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Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, good night to you.

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This is Marsha Kurtz-Halley and this morning I'm here to share some stories with you.

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The more I go out on dates, the more I realize two things.

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How not desperate I am and how much therapy I actually still need.

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There's a journey to this process and I realize that.

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So recently, as in yesterday, I went on a date and prior to us even getting

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to the point of sitting down at the dinner table, and really it was a lunch table,

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I already had some questions in mind.

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Now going in, you have to remember, I have cycled the sun a few times so far,

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which means I am an older woman.

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I'm a woman with varying experiences,

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and I'm seeing some patterns, and I'm able to recognize some things that do

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not fit me well, did not serve me well in time past, and I absolutely,

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100% do not want them to happen again. And I don't want them to be repeated.

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So before I even sat at that table, I already had some reservations.

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Now, realize something. Whenever two things I realize, there's a part of you in your healing process

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when you've gone through so much trauma in your life that you are really recovering

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from what now I call trauma brain.

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Now, those people who actually study psychology and counselors and people in

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the medical field, you can chime in and tell me what this is actually called.

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But I call it the trauma brain. And this is what I'm recovering from because now I have to see things in a different light.

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Now, of course, I am very susceptible to recognizing the patterns from other

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situations that created that trauma.

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And if you've gone through some things, my goodness, if you know how deeply

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that thing hurts and how long it took for you to get over it and what it cost you.

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You don't want to go through that again, not anytime soon.

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So yes, you do have some guard up. And I know that people want you to walk into

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new situations and let those guards down.

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I am going to advise against it.

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Yes, you have that personality, those characteristics, those tricks up your

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sleeve because you have been trying to survive.

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But by golly, until you're in a situation where you feel safe,

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do not let those survival skills go.

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Do not let your guard down.

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Don't do it. No matter who is trying to convince you, do not do it until you

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are in a safe space with someone who reassures you that it's okay.

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And that someone first has to be you. It has to be you where you have trusted

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yourself so much because you've gone through the journey, you've recognized

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the things, and you know at this point with this person in this situation,

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it is okay for me to let this thing down a little, a little,

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a little, because it's going to be gradual. It's not a big jump.

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That wouldn't be wisdom. I don't think it's wisdom when we neglect the teaching,

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the learning, the education that we got from our past experiences.

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I don't think that's wisdom. When we see something glaring us in our faces that

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looked like what it looked like before and we're like, well,

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maybe this time it will be different. Okay, that might be true, you know, because I tell you what,

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there is always an anomaly.

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There is always an exception to every rule and out of every generalization,

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there is something very different.

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Always. So yes, that pattern might show up and it may actually turn out to be

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something different. That is true.

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That is a possibility. But here's the probability.

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The probability of that being the case is very low.

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The probability of you hearing a barking and it turns out to be a cat is very

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low. Is it possible? Absolutely. The probability is much, much lower. So I learned a couple of things about myself.

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I am still very impatient. I'm still very intolerant. And the longer I'm single, the older I get,

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the more I have a resistance to learning or dealing with some of the foolishness.

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And this is where I really do understand why people, our male brothers than

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our brothers, like to date younger women.

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And maybe this is the same why older women like to date younger men.

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I don't think that's the same reason. I think the reason is slightly different.

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But when people are younger, they do have less experiences, which includes they

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have less negative experiences.

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They may, at this point, they may just have a plethora of joyful, amazing situations.

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And so they may have not yet ran into someone like what I'm trying to avoid at this age.

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They may not have run into that person yet. So they're not able to detect what

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I can easily see because I've been there.

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I've done that. I have some t-shirts that I'm ready to burn. So.

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It's very different. And I'm now understanding the stage of life that I'm in, that I'm at.

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And so when I encounter a guy, I have to be very mindful of that too.

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So there's a couple of things that I'm learning about myself or relearning about

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myself because I have experienced trauma from a very young age.

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I've been exposed to certain characteristics, character flaws,

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predator behaviors from a very, very young age.

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So growing up, I spent a tremendous amount of my time healing.

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And what I recognize is that when you are living like that, it takes a lot of

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joy from your life because there is a certain level of joy that comes with naivety.

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There's a certain level of pleasure and just peace when you are innocent.

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Consent when you have been exposed to

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certain things from a very early age your innocence has been tainted if not

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robbed and so you're going through life spending a tremendous amount of your

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time healing and recovering so how you should be experiencing life.

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Is now more of a hardship. It's now more of survival than it is of you just

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enjoying what we call our best lives.

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Because that was what you were given and you have to learn how to work with it.

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So yes, some people may meet you and they want you to just throw away everything

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that you've been through. But what they don't understand is those things have created the person you are today.

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Because in order for you to be who you are today, you had to have taken on some character traits,

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including resilience, including discernment for you to be able to get from that

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point to this point that you're in your life today.

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You could not have gotten from the point of someone touching

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you inappropriately at the age of six years old to the point of you are 42 years

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old, now educating other people how to turn their trauma into something beautiful.

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That just doesn't come by magic. That is a process, a process that takes work

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and time and reflection and introspection.

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And you cannot get to a point where you meet someone else and And then you decide

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you are going to throw all of that learning that you've gained in that time

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away just so that you can adapt to them.

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Because what I have figured out in times before where I have suspended the wisdom

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that I learned from my experiences. The same situation happened again. And I know some of you are saying,

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Marsha, well, it's your mindset. You are bringing these same situations into your life.

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You are attracting those things into your life. And I'm not going to tell you

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you're wrong because what I do know is there are different sets of experiences

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that are created because of the situations that we have in our our lives.

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And sometimes because you were born into one thing, you experience more of that thing. I get that.

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Sometimes that's what you're used to. You are used to hardships and not only

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are you bringing that back into

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your life through choices that you make because of your comfort level,

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because of whatever it is that's within you, that's what you're used to. do.

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So sometimes you are part of the reason why you are recycling some of your poor

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life choices or bad experiences.

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Then in another time, I just feel as though sometimes those things recycle back

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to see if you are ready to graduate and elevate from that place.

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Are you now in a place to or to experience something different.

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And this brings me to, in order for us to actually change.

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If you're in a pattern of always dealing with the same types of guys,

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having the same types of toxic relationships.

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Always having the same outcome, for that to change, one of the first things

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I realized I had to do was to do something different.

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And that different could be, what types of guys am I looking for?

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When I'm going through a date in app, when I'm out in the real world,

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what are the characteristics I'm actually looking for?

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Am I spending time checking out those people before I jump right in.

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Am I actually ready? Because that was something I realized yesterday.

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Like, you know, I'm ready because I'm realizing that there's some things I'm

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still working through, but here's how healing works.

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It doesn't work in a vacuum. It doesn't work in isolation.

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You could be by yourself on your lonesome, being very introverted and you are A-okay.

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Life is good, life is great. You are healed, you're fantastic and you're doing,

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and you're doing, you're good. You're good.

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And then you get around people and then you're in situations and then you realize, hold up, wait a minute.

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I might not be as good as I thought I was. And it's not that you're not as good.

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It's not that the healing didn't happen. It's that the healing isn't complete. And there's a difference.

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It's that the healing isn't complete. And so while I'm in this situation,

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I'm realizing, okay, there needs to be a completion in this area.

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But I also recognize that some of the people are the same types of people that

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triggers the same anxiety, that triggers the same.

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They gnaw at those experiences that I've had before.

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They trigger something.

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It's there. So I have to address that.

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It could be them and it could be me. And sometimes it's them. And sometimes it's me.

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So I have to do something different. Something different. And so,

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yeah, sometimes it's changing my mindset. Okay, Marsha? All right. Right.

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Are you just being too strict right now?

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Are you being too impatient right now? Are you expecting too much right now?

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Are you dependent on this person right now? Are you being mean right now?

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Sometimes I have to check myself and sometimes I have to actually go in different

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situations, like different environments.

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Some of us keep recycling the same experiences because we are in the exact same

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environment, the same environment.

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So we don't get to be exposed. We're not exposed to anything different.

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We see the same types of relationship dynamics day in, day out.

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And we don't see anything different. So all we know is this.

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For example, and this is one of the things that social media did well,

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but it's definitely backfired. It's exposing people to different ways of living, to a certain lifestyle that

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they didn't even know existed. And so vicariously, some of us do live through these social media posts.

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The problem is it's now become addictive.

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It's now become a state of anxiety for some of us.

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We are in this competitive space and we're comparing ourselves to people who

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might be fabricating these whole images.

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So, but, but, but at the same time, the purpose of those images and those visuals

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is to give some of you a different experience,

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for you to see something different and experience something different than you had before, right?

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And it makes a difference when you're in a different environment and you can

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say, okay, this is another way this can be done.

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One moment, my cat junior is here. Hold on.

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And he's left. That was quick.

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But so let me get down to the nitty-gritty of what I want to say here.

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As you get older, things change.

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Things change. Recently, I spoke to someone and she wanted to start a business.

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And I said, who is your target audience?

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Okay, so he's back. Give me one second. Come on in, Bubba. All right, all right.

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So I asked her, who's your target audience? And she wanted to do fitness,

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25-year-olds to 45-year-olds.

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And at one point in life, that wouldn't even make a difference. Okay.

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But at 42, I was like, wait, hold on. You might want to narrow that down because

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a woman's body at 20 in her 20s and a woman's body in her 40s,

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completely different things.

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And they require different things.

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So what I used to be able to do and get away with in my 20s and bounce back,

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the bounce back doesn't bounce back as bouncy back now the work is different.

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The work is different. The eats and habits are different. So many things are different now.

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So even if I am the same weight, which I'm not, when I was in my 20s,

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the requirement to be the same weight is completely different than when I was in my 20s.

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Point is here, when you get to a certain stage in life, naturally, things change.

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The requirements change. change naturally.

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And sometimes I feel as though we do not want to accept things have changed.

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And so we want to stay in where we have been without recognizing that we have

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to do something different.

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So I've been single for several years now, and I've not been in a relationship with someone else.

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And there's a reason behind that. There's several reasons behind that.

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After going through what I've gone through physically, emotionally,

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mentally, spiritually, I am a different person today than I was at 20.

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I'm a different person to the Marsha my ex-husband got on one knee for and say,

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will you marry me at 22? I'm a different person.

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I am not that Marsha. Because you see, that Marsha at that point in life,

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I'd only gone through so much. And I thought I was, you know, this is it.

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And then 20 more years pass and this Marsha have I've gone through some more things.

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I've lived some more lives. I've seen some more things.

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I've been around different types of people in different environments.

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I've lived in several countries and traveled to even more since then.

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There's so many things I've accomplished within that time. I am a mother now.

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I'm a mother with a child who has just finished secondary school and she's about

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to embark on a different phase of her life.

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I'm a mother who's a mother in that child without her father in this world,

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in this level of existence. I'm a different Marsha. I'm a different person. So the requirements in a relationship

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for me today are completely naturally different than when I was younger.

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And I think some of us are going into dating with the same expectations of when

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we were younger, of when we were 20.

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Not only the same expectations with the same standards and requirements.

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And honey, they're not the same. same they're not the same they are not the

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same so when I hear guys are whining about,

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taking a girl out on a date and having

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to pay for the meal I'm sitting back going okay because at this stage in life

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you really think I am concerned about you paying for my meal when I've been

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feeding myself this whole time that's that's not the point that's not the point

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the The requirements are different right now.

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We cannot be dated at 42 like we were dating at 22.

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It's not the same.

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It's not the same. name. And that is something I realized and I recognize when

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I am sitting down across from the table and I'm listening to a guy who shares

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with me for the first time that he has two children.

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On Father's Day, he's sitting down with me, but he's not with his children.

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In addition to that, two things. One, his profile, dating profile said he had no kids.

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Then on top of that my guy

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said he didn't know today was father's day

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my friend what that don't

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make no sense oh you're gonna tell me say you're a father you

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have two pitney and you're gonna tell me say you're sitting in

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front of me and you never know so today our father's there oh

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that don't make sense that don't make no sense oh that

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don't make sense so something wrong now at

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22 I might have sat down and went that's interesting

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I wonder at 42 listen and I'm a mom and I know in the country you live in they

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celebrate father's day every year and it's a big thing because it's all over

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the tv and it's in the stores and it my friend what are you talking talk about?

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I don't need to take for idiot. I mean, I don't mean.

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So they, yeah. When I see things like that, at some point in my life,

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I would have just let that slide, let it roll.

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And some people still would make that roll. It's not an issue.

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For some people still will make that slide. It's not an issue. We'll roll on with it.

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We'll, you know, give him a second date and see how it, what really happens.

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And at this stage, I'm like, no, no, I know some people are going to say, Marsha, you're jumping to,

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you're making assumptions. But they would be right if I said I've made a conclusion or come to a conclusion. Yeah, I have.

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Because at this point, I can put two and two together and I can make four.

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I have inferencing skills. And I also understand what it takes to be a parent.

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So if you're sitting in front of somebody for

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the first time and your two children didn't

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even send you a happiest father's day at that time of the day because they're

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not the first thing in the morning this is lunchtime late lunch late lunch and

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you're telling me you don't you didn't know it was father's day and your phone

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is turned down in front of me on the table well I can make some connections.

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I can make some connections. And I can also tell you very quickly, you're not the man I want to date because

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I absolutely... And then on his profile, he talks about family orientation.

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That's very, very important to him. Something is amiss here.

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Something is amiss. Now, I hear you.

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I hear you saying, okay, Marsha, but you have to give people a chance for them

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to explain. Let me tell you what a chance to explain does.

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You give them multiple chances to just get better at the lie and to fix it.

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And then that gives you more time to get attached emotionally and invest in

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people, which it's going to take you a longer time to detach from them and to recover.

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I don't know what the counselors out here will be telling in me,

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but I am getting my counseling license. I'm working on that currently.

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But I will tell you, when you get to a certain point, everyone isn't here.

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And I'm not saying your age is indicative of this, that because you are 42,

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that you may be able to recognize these things quickly.

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I'm not saying that to you because truth of the matter is some of you are not

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there because you have not experienced those types of things.

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I'm capable of recognizing certain behaviors quickly or quicker than others

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because of what I've experienced.

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The situations I've been in

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and I can clock now, I can see now very clearly. This is how it started.

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And this is what happened in the end. It's like when you've watched a movie.

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That's the purpose of movies too. So you can see these different archetypes. You can see these characters.

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You can see how these characters unfold.

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They develop and what happens in the plot so that you learn the lesson from

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the story without having to live the story.

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You don't have to live it because you are living it through somebody else's eyes.

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So you can learn what the moral dilemma is and how to work through it by observing it, by watching it.

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That's the purpose of movies too, to educate you in that way.

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Not just to give you information, but to also give you experiences.

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So you may not go into the same experiences.

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It so happens that my life is the movie, that I have experienced enough in that area.

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There's certain things, and I'm not talking about, I don't know all the things.

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There's some women who are going to sit in front of a guy and she may have picked

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up on something that I still haven't seen because I have not been there.

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I've not done it. I've never seen it before.

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So that would be the first time to me, the first thing to me,

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and I wouldn't pick it up. I wouldn't recognize it.

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But there are some things, and I know that about myself.

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This comes with introspection. This come with self-awareness.

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There are certain patterns I'm able to pick up on and do it quickly because

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of what I've experienced. I have dealt with men who have been in relationships and lied about it.

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I've dealt with deceitful behaviors and tendencies, manipulation, gaslighting.

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I've dealt with those things. I know what that looks like in certain behaviors.

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Someone else may show up with the same characteristics, but they show up differently

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that I've never seen before. Do you understand?

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That I've never seen before. for. So it would be harder for me to pick that up.

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But in this case, there's certain things that I was able to go,

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I don't want to deal with that. I don't.

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In times past, because either I really wanted to be in a relationship,

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I wanted companionship, or I just wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt,

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or, and this one costs me a lot,

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or because I'm telling myself, okay, okay, Marsha, your requirements are too high.

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You're too strict. Your expectations and standards are too rigid.

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You need to lower that. That one cost me a lot. That one cost me a lot.

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The experience from that relationship, but that one cost me a lot when I just

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gave a personal chance because it was like, well, you know, it could be you.

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Your standards might be too high.

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So, to wrap this all up, ladies and gentlemen, if you are single like me and

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you're in your 40s, I know there are a couple of things going through your mind

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because you will come across men who will try to convince you that you're too old and you're not.

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They will try to convince you that you're washed up and you are not.

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They'll try to tell you all these derogatory things in subtle and explicit ways

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where you feel as though they are the only option, that you should choose them

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because no one else is going to choose you. And they're wrong.

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They are wrong. Now, I'm not going to lie to you. The process might take longer.

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I'm not going to lie to you. You may be single for a while.

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I'm not going to lie to you. The the pickings are slimmer. And it's not just

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for romantic relationships, it's platonic ones too.

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The older we get, the less we build new relationships and new friendships. It changes.

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I'm an extrovert naturally. So the blessing is for me because of my personality,

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when I go out, I meet people all the time.

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But there's a difference between meeting people and becoming friends.

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There's a difference between people being associates and companions and being

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friends. There's a difference. After you've experienced certain betrayal in life, you're looking for different

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things and requirements have shifted. You are not looking through life in the same way, and that is okay.

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Part of this human experience and this maturity and self-awareness and introspection

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is recognizing that it's okay for things to be different.

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I know you want to be living through the eyes of when you were young teens,

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young adults, but life is different now.

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So life is different now. We are aging people. We're aging women.

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And so we have to look through life through a different lens.

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It doesn't mean we're washed up. It doesn't mean all of these negative things.

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That's not what it means. It means we have enough experience, enough experiences to do something differently and to do it quickly.

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See, that's where efficiency comes from. When you have the experience and you

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know how to shift and adjust, you can do it quickly.

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That's efficient. You want to date efficiently.

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Right now. You don't have time for the dilly-dally and the willy-wally and the

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washy-wishy and the, you don't have time for that.

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You want to date with intention, be intentional about your action and you're

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looking for men and people you're dating to be equally intentional, equally efficient.

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And so sometimes that efficiency may look like intolerance and impatient, but it's not.

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But it's that you are using your skill set that came from your experiences to

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decide and detect what you want to keep and what you want to let go.

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Who should be in your life and who shouldn't? And you have to do those things.

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You have to sort people. You have to. You must. because you know what it cost you when you allowed certain

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characters in your life and how long it took you to recover from their actions.

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How long it took you to trust yourself again.

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How you gave in to situations you told yourself you wouldn't.

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How long? You remember how long it took?

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Who wants to go down that road again when you have life to live,

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but those events rob your life of living? Who wants to go down that road again?

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I know I don't. I'm in that soft life era.

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Soft life, hashtag soft life me.

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That's the era I'm living in right now. That's the era I want to be in now,

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which means I know I have to make different choices.

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I know I have to make different choices and some of those are uncomfortable.

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Some of those require restraint and discipline and doesn't look as fun.

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And it's very interesting because I am fun.

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I am fun. I'm very vibrant and colorful. Naturally, I am.

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But I'm not going to allow that part of those parts of myself to put me in situations

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just because I want some fun,

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to put me in because I've been there

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and I understand what that cost me so now when me have fun enough to have fun

31:47

with people when my trust my for our fun in a safe space man I'll go have fun

31:53

just for the sake of fun and then mess up my life but now I do that people people

31:58

are talking about YOLO, but you have to remember, after your YOLO, you have to go back and live your life.

32:03

And sometimes that YOLOing rob you of your life experiences that you have to

32:08

spend the rest of your life trying to fix up just because you want to be out here having fun.

32:14

So you have to take the rest of your life trying to recover from something you

32:18

did because you were YOLOing. You understand what I'm saying? So when you get to a certain point and you know better, you do better.

32:28

At my big age, at my big age, I can't be out here doing the same things I was

32:35

doing as a teenager or early 20s. I'm not carrying that.

32:39

That's foolishness. Especially when I'm raising a child that's running into

32:44

our late teens, running into adulthood.

32:47

And me and I feel I met the same mistake then. them. And me and our family, no.

32:53

She is going to be experiencing some new things, but I have lived through them.

32:58

And so I must be guiding her. So me can't make the same mistakes she made, because I already met them.

33:05

I can't be sitting there recycling and cycling.

33:09

No, we can't be doing that. We can't be doing that, ladies and gentlemen.

33:14

So at this age, this point in our human experience, this point of our maturity,

33:21

there are different standards, different requirements, and different expectations.

33:25

We do things differently. And I know you want to hold on things from the past, but we have to change and

33:33

we have to adjust. We have to adapt. This is where we are. This is where we are.

33:39

So we have to date with intention.

33:43

We have to date differently. And part of that includes us recognizing that we might need therapy,

33:50

that we might need a different environment where we get some healthy examples

33:56

of what love and living looks like.

34:00

We have to recognize that and

34:02

make those choices because we're not pitney same way. We're not pitney.

34:07

I'm not here talking to the children, you know. I'm talking to us,

34:11

adults who've been through some things. We're not children.

34:16

We are the people who are supposed to be given guidance to the children, to the young people.

34:24

And I understand you might not want that role right now. You're not ready for

34:28

it because you don't think you're ready. So honey, fix up, look sharp, because here we are.

34:36

So with that, I'm going to head off, get my day started. It is Monday morning where I am.

34:44

And I really thought about the fact that I unmatched this person yesterday,

34:50

because I felt as though I saw one too many things,

34:55

that were going to put me in a position where I'm going to have to explain to

35:00

myself constantly why I'm allowing this.

35:04

And yes, I could have given the person more opportunities to explain and to

35:09

express themselves and for me to recognize more about that person and I want to deal with them.

35:16

Yeah, didn't want to do that.

35:19

And yes, that could mean, Marsha, you're going to be single a little bit longer.

35:24

I've been single so far, for so long so far. No one wants to grow old alone

35:30

because we're getting into the part of life,

35:35

our bodies starting to do things differently, body, mind, everything.

35:41

Now, I'm at a stage of life where I'm still very young.

35:44

So I won't even talk like, you know, I'm still very young.

35:49

I understand that. but I know and I respect and I actually honor this stage of my life.

35:55

I really honestly do. I really honestly do. I honor this stage of my life because I'm no longer in the youth.

36:04

I'm no longer a youth. And I loved being a youth, but I'm an adult now.

36:09

I'm a grownup. I'm a big girl. I'm actually a big girl.

36:15

And so I do honor this stage of my life.

36:18

And there's some learning, to happen. There's going to still be lots of learning happening.

36:25

But I feel someone, my fit, when my fit shows up, and it's not that he's going

36:32

to be exempt from flaws and things that I'm going to question.

36:38

Because of how my brain is, I'm going to question him.

36:43

But I know there's going to be something different that shows me this is the person.

36:48

Person I know that I just I don't know how to explain that right now but I just

36:55

feel and I believe that when that person comes even though he will be flawed

37:01

even though he will be imperfect,

37:04

that I will still I will recognize him and if I'm not at the place yet to do

37:12

that that is my prayer where I am able to recognize the person who is my fit.

37:18

But there are certain characters, character traits.

37:24

That, it's a no for me. It's a no. It's a no. There are certain character traits.

37:30

It's a no for me. It might be a yes for you, but it's a no for me and for very personal reasons.

37:38

So my prayer and my hope is that when my fit shows up, I won't feel like I'm conforming.

37:47

I will feel like I'm adjusted because I know you have to do that with someone else,

37:51

but I won't feel like I am conforming or I'm settling and settling as in where

37:59

I'm just accepting something because I no longer want to be single,

38:03

not setting as in this has given me stability because there's that part of settling

38:07

two words, providing that stability that you're looking for,

38:11

that safe space that you want. So that is my hope that when he shows up, I'm able to recognize him. And I'm ready.

38:21

He's ready that he's able to recognize me and that we're both ready, that we're both ready.

38:28

Because, you know, sometimes people talk about, I saw this reel recently and she cracked me up, man.

38:36

I laughed because she said, I am tired of dealing with men and potentials.

38:42

And she said, she didn't even say men.

38:45

She just the potential she said at this point I want a guy to show up who's already potentioned.

38:54

You might not get the joke but she's like

38:58

I already she put potential what is it potentioned in in a verb it was so funny

39:04

I don't know is that a verb hold on yeah she was like I just want essentially

39:09

what she's saying is I want you to already be there man because at the point

39:14

at At this point, ladies and gentlemen, we all, we too all have potentials to be better and grow. And we all have that.

39:24

But there's some fundamentals that at this point, either you have it or you

39:29

don't have it. You can't put it in you.

39:31

And me waiting around for 5, 10 years is not going to give it to you. I don't know.

39:36

At this point, do I have 5, 10 years to wait around? 5 years, I'm 47. 10 years, I'm 52.

39:45

What? You want me to give you 5, 10 years of my life?

39:50

Wait, no, I can't do that. I can't.

39:54

I cannot do that. At this point, you need to come with the fundamentals.

39:58

And I'm just praying and hoping that we recognize each other when we meet.

40:03

And despite the flaws, we're comfortable.

40:07

And no, that doesn't, sometimes it's instantaneous.

40:11

But I've never lived this part of my life before. So I don't know what that will feel like.

40:16

I know what it felt like with my ex-husband when we met. I know what that was

40:20

like. I don't know what it will feel like now.

40:24

What it will look like now. I don't know, but I just hope that we're able to

40:29

recognize each other and there is a level of adaptation or adapting that we

40:36

both do without feeling like we're conforming or settling in a negative way.

40:40

So I'm going to head off this thing. I know you have to get on with your day too.

40:44

So this is Marsha Cartalli and in all things, I wish you the best.

40:49

And I hope that in your day 10 world, that things go well in your relationships,

40:55

that things go well, that you are able to detect the things that you don't like,

41:00

but also the things that you do. And when you come across the things that you do, that you celebrate them and

41:05

you share those with your partner, you share those with your love interest,

41:08

you share them so they can know to do more of those things.

41:11

Because sometimes we don't have that healthy example of love and relationships

41:16

and happiness. is. And so the reason we keep perpetually recycling the same

41:21

types of situation is that's because that's all we know.

41:25

So when we see the good things, celebrate them, post them, share them, talk about them.

41:32

And so the good thing from that date that I really appreciate is that we were

41:36

able to go to a beautiful place for lunch and there was no whining about anything.

41:44

Oh, he paid the bill. So I appreciate that. Now I know he's going to be,

41:48

he might think after that. I don't know what he's going to think. But the good thing is we went to a good

41:54

restaurant that I liked. The food was amazing.

41:58

Loved the food. And he paid. And he paid.

42:03

I didn't see any grumble on his face either.

42:06

And I know you're thinking that's a little thing, Marsha. For some of you,

42:10

you're thinking that's the least, honey, let me tell you.

42:14

Let me tell you, if you heard some of the complaints I've heard,

42:19

but be intentional about dating.

42:21

Be intentional and be efficient in your dating world as well.

42:25

Because you really just don't want to add any more things that's going to rob

42:29

your life of living experiences. Our time here is limited. So we want to have fun. We want to have good time.

42:35

We don't want to spend most of our human experiences just recovering from trauma,

42:39

just healing from trauma. I don't think that's the purpose of this thing called life.

42:45

So we want experiences that's going to add to the joy and beauty of this human experience.

42:51

So date with intention and date with efficiency. And with that,

42:55

ladies and gentlemen, I'm out. Bye.