning? In the beginning

1:17:59

that boyfriend. and was just like had this

1:18:01

weird thing like I was not allowed to shoot

1:18:03

shoot even though he

1:18:05

was so my daily thing was I was

1:18:08

only doing like three bags a day maybe

1:18:11

like it was small I'm a small person

1:18:13

I've always had like a very low tolerance

1:18:15

so I would have to wait

1:18:18

until he because he was like working for his

1:18:20

father at the time a little bit trying to

1:18:22

like do something and I would have to wait

1:18:24

for him to leave I would have to go

1:18:26

find or go find a bathroom somewhere downtown find

1:18:29

excuse he didn't know you were shooting no no

1:18:31

so I'd have to find an excuse to leave the

1:18:33

apartment we lived like in the downtown area and

1:18:36

go find a public bathroom which at the time

1:18:38

the only one that had like a public bathroom

1:18:40

that you could lock behind you was Papa or

1:18:42

no it was Papa John's pizza so

1:18:46

I would go to Papa John's and shoot up in

1:18:48

the bathroom which is thinking back as

1:18:50

such a bad idea like I have no tolerance

1:18:52

to this shit I'm doing it for the first

1:18:54

time and then I'd go home and then I

1:18:57

22 year old body was found in bathroom

1:18:59

at Papa John's yeah and it

1:19:01

locks to you that's like the worst and then

1:19:03

I would do it at the end of the day I'd find smart the

1:19:05

end of the day to go to it and I would only do it

1:19:07

twice a day 22 year old white female

1:19:09

was found at Combee today in the

1:19:12

bathroom companies used to not let you

1:19:14

use the bathroom well I told you

1:19:16

like where I went like I've never

1:19:18

seen like a gas station that

1:19:20

has like the fucking sharps box yeah

1:19:22

yeah and that was combeez I'll never

1:19:24

say combee again that was the last

1:19:26

time they're gonna call you cringe it's

1:19:29

not nice it's not nice so when does

1:19:31

he find out and when do you guys

1:19:33

become like shooting up together we never shot

1:19:35

up together we were together for on

1:19:38

and off for seven years and we never shot

1:19:40

up together he like held strong to that he

1:19:42

found out we would we'd go to the bar

1:19:45

every chance we could get we were he was a big

1:19:47

drinker I would just kind of go to make sure he

1:19:49

didn't die and I had like

1:19:51

sounds like a really healthy relationship it was

1:19:53

it was beautiful he we

1:19:56

were at the bar and I had these knee-length boots on

1:19:58

and I had my needle in the boot And

1:20:00

he fucking for some reason that's heroin she

1:20:02

was feeling my life It is

1:20:05

heroin she that's her own shit because I was planning

1:20:07

on shooting up in the bar bathroom Cuz I could

1:20:09

get away from him for a second He like was

1:20:11

like rubbing my leg and put his hand in my

1:20:13

boot Like why the fuck would you do that and

1:20:15

found it and he kicked me out of the house for like

1:20:17

two weeks What was his reaction he

1:20:19

flipped out? I got kicked out of my apartment

1:20:21

for her house for two weeks And

1:20:24

then when you came back you were shooting up the

1:20:26

whole time though Yeah, and when you came back did

1:20:28

he think you weren't shooting up? That's

1:20:30

a good question I think maybe I

1:20:33

think he just didn't want to see it and he would

1:20:35

shoot up alone and you would shoot up alone Yeah, yeah

1:20:38

Alright, and so and when do you decide

1:20:40

like I mean you're obviously a you've been

1:20:42

a horrible drug addict from when you were

1:20:44

17 Yeah, so like but now

1:20:46

you're an IV where you're shooting coke to Oh

1:20:49

God That was like I didn't

1:20:51

try that until the last couple of months

1:20:53

of my my addiction I started smoking crack

1:20:55

like two years before I stopped and then

1:20:57

a year like I started shooting coke pretty

1:21:00

shortly after I'm shocked you didn't shoot coke when you

1:21:02

started shooting no one ever brought it up

1:21:04

like no I

1:21:07

didn't even like think of it as a possibility and

1:21:09

the first time I saw somebody do I was like

1:21:11

Oh, that's a good idea. And then I tried it

1:21:13

and I was like, oh my god, this is a

1:21:15

totally different drug now There's

1:21:18

no reason to ever sniff it again. And then

1:21:20

that was that was post crack smoking When's

1:21:22

the first time you went to treatment? 2018

1:21:26

and where was that in this story? Was

1:21:29

that when you were with that? So I went to

1:21:31

an outpatient program in Georgia in 2007

1:21:34

16 or 17 and then I went to an inpatient in 2000

1:21:38

when did you meet that when did you go to the farm

1:21:40

in Georgia? That was in 2015 to 2017

1:21:46

how did we get on that in that world? So

1:21:48

Zach I was with Zach Zach is a Nazi.

1:21:50

No He's an

1:21:52

Aryan sympathizer Maybe

1:21:56

maybe probably probably

1:21:58

shout out to Aryan sympathize out

1:22:00

there. Now so

1:22:03

you're with Zach and

1:22:06

does the addiction get too much for both of

1:22:09

you? Yeah. Because you rarely hear a story

1:22:11

like this where you guys can keep going.

1:22:13

So at this point he had been doing heroin for like

1:22:15

eight years and he's alive now.

1:22:18

Yeah. Good for him. And he so

1:22:20

he was at the end of his you wanted

1:22:22

to be done but I he had just gotten

1:22:24

me started. I had just gotten me started. So

1:22:26

we were his parents had given us that

1:22:28

house. We were both doing dope. Our

1:22:31

habits got huge. Well his dead mind kind

1:22:33

of was just starting. We moved

1:22:35

in a Hispanic drug dealer

1:22:37

from Holyoke Mass. That

1:22:40

was like the great idea. Into your apartment.

1:22:42

Into our house. We had this

1:22:44

beautiful house. His parents owned their dentist

1:22:46

office. The second house. Yes. So

1:22:48

I mean this place had like marble

1:22:50

countertops like immaculate like

1:22:52

fireplaces in the bathroom. Zach's

1:22:54

dad was a dentist. Yeah. Was there was

1:22:57

there nitrous flowing? I never got

1:22:59

nitrous. I think they knew where addicts.

1:23:02

That's disappointing. Yeah. I mean he would give

1:23:05

his wife nitrous just so your teeth cleaned. And I

1:23:07

heard you talking about that the other day. Yeah. I

1:23:09

talked about it probably more than I talked about anything

1:23:11

else. It is funny that you bring that up

1:23:13

though because I was just a beating with somebody

1:23:15

the other day if nitrous counts as.

1:23:18

Which side of the argument were you on? I

1:23:21

think it's a relapse. How dare

1:23:23

you come to this house with your

1:23:26

Nazi tattoo to this Jewish home and

1:23:28

speak of this. Unless it's medically necessary.

1:23:30

This is fine. Well

1:23:33

what about a cleaning? Yeah that's fine.

1:23:35

So it's not a nitrous. No relapse. No. You

1:23:37

think I'm just doing nitrous? Yeah. If you're like

1:23:39

going and cracking open freaking

1:23:41

nitrous. What about if what about you're at home

1:23:44

right? I can always paint a picture. You're at home

1:23:46

and you have your kids and your dog and

1:23:49

your whip creaming everybody. A little whip cream here,

1:23:51

a little whip cream here. And then you just

1:23:53

take a little head off the thing. No. Relapse?

1:23:55

That's a relapse. Well I'm not doing that. This

1:23:58

is a quiz. Okay but But if

1:24:00

I go to the dentist, and I have

1:24:02

my teeth, I need to go to the dentist,

1:24:04

like it's bad, and I don't

1:24:07

want to go without it. Is

1:24:10

that a relapse or not a relapse? Not

1:24:12

a relapse. All right, I agree with that.

1:24:14

But Whippet hits off the whipped cream with

1:24:16

children, even with children and dog relapse. Relapse.

1:24:19

Especially relapse with children and dog? I mean, I don't think

1:24:21

that's a factor at all. No

1:24:25

factor. Yeah, I mean, I guess it's worse if

1:24:27

you're alone and sneaking it. I

1:24:29

don't know. No, none of it sounds very

1:24:31

good. But I'm not doing that. I'm not doing

1:24:33

that. Now, I want to... Okay, so you and

1:24:35

Zach and the

1:24:37

Spanish, which... His name

1:24:39

is Lou. Lou? I don't even... Who

1:24:42

knows if he's alive to this thing. Shout out to Lou. Shout

1:24:44

out, Lou. And Lou, did Lou bring the good fiery

1:24:46

dope to the house? He did. We

1:24:48

had it. Then his girlfriend moved in with him shortly

1:24:50

after. We just had like a whole family going on.

1:24:53

What was her name? Oh, I

1:24:55

can't remember. She is from... As Maralba? No,

1:24:57

she's from Vermont. Okay. Yeah,

1:25:00

she's still around. I don't remember what her

1:25:02

name was. Okay. Yeah, so we were all

1:25:05

living together, obviously, selling for

1:25:07

him and getting shit

1:25:09

from him. I would love it

1:25:11

when him and Zach would leave because she would

1:25:13

just go through all... He had garbage bags full

1:25:15

of bundles, like wrapped bundles of rubber bands. And

1:25:17

she would go through and we'd flick all the

1:25:20

bags and pick out the biggest ones and do

1:25:22

them. So I loved that she was there because

1:25:24

all my shit was free. So you'd steal from Lou?

1:25:27

She would steal from Lou. I would just... was her

1:25:29

accomplice. But there was no pinching. There's no pinching.

1:25:32

Yeah, I think so because we'd take extra out of

1:25:34

the bags. There's just a bunch of shit missing he's

1:25:36

going to notice. So you're not doing

1:25:38

whole bags? No. We're taking the

1:25:41

big ones out, taking half out of the big bags,

1:25:43

putting the bags back. So in

1:25:45

an unprecedented dopey appearance,

1:25:47

you've pinched Adderall, Capsules,

1:25:49

and heroin bags. And

1:25:52

still cocaine. Yeah, this is good. Very

1:25:54

good. Notable. You've got to kind

1:25:56

of align yourself with the people. You

1:25:58

can get... from or else you're

1:26:01

gonna have to spend money. This is

1:26:03

a notable dopey appearance. Okay so

1:26:05

Lou and his bumpkin-y girlfriend

1:26:07

move in with garbage

1:26:09

bags full of heroin bags? It

1:26:11

was insane. It was coming straight in through

1:26:14

Holyoke. That's like the, it's on like the,

1:26:16

they call it the heroin highway. It's

1:26:18

the whole... What the mass turnpike? Yeah.

1:26:21

That's the heroin highway? That's called the heroin

1:26:23

highway. I've never heard that before. And

1:26:26

so it was just the

1:26:28

always hatchet. There's the Golden Triangle in

1:26:30

Cambodia and then the heroin highway in

1:26:32

Massachusetts. Yeah. Come visit.

1:26:35

Alright, well. Okay so, so dude moves in. How

1:26:38

much, I mean garbage bags

1:26:41

full of uh... Of

1:26:43

wrapped bundles. That's a lot. It was a

1:26:46

lot. It was a lot. Was he a junkie?

1:26:48

No. So we would all go to

1:26:50

the bar together all the time and hang out. Like it

1:26:52

was a party all the time and I remember one night

1:26:55

Lou did some ecstasy at the

1:26:57

bar and we were

1:26:59

coming home from the bar at like two in the

1:27:01

morning. We'd walk because it was right down there by

1:27:03

our house and Zach got in like a fistfight at

1:27:06

McDonald's and I had got him out

1:27:08

of the fight, started walking back and he ran

1:27:10

back to McDonald's and at this point I'm like

1:27:12

fuck this. I'm not dealing with this. So I

1:27:14

walked back to the apartment and Lou was there

1:27:16

and he was all fucked up on ecstasy and

1:27:18

he asked me if I would rub his feet

1:27:20

and suck his toes. Wow. And

1:27:23

I was like no, you know what? I think I'm just gonna go

1:27:25

to my room. And so I told

1:27:27

Zach about it the next day and he like

1:27:29

blackmailed Lou with this for like weeks to get

1:27:31

free dope because he owed him a bunch of

1:27:34

money. He's like oh you

1:27:36

try to hook up with my girl, blah blah blah. He's

1:27:38

like no I just want her to suck my toes.

1:27:40

Yeah. So. But

1:27:43

what's the black, what's really the blackmail? I'm not

1:27:45

gonna kill you. What's the blackmail? I think

1:27:47

it was more of like you were letting you stay

1:27:49

here and deal out of the house and everything and

1:27:51

I don't know. He

1:27:54

definitely manipulated it in his favor. It's

1:27:57

the greatest thing for any heroin

1:27:59

addict. It's the greatest and

1:28:01

worst thing for every heroin addict when

1:28:03

they can find a way to have

1:28:05

their dealer move in. Yeah. I

1:28:08

remember when I lived in the building down the street,

1:28:10

there was a quintessential dealer in my

1:28:12

past named Tony Bologna. Tony Bologna? And

1:28:15

when you call him up, if

1:28:18

he doesn't answer, you hear, you have

1:28:20

reached Tony Bologna. Like

1:28:23

in the most old school New York

1:28:25

City accent. And he lost his spot.

1:28:27

And I was like, you can definitely

1:28:29

live here. And him and

1:28:31

his girlfriend moved into my apartment on 24th

1:28:34

Street on the floor. It's a canon moment.

1:28:36

You cannot interfere. You need it.

1:28:38

And then you got freed up, but it's

1:28:40

never enough dope. And it's never a good

1:28:42

situation. And it's always going to get much

1:28:45

worse. Oh, much worse. Because you're giving the

1:28:47

keys of the castle to Tony Bologna. Yeah.

1:28:49

It's never. I can't believe you moved Tony Bologna

1:28:51

in. I've heard you mention him many times. And

1:28:53

his young girlfriend. How was living with Tony Bologna?

1:28:56

It was short lived. And

1:28:58

I think I asked to suck his girlfriend's

1:29:00

toes in a bad situation. Did he

1:29:02

let you? No, it didn't happen. Oh, come

1:29:04

on. I don't remember how it ended. I

1:29:07

think I knew it was too bad. Like

1:29:10

it was just it was too bad. And it

1:29:12

wasn't I couldn't live with it. I

1:29:14

think he was probably in my apartment for a week.

1:29:17

And something like that. But who

1:29:19

knows? I wonder what happened

1:29:21

to Tony Bologna. You never followed up. The

1:29:24

last time I saw Tony Bologna was

1:29:26

like on the West Side Highway after

1:29:29

I had come back from some rehab

1:29:32

thing. And

1:29:34

we were kind of friendly. But he was mean. He

1:29:37

was like a mean, stodgy New York City

1:29:39

drug dealer. I've had one of those. But

1:29:42

he's also a heroin addict. So he's sad

1:29:44

and lonely and wants to be your friend,

1:29:46

but is incapable of really being your friend.

1:29:48

I don't know. I don't remember it that

1:29:50

well. I was on so much Benzos. But

1:29:53

Tony Bologna lived in my apartment and

1:29:55

in the studio. And Ham and his

1:29:57

young girlfriend slept on the floor. I

1:30:00

slept in a loft bed all in the same room

1:30:02

and I would get up early and do stuff and

1:30:04

they wouldn't get up or maybe We would all get

1:30:06

up early and do dope Weird weird

1:30:08

time because like when I OD'd on that

1:30:10

time it was off Tony baloney dope that

1:30:12

other woman who who revived me Turned she

1:30:14

is the one who connected me to Tony

1:30:16

baloney. Did she Narcan you? No, she just

1:30:18

put me in the bathtub and beat the

1:30:20

Shit out of me. That's crazy. That's at

1:30:23

work. Yeah. Well, that's how these work in

1:30:25

the old days That was that

1:30:27

was the old days. Anyway, I've

1:30:29

shared too much of my story in your appearance No,

1:30:31

but it's like I rarely get to hear the story

1:30:33

of when you move in a drug dealer into the

1:30:35

place Yeah, it was I wasn't

1:30:38

that bad at first and then I think Zach

1:30:41

ended up owing him so much money

1:30:43

so much money and I don't

1:30:45

know how we weaseled our way out

1:30:47

of that but we did and soon

1:30:49

after Zach went to his parents and told them

1:30:52

he was getting high and that he wanted to

1:30:54

get clean and so

1:30:57

They came and with the

1:30:59

house fucked up. No, no wasn't

1:31:02

thank God they came and He

1:31:06

kicked We both started

1:31:08

going he started doing this a boxing

1:31:10

clinic. I went on Vivitrol, which was

1:31:12

back then They made you be clean for a month

1:31:15

before they would give it to you. So it was

1:31:17

a month of being It

1:31:19

was I'm being sick really sick, but his parents he

1:31:21

didn't tell his parents that I was doing dope too

1:31:23

So I was just like acting like he was the

1:31:25

only one that had an issue and then

1:31:27

I started getting really sick

1:31:29

And I needed help. So I we

1:31:32

told them They didn't

1:31:34

tell your mom like that wasn't gonna help. You know,

1:31:36

I really Yeah, I

1:31:39

mean, I think my mom knew I don't

1:31:41

really know how that'll worked out with my

1:31:43

family But we were like really close with

1:31:45

his family and they had their shit together. Yeah,

1:31:47

they had their shit together and They

1:31:49

moved us into their house. They wanted him back

1:31:51

home where they could pretty much watch him and

1:31:54

So I started doing Vivitrol for like two. I think

1:31:56

I've seen on it for a year, but you're

1:31:59

staying on the Vivitrol for year. Yeah. And

1:32:01

then like what was your life like then? Well

1:32:03

when I went to go get the Vivitrol shot

1:32:05

I had tried to shoot up this pill it

1:32:08

was and it was some kind of ritalin I

1:32:10

stole out of my boss's purse at

1:32:12

work and it ended up having it was like

1:32:14

a gel pill that you can't shoot up and I

1:32:16

didn't know that so I ended up everybody

1:32:18

thought I was clean and I

1:32:20

ended up getting like this big golf ball

1:32:22

size cyst thing on my arm so when

1:32:25

I went to go like do my intake

1:32:27

for this Vivitrol I showed it to the

1:32:29

nurse and she was like you should have

1:32:31

went to the hospital like a week ago you

1:32:33

need to go so I went back home

1:32:35

to my mom's house not to his parents house

1:32:38

did some coke and was like asked when my

1:32:40

stepdad's friends to drop me off at the ER went

1:32:43

to the ER and they just started putting IV antibiotics

1:32:46

I like turned bright red it was so strong like

1:32:48

broke out in the hives and I was

1:32:51

like alright I'm gonna I'm gonna go cuz I didn't tell

1:32:53

him or his family that I had this was going on

1:32:55

they're like you have to stay here for like week and

1:32:57

I'll be in the hospital for a week

1:32:59

or two because of the infection yeah

1:33:01

it was awful and then I

1:33:03

got in the Vivitrol and I

1:33:06

just kept doing coke and pill like Adderall

1:33:08

and stuff and drinking and drinking and that was

1:33:10

that you know so the Vivitrol as soon

1:33:12

as I started taking the Vivitrol they give it

1:33:14

to people for alcohol too right but sometimes it

1:33:17

doesn't work for people for alcohol if

1:33:19

I I would have one drink I would be fine

1:33:21

I had two drinks

1:33:23

I would projectile vomit right every single

1:33:25

time it's amazing yeah it's

1:33:27

really an amazing medication so he

1:33:29

was he turned into he got

1:33:31

clean just stopped and

1:33:34

but he became a everyday

1:33:36

vodka drunk black out

1:33:38

he wasn't on the Vivitrol so what

1:33:40

made you do the Vivitrol have

1:33:42

you ever tasted a suboxone it's

1:33:45

I know it's the worst

1:33:47

taste in the world what a pill of suboxone yeah

1:33:49

or the strips they have no I have I don't

1:33:51

remember the taste of it I didn't do a lot

1:33:54

of it I would rather get a Vivitrol shot instead

1:33:56

of having to take that every day but also

1:33:58

you don't have to take it Yeah,

1:34:00

well Vivitrol shot it was it does the

1:34:02

last month or it doesn't last a year

1:34:05

Yeah, so but the longer you get it the longer it

1:34:07

stays in your system So if you stop if you did

1:34:09

like I did it for a year It took four months

1:34:11

until I could finally shoot dope and feel it again after

1:34:13

being on it for a year and not taking it

1:34:15

Right so it builds up and suboxone

1:34:17

has has opiates and if Vivitrol doesn't

1:34:19

isn't an opiate So that's like the

1:34:21

big difference. So I had nothing

1:34:24

like I had no kind of opiate dependence anymore

1:34:26

on it I mean, I think so

1:34:28

many people that listen are on suboxone I don't want

1:34:30

to I'm not putting anybody down. Oh me either but

1:34:32

I Vivid I pass off

1:34:34

to you that tastes disgusting and I

1:34:36

tell this story too much But I want

1:34:38

to tell you to kind of impress you

1:34:40

that I was put I was in the

1:34:42

Vivitrol trial in New York Oh, really like

1:34:44

they like they test they're like they had

1:34:47

a an ad on the back of the

1:34:49

village voice that says Opiate addict will pay

1:34:51

you $300 if you come in what and

1:34:53

I'm like addicted to Methadone

1:34:55

and they do this opiate thing and

1:34:57

I did twice in Washington

1:35:00

Heights this this hospital give it

1:35:02

to you while you had opiates in your system

1:35:05

No, you kick you kick I smuggled

1:35:07

weed into the kick in the hospital

1:35:09

in Columbia Presbyterian I'm like smoking smoking

1:35:11

like tiny hits of the one hit

1:35:14

watching the Malcolm X VHS tape over

1:35:16

and over again The exhaling

1:35:18

exhaling into the pillow. Nobody found the weed.

1:35:20

I'm there for like five days smoking

1:35:23

weed and then and I did

1:35:25

the trial twice and they give

1:35:27

you either get the full months

1:35:29

of Vivitrol you get a placebo

1:35:31

or you get like a day

1:35:33

and they don't tell you what you're gonna get So

1:35:36

they shoot you up with the Vivitrol and then I

1:35:38

go home And I think I

1:35:40

tested the Vivitrol like five times that month and

1:35:42

I never got high So you got it. I

1:35:45

got it. It took me like six weeks to

1:35:47

get high. Yeah, so he's forever. I know it's

1:35:49

crazy But yeah, so

1:35:51

that's what happened. But so like What

1:35:54

at the end of the year made you want to do

1:35:56

it? I wanted to get high. Were you

1:35:58

impressed with my Vivitrol trial story? Yeah, I really

1:36:00

am. I figured that would be

1:36:03

very impressive. I can't believe they gave it to

1:36:05

you after five days. Maybe it was seven.

1:36:07

I don't remember. They do. It's

1:36:09

seven now, but back when I had it, they made

1:36:11

you be pissed clean for a month before they would

1:36:13

give it to you. I don't know. It

1:36:15

was so long ago, I don't remember.

1:36:18

I do remember in a really embarrassing

1:36:20

story that I walked from here, this

1:36:22

is disgusting. This is like, okay.

1:36:25

I walked from here to 190th Street. Okay,

1:36:28

this is 27th Street. I walked

1:36:30

to 190th Street, and somewhere

1:36:32

around 80th Street, I had

1:36:34

to pee so bad, I pissed

1:36:37

my pants on the street

1:36:39

walking uptown. Like, just

1:36:41

did that. I know it's not

1:36:43

that embarrassing. I mean, it wasn't just a

1:36:45

little bit. I totally pissed my pants walking

1:36:47

uptown in the pants. Do you wanna hear

1:36:49

a really gross one? Yeah. Are you

1:36:51

sure? Yeah, I just- This is bad. I don't think I've ever

1:36:54

shared that on the show before. Did you make it back home?

1:36:56

I think I checked in. I think

1:36:58

I checked in up there. I don't think I made a bike

1:37:01

home. I'm taking my little feet. Yeah, I don't think I made

1:37:03

it back. Oh,

1:37:06

do you wanna hear mine? Yes, of course. Okay,

1:37:09

one of the last times I got, I tried to

1:37:11

go into a detox and they didn't have a bed,

1:37:13

so they held me like overnight in

1:37:16

the ER. And the

1:37:18

next day I left and I went, I

1:37:20

hadn't had anything in my system for like

1:37:22

24 hours. And I went

1:37:24

across the street from the hospital to pick up a

1:37:26

crack pipe and some cigarettes in the liquor store, was

1:37:29

walking down the road to go get some dope

1:37:31

and some crack. And I lit a cigarette and

1:37:33

I hadn't smoked a cigarette and I'm like a

1:37:35

little bit lit a cigarette

1:37:37

and instantly realized in the middle of

1:37:39

the city, I mean, like I am

1:37:41

like downtown Boston, just like in the

1:37:44

middle of it, realized that if

1:37:46

I moved, I was gonna shit myself. I was

1:37:48

in the store from a tank top with a backpack,

1:37:50

like homeless. And the

1:37:52

only option on this busy city street was

1:37:54

to back into a bush and shit in

1:37:57

this bush. Beautiful. Pm

1:38:00

or nothing. I mean the only thing I

1:38:02

have as as cracks I've been a lawyer

1:38:04

switch Sigma supplies, sound. And.

1:38:07

I I was like what do I do I

1:38:10

would like this I don't have anything to wipe

1:38:12

with so I said the lighter and I burnt

1:38:14

besides the underwear to take them off and a

1:38:16

boy was of what the underwear what them in

1:38:18

the bush I'm staring up at like high rise

1:38:20

buildings and like there are people ms windows watching

1:38:22

right now and it was as they seem silly.

1:38:25

had a wipe my ass and had nowhere to

1:38:27

like go clean myself. Up after junkie

1:38:29

Macgyver fucking burning the underwear off

1:38:31

of you to wipe your but

1:38:33

good him with hundreds of the

1:38:36

trap sustained. You are right, let's

1:38:38

go back. You're. On

1:38:40

suboxone for a herb your and vivid trial for

1:38:42

a year he I do or how can drinking

1:38:44

doing so what? Was like. We

1:38:47

were every month for you like our dues

1:38:49

again. Know I was doing and how I

1:38:51

didn't want to anymore. I just wonder how am

1:38:53

I think a big trigger for me was I

1:38:55

started going to see my mom up in Vermont.

1:38:57

She moved back to Vermont at this point and

1:39:00

my step was still living weather. And.

1:39:02

He was getting high and I think I recently

1:39:04

that looks really good. He was going on heroin.

1:39:06

Yeah, And he I don't think he had

1:39:08

been do I'd never see him do it before. so you

1:39:10

like they were back in the day. They. Were huge crack

1:39:12

scenes but like never doubt you know. And.

1:39:15

So that was a news. Thing. That I saw

1:39:17

him doing an arm, I knew he'd. Get.

1:39:20

Me said So I waited. I waited all

1:39:22

that time for it's of finally take out

1:39:24

of my system. It took. Forever. Testing

1:39:26

is yeah. I got a cat China

1:39:28

I waited like a month after not getting it. it

1:39:31

didn't work. I think up to lake month. To

1:39:33

I finally got to break through an. Incredible.

1:39:36

I mean I think the whole thing.

1:39:38

I think addiction is so incredible and

1:39:40

I just think about like the due

1:39:42

to the liquor store who sells crack

1:39:44

pipes. It's like does she have any

1:39:46

idea of who's gonna fucking show up

1:39:48

and the condition there is a my

1:39:50

just it's crazy. it's crazy. the stuff

1:39:52

that we do yeah M M dumb

1:39:55

and then the economy's that exists. You

1:39:57

know that live off of what we

1:39:59

do and. I mean, we don't need to go down

1:40:01

that path. I just have to thank you for coming.

1:40:04

You are a quintess, I'm not stopping this

1:40:06

thing. I'm just in a

1:40:08

moment of sheer joy and gratitude that you

1:40:10

should in a bush in Boston after I

1:40:12

told you my urinating in my pants on

1:40:14

the street. And there were bathrooms there. I

1:40:16

could have gone someplace. I don't know

1:40:18

why I didn't. Dave, that's

1:40:20

really bad. I know, I know.

1:40:22

Why are you judging me for? What are you

1:40:25

judging me for? All right, so. Is