Episode Transcript
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0:00
Tired of ads barging into your favorite
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news podcasts? Good news! Ad-free
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listening on Amazon Music is included with
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your Prime membership. Just head
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to amazon.com/adfreenewspodcasts to catch up
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on the latest episodes without
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the ads. Enjoy thousands of A-Cast shows ad-free for
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Prime subscribers. Some shows may have ads. Hi
0:25
guys, I'm Kandice. And I'm Sorrel. And
0:27
you're listening to Closet Confessions. If
0:29
this is your first time listening to the pod, the simple premise
0:31
is... If
0:35
this is your first time listening to the pod, the simple
0:37
premise is myself and Sorrel gather in my closet to get
0:39
some things off our chest and you get some things off
0:42
of your chest too. But first girl, you know what we
0:44
gotta do. I do. These are my
0:46
confessions. Just when I thought I'd said all
0:48
I could say was she called us. Said
0:50
she got one on the way. These are
0:52
my confessions. We know you
0:54
weren't expecting this today. Surprise motherfuckers!
0:59
No! Hey!
1:03
No, Percy's on track! Surprise
1:05
motherfuckers! Surprise motherfuckers! Guess
1:08
who's here? We
1:10
typically call this day Blue Monday. We
1:13
do. Around the world.
1:15
Apparently, scientists, researchers say it's when
1:17
you're likely to be the most
1:19
depressed. Yes. The high of
1:21
the New Year's and Christmas has worn off. Yeah. Most
1:24
people are yet to be paid. Which is the big
1:26
one. And it's the longest wait, isn't it? Yeah. Because
1:29
people usually get early pay. I remember those days. And early pay
1:31
is nice when you get it. Yeah, but
1:33
it don't help. Because you're paying for Christmas.
1:36
Christmas. Yeah. So child, we said
1:38
no, we gotta lift the kiddie bop spirit.
1:40
So we're here! We gotta raise
1:42
the cousins vibration. We're here! We
1:45
are here with the Minisoads. So let me
1:48
get into it. The confession title is
1:50
to skin the cat or
1:52
not to skin the cat? Skin it. Skin
1:55
up my pom pom. Boom
1:58
boom boom. Anyways,
2:00
I have got my own but...
2:04
Hello lovelies, like everyone, I love you
2:06
both and I love your show. So,
2:09
my confession aka controversial opinion.
2:12
Why do men like shaved cats?
2:15
Bear Whack Who Nuns.
2:23
Why this thing about women
2:25
looking quote unquote clean or
2:27
quote unquote cute and
2:30
women complying? Why
2:32
are we all trying to look
2:34
like prepubescent children when having sex?
2:36
Golly. I'm really sick
2:39
of hearing the excuse around quote unquote
2:41
cleanliness. So were
2:43
you ever taught... Sorry.
2:47
Oh my god,
2:49
you're laughing. So were you ever taught
2:51
how to wash yourself down there properly and
2:54
pubic hair actually protects against
2:56
bacteria, SCIs and other pathogens
2:58
being trans-nisted? Google
3:02
it. I
3:04
just feel that we are
3:08
getting... Stop counting sounds.
3:15
I just feel that we are getting to the point
3:17
where we are losing the ability to smell and be
3:20
attracted to the natural sex pheromones
3:22
that are secreted
3:24
into and held in pubic hair.
3:26
What the... Give me a break.
3:28
This is a kink. And
3:32
sex is a little kink-moan as these are the ends.
3:40
I will probably
3:42
get to the point. I
3:46
don't understand how we go from
3:48
pubic hair to asexual people. More
3:58
and more teens now. More and
4:01
more teens will have
4:03
never had that part of their
4:05
brain that induces
4:08
attraction and sexual desire, that
4:11
reacts to sex pheromones fired up. What
4:13
the hell is happening? Because
4:19
they are all shaving their pubes from
4:22
such a young age. Kids
4:25
will evolve and lose the ability
4:27
to detect sex pheromones and get
4:29
less and less sexual desire, more
4:33
asexual! I'm
4:35
28, I'm sick and I'm tired
4:37
of men demanding I wax before I have
4:40
sex. I refuse and some
4:42
of them actually back out or don't
4:44
want to date me further. I blame
4:46
porn where all
4:48
the men are pubilist because it makes
4:51
their todges look bigger and
4:53
the women wax so the cameras
4:55
get a good close up. So
4:58
men now think that a woman
5:00
with pubes is abnormal. Luckily, my
5:02
new man loves
5:06
my unskinned neatly... So
5:14
why are you writing in? Loves
5:19
my unskinned neatly... What is it, Charlotte Kofi
5:21
and... Kof... Kofud?
5:25
Is that a kwaff? I thought it
5:27
was kwofed. I
5:30
thought it was
5:32
kwofed. Child,
5:34
manacuars. He likes cats. I
5:38
will not do this. I've
5:42
got a dog on my lap. She
5:44
won't like that. They never
5:47
made a painting. Okay,
6:01
and my man loves having a
6:03
good sniff to get him
6:06
all excited. He swears
6:08
he's got more desire than ever
6:10
before. Brackets, research
6:12
shows that pheromones have a positive
6:15
effect on mood. Why
6:17
aren't more men like this? And
6:19
why do women pander to this
6:21
misogyny and patriarchy and pretend it's
6:23
because they are uncomfortable with their
6:26
own pubic hair? There,
6:29
I said it. Girl, you said a lot. Tired
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Full terms at mintmobile.com. Now,
7:23
as someone who has been Mr. Clean,
7:26
Mr. Shine down there for many, many
7:28
years, it solely is a me thing.
7:30
If you want it to be so
7:32
graphic, I can't stand when a pubic
7:35
hair gets tangled in a tampon string.
7:37
You ever thought that motherfucker? You ever thought that? You're
7:40
like, you're writing all these big bars, just that and
7:42
shit. When that
7:45
string gets in a
7:48
double knot with
7:50
that Amazon foreign, you'll be talking
7:52
a different joke. What?
7:55
What if you got four CPVc hair? You
8:03
there talking with all your privilege, you used the word
8:05
tojaw so you know what I'm getting at. I
8:09
don't know if this is the word that uses that word.
8:12
Your pubic hair grows different. No,
8:14
come on. I got
8:17
a bit of getting some diversity and inclusion around
8:19
pubic hair. I want my
8:21
free dad. I
8:26
don't know. What
8:31
the... Gennese!
8:35
Gennese! Born
8:42
in Bethlehem! What?
8:51
Festival! No, why does he care so
8:53
much? I'm not gonna lie to you.
8:56
Permanos, this, permanos, that, permanos,
8:58
pubic hair and permanos. Whoa.
9:01
Whoa, dear sister. He fell
9:03
in the head, eh? Permanos,
9:06
this, permanos, that, and the, the
9:08
pubic hair with the permanos. Calm
9:11
down. Rain it in.
9:18
Rain it in. What
9:27
happened? What
9:30
happened? Every three sentences. What's
9:32
happening? I'm
9:35
confused. I'm confused and I'm
9:37
confuzzled. Young
9:43
everyone, I do hear that there is a
9:45
conversation around men who do say
9:47
that they want women
9:50
to be completely shaved or completely whacked
9:52
or whatever. Yes, absolutely. Don't
9:54
let anyone take it. And in
9:56
my opinion, there is something rooted
9:58
in Peter's face. really are
10:00
when that desire is front and
10:02
center of a conversation in my
10:04
opinion because it does
10:07
just lean towards an underdeveloped child.
10:09
So I hear that. But
10:12
at the same time whether you want a Jackson throw
10:14
or you want a slip and slide, do what makes
10:17
you happy, sis. Because also again, as
10:19
a woman who boldly makes that choice
10:21
for herself, you have to be careful
10:23
of the blanket statements you're making there.
10:25
I couldn't care what other people do
10:27
and I know that my choice isn't
10:29
related to porn, it's
10:31
just the way I like to feel. I
10:33
was a Jackson throw girly for a good
10:36
five to seven years. I
10:38
started getting waxes a year
10:40
and a half ago, year ago. Change
10:42
my life. Life changes. Change
10:44
my life. That hurts. And
10:47
should I miss a month because life has
10:49
got in the way? Fine, you know. Let
10:51
the pajamas and the pajamas be pajamas and
10:53
this and that. But I will text
10:55
my wax lady and say, hey girl,
10:58
I'm going to
11:00
need you on the waves to come along. So
11:04
I don't know, there was a whole lot
11:06
of, a whole lot in here. And some are,
11:09
yeah, some are points, but
11:11
like, I don't know. When you've
11:13
got that pubic hair that you
11:16
can do a silk press on,
11:18
hold deep condition, little vagina
11:21
shake shower cap. You look safe.
11:25
Okay. I
11:30
can envision a triangular shower.
11:34
Held on by a bobby bee. She
11:44
started it. Look at me. She
11:47
started it. I finished it. I
11:50
don't, I don't know what, what. And
11:53
you have a man that is enjoying you so much.
11:56
Where? Just date men who've enjoyed
11:58
that. Yeah. what I
12:00
do love, hairy pussois music. There
12:05
is a genre of music that
12:07
is definitely for people
12:17
who have hairy pussois and
12:20
enjoy their hairy pussois. And
12:23
it's for that, it's,
12:25
it's, there's a feel to
12:27
it. There's a, it's not fully rhythm and
12:29
blues, it's not fully neo soul. Okay, wait,
12:32
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, because even
12:34
though it's not of this genre, do
12:36
you know what is a hairy pussois song? Go
12:38
on, go on. I don't like no
12:40
whips and jacks, I get it, yeah. But I
12:43
don't want that, I don't want that, I'm here,
12:45
baby, I want that, I'm
12:47
here. Because I'm
12:49
vanilla, baby, I choke you, but I don't
12:51
kill a baby. I
12:54
get it. You get what I mean? I
12:56
get it. There is a hairy pussois genre.
13:00
And I sometimes like to lean in with a
13:02
genre of the hairy pussois. It
13:05
makes me feel away. It's a single,
13:07
I like it, I like it. Except
13:10
that's what the other one makes it. Yeah,
13:12
damn, but when they get into
13:14
their music bag, they
13:16
make a tune. I hear that. So
13:20
yeah, you know, I will say I like that. The hairy
13:22
pussois genre. But yeah,
13:24
girl, girl, rest, go, go, go,
13:28
enjoy your levels.
13:35
Let him go sniff your pussois
13:37
in peace, leave us alone with
13:40
the pheromones and the vermin, go
13:42
and enjoy. Guys, if that didn't
13:44
raise your spirits today, I don't know
13:46
what will. Oh my God. What's said
13:48
in the closet? Said in the closet.
13:51
Hi. Oh wait, end of season. Oh.
13:55
How could he know? Guys!
14:01
It's the end of season 4!
14:04
Damn girl! Okay!
14:09
Ciao! Woo!
14:13
We'll see you for season 5, baby! I'm
14:16
glad she's in. Good
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news! Ad-free listening on Amazon
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Music is included with your Prime membership.
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Just head to amazon.com/ad-free news
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