0:05

All right, well, I'll be in

0:08

Augusta and North Charleston among a

0:10

bunch of other dates. Go to

0:12

chrislia.com. I'm there next

0:14

week, Augusta, or this week, Augusta

0:16

and North Charleston. So get

0:18

your tickets at chrislia.com and

0:20

the special at chrislia.com and a bunch of

0:22

other cities and my Australian dates are on

0:25

tour. I'm on New Zealand. So

0:28

anyway, this is the next,

0:32

what episode is it? 378

0:35

of congratulations. Crazy, crazy,

0:38

crazy, crazy, crazy.

0:41

Congratulations. Well,

0:46

it is, look, I, as

0:50

you notice, I got this cowboy hat on. I don't really,

0:52

the rest of me in that cowboy right now, but the

0:55

insides are, you know what I'm,

0:58

I'm a, I went to stage

1:00

coach, dude. I went to stage coach and

1:03

let me just tell you something, man, from years of

1:05

making fun of festivals and

1:07

stage coach and, you know, not

1:10

even just stage coach, but just

1:12

ultra making fun of Coachella. You

1:16

know, my, my, and you know, if you've listened to

1:18

the past few episodes, you know, you know about me

1:20

and going to stage coach and how it all came

1:22

about, you know, my wife is like,

1:24

I want to go. And I was like, Oh, we'll see. And

1:27

then Hardy hooked it all up and we went, I, you

1:30

know, I don't even know. I guess I could

1:32

tell the, you know, we

1:34

get in the car Friday. It

1:37

takes, and look, we're there for three days. Okay.

1:40

You go to a festival for three days. That's

1:43

basically your, your job. You have a new

1:45

job for three days. And if you're not

1:47

a singer, which you're not, I'm

1:49

not, maybe you are if you're listening, you're

1:53

a festival goer and you work

1:56

so hard there trying to

1:58

have fun and also. not

2:00

have your legs collapse from under

2:02

you because of either the dehydration

2:05

or the wrong shoes. Okay?

2:09

Now, I wore shoes

2:11

I have. Okay? I

2:13

wore shoes I have, which means I've worn them

2:16

before, which means I've worn them quite a bit

2:18

before. Yes, they're boots and I've been in my

2:20

boot era. I've been in my boots era. I've

2:22

worn boots before. I've worn boots on stage. All

2:24

right? I've got red wings. I've

2:26

even had Yeezy boots, which were so... They're

2:29

comfortable. Okay? Yeezy made comfortable

2:31

stuff. You got to understand Yeezy

2:33

made comfortable stuff. Okay? The

2:36

first day, I put

2:39

my red wings on and boy, was I country,

2:41

man. I mean, I look like Arthur Morgan, right?

2:43

I look like Red Dead Redemption and I had

2:45

a black hat. My wife dressed me, dude, and

2:48

I'm cool with it. My wife

2:51

is like, what do you want to wear?

2:53

What should you wear? And I go, you

2:55

dress me. Like putting her to it. And

2:58

she says, really? And I say, yep.

3:02

She laid it all out on the bed. She

3:04

says, which ones do you want to bring? And I go, all

3:07

of them. Brought all

3:09

the hats, brought all the shirts, brought

3:11

the t-shirts, brought the pants and

3:13

the boots. Okay?

3:16

So I put them on. She's

3:20

in the room, by the way. So I put them on and

3:23

we went to... So we went Friday.

3:26

I put the red wings on, the red wing boots on, and I looked

3:28

good. I had a black sweater on. She

3:30

was like, don't wear the sweater. I was like, well, you put the

3:32

sweater in the bag. So technically, you did kind of... You know what

3:34

I mean? You did kind of actually dress this. And so you should

3:37

have put the sweater in the bag if you do. But I wasn't

3:39

allowed to wear the sweater. So I wore the sweater. And

3:45

I... Hold

3:48

on my phone. Whoops. Let

3:50

me turn the ringer down. The

3:58

boots were fine. All good. Second

4:00

day I was like, you

4:02

know what? I'm gonna put on a different outfit

4:04

denim on denim, dude Was

4:07

killing it. Okay second day

4:09

put the Yeezy boots on and and

4:13

Kristen's friends were like those

4:15

are cool boots and I said yeah, and you know, what's

4:17

great? These are Yeezy. So they're comfortable when I had the

4:19

word comfortable come out of my mouth. I Thought

4:23

I wonder actually if this is true You

4:26

know because you walk all day by the end of the day

4:29

my feet looked

4:32

like a Sarlacc

4:35

pit dude my feet my the

4:37

blisters I'll send you a

4:39

picture of it. So we could put it up right here I

4:41

took a picture of it. It is the

4:43

biggest blister you've ever seen in the world. Oh It's

4:48

so pink dude the back of his

4:50

the back of his heel is so

4:53

pink It looks

4:55

like you can fuck it. Yeah Oh

4:59

Dude and guess what man?

5:01

I'm disgusting and disgusting for that it played dude I

5:03

told I said man my feet are bleeding She was

5:05

laughing like I was not telling the truth But one

5:08

thing I am is country and a truth teller Okay,

5:10

and I and I took off my socks

5:13

red talk about red dead redemption,

5:15

dude dead

5:17

I Mean

5:20

red and then also The

5:24

Next day I put I had to put on regular shoes. I

5:26

was not country anymore. I'm from my feet down I

5:29

put on regular shoes took those

5:31

shoes off the third day. Guess what? so

5:35

fucking bloody Disgusting

5:38

put on four band-aids or soaked So

5:41

anyway the picture of the the the blisters right here and

5:43

I made a little face out of it too here I

5:46

said to her friends just as a joke Um,

5:49

let me just tell you The

5:54

country world and now look, you know, I

5:59

know these guys right I know I know I don't

6:01

I don't know Morgan Wallen really I met him this

6:03

weekend, but I know Ernest I

6:05

know I know Hardy I know

6:07

you know I met Jelly Roll this weekend All

6:10

the dudes all right and then a

6:12

bunch of country, you know singer Sarah

6:14

Evans and I

6:20

Don't know what I'm doing there, you know look hey

6:22

I just put the hat on and it for a second I was like

6:25

am I fronting but then I was like Man,

6:28

it's kind of just like Halloween, you know Even

6:31

when country music singers dress up They're

6:34

dressed It's kind of Halloween for them to you know

6:36

unless they're really on the ranch and with a rope

6:38

and a cow and a horse It's

6:42

like just wear just wear the wear sweats,

6:45

you know, I'm talking about So

6:52

So these guys Hardy was

6:55

was nice enough to invite us And

6:58

it was so fun. His wife is

7:00

absolutely amazing. He's amazing the guy's such

7:02

a talent like I Mean,

7:05

they're all they're all great. They're all on the stage

7:07

for a reason, you know, Ernest is great His voice

7:09

is amazing. He's a killer songwriter and We

7:12

saw him to Hardy's

7:14

rock and roll, you know and country

7:16

and I just love that dude. I

7:19

love that. He's like you

7:22

know Really aggressive out

7:24

there and it's cool to see man, and

7:27

I'm watching them and I'm going fuck. Yeah, dude Me

7:30

too. That's what I'm doing. And Whatever

7:33

he's saying. I go me too. He says much, you know, I

7:35

got up on the wrong side of the truck bed or whatever

7:37

I go me too. He said I made

7:39

this rock song I go I go

7:41

me too You know what I mean? And

7:50

So Shout out to

7:52

them really for making us feel great.

7:55

My wife did a What

7:57

Do you call it shotgun beer with? With.

8:01

Harder there was real country man she from

8:03

not go on anyway ah the first night

8:05

dude we went and we got there and

8:07

it takes so long to get to the

8:09

fuck confessed to unearth up the whole time

8:11

at the best. One thing is this worth

8:13

it my seat my tux my brother a

8:15

forty foot my back due to have you

8:17

ever walked for more than like. Five.

8:20

Hours. It's why

8:22

it destroys you.

8:26

He ever. Been around and not

8:29

set that. I'm not even going to

8:31

say walking giver not sat down for

8:33

five hours a dude. Destruction.

8:37

My lower back destroyed.

8:39

My legs destroyed. I'm

8:41

in a river of

8:43

read my seat bleeding.

8:46

Destruction Or who? Oh I Destruction that

8:48

operates about that five hour mark. And

8:50

I do And I said oh my

8:52

What I said. My friends, pay. Out

8:55

of our is your body destroyed

8:57

and they say yeah kinder and

8:59

I say is it worth it.

9:02

And they say what we had a

9:04

good time You know they suggest what

9:06

is it? Sucks Now this ada. Ever.

9:10

Been around without sitting down for

9:12

five hours. Yo. As a

9:14

forty four year old kid, do that. So. The

9:17

first night we have we we

9:19

were what we were there were

9:22

looking at Eric Church who watch

9:24

Jelly Roll Killer Killer or Killers

9:26

so good and dumb. And.

9:30

We get back to the car.

9:33

And. I'm like. Alright,

9:35

let's go stay the hotels. Fifteen minutes away

9:37

from the festival which. You.

9:40

Know i'm like our socks i thought was closer

9:42

but because i'm argument or target heart he to

9:44

get funny baby she's laughing. Fifty

9:46

Minutes sucks. When you're to, you know it's going to

9:49

take so long to get into the Visible right when

9:51

you a year apart at a festival? you're not there

9:53

yet. They. Were parked at

9:55

a festival. You could be

9:57

in a different city. Being.

10:00

Real. Being. Real. Being

10:03

real, It's you're like, oh,

10:05

I parked in one see, but

10:07

not in the city of the

10:09

actual festival. Okay,

10:13

So. So.

10:15

I went to so we we got

10:17

out we left and gotten that car

10:19

drove i I say hate to my

10:22

went off without a hitter's it to

10:24

My wife has put the address of

10:26

the hotel in the I'm. In

10:29

the in the in the things up in the navigation so we can

10:31

get there are no with l am I'm in India. And.

10:34

Or and she says okay, does

10:36

it? At. By the way she does

10:38

the scene where I like to use the car

10:40

navigation because it's part the car and drive a

10:42

car I would his car navigation and she's always

10:44

like now use apple play because it switches to

10:46

this. You can't use the navigator because it's hard

10:48

because the reason apple play with the switch back

10:50

to the navigate I got or I find would

10:52

do it your way. She clicks it. We go

10:54

to the you know. We're.

10:56

Driving. And they do

10:59

the thing where a shut down roads

11:01

right? For no fucking, I don't give a

11:03

shit that there's on a dozen people or. They

11:06

do it for they do it. The cops do it

11:08

just cause. They.

11:11

All his. That's all we got shot, some wrote down began to make

11:13

it so they got to go this way. Didn't.

11:17

While the cake go this way now then goods

11:19

it's gonna be too easy and and they will

11:21

be stay sick or fucking more Said to me

11:23

are right there too dumb. So mega mall go

11:25

this way sites but I'm all into this way.

11:29

Siphon a. Surrogate. Siphoned.

11:32

You. Know. And we go to are.

11:34

We. Start taken. A drive.

11:38

Back. To the hotel. And.

11:44

We. We can take a right to go to our.saga

11:46

of soccer. gonna go to from where cops or did

11:48

you know doing the thing with her. And

11:53

I urge are of drown. You

11:57

watch Cox probably go but as you drive

11:59

I ah fuck. Get

12:02

out of their did. It always goes right up there. Do

12:04

you know? You.

12:07

Get the next one. you go right. And

12:09

he did the next. When you go right, you make

12:11

right and your next one to make right which was

12:13

the right you're going to make in the first place,

12:15

but I make in the third right and you go

12:17

back to the place. That you want to go to. Is.

12:20

Blocked off so you got of fuck

12:22

it's by the way up and nine

12:24

extra minutes. Okay, Siegel, occupy right with

12:26

the we need to pick a right

12:28

into the thing so we could take

12:30

another rights back into the. Place.

12:34

Where I go to the. Are

12:36

you on your coupons? Struck you constrained. Maybe there's another way

12:38

to do it. There

12:42

were. I. Tried

12:44

for different ways. Couldn't.

12:46

Get to the hotel because was complete

12:49

the buck up. Now I'm pissed. Okay,

12:51

it's not already pissed, my feet hurt

12:53

to high heaven. Okay, and I'm like

12:55

this is absolutely terrible. but okay, whatever.

12:59

I. Go To. I.

13:02

Finally I get to the point where I'm I gotta

13:04

ask this fucking cop. Like.

13:07

What the fuck dude. Okay and like a

13:09

to cops one not gonna. I don't get

13:11

arrested you know and I'm like I'm announcing

13:13

there's are shooting or something. you know. Why?

13:16

Do they blocked off. Road.

13:18

On the way to the cop. Hey hey excuse me

13:20

sorry officer but we gotta get in there

13:22

which is the blocked off area. And.

13:24

He says. Gg did

13:27

hear ya your resident and is it was stay

13:29

in in there so I mean like we don't

13:31

live there with the hotel the hotels in there

13:33

so we gotta go that ways I know you

13:35

gotta turn around, go A D C the one

13:37

eleven and then take the one eleven and that's

13:39

how you get their and say the one right

13:41

you know you to want to your get a

13:43

hold up traffic see okay that you look at

13:45

the one eleven where the wizard want to live

13:47

another one eleven it's is five minutes away so

13:49

I'm like a that's in my head of like

13:51

that's really what the fuck is is cup talking

13:53

about. Our. Eyes, What is this cop

13:56

talking about? So now we go up

13:58

and turn around and picked. next left.

14:00

I'm trying to take a left back into the

14:04

way to get to the hotel. The

14:06

lady cop now and another cop. There's

14:08

a lady cop and another cop and I say, hey

14:10

listen, he says, yeah, you got to turn around. I

14:12

say, buddy, that's what the last

14:14

cop said. We need to get in there because

14:17

we're staying in there. And they said, well, it's

14:19

locked off till two. And oh shit, it's only

14:21

1230. Okay. So now

14:24

I'm like, for an hour and a half, we just got to

14:26

be circling. So

14:31

I try to go another way. The cops says, not blocked

14:33

off. It's blocked off. So dude, I'm so I am imagining

14:36

this situation. I just want to get home. I'm so

14:38

tired. I

14:41

call the hotel. I said, Kristen, get

14:43

him on the horn. What

14:47

if it's the hotel's fault? They don't know how

14:49

to get there. There's no access to get there.

14:51

They should have prepped us. Okay. Call

14:54

the hotel. Dude, the way the guy picked

14:56

up. Hello,

14:58

how may I help you? I'm blood curdling.

15:00

Like don't know something like,

15:02

hey, bud, know something's up. Right?

15:06

Just hello. How may I help you? Renaissance

15:08

hotel. Everything's all good. No, it's not dude.

15:11

Everything couldn't be more chill. We're absolutely chill.

15:13

Tastic. What's up? How may I

15:15

help you? How may I help you enjoy your

15:17

stay? I'm not enjoying my stay. In fact, I'm

15:19

not even staying right now. I'm

15:23

driving. I keep a circle twice. I

15:26

talk to calm, you know, because it's not the guy's

15:28

fault. Right? So I say, Hey, buddy. Hey, man. I

15:30

got it. You know,

15:34

it's blocked off. So how do we get

15:37

in to the

15:39

hotel because everything's blocked off and the

15:41

guy says, excuse me? And

15:43

I say, Oh, I might have a mic. We're gonna play that game.

15:47

So here's the deal. The, the, we can't get

15:49

to the hotel. So

15:51

it's blocked off. So, so what's going on?

15:53

How do we get into the hotel? Because,

15:57

because surely we're not the

15:59

first. first call you've gotten about this,

16:01

right? And he says, oh

16:04

no, I haven't heard about it. Now

16:06

I have to

16:09

check if I'm dead, right? I

16:12

have to check if I'm dead because I'm so pissed off, right? And

16:15

I have to fill my pulse and I say, yeah,

16:17

but everyone's

16:21

staying at your hotel, it's full and

16:24

I can't get there, which means other people can't

16:26

get there, it's blocked off, so what's going on? And he said,

16:29

I don't know. And I said, so

16:31

you know, so what

16:33

is it? And he says, I don't know, there was

16:36

a fire far

16:38

away, but I don't think it's the fire. Is

16:41

there a shooting or something? He

16:43

says, I don't know. I say, hang

16:45

up, we hang up. Dude,

16:48

Kristen's friend from the backseat after an hour and

16:50

15 minutes says, I think,

16:53

wait, hold on. Is

16:56

the right address in the thing? And

16:59

I say, what? I say, huh? She

17:01

says, is the right address in the, and

17:03

I was like, what are you talking about? She

17:06

said, it's 444. Oh, oh, oh. I say, is

17:08

it? Wait, look, here. Good. Kristen,

17:13

put the fucking address

17:19

of the festival into

17:23

the goddamn Google

17:27

dude. She put the address of

17:29

the festival when we were leaving the festival. Here's the

17:31

kicker, dude. The parking was so far from the festival

17:33

that it just seemed normal. It

17:36

was 15 minutes to the fucking festival from the

17:38

parking space, dude. And

17:40

15 minutes to the hotel. So I'm just driving. Just

17:44

circling the festival, trying

17:46

to argue with cops that I live in

17:48

the festival. No,

17:51

dude, wait, it's blocked. Oh, I'm trying.

17:53

This fucking guy, right? What is

17:56

that fucking, does he say that sitcom actor? Trying

17:59

to get it to the festival? He said he lives there. No,

18:02

we got to go in because we live there. We

18:05

live on this stage. Dude,

18:11

I was so mad and I go like this. No,

18:14

well, that's not what happened. I tell my wife, dude,

18:17

I yelled a little bit. It didn't seem like I yelled to

18:19

me, but it seemed like I yelled to sometimes

18:21

you do this thing as a guy where you don't think

18:23

you're yelling, but women think you're yelling, you know, and

18:26

I get it. If you're in a small car with them and you

18:28

raise your voice, it seems like you're you know, you're

18:31

going. So,

18:33

you know, it's all good and we got it.

18:35

We're down. We stay and we still had a

18:38

great time. What

18:44

I do when I go back to the hotel? Oh,

18:47

dude. I

18:50

was like, maybe I am yelling, you know, because her friends thought I

18:52

was yelling too and I was like, fuck, I'm outnumbered, you know. I

18:56

was like, fuck, I got a bad anger problem.

18:59

I wasn't even room. She was with her friends because she was like, fine. I

19:01

won't even be near you. So I was

19:03

like, okay, so I'm like in my room

19:06

and I fucking looked up straight

19:08

up anger management classes. Like

19:10

I was like, I maybe I'll just get into

19:13

anger. Imagine what we'll get hurt. What

19:15

could it hurt? So I sign up

19:17

for anger management classes, dude, and they're like text

19:19

with us and I'm like, oh, this would be

19:21

great. I don't even have to talk to anyone.

19:23

I just text with a person. That's like gonna

19:25

I could just say like and then it's fucking

19:27

happening. We were circling the festival for three. Could

19:29

you believe for an hour? We're super tough. Guess

19:31

what the guess what the address was? The address

19:33

is the festival, not the hotel. The

19:37

guys just it's 3 a.m. The guy on the other side.

19:40

Yeah, man. We let's

19:42

turn it in. Oh, they

19:46

thought we lived in the festival. So

19:50

Hardy was nice enough to

19:52

invite us and then we're driving around like

19:54

fucking assholes. My

19:58

cowboy hat on just like. So,

20:02

uh, so

20:07

I'm like, all right, I'm gonna sign up for the thing.

20:09

And you know, it does the thing where it's like, sign

20:11

up for this thing free. And I'm like, yeah, free. All

20:13

right. All right. Like,

20:16

just one more page away, you know,

20:18

into your free classes. Oh, shit.

20:21

Click it. There was

20:23

like four times that I had to click. And

20:25

then on the fifth one, it said, now,

20:27

50 bucks

20:30

if you want the thing to talk

20:32

to the person. Well,

20:35

I got so mad. Like

20:40

it made it worse. Hey,

20:43

you fucking crooks. It made it worse.

20:46

So now I'm so pissed off. Then I

20:48

got an app. Oh, this is so funny.

20:51

Then I got an app. Hold

20:56

on. That's called quit anger. And

21:02

I and I and I and I paid for it.

21:04

It's like a $10 app, like a fucking sucker because

21:06

I'm like, oh, they they pissed me off so much.

21:09

The $50 thing because we have so much. So I was like, I'm gonna

21:11

give the money to the end. Okay, I'm getting an app and they're being

21:13

transparent about it. So I'm buying it. So, so

21:15

it's there's an anger log. Good.

21:20

This is the anger. So I logged my anger.

21:22

I'm gonna start logging my anger. So

21:26

it says anger level. And

21:29

I wrote nine. Dude,

21:31

and Chris is like, you're you're you get stressed

21:33

out and not at a three. You

21:36

think that and I get stressed out of nine. And

21:38

I'm like, no, dude, three is a nine. She

21:42

doesn't understand the threes and nine. So it

21:44

just triggers. And I put relationship disputes. That's what

21:46

the one you can pick one of those closest

21:48

one. And

21:50

it says warning signs. Dude,

21:55

these are the warning signs. Like I don't know.

21:57

You know how I know I'm angry? I'm fucking.

22:00

furious Like

22:02

warning stuff like like who doesn't know what

22:05

they're angry when they're angry when they're angry

22:07

That's you you feel like

22:10

you know, you're in that band. What's

22:13

that band? fucking

22:16

Slipknot, you know That

22:20

this is warning signs faster heartbeat these ones

22:22

I checked off being unable to

22:24

relax Okay, here's

22:26

it is that they're one feeling hot Here's the

22:29

fourth one Reese Resenting

22:33

other people which I was doing

22:35

in the I forget and they're not gonna say anything in

22:37

the back and they're not gonna Fucking yell at you with

22:40

me. Okay, I get you're on her

22:42

side But you know, she put the wrong fucking

22:44

directions in and how shallow horseshit it is To

22:47

put the festival direct to put the

22:49

festival location when we're leaving the festival

22:53

Nobody opens their eyes yell at her, please So

22:59

Then the fifth the fifth one Feeling

23:01

tense or nervous, which I wasn't nervous. I'll tell

23:03

you that much I was tense though then

23:07

being easily irritated and then did

23:09

this one I like tense muscles

23:11

and Then the

23:13

one that really drove it home, which I was I

23:15

got this is the one feeling overly critical of someone

23:18

Which even when I clicked that when I was like, I

23:20

wasn't really overly critical I

23:28

She's not a dummy but I would you know, then

23:30

it goes response And

23:33

I and you this one you have to type type

23:35

in so I'm like, I gotta be creative I can

23:37

even pick one Response

23:41

I raised my voice at my wife, dude.

23:43

I'm 44 I'm

23:45

a successful comedian and I'm

23:47

at stagecoach and like we got

23:49

all hooked up and I'm in the hotel bed

23:52

alone I raised my voice

23:54

at my wife is typing. I raised my voice at

23:56

my wife Into a quit

23:58

anger app that I paid $10 And

24:02

I just ate a fucking Hershey bar too like

24:05

a piece of shit Then

24:08

it outcome then

24:10

they make you type it in and I write it I

24:12

write She

24:15

was in dude I write she was embarrassed

24:17

in front of her friends and so was

24:19

I oh Baby

24:23

Don't even all you making it worse shut the

24:25

fuck up straight up dude. I

24:28

put oh God man, and I

24:30

was a little embarrassed man because like You

24:33

know women will do this thing that where they think

24:36

yelling is like The same thing is

24:38

getting trapped in a dungeon for a year. You know and

24:40

like whipped and like Abused you

24:42

know like he yelled at me and you got

24:45

to be like oh You

24:48

can't even be like well. What'd you

24:50

do nowadays? You know if could you

24:52

every dude knows what I'm talking about

24:54

right now, dude If your wife put

24:56

the wrong fucking direction and just let

24:58

it ride for an hour

25:00

and 50 minutes She's a navigator. She's a

25:02

navigator. I'm the driver She's a

25:04

navigator and you every dude knows I'm

25:07

talking about and in this day and age you can't

25:09

even be like well What'd you do? Well? What'd she do?

25:12

You know why cuz you're part of the

25:14

problem Right even

25:16

though you know the problem is but

25:18

the wrong directions in a fucking day Oh,

25:26

hey, what'd you do right

25:28

every way to culture where people think that

25:30

going from here to well? Well

25:33

then what what would you do is straight up?

25:36

Ike-turner shit hey Hey,

25:39

dude if you don't whisper

25:41

during an argument you are a an

25:43

abuser so so so

25:46

uh So

25:49

now I'm like What

25:51

was even fucking saying right there? Was

25:54

it talking about I don't know Oh

26:07

Dude that was crazy. I was heated.

26:09

Yeah, I was heated. Okay, so earlier

26:11

on in the day the hotel was

26:14

like I Understand

26:17

you just wanted to relax and so did I

26:21

No, I don't know I feel more at home when I'm fucking

26:24

my muscles are tense and The

26:27

hotel she wanted to be next to her friends What

26:30

the fuck it is. This is even a good podcast. I

26:32

don't even know but did I'm just come by this is

26:34

too much Goodbye, I go. I go into some gratefulness after

26:36

this but dude We

26:40

got there I found out my wife

26:42

called ahead of time to say hey no

26:45

stress on the king bed Can we just make

26:47

sure to get? Next

26:50

week. Oh, no, can we make sure to get Queen Queen

26:52

beds because our friends are gonna stay with us This is

26:54

fine. I'm fine doing that like it was gonna be us

26:56

in a queen bed and then them in a queen bed

26:59

Which is cool. Whatever fucking party. So I Didn't

27:02

know she did that though and we're driving there

27:05

and she's like I gotta call them and tell them

27:07

never mind because Ally Got a room and I go

27:09

I say never mind about what she's like to

27:12

switch back to the king bed because I Had

27:15

requested for two queens and I oh,

27:17

oh you fucked us. Oh Congratulations

27:21

you played yourself. We're fucked would be lucky

27:23

to be sleeping on a cot, you know,

27:25

they're gonna we're gonna sleep in the lobby Oh, this is great, dude We'll

27:28

see about side the hotel right cuz you know You don't want to ask

27:30

for anything extra especially when you know, it's gonna be sold out weekend at

27:32

a fucking hotel They're gonna fuck you

27:34

right and and and and so she

27:36

calls and says hey, can I get that? Can

27:39

we actually get never mind? Can you put a note on and say

27:41

never mind? We want to king bed we get there we get to

27:43

think of course. We have two queen beds Now

27:47

we're still we're next to the we're next to them

27:49

though. So that's cool It's we're next to her friends,

27:51

but we have two queen beds. Yeah, dude two grown

27:53

adults sleeping in the queen bed Yeah, that's okay, but

27:55

we used to kick kind of King, but it's alright

27:57

though, dude, but okay, so now I

28:01

say to her, oh, well, this is kind of sucks.

28:03

Maybe we see we get a king

28:05

bed She's like, okay, let's go go down and see

28:07

if we get a king bed But see if we

28:09

can get one close to the friends and as I'm

28:12

walking down that I'm like this does she know how

28:14

life works You want

28:16

to just switch to a room

28:19

on a Friday a stagecoach and a sold-out

28:21

Resort that you you think that you

28:24

could just get the next this but

28:26

people are in there, dude People been

28:28

fucking and showering Okay,

28:31

so I Go

28:33

to I go to downstairs and I say

28:35

hey buddy. So look My

28:38

my wife called I didn't know she did this but she called and

28:40

put a note in the thing about the two queen Beds and then

28:42

she called to say never mind and he says oh, yeah No, I

28:44

see the note about the two queen beds and I was like, yeah

28:46

Well, then she called and had a note about the never

28:49

mind and I've take that off the note and he said

28:51

Oh, yeah. Well, that's not in here. I said well listen,

28:53

of course, it's not because that's how things happen But

28:55

she did and she ruined it and can we just make

28:57

sure we get the team? He says, ah, let me see

29:00

dude. They think the ten minutes For

29:04

ten minutes just got you one boom on

29:08

another floor. Okay, I go. Hell. Yeah

29:10

king bed. I Go

29:13

I Go

29:16

look at the the hotel room. It's

29:18

cool. It's cool. It's better, right? So

29:21

now I'm like, all right, we're gonna get

29:23

in this one plus they were probably gonna, you know Charge

29:26

me for the extra they're gonna get away with some

29:28

bullshit, you know so I

29:30

go to I Go

29:33

I go to up there and I say babe

29:36

Got the king bed. She said where is it? I said it's on

29:38

the seventh floor. She says no, I'm gonna be here

29:40

my friends And

29:48

I was like How many times are

29:50

gonna change this That she was like

29:52

no, but you you you I want to be close my

29:54

friends. I said, okay Well, would you rather because your friends

29:56

or was you're I've been in king bed? And as I

29:58

said this I was like She's gonna

30:00

say she

30:03

wants to be close to her friends. And

30:05

I'm gonna have to, I'm

30:08

gonna have to, I'm gonna

30:10

have to go back down. And

30:12

I'm gonna have to not yell,

30:14

dude. This

30:17

is so bullshit that

30:19

I'm in this situation. I gotta

30:21

go down again because something she

30:23

created, I gotta go down again,

30:25

dude. And

30:27

I don't get to yell about it

30:30

because if I do, Mike

30:32

Turner. If

30:36

I yell, dude, I'm an

30:38

abuser. So she's like, I wanna

30:40

be close to my friends. And I go. I

30:50

go, I leave, I go

30:52

into the, by the way, the room,

30:54

dude, is so

31:01

cocksuckin' far from

31:04

the elevator that

31:06

I need a snack. Dude,

31:10

it's so far from

31:12

the elevator that I need one

31:14

of those fuckin' sticks

31:16

that I'm with the

31:18

bandana tied with some snacks in

31:20

there. I'm

31:26

trying to keep it together. And let me tell you something,

31:28

dude. On the inside, I feel like I am. On the

31:30

outside, I look like behemoth,

31:38

right? I look terrible, right? I'm just, I'm

31:41

like anime going super saiyan. And

31:46

I go back down and I say, hey,

31:50

so listen. I'm

31:55

sorry, but, and I couldn't even be like, you know,

31:58

women, because the guy was fuckin' You know,

32:01

I wanted to be like, hey bro, I

32:04

don't know if you're married, but these chicks Because

32:08

he basically was one, you know, so

32:10

now I'm like I can't even be mad to this guy, dude

32:14

Hey My

32:16

son There's a deal my

32:18

wife Sent me back

32:21

down here and she wants to actually have the

32:23

first room that we got I know and he

32:25

says oh well

32:30

Did you go into the second room and

32:32

I said, huh and he

32:34

said Well,

32:37

did you look at the second room and I said

32:40

Why and he said because

32:42

if you stepped in that second room That's

32:45

where you have to stay You

32:48

can't go back to the first room Now

32:56

that's The biggest

32:58

horse shit of all of this so

33:00

far and Guess what

33:02

I did. I took so many steps

33:04

in that room. I took

33:07

so many I walked around that room like I

33:09

was going to Purchase

33:11

it as a condo. I

33:13

had my hands in my pockets. I'm looking out to the view. I was like

33:15

this room really is better And

33:18

I said, oh I didn't even I

33:20

looked at him I said, well, I didn't even go

33:22

in it and he said, all

33:24

right I Fuckin

33:27

bullshit rooms out by the way It's not even a rule because

33:29

we went in the first room and you were gonna change it.

33:32

So change it back So

33:35

she knew I was heated I was trying to keep it together

33:38

and I did kind of keep it together except for when she

33:40

Put in the fucking thing about the wrong

33:42

address. That was when I was like, oh, it's

33:44

oh, it's too much Can't

33:46

yell at a woman though, huh? Don't

33:48

write a whole blog about you Can't

33:51

yell at a woman You

33:53

should be able to yell I had a

33:55

woman and you should be able to yell at a man and

33:57

I you know what I wished when the address

34:00

thing happened. I was

34:02

sitting there. I had the

34:04

thought this is how so fucking stupid I am. I'm

34:07

like I can't yell like I want to. I

34:09

wish it was my friend that did this. I'm

34:14

like I wish fucking

34:16

Mike was here so I could just be yelling

34:18

at him at the top of my lungs and

34:20

then we could go eat some fucking chicken or

34:23

whatever you know. Good.

34:35

I mean I signed up for fucking anger management classes you

34:37

know. Alright

34:45

guys let's take a break. I want to

34:47

talk to you about look it's tough to

34:49

make a podcast. It's actually very hard. I

34:51

got to get everyone together. We record it.

34:53

Do post production. We put it all together

34:56

and we release it every week. We do the

34:58

Patreon stuff. You get the idea.

35:00

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CONGRATS. I've

37:27

heard William Nelson my whole life. My dad loves William

37:29

Nelson, you know. He's 91

37:32

and he's up there just, you know, in

37:35

front of 70,000 people just playing the guitar, singing

37:39

and shit. Kristen, I'm

37:41

standing with her and Hardy and

37:44

Kristen just hits me and goes, Hey, look, Kristen

37:47

plays this game. We play this game. We're like,

37:49

Hey, look, it's Sylvester Stallone. It's just some guy

37:51

with muscles, you know? And we're like, yeah, she

37:55

says, Hey, look, next to you,

37:57

Tim Cook, the CEO of Apple

38:00

and I look over and I'm like hilarious

38:02

this is some older guy you know with a polar arm

38:06

and then I'm like watching Willie Nelson and I'm

38:08

like wait a minute I'm

38:10

at a place I'm

38:13

like backstage this

38:15

is totally a place where Tim Cook

38:18

would be you know I'm

38:20

like this is a place where

38:24

the upper like if I turned around and

38:26

saw Busta Rhymes and

38:28

Elon Musk I would

38:31

be like yeah this actually makes sense so

38:33

I take a second look and I go that

38:35

is Tim Cook I'm right next to him I'm

38:37

right next to Tim Cook okay I'm

38:40

like Jesus Christ I never thought I'd be next to Tim Cook you know

38:43

and I look over to my wife and I'm like that

38:46

is Tim Cook and she was like I know I'm

38:48

not playing the game and I'm like oh

38:50

shit so we're sitting here

38:52

watching Willie Nelson I'm next to Tim Cook

38:54

watching somebody like that's

38:57

so stupid dude that that's my life and

38:59

and I and I

39:02

and and we leave the

39:07

shit that Kristen thinks of dude she

39:09

says I

39:12

was like I can't believe we were saying Willie Nelson that's crazy

39:14

that's crazy because one of his

39:17

last concerts he's 91 he's a legend

39:20

we were on the stage with him and

39:22

she says yeah that

39:25

was crazy you

39:27

know what I bet and I was

39:30

like what she's like how much I bet a

39:33

Chinese diplomat

39:36

or like a government official from

39:38

China would pay me like a billion

39:41

dollars to switch

39:44

bodies with me and be

39:46

standing next to Tim Cook because

39:48

you know he had an

39:50

apple watch on and they

39:53

could have like totally hacked

39:55

it dude that

39:57

was the takeaway It

40:00

was like babe What

40:03

the fuck are you talking about and she was like,

40:06

I mean they could totally hack it they probably have this stuff Okay,

40:09

yeah, yeah, yeah, no the switching bodies

40:11

part for a billion dollars Could

40:14

you imagine? just

40:18

We know christian we have coordinates you

40:21

know We have coordinates.

40:24

We got to go to we either go to

40:26

crystal. Yeah, he's a shitty comedian or We

40:30

go to His wife might

40:32

be cool Let's

40:35

do that Next to Tim

40:37

Cook. We have Apple watch make sure to bring the

40:39

mechanism to download all the stuff Okay,

40:47

do it well, how much does it cost billion

40:49

dollars? All right, let's do Give

40:52

to the made-up bank account that nobody gets. Okay,

40:54

put it out there and

40:57

then they just Okay, start

40:59

mechanism Next

41:04

to Tim Cook days Apple watch Wow

41:08

This amazing Apple watch Wow, then

41:11

they're just like oh, yeah roping

41:13

in the wind is like wow

41:22

I guess we don't really know Oh

41:34

Wait a minute Standing

41:38

next to harti. Oh, yeah, he's a big

41:40

deal right now. He's up and

41:42

coming What

41:46

the hell Kendall Jenna doing back, you know, I wait

41:48

hold on a second I was here for some reason

41:50

I forget Just blowing

41:52

the we bought to blow it in

41:54

China. We bought to blow the mission We

41:57

only have limited time for billion dollars Oh

42:01

yeah, that's right, okay, sorry, oh, I

42:04

have tits. I

42:07

got tits standing next to Hardy? What the hell? Wait,

42:11

Nelson, really? He actually really good.

42:14

We don't listen to too much country over in

42:16

China. He's

42:19

sitting down because he's 91. Wait,

42:25

wait, wait, where the fuck? Oh, where Tim Cook go?

42:27

Shit got lost in the music and atmosphere. 70,000

42:30

people? Wow, ah shit, where Tim Cook go?

42:36

He gets back, you fucked up. I

42:38

know, but it was amazing. Have you been

42:40

to stagecoach? We have to listen to country.

42:46

Really, Nelson, on the guitar? Wow. He's

42:49

standing right there. Oh

42:52

no, wait, oh, okay, I'm here.

42:55

Yeah, okay, I'm right here, Kim. Let

42:57

me have mechanism. Wait a minute. Is

43:00

that where we Nelson on the guitar? Hold

43:04

on, I didn't know. Wow, look at

43:06

that sea of people and the fellas will back down.

43:11

I fucked up, guys. I could have

43:13

destroyed America. Instead, I was listening to

43:15

him and I knew he was so good. Anyway,

43:22

I saw Tim Cook. There

43:26

were these women in

43:28

the front row because we could see the

43:30

people and the people could see us. We were on the side of

43:33

the backstage and there were these people in

43:35

the front row,

43:38

these younger Mexican women. They're

43:46

just waving to me. In

43:53

front of me is Tim Cook

43:55

and he's just looking at these Mexican

43:57

women. And

44:02

I mean, he doesn't know who I am. So

44:04

he's like, he

44:07

starts waving to the women. And

44:09

I'm like, oh, fucking Tim Cook is intercepting

44:11

my fucking fans. And

44:15

I just didn't wave. I'm like, no matter what happens, I can wave.

44:19

And then on the way back, I was talking to my wife, I

44:21

was like, well, I don't know. I mean, they could have been waving

44:23

to Tim Cook. And I was like, that is those

44:25

people do not know who Tim Cook is, you know, just

44:28

two people in the front row at a

44:31

state coach just sweaty. They've been there for five

44:33

hours just. I

44:37

want to leave, but I got this space.

44:39

So just

44:42

hits all up against the rail.

44:44

You know, it's so it's so weird. Just

44:47

sweating so hard. Nine

44:50

thousand blisters. Yeah,

44:54

dude. You at

44:56

the stage coach, man. Love

44:59

it. I'm a country guy, man. I'm

45:01

gonna start listening. I'm gonna start listening to more

45:03

country. Was there for Morgan

45:06

Wallin? And

45:09

yeah, he's a cool dude. God, he's huge, huh?

45:12

He was 120,000 people out there. Comedy

45:17

doesn't do that. You know, music really touches people.

45:20

Like it's crazy. I was out there listening to Reva

45:22

McIntyre was out there and I was out in the

45:24

pit just like watching Reva McIntyre like I'm not Krista

45:26

Leah and I was watching it and

45:28

I was Miranda Lambert

45:30

was there. Miranda

45:33

Lambert. And

45:38

Miranda Lambert and Adam Sandler. Miranda

45:43

Lambert and Adam Sandler and Pampers. And

45:52

so I go to the I'm looking at him and I'm

45:55

watching my voice out there in time and shit and then

45:57

like I'm like, wow, I'm looking at Reva McIntyre and I'm

45:59

looking around. and like really

46:04

like you know young

46:07

cool people pretty

46:10

women good-looking

46:12

60 year old

46:14

man older or

46:17

like middle-aged like troglodyte looking

46:19

people like just fucking ugly

46:22

like dregs you know like where you're like

46:24

is that job of the fucking hot and

46:28

it's just bringing everyone together you know no

46:30

matter how many teeth you have and

46:33

like that's a beautiful thing like

46:35

music brings you together one of the most beautiful things about

46:37

music is it brings you together no matter how many teeth

46:39

you have you

46:41

know but you could have a

46:44

fucking mouthful of beautiful off-white

46:47

veneers that look natural and

46:52

you could be standing right

46:54

next to somebody who

46:56

has who is 50 years

46:58

old with three teeth and they haven't brushed them since

47:01

they were 42 and

47:03

and you're just both

47:05

there because of

47:07

the chain smokers you know like

47:10

that's that's the most beautiful

47:12

thing about about music

47:15

it really is I'm looking around and

47:18

I'm just like wow Reba McIntyre I

47:20

can't believe it she's 135 years old and she's up there doing her

47:24

thing and everyone from young to

47:26

old is just you know whatever song

47:28

she's singing I blew up

47:30

his car on fire you know I mean whatever the

47:32

fuck they every every female country

47:34

song has to be like and that's when

47:36

I stab him in the eyes hey

47:39

that's when I fucking rip the dick off down to get down to

47:41

get down that's the

47:45

last time don't get down to down to know he'll

47:47

take my beard egg down to get down to it's

47:49

like whoa this is not the fucking

47:51

punishment doesn't fit the crime he

47:54

yelled at me in the car a little louder than his own voices

47:56

abuse our down to get down to get down to get down to

47:58

get down down down down down down the dick off down to

48:00

get down dick down dick down dick down now goggles balls

48:02

that was the last thing you saw blew his car up

48:05

on fire down to get down to get down to town

48:07

took my keys to his car put him in

48:09

his anus and fucking made us

48:12

sit down to get down to get down to get down down to get down put

48:19

him over some hot put him over some put

48:21

him over some hot rake them over some hot

48:23

coals because he looked at me sideways down big

48:25

a man make a doing down to get down

48:27

to get down right there

48:31

I was in my Chevrolet you know so

48:39

we're watching Reba McIntyre and it's great

48:41

man and Miranda Lambert kills it dude

48:43

like I understand it's not my music

48:46

but dude they're killing it I

48:48

love when to see professional musicians the

48:50

number one reason why I like to

48:52

see professional musicians then this is the

48:55

truth is I love to see

48:57

them in between their lyrics I

49:00

love the the the the

49:03

the the

49:05

mechanism that they have in their head where they're just

49:07

like you

49:11

will you see for a split second behind

49:13

their face they're like on the

49:16

day's work you know they're just

49:18

like they'll be like I fucking

49:20

you know I ripped my man's

49:22

dick off and then they just go like this

49:24

and you see them you see their face and

49:26

before the next line it's just like you

49:29

see them and their face

49:31

if you take a snapshot of the face

49:33

they could just be at a cafe somewhere

49:35

just chillin and then until they hit that

49:38

up because it raised his voice you know

49:40

I'm just like that is the that's awesome

49:42

dude I love that shit so

49:47

we had these wristbands you know that what you kept

49:49

getting like in stagecoach they kept getting you

49:52

kept you keep getting

49:55

there's like 900 different tickets you can get

49:57

it's and they give you a wristband you know what

49:59

wristband you have on it and it just gets you

50:01

into VIP areas and shit or not, right?

50:07

And the

50:11

wristbands we had were the best ones, you know, because

50:14

we were the artists guests, right? With the

50:16

artists past. And so like, we

50:20

just kept going into different levels. We

50:22

were like going, you know, because the fucking, we're

50:24

part 15 minutes away. And then there's

50:26

doors, you gotta go through the doors, you gotta see

50:28

if your wristband, boop. Okay, good we go, boop, you

50:31

keep walking, boop. Oh, keep getting further and further, boop.

50:33

Pretty soon you'll be the core of the earth. You're

50:35

like, it's getting fucking hot, you know, boop. And there

50:37

it is, there's fucking earnest, you know, in the middle

50:39

of it, just burning alive. Oh,

50:43

cool, Luke Grimes, this is great. It's

50:45

hot, right? Why

50:48

is he, he's a country singer and actor? I don't

50:50

really understand. Oh, he's on Yellowstone,

50:52

so he's got a country album, okay. Okay.

50:58

That'd be like if Johnny Pellow had a rap album,

51:00

but okay, okay, that's fine. And

51:03

so, so

51:08

we get into the level, we get into the

51:10

diamond saloon, you get into that part, then you

51:12

get into the artist

51:15

area and then you, dude, you don't even get,

51:17

that's not, you think, oh, this is the artist

51:20

compound, this is the world, this shit, dude, you

51:22

need another level to get on stage, okay. So,

51:27

you walk into the festival, Trog,

51:32

La, Dites,

51:36

okay, you walk into the festival, you park, you

51:38

get out of the car, you see, somebody

51:42

that job of the hut would be like, ew,

51:45

ha ha ha ha ha,

51:48

about, ew, ha ha

51:50

ha, you don't work out, ha ha ha

51:52

ha ha. You

51:54

know,

51:56

and I wouldn't even eat you. So

52:00

you go into the next level. You

52:05

know, people that

52:07

are would be at, you

52:10

know, Universal Studios. All good. You

52:12

get into the next wristband level. Regular

52:16

people where you're like, okay, these people would be

52:18

like people that maybe would be

52:20

maybe would be on the cover of

52:23

a like a Spanish textbook or

52:26

something, you know, or maybe not a cover,

52:28

but like an inside flap in a wheelchair. You know, like,

52:30

yeah, okay. See,

52:32

because they read us. Sure. And

52:36

then you go into the next one. Attractive

52:39

people. So, you know, interspersing like,

52:42

well, then you get into

52:44

the artist compound, bro. Hey, there's

52:50

guys I'd fuck in there. Okay.

52:53

And dude, they got chicks that

52:56

are just like, you want

52:59

to be like just six foot tall,

53:03

big lips look

53:05

like they want to be like, Hey, did they

53:07

just make you like out

53:13

at stage coaches in the, Oh wow, this is,

53:15

this is what life is like, you know. And

53:19

then you go onto the back

53:21

of the stage, dude, I

53:25

fucked a guy. The

53:28

dudes all look like Cindy Crawford's

53:31

husband, you know, and

53:33

the women look like hot Jar

53:37

Jar Binks with big boobs. You

53:40

know, just like totally like, whoa,

53:42

alien chicks. But where did you come from? And

53:48

it's crazy how much better looking stuff gets when

53:54

you get to the core of the earth, when the money, when

53:56

you get to the money, you know what I'm talking about? It's wild,

53:58

dude. It

54:01

is wild. I

54:04

just... We

54:13

were at Ernest's

54:15

birthday party and Wiz Khalifa was there for some reason.

54:17

Wiz Khalifa is like country. I don't know. Like

54:20

Post Malone and Wiz Khalifa all of a sudden are just like,

54:23

ahh, psych. You

54:29

know? Wiz Khalifa is 9 feet

54:31

tall and was there. And

54:35

it's... I

54:41

got imposter syndrome man. Cause I'm like, I'm like,

54:43

oh dude I don't want to meet him. He'll

54:46

hate me. You know? I need to

54:48

go on my... I need to log that in my anger app. But

54:53

yeah. It

54:56

was cool man. Those houses and near the fucking... I

54:59

guess that's a destination. Indio? What's

55:02

that? Oh yeah. His

55:04

kid did the cutest thing. Ryman,

55:08

Ernest's kid did the cutest thing. I

55:11

was like, alright buddy,

55:14

well I'm gonna go and I went to

55:16

go give him a pound and he goes

55:19

like this. He comes up to me

55:21

and hugs my fist and I'm like, oh my god. And

55:23

then he puts my fist to the side

55:25

and hugs me. And I was like,

55:27

oh my god that's so cute. I miss my

55:29

kids. I

55:36

can't believe how nice fucking country people

55:39

are. Like... It's

55:44

wild. Those are my... I want to

55:47

be a country artist man. I'd

55:51

be so bad at it dude. I don't know how

55:53

they sing so hard and so good and

55:56

loud, you know? And

55:58

do it night after night? And

56:01

just killing it because I'm like You

56:05

know, I was talking to hard I was like dude, how

56:07

do you do this? It's so crazy. You can do this

56:09

He's like we do the same thing and I'm like not

56:12

really dude I'm just doing jokes but like to

56:14

put a whole song together and have to keep

56:16

singing it and and and and and and and

56:19

sound good and he was like, I mean,

56:21

I guess it's just you know, I Don't

56:24

do that and he doesn't do what I do. But like it's

56:26

just That's such

56:29

a talent to do that Like

56:31

I joke around about how I don't listen to why I don't listen

56:33

to music But I joke around about how like I don't ever want

56:35

to be listening to music I mean, I don't ever want to be

56:38

those you know, I mean like it's so

56:40

it's such a town And

56:42

it really brings people together man when I was standing there looking

56:45

at Riva and all the truck lights I know I start talking

56:47

people just dancing with her I'm

56:49

just like wow, that's great. And

56:52

I never wanted to be a singer I

56:54

never wanted they always say comedians wanted to secretly be

56:56

rock stars and they're just comedians because I can't be

56:58

rock stars I was like, that's not true and

57:01

it's still not true for me, but like You

57:05

see Morgan Wallen up there and like Hardy

57:08

and Ernest and all those dudes and they're just

57:10

playing a jelly roll in front and a hundred

57:13

thousand people and you're just like They're

57:16

singing their his songs, you know, it's

57:18

a weird world, bro Cuz

57:21

you're like to see both sides of it to see

57:23

that because I said, you know, I understand I'm a

57:25

comedian I know that like yeah, look

57:27

I have fans and I've you know people

57:29

think I'm a celebrity and shit and like

57:32

but like to be on the Celebrity

57:34

side of it like I don't think

57:37

of myself that way. So I still

57:39

like think of myself as like Look,

57:43

I shouldn't be here, you know, and and then

57:45

I'm like dude everyone else thinks that too you

57:48

know Like

57:51

machine gun Kelly and Megan Fox were there maybe

57:53

they think that too, you know I

57:55

think Fox most famous fucking person in the world And

57:59

then she She's like, and she

58:02

actually said she listens to the podcast, which is so fucking

58:04

cool. She was super nice. The two of them are really

58:06

cool. He's got all those, he's

58:08

got those sleeves. And

58:12

the chest. I was like,

58:15

bro, how did you do that? I'm like a pussy

58:17

with my little airplane tattoo.

58:22

But yeah, Mega Fox super nice and shit. And like, I'm

58:25

just like, do they feel like they

58:27

should be there? I

58:29

understand like there's quite a few steps from

58:33

me to a lot of these other stars, but like, I'm like, so

58:39

fucking weird to be there, to

58:42

be there because you're also just

58:47

like, there's that whole thing where it's like, this

58:49

is the life, this is the desirable. You get to like

58:51

hang out with all these people. You get to like be

58:54

in the club, you know? And

58:56

I know what it feels like to be in the club and out of the club. And

59:01

ultimately, it's not what's important. What's important is

59:03

like family and friends. And

59:05

it's so weird to think of like, I'm

59:08

just fucking the difference

59:12

in being here and there is, is 100 feet,

59:14

you know? And

59:17

people can let it go to their heads. Be

59:19

like, I'm in the art, I'm an artist, I'm

59:21

in the artist lounge, I'm in the fucking, I

59:23

got the wristband or whatever. It

59:26

makes me start to feel so weird about it,

59:28

dude. I start to

59:30

feel so weird about it. So

59:32

you know, you just go back to like, wow, I'm really

59:34

grateful to, you

59:36

know, I'm really grateful like this

59:39

is cool. I'm at

59:41

the place where people who are

59:44

at the top of their game are doing their

59:46

thing and I get to experience it in a

59:48

different way. And I get to experience them

59:51

as a person. And I get

59:53

to see kind of like behind the scenes

59:55

of it and like how they work and how they

59:57

do it and how professional they are. And

1:00:00

it's really cool. And

1:00:02

just everybody, shout out to everybody

1:00:04

who was there. Hardy's team is

1:00:07

amazing. Taylor and

1:00:10

his wife Callie and just the other band

1:00:12

members were just so hospitable

1:00:14

and like... It

1:00:20

was inspiring actually. It really was inspiring.

1:00:22

It was inspiring to see

1:00:24

these guys do that. And

1:00:27

Morgan Wallen and

1:00:29

Ernest and Jelly Roll. And I

1:00:32

don't do that. I fucking

1:00:34

go up and tell dick jokes to way

1:00:36

less people. But it's just like... It

1:00:40

inspired me to be... Nice

1:00:46

and good and like

1:00:50

make people feel good because they really made me feel

1:00:52

good, dude. And they made

1:00:54

my wife feel good. It's

1:00:56

so cool. I

1:00:59

just feel really grateful. And

1:01:02

I don't know, is that corny to

1:01:05

say? I mean, I know it's not... I

1:01:08

know I get it. People think I'm dicks. I'm

1:01:11

a dick because I'm on a podcast always

1:01:13

complaining. But that's not... I understand that. It's

1:01:15

funny, that's all not. I'm also like the

1:01:18

other way. Like people would just walk out

1:01:20

to me like that old Eddie Murphy joke where people were like,

1:01:22

hey, fuck you. Like people would just come up to me and

1:01:24

be like, fuck you, bro. He

1:01:29

was just like, okay. I

1:01:32

don't know. I

1:01:35

should call it. David Sullivan's birthday. David

1:01:43

Sullivan's birthday, I'm gonna call him. He's

1:01:51

not gonna pick up. He doesn't pick

1:01:53

up. That's embarrassing for me. Dude,

1:02:07

yeah, I'm a stage coach boy. Hey, hey,

1:02:09

listen, I'm putting you, I'm on my podcast,

1:02:11

but I am calling you because it's your

1:02:13

birthday and I wanted to do this on

1:02:15

the podcast and say happy birthday, dude. Oh

1:02:18

man, that's nice of you. Yeah, man.

1:02:21

Dude, am I okay? Let

1:02:24

me tell you something, man. How's that stage coach? That

1:02:26

fucking place opened my eyes, dude. That's what I am

1:02:28

right now. Are you a cowboy? I'm

1:02:31

country and I'm a nice boy. Yeah,

1:02:34

you're a nice boy because you never

1:02:36

call me. Dude. You're

1:02:39

changed, huh? I'm so good

1:02:41

and like I'm so happy with

1:02:43

how great stage coach made me.

1:02:47

Yeah, man. And I'm just calling you to say

1:02:49

happy birthday. I know your country through and through,

1:02:51

man. And we're just both crazy country, man. Dude,

1:02:53

we're both crazy country now, aren't we? I

1:02:56

mean, I've been a little country myself, but you

1:02:59

just turned country this weekend. Which

1:03:01

means I probably got more country than

1:03:04

you because I'm like crazy. You're

1:03:06

like probably diluted from all the living of the

1:03:08

life. Me, I'm just in it. I'm

1:03:11

a newborn and I'm just so soaking

1:03:13

it in, dude. Man, even

1:03:15

your voice is different. Why am I

1:03:17

so great right now? Oh, gosh.

1:03:19

I mean, you sound like you're from the hills

1:03:21

of Arkansas. Exactly. I mean, this is Southern Georgia.

1:03:24

Exactly, boy. Now, here's what we're going to need

1:03:26

to do, dude. You're in Texas right now, right?

1:03:29

I am. All right. You're going to need to leave

1:03:31

and come back and we need to watch some movies late at night, man.

1:03:33

I don't want you to be there anymore. I'm

1:03:36

at my brother's this week and

1:03:38

then I'm going to go see my mom probably

1:03:40

next week and then I'll be back probably like

1:03:43

Tuesday or Wednesday. Stop watching movies. Stop running from

1:03:45

something, man. You're always traveling. You're running from something.

1:03:47

No, man. I'm always running

1:03:49

two things, not from things. I'm so

1:03:51

country to have a saying. I'm

1:03:54

just running to it. All right.

1:03:56

You're running to it. I just I wanted

1:03:58

to wish you a happy birthday. you

1:04:00

know and say I love you bud and I'm

1:04:02

country too dude. Yeah dude, keep saying nice things.

1:04:04

Let's see how many nice things you can say.

1:04:06

Alright, I'm sure I'll be... Happy birthday. I'm

1:04:08

sure I'll be... Anything else? Alright

1:04:11

buddy, I'll talk to you later. Alright, see you bro. Alright,

1:04:14

see you. Congratulations

1:04:17

very own David Sullivan. Young

1:04:23

Gravy was there too. He's so tall. I gotta

1:04:25

post the pictures. I already posted the picture to

1:04:28

stagecoach and I didn't get the pictures of Young Gravy yet and

1:04:30

now I just got them so I'll post them later.

1:04:33

I felt bad I didn't include them. And

1:04:35

I didn't post the pictures of Willie Nelson. Whatever, who cares. Yeah.

1:04:42

Well thank you very much guys. That's it for the

1:04:44

episode. If you want to

1:04:46

watch the rest of the episode not

1:04:48

on YouTube, on Patreon, go to patreon.com/Chris

1:04:50

D'Elia and you can watch the whole

1:04:52

rest of the episode and

1:04:55

sign up for the Patreon. And we got that Brian Cowan episode that's

1:04:57

up too. You can sign up for the Patreon. We got stuff on

1:04:59

Patreon. Every month we have an extra

1:05:01

episode on Patreon so go check it out guys. Thank

1:05:04

you very much.