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Good morning, good afternoon, good night, everybody.

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This is Marsha Kurtz-Halley, transforming misfortunes into purpose-driven and

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worthwhile opportunities. I literally had to be working on that tagline because I realized that in my

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mission of doing things that I need to be clearer, more precise,

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and more transparent about what

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my purpose is in doing what I do with the podcast, with the live streams,

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with the blog, with the books, with my website,

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with whatever work that I do, that there is clarity and consistency in what I provide.

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Today, though, I want to talk to you about an experience I've had this weekend.

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So over the last few days, I have been blessed to have met someone that shook

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up the norm that I know when it comes to dating and connecting with someone in a meaningful way.

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And it was quite strange because, and I'll tell you why, because there's nothing

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extraordinary about what this person did.

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It was everything about the simplicity in the way that we communicated and the

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way that we connected and just following through and all of those types of things.

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It was the simplicity of it. What got me was that these are things that I've been asking for from other people.

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And it seems like it was so hard.

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It seems like it was so demanding that,

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I almost thought it was impossible. Simple things like responding to a text

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message in a certain amount of time.

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Simple things like following through when you say you're going to do something.

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Simple things like making plans for a date.

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Simple things, honoring your word. And I thought those were simple things.

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But over the time of dealing with different people, I realized that,

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gosh, it must be harder than I thought it was. Now, mind you, I am that person.

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I am that person. If I say I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it.

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If I say I'm not going to do it, I'm not going to do it. Or I am also that person

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who may go on the fence. I may be like, should I do it? Should I not do it?

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But I like to communicate what's going on with me and things like that.

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I am good at responding to text messages and those types of things.

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It's an anomaly if I don't respond in a long period of time.

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And it's not because I'm sitting down twiddling my thumbs or have nothing to

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do. Sometimes that's the case. But most of the time, it's just because I make time.

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Like I know how quick it is to just send a text message.

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It's not like I'm writing like a letter or, you know, sending a telegram. It's instant.

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It's instant messaging. That's the purpose.

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So I understand that part. And I do that. So I kind of expect that from people.

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And I also expect people to be genuine in their intentions because I'm like that.

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I'm not a person who goes through the facade. I don't do that.

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I'm not the fake it till you make it. I'm not going to do all these things just

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to garner your attention. I'm not going to be, I just, it's not, I found a new word today.

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I didn't find it. I saw it on someone else's post, but it's,

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and I have to look up what it is again, but

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But I don't do a lot of things just for show. Like I do things with my heart.

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Like if I'm going to do it, I'm doing it. If I'm interested in you, I'm fully interested.

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So when I go on dates, I'm very intentional because I know what I'm like, right?

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I know that when I'm interested in someone, I'm going to go fully into it.

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I know that I'm going to be invested. I know I'm going to be committed.

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And I know those things about myself. So I want to ensure that the person that

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I am pulling into my world,

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attracting into my world, inviting into my world is worth my time and effort

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and energy because I know what happens when those energies, those intentions,

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those actions are not reciprocated.

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I know what it feels like to be ghosted, to be abandoned, to be misguided,

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to be lied to, to be deceived.

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I know what it's like to be in a relationship with a man who's married.

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I know what it's like to be that side person you didn't even know you were.

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I know all of those things.

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I know what it's like to share your body, the most intimate parts of yourself

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with someone who just gets up and leave or looks at you like you're trash right

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afterwards. I know those feelings. I know what that is. And I also know what it took for me to heal from those

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types of emotional damages. Damages I know what it took for me to do that it took a lot of time it took

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a lot of tears it took a lot of therapy it took a lot of work for me to get from the place of being,

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emotionally damaged to being healed to recovering and this is where I am now

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I'm in the recovering stages for some things.

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And like I was sharing with someone this morning, when you are healed from those

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things, there's going to be a period of recovery or rehabilitation that you have to go through.

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What I understood this weekend was that I was shown that I am still recovering.

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Because see, the thing is, let me explain it this way.

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When you have gone through certain traumatic events in your life emotionally.

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There's what I call emotional damaged brain, right? Or trauma brain.

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Your mind is used to, accustomed to dealing with that brain,

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with those circumstances. Your mind is used to dealing with surviving.

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Your mind is accustomed to suffering and the pain and the disappointments and

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the the heaviness and the abandonment. And it's kind of learned how to adjust to that.

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And that is your world. Your world is kind of consumed by just trying to survive.

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At that point, when you have experienced those types of trauma,

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there is no feeling at that time of, oh, I'm going to thrive and there's joy in there.

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At that point in your life, it's very heavy.

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It's very depressing. It's like you are in isolation and you're carrying everything on your own.

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And all you can do is cry at times. Sometimes you feel like you're in a hole.

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Sometimes you feel like you're overwhelmed by darkness.

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Sometimes you feel like you can't get up. Sometimes you feel like you can't breathe.

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Sometimes the anxiety is weighing you down so much that you feel like you can't breathe.

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And then little by little, you work your way up and you work your way through

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that state, that state of mind.

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And so your brain is doing a number of things.

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Your brain is starting to heal from those situations that cause so much pain

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and disappointment and it's caused so much heaviness.

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And it's healing from that. And what healing means is it has to find different

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things that are able to replace those things.

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So now you have to find meditation to replace the anxiety.

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Now you have to find exercise to replace you feeling like you're in a sunken place.

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Now you have to feel find good

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people that you can confide in and just how go out

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and have a good time with to replace the

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isolation now you have to find prayer and a community and all these things to

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deal with the emotional damage that's part of the healing process it doesn't

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happen in a vacuum and time alone doesn't cause healing.

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For a long time, people said that time heals all.

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Time alone doesn't do the healing. Work has to go into the healing.

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And there's an adjustment in your brain dealing with that and shifting or replacing

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those things that cause the damage to something else.

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And then after you've healed.

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There's a state of recovery. And I want you to think about people who have been

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in physical accidents or traumatic events.

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Physically, it's created damage to them. You can see it.

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And their bodies may heal, but after a while, they have to go into rehabilitation.

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They have to go into rehab and they have to recover from that.

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But then there is the rehab part where they have to kind of learn again.

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Some people may have to learn to walk again.

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I want you to hold on to that image, the image of someone transitioning from

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being in a physical, something that has caused physical harm to them,

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an accident. Let's use that, right?

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They've broken something and they're not able to walk.

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And imagine that person being in the the hospital and they're going through

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treatment, surgery, treatment, surgery, and they begin to heal.

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And in that healing, things have healed up well,

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but for you to function again, Again, for you to function again,

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you have to go through rehab where they move the muscles and they move your

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limbs and they do things and they retrain you how to walk again.

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And it's a process and it's not an overnight one. and the first time you try

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to walk, you fall or you fail. It doesn't happen.

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And you might feel frustrated and you might feel anxious and you might feel

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fearful like you'll never be able to walk again.

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And so much heaviness, the feeling of disappointments that may even have come

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from when you were first in that accident, that feeling of dread may come on you again at this stage,

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but it's a different stage.

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You're not at the same place. You've moved, you transitioned, you've gone through a process, a process.

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You've actually healed, but you're in a different stage of recovery.

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And that's the part of the rehab. So what happened into me this weekend is I recognized.

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That I was in rehab. And by that, I mean learning to move limbs,

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emotional limbs that I hadn't used in a long time because they were scarred,

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because they were healing. They were still bruised and sensitive.

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And this weekend after I had an experience, a very pleasant experience.

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Let me tell you, I mean, pleasant experience.

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And it didn't include, by the way, any kind of sexual intercourse,

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any kind of, and a lot of times beforehand,

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because sometimes we tend to think that when two people like each other,

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one of the the first ways we should express that is through sex.

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And that is a very risky, dangerous ground to start on.

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And I will go into that, may get into that today, but it's probably gonna be another podcast.

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But I had a very pleasant few days, not just one day, pleasant few days.

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And I left that person and immediately heaviness heaviness weighed on me.

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And it wasn't because there was something wrong with him or the situation.

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I had to recognize it. When I tell you, when I came home, my daughter asked

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me, so why don't you like him? And I said, actually, it's the complete opposite. I do like him. I like him a lot.

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That wasn't it. It wasn't because I didn't like him. It wasn't because he did anything wrong.

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It wasn't because the experience was negative.

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It was the complete opposite.

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It was the complete opposite. It was pleasant. It's what I wanted.

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It's what I've been looking for for so long.

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It's what I've yearned for. And then it happened. And.

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My mind, anxiety. I couldn't sleep well that night, Saturday night.

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I couldn't sleep well because all these thoughts and feelings and other things and, uh,

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and, uh, and they were all flooding in my mind, keeping me up,

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physically exhausting me. I was tired.

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I came home, I ate, and I went to bed. I was tired. I was physically exhausted.

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And I remember saying to God, because I do pray,

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and I remember saying, and I did this a few days before, actually,

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I think I even, And before I even met him, I was just like, look,

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I can't hold on any longer.

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I cannot do this any longer. I'm tired.

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You're going to have to take over. I'm going to have to trust you.

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And I'm going to have to leave this one with you because I can't do it anymore.

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I don't have the strength. Imagine Samson or a very strong person, if you don't know the biblical reference, holding on.

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And this person is strong, not talking about someone who's feeble.

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This person is strong and they are holding on.

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Imagine this person in the middle and they have a rope attached to pillars,

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very large, thick, heavy pillars, and they're on either sides of them.

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So they have a rope in both their hands and these pillars are falling apart.

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And this very strong person is in the middle trying to pull it together and

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trying to keep that structure up so that the whole thing doesn't fall down, doesn't fall apart.

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And they are holding onto that rope and they're trying very hard with all their

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might, with all their strength, with everything within them to hold it all together.

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That was me. That is me. It takes so much strength to try and pull and keep

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things together, to hold it together, to prevent yourself,

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your business, your family, your mental health, your emotional well-being,

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your physical well-being from falling apart.

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Part, it takes a lot of strength.

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Then to juggle the desire for love in a romantic way from another person and

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to build a life with someone else and to have a life partner while raising your

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own child as a single mother,

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not because the father's a deadbeat, but because he's deceased.

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And you go through that and you're trying to

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hold on at some

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point it gets too much and I was just like at the point when I literally literally

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I'm not talking figuratively now the last few days not before I even met this

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person exhausted I mean physically exhausted Exhausted.

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I can't. I'm getting in my bed and I'm in bed before certain times because I'm tired.

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I'm literally just tired.

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And so I have to say to God, to Most Eye, to Mama Universe, you have to take over now.

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I'm tired. I have to let go. I have to let go.

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I can't. I can't. I have to let go. And I have to let you do what you do.

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Because I've been trying to do it my way.

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I've been trying to do it. And that is, I feel it's the responsible thing to

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do because you've been given gifts and talents and skills.

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And you are supposed to make an effort to create the life that you want.

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It's not just for you to sit back and just think it's going to land on your lap.

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There's effort that goes into it, mind activity that goes into it,

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physical work that goes into it.

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There's a lot of internal work that goes into you getting the life and creating

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the life that you want. You have a part to play.

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And I understood my part to play. And sometimes I think I overstood my part to play.

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And it was more, I relied more on my strength and my willingness to do.

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I wasn't going to rely on anyone else because I'm so used to being disappointed by everyone else.

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So I was always going to do.

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But when I tell you I got to a point where I was just, I can't do this.

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I can't do it. And I don't know how to tell you this, but when you get to that point.

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Universe, God, he will carry you. Let go.

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I don't know where you are in your life right now, but you may also need to let go.

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You may also need to not allow the fear of not being able to walk again, cripple you.

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You may not, you might need to let go and understand that it takes time.

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Your healing took time. Your recovery took time.

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Your rehabilitation takes time. And you have to give yourself grace and be kind

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to yourself like you would to other people who are going through it.

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So this weekend, I recognized that what was going on.

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I recognized that there was a shift.

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I recognized that I was going literally having an existential crisis.

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Literally, I recognized.

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And and and that takes when you

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get to this point you will also be able to recognize it because you have been

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going through a process a process you've been going through it and that process

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takes self-awareness and introspection and so when you get there too you will recognize that

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there is a shift and how you handle the shift makes a difference.

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That makes a difference because that is going to affect how the next stage of

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your life, how quickly that shows up, how quickly it shows up.

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How well you do moving into the next stage of your life.

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Because sometimes in your rehabilitation, your mind can set you back from the progress if you let it.

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The memory of all of the failures and the disappointments and the weight from

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the pain and the vision of these people neglecting you and abandoning you again,

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may cause you to just stay there and not try,

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not try to take that first step again.

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You might be telling yourself, self, I can't, I can't love again.

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I'm really not worthy to receive someone who loves me unconditionally,

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despite what I look like, despite what I've been through.

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You may be telling yourself that, that, you know what, maybe I am just destined to be alone.

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Maybe I am just supposed to go through this life without a partner and observe

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other people with theirs. Maybe I'll never be understood. Maybe it is my cross to bear.

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Maybe it is destined for me to be alone.

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That might be what you're going through. Whatever the situation is,

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your mind may be bringing in the shadows from when you were first emotionally damaged.

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It may be projecting from that place. but please understand you've grown.

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You're not in that place anymore. You've gone through the process.

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You are actually in a different place.

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And sometimes you don't understand how far you've come until you get to a place

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of receiving the things you've been asking for.

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And then you you realize, oh my gosh.

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And then what happens is you may become very overly concerned about your ability to keep.

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Now, this is the stage I'm at. There was a time when something or someone showed

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up that I wanted, that I would try so desperately to keep them in my grasp.

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Not just by the things I said or did but my thoughts was completely obsessed.

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With them staying not leaving me because again I've become aware that I have

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abandonment issues and I kind of address some of the reasons why in my book

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Healing from Emotional Traumas, today I woke up.

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To not hearing from this person in a few hours. And usually that would trigger me.

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And usually that would spiral me into this place of la, la, la,

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la, like so many narratives and they're never positive.

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My mind is going into the darkest place of why this person has not responded to me always.

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And today I got up lighter because I understood.

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It's this understanding of, this is the understanding.

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I've been through so much. I have literally been through so much,

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so much emotional damage,

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so much pain, so much disappointment.

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And each and every time I have transformed those misfortunes into something

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worthwhile, into purpose, into opportunities.

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My books would not have come if I wasn't able to transform that energy, that pain into purpose.

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My businesses, my desire, my passion wouldn't be here, wouldn't come,

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would not be communicated if I did not transform.

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The energy from childhood neglect, childhood abuse, adult neglect,

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adult abuse into something different.

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And for time and time again, I have seen my resilience.

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I have seen my ability to be an alchemist, to transform those things,

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to not allow them to keep me down or on the ground,

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but to get up and rise like a phoenix each and every time, each and every time.

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I don't miss. And I don't say that

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to brag, but I say that to let you understand that this is my purpose.

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And even when I talk about my personal branding, I want to get very clear that this is my purpose.

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To turn and help you turn, transform those situations, those unfortunate events,

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those painful emotional events.

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And turn them into something that can become lucrative, not just for you,

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but beneficial for other people who you also serve.

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I'm here to serve you through everything that I've been through.

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So when I woke up this morning, I was no longer fearful that this person may

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never respond to me again, that I may never see him again, that he won't speak to me again.

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He might come back and say, I'm not interested, that I've found somebody else.

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I don't know. And you might say in a couple of days that might happen.

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Listen, I have been through a lot.

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I have seen so many things. I've experienced so many things.

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And I'm good at reading people also. So there's so many things that I've experienced

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with people that have caused a lot of pain.

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But I woke up today day. And it was a different posture.

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It was a different posture because I understood that even if this doesn't work

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out, I am going to be okay.

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I'm not going to just be okay because it's my own strength and my own might.

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It's because the greater than she that is within me has got me.

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When I said I let go because I no longer had the strength, I let go.

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And you won't understand how far you've come in your journey until you get to

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another place, another stage in your life.

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And you look back because sometimes we don't look back.

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We don't see, we cannot recognize how far we've come and how much growth we've

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made and how much development we've made.

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Sometimes you can't see it. Sometimes you just can't see it. But I got up this morning and it wasn't about this person.

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It was about my growth.

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And me understanding that I can have the life I want to live.

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And if it's not with this person, I will still be okay.

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Because I will forever be able to transform misfortunes, disappointments,

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things not working out, into something beautiful. And I'll be okay.

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And I'll have the story to share with someone else. But outside of everything,

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those were pleasant days.

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And there were days that I needed to help me.

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It's kind of like a jolt to go in the direction that I needed to go.

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Shifted the trajectory of my life to create, to help me create the new normal that I want for my life.

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Life see when you're emotionally damaged

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there's a certain normal that you live in

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and you live by but when you are in you've

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healed or healing even a new reality is on you dawns upon you and when you have

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recovered and you're in rehabilitation it's a new normal you are not You're

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not the same person you were when you came into this.

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You're not the same person. You're just not. That's the reality.

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It's a new normal. And when I sat there and I said, look, man,

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I have been experiencing the same cycle over and over. It's time for something new.

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It's time for something new. you, I need, and it's time for joy.

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It's time for the soft life. It's time for love.

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It's time for excitement and passion and good times. It's time.

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I deserve to be loved unconditionally and treated well.

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It's time. It is time.

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Now, that experience gave me a taste of my new normal, and I'm grateful.

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Now, if you know anything about people who are learning to walk again,

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there are going to be moments where they got it, and then they fall down until

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they build their strength up. And that strength comes from within too, not just the physical muscle,

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the mind, the emotional resilience.

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To get back up and get out there and do it again. It takes work. It takes practice.

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And that's what that did for me. Practice. Practice to change some of my thought processes.

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Practice to change some of my communication skills.

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Practice to be affectionate with someone again, to be candid and transparent

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again, to set boundaries in a well-meaningful way.

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Practice. practice until you build the strength.

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Today, I also woke up to a message from someone who had ghosted me a couple of years ago.

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And it was interesting because this person connected with me on a completely different platform.

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This was on my business platform. And they just, I guess, liked one of my comments and I thought, whoa, the audacity.

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This person showed up. And I decided to tell him that he hurt me.

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I decided to tell him that his actions have consequences and decided to tell

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him that what he did left a mark on my life.

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And it was interesting because I'm grateful that I opened that conversation,

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that dialogue, and it's not to reintroduce this person into my life because

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a lot of times, I think we do that.

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We think that forgiveness means you need to keep a connection with people.

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No, you don't. The forgiveness is for you.

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It's part of your letting go. It's part of removing the heavy weights.

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It's a part of unshackling the chains. It's part of mending your heart.

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It's part of your rehabilitation. See, forgive. Opening that dialogue and sometimes telling those people,

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it's not so that you're reopening doors for them to come waltz back into your life. It's not that.

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It's for them to know, but also for you to communicate it for the same purpose

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of your healing, recovery, rehabilitation.

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And sometimes people don't understand Understand how much they've hurt people

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because nobody has ever come back to them and let them know.

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They just think. They go around the world like la, la, la, la,

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la, thinking that their actions have no significance, no consequences.

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And that's not the truth. That's not true. That is not true.

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And so I was able to talk to him. Interestingly enough, he said something to

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me about why he did what you did, that was very, very similar to how I was feeling this weekend.

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This fear of having what you want, but being fearful of it.

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Having prayed for something you wanted, but don't know how to handle it.

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Feeling like you're going to mess up, feeling like you're not good enough to have that thing.

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Same feelings I had this weekend, so I could definitely understand where it was coming from.

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How much would that have changed things had he communicated that with me, to me at the time?

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It would have changed things a lot, but evidently that was not what was supposed to happen.

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So here we are and I've learned from it and he's learned from it and now I can

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help you guys learn from it. Communicate. The one thing I do like about this person that I do like at the

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moment is that communication is big up there.

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It's right up there and that's huge.

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You have to, in order to build anything with someone else, you have to have

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effective communication. You are living in two different worlds. Effective communication builds the bridge between your worlds.

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You can't understand anyone else without communicating And effectively,

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you're going to be living in your head and projecting everything from your head

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to the situation, to that person, to their actions, to their intentions.

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And I've done that for a long, long time.

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And it's exhausting. It's exhausting.

35:54

So I'm going to leave you with this. I guess it's a little bit of an assignment. First things I want you to do,

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if you do not have one, I need you to get yourself a journal and a physical pen.

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Not on the phone, but a physical journal, a book that you can write in,

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paper, actual paper, and a pen.

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I believe when you write things down, it does something with your brain.

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I did a lot of journal writing after I

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had my miscarriage and in 2019 and

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those journal writings really were helpful in writing

36:35

the book healing from emotional traumas because I could reference those

36:38

notes and sometimes I know you don't want to write some of the things down because

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they are embarrassing they're things you are ashamed of they're things you you

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don't even want to think about I get that or the the idea of someone else finding

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your journal and reading what I get that, been through it.

36:58

But there you have to understand is our lives are layered.

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There are the conscious parts of us that knows why we do what we do.

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And then there are the unconscious parts of us that where we don't really know

37:17

why we do what we do, but they influence in our behaviors anyway.

37:21

They affect our outcomes anyway.

37:24

They affect and influence our lives anyway, even though we don't know why we

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do what we do or what is the influence, where it's coming from, it's doing it anyway.

37:36

So you think about an iceberg, right? And the top of the iceberg is what you can see.

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And that's the conscious part of us. And a lot of us focus in that place because

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it's what we can see, that those are the actions we can see from in ourselves and other people.

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But what we don't see is the bigger part of ourselves, which is the unseen part

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of the iceberg that's way under the surface level, way under the water.

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It actually makes up more of the iceberg than what you can see.

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And that's the unconscious parts of us. And some of those unconscious parts of us stems from things that happened in our childhood.

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And I'm aware of that. When I wrote Healing from Emotional Traumas,

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I talk about some of my childhood, things that I had nothing to do with.

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I was a child and someone decided to rob my innocence and nothing to do with it.

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Yes, that's going to influence my life.

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One incident can domino effect, influence the rest of of your life.

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So yes, it's worth talking about writing down some of these things so you can

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uncover what might be on the unconscious level.

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If you are incapable of handling what you write down.

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Seek therapy. Please find a counselor, someone who has the skills to help you,

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to give you the tools that you need.

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I am happy to say that I am currently in the process of getting my license as a counselor.

39:16

For a long time, I actually shied away from calling myself a life coach and

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people wanted to use that term a lot.

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I still don't want to call myself that.

39:26

However, I do like the term lifestyle influencer because I think it affects people.

39:33

It's not just about fashion and style and all of those things.

39:37

You think about selling things to people. I'm not, I don't know,

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but I think it's helping people, influencing people how they live.

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And that's what I like doing. So it's okay.

39:49

Essentially, I want to be a life coach.

39:54

But we're working through that well I'm

39:57

working through all of that but yeah your assignment I want

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you to journal I want you to do that every day for the next seven days that's

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all you're doing one every time not all you're doing but before you go to sleep

40:11

or the first thing and when you wake up literally the first thing when you wake

40:16

up or before you go to sleep or you can do both.

40:19

Before and after, you go to sleep.

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And I want you to try to be as candid as possible and as transparent with yourself as possible.

40:30

At first, you're going to just be very surface level and I don't want you to force it either.

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Don't force anything to come to the surface.

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Just let it flow. Just write and let your thoughts come to paper, whatever that is.

40:46

Just let it Let it flow, don't force it.

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Want you to do for the next seven days. That journal, do put it in a secure

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place, in a place where you feel it's going to be safe and no one can find it.

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And the reason for that is because I want you to feel secure that whatever you're

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writing in here is just between you and your journal.

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I believe you will discover something from the unconscious level that has been

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influencing who you are today, how you think today, why you do what you do today.

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I believe you will discover something, at least a portion of it.

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And you can take that, you know, like when you find a little thread and then

41:38

you pull, and then you can start.

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Now, again, you may not have the skills to address those things by yourself.

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So if you do not, and you need assistance, please seek therapy or a counselor.

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But with that, I'm going to leave you.

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I am wishing you the very best in love, in your finances, in your family,

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in your health, in your overall wellness. I'm wishing you the best.

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And I'm hoping that you too can find the strength, again,

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to transform what you're going through or what you've gone through into something

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meaningful and positive,

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that you're able to transform it into something that can also help others,

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but also can be lucrative for you.

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That is my purpose. I am Marsha Cartalli.

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I am constantly figuring it out. But at this point, I'm helping you to transform

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misfortunes into worthwhile, purpose-driven opportunities.

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We'll talk soon. Have a fantastic day. Bye.