0:00

Hi. This is joe one just quickly

0:02

going to tell you that were interviewing

0:04

Ted Robbins cause you don't really set

0:06

him off isa pretty comedian and actor

0:08

solos. the stuff's really funny about reason

0:10

that she say who was so ah

0:12

this is him. If he were talking

0:15

to now, just. I

0:53

said oh more angel. Eyes.

0:56

David. Byrne. Well

0:58

you know guy was. I. doing all.

1:01

I'm. Doing wrong with. Having

1:04

an elderly man know. Made.

1:07

Me laugh yeah yeah. Has that has

1:10

the old yeah Joe is it is

1:12

all right fit your is quite quite

1:14

muffled in of those. Oh.

1:16

No. Oh gosh. I

1:20

don't know there are now. Yeah, I.

1:23

I was that much better. Era

1:25

that is best out of a seed

1:27

into it. will see internet local news.

1:29

David is eager to bit slow that

1:32

oh wow I say oh yeah yeah

1:34

yeah ok guys sorry about that. The

1:36

rods? yeah in fact yours is a

1:38

bit funny joke to slightly think those

1:41

were worried about Now. I'm

1:44

going to be funny, we're supposed to be

1:46

for it and. Well

1:49

lawyer well I will get.

1:51

Boy. Oh. God among will

1:53

get how you the globe from

1:55

our friends and yeah herds David

1:57

Gell greats It hurts to say.

2:00

I heard you with Alex, it was,

2:02

how far you're in there Barry? That

2:08

advert he

2:10

did, the carpets, probably this is

2:12

Alex Lowe and it was, what's

2:14

the style of the big carpet

2:16

thing? Have you seen that thing? Yeah,

2:19

yeah he did it, well I listened

2:21

to Chatterbix and I just

2:24

never stopped laughing, because Alex

2:27

is so funny. He's

2:29

amazing. Did

2:32

you like us or not bothered? Well

2:35

I was told by some lady producer

2:37

that you talk a bit too much,

2:40

but you know. Yeah,

2:43

very much. I

2:45

like that. As

2:48

Pro said, yes because I

2:50

love you, I'm a great fan of your work. Thank

2:53

you very much. And

2:56

I saw you warm up

2:59

for, do you remember King Canute? Do

3:01

you know I read sometimes, I'm looking

3:03

at a podcast about

3:06

King Ethelred and King Canute and

3:08

it's when you see the word,

3:10

C-N-U-T. Naughty.

3:14

Yeah, well it just made you laugh. It

3:16

was Nick Mayall, God bless him, I

3:18

was doing the warm up, because for

3:21

decades I was the one

3:24

that was, I won't say number one warm up,

3:26

lots of people did it, but it's

3:29

an epic thing you don't

3:31

want as a comic,

3:33

because I've had more ups and

3:35

downs than a fiddle's elbow in my career.

3:39

In the mid 80s, my sister Kate and

3:41

I had a series of shows and I

3:43

was really doing well and

3:45

then it all seemed to go tits

3:47

up really. And I was

3:50

learning my craft. I

3:52

mean this is 1984, 1985,

3:54

and I was working at Granada doing bits and

3:56

pieces and working with people like

3:58

Joe Brown and the Brothers. The you remember

4:00

the way I can put up much of

4:02

ram? Yeah yeah. Yeah. Job rest

4:05

will go it's yeah under i

4:07

use just hang around Grenada looking

4:09

for work you know about. Bit

4:11

of enjoyed goes. A

4:14

Strong! My first professional job I

4:16

was a dozen trainer when us

4:18

of the g we're all the

4:20

problem Yeah incredibly good. All the

4:22

makola could manage in a. Coffin,

4:26

Miami or something fresh have

4:28

no with a reason porthcawl,

4:30

South Wales than a mile

4:33

Jobs Simas. My dad

4:35

was in here was in the

4:38

business a room we grew up.

4:40

he was mister show biz you

4:42

know he said to him the

4:45

early fifties variety was dying and

4:47

my axe held Kelly's services jokes

4:49

and I did everything he says

4:52

effort to of manager he was

4:54

a cruise director and ship Susan

4:56

agents a reserve the eaves a

4:59

singer professional singer with the For

5:01

Jones boys and we we just

5:04

grew. Up. In.

5:06

Showbiz. Oh my Sisters are involved,

5:09

you know. You

5:11

know Kj member and I mean my

5:13

younger sisters And the memo my the

5:15

first cousin. Go. Might with tell

5:17

me who are the group called Scuffle? Yeah,

5:19

it's It's silly the think of a i

5:21

didn't have a brother out of bounds as

5:23

well. A measure of band

5:26

poll somebody and they didn't do

5:28

bad either. So a ceramic side

5:30

said, what was that. Well

5:33

I said mike Mccarthy or might make

5:35

year and he added elder brother. Who's.

5:37

Also in a band? yeah, she's

5:40

very gory. Go on out an

5:42

undergrad of attention and with James

5:44

overcast. But nobody's

5:47

ever heard of him. That's not lesser

5:49

charges that a Dick Van Nuys hook.

5:51

Oh no problem. Oh my mobile. First

5:53

you know people do that. who's the

5:55

most famous person on the phone? Or

5:57

less than just a matter of now.

6:00

Yeah, yeah, if you

6:02

listen, you know he brought a book out

6:04

called, hey, you know, I'm going to do

6:06

an impression like, you know, who? But

6:09

he sort of does this book

6:12

of songs, me and John Roach,

6:14

you know, great. And

6:17

a guy called Stevie Nix does a great thing. We

6:20

do the rest of it like this. He

6:23

wrote a song called Teddy Boy, which

6:25

is on his first album called McCartney.

6:28

And, you know, it goes, this

6:30

is a story of a boy named Ted. And

6:32

he was sort of inspired. He was lying

6:35

New Year's Eve. We

6:37

had a big family and still have

6:39

and all the uncles and cousins and

6:41

aunties. And my uncle

6:43

Jim, who's Paul's dad, my great uncle,

6:46

Uncle Joe, my mum and

6:48

dad, Auntie Jim, who was

6:50

Paul's auntie, who helped bring him

6:53

up. You know, someone's knocking at the door,

6:55

let him in. So cousin Mary,

6:57

Auntie Jim. Auntie Jim, when

7:00

Paul's and Mike's mum died in

7:03

1956, Mary, they

7:06

kind of, with my mum, all the

7:08

cousins and all the uncles

7:10

and aunties used to look after Paul and Mike because they were 14

7:13

and 13. And

7:16

they grew up. So I grew up, you

7:18

know, listening. And the aunties said, listen,

7:20

they're cousin Paul's on the radio, you

7:22

know. And yeah,

7:25

yeah, it's a strange

7:27

thing because, you

7:29

know, people say everyone in Liverpool, my

7:32

auntie, he used to scrub and go

7:34

steps and all that. But,

7:37

you know, he and Mike, I

7:39

see more than Mike, but I

7:41

see Paul occasionally. He rings up, I

7:43

do so, you know, and all that. I'll

7:47

tell you a funny story. Yeah,

7:49

go on. We've got a

7:52

cousin called Ronnie Fogg and

7:54

he's the most scouse man. And

7:56

Can you use a little bit of words in this?? Yeah, you

7:58

can. You're know

8:00

yet you'll sweat out of

8:03

individual. My daddy's sixty nine.

8:05

This year I'm suffer Running

8:07

was a. Married. Into in

8:09

Silver Antigens family use his oxygen

8:11

cylinder with and he worked on

8:13

the fetish on his Moscow's not

8:15

in the live on these guys

8:17

are yours the world refuse to

8:19

send would soften most times in

8:21

one word he said exam of

8:23

an interesting concept booking concept for

8:26

financial much of. A

8:29

funny she's going to school

8:32

for polls King Lear because

8:34

whenever you know in the

8:37

Jackie.vessel it was. Is

8:39

is the. Father

8:41

in law a dead a big

8:43

how said nine kids got. I'm

8:45

done with every supply later and

8:47

poor job as well. You know.

8:51

Like every was just a family.

8:53

Do you know to make this

8:55

to Paul Mccartney's in my life

8:57

is Circle Mccartney rooms Mp El

8:59

Nino go anywhere near the results

9:01

of those big and tall Mack

9:03

and he comes from the do's

9:05

and great but Ronnie he just

9:07

substrates recording goes a pool is

9:09

a million for hims items. Or.

9:15

Less a lot we are some original

9:17

good. The out we'll get a thought

9:20

is a mouth. He could afford

9:22

it. He survey Raleigh suffer not only

9:24

the mail you just need Love Zero

9:26

as as images are male. Of.

9:31

Other whatever. But since I'm dropping as

9:34

I said twelve judge on the bus

9:36

to small. Of

9:38

a set of wow say they

9:41

support Mccartney in he says Paul

9:43

Matt. As the other yeah

9:45

yeah than this thing about Totally

9:47

America we'd never you know, the

9:49

full Mike Mike Mike, his brother

9:51

Johnny Mac user another cousin, Uncle

9:53

Joe Silva. teeth

9:55

marks of the best way to his

9:57

uncle jack so it was six Uncles

10:00

and aunties and my grandmother

10:03

Annie McCartney was Paul's

10:05

dad's sister Yeah,

10:07

has he ever done a little private

10:09

gig for you just at Christmas just

10:11

got the good car out. Yeah, you

10:14

know my mom's 70th

10:17

god rest her he came down

10:19

to Kate's Kate was living in In

10:21

Bedfordshire in in Tedworth I think and

10:24

he came since yes Yeah, the lovely does

10:26

she had a lovely piano that you know

10:28

arcade did Kate Robyn's. Yeah, she was in

10:30

after Yeah, well,

10:33

yeah, yeah lovely, you know Paul there

10:35

were always family sing songs at

10:38

the you know, the Harris

10:40

family McCartney's the Robin's just everyone loves

10:42

singing and and He'd

10:45

come down and you know, he just like love

10:47

showing off and I remember once he

10:49

just sat there And he went

10:52

straight into glaing the dummy yesterday, you

10:54

know and all these things and when

10:56

the Beatles were really on the up

10:59

isn't for this we used to get

11:01

set we lived in Bebbington on the world and Paul

11:05

actually sorted my mum and dad's house

11:07

out. They were in his skin at

11:10

the time and anyway, that's

11:12

another story and He

11:15

and Paul used to send or

11:19

Apple as it was then Would

11:21

send all this stuff Records,

11:24

you know all the LPs with factory

11:26

sample off to sale Sergeant

11:29

Pepper album, you know sign

11:31

all this stuff and we get it and

11:33

there's always a party in our house It's

11:35

absolutely true. I'm used to put it

11:37

on the record player and we say this is

11:40

this new beat or so Wow, fantastic and also

11:43

and we will set a necessitate Recording

11:45

this is how long ago it was

11:48

of Paul Singing the

11:51

long unwinding road is that it was only

11:53

groomed on one side and it's flashing the

11:55

bus But it was a factory sample not

11:58

the sale and it was Before

12:00

it was orchestrated, it was just Paul singing

12:02

along a winding road all the way through.

12:04

He said, listen, that's lovely, that, isn't it?

12:06

He just disappeared from our house. Imagine,

12:11

because people came in and out

12:14

all the time, because Paul

12:16

and John had come and see us, you know.

12:19

You met John Lennon. John Lennon.

12:21

Oh, no, Kate and I were in 1969.

12:26

I don't know, it sounds like a nonstop name

12:28

job. I bloody liked it. In some ways, it's

12:30

a great thing. And

12:34

to some members of our family, all

12:36

their names, it's kind of screwed their

12:38

lives up a bit, because if you

12:40

compare, you know what I mean? Paul

12:42

Macarthur, you know. And you become a

12:44

dentist, great, you know. But I

12:47

think Mike, his brother, who's the

12:50

beloveliest of men and talented,

12:52

but his fear is on his greatest term, that,

12:54

well, here lies Paul Macarthur, his brother, you know.

12:58

But, no, he does it. And

13:00

long may that be, you know. He is

13:03

lovely, Mike. And

13:06

in 1969, I was about 14,

13:10

my dad was manager of the talk

13:12

of the town in London. And

13:15

Paul idolised me, Dad. If you

13:17

read a book called

13:19

Many Years From Now, Paul

13:21

talks about Mike Robbins. And

13:25

my dad was in and out of show business,

13:27

and he and John

13:30

worshipped him because he'd had professional

13:32

experience. And a cut of

13:34

disc or two with a group called the

13:36

Four Jones Boys in the 50s.

13:38

They were like Britain's answer to

13:41

the four freshmen, who you'll never

13:43

have heard of, close

13:45

four-part vocal harmony, very smooth and slick,

13:47

you know, and smart jackets and all

13:49

that. They were Britain's answer to that.

13:51

I mean, Dad was in that group

13:53

for a while, and he

13:56

got out of show business, and he ran a

13:58

pub called the Fox & The Fox. hounds

14:00

in Cavisham,

14:03

which is near Reading. And

14:06

I was about six, so Paul and John used to

14:12

come down and stay in

14:14

the holidays. And my dad,

14:16

and this is actually Radio Berkshire celebrated

14:18

this about it, the 50th anniversary, because

14:21

this folk legend had built it, which wasn't a

14:23

legend. But my dad said, right, lads, and they're

14:26

about 17, 18. He said, you

14:29

need, you're going to sing

14:31

for yourself. And they were washing

14:34

up pots in the pub. And he

14:36

put them on in the chat room. He said, you

14:38

need a name, you need a name. So he

14:41

said, he thought up this name, Paul,

14:44

which appeals to John. And it

14:46

was a spied Milligan word

14:48

called NERK. He's silly NERK. Like

14:51

the goons. And John loved the

14:53

goons. So he called them the

14:55

NERK twins. And

14:59

he put them on an evening and they played the

15:01

NERK twins, Paul and John. And my

15:03

dad had this big thing about acts. He

15:05

said, what's your first number? And

15:07

Paul said,

15:09

we do bebop-a-lula, you know,

15:12

bebop-a-lula. He said, no, no, too

15:14

slow. A good act in anything,

15:18

comedy, music, whatever

15:21

you're doing, should be like a capital W.

15:23

So you should start strong at

15:26

the beginning, maybe come down

15:28

a little bit, strong middle, come

15:31

down a little bit and finish strong

15:33

at the end. It shouldn't be like

15:35

an M. Start low, build up, build

15:37

up, go down.

15:40

And Paul said, so they started off

15:42

with an old song called The World

15:44

is Waiting for its Sunrise, which you

15:46

can look up. I looked it up

15:48

a while ago and it's very fast

15:50

beat and the new chords,

15:52

you know, and they just idolized him

15:54

and in lazy years, I mean, didn't

16:00

come but me dad took Kate and I, I

16:02

was 14 to London for

16:04

two or three days and it was 69 and

16:06

the Beatles were just on their last kind of,

16:09

you know, Yoko's in Met Yoko Oh

16:11

No, and David Paul's house and we

16:14

were in studio two of Abbey Road

16:17

and we just sat and it was

16:19

Easter time. I always remember I was

16:21

14 and we sat on these

16:23

stools, you know, watching the Beatles recording and

16:27

Mal, obviously Paul knew us and John knew

16:29

us as well and he was always

16:31

very kind with kids John. He had, you know,

16:34

all sorts of, I could tell

16:36

you stories about Paul's 21st and things

16:38

that John, you know, anyway,

16:42

he came over and he said, all right kids,

16:44

they had these small specks and we said, hi

16:46

John, you know, he said, did you like chocolate?

16:48

And me and Kate said, yeah, he said, Mal, and

16:50

Mal Evans was his roadie. I heard of him, I

16:53

heard of him, he's a great big guy. He was

16:55

a nice shot in America and

16:59

nefarious circumstances and everywhere

17:01

the Beatles went there were these great sacks

17:03

of sweets and cards

17:06

and chocolate and it was at an age

17:08

when this was 1969. So there wasn't that

17:12

much chocolate everywhere as there is now and

17:15

John went round and found this

17:17

giant chocolate rabbit that an American

17:19

fan had sent, they were your

17:21

kids. So we unpeeled this chocolate

17:23

rabbit and listened to them recording

17:27

over and over again a George

17:29

Harrison song called Not

17:31

Guilty, which later George

17:33

released as a single by himself, but

17:35

they never recorded it as the Beatles

17:37

but they, they were, I think, why

17:40

are they doing it again and again? And

17:42

that's just one of the memories, you know, which is

17:44

a, Do

17:49

they feel special to you now?

17:51

Or is it just part, yeah.

17:53

Well, when you look back, do you think, wow, or

17:55

is it just part of the family? No,

17:58

I do think, wow. And I do

18:00

think, I don't

18:03

talk about it very much because,

18:07

you know, people have

18:09

no idea, unless you were

18:11

there, what

18:14

Beatlemania was, you know,

18:16

and to actually be related to one, they

18:19

don't realise, you know, because fandom

18:21

and, you know, oh, we need,

18:23

I'm not knocking, take that

18:26

or whoever it is, you know, they used

18:28

to scream in hordes and everything, but this

18:30

was something else, this was... Did

18:33

you say, did you witness it first hand,

18:35

like being with Paul Wozani and getting people

18:37

down nuts? My dad, one of his many

18:40

other jobs, I've got a fosy graph of

18:42

him somewhere actually, do you want me to

18:44

show you a fosy? Yes, please. And

18:46

I'll just have to get up here. Amazing.

18:48

And I'll get it off the wall, this

18:51

is, unless it's stuck to

18:53

the wall, there you go, there's a... I love

18:55

doing things, come on. This

18:57

was taken by brother Mike, Mike, look

19:00

at me, and that's me, can

19:03

you see that? No! That's me

19:05

mum, oh my God, I've just seen who's

19:07

in the middle. And that's

19:09

Paul playing the guitar, and me,

19:11

he's in an ice cream. Have you, you're the

19:14

little boy with an ice cream stuffed in

19:16

his face. Yeah, yeah, Mike Mackere, I was

19:18

practising on a microphone, but that's me mum

19:20

Betty, he was a great beauty. And

19:23

that's me Paul. What

19:25

an amazing person. Where was

19:27

that taken Ted? That was taken

19:29

in Fylie, when me dad

19:31

was entertainment manager at Botlins,

19:34

and the kibilads came down, and

19:38

we'll say that to me Paul and Mike. He's

19:41

got a guitar, for the people that listen, he's

19:43

Paul Mackere, he's 17 there, how old is

19:47

he? No, I'm about four,

19:50

three, no two. He's

19:52

got the pulse of 15, 16 there. He's

19:55

got a guitar in his head, it's clearly

19:58

him. My

20:00

mum used to help him play because

20:02

she played the banjo-laley and she was

20:04

left-handed my mum like Paul so she

20:07

taught him left-handed chords you know so

20:10

that was fantastic you know. There

20:15

was no way your family couldn't go into

20:18

showbiz do you think? Like it was like

20:20

it was for most people it's the opposite

20:22

they don't really know anything of that world

20:24

and you seem to

20:27

be sort of just the norm was it

20:29

normalized yeah the norm yeah well you know

20:31

the joke used to be we're all in

20:33

show business even the sewing machine was a

20:35

singer people won't even remember

20:39

machine you know um i've got

20:41

that Ted yeah thanks

20:43

yeah i got it up the earlier

20:45

office one day Ted

20:58

i i'm in a really

21:00

tricky position there i don't know whether to voice

21:03

what's going on what's going on

21:05

in my head my wife she

21:07

is obsessed with Paul McCartney really

21:10

and i don't know whether to ask you

21:12

on the pod yes can

21:16

she go to his house

21:18

for ditty or something there

21:20

she could but you'd get

21:22

shot you know yeah

21:25

you know the funny thing is

21:27

Paul has security that

21:29

you never know about and we

21:31

we as a family you know

21:34

we'd all get invited all the mersey lot

21:37

you know we we get in a coach

21:39

and he'd drive us down the earth course

21:41

wherever it was when wings were going and

21:43

Paul i've always had a good laugh with

21:45

Paul and i always

21:48

did a good drunk you know what i mean

21:52

and as i said you boys i

21:54

said yes you are yelling some all

21:57

off come on come on I

22:00

never thought I'd let you

22:02

down, I'll pat yourself down. I'll pat

22:04

myself down, you know. They said,

22:06

come on, I'll tell you, but... So,

22:09

absolutely big. And then it wasn't, of

22:11

course, but in this big area. And

22:14

I started this, and people were, whoa, he

22:16

doesn't really... When we were doing this, yeah, do you

22:18

want some? Come on, let me start it out now.

22:21

And I was in nowhere,

22:24

in three of the biggest,

22:26

most frightening-looking men you've

22:28

ever seen in your life. And

22:32

John Hammond, have you ever watched

22:34

any film of Paul's? John is a

22:36

real little guy. He dresses like a Ted,

22:38

and he looks after Paul, and his guitars,

22:41

and he's about five foot six. He's a real

22:43

cut meat, great. And John

22:46

is just always there with Paul. You never

22:48

see him. But these three monsters were about

22:50

to pull me. I

22:52

went, oh my God, loudest of gags.

22:54

And John said, okay, cool.

22:57

You know, like you do with Dovah

23:02

and shut down. They all just disappeared.

23:04

A life out of me there, you

23:07

know. Ted, have you ever played that

23:09

character in anything so funny? What,

23:11

the eyes? It's

23:14

the eyes. The eyes are sort of gone, aren't

23:16

they? The

23:18

eyes are gone, aren't they?

23:22

Really unhinged. Yeah,

23:24

unhinged. I'm sorry,

23:27

I didn't mean that. They

23:31

always end up shaking me round, don't they? Yeah.

23:35

Oh, well, you know, the thing is, when

23:37

they show you on their hand, I'll bring

23:39

down the social, and there's nothing foil, you

23:41

know. You've had to use that looking at this, like

23:44

you've seen stained hands. He

23:47

says, oh, then try this. But,

23:50

you know, I don't know once I've

23:54

come flying with me, with David Ryan,

23:56

and David. Yeah, you might like this.

24:00

Matt, David and Matt, who I've known for

24:02

donkey's years. I did a thing

24:04

called pop, well they

24:07

used to pretend to be pop stars. Oh

24:09

yeah, I loved it, like the PGs and

24:11

stuff. Yeah, one of them had a title

24:13

of the line. And I was the most

24:15

unlike Pete Worsham that you've ever seen. So

24:18

I met David there and I did a

24:20

beer advert years ago, before he was

24:22

well known, and they

24:25

got me in, come fly

24:27

with me. So

24:29

the gag was, he was a

24:32

real airport and he wanted

24:34

me stripped to the waist and I was

24:36

considerably fleshier than I am now, i.e. a

24:39

fat bastard. And they

24:43

wanted me to stand near the

24:45

area where you go, all the shops

24:47

are and the WH Smith and cafes.

24:49

It was an airport in

24:52

Nottingham, I think, which

24:54

used to be a military one,

24:56

but it's open for public now. Anyway,

24:59

and then we shot on a single cam and

25:01

the idea was, I'm roaring,

25:04

shouting, I'm swearing

25:06

and with my shirt off

25:09

in the middle of the day and people, real

25:11

people, were

25:13

pulling their kids away. And

25:16

I'm thinking, oh yeah, and finally

25:18

David came to his security guys,

25:21

come along sir, now I think you better go, I'm

25:23

going to go, boom, we fly goes in half an

25:25

hour, we fly goes in

25:27

half an hour. And I

25:29

said, no, no, no, you must, come

25:32

on, come on, I said, all

25:34

right, all right. And I put

25:36

on an airline captain's cap and

25:38

an airline captain's jacket and I

25:41

wandered off. And there's several people,

25:43

Captain Robert, Captain Robert and I,

25:45

so it was, flew

25:47

everyone safely to Mulligan, which

25:50

wouldn't happen. Ted, I really

25:52

remember you as that warm up for

25:54

King Canoe. Yeah, I remember the show, yeah,

25:57

it was a one-off series. I Think

25:59

it was a good invite. When the noise

26:01

high moral ground. And don't Morrison? Yes,

26:03

I love Lance Marks or Is ground.

26:06

Yeah, I remember you being so funny

26:08

that evening. Well. You're You're

26:10

very kind of. I

26:13

was at one stage. It's

26:17

not a sitting yeah you sets out

26:19

to become. A good

26:21

warm up man, but my career. You.

26:23

Know I've had worked in the eighties of the could.

26:26

Show with this is the case

26:28

and she was much. She was

26:30

established impressionists and I wasn't and

26:32

I was still learning be trapped

26:35

have been Butlins read coast A

26:37

done a few clubs and brothers

26:39

soldiers who thought wow these to

26:41

these kids going to put a

26:43

month kids you know other had

26:45

to a do a series of

26:47

Granada Book Tells Williams and Blue

26:49

reality series ever look cool So

26:51

me when. I saw that

26:53

felt was kind of for hims like. A

26:56

lot. Harrys with me was absolutely

26:58

hilarious and took to me very

27:00

nice I'm I don't mean that

27:03

any common sense awareness in like

27:05

that he just likes he liked

27:07

me and the year the local

27:10

leagues a great. Very.

27:12

Well read man and I have.

27:14

Those. Degree in English. An

27:17

early poetry Shakespeare's have

27:19

unleashed a token Nhl

27:21

com double coverage respond.

27:23

but I am. Observes

27:26

he doing the gym and the show

27:28

was called some you will never talk

27:30

show some is about widespread surveys and

27:33

month. As you said not this one

27:35

you don't have their own a Tv

27:37

critical paying them as just throw some

27:39

sort of me the lowly of the

27:42

week allow the would you know the

27:44

diocese but it was worth it to.

27:47

Consume months seems to agree to

27:49

read with Ten Kills Williams at

27:51

an easy call. My with him

27:53

and very well very well in

27:55

fact. yeah we have re register.

27:58

One. Day We just finished Phil Morris. Then you're

28:00

living studio twelve Granada under he said what

28:02

are you where you are can't do that

28:04

You're free to know you don't have that.

28:07

It's have club above the old school where

28:09

or live on. used to go have a

28:11

during kill us together Will Roka was have

28:13

a shit so he woke up Zero thumbs

28:15

up. The yes all right and Mugello make

28:17

of woke up to get Lawrence sausage yeah

28:20

then in the usual you know it's like

28:22

I used on some been so good summary

28:24

so be literally distrust of the road and

28:26

can can can. It's was A and we

28:28

sat there for about twenty. This up some

28:31

about the haven't seen Kelly's on a

28:33

know announcing to research was sent to

28:35

go find him and he says he

28:37

this dressing room as this.speak speaking directly

28:39

to the costume they'd use. Hang it

28:42

up because of all I do says

28:44

ago knocked winners. It's very nice when

28:46

you make your arrangements, go somewhere and

28:48

then they start you off the Godfather

28:50

and we were exposed to. Tell.

28:53

If I'm sorry me that. I said

28:55

he was supposed to walk over with and

28:57

I said i'm very sorry I forgot and

28:59

he immediately without the city So young queen.

29:04

Of observe a nice break wind

29:06

old son of a half of

29:08

the I zoomed in the studio

29:11

stands up is the audience and.

29:14

Oh and all the mates and east

29:16

of sauce over a four alarm label

29:19

it as Kennedy got stop that he.

29:21

Got well no. Said you

29:23

like your own don't you prefer

29:25

such as at your life I

29:27

don't have a that's a fast

29:29

changes but for hidden. As

29:32

as not wrong go as you

29:34

can afford his if I masturbate

29:36

while blows about you'd be so

29:38

of overawed by in either Made

29:40

love the first name because I

29:42

first was when I met him

29:44

of just for me at the

29:46

regional programs are due to show

29:48

called weekend nineteen eighty three she

29:50

for with Paul Jones and it

29:52

is like do not as equivalents

29:54

of the six o'clock show with

29:56

Danny Baker in my class bomb

29:58

and I was like. Danny Baker

30:00

character but a northerner you know and I'd

30:02

do out go out and do funny reports

30:04

and I'd lay on the scouts accent a

30:06

bit and I'd be any I was it

30:08

you know anything and I was

30:11

on this program and it's fantastic you

30:13

know suddenly I was proud of

30:15

that it's a very popular program and

30:17

then I was kind of upgraded and given this

30:19

network show some

30:21

of you win and

30:23

it just uh uh

30:26

I can't remember what was I talking about then

30:28

what did you ask me? Meeting Kenneth Williams was

30:30

it? Oh yeah because I just I just imagine

30:32

sort of fainting if I saw him. Well we

30:34

just um they organized a meeting in Golden Square

30:37

London at Granada's month as

30:39

it was then Granada was a regional

30:42

before you know Tintin's Yorkshire

30:45

um Southern TV you

30:48

know there were 15 different regions

30:50

now it's all ITV and

30:53

Granada eventually kind of took it all

30:55

over but they organized a

30:57

meeting with the press a press

30:59

conference in the morning mid-morning

31:03

uh with me Kenneth

31:05

Williams Lulu and me together

31:08

to meet the press so I'm

31:10

in this room and um

31:12

I could see him across the room oh

31:14

god Kenneth Williams you know and we used

31:16

to when I was a butler in Dreadcoat

31:18

in Blackpool for 17 weeks every Saturday

31:21

afternoon on change over Saturday we'd

31:23

play in the main ballroom a

31:25

film and it was

31:28

all one or two films carried on

31:30

up the ciber and I used

31:32

to watch it like every I could never tire to

31:34

watch it and um

31:36

oh when he played the great

31:38

Carsey he lived with me the

31:40

great Carsey and um

31:42

you know I I'd grown

31:44

up I loved Hancock Tony

31:46

Hancock and his all his um and of

31:48

course he'd work with him you know to

31:50

talk to Kenneth Williams about a

31:53

hero like Tony Hancock was just incredible

31:55

but I think he was sensitive enough to know that

31:57

I wouldn't you know I'd be a bit nervous So

32:00

he came up behind me and he didn't

32:03

like touching anybody. He said, of course, he

32:05

said, speaking to me, he said, if you

32:07

see me now nude, nude, naked, the

32:12

bums hanging in pleats, hanging

32:15

in pleats, you're it. So,

32:17

very nice to meet you, Kenneth. You

32:20

did say we were right. Can I just

32:23

say, that is the best story I've ever

32:25

heard. Like, there's no way on earth I

32:27

was gonna guess that was your meeting with

32:29

Kenneth. It was fantastic. And

32:34

he wasn't a big drinker. We got up

32:36

through mail. And this is me

32:38

blowing my own trumpet. I don't know whether it came

32:41

through or not, but he stopped over and

32:43

said, I want to raise a glass to

32:45

a young man, to Ted Robbins, he said. He

32:48

said, you're gonna be very

32:50

successful. I'm never wrong. You can

32:52

quote TSL, you can quote Shakespeare,

32:54

and you're a great, and I

32:57

could smell it. I can smell it, he

32:59

said. He literally, I mean, and

33:01

he raised a glass to me. And I thought,

33:03

God, that's a great thing to say. And then

33:06

a year or so after that, he died. And

33:09

I was very saddened by that, as many

33:12

people. But

33:14

a very private man, very insular, as

33:16

is well recorded, you know. But

33:18

very, very funny, you know. But he

33:21

loved the classical. He played the Dauphin

33:23

in the, St.

33:27

Joe, Bernard Shaw's play. You

33:30

know, he played the Dauphin

33:32

in France. And he

33:34

played, he worked with, who

33:37

was the Orson Welles? He'd

33:39

been directed by Orson Welles. And he loved talking

33:41

about that side of the business. And

33:43

then he'd talk about, you

33:46

know, carry on a bloody hell. And

33:49

one week, Frankie Howell's coming up to be

33:51

the guest on this weekend show. And

33:53

came through his desk and said, listen, he said,

33:55

don't leave my side. He said, he said, Frankie,

33:57

he's coming up and he's gonna want me to.

34:00

do another carry

34:02

on film. You stay

34:04

by me. All right. Don't leave me on my

34:06

own with Frankie. Thank

34:14

you very much. It's my age.

34:19

Yeah. So I've been, it

34:22

goes back to warm up. So

34:24

those series in the 80s were

34:26

real big setups. And I was

34:28

learning on air. And

34:30

it wasn't a good thing to learn your

34:32

craft on air. Right. I kind of

34:35

slumped. Kate's career went off to a different

34:37

way. She was a singer, composer,

34:41

and great voiceover artist

34:43

and comedian and impressionist

34:45

and did spit an image and all

34:48

that. And I suddenly found myself suddenly

34:51

from year to zero. Why? What happened

34:53

Ted? What was the cause? Did the

34:55

couple of shows not quite go? I

34:57

stank quite frankly. What you did or

34:59

the shows did? No, you

35:01

know, looking back at them, they weren't

35:04

that bad actually. But I

35:06

was compared with my sister and they tried

35:08

to make me into a version

35:10

of her and always

35:13

voice me going funny. But

35:15

I'm thinking, but these are

35:17

producers and they're money

35:20

also skinks. They overdraft and go and

35:22

flatten them, you know. So I didn't

35:24

listen to the voice in my ear

35:27

saying, this isn't funny. It's not you.

35:29

I watched the Jimmy Tarbuck

35:31

impression on the show that was so

35:33

bad. They just superimposed the

35:35

caption and said, Jimmy Tarbuck.

35:38

It's like your impressions David.

35:41

Oh yeah. Yeah. It's

35:43

like David's impressions. He has to say the name

35:46

in the first. So

35:48

were you doing warm up after

35:51

all the big shows you've been

35:53

or before? My career was as best Dawson or

35:55

else I worked with my sister. It's you. God,

35:58

it is new. years. I

36:00

was, Leslie's great, went to his second

36:03

marriage and I was in

36:05

Room for Your Wife, the Ray

36:07

Cooney Fast in 1985, after

36:09

the roundabout at the time of

36:11

the TV things. And I

36:13

understood Leslie and Panta Mime,

36:16

became a great friend, and

36:18

also Eric Sykes, who I

36:20

understood. And I used to

36:22

listen to Eric Sykes. And

36:25

I wanted to get to know

36:28

him really well, because he was

36:30

a genius, Eric Sykes. And again,

36:32

he'd written The Goon Show when

36:34

Spike was at breakdowns,

36:36

a terrible depression, Spike Milligan.

36:39

And again, I can't remember, I

36:42

know the warm-up thing. So I did

36:45

that. And then I was

36:47

kind of drifting, I was doing stand-up

36:49

gigs in working men's clubs. And

36:52

in those days, it was the last

36:54

knock-ins of the

36:56

old boat's eyes, the Jim Bowens, the

37:01

comedians. And

37:03

I was caught between that and

37:05

Rip Mail and Paul Jackson's New Wave

37:08

that came. And I kind of didn't

37:10

know which camp I was in. And

37:14

I suddenly became old-fashioned

37:16

very quickly before my age.

37:20

I remember I did a working men's club

37:22

called, and working men's

37:24

clubs, they used to put your

37:27

turns that are on this week,

37:29

your miners' club or something. And

37:31

they'd say Ted Robbins, felt wrong

37:33

usually, comedian. They

37:36

didn't put a question mark,

37:38

but comedian, they'd put like

37:40

40 quid or something. And

37:42

you'd see these miners all working. No,

37:45

on the poster. What you were earning.

37:47

Yeah, they'd put

37:49

how much the turns were on, because

37:51

the clubs were owned by the members.

37:54

So were the reminders, was she still working?

37:56

Oh my God. But in fact, they knew

37:58

exactly what you were doing. but turns as

38:00

we were called, you know. So,

38:03

and you could see them going, oh, 50

38:05

quid or 40 quid, and that's

38:07

half week for that, see if you've seen

38:09

that funny. That's fine. And

38:11

I did a club called the Willow

38:14

Social Club in Salford. And

38:19

to say I died on my ass, which I

38:21

had done literally by the way. Oh yeah,

38:23

that's a good one. But I

38:26

got up there and I

38:28

thought I had an act. Well, it was just,

38:31

I got up there and you realize

38:33

how slowly a minute passes when you

38:36

die on the backside, you know. And

38:39

you know, you start getting the

38:41

cough. And then even worse than

38:43

the cough, people just start and say, even

38:46

worse than being heckled, people just talking to themselves.

38:49

And you like talking to yourself. So

38:51

I thought I'll give them the best gag. Now I'll

38:53

quickly tell you this gag. It's the oldest gag in

38:55

the world. But the gag goes, Magrasion

38:57

Glafter died. So, me auntie went to a seance and

39:00

she said, is there anybody there in the media? And

39:02

she said, yes, well, it's me Arthur. She

39:05

said, oh, what's life like on the other side? It's

39:07

not bad. He said, we have a salad for

39:09

breakfast and we have sex then. We

39:11

have some more salad, then we have a bit more

39:13

sex. And it's salad and sex all night long. Never

39:16

thought I'd ever be like that. He

39:18

said, heaven, we're buggers. I'm

39:20

a rabbit on the head. Bear

39:29

in mind, dying on the arm

39:31

for about seven minutes and a

39:33

year, but to do half an

39:35

hour or something. And so

39:38

my mouth had dried up completely.

39:40

I'm giving you the best gag.

39:42

I was saving this in the

39:45

end. I said the first line in this

39:47

gag, I said, Magrasion

39:50

Glafter died. And I voiced them

39:52

back clear at Clary and Gal.

39:54

I said, Magrasion Glafter died in a

39:56

voice call. I bet he went

39:58

through fucking laughing, son. It's quite

40:01

a good angle, isn't

40:03

it? It's

40:09

superb. It's superb. It's

40:11

funny in an energy-type show. Oh, God.

40:23

You did sort of head to what

40:25

we were kind of going to ask if it was all right.

40:28

We spoke with Alex and Toby about the

40:30

Web like

40:55

you can use the Wi-Fi however. For

40:57

20 years, I've always

40:59

put in the name and

41:02

email [email protected] for 20 years, yeah,

41:04

every one of those guys. Put

41:07

the name, first name Den, surname

41:10

Perrin, and it'd be denperry at Hotmail. I've

41:13

done it for 20 years and I still do

41:15

it. Probably last time I did it was about a

41:17

week ago. You know, I've used

41:19

that for a pen name for myself as well.

41:21

Really? I'd like to change it now. Someone

41:24

with denperry at Hotmail has got a lot

41:26

of them. Denperry, yeah. Sorry,

41:28

I'd love it so much. Pete

41:31

said he based Den on

41:33

Bernard Manning. Right. When

41:36

he wrote with Neil and

41:38

Dave, you know, for Phoenix Nights, he

41:40

said, you

41:42

know, I'd like you to play denperry, but

41:44

do you mind playing a bit like Bernard Manning?

41:47

I said, well, you know. And

41:49

my first line in Phoenix Nights, I always

41:51

remember the banana grove, my clothes. Yeah. He

41:55

just cut, Peter loves writing and cutting

41:57

in half way through a sentence. Yeah.

42:00

all the other club owners about different acts

42:02

coming up and I said and

42:04

the first line is oh

42:06

no I tell you I remember this I was in

42:08

block pool and a lady very odd

42:12

lady came up in the old-fashioned tape

42:14

recorder said Dan Perry Phoenix Nights I

42:16

said well Ted's name yeah but played

42:18

there say the

42:21

first things you say on Phoenix Nights into this

42:23

microphone I said I can't know what they were

42:25

and she reminded me so I said oh right

42:27

so he cuts to me and I'm saying and

42:30

I said today she has got a cock so you have

42:32

been warned that

42:35

was her first line but

42:38

as Peter said a while ago you know I've

42:40

seen a lot of people recently and he's

42:43

been a very very good friend to me

42:46

I've had me troubles physical

42:49

things but he's been ever

42:51

so kind and he said you know

42:53

there's been a lot of pressure on people

42:55

saying bring Phoenix Nights back

42:59

and the odd thing is now I

43:01

was in hospital recently and when

43:04

I first had the I

43:06

had a cardiac arrest as Alex was

43:08

telling you the Phoenix Night Road Road

43:10

stayed 30,000 people and

43:15

I've got another story about that event a

43:17

very weird sliding

43:19

doors moment have you got time for this

43:21

yeah of course yeah well it

43:25

involves oh by the way it's about

43:27

a mate mate's uncle Gary Loca so

43:29

there's two lives going on here there's

43:31

me and this guy Gary

43:34

Loca Gary is a paramedic in

43:36

the Royal Army Medical Corps forcing

43:38

Bosnia saw his best friend

43:40

belongs to pieces right in front of

43:42

him suffered terrible schmastic but

43:44

carried on but eventually downhill came

43:47

back home to Leeds had

43:51

problems with his wife and family and

43:53

his little kids and this split up

43:55

and it's all since

43:57

been resolved this and he was

43:59

very very depressed And

44:02

he'd moved into his mum and dad's house. He

44:05

doesn't mind me saying this, he tried to take his own

44:07

life, he's not bad, because there wasn't

44:09

as much support for PTSD, blah

44:12

blah blah. So he's living

44:14

very depressed at home with

44:16

his mum and dad in his room, as a young

44:18

man in his 40, I don't know, 38, something

44:20

like that. And

44:23

his sister and her boyfriend got tickets

44:25

for the opening night of

44:28

Phoenix Nights. Phoenix Nights live,

44:30

where was it again in Manchester?

44:32

Manchester, the arena. So you'd say

44:34

it was 30, 30? Yeah,

44:36

the arena as it was called then. Yeah. So

44:39

he's sitting there, she got

44:41

tickets, so he said I'll drive you over, she'll

44:44

be young with a ticket, he said well, you

44:46

know, I'll sit and play Candy Crush and I'll

44:48

give you a lift back, because parking room is

44:50

terrible. In the meantime,

44:53

I'd been told I had to

44:55

open up surgery on a faulty

44:57

aortic heart valve and

45:00

arteries and stuff like that, you know, I was 57,

45:02

something like that. I

45:07

was about five stone heavier than I am now. And

45:09

I kind of begged the surgeon to let me do

45:12

this show, because it's so exciting. And

45:14

he kind of went, well, I don't know, you know,

45:16

he said, you know what, you really want to do

45:18

it? So take your

45:20

meds, as soon as it's finished, you come

45:23

in. But anyway, so Gary's

45:25

given his sister a lift, it does get a bit

45:27

more interested in this. And

45:29

I'm down to it. We'd

45:31

only rehearsed this show once. And

45:34

I'd said, I think Alec told you this

45:36

story. I'd said to Dave Spiky, and I

45:38

think Toby, the night before. And I don't

45:40

remember saying it. If I fall over on

45:42

that stage tomorrow, it's not a gag. I

45:45

had a sense of something. Right.

45:48

Audience were piling in, everyone's

45:51

there. Richard Curtis, Lenny Henry,

45:53

you know, John Scowth

45:56

comic. Bishop? Bishop? Yeah,

45:58

yeah. and Jason

46:01

Manford and loads of other people

46:03

right at the front. And our

46:06

families, my sister Kate was there, and my sister

46:08

Hannah, not all my family, my wife Judy was

46:10

there, and my daughter

46:12

Molly was there. We

46:14

all got loads of comps right at the

46:17

front. Were they nervous for you, knowing that

46:19

you needed that surgery? Yeah, they were a

46:21

little bit, but there was a massive gig

46:23

this year. And they'd said, well,

46:25

if it's up to say you're all right, you're all right, you

46:28

know. But

46:30

I rang Judith at the interval. I didn't come

46:32

on till the second half. I

46:34

said, I'm not feeling, she said, well, pack it

46:36

in. I said, no, no, I'm going to be

46:39

all right. She said, tell someone. And

46:41

I said, well, and I

46:43

pulled myself together. I'm going to be okay. What

46:46

were you feeling Ted in that moment? I

46:48

was feeling a sense of foreboding

46:51

and a fullness in my chest. I

46:53

didn't have a heart attack, I had a cardiac

46:56

arrest. Okay. I don't really know

46:58

the difference. You can survive a heart attack because

47:00

you can get pains in your chest and

47:03

remain conscious throughout. But

47:05

a cardiac arrest is when your heart stops

47:07

beating. And it's what Erickson,

47:09

the footballer, had gone on a patrician

47:12

number. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the

47:15

common denominator for all of them, it's

47:17

called sudden death syndrome. Because you drop

47:19

like a stone. And unless

47:21

there's a defibrillator on you or somebody gives

47:23

you CPR, within minutes,

47:26

couple of minutes, you've got irreversible

47:28

brain damage. And then there

47:30

must be death within five, 10

47:32

minutes. Sorry, Cherry. No, no, I

47:34

got a cell phone. So Gary's

47:37

sister, the paramedic, was late coming

47:39

in. So after house

47:41

lights were going down, they

47:43

managed to buy a ticket for Gary, open the gods,

47:45

if you've ever been to one of these rings, it's

47:47

going to be a good matter. It takes 20 minutes

47:50

to walk down. It takes all the stairs to get

47:52

to the front. And

47:54

so they'll say, what's the show?

47:56

I'm pacing around backstage. And

47:59

Patrick, How do we

48:01

get? Listen on the boys and an

48:03

old old. Great. Cast zebra oil

48:06

and to people with the since the

48:08

something not right with it and I'm.

48:11

A summer? Okay, okay, yeah,

48:13

I'm okay. so during the

48:15

interval. Gary's.

48:18

Sister text him and said there's

48:20

a few seats the frontier right?

48:22

right? A difference when they are

48:25

very angry and rich jerseys and

48:27

I knew what he come down.

48:29

She's a great suit or timbers

48:31

such a tough to stop the

48:34

truck truck truck truck truck race

48:36

on comes of second off disease

48:38

discover thing sit our you they.you

48:40

know reason. That.

48:43

I came up to a. Stepladder.

48:46

And those things like the idea

48:48

was, have escaped from strange ways

48:50

prisoner. That. Was the

48:52

gag which is opposite the I'm

48:55

in arena and I was in

48:57

prison clothing and I got a

48:59

couple of Earth Pasha feed dogs

49:02

have been rum raisin awesome and

49:04

snacks as shocking outside. Do realize

49:06

why Five Gary for us take

49:08

that as Barlow Amaya on the

49:11

Realize the Fire Lulu to the

49:13

Hidden The Coast. those songs and

49:15

the idea was was gonna build

49:18

on slams for the Shinzo was

49:20

focusing this number. And

49:22

remember remind the Gary Now

49:25

decision about. Twenty

49:27

yards western stage and he should.

49:30

Big burly relax would be player

49:32

squatting in a. Medically.

49:35

These. Guys know everything You know. And

49:38

I came up. and as it gets.

49:41

so last you know, I did despite

49:43

everything on a arena billion. Or

49:45

as you know, have been in strange ways

49:48

and I hired a pizza. Who's gonna. Retentive.

49:51

memory remembers he said i knew

49:53

i knew somebody walks you through

49:55

a lot of other the school

49:57

said the is cause strange ways

50:00

and they have got bloody strange ways there.

50:02

You drop your soap in the bath, you

50:04

kick it out. My

50:06

head, my ass is like the flag of

50:08

Japan. Not very physically

50:11

clear. And

50:15

with that, I thought, I've got to get to the back

50:17

and I just remember thinking, oh,

50:20

God, I'm going to lie down. And

50:22

that's all I remember. Apparently, I said,

50:24

I'm going, I'm going. And

50:27

you drop like a sack of spuds. And

50:30

there's a camera. The only person on stage with me

50:32

was a cameraman. He was shooting

50:34

pictures on a handheld right

50:37

all around the other storage. And he

50:39

kept it up on us. And people were

50:41

laughing at us because they thought, someone thought

50:43

I was doing a sick impression of did

50:46

Tommy Cooper who died on stage. I don't

50:48

know if he'd be a member of that.

50:50

I can't make it. He actually died on

50:52

stage. Life and magic.

50:54

Sunday night at the plate. There's Les Denison on

50:56

there, wasn't he? Talking about it. And

50:59

gee, you know, they carried on

51:01

while the curtains were around in here in Sarbuk,

51:04

was the host. That was a long time ago. But

51:06

this is 2015, 31st of January, 20 past 10. Remember

51:13

the time. And I died. I literally

51:15

dropped dead. I was making

51:17

strange noises. And everyone's going, get

51:19

up, Perry. You've had bastard. I'm

51:22

backstage. Peter going,

51:24

this isn't part of his ad. And a

51:26

few of the other lads said, you know, holy

51:29

Mary, Janice Conway

51:31

and all the cast. She

51:33

said, well, is this part of the act? And

51:36

Gary, now 15 years away, the

51:38

paramedic, heard me,

51:40

cracked my head and I bit right through

51:43

my tongue. And he said to his sister,

51:45

that's not a gag. That's real. And

51:48

at the same time, my wife

51:50

stood up and went, oh

51:52

my God. And they said, is this not? She

51:54

said, oh no, something's really wrong. Gary

51:56

saw this and he was henching. And

51:58

he had his NHS. still with him. Security,

52:01

nobody was going to say no, you can't, you

52:04

see that man's in big trouble need to get

52:06

to him now. And he was

52:08

on me in a minute. And

52:10

he performed CPR assisted by

52:13

a vascular surgeon called Mr.

52:15

Donald Adam Scottish gentlemen, consultant

52:18

who came to help. And

52:21

they kept me alive. They couldn't

52:23

find a defibrillator. So Gary performed

52:25

CPR on me for over

52:27

15 minutes, broke 12 of my ribs,

52:30

cracked the sternum. But they

52:32

kept me alive until finally we found

52:34

a defibrillator. So I had to think

52:36

John and all the ambulance came, one of the two.

52:39

And I was taken rushed to Witherndshire hospital,

52:42

where he was touching go for

52:44

I didn't know I was like to me sits on

52:46

morphine, you know, and get

52:49

Gary disappeared into the night.

52:51

Actually, no, he did

52:54

me was taken backstage, but everyone was dazed. I

52:57

think somebody offered him a drink and his sister

52:59

was still sat in the auditorium. And

53:02

they eventually said you've got to go nothing. I

53:05

think it must have been Justin Morehouse or Toby. Ostrich

53:08

said, Could you please leave the brought

53:11

the curtain to the audience you mean

53:13

to? Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, you know,

53:15

it was very sorry. And people have

53:17

seen film of this is very

53:19

moving people say God said, boo, you know,

53:22

I'm sorry, get emotional. So talking

53:26

about it. And

53:29

they brought the curtain down, but

53:31

it was the gag was they borrowed the curtain

53:33

from s club seven.

53:39

Amazing. Gary, I'm, you know, Gary,

53:41

the wife's all around me. My

53:44

daughter's in the shaking thinking, you know,

53:46

she even ran one of my other

53:48

sisters and said, our parents just died,

53:51

you know, and I have clinical. But

53:54

Gary kept going, bitten through the

53:56

tongue, blood everywhere. Oh, they got me

53:58

back. And they got me to with which

54:00

is another hospital centre of excellence who

54:02

looked after me for getting on for

54:04

10 years. And

54:07

Gary's sister was sat in

54:09

the audience and

54:11

they said, you know, you've got to go. He said,

54:14

well, that was my brother who did

54:16

the, they said, oh, the doctors.

54:18

He just said, yeah, it was Gary and the

54:20

doctor. So they took her

54:22

into a back room. And do you remember, it was Albert, I

54:24

don't know if you were to say this anymore, and the seventh one.

54:28

Do you remember the dwarves that

54:30

were in Phoenix Nights? The

54:32

actor was, I don't know if you've got

54:35

your room,

54:44

he said I was in a room with seven

54:46

Albers who everyone knows from Blackpool. They are, I

54:48

love, do you want a cup of tea? And

54:51

she said, I'm the most real. But

54:54

they found Gary and he came

54:56

to see me. And

54:59

we remained, we stayed close friends. And because of

55:01

the story shot, I'm trying to write this as

55:03

a parallel story. I call it

55:06

a strange meeting. And

55:08

he says something

55:10

happened in his mind and it changed his

55:12

life. Really? And

55:14

he went back to work. He

55:16

became friends with his ex-wife. They're

55:18

great. They're not married, but they're great

55:21

friends. He's got a new partner. He's got a

55:23

partner. He's now a

55:25

practice paramedic in a GP's practice,

55:27

highly qualified. If I'm ever

55:29

worried, I'll just ring him and

55:31

Dr. Adam as well. And

55:34

he says it changed his life. So

55:36

every 31st of January, I

55:38

get together or whatever. I

55:42

say thanks for saving my life. And he goes, thanks for

55:44

saving mine. It's incredible.

55:47

That's beautiful, isn't it? Coincidence. It

55:49

would never have happened if those things

55:51

hadn't happened like that. I wouldn't be

55:53

here. And I've seen two grandchildren grow

55:56

up in that 10 years, as

55:58

it nearly is now. It's

56:00

quite a tale. But

56:03

I was lucky that it happened in front

56:05

of all those people, which is

56:07

the comedy nominator with just supposed

56:09

to be a comedy broadcast. I don't care. I don't

56:11

care. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This

56:14

is unbelievable. So the

56:17

comedy nominator is, in fact, I

56:19

was watching Man United yesterday and

56:22

Ericsson played the gundon there

56:24

against Liverpool. Yeah, yeah. I'm a

56:26

scout. But he plays

56:28

with an ICD in his chest. Really?

56:30

I've got a new one there. It's

56:33

called an implantable cardio

56:35

diverter. And

56:39

it's, what's the word

56:41

I use for defibrillation? It's an internal defibrillator.

56:43

Oh, really? So if you

56:45

have a heart condition, it goes into a

56:47

dangerous rhythm. It chucks it back. It's

56:50

a drop of Utidar. And it's happened a

56:52

couple of times since. And

56:55

it saved my life. But I recently

56:57

had a few episodes. I won't go into it

56:59

all. But I'm back out

57:01

for a minute out of bloody wood,

57:03

isn't she? I'm like an old boy.

57:05

But they're fantastic people. So

57:09

I'll just say to anyone listening, if you're worried

57:12

about a rhythm here, which

57:14

is a regular heartbeat, which one in

57:16

five people have, go and get

57:18

it sorted. Go and see a consultant, you know, get

57:20

it sorted. Because nothing's been frightened of because they can

57:22

sort of. I've just had

57:24

what they call ablation, whether you

57:26

zap out the cells that were causing

57:29

this thing to happen. But

57:31

it does have also an

57:33

effect on the mind. You know, it really does.

57:36

And it's not something you kind of forget. It's

57:39

there with you. You kind of laugh about

57:41

it. And I can, you know, Peter says, you're only

57:43

on three minutes. And he's told me, no.

57:46

And he's told my best gag. He

57:49

said, I took it. I did

57:51

it. Well, I

57:53

did a gag. I'll

57:55

admit. Let's

57:58

do awesome first, didn't it? right when I

58:00

was in Run For Your Wife. And

58:03

I realized since Arthur Askey, do you remember

58:05

Arthur? Yeah. So

58:08

it's one of these gags that people tell it's a new gag,

58:10

you know, it's a new gag. Well, I

58:13

worked with Lance when he passed away. I carried

58:15

on. The first opening night of Run For Your

58:18

Wife in the Grand Theatre Blackpool. Eric

58:22

Morkems, God bless

58:24

him, Eric Morkems, Eric Sykes, me, Jim

58:26

Hunt, Peter Goodwright, the cast. We're

58:28

on stage and Les stepped forward and

58:31

said, this great, I have everyone in here,

58:33

my old friend that excites and, you

58:35

know, to be in that, the

58:37

greatest talent, he looked like pool, Les, he said,

58:39

sweat's pouring off, he said, I

58:42

sort of say a special thank you to a great mate of mine

58:45

at the back of the theater. He didn't want to be

58:47

mentioned, but he's come up to play with the celebrity golf,

58:49

jealousy golf, me and Eddie. So would

58:51

you just put the spotlight, could you tell the

58:53

outside's up? Three times heavyweight champion, longs dead

58:55

well winner, put Muhammad Ali

58:57

on his backside all those years ago.

59:00

The water, no ring, Sir Henry Cooper,

59:02

Henry. And the whole, all of

59:04

us are leaning forward, going, Henry

59:06

Cooper was in and we're looking at

59:08

it. Les with Henry, Henry. And

59:11

by now all the stuff, I was like, where's Henry

59:13

Cooper? And he looked like he said, oh, Mrs, I'm

59:15

so sorry. He said, I said, I'm

59:18

a dressing room after that. I said, I'm

59:21

a dressing room after that. I said, I'm a

59:23

dressing room after that. I said, I'm

59:26

a dressing room after that. I listened to the audience,

59:29

go past the window, which is a hot summer's

59:31

night. And I could just hear people

59:33

going, Henry

59:36

Cooper, Henry Cooper.

59:40

So I was going to do the gown. But Henry's

59:42

no longer with us, I've got to rest in. And I

59:45

changed mine to Ricky Hatton. And

59:48

in the audience tonight, I don't know where you've seen

59:50

him. He's put on a few pounds since he was,

59:55

if you want to have me. Hey man, Ricky

59:58

Hatton, stand up Ricky. Ricky, Ricky,

1:00:01

but madam I'm so sorry. I

1:00:04

think you said, you told me, I'm

1:00:06

having that, you're not using it. So

1:00:08

you do it. Yeah. But

1:00:13

I never got to do it. Amazing. Well,

1:00:23

we're glad you were alive Ted. Bloody hell,

1:00:25

yeah. Well, thank you very much. We've got a lovely little

1:00:27

problem. We've just got a bloody good episode out. I'll

1:00:31

tell you one lovely thing. Jason

1:00:33

Manford who was there that night, he

1:00:36

just talked about warmups. I became the

1:00:39

go-to guy for warmups because of my

1:00:41

career. I knew what producers wanted in

1:00:43

studios and what they wanted was

1:00:45

someone who wasn't going to pester them with a video

1:00:48

like Bobby Chatter, yes? Do you remember that?

1:00:50

Yeah, yeah. I think that

1:00:53

was one pilot they'd done that will say, can you

1:00:55

get me on the show? They

1:00:57

wanted somebody who knew the business, knew

1:01:00

how a studio worked and knew how

1:01:02

to work an audience. I fulfilled all that

1:01:04

stuff and I was doing it

1:01:06

because I just met Judy, most wonderful thing in my

1:01:08

life. You know, I've fallen in

1:01:10

love with her overnight. She was an ex dancer,

1:01:12

running in New York. That's another story. She

1:01:16

just, did you see on the lot,

1:01:18

she's in the kitchen. And

1:01:21

she- Oh, she's listening. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

1:01:23

yeah. And then suddenly, you know, I

1:01:26

was on the crest of a slump and

1:01:28

she was like, the old gag I was doing before. And

1:01:31

she discovered how skintow was and she'd never

1:01:33

owed a penny in her life. She's very

1:01:36

clever, bright, organizes me. I

1:01:38

was so disorganized. She

1:01:40

set all this up, this paraphernalia,

1:01:42

Alex Sheckling that I'm talking to

1:01:45

now. And she said,

1:01:47

you're good at these warmups? I said, yeah, and they

1:01:49

paid not bad. So I started

1:01:51

doing them. My next thing, I did

1:01:53

one Cilla Black and she wanted me for

1:01:56

every show. I used to write material for

1:01:58

blind dates, spray, spray. I

1:02:00

remember everything badly, any show you didn't see

1:02:02

before, I could have gone out three times

1:02:04

a night and I was earning not

1:02:07

bad money. And then

1:02:09

Phoenix Nights happened and I started getting parts again

1:02:11

which I loved, you know. I

1:02:13

got a part in two pints of lager and a

1:02:15

packet of crisp. And

1:02:17

before the recording the producer said to

1:02:19

me, we've got a warm up guy and

1:02:22

he's really good at it. He was asking if you'd

1:02:24

have a look at it because he knows you're, you

1:02:26

know, I won't say what

1:02:28

he said, but he said, king of the warm ups. You

1:02:33

don't have a set out to become king of the show.

1:02:35

So I thought, so in between takes

1:02:38

at the BBC, I

1:02:40

went and stood in the beaches, the

1:02:43

benches by the audience and I watched this

1:02:45

guy, it's Jason Manford. Oh wow. No,

1:02:48

he knew who he was. And I thought, God,

1:02:50

he's got this man. This

1:02:52

is, he's really good. He was warm. He

1:02:55

wasn't a smartass. He didn't just do

1:02:57

a 20 minute set that

1:03:00

he'd learned. He could ad lib, he could

1:03:03

talk to people. He had warmth. I mean,

1:03:05

that always used to say to me, so

1:03:08

warmth. If they like you more than

1:03:10

they like your act, then that's half the thing,

1:03:12

you know. And

1:03:15

if you look at all the great comedians, they've

1:03:17

got warmth. Pieces got it, you

1:03:19

know, it comes across. And

1:03:22

Jason, he said, we're in the green

1:03:24

room. And he came and I

1:03:26

said, Ted. I said, nice to meet you, mate. He

1:03:28

said, what do you think? I said, I think you're

1:03:30

absolutely fantastic, mate. You're honestly great

1:03:33

stand up back. He said,

1:03:35

what do you, well, I've been

1:03:37

offered the rest of the series. Money's

1:03:39

good. He said, 200 quid a night or

1:03:41

250, whatever it was, which,

1:03:43

you know, you were getting 40 quid in a

1:03:45

comedy club. You did three. Money's good.

1:03:49

And he was doing the circuit, as it's

1:03:51

called. I don't know if you've seen this callback. And

1:03:54

I said, you know what? I said, if you were

1:03:56

my son, I would want to say that. I've

1:03:58

got a son called Jack. And he'd do us a whole lot. call money. But

1:04:00

I said to him, okay, do

1:04:02

the ones you've been trying to do. Don't

1:04:05

do any more war mugs.

1:04:08

And he looked at me, the money said that I said, because

1:04:11

if you do in 20 years time,

1:04:14

you will still be doing them. And

1:04:16

he did have a podcast with

1:04:19

Ralph Little and a podcast.

1:04:22

And Jason, God bless him told that story. And

1:04:24

I was quite proud of that. Yeah. And

1:04:44

the next time I saw him, he said, Ted,

1:04:46

see, and he's a big name, you know, 500

1:04:48

guineas, professionally.

1:04:51

Yeah, a bit of a point. How

1:04:53

many buttons are there? So

1:04:58

it's really true, though,

1:05:00

because you get pigeonholes so easily, don't

1:05:02

you? Oh, God. Yeah. TV likes to,

1:05:04

you know, they see you something again

1:05:06

and again and again. And I was

1:05:09

very good at doing more mugs. And it's

1:05:12

not stand up, it's something else. You

1:05:15

know, a few people did it well.

1:05:17

It's hard. Very, very few. I mean,

1:05:19

it is hard. After a

1:05:21

while, it can be so destroyed, you know.

1:05:24

And there are some people in the

1:05:26

business that are terribly generous. And we'll

1:05:28

come up, get the producer and the

1:05:31

floor manager saying, Ted, back up a

1:05:33

bit. You get the audience a bit

1:05:35

tired. I can't bear the

1:05:37

sound of laughter coming on. No, is

1:05:40

that the code is that you're tiring

1:05:42

them out? You're making them laugh? Yeah,

1:05:44

you don't want to say the name.

1:05:46

But the one exception actually, was I

1:05:49

was really getting hacked off with wall

1:05:51

mugs. I was kind of getting back

1:05:53

to doing something. And the

1:05:55

agent said, there's some Perrier award winners.

1:05:58

I've done a show, TV

1:06:00

and the radio show and it's the

1:06:02

TV show that I used to do the walks

1:06:04

and I'm here, okay. And I

1:06:07

was so pissed off. I went up there and did it. And

1:06:10

I thought normally, because I've learned to back

1:06:13

down a bit, not do all the Joey

1:06:15

stuff, you know, all the keep

1:06:17

your knees together message, you know, I won't finish that gag.

1:06:20

But I went out, I thought I'm

1:06:25

going to be funny. Okay, and

1:06:27

I fired him with all the best guys I could

1:06:29

do. You know what I mean? The doctor said, you

1:06:32

know, beast, I said, I want a second opinion. Fucking

1:06:34

ugly as well. And

1:06:37

he said, you put weight on, I said, well, I've got a lot on my

1:06:40

plate, you know, I have

1:06:42

to get and the

1:06:44

show was the League of Gentlemen. Right. And

1:06:47

I looked down and

1:06:49

there was Reese

1:06:52

and Steve and Mark

1:06:55

Penn and the writer.

1:06:59

Yeah, that's the fourth. Jerry Dyson,

1:07:02

Jeremy Dyson. God

1:07:04

bless you. He gave me the part, you know, I

1:07:07

was firing out all this stuff thinking they're never

1:07:09

going to ask me back here. These alternative

1:07:12

Canadians, you know, doing all the Joey

1:07:14

stuff. And they just rolled and they

1:07:16

looked and it turned out I went

1:07:18

back in a week or so later,

1:07:21

the agent said, they've written

1:07:23

a part for you. Tony

1:07:25

Cluedo in the creme brulee.

1:07:30

You know, that

1:07:37

was searching for that midnight woman.

1:07:42

Her spells and do me, her eyes and do

1:07:44

we do lady. I

1:07:58

found Mark's character. It's his

1:08:00

name, the character. He

1:08:05

was in Creme Brulee and he got

1:08:07

the hump. He got the... Les McQueen.

1:08:09

Les McQueen, who was the bass player

1:08:12

or something. And he turns

1:08:14

up and he sees me and he's

1:08:16

like, oh, I fiddle him out of

1:08:18

his redundancy money, you know. And

1:08:21

people talk about and say, and they

1:08:23

remember that one episode

1:08:25

more than any other, you know. And it was

1:08:27

shot, believe me. And

1:08:32

a guy called Steve Bendelak, great

1:08:34

comedy director. And

1:08:36

then they went on and did number nine.

1:08:39

And I did a

1:08:41

series called The Slammer, which young kids

1:08:43

remember now. You know, when Peter

1:08:46

came to see me recently in hospital, a

1:08:48

lot of the younger nurses didn't

1:08:50

remember it. Just so as the zeitgeist

1:08:52

moves on. Peter opened about

1:08:54

this. He says he knows, you know, and

1:08:57

he's changed and life's changed. And

1:09:01

these younger nurses, like people 20 to 24,

1:09:03

and I did the show called

1:09:05

The Slammer set in a prison. I

1:09:07

don't even remember it. The

1:09:09

Governor. And it was a

1:09:11

talent competition produced by a

1:09:16

wonderful guy. And

1:09:21

Steve, Judy, who produced The

1:09:23

Slammer? Steve

1:09:26

Ride. Steve Ride was a producer, and he

1:09:28

went on to produce number nine and stuff

1:09:30

like that. And the live

1:09:32

was very popular. He won the kids BAFTA and all

1:09:34

that. They remember me, but not Peter, whereas

1:09:37

the older nurses remember Peter. But

1:09:40

it just shows time. I

1:09:42

guess Peter hasn't really been about for how

1:09:44

long is it now? He's been doing gigs

1:09:47

for about 20 years, 15 years. Phoenix

1:09:50

has been doing gigs. He's

1:09:53

great. He's

1:09:56

back doing gigs. his

1:10:01

family means a lot to him. I remember

1:10:03

Toby Foster went to see him on his

1:10:06

own tour in Sheffield and Toby's

1:10:08

from Sheffield and Peter

1:10:10

said, he said, give us a ring when you

1:10:12

get back, give us three rings so I know

1:10:14

you're home. About an hour and a half later

1:10:17

Toby asked him to get into all the traffic

1:10:19

in Sheffield like the arena. Peter

1:10:22

rang him and said, we just got

1:10:24

home. He said, how did you get

1:10:26

home? He said, oh, helicopter. Really?

1:10:29

Yeah. Fucking hell. Good

1:10:31

luck. Yeah. That's a big old

1:10:33

kitty. I like a fellow who

1:10:35

invented a rejecter seat for a

1:10:37

helicopter. That's another story. It never

1:10:40

worked. Can I have one more

1:10:44

question? Yeah. Who for

1:10:47

you is the comedian that made you laugh

1:10:49

the most in their company? Really?

1:10:53

Les Dawson. Les Dawson.

1:10:56

Wow. Really? He was just that funny

1:10:58

but he was very, very funny. Bob

1:11:02

Monckhouse was very funny but in a different

1:11:04

way, very clinical. He's a

1:11:06

very nice man, Bob Monckhouse. He came

1:11:08

across, he used to say, I consider

1:11:12

myself rather, people see

1:11:15

me as false and plastic and all that.

1:11:17

He wasn't. He was a very soulful man

1:11:20

but very, very funny. In fact, he rang me

1:11:23

and I'll finish with this gag. He

1:11:25

rang me one

1:11:27

day and I've been doing warm ups for

1:11:30

him, Bob's full house

1:11:32

or something in Central TV.

1:11:34

The wife said, Bob Monckhouse has run me.

1:11:36

Oh shit, what have I done? The master.

1:11:38

He rang me and said,

1:11:40

Bob, Ted

1:11:44

Robinson, is there anything? The

1:11:46

master said, no, no, no. It's for

1:11:49

me to apologize to you. I did

1:11:51

a thing at some

1:11:53

clubs somewhere last night. I did a video. He

1:11:56

said that and I used a joke that

1:11:58

was yours. Andy said,

1:12:01

and I deep glassed, Bob, I don't

1:12:03

mind. I probably nicked it

1:12:05

anyway. But the gag was. I

1:12:07

think I might have had this DVD. Bob

1:12:10

Bunkhouse's, yeah. You know the

1:12:12

gag, he said, wife and I

1:12:14

were trying for kids and I had to go to

1:12:16

one of those male fertility clinics and they give you

1:12:18

a jar and you have to take

1:12:20

the jar home and provide a specimen,

1:12:22

you know. So I

1:12:24

tried opening this jar, I tried to get you left

1:12:27

hand. Oh, I've ruined the gag. So

1:12:31

he said. We'll

1:12:34

let the antlers go. We'll let the antlers go. No,

1:12:37

we won't. The wife and I went

1:12:39

to the tent and the gag was, took

1:12:41

the jar home, tried to be left hand, tried

1:12:43

to be right hand, no good. The wife's mother

1:12:46

tried both hands. We tried jamming in the door.

1:12:48

But could we get the lid off that jar? Oh,

1:12:50

you know, that was it, you know. But I'm sure.

1:12:54

I'm a bit out of practice, so yeah. I

1:13:02

was a two seconds behind. That DVD

1:13:04

of Bob Bonkhouse is so funny. Is

1:13:07

it a lakeside or something? Yeah, it's

1:13:09

brilliant. It's a really weird

1:13:11

venue, isn't it? Looks like a weird.

1:13:13

Yeah, it was lakeside run by a

1:13:15

guy called Bob Potter and it burned

1:13:17

down. Oh, really? Nick,

1:13:19

he's not kidding us, but he said,

1:13:22

oh, that's where the idea for the

1:13:24

Venus Club went. His name's Brian Potter.

1:13:26

It wasn't. Right,

1:13:29

right. But Bob

1:13:32

had some great opening lines

1:13:35

and I also saw the books that

1:13:37

Bob had. Did you? Because it's

1:13:39

very illustrative. Was that the one that's stolen? Was

1:13:41

it stolen? Stolen, yeah. People say,

1:13:43

you know, they've gone back to their

1:13:45

rightful owner. There

1:13:51

is nothing new under the sun. They always

1:13:53

say there's seven original jokes and everything's a

1:13:55

version on that. And I

1:13:57

like jokes, you know. I just

1:13:59

like it. good gag, well-told, you know. Yeah,

1:14:01

yeah. But also the ability to, you

1:14:04

know, the term

1:14:06

is riffing with the audience now. And when

1:14:08

it's good, it's very good, you know. And

1:14:10

there's some great comics about. So

1:14:12

my, I know I still, in fact, I

1:14:15

listen to Frankie Boyle. That's

1:14:17

very funny. God almighty, how

1:14:19

can you say that? You know. He

1:14:21

knows. And Ricky

1:14:23

Gervais is the same, you know, very

1:14:25

well-told, you know. And

1:14:28

well, I don't know if I can say

1:14:31

the things he says, but I'll do

1:14:33

it. Yeah. Yeah.

1:14:37

And as Dobby, another person I

1:14:39

wrote with Ken Dodd, by joke,

1:14:41

what a wonderful day. What

1:14:43

a wonderful day for a

1:14:46

wonderful day of sticking a cue googler to your

1:14:48

neighbor's last box and shouting the Martians are coming.

1:14:51

Yeah. They

1:14:53

never leave the gig. And he's

1:14:55

under Bob Bunker, the Des

1:14:58

O'Connor show once, Dobby. And I knew Dobby. And

1:15:01

he said, he

1:15:03

said, your sister's got teeth like mine. She can eat an apple

1:15:06

through a tennis rack. He's

1:15:11

a great thinker. A great

1:15:13

thinker, Bob. I do. I

1:15:15

remember he used to come on sometimes, and applause,

1:15:17

applause. And he looked down at the audience and

1:15:19

he goes, oh, oh,

1:15:21

Marsha Riff. Oh. And

1:15:24

he was like, somebody in the audience said, oh, it looks

1:15:26

like old Marsha Riff. And he was last to leave. You

1:15:31

know, the famous stories about the

1:15:33

crew, the theater staff, they said, please

1:15:35

lock up when you're finished. And he shouted,

1:15:38

you give in, you give in. Because

1:15:40

he did two and a half hours first act.

1:15:43

And then the other act was interval. And his

1:15:45

gag was he'd bring a thermos flask and some

1:15:47

sandwiches, do a double take to the

1:15:49

audience and go, oh, have you

1:15:52

not bought anything? You're going to be

1:15:54

needing something at one of the mornings.

1:15:58

Have you written an autobiography, Ted? Well,

1:16:01

I've started one about a dozen

1:16:03

times. So

1:16:05

what I'm doing at the moment is

1:16:08

the story of how Galli and I

1:16:10

met as a parallel

1:16:12

screenplay and piece of health with this. I

1:16:14

said, why don't you do it as a

1:16:16

screenplay? And I've called it Strange

1:16:18

Meeting, which is a Wilfred

1:16:20

Owen poem, a personal war poem

1:16:22

about a soldier who

1:16:25

falls asleep and meets the dead man. It

1:16:28

turns out an enemy soldier

1:16:30

is German and he's killed in the dream.

1:16:32

It's called Strange Meeting. I just call this

1:16:34

Strange Meeting. So I've slightly

1:16:36

changed the characters. One is a

1:16:38

sweaty, overweight comedian suffering with

1:16:41

his health problems and the other is a

1:16:43

younger soldier,

1:16:46

a squad medic serving overseas

1:16:48

and loosely made it based on

1:16:51

Gary. I found it amazing. Yeah,

1:16:53

yeah. So, you

1:16:56

know, the trouble is

1:16:58

about writing is it's like Peter Corquan

1:17:00

said, he let somebody

1:17:02

said, what are you up

1:17:04

to nowadays? And this person said, oh,

1:17:06

I'm writing a novel. And

1:17:08

Peter Corquan said, yes, I'm not either. Yeah,

1:17:12

yeah. So I do write

1:17:14

and it's just getting him finished.

1:17:17

Exactly. Where do I start

1:17:19

and where do I end? I started

1:17:22

right back a year. You know, I'm a

1:17:24

dad that the moment both ends, you

1:17:27

know, the gun then through and then

1:17:29

so many names and people. So

1:17:32

maybe in this, I'll get get

1:17:35

myself sorted and finish this screenplay.

1:17:38

Maybe somebody else behind

1:17:40

it. It'll come out. I'm

1:17:42

just glad to be doing some

1:17:44

doing stuff. Yeah. I've absolutely

1:17:46

loved it, Ted. Yeah, it's been

1:17:49

brilliant. Really amazing. Thank you for

1:17:51

taking time. Well, in the

1:17:53

words of a man of destiny, much

1:17:56

worthwhile, you could smile as

1:17:59

it all rose a light. like a song but

1:18:01

the man's worthwhile who could still

1:18:03

smile when everything goes dead

1:18:06

wrong. Prince Andrew, two

1:18:08

thousand and twenty. Thank you Ted,

1:18:10

that's such an honor.

1:18:21

Thank you so much. I

1:18:25

think people are going to love it,

1:18:27

I really do. Yeah

1:18:32

definitely. Thank you so much. And

1:18:35

loads of my family listen to

1:18:38

Chatterbix. Oh my God. Oh,

1:18:40

do a bunch of them. Oh,

1:18:42

I see. Even the young ones. Even

1:18:45

the young ones? Young ones,

1:18:47

lovely. I think they're listening to the wrong pod

1:18:49

if I'm honest. Yeah.

1:18:53

Yeah. Yeah. He

1:18:57

looks and Molly, the

1:18:59

daughter Molly Robbins. If

1:19:01

you look online for Molly Makes Cakes, she's

1:19:05

one of the leading cake

1:19:07

makers. Yeah, we were looking at her

1:19:09

cakes the other day. She's

1:19:11

one of the leading, Molly Robbins. She

1:19:15

does the show where they fake the

1:19:17

cakes, is that right? Yeah,

1:19:20

Extreme Cake Makers. Judy's

1:19:22

reminding me. Hiya. Hello.

1:19:26

But she listens to you when she's making the

1:19:28

cakes. Oh my God. Ted, did you

1:19:30

do my thing? Hello. Hi Judy.

1:19:33

She listens to you,

1:19:35

she loves the podcast when she's

1:19:37

decorating. She probably answered. We're still

1:19:40

surprised. We're always so shocked.

1:19:43

I told you to wait in the van. Anyway.

1:19:48

No more. We've

1:19:51

been married 36 years, never once considered a divorce.

1:19:57

Murder? Yes. It's a new one. Thank

1:20:00

you so much. Take

1:20:07

care. I

1:20:10

hope I'll meet you up in person soon. Yeah,

1:20:13

lovely to meet you. God love

1:20:15

you. See you later. Cheers, guys. Thanks,

1:20:18

Ted. Take care. God

1:20:20

bless you. Bye. Bye.

1:20:30

Thank you.