0:39

So welcome to Christian Warrior Talk , the

0:41

Christian Fellowship show where we fight three

0:44

battles Monday through Friday . We

0:46

fight Monday through Thursday . I'm sorry

0:48

, wow , I'm all flustered now that I , lauren

0:51

, asked a weird question as

0:54

I was testing sound effects that I'm

0:56

going to start using . So , anyways

0:59

, welcome to the Christian Fellowship show

1:01

. We fight three battles Monday

1:03

through Thursday . One

1:06

we fight to get a humble and grateful

1:08

heart aligned onto the Lord , checking

1:10

our grumbling , our complaining and our pity

1:13

party at the door . Two

1:15

, we fight to have

1:17

a deliberately pursuer

1:19

relationship with our Lord and Savior

1:22

, jesus Christ , the studying of his

1:24

holy text and

1:27

through corporate prayer . And three , with Iron

1:29

, sharpening Iron , we spend time

1:31

in fellowship , as a body , coming together

1:33

, connecting from around the

1:36

globe , and

1:39

we share each other's

1:41

testimony . So I did this earlier

1:44

and this week

1:47

we have Adrian on Testimony

1:49

Tuesday . So welcome to Testimony

1:51

Tuesday . Adrian's going to go

1:53

next and then Lauren is next

1:55

week , so she's having to align

1:58

the moon , sun , stars

2:00

. You know , it'll probably happen right around that

2:02

eclipse , that's if we're not all raptured out

2:04

of here . You know , I think there's a lot of people who

2:07

are going to be severely disappointed on

2:10

the seventh . But

2:12

you know , again

2:14

, I reserve the right to change my

2:16

opinion in the air , right

2:18

, you know , I'm saved , I love

2:20

Jesus , he's my Lord and Savior

2:22

, and whether I'm post-mill

2:25

, pre-mill , isn't

2:27

a salvation issue . But

2:29

I think again . I'm going to plan

2:31

like I'm going to be here on

2:33

the 7th , okay , and you should

2:35

too . Right , and way

2:38

beyond the 7th , right

2:40

. The problem with pre-mill is it's a defeatist

2:42

attitude and it's a self-fulfilling

2:45

prophecy of , well , the world is

2:47

going to suck , so we're just going to let it suck

2:49

, so let's just collapse back in our

2:51

church and do nothing , right ? Instead

2:53

of pushing back against the darkness every

2:55

step of the way . So

2:58

, so that's what we do here . It's also

3:01

home of the Crucible Challenge , which

3:03

is a daily accountability group that we've been terrible

3:05

at . I've been terrible at , but Lauren

3:08

and I have , you know , been

3:10

battling through this hard

3:27

time , right

3:29

, you know , we're all in challenging seasons , and

3:31

I'm in an extremely challenging season right

3:33

now and I just can't

3:35

get this sound out of my head

3:38

oh

3:42

, that's a hammer I forge , right

3:45

, and it is just clanging in the back

3:48

of my head all the time . It's

3:50

God working on us , right ? It's

3:53

God working on our , you know

3:55

, beating out the

3:58

sin out of us , breaking

4:00

us and

4:03

smashing us to get rid

4:05

of the things that he hates . You

4:08

know , getting out . You know , as we

4:10

die to ourselves and become more Christ-like , those

4:12

impurities are getting worked out . This

4:15

is just , it's just so

4:17

driving to me right now . You

4:22

know , I've always wanted to

4:28

have a big anvil at my

4:31

pulpit and I want a hammer

4:33

to be able to hit it . You know , I think that'd

4:35

be really cool and kind of masculine

4:37

and you know , I think it would get some attack

4:39

, just a big bang . You

4:41

know , it's like let's go to work

4:43

. You know , and that's what

4:46

I think we should be looking at this like

4:48

God is forging us

4:50

right . We are . We call ourselves Christian

4:52

warriors . Well , if

4:54

we're Christian blobs or

4:57

Christian offended or Christian

4:59

weak sauce , are we really Christian

5:01

warriors ? No , we need

5:04

to let God work on

5:08

us and that's

5:10

going to hurt and it's going to suck . It's

5:15

going to suck real bad and

5:17

when we're in seasons , that's

5:20

what we're enduring Right

5:23

Now . That's what we're enduring right now . What

5:28

you just heard was a recording of

5:30

a forging right , of somebody hitting

5:33

something , hitting a , a

5:36

anvil on some steel

5:38

, on an anvil . Now

5:41

, what is that to the Christian ? That's our

5:43

testimony . Our testimony

5:46

is listening to a recording of God's

5:48

forging of us . And

5:51

tonight we get

5:53

to hear one of my closest

5:55

friends' testimonies , and I don't

5:58

even know it , right , I

6:00

don't know it all , I know an abbreviated

6:02

version . But tonight

6:04

we're going to get to hear my brother Adrian's testimony

6:07

, and

6:09

it's really important to know that

6:11

we all should be ready to

6:13

give our testimony at any time . Right

6:16

, that is your duty as a Christian

6:18

. When somebody asks you

6:21

you know why you believe in God

6:23

or you know whatever , your

6:25

minimum that you should do is

6:27

say this is how I became a Christian

6:29

and how I've changed since

6:31

then . Right , ooh

6:34

, quite the analogy . Isn't that a good

6:37

analogy ? I'm telling you that . That's

6:39

why you were hearing that banging . Right

6:41

, like I was working that out , but this is

6:44

going to be part of the show going forward . I

6:46

just want to get a really big one here . I'll be

6:48

like you know , it'd be awesome

6:50

, but anyways , I digress

6:53

. So you

6:55

know your history

6:59

. History

7:02

is his story , right

7:05

, you don't own that , he

7:08

does . He rescued you

7:10

and your history is his

7:12

story for you to use to save

7:14

others . Okay , right

7:16

now there are billions of people

7:19

dying in the ocean of sin . Right

7:21

, picture yourself out in the middle of the Pacific

7:24

or Atlantic or blackest

7:26

water , horrible water anywhere , like

7:29

after an oil spill , and they're drowning

7:31

in that and you're on the life raft

7:33

of Christ and

7:35

he pulled you up and

7:38

your job is to pull the next person up

7:40

, or whoever it was that helped you

7:42

get up there . You turn around and you get the next guy and the next guy , and the next guy and the next

7:44

person up , or whoever it was that helped you get up there . You turn around and you get the next guy and the next guy

7:46

, and the next guy and the next guy . That's

7:49

what your testimony is for . All

7:51

right , that is what this is all about

7:53

. So tonight my brother Adrian

7:56

is going to get vulnerable and

7:59

tell his story here . So , without

8:02

further ado , ado , let me welcome to you . Welcome

8:04

to the show , my brother adrian . Oh

8:06

, hold on , we're gonna fix that . Can't have you a little

8:09

square ? There we go . I know that jacks

8:11

up all the graphics , but I don't care .

8:13

Welcome , brother thank you for having me appreciate

8:15

it hey did your hair and everything .

8:17

You're all looking all good . Yeah , all right , all right

8:21

, looking good so anyways , I

8:23

appreciate you coming on um

8:25

. You know we met through

8:28

this show . I've never met you in real life

8:30

, but you have become . You

8:32

know you're on my war council

8:34

, you're one of my closest friends and

8:37

um , and just to show you that

8:39

through digital

8:41

stuff you can

8:43

form real relationships .

8:45

Definitely .

8:46

You can form real bonds , and

8:49

that's something that we have

8:51

done . And

8:53

you know I hope you know we talked

8:55

about today about you coming out here and visiting

8:58

and spending some time at

9:00

the cross and getting

9:02

to spend some time on some deep fellowship . So I'm

9:05

really looking forward to that . I know Lauren's really looking

9:07

forward to that . Awesome . And

9:10

you know , if you want to bring the missus , you're more than welcome

9:12

. You know , whoever you want to bring , it's

9:14

all good . So

9:16

, anyways , today , that's not what we're going to talk

9:18

about today . We're here to talk about what

9:23

Christ has done for you . Before we get started

9:25

, before we go back , tell everybody who

9:27

you are today , what you're doing , how you're serving

9:29

the Lord and what you do today .

9:31

So if you were

9:33

to look back in my life , let's

9:36

say 23 years ago

9:38

, I was a completely different

9:40

person , complete 180 . I

9:43

was a completely different person , complete 180 . Um

9:45

, I was a heathen . I was reading things that I shouldn't be reading

9:47

, that were , you know , a cult . Um

9:50

, I was associated with people that were into

9:53

that type of um stuff

9:55

. Um , I hated God , I

9:57

turned my back against God and

10:00

, after going through

10:02

everything I went through and God basically

10:05

forging me to

10:07

what I am now , I'm a completely different

10:09

person 180, . I

10:11

love God . I fear God . I

10:15

think the life

10:17

he has given me it wouldn't be possible

10:20

without him . Everything , all to

10:22

him , my wife , my kids

10:24

, to the relationships

10:26

that I have with people . So you're a dad

10:28

. A dad of how many ? Yeah , so I'm a father

10:31

of two . I have a daughter , she's 19

10:33

. She goes to Cornell and the

10:35

son is 17 . He's still in high school , okay

10:37

, and you're married , married , going on 22

10:40

years in May . Praise , married , going on 22 years in May

10:42

. Praise the Lord , praise the Lord , amen .

10:43

And you're an entrepreneur Jealous about your businesses .

10:45

Yeah , so I run a marketing agency

10:47

and I also sell and I sew

10:50

. I'm a master sewer .

10:54

I make tactical gear and I really enjoy doing that . That may or may not

10:56

resemble tactical gear in the background , right

10:59

, right , anyways , right

11:01

, well

11:06

, you know , I've gotten some of your stuff . It's really good , very well made , strong as heck

11:08

. Love the attention to detail in

11:10

the strength of the stitching , the

11:12

seams and all that stuff . Tactical gear

11:15

is only as good as the stitching you use . It's only

11:17

as good as as how strong

11:19

the seams are and , uh , the

11:21

stuff that I've gotten is really good . So , thank

11:23

you , thank you , yeah , and your marketing

11:26

, if you guys need marketing , he's

11:28

been great . He's been great for trident shield . Uh

11:31

, we went from like no

11:33

one being able to find us to everyone being able to find

11:35

us . So , um , so thankful

11:37

for that . Let's go back now . Let's

11:40

go . You brought up with faith . Let's go all

11:42

the way back deep into your origin story

11:44

okay , so I'm born and raised in

11:46

san diego , california .

11:47

Um what ?

11:49

part of san diego , california , san

11:51

ysidro .

11:52

Okay , all right , it's uh , usually

11:55

if I say san ysidro , people don't know where it's at . It's the border

11:57

of tijuana . Yeah , I grew up

11:59

at um . Grew up um

12:01

off a road called Dairy Mart Road

12:04

. My mom

12:06

was- .

12:06

That's an exit , isn't it ?

12:08

Yeah , it's an exit , but it's right there , yeah .

12:10

Yeah , On my way to Tijuana I've seen Dairy Mart Road

12:12

many times .

12:15

Yeah , so my

12:17

parents were separated at a really young age

12:19

. They were never married , so

12:22

once they split , being raised by a

12:24

single mom her

12:26

having four kids , including myself she

12:30

struggled . She was always working her tail

12:32

off and trying to make ends

12:34

meet , but she did an amazing job

12:36

as a single parent taking

12:38

care of me and the other

12:40

kids . I'm the youngest of

12:42

four and at

12:45

a young age I

12:49

want to say probably around seven years old , is where things

12:51

started really coming into play with my life , you know , kind of molding

12:53

me into the person that I am Like any

12:56

church at that point .

12:58

No , not really no . So your mom

13:00

was not a a where

13:02

a a practicing Christian

13:04

. Was she Christian-like ?

13:06

No , my grandma was Catholic and

13:09

you know we used to attend Catholic church every

13:11

once in a while , but I'll get into that later

13:13

. I ended up doing some stuff and getting kicked

13:15

out of Catholic church . But

13:17

so , growing up in San Diego

13:20

at a young age , I was bullied

13:22

a lot . So I

13:24

want to say it was around seven years old is when

13:27

I stopped taking that . I was like nobody's going to mess with

13:29

me , nobody's going to bully me . So I

13:31

put a stop to that and I started acting crazy . So

13:34

, and it did put a stop to it , every time somebody tried

13:36

messing with me I would try to stab them and

13:39

, yes , everybody

13:41

called me the devil's child , right ? And

13:47

you know , I look back on my childhood now and realize that you know , all these things that

13:49

were being done to me was , you know , molding me into the person I am today , cause God

13:51

, god chose me . You know

13:54

, I know God chose me , wow .

13:58

That sounds very , very Adrian

14:00

.

14:00

Right , right , so so

14:02

, um , so I was always getting in trouble

14:05

. I was a troubled kid . My

14:07

mom was always at the school , you know

14:09

, getting me out of trouble , getting me out of the principal's office

14:11

, and then my

14:13

brothers and sisters my brother and

14:16

sisters , they would call me the devil's kid , and

14:18

I remember at a young age waking

14:20

up in the middle . I don't even remember this . I remember

14:22

being told that in the middle of the night I would scream

14:25

saying the devil was coming after me

14:27

. Like you know , all

14:34

the time they were telling me this stuff and it put fear into me . And then I was always worried

14:36

about my father , because this was like during a desert storm and he was working for

14:38

the DOD , always traveling to and from Iraq

14:40

. So I was always having like these really bad

14:42

nightmares as a kid , thinking my dad was going to

14:44

, you know , get killed or something . So

14:47

that was kind of my childhood

14:49

. And then fast forward , um , a couple of years after

14:51

that my mom got married . She married a uh

14:53

, a former Marine , and , um

14:56

, he was a lot younger

14:58

than her and he ended up

15:00

being like . One of the worst things that probably happened to me

15:02

in my childhood with him was . He

15:05

worked for the INS , the

15:07

Immigration Naturalization Services , right

15:09

there in San Ysidro at the port , and

15:12

it wasn't until I was

15:15

a teenager that we found

15:17

out that he was smuggling people and drugs

15:19

across the border . So , yeah

15:21

, so our family was being investigated

15:24

for all these um different things . Um

15:26

, they knew everything that was going on . They knew

15:28

that , um , the family wasn't involved

15:31

in it , but they knew he was . And

15:33

they knew everything that they're recording conversations

15:35

that we're having um at dinner

15:37

. So they they had like wiretaps on

15:39

us and all that stuff . So , um

15:43

, right around that time , just before that

15:45

happened , when all that was revealed , I was

15:47

, um , I was always getting in

15:49

trouble . I was using drugs . Um , a friend of mine

15:51

named Ernesto , his mom was a witch

15:53

and she was into witchcraft

15:55

and she had this um , this

15:58

, um , it was like a Buddha doll and

16:00

every year she would do some crazy stuff and something

16:02

else would appear in it Like a dead , like all these

16:04

things every different every year would appear in this

16:06

, in this glass . It was like solid piece of glass

16:08

, right . So we started getting involved in

16:10

that kind of stuff and then we started , you know , using drugs

16:12

and then um also going

16:15

out and stealing . So we used to go , like to

16:17

I don't know if you remember robinson's may they're no

16:19

longer around . It was like a macy's okay

16:21

, it was in a plaza , we need them all . Um

16:24

, this was the one time I got caught . We went to the jewelry

16:26

store in robinson's may , like the jewelry department

16:28

, and we stole five thousand dollars worth of like watches

16:31

, yeah . So

16:33

I got locked up . I went to juvenile hall . A couple of my

16:35

other friends ended up going to jail and

16:38

, um , you know

16:40

, once , um , we had the court trials and all

16:42

that . Um , um , the

16:45

judge basically told me we're going to try you as an adult . You're 17

16:47

, you'll be 18 next year , but

16:49

we're going to , we're going to hold you accountable for the crimes

16:52

you committed . So , of course

16:54

, I was in the system my poor mom , you know , not

16:57

having the means to support me , like with the lawyer

16:59

and stuff . We had a , uh , a court

17:01

, yeah , public defender , and

17:05

and then she was able to scrape up some cash and

17:08

she actually got me a lawyer . And that was the

17:10

time . God , really , you know

17:12

, I don't want to say it was at my

17:14

will it was like the only thing I could do is go to church . So

17:17

my best friend at the time his name's Gabriel

17:19

BB , we call him he he

17:22

chasing a girl and she was a Christian

17:24

, so he went to church , right , he ended up

17:26

going to church for this girl and then

17:28

he's a pastor now . It's crazy , right ?

17:30

I wonder how many men

17:32

have been saved chasing

17:35

girls ? I wonder how

17:37

many . But praise the Lord

17:39

, I don't care how he gets them , as long as he gets them right

17:41

, yeah , so he's a pastor

17:43

now .

17:43

He's doing great for himself . Um , he's

17:46

uh , he's doing good , but anyway . So

17:48

he told me he's like , hey , man , you can't do

17:50

anything , you can't go out , you're , you're on probation

17:52

, you know . So he told me , why don't

17:54

you start coming to church ? So I

17:57

was like , all right

17:59

, yeah , you can go to church

18:01

, that's fine . So I started going to

18:03

a youth group and then , um , that's

18:05

where God really started , um , making

18:07

changes in my heart . And

18:16

uh , you know , time passed and then I went to court . The judge was amazed at the uh , the one 80

18:18

that completely happened in my life at the time and they dropped all the charges

18:20

Like it's unheard of . Judge even told me , like this

18:23

is unheard of , we've never seen a kid do this . That

18:25

was on the path that you were on . And she's like

18:27

, all the charges are being dropped because you , it's

18:30

like a miracle . You know , it's basically what happened . So

18:33

I believe it's God working in my life

18:35

and you know , and showing me like , hey , there's a better

18:37

way right , like he

18:39

wrote your name in the book of life at

18:41

the foundations of the air before the earth .

18:45

It's kind of like that he was still

18:47

a traitor to him , but he rescued you right

18:49

, right so you're incapable of rescuing

18:51

yourself .

18:52

Right , he chose you right

18:55

oh

18:57

so narnia , nolan , that's my

18:59

daughter narnia nolan , all right , thank

19:01

you .

19:02

I'm like narnia Nolan , all right , thank you . I'm like Narnia Nolan

19:04

. I'm like what the heck ? How the heck do I say that ? But Narnia

19:06

?

19:07

Nolan yeah , all right . So

19:09

all the charges were dropped . I got off probation

19:12

and you know what ? The first thing that I

19:14

did once I got off probation Take

19:17

a wild guess you

19:20

went drunk . I went to Kmart and we

19:22

went to the luggage section , grabbed

19:24

duffel bags , put a bunch of radios

19:27

, video games in there , went to the garden

19:29

section , threw it over the fence , walked

19:31

out and a friend of mine ended up having

19:35

something in his pocket , set off the alarm

19:37

and I ran for my life

19:39

and I'm like what am I doing ? I

19:45

just got , you know , made a great change in my life for better , and here I am doing

19:47

the same thing . I was like , like , what am I doing ? I just , I just got you know , made a great change

19:49

in my life for better , and here I am doing the same thing . I was like what am I thinking ? So I kind of um , stopped

19:51

, you know , touching base with those guys that I was getting into

19:53

trouble with and stuff , and continued going to church . And

19:56

then , um , during that time

19:58

I was kind of still trying to find myself , but I was . I

20:01

was like dabbling in good and bad right

20:03

. So I'm over here partying and once I go

20:05

into tijuana , you know , partying

20:08

, going to the chila sunrise . Baby was my

20:10

place yeah , that was still there during

20:12

that time , yeah , so , um

20:14

, so , yeah , we're partying in tj

20:17

, and then here I was still going to church , you know . So

20:19

I was living that mediocre life

20:21

.

20:22

Christian life , the carnal Christian ? Yeah

20:25

Well , you know , a

20:27

lot of us start there . That's where I started

20:30

. That's the on-ramp , right ? There are a lot of

20:32

on-ramps on the Christianity . And unless

20:34

you have a really good discipler in chief

20:36

, right , unless you have someone who's going

20:38

to take you on board as their responsibility

20:41

, you know , people come on through . Joel

20:43

Olsteen Lauren came up with the best

20:45

analogy . However

20:48

you get on Christianity , that's the on-ramp . You

20:50

just can't park there . If

20:52

you park there , you're doomed Because

20:55

that's the on-ramp as

20:59

God works through your sanctification

21:02

. Can you see below your picture right now ?

21:04

Yeah , I can yes .

21:08

I see All right . I'm just saying All right , anyway

21:10

, let's go back down , go

21:12

ahead , let's keep going .

21:14

Yeah .

21:16

So you're in Christian light right now , but

21:18

you know , are you still ? Are you breaking crimes

21:20

? Or you know you just party and

21:22

you ?

21:23

know I'm still getting in trouble , getting in

21:25

a lot of fights and stuff . I ended up

21:27

stabbing a guy whose brother was

21:29

in the cartel . I

21:31

thought that I was going

21:33

to get killed , so

21:35

I was still doing stuff like that , getting in trouble . And then my best

21:37

friend , who ended up being the pastor now . His

21:40

mom used to always pray for us before we'd go to Tijuana

21:42

, so he was still going to party with us as

21:44

well down in mexico , not only the

21:46

pastor yeah , now he's a pastor

21:48

, yeah no , what he wasn't doing that , as

21:50

he was a no , no , no , no , no . We were teenagers

21:52

at the time . Yeah , knucklehead phase

21:55

, we're going to strip clubs and tj , and

21:57

then you know , I mean we're teenagers , right doing

21:59

that in mexico because it's legal right , so

22:01

um , so

22:03

did you get shaken down by the federalities as

22:05

much as I did ?

22:07

no like did you have to hide money in your shoes

22:09

like I did no like I

22:11

had to keep , like you know , a 5

22:13

or a 10 or a 20 in my pockets

22:15

and all the rest of my money in my shoes

22:17

until I got passed over the bridge . Right

22:20

, you know ? Revolution

22:22

, yeah , revolution , boulevard or whatever

22:24

, but anyway , again this is before

22:26

. I was saved , guys , so anyways

22:29

but go ahead .

22:29

So , um , so , yeah , we were still

22:31

, you know , doing that and I would mock my , my best

22:34

friend's mom her name is rebecca , god bless her soul . Um

22:36

, I would mock her and say , oh , I'm the devil

22:39

, you know , and she would pray for us , she would make us all hold

22:41

hands before we go party and teach you , wait a minute you're going

22:43

to church but you're saying you're the devil to this

22:45

lady . Yeah , you know that that's the thing

22:47

is . I was mocking her . I

22:49

was just doing it as a joke , but now

22:51

realizing how dumb it was I mean , you

22:53

know it was immature , just it was dumb

22:55

. So I'm over here mocking her and then

22:57

going to tj and um , what

23:00

ended up happening to me one time in TJ

23:03

is I was at a club partying with a friend

23:05

and this guy was

23:07

talking smack . We ended up getting in a fight and

23:09

um , basically I got

23:11

kicked out of the club and then I

23:13

almost got killed . And when I

23:15

got back home that morning my mom saw me . I was

23:17

all beat up . She asked me what happened . I

23:20

told her and she's like what are you doing Like with

23:22

your life ? And I'm like I don't know . So

23:25

that's when I started

23:27

kind of getting on track , or not Not me

23:29

. God kind of started putting me in line with his

23:31

plan and I

23:33

started going to church more . And then I actually accepted

23:36

Jesus like really in my heart , and

23:41

I started playing a lot of guitar , because I play guitar . So I started

23:43

getting into that and then I also started playing a lot of guitar because I play

23:46

guitar .

23:46

So I started getting into that , and then I also started playing for the church as

23:48

well . Oh man , see , now you definitely have to move here , because I'm a worship band . Yeah

23:50

, now we got a guitarist , so that's all right

23:52

. So

23:54

you know , narnia Nolan

23:56

, just let you know , I'm getting

23:58

my hooks here . We hold them

24:00

here in Tennessee .

24:02

Right hook , sam , we hold them here in tennessee , right . So , uh , so

24:05

started playing guitar at church and , uh , I

24:07

love all types of music from different countries

24:09

and stuff , and I love brazilian music , right

24:11

. So I remember one day I was listening to a brazilian

24:13

song and I , and I told god , I'm like , you know

24:15

what god like ? I want to marry a brazilian

24:17

woman . Well , guess what happens

24:20

? Brazil Brazilian girl shows up at the church

24:22

. How are you

24:24

going to learn Portuguese ? Yeah , exactly

24:27

. So I end up meeting

24:29

my wife at church , and at this point

24:32

I'm 19 . I'm

24:34

saved , I want to say . I'm learning

24:36

about Christianity , I'm learning how to walk with Christ

24:39

. I mean , I'm still struggling . Having my struggles

24:41

Is your church .

24:41

Christian light or is it like a heavy hitter ? Are

24:44

you going to fire a brimstone pastor ?

24:47

No , it's a fire brimstone , yeah

24:50

, Okay , but it's a Spanish church too and my Spanish

24:52

is kind of like hey , you know . So I mean

24:54

they , they helped me out a lot because the pastor knew that I was

24:56

trying and they would help

24:59

me out with translation and stuff like that too . So , um

25:01

, I ended up meeting my wife at the church

25:03

and , uh , she was here from Brazil

25:06

. And one day when I , when I heard

25:08

it , hey , there's a Brazilian girl here I said , hey , let

25:10

me play you the song . It's a Brazilian

25:12

song , so I play it for her . And she's like , man

25:15

, that's completely wrong . I'm

25:23

like , what do you mean ? So , anyway , so we kind of hit it off and then we kind of knew each other for

25:25

a little while , but I didn't really know her too well . And then we

25:27

actually became friends for about a week and I knew

25:30

she was the one and I said I'm marrying you . And

25:32

a week later we got married , Literally

25:34

got married . Wow , I knew she was the one

25:37

and that was it . That was it for me . Like God

25:39

, my heart was for

25:41

her , Like straight out , Like God

25:43

put that in my heart that she's the one . There's

25:47

nobody else for me . And I mean , we've had our ups and downs

25:49

over , you know , going on 22 years , but

25:52

there's no doubt in my mind that God brought

25:54

her from Brazil all the way to

25:56

that church to be with me Because I asked

25:58

God . I asked God and he brought her

26:00

in my life , you know . And now I have two beautiful

26:02

children that you know I adore so much

26:04

that you know that God did this

26:06

for me . You know , and I think you

26:08

know , when I reflect back on everything , I look at

26:11

everything that I missed out on my childhood

26:13

no-transcript

26:43

. So anyway , so we

26:46

got married .

26:47

That's a good question , so

26:50

we'll unpack that after let's get through your story and then we'll yeah . So

26:52

, um , but just to go backwards a little bit , the

26:55

part that you missed in church

26:57

was when the pastor said in

26:59

spanish see calvinismo

27:02

right

27:05

, all right , but

27:07

anyways , good yeah that's

27:10

good , that's good , yeah , so anyways .

27:12

So , uh , so we

27:14

ended up getting married , and then that's

27:17

when things kind of like went crazy , right

27:19

, because I didn't tell anybody .

27:20

That wasn't the fairy tale ending like that

27:24

was the beginning of um .

27:26

Like the craziness , because my

27:28

mom that was during the time when we found out about

27:30

my stepdad , everything that he was going through . So

27:33

my mom's going through a divorce with the

27:35

whole situation with him .

27:36

Let me pause you for a second . Are you a real

27:38

Christian at this point ? At this point , yes , okay

27:41

, so you're a real Christian . You

27:43

marry the woman of your dreams , god blesses

27:45

you and life doesn't get easy , no

27:51

dude .

27:51

you marry the woman of your dreams .

27:52

God blesses you and life doesn't get easy .

27:53

No dude , it gets harder . I think walking the christian life is the most difficult thing I've ever

27:55

done . So , yes , so I , I , we get married and , um , I mean , we didn't have sex before marriage

27:57

or anything like that . Um , we waited until afterwards

27:59

. And then even after , when we got married , I mean

28:01

, it was , it was a little while before we actually

28:04

, you know , um , you know

28:06

, well , I don't know what to call

28:08

it , you know , but we anyway

28:12

. So , so , so , yeah

28:14

, so I ended up telling my mom because I couldn't

28:17

, because the whole life right now is horrified

28:19

, yeah

28:22

so the marriage , exactly

28:24

, exactly . So the whole time , um

28:27

, the whole plan was to wait

28:29

about a year

28:31

and then tell my mom

28:33

that you know I'm going to marry this

28:36

girl , you know , down the road or whatever , but even though

28:38

we're married . But I couldn't , it

28:40

was killing me inside not telling this to my mom . So

28:42

, literally two days after we got married , I told

28:44

her and my mom lost it . Two days after

28:46

we got married , I told her . My mom lost it , she lost it

28:48

, she went over to

28:50

my wife's house and made

28:52

drama . It was

28:54

a big debacle . Anyways , I ended up leaving and I moved

28:56

in with her . Rightfully . So I'm

28:58

a man . Now I'm married , I need to be with my wife . We

29:03

were living in an apartment , a one-bedroom apartment

29:05

. My wife , my mother-in-law , In . Ocean Beach

29:07

.

29:08

No , chula Vista , Imperial Beach

29:10

, chula Vista , oh , chula Vista

29:12

, chula .

29:13

Juana man Chula . Juana , exactly , yeah

29:16

. So we lived there and

29:24

then I was working for a contract company , got fired and was thinking like what am I going

29:26

to do with my life ? So I told , and you're how old ? Um , around 18 , 19

29:29

, no , I'm 19 at the time . Yeah , because we're married . So

29:31

, um , I told my wife I'm joining the military

29:34

and she's like no , you're gonna get killed

29:36

. And I'm like , no , I'm gonna go in the air force and I'm gonna

29:38

do the safest place to be right . So I tell her you know , I'm gonna

29:40

do in the air force , I'm gonna talk to recruiter , and she's

29:42

like you're crazy . So I talked to join the Air Force , I'm going to talk to a recruiter

29:45

, and she's like you're crazy . So I talked to the recruiter

29:47

and he's like what do you want to do ? I'm like , okay

29:49

, I want to do CCT or be a PJ

29:51

, yeah . And then they were

29:53

like okay , you got to take the ASVAB . So

30:02

I did that and I was a horrible student

30:04

in God that I passed Like , but

30:07

a friend of my dad's , he

30:09

was an air traffic controller , my dad's neighbor , and

30:14

he told me he's like hey , you might want to consider going into a career that transfers to the outside

30:16

.

30:16

Yeah , or else you're , like you know , your knuckle friend

30:19

, head friend here , who knows how to kill people

30:21

. Put people back together and save souls

30:23

. That's about all I got Right

30:25

.

30:26

Yeah . So he's like , think about your traffic control . And

30:31

then he told me he's like , look at all the nice things I have , you know . And I was like , okay

30:34

, it's pretty cool . So I watched the movie that he told me about and

30:36

, um , I thought it was pretty cool . So talk

30:38

to the recruiter . They were like there's no way you're going to qualify

30:40

for that job . And I ended up doing it Like God moved

30:43

mountains for me to qualify for the job because

30:45

, to be honest with you , I wasn't the smartest

30:48

guy . I was more , um , mechanical

30:50

hands-on , but all that , you

30:52

know the nonsense in

30:54

the as bad man , it made no sense to me . I was guessing

30:56

and I passed , wow , yeah , yeah

30:59

. So I scored high enough to get air traffic . And then

31:01

, um , ended up , how are you gonna pass the school

31:03

, though ? Exactly , yeah , it was

31:05

a 90% washout rate . And then my

31:08

first test that I took , I scored a

31:10

, an 80% , and my instructor

31:12

told me he's like one more

31:14

80% , you're done . He's like I don't care if it's an 80

31:16

. He's like , you're done . So

31:18

it's get scared the crap out of me . And during

31:22

that time , my wife was staying

31:24

with me at Kiesler Air Force Base during

31:26

technical school , and that's when I found

31:29

out how long was that school ? Six months

31:31

, it's about . Yeah , it's about

31:33

six months .

31:34

Yeah .

31:35

So I found out my wife was pregnant with my daughter Alana

31:38

. And then

31:40

that's where a lot of issues came into

31:42

play , because my wife has hyperamnesis

31:45

I don't know if you've ever heard of that . Oh , because

31:47

my wife has hyperamnesis I don't know if you've ever heard of that . Oh , it's a

31:49

, it's a . She basically has morning sickness 24

31:51

seven throughout the pregnancy . Wow , yeah

31:54

. So one

31:56

day I went home to our apartment right

31:58

outside the base and my wife was nowhere , nowhere

32:01

to be found , and then ended

32:03

up going back to the base . She was in the hospital

32:05

. She was almost dying , pregnant

32:07

with my daughter . So they wanted

32:09

to roll me back into another class and

32:12

I was like , no , I need to get through this , and ended

32:14

up graduating . And then we got stationed at

32:16

Minot Air Force Base and

32:18

then we lived there

32:20

and then I requested to

32:23

go on my first deployment . And this is where this

32:25

is the point in my life where I'm kind of um , I'm

32:28

a christian , you know . I got baptized at

32:30

minot air force base . My pastor , who was pastoring

32:32

me there , he , um , he baptized me

32:34

there . And , um , my

32:36

goal immersion , immersion , yeah

32:39

, like pull , yeah . So , um

32:42

, I was playing , I was leading the worship

32:44

service at on the base and

32:46

um and

32:48

so you can sing . Hey

32:51

, I could sing well . I don't see good , I never come

32:53

to sing well , but I could sing and play

32:55

yeah , oh man

32:57

all right , keep going . All

32:59

right , yeah , so , um

33:01

. So I was , you

33:03

know , involved in the church on the base , um

33:06

, same thing with my wife , and then we had our daughter

33:08

at the time and made

33:10

some really good friends . And then , finally , I was

33:12

hearing all these stories about people deploying and I

33:14

was like , man , I want to go overseas

33:16

, I want to deploy . So I volunteered and I

33:18

went out of cycle . I took this girl's deployment

33:21

and ended up going to Kirkuk

33:23

, iraq , for the first deployment . And

33:25

it was , thanks

33:29

, cook

33:32

, iraq for the first deployment . And it was , um , it's my daughter , thanks , yeah . So um ended up , um , going

33:34

to cook . It was uh , it was a fun deployment working our traffic . We worked

33:37

on some old school equipment

33:39

from like the 70s and um , gotta

33:42

see a lot of cool things that I didn't experience

33:44

stateside , that I experienced there . And

33:47

then came back home and

33:49

then got my wife pregnant again with my son

33:51

and then come

33:55

to find out I went out of cycle the first time

33:57

. I was gonna have to go back because the girl that

33:59

was supposed to take my place she got

34:01

pregnant . So now they tell me you're going

34:03

to rise in the military , exactly

34:05

, yeah . So I was like , how

34:08

you doing back to back deployments , yeah . So

34:10

I told my chief , I'm like , hey , is it cool if I

34:12

go a little early so I could be back for my um , for

34:15

my son's birth ? And he's like , yeah , he's like

34:17

, you know , I could get you out on this date

34:19

. So , you know , prepared my

34:21

wife for it because she wasn't expecting

34:23

that . And um then

34:26

said my goodbyes and then ended up going um

34:28

to blot iraq and

34:30

, um , this deployment

34:32

changed my life for forever . Um

34:35

, the way I see things , the way I go about life , the

34:37

way I sleep , everything

34:40

, everything , the way the way I think

34:42

throughout the day , um , everything about

34:44

it . So I'm

34:47

just going to skip to the day . There's a lot of in-between stuff

34:49

, um , there's just so much to go through , but I'll

34:51

just skip to the point . Um , that really changed

34:53

my life . Um , so it

34:57

was january

34:59

9th of 2007 . We

35:02

uh left the child in the morning , going to the radar

35:04

facility as a group of us

35:06

. It was , uh , specifically

35:08

I just remember the two people that were that

35:11

were talking myself and then another

35:13

guy , airman booth . We're walking

35:15

to the facility and , um , we're

35:18

talking about which sector we're going to work like

35:20

air traffic wise , because we work radar scopes , we're not the

35:22

tower guys . So we're looking at um like

35:24

the radar and stuff , and he

35:26

wanted to work um the baghdad sector

35:28

, like all the planes going into baghdad

35:31

. So you work civilian traffic with um tactical

35:33

, you know fighters , jets , c-17

35:36

, c-130s and all that stuff and

35:38

uh , it's very complex airspace and not just

35:40

that , there's like 100 uavs operating

35:43

in some of that airspace there . Um

35:45

, so he , he

35:48

got mad because he's like hey , carosco , you're always working

35:50

it . He's like I want to work it today and

35:52

I'm like , okay , we'll flip a coin . So we

35:54

flip a coin and that changed my life forever

35:56

. Um , he ended up getting it . I

35:58

ended up getting another position called balad , which

36:00

is north of baghdad , and

36:02

uh , seemed like it was just going to be another day

36:04

. You know um working our traffic and you know the

36:06

working air traffic and you know the war zone and

36:11

you go into the operations

36:13

room and you get a debrief . You know they tell you what's going

36:15

on , how the weather is going to be , what

36:17

operations are going on out there If

36:21

we're helping out with like air support or anything

36:23

like that , and the

36:25

weather's pretty bad . So the tower can't

36:27

even see the runway and it's uh

36:30

, it's raining and there's like

36:32

a sandstorm , so it's like raining mud um

36:35

yeah , it's , it's great .

36:36

I haven't seen that . I've been . I've been in part of a sandstorm

36:38

. Yeah , my first first day there

36:40

. You know , go trying to drive a . Hum

36:42

, I'm in the turret , high on

36:44

morphine , because I'm passing a kidney stone . Oh wow , I'm in the turret

36:46

, high on morphine , because I'm passing a kidney stone . Oh wow , and I'm in the turret and

36:49

we go into that and it's complete and

36:51

almost everyone crashes , but anyways

36:53

.

36:54

Yeah . So the weather's really bad . I have C-17s

36:56

and all kinds of other planes holding

36:58

in the airspace . I have a trainee plugged in with

37:00

me it's the rotation coming in that's

37:02

going to replace us and he was like a , I think

37:05

, a tech sergeant , um

37:07

, and at the time I was a senior airman , um

37:10

. So this plane

37:12

comes in from the north um , from

37:16

kirk , quicks airspace and checks on the frequency

37:18

and the trainee

37:20

that's plugged in with me gives him like the weather and tells

37:22

him , hey , this is the weather , this is what's going on , say

37:24

intentions . The pilot's like he's from turkey

37:26

, so he's turkish . He's like , um

37:29

, we're to land at the airport . He's like no , you can't . So

37:31

they kind of go back and forth , you know , for

37:34

a little bit . And then I tell the trainee I'm like , hey

37:36

, unplug , I got it , I'm going to take over because

37:38

this guy's being a knucklehead . So

37:46

I start talking to the forth and he's

37:48

yelling at me . He's telling me he's going to do it . So

37:51

I keep arguing with them and telling them this is a bad

37:53

idea , you shouldn't do this . And long

37:56

story short , he goes

37:59

to the airport and if you're civilian

38:01

traffic at that at any military

38:03

base , like in a war zone . You got

38:05

to spiral down over the airport . You can't

38:07

go in on an approach because they don't

38:10

have like shaft or flares or anything like that

38:12

for defense , so they have

38:14

to spiral down and

38:16

then get a visual on the airport . We

38:20

have like phraseology is what we call it like

38:22

in air traffic that protects us from pilots

38:25

, you know , doing that kind of stuff , like not listening to

38:27

us because we can't fly the plane for them . So

38:30

I tell the pilot

38:32

I'm like my problem , victor 9003

38:34

, unable to issue your special BFR clearance

38:36

, special BFR approach , will be your own risk . And

38:39

then I switch them over to the tower's frequency and

38:41

at that time I have a girl working next

38:44

to me . She's a assist or

38:46

a handoff is what it's called . She

38:49

basically is assisting me , like if I need anything

38:51

. I tell her , hey , call the tower or relay this information

38:53

. That's what she does . So she's

38:55

relaying to the tower . That this guy's doing . You

38:57

know what he wants to do . Everyone's here . I

39:00

look over to the watch supervisor

39:02

and tell him hey , I

39:04

need help over here . This guy's not listening . He's

39:06

about to kill some people and he tells

39:08

me leave me alone . I'm playing

39:10

solitary , literally what

39:13

he tells me and I was like , sir , I need help

39:15

, please . You know , I don't know if there's anything you can

39:17

do , help me out . He's like leave me alone . I said I'm playing solitary

39:19

, turns back around so

39:22

the guy spirals over the airport .

39:23

We see him spiral down tell me that guy's in prison

39:25

right now no , wow

39:27

, yeah .

39:28

So he spirals over the

39:30

airport and then , once they get over

39:33

, like there's a radar blind spot , they drop off

39:35

like you'll lose a tag , like on everybody . That's

39:37

normal . Well , we end up hearing

39:40

what we thought was him taxiing

39:42

by . Well , after

39:44

the event we found out that he almost

39:46

hit the tower . He buzzed the tower , almost

39:48

hit them , flew directly over

39:51

us and that's why we thought he was taxiing by

39:53

. Well , I was

39:55

waiting for something , you know , for the tower to say anything

39:57

. They said they ended up calling me about

39:59

30 seconds later and say , hey , he's going

40:02

around . And I was like , ok , give him runway

40:04

heading , climb him back up . And then I call him back

40:06

and I'm like , okay , give them runway heading , climb them back up . And then I call them back and

40:08

I'm like , hey , I'm not talking to the guy yet . And I just hear the

40:10

tower guy curse . And

40:15

then they're like he crashed or B-Dog based defense , sort of explosion

40:17

by the BX is what they said . To be exact

40:20

and

40:22

I'm not kidding you , jason when they said that everything

40:25

around me turned black . Wow

40:27

, like everything got sucked in , like

40:30

everything turned black . And I'm just like this guy

40:32

just killed everybody . And

40:34

, um , I was just like what

40:37

am I going to do ? Like you know , I was just kind of freaking

40:39

out . You know position . And

40:41

then I snapped myself out of it . I'm like you know what , you're a controller

40:43

. You got this . So I started reaching out to C-17s

40:45

that were in the holding pattern hey , can you get a hold

40:48

of Mike Bravo , victor 9003 ? Nothing

40:50

. I called Kirk Cook to see if they

40:52

could get a hold of him . Nothing . And

40:55

then I called

40:57

everybody to see if they could get a hold of this guy . There

40:59

was nothing . And my

41:02

chief runs in and he's like

41:04

get him out of position . He starts cussing at

41:06

me and he's like what are you doing

41:08

? You're an air traffic controller , you know . And

41:10

I was like , sir , listen to the tapes , because everything's

41:13

recorded the , the , the replay

41:15

is recorded . Um , the

41:17

, uh , the audio is recorded , everything um

41:20

.

41:20

So they got you asking for help and

41:22

that guy saying leave me alone , so I'm playing solid

41:24

no see , they .

41:25

They discontinued with the um , the

41:28

open source recording of the whole facility

41:30

. But everything , every time you um hit

41:32

your pickle , switch your your key up , that's

41:34

all recorded . But everything in the in the ifr

41:37

room , that's um . That's no longer recorded

41:39

. They got rid of that for liability reasons

41:41

, I'm guessing , okay . So they

41:44

yanked me out of position , they they put me in a trailer

41:46

and then my

41:48

hand

41:50

off the girl working with me . She's in there as well . We're

41:53

watching the news and we're watching

41:55

AFN news . You know AFN news is right there

41:57

, our forces news . And then

41:59

they , like a portion of CNN pops up

42:01

and they're like plane got shot

42:03

down by missile , but a lot of rack . So

42:05

we didn't know what was going on . There

42:10

was people on the ground that claimed that they , they shot down the plane , there was like some terrorist

42:12

group , yeah . And then , um , they said it was bad weather , pilot error , like all these different

42:14

things . So we're sitting in there for

42:16

for hours and I told her . I said , from

42:19

this point on , we need to get lawyers . Yeah

42:22

, we're gonna try pinning this on somebody , and I think it's

42:24

us , or me to be exact . That's

42:26

horrible , yeah .

42:27

So the military's so bad at eating

42:29

people eating their own man yeah .

42:32

So , um , my chief

42:34

opened the trailer door

42:36

with my commander and he gives me a thumbs

42:38

up . He's like you're good to go and I was like , well

42:40

, what happened ? He's like

42:42

, well , 36 people , they're all dead . And

42:45

I'm like how was that ? How was that a thumbs up ? I was like

42:47

I don't care where these people are from . He's like

42:49

no Americans on board and I'm like that's

42:51

not a thumbs up . So he's like you got to go to the

42:53

hospital , you got to do a drug test to make

42:55

sure you're not on any types . Yeah , so

43:02

go to the hospital . They start bringing in all the carnage and all

43:04

that stuff and they don't even like

43:06

, they didn't try to like shelter

43:09

us from it , to protect us . You know , mentally

43:11

, yeah , they just they , they didn't care

43:13

, you know .

43:13

So , um , I

43:16

, I lit up a cigarette , which I wish I

43:18

could say I'm surprised , but

43:20

the military is so terrible at

43:23

this and please carry on .

43:29

And I'm sorry , yeah , so I , I um went to like the other smoke designated smoking areas . I lit

43:31

up a cigarette and I smoked a cigarette and I was like watching all this stuff

43:33

happen and um , it's basically

43:35

like recording it in my brain like india

43:37

, and I just watched all this stuff

43:39

go down and um , then

43:42

that's when they put me on suicide

43:44

watch , they wanted to make sure that I

43:46

wasn't going to kill myself and

43:53

they told me well , this is an international incident . The people um on board the airplane were

43:55

from Turkey . Happened in Iraq with an American citizen and

43:57

the plane belonged to Moldova . They're

43:59

, like all these other countries want to interview you and

44:02

I and I'll

44:04

be honest with you , like it did cross

44:06

my mind , like if I get locked up out there , like

44:08

I'll just take my life . Yeah

44:11

, because I don't , you know , I wouldn't want to be

44:13

locked up in some other country .

44:15

But there's movies about that for a reason .

44:18

So I thought about it . But

44:20

I thought you know what God's great God

44:24

is in control of my life . God is for some

44:26

reason , putting me through this whole event . Um

44:29

, and I prayed , you know , um , I was

44:31

scared , I didn't know what to expect . My

44:33

wife was pregnant with my son , Um

44:36

, she was still having complications with the pregnancy

44:38

, with , you know , both pregnancies . She had the hyperamnesis

44:41

, so , um , so

44:44

, yeah , I lost my . I lost my um medical

44:46

, so I couldn't work air traffic . I was just stuck in

44:48

my room . Um , and then

44:50

finally , one day , they they

44:52

told me um , you're cleared to work again

44:54

, just out of nowhere .

44:56

So I was short on people .

44:58

Yeah , exactly .

45:00

So come back to work and you know

45:02

, no , nevermind what you're processing

45:04

wrongfully , so because it wasn't

45:06

your fault , and

45:08

um , and meanwhile the guy playing solitaire probably

45:10

got promoted .

45:11

Yeah . Well , so

45:14

that night , the night of the crash

45:16

, we had an all-hands meeting with

45:18

our commander and our chief and that

45:21

guy broke down I'm not going to say his name , yeah

45:23

, but he started crying and

45:25

I called the baton for everybody and I

45:27

was like , hey , sergeant , I was like that's a bunch

45:30

of you know bs , because I

45:32

asked you for help and you know you know what you

45:34

told me . And I told I said in front of everybody

45:37

and he just stopped

45:39

with his crocodile tears , yeah

45:41

, so what ended up happening is

45:43

, um , I ended up getting a lawyer

45:45

over the phones and I

45:47

ended up going back to work and plugging back in

45:49

and working . At the same time , I had to prove to myself

45:52

that I was a good controller . I

45:56

wasn't negligent in what I did . I tried doing the

45:58

right thing . I couldn't control the situation .

46:03

You can't remote take over the plane .

46:05

Exactly , I plugged back in and continued working . I

46:09

had a lawyer over the phone . They were still conducting

46:11

their um , their investigation

46:13

, and they brought in a team from uh kadena

46:15

airbase and they

46:18

did their investigation and said

46:22

, basically , this guy , he

46:24

was gonna , he was gonna do what he was going to do regardless

46:26

. But still , the way everything

46:29

went down , I felt like they

46:31

were still pointing the finger at me , I still

46:34

had some fault in it .

46:35

They didn't exonerate you in the investigation

46:37

.

46:41

Man , to be honest with you , I want to get the FOIA request

46:43

to see exactly . It

46:45

was just a cloudy part of my life

46:47

. I

46:50

just remember doing the interview . I remember things like snippets

46:52

uh , you're in there , but it's so

46:54

. It's such a foggy part of my life , yeah

46:57

, that I just remember the bad events

46:59

, if that makes sense no , it really

47:01

does .

47:01

You know , anytime you go through a traumatic event , you

47:04

remember those things that are like burned into your brain

47:06

, yeah , and then everything else gets hazy , you

47:09

know , until it's sometimes , over

47:12

time , it becomes clear and your

47:14

brain puts it back together and other times it's gone for

47:16

good .

47:17

So so what happened was

47:19

um my chief after

47:21

the investigation , you know they basically

47:23

said okay , you're you're , you're good to work . So

47:26

I never really got clear um clarity like if're you're good to work . So I never really

47:28

got clear clarity Like if I was going to go to jail

47:30

or not , like Leavenworth , or if I was going to be

47:32

locked up in a prison overseas

47:34

. So went back to work , ended

47:36

up working and then my chief

47:38

is like I'm not going to leave until you get out

47:40

of here first . Well , he was in the first C-130 that

47:43

showed up the next day , left

47:48

me , wow , yeah . So about a week later the new chief showed up

47:50

, um out of Luke air force space and , um , I'm just sitting waiting to

47:52

go home . You know , I know my wife's having

47:55

all these issues . I can't talk about anything . I just

47:57

I called her one day and I'm like watch the news , I'm

47:59

involved in this situation . I they put out a gag

48:01

order so

48:09

I couldn't talk about anything . But I was like'm okay . So I um knocked on my chief's door

48:11

one day and I'm like , hey , what's going on ? When am I going to go home ? And he's like what are you talking about ? So I told him everything

48:14

. He wasn't debriefed . So I told him everything that

48:16

was going on and he's like pack your

48:18

stuff . He's like I'm getting you , I'm getting you home tonight

48:20

. He was a good chief that's .

48:22

That's what . That's the way it's supposed to be . Yeah , right

48:24

the Right , the guy's a turd , yeah .

48:26

So they

48:29

ended up getting a hold of the Red Cross and the Red

48:31

Cross medevaced me out of Iraq to

48:33

get me home to my wife that was having issues complications

48:36

with the pregnancy .

48:37

Wow , yeah , good on you .

48:39

So , yeah , it was that chief

48:42

and then also my first shirt

48:44

back at Minot Air Force Base , who

48:46

was a great guy who always looked out for me , for

48:57

my family , such a awesome dude . But so I got back home , made it back for the birth

48:59

of my son and then decided I was getting out of the military

49:02

, got out and then , you

49:04

know , told myself I was never going back overseas

49:06

. And then guess where I ended up back for another

49:08

two years was Afghanistan and Iraq

49:10

. And then got hired with

49:12

the FAA and

49:14

worked air traffic

49:16

in San Diego and then Dallas-Fort Worth

49:19

area and then at the same time

49:21

, like you , couldn't really talk

49:23

about mental health . So I was dealing with all these issues

49:25

during this whole time . Couldn't talk about

49:27

mental health because it's taboo .

49:29

Well , same thing with pilots , right . Pilots

49:31

are terrified of going to the doctor because any

49:34

status takes them out of flying , exactly

49:36

, and how much they pay . Same thing with you guys

49:39

, right . Any imperfection and

49:41

you're out .

49:42

Yeah , so we hold the same . As the pilots of

49:44

Class 2 medical and

49:46

the FAA knew about

49:48

it . They went through my record because they even made me see a

49:50

shrink in san diego

49:52

and uh , and they , they let me work . And

49:55

then it wasn't until working dallas , fort

49:57

worth , I almost had a um . I had a really

49:59

close call and um

50:01

it started triggering

50:03

like my dreams , like nightmares , and

50:06

and um putting fear into me and I

50:08

started having a lot of issues and stuff because of it , couldn't

50:10

sleep at night , restless nights , and

50:13

um couldn't get help . That was

50:15

the biggest thing . Like you know , I'm over here , you

50:17

know asking God for help and you know

50:19

praying about it and um

50:21

was struggling . You know it

50:24

was putting a strain on my life at home , at

50:26

work , with everything , with my life . You

50:28

can't sleep , you lose your mind , exactly

50:30

so I

50:33

. It was during covid and I

50:36

was really struggling with this and I told my

50:38

wife I'm like I'm not getting the shot . I

50:41

was like , if this is

50:43

one sword I'm willing to fall on . I was like I'm not getting

50:45

it . God's telling me not to get it . I'm going to follow my

50:47

heart and my conviction . God's telling me not

50:49

to do it . I'm going to follow it . Everybody was totally like against

50:52

me , my family , like

50:54

we love each other . But it put a strain on the family because , because

50:56

they're like , how are we going to provide , how are

50:58

you going to provide for us if you don't get

51:00

it ? Because they're going to fire you . So

51:03

I'm like I'm filing for retirement . So

51:05

I got all my documentation together , started

51:07

seeing the shrink and then started

51:09

getting help because I'm like this is what I need to

51:11

do . And

51:14

during that time as well , man

51:16

the devil attacks . And I'll tell you what . There was

51:18

a supervisor that just hated me . She

51:21

, literally one of the shifts

51:24

, turned her back on me when I asked for help

51:26

working her traffic . I'm

51:31

working the Dallas Fort Worth area as a whole because it's the mid shift , you work

51:34

everything combined . And I was like , hey , I need some help . You know what she did with the other controllers turn

51:36

their back on me , turn

51:38

their back on me . We're talking about United States of America

51:40

air traffic control system . She turned their back

51:42

on me . Yeah , and I had to

51:44

work everything out . And the same person

51:46

. Months

51:53

after that event , she put me on position , knowing that I didn't have my class two

51:55

medical because I lost it for mental health . She said take position , and

51:57

if I didn't listen to her I could lose my

51:59

job . She knew what she was doing , so I grabbed

52:02

my headset , I took position and

52:04

she had me working air

52:06

traffic , not legally supposed to be

52:08

working . It's against the law what she did and

52:11

she , she was just trying to . She

52:13

was attacking me . You know like it was spiritual

52:16

, it was like on every single level you can imagine

52:18

. But I , I did it and

52:20

, um , immediately afterwards I called the union , I called the flight . Imagine , but I did it . And immediately afterwards I called the

52:22

union , I called the flight doctor and I

52:24

did what was right , so filed

52:27

for retirement . It's unheard

52:30

of God did a miracle in my life

52:32

and it was approved in two months . My medical

52:34

retirement , yeah , with the pension and everything

52:37

. And now

52:39

I'm able to get the help that I need

52:41

and

52:43

I'm not . It's crazy because

52:46

I ended up going to church one day and I had a breakdown

52:49

. Never in my life have I had a breakdown of

52:51

such a relief . I've never went

52:53

to church and cried , but I went

52:55

to the front of the stage , the altar

52:58

, and I asked for prayer . Dude

53:00

, I broke down . It was embarrassing

53:02

, it was shameful , but it felt so good

53:04

at the same time .

53:06

Not in the church environment . No , no , no , my manliness

53:12

my macho , it doesn't matter that all

53:14

crumbles at the cross . Man Exactly .

53:16

But it felt so good , it felt so right that I

53:18

did that and it felt like a weight off my shoulders

53:21

Ever

53:35

. But it felt so good , it felt so right that I did

53:37

that and it felt like a weight off my shoulders and ever since then , you know , I've been just

53:39

thanking the Lord dealing with the same things that I am that

53:41

are still in that career field . So

53:43

, like you know , a lot of my friends are

53:46

still working that job and they struggle . They

53:48

can't get help , you know , and that's

53:50

where I try to be a light in

53:52

their life and try to , you know

53:54

, give them some guidance , because there's

53:57

a total of like 15 people that I know that are air traffic

53:59

controllers that have killed themselves because they

54:02

can't get help yeah , well , that's the

54:04

, that's the curse of the zero mistake

54:06

profession .

54:07

You know , the banker makes a mistake , they get a do-over

54:10

. The other people make mistakes , you do over

54:12

, but people who are zero mistake professions

54:14

where they make a mistake and a lot of people

54:16

die and life-changing

54:19

repercussions happen , that's

54:21

a stress that very few people will know . Right

54:24

, it's , it's , it's , and then you

54:26

know , and that's just something that you you can't have

54:28

an off day Like . You know

54:30

, somebody digging ditches as a bad day , all

54:33

right , so the ditch wasn't dug , right , you

54:35

know , or a plumber does something and

54:37

a pipe breaks , or you know whatever

54:39

. But right . A cop or an air

54:41

traffic controller or a fireman or

54:43

a paramedic or a surgeon , you

54:45

know , or has a bad day , then the

54:48

consequences are catastrophic and

54:50

that piles on you . And if you can't , if you've got nowhere

54:52

to go to decompress , you're

54:54

a chicken time bomb .

54:56

Yeah . So now , at this point in my life

54:58

, you know , I

55:01

think the suffering part is over

55:04

and now I'm

55:06

seeking my purpose , you know , and asking

55:08

God to you know , guide

55:10

me in the right direction for my life

55:12

. So I have purpose . Maybe you know I'm

55:15

not 100% sure where that leads me

55:17

yet , but I'm seeking the answers you

55:19

know in prayer and I'm just , I'm looking forward to doing God's will in my , the

55:21

answers you know in prayer and , um , I'm just , um , I'm looking forward

55:23

to doing God's will in my life and , you know , getting that purpose

55:25

.

55:27

Well , you know , um , you've

55:31

been through , you know a heck

55:33

of a lot and you know

55:35

I appreciate you being honest . I

55:37

mean , um , this

55:40

, none of this has to of this can be easy for

55:42

you and your family . I can't even imagine your

55:44

wife and home

55:47

. Those of us who've lost people , who've had people

55:49

die in our arms , are responsible

55:51

for death in some way

55:53

, whether

55:55

we couldn't save anybody or had to take

55:57

a life or whatnot

56:00

, or a terrible accident . I'll just

56:02

stay with you and the only the only people

56:04

I've ever seen being able to weather that Christians

56:07

, you know , like you

56:09

know the guys who I know , who've been

56:11

downrange a ton of different times , have

56:13

, you know , tons

56:15

of bodies on them . You know they've killed a lot

56:18

of people . The only the only the

56:23

on them . You know they've killed a lot of people . The only , the only , the only people I've seen leave

56:25

that unscathed are christians . Right , you know everyone else is

56:27

trying to fill it with booze , you

56:29

know , or women , or drugs

56:32

, or adrenaline or some

56:34

self-destructive behavior .

56:35

So I'm glad you found you have christ in

56:37

your life , brother yeah , the one thing , one

56:40

thing that I want to say kind of haunts

56:42

me at night is these

56:45

people that were on that plane , like you

56:47

know , do they know Christ or not ? You know , that's

56:49

one of the , I want to say , the biggest things that bugs

56:52

me . But that's out of my control as well

56:54

, and I just hope that you know

56:56

that they did .

56:59

Well , and again , you weren't the pilot

57:01

, you , it wasn't your mistake

57:03

. You know , um , a

57:06

lot of times when , as

57:08

men or , as you

57:10

know , alphas , we try to take ownership of everything

57:13

and some things , not our burden to bear

57:15

, man , you know , some things are

57:17

not , you know , and um

57:19

, you know , you , you , you

57:21

can't control other people Right

57:24

, and that's what it comes down to . And

57:26

you can only do your part . And if you did your

57:28

part , you know , regardless of how

57:30

it goes and it's not an easy thing , you

57:33

know , I think when you

57:36

get home to heaven , I think

57:38

you're going to get , you know , well done , good and faithful servant

57:41

, you know , and finish strong

57:43

, that's what we all get to do . You know

57:45

, all of us have to finish strong . You know , we endure

57:47

this to the end . You know , and that's our

57:49

job now , and we , we have our scrapes

57:52

, we have our cuts , we have our bruises , our

57:54

broken bones . You know everything

57:56

and

58:03

that's our testimony , like , like we said , and sharing that

58:06

now , how has your wife been a part of your healing in this

58:08

? Has your family been a part of this

58:10

? Have you tried to compartmentalize that ?

58:13

Well , first off , I wanted to say this before we ended

58:16

the call my wife has been such

58:18

an amazing wife over these years . I I've given

58:20

her so much . You know

58:22

such

58:24

a hard time dealing with this stuff and

58:27

she's always been by my side . Um , same thing

58:29

for for my kids . You know

58:31

, I know I'm not the best dad out there , but you

58:33

know I want to try to be a better dad and improve and

58:36

be the best dad I could be for them . Um

58:38

, but yeah

58:40

, I want to say to say I try to be

58:43

the tough guy , the macho guy , and you

58:46

know to

58:49

separate everything from the family . And

58:52

you know , maybe now

58:55

that I'm retired it's

58:59

easier to open up , because before we really didn't talk about it , because even

59:01

she knew , like if somebody heard me talking about it I

59:03

could get report , uh , reported , yeah , you

59:05

know . So now I open up

59:07

a lot more with these issues and stuff and

59:10

um , it's , um , it's

59:13

, it's a process sure

59:15

, but the main thing is is you can't

59:17

cut your one flesh , you and

59:19

your wife , or one flesh .

59:20

You cannot cut them out . Yeah

59:23

, you're suffering , she's suffering , and now she

59:25

doesn't know why she's suffering , you know

59:27

. So looping them in and giving

59:30

them full transparency and

59:32

allowing them to be a part of the solution , because nobody

59:35

can help , heal you like , yeah , she can

59:37

yeah , she's definitely

59:39

always there for me .

59:40

If I ever need anything , she's , she's

59:42

always there . I think , um , I'm

59:45

more of the you know it's

59:47

. It's more me than anything yeah

59:50

, oh .

59:50

Is there anything else you want to add to your testimony ?

59:53

no , I will just like god has um . You

59:56

know god got me through this . You know , if there's anybody

59:58

out there listening to this um and

1:00:00

they're struggling with um , pts

1:00:02

, struggling with PTSD or depression or anything

1:00:04

like that , ask God for

1:00:07

help . Ask God for help , reach

1:00:09

out to Pastor

1:00:12

Jason and seek help . It's

1:00:15

not the end of the road . Everything that I went

1:00:17

through was a difficult time . I

1:00:20

couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel , but you know what

1:00:22

God . God

1:00:24

is there . God is real . God will get you

1:00:27

through these things . If you ask God with

1:00:29

the true and pure heart , he will move him out

1:00:31

for you . He's done it for me countless times and

1:00:34

, um , like , like Pastor Jason said , you

1:00:36

know this is his story . You

1:00:38

know this isn't my story . This is what he did . He

1:00:40

knew from the beginning of time . You

1:00:43

know that I'm glad to hear you say

1:00:45

that , man I don't want to go

1:00:47

too far with that , but

1:00:50

he knew since the beginning of time that I was going

1:00:52

to be here and I was going to go through these things . And

1:00:54

, um , you know , he

1:00:57

, he , he knew . You know , when I was a kid

1:00:59

, everybody's saying I was satan's child . He

1:01:02

knew that I was his child and

1:01:04

, um , and that's the truth . You know , nobody

1:01:07

can take that from from me . Um

1:01:09

, it's his story and it's it's . I love

1:01:11

god , and you know , thank , I'm thankful

1:01:14

that he got me through everything I've been through awesome

1:01:17

.

1:01:18

so victor says crying is a release

1:01:20

. I cry every seven to 10 days to help

1:01:22

my stress . It helps my PTSD

1:01:24

survivor's guilt , tbi

1:01:26

, medical anxiety issues , plus my renewed

1:01:28

faith in God and trying to be of service

1:01:31

. Healing takes time . I've

1:01:33

been doing this new normal for

1:01:35

22 years plus . The inner cycle

1:01:37

is a must for long-term healing . God

1:01:41

is so powerful if you let him in . And then

1:01:43

Narnia Nolan coughs in

1:01:45

Calvinism . My

1:01:48

daughter yeah , I like her more

1:01:50

and more . Man , she's

1:01:52

got it right . Your wife does too . I'm

1:01:56

going to get you there . You're almost there . You're

1:01:58

close by the time you're

1:02:00

done leaving . I'll take you to every

1:02:02

passage and then you're all set .

1:02:04

Right , yeah , that's . That's it , though , you know . Just

1:02:06

. Thank you , jesus , for everything

1:02:09

you know .

1:02:11

Well , I really appreciate it , brother . We're going to

1:02:13

take a break and come back and then we're going to pray up

1:02:15

, all right . Well , what an amazing , powerful

1:02:17

testimony . My brother Adrian

1:02:20

here . I thank you . Let's go ahead and let's close

1:02:22

this out in prayer . Heavenly

1:02:24

Father , I'm so thankful for my brother here . I thank

1:02:26

you for choosing him before

1:02:29

the foundations of the earth and

1:02:31

for writing on

1:02:34

his heart that he is yours , lord , and writing

1:02:36

him into the book of life . Lord

1:02:38

, I thank you for getting him through these trials

1:02:40

and great sufferings

1:02:43

that he went through and , lord

1:02:45

, I pray that any

1:02:47

wounds still remaining , that

1:02:49

you would reach into him with

1:02:51

your powerful hands and wrap yourself

1:02:53

around him and cleanse all

1:02:56

the pain , all the suffering

1:02:58

, and fill it with your love , your

1:03:00

purity and your cause

1:03:02

. Lord , lord , adrian

1:03:05

loves you and he only

1:03:07

wishes to serve . He's

1:03:09

one of us who says send

1:03:12

me . So , lord , I pray

1:03:14

that over him , that you would give him

1:03:16

purpose , that you would give him knowledge

1:03:19

and discernment and motivation

1:03:21

and use him

1:03:24

as a tool for your will , lord

1:03:26

, and your will only . Lord . I thank

1:03:28

you for his honesty , his vulnerability , tonight

1:03:31

coming on and sharing with us in hopes that

1:03:34

anyone else out there who may be suffering

1:03:36

like Adrian , would

1:03:38

take strength and find hope and

1:03:41

find you in his testimony

1:03:43

, lord . So , lord , I also thank

1:03:45

you for your holy word

1:03:47

in the study tonight that

1:03:49

all of us would test ourselves and be found

1:03:51

true , that we would be yours

1:03:53

, lord , I

1:03:55

also thank you for this fellowship that

1:03:57

is constantly growing on the airwaves here

1:03:59

and on social media , and

1:04:09

then I pray that others would step forward with their

1:04:11

testimony to help other people find you , that

1:04:14

they would reach down into that sewage that everyone's drowning in of sin and pull them on the life

1:04:16

raft of you , lord . Lastly , I pray a

1:04:18

prayer of protection over this fellowship

1:04:20

, over the persecuted church

1:04:22

, over our troops overseas , our first

1:04:24

responders at home , our veterans

1:04:27

of yesteryear . Lord , I pray

1:04:29

for your protection from World

1:04:31

War III and Civil War here in America

1:04:33

. Lastly , I pray for my

1:04:35

beloved America that

1:04:37

she would turn from her sin

1:04:39

, hit her knees , repent

1:04:41

and seek your face , and that you would see her and

1:04:44

heal her , and

1:04:46

that we would once again be one nation

1:04:49

under God , indivisible , with liberty

1:04:51

and justice for all . Now I

1:04:53

call this fellowship to attention , to put on the full

1:04:55

armor of God , strap on

1:04:57

the shield of faith , pick up the sword of the spirit and

1:04:59

boldly walk forward into

1:05:02

the shield wall , locking shields to

1:05:04

the left and right as we march forward

1:05:06

to take ground for your kingdom

1:05:09

, for your glory . In Jesus name

1:05:11

, we pray . Amen . All right , everyone

1:05:13

. God bless you . Thank

1:05:15

you so much , adrian . Stick around

1:05:17

and we'll

1:05:20

see you tomorrow .